Meanwhile | The Sound Of Science: Sextinction

Summary

Podcast Summary: “Meanwhile | The Sound Of Science: Sextinction”

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
Date: February 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert delivers another round of Colbert’s sharp-witted monologue, followed by the always-entertaining “Meanwhile” segment, and a whimsical tour through recent science news in the “Sound of Science.” Themes range from quirky fast-casual dining experiences and viral pop culture to bizarre scientific discoveries—culminating in a humorous but pointed discussion about dropping rates of sexual activity in America, dubbed “sextinction.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Live State of the Union Announcement

• [01:37] Colbert announces an upcoming live show for the State of the Union, joking about his strained voice and demonstrating his “bad boy” tone for laughs.

2. Meanwhile: Trending News Oddities

• Colbert introduces “Meanwhile” as the segment where he escapes mainstream news monologues for bizarre, underreported, or just plain weird stories.
• Spring Menu Leak:
  • Leaked Dunkin Donuts menu includes items like “banana protein latte” and “berry, which berry. Shut up. Store's called Dunkin Donuts. Not asking questions.” (02:45)
• Tattoo Warnings:
  • Doctors warn tattoos can rarely cause blindness. “Is it being a bad boy? ... That's right, another. You don’t know me.” (03:15)
• Why We Eat Fast Casual:
  • 40% of fast-casual restaurant visits begin with fatigue.
  • Personal anecdote: Colbert shares a memory from his last “Daily Show” shoot, ending at Applebee's, reflecting why people opt for fast-casual.
    • “So, yeah, that's why we go fast casual.” (05:45)
• Logan Paul's Pokemon Card:
  • Sells for $16 million after $5 million purchase.
    • “Best things happening to the worst person since pile of cash falling on Mel Gibson.” (06:16)
• New York's Grand Central ‘Kissing Room’:
  • Discrete kiss spot in Grand Central; alternative to “Port Authority’s...bench where people do hand stuff.” (06:47)

3. The Sound of Science

Quirky Science Stories Delivered with Signature Wit

• King Cobras Riding Trains in India (07:25):
  • Cobras attracted by rodents on grain-carrying trains.
  • “Don’t worry, the rodents that were in this rice were all killed by the hitchhiking cobras.”
• Oregon’s Bear Poop Beer (08:25):
  • Beer brewed using “bear dukey”.
  • “Just because something is first doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.”
  • Taste notes include “toxo-plasmosis and dumpster ham.”
• Fossil Finds: Two-Eyed Ancestor (09:30):
  • World’s oldest known vertebrates had two pairs of eyes.
  • “Scientists believed this creature could wear two pairs of Groucho glasses at the same time.”
• Sextinction in America (09:43):
  • Research: one in three men, one in five women haven’t had sex recently—“something called a sextinction.”
  • Colbert’s riff:
    • “...Sounds like the title of a movie that accidentally showed up on your hotel bill: Sextinction 2, Tyramusaurus ex.”
    • “Okay, men in the audience, look to your left, look to your right. You now have to have a threesome for America.”
• Measured Flatulence (10:36):
  • University of Maryland: humans fart twice as much as previously measured.
  • Smart underwear device tracks gas production.
  • “Okay, but how smart can it be if this is what it does for a living?”
• Physics Fun: Relative Motion (11:12):
  • Video of a man launched off a truck at 50 mph, “effectively standing still,” as a demonstration of relative motion.
  • Colbert: “Dude, it would be so awesome to push a guy off a truck.”
• Babies in Space—Not Yet (11:55):
  • Experts warn—we’re “nowhere near ready to make babies in space.”
  • “Not with that attitude. Haven’t they heard about the sextinction?”
• Ancient Egyptian Back Pain (12:07):
  • 2,000-year-old mummy found with arthritic spine.
  • Colbert riffs, imagining ancient shouts of “Bird. Sideways hand. Smaller bird.”
• Norway’s Extra Chubby Polar Bears (12:19):
  • Despite shrinking sea ice, polar bears in Svalbard are fatter; joke about a Cheesecake Factory opening in the Arctic.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [01:37] Stephen Colbert (on his strained voice):
  • “If I talk like this, it’s much stronger. But when I get up here, it goes away. Do you find this attractive? This is my bad boy voice, Folks.”
• [05:45] Stephen Colbert (on ending at Applebee’s after a tough day):
  • “So, yeah, that's why we go fast casual.”
• [06:16] On Logan Paul:
  • “That story has officially broken the record for best things happening to the worst person since Pile of cash falling on Mel Gibson.”
• [09:43] On American “sextinction”:
  • “Sextinction...Sounds like the title of a movie that accidentally showed up on your hotel bill: Sextinction 2, Tyramusaurus ex.”
  • “Men in the audience, look to your left, look to your right. You now have to have a threesome. For America.”
• [10:36] On smart underwear for measuring farts:
  • “Okay, but how smart can it be if this is what it does for a living?”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:37] – State of the Union Live Show Announcement & Voice Joke
• [02:06] – Start of “Meanwhile” Segment
• [05:45] – Colbert’s Applebee’s Daily Show Story
• [06:16] – Logan Paul Pokémon Card Joke
• [07:19] – “The Sound of Science” Segment Begins
• [09:43] – Discussion and Jokes about “Sextinction”
• [10:36] – Fart Research and Smart Underwear
• [12:19] – Chubby Norwegian Polar Bears

