Meanwhile | The Sound Of Science: Microwaved Coffee

Summary

Summary of "Meanwhile | The Sound Of Science: Microwaved Coffee"

Episode Information:

• Podcast: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
• Host: CBS
• Episode Title: Meanwhile | The Sound Of Science: Microwaved Coffee
• Release Date: March 16, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, Stephen delivers his signature blend of sharp wit and insightful commentary through his monologue and the "Sound of Science" segment. The episode, titled "Meanwhile | The Sound Of Science: Microwaved Coffee," delves into a variety of topics ranging from quirky scientific discoveries to humorous takes on current events.

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Monologue Highlights

Stephen Colbert opens with his characteristic humor, weaving absurd scenarios and satirical observations about everyday life and bizarre news headlines.

1. Bizarre Fashion Mishaps

   • Quote: “Sometimes, just sometimes, while high on scopolamine and Benzo Fury, I crash a stolen cement mixer into an abandoned Forever 21...” [01:09]
   • Discussion: Colbert humorously describes a hallucination involving a talking rat assisting him in creating a mismatched outfit, highlighting the absurdity of fashion experiments gone wrong.

2. Lunar Shopping Experience

   • Quote: “Following the successful launch and delivery of a data storage device, an Imagine Dragons song has landed on the moon. That is incredible news. I have always said the moon should feel more like shopping at Kohl's.” [02:15]
   • Insight: Using metaphorical humor, Colbert playfully suggests that even celestial bodies like the moon could benefit from commonplace shopping experiences.

3. Saturn's Vanishing Rings

   • Quote: “Saturn's majestic rings will vanish next week. No rings. Saturn's marriage clearly on the rocks. So perfect time for you to slide into Saturn's DMs with a slick opener like hello Mama.” [03:00]
   • Discussion: Colbert personifies Saturn, likening its disappearing rings to a failing marriage, and pokes fun at modern dating practices with a cosmic twist.

4. Edible Packing Peanuts and Lemon Pledge

   • Quote: “Packing peanuts aren't food, but people are eating them. Yeah. Cause we're hungry and we're stupid. And if you don't want us to eat them, don't put the word peanut in there.” [04:10]
   • Insight: Highlighting absurd behavior, Colbert mocks the illogical naming of products, specifically how misleading labels can lead to ridiculous consumer actions.

5. Genetically Modified Bananas

   • Quote: “But if bananas don't go brown, then what am I supposed to put in my freezer and say, I'll save this to make banana bread and then never make banana bread and throw them away in three years...” [04:50]
   • Discussion: Critiquing advancements in food science, Colbert humorously questions the practicality of non-browning bananas, suggesting more useful applications like avocados.

6. Monopoly Without a Banker

   • Quote: “If you can't be the banker, how are you supposed to stand when your brother goes to get a bowl of Lucky Charms?” [05:30]
   • Insight: Colbert parodies the introduction of technology in traditional games, emphasizing the absence of essential game components and the ensuing chaos.

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Sound of Science Segment

In "The Sound of Science," Stephen Colbert presents a humorous take on recent scientific developments, blending factual information with his trademark satire.

1. Microwaving Coffee Alters Its Composition

   • Quote: “According to new research out of MIT, microwaving your coffee changes it. Yeah, makes it hot. Grant money? Please.” [06:20]
   • Insight: Colbert sarcastically downplays the significance of microwaving coffee, suggesting that unconventional methods like using an air fryer are equally ineffective.

2. Brain Turned to Glass by Mount Vesuvius Eruption

   • Quote: “A professor and grad students in a multi-million dollar lab at MIT used an electron microscope and an infrared spectrometer to confirm that microwaving your coffee physically makes it worse.” [06:35]
   • Discussion: Playing on dramatic scientific discoveries, Colbert exaggerates the effects of volcanic eruptions on human physiology for comedic effect.

3. Russia’s Plasma-Based Mars Engine

   • Quote: “Russia claims their new plasma-based engine could cut Mars travel down to just 30 days and move a ship 62 miles per second. That's a speed previously only achieved by any parent seeing their child on the couch with an open Sharpie.” [07:15]
   • Insight: Colbert humorously compares the unprecedented speed of the proposed engine to the frantic motion of parents reacting to their children’s antics.

