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- [00:01]
Tommy Morrissey
I've been counted out, dismissed, passed over, told I'd never be a golfer with just one arm. But the only thing that feels better than proving people wrong is out driving them. I'm 14 year old golfer Tommy Morrissey and I want to be remembered for my ability as a champion.
- [00:17]
Bank of America
Partner of the Masters. Bank of America supports everyone determined to find out what's possible in golf and in life. What would you like the power to do? Bank of America bank of America NA Member FDIC Copyright 2025 bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved.
- [00:30]
IXL Learning
As a parent, you want to give your child every opportunity to succeed. But let's be honest, sometimes homework questions leave us stumped or we wish they had it a bit more challenging when they're ahead in class. That's where IXL Learning can help IXL is an online learning program that supports kids from Pre K to 12th grade in math, language arts, science and social studies. It's designed to help kids truly master topics while keeping learning fun and engaging. Whether your child is catching up, staying on track or aiming to get ahead, IXL offers personalized learning to meet their needs. Plus it saves you time and money. No more searching for multiple tutors or programs. IXL is like having everything you need in one place. The best part? It's backed by research. Kids using IXL consistently score higher on tests and it works for all kids, no matter their grade or learning style. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. so you know it's the real deal. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixlearning.com audio visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.
- [01:47]
Stephen Colbert
Please have a seat. My friends. Welcome one and all to the Late Show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert and I want to thank you. Friends, please save your energy. I'd like to begin by wishing you all a happy Easter. Because this year, especially this year, easter is on 420 this Sunday. He is risen and you is high. So how did these two sacred holidays fall on the same day? Well, the long answer is Easter always falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon that follows the vernal equinox. You can remember it with this simple full moon before equinox. Don't move. Jesus rocks. Equinox before moon. He will rise soon. Also. Also thank you. And also with you Easter and 420 seem like a natural pairing because whoever came up with our Easter traditions was definitely stoned. Okay, okay. No, no, no, listen. No. This is how we're gonna celebrate Jesus being alive again. You know, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. And then there's gonna be a rabbit. And he is huge. Okay? He wears a bow tie. I don't know why he's got a bow tie. And he lays eggs. And they're not normal eggs. They're not the normal eggs. They're not the normal eggs you expect to come out of a rabbit. They're like all kinds of colors and they're filled with chocolate. Also, everything is candied, even the ham. Today you're gonna do it. That was my character. That was my character. Stone guy. Today. Today, Trump met in the Oval Office with Italian prime minister and tough as nails attorney in the new Paramount plus legal drama forest lawyer Giorgia Maloney. Maloney is a right wing populist and hopes were pretty high in Europe that she could ease the tariff tensions with the United States because she's seen as something of a Trump whisperer. Of course, around Trump, the main thing to whisper is you're going to want to give it some time before you go in there. Okay? Maybe use the downstairs bathroom. The two leaders held a standard press conference, couch cramming. And Meloni answered some answers in Italiano. That was so beautiful.
- [04:25]
Bank of America
What the hell was.
- [04:27]
Stephen Colbert
What did she say? Please? No, I mean, it sounded great. It was beautifully presented. No, it sounded great. It was beautifully presented. I'll have the same thing she ordered, but double meatball, double parm. Things went so well that they planned a second plate. Meloni announced that Trump has accepted her invitation to come to Italy for an official visit. And Trump is going to blend right in with the Italians because he looks like a pile of prosciutto with a little spaghetti on top. Speaking of food. Oh, that sounds good.
- [05:03]
Bank of America
You can go for that.
