Valentines With Evie (Extended Cut)

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Valentines With Evie (Extended Cut)

Date: February 8, 2026
Theme: A playful, heartfelt Valentine’s Day special with Stephen Colbert and his wife, Evie, diving into the meaning of romance, childhood lists, what makes the “perfect guy,” and a comedic roast of store-bought Valentine’s cards.

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Episode Overview

This extended Valentine’s episode centers on Stephen Colbert’s warm and witty relationship with his wife, Evie. The couple reminisces about young love with a hilarious twist, including real notes Evie wrote at age 12 about her ideal man, and they playfully deconstruct the clichés of Valentine’s cards with improvised “first drafts.” The tone is sincere, silly, and deeply affectionate, highlighting both their partnership and the comic absurdity of romance traditions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Stephen’s “Gift” and Playful Banter

[01:22 – 03:17]

• Stephen presents Evie with a (borrowed) Tiffany necklace, cueing a running joke on extravagant gestures.
  • Stephen: "Can I put it on you?”
  • Evie: "Well, who’d you have to rob to pay for this?"
  • The necklace is only a loan: “That’s like a quarter of a million dollar necklace right there.” ([02:42])
  • Stephen admits to audience: "I want to remind the audience that there are armed guards in this building right now." ([02:57])
• Both joke about CBS’s “tight” budget and the necklace only being wearable for seven minutes.

2. 12-Year-Old Evie’s “Perfect Guy” List

[03:32 – 08:16]

• Evie shares notes written at age 12 about traits of the perfect boyfriend, co-authored with her friend Elizabeth.
  • Evie: “I think I was really smart, actually.” ([04:06])
  • Traits include: Good humor, generosity, daring, kindness, blue/green/dark brown eyes, “strong looking,” “muscular, not too much,” a great athlete, understanding, patient, loving, rich, loyal, and “appreciates quality.”
  • A young preference: "Black or blonde hair"—Stephen: “I didn’t list gray.”
  • Notable quote on athletic ability:
    • Evie: "On our first date, I said, do you play any sports? And he said, I play hacky sack. I mean, you had me with hacky sack." ([06:36])
  • The ideal name: Michael Barrett, a composite inspired by the film Love Story:
    • Evie: "There's a Michael Barrett out there who fills all these categories." ([07:52])
• The whole list is shared in loving jest, with Evie reflecting:
  • “Little 12-year-old Evie McGee is so lucky.” ([12:42])

3. Valentine’s Day Card “First Drafts”

[08:19 – 16:01]

• Stephen introduces a bit where he reads a standard Valentine’s card, then its supposed “first draft,” filled with awkward or silly humor.
  • Stephen: “The second one will be the first draft of that card. That was not good enough to be sold.” ([08:24])
• Highlights include:
  • Standard: "Roses, chocolates, candles and more. Wishing you a Valentine's Day filled with all the things you love."
    First Draft: "Roses, chocolate, candles were sold out at CVS. I hope you like three Gatorades and a travel sized lint brush. Cause sometimes you scramble." ([08:48])
  • Standard: “It's February 14th, a very special day. Happy Valentine's, my love.”
    First Draft: “It's February 14th, a very special day. Happy birthday, Terry Gross." ([09:49])
    • Evie: "Is it really her birthday?"
    • Stephen: "It really is her birthday. Happy birthday, Terry Gross."
  • Standard: "I love you to the moon and back."
    First Draft: "I love you to the moon and back, which would be a first since Kubrick faked it. Elvis was the cameraman." ([10:44])
• Leads into hilarious rabbit holes on the moon landing, with Evie and Stephen riffing on conspiracy theories.
  • Stephen: “There are people who think the moon landing didn’t happen.” ([10:56])
  • Evie is baffled by conspiracy logic.

4. Conspiracy Theory Chat

[11:44 – 12:14]

• The couple digresses into favorite conspiracy theories:
  • Evie: “Well, let's talk some.”
  • Stephen: “I love conspiracy theories.”
  • Favorite: the Kennedy assassination theories, which he says he took seriously in youth until Oliver Stone's JFK convinced him otherwise.

