Stephen Presents: Holiday First Drafts With Evie (Extended)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert – "Stephen Presents: Holiday First Drafts With Evie (Extended)"

Introduction

In the festive episode titled "Stephen Presents: Holiday First Drafts With Evie (Extended)" of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert teams up with his wife, Evie McGee, to delve into the often humorous and imperfect process of creating holiday cards. Released on December 25, 2024, this extended episode offers listeners an intimate and entertaining look into the behind-the-scenes efforts of crafting the perfect holiday greetings, coupled with Stephen's signature wit and warmth.

Setting the Stage: Mailbag and Audience Engagement

The episode begins with Stephen and Becca, one of the podcast's producers, introducing the concept of an extended podcast segment featuring Evie. They announce a new "Mailbag" segment where listeners can submit their letters and questions, fostering a more interactive experience. Stephen humorously remarks on the influx of letters, saying, "We just received 350 letters... It ended up being 75,000 letters" (05:11), highlighting the overwhelming and enthusiastic response from the audience.

Holiday Cards: The Art of the First Draft

Stephen and Evie embark on dissecting the creation of holiday cards, focusing on the initial drafts that often miss the mark before the final polished version. Their playful banter reveals the challenges and creative processes involved:

• Crafting the Message: Stephen shares his struggle with personalizing messages, stating, "Happy holidays to you and yours. May the new year be jolly and bright. You know the basics. The first draft read, happy holiday to you and yours" (09:02). This leads to a humorous exchange about remembering recipients' names and the complexities of addressing extended family members.

• Design and Presentation: The couple discusses the balance between creativity and practicality in holiday card design. Evie reflects on involving their children in the process, mentioning, "They wanted the silly, silly shots of themselves... almost unflattering" (10:15), showcasing the familial and light-hearted aspects of their card creation.

• Humorous Mishaps: Stephen shares amusing anecdotes about their first drafts, such as misplacing elements of traditional songs in cards. He jokes, "The first draft read, 'let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. It doesn't show signs of stopping... Let's draw straws to see who we eat.'" (14:02), highlighting the often unintentional hilarity that arises during the drafting process.

Personal Stories and Reflections

Throughout the episode, personal stories enhance the relatability and depth of the discussion:

• Correspondence Dinner Incident: Stephen recounts a past experience with an overwhelming amount of fan letters following a correspondence dinner, drawing a parallel to current audience engagement. "By Monday morning there were like 10,000 letters... It ended up being 75,000 letters" (05:11), illustrating the broad reach and passionate response from his audience.

• Family Dynamics: The interaction between Stephen and Evie sheds light on their relationship, revealing moments of playful teasing and genuine affection. For instance, when Evie teases Stephen about not getting her a present, Stephen responds, "Oh, that's okay. I'm better than you are" (08:03), showcasing their comfortable and humorous dynamic.

Cultural References and Humor

The episode is peppered with cultural references and Stephen's characteristic humor:

• Howdy Doody Show Anecdote: Becca shares an interesting historical tidbit about the Howdy Doody show, where the show's engagement was measured by the volume of postcard votes. This reference serves as a segue into discussing the effectiveness of audience interaction in modern formats.

• Pop Culture and Media Jokes: Stephen injects humor through pop culture mentions, such as referencing "RuPaul's Drag Race" when discussing card phrases like "You're the tops," adding layers of contemporary relevance and comedic flair.

Conclusion: Embracing Imperfection and Festive Spirit

As the episode wraps up, Stephen and Evie emphasize the joy found in the imperfect process of creating holiday cards. Their final exchanges underscore the essence of the holiday season—embracing imperfections, enjoying family moments, and spreading cheer. Stephen concludes with a heartfelt yet humorous note, "Merry Christmas, Evie McGee, everybody," leaving listeners with a warm and festive feeling.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Overwhelming Audience Response:
  Stephen Colbert (05:11): "By Monday morning there were like 10,000 letters... It ended up being 75,000 letters."

• On Personalizing Holiday Messages:
  Stephen Colbert (09:02): "Happy holidays to you and yours. May the new year be jolly and bright."

• On Family Involvement in Card Design:
  Evie McGee (10:15): "They wanted the silly, silly shots of themselves... almost unflattering."

• On Humorous First Draft Mistakes:
  Stephen Colbert (14:02): "The first draft read, 'let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. It doesn't show signs of stopping... Let's draw straws to see who we eat.'"

• On the Joy of Napping During Holidays:
  Evie McGee (10:57): "I got to see two of our three children today. That put me in the Christmas spirit."

