100: Get Your Mind Right: 6 Things to Think About Headed Into Session.

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy
Episode: 100: Get Your Mind Right: 6 Things to Think About Headed Into Session
Date: October 23, 2024
Hosts: Dr. James Hawkins (B), Dr. Ryan Rayna (A)

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Episode Overview

This milestone 100th episode of The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy launches a new series, "Get Your Mind Right," designed to help therapists prepare mentally and emotionally before entering challenging sessions. Dr. James Hawkins and Dr. Ryan Rayna reflect on the significance of their journey, honor mentors and the late Dr. Sue Johnson, and share six essential mindsets for therapists to keep at the forefront when working with couples in relational or emotional distress. Through heartfelt anecdotes and practical insights, they invite listeners into their ongoing process of learning, growing, and serving the EFT community.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Reflections and Dedications

• Both hosts express gratitude for reaching 100 episodes, reflecting on the podcast’s origin as a response to national distress and injustice, and how it evolved into a resource for therapists and clients (00:00–03:22).
• Dedications are given to:
  • Dr. Sue Johnson and her family for founding EFT and empowering therapists globally (03:28–06:26).
  • Listeners, emphasizing the honor and mutual journey of growth and facing hard things (04:11–05:40).
  • Mentors of all kinds whose voices influence their clinical work and the podcast (05:41–07:05).
  • Nicola (intro/outro voice & behind-the-scenes contributor) and both hosts’ families (06:28–07:15).

Notable Quote:

"Her impact on the world, on psychotherapy, and on us... She empowered so many people, certainly including you and I, to have opportunities. If it wasn't for her, you all would have never had this podcast or know who we are."
— Dr. Ryan Rayna, regarding Sue Johnson (06:04)

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Main Content: 6 Mindsets to Get Your Mind Right Before Session

1. Self of the Therapist (James, 09:55–10:16)

• The inner state and self-awareness of the therapist is fundamental.
• Therapists should check in with their own courage, blocks, and resources before focusing on client interventions.

Notable Quote:

"My biggest predictor, my biggest way of measuring success is how was I doing as the professional?... Was I locked in? Was I focused, was I attuned to. Could I pivot when I needed to pivot? And if I can do those things... then I'm doing a good job." (02:29) — Dr. James Hawkins

2. Trust the Map (Ryan, 10:21–12:21)

• Regardless of the case complexity, rely on the EFT attachment framework.
• Avoid overassessment and trust that the fundamental human longings and needs are present.

Notable Quote:

"You can trust it... If I can prioritize that live emotion, the longings are down there, the needs are there. If you have pain, you have needs." (11:31) — Dr. Ryan Rayna

3. Focus (James, 12:21–13:31)

• Carry intentional focus from the previous session into the current one: Where were we last time? Where do we need to go today?
• Have a plan, but stay ready to pivot based on what arises.

4. Two Paths: Simplify and Don’t Overthink (Ryan, 13:31–14:35)

• In EFT sessions, therapists are either helping clients manage reactivity/mistrust or crafting corrective experiences.
• Keep the approach simple: Recognize which path is needed and proceed accordingly.

Notable Quote:

"We're only doing one of two things all the time. We're either responding to mistrust and escalation... or we're going deeper for corrective experiences. Don't overthink it." (13:42) — Dr. Ryan Rayna

5. Block Readiness (James, 24:59–26:19)

• Expect and prepare for blocks. Know your clients’ typical blocking patterns and get out in front of them in-session.
• Courageously call out recurring places of stuckness at the start, so you can collaborate on handling them differently.

Notable Quote:

"Sometimes your job is to get ahead of the cycle... I just had to be courageous and call that out at the beginning of session versus, like, I hope this doesn't happen. Let’s see if we can avoid it. Yeah, I tried that for a lot of my career." (25:29) — Dr. James Hawkins

6. Use More of You: Be Fully Present and Human (Ryan, 26:24–27:34)

• When space opens, bring your full humanity forward.
• The therapist’s genuine emotional engagement can be the turning point in session — it signals safety and connection.

