Stephen Presents: Father Guido Sarducci

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Stephen Presents: Father Guido Sarducci"

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert | Release Date: May 27, 2025

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Introduction to the Podcast Format

The episode begins with Stephen Colbert and producer Becca discussing the unique format of "The Late Show Pod Show." Becca explains that during breaks in the main show, Stephen visits the podcast booth to introduce select content, offering listeners a backstage glimpse into the television production. This setup allows for interactive elements, such as quizzes about upcoming guests.

Notable Quote:

• Becca [01:28]: “If you're new to the Pod show, what we do is the show sometimes goes on a break and when we're on break, we have Stephen come to the podcast booth and we introduce some content from the show so Stephen can give us a backstage glance at the stuff we do on TV.”

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Introducing Father Guido Sarducci

The focal point of the episode is the introduction of Father Guido Sarducci, a beloved character portrayed by Don Novello. Stephen Colbert shares his admiration for Don Novello, highlighting his contributions to "Saturday Night Live" (SNL) and the influence of Novello's work on his own character from "The Colbert Report."

Notable Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert [05:34]: “Father Guido Sarducci was a character he brought to SNL. Yeah, it was on SNL for years. One of my favorites. It's a huge throwback.”
• Becca [06:09]: “Amazing.”

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Discussion on Don Novello and "The Laszlo Letters"

Stephen delves into Don Novello's creative work, specifically "The Laszlo Letters," a series of satirical letters written from the perspective of Lazlo Toth, a fervent patriotic letter writer. Colbert emphasizes the impact of these letters on his own work, noting their subtle influence and hidden references.

Notable Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert [05:37]: “The Laszlo Letters were this series of letters that Don Novello wrote in the character of a super patriot letter writer who complained to a lot of politicians and a lot of corporate interests about how America was being diminished by people not being proud enough of America.”
• Stephen Colbert [05:59]: “There are two volumes, Laszlo I and Laszlo 2. And highly influential to my character on the Colbert Report.”

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Behind the Scenes with Father Guido Sarducci

Father Guido Sarducci joins the conversation, bringing his signature humor and quirky insights. The dynamic between Stephen and Father Guido is playful, with improvised moments that showcase Sarducci's character depth.

Notable Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert [12:10]: “Father Sarducci, longtime fan.”
• Father Guido Sarducci [12:20]: “Oh, for action Today.”

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Humorous Banter and Cultural Jokes

The discussion takes a lighthearted turn as Father Guido Sarducci engages in humorous exchanges about Italian customs, particularly focusing on the fictional delicacy "Porco Spiro Milanese." The banter highlights the comedic chemistry between Stephen and his guest, blending satire with cultural references.

Notable Quotes:

• Father Guido Sarducci [14:25]: “They say they use baseball bats to hit the hogs.”
• Stephen Colbert [14:54]: “The caper. Delicious.”
• Father Guido Sarducci [15:02]: “That's what it's called.”

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The Conclave and Papal Succession

A significant portion of the episode centers on the conclave—the process of selecting a new Pope. Stephen and Father Guido Sarducci discuss the leading contenders, share amusing anecdotes about historical conclaves, and speculate humorously about Benedict XVI's possible return.

Notable Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert [11:46]: “We're all really excited, obviously, about this Conclave and wondering who it's gonna be.”
• Father Guido Sarducci [15:57]: “And then a fly lands in the soup. Cardinal Bastolo. They think it's a miracle he chose him to be Pope.”
• Father Guido Sarducci [16:32]: “I think Benedect XVI is gonna be the Pope again.”
• Stephen Colbert [16:45]: “Benedict XVI is dead.”
• Father Guido Sarducci [17:07]: “That's right.”

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Closing Remarks and Final Jokes

The episode concludes with playful teasing about Father Guido Sarducci's aspirations within the church hierarchy and light jokes about tattoos and eligibility for becoming a monsignor. Stephen wraps up the segment by promoting additional content available on "The Late Show" YouTube channel.

Notable Quotes:

• Stephen Colbert [17:44]: “Do you mind if I ask? What. Can you tell me what the tattoo is?”
• Father Guido Sarducci [18:25]: “How did you know this? What?”
• Stephen Colbert [19:26]: “Who could it be? Stream Beckham Friends live during the UEFA Champions league final...”

