Meanwhile | The Sound of Science: A Dog's Real Age

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert Episode: Meanwhile | The Sound of Science: A Dog's Real Age Release Date: January 12, 2025

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Introduction

In the January 12, 2025 episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert, alongside musical guest Jon Batiste, delivers a blend of sharp humor, insightful commentary, and engaging segments that captivate listeners. This episode, titled "Meanwhile | The Sound of Science: A Dog's Real Age," seamlessly intertwines topical humor with intriguing scientific discussions, providing a comprehensive and entertaining listen for both regular fans and newcomers alike.

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“Meanwhile” Segment with Jon Batiste

Jon Batiste kicks off the episode with the "Meanwhile" segment, a rapid-fire monologue delivering humorous takes on recent news and quirky happenings around the world.

• United Airlines Passenger Incident (00:33)

  Batiste opens with the outrageous report of a United Airlines business class passenger who urinated on a stranger during a long-haul flight. He humorously remarks, “I'm going to say that any flight where you get peed on by a stranger is a long haul flight” (00:45), highlighting the absurdity of such in-flight behavior.

• Taste Alterations on Planes (02:10)

  Discussing how dehydration and cabin pressure affect taste perception, Batiste jokes, “three packets of Biscoff cookies and a Bloody Mary at 6am taste like breakfast” (02:25), playfully mocking the unique in-flight dining experience.

• Nottinghamshire Banana Mystery (03:00)

  Transitioning to a puzzling local story from Nottinghamshire, England, where residents find plates loaded with peeled bananas by the roadside monthly. Batiste quips, “Reminds me of the signs around New York. Cooler with the murder also go yourself” (04:00), blending confusion and humor over the bizarre situation.

• Girl Scouts Cookie Discontinuation (04:45)

  On the topic of Girl Scouts discontinuing cookie flavors, Batiste sarcastically applauds the decision: “The two actual retired flavors are s'mores and toast. Yay. That's because there's only one flavor, people. Thin mints” (05:00), poking fun at the limited flavor options.

• Oldest Person in the World (05:15)

  Highlighting a milestone in longevity, Batiste mentions a Brazilian nun nearing 117 years old, humorously stating, “Wake me up when you're actually 117, sister” (05:25), blending admiration with light-hearted teasing.

• Gen Z and Pickle Obsession (05:30)

  Concluding the "Meanwhile" segment, Batiste explores Gen Z's fascination with pickles, listing absurd trends like pickle-flavored toothpaste. He quips, “Pickled flavored toothpaste is obviously revolting and stupid and I would still use it over Toms of Maine” (05:45), emphasizing the generational clash in taste preferences.

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“The Sound of Science” Segment with Jon Batiste

Transitioning to the "Sound of Science" segment, Jon Batiste delves into various scientific studies and discoveries, presented with his characteristic wit and humor.

• Ultra-Processed Foods and Longevity (05:57)

  Batiste discusses a study revealing that consuming ultra-processed foods like Coke and hot dogs can impact lifespan. He humorously interprets the findings: “you lose 12 minutes of your life every time you drink a Coke” (06:10), exaggerating to emphasize the study's implications.

• Revising Dog Age Calculations (06:31)

  Addressing the myth of "seven dog years to one human year," Batiste explains the revised method: “the first year of a medium sized dog's life is roughly 15 human years” (07:00). He humorously applies this to his dog, Benny, concluding, “Benny is...39 years old and still living at home. Get it together” (07:15), blending factual information with playful sarcasm.

• Archaeological Discovery in Alkmaar, Netherlands (07:45)

  Highlighting an archaeological find of a mysterious bone floor, Batiste imagines the chaos it could cause on a home renovation show: “We're going to have to do something about that popcorn ceiling” (08:00), creatively linking the discovery to popular culture.

• Health Benefits of Fart Walks (08:30)

  Batiste introduces an unconventional health tip: taking a "fart walk" after eating. He jokes, “if you're a man over 50, every walk is a fart walk” (09:00), playfully encouraging absurd health trends.

• Video Games and Intelligence in Children (09:30)

  Addressing parental concerns, Batiste cites a study linking video game play with increased intelligence in children, humorously referencing: “published in the prestigious New England Journal of your nephew Kyle” (09:45), poking fun at the oft-cited yet sometimes dubious scientific sources.

• Toxic Vapors from Couches (10:15)

  Discussing the potential dangers of volatile organic compounds emitted by couches, Batiste warns, “your couch might kill you, but only if you put it where all couches go” (10:30), merging genuine concern with comedic relief.

• Virtual Reality Flavored Lollipops (10:50)

  Batiste explores a new device that allows users to taste virtual flavors, listing options like durian and green tea. He humorously concludes, “Or you can just go lick everything at the grocery store for the low, low cost of bail” (11:05), exaggerating the novelty of the invention.

• Plant-Based Eggs Recipe (11:20)

  Concluding the segment, Batiste touches on the challenges of creating the perfect plant-based egg substitute. He lightheartedly remarks, “Perhaps flavor? Well, I'm sold. It reminds me of when Arby's updated their slogan we have perhaps meats” (11:35), connecting food science with fast-food marketing humor.