Notable Quote:

"That’s the moment right when they see that tear in your eye, when they see a real look of grief. And that’s when they step into their real experience, which then opens the doors for all kinds of connection to happen with self. Bring more of you." (27:20) — Dr. Ryan Rayna

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Listener Dedication:

  "It’s an honor to join you in the journey and for you to be on my journey, too... Change is hard, especially when you got somebody who’s sitting across from you who’s stuck or unhappy." (05:00) — Dr. Ryan Rayna

• Mentor Influence:

  "It’s almost always from a mentor... those voices are coming through." (05:42–06:04) — Dr. Ryan Rayna

• Nickola’s Impact:

  "Nicola definitely behind the scenes... she listens and she studies and... helps keep me into, like, if something doesn’t make sense, she’ll be like, so what did you mean?" (06:28) — Dr. James Hawkins

• Therapist Humanity:

  "We want all of you, you know, and so when you get that space open, bring all of you forward." (26:24) — Dr. Ryan Rayna

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Segment Timestamps

• Opening & Origins: 00:00–03:22
• Dedications & Honoring Mentors: 03:23–07:32
• Main Content Introduction: 07:33–09:51
• Six Mindsets Discussion: 09:51–27:34
• Top 10 Episodes (Mini-Interlude): 15:20–21:52
• Deep Dives, Stories, and Practical Tips: Throughout the main content (esp. 22:08 onward)
• Wrap-up and Series Preview: 28:45–29:13

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Podcast’s Signature Tone

This episode maintains a warm, reflective, and encouraging tone. Both hosts blend practical expertise with vulnerability and humor (occasional tangents, personal anecdotes, playful banter). They frequently reference the greater EFT community and their gratitude for both its founders and listeners.

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Takeaways for Therapists

• Prepare inwardly before every session — your internal state shapes what happens in the room.
• Trust the EFT attachment map, and don’t get stuck overanalyzing complexities.
• Keep your session focus clear, but adapt in the moment.
• Simplify decision points to two major paths: handle escalation or facilitate correction.
• Anticipate and address typical places where clients (and therapists) get stuck.
• Let your authentic, emotional self lead; your humanity is as therapeutic as your interventions.

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For those seeking more depth, this episode serves as a launching pad — the hosts promise to build out each of these six mindsets in future episodes of the "Get Your Mind Right" series, making this a great entry point or refresher for EFT practitioners.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, today's a big day. We celebrate our 100th episode ever with you all, and we kick off a new series from James called Get yout Mind Right.

[B]

Welcome to the Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy. With your hosts, Dr. James Hawkins and Dr. Ryan Rayna. EFT is a dynamic model that humbles even the most seasoned therapists. Together, we want to come alongside you as you continually push the leading edge of. Of your understanding and application of this wonderful model developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. Yeah, man.

[A]

100.

[B]

100.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

I remember it took maybe. We probably talked about this podcast idea maybe about a year or two before we ever did it. So it took a lot to even get to episode one, much less 100.

[A]

And, yeah, you were just saying that. We started this because we were facing a hard thing as a nation. We wanted to get our voice out there. It was hard to watch injustice happen and just sit there and say nothing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it became this metaphor. Right. About getting the voice out there. I think that's what everybody who's listening to this is trying to do. Trying to bring about, you know, healing and. And good things in the face of pain and darkness. And not everybody wants to do a podcast, but everybody who's listening to this is doing the same thing we're doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's pretty cool to be a part of this.

[B]

Yeah. And this new series, I'm excited about it. You know, Ryan, I think, you know, we talked about it, and I like the idea because we hear from so many of you that we've become a part of your attachment journey, which is why Ryan and I do try and take this podcast here. We know we miss time here and there, but we. We always, like, we got to get back to it. We got to get back to it. It's why we upgraded our equipment, because I'm like, well, if these people, like, if we're on a journey with them, let's. Let's have good equipment so they can hear us. Well, all those things. We just. The main thing is we care.

[A]

Several folks contributed.

[B]

Yep. That's right.

[A]

Help us buy the equipment. We appreciate you very much.

[B]

So much. So my hope for this series is it's a series where, because so many of you say, I listen to you either. No exercising. But we hear a couple people say, sometimes I go find a specific episode to get my mind right right before I go into a particular session. So they're almost using it in a way. Like this couple struggles with this. This is what I struggle to do. Here's an episode I can listen to.