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Key Takeaways

• Engaging Format: The podcast offers a behind-the-scenes look at "The Late Show," blending interviews with Stephen Colbert and interactive segments.
• Celebrity Insights: Father Guido Sarducci provides a humorous and insightful perspective on the Papal conclave and church traditions.
• Humor and Culture: The episode masterfully intertwines humor with cultural commentary, showcasing the wit and creativity of both Stephen Colbert and his guest.

This episode is a must-listen for fans seeking a blend of comedy, cultural discussion, and exclusive insights from "The Late Show" team.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Becca]

Hi everybody. Listening to.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm sorry, I apologize.

[Becca]

You're listening to Stephen Hydrating on the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. I'm Becca. I'm a producer here at the Late Show.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're a great producer, Becca.

[Becca]

Oh, Stephen, please.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is my highlight. I just do the show so we can have these things together once, like every five weeks we do this. They just fly, don't they? It feels like we're just in here.

[Becca]

If you're new to the Pod show, what we do is the show sometimes goes on a break and when we're on break, we have Stephen come to the podcast booth and we introduce. We introduce some content from the show so Steven can give us a backstage glance at the stuff we do on tv.

[Stephen Colbert]

And often you kind of quiz me on who I think the guest is gonna be. Yes, indeed. Are we doing that this week?

[Becca]

We got some quizzes for sure that we can do.

[Stephen Colbert]

What do we got for today?

[Becca]

Okay, this is really special. This was a character that came onto our show for a very special Popey. Popey time.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, Father Guido Sarducci.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Yes.

[Becca]

That was not a good quiz, but I really wanted you to get a chance to talk about Don Novello.

[Stephen Colbert]

Donna, come on. Father Guido Ducci. I'm a huge fan of Don Novello who actually wrote for the Smothers Brothers.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Can you imagine that room you got Don Novello, Steve Martin. But who else was in that group? Oh, Super Dave Osborne, you know, Albert Brooks's brother who Was Rob Reiner. Can you imagine that room? Mason Williams. Do you know who Mason Williams is?

[Becca]

I don't know who Mason Williams is.

[Stephen Colbert]

Mason Williams. Well, all those guys came, like, from the, like the folk house, coffee house, you know, kind of scene where there would be comedy and like folk music. And a lot of them were, like the conceptual bits. But he played folk music and he wrote comedy. And so one night on the Smothers Brothers, they needed a musical act and I guess somebody had backed out and they said, mason, who was the head writer, I think goes, you play the guitar. Why don't you go out there and play some of that stuff you're always writing? And he went and played a song called Classical Gas. Oh, and it's fantastic. You don't know Classical Gas? Here, I'll play a little bit of it and then we'll get sued for copyright infringement. I'm just going to play just a little bit of it right here.

[Becca]

Okay, great.

[Stephen Colbert]

And then they can just take it out. And if we find out that we don't have the rights, then just have like, you know, a toy piano playing Camp Down Races or something like that.

[Becca]

Awesome. We'll do.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, so I got it right here. Classical Gas. Anything?

[Becca]

Not yet.

[Stephen Colbert]

Right now it sounds like the soundtrack to like a Franco Zeffirelli movie, like Romeo and Juliet or something. Nothing. Here we go. Nothing.

[Becca]

It sounds very familiar, but it's not so good. It's.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, it was a hit. It became a hit and he just went out there on the Smothers Brothers to play it.

[Becca]

So no lyrics?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, it used to have. Used to be able to have instrumental hits.

[Becca]

Yeah, yeah. What's up with that?

[Stephen Colbert]

Videos.

[Becca]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Videos. You had to have somebody out there, be the sexy person standing out front. So you don't have many. There aren't a lot. After video started, you had a huge drop off. You're like, in the 70s, you had that. You had popcorn.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Booker T. Yeah. And the MGs.

[Becca]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

You had a fifth of Beethoven, which was a disco Beethoven.

[Becca]

Yeah. Fantastic.

[Stephen Colbert]

None of that. Anyway, back to Guido Sarducci. That jacket that he wore on the show he bought when he was working for the Smothers Brothers.

