Stephen Takes The Colbert Questionert

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Stephen Takes The Colbert Questionert

Date: May 21, 2026

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Overview

In this special and reflective episode, Stephen Colbert turns the tables on himself, taking "The Colbert Questionert"—the signature set of quirky, revealing questions he's asked numerous celebrity guests over the years. With help from a parade of famous friends, including Billy Crystal, Aubrey Plaza, James Taylor, Martha Stewart, Jeff Daniels, and Stephen's own wife Evie McGee Colbert, the episode is equal parts nostalgic retrospective and playful roast. Stephen provides heartfelt, funny, and occasionally profound answers, offering listeners a rare and intimate look into his personality as his show nears its end.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Monologue: Satirical News & Personal Reflections

• [02:12] Good News for MAGA Viewers: Stephen jokes about Trump's delayed "golden cell phone," quipping,

  "The only Trump item more disappointing after a nine month wait was Eric."

• Made in America?: Stephen highlights the phone's shifting identity, poking fun at branding:

  "The website now just says, designed with American values in mind... That's close enough. It's just like Arby's slogan. We have the meats in mind.” ([03:04])

• Current Events & Rotisserie Chickens: Stephen has fun with TSA's new carry-on rule:

  "TSA has announced a carry on rule that allows passengers to bring unlimited rotisserie chicken on board... Final week Steve, I love this for us." ([05:36])

• Embracing Absurdity: He riffs on the degenerating airborne experience:

  "Let's be disgusting. Bring your chickens. Go barefoot. Forget crying babies. I'm gonna scream all the way to Cleveland... because having a body is weird, and I'm scared." ([06:28])

Philanthropy & Farewells

• World Central Kitchen Donation ([07:10])
  Stephen welcomes Chef José Andrés to accept a massive donation:

  "We got a great response on all of our auctions. And here to accept our donation is the founder of World Central Kitchen. Please welcome Chef José Andrés."

  • Amount raised: $2,497,404.15 ([08:51])
  • José Andrés responds warmly:

    "You gave us hope. Not only to the men and women at World Central Kitchen, but the people that World Central Kitchen was helping from Ukraine to Gaza, from North Carolina to Puerto Rico." ([07:59])

• Bittersweet Tone: With only "one more show left," Stephen leans into a tone of gratitude and finality.

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The Colbert Questionert: Stephen Answers HIS OWN Questions

(Guest celebrities act as “inquisitors”; each prompts one question.)

1. Best Sandwich

• Billy Crystal ([13:34]):
  • Summer: Tomato sandwich on thin white bread, salt, pepper, mayo, "sink sandwich".
  • Other times: Hot pastrami on rye, coleslaw, sometimes muenster cheese (if not kosher).
  • Notable quote:

    “Katz's deli hapishami sandwich, that's the best sandwich in the world.” ([14:41])

2. First Concert Attended

• Weird Al Yankovic ([15:17]):
  • Chuck Mangione, 1977, with his mom at Gaillard Auditorium in Charleston, SC.
  • “The Children of Sanchez tour.”

3. Scariest Animal

• Josh Brolin ([16:22]):
  • Trapdoor spider, especially since a species is named after him:

    “A scientist named a trapdoor spider after me... like Colberti is the end of the Latin name.” ([17:43])

4. Apples or Oranges?

• Martha Stewart ([19:13]):
  • Apples.

    “Well, you can't put peanut butter on an orange. I'm gonna risk the wrath of the Seraphim and say, I will bite the apple.” ([19:23])

5. Have You Ever Asked for an Autograph?

• Mark Hamill (via Josh Brolin) ([20:32]):
  • Asked Steve Martin for one, signed headshot framed in his office:

    “So I like to say in my office, it's always Steve Martin o'clock." ([21:29], with a fun pun)

6. What Happens When We Die?

• Jim Gaffigan ([21:48]):
  • “When we die, I think there is some continuance of some kind. But it's like a dispersion of the self into some other greater being.”
  • Gaffigan's joke: “What you’re saying is we become Febreze.”
  • Stephen: “Yes, right.” ([22:47])

7. Favorite Action Movie

• Jeff Daniels ([23:12]):
  • Raiders of the Lost Ark (though his all-time favorite movie is horror: The Thing).

