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- [00:00]
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- [00:33]
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- [01:48]
Becca Weiner
Becca Weiner Stephen Colbert look at that.
- [01:50]
Stephen Colbert
Said our last names for the first time.
- [01:52]
Becca Weiner
Oh my gosh. Reveal. Reveal. My last name is Whiner. Spelled like winner without one less N not wiener. Even though I love a hot dog. Find me on LinkedIn, please, please. Steven with today's podcast. The last podcast intro we're doing together. Yes, it is, but not the last time we're hanging out. Is Rescue Staff Rescue.
- [02:14]
Stephen Colbert
Ooh, I love Rescue Staff Rescue. First of all, I love Rescue Dog Rescue because I love a refillable, which is what we call something that has a a game that the audience knows and that you are slotting jokes into that game. And they're difficult actually, because all the jokes have to be good or at least the performance has to be playful because there's very little build in them. Like, the story doesn't go anywhere. It's just like joke. Okay, next joke. It's just like a bucket. You're just throwing jokes in a bucket. The refillable and Rescue Dog Rescue was. I don't know who came up with it originally, but I love the idea because I just want something for the audience to look at that looks different and enjoyable to them while we're making the jokes. And what could be better than puppies?
- [02:58]
Becca Weiner
What can be better than puppies?
- [03:00]
Stephen Colbert
Dana Carvey said in my old days, when I first was working for him back in the 90s, he said, hey, just remember, funny with the sound off. I said, what? He goes, funny with the sound off. I want somebody to be who's at the gym or at home or whatever. I want them to look up and go, oh, pause and turn the sound on. I want them to see it and go, oh, funny with the sound on.
- [03:20]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, yeah.
- [03:21]
Stephen Colbert
Funny with the sound off. So they'll turn the sound on. And that's what the puppies are just. They're adorable and they're lovely and they're moving, but they're also just funny looking.
- [03:33]
Becca Weiner
Totally.
- [03:34]
Stephen Colbert
They're funny with the sound off.
- [03:35]
Becca Weiner
So anyway, that's really funny because when I started this podcast and we were talking about what should we not include on the podcast that is on the show, the first thing our podcasting manager said was never put the puppies on the podcast. Cause it's cruel.
- [03:49]
Stephen Colbert
Right. Because people can't see. Exactly. Exactly.
- [03:53]
Becca Weiner
The cutest thing.
- [03:54]
Stephen Colbert
Exactly. I also, you probably heard me say this in rehearsals. Sometimes I think in a mildly bitchy fashion. I have said primarily visual medium, guys. Because I go like, why am I reading this? Isn't there video of someone saying this?
- [04:10]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, yeah.
- [04:10]
Stephen Colbert
Like, why am I describing this? Isn't there a photo of this?
- [04:13]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, yeah.
- [04:14]
Stephen Colbert
Primarily visual medium, guys.
- [04:15]
Becca Weiner
Yeah. You know, okay. But this is rescue staff rescue, which is a spin on rescue dog rescue where we get dogs adopted cause they are real puppies up for adoption. And now you're bringing out a few staff members to highlight real things that they do at their job to try to get them hired at more shows.
- [04:30]
Stephen Colbert
Real difficult things or some mildly humiliating things.
- [04:36]
Becca Weiner
Unicorn jobs.
- [04:37]
Stephen Colbert
Unicorn moments. Within their job too, to have to convince. Can we say I sat on my own balls or whatever? Can we say something like that?
- [04:47]
Becca Weiner
Yes.
- [04:48]
Stephen Colbert
Big old titties. Exactly. Which is you'll hear at the end of this. I don't want to take. We can cut that out if it's dealing.
- [04:54]
Becca Weiner
No, no, please. I think it's bleeped in the real thing.
- [04:56]
Stephen Colbert
Do we have to bleep it here?
- [04:57]
Becca Weiner
We don't have to bleep it here.
- [04:58]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Big old titties.
- [05:01]
Stephen Colbert
And you'll see why that's appropriate for me to have said.
