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This episode is sponsored by Pocket Hose. You know how something that sounds small can end up ruining your whole day? Like getting the hose out. You just want to water the plants or fill up the kiddie pool and suddenly you're untangling something heavy and weirdly determined to make the task harder than it needs to be. We've been using the Pocket Hose ballistic, and it's how hoses should have worked all along. It's the world's number one expanding garden hose, so when you turn the water on, it grows, and when you turn it off, it shrinks back to pocket size. It's lightweight and easy to it's also reinforced with a liquid crystal polymer used in bulletproof vests, and that fiber is five times stronger than steel. And now, for a limited time, when you purchase a Pocket Hose Ballistic, you'll get a free 360 degree rotating pocket pivot and a free thumb drive nozzle. Just text Genius to 64,000. That's Genius to 64,000. For your two free gifts with purchase, text Genius to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. This episode is sponsored by Smile Generation. There are some parts of taking care of ourselves that are easy to ignore because they're not urgent yet, and the dentist can be one of them. If nothing hurts, it can feel like something to deal with later. That later has a way of turning necessary things into urgent things. And that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. Smile Generation helps patients understand the mouth body connection. What's happening in your mouth doesn't stay in your mouth. It can affect your heart, your brain, and your overall health. So regular dental exams and screenings aren't just about clean teeth. They're one small way to care for your whole self before something bigger asks for your attention. Smile Generation is a community of trusted experts focused on prevention, education and modern patient focused care. To learn more about the connection between oral health and Overall Health, visit SmileGeneration.com Genius that's Smile. Visit SmileGeneration.com Genius to learn more about the mouthbody connection and find a trusted provider near you. Hi there. You're listening to the Lazy Genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi. This podcast is not about hacking the system to find more time or hacking your energy to get more done. Hustling to be the best or to make the most out of every opportunity is exhausting and unsustainable. So here we do things differently. On this show we value contentment, compassion and living. In our season, we favor small steps over big systems. Here we are lazy Geniuses being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. And I am so glad you're here. Today is episode 471, Easier Summer Chores for Families. Today is June 1st, and if you have kids, you've already started your summer at home with them or, or you're very close. And when kids are home all the time, the house gets dirtier, patience gets shorter, and the pressure to make every day count mounts. We feel the same pressure for our kids to make good use of their time as we do with our own, and chores are a big part of that. So today we're going to talk about how to create easier summer chores for families in a very lazy, genius way. The first part of the episode will be about you and how you think as a parent of these kids. And then the second part will be like one big practical idea of how to get chores done in your house without you and your kids hating the chores or each other. After that, we'll have a little extra something where I share some thoughts on summer in a working parent household. Some of you have summers that are not reflected in some of our content or in other places too. Like if you work in an office full time as does your partner. If you're in a in a two parent household and you're managing like camps and babysitters and grandparents and like normal life logistics in a unique season, summer is not restful. It can be even more stressful. So we're going to take a couple of minutes at the end to talk about that and as always, we'll celebrate the Lazy Genius of the week, which is actually like a dual situation. Lazy Genius says in a mom and a kid getting ready for bed at night. And we'll close with a mini pep talk for when you're tired of answering questions. Before we get to all that, I am personally feeling that flutter of energy at the start of every summer. There are activities I want to do, projects I want to finish, plans I need to make, experiences I want to remember. Often when I feel that flutter of excitement, it is not long before it turns into like a frantic scurry. If I don't have a thoughtful tool to help me work through my plans and hopes and trips and celebrations, I keep it all in my head and it's like fireworks in a tin can. It's like not, not helpful. It's not a helpful situation. Now if you understand that feeling and you have not tried a playbook, I encourage you to check them out. So my team and I developed these playbooks to be helpful, kind companions to your planning and mine. Like, I use them every single day. Every day. They're small, well designed notebooks that settle those fireworks in a can. They ask guiding questions, give you space to write down what matters. And practically, it's just helpful to have, like, one place to process a trip or a party or a project, keeping you from, like, taking notes in different places or keeping a bunch of stuff in your head that will for sure get lost. We have topical playbooks for specific types of planning things like projects, travel, and celebrations. There's also a yearbook playbook, which is so fun for