8. Window or Aisle?

• Tiffany Haddish ([24:26]):
  • "I have the bladder of just a baby chipmunk, so I like the aisle...I’m on the aisle all time."
  • Haddish riffs: “I’m manhunting. Anyways.” ([25:00])
  • Stephen: "Can I bring my wife?"
  • Haddish: "Yeah, she can come. Cause I'm manhunting. Anyways."

9. Favorite Smell

• Evie McGee Colbert ([27:49]):
  • Stephen: “My favorite smell is...when I get to the like top of the stairs, I know you’ve already gotten out of the shower cuz I can smell that like rose...lotion you use.” ([28:16])

10. Least Favorite Smell

• Amy Sedaris ([29:13]):
  • Childhood memory: rancid mixture of sugar and grease under neighbor’s sink.
  • “I didn't think anything could smell that bad.” ([30:37])

11. Earliest Memory

• Ben Stiller ([30:53]):
  • Memory of watching his mother paint a room when he was three; earliest "memory" is of a dream about a white (albino) King Kong that he couldn’t explain to his mom.

12. Cats or Dogs?

• Aubrey Plaza ([33:38]):
  • “Oh, I have lived with both of them. Dogs. Dogs.” ([33:40])

13. One Song for the Rest of Your Life

• James Taylor ([34:19]):
  • Glenn Gould’s performance of Mendelssohn’s “Song without Words in E Major, Opus 19, No. 1.”
  • “At the risk of being pretentious, which is too late for me now…” ([34:19])

14. What Number Are You Thinking Of?

• Robert De Niro ([35:01]):
  • The “magic” number is three:

    “I always say no. And when I give the right answer, and which has happened at least twice. Meryl Streep and Ethan Hawke guessed correctly... It's three.” ([35:05])

15. Describe the Rest of Your Life in Five Words

• John Dickerson (Announcer) ([36:14]):
  • Stephen:

    “My family, my friends. Fun.” ([36:26])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Celebrity Banter: From Tiffany Haddish’s playful manhunt to Billy Crystal’s food talk and Martha Stewart’s tearful musings about not being on again, the tone stays affectionate and irreverent.
• Intimate Spousal Moment: Stephen’s favorite smell answer to his wife Evie was surprisingly tender, “That rose lotion...and that you're in there wearing very little.” ([28:22])
• Playful Longstanding Relationships: With Amy Sedaris, Aubrey Plaza, and others, long-running inside jokes and warm familiarity are on display—Aubrey’s water breaking backstage was delightfully bizarre,

  “My water broke backstage.” – Aubrey Plaza ([33:21])

• Host Self-Parody: Stephen repeatedly jokes about his lack of control being the interviewee:

  “It’s like being in this seat is weird for me. Yes, I know. Not having control.” ([27:38])

• Final Five Words as Life's Summary:

  "My family, my friends. Fun." ([36:26])

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Key Timestamps

• [02:12] – Monologue: Trump’s “golden cell phone” & TSA chicken rules
• [07:10] – World Central Kitchen donation segment with Chef José Andrés
• [11:48] – Transition to The Colbert Questionert opening
• [13:34 – 36:26] – The Colbert Questionnaire, with each guest handling a question
• [28:16] – Stephen’s favorite smell, revealing marital affection
• [35:05] – The significance of “three” as the magic number
• [36:26] – The final, succinct summary of Colbert’s hopes for the future

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Conclusion

This poignant, laughter-filled episode captures both the wit and the humanity of Stephen Colbert as he turns the Late Show experience onto himself. The Colbert Questionnaire, usually aimed at celebrities, yields candid insights and warm nostalgia when Colbert is in the hot seat. The support and affection from high-profile friends and family underline the show’s lasting impact, concluding with Stephen’s own hopes for a life defined by loved ones and fun.