- [05:04]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [05:04]
Stephen Colbert
Once you hear this piece.
- [05:06]
Becca Weiner
Yes.
- [05:06]
Stephen Colbert
Because it was one of. One of. Our writer assistant had to go to the network and say, is it okay to say that on the show? And we were told no, it was not.
- [05:13]
Becca Weiner
Yes. Okay. So one question I want to ask you to close things out here. If you could have any job at the Late show that's not your current job and not a staff writing position, because I know you do that in a heartbeat. Any job at the Late show, what would it be?
- [05:31]
Stephen Colbert
Well, I got two answers. One is editing.
- [05:36]
Becca Weiner
Ooh.
- [05:36]
Stephen Colbert
Because that's also another form of writing.
- [05:38]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [05:38]
Stephen Colbert
That's the final draft of everything. And I love. I mean, if I.
- [05:43]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
If I.
- [05:43]
Stephen Colbert
You only said there's only one room I could be in, I would say I'd want to be in the editing room because that's where it really happens.
- [05:50]
Becca Weiner
Cool.
- [05:51]
Stephen Colbert
And the other one is.
- [05:53]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
But a job.
- [05:53]
Stephen Colbert
I don't know. Whatever job John Williams has, he seems happy most of the time.
- [05:58]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, he's a happy guy. Yeah.
- [06:00]
Stephen Colbert
And it changes every so often what he's doing, as far as I could tell.
- [06:02]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [06:03]
Stephen Colbert
Sometimes his music, sometimes his comedians. Sometimes he's just meeting beautiful starlets at the door when they walk in. Like he's. He's like an ambassador. He's like. He's. He's like hostess.
- [06:13]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [06:14]
Stephen Colbert
He's like the host with the most. He's like, hey, come on in. He seems like a very. He's a very friendly face we put forward.
- [06:19]
Becca Weiner
Yes.
- [06:19]
Stephen Colbert
To people. I know he's out of tons of things here, but I don't know what it is presently. It might be the comedy. Right. Is he. Is he.
- [06:25]
Becca Weiner
He does comedy.
- [06:25]
Stephen Colbert
He does comedy.
- [06:26]
Becca Weiner
He does other title and stuff, too. I'm not entirely sure.
- [06:28]
Stephen Colbert
No, I think I'd be John Williams.
- [06:30]
Becca Weiner
Wow.
- [06:31]
Stephen Colbert
Whatever title is. Get me that. Yeah.
- [06:33]
Becca Weiner
Okay. And then I asked everyone at the show to forward me what they would want to ask you about Lecho vocab, which is a game we play here sometimes.
- [06:40]
Stephen Colbert
Sure, sure.
- [06:41]
Becca Weiner
Do you want to just look at the list and if there's one that sparks joy? Because I know we gotta go here.
- [06:45]
Stephen Colbert
Employee. Employee is used to be employee of the century. Employee of the century of the week. But employee was made up after Amy Cole, who's my assistant, Died quite suddenly. And so we made her the very final employee of the century of the week. And so we needed something else over there, so he became the employee. Bathroom boys. Bathroom boys. Bathroom boys. Is it time for the bathroom Boys? Does this need to be taken to the bathroom with the boys? Is that the boys are Tom Purcell and Matt Lapin, and who I've both known for just a million years. Tom I've known since 1988. Not solidly, but 1988. And Matt I've known since 2000. No, 1998. I've known Tom since 1988.
- [07:39]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
And Matt.
- [07:39]
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, from 1998. So. God, I've known them a long time. And that's when we've written. We've written the rehearsal script. I've rehearsed it, and there's something that absolutely can't be cut. Like, this is the story. We have to talk about this. But it is just parts on a lawn. We know the elements are there, but we don't have the. Or we might have the jokes, but we aren't telling this, like, a story. You know, Tom always says, like, tell it to my girlfriend. Meaning tell it to my girlfriend means she's really intelligent, she really loves a great joke, but she doesn't follow the news as closely as we do. Can you just tell the story to someone who's not obsessed the way we are?
