← The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
Meanwhile | Celebrity Beaver, Pompeii's Rave Scene
00:12:40
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- [00:00]
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- [00:31]
Friend 1
Yeah, sure thing. Hey, you sold that car yet?
- [00:34]
Friend 2
Yeah, sold it to Carvana.
- [00:36]
Friend 1
Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.
- [00:39]
Friend 2
The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest over 36 months. Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient.
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Friend 1
Just like that.
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Stephen Colbert
Yeah.
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Friend 1
No hassle?
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Friend 2
None.
- [00:54]
Friend 1
That is super convenient. Sell your car to Carvana and swap hassle for convenience. Pick up these may apply.
- [01:01]
Stephen Colbert
It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert, folks. If you watch this show, you know I spend most of my time right over there in the news distillery creating a distinctive wheated story mash with barley malt, which I heat to between 158 and 176 degrees Fahrenheit, then ferment for one or two weeks and strain, distill twice, then age and charred new American oak barrels for decades and bottle at 95.6 proof to create the complex yet silky Pepe Van Winkle Family Reserve 23 year bourbon. That is my monologue. But sometimes, sometimes, folks, while on the run from the law with my crew of hobo moonshiners, we hide out in the marsh and I jam some mashed up melon rinds and peach pits into a rusty coffee can and let it sit in the sun till I can chug the swamp Chablis of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile, right there, it's sooth. Meanwhile, in China, a university student set his school on fire trying to hide his inflatable girlfriend from his roommate. That is sad. And I have only one thing to say. Girl, kick him to the curb. If he doesn't want to introduce you to his friends, then he's not the one for you. You deserve happiness and purell. Meanwhile, a New Hampshire grocery store employee was arrested for urinating on food and filming it. Yes, making it the first time anyone has ever said this Pee really makes my asparagus spell funny. That was tough. Tough joke to say. Meanwhile, a mountain in China has been dubbed Puppy Mountain for looking like a Doggie's head. Oh. Who's the cutest naturally occurring igneous? Outcropping? You are. Yes, you are. Meanwhile, that was it. That's all we had to say about the dog. This is cute. This is worth seeing. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, in hair related crime news, down in Colombia, a man was arrested after officers found cocaine under his toupee. Reminds me of the old Hair Club for Men ad. And by the way, I'm not only the Hair Club president, I'm also a drug smuggler. Meanwhile, a Scottish Highland bull is on the run in Connecticut and is named Waldo. Connecticut authorities are presently searching for Waldo on beaches, ski slopes, and 4th century Roman amphitheaters. Wald. Meanwhile, in food news, 2.4 million cases of granola bars have been recalled due to potential presence of metal. First off, potential presence of metal sounds like a hard rock band that lacks confidence. Are you ready to rock? Cause if not, we could do this later. Your choice. I'm good either way. The shrapnel packed snacks on question are made good granola bars. That story again. Made good, made bad. Meanwhile, a Remarkably Rotund Beaver has become an online celebrity. Never Google Remarkably Rotund Beaver on your work computer. HR would like a talk. Okay, Fat Beaver, let's take a look. Yeah, that's a badonka beaver. Reminds me of those classic Yo Beaver jokes. Yo Beaver is so fat, when she sits around the house, it is a structure she made herself with nothing but twigs, bark, and mud. Cleveland. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, Hewlett Packard is going to start deliberately adding 15 minutes of waiting time for telephone support calls, making this the worst idea HP has had since they invented hpv. Didn't know that. You didn't know they did that. They did that. Meanwhile, according to a new Guinness record, an Oklahoma man owns the world's largest collection of bricks. Keep in mind, Oklahoma has a pretty low standard for what they get all jazzed about. That's why they've updated the state's tourism Logan to Oklahoma. You want to see, like, a lot of silica gel packets or something? Meanwhile, on YouTube, a true crime documentary series has millions of views. But all the murders are AI generated. So to everybody worried about the rise of AI calm down. Training them on all the murders. Critics say