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IXL Learning Representative
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Carvana Customer
Yeah, sure thing.
Friend 1
Hey, you sold that car yet?
Carvana Customer
Yeah, sold it to Carvana.
Friend 1
Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.
Stephen Colbert
The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest over 36 months. Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot.
Carvana Customer
It was so convenient.
Stephen Colbert
Just like that.
Carvana Customer
Yeah.
Friend 1
No hassle.
Carvana Customer
None.
Friend 1
That is super convenient. Sell your car to Carvana and swap.
Carvana Customer
Hassle.
Friend 1
For convenience, pickup fees may apply.
Stephen Colbert
Welcome one and all to the Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. It has been, it has been. It's been a shaky couple of days. The Dow has been fallen faster than. What's it fallen faster than? Kelsey Grammer? It's a small world. Pretending I was a UN interpreter. He's fine. This toboggan ride to skid row is all courtesy of Trump's on again, off again tariffs. But today, Trump implemented a plan to quell fear of tariffs. Now, remember, you gotta fight fire with setting our money on fire. And this morning, Trump's sweeping tariffs on all foreign steel and aluminum went into effect. Aluminum foiled again. Now, of course, these tariffs, like all tariffs, is a tax we pay on the stuff that we buy. For example, the price of a new Car could increase by as much as $12,000. Yeah. So from now on, teenagers are going to have to try to get to third base in the backseat of a bike. Cars aren't the only things that need aluminum. What else will this affect?
Carvana Customer
This is going to increase the price of things like beer cans.
Stephen Colbert
Not to worry. I know it's upsetting, but not to worry. The Late show is proud to announce our new sponsor, Sackweiser. Sackweiser. You know their slogan, suck on a sack. These tariffs. Come on, Stephen, tell Mike. These tariffs really make you realize how much metal stuff is made out of metal. Prices go up on furniture and furniture parts, air conditioning parts and horseshoes. Yeah. So horses. Goodbye, clop clops. Hello, flip flops. Just like every other time. Every other time. Trump announces a tariff. Other countries are tariffing back today. Canada and the EU swiftly retaliated, taxing American exports like sports equipment and swimming pools. That's fine. We don't need to send swimming pools to Canada. We know they're just going to freeze them and do a hockey on there. They're going to hockey at it. No one go puck yourself. No one likes this, really. Yesterday, Rupert Murdochs the Wall Street Journal wrote, we said from the beginning that this North American trade war is the dumbest in history. And we were being kind. So kind. Just like those lovely Hallmark cards. Happy birthday to the dumbest grandson in history. And that's being kind of notarized. But of course, Donald Trump's no dummy. He knows exactly who is to blame for him creating the economy. Joe Biden. He left us a horrible situation and we're changing it. Right now we're like a chicken that's being plucked at from all over the world. Okay. He clearly only understands things in chickenomics. America is the chicken. The money is the bucket. The market is coleslaw. And when you order a four piece tenders combo, they give you Canada in a little cup. Little Greenland on top, Little Canada, Little Greenland on the. To dispel fears and then create new ones. Yesterday, Trump sent out Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, seen here overjoyed that the Chuck E. Cheese robot knew it was his birthday. Lutnick went on cbs and the CBS asked him about the effect of Trump's tariffs.
Carvana Customer
Will these policies be worth it if they lead to a recession, even a short term recession? These policies are the most important thing America has ever had.
Stephen Colbert
Yes, these tariffs are the most important thing America has ever had. More important than the Declaration of Independence, More important than landing on the moon, More important than making the taco shell out of the Dorito. Maybe not that one. Maybe not that one. More important than beer in a sack. You know someone's lying when they use that big of a superlative about anything. How was my Vegas trip with the boys, honey? Let me just say that no husband in the world has. Has ever come back with less chlamydia. I'm pointing out that's a bad thing to say. The reporter pressed Lutnick further.
