Sam Rockwell (Extended) | D.T. Phone Homan

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Sam Rockwell (Extended) | D.T. Phone Homan
Date: January 28, 2026

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode features a lively and revealing conversation between Stephen Colbert and acclaimed actor Sam Rockwell, known for roles in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, Galaxy Quest, and the new film Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die. The episode blends Colbert’s signature political satire—particularly around news headlines and the Trump administration—with the extended, playful, and personal interview with Rockwell. Listeners are treated to anecdotes about Rockwell's early New York days, acting career, thoughts on death, and a deep dive into cult movies and time travel.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Political Monologue & Topical Satire

[01:06–13:02]

• Colbert opens with humor-laced commentary on recent events in Minnesota, focusing on the withdrawal of federal officers and officials’ mismanagement, poking fun at Trump, Tom Homan, and others involved in border enforcement scandals.
• Satirical commentary on scandals involving Greg Bevino ("called Little Napoleon, is short as hell") and Kristi Noem's handling of political crises, blending pointed jibes with absurd humor:

  “Trump’s border czar and love child of Shrek and Mrs. Potato Head, Tom Homan.” — Stephen Colbert [02:24]

• Turns to Trump's health, referencing his slip-ups in interviews and the attempt to defend his physical fitness:

  “For the record, but off the record, have you ever wondered what it would look like if you watched a Clydesdale decompose in a Hefty bag?” — Colbert [06:01]

• Critique of the failed Melania Trump documentary, lampooning its empty theaters:

  “Now, usually, to see Trump bomb this hard, you’d have to be on a Venezuelan fishing boat.” — Colbert [12:26]

2. Weather, Lunar New Year, and Quirky News

[14:58–19:22]

• Colbert comments on extreme winter weather, trees "exploding" in Georgia, and the tradition of Groundhog Day with Punxsutawney Phil, including PETA’s bizarre call for a hologram replacement.
• Playful riff on the Chinese zodiac and viral “Accidental Crying Horse” toy, using these segments to reflect the absurdity and anxious energy of 2026.

3. Interview: Sam Rockwell

[21:51–38:13]

Sam’s New York Origins & Early Career

[22:09–24:25]

• Discusses spending childhood summers in New York, joining his mother (an actress) in theater, and his decision to move to NY at 18.
• Reminisces about early jobs:

  “I bussed tables. I was a bar back. I delivered burritos on a bicycle. I did a lot of stuff.” — Sam Rockwell [23:50]

• Shares a memory delivering burritos during the O.J. Simpson Bronco chase:

  “And the two women were like, ‘Come in. OJ’s fleeing.’ ...so that’s where I was when O.J. was fleeing.” — Rockwell [24:05]

Law & Order and Procedural TV Stories

[24:26–27:24]

• Both recall playing “the killer” on Law & Order, exchanging banter about their criminal roles.
• Rockwell recounts being an addict on NYPD Blue:

  "I got the wrong info about what drug it was... I was doing heroin... the director says, 'No, no, that's all wrong. You're smoking crack. You're meth.' ...And that's what I did. I drank a lot of coffee." — Sam Rockwell [27:05]

On New Film: Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die

[27:44–34:01]

• Colbert introduces the film:

  “You play a guy from the future who travels back in time to recruit a team… to prevent an AI apocalypse.” — Colbert [28:03]

• Rockwell describes his character as “the least qualified guy for the job.”
• Colbert jokes about whether it’s a first date, last date, or “date” movie, and favorite date movies—from Saving Silverman to Doctor Zhivago (the latter both declare “a last date movie”).

The ‘Thing’ Gift & Kurt Russell Stories

[29:30–32:14]

• Rockwell gifts Colbert a MacReady action figure from The Thing, creating a fanboy moment:

  “This is fantastic.” — Colbert [30:07] “It is my comfort movie.” — Colbert [30:17]

• Delightful exchange about ambiguous endings, legendary trivia:

  “Walt Disney’s last words… Kurt Russell.” — Colbert [31:54]

• On deathbed last words and facing mortality:

  “Do you have any thoughts on your deathbed words?” — Colbert [32:14]
  “Keith David?... Yeah, I think about it all the time. Sure.” — Rockwell [32:22]

Sci-Fi, Time Travel & Actor Lore

[33:34–36:25]

• Rockwell discusses taking acting direction and channeling influences:

  “I was trying to do like a Kurt Russell cool thing. [Director] said, ‘No, no. Too cool... go more like Christopher Lloyd, Robin Williams, Fisher King.’ He was right—it was pivotal.” — Rockwell [33:14]

• Lively discussion of time travel movies (Time After Time, Back to the Future, 12 Monkeys), and Colbert’s (playful) belief that none actually work:

  “There’s no time travel movie [that] works. …The one that works closest—I think the Time Turner from Harry Potter comes closest.” — Colbert [34:26]

Friendship, Fighting, and Double Features

[36:26–38:13]