Final Thoughts

"Stephen Presents: Holiday First Drafts With Evie (Extended)" offers a charming and humorous exploration of the holiday card creation process, enriched by personal stories and Stephen Colbert's trademark humor. The episode not only entertains but also fosters a sense of community by encouraging listener participation through the Mailbag segment. Whether you're a fan of The Late Show or simply looking for holiday cheer, this episode provides a delightful blend of laughter, relatability, and festive spirit.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Evie McGee]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Becca]

Hey everybody. You're listening to the Late Show POD Show.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm Stephen Colbert.

[Becca]

And I'm Becca. I'm one of the producers here at the podcast. And we're here, we're talking before some pods this week and next week to get you in the holiday spirit. And today we have a nice extended podcast with your wife Evie.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, fantastic. Is this extended extended podcast meaning it's like an uncut first drafts or something like that?

[Becca]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is that this recent one we just did?

[Becca]

Yeah, the holiday cards.

[Stephen Colbert]

Absolutely. Lovely.

[Becca]

Yeah. So lovely. You guys have a nice time together. And this might be the last first drafts for a while, right? Cause you guys are launching into the new season.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not sure we're gonna necessarily kill first drafts, but we have such a good time together when Evie's on. And it's, you know, a, I'm nervous. I want my wife to have a good time. But it's also just so relaxing when she's out there. Cause it's completely effortless. And the laugh I want to get is Evie's laugh. That always has been. I suppose when I was younger it was my mom's, but I don't know what Dr. Freud has to say about that. But now I really want to get Evie's laugh. And we just don't want to do as many first drafts because we were. The fact that you do Thanksgiving cards is pretty suspicious. Like, come on, you know those Thanksgiving cards everyone sends out. But what we're gonna do is we're gonna do Mailbag. We've never done mailbag before. And so we've got people sending. We've already got. I mean, last count, and this was well over a week ago, we had 350 letters.

[Becca]

Oh, wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

So cool. Yeah. So she's just. Come on. We're not gonna know what the questions are or anything. We're just gonna. She's gonna help me. She's gonna be my beautiful assistant or I'm gonna be her beautiful assistant. I don't know.

[Becca]

What are they questions? Are they advice? What do you.

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't know. I haven't read them. Okay, what am I looking for? Oh, what? Your letter. It's just your letter to the. It's their letter to the show.

[Becca]

Oh, beautiful. Okay, great.

[Stephen Colbert]

And, yeah, just keep in mind, like, if. If you send a letter into the show and you know the ones we're not going to read.

[Becca]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Becca]

Yeah. But you can send in those letters. If you go to the link in our bio on Instagram, there's a nice little Google Drive doc that you can go in, fill out, send in your letters, and we will. Maybe you'll see them on the show. Very exciting.

[Stephen Colbert]

Excellent.

[Becca]

I was listening to a cool podcast about the Howdy Doody show. And they taught you the Howdy Doody Show?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yep.

[Becca]

Yeah, they did a thing where it was. You know, it was one of the first kids TV shows of all time. They had no idea how to track ratings back then. There was no Nielsen report. So what they did geniusly was the writers said, howdy Doody's gonna run for president of the Kids of America, and you have to vote for him by sending in a postcard. And then they were gonna count the postcards to see how many people were actually listening. They had to stop. They closed down the posts like the mailroom when they got 60,000.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Becca]

And it would meant that there were more postcards being sent in than there were households in America that had the capability to play the Howdy Doody show.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, wow.

[Becca]

Because all the kids in the neighborhood were, like, getting, you know, wow. So this could also. This could be fun. This could be.

[Stephen Colbert]

After the correspondence dinner of 2006, I came in. I didn't really pay attention. Like, I did the show that night. I did the Correspondence association show for Bush and that sort of thing. And, you know, there's a little whiff of brimstone that night, but I didn't pay that much attention to it. I was kind of tired and we went home. We went to, like, one CNN party, and then I went home and drank a lot of Jack Daniels. And watched Peter Jackson's King Kong and finally got to sleep around 5 o'clock in the morning because I was pretty keyed up. And then the next night, took the train back. Didn't, you know, didn't pay any attention. Didn't know. And then I didn't know. I walked into the office the next day and some people said, hey, have you looked online? And I said, no. What about what they said about the correspondence center? I said, no, I haven't had a chance. I said, you should check out what's being said online. I said, okay, send me some links. Because I didn't really like searching for myself. And so somebody sent me a link called thank you, Stephen Colbert. Somebody set up just a little post there for people to leave me, like letters like Dear Steven. It was like how they felt about the correspondence dinner. And I clicked on it and by Monday morning there were like 10,000 letters on there. And it ended up being 75,000 letters.