- [05:04]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, I can go for that. Speaking of foods you don't want to eat, thanks to massive new proposed budget cuts at Health and Human Services, the FDA may have to stop routine inspections at food facilities. So look out for exciting new products like Tyson's tangy buffalo beaks and thumbs. Yeah, enough sauce, you'll never know. The proposed HHS cuts would also eliminate programs that treat drug abuse and mental health. Thankfully, HHS Secretary RFK Jr. Has already spoken out powerfully on those issues. He offered me some lsd. I wouldn't have taken it, but I had a real deep, intense interest in paleontology. And I said to this guy, I said, if I take this, will I see dinosaurs? And he said, you might. See, we don't need any more funding. We've already got a new anti drug campaign for young people. Just say no unless you want to see dinosaurs. This is all all on top of the extreme cuts RFK Jr has already made, including firing the folks who stop stores from selling tobacco to minors. As one HHS official put it, these cuts are great for middle school smokers. Oh, man, those kids already have it all. Lockers by the bathroom, a Zippo with a skull on it, fingerless gloves, and a weird relationship with the janitor. He's got the acid that makes you see dinosaurs. It was the 70s. HHS is also actively trying to make health officials dumber. They've halted efforts to collect data on everything from cancer rates in firefighters to outbreaks of drug resistant gonorrhea. Which means soon the only source of Data will be TLC's sexy new reality show, Drug Resistant Gonorrhea Island. Tanya, our time in the fantasy suite was magical. Will you accept this swab? And that's just the tip of the cutberg. Over at the National Weather Service, they're expected to drop at least 300 more employees as severe storm season ramps up. What? No, you can't do that. Storm season is when we need the weather people the most. You can't just hope some hot guy named Tyler with incredible abs and uncanny storm chasing abilities is going to roll up in his truck. And at first you think he's kind of a jerk, but then you fall in love. Even though for some reason you never kiss each other. Because that's not real life. That's twisters, which will soon be the only programming on the Weather Channel. Save us, Glen Powell. Your only hope. Thankfully, scientists are working hard to squeeze in a few more discoveries before science ends forever. And today we got a really big one. Today, astronomers have detected a possible signature of life on a distant planet. Now. Cool, right? But before you get too excited, scientists are cautioning that further studies are needed. With one astronomer saying. I'm not screaming. Aliens. Why not? Aliens. We found aliens. Look how excited they are. Please, please, aliens. Take us to your leader. We don't have one anymore. This raises so many questions. What form of alien life did we find? What if aliens think we're not cool and don't want to hang out with us? Or worse, what if they aren't cool and do want to hang out with us? Hello, Earthling. Sorry it took me so long to get Here. I was going to approach your solar system around Neptune, but there was construction in the Kuiper Belt. So I ended up taking the service ring around Saturn, which is technically longer, but it got here faster than if I took the shorter way. Do you know there are five types of denim? I used to be in Glee Club. Let me tell you about this dream I had last night. The planet awkward, socially awkward alien is who that is. The planet where we found signs of life is outside our solar system and is known as K2 18B, named for the famed 18th century astronomer Johannes K18B. So what were the signs of life? Astronomers looking at K2 18b discovered high levels of dimethyl sulfide, which on Earth has only one known living organisms such as marine algae, which is famous for adding to the sea's distinctive odor. So it's space farts. You know. You know what they say. You know what they say. He who smelt it detected a possible signature of alien life on a distant planet. By the way, the sea's distinctive odor still the worst selling Axe body spray. Speaking of space, it's been three days since Jeff Bezos blue origin rocket took an all female celebrity crew to space. Or did it? Because now conspiracy theorists claim that the Blue Origin space mission was fake. I don't know if I believe that. Maybe Kubrick could fake the moon landing, but you could never fake Gayle King's sheer terror. Here's why. Do it. Do it for Oprah. Here's why these Internet sleuths think the launch was fake. They claim that, quote, spacecraft typically require outward opening doors to protect passengers from pressurization upon reentry. But in the video of the landing before Bezos opened the door from the outside, it briefly opened from the inside before being shut again. Okay, that's either the smoking gun proving this is all a ruse, or just the natural reaction anyone would have seeing Jeff Bezos shut the door. Shut it. Help me, you bastards. He's coming. Oh, my God. His shiny head. Penises shouldn't have arms. No surprise this dumb theory has been completely debunked. Because since Apollo 1, it has been standard practice to ensure the doors open from both sides. And what likely happened was that someone on the inside opened the door before they were supposed to and closed it because it would have ruined the Bezos photo op. And nothing, nothing says empowering female space launch like having to pretend you need a man to open the door. Oh, oh, Jeffy.
- [12:30]
Bank of America
Oh.
- [12:31]
Stephen Colbert
Oh, I do declare. Oh, Jeffy, I do declare. Release us with your big strong arms and your aerodynamic head. I would use the door handle but I have been visited by a blood moon and I forgot how hands work. Oh my stars. What a stars again. But never fear folks, the Internet dum dums have another reason it's fake. Claiming that this picture shows a fake hand. A fake hand. Heavens to Betsy. Heavens to Betsy. Oh well, we have a great show for you tonight coming up.
- [13:15]
IXL Learning
Senator Raphael Warnock.
