Meanwhile | Cyborgasm: Soup You Can Suck On

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert Episode: Meanwhile | Cyborgasm: Soup You Can Suck On Release Date: January 26, 2025

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Introduction

In the latest episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert delivers his signature blend of sharp wit and insightful commentary. Titled "Meanwhile | Cyborgasm: Soup You Can Suck On," this episode navigates through a variety of topical subjects, from bizarre beauty trends and culinary controversies to advancements in technology and robotics. Colbert masterfully intertwines humor with critical observations, offering listeners both laughter and food for thought.

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Monologue Highlights

Unusual Beauty Trends Colbert opens with a humorous take on unexpected beauty salon practices. He recounts a TikTok video where a woman panics after her pedicurist adds "International Delight French Vanilla Coffee Creamer" to her foot bath.

“A woman on TikTok recently freaked out when she went for a milk and honey pedicure... I’d freak out too. The only place you should get coffee creamer with Footwater Port Authority Dunkin.” [02:10]

Scotland's Haggis Controversy Transitioning to international cuisine, Colbert pokes fun at Scotland's attempt to revive traditional haggis recipes amidst stringent US food regulations. He quips about the absurdity of defining haggis as merely "a hot dog and a kilt."

“Haggis is just a fancy name for a hot dog and a kilt. Fine, fine Scotland. What’s the new recipe?... our laws against haggis are ass backward.” [04:25]

Animal Kingdom Oddities Delving into animal behavior, Colbert shares amusing research about rabbits potentially consuming their own teeth to enhance calcium intake, adding a dark twist to familiar nursery rhymes.

“Little Bonnie Foo Foo hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and eating its own teeth to increase its calcium intake.” [06:15]

Progresso's Innovative Soup Candy One of the standout segments involves Colbert's critique of Progresso's latest product: soup in hard candy form. He humorously parallels this bizarre combination to other unlikely product mash-ups.

“Soup you can suck on. Finally, no more having to ask, waiter, I’ll have your hardest soup.” [08:45]

Pakistani Airline Ad Misstep Colbert comments on a Pakistani airline's ill-fated advertisement depicting a plane approaching the Eiffel Tower, unintentionally evoking the tragic imagery of 9/11.

“A Pakistani airline is apologizing after releasing an ad... It sounds like a pretty big mistake, but I'm sure it's not as bad as they make.” [09:50]

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Cyborgasm Segment: Technological Innovations and Ironies

In the "Cyborgasm" segment, Colbert explores the latest in technology and robotics with his characteristic satire.

AI Companion Robots He discusses a US-based company's launch of a female AI robot designed to emulate human expressions and address male loneliness, poking fun at the superficial aspects of such advancements.

“That robot was designed by men because they got as far as the boobs and went, we're done.” [10:05]

Chick-fil-A's Lemon Squeezing Robots Colbert highlights Chick-fil-A's introduction of lemon-squeezing robots, sarcastically noting the efficient allocation of saved labor hours.

“With the hours saved, employees can now spend more time doing what they really murder chickens.” [10:45]

PETA's Robot Calf Advocacy He critiques PETA's deployment of an AI-powered robot calf tasked with informing shoppers about animal cruelty, questioning the effectiveness of such approaches.

“The cow says to shoppers, are you wearing my mom? To which the obvious answer is no, but she wore me out last night.” [11:20]

CES 2025: Sex Toys and Virtual Reality for Mice Colbert covers the Consumer Electronics Show's unveiling of innovative sex toys and virtual reality goggles for mice, blending technological progress with absurdity.

“The Handy, an automatic interactive stroker designed for penis owners... the O, which uses audio signal processing to control the motor’s vibrations.” [11:55]

Robot Farmers in Japan Concluding the segment, he discusses Japan's development of semi-autonomous robots to assist aging farmers, juxtaposing the hardships of farming with robotic assistance.