- [08:16]
Becca Weiner
Keep a conversation.
- [08:17]
Stephen Colbert
So that's when there's a bathroom in the rewrite room. And the bathroom in the rewrite room is almost the rewrite room of the rewrite room.
- [08:24]
Becca Weiner
Yes.
- [08:24]
Stephen Colbert
And so we'll go from the stage to the rewrite room, which is a quite small room with a lot of people in it. And that's where the tension gets high. The only time I've literally had to apologize to someone or write them a note, tend to write them a note of apology is some way I've behaved in the rewrite room. Because the pressure gets so high, and the clock on the wall is spinning like a deli meat slicer, and every minute that you're not on time is a minute that the audience is cooking.
- [08:50]
Becca Weiner
Yes.
- [08:50]
Stephen Colbert
And no matter how hard you're working on these jokes or the storytelling, the response, the reward you'll get from the audience is diminishing. It's just like unrefrigerated shrimp. You just see them, like, just decaying in your mind. And so there's a lot that's gotta get done. In a short period of time. And so sometimes we go, fuck it. We're never gonna get it in here. Can the bathroom boys do this? And so that means Tom and Matt get up, and we keep two folding chairs. They don't sit on the toilet. We keep two folding chairs in the bathroom. And then we. We close the door on them. And then not only do we send them in there, but we tell them, like, please don't be too loud, because we're still rewriting the rest of the show in the other room. And then it usually takes about 20 minutes. And they come back out, and I go, where are we? And Tom will go, like, it's already in there. Go look, whatever. Or they'll go, like, I don't know. See what you think. Garlic knots. Garlic knots is a running gag on the show that anytime my character. We don't do it so much anymore. Cause I actually remembered to order garlic knots about two months ago, and that was to end that game. And I also liked some garlic knots. And whoever I was talking to, I'd say, like, you know, with hand as phone. With hand as phone. And then I would hang up. Hand as phone. They go, oh, garlic knots. Because. And that literally came from when my kids were young, and we would order from the local Arturo's pizza, which became bricks. Arturo's bricks. And then became Da Vinci. So it was Da Vinci's Arturo's Bricks Pizza. When we would call the pizza place, my boys, after I got a phone, they'd go, did you get garlic knots? It was Peter, and John was like, garlic knots. And I go, oh, damn. Oh, see? And I would have forgotten. And then it was too late to do the garlic knots or whatever. So that's where. Garlic knots. It's literally a reference to my boys going, garlic knots. That's why I do it. The joy machine. The joy machine came from the old show, and we still talk about it here. And of course, the band is the Great Big Joy Machine, Lewis Cato and the Great Big Joy Machine. Because I was in their edit one day with Jason Baker and Alison Silverman, who used to be my executive producer over at the Rapport. And it was a very hard day. It was a very, very challenging day. Especially when we were first starting off that show. We didn't really know how to get it done. There's a lot involved in doing that old show that we. I didn't have nailed down. And so it was very, very long hours. And I guess she just remarked on my chipperness at the end of this really day. And I said, oh, well, this is the joy machine. Like, it's a machine, and you can do with joy or not do it with joy. And if you don't do it with joy, you probably won't pay attention much to the way the machine is turning. And I'll get my tie caught in it, you know, or my fingers will get caught in the gears or something. But if you approach it with joy, that keeps your eyes open and you can see what you're doing. And also it's helpful to everybody around you. And also, I also think it's true. I think we get a lot of joy about feeding this machine. And if we approach it as a joy machine, then it actually is. It'll be a machine that also then produces joy for the audience. But it has to have, you know, it's. You know, what is it? Garbage in, garbage out, joy in, joy out. And so that's where joy machine came from originally. And we still mean that sincerely. But after 20 years, I mean, it's hard to keep that same level of joy up. But when you remember it's the important thing to do. Joy in, joy out. It's up to you.
