Stephen Presents: Late Show Home Shopping

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Stephen Presents: Late Show Home Shopping
Date: December 23, 2025

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Main Theme & Purpose

This special episode features a tongue-in-cheek “Late Show Home Shopping” segment, where Stephen Colbert and guest Paul Rudd auction off memorable pieces from the show’s set and history to benefit the charity World Central Kitchen. With the Late Show soon ending, they blend nostalgia, trademark humor, and irreverence to make philanthropy fun, offering listeners a chance to own pieces of late-night lore.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter and Pistachio Sponsor Segment

• Stephen Colbert delivers a comedic, self-aware sponsor read for Wonderful Pistachios, riffing on past spokesperson gigs and making puns with co-hosts Becca and the producer.
• The group jokes about pistachio varieties, their uses (ice cream, crusting fish), and new “pistachio technology.”
  • Memorable Exchange:
    • “Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt. Just glory, glory in our nuts.” — Stephen Colbert (00:31)
    • Becca and Stephen playfully banter about nut flavors and “nut meat.” (03:05-03:18)

2. Introduction to Late Show Home Shopping

• Producer Becca welcomes listeners and Stephen, teasing a new bit.
  • "We have Stephen Colbert, who is... is the host of the show." — Producer Becca (04:02)
• Stephen and Becca explain the background: With the show ending, items from the Ed Sullivan Theater set (and other memorabilia) will be auctioned for charity.
  • "We auctioned everything off on the old Colbert set... Now we’ve started with World Central Kitchen. We're raising money... The tickets are going for 20 grand." — Stephen Colbert (04:19–04:53)
• Listeners are encouraged to visit colbertlateshow.com eBay to participate.

3. Home Shopping Segment with Paul Rudd

• The tone shifts to a satirical QVC-style home shopping show, complete with faux sales pitches and comic appraisals of serious and silly Late Show mementos.

Notable Auction Items and Highlights (07:14–13:04):

• Signed Script of the First Late Show Episode (Sept 8, 2015):

  • “How much would you pay for an exciting product like this?” — Becca (08:49)
  • Paul Rudd mocks up a $50 billion “retail value”; actual bidding starts at $50.

• Ant-Man Memorabilia, with a Twist:

  • Paul Rudd offers up an “original theatrical poster for Ant-Man and the Quantumania signed by... the ants.” He one-ups himself with a joke “porn parody” poster: “Anthony Ass Man and the Nymphomania.”
    • “They do whatever I tell them to do.” — Paul Rudd, on the ants (09:51)
    • “That’s not all… the porn parody…” — Paul Rudd (09:55)

• Aviator Sunglasses from Stephen’s Joe Biden Impression:

  • “The glasses were my whole impression.” — Becca (10:37)
  • Paul Rudd sweetens the deal with a signed People magazine cover of himself as 2021’s Sexiest Man Alive:
    • “It’s an honor, I’m told. Because they thought every other man had… Died of COVID.” — Paul Rudd (11:11)
  • Bidding starts at “$69.420” (11:24)

• Tickets to the Final Late Show Taping:

  • “Oh, nothing. Tickets to the show are free.” — Paul Rudd (11:50)
  • “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be here for the final show... What will the jokes be? Which detail will make me start openly weeping on national television?” — Becca (11:55–12:14)
  • “It’s perfect if you love the Late Show or if you hate it and want to watch Stephen cry and lose his job.” — Paul Rudd (12:14-12:22)

• Iconic COVID-Era Desk:

  • “You could own this beautiful desk that was painstakingly carved from a single piece of desk.” — Paul Rudd (12:41-12:52)
  • Becca: “This is your opportunity to do what I’m going to do after the show ends: sit behind a desk and pretend to host the Late Show.” (12:52)