5. Affectionate Teasing and Relationship Reflection

[12:27 – 13:59]

• Lighthearted comparison of Stephen to The West Wing's President Bartlet for his intellectual digressions.
  • Evie: “What happens to your writers, you go off and they have to listen to you because you're their boss." ([13:49])
• Emphasizing mutual respect and gratitude throughout the bit.
  • Stephen: “You’ve often been kind to me.” ([15:43])
  • Evie: “Oh, thank you.” ([15:50])

6. Geeky and Modern Love Jokes

[15:17 – 16:01]

• Lord of the Rings humor:
  • Standard: "You are the Arwen to my Aragorn. Happy Valentine's Day."
    First Draft: "You are the Arwen to my Aragorn. Turns out we're first cousins. But you're so hot I don't care. They're first cousins." ([15:17])
• Modern dating:
  • Standard: "You're the greatest thing I ever found online."
    First Draft: "...After this picture of Shrek with Steve Harvey's face." ([16:01])

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Extravagant Gifts:
  • Evie ([02:10]): “Well, who’d you have to rob to pay for this?”
  • Stephen ([02:42]): “That is... just on loan from Tiffany. I asked if I could borrow a necklace for a gift.”
• Summing up the perfect guy:
  • Evie ([12:42]): “Little 12 year old Evie McGee is so lucky.”
• On the realities of gift-giving:
  • Stephen ([08:48]): “Roses, chocolate, candles were sold out at cvs. I hope you like three Gatorades and a travel sized lint brush. Cause sometimes you scramble.”
• On conspiracy theories:
  • Stephen ([11:46]): “I love conspiracy theories. God, I love conspiracy theories.”
  • Evie ([11:44]): “Conspiracy theories with Evie and Steven.”
• Relationship humor:
  • Stephen ([14:12]): “You know what I love about you? That thing. You know, the thing from the time of the Jacuzzi. I love that.”
  • Evie ([15:42]): “Oh, I’ve had so much fun.”

---

Important Segments & Timestamps

• [01:22 – 03:17]: Gift exchange and playful ribbing about expensive jewelry
• [03:32 – 08:16]: Reading and analyzing the 12-year-old’s “perfect guy” traits
• [08:19 – 16:01]: Valentine’s first drafts segment with witty, offbeat card ideas
• [10:44 – 12:14]: Moon landing and conspiracy theories banter
• [13:29 – 13:59]: West Wing comparison and marital teasing
• [15:17 – 16:01]: Geek and modern love card jokes

---

Final Thoughts

The episode is a charming showcase of Stephen and Evie Colbert’s playful chemistry, bringing together nostalgic memories, satirical Valentine humor, and heartfelt—if cheeky—reflections on married life. Their rapport shines as they blend sincere affection with sharp wit, making this a Valentine’s special worth revisiting for a laugh and a smile.

Transcript

[Announcer]

Well, the holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift. Well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. You get it now, you call it an early present for next year.

[Stephen Colbert]

What do you have to lose?

[Announcer]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch limited time.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Stephen Colbert]

We heard you. Nine years of bring back the snack wrap and you've won. But maybe you should have asked for more. Say hello to the hot honey snack wrap. Now you've really won. Go to McDonald's and get it while you can.

[Evie Colbert]

It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.

[Stephen Colbert]

Y' all know Valentine's Day is coming up. And what's Valentine's Day without Valentine's cards? And I'd like to show you some of them in my segment. First drafts. No, no, stupid. Of course it wouldn't be Valentine's Day without my Valentine. My wife, Evie. Come on out. Oh, yeah.

[Evie Colbert]

Hell yeah.

[Announcer]

Hi.

[Stephen Colbert]

You look fantastic. Hello.

[Evie Colbert]

Woo.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hi. Ay chi mama n. Won't you please. Darling, Good to see you.

[Evie Colbert]

Hi.

[Stephen Colbert]

I got you a Valentine's present and I want you. This is from. This is.