- [12:18]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [12:19]
Stephen Colbert
And then it also feeds you, because then you get to feed on that loop of joy. Box of steaks. Box of steaks. I'll sometimes say, anna, let's get them a box of steaks or something like that. To my assistant, if somebody has a good idea, like, let's get them a box of steaks. And sometimes I actually send people a box of steaks.
- [12:36]
Becca Weiner
A unit of box.
- [12:38]
Stephen Colbert
A box of steaks, you know, like, you know, Ruth's Chris or whatever. Box of steaks or Omaha Steaks or something like that. But it all comes from. It comes from my favorite year. You ever seen the movie My favorite year?
- [12:50]
Becca Weiner
Oh, no, but this is on my list because you told me about it.
- [12:52]
Stephen Colbert
You should see it. You should see it because it's about your show of shows, and we don't do your show of shows. But that's a variety show, and this is a variety show. I mean, we practically have ladies, you know, dressed up as cigarette boxes dancing backstage with. Some nights it's like that. Which is the best.
- [13:04]
Becca Weiner
That's.
- [13:05]
Stephen Colbert
I love. And so at one point, the character, his King Kaiser, who's supposed to be playing Sid Caesar, it's based upon Sid Caesar, and King Kaiser is coming into rehearsal, and they're rehearsed the monologue, and he walks in and the head writer is there going, like, what did he Say about the monologue. What did he say? This stays in. This joke stays in the monologue stays in. Or I walk. You hear me? I walk like that. And King Kaiser comes in and he goes, what's that smell? God, what's that smell? And he grabs a script out of a script girl's hands and goes, it's the script. It's the monologue. And he tears the monologue out of the script. He balls it up and hands it to the assistant, and he goes, pull. And the assistant throws it up and he pretends to have a shotgun and goes, boom. Like that. Like that. And then the head writer goes, hey, babe, we're not married to it. And that's the whole thing. And he seems a little upset. And then King Kaiser says his assistant. I think I was a little tough on him. Tell you what. And he pulls out a wagon and he goes, waddle cash. And he goes, send him a box of steaks.
- [14:10]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
So that's.
- [14:11]
Stephen Colbert
That's where that comes from. Box of steaks.
- [14:13]
Becca Weiner
Great origin story.
- [14:14]
Stephen Colbert
Please enjoy these jokes a second time. I find comedy is so much fresher when know what's coming. That is, if I have to re rack on a joke in the monologue. And this is. I've never explained this before. No one knows I do these because I need these to do the show. Is that if I need to do a joke a second time for some technical reason, like I've messed up or there's a graphics problem or something, I. You know, you can't ask somebody to freshly enjoy something. So I always say to the audience, well, I gotta go back, like two lines. Do what takes for that graphic or that video to roll or for me to say it right? And I'll say, please, please enjoy. Please do enjoy. Please do enjoy these jokes a second time. I find that comedy is so much fresher when you know what's coming.
- [14:57]
Becca Weiner
And I'm singing along with you because everyone on staff has this line memorized.
- [15:01]
Stephen Colbert
Exactly.
- [15:02]
Becca Weiner
Because it's a great. No, it's a great. It's a great pull in case of emergency kind of line.
- [15:07]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Right?
- [15:07]
Stephen Colbert
And we have to pull it a lot.
- [15:09]
Becca Weiner
And it makes a lot of sense. It is like you directing the audience
- [15:12]
Stephen Colbert
as part of the show. Your part is please enjoy it. But the thing is. And also, it's a joke. And so it gets the jo. It gets the comedy pump going for them. It's like priming the pump, putting a little water in your pump before you get going. But then it's very important to go Immediately into the joke so that you're in a comedic energy. They're laughing, that's all. Keep the chicks and kill the rest. Okay, well, there's another version of that, which is Tom's version of that. Cause Tom, my executive producer, Tom Purcell, who again, I've known since 1988, he left Second City and went out to LA to pan for gold and ended up working for, like, I don't know, Sherwood Schwartz or whatever, like the Brady Bunch and people like stuff like that. He wrote for Cosby, who Cosby also worked with a lot of those Old Timers guys who had like, literally boxes of jokes they go through. And as Tom likes to say, can the floor be wet? Like, whatever. Like, they'd have like, I've got a joke here. If the floor could be wet in the scene or whatever. Like literally trunk, you know, material, which I love. I love all that. That's one of the reasons I love Billy Crystal. Cause Billy Crystal loved those Old Timers and now he's like a bridge to a lost world of comedy.
