Welcome to For the Love with Jen Hatmaker - The Lazy Genius Podcast

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Transcript3 lines

[00:00]
A
Hey there. It's not Monday, but I wanted to share a clip from my pal Jen Hatmaker show for the Love. I think this episode is going to resonate with so many of you, especially those of you who spend so much of your time figuring it out, handling the details, keeping the plates spinning, making the appointments, bringing the snacks, and remembering all the things. Jen recorded this clip on a solo trip this summer, two weeks out from major surgery, while her partner is in the middle of chemo and her whole life is still waiting back home. And she gets honest about something most of us never say out loud, that asking for help feels like admitting we're needy or weak or that we can't handle it, and how none of that is actually true. It's not a tidy inspirational take. It's her working it out in real time. And while you're listening to this preview, find and follow for the Love with Jen Hatmaker, wherever you get your podcasts, here's Jen.
[00:52]
B
I'm thinking about all of us who struggle to ask for help. And again, this is no flex. It's not like, hey, we don't ask for help because we're awesome and we just can handle everything and we're strong and we're independent. That is just not true. And that's not how it feels, and that's not how it works. I think those of us who struggle to ask for help have some, like, brutal combination of pride, the bad kind, and a false sense of self sufficiency. And this is somehow wrapped up in how people think of us. I'm describing myself right now, but it's got to apply to some of you. How do people think of us? Do they think of us as. Do they think of me as needy? Do they think of me as irresponsible? I'm just giving you right now the thoughts in my brain. Do they think of me as she can't handle it. Do they think of me as weak? Because, like, I mean, I can tell you this in my life with a couple of exceptions right now, for everything I've been on my plate, if I just picked up most of them individually, one at a time, you would look at that and go, okay, well, it's not that big of a deal. Or that's not that hard, or that only takes such and such amount of effort, energy and hours, and you would carry that over the finish line. And that's so largely true to some degree. Not all of it. Some of these are. I got a couple of plates that are so full, they're the Only thing on it. But I. I like, that's. You can hear, like, this is. This is the song in my head. Like, why can't you just handle that? It's just when they're all together sometimes when they've compounded and compounded and compounded and then you add a couple of really, really big ones on top of it. Really, really consequential. And don't forget my favorite person. I mean, my. My partner and boyfriend is in Nashville right now just duking it out with cancer. He's in the middle of chemotherapy. So that gives me also this sense of I. I cannot be in all the places I need to be and want to be at once. I am realizing, because I started calling for help maybe three weeks ago and there was nothing I could do because I was. I was incapacitated. That was surgery. Like, I was down. I was in the hospital for two days. Like, it wasn't like a little procedure. It was a surgery. And so because there was nothing I could literally physically do and called in help on five different levels, I just started watching the very good, capable, loving, committed other adults in my life step in to some of these places with such competency, of course. And I realized this is some lingering codependence that I have this idea that I and I alone have to fix it, can fix it. I'm the solver. The whole thing's going to fall apart without me. Nobody else can do this. Nobody else can help me. Nobody else understands the complexities of this particular thing like I do. There's only a small category of things where that is true. Yes, I'm the only person that can call and wrangle with my insurance company. There's a handful of things that I indeed like, have to manage. But the truth is, there was a lot that I could hand over. And I watched these other adults and family members go, we'll do that for you. We're going to show up for you. Will be there at 10. I picked this up. I made this phone call for you. I, in some cases, I had this conversation with a person that you alone don't have to have by yourself. Will also will join the discussion. We will join the group project here for some of these in very, very heavy lifts. And I realized it's the codependent who thinks she's indispensable, that life will capsize without her. And the truth is, when I finally just went, I cannot do it. I can't do it. Turns out other people can, and some of them can do it. For themselves. Codependency keeps people in a perpetual state of. To some degree, and in some ways, infantilization, because they do not have to show up and do their own work. They don't have to be responsible for the consequences because you're doing the things. And so, like, the way that I know this, I have talked about this, I have written about this, I have spoken about this, I have taught about this. I have some version of this in the last four books. Knowing it is one thing. Putting it into a practice is another. I felt this sense of, like, a complete lack of control. I've lost control. And I love control. God, you. I love it. I love it. I love control. I love to feel like I'm controlling outcomes, that I am in charge of how something goes, that I get to make all the choices and decisions that get us from point A to point B, But I've lost that completely. It's just busted. And all the ways I normally guard against that have crumbled, and here I am. And so I want to just tell you that I am a living, breathing example of kind of what it looks like when I'm doing air quotes. You can't see me holding it all together for everyone. Finally, like, busts and your body, your life and your capacity, just say no. Like, bitch, no. Like, we're not here for it. We've. We can't do it. I am. I am living it. Like, I'm living it right this second. This morning, I was the phone call. I was on the phone with another family member asking, how can I help? And I gave three ways. Here's what you can do. And he was like, on it. I'll make the call today. I'm like, look how easy that was. Look how easy that was. And then, of course, not only does this do the solutions emerge, but they emerge in greater strength. Because guess what's better than one lady who thinks she's the center of the universe solving everything, like, putting her efforts into practice. You know what's better than that? Ten of us. Ten of us row in the boat. Ten people going, hey, we've got an oar. Let us. Let us row on our little side for a minute. Let us do our part. I'm literally. I'm. I'm in it. I'm in practice right now.
[08:20]
A
That was Jen Hatmaker from an episode of her podcast for the Love. The full episode is available now. It's called When Life Outpaces you. Rest isn't optional. And I think you're really going to love it you can find for the Love with Gin Hatmaker. Wherever you get your podcasts.