4. Advancements in Male Birth Control

   • Quote: “Researchers say that better male birth control is on the horizon. To which men respond. You can hear the women's excitement. To which men responded. Huh. Okay. Yeah, I guess we should talk about that.” [08:00]
   • Discussion: Highlighting gender dynamics in reproductive health, Colbert satirizes the often indifferent response from men regarding advancements in male contraceptives.

5. Oranges and Mental Health

   • Quote: “According to a new study, eating an orange a day could lower your depression risk by 20%. So they're going to have to update the old rhyme. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if you have an orange. Wait, nothing rhymes with orange. Now I'm depressed.” [08:45]
   • Insight: Colbert blends scientific findings with linguistic humor, playfully lamenting the challenge of rhyming with "orange" while acknowledging the mental health benefits of citrus fruits.

6. Ancient Roman London Discoveries

   • Quote: “News from England where the eel is jellied and the dicks are spotted and archaeologists say the beginnings of a Roman London have been discovered.” [09:30]
   • Discussion: Utilizing bawdy humor, Colbert references historical oddities and archaeological discoveries, adding a comedic twist to the portrayal of ancient civilizations.

7. Training Dogs to Pay Attention

   • Quote: “Scientists reveal how to make dogs pay attention. The answer? Be a crotch.” [10:10]
   • Insight: In a cheeky conclusion, Colbert offers a humorous solution to common pet behavior issues, blending absurdity with observational comedy.

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Conclusion

Stephen Colbert masterfully combines humor with commentary on a diverse array of topics in this episode of The Late Show Pod Show. From satirical takes on scientific advancements to playful jabs at everyday anomalies, Colbert ensures an engaging and entertaining experience for his listeners. His ability to infuse intelligence with humor makes the content both insightful and highly entertaining, catering to audiences who appreciate a blend of wit and topical discussion.

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Notable Quotes:

• “Sometimes, just sometimes, while high on scopolamine and Benzo Fury, I crash a stolen cement mixer into an abandoned Forever 21...” [01:09]
• “Following the successful launch and delivery of a data storage device, an Imagine Dragons song has landed on the moon. That is incredible news. I have always said the moon should feel more like shopping at Kohl's.” [02:15]
• “Saturn's majestic rings will vanish next week. No rings. Saturn's marriage clearly on the rocks. So perfect time for you to slide into Saturn's DMs with a slick opener like hello Mama.” [03:00]
• “But if bananas don't go brown, then what am I supposed to put in my freezer and say, I'll save this to make banana bread and then never make banana bread and throw them away in three years...” [04:50]
• “According to a new study, eating an orange a day could lower your depression risk by 20%. So they're going to have to update the old rhyme. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if you have an orange. Wait, nothing rhymes with orange. Now I'm depressed.” [08:45]

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, highlighting Stephen Colbert's unique ability to blend humor with topical commentary, making it accessible and enjoyable for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

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It'S the late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.

[Stephen Colbert]