- [16:15]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [16:15]
Stephen Colbert
And so one of these old timey producers said to Tom, it's not a hard job because it's talking about after you've done the read through, it's not a hard job. Keep the checks cut, everything that isn't in a check, and you go home because you put a check next to the joke that works. Keep the checks cut, everything that isn't in a check, and we go home.
- [16:35]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [16:36]
Stephen Colbert
And so that's what. Keep the checks and kill the rest is another version of that.
- [16:41]
Becca Weiner
And Tom is on stage during taping,
- [16:42]
Stephen Colbert
literally marching, literally putting checks in flaming toboggan. Well, that's how I think of the show. The show is sometimes a blindfolded flaming toboggan ride. And part of the joy is that we got to the bottom of the hill without hitting a tree. And then we can go back and go, oh, that actually went well. But kind of on some nights, it's just a flaming toboggan ride. Because there's like, you have to ride the chaos a little bit. In fact, you actually have to enjoy that it's a chaos. As Tom says, like, there are 10 decisions an hour you make on this show that you can't go back on. Or else it just adds to the flaming toboggan ride. You know, there should be a banner above Tom's desk, and the banner says, do not back up. Severe tire damage. Cause that's what he likes to say. Like, we can't go back on These decisions, severe tire damage. And that's what flaming toboggan is in keeping with. You're hurtling downhill. You're just going, what? I don't. It doesn't matter. Kind of doesn't matter how you feel about it. It's 5:35.
- [17:45]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [17:46]
Stephen Colbert
There's an audit. Go out and do the show.
- [17:48]
Becca Weiner
Exactly.
- [17:49]
Stephen Colbert
Which is a really great gift. Because it makes you have an idea in the morning.
- [17:52]
Becca Weiner
Yes.
- [17:53]
Stephen Colbert
Because you don't have time for an idea later. It makes you have an idea in the morning. It makes you come in with some sense of urgency, attention, and if you've got the ability to do it, express some vision of what you think today's stories are or what we're gonna do today. What the show should be like, really what it should feel like is often one of the things we have to decide, and that gets expressed in the stories we pitch. But really, it's feeling is first. And if you can express that early, then you have a better day. And another thing Tom likes to say, which I would put on this, which is one hour of our day is gonna suck. Let's not make it the last hour.
- [18:26]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, that's a really good one.
- [18:28]
Stephen Colbert
Cause that's the one that gets the cameras pointed at it.
- [18:31]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [18:31]
Stephen Colbert
So let's make some other hour of the day suck. And we just accept now that one of the hours is gonna suck. And it might be the. Ever talk to anybody? It's like, oh, it's up to me. I've got to have read the stories. I've got to be able to go into my morning meeting with Opus and Tom even if I don't have, like, this is what I want to talk about. I have to know what they're talking about. And best of all is if I can say, like, these are the priorities of the stories for me today. But the next hour is to be in with the writers and go, hey, not only do I like your idea, but this is what I like about it. This is what I think it means. This is how I think it's associated. These are the stories that go together, but that's one of them. And then play it on zip. Zip it. Zip me. So that means play where you're in edit, and I want you to play the thing back to me in double time. So zip it or zip squeal, meaning you just hit it. And again, I don't spend as much time in the edit room as I would like. As I used to. It was important that I not. So the show could get out, but I used to always go to the.
- [19:37]
Becca Weiner
So you can get some sleep.
- [19:39]
Stephen Colbert
But everybody, you know, needs sleep. But I would go in and I would say, okay, zip, zip it, zip me. Hit the zips, whatever. And I would sit there and I already had the map of the interview in my head or the map of the act in my head. And I don't really need to hear every word. I'm kind of listening for rhythm. And then I'll remember.