[Evie Colbert]

I know. Wait, wait. I get to open it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, be careful. Don't rattle it around a little bit.

[Evie Colbert]

But why are you doing that?

[Stephen Colbert]

Like, because I'm doing. You get to open. Right. Stop it. I will do it. I will do it. This is real. This is from Tiffany. All right. This.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh.

[Stephen Colbert]

There you go. There you go.

[Evie Colbert]

Can I touch it?

[Stephen Colbert]

Can I put it on you?

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, my God.

[Stephen Colbert]

There you go. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day.

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Evie Colbert]

Well, who'd you have to rob to pay for this?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Do you like it?

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes. Thank you. Looks great on you. Thank you. Why? Valentine's Day is just.

[Evie Colbert]

You don't give me presents for.

[Stephen Colbert]

Of course I give you presents on Valentine's Day.

[Evie Colbert]

Jesus. Did I do something wrong?

[Stephen Colbert]

No. Nor did I do something wrong.

[Evie Colbert]

I had a better question.

[Announcer]

I just thought it was.

[Evie Colbert]

Did you do something wrong?

[Stephen Colbert]

I did not do anything wrong.

[Evie Colbert]

Is this an apology gift?

[Stephen Colbert]

It is not an apology gift, no.

[Evie Colbert]

Well, it's beautiful. Thank you very much. Do I get to keep it?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, no. That is, I don't get to keep it. That's just on loan from Tiffany. I asked him if I could borrow a necklace. I asked if I could borrow a necklace for a gift. That's like a quarter of a million dollar necklace right there.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, girl. I take.

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

So I want to remind the audience that there are armed guards in this building right now.

[Evie Colbert]

What?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, I called Tony and he sent it over. Yeah.

[Evie Colbert]

Wow. Well, I know. I mean, how long can I wear it?

[Stephen Colbert]

About seven minutes. However long these jokes last.

[Evie Colbert]

I love the necklace. Thank you. Thank you, Tony.

[Stephen Colbert]

Don't love it too much. It's not yours. I was going to charge it to cbs but they liquid, they seem a little tight on cash right now. Before we get started, you brought in something that I really want to share. Would you tell people what these are right here?

[Evie Colbert]

So this summer I was cleaning out my parents house and I found in a box some notes that I wrote with my friend when I was 12 years old on what makes the perfect guy. And I thought for Valentine's we would talk about whether or not you are in fact the perfect guy.

[Announcer]

Give it to me.

[Stephen Colbert]

Give it to me, give it to me. Ok. May I read these?

[Evie Colbert]

This is with my friend Elizabeth. And it's Elizabeth's handwriting which is much more mine.

[Stephen Colbert]

And this is the kind of girl I married. They've got like, look at that. They've just got this all on index cards.

[Evie Colbert]

Yeah, they're subcategories. Twelve.

[Announcer]

Twelve.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Evie Colbert]

I think I was really smart actually.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. It worked out okay.

[Evie Colbert]

Well, I don't know, I mean.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, that necklace is coming off any minute now. Perfect guy. Okay. A good personality check. Okay. Underneath it needs good humor, generous, kind, daring, fun, loving. And the last one, all out man. What is a 12 year old? What is a 12? Hey, no, I'm a. I'm an all in man now. Okay, so. Well, you're the one. You're the one.

[Evie Colbert]

I don't say anything like that. You did this.

[Stephen Colbert]

You did this. Okay B.

[Evie Colbert]

Okay, so wait, I think you have all those categories.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you. B. Cute.

[Announcer]

Check.

[Stephen Colbert]

Black or blonde hair?

[Announcer]

Black.

[Stephen Colbert]

Ok.

[Evie Colbert]

I didn't list gray.

[Stephen Colbert]

No. Blue. You know what? A little bit goes a long way. Okay. Two Blue and green and dark brown eyes.

[Evie Colbert]

Dark brown.

[Stephen Colbert]

Dark brown eyes. Three strong. Wait, what? Blue.

[Evie Colbert]

Green.

[Stephen Colbert]

Blue and green and dark brown eyes. You're not picky.

