Stephen Presents: Joaquin Phoenix's Colbert Questionert

Summary

Podcast Title: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
Episode: Stephen Presents: Joaquin Phoenix's Colbert Questionnaire
Release Date: August 12, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert engages in a playful and insightful conversation with acclaimed actor Joaquin Phoenix. The episode centers around the "Colbert Questionnaire," a series of personal and sometimes whimsical questions designed to delve deeper into the guest's personality beyond the typical interview format.

The Colbert Questionnaire Begins

[05:17] Stephen Colbert:
"What are we doing today, Becca?"

Becca introduces the concept of the lengthy questionnaire, highlighting its comprehensive nature. Stephen expresses enthusiasm about tackling the entire 19-and-a-half-minute questionnaire with Joaquin, setting the stage for an engaging and candid dialogue.

[05:09] Becca:
"We have a questionnaire that is the longest questionnaire of all time."

Notable Moments and Quotes

1. Favorite Sandwich

   [08:37] Stephen Colbert:
   "Joaquin Phoenix, what is the best sandwich?"

   [08:42] Joaquin Phoenix:
   "I guess I would do, like tahini, lettuce, tomato with red onion and sourdough bread."

   Stephen humorously reacts to Joaquin's unique sandwich choice, emphasizing the personalized nature of the questionnaire.

2. First Concert Attended

   [09:05] Stephen Colbert:
   "What was your first concert you attended?"

   [09:23] Joaquin Phoenix:
   "The first concert I attended was probably... Steel Pulse concert. That's a reggae band."

   This response offers a glimpse into Joaquin's early life and musical tastes.

3. Scariest Animal

   [09:52] Stephen Colbert:
   "What is the scariest animal? Do any animals scare you?"

   [09:56] Joaquin Phoenix:
   "No."

   This leads to a humorous exchange about sharks and spiders, showcasing the light-hearted rapport between the hosts and guest.

4. Favorite Smell

   [18:34] Stephen Colbert:
   "Favorite smell."

   [18:36] Joaquin Phoenix:
   "Definitely my kids."

   This heartfelt response adds depth to Joaquin’s personal side, highlighting his affection for his children.

5. Earliest Memory

   [20:18] Joaquin Phoenix:
   "Iguanas."

   [18:56] Joaquin Phoenix:
   "My dad holding me in it. Being in a swimming pool. And this was in Venezuela. And there were iguanas on the pavement."

   Joaquin shares a vivid childhood memory, reflecting on his experiences growing up abroad.

6. Favorite Song for Life

   [21:19] Stephen Colbert:
   "You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it?"

   [21:33] Joaquin Phoenix:
   "Honestly, I don't know."

   This question stumps Joaquin, leading to a candid admission of uncertainty and the complexity of such personal choices.

Highlights of the Conversation

• Humor and Playfulness: The questionnaire format allows Stephen and Joaquin to engage in humorous banter, particularly evident when discussing unconventional answers or playful reactions to questions.

• Personal Insights: Despite some light-hearted moments, Joaquin shares meaningful personal anecdotes, such as his earliest memory and his feelings about aging, providing listeners with a deeper understanding of his character.

• Dynamic Interaction: The chemistry between Stephen and Joaquin is palpable, with Stephen often playfully teasing Joaquin while also respecting his thoughtful responses.

Conclusion

The episode successfully blends humor, sincerity, and thoughtful conversation, offering listeners an entertaining and intimate glimpse into Joaquin Phoenix's personality. Through the "Colbert Questionnaire," Stephen Colbert facilitates a dialogue that is both engaging and revealing, making it a standout episode for fans of the show and lovers of meaningful interviews alike.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Stephen Colbert [08:37]: "Joaquin Phoenix, what is the best sandwich?"

• Joaquin Phoenix [08:42]: "I guess I would do, like tahini, lettuce, tomato with red onion and sourdough bread."

• Joaquin Phoenix [18:36]: "Definitely my kids."

• Joaquin Phoenix [20:18]: "Iguanas."

