Stephen Presents: Community Calendar

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
Episode: Stephen Presents: Community Calendar
Release Date: July 2, 2025

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, hosts Stephen Colbert and Becca dive into a nostalgic yet humorous exploration of the show's Community Calendar, a segment dedicated to highlighting local events in various communities. The episode seamlessly blends behind-the-scenes anecdotes with a satirical take on small-town festivities, all while maintaining the show's signature wit and charm.

Softball Shenanigans and Team Dynamics

The episode begins with Stephen and Becca discussing their recent experience with the Late Show's softball team, the Sea Captains. Stephen humorously recounts the challenges they've faced, including unpredictable weather and tough competition against teams like the Finance Bros.

Stephen Colbert [04:23]: "Who won? You know, there's some games we win and there's some games we lose, and there's some games we lose to the point where the score is not even known to any human."

Becca shares the highs and lows of their softball season, highlighting memorable moments such as a grand slam home run that had the team feeling victorious despite the final score.

Becca [04:46]: "Grand slam home run. Last inning, bases loaded. Yeah. And so that was just like. We felt like we won."

Nostalgia: The First Community Calendar Episode

Transitioning from sports, Stephen nostalgically reflects on the origins of the Community Calendar segment. He takes the audience back to July 1, 2015, when the show first ventured into community-focused content by taking over a local public access program in Monroe, Michigan.

Stephen Colbert [07:13]: "We did the first show. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is too big of a story."

One of the standout moments from the early days was an impromptu interview with Marshall Mathers, better known as Eminem, showcasing the show's ability to blend local charm with unexpected celebrity interactions.

Stephen Colbert [08:49]: "He's Eminem. He's the real Slim Shady."

Present Day: John Cena Hosts Community Calendar

Shifting gears, the episode introduces John Cena as the guest host for the current Community Calendar segment. Stephen and Becca set the stage for a playful and satirical exploration of local events in West Newberry, Massachusetts, with Cena leading the charge.

John Cena [11:06]: "What about my hometown, Stephen?"

The segment is a comedic tour through a series of fictitious and exaggerated events, each presented with a humorous twist. From "Developing a Psychic Sense" classes to "Beginner Spoon Carving" workshops, the events are portrayed with a blend of absurdity and charm.

Highlighted Events:

1. Developing a Psychic Sense
   July 18th at Newburyport Central Congregational Church
   "How can you learn to be a psychic in one night? If you knew, you wouldn't need the class."

   John Cena [12:37]: "Hey, John Cena, star of the new movie Heads of State."

2. Archery Course for Beginners
   July 12th at 10 Industrial Way
   A whimsical take on archery with a sarcastic nod to unpredictable weather.

3. Fortune Telling for Teens
   July 8th at the Memorial Library
   "Sure to be a hit, especially with teenage boys who often spend time alone practicing their palmistry."

4. Beginner Spoon Carving
   July 5th at Rockler Woodworking in Salem, New Hampshire
   "And if you think you're too good for beginner spoon carving, you can go fork yourself."

5. Estate Planning Workshop
   June 25th at Willow Springs Vineyard
   A satirical blend of legal jargon and lively vineyard ambiance.

6. Yankee Homecoming Cornhole Tournament
   July 27th at Bartlett Mall
   "Don’t have your own cornhole equipment? No worries. Players may borrow a set of bags, though you are encouraged to bring your own hole."

Humorous Exchanges and Satirical Commentary

Throughout the segment, Stephen and Becca engage in witty banter, enhancing the comedic narrative. Their playful interactions underscore the lighthearted nature of the show, making the episode both entertaining and memorable.

Becca [16:22]: "It's very satisfying to be able to."

Stephen Colbert [16:31]: "Each one he gets away with. He's emboldened."

Conclusion

Stephen Presents: Community Calendar is a testament to The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert's ability to blend humor, nostalgia, and community spirit. By featuring beloved personalities like John Cena and weaving in satirical takes on local events, the episode offers a delightful listening experience that resonates with both long-time fans and newcomers alike. Whether reminiscing about the show's humble beginnings or enjoying the comedic portrayal of small-town happenings, this episode captures the essence of late-night entertainment at its finest.

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Notable Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert [00:00]: "These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something. But surprise. Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret."

• John Cena [11:06]: "What about my hometown, Stephen?"

• Becca [04:46]: "Grand slam home run. Last inning, bases loaded. Yeah. And so that was just like. We felt like we won."

• Stephen Colbert [08:55]: "He's Eminem. He's the real Slim Shady."