taking stock of what fun and memorable things came from your year. Then there are seasonal playbooks that work three months at a time. They help you name what matters this season, figure out what you have to do and hope to do over the next few months. And then there's space to, like, work out how to do it, work out to do lists, whatever else you need to keep track of. Like, lots of really great blank space for that. I just love these things. I use mine every day. Plus, if you buy all four seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter, in a bundle, you get a discount. And in fact, you can choose any, any four playbooks and get them at a bundle price. So normally each playbook is $15 on its own. So if you got four, that's $60. But when you buy all four seasons as a bundle, you automatically get $10 off. So it's $50. And now we have added that ability for any four playbooks you want. So you put four playbooks of any kind, even duplicates, in your cart, and then you use the promo code bundle at checkout and you get that 10 bucks off. You get the discounted price. It's so great. There is a also like a private Facebook group. We call it the playbook people. It is so fantastic. It's full of people who use the playbooks and there are just like, bookos of cool ideas of how to personalize your playbooks and use them in a way that works for you. We also like to ask those people for, for ideas as we like, develop new playbooks and improve the old ones. They're just really. It's a bunch of smarties. They're so smart. So if you get a playbook, you also get access to that Facebook group. So you can check out all of that@thelazygeniuscollective.com playbooks. All right, before we get into easier summer chores for families, let's take a quick break. To hear from our sponsors, which make the show free for you to listen to. But before we do, just your quick reminder about the podcast recap email that we send every other Friday. It's called Latest Lazy Listens and it summarizes the episode, shares the Lazy Genius of the week, any other segments we have on the show, and there's a little extra note from me to help encourage you through the weekend. So if you'd like to get that recap, head to the lazygeniuscollective.com listens this episode is sponsored by Squarespace. The Lazy Genius Collective has been on Squarespace from the beginning and it is still delivering on what matters. Giving me a website I don't have to babysit when someone asks where to find an episode, a book, a download, a product, or whatever weirdly specific thing I mentioned in passing, I want one place to send them, not a social media post from 2021. A website. Squarespace is the all in one website platform that helps you claim your domain, build a professional site, share what you make, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. And it looks good without asking you to become a website person. You can start with beautiful templates, use drag and drop editing, and make updates when something changes without rebuilding your whole life around it. Built in analytics also help you see what people are actually finding and using. Check out squarespace.com lazygenius for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code LAZYGENIUS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
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This episode is sponsored by Feeding America. Every act of change begins with a neighbor, with someone saying, we take care of each other. Here in food banks and food pantries, neighbors pack fresh food and dignity into every box, moving food from farms to families through Feeding America's nationwide network. So when that box reaches a home, it carries more than food. It carries a promise that together we can end hunger. Feeding America, led by Neighbors Give now to end hunger@feedingamerica.org
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all right, let's get into easier summer chores for families. So what I'm about to share with you, it actually works for chores in any season, not just summer. It also works for any person, not just kids or families. The pressure to keep up with chores is present for like a ton of folks at all times a year, but I do think that pressure goes up a few notches when you're home with kids for the summer. There's also a lot of expectation to do it a certain way. So most of my examples today it's definitely gonna be geared in the direction of summer chores for a family. Absolutely. But I also encourage you to listen to this episode through your own filter. Like, if you struggle with chores in some way, I can almost guarantee you are going to walk away from this episode feeling calmer and inspired and with, like, one single very practical thing you can do that's gonna make a huge difference. So here's what we're going to cover today. I'm going to share with you four things that I want you to keep in mind when dealing with kids and chores. And then I'm going to give you a six word framework for getting those chores done. It's too easy to get into, like, chore chart territory and build things way too big. And chores will only be more frustrating when you build a big old system to manage them. Especially in a different season like summer, not only are you having to, like, manage the kids and their chores, you're also managing an enormous system that you built in, like, a laminating fervor. So put down the laminator and start with these four things. Number one, remember to empower, not micromanage. Yeah, we're going to start with, like, a heavy hitter out of the gate. It is so easy to micromanage kids. So easy. You know how you like to do something and you want them to