- [13:21]
Andy
Hey, I'm Andy. If you don't know me, it's probably because I'm not famous. But I did start a men's grooming company called Harry's. The idea for Harry's came out of a frustrating experience I had buying razor blades. Most brands were overpriced over, designed and out of touch. At Harry's, our approach is simple. Here's our secret. We make sharp, durable blades and sell them at honest prices for as low as $2 each. We care about quality so much that we do some crazy things like buy a world class German blade factory. Obsessing over every detail means we're confident in offering a 100% quality guarantee. Millions of guys have already made the switch to Harry's, so thank you if you're one of them. And if you're not, we hope you give us a try with this special offer. Get a Harry starter set with a five blade razor weighted handle, shave gel and a travel cover. All for just three bucks plus free shipping. Just go to Harry's.com and enter Code man at checkout. That's Harry's.com Code Man. Enjoy.
- [14:20]
IXL Learning
As a parent, you want to give your child every opportunity to succeed. But let's be honest. Sometimes homework questions leave us stumped or we wish they had it a bit more challenging when they're ahead in class. That's where IXL learning can help. IXL is an online learning program that supports kids from Pre K to 12th grade in math, language arts, science and social studies. It's designed to help kids truly master topics while keeping learning fun and engaging. Whether your child is catching up, staying on track or aiming to get ahead, IXL offers personalized learning to meet their needs. Plus it saves you time and money. No more searching for multiple tutors or programs. IXL is like having everything you need in one place. The best part? It's backed by research. Kids using IXL consistently score higher on tests and it works for all kids, no matter their grade or learning style. IXL is used in 96 of the the top 100 school districts in the US so you know it's the Real deal. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. And listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixlearning.com audio. Visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.
- [15:36]
Stephen Colbert
Hello, friends, folks, my first guest. Our guest tonight is a pastor and author and United States senator from Georgia. Please welcome back to THE Late Show Senator Raphael Warnock. Wow, it's good to see you again.
- [15:56]
Bank of America
Great to be here.
- [15:57]
Stephen Colbert
And how lovely to have a pastor on for Holy Week.
- [16:01]
Bank of America
Yes.
- [16:02]
Stephen Colbert
Are you preaching this Sunday?
- [16:04]
Bank of America
I am. I'm going to try. All right, Good luck. Easter Sunday.
- [16:07]
Stephen Colbert
Good luck. You've described America as being in a spiritual crisis before Trump was ever elected. And I'm just curious what you would say the state of America's soul is right now.
- [16:20]
Bank of America
Yeah, I think people are feeling pretty soul weary. And folks, folks in my business try to capture it with these polls. Are we on the right track, wrong track? I think those questions are important, but they don't really get to the heart of really what's going on. There's a kind of angst and you feel it, you feel it down in Georgia. I'm sure people feel it back at home. You know, you wake up sometimes in the morning and you, and you just feel, you don't feel great. You don't know why. It's kind of a low grade fever. And it's understandable. I mean, we've been through years of COVID 19 and we lost a million Americans. And I think because we have to keep going, we really haven't taken stock of what has happened to us. A million people, that's a lot of empty chairs around tables all across the country. And that came on the heels of 20 years of what felt like endless war. And then on top of that, layers of hate and bigotry forced it on us by demagogues of division who are using division for short term purposes. And so I think people feel so weary, but I remain hopeful. I really do. And I what's the value?
- [17:49]
Stephen Colbert
I'm gonna ask you a simple question that people, it's a doubt sometimes. What is the value of hope?
- [17:55]
Bank of America
All hope is everything. And when you lose hope, you stop fighting. And there are those right now. I mean, we can talk about the cuts and all of these things that I'm happy to talk about that. I think they're trying to push a rather immoral budget through the Congress right now. Where you rob from the poor in order to give to the rich. But the other, the famous saying goes.
- [18:18]
Stephen Colbert
Show me your budget and I'll show.
- [18:19]
Bank of America
You what you value is Robin Hood in reverse. And, and I think a budget is not just a fiscal document, it's a moral document. But the other thing that's happening in our country right now is that there are those who are trying to weaponize despair. They're flooding the zone and they're hoping that you won't fight. You need to prove them wrong. I still believe that, that the power in this country really does rest with the people and not the people in power. And if a kid who grew up in public housing, number 11 of 12 children, first college graduate in his family, can become a United States senator, anything is still possible in America.