[A]

That's impressive, man. I can't even use my app that well. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

[B]

So that's the title of this series. It's really about getting your mind right because, you know, it's not about always getting the client to do something. My biggest predictor, my biggest way of measuring success is how was I doing as the professional?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't let the client cycle or even their progress really determine it. In a way, it's. Was I locked in? Was I focused, was I attuned to. Could I pivot when I needed to pivot? And if I can do those things for me, then I'm doing a good job as a. Overall, as the therapist. That's how I measure it. And so that's the hope in this episode is one. What we're going to do today is Ryan and I are going to hit a couple topics of if we were. If you. We're trying to picture if you were one of our colleagues here in our office and you saw us in the hallway and said, hey, I'm about to go into a session with this difficult couple or a couple that's stuck in emotional relational distress, what would your top things be to help me get ready? And that's going to be the theme of the series.

[A]

Sounds good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Before we do, though, let's. Let's dedicate this episode.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is 100.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So how do you want to. What do you want to get? I got two things.

[B]

Mine is probably super obvious in the EFT world right now, given, you know, this year, I would dedicate it to, really, Sue Johnson and our family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it really struck me at the summit, you know, when we saw the pictures of sue in her early research days. I remember a picture was like their dining room and all of her books and research papers spread out. And I'm thinking about all that John Douglas and all that her kids gave to help build this model. We wouldn't have nothing. I mean, we probably. But we wouldn't be talking about this type of experiential change if it wasn't for Sue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I dedicated to Sue Johnson and her family.

[A]

That's right. That's right. So I want to. I got two dedications, one similar I want to dedicate to the listeners.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, as we always. We wouldn't be doing this without you, and we're pretty busy right now, frankly. But, I mean, the fact that you're here and if you need us, then that means A lot. And I didn't know there was such a need for this. We did not set out to meet the need. But, you know, just. And sometimes I don't think it's even about what we're saying, just that sort of being a part of the journey, and it's. And just know that we're honored to be a part of your journey. People always. I had three people thank me today, but I'm thinking you all, it's an honor to join you in the journey and for you to be on my journey, too. And what I want to thank you for is doing hard things. Particularly, people are saying that these episodes matter, which means they're changing from what they were doing otherwise. And change is hard, especially when you got somebody who's sitting across from you who's stuck and. Or unhappy. And so I just appreciate how hard you work and that you're willing to look at yourself and look at your process and keep coming. And if you keep coming, you'll get it. You'll get it without a doubt. And so my second one is all the mentor voices in my life and our life. You know, I occasionally get to listen to our episodes, and sometimes I listen. I'm like, man, I'd like to have that one back. I don't know what I was that came across too strong, or I talk too much. Sorry if I do that. Or cut you off. But then occasionally I hear something like, hey, that's pretty good. By something I said or something you said. And it's almost always from a mentor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So a huge blessing for me, for us, for the. Whether it's someone, you know, recent, like George or another trainer or, you know, people we had in grad school or just people in our lives, spiritual mentors that those. Those voices are coming through. And to you, I was just going to say to Sue Johnson sort of committing this. It's hard to believe she's gone. You know, 2024 is when we're towards the end, when we're recording this. She's been gone about six, seven, eight months. Hard to believe, man, that she did this, but her impact on the world, on psychotherapy, and on us. She empowered so many people, certainly including you and I, to have opportunities. If it wasn't for her, you all would have never had this podcast or know who we are.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I just appreciate Sue's work so much.

[B]

I agree. And I want to add one more in. You hear her voice at the beginning and end of this episode, but Nicola's not here. Nicole definitely behind the scenes, like, even, you know, we talk about the episodes because she. She listens and she studies and. And she. And she. She kind of helps keep me into, like, if something doesn't make sense, she'll be like, so what did you mean when y' all said this? Or, oh, I really like this part. Or you, you know. So I want to definitely thank Nicola for her contribution. One, like lending her gift and talent as her voice being the intro and outro for the podcast, but also just for her willingness to help bring. Wrestle with the concepts and ideas, you know, off the microphone.

[A]

So, yeah, thanks, Nicola. Certainly our partners, Nicola and Ann are a huge piece of this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All the. The journey, the beauty and the challenges that makes us better. No doubt.

[B]

And my girls are like, when, like, you know, they hear the number of downloads, they're like, people listen to you.

[A]

And Mr. Ryan, I asked the same question.

[B]

Yeah, you're never cool at home. But anyway, so true. So, man, Ryan, this one's good. Yeah.

[A]

So your assignment, I think, was for each of us to pick three to kick off this series. That right?

[B]

Yeah. And I might have went over.

[A]

Okay, you got more than three. So we're going to talk about the. The first things of. Get your mind right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And talking about, like, if you're about to go into a session or into a hard session. Is that the assignment?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Yep. So that way we can join you.