• Anecdote about actors Ralph Richardson and Alec Guinness:

  “If you can’t punch your best friend, who can you punch?” — Colbert [36:25]

• Colbert and Rockwell joke about seeing the Melania doc as a double feature.
• Closes with mutual appreciation and in-jokes about acting, medication, and performing through adversity:

  “Show must go on.” — Rockwell [37:49]
  “Good luck, have fun, Don’t Die is in theaters February 13th!” — Colbert [38:13]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Lines (by Timestamp)

• [02:24] Stephen Colbert: “Trump’s border czar and love child of Shrek and Mrs. Potato Head, Tom Homan.”
• [06:01] Stephen Colbert: “Have you ever wondered what it would look like if you watched a Clydesdale decompose in a Hefty bag?”
• [12:26] Stephen Colbert: “Now, usually, to see Trump bomb this hard, you’d have to be on a Venezuelan fishing boat.”
• [23:50] Sam Rockwell: “I bussed tables. I was a bar back. I delivered burritos on a bicycle.”
• [24:05] Sam Rockwell: “OJ’s fleeing…that’s where I was when O.J. was fleeing.”
• [27:05] Sam Rockwell: “‘No, no, that’s all wrong. You’re smoking crack.’ … And that’s what I did. I drank a lot of coffee.”
• [28:03] Stephen Colbert: “You play a guy from the future who travels back in time to recruit a team… to prevent an AI apocalypse.”
• [30:17] Stephen Colbert: “It is my comfort movie.”
• [31:54] Stephen Colbert: “Walt Disney’s last words… Kurt Russell.”
• [32:22] Sam Rockwell: “Keith David? … Yeah, I think about it all the time. Sure.”
• [33:14] Sam Rockwell: “‘No, no. Too cool… go more like Christopher Lloyd, Robin Williams, Fisher King.’ … it was pivotal.”
• [34:26] Stephen Colbert: “There’s no time travel movie [that] works. …the Time Turner from Harry Potter comes closest.”
• [36:25] Stephen Colbert: “If you can’t punch your best friend, who can you punch?”
• [37:49] Sam Rockwell: “Show must go on.”
• [38:13] Stephen Colbert: “Good luck, have fun, Don’t Die is in theaters February 13th!”

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Highlight | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:06 | Colbert’s monologue on Minnesota & Trump admin critique | | 13:02 | Melania documentary’s box office bomb | | 14:58 | Extreme weather, Groundhog Day, and Lunar New Year | | 21:51 | Sam Rockwell interview begins | | 23:50 | Rockwell’s NYC “odd jobs” stories | | 27:05 | Acting on NYPD Blue: “Drank a lot of coffee” method | | 30:17 | Colbert’s love of The Thing | | 31:54 | “Walt Disney’s last words… Kurt Russell” | | 34:26 | Time travel movies debate | | 37:49 | “Show must go on” finale | | 38:13 | Closing with Rockwell and film plug |

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Tone & Style

The episode is rich with the Late Show’s witty, satirical tone—combining biting political humor with warm, fast-paced banter in the celebrity interview. Colbert’s interactions with Rockwell are especially engaging, revealing both their comic rhythm and mutual admiration for cult movies, acting, and pop culture oddities.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode is both a current events lampoon and a candid conversation with Sam Rockwell—full of showbiz anecdotes, offbeat humor, and lively debate about movies and mortality. Whether you’re tuning in for Colbert’s political perspective or for Rockwell’s charm and movie talk, it’s a wildly entertaining listen with plenty of memorable moments to quote (and plenty for movie and pop culture geeks to savor).

Transcript

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[A]

Welcome, welcome one and all to the Late Show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert. And tonight, tonight I want to take all that energy and I'm going to use it to offer another salute to the people of Minnesota who have stood up for each other in beautiful ways. These people have beautifully stood up for each other in the midst of the violence and fear mongering of this administration. And and today Minnesota officials announced that Trump is withdrawing federal officers from Minnesota. We don't know how many.

[B]

We don't.

[A]