• Joaquin Phoenix [21:33]: "Honestly, I don't know."

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This detailed summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions and memorable moments while providing insightful quotes and proper attribution to the speakers. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the podcast, this summary offers a comprehensive overview of the engaging interaction between Stephen Colbert and Joaquin Phoenix.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, everybody. Stephen Colbert here about to read the copy for our sponsor. This is from our friends at Wonderful Pistachios. And I was the wonderful pistachio spokesman for years. Yeah, I have a real close association with nut meat. Okay. You know what they say when they reach for a snack? Don't hold back. And that's exactly the approach with Wonderful Pistachios. The don't hold back snack. These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something. But surprise. Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt. Just glory, glory in our nuts. Whether it's a satisfying crack of in shell pistachios, and that's capitalized in shell, or the smooth, instant gratification of no shells. No judgment. That's just it. Just eat. No judgment. I take issue with one thing. It's instant gratification. It's super tasty smooth.

[Becca]

It's a hard nut smooth.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. I mean, even out of the shell, it's still a nut.

[Becca]

We can't disparage the nuts.

[Stephen Colbert]

You. I'm not disparaging the nut. I'm describing the nut.

[Becca]

Don't disparage any flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not. I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I'm on board. I love pistachios. I love a crushed pistachio. Like a pistachio crusted trout. Oh, unbelievable. Instead of a trout amandine, a trout pistachio. Fantastic. Enough butter? Who cares?

[Becca]

Very good.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I love pistachio ice cream.

[Becca]

Have you had the sea salt and vinegar? Wonderful pistachio. It's delicious.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't even know I get them.

[Becca]

Before the softball games.

[Stephen Colbert]

But that's. You see, it's been a while since I've been the spokesman for wonderful Pistachios. I didn't realize we'd achieved new pistachio technology.

[Becca]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Wonderful pistachios has every snack style covered right now. There's an obsession with jalapeno lime. There is an obsession session. It's almost a disorder. It's spicy, it's zesty. It's basically a flavor roller coaster in a nut. Snacking on the go. Grab a bag of no shells. Feeling contemplative and want to work for it a little. So earning it, they're saying, if you want to earn your nut, crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it's snacking like a champ. So the next time hunger strikes, don't hold back. Unless it's a hunger strike, and then it's important that you do, because whatever you're doing that for, I'm sure it's a worthwhile cause. Snack like you mean it with wonderful pistachios. Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more.

[Becca]

That was a wonderful.

[Stephen Colbert]

I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios. But evidently there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.

[Becca]

They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime, as we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.

[Becca]

No, no, no.

[Stephen Colbert]

Bring it on.

[Becca]

Nothing bad to say.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nut me, nut. Nut me with nut meat.

[Becca]

We're nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, we got nothing but nut. Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about nutty good.

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[Stephen Colbert]

Hi, this is Stephen Colbert.

[Becca]

Hi, this is Becca. And you're listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert and Becca.

[Stephen Colbert]

What are we doing today, Becca?

[Becca]

So we got a bunch of podcast intros to go through because we're on a break.

[Stephen Colbert]

We're on a break. We're on a summer break. And those are significant.

[Becca]

Yes. And if you're just joining us, this is something we do every for the last several years. Me and Steven come in here and we give you lovely little two to three minute intros to some of your favorite late shows.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sometimes they're longer than that, sometimes they're, frankly, I think they're way too long.

[Becca]

Sometimes okay, great. Okay, great. But you know what? There's no time limit on the podcast.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure.

[Becca]

But we'll keep them snappy. We'll keep them snappy this time.

[Stephen Colbert]

What's the first one?

[Becca]

We have a questionnaire that is the longest questionnaire of all time.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wait, so that's Joaquin Phoenix?

[Becca]

Yes, yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

How long is it?

[Becca]

It's 19 and a half minutes.

[Stephen Colbert]

And we're showing. We're doing all of it.

[Becca]

We're doing the whole thing.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, great.

[Becca]

Yeah, we're doing the whole. It's wonderful. And I think all.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was a lot of fun.