[A]

Looking forward to jumping in these three after this break.

[B]

All right, Foreign. It's an honor for Ryan and I to get to come to you on these airwaves, to meet you, where you are, with you and your clients who are pushing the leading edge in your clinical work. And we're thankful for this opportunity and for the work that you do. And we want to invite you that if you believe in the concepts of this podcast and you find them helpful, as we do, we just invite you to be able to invest and to help keep this mission in this project going. You can support us by going on Venmo and looking for at Left Podcast. That's at LE F T P O D C A S T Left Podcast and you can show your support once again if you yourself are in a hard position or you serve maybe less resource population and therefore affects your fees. Please don't worry about giving, just continue to enjoy. But if you can, we invite you to help support this mission and keep it going. Thank you so much. All right, welcome back. So getting into this, Ryan, the first one on my list probably wouldn't surprise many people. But I think the first thing you need to be thinking about to get your mind right before you go into session is self of the therapist. You know, who you are as a therapist matters so much. Then I would say get that part right before it's just focus on what you do. And so I would say it's how are you doing as a therapist? What's some of your self talk heading into session? What's the mantra to remind yourself of who you are and what your role is in this process and what is it you need to say to resource yourself as a therapist to go in and be courageous. I was just at a training and one of the nuggets, it was in Montana, shout out to the Montana EFT community. But one of the nuggets from the participant was really good. I said, you know, what's your takeaway from this? My main responsibility is to be courageous and to look at places of pain and fear for my clients. And that just really stuck with me. But to do that you've got to focus on how am I doing as a person going in, what are my blocks, what are my hindrances. Kind of like you know, what's my capacity to today and where am I blocked and stuck at and what do I need to do to help get that online to be able to go into this session.

[A]

It's pretty good. Yeah, hard to beat that one.

[B]

I'm glad I went first.

[A]

My three. I stole this from Dr. Marcotte down at one of the Dr. Marcotte's down in North Texas and she wrote an incredible email. I need to follow up with her. But she says like she puts a qualifier out on everything and how she trains and I'm stealing it totally. I'm not afraid to steal things. But she says, you know, I know that at all times I've got to bring my full humanity online and I've got to go towards live emotion and then and add on from there. And I like that. That's a pretty good mantra. So that's not my number one but that's going to, I'm going to say with everything. So my number one is trust the map actually you know, because when a session is hard, when a case is hard, we talk on here about the dangers of over assessment. No question that my worst work is when I know too much and my brain tries to control and find too much. It distracts me. Then there's the fear of what if it's not there this time? What if this is not really an attachment issue? What if it's about a diagnosis, or what if it's about one of those labels that we put on what are actually human experiences? You can trust it. I'm not going to say there's never a time where you're going to have to just do stability, but the vast majority of time, you can trust that if I can go towards this, if I can get this organized in an attachment frame, if I can prioritize that live emotion, that the longings are down there, the needs are there. If you have pain, you have needs. As Gail Palmer says, that when there's tough pain, that means people care a lot. And that if I can go towards that pain, pain wants to be responded to, even if it's blocked. And so just to trust that, you can take a deep breath kind of alongside what you're saying, check in with your own heart, but you can trust that it's there. And if you can't trust that it's there, you're gonna do something else. And I know that from. From not doing my very best work. So that's my first one, is to trust the map.

[B]

I like that, Ryan. And not even just like, there's the trust the map. And then I like. And tell me if this is attached to it. And go towards the pain. Follow the map towards the pain. That's good. I like that. The third one for me is, of course, wouldn't be a surprise for you all here is focus, which I think is what kind of what Ryan's saying, too. And when I say focus, it's. We've talked about this on the episode. It's where were we last time and where do we need to go today? I think you did a good job on the last episode, Ryan, where you even talked about a tough case you just had recently and you thought about what happened and maybe what you didn't get, which then informed you, you said today, that's one of my. That's one of my top missions, to get clear with that pursuer about what was happening in that moment, because I didn't get it last session. And of course, with focus, you do have to be ready to pivot. But going in with no focus at all. To me, if I'm going to be honest about myself or the therapist, if I go in with no focus, my nervous system is way more activated because I have nothing to hold on to, nothing to guide me, hold it loosely. But going in with some focus gives me something like, here's where I can get traction. Here's a direction I can go. So going in with some form of focus would be my second one.

