What's Going On Over There | Lifeguard Dog

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert: “What's Going On Over There | Lifeguard Dog”

Release Date: June 29, 2025

In this engaging episode of The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert traverses the globe in his signature comedic style during the “Internationale” segment. Colbert navigates a series of international anecdotes, blending sharp wit with insightful observations. Below is a detailed summary of the key topics discussed, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps for reference.

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1. Finland’s Women’s National Soccer Team Mix-Up

Colbert opens the “Internationale” segment by highlighting a humorous yet humanizing mistake in Finland’s women’s national soccer team. The team manager accidentally called up a retired 51-year-old player, Stina Ruskanen, instead of the active defender, Nane Ruskanen, due to their identical last names.

“Just this year, the Knicks messed up and instead of calling up Jalen Brunson, they had to play Quinta Brunson. She owns a national chain of inns and suites. There's nothing she can't do.”
[01:26]

Colbert humorously compares the situation to a similar mix-up in the NBA, emphasizing the lighthearted nature of such errors.

2. Mysterious Earth Signals in Antarctica

Shifting to scientific intrigue, Colbert discusses a perplexing discovery by scientists in Antarctica. Researchers detected deep Earth signals that defy known physics while attempting to capture cosmic radio waves. The bizarre signals appear to emanate from deep within the ice, leaving scientists puzzled.

“One scientist on the ground said, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.”
[02:15]

Colbert’s quip underscores the enigma surrounding the discovery, blending curiosity with his trademark humor.

3. Escaped Mongoose in the Isle of Man

In the UK’s Isle of Man, a wildlife park’s escaped mongoose was reportedly spotted 15 miles from home. Colbert muses over the animal’s journey, humorously questioning the mongoose’s mode of transportation.

“Wow, 15 miles. It must have taken it months to get there, or minutes. I have no idea how fast mongooses Walk.”
[03:05]

His playful skepticism about the mongoose’s trek adds levity to the story.

4. Curry Spices Used as Weapons in Japan

Colbert then turns his attention to Japan, where an unusual robbery attempt involved using curry spices as weapons. Four men smeared powdered cooking spices on a victim’s face and into his eyes in an attempt to blind and incapacitate him. The victim is reportedly recovering after treating his wounds with garlic naan and mango chutney.

“Authorities say he is stable and delicious.”
[04:00]

This culinary twist on a criminal act serves as a humorous highlight in Colbert’s narrative.

5. Authentic Rodin Sculpture Discovered in France

A heartwarming story from France reveals that a family believed the sculpture on their piano was a fake Rodin, only to discover its authenticity as it sold for nearly $1 million. Colbert engages with Corey Bernard, a member of his band, about the sculpture.

“Have you ever found a Rodin on one of your keyboards? No. Okay, okay. But, Corey, I just noticed there is a small sculpture sitting on your keyboard. Is there any chance that is a lost Rodin?”
[04:37]

Corey’s response clarifies the sculpture’s true identity, adding a personal and humorous touch to the segment.

“I wish I had it checked out. It's just a Bernini.”
[04:43]

Colbert’s lament humorously contrasts his highbrow art reference with Corey’s practical response.

6. Spain’s Poodle Lifeguard and Water Gun Protests

Returning to Spain, Colbert shares two distinct yet quirky stories:

• Lifeguard Dog: A poodle has joined the dog lifeguard team on a Spanish beach. Colbert expresses both admiration and skepticism about the practicality of a canine lifeguard.

  “Cute pooch, I gotta say, but I think it might backfire. Hold on. Am I gonna have to tell people I was rescued by a poodle? Thanks, but I'll drown.”
  [05:20]

• Water Gun Protests: In a unique form of protest against mass tourism and rising housing costs, some Spaniards are using Super Soakers to shoot water guns at tourists.

  “Sorry, Superthokrath. That's a bad joke. It's a quality joke.”
  [05:45]

Colbert’s wordplay on “Super Soakers” enhances the comedic element of these unusual protest tactics.

7. Germany’s Rail Workers and Cleanliness Protests

In Deutschland, rail workers have taken a stand on the cleanliness of their trains. The crew protested over dirty conditions by throwing passengers off a train, emphasizing their commitment to maintaining high standards.