[Becca]

All questionnaires should be that long because.

[Stephen Colbert]

He really based in it how paralyzed he became over questions like apples or oranges. I don't think he even understood the concept that you had to choose fruit.

[Becca]

Yes. My favorite was cats or dogs. And he said, what time of day is it? He wanted specific areas.

[Stephen Colbert]

He really different pet needs actor.

[Becca]

Sure. Yeah. All right, well, enjoy. This is Joaquin Phoenix on the Late Show.

[Stephen Colbert]

That was a really short intro.

[Becca]

Yeah. Well, we could beef it up.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nope, this is fine. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Late Show. I don't have to tell any of you folks who that is. That's Joaquin Phoenix right there. He is star of the new film Eddington, which is in theaters now. Theaters now. Climbing the charts. And Joaquin, I really enjoyed our interview. I had a really good time, and I'm so glad you're here. Really honored you stopped by because now you don't do this a lot. But after the interview, I feel like we're kind of close. I feel like we're kind of close. I think we made a connection. That is nice.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

It is a nice feeling.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's rare, you know.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Thank you for saying that.

[Stephen Colbert]

It is a rare feeling. It is a rare feeling, you know, hooking up the jumper cables, as I like to say, watching the energy flow back and forth. But even with, like, really kind of like. I mean, people's reaction to that interview was so positive.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

And.

[Stephen Colbert]

I. Even after that level quality of an interview, I feel like I didn't get to know you the way I really wanted to. And there's this thing here we do at the Colbert Report. Oh, my God. I want you to know.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Do you.

[Stephen Colbert]

I want you to know. Hold on. I want you to know. Wait, I gotta tell. I gotta. I wanna just.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I mean.

[Stephen Colbert]

I want you to know. I mean that this September I'll be doing 10 of this show. I have never done that before. That's the first time in 10 years. Back me up. That's the first time in 10 years you pulled something. You pulled something out of me, sir.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I'm sorry.

[Stephen Colbert]

You pulled that out of me.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I'm sorry.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, sorry. You cracked this oyster. No, see, but that's what I want to do with my questions, you see, because we here at the Late show have come up. We've come up with this system by which we can get to know people very quickly, very thoroughly. I mean, really, the person's fully known, and if you don't want to do it, that's fine. I understand. It can be a scary prospect because by. By the end of this, no secrets, we'll know everything. I'm just saying, a lot of great people have done it. Are you ready to face the Colbert questionnaire? We are proud of you. Proud of you.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Hit it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Dare I ask. Oh, Joaquin Phoenix. What is the best sandwich?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Oh.

[Stephen Colbert]

First question says, what's the best sandwich? Yeah.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I don't know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Come on, you definitely have an idea.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Well, I have a few ideas.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. But if you had to pick one, like, this is the sandwich. You know, I'm reaching for a sandwich.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I guess I would do, like tahini, lettuce, tomato with red onion and sourdough bread.

[Stephen Colbert]

Damn, son. You had that.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

You don't even know what that is.

[Stephen Colbert]

You had that on. Yes, I do. You had that on speed dial. Are we pickling these onions? Are we pickling these red onions?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No, but that's a good idea.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you. I don't know about a tomato and tahini sandwich. How dare you? What was your first concert you attended?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

The first concert I attended was probably. I think my mom wouldn't want me to say this, but I think my parents took me to a Steel Pulse concert. That's a reggae.

[Stephen Colbert]

Steel Pulse.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

It's a reggae band.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, okay.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

There was a lot of, you know, in the air.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, you know what? It's legal now.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Oh, is it?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, you don't have to do the.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No.

[Stephen Colbert]

For years, it was like, oh, 100%.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Don't say 100%.

[Stephen Colbert]

What is the scariest animal? Do any animals scare you?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No.

[Stephen Colbert]

Great white shark.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. What do you mean? Not really? Have you been faced with an animal that could kill you ever?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I don't think so. But what are the conditions? Like, but I mean.