[A]

Okay. My second one's pretty similar. I think we may. We may overlap on this one, but don't overthink this. You know, this. This is. These are still just humans in your office. Humans are not that different. I mean, yes, we're diverse, but we're a lot more alike than we are different. Lots of people have said that. Harry Stack Sullivan in the 30s, all the way to Sue Johnson. So, you know, an eft, we're only doing one of two things all the time. We're either responding to mistrust and escalation with going towards it and bringing our organization, trying to install the attachment frame with our assemblies and our tempo and that sort of thing, or we're going deeper for corrective experiences. Don't overthink it. Just. Which one do you see? All right. You have a plan for that, right? So. So two paths is my second one. It's a simplifier for me. I like to be simple. And then, of course, we're doing a few more things in that. But that helps me get on track with that and not overthink things.

[B]

I like that. That was gonna. Like. It didn't maybe hit my top three, but that two paths with readiness was on mine as well. Ryan, be ready, like. And I mean, even just. It was. I was in St. Louis EFT community, and I was getting ready for a live. The therapist there did a great job getting me ready and giving me the cycle for the case. But in my mind, I said, okay, James, what if they're in complete reactivity? Do you know path one process? And then, James, what if it comes open? Do you know your path two? That was great. That was. I like that one, Ryan. All right. This one, of course, either won't be a surprise. By the way, part of how I got my list of what to get ready, I went into Podbean, which Podbean is our hosting platform for this podcast, and I went and found our top 10 episodes.

[A]

So let's over. I want to hear them.

[B]

You want to hear them?

[A]

Yeah, I do.

[B]

The top 10 episodes. Are y' all ready? I'll start off with number 10.

[A]

I mean, the drum roll ready.

[B]

I wish I had one of those on the soundboard. Oh, well, we'll work on the getting that done.

[A]

Need a few more donations.

[B]

All right, number 10 is psyched. And the EFT process.

[A]

That's number one.

[B]

Number 10. Number 10.

[A]

Gotcha. I got you.

[B]

And so the idea behind that one was me and Ryan just Talking about when is psyched, appropriate, when is and what can be the function of it, you know, thing. And when can it be misattuned too as well. Number nine, breaking down enactments. We kind of use George's framework about how do you get the enactment loaded, what do you do in the enactment and how do you process out of the enactment. Number eight, working with the body's experience to create change. We had a special guest on that one that was doc. That was Dr. Catherine Reim, a mentor of mine talking about mentors. And she did a phenomenal job talking about deep limbic experience comes through deep limbic chains come through deep limbic experience. And she kind of expounded on the levels of experiencing scale and how we're always trying to work our clients to deeper levels of experience so they can have deep seated change. Number. See, that was 9, 8, 7, 6. Is finish the mission. We'll definitely be need to go back to that one. You got anything you want to say about that episode, Ryan? I remember that's when you kind of first introduced it to me and we've been building on it since then.

[A]

It's a big deal.

[B]

Big time.

[A]

It's a big deal.

[B]

My big takeaway from that finish the mission was I love when you talk about body in, body out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And how that's helped me in my current Ryan is I feel like my clients don't ask me are we getting any change, because constantly checking those body markers in like, oh, so it's really tight. This is really scary. And then after the enactment, what's it like now? My body kind of opened up. It becomes a progress report for me and for the clients.

[A]

Yeah. Just real quickly. I taught it Friday in a core skills training. And I think part of me is like, man, why are we being so specific here? Right. And then I remember real sessions and how hard this is and things are moving so fast and there's like 73 things I can do. And then I do kind of flip back and say, hey, there's an order here that makes sense and I'll finish the mission. Is. Is actually the natural order of how people would. Would show up for each other in pain. And yet it's. It's a key.

[B]

The little Jimmy story.

[A]

A little Jimmy story. That's a good one.

[B]

All right, let's see the number six. Huh. This is a special one. How does sue see the leading edge? And we got sue to talk about kind of like her concept of what is. What comes up inside of Sue Johnson when couples are Stuck in reactivity. It was a really good one and a big one. I wrote it down somewhere. Look at this. I've got notes going everywhere. One of the quotes from that one, I actually listened to that one a little bit before we get on. Oh, and one of the things I like that sue said was we have to recognize the impact of attachment traumas and how they still kind of shadow into the present. That was a good one. Number five, temp. Intentionality of focus based on reactivity assessment. Pretty much, that is two paths. So that's. That was episode number nine, by the way. Yeah, I should have been telling you the episode numbers. And then number four, it actually comes from episode five, which is the three points of attunement, where we talk about being attuned to who you are as therapist, which is why I also started off with self of the therapist being attuned to the client, but also being attuned to where you are in the process, which goes along with this whole getting your mind right before session with. We also did another episode on this. Talking about order of change in a way that going in. In stage one, what should I be looking for? What are some target markers to help create de Escalation Stage two, Because if I'm in stage two, if we've been talking about sadness in stage one, just because sadness pops up in stage two, it's going to dictate that I need to stay longer and go deeper past sadness to some kind of sorrow. Grief. No, Just kind of catastrophic.