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions, humorous exchanges, and the overall flow of the episode, providing a vivid snapshot for those who haven't had the chance to listen.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, everybody. Stephen Colbert here about to read the copy for our sponsor. This is from our friends at Wonderful Pistachios. And I was the wonderful pistachio spokesman for years. Yeah, I have a real close association with nut meat. Okay. You know what they say when they reach for a snack? Don't hold back. And that's exactly the approach with Wonderful Pistachios. The don't hold back snack. These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something. But surprise. Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt. Just glory, glory in our nuts. Whether it's a satisfying crack of in shell pistachios, and that's capitalized in shell, or the smooth, instant gratification of no shells. No judgment. That's just it. Just eat. No judgment. I take issue with one thing. It's instant gratification. It's super tasty smooth.

[Becca]

It's a hard nut smooth.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. I mean, even out of the shell, it's still a nut.

[Becca]

We can't disparage the nuts. You.

[John Cena]

I'm not disparaging the nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm describing the nut.

[Becca]

Don't disparage any flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not. I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I'm on board. I love pistachios. I love. I love crushed pistachio. Like a pistachio crusted trout. Oh, unbelievable. Instead of a trout amandine, a trout pistachio. Fantastic. Enough butter? Who cares?

[Becca]

Very good.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I love pistachio ice cream.

[Becca]

Have you had the sea salt and vinegar? Wonderful pistachio. It's delicious. I get them.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't even know I get them.

[Becca]

Before the softball games.

[Stephen Colbert]

But that's. You see, it's been a while since I've been the spokesman for wonderful pistachios. I didn't realize we'd achieved new pistachio technology.

[Becca]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Wonderful pistachios has every snack style covered. Right now. There's an obsession with jalapeno lime. There is an obsession session. It's almost a disorder. It's spicy, it's zesty. It's basically a flavor roller coaster in a nut. Snacking on the go. Grab a bag of no shells. Feeling contemplative and want to work for it a little. So earning it, they're saying if you want to earn your nut, crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it's snacking like a champ. So the next time hunger strikes, don't hold back. Unless it's a hunger strike. And Then it's important that you do, because whatever you're doing that for, I'm sure it's a worthwhile cause. Snack like you mean it with wonderful pistachios. Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more.

[Becca]

That was a wonderful.

[Stephen Colbert]

I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios. But evidently there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.

[Becca]

They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime, as we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.

[Becca]

No, no, no.

[Stephen Colbert]

Bring it on.

[Becca]

Nothing bad to say.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nut me, nut. Nut me with nut meat.

[Becca]

We're nut.

[John Cena]

No, we got nothing but nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about Nutty. Good.

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[Becca]

Hey, everybody. You're listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Hi, Stephen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hi, Stephen.

[Becca]

How are you doing?

[Stephen Colbert]

I just try to shake things up a little bit, Becca, because every time you say, hi, Stephen, I say, hi, Becca.

[Becca]

Yeah, great. I'll call you Becca and you'll call me Stephen. We'll have that. Good.

[Stephen Colbert]

See? Stephen. What's cooking?

[Becca]

Well, we had a softball game last night.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, how'd it go? I couldn't make it, unfortunately.

[Becca]

No, it's all right. It was so much fun.

[Stephen Colbert]

Financial Times.

[Becca]

Financial Times.

[Stephen Colbert]

Who won?

[Becca]

You know, there's some games we win and there's some games we lose, and there's some games we lose to the point where the score is not even known to any human. Who.

[Stephen Colbert]

So was it Finance Bros?

[Becca]

Yeah, they were. They won. They sort of kicked us in the dirt. But I can't stress you how much fun we had. And at the very last inning, dro, our, like, superstar.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure, sure, sure. And a fit fella.

[Becca]

Slam home run.

[Stephen Colbert]

No way.

[Becca]

Grand slam home run. Last inning, bases loaded. Yeah. And so that was just like. We felt like we won. And there was. There was cheering, there was screaming. Nikki from a scenic stagehand just starts yelling, show him where the money is. You know, because it's financial times. Like, it was. We really laid it out of the line. It was really fun.

[Stephen Colbert]

How's the season going so far this year? Becca organizes our softball team. You guys should know.

[Becca]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Becca]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is a lot of responsibility podcast and. And softball.

[Becca]

Yeah. I am more a meteorologist. There's a lot of. Been a lot of rain on Fridays when we played.

[Stephen Colbert]

Unbelievable. Evidently it's rained for some portion of every weekend in New York since like November 17th or something.

[Becca]

2024, which is bad news for the softball game. So we've only played two games and we haven't won yet.

[Stephen Colbert]

But who did we play last time?

[Becca]

Npr. But they needed it. You know, they needed that.

[Stephen Colbert]

Did they beat us? We lost to npr.

[Becca]

We only had like five people that showed up and were able to come, so that's tough. And it ranged the whole game.

[Stephen Colbert]

But basically that's just. That's home plate, the bases, and the pitcher. That's five people.

[Becca]

Ye. So the defense was not.

[Stephen Colbert]

So if you get past, it's not even a shortstop. Yeah, okay, go ahead.