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Overall Tone & Style

Stephen Colbert’s blend of clever satire, irreverent wit, and absurdist humor is front and center throughout. He playfully mocks pop culture and scientific oddities, weaving personal anecdotes and signature one-liners—keeping listeners both informed and highly entertained.

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This summary highlights the essential humor, headlines, and science curiosities in this episode for anyone who missed the broadcast or wants to revisit the best moments.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Next Tuesday is the State of the Union and we will have our final Late show live show live from the Ed Sullivan Theater. So please do join us. We will be live if my voice comes back because right now this is the best I can do at this pitch. It gets better when I go down here if I talk like this. If I get down here, it's much stronger. But when I get up here, it goes away.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yep. Yep.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. Do you find this attractive? This? This is my bad boy voice, Folks. If you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there in the news workshop. Shaping the most topical rabbit fur felt into a 3 1/2 inch pinched crown on a century old milliner's block. And adding a vintage French grosgrain ribbon with a crossbar to make for you the classic yet contemporary Julian Ox oxblood teardrop pork pie. That is my monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, after losing a fight with a circus baboon, I kick a hole in a rusty hubcap and jam a discarded spittoon into it, then slink away hidden under the hobo sombrero of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile, Thanks to a social media leak, we got a sneak peek of dunkin donuts rumored 18 item spring menu featuring items like a banana protein latte and berry, which berry. Shut up. Store's called Dunkin Donuts. Not asking questions. Meanwhile, doctors are warning about a terrifying little known side effect of getting a tattoo. Is it being a bad boy? And I'm being told no. It's a rare sight threatening condition that can lead to permanent blindness. Well, I gotta say, that is scary. I should have just gotten another belly ring. That's right, another. You don't know me. Meanwhile, a new study into our food habits found that 40% of trips to fast casual restaurants begin with simple fatigue. Yeah, we know. There's a reason Olive Garden's slogan is when. When you're here, you just. You just can't today. This is true. I'm gonna do this. And you can cut it if you want. This is true. When I saw this joke, I said, I gotta get this pic out here. The last day that I shot for the Daily show back in 2005, before I started the Colbert pour, I went and spent all day shooting some piece about the car that General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard with the actor who played Cooter. I don't remember what the story was about. I just remember the day would not end. And it was the last field piece I ever did for the Daily show. And they were often quite punishing. And at the end of the day, it was 11:30 at night and there was only one place to eat, near the airport hotel where we're staying. And it was an Applebee's. And they closed at 12. And we were about to walk into it, and my producer, a wonderful guy named Jim Margolis, said, hey, Stephen, turn around. Because he wanted to capture my feeling at the end of my career at the Daily show in front of the Applebee's. And this is the photo he took. Zoom out, zoom out. So, yeah, that's why we go fast casual. Meanwhile, controversial YouTuber turned pro wrestler Logan Paul's rare Pokemon card was auctioned for a record breaking $16 million after he purchased it for $5 million just five years ago. That story has officially broken the record for best things happening to the worst person since Pile of cash falling on Mel Gibson somehow enlarges his pe. Meanwhile, New York's couples are going wild for grand Central Station's hidden kissing room. It's a discreet alternative to the port authorities offering the open air bench where people do hand stuff.