- [20:00]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [20:01]
Stephen Colbert
Could you slow down? That's where it happened.
- [20:03]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, yeah.
- [20:03]
Stephen Colbert
Because I'll remember.
- [20:04]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
I'll feel the rhythm of how I
- [20:06]
Stephen Colbert
said it and the rhythm of the audience's response. And I go, yeah, yeah, that was a problem.
- [20:09]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [20:10]
Stephen Colbert
How long are we. 30 seconds. How long is that? Pull that out. I don't like the rhythm of it. Whatever. And it's always associated with. It's almost always associated with. We're long for time. Something's gotta come out. Okay, let's zip it down. And I'll remember the things that I think worked the best.
- [20:23]
Becca Weiner
And as an outsider who's been in the room watching you screen things. It's like Chipmunk tv. It's so fast. Right.
- [20:29]
Stephen Colbert
You cannot really understand what's being said
- [20:31]
Becca Weiner
unless you lived it. And you were in the interviewer. You remember the script?
- [20:34]
Stephen Colbert
Script, yeah, exactly. If you were involved in creation thing the whole day and you were there, I'm sure you can make stuff out too, because you're there for so much of it, then you can figure out what it is, but it's just we don't have time to watch it.
- [20:44]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [20:44]
Stephen Colbert
And it's also a little self indulgent, like. No, slow down.
- [20:47]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [20:48]
Stephen Colbert
This was a magic moment. No, it's all mechanical.
- [20:51]
Becca Weiner
Yeah. Okay. The last two is just a screen grab from two friends of yours that
- [20:54]
Stephen Colbert
I thought was really sweet Carly Mosley. When we pitch something and it absolutely bombs. And STC Goes, go ahead, go ahead. To move the meeting along. In other words, like, thank you for that pitch, but we need to be going now. Yeah, okay, go ahead. Like, oh. I turn to the head writer and I go, go ahead.
- [21:13]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [21:14]
Stephen Colbert
And you're like, thanks, go ahead.
- [21:15]
Becca Weiner
Yeah.
- [21:16]
Stephen Colbert
I try to say thanks first.
- [21:17]
Becca Weiner
No, no, no, totally. She clarifies that it's a nice thing.
- [21:20]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Oh.
- [21:20]
Stephen Colbert
She goes, this is fun. Not mean, might delete. Well, listen, listen. That's great. And then toasted. This is Meghan Gearhart from the Colbert days. Okay, so there was. Matt is the one who yells, toasted. Because at the old Colbert Report, I used to eat breakfast in front of everybody in the morning pitch meeting. And I would go in there, I usually have, you know, eggs, bacon, whatever, the basics, whatever the corner deli. And there'd be toast in there. And the toast would be wrapped in paper, and then that would be wrapped in the aluminum foil, that deli. Aluminum foil, which is somehow worse than aluminum foil. And it would be pretty tightly wrapped, so you could grab a corner and it wouldn't unfurl if you were to throw it at someone, which is what toasted means, is that I would always say, because I had it in my head, like, well, if I don't eat the toast, then I didn't have the carbs. And this was an okay meal. Yeah.
- [22:23]
Becca Weiner
And it's like that. Like white, buttery, like bonus.
- [22:27]
Stephen Colbert
Exactly. And so I would say, anybody want toast? Cause I am a generous lord.
- [22:32]
Becca Weiner
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [22:33]
Stephen Colbert
Anybody want toast? And if somebody would raise their hand, and it would be great if it was a new person in the room, because they did not know that the toast would be delivered at muzzle velocity, is that I would throw the toast overhand. Okay. I would throw the toast overhand by the corner, so it would whip at them, and if they didn't catch it right, it would kind of explode as it hit their chest, and the mat would go toasted. And the first time that happened to someone, like, if they hadn't been in the room for the toasting yet, it was usually quite alarming to them.
- [23:10]
Becca Weiner
Oh, man.
