Meanwhile | Donut Shortage, 25-Cent Burgers

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert Episode: Meanwhile | Donut Shortage, 25-Cent Burgers
Release Date: January 19, 2025
Host: CBS (Stephen Colbert)

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Introduction

In the January 19, 2025 episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert delivers his characteristic blend of sharp wit, insightful commentary, and humorous takes on current events. Titled "Meanwhile | Donut Shortage, 25-Cent Burgers," this episode navigates through a series of topical stories ranging from quirky business promotions to international oddities, all presented through Colbert's unique comedic lens.

Monologue Highlights

Chuck E. Cheese's Rebranding Efforts

Colbert opens with a satirical take on Chuck E. Cheese’s latest attempt to revamp its image by eliminating animatronic bands and introducing trampolines. He quips:

"So sometimes I wake up inside an abandoned Ford Fiesta behind the church's chicken, where I scrape the dead midges and fig beetles off the windshield and pack them inside a half-eaten kinder egg... That’s my segment."
(00:59)

This segment humorously critiques the brand's strategy to modernize and attract parents by removing outdated elements while adding new, perhaps unnecessary features.

Nigeria's Gigantic Footwear Creations

Moving internationally, Colbert discusses a Nigerian designer's ambitious projects:

"In Nigeria, a designer created the World's largest sandal. Next, she's creating the world's largest sock so they can be worn together by the world's largest dad."
(04:15)

He highlights the inventive yet extravagant nature of the designer's work, blending admiration with comedic skepticism.

Dunkin’s Donut Shortage

Addressing a peculiar issue, Colbert talks about a donut shortage at select Dunkin' locations in the U.S., attributing it to a manufacturing error:

"Only the very best foods need to be manufactured. Hey, Ed, Ed, hand me that socket wrench so I can finish manufacturing this banana. Bananas aren't metric."
(07:30)

This segment satirizes operational mishaps in large corporations, emphasizing the absurdity of supply chain failures.

Wendy's 25-Cent Burger Promotion

One of the central topics is Wendy’s promotion of a 25-cent burger:

"Wendy's is offering a 25 cent burger to kick off 2025 for a limited time. Just a quarter will get customers something known as a Dave's Single, presumably because that's what you say when you see a man sitting by himself plowing through 25 cent burgers."
(09:45)

Colbert humorously critiques the marketing strategy, questioning the true cost-effectiveness and practicality of such promotions.

TikTok Shutdown and RedNote Migration

Colbert addresses the impending shutdown of TikTok in the U.S. and the migration of users to RedNote:

"With TikTok going away, users are migrating to a different video-sharing platform, the Chinese-owned app RedNote. Oh no. Now people might not read the terms and conditions."
(10:50)

He underscores the challenges of platform transitions and the potential pitfalls of shifting to platforms with different linguistic and cultural bases.

Rob Lowe's 80s Anecdote

In a lighter segment, Colbert references Rob Lowe’s revelation about recording a yacht rock demo with Toto while under the influence:

"Rob Lowe revealed he once recorded a yacht rock demo with the band Toto while high on cocaine. That sounds like the new most 80s sentence ever said out loud."
(11:55)

This anecdote serves to blend nostalgia with humor, poking fun at the excesses of the 1980s entertainment scene.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. On Chuck E. Cheese's Rebranding:

   "So lifelike. So lifelike..."
   (02:15)

2. Regarding Wendy's Burger Promotion:

   "What am I supposed to do? Buy $10 worth of Frosties and $10 worth of French fries and dip those French fries in the Frosties?"
   (10:05)

3. On TikTok's Shutdown:

   "People might not read the terms and conditions."
   (10:50)

4. Rob Lowe's 80s Story:

   "Narrowly breaking the record set by last year's Heather Locklear, snorted a scrunchie off a laserdisc with the dad from ALF."
   (11:55)

Key Themes and Insights

• Corporate Marketing Strategies: Colbert frequently dissects corporate decisions, highlighting the sometimes absurd nature of marketing campaigns and promotional strategies, as seen with Chuck E. Cheese and Wendy's promotions.