[Podcast Announcer]

More Late show pod show after this, Folks.

[Stephen Colbert]

If you watch the show, and I hope you do, you know that I love science. It's the only excuse I have to use the words Erlenmeyer flask. I'd like to bring you all the latest science news in my science segment, the Sound of Science. Hello, science, my old friend. First up in the world of science, king cobras are spreading to different parts of India by hitching rides on some of the country's busiest railway networks, a new study has found. The study says that the cobras are probably attracted to the availability of prey on the trains because freight trains carrying grain or fruit can attract rodents, explains the new slogan for Ben's Basmati Rice. Don't worry, the rodents that were in this rice were all killed by the hitchhiking cobras. Next up in beer science. Up in Oregon, a beer made with bear poop is likely a first in brewing history. Just because something is first doesn't mean it's a good idea. Look, kids, it's the first American girl doll made of socks filled with teeth. Her name is Helen, and she survived the Triangle shirtwaist fire. Why are you crying? I know you don't want any further details, but I have to know it, so you have to know it. The bear Dukey was introduced to brewing water. Then they made the water safe to drink and turned it into a beer with notes of huckleberry and honey and with afternotes of toxoplasmosis and dumpster ham. And you may be asking, is it bad? Does a bear in your beer? Next up, biologists say that the world's oldest known vertebrates had two pairs of eyes, which scientists believed enabled this remarkable creature to wear two pairs of Groucho glasses at the same time. Next up, I don't mean to alarm you with a lousy headline, just meant to get your attention. But a new study shows that Americans are on the verge of something called a sextinction, which sounds like the title of a movie that accidentally showed up on your hotel bill. Sextinction 2, Tyramusaurus ex. According to research in the United States, one in three men and one in five women have not had sex. That's rough. Okay, men in the audience, look to your left. Look to your right. You now have to have a threesome for America. Next up, researchers at the University of Maryland have discovered that we fart twice as much as previously thought, how can you fart twice as much as all the time? How do they know this? You're asking? Well, researchers were able to measure people's flatulence using a tiny wearable device that snaps discreetly into underwear and tracks intestinal gas production, called smart underwear. Okay, but how smart can it be if this is what it does for a living? Next up, Next up, science and tech website Gizmodo demands watch a man get launched off a truck at 50 miles an hour for science? No, but I will do it for fun. Let's see it. Incredible. Sadly, seconds later, that guy got hit by a bus. The reason that experiment worked is the truck was moving 50 miles per hour, but the guy was launched the opposite direction off the back of the truck, also at 50 miles per hour. So he was effectively standing still according to the idea of relative motion summed up in Einstein's famous equation. Dude, it would be so awesome to push a guy off a truck. I got something. I got something. Okay, Next up, we're nowhere near ready to make babies in space. Warn experts not with that attitude. Haven't they heard about the sextinction? Next up, Scans of a 2000 year old mummy show that an ancient Egyptian lived with back pain. Egyptologists say that when the man's back gave out, he was known to shout bird.

[Podcast Announcer]

Bird.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sideways hand. Smaller bird. Up next. No, no, no, no. Do not reward me. Make me earn that. Next up, in Norway, there's some unexpected and confusing. Polar bears in the Norwegian Arctic archipelago of Svalbard have become fatter and healthier, all while sea ice has steadily declined. Experts suspect the bear's dramatic weight gain may be related to the recent opening of the Svalbard Cheesecake Factory. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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