4. Charity & How to Participate

• All proceeds benefit World Central Kitchen.
• Listeners are encouraged to visit colberlateshow.com eBay to browse and bid for items.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• “No guilt. Just glory, glory in our nuts.” — Stephen Colbert (00:31)
• “I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I’m on board. I love pistachios.” — Becca (01:16)
• “We just told them so much about pistachios, but evidently, there’s a whole other world. There’s an unexplored vista.” — Stephen Colbert (02:42)
• “Nut me with nut meat.” — Stephen Colbert (03:05)
• “We auctioned everything off... We’re raising money for World Central Kitchen. The tickets are going for 20 grand.” — Stephen Colbert (04:19–04:53)
• “Paul, how much would you pay for this beautiful opportunity?” — Becca, on finale tickets (11:50)
• “Tickets to the show are free.” — Paul Rudd (11:55)
• “It’s perfect if you love the Late Show or if you hate it and want to watch Stephen cry and lose his job.” — Paul Rudd (12:14-12:22)
• “This is your opportunity to do what I’m going to do after the show ends: sit behind a desk and pretend to host the Late Show.” — Becca (12:52)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Sponsor Pistachio Banter: 00:00–03:18
• Show Auction Introduction: 04:02–05:36
• Late Show Home Shopping Segment w/ Paul Rudd: 07:14–13:04
• Memorabilia Highlights: 08:10–12:52

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Tone & Style

• Playful, satirical, meta-humor common to The Late Show and Colbert’s persona.
• Full of in-jokes, callbacks, and light-hearted self-depreciation.
• Charity focus is genuine but always filtered through comedy.

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Summary

In this inventive, comic send-off segment, Stephen and Paul take listeners through a faux home shopping channel, inviting them to claim pieces of late-night history for a good cause. With sincere nods to loyal fans and plenty of self-aware humor, the episode playfully marries nostalgia with the excitement of charity auction bidding—observing that “every single one of these priceless items could be yours for a price.” This episode is a must-listen for fans, blending comedy, history, and heart.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, everybody. Stephen Colbert here about to read the copy for our sponsor. This is from our friends at Wonderful Pistachios. And I was the wonderful pistachio spokesman for years. Yeah, I have a real close association with nut meat. Okay. You know what they say when they reach for a snack? Don't hold back. And that's exactly the approach with Wonderful Pistachios. The don't hold back snack. These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something.

[Becca]

But surprise.

[Stephen Colbert]

Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt. Just glory, glory in our nuts. Whether it's a satisfying crack of in shell pistachios, and that's capitalized in shell, or the smooth, instant gratification of no shells. No judgment. That's just it. Just eat. No judgment. I take issue with one thing. It's instant gratification. It's super tasty smooth.

[Producer Becca]

It's a hard nut smooth.

[Becca]

Exactly.

[Stephen Colbert]

I mean, even out of the shell, it's still a nut.

[Producer Becca]

We can't disparage the nuts.

[Paul Rudd]

You.

[Becca]

I'm not disparaging the nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm describing the nut.

[Producer Becca]

Don't disparage any flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not.

[Becca]

I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I'm on board. I love pistachios.

[Stephen Colbert]

I love.

[Becca]

I love crushed pistachio. Like a pistachio crusted trout.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, unbelievable. Instead of a trout amandine, a trout pistachio. Fantastic. Enough butter?

[Paul Rudd]

Who cares?

[Producer Becca]

Very good.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I love pistachio ice cream.

[Producer Becca]

Have you had the sea salt and vinegar? Wonderful pistachio. It's delicious. I get them.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't even know I get them.

[Producer Becca]

Before the softball games.

[Becca]

But that's.

[Stephen Colbert]

You see, it's been a while since I've been the spokesman for wonderful pistachios. I didn't realize we'd achieved new pistachio technology.

[Producer Becca]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Wonderful pistachios has every snack style covered. Right now. There's an obsession with jalapeno lime. There is an obsession session. It's almost a disorder. It's spicy, it's zesty. It's basically a flavor roller coaster in a nut. Snacking on the go. Grab a bag of no shells. Feeling contemplative and want to work for it a little. So earning it, they're saying if you want to earn your nut, crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it's snacking like a champ. So the next time hunger strikes, don't hold back. Unless it's a hunger strike. And Then it's important that you do, because whatever you're doing that for, I'm sure it's a worthwhile cause. Snack like you mean it with wonderful pistachios. Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more.

