Valentine's Cards with Evie | Romansplaining

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert – Episode: "Valentine's Cards with Evie | Romansplaining"

Release Date: February 10, 2025
Host/Author: CBS
Title: The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert
Episode: "Valentine's Cards with Evie | Romansplaining"

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1. Introduction and Technology Banter

The episode opens with Stephen Colbert showcasing the capabilities of the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra. Demonstrating its AI features, Stephen humorously emphasizes the device's convenience in managing everyday tasks:

• Stephen Colbert (00:00): "I can say to my new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth and Steve. And it does without me lifting a finger so I can get in more squats anywhere I can. 1, 2, 3."

This playful interaction sets a lighthearted tone, blending technology with personal anecdotes.

2. Romance Planning: Emerging Dating Trends

Evie Colbert takes the spotlight with her segment on the evolving landscape of dating in 2025. Drawing from relationship experts and polls by Tinder Field and Plenty of Fish, Evie delves into several innovative trends redefining modern romance:

a. Celibacy as a Trend

• Evie Colbert (01:30): "One new dating trend this year will be celibacy. So hold on. It's cool to not have sex now."

Evie highlights a growing preference among young individuals for celibacy, citing its role in fostering personal growth and self-focus.

b. Nanoships: Finding Meaning in Small Moments

• Evie Colbert (02:20): "Experts say this year will also see the rise of something called nanoships, which is when you find romantic meaning in seemingly innocuous moments, like when you lock eyes with someone on the subway."

This trend emphasizes appreciating fleeting interactions, turning brief encounters into potential romantic connections.

c. No Habiting: Valuing Personal Space

• Evie Colbert (03:05): "Another fun new term for 2025 is no habiting, which is the opposite of cohabiting. This trend refers to those who want to wait that bit longer to move in with their partner because they value their personal space."

Reflecting a shift towards maintaining individuality within relationships, Evie discusses how "no habiting" caters to those prioritizing personal boundaries.

d. Swamping: Embracing Authenticity

• Evie Colbert (04:00): "People tired of constantly putting their best foot forward in a relationship may find comfort in a new thing called swamping, which is when you let go of the pressure to be anything but your true authentic self and find someone you can comfortably share your swamp with."

"Swamping" encourages genuineness in relationships, allowing individuals to present their true selves without pretense.

e. Activity Dates: Engaging in Shared Interests

• Evie Colbert (04:45): "Singles are now opting for what they're calling activity dates, which is when you and your potential boo go running, visit a museum, or take a cooking class."

These dates focus on shared activities, fostering connections through mutual interests and experiences.

f. Evolution of Dating Apps: Specificity Over Vagueness

• Evie Colbert (05:20): "One new trend is to come out and say exactly what you want online, where people are ditching vague descriptions about what they desire and instead getting more specific."

The shift towards precise self-descriptions on dating platforms aims to enhance compatibility and streamline the matching process.

Notable Insight: Evie's comprehensive analysis underscores the dynamic nature of modern relationships, highlighting a balance between individuality and connection.

3. Valentine's Cards with Evie: Humorous Takes on First Drafts

Transitioning seamlessly, Evie introduces the "Valentine's Cards with Evie" segment, where she humorously critiques poorly crafted first drafts of Valentine's Day cards. This segment blends humor with relatable relationship dynamics.

a. Reviewing Unsellable Valentine's Card Drafts

Evie showcases various flawed card drafts alongside their polished, market-ready counterparts:

• Example 1:

  • Final Version (07:43): "Happy Valentine's Day. I can't bear to be without you."
  • First Draft (08:47): "Happy Valentine's Day. I could go for a three way."

  Stephen Colbert (08:58): "We'd be so much more interesting."

  Humorous Conflict: Evie and Stephen playfully debate the appropriateness of the first draft, highlighting the importance of thoughtful messaging.