Summary4 min read

The Lazy Genius Podcast: “Welcome to For the Love with Jen Hatmaker”
Date: July 30, 2026
Host: Kendra Adachi (The Lazy Genius)
Featured Clip: Jen Hatmaker from “For the Love” podcast

Episode Overview

In this episode, Kendra Adachi shares a heartfelt and vulnerable clip from Jen Hatmaker’s “For the Love” podcast. The main theme centers on the struggle many face with asking for help, especially during overwhelming times. Jen, recorded just two weeks after major surgery and while her partner is undergoing chemotherapy, confronts the feelings of inadequacy, pride, and codependency attached to seeking help, offering candid real-time reflections on accepting support when life becomes too much to handle alone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Myth of Independence and the Struggle to Ask for Help

Jen emphasizes that resisting help isn’t a badge of honor; it’s rarely because someone is “so strong” ([00:52])
She identifies the real reasons: pride (the “bad kind”) and a false sense of self-sufficiency, rooted heavily in concern for others’ perceptions

“It’s not like, hey, we don’t ask for help because we’re awesome… That is just not true.” — Jen Hatmaker [00:52]
She voices internal questions many share: Will people think I’m needy? Weak? Irresponsible?
Even when tasks seem individually manageable, their cumulative weight can become overwhelming

The Catalyst for Accepting Help

Jen’s recent surgery left her physically unable to manage all her responsibilities, forcing her to request help
She is surprised and moved by the “competency” and “commitment” of loved ones stepping in ([02:45])
This experience reveals her longstanding patterns of codependency and feeling indispensable

“I have this idea that I—and I alone—have to fix it, can fix it. I’m the solver. The whole thing’s gonna fall apart without me.” — Jen Hatmaker [03:25]
She realizes only a small category of tasks truly require her unique involvement; many others can, in fact, be delegated

The Realization about Control and Codependency

Jen discusses her deep love of control and the discomfort of losing it in current circumstances ([04:40])
She highlights how codependency creates “infantilization,” preventing others from stepping up (“they do not have to show up and do their own work”)
Acknowledges the difference between “knowing” and “practicing” healthier patterns