[Becca]

But anyways, great softball team. We have a lot of fun here at the Late Show. Behind the scenes. Softball is one of many ways we have fun.

[Stephen Colbert]

The Sea Captains.

[Becca]

The Sea Captains.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wanna tell everybody why the team's name is called the Sea Captains.

[Becca]

Because you drive the boat, right?

[Stephen Colbert]

Because there is a photo. This photo may predate you. Have you seen the photo of me as the sea captain with the big beard? Between the two shows, I grew a big beard. Like not a normal beard. Like not a David Letterman style beard. Cause I don't think I've got that in me. But a pretty big be with like a waxed mustache and everything. And I had a captain's hat, like with the anchor on it. Those stupid captain hats, like Thurston Howell III hat and a pipe. And somebody took a photo, probably Matt took a photo of me in that. And then it became that guy. Cause I shaved my beard. That guy became the mascot of the show for a while. So that's why we're the sea captains.

[Becca]

Beautiful. Yeah. The Late Show. Sea Captains. Late Show. Stephen Colbert also sc.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, look at that.

[Becca]

Yeah, it all matches up for the little South Carolina. Look at that. Oh, wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

Y.

[Becca]

Well, speaking of that time today on the podcast, it's July 1st, and this is actually a pretty important anniversary for the show.

[Stephen Colbert]

Right. Cause this. Why?

[Becca]

Because do you remember what we did July 1, 2015, 10 years ago?

[Stephen Colbert]

Did we move into the Ed Sullivan?

[Becca]

We did a very. It was the first community calendar.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, my God. This was only in Monroe.

[Becca]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

We did the first show. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is too big of a story. But before we ever did the late show, we wanted to do a late show because we thought, why is the. Why this first show? Like, I can't believe all the pressure on the first show. And Opus Moreski, who was at that time, my head writer, said, why don't we just do a first show someplace else? Let's go do it on, like, basic access, you know, public access cable someplace. And I said, I love that idea. So we went to Monroe, Michigan, and we. And there was, you know, the cable access station there. And there was a Sunday night show at 11 to 12. On Sundays, it's late night called Only in Monroe with two hosts. One was Kehlani Rafko Wilson. And I don't. Again, my joke was, I don't know how many people that is. Kehlani Rafko Wilson, former Miss Hawaii or Miss America or something like that. Like, you know, and then. And then another woman who's delightful and she deserves to have her name remembered. I just can't remember her name. Because once you've said. Once you've memorized Kehlani Ray Rafko Wilson, you just don't have any more room for another. For another continent.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And so they let us take over Only in Monroe. And we did a show basically about Monroe, what's going on in the community calendar that night. And then I interviewed a local Michigander because we wanted to have a famous Michigander. So we got this guy come down from Detroit named Marshall Mathers, and I interviewed him about his dreams of being a rapper.

[Becca]

And for those who don't know, he is.

[Stephen Colbert]

He's Eminem.

[Becca]

He's Eminem.

[Stephen Colbert]

He's Eminem. He's the real Slim Shady.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And it was fun. Cause he. I mean, he knew who I was, but he didn't know what was gonna happen.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And it was extreme. Not a thing is rehearsed. It's extremely enjoyable.

[Becca]

And you just walked into their pre existing set, Right? Like, we didn't really touch anything.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, it's exactly their set. And so when you see us on this show, do something called Community Calendar. We just stole their set. It's their set. It's the chairs, it's the table. It's the one plant you Know, like, the one little, like, pitcher plant or something, and then, you know, a screen in the background with, like, dupes of.

[Becca]

Their graphics that they had on the back.

[Stephen Colbert]

We took their graphics, except when you do Community Calendar, we just. And their song, Everything. Everything is exactly from Only in Monroe.

[Becca]

And the full episode's on YouTube. I highly recommend checking it out because it's such a special thing that we did and such a beautiful.

[Stephen Colbert]

And you could see that it's stuck. It's stuck between the old show and the new show. We remained slightly stuck once we got here. Like, it took us a while to unstick, which is perfectly. You know, it was difficult at the time, but it was perfectly normal in retrospect. But it's really stuck between those two, because I'm in character, but not my character from the old show. It's a different character. Yeah, he's dumber than my old character was.

[Becca]

So go watch it on YouTube. But I love that what we've kept is Community Calendar, which we're still doing to this day.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm gonna do one with John Cena.

[Becca]

Coming up, and that's who we have on the podcast tonight.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, awesome.

[Becca]

This is John Cena's Community Calendar.

[Stephen Colbert]

Excellent.

[Becca]

Very excited.

[Stephen Colbert]

It will have gone well.

[Becca]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Enjoy, folks.