Know when, we don't know how many, but I'm told we already have footage of one federal officer standing down. I will never pass up an opportunity to show that footage. Apparently, Trump learned that violent masked goons are not crowd pleasers. And he learned that from his most trusted advisor. Reportedly over the weekend. Working from the Oval Office, Trump watched as footage of the shooting of Alex Preddy played on repeat from Minneapolis as one insider described the situation. It's and POTUS knew he needed to un it. And Trump knows better than anybody if you don't un quick enough, you could end up with an Eric. So his big move. Big move. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to use bad words like Eric. His big move, his big move in beginning the uning, sending in Trump's border czar and love child of Shrek and Mrs. Potato Head, Tom Homan. Just to refresh your memory, though, it sounds like I don't need to. Tom Holman is not cool. He was the architect of Trump's family separation policy. And in 2024, he allegedly accepted 50 from an undercover FBI agent that was hidden in a bag from the Mediterranean fast casual restaurant Cava. So, downside, terrorizing families and maybe taking bribes. Upside, he brought hummus. Now that Holman's in, the old guard is out. Because reportedly, in response to the outrage over Alex Preddy's murder, the head border patrol thug in Minnesota, Greg Bevino, has lost his job as commander at large.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Another reminder. Greg Bevino has been accused of using racial profiling to round up Hispanic men, women, and children, created an enforcement strategy where officers jump out of unmarked rental vans to ambush immigrant day laborers, and he admitted to lying to justify deploying tear gas against protesters. As one source described his whole deal. He's a cowboy and it was a mess. Just like the Jon Bon Jovi song, I'm a cowboy. That's why I tear gassed your dad. But also I tear gassed your mind. The only downside to getting yanked from Minnesota is that yesterday we wrote this whole script about how Bevino, who's been called Little Napoleon, is short as hell. Now I'll never get to talk about how he looks like a little brother about to play paintball with the sixth graders or how he can barely see over the steering wheel or the fact that he got his coat off an American girl. $. Now. Now Bavino is on his way back to California, where he's expected to retire or possibly go back to his former job. Being the guy that you have to be taller than to ride the log flume. Yeah. Commander at large. Commander at large.

[B]

Generous.

[C]

Let's go.

[A]

Generous. You can dunk on him. It's not just Greg Bevino in trouble, cuz yesterday Trump held a late night crisis talk with Kristi Noem amid reports that her job is at serious risk. Why is her hat not big enough? I'm guessing Trump is coming down hard on Noem because she handled the response to Alex Preddy's murder with all the grace of a drunk Mr. Bean roller skating through a maternity ward. Also, she has been one of Bovino's biggest backers at dhs, and Noem has been the face of the administration's immigration crackdown. That face brought to you by Dr. Janus von Plumbenberg. You know his slogan, I went to medical school on a boat. All this stress can't be good for the president's health. Rumors have been swirling about all sorts of medical issues with him, so the White House recently agreed to a Trump interview with New York magazine titled At Stake Miller's Actual request, the Superhuman president. Yes, superhuman. Look up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Epstein's plane. Remember how he said it was going to release the Epstein files? Where are the. Unfortunately, the interview went sideways almost immediately when Trump said this about his father, Fred, at a certain age, about 86, 87, he started getting. What do they call it? Trump pointed to his forehead and looked to his press secretary for the word that escaped him, to which she responded, alzheimer's. Okay, not a great sign there. And I'm certainly not saying Donald Trump has Alzheimer's, but I feel like he definitely has. The reporter. He pressed Trump on whether he worries about his family's history of dementia. Trump played it cool, saying, I don't think about it at all. You know why? Because you already forgot the question. Is that why? After he was done defending his questionable brain, he turned to his unrefrigerated hand. Trump's been saying the bruise is from shaking so many hands. And during the interview, he added a fun new twist, blaming women's fingernails and rings, including one particularly nasty slice that came from a botched high five with Attorney General Pam Bondi. That is dumb. There's only one possible reason someone's hands should leave you with cuts. I was high fiving this troubled young man named Edward. Real quiet fellow, crazy hair, pale face, lives up on a hill, makes beautiful topiary art. I can see. I can see why Winona Ryder just loves the fellow. Trump and his gaggle of sycophants really tried to talk up his physical fitness. For example, his former doctor, now Congressman Ronny Jackson, told a story about seeing the President on a treadmill, saying Trump was wearing gym shorts and a T shirt and, quote, he looked like an athlete. For the record, but off the record, have you ever wondered what it would look like if you watched a Clydesdale decompose in a Hefty bag? Now, one thing, one thing paints a picture. That paints a picture. One thing that makes it hard to believe the story that Donald Trump is the fittest man ever to live is that he keeps falling asleep in public. But Caroline Levitt had an answer for that, too. When the President rests his eyes, he's actually, quote, actively listening. Sure, that's super believable. Just like that herbal tea mascot, the Actively Listening Bear. He's totally alert, and definitely, He's definitely going to remember to put out that fire. So Trump has not had the best week. He's Also facing a lawsuit claiming it's illegal for him to build his big beautiful ballroom. So this weekend he posted all of the structural steel windows, doors, AC heating equipment, marble, stone, precast concrete, bulletproof windows, glass, anti drone roofing and much more has been ordered or is ready to be. And there is no practical or reasonable way to go back. It's too late. Adding stoppage of construction at this late date when so much has already been ordered and done would be devastating to the White House, our country and all concerned. That's right. Yes, it is sad. Yes, it's devastating to all concerned. Mother. Mother, why are you crying? Oh, sweet child. There's been a construction stoppage on the President's golden brunch venue. Fetch me my shawl, fill my pockets with stones and roll me into the river. Thank you. I was just. Thank you. I'm an actor. I'm really an actor. This is just a gig for a dec. Hi, Carly. Other members of the Trump family aren't doing much better. The new Melania documentary hits theaters on Friday. It's a. It's a. Oh, no, no. It looks fantastic. It's a real peek behind the curtain at a woman picking out curtains. She. Today was it today.