“Knowing it is one thing. Putting it into a practice is another. I felt this sense of, like, a complete lack of control. …And here I am.” — Jen Hatmaker [05:55]

The Relief and Strength in Shared Responsibility

Candidly recounts a simple moment of asking a family member for assistance and seeing immediate, easy results ([07:05])
The act of releasing control brings relief and improved outcomes

“Look how easy that was. And then, of course, not only do the solutions emerge, but they emerge in greater strength. ... Guess what’s better than one lady who thinks she’s the center of the universe solving everything? Ten of us. Ten of us row in the boat.” — Jen Hatmaker [07:15]
Encourages the practice of letting others “row on their little side for a minute,” highlighting the power and efficiency of community support

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Those of us who struggle to ask for help have some, like, brutal combination of pride—the bad kind—and a false sense of self-sufficiency. And this is somehow wrapped up in how people think of us.” — Jen Hatmaker [01:15]
“There’s only a small category of things where I indeed, like, have to manage. But the truth is, there was a lot that I could hand over.” — Jen Hatmaker [03:45]
“I am a living, breathing example of kind of what it looks like when … holding it all together for everyone finally, like, busts and your body, your life and your capacity just say no. … We can’t do it.” — Jen Hatmaker [06:30]
“Guess what’s better than one lady who thinks she’s the center of the universe solving everything? … Ten of us row in the boat.” — Jen Hatmaker [07:20]

Important Timestamps

00:00–00:52: Kendra introduces Jen’s story and the episode’s theme
00:52–02:45: Jen explains the misconceptions around needing help
02:45–04:00: Facing forced dependence after surgery
04:00–05:55: Reflecting on codependency and control
05:55–07:20: Real-time example of sharing responsibility, the power of community support
08:19: Kendra closes and directs listeners to find the full episode

Tone & Final Thoughts

The episode maintains a compassionate and relatable tone, with Jen offering unfiltered honesty—sometimes peppered with humor and exasperation—about the messy reality of not “having it all together.” Both Kendra and Jen lean into vulnerability, giving listeners permission and encouragement to let go of perfection, to ask for help, and to trust in the power of collective support.

For the full, resonant conversation, listen to “For the Love with Jen Hatmaker: When Life Outpaces You, Rest Isn’t Optional.”