• Example 2:

  • Final Version (10:54): "Happy Valentine's Day to my favorite sports fan. With you on my team, I've already won the Game of Life."
  • First Draft (10:57): "Happy Valentine's Day to my favorite sports fan. I lost everything betting on the bills."

  Stephen Colbert (11:03): "So."

  Humorous Breakdown: The juxtaposition underscores how even well-intentioned messages can miss the mark without careful phrasing.

b. Personal Touches and Relationship Anecdotes

Evie and Stephen infuse personal experiences, adding depth and authenticity to the segment:

• Evie Colbert (10:22): "Do we sign my name to it?"

• Stephen Colbert (11:15): "I don't think you can. I can't stop thinking about these people who turn up to work and the door is locked and they're told to go home, and all they do is their job. Sad. Thank you, federal workers."

These interactions offer listeners a glimpse into their long-term relationship, blending humor with genuine affection.

c. Navigating Sensitive Topics with Humor

Evie presents a significantly flawed card draft that delves into a sensitive topic:

• First Draft (13:39): "I know we just met, but give me one of your kidneys. I would give you one of my kidneys."

• Stephen Colbert (13:42): "You would? I would give you one of my kidneys. Absolutely."

The candidness with which they address and dismiss inappropriate content showcases their comedic chemistry and mutual respect.

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4. Conclusion and Final Remarks

The episode concludes with Evie and Stephen reinforcing the blend of humor and heartfelt moments that define their segments. Evie wraps up by encouraging listeners to engage with more content:

• Evie Colbert (15:36): "Thank you, my darling. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert."

She also directs fans to The Late Show YouTube channel for additional clips and exclusive content, ensuring continued engagement beyond the podcast.

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Key Takeaways

• Evolving Relationship Norms: The discussion on emerging dating trends like celibacy, nanoships, no habiting, swamping, and activity dates reflects a significant shift towards more individualized and meaningful connections in modern romance.

• Humorous Relationship Insights: The "Valentine's Cards with Evie" segment provides a comedic yet insightful look into the nuances of long-term relationships, emphasizing the importance of thoughtful communication and shared humor.

• Engaging Host Chemistry: The playful banter between Stephen and Evie Colbert enhances the podcast's appeal, offering listeners both laughter and relatable moments.

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Notable Quotes

• Stephen Colbert (00:00): "I can say to my new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth and Steve."

• Evie Colbert (01:30): "One new dating trend this year will be celibacy. So hold on. It's cool to not have sex now."

• Evie Colbert (04:00): "Swamping is when you let go of the pressure to be anything but your true authentic self and find someone you can comfortably share your swamp with."

• Stephen Colbert (08:58): "We'd be so much more interesting."

• Evie Colbert (15:36): "Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert."

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This episode adeptly combines insightful discussions on contemporary dating trends with lighthearted humor rooted in personal relationship dynamics. Stephen and Evie's chemistry not only entertains but also offers listeners valuable perspectives on navigating modern romance.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

I can say to my new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth and Steve. And it does without me lifting a finger so I can get in more squats anywhere I can. 1, 2, 3.

[Evie Colbert]

Will that be cash or credit?

[Stephen Colbert]

Credit.

[Unknown]

4 Galaxy S25 Ultra the AI companion.

[Evie Colbert]

That does the heavy lifting so you can do. You get [e-mail] compatible with select apps. Requires Google Gemini account. Results may vary based on input. Check responses for accuracy. What's the best time of day to get a deal? All day with Jack in the Box's all day big deal meal. You get to choose from four entrees like the supreme croissant and five tasty sides plus a drink starting at $5. So hurry in or take your time. You've got all day at Jack. Every bite's a big deal.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colber.

[Evie Colbert]

There we have it, folks. Love loves loving. And no one loves loving love more than I do. So it's time once again for me to tell you all the latest trends in dating and romance in my segment.

[Unknown]

Romance Planning with Stephen Colbert.