[C]

She did this.

[A]

Today she went on the Fox and Friends to hype it up. This story was never told before.

[B]

So the audience will see me how.

[A]

I manage my business, my philanthropy, family.

[B]

Preparation for the inauguration, and also establishing.

[A]

The East Wing for the White House. Madam First Lady, I have some terrible news. Let's just say the East Wing no longer be best or. Or be there. Amazon bribed a whopping $40 million for the movie and an additional $35 million for marketing, promotion and distribution. So, big box office, right? Wrong. Social media has been flooded with images of theaters in major cities that haven't sold a single. And estimates are that this $75 million movie would make only 1 or 2 million in its opening weekend. Now, usually, to see Trump bomb this hard, you'd have to be on a Venezuelan fishing boat. We checked. I know we checked. And here in New York City, where Melania lived and worked and socialized for decades in Trump's hometown, on Saturday night of opening weekend at The Regal and AMC Times Square Cinemas, there are two 7:30 showings with exactly zero tickets purchased. That's the crossroads of the world. It's literally the busiest blocks on the planet. Zero tickets sold to the amc. That must be heartbreaking for the First Lady. But on the plus side, hot break.

[B]

Feels good in a place like this.

[A]

We got a great show for you tonight.

[B]

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[A]

Folks, right now. I don't have to tell you this country is in winter's icy grip and the big freeze isn't over yet. 173 million Americans are under extreme cold warnings now. Extreme cold warnings are like regular cold warnings, except they come in Baja Blast temperatures have been so frigid in Georgia that trees are exploding. Take a look. You can read all about it in the children's book the Giving Tree 2. You thought you were sad before. This time it explodes, But I'd like to address these trees directly. Trees, listen up. Maybe you wouldn't explode if you just let out your feelings every so often. Like the weeping willows, they cry and express themselves. They don't explode at Thanksgiving dinner 15 years from now when someone just casually mentions the mashed potatoes were a little gummy. This historic cold means there's never been a more crucial time to hear from America's foremost meteorologist, Punxsutawney Phil. Every year on February 2nd. Check your calendars to see when that is in your area. He forecasts the next six weeks of weather for the entire world. I don't know. Western Pennsylvania. It's unclear at this point. Whatever. America's magical weather predicting rodent is now under threat because PETA wants to replace Punxsuttoni Phil with a hologram. Stop it. Stop being party poopers, PETA. For 139 years, Americans have relied on a weather prediction system where townspeople get tanked at local bars, then gather in large numbers to harass a specially selected ground vermin and based on the direction it runs in terror, decide whether we're getting six more weeks of trees blowing up. Okay. It's called science. Also, this event is the only thing propping up our national top hat industry. If Punxsutawney Phil goes, all we've got left is Punxsutawney slash. PETA sent a letter requesting that Phil be replaced with what they call a dazzling 3D projection so that Phil and his family can retire to a reputable sanctuary. Any chance that reputable sanctuary is a farm up state run Phil? Of course, replacing meteorologists with optical illusions is nothing new. We all remember the success the Today show found when they replaced Al Roker with a magic eye poster. But you know what? I'll bite y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

Let's take a look at these two AI generated Phils. One for six more weeks of winter, that looks like Phil is haunting us from his reputable sanctuary. And another for early spring that looks like he moved from Gobbler's Knob to Gobbler's Coachella. And there's another winter holiday on the horizon for all y'. All. For many Asian cultures, lunar New year is this. February 17th. In Chinese astrology, this year is the year of the horse. But not any old horse. According to the Chinese calendar, 2026 is the year of the Fire Horse. Or as they say in Chinese. I don't. I don't. Actually, I don't. Pretty sure that's not Chinese, but I gotta say, that is metal as hell. Almost as metal as 1990, which was the year of the metal Horse. Or as they say in Chinese, metal horse. Chinese is not English that you yell. The hot toy. This lunar New Year In China is a new stuffed animal. They're calling it the Accidental Crying Horse toy. That little guy right there is the perfect symbol for how it feels in 2026. We're sad and we're soft, but we're still hoping we can sleep with you. Apparently, the horse wasn't supposed to be frowning. A shop worker accidentally sewed the horse's smile upside down. Well, it turns out everybody loves it. The sad horse went viral on social media, and the shop decided to produce more of the defective toy. Yes, just like we just like we love Punxsutawney Phil. China loves emotionally troubled horses. Or as they say in Chinese, emotionally troubled horse. We'll be right back with Sam Rockwell, everybody. Right now, get up to 20% off select online storage solutions put heavy duty HDX totes to good use, protecting what's important to you. The solid impact resistant design prevents cracking, and the clear base and sides make items easy to find even when the totes are stacked. Find select online shelving and tote storage up to 20% off at the Home Depot. To organize every room in your home.

