Transcript
Friend 1 (0:00)
Where'd you get those shoes?
Friend 2 (0:01)
Easy.
Friend 1 (0:02)
They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you, from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com I've been.
Dietitian (0:30)
Working with a Nourish dietitian for the last six months and it's been life changing. I've lost weight, healed my relationship with food, and have way more energy. Working with a dietitian online to create a personalized nutrition plan was so easy. Thanks to Nourish. The best part? I pay $0 out of pocket. Because Nourish accepts hundreds of insurance plans, 94% of patients pay $0 out of pocket. Find your dietitian@usenourish.com that's usenourish.com it's the.
Stephen Colbert (1:02)
Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert, folks. If you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there in the news kitchen, carefully whisking Comte and Parmigiano cheeses into simmering milk from the Montebellard de cows, then blending them with gently whipped marrons chicken egg whites, which I bake in a bain Marie and serve with champagne to offer you the delicate and sophisticated Alain Ducasse double cheese souffle. But sometimes I'm clawed awake by squirrels inside an abandoned Kroger where I scrape the liquid cheese from a discarded handy snack into a half empty jar of queso and add scrapings from a dried out block of Velveeta and then heat it up in a stray dog's armpit before chowing down on the derelict gutter fondue of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile, Shot in the arm. Meanwhile, Forever 21 has filed for bankruptcy and plans to close all US stores. Oh, that's too bad. But I gotta say, they kind of jinxed themselves with that name. Just like my great grandfather. Never die Johnson. Meanwhile, in soccer news, a Bulgarian team has apologized after a moment of silence was held before a game for an ex player who is still alive. When reached for comment, the club said, and now we wait. Meanwhile, outside Akron, police officers chased a runaway goat down an Ohio highway. The female goat was caught on State Route 8 north near Talmadge Avenue, which of course makes perfect sense. Clearly, the goat was going to take Talmadge west, then to hang a right on East Cuyahoga Falls Avenue, then another right on Elma to get to the El Malecon Mexican Grill. I mean, chimichangas for 10 bucks. She's a goat, she's not an idiot. Check them out. They're good folks over there. El Malecon. Meanwhile, in plumbing related crime news over in the UK a court found men who stole a $6 million gold toilet. That's going to be tough to be cool in prison. Over with that rap sheet. Oh, I see you have a teardrop tattoo. Presumably for me. Murder you committed. My teardrop represents the water inside the golden toilet that I stole. What's that? Yes, I'm ready to receive my stabbing now. If you want to. It's a nice fresh stabby spot. If you want to. Meanwhile, a nutritionist is recommending eating like a baby if you want to lose weight. Such as eating every two to four hours and taking at least 15 minutes to finish your meal. And most importantly, at the end of your meal, vomit all your food onto your onesie and fall asleep. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, an Antarctic scientist who threatened to kill his colleagues research station has since apologized. And I'm sure everyone living with him inside the most remote base on earth is reassured by that. Hey, everybody. You remember how Larry here threatened to murder everybody in this isolated facility? Well, great news. He said he's sorry. Or you'll all be sorry. It was hard to tell. He was clenching his teeth pretty hard. Anyway, nighty night.