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- [00:00]
Stephen Colbert
Hey, everybody. Stephen Colbert here about to read the copy for our sponsor. This is from our friends at Wonderful Pistachios. And I was the wonderful pistachio spokesman for years. Yeah, I have a real close association with nut meat. Okay. You know what they say when they reach for a snack? Don't hold back. And that's exactly the approach with Wonderful Pistachios. The don't hold back snack. These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something. But surprise. Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt. Just glory, glory in our nuts. Whether it's a satisfying crack of in shell pistachios, and that's capitalized in shell, or the smooth, instant gratification of no shells. No judgment. That's just it. Just eat. No judgment. I take issue with one thing. It's instant gratification. It's super tasty smooth.
- [01:05]
Becca (Producer)
It's a hard nut smooth.
- [01:07]
Stephen Colbert
Exactly. I mean, even out of the shell, it's still a nut.
- [01:10]
Becca (Producer)
We can't disparage the nuts. You.
- [01:12]
Stephen Colbert
I'm not disparaging the nut. I'm describing the nut.
- [01:15]
Becca (Producer)
Don't disparage any flavors.
- [01:16]
Stephen Colbert
I'm not. I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I'm on board. I love pistachios.
- [01:22]
Becca (Producer)
I love.
- [01:22]
Stephen Colbert
I love crushed pistachio. Like a pistachio crusted trout. Oh, unbelievable. Instead of a trout amandine, a trout pistachio. Fantastic. Enough butter? Who cares?
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Becca (Producer)
Very good.
- [01:33]
Stephen Colbert
And I love pistachio ice cream.
- [01:35]
Becca (Producer)
Have you had the sea salt and vinegar? Wonderful pistachio. It's delicious. I get them.
- [01:38]
Stephen Colbert
I didn't even know I get them.
- [01:39]
Becca (Producer)
Before the softball games.
- [01:40]
Stephen Colbert
But that's. You see, it's been a while since I've been the spokesman for wonderful pistachios. I didn't realize we'd achieved new pistachio technology.
- [01:46]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah. Yeah.
- [01:47]
Stephen Colbert
Wow. Wonderful pistachios has every snack style covered. Right now. There's an obsession with jalapeno lime. There is an obsession session. It's almost a disorder. It's spicy, it's zesty. It's basically a flavor roller coaster in a nut. Snacking on the go. Grab a bag of no shells. Feeling contemplative and want to work for it a little. So earning it, they're saying if you want to earn your nut, crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it's snacking like a champ. So the next time hunger strikes, don't hold back. Unless it's a hunger strike. And Then it's important that you do, because whatever you're doing that for, I'm sure it's a worthwhile cause. Snack like you mean it with wonderful pistachios. Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more.
- [02:41]
Becca (Producer)
That was a wonderful.
- [02:42]
Stephen Colbert
I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios. But evidently, there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.
- [02:55]
Becca (Producer)
They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime, as we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.
- [03:01]
Stephen Colbert
Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.
- [03:03]
Becca (Producer)
No, no, no.
- [03:04]
Stephen Colbert
Bring it on.
- [03:04]
Becca (Producer)
Nothing bad to say.
- [03:05]
Stephen Colbert
Nut me, nut. Nut me with nut meat.
- [03:09]
Becca (Producer)
We're nut.
- [03:09]
Stephen Colbert
No, we got nothing but nut. Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about nutty. Good.
- [03:22]
Becca (Producer)
Get smoother, brighter skin instantly. In one easy step, Dermalogica's daily microfoliant gives you the smooth, glowy skin you want without damaging your skin barrier. This gentle exfoliating powder activates with water to smooth out rough texture and brighten skin. It's powerful enough to deliver results, yet gentle enough to use every single day, even on sensitive skin. See the results for yourself. Visit dermalogica.com and use code smooth at cart for an exclusive free gift with $60 purchase. Hi, Becca. Hi, Steven.
- [03:59]
Stephen Colbert
Welcome to. Oh, no. Please, no, Please, I beg you. After you, my dear Alphonse.
- [04:02]
Becca (Producer)
All right, this is the Late Show.
- [04:04]
Stephen Colbert
POD show with Stephen Colbert and Becca, my producer.