do it the same way so you hover and direct and even take over if they don't get it right? Sometimes you don't even let them start because you know you're just going to end up doing it yourself. That was me for many years. Many years. So kids are beginners, and like any beginner, they're, like, terrible at doing something well out of the gate. I do not enjoy this. I do not enjoy this energy. I do not enjoy their slowness, their mediocrity, their constant questions. Hey, mom, is this water the right temperature to wash the pan? Hey, mom, when do I do I have to vacuum under the table when I vacuum? Hey, mom, can I use this glass cleaner for the sink? Hey, mom, hey, mom. Hey, mom. Like heaven, give me all the strength. Now. Here's the thing. Why do my kids ask me stuff like that? Because I did not spend their early years empowering them to try. And I still sometimes micromanage what they do. Now, I'm not proud of it, and I'm getting better, but it is so real, you guys. I think it makes sense that you and I want to get chores done as quickly as possible. Right? We have, like, too much other stuff to do, too much protein to eat every day to, like, deal with chore empowerment. It takes way too long that then what happens is you're left with family members, not just kids, partners too, who do not know how to clean a toilet without instruction or affirmation that they're doing it right. Because you have made cleaning a toilet such a big deal. I have had to spend the last few years undoing a lot of the damage I unknowingly did early on because I lived by the mantra, it's just easier if I do it. And then the irony, the cruel irony is that you end up doing more chores yourself because it's, quote, easier. But then you resent your family for leaving you to do everything. It's like. It's like a whole thing. Micromanaging is not empowering. Micromanaging does not inspire any sort of confidence or creativity or fun. It just makes everybody annoyed, yourself included. If you go into summer chores as a micromanager, who baby, you will not last long. Neither will your kids. They will dread every second because it's super not fun and it makes them feel bad about themselves. Like, chores themselves are rarely fun anyway. But you're making the chores even more of a chore by micromanaging, by being such a stickler. Empowerment is for everyone. It's for kids, it's for partners, it's for yourself. When people feel empowered to make decisions and to know it's okay to mess up, to do it wrong, to not do it to the standard that someone else would do it, when they know that that is okay, your home. And this summer season, with lots of time together, is going to feel a lot lighter. It's going to feel easier, and it's going to be easier to manage. You need to choose empowerment rather than micromanaging. So I mentioned this in a recent episode about our personal summer plans, but I hope to do a big, deep clean of every kid's bedroom this summer. We did it last summer, too. And last summer. I want to tell you a story about last summer when it was time for Sam to do his room. I really did want to empower him. I personally did not want to deep clean his room. I wanted him to learn how to do it right. Both things. Now, he was resistant, of course, and overwhelmed, of course, because especially to a kid with adhd, it's just like too many steps. It's way too overwhelming. So I gave him a list of small steps to begin. Like, just simple things to get his stuff out of the way, to clear out the things that don't matter. Just like, just general small steps in a specific order so that he would not feel overwhelmed. Like I empowered him to do the job himself. And then I left. Okay. An hour or two later, I went to check on him and his room was like, I don't, I don't think I can accurately describe how chaotic it was. Like there were, there were piles everywhere. It's like not even that they were piles. There was no discernible order to the collections of things. It was just, it was crazy. It was definitely not how I imagined his room to be at this juncture. But I also actively wanted to empower him, right? So I just was like, hey, bud, how's it going? So I'm like twitching on the inside. It did not look like it was going great, but that's not for me to decide. It's not my room. So he's like sitting in the floor in the middle of all this stuff and he had the sweetest, like, biggest grin on his face. And he was like, I didn't follow any of your advice, but I'm doing great. I like, I laughed then and I laugh now. It is just the funniest thing. So I was like, awesome, good job, Keep going. And then I laughed now. Did cleaning out his room take three days instead of three hours? Uh huh. It did. It sure did. But like, who cares? The time wasn't an issue. And he cleaned his room his own way, and he did it without me breathing down his neck about it. He was not efficient, but he was independent. This is a lesson for all of us as you enter this summer of kids, being around, wanting them to do chores. Be a person who empowers them, not one who micromanages them. That posture, that like, emotional choice, it will make a huge difference in how you treat them, how you organize the chores themselves, everything. Be somebody who empowers. That's number one. Number two, encourage, don't criticize. This is definitely like close to number one. But you can also let a kid do something independently and then criticize them after. So these two things definitely can operate independently. So as you move into summer chores for your family, I want you to be an encourager, not a critic. Thank kids for doing what you ask them to do. Encourage them that they followed through, even