[Becca]

Oh my goodness.

[Stephen Colbert]

On that.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I think Evie had them all. I think she had them all cashed. I never. I read one and I went, okay, that's enough.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And then someday, I don't know what my dotage. I guess I'll sit there and read 75,000 letters. So I'm not saying. I'm not comparing myself to Howdy Doody, because I would never. I would never. I would never.

[Becca]

There's some similarities. Television stars, that's one thing you have in common.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's true, that's true. We've also looked great in chaps. But I would never compare myself to a great like that. But I love the roar when the audience is invited to do something and they give you this roar that you don't expect. Like when we did the chorus when we did on the old show, when we did the super pac, we said, okay, let's start a super pac. And this is how people can donate. We got like $1.2 million. I couldn't sleep at night. I was panicking. I'm like, oh, what do I do with over a million dollars of comedy money? They gave. They thought, they think I'm gonna do something with this money. And then like a billionaire, a well known billionaire called me up. Cause he saw I was talking about it on air and he said, I'll give you another half. I'll give you another half mil. Like that. I'm like, do not give me any more money. Anyway, it's gonna be great. 20, 25, it's gonna be great.

[Becca]

It's gonna Be great. Send in those letters, link in bio, and I'll put the link in the podcast description as well.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, that's what we were talking about.

[Becca]

Yeah, yeah, the letters. Letters.

[Stephen Colbert]

We're talk.

[Becca]

I forgot why, but please enjoy. This is Stephen and Evi talking about holiday first draft cards on the Late Show. POD show.

[Stephen Colbert]

Folks, it's the holidays. That special time of year when we celebrate with family and friends and someone in the family's new boyfriend who everyone knows will not be around next year. It was nice to meet you, Kevin. But that was a lot of talking about knives. Some people like to give out holiday cards. I do. But even the best cards don't nail it on the first try. So tonight we'll take a look at some of the early attempts in our segment. No. No. Stupid. As always, I need a little help. And as always, I have the best little helper, my wife. Evie. Come on out here, darling. Hey. Oh, I love. I love the velvet. I want to rub you. There you go, please. Votes, please. There you go. Hello, first of all, there you go. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Thank you.

[Evie McGee]

Eggnog.

[Stephen Colbert]

Eggnog. Cheers.

[Evie McGee]

Cheers.

[Stephen Colbert]

There you go. Let's get our nog on. There you go.

[Evie McGee]

Merry Christmas. Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

I got your present.

[Evie McGee]

I didn't get you a present.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, that's okay. I'm better than you are.

[Evie McGee]

Oh, I think that's highly unfair.

[Stephen Colbert]

Open it up.

[Evie McGee]

Thank you. Well, no. Oh.

[Stephen Colbert]

Does this taste funny? There you go. It's our book. You can get it. There's a code down there, so you can. There's a code or something. There you go. You can click on that and you get it. It's for the whole family.

[Becca]

Yay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, darling, you know how this works.

[Evie McGee]

I do, I do. Here are the cards right there.

[Stephen Colbert]

What happens? I will show the people out there a Christmas card, the type that might be sold in stores, and then I will show the not good enough to sell first draft of that same card.

[Evie McGee]

Got it?

[Stephen Colbert]

Sound good? Are we ready for Christmas?

[Evie McGee]

I don't know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you have. I think I got you covered.

[Evie McGee]

Good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you have any questions?

[Evie McGee]

What would you like? I need some ideas. I need some ideas. These ideas are hard to price for.

[Stephen Colbert]

I told you I just wanted handkerchiefs with an initial on it. I did. I told you that in bed the other night. Like at 3:00 in the morning because we don't sleep anymore. No, at 3:00 in the morning. I said if you really get me some handkerchiefs with a Cassie on it and you're like, don't you want all three initials of your initials? I said no. My dad only used a C. I'll.

[Evie McGee]

Use a C. We have to talk about the fact that you broke the Internet today because of me, right?

[Stephen Colbert]

You're the one who said. You're the one who said, go dance with Oprah.

[Evie McGee]

I didn't know you were going to do the same. You got to get some new moves, hun. I mean, we've all seen the triple pirouette a lot.

[Stephen Colbert]

You got to get a new show. Anyway. Let's. Let's get a nice.

[Evie McGee]

Santa's watching. All right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, here's a nice one. It says, happy holidays to you and yours. May the new year be jolly and bright. You know the basics. The first draft read, happy holiday to you and yours. Okay, fine. I said you and yours because I can never remember your kid's name. I want to say Cashley. Is that a name?