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[B]

I have experienced this night over and over again. Each time with a different combination of people in the Steiner. And every time we have failed. I have held some of you in my arms and watched the very life flicker from your eyes. Some of you I even consider family. I've done this so many times. I know some of you better than you know yourselves. Hey, Nancy Delaney and Charles Roberts here on your first date. Charles thought Norms was the right call. Nancy's been planning her exit for 20 minutes. Neither one of you have ever joined my revolution and made it out of the Steiner alive. Excuse me, You. Oh, no, no, no, no. You are the least useful person I've ever met. 29 times you've raised your hand to join my revolution. 29 times you've been a albatross around my neck. You got a bad knee, Gerald. Figure it out.

[A]

Please welcome back to the Late Show, Sam Rockwell. I Admire. I admire a guest who hydrates right away. Good for you.

[B]

Are there electrolytes in here?

[A]

What?

[B]

Are there electrolytes in here?

[A]

That's what you call it.

[B]

Hey, hello.

[A]

There you go. It's always nice. I always enjoyed talking to you. It was nice to have a New Yorker stop by. You spent a lot of time especially, I understand, early part of your career, but also your childhood. This was like New York was like summer camp.

[B]

That's right, yeah.

[A]

How was it you came out here?

[B]

I came out here in the summertime to visit my mom and I started doing theater with my mom.

[A]

Oh, that's nice. She was an actress.

[B]

She was an actress. My dad was for a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And then he became sort of a political guy a little bit. It was sort of union organizing and stuff like that.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so when, when did you decide to come back here and make it a permanent thing for you?

[B]

I just decided when I was 18 to come out and try it out, you know, and wow, what's so 18.

[A]

Year old trying to make it as an actor in New York? Were you not overwhelmed by New York at all? When I was 21, I came out here. I was audition.

[B]

What did you do? Where'd you audition?

[A]

I auditioned for nyu, for the graduate program. Graduate program. I came and. I mean, did you get in? I got in, but I didn't come because New York freaked me out.

[B]

Was it the classical department? Was it the experimental theater wing? Or was it.

[A]

I don't know, man.

[B]

Oh, you didn't come?

[A]

No, I didn't come. I declined their kind offer.

[B]

Why?

[A]

How come? Cause New York freaked me out.

[B]

No, no, it was great.

[A]

I was walking through Chinatown and someone like a cop car went on the sidewalk in front of me. They grabbed a guy, threw him on the hood, cuffed him and dragged him away.

[B]

And that was it for you?

[A]

I'm not moving here.

[B]

And that was probably just an episode of NYPD Blue or something.

[A]

It could have been. Yeah. Yeah, we'll get to it. We'll get to it in just a second. So when you first started off here, how did you make ends meet? Cause I love hearing the early stories of like how you paid the rent.

[B]

I bussed tables. I was a bar back. I delivered burritos on a bicycle. I did a lot of stuff.

[A]

Burritos on a bicycle. Great way to see the city.

[B]

Great way to see the city.

[A]

Meet a lot of people.

[B]

Except if the brakes don't work after it rains. Yeah, you meet a lot of People. That's great.

[A]

Who did you mostly deliver to?

[B]

I delivered to everybody, but one time I went into this house, and the two women were like, come in. OJ's fleeing. And the white bronco was on the television, and I said, your burrito's 1099. And so that's where I was. When O.J. was fleeing. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

[A]

Guess we all remember where we were.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

When O.J. was fleeing. Okay. My understanding is that you. You. You did the rite of passage for every young actor.

[B]

I did.

[A]

You did Law and Order.

[B]

Twice.

[A]

Twice. Okay, here we got. We got a couple.

[B]

We got a couple of these pictures.

[A]

Here's. Here's one.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Are you a good guy here? You're a cop?

[B]

I'm just obviously a scumbag. Yes. Like a bad cop.

[A]

You were a bad cop?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And who's this guy? Is this a bad preppy or something?

[B]

Yeah, that's a. That's a bad. That's a longshoreman who went preppy.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Are you.

[A]

Were you ever the killer?

[B]

I was the killer.

[A]

I was the killer, too.

[B]

You were?

[A]

Yeah, on Law and Order.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Law and Order. Criminal Intent.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

How did you kill people? Do you remember how you killed your victim?

[B]

You know, I don't. How did you kill your victim?

[A]

With a lie bomb in the mail.

[B]

Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. That's diabolical.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was also a forger.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Afterwards, they said we thought of you when we wrote it.

[B]

How'd you feel about that?

[A]

A little troubled. A little troubled. But I needed the work.

[B]

Sure. Of course.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Of course. Of course. Yeah. Now, you know.

[A]

Did you. Any of the other procedurals? Because there's so many.

[B]

I did NYPD Blue.

[A]

Oh, that's cool.