[Evie Colbert]

Folks, a word is Dating is going to look very different in 20, according to Relationship experts and online polls conducted by Tinder Field and plenty of Fish, the word is One new dating trend this year will be celibacy. So hold on. It's cool to not have sex now. Looks like somebody was way ahead of his time. You, sir, it's going to be a get better. It is going to get better, just not for like a decade. Apparently, more young people are abstaining from the nasty because they say celibacy creates the headspace to focus on themselves. Okay, pro tip, if you have a celibate roommate, be sure to knock before entering their room in case they're furiously focusing on themselves. Experts say this year will also see the rise of something called nanoships, which is when you find romantic meaning in seemingly innocuous moments, like when you lock eyes with someone on the subway. Great news for the D train's Pantsless Gary. It's not weird. Now you're my nano girlfriend. One trendspotter described nano ships this way. Every glance, every random coffee, chat, each little moment has its own vibe. You can't have a whole relationship in a glance. Watch. Okay, that one checks out. Another fun new term for 2025 is no habiting, which is the opposite of cohabiting. This trend refers to those who want to wait that bit longer to move in with their partner because they value their personal space. You don't need a term for not doing something. Me. My new Year's resolution is daily. Don't circise, you know, exercise. I don't. People tired of constantly putting their best foot forward in a relationship may find comfort in a new thing called swamping, which is when you let go of the pressure to be anything but your true authentic self and find someone you can comfortably share your swamp with. So marriage, you're describing, you're describing being married is what you're describing. Dating trend watchers also say singles are now opting for what they're calling activity dates, which is when you and your potential boo go running, visit a museum, or take a cooking class. Or combine all three and sprint through the Met together while mincing a shallot. One of the biggest areas of change is going to be how dating apps are used. One new trend is to come out and say exactly what you want online, where people are ditching vague descriptions about what they desire and instead getting more specific. For example, I'm looking for a guy in finance, which experts called loud looking. Loud looking. Also what your friend does when you tell them to discreetly check out something over your shoulder. Be cool. Okay, got it. Whoa. Is that the co worker you hate? Is he in finance? Because I'm loud looking. People are also searching for so called partner types like the golden retriever who is enthusiastic and energetic or the cinnamon roll described as sweet and kind. Not a person. Some people are so desperate that they will literally bang a Cinnabon unless they are Cinnabellabit.

[Stephen Colbert]

Coming up Valentine's with Evie after this.

[Unknown]

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[Evie Colbert]

Hey everybody. Welcome out giving for Lewis Hato and the late show band right there. Thank you very much. Look at sunglasses. I like the sunglasses. A quick heads up to everyone in a romantic relationship out there. Valentine's Day is next week when people will be exchanging Valentine's Day cards. Don't forget. Okay, but the thing is, the folks who write these cards don't always get them right on the first. Let's Take a look at some of those poor choices in my segment first drafts.

[Unknown]

No.

[Evie Colbert]

No. Stupid. Please welcome my wife, Evie. There you go.

[Stephen Colbert]

There you go.

[Evie Colbert]

There you go. Hello, all.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hi, hon.

[Evie Colbert]

Hello, darling. No Valentine's would be complete without my Valentine. Thanks for being here. This is always fun. Yep. Valentine's, traditionally, champagne strawberries.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. What you got?

[Evie Colbert]

We've been married for 31 years, so I have you some sleepy time tea and oatmeal cookies, because I know that's what you really love.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sleepy time tea.

[Evie Colbert]

There you go. Mm.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right, well, then I'm gonna get sleepy. Not for five minutes. What, they make this with melatonin now?

[Evie Colbert]

They do.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm just saying. Yes.

[Evie Colbert]

Do they make it with Xanax? Cause that's what I need. Darling, would you please be my beautiful assistant?

[Stephen Colbert]

I will. I will. Thank you.