if it's something expected of them. Like I'm expected to feed everybody dinner. I've been doing it for 16 years. It is primarily my job and my family's whole division of labor to make dinner. And just because it's expected doesn't mean, it's not nice when someone says thank you. It's good to show gratitude even for expected things. Just this morning I got home from a doctor's appointment. I left Sam, my oldest, to get ready for school on his own. Like I was not home. No, he's like 16. He can do stuff, he's fine. But he also has ADHD and he gets really distracted. He always gets to school, but if I get home after he's left, sometimes there is something that he forgot to do, which is fine. The most common culprit when he is distracted and then rushed in the morning is his dishwasher level. I have shared this before. We have a dishwasher with three racks and I have three children. It is a fantastic arrangement. Every kid has a level and it is expected of them to put away the clean dishes from their dishwasher level before they leave for school. But just because it's expected doesn't mean I shouldn't encourage them when they remember to do it. So today when I got home from the doctor, I did expect that Sam's dishwasher level would still be full. And it wasn't. It was empty. He remembered to do it, which is really great when he's on his own and easily distracted. So I texted him and I was like, all I said was, hey, thanks for unloading the dishwasher, Sam. I didn't say thanks for remembering. I didn't, you know, like, because I was sure he was going to forget, right? I just thanked him for doing it. And y', all, he harded the message. If you have a teenage boy, a hearted message is like a public hug. He only does that when words mean something to him. He's like a thumbs up guy all the way. So encouraging him by being grateful for something that he was expected to do, it made a difference. It made him feel good. If the roles were reversed, it would make me feel good too. Encourage, don't criticize. Begin with the good things. Say thank you for the expected things. If you need to teach your kid how to do a task a little differently because the way they're doing it like clearly needs improvement, do that teaching with a heart of encouragement, not criticism. They're learning. They're probably tiny and they definitely have things they would rather do than learn how to like vacuum in a straight line. So be patient and encouraging as you lead them in doing chores. Don't be a critic, be an encourager. That's number two. Number three, relax, don't resent. So this one comes down to two Things, Perfection and contentment. If you think that something needs to be perfect, even if you don't realize you're expecting that, you will not relax when a chore is not done right. And you might even resent the person who did the chore wrong. You can't relax when you're trying to be perfect. You just can't. You cannot relax when you expect perfection. Like those two things cannot exist at the same time. There's no such thing as a relaxed perfectionist. So let it go. Let it go. Your summer will not be perfect. Your children will not be perfect. Your chore system, whatever you end up doing, it will not be perfect. The chores will not be done perfectly. Nothing about this is perfect or even close. So stop expecting it. Relax and be content. Contentment is the antidote to perfection. Good is here. Right now, your kid is learning a skill, even though it's taken a while. And it's like making you grimace because of how bad this kid is at the chore. But you shouldn't expect them to be great. They're kids, they're learning. They're tiny. They have so many other things they would rather be doing, as would you. So relax. Don't resent them for not following the plan exactly or for doing the chores poorly. Just like with the last point of encourage and don't criticize, you can still help them learn how to do something better. Like, they can still improve. Improvement's not off the table here. But if you do that improvement with perfection as the goal, it is not going to end well for anybody. So relax. They're just chores. That's number three. And number four is to check your expectations as you enter the summer season. With kids home and figuring out how to get them to do stuff, you have to acknowledge your expectations, and they may be ridiculous and you need to kindly manage them if they are. This connects us obviously to the first three points, right? If you expect perfection, guess what you're gonna do? You're gonna micromanage. You're gonna criticize, you're gonna resent people. Not a fun summer, everybody. It's not a fun anything. But if you check your expectations, if you notice what's happening, if you see this season as one where you get to empower your kids, you get to encourage them in what they're learning. You get to relax as they learn it, you're gon much better summer, and so are they. Those are reasonable expectations. Keep your expectations reasonable. Check them when they're not, you and your family will have a better summer. When you do so, those are the four things to remember. Empower, don't micromanage, encourage, don't criticize, relax, don't resent, and have reasonable expectations. Okay, so let's finish up with a six word framework that can practically help you have an easier summer of chores as a family. Okay, here are your six words. Do it daily, check in weekly, do it daily, check in weekly. Okay, let's start with do it daily. One of the quickest ways to make chores complicated is to make the system complicated. We are very good at that here with making things more complicated than they need to be. That's