- [04:07]
Becca (Producer)
And we got a really fun POD show tonight. This is Big Questions with even bigger stars.
- [04:13]
Stephen Colbert
Gosh, who have I done that with lately?
- [04:15]
Becca (Producer)
So this was the last time we did this was a year ago.
- [04:18]
Stephen Colbert
Was Brad Pitt.
- [04:19]
Becca (Producer)
He has done it, but this is not the most recent one.
- [04:22]
Stephen Colbert
Ryan Reynolds.
- [04:24]
Becca (Producer)
Okay, let me see if I can quiz you based on the story that I want to tell about this guest. They came into the rewrite room and it was me, Caroline Lazar, Ariel Dumas. And we were all Keanu. Yes. And can you guys end this?
- [04:41]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah. Because you guys were all dolled up.
- [04:42]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah. And we were all blushing.
- [04:44]
Stephen Colbert
We were all blushing. And you were super excited that Keanu was there.
- [04:47]
Becca (Producer)
And I wasn't expect. I like him. I. Big fan, Bill and Ted. Big fan of his work, but did.
- [04:51]
Stephen Colbert
Not expect to be completely disarmed by.
- [04:54]
Becca (Producer)
How charming this man was and how great he looks. He looks great.
- [04:57]
Stephen Colbert
I was like, why are there so Many women in this room.
- [04:59]
Becca (Producer)
Right. And then Ariel starts laughing and pointing at me and says, you're bright red. And then Steven looks at me and says, are you okay? But such a charming, nice guy.
- [05:12]
Stephen Colbert
Wonderful. Really, really lovely.
- [05:14]
Becca (Producer)
So this is Keanu Reeves doing big Questions with even bigger stars. But before we get to that.
- [05:19]
Stephen Colbert
Yes, ma'. Am.
- [05:20]
Becca (Producer)
We're having a great summertime, and we're doing late show vocab, if you were listening last week. We're back for more. Here's another one. TikTok. Oh, to set this up a little bit. Let me go back in time for a second. These are phrases, words, terms that we say at work all the time that are sort of specific to our jobs, our process, our community.
- [05:41]
Stephen Colbert
We got a lot of slang that we use as shorthand.
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Becca (Producer)
Yes.
- [05:45]
Stephen Colbert
And so TikTok is Deanna Story.
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Becca (Producer)
Yes.
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Stephen Colbert
She is coordinator supervisor. What's the actual title?
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Becca (Producer)
I believe supervisor, but she just script supervisor.
- [05:54]
Stephen Colbert
I've known her since the Dana Carvey show.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [05:56]
Stephen Colbert
She was a script assistant at the Dana Carvey show. And she was the first person whose name I saw on a post it note at the Colbert Report as having been hired. I saw it on her door.
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Becca (Producer)
Oh, cool.
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Stephen Colbert
I went, oh, we're gonna be fine. Deanna Story's here.
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Becca (Producer)
Awesome.
- [06:09]
Stephen Colbert
At least we'll know how long everything is. And she has to wrangle a lot. She also. Her number one thing is what is the timing.
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Becca (Producer)
Yes.
- [06:16]
Stephen Colbert
And either before or after. Usually after the monologue in rehearsal, I'll rehearse everything. I'll say, hey, TikTok. Or else I'd say, d. TikTok is generally down in the rewrite room. Yeah, TikTok. How long was that? What was the whole first act? And they go, that is like 19:30, meaning 19 minutes and 30 seconds. And we got to bring it down to 13:30. That's our target. Every. Every monologue, first act should be 13 minutes and 30 seconds long. Just because we're the commercial breaks fall. And it really comes from the Harlan Ellison short story, which is Repent. Harlequin said the TikTok man. Oh, and the TikTok man. It's in a future where you can never be late for anything. Everything has to be exactly on time. And because producing a show on a network on a nightly basis is so much about hitting time markers, we have to get them exactly to the picosecond. That's how long the show can be.
- [07:13]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [07:14]
Stephen Colbert
And so it's very constrained in the story. Repent. Harlequin said the TikTok man is about a future in which if you're late for anything, that amount of time is taken out of your life.
- [07:23]
Becca (Producer)
Whoa.