Folks. If you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there sourcing the finest, most topical 10 ounce merino news wool and charcoal gray with a subtle herringbone and using the single garment method to build a hand stitched understructure cut to a three button front to create the William Westman Caught ultimate bespoke suit that is my nightly monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, while high on scopolamine and Benzo Fury, I crash a stolen cement mixer into an abandoned Forever 21 where a talking rat, which I am hallucinating the talking, not the rat, helps me pair the tattered scraps of a ribbon trim floral midi dress with the rags of some stained contour sculpt flare leggings so I can sashay past the cops wearing the tweaker tuxedo of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile. This is it. That is this shows me the way. Meanwhile. Shows me the way. Meanwhile. Following the successful launch and delivery of a data storage device, an imagine dragon song has landed on the moon. That is incredible news. I have always said the moon should feel more like shopping at Kohl's. Meanwhile, Saturn's majestic rings will vanish next week. No rings. Saturn's marriage clearly on the rocks. So perfect time for you to slide into Saturn's DMs with a slick opener like hello Mama. What them ammonia crystals in your Atmosphere do. Meanwhile, packing peanuts aren't food, but people are eating them. Yeah. Cause we're hungry and we're stupid. And if you don't want us to eat them, don't put the word peanut in there. And if you don't want me to spray furniture polish on my crab cakes, don't call it Lemon Pledge. Meanwhile, wow. Thanks to recent breakthroughs. Thanks to recent breakthroughs in food science. Gene edited non browning bananas could cut down on food waste. But if bananas don't go brown, then what am I supposed to put in my freezer and say, I'll save this to make banana bread and then never make banana bread and throw them away in three years, the genetically modified banana is less susceptible to bruising, and scientists say it can remain fresh and yellow for 12 hours after being peeled. Is that really a problem? Who is peeling their bananas then eating them the next day? That is one extremely disciplined gorilla. If we have this technology, we should deploy it on something more useful, like avocados. You know their slogan, Avocados. In the time it takes you to read this, we will be garb. Meanwhile, in more food news, a Canadian man broke the Guinness World Record for the fastest time to eat 25 Carolina Reaper Chili peppers. He then immediately broke the record for most weeping in a bathroom. Meanwhile, in game news, there's a new version of Monopoly that replaces cash and math with a mobile app so that no one will get stuck having to be the banker. If you can't be the banker, how are you supposed to stand when your brother goes to get a bowl of Lucky Charms? Now I gotta. I'm telling you. No, no, no. You take away the banker. Now this game about a dog trying to bankrupt a thimble in a shoe makes no sense. Meanwhile, in almost food news, the Icy company and Peeps have announced they are coming together for the ultimate spring treatment, Peeps flavored ices. That's right. Peeps flavored ices. As in, well, doctor, I started losing my vision right after I drank that Peeps flavored Icy. This isn't the only unlikely beverage Peeps is rolling out this year. In early February, it also announced it was rolling out Peeps milk. If you thought eating Peeps was weird, just wait till you try to milk one. We'll be right back.

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[Stephen Colbert]

Folks, you know I love science. Not just for the amazing discovery it's already made, but for all the wonderful mysteries it may someday unlock. Are there other universes? What is the fundamental nature of matter? What exactly is the slamification behind Denny's? Graham Slamwich, I'd like to tell you about the latest scientific developments in my science segment, the Sound of Science. Hello, science, my old friend. Perfect. Landed it, baby. First up, according to new research out of mit, microwaving your coffee changes it. Yeah, makes it hot. Grant money? Please. A professor and grad students in a multi million dollar lab at MIT used an electron microscope and an infrared spectrometer to confirm that microwaving your coffee physically makes it worse. That's why I reheat my coffee exclusively in my air fryer. You can really taste the broken air fryer. Next up, scientists have found a young man's brain that turned to glass during the eruption of Mount Vesuvius after hitting temperatures over 950 degrees Fahrenheit, or slightly cooler than the inside of a Totino's pizza roll. Next up in space news, Russia claims their new plasma based engine could cut Mars travel down to just 30 days and move a ship 62 miles per second. That's a speed previously only achieved by any parent seeing their child on the couch with an open Sharpie. Up next, up next in the Sound of Science, researchers say that better male birth control is on the horizon. To which men respond. You can hear the women's excitement. To which men responded. Huh. Okay. Yeah, I guess we should talk about that. Yeah, that seems, that seems fair. Yeah, no, that's fair. Only problem is that so far no male contraceptive has ever gained approval from the U.S. food and Drug Administration other than Mountain Dew. Code red. Oh. Do you think anything still alive down there after drinking this? The entire beverage warning label. Next up from Science. According to a new study, eating an orange a day could lower your depression risk by 20%. So they're going to have to update the old rhyme. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if you have an orange. Wait, nothing rhymes with orange. Now I'm depressed. So why orange make Stevie happy. Well, it turns out citrus stimulates the growth of a bacteria that influences the production of serotonin and dopamine, adding to the mountain that what we eat can have a profound effect on our overall well being. And I don't doubt it for a minute. That's why most days I feel either flamin hot or double stuffed. Really. Next up, news from England where the eel is jellied and the dicks are spotted and archaeologists say the beginnings of a Roman London have been discovered. Ah, ancient Roman London, where they were known for their famous catchphrase veiny veeny in it, bruv. Next up, scientists reveal how to make dogs pay attention. The answer? Be a crotch. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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