Meanwhile | Sound of Science: Banana Water

Summary

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The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Meanwhile | Sound of Science: Banana Water
Date: January 11, 2026

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Overview

This episode features two of Stephen Colbert’s signature segments: “Sound of Science,” where he riffs on the latest science news, and “Meanwhile,” a rapid-fire round-up of offbeat news stories. The tone is Colbert’s hallmark blend of sharp wit, absurdity, and cultural commentary, all delivered with playful irreverence.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Sound of Science (01:49–06:59)

• New Phase of Matter

  • Colbert shares that scientists have discovered a hybrid phase of matter that blurs solid and liquid, joking,

    “A phase of matter previously known as your aunt’s Christmas casserole. Why do I serve it with a spoon but eat it with a fork?”
    (02:16)

• Banana Water: A New Plant-Based Beverage

  • There's hype around “banana water”, described as an enzymatically separated banana hydration drink—viscous but not pulpy.
  • Colbert quips,

    “Perfect for anyone saying, I love water. I just wish it was thicker.”
    (02:36)

• Light Drinking and Science Funding

  • The American Heart Association revives the idea that light drinking may be beneficial, but Colbert addresses industry-funded research skepticism with a jab:

    “That is nonsense. This latest information comes from the esteemed Dr. Morgan Institute of Original Spice Research.”
    (03:02)

• Doomsday Glacier Earthquake Swarm

  • Reports of hundreds of earthquakes at the “Doomsday Glacier” lead to Colbert’s dramatic parody:

    “Reminds me of that scene in Titanic: Iceberg. And it’s also filled with snakes. Yeah, people don’t talk about that.”
    (03:28)

• Frogologists and the ‘Galaxy Frog’

  • Photographers are disrupting “galaxy frog” breeding in India.
  • Stephen jokes:

    “That’s why there’s no galaxy Frog porn. And I’ve looked a lot using my work computer. They can’t fire me twice. Can they? They can.”
    (03:51)

• Lab-Grown Fruit Cells in Italy

  • Italian scientists pursue lab-grown fruit. Colbert teases:

    “Stay in your lane, Italy. There’s only one place where Italian food is pushed to its limits: the Times Square Olive Garden.”
    (04:12)

• Dark Chocolate and Aging

  • A chemical in dark chocolate may decelerate aging.
  • He facetiously wishes for,

    “A paper titled, ‘Eating frosting out the tub with your fingers cures lupus.’”
    (04:27)

• Extreme Weight Loss Drug

  • Eli Lilly’s drug is so effective, some trial participants quit after losing too much weight.

    “Though it’s still not as effective for weight loss as your mother calling your crop top brave. But wear what you want.”
    (04:43)

• 'Freckles' on the Moon

  • Scientists find a “freckle” on the moon:

    “The moon’s dermatologist says it looks harmless, but WebMD says the moon’s gonna die.”
    (04:57)

• Birds Mimicking R2D2

  • Birds have learned to “tweet” like R2D2, with Stephen delighted at the resemblance.

    “But still not as impressive as this. [imitates Darth Vader:] ‘I find your lack of faith disturbing.’”
    (05:22)

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Meanwhile (07:11–13:27)

• Band Plug and Louis’s New Single

  • Colbert highlights bandleader Louis’s surprise at his new song’s midnight release:

    Louis: “I realized this at 12:06am… I forgot until I got a notification on my phone.”
    (07:29) Colbert: “The song is ‘Can’t Hide No More’... stream wherever y’all listen to music.”
    (07:54)

• Colbert’s News Balloon Metaphor

  • Humorous explanation of his monologue-writing, likening it to constructing an elaborate and wacky hot air balloon:

    “I spend most of my time over there in the news factory sewing the most topical ripstop story…”
    (08:06)

• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban Divorce

  “Sad, yes, but not totally shocking. I suspected something was up when she kept going to the movies all by herself.”
  (08:47)

• Dispensary Fire in Denver

  • After a fire, the anecdote is delivered from the fire chief’s surreal, possibly high perspective:

    “Are people watching us? It feels like everyone’s watching us… is this how I always hold a hose? What a weird word.”
    (09:15)

• Stolen Walrus Penis from Cheesesteak Shop

  “A beloved walrus penis has been stolen from a New Jersey cheesesteak icon. Can we please go back and address the phrase ‘beloved walrus penis’?”