[John Cena]

You know, it's almost the 4th of July, and that means one thing. Your local fire department gets to blow the hands off a bunch of dummies. But it's also the time for celebrating what's great about this country. And I happen to love America's small towns, which is why we do a segment here called Community Calendar, where a guest and I talk about actual events that are actually happening in that guest's actual hometown. And we get to celebrate great places you don't hear enough about, like Mishawaka, Indiana, or Stillwater, Oklahoma.

[Unnamed Guest]

What about my hometown, Stephen?

[John Cena]

What?

[Unnamed Guest]

West Newberry, Massachusetts.

[Stephen Colbert]

John.

[John Cena]

Oh, my gosh.

[Stephen Colbert]

There you go.

[John Cena]

Please, please have a seat.

[Becca]

How.

[John Cena]

What a wonderful.

[Unnamed Guest]

I was.

[John Cena]

I'm sorry, where. What's your hometown?

[Unnamed Guest]

I was thinking maybe we could talk about my hometown of West Newberry, Massachusetts.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow.

[John Cena]

Hey, John Cena, star of the new movie Heads of State. Wait, how can such a large man be from such a small town?

[Unnamed Guest]

Good question. That's why I had to leave Stephen. To make room for more people.

[John Cena]

Well, I'm glad you're here, John Cena, star of the new movie Heads of State, because it's time for West Newberry, Massachusetts, Community Calendar. Welcome to Community Calendar, your source for what's happening in and around West Newberry Massachusetts and the greater Essex county area. Joining me is native West Newberian, John Cena.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thanks.

[Unnamed Guest]

Thanks, Stephen. And as we say in West Newberry, it's Newberry. Nice to see you.

[John Cena]

So true. Now let's get to some actual upcoming events going in on and around the greater West Newberry region. This summer. On July 18th at Newburyport Central Congregational Church, it's Developing a Psychic Sense, a one night class. How can you learn to be a psychic in one night? If you knew, you wouldn't need the class.

[Unnamed Guest]

Of course. On July 12th at 10 Industrial Way, there's an archery course for beginners. And for everyone nearby, a great day to wear your thickest jacket.

[John Cena]

On July 8th at the memorial Library, it's fortune telling for teens where teenagers can learn tarot, tea leaf reading and palmistry. Sure to be a hit, especially with teenage boys who often spend time alone practicing their palmistry.

[Unnamed Guest]

On Saturday, July 5, head over to Rockler Woodworking in Salem, New Hampshire for Beginner Spoon carving. And if you think you're too good for beginner spoon carving, you can go fork yourself.

[John Cena]

On June 25, Willow Springs Vineyard is hosting a workshop to help families create an estate planning strategy called SIPs and signatures, wills and Trusts. It's the greatest combination of intoxicants and legal documents since last month's meth and mortgages.

[Unnamed Guest]

Next on July 27, get ready for old fashioned Sunday with plenty of good old family fun, including a potato sack race, one of the few times it's good to finish first in the sack.

[John Cena]

Up next, the Roosevelt center for Advanced Aesthetics will host a course on mastering the art of neurotoxin injections that will take place on the night of the Fourth of July. Because what better time to practice the precise time poisonous needles into someone's face than when there's guaranteed to be a lot of liquor and sudden explosions?

[Unnamed Guest]

On July 6, Pipe Stave Hill Equestrian Area will host the Pipe Stave Hill Horse Trials. Hopefully we'll finally find out if that horse murdered its wife.

[John Cena]

On July 20, baseball fans can watch the Newburyport Clam Diggers take on the Portsmouth Rockinghams. Remember, they play an old timey version of the game using 1864 rules, so gloves are not allowed, players pitch underhand, and women are not allowed to vote.

[Unnamed Guest]

And finally, on July 27th at Bartlett Mall, it's the Yankee Homecoming Cornhole Tournament. Don't have your own cornhole equipment? No worries. Players may borrow a set of bags, though you are encouraged to bring your own hole.

[John Cena]

Well, that does it for community calendar for West Newberry, Massachusetts and the greater Essex county area.

[Unnamed Guest]

Say, I'd rather be in Essex county than Nox County.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert.

[John Cena]

Just one more thing.

[Stephen Colbert]

If you want to see more of.

[John Cena]

Me, come to the late show YouTube.

[Stephen Colbert]

Channel for more clips and exclusives. 9116 emergency.

[Becca]

Yes, somebody killed two girls. My grandbabies and her friends.

[Unnamed Guest]

A Paramount plus original.

[Stephen Colbert]

She wants to find more young women for him to kill.

[Unnamed Guest]

The untold stories of the real cases.

[Stephen Colbert]

Each one he gets away with. He's emboldened.

[Unnamed Guest]

The FBI can't shake.

[Becca]

It's very satisfying to be able to.

[Stephen Colbert]

Look at a bad guy and go, we never forgot you.

[Unnamed Guest]

An all new season of FBI True. Streaming now on Paramount Plus.