Transcript

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[Stephen Colbert]

Welcome everybody around the world to the Late Show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert and we have

Thunder. Thunder.

You know, you know I like to

give good news when we can give good news. And I have some wonderful news for my MAGA viewers. The Trump golden cell phone has finally

arrived after a nine month delay. Now the only the only Trump item

more disappointing after a nine month wait was Eric.

You know, I've said a lot of

mean things about Eric over the years.

As for the phone. As for the phone, let's be clear. This thing sucks.

When they announced the phone last year, the Trumps promised it would be made in the usa.

But now that it's here.

Brace yourself.

It is no longer made in the usa.

The website now just says, designed with American values in mind.

No, that's fine. That's close. No, hey, hey.

That's close enough.

Okay.

It's just like Arby's slogan. We have the meats in mind. Yesterday, just yesterday. Yesterday, Trump took a break from profiting off the presidency to speak at the annual congressional picnic. And he gave this update on the war in Iran.

[Donald Trump]

We're going to end that war very quickly. It's going to happen and it's going to happen fast.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is it? Cuz this is what you said at

the beginning of March. Are you thinking this week it will be over? No talking days?

[Donald Trump]

I think so.

[Sponsor Voice 3]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

And with respect to very soon, it's

[Donald Trump]

going to be finished pretty quickly.

[Stephen Colbert]

And this is what you said at the beginning of April.

[Donald Trump]

Going to finish it very fast. I view it as very close to over.

[Stephen Colbert]

And this is what you said at the beginning of May.

[Donald Trump]

You have a lion, a bear, an alligator and a. What's another good? A squirrel. Okay. Which is the squirrel?

[Stephen Colbert]

I think the squirrel is the one presently in control of the Strait of Hormuz.

Trump. Trump.

Trump also took a moment at the occasion there to shout out, Melania.

[Donald Trump]

We're truly blessed to have such a first Lady. She's been so popular. She did a movie, it became number one. She then went to streaming, it became number one. And I said, there's only room, remember this, for one star in a family. So I better get rid of that. That's not so good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Better get rid of that.

It was a pretty weird thing to say to your wife, but at least he's finally got a use for that greeting card. Roses are red. I love a gardenia. Time for you to go back to Slovenia next month.

There you go. Looks out.

After tonight, we have only one more show left and it is our.

Oh, but let's have fun now, shall we? That's what we're here for. And as such, we know our jobs.

It's our duty to focus on the issues that matter to Americans most. Namely that the TSA has announced a carry on rule that allows passengers to bring unlimited rotisserie chicken on board.

Thank you. That is so great. I was getting tired of having to

chug my chicken and lime. TSA made the announcement via protein shakes, 3.4 ounces or less, but rotisserie chickens,

as many as you can fit in your carry on.

You know what?

You know what, y'?

All, Old Steve would have hated this. But final Week.

Steve, I love this for us, okay? I mean, at this point, what does it matter?

Everything.

Stop trying. Stop trying to make flying better.

Okay? Let's be disgusting. Bring your chickens. Go barefoot. Forget crying babies. I'm gonna scream all the way to Cleveland.

Why? Why?

Same reason as the baby.

Having a body is weird.

And I'm scared

now. Ladies and gentlemen.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen, if you, much like the fcc, have been paying close attention to my show, then, you know we've been auctioning off all kinds of great Late show memorabilia and selling

commemorative the Last Show T shirts, all

to raise money for the international aid organization World Central Kitchen.

And I'm excited to say that we

got a great response on all of our auctions. And here to accept our donation is the founder of World Central Kitchen. Please welcome Chef Jose Andres, everybody.

Oh, right here, baby.

[Announcer]

Jose.

[Stephen Colbert]

Andre.

[Announcer]

That's it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, good to see you. Now, Jose,

[Jose Andres]

Stephen Colbert, you and your team, thank you on behalf of everybody at World Central Kitchen and beyond, because you raised, over the last decade and more, so much money for us that help us do what we do. But you did so much more.