[Evie Colbert]

There you go. Okay, you know how this works, everybody. We see a lovely Valentine's Day card that I'll show to you. The kind you might find in the store. Very sweet, very romantic. And then I'll show you the not so great first draft that they didn't sell. Shall we? There we go.

[Stephen Colbert]

We all know how this works.

[Evie Colbert]

No, no. We have a new audience every night, everybody.

[Stephen Colbert]

There you go. There you go.

[Evie Colbert]

By the way, Valentine's is a little over a week from now. It's a week from Friday. What do you want to do?

[Stephen Colbert]

Sleepy time tea and oatmeal raisin cookies. Sound great.

[Evie Colbert]

Maybe watch a little All Creatures Great and Small on pbs? Yes. Really?

[Stephen Colbert]

That's too racy.

[Evie Colbert]

Let's do. All right, here's a cute one. Happy Valentine's Day. I can't bear to be without you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sweet.

[Evie Colbert]

That's very sweet, but the first draft said, happy Valentine's Day. I could go for a three way.

[Stephen Colbert]

We'd be so much more interesting.

[Evie Colbert]

No, we wouldn't. We would not be. Ugh. That seems like a lot of work. So exhausting. So give me that next one. There you go. There.

[Stephen Colbert]

I got embarrassed. You did that? Yes, I did.

[Evie Colbert]

Okay, here's one for a newborn baby. Happy first Valentine's Day. I know you can't understand me yet, but I love you so much. There you go. That's very sweet.

[Stephen Colbert]

Why do you give a baby a Valentine's Day?

[Evie Colbert]

I don't know. It's a setup to a joke. Here we go.

[Stephen Colbert]

I've been doing this long enough. I'm just gonna call bullshit.

[Evie Colbert]

Okay, all right, all right. Okay. But the first draft said, happy first Valentine's Day. I know you can't Understand me yet? So I feel comfortable confiding in you that in 1998 I might have hit a drifter with my car. It was dark and I didn't stop. That is one they did not sell. That is why. You just found out why they didn't do that one.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right.

[Evie Colbert]

There you go. All right. But seriously, do we exchange presents on Valentine's Day? We never have.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, we. Well, I don't know about never. It's been a long time.

[Evie Colbert]

But you sometimes send the kids things on Valentine's Day.

[Stephen Colbert]

I do, when they're in college.

[Evie Colbert]

Do we?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes.

[Evie Colbert]

Do you sign my name to it?

[Stephen Colbert]

Of course. And do you help me pick it out?

[Evie Colbert]

Of course.

[Stephen Colbert]

You know, red tennis shoes, stuff like that. Those are fun things, too.

[Evie Colbert]

Thank you, darling. Let's keep going.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow.

[Evie Colbert]

This is a union crew. Let's go. This one's fun. Happy Valentine's Day to my favorite sports fan. With you on my team, I've already won the Game of Life.

[Stephen Colbert]

I love that game. I love the Game of Life.

[Evie Colbert]

But the first draft said, happy Valentine's Day to my favorite sports fan. I lost everything betting on the bills.

[Stephen Colbert]

So.

[Evie Colbert]

This is Bogdan. He owns our house now. There you go. All right. So I don't need to get you anything is what you're saying. No flowers?

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure. I love flowers. Thank you.

[Evie Colbert]

I could have just gone with nothing and then no flowers, and you would have been upset and I would have.

[Stephen Colbert]

Said, I wouldn't have been upset.

[Evie Colbert]

You wouldn't have?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, but I. But if you ask me if I want flowers, I'm always going to say yes.

[Evie Colbert]

Ok. But really, no flowers came on Valentine's Day. You would be like, that's fine. Really? You would say, that's fine, and you'd stare into the distance.

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't know. Maybe I need a lawyer present. I'm not sure how to answer this question. If I say it's fine, I definitely know I may never get flowers again.

[Evie Colbert]

No, of course I'll give you flowers. I was just. We're just making jokes, darling. You look lovely, by the way.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you very much. Thank you.