[Evie McGee]

Oh, my God. That is such a real problem.

[Stephen Colbert]

That is such a real problem.

[Evie McGee]

I go to sign the Christmas card and I'm like, God, what are their kids names?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Evie McGee]

It's really hard now. Of course, her kids are adults.

[Stephen Colbert]

Braidlin, Braidlin and Cashley that.

[Evie McGee]

You made Braidlin up.

[Stephen Colbert]

I did make Bradlin, but there's gotta be a Braidlin out there somewhere.

[Evie McGee]

How great was it our children helped with the Christmas card? I wasn't gonna do a Christmas card. I was kind of not feeling it. And they helped me put it together. And you know what they wanted the silly, silly shots of themselves.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. Almost unflattering.

[Evie McGee]

Yeah. No, really?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Evie McGee]

And then we put one of you hiding behind the Christmas tree, which every.

[Stephen Colbert]

Year when we put the Christmas tree up and we finish with all, everything, I get in there and pull the tree back into the corner, but then I'm stuck in the corner.

[Evie McGee]

And then you live there.

[Stephen Colbert]

It really just looked like we're spending the rest of the Christmas holidays.

[Evie McGee]

Yep.

[Stephen Colbert]

How's your Christmas. How's your Christmas spirit going?

[Evie McGee]

It's getting better.

[Stephen Colbert]

Today it kicked in for me.

[Evie McGee]

Good. What happened?

[Stephen Colbert]

I took a nap and I woke up and just felt fantastic. I recommend everyone please nap this Christmas. That's a public service. That's a public service. And you know we are sponsored by the American Nap Council.

[Evie McGee]

I got to see two of our three children today. That put me in the Christmas spirit.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, wow.

[Evie McGee]

That was lucky.

[Stephen Colbert]

That was nice.

[Evie McGee]

I'm sorry. You didn't.

[Stephen Colbert]

I did not. I didn't see anyone.

[Evie McGee]

I'm sorry.

[Stephen Colbert]

No one loved.

[Evie McGee]

Well, you were napping.

[Stephen Colbert]

You Were napping. I was napping. That was much better than seeing a child. No. Okay, I'll see them when I wake up. Here's a religious classic. Christ is born, Hark, the herald angels sing. Seems aggressive. You know what I mean? Seems a little aggressive.

[Evie McGee]

Why is that aggressive? That's a whole different part.

[Stephen Colbert]

Because it starts with Christ is born. Doesn't it usually like, hark, the herald angels sing, Glory to the newborn king.

[Evie McGee]

And the borns afterwards, because he's been born. Like, that's the whole point.

[Stephen Colbert]

It usually starts with a hark, and then you hark to what they're saying. And what you're harking is child is born. Yes. Those are the lyrics. I don't make the rules.

[Evie McGee]

Well, it's not aggressive. I mean, it's literally to the point. This is why there's Christmas, because Jesus is born.

[Stephen Colbert]

Didn't know I was hosting the 700 Club. Tammy Faye, over here. There you go. Tammy Faye. Hold of a restless.

[Evie McGee]

No, really?

[Stephen Colbert]

But the first draft said Christ is born, and Mary and Joseph sent us the baby gift registry. But it's like, his dad is God. He's rich. That's tacky. I mean, it's tacky, right? Honest to God. Yeah. Here's a Hanukkah card with some dreidels on it that says, you're the tops. Happy Hanukkah. That's nice.

[Evie McGee]

That's nice.

[Stephen Colbert]

The first draft said you're the tops or bottoms or maybe verse. I don't mean to assume, but I just started watching RuPaul's Drag Race, and I am learning a lot.

[Evie McGee]

Is it rude for me to say bossy bottom? Is that negative?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, no, that's.

[Evie McGee]

That reminds me that Andy Cohen called me a bossy bottom.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Evie McGee]

I kind of like it.

[Stephen Colbert]

And you have not yet looked up what that means.

[Evie McGee]

I don't want to know.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, you don't.

[Evie McGee]

I'm just gonna call myself.

[Stephen Colbert]

Or you do. Oh.

[Evie McGee]

Should I not say it? Is it like.

[Stephen Colbert]

What? No, it's fine. There's nothing wrong. This is America.

[Evie McGee]

Is it bad? It's not bad.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is it bad to be a bad at all? No, it's just. It's a. It's. It's a description of the role you play in a sexual relationship.

[Evie McGee]

Well, I. But you could take it out of context, right?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. And then put it back in context.

[Evie McGee]

Jeez. Wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, hey. You're the one who brought up bossy bottom. The bossy bottom. Okay.

[Evie McGee]

It makes me seem racier than I am. I think it's good.