[B]

You did the Equalizer. You know, remember the Equalizer? The. The TV show.

[A]

Original Equalizer. Not the one with Queen Latifah? No, that one. That would have been great for you to do that.

[B]

Not that one. No, the original one with Riverd Woodward.

[A]

Okay. Did that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And what did you do on that one?

[B]

My character's name was Slick.

[A]

Typecast.

[B]

There you go. Guess what I did with my hair.

[A]

What'd you do with your hair?

[B]

I slicked it back.

[A]

Because, you know what? You understood the assignment, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Exactly. So go back to NYPD Blue. What did you do there? Who were you that.

[B]

Were you. The bad guy there threw me on the. On a. On a truck of a car.

[A]

What an honor.

[B]

It was an honor.

[A]

Was it in Chinatown?

[B]

It was. It was A little dangerous. It might have been, pal. Yeah, yeah. And almost broke my thumb. But he was very, very sweet about it. Yeah, he was very nice about it. Yeah.

[A]

And what was your character? What was this?

[B]

I was supposed to be an addict, but the director. I got the wrong info about what drug it was. So I was doing. I was doing heroin and I was kind of like doing, you know, you're on the knot. Kind of like. Yeah, on the knot. You know, scratching and stuff. And the director's. No, no, that's all wrong.

[A]

You.

[B]

You're smoking crack. You're meth.

[A]

It's high.

[B]

It's cocaine. I was like, oh, okay, okay, no problem. And I was sweating bullets. I go in my honey wagon. I call my acting coach. I'm like, what do I do? He's like, drink a lot of coffee. And that's what I did. I drank a lot of coffee. And then I was like, doing whatever that was.

[A]

Whatever coffee was.

[B]

No, whatever the crack cocaine impediment was. I tried to do that.

[A]

Oh, I understand.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I'm not into that scene. I'm flattered, but I'm not into that song. Okay.

[B]

Okay. Thank you.

[A]

It's one of the reasons I didn't move to New York.

[B]

Well, Chinatown really freaked you out.

[A]

It really. It really did, man. It really did. Okay. The new film. We saw the little clip there in the intro. Good luck, have fun. Don't die. Which is a great title.

[B]

I'm very happy to be here with you. I just want.

[A]

Oh, so happy to have you. Nice to be here.

[B]

Very happy with you. Very, very happy.

[A]

I'm a big fan.

[B]

Very happy.

[A]

You play a guy from the future who travels back in time to recruit a team.

[B]

Yes, indeed.

[A]

To prevent an AI Apocalypse.

[B]

Yes, that's right. Okay. That's right. So he's the least qualified guy for the job. He's at the bottom of the list.

[A]

Has everyone else been tried? Is that what's going on?

[B]

Don't give away the. Well, Christopher Lloyd, you know, I don't know.

[A]

Oh, okay. That's nice.

[B]

Who else?

[A]

Christopher Lloyd's in it.

[B]

Brad Pitt in 6:12.

[A]

I thought you meant Christopher Lloyd was in the character document. Doc. Is it a great crossover?

[B]

That would be a great crossover. Yeah. We were channeling a lot of that stuff.

[A]

Yes. It hits theaters February 13th. Is this a. That's Valentine's Weekend.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Is it a first date movie?

[B]

It could be.

[A]

Is it? Sam, let me ask you this. Is it a last date?

[B]

It might Be. You don't know.

[A]

Is it a date movie?

[B]

It's a very good date movie. Very good date movie.

[A]

Do you have a favorite date movie? Do you have a date movie you've taken like, that was a good date.

[B]

Saving Silverman. I don't know. What about that one?

[A]

Yeah, it was okay.

[B]

That's a good movie. Yeah, yeah. Dr. Zhigo.

[A]

Dr. Zhivago. That's a long, straight movie. So. Oh, my God.

[B]

That's a last date.

[A]

That's a last date movie.

[B]

Exactly. Speaking of sci fi, I got some. What? Lunch.

[A]

What are you. Why are you grabbing my leg? What are you doing?

[B]

Something back here?

[A]

Are you looking that. Is that. There's. Do you want that?

[B]

Oh, that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I've not been. I was told that was there and not told what it is.

[B]

Leftover lunch. I. I got you.

[A]

What did you get me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is this for me for real? Yeah, yeah, this is.

[B]

I watched one of your episodes this week.

[A]

You got me. You got me a action figure.

[B]

Yeah, it opens up from the thing.

[A]

For Steven for those dark nights. Love, Sammy and Childs. Okay, this is the Thing. This is the thing. This is Matt.

[B]

That's Kurt Russell's.

[A]

Kurt Ricker's character. MacCready.

[B]

Matt. Big deal.

[A]

I mean, and look at all the different heads he comes with. He comes with all these different heads.

[B]

He's got whiskey, too.

[A]

Yeah, he's got whiskey.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's scotch. It's a JB Scotch, if you know. And he's got different hand. He's got like kung fu grip and everything. Yeah, yeah. This is fantastic.