[Stephen Colbert]

But I can't tell you. That's like saying, what are the conditions of love? Like, you're either scared or you're not scared. I can't. I can't.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

You Love.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. Some people have. Like I do. Spiders unnerve me. Spiders unnerve me. I grew up. South Carolina's got some pretty big spiders. And as a kid, maybe snakes. Maybe snakes. Maybe snakes.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

So hard, huh? Well, I don't want to offend anyone. Like how.

[Stephen Colbert]

What percentage of our viewership is snakes?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

There might. There might be.

[Stephen Colbert]

There might be. Okay, here's. Here's an easy one. Apples or oranges?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Okay, hold on a second. Yep. Why? Okay, so why?

[Stephen Colbert]

What?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Is it a trick question?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, it's just a question. None of these are tricks.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

But fine, but then that. So I'm just wondering because it implies that you have both in stock.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

So why you have both of them.

[Stephen Colbert]

In front of you and they say.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Why do I want to go?

[Stephen Colbert]

Because we only have. We have one for you and one for me, and I'm happy that you picked the one you want.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No, you pick. I'll take. Honestly, I'm not really hungry right now.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not really hungry right now, but.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

But I like both. I want you to be happy. You have power over editing this. I don't want you to be angry when this is being edited.

[Stephen Colbert]

No one's gonna. This isn't a trap. This is not a trap. I'm not a trapdoor spider.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Okay. The scariest of all spiders, I think it could be. Why not have half of each?

[Stephen Colbert]

I will. Judges. We will allow it. The judges are allowing it.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Never. We've never. They've never allowed that one before.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Okay, thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

May I ask who you've asked?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Well, I didn't. I didn't. My mom worked at NBC when I was young. She was a secretary to a casting director, and I asked her to ask him to get Erik Estrada's autograph from Chips.

[Stephen Colbert]

Chips. Hell, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

And. And John Travolta.

[Stephen Colbert]

John Travolta. She got it.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

She did.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, is this from welcome Back Cotter days?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I don't. For some reason, the image that I have in my head, is it urban cowboy? Is that.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, Urban cowboy. Yeah.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

But that seems. Not like. It seems like that wouldn't be the autographed picture you'd give a kid, but maybe. I don't know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Maybe that's what they had, you know, Maybe.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

But I might be wrong about that. For some reason, that's the image I had.

[Stephen Colbert]

You have either of these still? Oh, Joaquin.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

But I worked with John, so, like.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, yeah. All right. Thud. There we go.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, I Worked with Erik Estrada. Do you? I didn't. I wish I did. I wish I did. Huge, huge fan. I wanted those pants. What do you think happens when we die? I mean, we run the gamut. We run the gamut too much. There are no wrong answers.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Well, in case anyone's listening, I don't want to find out anytime soon.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, good. We don't want to tempt the.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Let's get that out of the way. Right? Yeah. I don't know. It's cool, you know, it's like, fully deteriorate until, like, the physical becomes, you know.

[Stephen Colbert]

And then it's cool.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yeah, it's great. It's like the thing that we, like, want to avoid, like, our whole lives. Like, things that are, like, we think are, like, gross and stuff. When everyone wants to, like, be, like, youthful and stuff and then just fully deteriorate. And that's amazing.

[Stephen Colbert]

Are you looking forward to getting old?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I am. I mean, already it's happening. Yes, it's happening.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

And it's better than the other thing, them being young.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, I wouldn't be my 20s again for anything. Yeah, that was rough, man. Favorite action movie, eh? You don't even. Have you seen it?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Action? No, I'm trying. That's what I'm trying to think of. What are.

[Stephen Colbert]

Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Have you seen it?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yeah. Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Did you enjoy it?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I do recall enjoying it, I think. I don't know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Die Hard, the Magnificent Seven, the Dirty Dozen.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

It's great. Yeah, no, I can't think of anything.

[Stephen Colbert]

You can't think of any action movies?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No.

[Stephen Colbert]

What movie of yours is close? I mean, this is kind of an action movie. Let's sell some tickets. This is kind of an action movie. Eddington's kind of an action movie movie.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Wouldn't you say there is some action in it? Yep, there is.