“The semiautonomous robot is able to carry picked produce across difficult terrain, as well as cut grass and spray fields with pesticides.” [12:30]

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Conclusion

Stephen Colbert's episode of The Late Show Pod Show masterfully balances humor with incisive commentary on contemporary issues. From unconventional beauty treatments and culinary experiments to the ethical and practical implications of advancing technology, Colbert offers listeners a thought-provoking and entertaining experience. His ability to highlight the absurdities of modern life while fostering critical discourse makes this episode a standout addition to the series.

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Notable Quotes

• On Unusual Pedicures:
  “The only place you should get coffee creamer with Footwater Port Authority Dunkin.” [02:10]

• On Haggis:
  “Haggis is just a fancy name for a hot dog and a kilt.” [04:25]

• On Animal Behavior:
  “Little Bonnie Foo Foo hopping through the forest... eating its own teeth to increase its calcium intake.” [06:15]

• On Soup Candy:
  “Soup you can suck on. Finally, no more having to ask, waiter, I’ll have your hardest soup.” [08:45]

• On AI Robots:
  “That robot was designed by men because they got as far as the boobs and went, we're done.” [10:05]

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Final Thoughts

For those who haven't tuned into The Late Show Pod Show, this episode offers a glimpse into Stephen Colbert's unique ability to blend humor with insightful social commentary. Whether dissecting the latest tech trends or mocking the quirks of modern society, Colbert ensures that listeners are both entertained and engaged. Don’t miss out on this insightful and hilarious journey through the week’s most intriguing topics.

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Stay Connected

Listeners are encouraged to follow The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusive content. For those interested in supporting the show or exploring more of Stephen Colbert’s work, visit ParamountShop.com and take advantage of the 20% discount with code "TLS20."