- [23:11]
Stephen Colbert
And I hope no one ever thought that it was mean spirited. I just thought, it's just toast. It's not gonna hurt anybody. And it would be best if the toast came at them, you know, sidearm at least.
- [23:22]
Becca Weiner
Yeah. No, these are the things that make this show special and a wonderful place to work.
- [23:27]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Yeah.
- [23:27]
Becca Weiner
I think that's the end of Late show vocab.
- [23:29]
Stephen Colbert
Oh, well, she said. This is Megan Gearhart. Said, toasted from Colbert. Poor days when Stephen would throw his breakfast toast at a writer in the morning meeting. This is also fun and not mean. I know a lot of the things associated with me sound mean.
- [23:43]
Becca Weiner
No, no, no. All fun. That could be a whole byline of the show. Just fun, not mean. Yeah.
- [23:48]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Okay, well, Becca, here we are.
- [23:51]
Becca Weiner
Here we are, Becca, shaking hands.
- [23:53]
Stephen Colbert
Thank you.
- [23:54]
Becca Weiner
Thank you, Steven.
- [23:55]
Stephen Colbert
Thank you.
- [23:55]
Becca Weiner
This has meant the world to me.
- [23:56]
Stephen Colbert
Thank you. For seven years. Let's call it seven. Okay.
- [23:59]
Becca Weiner
Let's call it seven. Round up.
- [24:00]
Stephen Colbert
Let's call it for seven seasons. How about that? Seven seasons. You've been an absolute delight in every room I've been in with you and just there to get it done, you know, somebody who knows their job. And as you know, I have, you know, I've told you about my no geniuses rule.
- [24:14]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [24:15]
Stephen Colbert
That's another one. That's another one should be on the list, which is no geniuses, please. Is that I have firm, firm belief that you should not hire geniuses to work on your television show. Because genius sometimes means in our business, some people are geniuses, but often it means that person's good at their job, but they're extremely difficult to work with. But you put up with it because they're good at their job. So you go like, oh, complain about this person constantly. And you go, but, you know, but they're a genius. So you put up with it. No one is a genius enough to have to. Because the job's too hard for everybody. Not for me. It's for everybody that we just be good at your job. And so, you know, you're a pro, Becca. And that's the best compliment I can give anybody here. You're an absolute pro. Thank you.
- [24:57]
Becca Weiner
My God, you're the best boss. You lead by example, everybody. You know, it's a trickle down.
- [25:01]
Stephen Colbert
That's very kind of you to say.
- [25:02]
Becca Weiner
No one's an asshole here because you would be so bored with them if they were. You know what I mean? I can't.
- [25:07]
Stephen Colbert
They would get toasted at a high velocity.
- [25:09]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. There's one last thing I want to do and it's for my mom.
- [25:13]
Stephen Colbert
Oh, okay.
- [25:13]
Becca Weiner
I've never taken a picture with you. Can we take a photo together really quick? And then while we're taking this pic. This has been the Late Show Poncho, guys.
- [25:21]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Oh, yes.
- [25:22]
Stephen Colbert
This has been the Late Show Poncho. Get it, get it. Ok, let me drag you over here.
- [25:25]
Becca Weiner
I'm dragging in.
- [25:26]
Stephen Colbert
Let's grab the mic over here too. Okay.
- [25:28]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Bye, guys.
- [25:29]
Becca Weiner
Bye. Bye.
- [25:35]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Folks, you may be familiar with a segment we do here on the show called Rescue Dog Rescue where we help find homes for real rescue dogs. And I'm proud to say that we have a perfect record of every single puppy getting adopted. And as the show's coming to an end, I thought maybe I could do the same for my staff who'll soon be looking for jobs. This is rescue Staff rescue. Hey, everybody. Here's how she works on Rescue Dog Rescue. We make up incredible and flattering lies about little puppies to maximize their chances of being Adopted by you. But on rescue staff rescue. I'm going to tell you about actual insane, humiliating and wonderful things my staff had to do in service of comedy and the show to help make them even more hireable. Here we go. Good to see you. This is my producer, Jonah Meyerson. Jonah had the distinct honor of once being my butt double for a mock up. Jonah, what do you have to say about this honor? My wife has always said I have the ass of a 61 year old man.