[Amy Sedaris]

You.

[Jose Andres]

You gave us hope. Not only to the men and women at World Central Kitchen, but the people that World Central Kitchen was helping from Ukraine to Gaza, from North Carolina to Puerto Rico.

[Stephen Colbert]

Stephen Colbert was there. No, because you were there.

Because you were there. Jose. Thank you.

And, Jose, we want to give you

our donation on one of those giant check. But it's hard to find a bank that will cash one of those. So instead, we have decided to present our donation tonight on the world's smallest check. Okay. And it's too small to read anything on the check, so I will instead now slip it underneath a microscope.

All right, that's really small.

This is a real check. Okay, Joe, could I have a tiny drum roll, please?

And the total is. $2,497,404.15. Jose. Jose, thank you so much. Thank you. No, no, no. Thank you to everyone. Thank you to everyone who contributed.

And, Jose, thank you to everyone, you and everyone at World Central Kitchen for the work you do around the world, bringing people hope. And try not to lose this, I tell you. I'll put it in an envelope for you. There you go.

[Announcer]

Hey,

[Stephen Colbert]

people of America, praise the Vento bus. Jose Andres, everybody. We got a great show for you tonight with some very special guests. Stick around.

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[Tiffany Haddish]

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[Donald Trump]

Welcome back.

[Stephen Colbert]

Let's just give it up for Louis Cato and the great big toy machine. My friends and neighbors, one of the

things I love about this show, of course, are the interviews I got to do with the people over here. But I often crave a deeper connection with my guests. So the imagineers of the late show labs have developed what psycho historians call the Colbert Questionnaire. This is a set of 15 questions that are ergonomically calibrated to unearth a person's true self. And I've always said that I wouldn't give my answers to any of those questions until the show is over. But this is close enough.

And here to help administer this, the

final questionnaire, please welcome our good friend, Mr. John Dickerson. John Dickerson, everybody.

[Announcer]

Hello, Stephen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hello, John. The floor is yours, Stephen.

[Announcer]

Before we begin, you must assume the position.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm against this part, but I will do it.

People are gonna see my socks.

[Announcer]

Let us begin. When our first guest took the questionnaire, he revealed that his sandwich preference was a peanut butter and jelly on white bread. Please welcome Billy Crystal.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hi, Billy.

[Billy Crystal]

Hi, Steve. Yeah, I'm just. I'm just looking for something to take. Okay. Are you ready, my friend?

[Stephen Colbert]

Let's find out.

[Billy Crystal]

Okay. Stephen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes, Billy?

[Billy Crystal]

What is the best sandwich?

[Stephen Colbert]

This is one of the toughest questions, and we start with this one, Billy. What time of year are we talking here? Because there's a summer sandwich and then there's every other part of the year sandwich. And if we're talking summer. If we're talking summer, it's a tomato sandwich on very thin white bread, okay. With a lot of salt and pepper, maybe a little mayo. Okay. And you eat it over a sand. You eat it over the sink. It's called a sink sandwich because it just falls apart in your hand. These guys know what I'm talking about. Right over there.

[Announcer]

That's it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Very ripe. Has to be very, very ripe. And a very thick slice of tomato.

[Billy Crystal]

That's the best sandwich.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, that's the best summer sandwich.

[Billy Crystal]

Oh, okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

The rest of the year, wherever you are, the rest of the year is hot pastrami on rye with a little bit of must. And if the guy behind the counter is willing, a little coleslaw on there. Okay. Okay. And if it's not kosher deli, I'll take a little muenster on there. Okay. No, okay, that's fine.

[Billy Crystal]

No, but that's up to you.

[Announcer]

That's fine.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you.

Thank you for your judgment, Rabbi.

[Billy Crystal]

Yeah, we were raised differently.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly.

Yeah. The milk with the flesh. Can't do it, so.

No.

But Katz's deli hapishami sandwich, that's the best sandwich in the world.