[Becca]

Oh, my God.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I think Sarducci was a character he brought to snl. Yeah, it was on SNL for years. One of my favorites. It's a huge throwback. And I was a huge fan of Don Novello when I was in college because somebody gave me a copy of something called the Laszlo Letters and the Laszlo Letters were this series of letters that Don Novello wrote in the character of a super patriot letter writer who complained to a lot of politicians and a lot of corporate interests about how America was being diminished by people not being proud enough of America. So, like, you know, make America great again, not a new idea. And that character, Lazlo Toth was the name. Lazlo Toth, who at the time was the same name as the guy who took a hammer and tried to smash the face off of Mary Magdalene in.

[Becca]

The Pieta at St Peter's Peter's name in the Brutalist, too.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. Evidently, Laszlo Toth in Hungary is like St. John Smith, but Lazlo Toth was the Laszlo letters. And there are two volumes, Laszlo I and Laszlo 2. And highly influential to my character on the Colbert Report. Like, it's nobody. People don't know the Laszlo letters, but if you read them, you go, oh, I see what Stephen stole. And so I love Don Novello. And I ran into don at the SNL's 50th.

[Becca]

Oh, cool.

[Stephen Colbert]

And we've been thinking of, like, I'd love to find some way to do something with Don. And so then when the Pope passed, I went, let's ask Don if he wants to do Guido. And it was fantastic.

[Becca]

Amazing.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was such a great hit. And he's got his own style. Like, we wrote a full script for Don and then he came in the day of and went, I've got some ideas. Like, whatever you want. And he rewrote it entirely.

[Becca]

Oh, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And there really was no script at the end. I just asked him questions and he answered in character what you're seeing. Like, I wasn't entirely sure what was about to happen.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

So you're seeing Discovery. It was a complete joy.

[Becca]

It was amazing to watch in rehearsal. Cause that vibe was absolutely happening.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Rehearsal was not what happened on the show either.

[Becca]

No. Yeah. What is this man gonna say in his zebra print priestly outfit.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly.

[Becca]

So cool. Well, and this was before. This was during the Conclave or right before the Conclave. And now we have a Pope. Now we have a Chicago Pope.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure. Robert Francis Prevost.

[Becca]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. From the south side.

[Becca]

Yeah. How you feel about Chicago Pope?

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm excited.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

First of all, I was. We had Father Jim Martin on the other night, and I said this to him, but I was. I'd never expected an American Pope. I didn't want an American Pope.

[Becca]

Same.

[Stephen Colbert]

You know what I mean? Because I don't. I think the American church is already too politicized as it is. They got sucked into the culture wars when. I don't think the church should be in culture wars. I think they should have cultural weight. But to actually get into the politics, to associate your church with a political party or to political fights is dangerous. Not just because of separation of church and state or violation of the Supremacy Clause or anything like that, but. And as much as I'm leery about religion getting into my politics, I'm really leery of politics getting into my religion. Because if you associate with your God with a particular candidate, which is happening a lot, if you associate your God with a particular candidate and that candidate does something bad, you can't see it as bad because your God is on their side. And if your candidate loses, well, you must not have a very good God, because if your God was good, then your guy would never lose. In which case, ooh, maybe he didn't lose. Cause if God was on his side, it must have been the devil on the other side. Cheating, like, that's incredibly dangerous, both politically but also spiritually. It's dangerous. So I didn't. So that's all a preamble to say. Cause all I do in these podcasts is preamble. I rarely get to the amble.

[Becca]

It's a preamble cast. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't want there to be an American Pope. And then when I heard it was an American Pope and also this guy I'd never heard of, obviously, I was shocked. And then I was really surprised by how moved I was by it that there's gonna be an American Pope now. And then to find out that he's Chicago. I know where I lived 11 years. You're Chicago. I loved it there. I love the people there. It's a fantastic city. It's got everything you'd want from a big city. It's not like New York, where literally it has. Has everything that is in the world is in New York City. If you can't find it in New York City at midnight, it probably is not a thing that exists. Whereas Chicago, it's a world. Is a world city, and New York is the world. Chicago is a world city, but it's also clean. So clean. And the people there are not pretentious. They really understand that they're not New York and we're not Los Angeles.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

They'Re not stuck up. I don't know.

[Becca]

They're just.