- [26:57]
Stephen Colbert
Thank you.
- [26:57]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Enjoy. This is Scott Sonata, one of our accountants. Good to see you, Scott. Scott is to go through all our receipts for random props, like sex toys for sketches and sex toys for the monologue. Pretty much just sex toys. Scott, how many dollars would you say the show has spent on sex toys? Well, I don't know, but the teleprompter says 69. Nice.
- [27:26]
Stephen Colbert
Very nice.
- [27:27]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Nice and done. This young lady is Rachel Whitaker. Nice to have you here, Rachel. Rachel's an exceptional editor who has added more fart sound effects into serious historical footage than she can possibly count. Rachel, tell the folks where you went to college.
- [27:46]
Becca Weiner
I went to Harvard.
- [27:48]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- [27:50]
Stephen Colbert
You went where?
- [27:52]
Becca Weiner
Hartford.
- [27:54]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
That's right. That's right, you did. Veritas. This is my great producer. I call. Hi, Carly.
- [28:03]
IXL Commercial Narrator
Hi.
- [28:03]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
This is Carly Hillman. Back in 2015, for one of our test shows, for reasons that must have made sense at the time, Carly had to spend a day supervising an actual live chicken named Vindaloo. Here's a pic of Carly with vindaloo's eggs. And I bet that 11 years later, Vindaloo is living a happy life with Carly and her family. Right, Carly? Well, perfect. Say, Carly, just gotta ask, where did you go to college?
- [28:29]
Becca Weiner
Also fartford.
- [28:31]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Thanks. Carly. This is. This is RJ Sakhtav from our cold open department. Good to see you, rj. RJ had to sit shirtless in a hot tub with a raw turkey on camera for a cold open sketch.
- [28:49]
Stephen Colbert
What happened after that? My doctor says I have something called super double salmonella.
- [28:56]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
And I hear you're now in several textbooks.
- [28:57]
Stephen Colbert
Good for you.
- [29:00]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
This. This is Brandon Marianacci, my head of research. Which means all these years, every day
- [29:11]
Stephen Colbert
he's had to put on a snorkel
- [29:13]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
and swim through the sewer of the news. Like last year when Trump first attacked Iran during Pride Month. And Brandon had to field questions about Iran's nuclear program, while also the same day weighing in on whether we could say the word twink on tv. So, Brandon, I gotta ask you.
- [29:30]
Stephen Colbert
Thanks for asking Steven. I'm holding up okay. No, no, no.
- [29:34]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
I wanted to ask. Can I say twink on tv? Depends on the context, but maybe not for long. Cause it seems like we're headed into a bear market. I don't.
- [29:51]
Stephen Colbert
I don't follow that.
- [29:52]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
I know. This. This young lady is Maia Lonnie. Maya is our very funny writer's assistant, who, among other things, has been tasked with helping to clear the idiotic things that we write with the network. Which means she has to send actual professional texts that say things like, okay to say, sit on your own balls here. Okay to say, go to hell, you dead. And hi, can we say big old Maya. Is there anything, Maya, that you'd like to say now that the show is ending?
- [30:34]
Becca Weiner
Yeah, just that I'm going to miss my colleagues tremendously. This has been among the greatest honors of my life. And also big old.
- [30:44]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
Thank you, Maya. Thank you. This is just some of my staff. They are the best in the biz. They are the pros from Dover, ladies and gentlemen. Grab them now for a late night show or whatever else. Maya,
- [31:05]
Stephen Colbert
thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing.
- [31:09]
Podcast Host / Interviewer
If you want to see more of
- [31:11]
Stephen Colbert
me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
- [31:18]
IXL Commercial Narrator
Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho.
- [31:21]
Becca Weiner
Look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you.
- [31:25]
IXL Commercial Narrator
And hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling, Ross. Work your magic.