[Billy Crystal]

Yeah, it is.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

That's it.

[Announcer]

That concludes the white bread and rye portion of our program. Up next, he's a musician, comedian, and probably the most accomplished accordion player here tonight, Weird Al Yankovic.

[Stephen Colbert]

Maestro.

[Jose Andres]

Thank you, Stephen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Announcer]

Oh, goodness.

[Donald Trump]

Let's get right to it,

[Jose Andres]

Stephen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Al, what was the first concert you attended? Oh, okay. The first concert I attended was at Gailyard Auditorium in Charleston, South Carolina. I went with my mom. It was in 1977. It was Chuck Mangione.

The Children of Sanchez tour. Hit it. Very nice.

[Announcer]

You know him from the Goonies, but Stephen doesn't because he's never seen the Goonies. Welcome, Josh Brolin.

[Josh Brolin]

What is the scariest animal?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, okay.

[Josh Brolin]

Other than me.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. Well, it's interesting that you should one, give me the question because you know that in my phone you're listed as wolf boy.

[Donald Trump]

Is that true?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Because as a seven year old boy, you fed wild wolves. Your mother kept a pack of wolves and she would send you in there with raw meat and say, go feed the wolves. So how could you be anything else in my phone but Wolf Boy? And I love when it comes up and it says, there is a video message from Wolf Boy, and they go, like, wolf Boy's gonna have to hold on for a second here.

[Josh Brolin]

So is it me?

[Stephen Colbert]

So it's not wolves.

[Josh Brolin]

Can I sip?

[Stephen Colbert]

It's coffee. If you can do coffee. Okay. Thank you. Oh, thank you very much. Could I get a fresh coffee, please? I don't know where.

We don't know where Wolf Boy has been.

[Josh Brolin]

Mowgli don't know where Wolf Boy has put that mouth.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nope.

Anyway, why? Because he can't.

[Josh Brolin]

Because he can't. Because he doesn't give a.

[Donald Trump]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

So the scariest animal to me is a trapdoor spider. The ones that come out a little sand. Nothing wrong there. Shaka. They come out, they try, and they pull you back in. That is. And here's the part that's even scarier than that. Josh Brolin, a scientist, named a trapdoor spider after me.

[Josh Brolin]

Like, for real.

[Stephen Colbert]

For real. There's this trapdoor spider, like, Colberti is the end of the Latin name. Yeah.

[Josh Brolin]

Like, somebody had named me Wolf Boy on their phone.

[Stephen Colbert]

Very much so.

[Josh Brolin]

You see how that. It's called karma.

[Stephen Colbert]

But you don't scare me.

[Josh Brolin]

I don't scare you?

[Stephen Colbert]

You don't scare me at all.

Yo. You're a big old pussycat.

[Josh Brolin]

What do you got there?

[Sponsor Voice 2]

What is this?

[Josh Brolin]

I have a little gift for you.

[Stephen Colbert]

No way.

[Josh Brolin]

You know, I know how much you love boats.

[Stephen Colbert]

I do. Did you make this?

[Josh Brolin]

No, I didn't. I literally got this on ebay. Okay, I did, but it's still real. But it says, may you always glide through life sometime. Oh, through life's sometimes tumultuous waters.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, thank you.

[Announcer]

That's beautiful. I love you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you, sir.

[Announcer]

Appreciate it.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Beautiful. Thank you for being here.

[Announcer]

I hope everybody else brought a gift. She has Snoop Dogg's autograph and his number on speed dial. Please welcome Martha Stewart.

[Stephen Colbert]

Noisy Aud. Nice to see you. Thank you for being here.

[Martha Stewart]

Well, I'm so happy to be here. And I'm also very sad.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, okay.

[Billy Crystal]

Why?

[Martha Stewart]

Because maybe I won't be here again.

[Stephen Colbert]

You will not.

[Martha Stewart]

But maybe somewhere else.

[Stephen Colbert]

Maybe I will have nothing to do with it.

