Transcript
DSW Announcer (0:02)
At dsw, we ask the important questions, like what shoes are you going to wear? Whether you're prepping for wedding season, festival season, or just planning the ultimate vacay, the right shoes can make or break an rsvp. So own the moment. You've got big plans and we've got just the shoes at the perfect price, of course. Get ready to get ready with Designer Shoe Warehouse. Head to your DSW store or dsw.com today and let us surprise you.
Progressive Insurance Announcer (0:30)
You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know yet. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average. Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates national average 12 month savings of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary.
Audience Member/Sidekick (1:11)
Welcome to the Late show.
Stephen Colbert (1:12)
I'm your host Stephen Colbert.
Audience Member/Sidekick (1:13)
It was a chilly day.
Stephen Colbert (1:19)
It was a brisk spring day here in New York, but you know where it's even colder in Spa. Take that shot. There's a big update from the heroes of the Artemis 2 lunar mission because the crew is officially heading home. That's great. Glad to hear that everything is working out. But how do I put this, fellas? Not a great time to return to Earth. You might want to take a couple laps around the parking lot till the explosions stop. These astronauts have already set up an incredible record traveling further from Earth than anyone before. Which means humanity finally has enough miles to reach diamond medallion status. Now we can all get under the moon's Sapphire Reserve Lounge. They have three kinds of citrus water and those little wasabi peas. At its farthest, the Artemis II reached 252,756 miles from Earth. Or as the New York Times helpfully put it this morning, if you took 22 inch dachshunds and laid them nose to tail, you'd need 728 million dogs to cover the distance. If you took one of the dachshunds on a brisk 3 mile per hour walk, you'd need to walk for more than 84,000 hours to get there. Man, Americans will do anything to not use the metric system. I don't know how many hectares is that The Artemis. I was wondering. I was wondering what sound that would make. The Artemis crew broke that distance record previously set by the Apollo 13 mission in 1970. Okay, but can you do that and make Meg Ryan fall in love with you in three different movies? I don't think so. Tom Hanks, still space king. The crew also sent home some just amazing pictures of the far side of the moon. Like this one, taken during a solar eclipse. Man, I don't think the moon could possibly look cooler. Wow. This next one might be the most striking. It's a beautiful Earth set. It looks like the moon is the Earth and the Earth is the moon. So I guess now we gotta do all the moon stuff, like controlling the tides and hitting your eye like a big pizza pie. Now turning to the war in Iran and turning back to more moon stuff.