- [07:24]
Stephen Colbert
And you have a cardio plate that gets blanked at a certain point. And the person who blanks your cardio plate and the person who takes track of everything is the TikTok man, who's basically just a government bureaucrat. And then this arises, this character called Harlequin. And Harlequin, no one knows who Harlequin is, but Harlequin does things like goes to, like, a place where there's a lot of foot traffic in the city and rolls out 100,000 hard gumballs so people will slip and fall. And the gumballs gum up the escalators and the moving sidewalks or whatever like that. He just slows everybody down a little bit. He makes everybody late for everything. And they can't find him. They can't find him. And eventually they found him. But basically, I think that's what it says anyway, they eventually caught him. That's what it says. And he says, TikTok man says, repent, Harlequin. And Harlequin says, get stuffed.
- [08:18]
Becca (Producer)
Oh.
- [08:19]
Stephen Colbert
And they blank his cardio plate and they kill him.
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Becca (Producer)
Whoa.
- [08:22]
Stephen Colbert
Have a great show.
- [08:23]
Becca (Producer)
Wow.
- [08:24]
Stephen Colbert
But all the time it took. All the time it took to basically try him, find him, everything made the TikTok man late for something himself. And the TikTok man develops like, a twitch because he realized the TikTok man wasn't able to keep up the TikTok. So, you know that sword of getting everything to time and having to get it in time by like 5:30, because I have to walk out on stage at 5:35, it has to be done at that time. It feels very much like a pendulum over our heads the whole time.
- [08:58]
Becca (Producer)
Definitely.
- [08:58]
Stephen Colbert
And so I have a mildly hostile relationship to time on the show. And so I'll go, TikTok, what do we got? And then she'll say.
- [09:08]
Becca (Producer)
And it's a little bit of magic. I mean, it's a lot of, you know, expertise and a ton of experience.
- [09:13]
Stephen Colbert
The Tetris. The Tetris. Of trying to make the acts all work together.
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Becca (Producer)
But to know ahead of time before recording how long it's gonna be.
- [09:20]
Stephen Colbert
Because she has to guess how much laughter the jokes are gonna get.
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Becca (Producer)
Exactly.
- [09:23]
Stephen Colbert
Because in the computer, it has the read rate, which is 150 words a minute is. The read is my. They've timed my read rate over the years. I generally speak 150 words a minute. I'm probably doing it right now.
- [09:32]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [09:33]
Stephen Colbert
A little slower on stage. And then she has to guess, like, well, some of this is physical, so that'll take time without any words in the computer. And. Oh, he's doing, like, a little scene with Corey. Scenes take longer, so I have to put in the pad there. And. Oh, a lot of this is like. I mean, she probably has to make judges, like. I think the script's pretty good. I think it's gonna spread a lot with laughter.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [09:59]
Stephen Colbert
And she's pretty close. Yeah.
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Becca (Producer)
No, she's.
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Stephen Colbert
It's really rare. Really rare. When she's off.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [10:04]
Stephen Colbert
Okay, go ahead.
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Becca (Producer)
Okay, the next one, the Nightly Tom.
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Stephen Colbert
The Nightly Tom is Tom Purcell, our executive producer. He, every night before he goes to bed, if he ever goes to bed, because I don't know when he goes.
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Becca (Producer)
To bed, he lives and dreams the show. He is fully committed.
- [10:21]
Stephen Colbert
Yes. He's fueled strictly by this show and Nitty Moore Beef stew.
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Becca (Producer)
Yes. Have you ever tried it?
- [10:28]
Stephen Colbert
Oh, yeah. Quality.
- [10:28]
Becca (Producer)
Of course.
- [10:29]
Stephen Colbert
And he. Every night, he puts out, basically his own little newsletter. We have one in the morning from the research team headed by Brendan Mariancci, who we call Fabrizio.
- [10:39]
Becca (Producer)
Yes.
- [10:40]
Stephen Colbert
Because he was almost named Fabrizio as a young boy. Great name. Fabrizio. Fabrizio Marianacci. Wouldn't that be a great name?
- [10:46]
Becca (Producer)
So good.