[Martha Stewart]

But I. I have a very interesting question for you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Let's find out.

[Martha Stewart]

And it's a simple question, but it will take some thought. Apples or oranges?

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, you can't put peanut butter on an orange. So I'm gonna risk the wrath of the Seraphim and say, I will bite the apple.

[Announcer]

Yeah. We have to take a break, but the tapestry of Stephen Colbert still has many more colorful threads to discover. So stay with us. Adventure, excitement. Our next guest craves not these things. Please welcome Mark Hamill. Ooh,

[Josh Brolin]

I'm feeling a surge of host like power through my body.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hi, Mark.

[Josh Brolin]

I don't want to leave, but I'm going to ask you this question anyway.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Josh Brolin]

Have you ever asked someone else for their autograph?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, yeah, I asked. I did a bit with Steve Martin years ago, the first time I ever had him on the old show. And a huge fan of Steve Martin. He's at my Mount Rushmore of comedy. And as part of it, we were talking about a painting, and we added to the painting a little cutout of Steve's head. It was from his head shot, a little cutout, pretty picture of Steve's smiling head. And when the bit was over, after the show was over, I said, hey, would you mind smiling, Signing. Signing this? So we just signed across the top of his face, and I had it framed on a lovely little background and hung in my office. But I hung it, or whoever hung it hung it where there used to be a clock in my office. And so we're always on deadline here, and that clock is just spinning around super fast. And so I would just look up to see what time it was, and there. There would be the picture. And so I like to say in my office, it's always Steve Martin o'.

[Billy Crystal]

Clock.

[Stephen Colbert]

Very good. Yes.

[Announcer]

Our next inquisitor saw James Taylor on the same day he got his driver's license and had it taken from him. Please welcome Jim Gaffigan.

[Stephen Colbert]

Stephen.

Thank you, Steven. I'm always when I've forgotten the order of these questions, so I don't know who goes with what at end. The. That's weird because at rehearsal today, you knew there was no rehearsal. That was before I was drinking. That's right. Here's the question, Stephen. What is the question? What do you think happens when we die? Here's what I picture some of these questions. If I answer them, I have to think of what do I think as I'm waiting for the person to answer them when I give it to them. What comes to mind when it comes to mind? When I ask this question, I think of almost like it's more like a feeling. And the feeling is that when we die, I think there is some continuance of some kind. But it's a Like a dispersion of the self into some other greater being. And I don't know, I don't have any other feelings beyond that. What you're saying is we become Febreze.

Yes, Right.

That's exactly right.

[Announcer]

Our next questioner is a sandwich entrepreneur, the first man to combine potato chips, barbecue sauce, and peanut butter into one pita sandwich. Please welcome Jeff Daniels.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hi, Jeff.

Nice digs. Yeah, thanks very much, Stephen. Jeff, what is your favorite action movie? Ooh, this is a toughie. My favorite movie is horror. It's the thing that's my favorite movie. So I don't think that's action. I think it's more horror than action. Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[Josh Brolin]

Okay. Okay.

[Announcer]

Our next guest would take an orange over an apple any day. Please welcome Tiffany Haddish.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right, now we are classing up the joint.

[Tiffany Haddish]

Yes, Stephen. Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hi, Tiffany. Nice to see you.

[Tiffany Haddish]

It's nice to see you. How you been?

[Stephen Colbert]

Missing you.

[Tiffany Haddish]

I know. So you're gonna have some time on your hand.

[Stephen Colbert]

I am, I am.

[Tiffany Haddish]

And I don't know if you know this now. I'm a swimsuit model.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't know that.

[Announcer]

Are you into Sports Illustrat?

[Tiffany Haddish]

I identify as a 21 year old sports Illustrated cover swimsuit model.

[Stephen Colbert]

I will check out the newsstand and,

[Tiffany Haddish]

you know, there'll be lots of traveling. And I just want to know, with all the traveling that'll be happening, what do you prefer, window or aisle?