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Conclusion

The episode masterfully balances humor with informative content, ensuring listeners are both entertained and enlightened. Jon Batiste's seamless transitions between absurd news bites and scientific explorations, combined with Stephen Colbert's adept hosting, create a rich and engaging narrative. Notably, Batiste's ability to infuse humor into scientific discourse, exemplified when he quips about dog age calculations (07:15) and virtual reality lollipops (11:05), makes complex topics accessible and enjoyable.

For those who haven't listened, this episode offers a delightful mix of laughter and learning, encapsulating the essence of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert. Whether discussing the bizarre world of Gen Z pickles or the intricacies of plant-based eggs, the episode ensures a captivating and informative experience from start to finish.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “I'm going to say that any flight where you get peed on by a stranger is a long haul flight” – Jon Batiste (00:45)
• “三 packets of Biscoff cookies and a Bloody Mary at 6am taste like breakfast” – Jon Batiste (02:25)
• “Wake me up when you're actually 117, sister” – Jon Batiste (05:25)
• “Pickled flavored toothpaste is obviously revolting and stupid and I would still use it over Toms of Maine” – Jon Batiste (05:45)
• “you lose 12 minutes of your life every time you drink a Coke” – Jon Batiste (06:10)
• “Benny is...39 years old and still living at home. Get it together” – Jon Batiste (07:15)
• “we found a floor of bones” – Jon Batiste (08:00)
• “your couch might kill you, but only if you put it where all couches go” – Jon Batiste (10:30)
• “Or you can just go lick everything at the grocery store for the low, low cost of bail” – Jon Batiste (11:05)
• “Perhaps flavor? Well, I'm sold. It reminds me of when Arby's updated their slogan we have perhaps meats” – Jon Batiste (11:35)

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Final Thoughts

This episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert is a testament to the show's ability to blend humor with substantive content. Through Jon Batiste's incisive commentary and Stephen Colbert's dynamic hosting, listeners are treated to an episode that is as informative as it is entertaining. Whether dissecting the quirks of modern life or delving into the latest scientific breakthroughs, the episode maintains a lively pace, ensuring it remains both engaging and enlightening.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

What's the best time of day to get a deal? All day with Jack in the box's all day big deal meal. You get to choose from four entrees like the supreme croissant and five tasty sides, plus a drink starting at $5. So hurry in or take your time. You've got all day at Jack. Every bite's a big deal. It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colber.

[Jon Batiste]

Folks, if you watch this show, you know that I spend most of my time right over there wandering the news high veldt hunting the finest, most topical story, kudu, which I field dressed to remove the silver side cut, which I brine in salt and grape vinegar for 24 hours before liberally seasoning with pepper, coriander and cloves and carefully air drying it, never heated for several days to create the rich and nourishing South African biltong that is my nightly monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, while hiding in a shrub swamp from the fanboat marauders, I rat it out to the feds. I cram a half eaten Slim Jim and some roadkill into what I hope is pig intestine and chow down on the snitches. Bog sausage of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile, right there, that's my life raft. That's an emotional life raft for America. Meanwhile, a United Airlines business class passenger urinated on a stranger midway through a long haul flight. I'm going to say that any flight where you get peed on by a stranger is a long haul flight. Meanwhile, in other airplane news, a new study shows that due to dehydration and cabin pressure, food and drinks taste different on a plane. For instance, on a plane, three packets of Biscoff cookies and a Bloody Mary at 6am Taste like breakfast. No, no, it's totally normal on account of the dehydration. If you excuse me, I gotta go pee on that guy. Meanwhile, Fiat fans. Okay. Hey, who am I to judge? Meanwhile, residents of a town in Nottinghamshire, England, are trying to solve the mystery. Plates loaded with peeled bananas by the side of a road. Once a month for over a year, residents have accused the chief of police of doing nothing to stop the bananas because of a conflict of interest. After. After a year of these bananas showing up, some residents have resorted to polite signage with one person leaving a note saying, please respectfully, no more bananas. The uncollected plates and rotting bananas leave such a mess. Wishing a happy New Year to you all. That's kind of quaint. Reminds me of the signs around New York. Cooler with the murder also go yourself. Cooler. Respectfully, just cooler. I'm saying. I'm not saying none. Nothing. Just cooley. Meanwhile, the Girl scouts are discontinuing two beloved cookie flavors in 2025. No surprise. Roast beef Samoas and buffalo chicken Tagalongs. For a bit of acquired taste. I jest, of course. The two actual retired flavors are s'mores and toast. Yay. That's because there's only one flavor, people. Thin mints. No one wants your lemon ups, Ashley. Oh, a cookie that tastes like off brand dish soap. Stop wasting my time. You're eight. Do some market research. I'm sorry. Hum. I'll take five boxes. Meanwhile, move over dead people. There's a new oldest person in the world. A soccer loving nun from Brazil, who according to reports is nearly 117. Yeah, nearly. Nearly 117. We have a word for that. Wake me up when you're actually 117, sister. Till then, I'll be sitting over here, nearly impressed. No, you have to draw a line. You have to draw a line. You cannot coddle these people. Meanwhile, in corporate branded sports marriage news, a couple got married during the 2024 Cheez it citrus bowl in a ceremony officiated by a Cheez it mascot. It was the most moving corporate sponsored religious ritual since the on field bris performed by Rabbi Kool Aid Man. Oh yeah. Meanwhile, everyone knows Gen Z are obsessed with pickles. I am learning right now from reading this teleprompter with recent pickle trends including a pickle juice, diet coke, mash up, pickle witch sandwiches, pickle cupcakes, even a pickle flavored toothpaste. Okay, they've clearly gone too far. Pickled flavored toothpaste is obviously revolting and stupid and I would still use it over Toms of Maine. You know their slogan. What if you put our deodorant in your mouth? More Late Show Pod show after this.