- [10:47]
Stephen Colbert
But Brandon Marianacci, he puts out one in the morning. Very comprehensive. But every night before Tom goes to bed, he puts out the Nightly Tom. And it's basically Tom saying, like, I think these are the eight to ten things that people are going to be talking about tomorrow. From what I can tell, his uncle was Cronkite's exec producer, and his uncle was a serious news producer. And he used to say to Tom, Tommy, just, where are the trucks? Just find out where the trucks are. And that's what the news is going to be tomorrow. Meaning where do the news trucks go? Where do the cameras go? Just find out where the trucks are. That's where the news is going to be tomorrow. So you can kind of anticipate what the major story's gonna be. Which at the old show wasn't as important because we kind of named the thing that was important to the character of that show, and that just became the most important news. Cause he cared about it. And that kept us out of the Daily Show's lane, which approached the news much more like we do, which is eating every berry on the bush. We talked about it as the hunter gatherer. Like we were the hunters on the old show, where we're hunting the Beast every day. And then they were the gatherers, eating every berry, every nut off the bush or whatever like that. But now we're much more the gatherer's part. We have to get every berry off the bush every day. And to do that efficiently, you'd kind of like to know where the trucks are tomorrow.
- [11:56]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [11:56]
Stephen Colbert
So basically it's Tom riding. This is where I think the trucks are tomorrow.
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Becca (Producer)
Totally.
- [12:00]
Stephen Colbert
And he never lets himself off without writing at least one joke on every subject.
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Becca (Producer)
Yes, exactly.
- [12:04]
Stephen Colbert
Which is like, he sets a real standard for everybody, is that don't come in with a pitch without a joke.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah, yeah.
- [12:09]
Stephen Colbert
Don't just be interested in a story. Anybody can be interested in a story, but come in with interest and a joke.
- [12:14]
Becca (Producer)
And he didn't call it the Nightly Tom, but some I think maybe wager did. I don't know who did, but I love it.
- [12:18]
Stephen Colbert
Now it's the Nightly Tom, and I.
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Becca (Producer)
Want to make, like, hats for, like, as if it's a newspaper, you know, Evie loves it.
- [12:24]
Stephen Colbert
I go, hey. At the Nightly Tom. She goes, okay, let's hear it. So we'll be in bed.
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Becca (Producer)
Oh, nice dramatic reading.
- [12:28]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, exactly. Tom's just putting out the Nightly Tom, and I'm in bed. So to give you an idea of the division of labor here. And then there's the nightly. There's the nightly Tom Opus edition.
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Becca (Producer)
Yes.
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Stephen Colbert
Because on Wednesday night, Opus Moreski is one of our co execs here to give Tom a break. Now, in the last two years, I think Wednesday nights, the Nightly Tom is actually the nightly Tom Opus edition.
- [12:49]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah. And very different style.
- [12:50]
Stephen Colbert
Always signed. Very different style. Always jokes. He always signs it with it. Your. Your. Your uncommunicative Uncle Opus.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Stephen Colbert
Or like your. Your. Your troubled nephew Opus. He always signs it some. Some description of a family member.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah, really nice. So that's an Is Tom. And then let's go with. Okay. Fiber, anyone? This is something you say every day.
- [13:14]
Stephen Colbert
I say, fiber.
- [13:15]
Becca (Producer)
You're offering something to the room when you say, fiber, anybody?
- [13:19]
Stephen Colbert
Hold on. I say that every day.
- [13:22]
Becca (Producer)
And then Matt Lapin will usually respond. I won't let you squanch alone.
- [13:25]
Stephen Colbert
Exactly. Squench alone. Is that back there was, oh, three years ago now or something like that. I developed because of the amount of caffeine I consume to do the show. I so much coffee every day and all day and all through the show, fresh cups of coffee between every act of the show, I developed vertigo. And basically my doctor said, this is all like you're doing this to yourself, you have to stop. And so I had to seriously peel back. Now I have a cup of coffee in the morning, and the rest of it is decaf for the rest of the day and. Fascinating story, Steve. But I needed something before the show, just a little something before the show that wasn't too unhealthy. So my assistant, Amy Cole, she started giving me Mott's gogo squeezes, which are just a little applesauce. Unflavored, unsweetened. Just regular old. Just applesauce with the little sucky little nipple on top. And I always have two. Matt Lapin, God bless him, he always was like, I'm in. So I always have two. And I don't even ask anymore. I just throw it at him. And then in midair I go, matt. And then he looks up and he catches it.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah. Yeah.