Carvana Customer
You're saying when it looks chaotic and unpredictable from the outside, that there actually is a master plan when it comes to these tariffs. It is not chaotic. And the only one who thinks it's chaotic is someone who's being silly.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, in that case, I think this is chaotic. Another cool thing that is totally normal is arresting folks without any charges. This weekend here in New York, ICE agents arrested a Palestinian activist who had helped lead the Columbia University protests, detaining him without presenting a warrant or any filed charges and whisking him to a detention facility in Louisiana without telling his wife, who is eight months pregnant. Yes, yes. If you don't like that, you have a constitutional right to protest it. And just by doing so, you could win a free trip to Louisiana. Laissez la end times roulet. Trump's goons aren't just jackbooted thugs. They're also slow witted doofs. Because according to the detained man's lawyer, the ICE agents who took him into custody initially claimed to be acting on a State Department order to revoke his student visa. But his lawyer told them he was actually a permanent resident with a green card. So they said they would revoke that documentation. Instead, they didn't even know what they were arresting him for. What, no student visa? Then we're revoking your Sephora Beauty Insider card. No more free birthday samples for you, mister. Say hello to crow's feet. Despite the mistake, Trump made sure to let us know that this was no mistake. Posting this is the first arrest of many to come. So he's going to arrest anyone who disagrees with him. Even me. John Oliver. Blimey. Whether or not you agree with this protester and what he did, or if you disagree with this protester and what he did, if you think this kind of thing will end with students, I've got a wall in Berlin to sell you. Because Trump is also mad at nationwide protests at Tesla dealerships. And you know Trump is a huge fan of that brand. As he said at the White House Tesla sales event, I love Tesla. Yes, Tesla. He calls it Teslar. Because he has dementia. Trump also, we're having beer in a sack. Trump answered a question about recent protests at the Tesla talks about some of.
Carvana Customer
The violence that's been going on around.
Stephen Colbert
The country at dealerships. Some say they should be labeled domestic terrorist. I will do that. I'll do it. I'm going to stop them. We catch anybody doing it because they're harming a great American company. They are. There are many terrorists at these car lot protests, not just Tesla. Some, some of them are on serious drugs. I saw one protester going like this, wiggling all around right out front, right like this, going like that. We got a great show for you tonight coming up.
IXL Learning Representative
Michael Fassbender.
Friend 1
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Carvana Customer
Easy.
Friend 1
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Stephen Colbert
Welcome back to the Late show, ladies and gentlemen. My first guest tonight is an actor, you know, from Prometheus, the X Men series of instructional videos and the Killer he now stars in Black Bag.
Carvana Customer
I have a game. We go around the table and each of us makes a resolution the way you might at New Year, some personal issue that needs to be addressed. I resolve to quit smoking, for example. This is some groundbreaking George. But we don't make the resolution for ourselves. We make it for the person to our right. I'm not sure that's a good idea. I'm saying it's a terrible one. Are you joking? I don't believe he is. I'm in. I'm getting another bottle. This is a new one. Brand new.
Stephen Colbert
Please. Welcome to THE Late Show. Michael Fassbender. So lovely to have you here.
Carvana Customer
It's great to be here.
Stephen Colbert
I've wanted to talk to you as myself for a long time. I interviewed you once before at the Colbert Report in character. And you.
Carvana Customer
I had a massive head.
Stephen Colbert
You had a giant head on the entire time playing the character Frank from the movie Frank. And then you performed on the show.
Carvana Customer
That's right.
Stephen Colbert
Welcome.
Carvana Customer
Thank you.
Stephen Colbert
Welcome not only to the show, but welcome back to New York. Do you like New York?
Carvana Customer
I love New York. In fact, I always wanted to. Yep. I always wanted to come and study here, you know, when I was starting off acting. But it was just easier to go to London and more affordable and everything else. But I did get to come here in one of my first that I did. I did a Guinness commercial.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, we heard. We heard about this. We actually have the Guinness commercial here. Oh, okay.
Dietitian Representative
Nice.
Stephen Colbert
The Guinness. And so something happens. Like, there's. The story of this commercial is that you have to, like, apologize to someone or something.
Carvana Customer
That's all I say, innit? I'm sorry.
Stephen Colbert
Okay.
Carvana Customer
To this guy.
Stephen Colbert
But it starts in Ireland.
Carvana Customer
It starts in Ireland. A song comes on the radio, and it sort of inspires me to get up and leave the apartment in Dublin and then just start walking across the country, get to the cliffs of Moore, dive in to the Atlantic.
Stephen Colbert
No spoilers, no spoilers.
Carvana Customer
Jim, put a sign, A sign that got a little messed up.
Stephen Colbert
Picking up the rules now. That's impressive. Swimming the entire Atlantic is impressive. But for those of us who live here, it's even more impressive that you survived swimming in the Hudson.
Carvana Customer
I know.