  • (09:39)*

  “I mean, I like my narwhal scrotum, but I love my walrus penis.”
  (09:48)

• Robot Movement Video

  • Colbert marvels at a viral robot that mirrors human motion, then mockingly announces:

    “I think science can stop now. We’ve achieved whatever the point of the enlightenment was.”
    (10:07)

• Jellyfish Sleep Like Humans

  “They also ate a family-sized pack of fudge stripes and lay down on the floor.”
  (10:17)

• Rejected Vanity License Plates

  • Illinois rejects plates such as “ICUP” and “I B Poop.” Colbert jokes:

    “Which was tough news for Dr. Ib Beepin. You laugh, but right now someone in Chicago is going, ‘Ib, Ib! They said your name on TV!’”
    (10:41)

• Snakebite Antivenom Hero

  • A man lets snakes bite him 202 times for antivenom research:

    “Says it always burns and it’s always, always painful. Which, coincidentally, is still the official slogan of White Castle.”
    (11:10)

• Huge Texas Baby

  • A Texas mom gives birth just shy of 13 lbs. Stephen announces:

    “That name, of course… Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.”
    (12:24)

• Celtic War Trumpet Discovery

  “An extraordinary Iron Age war trumpet has been uncovered in England… researchers have released a simulation of how this spine-chilling war trumpet sounded during battle.”
  (12:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Banana Water Segment:
  Colbert’s descriptor:

  “Mm, mm, mm. Perfect for anyone saying, ‘I love water. I just wish it was thicker.’” (02:36)

• Doomsday Glacier:

  “Iceberg. And it’s also filled with snakes. Yeah, yeah, people don’t talk about that.” (03:28)

• Galaxy Frog Porn Search Admission:

  “That’s why there’s no galaxy Frog porn. And I’ve looked a lot using my work computer. They can’t fire me twice.” (03:51)

• Stolen Walrus Penis:

  “I like my narwhal scrotum, but I love my walrus penis.” (09:48)

• Snakebite Antivenom Research:

  “It always burns and it’s always, always painful. Which, coincidentally, is still the official slogan of White Castle.” (11:10)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Sound of Science Intro — 01:49
• Banana Water — 02:31
• Drinking & Dark Chocolate Science — 03:02, 04:27
• Doomsday Glacier Joke — 03:28
• Frogologists & Galaxy Frog — 03:51
• Lab-Grown Fruit Cells — 04:12
• Weight Loss Drug — 04:43
• Meanwhile Segment Begins — 07:11
• Louis’s New Single Plug — 07:29
• Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban Divorce — 08:47
• Denver Dispensary Fire — 09:15
• Stolen Walrus Penis Story — 09:39
• Snakebite Antivenom Hero — 11:10
• Texas 13-lb Baby — 12:24
• Celtic War Trumpet Discovery — 12:40

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Episode Tone and Feel

• Energetic, whimsical, rapid-fire.
• Heavy reliance on witty asides, self-deprecating humor, and wordplay.
• Colbert’s delivery is sarcastic, playful, and slightly irreverent.
• Most segments navigate the border of absurdity and real-world news.

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This episode will delight fans of science oddities and offbeat headlines, offering plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, all in Colbert’s unmistakable style. For listeners, it’s a reminder that even the weirdest news can become high entertainment in the right hands.

Transcript

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[Stephen Colbert]

Folks, if you watch this show, you know I love science. It's easily my second favorite pastime involving a flask. And I like to bring you all the latest science news in my science segment, the Sound of Science. Hello science, my old friend. First up, a newly discovered hybrid phase of matter blurs the line between solid and liquid. It's a phase of matter previously known as your aunt's Christmas casserole. Why do I serve it with a spoon but eat it with a fork? Next up in fruit news, people are talking about a new breakthrough known as banana water. Interesting historical note, that's how Barbara Walters used to say her name when she was drunk. Banana water. No, banana water is being touted as the latest plant based hydration beverage, which uses an enzymatic process that separates the water from the pulp to release nutrients in which they describe as viscous but not pulpy. Mm, mm, mm. Perfect for anyone saying, I love water. I just wish it was thicker. More from science. The American Heart association has revived the theory that light drinking may be good for you. Yes, they've revived that theory. The theory actually needed reviving because it was found passed out behind a dumpster hugging a burrito. But critics warn that research showing the up the upside of drinking is financed at times by groups affiliated with the alcoholic beverage industry. That is nonsense. This latest information comes from the esteemed Dr. Morgan Institute of original Spice Research. Next up, get spicy. Coming alive after five. Next up, hundreds of earthquakes are rocking one of Earth's most dangerous glaciers, nicknamed the Doomsday Glacier, making it even less stable than previously believed. Great. So something already called the Doomsday glacier is also dangerously unstable. It reminds me of that scene in Titanic Iceberg. And it's also filled with snakes. Yeah, yeah, people don't talk about that. Next up, expert frogologists say that photographers have become a threat to to a breed of tiny starlit frogs in India called the galaxy frog. The photographers are causing disturbances and behavioral changes that can disrupt the frog's feeding and breeding success. See, the frogs can't perform on camera. That's why there's no galaxy Frog porn. And I've looked a lot using my work computer. They can't fire me twice. Next up, Can they? They can. Okay. Next up, Italian scientists are developing lab grown fruit cells and say that when it comes to food, they are out to push boundaries. Stay in your lane, Italy. There's only one place where Italian food is pushed to its limits. The Times Square Olive Garden. Their slogan is when you're here, we are doing unspeakable, unspeakable things to rigatoni. Next up, new research suggests that a chemical found in dark chocolate could potentially help to decelerate the aging process. Yes. Thank you. More science like this science. Next, I want to see a paper titled eating frosting out the tub with your fingers cures lupus. Next up, Eli Lilly's weight loss superdrug works so well during trials, some quit over losing too much. And the results appear to be the best ever documented for an obesity medication. Though it's still not as effective for weight loss as your mother. Calling your crop top brave, But wear what you want. This just in from the Astronomy file. Scientists have discovered a new crazy and they're calling it a freckle. The moon's dermatologist says it looks harmless, but WebMD says the moon's gonna die. Next up, birds, the fish of the sky. A recent study found that certain birds have learned to tweet like R2D2. That sounds interesting. Let's hear the birds in action. Wow, that is amazing. But still not as important impressive as this. I find your lack of faith disturbing. We'll be right back.