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Stephen Colbert
But it' in air. He knows it's coming by the time I say.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
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Stephen Colbert
By the time I say his name.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
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Stephen Colbert
And. And then that's. And it's a great source of fiber.
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Becca (Producer)
That's a. Yeah.
- [14:43]
Stephen Colbert
Fiber, anybody?
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Becca (Producer)
It's a nice. Yeah, it's a fun little snack. Fun little picnic snack, after school snack.
- [14:48]
Stephen Colbert
Yep. Feels good for you. Probably not.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah. But I love. I love the go go squeeze time. I love that you're go go squeezing on the regular. That's something.
- [14:56]
Stephen Colbert
Maybe it's a pretty wild life, you know, hosting a late night show, you know, back in the day, maybe, you know, getting liquored up.
- [15:03]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [15:04]
Stephen Colbert
Little coke.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah. No, we're squeezing.
- [15:07]
Stephen Colbert
Not in the 2000 and twenties. Yeah, it's applesauce.
- [15:10]
Becca (Producer)
Okay, this is my last question, and it's something I've been wanting to ask you for a long time. This is a slogan you put on mugs at Christmas. There's a mirror on the 12th floor that says it. Get back to work. Where did that motto come from? What's the story there?
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Stephen Colbert
Well, get back to work is a mildly hostile way that I sign everything.
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Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [15:30]
Stephen Colbert
Because if you work in, like. Well, there's 200 people who work here. And I remember on the old show, which wasn't as many people, it was like 90 people there, but I literally ran everywhere in the building because I was also a control freak. And I put my finger in every pie, and so I never had a moment to breathe. And then people would come in and go, like, there's a birthday card. Let's say for Becca. There's a birthday card for Becca. There's gonna be cupcakes later. I'm like, give it to me. And I couldn't not sign it. So the fact that there was someone whose job was not to take birthday cards, they had some other job that they were supposed to be doing. But for this day, a lot of their day was gonna be taking one birthday card around. And keep in mind, now there are 200 days a year.
- [16:09]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
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Stephen Colbert
Or maybe like, double up birthdays. There's high three digits, significant three digits. Days of the year that somebody's job is not being done because they're walking around with a card.
- [16:18]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [16:20]
Stephen Colbert
And so I just signed the card. Get back to work, Stephen. That's it. Get back to work, period, Stephen.
- [16:26]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [16:26]
Stephen Colbert
And that's what I have signed. Everything other than someone's going away card.
- [16:31]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah, that makes sense.
- [16:32]
Stephen Colbert
I think I go, like, you know, go work somewhere else, something like that. But I would just say, get back to work, Stephen. I've signed everything that. And people know that that's my form of affection. I also have signed pretty much every photo or book or anything like that for the last 20 years. I've signed it. Either stay strong or be brave.
- [16:55]
Becca (Producer)
Oh, yeah.
- [16:56]
Stephen Colbert
Or stay strong. Be brave or stay brave or be strong. The combination of those four words. And that is because somebody just asked me this the other day, why do I sign everything that way? That is because when I was working on the Dana Carvey show back in 1990. Meow, meow. When was that? Is that 96, maybe? 96. Yeah, it was in the winter of 96 and the spring of 96, and I tell you the year, because Terence Trent Darby was still a big deal back then. You don't know who is Ting. Wail. Kiss and tell. I would play it for you, but he was a very gifted singer, dancer, musician, and Dana Carvey and I were having a drink at the Regal royale on, like, 53rd street or whatever it is in midtown Manhattan. It was shortly after the first episode of the Dana Carvey show had come out, and it was clear to him that we were canceled. It would only be one episode. We would go on to make eight more episodes, only seven of which would ever be broadcast. And we're just sitting there in the lobby, the Regal Royale, drinking Amstel lights, because again, wild partying lifestyle. We're having one Amstel Light a piece, and in comes Terence Trent Darby. And there's big news. It was big news how disastrously the Dana Carvey show had started. I don't mean comedically disastrously. It was that the opening scene was Dana Carvey as Bill Clinton breastfeeding puppies and kittens. And he had like teats on his chest like Diana of Ephesus, almost like an animal, teats down his chest. And when Bill Clinton opens his shirt going, I'll be mother and father to the world. And they were functional, like people from Sesame Workshop made them.