• Global Oddities: The episode touches on international stories, such as Nigeria's oversized footwear creations, showcasing the diversity of human creativity and the lengths to which businesses will go to stand out.

• Technological Transitions: The discussion around TikTok's shutdown and the shift to RedNote underscores the complexities of technological ecosystems and user adaptability in the face of major platform changes.

• Nostalgia and Pop Culture: By referencing Rob Lowe and 1980s pop culture elements, Colbert taps into a sense of nostalgia, blending it with contemporary commentary to appeal to a wide audience.

Conclusions

Stephen Colbert's episode "Meanwhile | Donut Shortage, 25-Cent Burgers" offers a kaleidoscope of modern societal observations, delivered with his signature humor and critical eye. By navigating through various topics—from corporate marketing mishaps to international curiosities—Colbert not only entertains but also invites listeners to reflect on the absurdities and peculiarities of contemporary life. The inclusion of notable quotes with timestamps enhances the listener's engagement, allowing for easy reference and deeper appreciation of the comedic nuances presented throughout the episode.

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Additional Resources: For more clips and exclusive content, listeners are encouraged to visit The Late Show Pod Show's YouTube channel.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Stephen Colbert]

It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert. Folks, if you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there in the eastern French Burgundy countryside, waiting until after a fresh news rain to hand pick the finest and most topical Helix potamia story snails, which I combine with sauce of garlic, butter, shallots and a dry poulet montrachet, then gently nestle them in the shells and bake for 4 to 6 minutes to offer you the rich and succulent escargot a la bourgrignon that is my monologue. But sometimes I wake up inside an abandoned Ford Fiesta behind the church's chicken, where I scrape the dead midges and fig beetles off the windshield and pack them inside a half eaten kinder egg, then suck on the drifter's bug nugget of news that is my se. Meanwhile. That's it. That's it. That's a wake up. That's a wake up call for America. Meanwhile, Chuck E. Cheese is making a comeback with the elimination of the animatronic band and a retooled pizza recipe. No animatronics and better pizza. Then it's not Chuck E. Cheese. It's just formerly rat owned pizza emporium. So they took out the robot band. But don't worry, instead they're adding trampolines. Perfect for any parent who's ever said, okay, my kid's full of retooled pizza and off brand soda. But before I throw them back in the minivan, is there any way you could shake them up real good? I will never get rid of our robot band. I promise you guys. So lifelike. So lifelike. Meanwhile, in Nigeria, a designer created the World's largest sandal. Next, she's creating the world's largest sock so they can be worn together by the world's largest dad. Meanwhile, select Dunkin locations in the US Are facing a mysterious donut shortage due to a manufacturing error because only the very best foods need to be manufactured. Hey, Ed, Ed, hand me that socket wrench so I can finish manufacturing this banana. Bananas aren't metric. Meanwhile, you've got to be careful. Meanwhile, this $75 leather mosh pit diaper lets you pee yourself at concerts. It also lets you ask for a divorce without saying a word. I want to take issue with the word lets you pee yourself. Nothing's been stopping you. All you need to do is relax and give up on everything. Meanwhile, Wendy's is offering a 25 cent burger to kick off 2025 for a limited time. Just a quarter will get customers something known as a Dave's Single, presumably because that's what you say when you see a man sitting by himself plowing through 25 cent burgers. Dave Singel. Now, this sounds like a fun promotion, but I have some ground beef with this deal. Because in order to qualify for the 25 cent burger, the customer's order total must be at least $20. Well, then it's not a 25 cent burger, is it? That's a $20.25 burger. What am I supposed to do? Buy $10 worth of Frosties and $10 worth of French fries and dip those French fries in the Frosties? Because that's what I'm gonna do. Whether you. Meanwhile, a man with a crocodile skull on his luggage was arrested at a Delhi airport. Totally understandable. I always make that mistake. So is it laptop in, crocodile skull out, or shoes on, crocodile skull in? I don't. Meanwhile, in a blast from the past, the 1980s soda jolt cola is coming back to the shelves. If you don't remember Jolt Cola, that's because you drank one in 1987 