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, window or aisle? I have the bladder of just a baby chipmunk, so I like the aisle because I don't want to have to say to the person next to me, I need to get up. So I'm on the aisle all time.

[Tiffany Haddish]

Yeah, yeah, let's just take a trip.

[Stephen Colbert]

Tiffany,

can I bring my wife?

[Tiffany Haddish]

Yeah, she can come. Cause I'm manhunting. Anyways,

[Announcer]

we're gonna take a quick break. We will spelunk further into the depths of Stephen Colbert right after this.

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[Announcer]

She's the co host of first drafts and the late show's first lady. Please welcome Evie McGee Colbert.

[Stephen Colbert]

Let me ask you something. Did you run into Tiffany Haddish back

[Donald Trump]

there by any chance?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh I did, I did.

[Amy Sedaris]

We're all going traveling together.

[Announcer]

I know.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's what I heard.

[Amy Sedaris]

No problem.

[Stephen Colbert]

Great. Fantastic.

[True Crime Podcast Host]

How you doing? How do you like this?

[Stephen Colbert]

I am. It's good. It's like being in this seat is weird for me. Yes, I know. Not having control. That's exactly not having control.

What do you got?

What is your favorite smell, darling? Oh, ok, well that's a good one for you. That's a good one for you. Oh, you're not gonna like the answer. Oh, what's that? My favorite smell is when we are going out someplace and you go upstairs to get ready first and then I cause you take a little bit longer to get ready and then I come up to follow you and when I get to like the top of the stairs, I know that you've already gotten out of the shower cause I can smell that like rose. What's that?

Soap?

No, it's that Rose lotion What's that lotion you use? What is it?

[True Crime Podcast Host]

Kai.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

Kai.

[Stephen Colbert]

Rose scented rose lotion. And then I. That you're in there wearing very little.

[Announcer]

This is a lot more intimate than a political debate. You know her from Strangers with Candy. She's known Stephen for almost 40 years. Please welcome Amy Sedaris.

[Stephen Colbert]

Amy Sedaris, you look lovely.

[Announcer]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thanks for being here.

[Amy Sedaris]

I'm happy, Happy to be here. It's very sad.

[Stephen Colbert]

Happy to have you.

[Amy Sedaris]

So they gave me a question, but when a woman. No, the question is, what is your least favorite smell?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, okay. The worst smelling thing I've ever smelled.

[Amy Sedaris]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And was, I was young, I was maybe 10 or 11, and I had a next door neighbor across the street. Neighbor, the Millers. And Mrs. Miller was really lovely. We used to talk all the time, even when the kids weren't around. She was just a really lovely woman. And I remember one day she was cleaning out underneath the sink. I was just sitting like on the bar stool in her kitchen. She was cleaning out of the sink. And you know how people keep like jars of grease, like they collect their grease and everything. It had either broken or the jar lid had come loose. Oh, yeah. And it had leaked. That grease had. Had poured into a bag of sugar.

[Amy Sedaris]

Oh, my God.

[Stephen Colbert]

And the bag of sugar. The bag of sugar had turned rancid. Oh, ok. And so it was either the grease had turned the sugar rancid or the sugar had turned the grease rancid. One of the two. But she said to me, do you want to smell just the worst thing? And I really liked her. I thought she was great. She was a little witchy. And I said, sure. And I smelled it. And I can't possibly describe what it's like, but I remember even as a boy going, wow, I know there's some bad smells. Like we humans make our own bad smelling things, which you can obviously think of. But this was so much worse than anything else I'd ever smell. I didn't think anything could smell that bad. And so it stuck with me. So I think that's probably my least favorite smell, even though I've never smelled it again.

[Amy Sedaris]

Okay.

[Announcer]

Yeah, yeah. He's an actor, a writer, a director. But tonight he's just here to ask one question. Please welcome Ben Stiller.