[Stephen Colbert]

Just look at the trailer.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yeah, Yeah. I wish I, I wish I, I don't know. I can't think of an action movie. I'm sorry. You know, if you provided these questions.

[Stephen Colbert]

My dinner with Andre. What?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

If you provided these questions in advance and I could have prepared in some way.

[Stephen Colbert]

Did we not provide these.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

This is not a. And then I feel like Jud. You know, this is really.

[Stephen Colbert]

I, I, I. There are no. I mean it when I say there are no wrong answers. I just want to know. But, but no answer is, Is quite surprising because you grew up. You grew up, like, I know, all over the world, right? At what age did you come back to the United States?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

When I Was three years old.

[Stephen Colbert]

And no offense, but how old are you now?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Why would I be offended?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, that's right. You're enjoying the decay. Yeah.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, some people.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

You're 50.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're 50.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

So for 47 years, you have never seen an action movie in America?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Of course. I must have.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, I know. Listen, you must have seen it.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I'm not, like, withholding information. It's just not happening. Like, it's not. It's not processing. Let's move on.

[Stephen Colbert]

Let's move on.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I want to.

[Stephen Colbert]

Can I just pick one for you? Can I just pick one for you? What? Gladiator. You love Gladiator? Do you? Did you enjoy Gladiator? Did you enjoy Gladiator?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

What do you mean?

[Stephen Colbert]

You were in Gladiator?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Did you enjoy. I didn't know. Remember? No. Information.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I mean, that. That's information I'll never forget.

[Stephen Colbert]

If it's about me, I remember. Of course.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I'm kidding to the. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's pretty good movie. It's a pretty good movie. Ridley's great. It's great. Window or aisle? What would you prefer? Don't say both. You can't have both.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No. Well, right, but see, you know. Okay, listen. It's not as cut and dry as you think it is. Okay. So if I'm.

[Stephen Colbert]

If I. I didn't know I was gonna be interviewing the Buddha.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No, but listen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, there is no window and there is no aisle, Steven. There is only the attitude that is struck toward your approach to your place in the universe. So what?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

There is a window and there is an aisle.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Do you like looking out the window or being closer to the snack cart?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I just. So if I'm alone.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I'm going window.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

If I'm with my son or if you're with your son, he takes window. Cause I want Kim on the inside. And then I would stay on the aisle. Cool.

[Stephen Colbert]

Right. And also, he gets to see all the little. You know, he needs to see the wool.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No, he closes the shade.

[Stephen Colbert]

He closes the shade.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

He's very angry if you open it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Favorite smell. Wow. I love it. Favorite smell.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Definitely. Definitely my kids.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Baby head. Baby head. Like, least favorite smell. Least favorite smell.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Some things that my kids do.

[Stephen Colbert]

What is it? May I ask what your earliest memory is?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Iguanas.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, really?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Like in a tree or like.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No, no, they're actually violent. Is. Yeah. My dad holding me in it. Being in a swimming pool. And this was in. This was in Venezuela. And there were. IGUANAS that were on the pavement? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And yeah, of course they were like. Seemed terrifying to me. I remember being frightened, but.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Do you have any idea how that. How old you might have been? Cause you came back to the States when you were young.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yeah, I. Yeah, nearly three. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Cats or dogs?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Okay, well, again, is this like a. Is this a day hang or is it like evening or.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, that's a good question, man. Let's say. Well, let's say right now this is broadcasting sometime in the night. Let's say night hang.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Is it like, what time of year? Is it like this?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, no, I mean, that's fine. This time of year. It's summertime. Summertime. It's July, a nighttime July on the West Coast.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

A little bit up the coast from la. Okay. You can see the ocean. You can smell the sea air. There's recently been rain, so everything's green. And you've got a beautiful view. And the sun has already set, so.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

You smell the sea air. So the windows or something is open. So it's not air conditioned?

[Stephen Colbert]

No. Oh, God, it's hot. What? No. Beautiful, beautiful.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Well, no, I mean, it just rained.