[B]

It's great, isn't it? I'm a fan of the Thing, too. I'm a huge.

[A]

Oh, it is my favorite. It is my comfort movie.

[B]

Me too. Me too. I took my mother to see it in the theater.

[A]

Thank you. This is lovely.

[B]

Of course. Of course.

[A]

A little hint to the other guests who come on the show.

[B]

There you go. What is this, Childs? Was the Thing.

[A]

Okay, for those of you who may not know, at the end of the Thing, as the camp is burning down around them as they've tried to kill the Thing. Spoiler. The thing, which can assume any sort of living form that it wants. It might be Childs, who's played by Keith David.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or it might be Mac, who's played by Kurt Russell. But how are we supposed to know that from this scene?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But I asked John Carpenter. I said, is there an answer? Is child's. The Thing was a Little question. He goes, there is an answer. And I said, I don't want to know what it is. And I said, but I just don't want to know that. If I watch the film, can I know what that answer is just by watching? And he said, yes. And I asked Kurt Russell. I told Kurt Russell that story. Out of the hemisphere.

[B]

How do you know?

[A]

He said, bull. You can't know. And I said, carpenter says, you know, typical Kurt. Yeah, typical.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you worked. Have you worked with him?

[B]

No, I haven't. I had a chance. I really, you know.

[A]

You had a chance and you blew it.

[B]

Yeah, you blew it. I worshiped Kurt Russell. Yeah, of course.

[A]

In fact, the computer wore tennis shoes.

[B]

Absolutely. Yes, absolutely.

[A]

World's Greatest Athlete.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

That's another one of his Disney movies.

[B]

There you go. Oh, that's when he was younger. That's right.

[A]

He was younger.

[B]

Earlier. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That happened. Yeah. That checks out. That checks out. You know the story about him and Disney, right? That story?

[B]

No, I don't know that story, but I know he was a young Disney actor.

[A]

Walt Disney's last words.

[B]

What'd he say?

[A]

Kurt Russell.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

It's a rumor that his last words were Kurt Russell and no one knows why.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I might just, for Schnick, say that on my deathbed.

[B]

Or MacReady or McCReady.

[A]

Mack, you know, say McCReady. Yeah. Or Sam Rockwell.

[B]

Hey, there you go. Now you're talking.

[A]

Do you have any thoughts on your deathbed words? Do you ever think about dying? Sam Rockwell?

[B]

Keith David? Maybe that's what I would say.

[A]

Keith David.

[B]

No. I mean, yeah, I think about it all the time. Sure. Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Good. Yeah.

[A]

I knew.

[B]

You knew that.

[A]

I sensed it.

[B]

You sensed that?

[A]

I've seen your performance.

[B]

You saw the fear.

[A]

At a certain moment. There's a little bit of backbeat of pain in everything that you do.

[B]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[A]

Any way you want to die.

[B]

I want to die.

[A]

I've only got four months of the show left. I'm trying to get pretty deep pretty fast with everybody.

[B]

How do you. On live tv.

[A]

On live tv. It's not live. If you don't like the answer, we'll cut it out. What? What. What is. Just shoot from the hip, okay? Don't think about it. How do you want to die?

[B]

I think the typical way is to painless in your sleep or something.

[A]

Okay. How do you not want to die?

[B]

I don't want to die. Eaten by a thousand rats in like, you know, underground or Something.

[A]

No to that. That's on the not list.

[B]

No. In fact, you know, when I got together with Gore Verbinski the first time, I was playing this character almost a little like Kurt Russell. I was trying to do like a Kurt Russell cool thing. And he said, no, no, no, too cool, too cool. We gotta go more like, you know, Christopher Lloyd, Robin Williams, Fisher King. And he was right. It was a pivotal moment for the.

[A]

Sure. Cause you get a sense of what the post apocalyptic future is like.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

By looking at you.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Right. You look at that character and you're like, I want no part of that.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Do you like time? Do you like time travel?

[B]

I love time travel movies. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I'm very fascinated by time travel.

[B]

Time after time. Sure. H.G.

[A]

Oh, that's a really good one. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's the same guy who directed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Star Trek 2.

[B]

Oh, is that right? Wrath of Khan.

[A]

With Wrath of Khan. He did Wrath of Khan too.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. David Warner's in that, plays Jack the Ripper. Great. And then, you know, obviously Back to the future and 12 months. Yeah. What else?

[A]

Almost none of them work, though.

[B]

Okay, so tell me about. You're a cynic about that.

[A]

I'm not a cynic. I just have.

[B]

You're a scientist.

[A]

I just have my ears on. You know what I mean? Like, I keep my head on a swivel. I watch the six on that one.

[B]

Poke some holes.