- [18:38]
Becca (Producer)
Oh, wow.
- [18:38]
Stephen Colbert
And they were working. There were guys on the floor behind him with little bulbs squeezing actual milk out of, out of his breast. This is like 9:00 clock or 8:30 or something on ABC.
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Becca (Producer)
Oh, wow. Yeah.
- [18:50]
Stephen Colbert
And I think our. I think we started with 25 million people watching. I think 10 million people left in the first 30 seconds and they never came back. So we ended the season like 17 million people. Of course, now we'd be the number one show on television with those kind of numbers, but we were clearly canceled. So we're sitting in the lobby drinking our Amstel lights, and Dana's given me advice. He was a very sweet guy giving me a young, young comedian giving me life advice. And in comes Charon Strand Darby with two very lovely ladies, one on each arm, cool and ankle length leather coat like Neo. This is before. This is before the Matrix. Like the Neo is trying to look like Transtra Darby. And he comes, he comes over and he goes, hey, man, I like your work. Looking at Dana.
- [19:38]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [19:39]
Stephen Colbert
And Dana goes, oh, thanks very much. Thanks very much. And he looks at me and looks at Dana. And as he looks at each of us, he goes, stay strong, be brave. And he goes, oh, thanks. And I nodded, okay, thanks very much. And he walked away. And Danny goes, who was that? I said that was Terence Trent Darby. And he goes, oh, so that's Terrence Trent Darby. So I've just always loved the fact that with no solicitation from us, we got advice from Terence Trent Darby that even if the jokes didn't work out, like the audience is really mad at you or people might just go, stay strong, be brave. And so that has been my comedic advice to everyone. I love that because I received it. It was very funny to me to hear it from Taryn Strand Darby. And especially for Dana to receive it so graciously and have no idea who this very attractive, tall, thin man was.
- [20:32]
Becca (Producer)
In a super long jacket, super long.
- [20:33]
Stephen Colbert
Leather jacket with two beautiful babes hanging off.
- [20:36]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah, awesome.
- [20:37]
Stephen Colbert
We just came over to us with just nothing but swag, man.
- [20:39]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [20:40]
Stephen Colbert
The most swagger in the world. And he just looked at us like, I'm gonna tell you what you need to hear.
- [20:45]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah.
- [20:46]
Stephen Colbert
And it kind of did like. We kind of did, like. And then we went on and did another seven shows, which were. We were. We did our best to stay strong and be brave. I don't know if the bravery was necessary, but we definitely needed to stay strong given the amount of hostility we were getting from abc.
- [21:00]
Becca (Producer)
Yeah. Wow. Beautiful advice to live by.
- [21:02]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, sure. Exactly.
- [21:03]
Becca (Producer)
Well, the jacket reference makes sense because we got Keanu Reeves on the show tonight. That's who we're. That's who we're introing.
- [21:08]
Stephen Colbert
There it is. Okay, come on. Oh, and the lights just went off.
- [21:11]
Becca (Producer)
All right, that's our time to go.
- [21:12]
Stephen Colbert
That's our time to go. I think someone in this building. Are we canceled again?
- [21:18]
Becca (Producer)
Oh, no. Oh, God. All right, well, that's it.
- [21:20]
Stephen Colbert
Thanks, Becca.
- [21:21]
Becca (Producer)
Thanks so much, Stephen. All right, we're.
- [21:22]
Stephen Colbert
See you guys in September, folks. You know, if you watch this show, I don't want to brag, but I consider myself fairly deep. I like to ask the awe inspiring questions, like, are we alone in the universe? Why does evil exist? And whatever happened in my segment, Big Questions with Even Bigger Stars. We haven't done this segment in years because it requires a star both big enough and profound enough to meaningfully consider the mysteries of human existence. Plus, it is a pain in the ass to build that fake hill every time. Well, I'm excited to say we once again tracked down a worthy companion for my journey through the philosophical realm. This is Big Questions with Even Bigger Stars. Wow. I love staring up at the night sky. It really makes me feel like the only person in the universe.
- [22:39]
Keanu Reeves
I'm sorry, should I leave Keanu Reeves?