[Stephen Colbert]

It just rained and it cooled everything down.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

This is my thing and I think it's pretty hot.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, that's fine. It can be your fantasy. I just. I'm helping in any way you wanted.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Asking me. I mean, I thought. Is this your. Are we together?

[Stephen Colbert]

You asked me what time of year. You asked me. I asked you to catch your dogs. You said daytime or nighttime. What time of year? Where are we? Who am I? What is this show?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

I guess dogs.

[Stephen Colbert]

Dogs. Nighttime. Dogs. Daytime. Cats. We're almost done. You've done very well. How many points you got? 1500 points. Right. Okay. Do you want to keep the points you have or do you want to go. Or do you want to go for the golden round?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Uh, let's go. Golden gold round. Here's the thing.

[Stephen Colbert]

What?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Um. Okay. Hit it.

[Stephen Colbert]

You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it? And you don't have to listen to it continually, but when you go to listen to music, this is what you get to hear. What is the. If you had. You have to pick one. What is this song?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Do other people struggle with this? Or I'm the only one like everyone else? Just like.

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't perceive you as struggling with this. I perceive you as not playing at all.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Don't, don't. Don't give it away. Don't give it away.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'M not giving nothing away. It's all keeping it close to my chest, my man. No, I mean, people have different reactions to this. Some people. Sting was lickety split.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

What did he have?

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't know. He tore. But he tore through it. Like he tore through the questions really fast.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Right?

[Stephen Colbert]

Owen Wilson. That's pretty long. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Well, I want the record, so.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, Joaquin. Joaquin. I have. I have some great news for you. You busted that thing a long time ago.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yeah, great.

[Stephen Colbert]

You know you were redlining on favorite sandwich.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. You get what the song. What's the one song you go to listen to, friendo?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Honestly, I don't know. I just. I don't know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you have a. Do you have a favorite song?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Well, I like. There's a lot of songs I like.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, I do, too. I know it's not an easy. This is one of the harder questions. This is up there with what happens when we die, in my opinion. Or apples or oranges. It's one of the hardest questions. One of the hardest questions in here. I have an answer. I'm not going to tell you because I don't answer the Colbert questionnaire. I'm going to answer the Colbert questionnaire when I decide to no longer do the show. That's how people will know. I will say, oh, I'll start answering these questions. But I don't. I don't. I don't. That's. I'm not going to do that. But I'm just curious what song it would be. Okay, Is it quiet? Would you want something quiet to listen? Something long, so there'd be variety over a long period of time. Because remember, this is for the rest of your life what you get to listen to. Classical, jazz, rock. Stop me anytime. Country. Country. I'm just reggae, steel band.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Steel balls.

[Stephen Colbert]

Steel balls.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No, I'm just. I'm just really grateful that life is not like this. I'm just not like this.

[Stephen Colbert]

No. Some people see life test. Some people. Some people do.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

This is like an interrogation.

[Stephen Colbert]

What a test? No.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Bear.

[Stephen Colbert]

Light bulb swinging overhead. You're gonna crack. All right, I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say point of no return by Kansas. Put him down for something by Kansas. Maybe Dust in the wind.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Okay, okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Or a Foreigner. Cold as ice. Okay, what number. What number am I thinking of?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

23.

[Stephen Colbert]

No.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Well.

[Stephen Colbert]

Describe the rest of your life in five words.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

No way. I can't.

[Stephen Colbert]

No way. I can't. There you go, Joaquin. Congratulations. You are known. Joaquin Phoenix, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

[Unknown]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Paramount plus someone is trying to frame us.

[Joaquin Phoenix]

Until our names are cleared we're fugitives from intervals like Bonnie and Clyde with better snacks it espionage. You still as good a shot as you used to be?

[Stephen Colbert]

Better? Is there love language?

[Joaquin Phoenix]

We like to walk that fine line between techno thriller and romantic comedy. We make up our own rules.

[Stephen Colbert]

NCIS Tony and Ziva streaming September 4th on Paramount Plus.