[Stephen Colbert]

Roll out. Transformers 1 is now streaming on Paramount. Awesome. It's the blast from beginning to end. Okay, stop. I'm in Transformers 1 Radiopg now streaming on Paramount.

[Jon Batiste]

As you know, I'm a big fan of science. For example, geology, where my favorite mineral is the actual and completely real. Coming tonight, actual rock, which I don't have to tell you, is a metamorphic rock of the monoclinic crystal system, if you're doing it right. And I'd like to tell you about the latest scientific developments in my science segment, the Sound of Science.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hello science.

[Jon Batiste]

My old friend Garbunker that's two Funkles in one night. First up, a nutrition study analyzed the health benefits of various ultra processed foods and drinks. And scientists have revealed that you lose 12 minutes of your life every time you drink a Coke. Explains why Coca Cola changed their slogan from taste the feeling to get your affairs in order. The study study also found that a hot dog could shave 36 minutes off your life. But all I gotta do is take 40 minutes eating each hot dog and then I gain four minutes of life for each one. That way I just have to eat three hot dogs to get a guilt free Coke. Sorry. Science. That's math. Next up. That's true. That works. Next up, researchers are now saying that the calculation of seven dog years to one human year is a common and persistent myth. So how should we guess our canine's age? Well, they say the first year of a medium sized dog's life is roughly 15 human years. And the second year of life is about nine years for a person. After that, each human year is approximately five years for a dog. Okay, so my medium sized dog Benny, right there. Benny is. He's five, which means 15 for the first year, nine for the second. That makes 24 plus three more years plus five plus five plus five means he is 39 years old and still living at home. Get it together. Get it together. Next up in the Sound of Science. While renovating a building in the city of Alkmaar in the Netherlands, archaeologists have discovered a mysterious floor of bones. It's going to make for a weird episode of the Property Brothers. Well, Jan, as we began the demo, in your kitchen, we found a floor of bones.

[Stephen Colbert]

We have awoken an ancient evil that demands blood be repaid with blood.

[Jon Batiste]

Now let's check out the den. We're going to have to do something about that popcorn ceiling. Also Property Brothers fans, also in science. According to experts, going on a fart walk after eating can be good for your health. And if you're a man over 50, every walk is a fart walk. Hey, I just hit 10,000. Next up in sciencing, if you're a parent concerned your kid is spending too much time looking at screenshots, worry not. Because a new study links spending more time playing video games with a boost in intelligence in children. That study, published in the prestigious New England Journal of your nephew Kyle. Next up, scientists say your couch could be emitting toxic vapors, specifically volatile organic compounds that could pose potential health risks, especially in indoor environments. So your couch might kill you, but only if you put it where all couches go. Next up in the Sound of Science, researchers have announced a new lollipop shaped lickable device that can produce nine different flavors in virtual reality, allowing the users to taste flavors like sugar, salt, citric acid, cherry, passion fruit, green tea, milk, durian and grapefruit. Or you can just go lick everything at the grocery store for the low, low cost of bail. It's fun. It's a fun job. Next up in the south side, scientists are trying to crack the recipe for the perfect plant based eggs. Apparently it's been a bit tricky because real eggs play so many roles in the kitchen. So an all purpose egg substitute must do all those things well while also yielding the familiar texture and perhaps flavor of real eggs. Perhaps flavor? Well, I'm sold. It reminds me of when Arby's updated their slogan we have perhaps meats. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Jon Batiste]

These are the goals that create legends.

[Stephen Colbert]

I want to be the best player in the world. Pic presented by Michelob Ultra New docu series now streaming exclusively on Paramount plus Welcome to the oil business. Billy Bob Thornton, Demi Moore and Jon Ham star in a new Paramount plus original series. The world has already convinced itself that.

[Jon Batiste]

You are evil and I am evil.

[Stephen Colbert]

For providing them the one thing they interact with every day.

[Jon Batiste]

You're all right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here we go from Taylor Sheridan, executive producer of Yellowstone. Get everybody back. You just put a giant bullseye on this place.

[Jon Batiste]

We rolled the dice one last time.

[Stephen Colbert]

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