[A]

Oh, there's almost. There's. I can't. There's no time travel movie works. There are conflicts. Are the only. The closest one, in my opinion. Okay, I should really do a podcast about this. Tell me I should do a podcast called About Time where I just have people come on and argue with me that some time travel movie works and I spend the entire thing arguing with them. It doesn't work. The one that works closest. The one that works closest. Because we could. It could run for years. There's so many of them. I think the Time Turner from Harry Potter is. Comes closest. Her mind. Time Turner comes. You haven't seen it? No, they're quality. Is that a prequel films? What is that a prequel? No, that's a real Harry Potter. That's one of the Harry Potter. So you are familiar with the Harry Potter series? Series of instructional videos. Have you not seen those? Have you not read any of them?

[B]

I have.

[A]

And you haven't seen any of them?

[B]

I haven't seen any of them.

[A]

And you call yourself a human. How could you not have seen them? Just by accident. Hey, man, we were. We were getting along. We were talking about the thing. We're still getting along. You would fight with your friends?

[B]

This is going south.

[A]

You never fight with your friends. It's fun to fight with friends, isn't it?

[B]

It is fun.

[A]

One of my favorite stories.

[B]

Shut up.

[A]

One of my favorite stories. One of my favorite stories of any actor's ever. You ever heard about Ralph? I think it was Ralph Richardson and Alec Guinness. Because they were both like Ealing. No, they were just on. They were at probably Pinewood Studios or something like that. And then they were studio actors and they each had offices and everything. And Ralph Richardson walks into Alec Guinness office, and Alec Guinness stands up to greet his friend and Richardson clocks him.

[C]

Why?

[A]

Down he goes. And Alkanez goes, why didn't you punch me? And he had an argument with the director. And he goes, and I couldn't punch him, and I had to punch someone. And he said, and if you can't punch your best friend, who can you punch? So I'm just saying, Sam, there's some truth to that.

[B]

I hear you, man.

[A]

What do you want to talk about? I've gone on. It's been a lot about me. I want to talk more about you. Obviously, the movie looks fantastic. Everyone's going to go see the movie.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

Double feature with Melania. Everyone's going to see that movie.

[B]

Wow. That's a real movie.

[A]

That's a real movie that actually happened.

[B]

Yeah. That's crazy. Is it still out?

[A]

Yeah, it hasn't.

[B]

Is it an image?

[A]

Hasn't opened yet, but I think it's closed. Do you want to go together? Is it an image? There's tickets available.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like this. Like that imax. Yeah, exactly. It's in scratch and sniff. Yeah, it's in that 4D where they squirt like ice pickle juice out and stuff.

[B]

Scratches stiff Ice Follies.

[A]

I wouldn't mind seeing that.

[B]

I would see that on ice.

[A]

I'd see that on fire.

[B]

That's.

[A]

What do we do now? What do we do now? How many minutes ago did the cameras turn off? I'm sorry, I just. I'm gonna throw it. Problem? I got a little bit of throat problem tonight. And I took six Methopregnazone before the show tonight. And I would fight a tiger being written by Jesus. Right? Did you really? Oh, buddy.

[B]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[A]

I know. Oh, you could. Like, I'd still keep coming at you.

[B]

Oh, I know.

[A]

I know. You know what I'm talking about.

[B]

I know. Exactly.

[A]

So must go on.

[B]

Show must go on. Good for you.

[A]

Yeah, thanks, man.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That'll jack you up.

[A]

That will.

[B]

You could do some jack palance, like one arm push ups.

[A]

You know what I could do right now? I could be on NYPD Blue playing a guy on crack cocaine right now is what I could do. I could call him up. You wouldn't be call him up. You want to do some push ups?

[B]

You wouldn't be nodding off.

[A]

You want to do some push ups right now?

[B]

You wouldn't be nodding off?

[A]

No. Good luck, have fun, Don't Die is in theaters February 13th. Sam Rockwell, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to the late show you YouTube channel for more clips, exclusives. I'm like a lion. You're the prey.

[B]

I can sense it.

[A]

Wade Wilson killed two women.

[B]

Now streaming on Paramount plus. I use my charm. Use my good looks.

[A]

The gripping new documentary of how a murderer's killer charm.

[C]

Women were absolutely enthralled with him.

[A]

He got an army of wives. He's the ultimate bad boy. Became a social media frenzy.

[B]

A rage overcomes me.

[A]

When I get that way, I become the devil.

[B]

Handsome devil.

[A]

Charming killer.

[B]

Now streaming on Paramount plus. The new era of UFC on Paramount plus continues. Live from Australia, featherweight champ Alexander Volkanovski.

[A]

He is an animal.

[B]

Defense is built at home in an.

[A]

Explosive rematch against Diego Lopez. You gotta be Kennedy. And the always dangerous Dan Hooker throws.

[B]

Down with powerhouse Ben Wasington in a.

[A]

High action lightweight showdown.

[B]

There's never been anything like this.

[A]

UFC 325, Saturday, January 31st, only on Paramount Plus.