[Producer Becca]

That was a wonderful.

[Stephen Colbert]

I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios, but evidently, there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.

[Producer Becca]

They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime, as we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.

[Producer Becca]

No, no, no.

[Stephen Colbert]

Bring it on.

[Producer Becca]

Nothing bad to say.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nut me, nut. Nut me with nut meat.

[Producer Becca]

We're nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, we got nothing but nut.

[Becca]

Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk.

[Stephen Colbert]

About, talk about nutty. Good.

[DSW Advertiser]

Come to DSW for the shoes. Stay for the fun. Because let's be honest, if shoe shopping isn't fun, are you even doing it right? So go ahead, try something new. Try something different. Good different. Try something that feels like you, you know, the real you. And then definitely brag about it later. Because at dsw, you've got unlimited freedom to play. Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores [e-mail] let us surprise you.

[Producer Becca]

Hey, everybody. You're listening to the Late Show POD Show. I'm Becca. I'm a producer here. But more importantly, we have Stephen Colbert in the building.

[Stephen Colbert]

More importantly, just in addition, we have Stephen Colbert, who is a. Is. Is the host of the show.

[Producer Becca]

Hello, Becca, the host with the most. We got a special thing on the podcast. This is something new, a new bit that we're doing.

[Stephen Colbert]

Tescase.

[Producer Becca]

It's Late show home shopping.

[Paul Rudd]

Ooh.

[Becca]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

We had our dear friend Paul Rudd come in because the show is ending. And one thing we did with the old Colbert set is that we auctioned everything off on the old Colbert set. The desk, the whole fireplace, the portrait, the flag. Flagworth T. Flag. My pet flag. And we gave all the money to donors choose for classroom projects. And now, right, we've started with a world central kitchen. We're raising money for World Social as of this morning. I think just the tickets are going for 20 grand.

[Producer Becca]

Insane.

[Stephen Colbert]

And it's going for. For. It's going to go on and on and on. So please, if you're. If it's still going on, go, go check out colberlateshow.com eBay and see all the things that you can get from this show. Bits of the set, memorabilia, tickets to the last show, the glasses I use to do my terrible impression of Joe Biden. Yeah, all for all for auction. And we're going to keep doing this between now and the end of the show.

[Producer Becca]

They added a bunch of neckties too. A bunch of neckties and beautiful little.

[Stephen Colbert]

Gift boxes all signed.

[Producer Becca]

Yeah, yeah, great. Great place to gift fully papered, shop for some last minute gifts, get a.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thousand great Christmas present. Exactly.

[Producer Becca]

But yeah, it's a great, it's a great idea. We hope we. I hope I see more. I can't wait for more people to come in and hawk the stuff.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yep.

[Producer Becca]

Great. So this is Paul Rudd doing late show home shopping.

[Becca]

Look, I don't want to shock anybody, but the late show has been canceled. Not again. It has not been canceled again. Just the same amount as before. And knowing the show will be ending in May really makes me thoughtful. As I look around at the historic Ed Sullivan Theater and I can't help but think to myself, I bet I could sell a lot of this stuff. And rather than let the wonderful props and artifacts we've collected end up in the junk heap of the Smithsonian, we're going to sell them off on air and donate the proceeds to charity. Now, thankfully, Thankfully, thankfully when it comes to selling stuff on tv, the good people at the home shopping industry have shown us how to do it. This is late show home shopping. Canceled clearance sale. Bye bye, bye. Welcome, welcome to the shop. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have a glorious array of exclusive products. And every single one of these priceless items could be yours for a price. Because everything we show you tonight is up for sale through an auction on our website, colberellateshow.com eBay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Boom.

[Becca]

Or hit that little QR code right there. All proceeds will go to World Central Kitchen, a charitable organization. Yes, World Central Kitchen, a wonderful.

[Stephen Colbert]

That.

[Becca]

Either feeds people during crisis or is building a giant kitchen at the center of the earth. I forget either way. What a wonderful cause. Joining me tonight as always, my co host Paul Rudd, everybody. Hey, Paul.