[Evie Colbert]

I gave you a compliment for.

[Stephen Colbert]

You look lovely, too.

[Evie Colbert]

That took a while.

[Stephen Colbert]

By the way, this piece of your hair has been flopping out all day.

[Evie Colbert]

This one, Right?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. It's really funny.

[Evie Colbert]

That's from the wig. I know. There you go. Here's a nice card for a new relationship. I know we just met, but you complete me.

[Stephen Colbert]

No.

[Evie Colbert]

That is how I felt when I met you.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, there is 100% no, it's true.

[Evie Colbert]

And how did you feel when you met me?

[Stephen Colbert]

Intrigued. Interested. Intrigued.

[Evie Colbert]

Intrigued. You were intrigued?

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm way too practical to just, like, romantically say, that's the person forever.

[Evie Colbert]

That's. You know, when I saw you, the minute I saw you.

[Stephen Colbert]

That is the reason. That's because you're an incredibly, like, romantic, idealistic person. I am way too practical for that. I thought, he's really handsome, really smart, really attractive. But I don't know.

[Evie Colbert]

Maybe I need more.

[Stephen Colbert]

I did not check your bank account because that might have been a bad thing.

[Evie Colbert]

You did check my bank account pretty early, though. Like, the first time I came to see. Second time I came to see in New York because I live in Chicago and live in New York. I did my taxes in front of you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Evie Colbert]

Do you remember what my total yearly income was that year?

[Stephen Colbert]

$10,000.

[Evie Colbert]

$8,500. And you saw that number and I.

[Stephen Colbert]

Still went out with you. It work? It worked out.

[Evie Colbert]

It worked out. Signaling shifts. But here's the first draft. I know we just met, but give me one of your kidneys. I would give you one of my kidneys.

[Stephen Colbert]

You would? I would give you one of my kidneys. Absolutely.

[Evie Colbert]

I said it first. Can I have. No.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right. All right.

[Evie Colbert]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey. I want to send Valentine's to all those federal workers who lost their job. They were doing their job. I'm sorry. I know we're not supposed to be.

[Evie Colbert]

Political, but you can be anything you want.

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't think you can. I can't stop thinking about these people who turn up to work and the door is locked and they're told to go home, and all they do is their job. Sad. Thank you, federal workers.

[Evie Colbert]

Here's a cute one. Happy Valentine's Day. You're my person. Thank you for being you, my love.

[Stephen Colbert]

Aw, these are sweet.

[Evie Colbert]

The first draft said, happy Valentine's Day. You're my person. Keiko is my pillow wife. Don't be jealous. You both serve important but totally different functions.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wait, what's a pillow wife?

[Evie Colbert]

What's a pillow wife? I don't really know. I think it has something to do with anime and people imagining that an anime character is actually their love interest. And I think they call the anime pillow wife. Like waifu. What? Yeah. W A I F, U. And it's for people who kind of fetishize Japanese culture and sexualize it. And I. Evidently, I do know what it is. I actually.

[Stephen Colbert]

I've never heard of that.

[Evie Colbert]

I'll send you some links. I'll send you some links.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, wait. Do they have pillow husbands?

[Evie Colbert]

What?

[Stephen Colbert]

Do they have pillow husbands?

[Evie Colbert]

That's ridiculous. Can I have that, please?

[Stephen Colbert]

I mean, maybe not. I want to hear more about the damn pillow wife.

[Evie Colbert]

I don't know anything. I told you what I know. I told you what I know. Here's a spicy one. To my sexy Valentine. I got you something unexpected. Go ahead and unwrap me.

[Stephen Colbert]

Whoa. That was the one they were going to send?

[Evie Colbert]

Yeah, but the first draft said, to my sexy valentine, I got you something unexpected. It's herpes. You have herpes Now, Emmy McGee, everybody. Thank you, my darling. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.