Stephen Colbert
Did you literally get in the Hudson?
Carvana Customer
I did. And it was all the New Yorkers around me that had, like, worried looks on their faces. I didn't realize. And then they were like, have you had your tetanus jabs?
Stephen Colbert
That's serious, though.
Carvana Customer
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was cold.
Stephen Colbert
Yes. Yeah. What time of year was.
Carvana Customer
Wasn't summer. I just remember not much.
Stephen Colbert
But cold is okay with you. I understand you're one of these crazy people who enjoys, like, a ice plunge.
Carvana Customer
I don't enjoy it. I actually hate the cold. But somebody told me it was good for me, and I'm pretty gullible and I believe people, so I started doing it, actually.
Stephen Colbert
How often do you do it?
Carvana Customer
Well, I haven't done it in a while now, but if I'm working, I have the sort of the ice bath thing outside my trailer, and everybody can watch me. No, I got a little tent, and I go in there, and it's set to 3 degrees Celsius. I don't know what that is in Fahrenheit.
Stephen Colbert
Not enough is what that is.
Carvana Customer
That's what.
Stephen Colbert
It's actually not enough.
Carvana Customer
You know, it's true. Because now that I've entered this world of ice bathing, I realize it's. It's a real community. And everybody tells me I'm not doing it right. Like, I went on this radio show and the guy was like, that's not an ice bath. Three degrees. It's like. It's gotta be like under one degree or whatever. And then Kate on Cate Blanchett, who's in the movie Black Bag, she's been doing it for a while. I just started doing it. So I was novice. What do you get out of it? She was like, you've gotta go up to the thyroid gland. And I was like, for God's sakes. Cause I'm doing it up to here.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, that's a piker.
Carvana Customer
I know.
Stephen Colbert
That's nonsense. If it's not past the nipples, you're not trying.
Carvana Customer
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stephen Colbert
You gotta be able to cut a diamond with those things. You gotta be able to tune in Radio Moscow with those things. This is London calling.
Carvana Customer
Yeah, yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Now. But why do you.
Carvana Customer
Three minutes.
Stephen Colbert
Why do you do it? Get to the point here.
Carvana Customer
Because somebody told me it was good for me, and I believed it. No, apparently it's good for longevity. And I've got to a certain sure age of. Longer.
Stephen Colbert
You could live longer. You could live longer. How long do you stay in usa?
Carvana Customer
Three minutes for three degrees. I was told that the degree it is, the minutes you stay in.
Stephen Colbert
That seems completely made up.
Carvana Customer
I know it's all made up because.
Stephen Colbert
If you hit it in Fahrenheit, then you have to stay in there for 37 minutes.
Carvana Customer
But I gotta say, you do feel better later, obviously, because it's horrible while you're in there, right?
Stephen Colbert
So, you know, I do this thing. I do this thing where I have somebody punch me in the face for three minutes.
Carvana Customer
That works. And it feels. I'm on camera. Well, you are, too.
Stephen Colbert
No, not the way you are now. Okay. As I said in 2014, you came on again. Let's show Frank here. You sang this in your fictional band for the movie. Frank, did you want to be a musician? Did you?
Carvana Customer
I did. I did, yeah. That was like.
Stephen Colbert
Did you play?
Carvana Customer
I did play. I started off with the tin whistle.
Stephen Colbert
I mean, that drives the girls crazy.
Carvana Customer
Sure does.
Stephen Colbert
I mean. Wait, who's that wailing on the tin whistle over there?
Carvana Customer
In the corner.
Stephen Colbert
That's sexy.
Carvana Customer
But with my back to everyone. Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Yes.
Carvana Customer
Jim Morrison style. And then I sort of wanted to play violin, but there was an accordion in the family, so I started playing the piano accordion, which was actually almost bigger than me. I remember my head just sort of kicked over the top. And then I, you know, got to guitar and I wanted to be a lead guitarist in a heavy metal band.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, heavy metal.
Carvana Customer
Okay. There you go. Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
You shred.
Carvana Customer
No, that was the problem. That's why I'm not a guitar studio.
Stephen Colbert
Did you at least great or did you nothing else?
Carvana Customer
You know, I had a lot of commitment to it and passion to it.
Stephen Colbert
That's half of it.
Carvana Customer
But I was just never good enough. And then I decided to be an actor because it's way easier.
Stephen Colbert
Yes. We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with more. Michael Fassbender, everybody.
