Loading summary
Transcript5 lines
- [00:00]
A
You may be tempted to skip this ad, but don't marketers want their audience to stick around? And with Paramount Ads Manager, you can advertise your business on the biggest shows on TV for 30 unskippable seconds. Run your ads in premium content on Paramount plus and over 15 major networks with hit shows, movies, sports and more all on the biggest screen in the house. Put your business in show business with Paramount Ads manager. Go to adsmanager.paramount.com that's adsmanager.paramount.com to learn more. It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.
- [00:38]
B
Folks. I spend most of my time right over there in the news workshop selecting the finest, most topical calfskin story leather and hand shaping a personalized last which I used to form a hand welted upper sole and insole with decorative preparations on the vamp with a hand stitched sole to create the modern yet timeless Yohei Fuduka Quarter Brogue Oxford. That is my monologue. But sometimes while fleeing barefoot on a stolen quad bike, I spin out in a marsh where I use bits of frayed bungee cord to strap empty Gatorade bottles to my feet and then trudge off in the outlaw swamp clog of news that are my segment. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, don't think twice. It's alright. Meanwhile in Bend, Oregon, authorities after someone put googly eyes on various sculptures in the city. Oh come on. You're going to get mad about that. It's fun. And frankly, it's safer. If Bambi's mom had had those eyes, maybe she'd have seen that hunter coming. Okay. Or what? Too soon. Locals love the googly statues with one person even commenting these googly eyes give me the hope to move forward each day. He you okay? Because I don't love the idea of someone leaving their house each morning saying I swear to God if I don't see some lighthearted vandalism today, I am, I am going to lose it. Meanwhile, in England, a cat had to be freed from a drainpipe by firefighters. Don't you worry, they cut out that section of the pipe containing the cat and boy did she look happy. That is a face that says I will immediately do this again. Meanwhile, a love struck male humpback whale swam a record breaking three oceans and 8,000 miles for sex. I'm sure it seemed worth it until the next morning when he had to do the 8,000 mile swim of shame. Boy, I really had the krill goggles on last night. Can't quite get the. Can't get the veil. Meanwhile, in Seattle. A pair of suspected jewelry thieves attempted to escape by rowboat before being arrested. A rowboat was there. No slower escape vehicle available. It's the cops. Quick, to the getaway blimp. Faster. They're strolling right at us. By the way, that's not a night vision camera. They did it in broad daylight. Meanwhile, and I don't mean to alarm you, but we are in the midst of a national emergency because Krispy Kreme online orders were disrupted in a cyber attack. We can't let hackers take our donuts. They already have our cookies. Meanwhile, Toronto's Michael Jarman just won the 2024 Microsoft Excel world championships and is now the world champion of spreadsheets. Good for him. Good for him. Pretty sure those are the only sheets he's the champion of. Meanwhile, health experts now say that worldwide, 846 million people are infected with genital herpes. And with a population of 8.2 billion globally, that means 1 in every 9 people in the world has herpes. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Herpes. 1, 2, 3,4, 5, 6, 7,8. Herpes. 1, 2nd, 3, 4, 5,6, 7, 8. Herpes. There you go. And it's getting worse. They estimate that there are 42 million new cases annually, which breaks down to 79 new cases of herpes. So everybody I just counted who didn't have herpes. You now have herpes. Meanwhile, one of the most dangerous toys of all time is up for sale. This early 1950s Gilbert U238 Atomic Energy Laboratory, complete with real uranium ore samples. Even the kid on the box knew how dangerous it was. Ooh, I should have probably put on some lead under ooze. Unsurprisingly, Production ceased in 1951 due to government restrictions, and in 2006, it was named one of the 10 Most Dangerous Toys of all time. The top spot, of course, went to the Fisher Price. My first machete. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
- [06:06]
A
Now streaming on Paramount. I'm Madeline Matlock. I'm a lawyer, like the old TV show Kathy Bates. People assume I'm a harmless old lady. Is not the Matlock. She's a freaking genius. You're expecting. Back when I tried Casey, we just prayed the horse and buggy got to court on time. Maddie, I appreciate your honesty. Well, that's me. Honest to a fault. Matlock. New series streaming on Paramount all new episodes, CBS, Thursday, 9, 8 Central. Welcome to the oil business. Billy Bob Thornton, Demi Moore and Jon Ham star in a new Paramount plus original series.
- [06:43]
B
The world has already convinced itself that you are evil, and I am evil for providing them the one thing they interact with every day. You're all right. Here we go.
- [06:51]
A
From Taylor Sheridan, executive producer of Yellowstone. Get everybody back. You just put a giant bullseye on this place. We roll the dice one last time, Landman. New series now streaming exclusively on Paramount plus.