[Paul Rudd]

Hi, Steven.

[Becca]

Good to see you.

[Paul Rudd]

Great to see you.

[Becca]

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here, Paul.

[Paul Rudd]

Oh, thank you, Steven. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. That's great because anywhere else I'd look stupid wearing this sweater.

[Becca]

Looks stupid here too. Now let's take a look at these amazing items. Friends up first own a piece of late night history with a signed script of the very first episode of the Late Show. This is a genuine, authentic radio replica of the actual script that was printed and distributed to every member of the staff on September 8, 2015. Remember, that was 10 years ago. Now, Paul, how much would you pay for an exciting product like this?

[Paul Rudd]

Well, look, this is a beautiful decorative item that could be an amazing holiday gift. Or in a pinch, toilet paper. So I'm gonna guess, I don't know, $50 billion.

[Becca]

Great guess. That is its actual retail value. But today, we are starting the bidding at just $50, ladies and gentlemen. There you go.

[Paul Rudd]

Steve, Steve, let me stop you right there. That's an incredible ste. And to sweeten it even more, I'm going to throw in this. An original theatrical poster for Ant man and the Quantumania, signed by none other than the star of the movie Evangeline Lilly. No.

[Becca]

Michael Douglas?

[Paul Rudd]

No.

[Becca]

Michelle Pfeiffer?

[Paul Rudd]

No.

[Becca]

Ants.

[Paul Rudd]

Yes. They do whatever I tell them to do.

[Becca]

That's amazing.

[Paul Rudd]

And that's not all, because if you act now, I will throw in this poster for another classic film. The porn parody of Ant man and the Quantumania called Anthony Ass man and the Nymphomania.

[Becca]

I saw that.

[Paul Rudd]

Yeah.

[Becca]

Up next, an incredible piece. I am offering the actual aviator sunglasses I wore when I did my impression of President Joe Biden. It's an exciting item because, as you might remember, the glasses were my whole impression. Yes.

[Paul Rudd]

So true. It is a must have for any fan of Steven's. Steven's Biden impression for whom?

[Producer Becca]

I'm sorry.

[Paul Rudd]

It's a must have for any fan of Steven's Biden impression. And since it's possible that none of those exist, I will be throwing in this signed copy of People magazine featuring me as the sexiest man alive for the year 2021. It's an honor, I'm told. I. Because they thought every other man had.

[Becca]

Died of COVID Paul, what would you pay for something like that?

[Paul Rudd]

Oh, well, if you're asking me to just come up with a number off the top of my head, Yep. Well, I'm obviously going to say 69,420.

[Becca]

That's correct. That is absolutely correct, Paul. We are starting bidding at $69.420. All right, next. Next we have a big ticket item. We have two tickets to the final taping of the Late Show. Paul, Paul, how much would you pay for this beautiful opportunity?

[Paul Rudd]

Oh, nothing. Tickets to the show are free.

[Becca]

That's right. They are literally priceless. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to Be here for the final show. Who will be the guests? What will the jokes be? Which detail about working with this amazing staff and crew will make me start openly weeping on national television? It's gonna be fun.

[Paul Rudd]

It's perfect. If you love the late show or if you hate it and you just wanna watch Stephen cry and lose his job.

[Becca]

Up last we have, we have our signature piece that is so gorgeous it literally cannot be described. Except like this. It's the desk I used during my 152 Covid shows taped in the tiny room on the 8th floor of this very building. Yes.

[Paul Rudd]

That'S right. That's right. You could own this beautiful desk that was painstakingly carved from a single piece of desk.

[Becca]

This is your opportunity to do what I'm going to do after the show ends. Sit behind a desk and pretend to host the late show.

[Paul Rudd]

That's right, act now. Because all proceeds go to World Central kitchen.

[Becca]

Head to colbertlateshow.com eBay to bid on these as well as all sorts of other great late show items. We'll be right back with Paul Rudd, everybody.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you for listening to the Late.

[Becca]

Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of.

[Stephen Colbert]

Me, come to the late show, you YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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[Becca]

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