[Stephen Colbert]

They're kind and lovely, and they know how to make a nice sazich. You know, they know how to make a nice brat. They know how to make a nice beef, and they make a nice sandwich. Okay.

[Becca]

I think we're on the same page where the Chicago background was really redeeming for me. Cause in the moment, we were all at work. We're all really excited, obviously, about this Conclave and wondering who it's gonna be. There's so much theatrics of how this process goes down, and all of that.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is content for people who have to write jokes about what's happening on a daily basis. And it's not about the guy down in D.C. totally.

[Becca]

That's what I mean. It was so exciting that the main part of the show that day was not anything about America, and then suddenly it was a story about America.

[Stephen Colbert]

I know, but suddenly in a positive way.

[Becca]

Exactly. No, it was a really interesting rollercoaster of emotions that day while we were all just, like, taped. Our faces taped to the TVs, waiting for that balcony to produce a person. That's quite an image. Yeah. Honestly.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. So let's go meet Guido.

[Becca]

Yeah, let's meet Guido. This is Father Guido Sarducci, played by Don Novello on the Late Show.

[Stephen Colbert]

Welcome back, everybody. Give it up for Louis Cato and the Late Show Band. There you go, Lewis. Folks, as I mentioned before, tomorrow is a big day for all the Pope Stans out there because it's the official start of the conclave. Over 100 cardinals have descended on Vatican City to hunker down until they select our new pope. Even though it has not started yet, we already have some leading contenders. The frontrunners include Cardinal Pietro Parolin, who was Pope Francis second in command, Cardinal Fridolin Mbongo Besongo, who is the Archbishop of Kinshasa, Zaire, Luis Antonio Tagle, the cardinal from the Philippines, and of course, the current Patriarch of Jerusalem, Pierre Batista. Pizzaballa. Pizzabala. Let me just say to the fine folks over at Domino's, if you are not currently developing a ball of pizza delivered by Popemobile, then get out of the pizza game, baby. And while everyone else is just speculating wildly about what will happen, thankfully, we here at the Late show have an inside source. Please welcome senior gossip columnist for the Vatican Enquirer, Father Guido Sarducci. Ciao. Ciao, Padre.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Thank you. Please.

[Stephen Colbert]

Father Sarducci, longtime fan.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

I know. Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

What an honor to have you here, Father Sarducci. Thank you for joining us. But I'm sorry, Father, you can't smoke on network television.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Oh, for action Today.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, I mean, I got one here, actually. You can't smoke.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

You know that's changed the rules. Network tv. You can smoke menthol.

[Stephen Colbert]

You can smoke. Why menthol?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Kennedy just came out and said this. Robert Kennedy Jr. It's got vitamin C in it and it's. It's good for polio.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really? Kennedy said that it's good for polio.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

If you have polio or if you don't want to get it, then you smoke. The mental.

[Stephen Colbert]

You saw the movie Conclave?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Yes, I did.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is it that intriguing? Is the movie Conclave accurate?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

It's boring. I think it was. You know, and the Conclave.

[Stephen Colbert]

The movie was boring?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Both. Both.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. All right. So what would make it less boring?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Well, you know what? I think they should make it animated. If that movie was animated.

[Stephen Colbert]

If Conclave had been animated.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Right. Like the hedgehog movie.

[Stephen Colbert]

Like Sonic the Hedgehog.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Yes, yes. I mean, that. Used to. See how he moves real fast. If the Cardinals would move like that, you know, it could be a half hour shorter. The movie Porco Spiro.

[Stephen Colbert]

What?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Porco Spiro.

[Stephen Colbert]

What's that?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

That's what we call hedgehog in Italian. Porco spiro.

[Stephen Colbert]

Porco Spiro.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

It's a delicacy.

[Stephen Colbert]

You eat hedgehogs in Italy?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Yes. And they're hard to. They're very expensive because they're hard to shoot, because they move. So you see the movie, it moves so fast.