[Stephen Colbert]

What is your earliest memory? It's a two part answer. Okay, okay. My earliest memory. I remember I was born in Washington D.C. and, and I have a memory of my mom up on like a little short ladder with her hair and a little scarf back there. Either Painting the bedroom brown. And it was blue or it was blue, and she was painting it in brown or whatever like that. Whatever the opposite of that is. And I asked her, how old would that be? And she said, you were maybe three when I did that. But that kind of makes sense because I remember not being able to say something to her. I remember being frustrated that she couldn't quite understand what I was trying to tell her. But I remember what I was trying to tell her. And what I was trying to tell her was my earliest memory because I was trying to tell her about the dream I'd had the night before. And I remember what I was trying to tell her. I had a dream about Coco. Not Coco. Snowflake, the albino gorilla that was at the National Zoo. There was a pure white gorilla at the National Zoo. And I had a dream of a albino King Kong. And I must have seen some, like King Kong. And I had seen pictures of the gorilla, and I'd put them together, and I had an image of an albino gorilla, like, marauding in a city. And that's the story. That's what I couldn't get across to my mom. So I have an inception in my memory. I have another dream in my memory, and that's my earliest memory, is not being able to tell my mom my memory. Could you give me an interesting answer now?

[Announcer]

Wow. We have to take a break, but there's more exploration to come. So we'll be right back with more of Stephen Colbert's questionnaire. Our next questioner first appeared on the Late show in 2016 and most recently appeared here right now. Please welcome Aubrey Plaza.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. How are ya?

[Aubrey Plaza]

Everything's normal here.

[Stephen Colbert]

It is lovely.

[Aubrey Plaza]

My water broke backstage.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, great.

[Billy Crystal]

Great.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'll find you.

[Aubrey Plaza]

I said it was gonna take a couple hours, so I could still do this.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's very generous of you.

[Aubrey Plaza]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. We'll get a squeegee.

[Aubrey Plaza]

Thanks. So, Steven.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Aubrey Plaza]

Cats or dogs?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, I have lived with both of them. Dogs.

Dogs.

[Announcer]

You know, our national. Our next questioner. As a musician and as a huge fan of the Jason Bourne films, please welcome James Taylor.

[James Taylor]

You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. You don't have to listen to it continuously, but whenever you listen to a song, this is it.

[Stephen Colbert]

The song that comes to mind when I'm. When I'm asking people this question is at the risk of being pretentious, which is too late for me now. It is Glenn Gould's execution of Mendelssohn's. Song without words in E major's opus 19, number one.

[Announcer]

Okay, our next questioner is a man of few words and only one question. Please welcome Robert De Niro.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, what number were you thinking of?

There's a hint as to what the answer is. Because whenever somebody answers the question, you know, and gives the wrong answer, I always say no. And when I give the right answer, and which has happened at least twice. Meryl Streep and Ethan Hawke guessed correctly. And Ethan Hawke immediately goes, I know what it is. It's three. That's the number. That's the number I was thinking of. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Cause I thought it would have been

[Donald Trump]

2 million.5 or 2 and a half million.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's the number of Epstein files Trump still hasn't released.

[Announcer]

And now for the final question. I'm honored to have the task of administering it.

[Stephen Colbert]

You look good back there.

[Announcer]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Announcer]

Take it for.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's almost as if you'd manned a desk before.

[Announcer]

Stephen Tyrone Colbert. How would you describe the rest of your life in five words?

[Stephen Colbert]

My family, my friends.

[Announcer]

Fun. God bless you, Stephen Colbert.

[Donald Trump]

You are known.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you for listening to the Late show pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing.

[Announcer]

If you want to see more of

[Stephen Colbert]

me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives

[Sponsor Voice 1]

from

[True Crime Podcast Host]

the trusted team behind 48 hours. Welcome to Case by Case, your weekly update on the biggest true crime stories unfolding right now.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nick Ryder remains in custody without bail. Luigi Mangione accused of stalking and gunning down UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson.

[True Crime Podcast Host]

From high profile trials and stunning evidence to major breaks in cold cases, we'll follow it all case by case. Follow and listen to 48 Hours case by case. Wherever you get your podcasts.