[Evie Colbert]

I think that's all of them, right? There are no eyes that.

[Stephen Colbert]

As long as he asks.

[Evie Colbert]

I mean are they.

[Stephen Colbert]

Please have eyes is what that would be a Plus number three. Strong looking. Happy Valentine's Day, darling. Tender.

[Evie Colbert]

Very strong looking. Very strong looking.

[Stephen Colbert]

Tender looking.

[Evie Colbert]

Very tender looking.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, physical features. That was just cute. This is physical features. Muscular. Not too much is what it says. I got you covered. I got you covered. I have a. I wonder what 12.

[Evie Colbert]

Year old me thought was too muscular. I mean, that was way before, like people, like.

[Announcer]

Gotcha.

[Evie Colbert]

That was a long time ago.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, I got you covered.

[Evie Colbert]

Too muscular was just probably having a bicep or something, right?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Well, I got you covered there.

[Evie Colbert]

No, you're very muscular.

[Stephen Colbert]

Not too much. Okay. Tan.

[Evie Colbert]

No, I don't think so.

[Stephen Colbert]

Great athlete.

[Evie Colbert]

Did I misspell athlete?

[Stephen Colbert]

You did. Great athlete. I don't know why I'm talking now.

[Evie Colbert]

Wait, you play hacky sack?

[Stephen Colbert]

What?

[Evie Colbert]

Remember? Remember?

[Stephen Colbert]

Go ahead.

[Evie Colbert]

That's.

[Stephen Colbert]

Explain to them why you said on.

[Evie Colbert]

Our first date, I said, do you play any sports? And he said, I play hacky sack. I mean, you had me with hacky sack.

[Stephen Colbert]

I know. A specialist at profession.

[Evie Colbert]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. D. Great husband, great father, understanding kids.

[Evie Colbert]

Wait, wait, don't blow through that. You're a great husband and a great father.

[Stephen Colbert]

But now it describes how. How. Thank you, darling.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Understanding, patient, loving.

[Evie Colbert]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Rich. Well, loyal.

[Evie Colbert]

I took a flyer on that rich one, you know?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, you sure did. When we started dating, I was an improviser, working mostly for free. Okay. Loyal. Which is nice. Which is nice. Yep.

[Evie Colbert]

Unless again, this is because you did something wrong.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wrong. Exactly. And then E. I love this is name. Maybe. And then it says, must be Michael Barrett. The name must be Michael Barrett.

[Evie Colbert]

That was because I was obsessed with the movie Love Story and his name is Barrett. Oliver Barrett, I think. And my friend Elizabeth liked the name Michael, so we came up with Michael Barrett.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Evie Colbert]

There's a Michael Barrett out there who fills all these categories.

[Announcer]

Right.

[Stephen Colbert]

And there's actually a phone number next to it, which I don't understand.

[Evie Colbert]

There was a phone number, I think. Honestly, I bet we looked up in the Charleston, South Carolina phone book to see if there was someone named Michael Barrett.

[Stephen Colbert]

Michael, if you're watching right now, you don't know it, but you blew it. And F is appreciates quality.

[Evie Colbert]

Yeah. Well, yes, I think Appreciates quality is the most interesting one. I'm not sure what that means at all.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, darling, you know how this works.

[Evie Colbert]

I do.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right, we have got a series of cards here.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

The first card that will be read will be the kind of card that might be sold in a store. But the second one will be the first draft of that card. That was not good enough to be sold. Okay. Would you be so kind as to hand me the first card?

[Announcer]

I got it.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right. Happy Valentine's Day.

[Evie Colbert]

Happy Valentine's Day.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here's one that says, roses, chocolates, candles and more. Wishing you a Valentine's Day filled with all the things you love. That's nice.

[Evie Colbert]

That's very nice.

[Stephen Colbert]

The first draft said roses, chocolate, candles were sold out at cvs. I hope you like three Gatorades and a travel sized lint brush. Cause sometimes you scramble.

[Evie Colbert]

Sometimes you scramble.