IXL Learning Representative
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Stephen Colbert
Hey, everybody, we're back. We're back with Michael Fassbender. You got an upcoming film, Hope.
Carvana Customer
Yes.
Stephen Colbert
With your lovely wife Alicia Vikander. Right here. Working together. Have you collaborated before?
Carvana Customer
We kind of. Well, we got together on a movie called Light Between Oceans.
Stephen Colbert
Okay.
Carvana Customer
Because we were out in the middle of nowhere in New Zealand and there was nothing else to do, so we got together.
Stephen Colbert
Might as well act.
Carvana Customer
And it's worked.
Stephen Colbert
Might as well act.
Carvana Customer
It's worked.
Stephen Colbert
What's that like? Because you work together during the day and you're home together at night. Is that smooth sailing?
Carvana Customer
It works well, I have to say. Yeah. Yeah. Because I think, you know, we both understand what the job entails and we try and do. Like, if I'm working one job, she's at home, and then I'm at home. When she's working, does she do the ice baths? She does them, yeah. But not as regularly as I was doing it. But she's got into it as well.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah. How does she feel about it, this new lotion?
Carvana Customer
Well, she's very competitive. So If I do three minutes, she'll do three minutes, five seconds for three minutes, 10 seconds.
Stephen Colbert
It's important.
Carvana Customer
It's important.
Stephen Colbert
The important thing, I think a healthy marriage is to win.
Carvana Customer
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
Stephen Colbert
You must win.
Carvana Customer
That's exactly. At all costs. Yes, it's true. You got to keep losing, but that's good, too.
Stephen Colbert
Got a new film directed by Steven Soderbergh called Black Bag.
Carvana Customer
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
And as you said, co starring Cate Blanchett. What's it about?
Carvana Customer
It's basically, it's a spy, and it's about this couple, George and Kate. I play George and Kate plays Catherine, actually, rather her name is. And she is suspected of treason for our country. We work together in intelligence, and I've got to make the decision whether I stick to loyalty to her or my country.
Stephen Colbert
This is the second time you're playing a spy right now. Like you're in the agency, too, as a spy.
Carvana Customer
Yeah.
Stephen Colbert
Would you make a good spy? Is it easy for you?
Carvana Customer
I think I'd be a terrible spy, but hopefully I can pretend to be one. Yeah. I mean, I think they definitely would make the best actors because their lives depend on it. But I would, you know, I definitely wouldn't want to be a spy. And it was quite crazy. Because I did this film, and then a week later, I went straight on to the agency. But that's kind of different because he's more of a sort of, you know, spy out in the field. This guy George is more, you know, intelligence in the sort of engine room.
Stephen Colbert
I want to follow that. Spies would make good actors, but you wouldn't necessarily, even though you're a good actor, wouldn't make a good spy. Why the pressure, the fear of discovery? What is it that. Why. It's not reciprocal that way.
Carvana Customer
I think it's just too much hard work, I think.
Stephen Colbert
And acting is not hard work.
Carvana Customer
Well, I love it. And, you know, you get to go home after you're pretending, you know, I think. I think you never get to stop.
Stephen Colbert
Pretending when you're a spy. Second film with Soderbergh. Right?
Carvana Customer
Second film, and we did it was kind of a spy film. The last one I did as well, haywire. 15 years ago.
Stephen Colbert
That's a long time. Have you changed as an actor since then?
Carvana Customer
Probably. I think I've got worse.
Stephen Colbert
Why are you.
Carvana Customer
But I'm happier.
Stephen Colbert
Does sadness help with the acting?
Carvana Customer
I. No, I think I've changed as a person for sure. Okay. Because I've got, you know, a family now. Oh, how have you changed? I think that my priority is with, you know, for my family now. Whereas before, everything was about work.
Stephen Colbert
Oh, okay. Yeah. So nice to see you.
Carvana Customer
Thank you, Michael.
Stephen Colbert
Black Bag is in theaters March 14th. Michael Fassbender, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing.
Carvana Customer
If you want to see more of.