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Note: This summary avoids advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections, focusing solely on the main discussions and insights presented in the episode.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert. Folks, if you watch this show, and I hope you do, you know that most of the nights I stand over there in the news kitchen kneading the finest, most topical Doppio zero and Semolina story flour with Bionda Piomontese chicken eggs, hand rolling it into spectral thin dough which I fill with beef cheek braised with Sofrito Pomodoro San Marzano and a full bodied 2014 Barolo Brunanti to create the hearty yet delicate Ravioli con Guancia Barrassatta that is my monologue. But sometimes, after violating the conditions of my witness protection order, I hide under the subway tracks and scrape out an old jar of baby food into a half eaten Hot Pocket, then poke it around in a gutter puddle and chow down on the stoolies chum dumpling of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile. Oh that's. It's just damn refreshing is what it is. So refreshing. Meanwhile, a woman on TikTok recently freaked out when she went for a milk and honey pedicure at a local nail salon and the pedicurist added International Delight French Vanilla Coffee Creamer into the foot bath. I'd freak out too. The only place you should get coffee creamer with Footwater Port Authority Dunkin. It's easy to find. It's between the Hudson News and the cat giving birth. Meanwhile, Scotland's largest haggis maker is creating a new recipe. Can you really call it a recipe when it's just a slurry of unwanted animal parts cooked inside another unwanted animal part? Haggis is just a fancy name for a hot dog and a kilt. Fine, fine Scotland. What's the new recipe? Apparently the company hopes to circumvent food regulations that have banned traditional recipes in the US for more than 50 years. Do you know how bad food has to be for the US to say it? For the United States to see it and say no thanks. We are a nation where ketchup is a vegetable, chicken is a Bun. And we're so busy slurping down. I can't believe it's not butterfly that we never stop to ask, then what the hell is it, Sharon? Why am I eating it? Our laws. Our laws. Clearly, our laws against haggis are ass backward. And I'm being told ass backward is part of the new recipe. Meanwhile, in cute little animal news, researchers say that rabbits may eat their own teeth to boost their calcium intake. Gonna put a very different vibe on some nursery rhymes. Little Bonnie Foo Foo hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and eating its own teeth to increase its calcium intake. Good night, sweetie. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, Progresso. Chicken noodle soup is now available in hard candy form. Trick or treating is going to be kind of weird this year. Oh, fun size Italian wedding soup. I wanted minestrone. Progresso said the release of the candy was timed to the height of cold and flu season, when most folks flock to the cough drop aisle. Okay, but just because six people like soup and they like cough drops doesn't mean those things should be combined. That's like saying, I hear you're into healing crystals and enemas. Boy, do I have a mash up for you. And a mallet. There you go. 4 Nelson says right on the can. Soup you can suck on. Finally, no more having to ask, waiter, I'll have your hardest soup. Well, you know, let's take it for a spin right here. There you go. This is. This happens. This happens frequently at the show where one of the writers upstairs will go, huh, that's something we could put in Stephen's mouth. So here it is, Here it is. And it's going, all right, here we go. Tastes like soup died and I'm eating its teeth to boost my calcium intake. That is. That borders on the acceptable. Meanwhile, a Pakistani airline is apologizing after releasing an ad showing a plane flying toward the Eiffel Tower was never meant to invoke 9 11. It sounds like a pretty big mistake, but I'm sure it's not as bad as they make. Oh, my God. Yeah, the image is not great, but we're coming today. I haven't seen an ad this bad since Carnival Cruises, Titanic Savings Event. Women and children first to the buffet. More Late show pot show after this. Folks, I am continually amazed by modern technology. It allows us to put satellites in space, beam medical images to doctors across the planet, and for some rando on a plane to airdrop me a pic of his junk. Thank you, 12B. It was unsolicited, but better than trying to Watch Black Adam and I like to bring you all the latest tech news in my tech segment, cyborgasm. First up, a US Based tech company has launched a female AI robot that can act as a companion while delivering nearly human like expressions. And you know that robot was designed by men because they got as far as the boobs and went, we're done. All good. Company's CEO said his hope was to make robots indistinguishable from humans, which could also tackle the male loneliness epidemic. I think you're overestimating the amount of realism men require. Bear in mind, this is the gender. Who looked at a flashlight and thought, I can work with that? I don't know what he means. Honey prawn hug. Next up in fast food news, Chick Fil A's lemon squeezing robots are saving 10,000 hours of work. A spokesperson for Chick Fil A said with the hours saved, employees can now spend more time doing what they really murdering chickens. Die one. That's how they do it. That's why it's so delicious. Every chicken is hand murdered. Cows don't care. Next up in Florida, PETA has deployed an AI powered robot calf to inform shoppers of the mutilations and violent deaths that are behind every leather jacket. Well, you know what? That could actually be very effective because calves are so cute. And I would imagine this robot version. Oh, God. Kill it. Kill it, Jimmy. Even more. Even more upsetting. The cow says to shoppers, are you wearing my mom? To which the obvious answer is no, but she wore me out last night. Hey, please stop it. You can't change that. Next up on the Gas CES, the annual consumer electronics show. This year, CES got spicy with the best sex toys of 2025. First up is the Handy, an automatic interactive stroker designed for penis owners. Penis owner? In this economy, cheaper to lease. Same company that makes the Handy debuted something for vagina owners called the O, which uses audio signal processing to control the motor's vibrations. Which means you could use Spotify to create a different experience as the device synchronizes to the beat. But make sure you have Spotify Premium or your vibrator is going to Sync to the BetterHelp commercial. No, I do not want to be connected to a therapist right now. Next up, scientists have built tiny virtual reality goggles for mice. The Mouse VR goggles. And this trackball could help reveal how the brain deals with spatial navigation and memory. Cool. Jim, do you have footage of what that mouse is seeing? Finally, over in Asia, a Moon Rover inspired robot could be a game changer for Japan's aging farmers. Which is good news, because is there a more brutal profession than aging farmer? Oh, my bones hurt all the time. But on the bright side, I get up at 5am, make no money and never will. The semiautonomous robot is able to carry picked produce across difficult terrain, as well as cut grass and spray fields with pesticides. So robots have become farmers. Mo explains that catchy new jingle. We are farmers. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. I don't want to get promoted. I want to stay charmingly insubordinate. I'm okay. Now streaming. Let's do this. Am I catching it? Yeah. Prepare for an adventure. I know these guys. They're super nice. Hey, what's up, my man?

[A]

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