← The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
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- [00:00]
IXL Advertiser
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Home Depot Advertiser
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Stephen Colbert
It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.
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If you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there sourcing the most topical emerald green calfskin story leather which I hand shape and stitch with a black nappa leather lining and snakehead magnetic closure in light gold plated brass to create the iconic Bulgari Serpenti Forever Top handle handbag. That is my nightly monologue. But sometimes. Sometimes, folks, I wake up in an industrial marsh where I cinch a discarded cement mix bag using a tattered boot lace and fill it with bird skulls to parade around with the loner's swamp sack of news. That is my segment Meanwhile right there. That'll heal us all. Meanwhile Chipotle. You know their slogan. Yes, the person ahead of you is getting more meat than you are. The chain is heading south of the border and opening its first location in Mexico after partnering with a company that operates Domino's, Starbucks, Burger King, Chili's and other brands in South America. Of course, down there, some of the brands have different names to appeal to the latino market. Chili's 2 is called Chili's Dos, Burger King is Ray Del Burger, and Domino's is El Carbor. Delicioso. Meanwhile, Condolce. Meanwhile, George Lucas has finally cleared up why Yoda speaks backwards in Star wars, saying it was done purposefully because if you were speaking regular English, people don't listen that much. I had to figure out a way to get people adding, I mean, figure out how to get people to listen. I had to. Lucas explained the strategy was targeted especially at 12 year olds. Well, that certainly, certainly would explain this scene. Listen, you must. Or take away your iPad. I will. Meanwhile, I love Yoda, man. Taken too soon. Meanwhile, giant rodents are cuddling with visitors at a capybara cafe in Florida. Big deal. Florida. Here in New York, you can get cuddled by a giant rodent on the D train. Yeah, there you go. Meanwhile, in ornithological cosplay news over in the uk, to raise awareness about endangered species, a man trekked fish 53 miles in a bird costume. Because if there's one thing associated with birds, it's long walks. 53 miles actually isn't that long. Meanwhile, Shaquille O'Neal abruptly left a live on air segment of Inside the NBA to go to the bathroom. Let's go to the tape.
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Shaquille O'Neal
The other thing about Kawhi is, you know what I. You all right? Big foe catching a crack. Go ahead, keep talking. Chuck. Yeah, we on tv. I know what we doing. Go ahead. Yeah, that's that olive oil you've been drinking. I know. Hey, take some matches with you.
- [05:07]
Stephen Colbert
It is difficult for a 7 foot tall, 324 pound man in pastel blue suit sneak past four cameras. I assume he had to go to the bathroom or he was late for ninja school. Meanwhile, White Lotus star in front of the show, Walton Goggins is sending fans wild with a new Speedo photo shoot. Walton, please, we can count your Goggins. By the way, my guest on Thursday will be Walton Goggins. There you go. There it is. He looks like he's having a good time. Meanwhile, the Oscars will now require members to see all nominated films before voting to determine Academy Award winners. That's right. Until now, Oscar voters didn't have to watch all the movies. In fact, I'm being told we have footage of the previous Oscar voting process.
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Target Advertiser
Slumdog millionaire.
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Stephen Colbert
Meanwhile, he is a good boy. Who's a good boy?
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IXL Advertiser
You are.
- [06:24]
Stephen Colbert
Yes, you are. Meanwhile, in Rich People News, there's now a luxury super yacht you can buy a home on for a mere $10 million, which they advertise as longer than the Titanic. Look, I'm not in sales, but I am a communicator. Can I just give you guys a tip? Maybe don't use the Titanic in marketing your boat. There's a reason why they stopped the campaign for Delta Airlines. More legroom than the Hindenburg. More.
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Meanwhile, after this.
- [07:03]
Target Advertiser
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- [07:37]
Stephen Colbert
Folks. If you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there fashioning the day's biggest news into a sleek and topical black and tan body with decorative hand painted stenciling and patent leather dash wings to lead you through the story. Snow aboard the elegant Courier and Ives Albany Cutter horse drawn sleigh. That is my monologue. But sometimes I and my fellow climbers are stranded on a high altitude bluff where I do not resort to cannibalism, but instead I sit inside a human rib cage that I happen and then bumskid down Outkast Mountain on the Bone Tobogganum News. That is my segment. Meanwhile, this is how you drive it. You gotta drive the train. Meanwhile, in Food News, Seven Eleven has just announced that Green Day's Slurpee is here and it's called Punk Bunny Kerplunk Candy Grape what a fitting tribute to punk rock. It reminds me of the short lived collab between Megadeth and Charmin's boysenberry scented flushable wipes. The Kerplunk Candy Grape flavor is a reference to Green Day's 1992 album Kerplunk, which is bound to be more successful than the Slurpee inspired by their 1994 album Dookie. Meanwhile, yesterday, an overturned truck covered a Texas highway in 8 million dimes, sparking a wild frenzy of drivers picking up like three dimes and saying, this is actually hard. Let's just go. Meanwhile in Virginia, a snake fell from a restaurant ceiling and landed in a diner's margarita. The incident happened at patron Mexican restaurant and cantina and and sometimes sealing snakes. Meanwhile, if you are a watcher of the royal family and you like secrets, you might want to sit down because this is a doozy. Meghan Markle has finally revealed why she and Prince Harry call each other M and H. What could it be? A mystery for the ages. Now, we all have our theories. Of course. Here's mine. I assumed it was for the obvious reason. M is the 13th letter of the Alphabet. H is the 8th letter of the Alphabet. 8 +13 is 21. 21 was Deion Sanders number, and Deion Sanders nickname was Neon Dion. Obviously a reference to how they light up each other's lives. But no. Markle revealed that at the beginning of us dating, when everything was in code, I couldn't tell anyone who I was dating and who was keeping the secret. So I think we were just on a letter basis. I get it. In the 80s, I dated a very famous woman whose identity I will never reveal and only ever refer to her using our secret nickname, Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. Wow, y'all look good, bro. Yeah, that looked good. What happened? I forgot how similar our haircuts were. Meanwhile, in order to prevent imprinting on humans, the Bronx Zoo is using a realistic puppet to feed a newly hatched King Vulture chick. Unfortunately, the only puppet they had was Yoda. As you can see, the baby vulture has a thick coat of soft, white juvenile feathers. And experts say that is because he is a pimp. Meanwhile, according to a new study, drinking champagne could reduce the risk of sudden cardiac arrest. Unfortunately, it increases the risk of getting wasted at brunch and spending your Sunday afternoon passed out on one of the IKEA sample beds. Meanwhile, in celebrity Food Opinion News, Glen Powell's unconventional waffle topping has people turning their heads. Oh, sure, that's why Glen Powell is turning your wife's head. It's his waffle topping. This area down here, those abs. Is that the waffle we're talking about? In a recent interview, Powell revealed. I've actually started loving ketchup on waffles. That is disgusting. And I bet once they learn that, women will still want to have sex with him. Meanwhile, news for fans of olden days and athletics, because an ancient sport involving a horse bow and arrow is rising in popularity. That sport horse archery. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
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