[Stephen Colbert]

Darling, in all reality. What would you like to do for Valentine's Day? We're off. It's going to be a week from Saturday. Do you want to.

[Announcer]

What?

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you want to go to dinner? What do you want to do?

[Announcer]

Sure.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okie doke.

[Evie Colbert]

Dinner. Watch a little tv.

[Stephen Colbert]

What do we want to watch?

[Evie Colbert]

I don't know. We got a lot of things to catch up on.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, we gotta finish the Night Manager.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Evie Colbert]

And I think we have to catch up with the Pit. We haven't seen that.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nice romantic shows. The Night Manager in the Pit. You know what? The pit needs that nine manager. This one is nice. It's February 14th, a very special day. Happy Valentine's, my love. Well, that's simple. Yep, that's simple. To the point. The first draft said it's February 14th, a very special day. Happy birthday, Terry Gross.

[Evie Colbert]

Is it really her birthday?

[Stephen Colbert]

It really is her birthday. Happy birthday, Terry Gross.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, happy birthday, Terry Gross. I love Terry Gross. That'd be a fun birthday. Valentine's.

[Stephen Colbert]

What are you getting me for Valentine's Day?

[Evie Colbert]

Would you like a necklace?

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes, I would love a necklace. I think that wouldn't look quite as good on me as it does on you.

[Evie Colbert]

Very beautiful.

[Stephen Colbert]

But you're not going to get me any because I'm not going to get you anything.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, Fianna.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, evidently I don't get you things for Valentine's Day. I just learned. Do you want anything for Valentine's Day? I get you anything you want. You want that necklace?

[Evie Colbert]

Yeah, sure. I mean, yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, no. I'm out of a job soon. You can't have that necklace. There you go.

[Evie Colbert]

Maybe we can get it on layaway.

[Stephen Colbert]

We'll get it. Yes, we'll buy it. We'll buy it with greenback stamps.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, there you go. We'll just send Tiffany a check every month.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Certified box tops. Here's a sweet one. I love you to the moon and back. Happy Valentine's Day.

[Evie Colbert]

Very sweet.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yep. But the first draft Said I love you to the moon and back. Which would be a first since Kubrick faked it. Elvis was the cameraman. There are people who think the moon landing. They think that the moon landing didn't happen.

[Evie Colbert]

I don't understand that. I don't understand.

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't understand that. Yeah, people think, oh, couldn't have done it because I couldn't do it.

[Evie Colbert]

That's not why. They don't think.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's not why do they think that we didn't go. I'd love to hear your theory on this. Why do you think people think we didn't go to the moon?

[Evie Colbert]

I don't know. Because they think we couldn't have achieved it. Is that right? They don't think the rockets could have made it happen.

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't know why. I don't know why they think that, like cell phones and satellite TV works, but we couldn't go to the moon.

[Evie Colbert]

I don't know. They think it was purposely faked. Right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Just to beat the Russians. I don't know.

[Evie Colbert]

Well, we did a good job if we did that.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Yeah. This Valentine's bit has really taken a.

[Evie Colbert]

Conspiracy theories with Evie and Steven.

[Stephen Colbert]

I love conspiracy theories. God, I love conspiracy theories.

[Evie Colbert]

Well, let's talk some.

[Stephen Colbert]

I love conspiracy theories.

[Evie Colbert]

What's your favorite? Oh, you did like the Kennedy assassination one.

[Stephen Colbert]

I do not like the Kennedy assassination.

[Evie Colbert]

But no, I'm not saying you like the assassination. You like the assassination.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, but when I was younger, I got very, very into like, no way. The angle of the bullet couldn't have done. I was all into that. I was all into that until I saw Oliver Stone's JFK and I went, yeah, it was Oswald.

[Evie Colbert]

Which was not what he wanted you.

[Stephen Colbert]

To think from watching. It's not what he wanted me to think. This might be the longest, longest we've ever gone. We always go super long with these.

[Evie Colbert]

Well, it could be the last time I'm out here. I'm going to.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, it's not going to be the last time you're out here. Absolutely not. All right, here's another cute one. Of all the fish in the sea. I'm glad I caught you.