and blew out your hippocampus. For those of you not in the know, Jolt's a real pick me up because it contains all the sugar and twice the caffeine of Coca Cola and Pepsi. Perfect for anyone who said, I like Coke and Pepsi, but I'd also like to die more. Meanwhile, after this, folks, you watch the show. You know, I spend most of my time right over there wandering the Katmandu News Valley, harvesting the finest, most topical gai, sassi sisao and haldu storywood, which I build into a square base platform with a tiered roof with copper and gold covering, and to Garbaghira's four entrances in the cardinal directions to build for you the spectacular and stately Nepalese Pashupatinov. That is my monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, after fighting off a pack of raccoons trying to steal my lunchables, I crawl inside a hollowed out Raymar and Flanagan convertible sofa and pull a scrap of discarded minivan carpeting over me and pray for rescue inside the leaky gutter hut of news that is my segment. Meanwhile. Stop. There's the dream. Meanwhile, in booze news, Coors Light is rebranding with a new name, hopefully nothing misleading like beer. Meanwhile, NFL star Xavier Leguette ate a squirrel from his yard in a video that shows Leguette holding a squirrel and preparing to eat it. It is truly, truly shocking that an NFL football player would eat a squirrel on camera and not be Aaron Rodgers tripping balls on Ayahuasca. Meanwhile, a new study says that paper straws aren't as eco friendly as you think, but hey, at least they don't work and make everything taste like paper. Researchers analyzed dozens of different brands of paper straws and found that they contain forever chemicals, which are chemicals named after how long it takes to drink a milkshake through a paper straw. Meanwhile, in TV news, actors from the TV show Severance did a little promotion for the launch of season two this week, reenacting the popular show inside a glass cubicle smack dab in the middle of Grand Central turmoil. Not to be outdone, Netflix is promoting Squid Game by murdering some guy on the C train. Meanwhile, we just found out that Walmart is refreshing its logo for the first time in nearly two decades. That must be a huge change. Let's take a look. Here's the old logo and this is the new one. Well, it's certainly bold and if you think, all right, I'll drink on that, I'll drink on that one. If you think Walmart stopped with a name, then you and the jazzy you wrote in on. Because the ambitious visionaries in their marketing department also updated the trademark icon from this to Wait for it. This amazing. It's a totally different cat butthole. Meanwhile, down under, marble sized mystery balls have caused the closure of nine Sydney beaches. Very strange. Usually when a beach is shut down due to the appearance of mystery balls, it's just Alan. You guys know Alan. Meanwhile, in Italy, a soccer team called Lazio fired their far right Eagle mascot handler over his social media penis posts. He posted the footage on social media after having surgery on Saturday to implant a penile prosthesis sexual performance bonus. It also gives him a new place for the eagle to perch. Meanwhile, as I'm sure you know, TikTok is set to shut down in the U.S. this Sunday. And with TikTok. I know with TikTok going away, users are migrating to a different video sharing platform, the Chinese owned app RedNote. Wow, people really hate Instagram reels. There's one huge downside for Americans. Unlike TikTok, RedNote is designed for a Chinese audience and the app's default language is Mandarin. Mandarin. Oh no. Now people might not read the terms and conditions. Meanwhile, in entertainment news, in an interview this week, Rob Lowe revealed he once recorded a yacht rock demo with the band Toto while high on cocaine. And that sound means we have it the new most 80s sentence ever said out loud. Merrily. There it is. Rob Lowe. Cocaine, Toto. Narrowly breaking the record set by last year's Heather Locklear, snorted a scrunchie off a laserdisc with the dad from alf. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. I don't want to get promoted. I want to stay charmingly insubordinate.

I'm okay.

[Voiceover Narrator]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Let's do this. Am I catching it?

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[Stephen Colbert]

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God damn it. This is terrible. This keeps getting cooler by the second.

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[Stephen Colbert]

You're all right. Here we go.

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[Stephen Colbert]

We rolled the dice one last time.

[Voiceover Narrator]

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