probably why you listen to this podcast and read my books anyway, is that you need lazy genius principles like I do. You need these reminders because it's too easy to build a big old machine that you expect to run all summer. This is a group of builders, man. We got to calm down now. If you already have a chore system that you have done in the past and it worked, use it. That's amazing. You have developed a system that works for you. Usually if you start small and you let something grow, it's going to grow into something that like, appears complicated, that really it's just naturally working because it started small and it grew. Okay, so if you do that. Amazing. Go, keep going. What I'm about to share is not really for those people. It's not for the people who already have something in place. Because if you don't already have something in place, I don't want you to build a big old system. It's going to die. It will not work. This is no multiple pieces or parts. These are for the people who haven't started with anything yet. They've started and start. They've started over. That's all that's happened. Built it big and started over. Built it big and started over. We're not doing that. We're going to start as small as possible. And when you do start as small as possible, you actually have a chance of something sticking around. Okay, so that is why the first part of our six word practical framework is do it daily. Just pick something to do every day, give one thing to each person and make it simple and clear. It could be one task, like put away all the toys at the end of the day. Done. That is that kid's chore, end of story. It could be one room, you know, like one person is in charge of resetting the living room before dinner every night. Be clear about what that means. But that is their chore and that's could be one chunk of time. Like every day at 11:30 before anybody eats lunch or goes off to do their things or whatever, we're gonna spend, you know, 30 minutes as a family doing what needs to be done. So, like, tidying first, cleaning second starting laundry, whatever it is. Or it could be like two bits of time a day. Like two. Two shorter ones. One at the start, one at the end. But the point is that there is a daily simple expectation of either task or time. Do it. Daily is simple. It is clear in its expectations. It is not hard to remember if you were to do something similar to, like, a meal matrix with chores where you're like, bathrooms are on Monday, living rooms on Tuesday, bedrooms on. That's too much to remember. It is too big to manage. It also makes every single day require a different amount of time. Like cleaning a whole bathroom. It takes a while, especially if it's cluttered. If you were to even think about that setup for yourself, it would be overwhelming. That's building something too big. Like, I want you to really imagine that difference with me, right? If we're like, okay, we're gonna. You don't have any discernible beginnings of anything currently. You clean and tighter reactively. Okay. But if I'm like, all right, bathrooms on Monday, kitchen on Tuesday, living room on Wednesday, bedroom on Thursday, whatever, El, Friday. And there's no boundaries. Are you kidding me right now? That's like. That's so much. That's so much. You're like, what do I have to do? How long is that going to take? Oh, my gosh, that's such a big thing. Every single day. Do you have to do that, like, every day, every week? Like, it's too much to remember, and then it's too much to do. And seeing it all like that, especially starting from nothing and then building something big, what that does is it fragments your brain. It makes you think that you have way more to do because of how complex it is. Okay, so that's one thing to imagine. I'm a little stressed out. I'm so sorry. Imagine something else. Imagine this instead. Every day as a family, we're going to spend 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night doing what needs doing done. Or every day, each person's person is in charge of this thing, this room or this task to, like, keep it tidy or whatever. That's it, that's it, that's it. Okay, now then I feel different. It's like, oh, okay, that's. That's reasonable. That's Doable. Like I said before, right now you're probably, like, tidying and cleaning reactively. You know, like when you don't have a system for it. It's just like when something is so messy you can't handle it anymore, or when people are coming over, you're like, I guess we just are going to clean that up now. And perhaps actual cleaning, like getting dirt and dust off of things, that's also reactive and probably not done very often. Y', all, that's normal. That's like most homes. But if you suddenly expect that this summer you're going to build a whole system from scratch where your entire family that doesn't already keep things clean and tidy all the time are just going to make it happen with no small steps in between, ma'. Am. No, that will not happen. You will. Are you ready? You will micromanage, you will criticize, and you will absolutely resent your people for not meeting your very high expectations. Start small. Do it daily and whatever it is, and do it daily. Make it so small. Make it clear and consistent for your kids. This is what I want you to do every day, right? Just that one. This is what I would like for you to do every day. It should be one thing. If they don't already have anything to do yet, if they don't already have some sort of rhythm of stuff that they're doing, give them one thing a day. That is it. Do you hear me? I know you got a lot you want to get done that you gotta start small, give them one thing, and