[Evie Colbert]

Aw, that's sweet.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's exactly how I feel. You know, I'm a fisherman.

[Evie Colbert]

Look, I got exactly everything I wanted on my perfect guy. Here he is. See? Little. Little 12 year old Evie McGee is so lucky.

[Stephen Colbert]

Little 12 year old, 12 year old Evie McGee got perfect guy and little 11 year old Stephen Colbert didn't know it was coming.

[Evie Colbert]

He didn't need to do that.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. Here's what the first draft of the thing said. Of all the fish in the sea. I'm glad you're not a Portuguese man. O War. Did you know their mouth is also their anus? It's also a colony organism. It's not a single thing. It's many organisms together in a symbiotic relationship. Just for the record, can I have the next one, please?

[Evie Colbert]

Who? Oh.

[Stephen Colbert]

What?

[Evie Colbert]

So we've been watching West Wing.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, we have. Yeah.

[Evie Colbert]

And it's so good.

[Stephen Colbert]

And more fantasy than the Game of Thrones. Go ahead.

[Evie Colbert]

But Martin Sheen's president is much like you. He goes off on absurd facts and they just stand there and listen to him because he's President of the United States.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. And he gets teary over Irish poetry.

[Evie Colbert]

I think what happens to your writers, you go off and they have to listen to you because you're their boss.

[Stephen Colbert]

You know what?

[Evie Colbert]

You start reciting poetry and telling you all kinds of things.

[Stephen Colbert]

I do.

[Evie Colbert]

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.

[Stephen Colbert]

I do. Give me the next card. Here's a card that says, you know what I love about you? Everything. Happy Valentine's Day.

[Evie Colbert]

Very nice.

[Stephen Colbert]

The first draft said, you know what I love about you? That thing. You know, the thing from the time of the Jacuzzi. I love that.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, we're gonna be fine.

[Stephen Colbert]

What?

[Commercial Voice]

Wait, what?

[Evie Colbert]

After May, we're gonna be fine. I'm not gonna be mean to you, I promise.

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't actually. I don't think you're mean. I don't think you're mean to me. I think you're heartless.

[Announcer]

Okay.

[Evie Colbert]

I'm not sure I'll be as good about as your writers are about listening to you recite poetry.

[Announcer]

Oh.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, that made you sad. They got sad for you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, they should. Knowing that this man with a head full of poetry is going to have nobody listening to him. I'm going to go through the. I'm going to go down the Jersey Turnpike and talk to the guys in the toll booths and go, hey, you guys know Nature's Early Green is Gold by Robert Frost. Here's one for Lord of the Rings fans. You are the Arwen to my Aragorn. Happy Valentine's Day.

[Evie Colbert]

Cute.

[Stephen Colbert]

The first draft said, you are the Arwen to my Aragorn. Turns out we're first cousins. But you're so hot. I don't care. They're first cousins.

[Evie Colbert]

Creepy.

[Stephen Colbert]

Many times removed. But they're first cousins. Let me see that.

[Announcer]

Thank you. Last one.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was the last card. This is our last Valentine's first drafts. You've been so lovely to do these with.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, I've had so much fun.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you. You've often been kind to me.

[Evie Colbert]

Oh, thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here's one for the dating app Couples. You're the greatest thing I ever found online. Happy Valentine's Day. But the first draft said, you're the greatest thing I ever found online. After this picture of Shrek with Steve Harvey's face. My valentine Evie, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Evie Colbert]

I'm back. I'm really back.

[Stephen Colbert]

School Spirits returns. Why am I here?

[Commercial Voice]

Not dead, right?

[Evie Colbert]

Disruption on this campus will not be tolerated.

[Stephen Colbert]

I look crazy.

[Evie Colbert]

It's because that's how I feel. I don't know how to live in two worlds.

[Stephen Colbert]

Secrets lurk. There are others beneath the surface. They're not like us. We need to get out of here.

[Announcer]

Now.

[Stephen Colbert]

School Spirits new season now streaming only on Paramount plus.