[Stephen Colbert]

There's no way to make you racier than you are. You're just. You're a flame of passion at all times. This is a fun one. It says, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. It doesn't show signs of stopping. And I brought some corn for popping. Merry Christmas. There you go.

[Evie McGee]

Very nice.

[Stephen Colbert]

The first draft read, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. It doesn't show signs of stopping. Oh, God, we're trapped till spring. Let's draw straws to see who we eat. Who do you think who be who be who would rather who would eat you? Mew more delicious or me more delicious?

[Evie McGee]

I think I have a little more fat, so I'm probably pretty good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, I'm pretty well marbled. And I don't move much. You go exercise and I don't move much. I'm more like Kobe beef. Just pour me beer and massage me every so often.

[Evie McGee]

Yeah, but I mean, we women, we're already geared for all the, like, soft spots, you know, we're probably very tasty somehow.

[Stephen Colbert]

Now this conversation is upsetting to me. I don't know how you made capitalism ugly.

[Evie McGee]

I'm a glossy bottom, that's why.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's right. Here's an old fashioned one.

[Evie McGee]

That said, I'm nice. I'm so naughty. I mean, I'm racy.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're naughty and nice. You're on both of Santa's lists. Here's an old fashioned one. It's the velvet.

[Evie McGee]

It's the velvet.

[Stephen Colbert]

I like the velvet. It's the velvet. You're very pettable. You're very pettable tonight. Here's an old fashioned one. It says, on the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. 12 drummers drumming. Not much of a card, but that's the card. But the first draft said, on the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. A total logistical nightmare. Where am I supposed to put 12 drummers drumming? I still don't know what to do with the seven lords of leaping. And those maids are getting milk everywhere. Yeah, very expensive. Very expensive drummers all the whole thing. Like through the golden rings and the partridges and everything. Super expensive. I'm not getting you any of that stuff. Would you like a partridge and a pear tree?

[Evie McGee]

Sure, I'll take a pear tree.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really?

[Evie McGee]

Well, I don't know. My mother used to say pear trees were sort of like trash trees.

[Stephen Colbert]

Your mother used to say pear trees were trash trees?

[Evie McGee]

Well, because pear trees, a lot of them got planted in, you know, Dish girl. It depends on the kind of pear tree, but there are a lot.

[Stephen Colbert]

Donjou.

[Evie McGee]

Well, I think that's higher end.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, Bartlett.

[Evie McGee]

Yeah, I think that Bartlett.

[Stephen Colbert]

Can you think of a third pear? No, gimp.

[Evie McGee]

Anyway, nothing against pear trees. I think she meant that they were planted in like on highways and stuff like that. I don't know.

[Stephen Colbert]

We just lost the pear sponsorship.

[Evie McGee]

Sorry.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here's one that says, ho, ho, ho. I love you so. Merry Christmas.

[Evie McGee]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Stephen Colbert]

But the first draft said ho ho, ho. More like man ho. I found your only fans, Chris.

[Evie McGee]

Onlyfans.

[Stephen Colbert]

Merry Christmas, darling. MERRY Christmas, Evie McGee, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. French Montana has been named the most streamed African born artist now streaming on Paramount. I'm a real immigrant professor off the boat. I just remember my mother working two, three jobs. I was like, I gotta do something. Hit the streets. Witness the unforgettable story of an icon's rise. I had this idea of French as this untouchable mob boss and then he turned into an artist. You sacrifice to better they self to better their family. Don't miss the French Montana story for Kia. New documentary now streaming exclusively on Paramount Plus. Go to paramountplus.com to try it. Free terms apply in all new all access Paramount plus original docu series Christian Kisk is captain of the US national team.

[Evie McGee]

Take a sneak peek into my trailer.

[Stephen Colbert]

Following America's captain.

[Becca]

Soccer brings out a different character in me.

[Stephen Colbert]

On his quest for global victory, Captain America has taken his team on his shoulders. Balancing fame. Christians never wanted the spotlight and the game. These are the goals that create legends.

[Becca]

I want to be the best player in the world.

[Stephen Colbert]

Pulisic presented by Michelob Ultra New docu series now streaming exclusively on Paramount plus. Welcome to the oil business. Billy Bob Thornton, Demi Moore and Jon Ham star in a new Paramount plus original series. The world has already convinced itself that you are evil. And I am evil for providing them the one thing they interact with every day.

[Becca]

You're all right.

[Evie McGee]

Here we go.

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Becca]

You just put a giant bullseye on this place.

[Evie McGee]

We rolled the dice one last time.

[Stephen Colbert]

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