then give it a little bit of time. Like, let that thing find its legs. And then maybe in a little while, you could. You can add a second thing. You should even probably tell your kids that at the beginning, if you're starting from scratch, you know, you can be like, hey, we're gonna start with everybody having one thing to do to help take care of the house every day. That is your thing to do. You can do it when you like and pretty much how you like. And outside of that, have a good time. And then in two weeks, when you get used to that one thing, everybody's gonna get another one if they have not already started doing chores. You have to start small. You have to. Okay? Now, if your kids are already used to doing a couple of things every day or on a regular basis, they're not gonna be quite as shook by, like, a summer list of daily things by a couple, like, more than one thing. It makes sense that when people are home more often and for longer, they're gonna make more of a mess and they will probably have more time to contribute to taking care of the home. So like in our house, that's kind of where we are. My kids already do the dishwasher every day. They do their own laundry once a week. Sam also does the trash every week. And then every day we do like tidies and various chores as needed. Okay. So for my family, even though they already have things that they're already doing, it's really important that we also use do a daily. I need to think about their chores in the simplest, clearest way possible and not be tempted by a dagum chore chart. So I'm going to be like, every day you're still going to do the dishwasher level and help out. But since we're all home more, let's make that helping out a bit more locked in and clear for everybody. So these are the chores that help take care of the house this summer every day. And everybody's gonna choose two of them to do every single day. Which ones does everybody want? And we might do the chore wheel spin. We might change it every few weeks. I don't know what we're gonna do, but we're gonna do it daily and we're gonna keep it simple day to day. Hear me right now. You do not have to clean everything in your house. You don't have to systemize every single part of your home this summer. Just choose the most essential things, be a genius about those things that matter and lazy about the things that don't, and then do those genius things daily. Done. Don't over complicate it. Okay, so that's do it daily. Okay? The other three words of our six word framework are check in weekly, do it daily, check in weekly. This is important because even the smallest beginnings can be forgotten or grow over complicated really quickly. By checking in weekly, you remember what you agreed to. Everybody does. You won't forget what everyone's tasks are because you're talking about them together on a regular basis. You're not just saying it once and then it's done. A weekly check in is also a great time to encourage and empower your kids. Spend time thanking everybody for what they're doing. Ask helpful questions like, hey, does anybody have a task that's just like not working well for them? How can we make it better for you? Empower them to do something as well as they're able without criticizing. A weekly check in. It gives you a chance to do that, to encourage and empower a weekly Check in also gives you a chance to make any adjustments for the upcoming week. So let's say there are like bigger projects to come, not just the daily task, which is typical of a summer, right? Maybe not during a school year, but it's typical during the summer. So let's say that there are bigger projects coming, like a, like a room clean out, maybe working in the yard where you're like picking up sticks and mowing and planting flowers for the summer, all that. It could be like anything, literally anything. What's nice about checking in weekly is that you can prepare your kids, especially the bigger ones, for those changes. They're not like thrown for a loop, right? So you might say like, hey, so this week, because every week we're checking in, this week is a great week to clean the bathrooms. It's going to be rainy, so nobody's going to the pool. And it looks like there aren't any big activities taking up a lot of time. So like, let's figure out when we want to do that together. It'll take about an hour max. So let's pick an hour that we all agree on. Really? You're just using the plan acronym during these check ins. Remember the plan acronym from the book of the plan that I wrote. Plan stands for prepare, live, adjust and notice. All of those have to work together. So what do we notice? What are we noticing? What is or isn't working? And what do we notice that needs doing this week that isn't already planned out? Okay, what adjustments can we make to what we have been doing to make it easier for one person or for everybody? What adjustments do we need to make this week? Because like Johnny's going to camp or Sally's starting her summer job or the grandparents are coming to visit and we need to take care of the guest room. Like what adjustments do we need to make this week? Not forever, just for this week. And then you can prepare better so that you can live and enjoy your summer. Okay, so those are your six words. Do it daily, check in weekly. Really simple. And if you do those things, if you do those six words from a place of empowering your kids instead of micromanaging them, if you encourage instead of criticize, if you relax instead of resent, then if you let go of unreasonable expectations, you're going to have a really nice summer where your family is more likely to connect with each other warmly and kindly. And the essential stuff is getting done. So stop trying to build some complicated summer chore system. Just chill out, be kind, do it daily. Check in weekly and that is easier Summer chores for families this episode is sponsored by Daily Look. Have you noticed that in the summer your go to outfit tends to go to a lot A graduation, a dinner out with friends, that end of the school year thing that you forgot was outside. 