- [19:09]
Stephen Colbert
Well, let's talk about. You talked about all the various crises that Americans have experienced and has made them soul weary up to this point. One thing I didn't mention is that there have been repeated financial crises over the last 25 years as well, starting with the first financial crisis of 2000. Wealth inequality, our nation's finances are taking a hit right now. Yesterday, the Fed chair, Jerome Powell, he warned that tariffs could trigger higher inflation. This could be worse than Smoot. Hawley, you're a ranking member of the Finance Subcommittee on Trade, Customs and Global Competitiveness. And the chair, Senator John Cornyn, said that the tariffs got everyone's attention and brought countries to the table to negotiate fair deals, which is a little confusing because we were told the idea was to bring manufacturing back to the United States. But if you are there to get fairer deals, then the manufacturing won't come back because you would get a fairer deal on the manufacturing coming from other countries. It doesn't add up.
- [20:08]
Bank of America
Well, if you talk to the people at Georgia, it certainly doesn't add up, you know, because they're already seeing the impact of this in their grocery stores. Tariffs, especially the way this is being carried out and tariffs narrowly used, could serve a certain purpose. But this is just indiscriminate. It's across the board and it changes.
- [20:28]
Stephen Colbert
From minute to minute.
- [20:29]
Bank of America
And we, yeah, it's pretty random. We're not sure what the president wants. But it's a sales tax really on ordinary people. So while they're raising the taxes on ordinary people, because that's who's paying for this, they're very focused on giving a tax cut to billionaires. I think that there's something deeply wrong about that and I'm going to do everything I can in my power to hold them accountable now. Hold them accountable.
- [21:04]
Stephen Colbert
Many of the Trump administration's cuts are coming on the backs of some vulnerable people. Seniors, children, veterans, the disabled, those in need of health care. The Bible often talks about caring for the elderly, for the poor, those who have the least power, the least of my brothers.
- [21:25]
Bank of America
That's right.
- [21:26]
Stephen Colbert
And why do you think a nation that so frequently wants to describe itself as a Christian nation or one having Judeo Christian values, wants to shirk that collective responsibility to our brothers and sisters?
- [21:42]
Bank of America
Well, you know, that has a long history, and it's frustrating in this moment, but we've seen this before. There were a whole lot of Christians who were on the wrong side of the slavery question. They were on the wrong side of the Jim Crow segregation question. And. But as I read the scripture, there are more than 2,000 verses in the Bible that tell you how to treat the poor. I'm a Matthew 25 Christian. Jesus said, I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink. I was sick, I was in prison, and you visited me. And someone said to the master, when were you hungry? When were you sick? When were you in prison? And he said, inasmuch as you've done it unto the least of these, you've done it also unto me. And so what I try to do in my preaching and in my work in the Senate is center the most marginalized members of the human family, center the least of these, give ordinary people a chance. And not only is that the right thing to do, as it turns out, very often the right thing to do is the smart thing to do, too. I think our economy will be a whole lot better off if we give tax cuts to ordinary people, middle class people, working class people, rather than billionaires.
- [23:07]
Stephen Colbert
As I said earlier, you're not just a senator and a pastor, you're also an author. And you've got a new children's book here. It's called we're in this Together, Leo's Lunchbox. What? What are we in together? And what's in the lunchbox?
- [23:21]
Bank of America
We're in this Together. Look, this is a story about a kid who's dealing with food insecurity, and 1 in 5 children in America is food insecure, and they don't know where their next meal is coming from. And so this is a kid who is tired of those bologna sandwiches. And one night, something happens, and his mom gets him this lunchbox and he goes to school. And in the midst of sharing, something happens, and the kids learn a valuable lesson. The story is informed by one of my favorite biblical stories. It's the feeding of the 5,000, which by the way, is the only miracle in scripture that's in all four gospels. So the early church loved this story. The loaves and the fishes, the loaves and the fishes. But he learns in the process, and the children around him, that when we share, everybody can eat. We ought to be generous. And what I hope to do in this book is encourage us to create a community of compassion to teach our children about generosity, about empathy, about caring for others. And I hope that as we're reading Leo's lunchbox to our children, we'll embrace those lessons for ourselves. I think I should spread it out to all 535 members of Congress right about now.
- [24:47]
Stephen Colbert
Thank you for being here.
- [24:48]
Bank of America
Good to be with you brother.
- [24:51]
Stephen Colbert
Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
- [25:04]
Tommy Morrissey
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