The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
Episode Title: Meanwhile | Tolkien’s Desk
Date: December 7, 2025
Host: Stephen Colbert
Notable Guests: Jon Stewart, Late Show Writers & Producers
Episode Overview
This episode of The Late Show Pod Show features another signature "Meanwhile" segment, where Stephen Colbert and his writers riff humorously on bizarre news items and cultural curiosities. In addition, Stephen and Jon Stewart share witty banter about pistachios, odd modern innovations, fashion, romance, and a quirky bit of literary memorabilia—J.R.R. Tolkien's desk. The tone is light, playful, and full of clever wordplay, embracing their trademark irreverence and sharp comedic writing.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Pistachio Banter with Jon Stewart (00:00–03:16)
- Stephen Colbert launches into a humorous ad read for Wonderful Pistachios, riffing on the pleasures and absurdities of snacking.
- Jon Stewart joins the banter, poking fun at the variety and marketing of pistachios.
- Key Flavors Discussed: Jalapeño lime, sea salt & vinegar, dill pickle, smoky barbecue.
- Humor Highlights: Wordplay about “nut meat”; joking about “earning your nut” by cracking open in-shell pistachios.
- Memorable Quote:
Stephen Colbert (02:06): “If you want to earn your nut, crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it’s snacking like a champ.”
- Playful camaraderie as they “celebrate” each pistachio flavor with mock seriousness.
2. Meanwhile Segment Intro – Written by High School English Students (04:32–05:54)
- The “Meanwhile” introduction is unusually poetic and creative—because it’s written by students from Tenafly High School.
- The intro is a parody of flowery, overwrought writing, packed with metaphors about news as pies, bakeries, and “artisanal commentary.”
- The segment skewers the process of digging for news gems versus sorting through “the coffee stain that is my segment.”
- Memorable Quote:
Monologue Poet 1 (05:38): “Slightly undercooked casserole, that is my segment. Diabetes-inducing Baja Blast concentrated syrup, that is my segment.”
- Stephen and his team thank the students and joke about CBS’s lawyers (“You will all receive A’s and a subpoena”).
3. Weird Headlines & Comedy Commentary (“Meanwhile” Segment) (06:08–09:41)
a) J.R.R. Tolkien’s Desk Up for Auction (06:08–06:23)
- The desk used by the Lord of the Rings author will be auctioned for $67,000–$100,000.
- Reaction:
“I don’t care. Just sell the boat. Oh, the kids like the boat. Sell the kids.”
—Late Show Writer/Producer (06:23) - Colbert’s Tone: Dismissive mockery of celebrity memorabilia culture.
b) Senior Water Aerobics Wedding (06:32–06:58)
- A widow and widower meet, fall in love during water aerobics, and get married in the pool.
- Writer’s Take:
- Celebrates late-in-life romance while poking fun at the non-traditional venue.
- “I just hope they didn’t consummate it in the Jacuzzi.”
- Memorable Quote:
“Besides, I believe weddings should be fun and pools are fun. I just hope they didn’t consummate it in the Jacuzzi.”
—Late Show Writer/Producer (06:46)
c) Songwriting on the Fly & Teamwork Behind the Scenes (07:14–07:46)
- Writers discuss how the pool wedding segment almost got cut.
- The music producer, Louis, rapidly creates a song for the segment after a quick suggestion.
- Quote:
“That’s how you do it, folks. It’s called teamwork. Yeah, make the dream work.”
—Late Show Writer/Producer (07:46)
d) Japan’s Human Washing Machine (07:55–08:25)
- Japan unveils a machine that washes people “like laundry.”
- Comedy Angle: The team jokes about society’s laziness and confesses they’d love to have one.
- Memorable Quote:
“This is a new level of lazy…Yes, I would like one, please.”
—Late Show Writer/Producer (08:10)
e) Chanel Fashion Show in NYC Subway (08:47–09:20)
- Chanel holds a fashion event in a subway car.
- Punchlines:
- Colbert quips about subway “masturbators” being elevated by Chanel.
- Jokes about outlandish runway fashion:
“Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and put a crab trap on your head.”
—Late Show Writer/Producer (09:18)
f) Do Lions Have Accents? (09:22–09:41)
- New research shows African lions roar in regional dialects.
- Joke: Unconvincing “crikey!” impersonation as a “lion accent,” blending animal facts with Colbert-style silliness.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 02:06 | Stephen Colbert | “If you want to earn your nut, crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it’s snacking like a champ.” | | 05:38 | Monologue Poet 1 | “Slightly undercooked casserole, that is my segment. Diabetes-inducing Baja Blast concentrated syrup, that is my segment.” | | 06:23 | Late Show Writer/Producer | “I don’t care. Just sell the boat. Oh, the kids like the boat. Sell the kids.” | | 06:46 | Late Show Writer/Producer | “Besides, I believe weddings should be fun and pools are fun. I just hope they didn’t consummate it in the Jacuzzi.” | | 07:46 | Late Show Writer/Producer | “That’s how you do it, folks. It’s called teamwork. Yeah, make the dream work.” | | 08:10 | Late Show Writer/Producer | “This is a new level of lazy…Yes, I would like one, please.” | | 09:18 | Late Show Writer/Producer | “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and put a crab trap on your head.” |
Segment Timestamps Quick Reference
- Pistachio Banter: 00:00–03:16
- Meanwhile Intro (Tenafly High): 04:32–05:54
- Tolkien’s Desk Auction: 06:08–06:23
- Senior Water Aerobics Romance: 06:32–06:58
- Behind-the-Scenes Songwriting: 07:14–07:46
- Human Washing Machine: 07:55–08:25
- Chanel Subway Fashion: 08:47–09:20
- Lion Accents: 09:22–09:41
Conclusion
This “Meanwhile” episode of The Late Show Pod Show is a rapid-fire carousel of absurd, witty observations on everything from pistachio trends to literary relics, aquatic love stories, robotic hygiene, haute couture, and roaring lions. The segment’s playful tone and inventive writing—especially the ridiculous poetic intro by New Jersey high schoolers—underscore exactly why Colbert and his team remain late-night comedy gold.