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Merit beauty.com. All right, it's time for a little extra something where I talk about busy summers for working parents. Okay, if your job does not adjust during the summer but your kids like they still have to have something to do. Summer is Far more complicated than the school year. Like during the year the kids just go to school. They might have some sort of after school program or sports practice or whatever, but for the most part, like every day is predictable. You know where everyone is going to be in the summer. It's like getting out of an escape room every day. You're managing rides to and from camp and then dealing with like care of your kids on weeks where there are no camps. You're handing over that care to family or friends. You're juggling more schedules than just your own. Plus you're trying to get all the regular things done, like food and chores and quality time together into a week that is already like screaming for you to relax and like go swimming or something. Because the summer pressure is there. Even for working parents, it can almost feel harder. And all of these podcast episodes and Instagram posts and blog posts and stuff that you see, including mine, assume you're home. And that is not terribly helpful. So what might that kind of season look like? How can you lazy genius when you are a working parent in the summer? So there is an episode that might be really helpful to you. Episode 330 is how I manage a busy season. So usually my busy seasons are logistics, but it's like a lot of to do's. Your summer season might not have as many to do's. It's more about calendar logistics than getting things done. But I do want to give that getting things done episode a little bit of love in case it helps. But another one to consider is episode 382, how to manage calendar logistics. Both of those might be helpful resources in figuring out a busy season, no matter what it is. Okay, so that's 3:30 and 3:82. Now since those exist for practical help, I'm not going to go into too much of that here, but I will say on an emotional level that it's hard when your season looks different than the seasons of most of the people around you. It's like a little lonely and it's practically difficult since people might not normally be a big help when they're in a very different rhythm than yours. You know, that's not like a super great time. So first I would just encourage you to let people in, like emotionally let a let a friend know that you're stressed out by the summer. And I would also really encourage you to find a friend who's in a similar situation. There is nothing like solidarity and even helpful brainstorming to get you through a wild season. I have a close friend who has similar age kids to mine, similar work rhythms to mine, even like a similar family culture. And we talk about our life logistics all the time. We have even sat down and done calendaring. That is a word. It's not together like just in case. We can overlap and help each other with rides or keeping kids or whatever. So if you can find a friend who gets it, keep in touch with that friend on a regular basis for like the emotional support so you don't feel as alone. And then if possible, lean on them for practical support too. My other piece of advice is to make as many other parts of life as simple as possible. You're likely already doing that as a working parent, but summer is the time to really loosen up or to simplify things. Meals can be snacky and repetitive, or like a little more convenience heavy than in other months. Chores can be basic or maybe the quality goes down because your kids are primarily responsible for them. We've already talked about that. Leave behind the guilt or anything unkind that tells you you're not doing the season well enough. Simplify your thinking and just be kind. Some seasons are harder than others and that is totally fine and normal. So be kind to yourself when you're in one if this is it. And there's a good chance that this summer counts if you're still working. So those are just a few words that I hope encouraged those of you who are in a different kind of summer. And also, don't forget to go listen to episodes 330 and 382. And that is today's a little extra something. Alright, let's celebrate our lazy Genies of the week, Sarah Ponzini and her daughter Emiliana. Okay, Sarah writes this. My 3 year old daughter, soon to be 4, has officially followed in her mama's footsteps and started answering the magic question. I love doing baths early in the evening for my kids, especially on those rare magical nights where there are no extracurriculars. Since we still snack or eat after bath sometimes I usually prep for bedtime the magic question by laying out toothbrushes with toothpaste already on them to save myself the chaos of doing it right right now or no, right before bed for all three kids. Okay, so here's Kendra. So the magic question is, what can I do now to make something easier later? Okay. Right. So Sarah is putting toothpaste on the toothbrushes when she's already in the bathroom before crazy bedtime to make brushing teeth easier later. Right. I did not say at the beginning what the magic question was. Okay, Moving on. So