- [22:44]
Stephen Colbert
No. Wow. Is this where you go also to be deep?
- [22:49]
Keanu Reeves
Everywhere I go, I'm deep. That's true.
- [22:54]
Stephen Colbert
Hey. Hey, Keanu.
- [22:56]
Keanu Reeves
Yes, Stephen?
- [22:57]
Stephen Colbert
Where. Where do we go when we die?
- [23:00]
Keanu Reeves
I don't know, but I hope they have mozzarella sticks. Hey, Stephen?
- [23:07]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, Keanu?
- [23:09]
Keanu Reeves
Do you think youth is wasted on the young?
- [23:13]
Stephen Colbert
I don't remember because I spent so much of my youth wasted. Hey, kr.
- [23:21]
Keanu Reeves
Yeah, Sc?
- [23:22]
Stephen Colbert
Do you ever think maybe life is just a simulation?
- [23:30]
Keanu Reeves
What do you mean?
- [23:31]
Stephen Colbert
Like, we're not really here. We're actually just experiencing some sort of virtual computer world. And the real world is actually that, you know, out there, you know, like in that sci fi movie.
- [23:44]
Keanu Reeves
Oh, right. Tron.
- [23:49]
Stephen Colbert
That was a good one.
- [23:51]
Keanu Reeves
Hey, Steve.
- [23:52]
Stephen Colbert
Yucky.
- [23:55]
Keanu Reeves
If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
- [24:04]
Stephen Colbert
I'd clear my browser history. Or what did you do to die today?
- [24:13]
Keanu Reeves
Special K, vitamin C.
- [24:17]
Stephen Colbert
What's on your Bucket list.
- [24:18]
Keanu Reeves
Oh, it's so long. I mean, let's see. A red bucket, a blue bucket, a KFC bucket. Stevie GB.
- [24:32]
Stephen Colbert
Keeney Reeve.
- [24:36]
Keanu Reeves
If extraterrestrial life is real, what's the first question you'd ask?
- [24:42]
Stephen Colbert
Oh, that's good. Probably. Could you please take that probe out of my butt? Shooting star.
- [24:54]
Keanu Reeves
Shooting star.
- [24:57]
Stephen Colbert
Hey, K Cup.
- [25:00]
Keanu Reeves
Yeah? Espresso.
- [25:02]
Stephen Colbert
What's your favorite quote?
- [25:04]
Keanu Reeves
Hmm. I think it's what's your favorite quote by Stephen Coburn There.
- [25:12]
Stephen Colbert
Whoa.
- [25:15]
Keanu Reeves
Wait, that's one of my quotes.
- [25:19]
Stephen Colbert
Whoa.
- [25:31]
Keanu Reeves
Hey, S Dog.
- [25:33]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah. K. Catch.
- [25:35]
Keanu Reeves
Do you ever think there might be something hiding behind the clouds?
- [25:39]
Stephen Colbert
Yes. Sky perverts. Hey, Keebler.
- [25:46]
Becca (Producer)
Elf. Yeah.
- [25:48]
Keanu Reeves
Steve Topp. Stuffing.
- [25:53]
Stephen Colbert
How do you know that memories are real?
- [25:56]
Keanu Reeves
Oh, because you can close your eyes and visualize being there. For example, one time in the 90s, I was on this out of control bus with Sandra Bullock.
- [26:10]
Stephen Colbert
Keanu, I don't think that's real.
- [26:12]
Keanu Reeves
What are you talking about? Of course it's real. Sandra Bullock is real.
- [26:16]
Stephen Colbert
I apologize.
- [26:17]
Keanu Reeves
Thank you. Hey, Steven.
- [26:20]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, Keanu?
- [26:21]
Keanu Reeves
What do you think happens after all this?
- [26:26]
Stephen Colbert
Wow. Well, I think it'll be hard, but I think we'll be grateful for the time we had together. And then I'll throw to a commercial break. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
- [26:52]
Keanu Reeves
Trip Planner by Expedia.
- [26:54]
Stephen Colbert
You were made to outdo your holiday.
- [26:57]
Keanu Reeves
Your hammocking and you're pooling. We were made to help organize the competition. Expedia made to travel.
- [27:07]
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