that if the murders are all made up, it shouldn't be called true crime. But the channel's owner defended it, saying, I wanted the audience to think about why they care so much that it was true, why it matters so much to them that real people are being murdered because you said it was true. That's why there's a reason they don't sell. Why does it matter so much to you whether this is butter? More meanwhile after this, folks, if you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there in the news kitchen poaching the most topical story, haddock in fish stock with mirepoix before adding blue mussels, then whisking in cream and egg yolk to a silky finish with a shrimp and chive to create the light yet flavorful traditional Flemish waterzoi seafood stew. That is my monologue. But sometimes, folks, after being set adrift on a broken surfboard by Liberian pirates for mouthing off at the cook, I scoop some dead shark bones and a seagull foot into a deflated mylar balloon to sip on the scruffle chum of news that is my segment. Meanwhile. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, in rail news, thieves targeting freight trains in California and Arizona deserts have made off with $2 million worth of Nikes. Well, it's a classic sneaker train robbery, just like that movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Keds. Meanwhile, in ancient drinking news, archaeologists in Italy now say that Pompeii had a secret cult raving intoxicated women. Yeah, they were called the Real Housewives of Vesuvius. Meanwhile, The Pixel Watch 3 has received FDA approval to alert you if you're dying. Okay, great. Good for them. I do want to point out there's something else that can tell you you are dying. Your body. And it tells you by being dead. Meanwhile, Experts say a 27 year old llama was identified as the oldest in the world. And because even experts aren't sure, they also certified it as the world's oldest alpaca. Meanwhile. Hey, buddy. Meanwhile, in cosmic news, a rare parade of all seven planets will move across the night sky this week. And like all parades, it will be hosted by Al Roker. Al Roker. Al Roker. Al Roker. Meanwhile, a bride completely shocked the groom in the middle of their wedding ceremony with an escape room challenge by pulling out wedding rings that were fastened by a combination padlock. And then helpers suddenly stood up from the audience in costume. That is a hell of a thing to spring on your soon to be husband at the altar. Do you, Richard, want to know where Kathy hid the magnet to pull the key out of the tube to open the box containing the combination to get your rings. Then answer this. I have no lungs, but need air. What am I? Fire. The answer was. And he's gone. And he's gone. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, exciting news in the world of sci fi because William Shatner has confirmed talks for a Star Trek return at 93 years old. Fantastic. The U.S. s Enterprise will of course change its mission statement too, to boldly bingo where no man has bingone before. Meanwhile, next week Starbucks will cut some less popular drinks from its menu, including several blended Frappuccino beverages such as the Espresso Frappuccino, White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino, Caramel Ribbon Crunch Cream Frappuccino and Double Chocolatey Chip Cream Frappuccino. Or as they are collectively known, may I have the bathroom code? Meanwhile, David Beckham's mother in law zoomed in on a photo of his Hugo Boss underwear campaign and was shocked, telling him, you can see everything. Here's a look at the ad and yeah, yeah, she is right. Though I'm surprised. I was told Beckham's had a bend in it. Wow.
- [11:23]
Jeff Probst
Wow.
- [11:25]
Stephen Colbert
Meanwhile, viewers of the show who also watched the super bowl may remember the Philadelphia Eagles signature played call the Tush Push, where two dudes literally butt shove the quarterback over the line of scrimmage with the ball. Well, some teams aren't too jazzed about that. So now the packers have proposed a rule change to ban the Eagles Tush Push. Now, it would not be the first time a play was outlawed. Back in 1922, the league had to ban Jay Berwanger's patented running play, the I have a gun. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
- [12:11]
Jeff Probst
Survivor 48 is here and alongside it, we're bringing you a brand new season of On Fire, the only official Survivor podcast. If you're a Survivor superfan you want, you won't want to miss this deep dive into every episode where we break down how we design the game, the biggest moves, your burning questions. It's the only podcast that gives you inside access to Survivor that nobody else can listen to. On Fire, the official Survivor Podcast with me, Jeff Probst, every Wednesday after the show. Wherever you get your podcast.