recently, back to Sarah. Now I'm Sarah again. Recently, my little helper has started getting the toothbrushes ready herself and for her siblings. Now, to be fair, it does create a bit of a mess. Please insert an image of a determined three year old aggressively applying toothpaste here. But I love that she's already figuring out how to do something now to make life easier later. This right here, you guys, this is exactly what I was talking about in this whole episode. It is hard to reconcile a chore or helpful task leading to more mess, because when kids are involved, that happens. But the point here is to not have the cleanest toothbrushes or the cleanest sink or, like, excellent toothpaste technique. The point is to empower little Emiliana to think in helpful, kind ways and learn how to do tasks in her own time. She's getting encouragement from a relaxed parent. Like, this is so sweet on multiple levels. So thank you for sharing this, Sarah, and congratulations to you and Emeliana on being the lazy geniuses of the week. And finally, for a mini pep talk for when you're tired of being asked questions. I think this pep talk is for me. I am so questioned out right now. So many of us are. In fact, a couple weeks ago, I went to one of my daughter's arts teachers to ask about the performance that night, because it's May, you know, and there's performances all the time. And I said to her, I was like, hey, can I ask you a quick question? She looked me dead in the eye and she said, no. And I laughed. And I was like, you know what? I get it. I get that. Totally. I mean, she told. She let me ask my question, and she answered it very kindly and warmly. But, like, that reaction, that sentiment is so real, it's like, hey, can I ask you a question? No, you can't. I'm so sorry. I have no answers remaining. I'm done deciding things. I'm done giving information. My brain has gone on vacation. No answers are going to exit my mouth for the foreseeable future. Like, that is such an end of May energy, isn't it? So if that is you, if you're so tired of answering questions and you just need everybody to leave you alone, I get it. I don't think we're meant to be on call for people to the extent that most of us are. It's like that meme from Family Guy where Stewie, like, the diabolical baby, he keeps saying, mom, mama, mommy, mom, mama, over and over again until she Screams, what? And he says hi and runs out of the room. Like, oh, my gosh. There are days where if I hear one more person yell, hey, Mom, I'm gonna get my car and leave. But we usually can't leave. So what do you do when you're so tired of answering questions? Be honest and be kind. This teacher who's like, you know, like a friend, lovely, we know each other. She was honest, but she was also kind. Like, it was kind of a joke, but she kindly and honestly shared, like, how she was doing with that single word. No, no, you can't. Ask me a quick question. I think that when we bring warmth and even comedy into this level of overstimulation and overwhelm, it disarms everyone, including us. Like, the other night at dinner, I was, like, maxed out on stimulation and questions and decisions. And of course, of course, I quickly found myself with, like, one kid almost sitting on my lap Again, we're at the dinner table. We're eating dinner. One kid is almost on my lap, the other one is handing me a school paper or something. And then the other one was asking me, what's for dinner tomorrow? As, like, all this chatter, you know, it had been, like, very chattery, and I just froze. My eyes got all big, and I just, like, slowly looked at all of them with, like, the wide eyes of a woman about to explode, but kind of in a funny way on purpose. They all backed off a little that they also laughed, and I was like, I love you all, but I am declaring that for the next half hour. You have a mother who knows nothing about anything. Please solve your own problems, save your questions, or direct them to another person. Thank you so much. Like, they even know. They know that Stewie clip. They will mock do it just to, like, grind my gears, but in a funny way. And that's really the main thing to remember. It's like, if you remain kind and if you were honest about the overwhelm and if you can inject a little lightness or even comedy into it, the overstimulation does not go away, but it feels less oppressive and hurtful. Overstimulation, when no one knows it's there, that can feel like a betrayal. Like, no one even cares about you. They don't see that if you're honest and kind and you keep that honesty light, it's easier to deal with. Yes, take a beat. Encourage your kids to solve their own problems. But in the moment, be kind and honest and keep it light. Everyone is more willing to listen and love you. Well when you do. And that is a mini pep talk for when you are tired of answering questions. If this episode was helpful to you, or if you have been looking for a way to support the channel show, please share it with someone that you know. Pass it along. Makes summer chores easier for everybody. You can also leave a kind review on Apple Podcasts. All of it helps. This podcast is part of the Odyssey Family and the Office Ladies Network. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher and Angela Kinsey. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. If you'd like a podcast recap every other week, be sure to subscribe. Sign up for the latest Lazy Listens email that goes out every other Friday. Head to thelazygeniuscollective.com listens to get it. Thanks y' all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I will see you next week.
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