Stephen Colbert
Me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
Podcast Summary: "Michael Fassbender | Stop The Steel"
Podcast Information
1. Introduction and Opening Monologue
Stephen Colbert kicks off the episode with his signature blend of humor and sharp political commentary. He humorously addresses recent economic turbulence, referencing the stock market's volatility with a playful jab:
"The Dow has been fallen faster than Kelsey Grammer pretending I was a UN interpreter." [00:46]
2. Trump's Tariffs and Economic Impact
Colbert delves into the heart of the episode's main topic: President Donald Trump's implementation of sweeping tariffs on foreign steel and aluminum. He explains the immediate effects of these tariffs, highlighting the increased costs on everyday items:
"The price of a new car could increase by as much as $12,000." [02:02]
He further explores the broader implications, mentioning how tariffs extend beyond automobiles to products like beer cans, furniture, and even horseshoes. Colbert uses satire to emphasize the absurdity of the situation:
"Hello, flip flops. Just like every other time Trump announces a tariff." [04:20]
3. Immigration Policies and ICE Arrests
Shifting focus, Colbert criticizes the Trump administration's stringent immigration policies. He narrates a recent incident involving the wrongful arrest of a Palestinian activist, highlighting the chaos and lack of proper procedure:
"ICE agents arrested a Palestinian activist without presenting a warrant or any filed charges and whisking him to a detention facility in Louisiana without telling his pregnant wife." [06:20]
Colbert uses this example to underscore the administration's disregard for legal protocols and the human impact of such policies.
4. Satirical Commentary on Political Maneuvering
Throughout the monologue, Colbert employs satire to critique both Trump's policies and the media's portrayal of them. He references Rupert Murdoch's critical stance on the trade war and mocks the President's justifications:
"Trump is like a chicken that's being plucked at from all over the world." [04:50]
This section underscores the chaotic nature of the current administration's decisions and the resulting international tensions.
5. Introduction of Michael Fassbender
Transitioning from political satire, Colbert introduces the evening's guest, acclaimed actor Michael Fassbender. He reminisces about their previous encounter on the Colbert Report, setting the stage for a more personal and engaging conversation:
"I've wanted to talk to you as myself for a long time. I interviewed you once before at the Colbert Report in character." [12:32]
6. Conversation with Michael Fassbender
a. Personal Anecdotes and Ice Baths
Colbert and Fassbender engage in a lighthearted discussion about Fassbender's unconventional habit of ice bathing. Fassbender shares his initial reluctance and the humorous challenges he faced:
"I actually hate the cold. But somebody told me it was good for me, and I believed it." [16:35]
Colbert adds his comedic twist, paralleling ice baths with other extreme activities:
"You gotta be able to cut a diamond with those things. You gotta be able to tune in Radio Moscow with those things." [17:26]
b. Acting Career and Musical Interests
The conversation shifts to Fassbender's early aspirations in music and his journey into acting. He fondly recalls his attempts to master various instruments, highlighting the humorous side of his artistic endeavors:
"I started off with the tin whistle... and then I, you know, got to guitar and I wanted to be a lead guitarist in a heavy metal band." [18:24]
Colbert humorously contrasts Fassbender's musical pursuits with his acting career, emphasizing the latter's complexity and dedication.
c. Upcoming Film: "Black Bag"
Fassbender discusses his upcoming film "Black Bag," directed by Steven Soderbergh, and his collaboration with wife Alicia Vikander. He provides a brief synopsis, delving into the film's espionage theme and his character's moral dilemmas:
"It's a spy film... I play George and Kate plays Catherine. I have to make the decision whether I stick to loyalty to her or my country." [22:48]
Colbert probes into Fassbender's thoughts on portraying a spy, eliciting candid reflections on the parallels between acting and intelligence work:
"I think I'd be a terrible spy, but hopefully I can pretend to be one." [23:21]
7. Conclusion and Farewell
As the episode draws to a close, Colbert wraps up the conversation by highlighting Fassbender's personal growth and dedication to family over career. He promotes Fassbender's upcoming film and extends his gratitude to listeners:
"Black Bag is in theaters March 14th. Michael Fassbender, everybody." [25:00]
Colbert concludes with a friendly sign-off, inviting listeners to engage further through The Late Show's YouTube channel.
Notable Quotes:
Conclusion
In this episode of The Late Show Pod Show, Stephen Colbert masterfully intertwines political satire with engaging celebrity interviews. The discussion on Trump's tariffs provides insightful commentary on current economic policies, while the conversation with Michael Fassbender offers a glimpse into the actor's personal life and upcoming projects. The episode balances humor with substantive topics, making it an enriching listen for both regular fans and newcomers alike.