Loading summary

Transcript3 lines

[00:00]
A
Hey there. It's not Monday, but I wanted to share a clip from my pal Jen Hatmaker show for the Love. I think this episode is going to resonate with so many of you, especially those of you who spend so much of your time figuring it out, handling the details, keeping the plates spinning, making the appointments, bringing the snacks, and remembering all the things. Jen recorded this clip on a solo trip this summer, two weeks out from major surgery, while her partner is in the middle of chemo and her whole life is still waiting back home. And she gets honest about something most of us never say out loud, that asking for help feels like admitting we're needy or weak or that we can't handle it, and how none of that is actually true. It's not a tidy inspirational take. It's her working it out in real time. And while you're listening to this preview, find and follow for the Love with Jen Hatmaker, wherever you get your podcasts, here's Jen.
[00:52]
B
I'm thinking about all of us who struggle to ask for help. And again, this is no flex. It's not like, hey, we don't ask for help because we're awesome and we just can handle everything and we're strong and we're independent. That is just not true. And that's not how it feels, and that's not how it works. I think those of us who struggle to ask for help have some, like, brutal combination of pride, the bad kind, and a false sense of self sufficiency. And this is somehow wrapped up in how people think of us. I'm describing myself right now, but it's got to apply to some of you. How do people think of us? Do they think of us as. Do they think of me as needy? Do they think of me as irresponsible? I'm just giving you right now the thoughts in my brain. Do they think of me as she can't handle it. Do they think of me as weak? Because, like, I mean, I can tell you this in my life with a couple of exceptions right now, for everything I've been on my plate, if I just picked up most of them individually, one at a time, you would look at that and go, okay, well, it's not that big of a deal. Or that's not that hard, or that only takes such and such amount of effort, energy and hours, and you would carry that over the finish line. And that's so largely true to some degree. Not all of it. Some of these are. I got a couple of plates that are so full, they're the Only thing on it. But I. I like, that's. You can hear, like, this is. This is the song in my head. Like, why can't you just handle that? It's just when they're all together sometimes when they've compounded and compounded and compounded and then you add a couple of really, really big ones on top of it. Really, really consequential. And don't forget my favorite person. I mean, my. My partner and boyfriend is in Nashville right now just duking it out with cancer. He's in the middle of chemotherapy. So that gives me also this sense of I. I cannot be in all the places I need to be and want to be at once. I am realizing, because I started calling for help maybe three weeks ago and there was nothing I could do because I was. I was incapacitated. That was surgery. Like, I was down. I was in the hospital for two days. Like, it wasn't like a little procedure. It was a surgery. And so because there was nothing I could literally physically do and called in help on five different levels, I just started watching the very good, capable, loving, committed other adults in my life step in to some of these places with such competency, of course. And I realized this is some lingering codependence that I have this idea that I and I alone have to fix it, can fix it. I'm the solver. The whole thing's going to fall apart without me. Nobody else can do this. Nobody else can help me. Nobody else understands the complexities of this particular thing like I do. There's only a small category of things where that is true. Yes, I'm the only person that can call and wrangle with my insurance company. There's a handful of things that I indeed like, have to manage. But the truth is, there was a lot that I could hand over. And I watched these other adults and family members go, we'll do that for you. We're going to show up for you. Will be there at 10. I picked this up. I made this phone call for you. I, in some cases, I had this conversation with a person that you alone don't have to have by yourself. Will also will join the discussion. We will join the group project here for some of these in very, very heavy lifts. And I realized it's the codependent who thinks she's indispensable, that life will capsize without her. And the truth is, when I finally just went, I cannot do it. I can't do it. Turns out other people can, and some of them can do it. For themselves. Codependency keeps people in a perpetual state of. To some degree, and in some ways, infantilization, because they do not have to show up and do their own work. They don't have to be responsible for the consequences because you're doing the things. And so, like, the way that I know this, I have talked about this, I have written about this, I have spoken about this, I have taught about this. I have some version of this in the last four books. Knowing it is one thing. Putting it into a practice is another. I felt this sense of, like, a complete lack of control. I've lost control. And I love control. God, you. I love it. I love it. I love control. I love to feel like I'm controlling outcomes, that I am in charge of how something goes, that I get to make all the choices and decisions that get us from point A to point B, But I've lost that completely. It's just busted. And all the ways I normally guard against that have crumbled, and here I am. And so I want to just tell you that I am a living, breathing example of kind of what it looks like when I'm doing air quotes. You can't see me holding it all together for everyone. Finally, like, busts and your body, your life and your capacity, just say no. Like, bitch, no. Like, we're not here for it. We've. We can't do it. I am. I am living it. Like, I'm living it right this second. This morning, I was the phone call. I was on the phone with another family member asking, how can I help? And I gave three ways. Here's what you can do. And he was like, on it. I'll make the call today. I'm like, look how easy that was. Look how easy that was. And then, of course, not only does this do the solutions emerge, but they emerge in greater strength. Because guess what's better than one lady who thinks she's the center of the universe solving everything, like, putting her efforts into practice. You know what's better than that? Ten of us. Ten of us row in the boat. Ten people going, hey, we've got an oar. Let us. Let us row on our little side for a minute. Let us do our part. I'm literally. I'm. I'm in it. I'm in practice right now.
[08:20]
A
That was Jen Hatmaker from an episode of her podcast for the Love. The full episode is available now. It's called When Life Outpaces you. Rest isn't optional. And I think you're really going to love it you can find for the Love with Gin Hatmaker. Wherever you get your podcasts.