[Stephen Colbert]

Real hedgehogs move that fast?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

They do.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. So how do you. If you're gonna eat them, how do you.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Well, they call it chumming. It's a terrible way. It's not chumming. Yes. They go to top of the mountain, put, like, corn on the cob, lima beans, you know, and they feed it. They go away, and then the hedgehogs come out and they eat. The next day they bring them more. Two weeks later, they say they're waiting for them and they could almost touch them. And then they hit them over the head with a baseball bat. That's how it goes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really? The Italians.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

That's not hunting. You call it hunting?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, I. No, I don't call that. I don't call that hunting. I don't know.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

And then we.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't know. Wait. I didn't know they played baseball in Italy.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Well, they have baseball bats to hit the hogs.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

They don't know. They. For baseball, they just know you get to put the. You know, the penis.

[Stephen Colbert]

So how do they. How do you cook? How do you cook?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

What they do is then you pound it and you bread it. Put breading on it, and they call it Porco Spiro Milanese. That's what it's called.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's a little lemon. They squeeze a little lemon on top of the lemon.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

The caper. Delicious.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. And then you can. You can order that anywhere in Italy.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

No, it's homemade mostly, you know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Okay. So let's talk about the contenders, like the Papa Billy, the ones who are leading right now.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is there a front runner? Who do you think has the best chance?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Well, there's a number of front runners, but anybody could get it, you know? I mean, really, it happens. In the past, there was a conclave, like 1750s. Everybody knows this story. And there was like months, for months. They would have, you know, 90 ballots. These guys just want to go home, you know, but they can't take anybody, you know, and they're all eating, you know, eating the minestrone soup. And there's this fly comes. Buzz, buzz all around the room, you know, and everybody's looking. And then he lands in this cardinal soup. Cardinal Bastolo, his name is, landed in the soup. And they think it's a miracle he chose him to be Pope.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. That's how it happens sometimes.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

It's the Holy Spirit. Wow. And then they all sing, you know, he's a jolly good fellow and they make him the Pope.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't know that. Really? In Latin.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

How jolly fellow in Latin, you know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, yeah, sure, sure. Felix.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Omo, right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, yeah. The happy man.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Then the next conclave, somebody, one cardinal, he brought his own fly, you know, he thought he's gonna fool him.

[Stephen Colbert]

Snuck in a fly.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

He wanted to put his own. What a creep. You know, could put their own. A fly in their own soup.

[Stephen Colbert]

So who do you think is gonna be the next Pope?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Well, I predict. I think it's fixed.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, really? The fixes end?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

I think so, yes. Benedict XVI is gonna be the Pope again. That's my prediction.

[Stephen Colbert]

Father Sarducci, Benedict XVI is dead.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

That's what you think.

[Stephen Colbert]

He's not dead.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

It's a rumor. No. You know, it's like Elvis, you know, he's had gone away. They say, you know, conspiracy. He's not. They say he's living.

[Stephen Colbert]

But we saw his funeral.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Yes, but no one has seen him since his funeral.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, so to recap, we believe that Benedict is still alive and he's gonna be Pope again.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

If he becomes Pope again, what will his papal name be?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

He's going to take the name. They're going to say, habunus un papa.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

He's going to take the name Benedict XVI II.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Yeah.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

I think it's all Benedict 16th squared, maybe?

[Stephen Colbert]

Squared, Exactly. Well, I mean, once again, Father Saducci, thank you for being here. Thank you. It's an honor to talk to you and to get the insight so on what's happening over there in the Vatican.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Before you go. You've been covering the Vatican for decades. You're a beloved figure. Why aren't you a monsignor yet?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

I don't know. You know, I don't know. It keeps screwing me over, you know, I don't know why you applied. You were what I keep being. They say the next group. Next group.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

You know, and then they said, you can't have a tattoo.

[Stephen Colbert]

You have a tattoo.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

I had it removed. So I should be eligible again.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you mind if I ask? What. Can you tell me what the tattoo is?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

No, no, no. But it's removed.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's removed. Okay. Can you at least tell me, was it. Was it a religious symbol?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Not my religious symbol, but.

[Stephen Colbert]

Was it a. Was it a Grateful Dead skull?

[Father Guido Sarducci]

How did you know this? What?

[Stephen Colbert]

Father Sarducci, thank you so much for being here. Father Guido Sarducci. That's an exclusive. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

[Father Guido Sarducci]

Now Play Clock is running.

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Father Guido Sarducci]

Extraordinary.

[Stephen Colbert]

Live inside the stadium with some very special guests.

[Becca]

You did promise us a lot of A listers.

[Stephen Colbert]

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