[IXL Announcer]

Coming up. Meanwhile.

[Louis]

Hey, give it up for Louis.

[Stephen Colbert]

Cato and the Late Joe Band, everybody. I found something out today, Louis, and I'm wondering whether you remember this. You have a new single out today.

[Louis]

You know, I realized.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah. Did you.

[Louis]

I realized this at. I realized this at 12:06am this morning.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really?

[Louis]

Because we scheduled it like I wrote the song a few months ago and then to release music and you gotta put it on all the DSPs and things.

[Stephen Colbert]

So I.

[Louis]

Look, I forgot until I got a notification on my phone at 12:06 saying.

[Stephen Colbert]

You new song is out now. Well, I got a notification. I got a notification on a piece of paper here. The song is Can't Hide no More.

[Louis]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

And is available to stream wherever y' all listen to music. Check it out, everybody. There you go. Thank you very much. I hear you did a great recording yesterday, too, folks, if you watch the show, and I hope you do, you know that I spend most of my time right over there in the news factory sewing the most topical ripstop story, nylon, into a 2000 cubic centimeter envelope with twin turning vents and a stratus neo burner to build for you. The spectacular Cameron Brothers Z top hide air balloon. That is my monologue. But sometimes I wake up in an abandoned arc welder plant while I route the old helium supply into a discarded tarp sealed with pine tar and strapped to my pants with rusty bailing wire. And then old man from up my way outta there and the scrimpy blimp of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile, something like that. That's. That's the only balloon I need. That's my dirigible of joy. Meanwhile, in celebrity uncoupling news, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are officially divorced after 19 years of marriage. Sad, yes, but not totally shocking. I suspected something was up when she kept going to the movies all by herself. Meanwhile, first of all, everyone is fine. But last month, just outside Denver, a popular weed dispensary and CBD store caught fire on the scene. The fire chief said, quote, are people Watching us. It feels like everyone's watching us. Is this how I always hold a hose? What a weird word.

[IXL Announcer]

Hose.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hose, Hose. Meanwhile, in mammal News, a beloved walrus penis has been stolen from a New Jersey cheesesteak icon. Oh, and that sound means we have a new record holder for a crime. You were least likely to guess even if I gave you infinite guesses, Narrowly beating out the previous champ. Revered frog anus smothers Nebraskan beef Lord. Also, can we please just go back and address the phrase beloved walrus penis? I just never imagined. I imagined a walrus penis could inspire that kind of devotion. I mean, I like my narwhal scrotum, but I love my walrus penis. Meanwhile, video went viral over the holidays of this tele operator robot that copies the movements of a human wearing sensors. See if you can spot the reason why the video captured. Folks, attention. I think science can stop now. We've achieved whatever the point of the enlightenment was. Meanwhile, in invertebrate news, scientists now say that jellyfish sleep a lot like us. And for the same reasons. They also ate a family sized pack of fudge stripes and lay down on the floor. Meanwhile, the Illinois Secretary of State has revealed some of the 2025 vanity license plate requests that were rejected for being inflammatory, profane, or offensive, including ICUP and I be poop. Which was tough news for Dr. Ib Beepin. You laugh, but right now someone in Chicago is going, Ib, Ib. They said your name on TV. Meanwhile, a man let snakes bite him 202 times. And his blood helped create a new antivenom and says it always burns and it's always, always painful. Which coincidentally, is still the official slogan of White Castle. I'm sorry.

[IXL Announcer]

I'm sorry.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm sorry. Not professional. This is not professional, Tom. Meanwhile, a Texas mom gave birth to a huge baby just shy of £13, and gave him a fitting name. That name, of course. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Meanwhile, an extraordinary Iron Age war trumpet has been uncovered in England. Described as a thunderous Celtic war trumpet that terrified the Romans. Amazing. Back then they looked like this. And researchers have released a simulation of how this spine chilling war trumpet sounded during battle. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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