Loading summary
Transcript11 lines
- [00:00]
A
Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending. With real time notifications, kids learn to earn, save and spend wisely. And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money. With guardrails in place. Try Greenlight risk free today@greenlight.com Odysee come.
- [00:29]
B
To DSW for the shoes, Stay for the fun. Because let's be honest, if shoe shopping isn't fun, are you even doing it right? So go ahead, try something new. Try something different. Good different. Try something that feels like you, you know, the real you. And then definitely brag about it later. Because at dsw, you've got unlimited freedom to play. Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores or@dsw.com let us surprise you.
- [01:00]
A
It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.
- [01:09]
C
Folks. If you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time over there on the news workshop, shaping the most topical rose story gold and adorning it with 80 stones for a total weight of 1.78 carats. And adding a concealed box clasp in yellow gold to create the Van Cleef and Arpel Perle clover bracelet that is my nightly monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, after beaching a stolen jet ski on a garbage scowl while snorting crushed up Sudafed, I string some half eaten Jolly Ranchers onto a dirty boot lace and parade around wearing nothing but the glittering stank bangle of news that is my segment. Meanwhile, it's poetry. Meanwhile, it's really more. It's more like poetry than comedy. Meanwhile, a Utah man dropped a 1900 pound pumpkin onto his Geo Metro, causing the Geo Metro to significantly increase in value. That's a lot of pumpkin. Meanwhile, in celebrity pet news, NFL legend Tom Brady has revealed that his dog Juni is a clone of his late dog Lua. Look, as a dog lover, I get it. And as a Tom Brady lover, I hope people are just as understanding about me cloning Tom Brady. They do my yard work. They do a great job. Brady was able to clone his dog with the help from the upscale biotech company Colossal Biosciences. Well, he can afford it. I went with the far less expensive Crazy Carl's Clone Zone. Which is why all my Tom Bradys have canine hip dysplasia. Very sad. Had to put Some of them down. Meanwhile, new wetsuit designs will offer a layer of protection against shark bites by employing lightweight materials like Kevlar and nanofibers, which blunt the damage from white sharks and tiger sharks. That sounds cool. And boy, would I have loved to have seen them. Starting product trials. We're all set, Phil. All you gotta do is slip into the anti shark bite suit and then hop in the shark infested water. You know what, Rick? You really spearheaded this whole thing. You should have the honor au co tris your baby. Get in the water. But first, here, put on my lucky ham. It's a Tim Conway joke. Meanwhile, Gwyneth Paltrow has unveiled this year's Goop holiday gift guide and includes a $1,300 naughty advent calendar stocked with a red silk blindfold, 20ft of black French bondage rope, gold plated handcuffs, and restraint tape. Ooh, holiday kinks. Reminds me of that classic Christmas song, I saw Mommy ball gag, Santa Claus. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to get that image in your mind. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, last weekend, a Florida man was arrested on a DUI charge on Halloween while dressed as a prison inmate. You know what they say, dress for the job you want. Meanwhile, there he is. Meanwhile, soccer star David Beckham has been knighted. So from now on, you shall address him as Sir Crotchalot. Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian and Sarah Paulson are working on a new show together, but are apparently having a wee disagreement behind the scenes. You see, Kardashian insists the 1969 moon landing was fake, saying it didn't happen, and told Paulson, I'm sending you so far a million articles with both Buzz Aldrin and the other one. The other one? You mean Neil Armstrong? You don't exactly establish a ton of credibility on the whole moon landing debate when you call Neil Armstrong the other one. There's really no excuse, especially given how famous this footage is. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for me. Neil, first man on the moon, Armstrong. Meanwhile, people forget. People forget all the salty talk. Meanwhile, a research center has been trialing artificial intelligence to spot weeds in farmers fields. Well, there goes all the good high paying weed spotting jobs. Thanks, AI. Now, what will English majors do when they graduate? Meanwhile.
- [06:06]
D
Wow.
- [06:08]
C
Wow, do we have a few English majors here tonight. I know, I married one. They're super sensitive. Hey, it's a fine major. Meanwhile, observers have recently noticed that dogs in the Chernobyl exclusion zone are mysteriously turning blue. Man, Bluey's origin story just took a dark turn. Look how worried he looks. He looks so worried. Meanwhile, the movie the Goonies is getting its own Lego set. Take a look. Okay. Pretty cool. Way more fun than their other 1980 movie Lego set. My dinner with Andre. Thank you for listening to the late show pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
- [07:10]
D
Now streaming on Paramount plus it's the epic return of mayor of Kingstowne Warden, you know who I am. Starring academy award nominee Jeremy Renner. I swear in these walls. Emmy award winner Edie Falco.
- [07:22]
C
You're an ex con who ran this.
- [07:24]
B
Place for years and now.
- [07:27]
A
Now you can't do that.
- [07:28]
D
And BAFTA award winner Lenny James. You're about to have a plague of outsiders descend on your town. Let me tell you this. There's gonna be consequences. Mayor of Kingstowne new season now streaming on Paramount + Tulsa is my home now. Academy award nominee Sylvester Stallone stars in the Paramount plus original series Tulsa King. This distillery is a very interesting business and we gotta know the enemy from Taylor Sheridan, co creator of Landman. What are you saying? I'm all right. If you think you're gonna take me out, it's gonna be really difficult. Tulsa King new season now stre exclusively on Paramount plus.