“While on the New York subway there's a sign that says, yeah, we know there's a dead guy. Doors open on the left.”
[06:15]

Colbert contrasts the serious nature of the protest with his humorously dark reference to New York subway signs, highlighting cultural differences in handling public issues.

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Conclusion Stephen Colbert’s “Internationale” segment offers a delightful mix of global stories, each infused with his unique comedic perspective. From accidental sports team mix-ups to poodle lifeguards and spice-based robberies, Colbert presents a world of quirky and thought-provoking events with impeccable timing and wit. Listeners are both entertained and informed, gaining insights into international happenings through a humorous lens.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• “Just this year, the Knicks messed up and instead of calling up Jalen Brunson, they had to play Quinta Brunson.” — [01:26]
• “One scientist on the ground said, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.” — [02:15]
• “It's just a Bernini.” — [04:43]
• “Am I gonna have to tell people I was rescued by a poodle? Thanks, but I'll drown.” — [05:20]
• “It's a quality joke.” — [05:45]

This comprehensive summary provides a clear and engaging overview of the episode’s main discussions, making it accessible and informative for those who haven’t listened to the podcast.

Transcript

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[Stephen Colbert]

It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.

Folks. As you know, on this show we tend to focus on what's happening here in America, but legally. Now there are other countries and I like to talk to you about them in our segment Internationale.

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What's going on over there?

[Stephen Colbert]

I got something. I got with something. What is going on over there? First up, something's happening in Finland where the women's national team soccer manager had to apologize for mistakenly calling up a retired 51 year old to the team instead of a 23 year old. The players in question had the same last name, so the manager called up former player Stina Ruskanen instead of current defender Nane Ruskanen. It happens. Just this year, the Knicks messed up and instead of calling up Jalen Brunson, they had to play Quinta Brunson. She makes tv. She plays for the Knicks. She owns a national chain of inns and suites. There's nothing she can't do. Next up, scientists in Antarctica have detected deep Earth signals that defy known physics. An experiment designed to detect cosmic radio waves has instead picked up bizarre signals that appear to be coming from deep within the ice, which can't be explained. One scientist on the ground said, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Next up, watch Clark. Next up, what's going on in the uk? On Britain's Isle of Man, a wildlife park's escaped mongoose was spotted 15 miles from home. Wow, 15 miles. It must have taken it months to get there, or minutes. I have no idea how fast mongooses Walk. Is it mongooses? Is it mongoose? I hate this story. I dislike it intensely. Next up, we head to Japan, where four men have been arrested on charges of using curry spices as a weapon in a robbery attempt. The assailants attacked a man by smearing powdered cooking spices of the sort used in curry on the man's face and into his eyes in an attempt to blind and incapacitate him. The victim is recovering after treating his wounds with garlic naan and a little mango chutney. Authorities say he is stable and delicious. L' Aonzi a la France. There's good news for one family who thought the sculpture on their piano was a fake Rodin. But it's real and just sold for nearly $1 million. That is incredible. Corey Bernard, you play keys in our band. Have you ever found a Rodin on one of your keyboards? No. Okay, okay. But, Corey, I just noticed there is a small sculpture sitting on your keyboard. Is there any chance that is a lost Rodin?

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I wish I had it checked out. It's just a Bernini.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Okay. Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, my life sucks.

Stay strong, Corey. Stay strong. Next up, next up, Scott. Spain, home of tiny plates and big sunken armadas, where a poodle has joined the dog lifeguard team on a Spanish beach. Cute pooch, I gotta say, but I think it might backfire. Hold on. Am I gonna have to tell people I was rescued by a poodle? Thanks, but I'll drown. Also in Spain, protestors there are shooting water guns at tourists, demonstrations against mass tourism and housing costs, with some Spaniards so angry they're using Super Soakers. Sorry, Superthokrath. That's a bad joke. It's a quality joke. Next up, Deutschland, where rail workers take the cleanliness of their trains they work on very seriously because passengers were thrown off a train by the crew who was protesting over their train being dirty. While on the New York subway there's a sign that says, yeah, we know there's a dead guy. Doors open on the left. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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