[A]

Feeling unlovable.

[B]

There we go. Exactly. Get into that model of self. All right, then. Here we are. We're in the top three now. Ready?

[A]

Oh, Bo.

[B]

The number three top episode, of course, didn't surprise. I would have expected this to be number one. Block School 101.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Kind of us taking our first stab.

[A]

That's a long time ago, wasn't it?

[B]

It surely was. That was back in May 2020. Right.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

I got the date on it.

[A]

That's like Covid entry.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Speaking of blocks.

[B]

There you go. Wow. I had covet pop up in a family. I was trying to track out a couple's a fam. I was doing a family session. I was trying to track their cycle, and they're like, the mom was kind of like, wait, hold on a second. This goes back further than that. I remember how Covid just kind of wrecked her senior year and did this to her. And I don't think we ever really were able to talk about as a family and recover.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, can we go back to that?

[A]

Okay. Anyway, you know, speaking of COVID this is just so random. Sorry. It's a podcast.

[B]

I can look on your face. I could tell. This is funny.

[A]

No, I remember when Covid was breaking out, you know, and you're seeing it on the World News. I think it was in parts of Asia, and then it really hit Italy hard, and I think that got everybody really scared. And then, like, literally, you could. They would. They would put maps with coloring on it as Covid would move around. And I think it hit Seattle first in the US and we're sitting here in Arkansas, nothing happening. And, like, literally, the rest of the US Fills in with color. Like we were one of the last places in the world for Covid to enter. Well, I think it's just interesting. And at the same time, we're really launching a podcast, and that's just interesting to me, the timing of all that.

[B]

I hope this doesn't land as insensitive, but I want to say, like, I think Ryan just said you should come train in Arkansas because it's a safe place to train. Sorry, I'm just playing around.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, number two, the hardest part of eft. Focus. Another Covid entry.

[A]

What episode was that?

[B]

Number six.

[A]

Number six.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Five and six are popular.

[B]

Yeah. He wanted number ready to hear what number one is this episode? Number seven, the Stuck Client, repetitively reflecting the attachment dilemma.

[A]

That's number one.

[B]

14, 000 downloads.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Wow. But I. There's something to that. That is my get out of jail card right there. That episode.

[A]

Yeah, that's a big one, man.

[B]

That's a big one. Anyway, we just segue. It's a podcast, y'. All. We're celebrating 100, so we just took a quick segue. Thank you for the top 10 list, everybody.

[A]

That was your choice, not ours.

[B]

Y. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so let's see what. Where were. Where were we at?

[A]

I think we were both doing our third.

[B]

Oh, we just talked about two paths. That's right. Let's see. All right, so. And what's my next one? Oh, that's right. You wouldn't be surprised.

[A]

So hold on. I want to just. Since we're doing tangents on two paths. You know, I'm prepping right now. It's probably too late when this comes out, but I'm. I'm up next week for an advanced training down in South Florida, so shout out to them. You can still get in. I think we have, like, 54 coming, which is more than I Thought, yeah. And so I'm going to do some new stuff, new to me. We'll see if it's any good or not.

[B]

I'm having a little bit of FOMO. I'm a Ms. Out.

[A]

You'll see it in long story, I'm going to go fast. In core skills 4 in the inner world of a pursuer, we show, I show a video about a dog whose stuck, lost and you know, just. It breaks your heart to see this little dog. Remember that one, Holly. And then Holly. That's right. But you get up close and that dog's angry. And so then there's a lot with that. And I'm using it for the purpose of an attachment view of anger and having to make peace with that to work well with the pursuer. I think that's a good point. But in the middle, this veterinarian does a very interesting thing. It just. The veterinarian is such a huge part of this. So we're going to, we're going to watch this video as a group and then I'm going to come back and I'm going to replay what the veterinarian does and we're going to get into your assertiveness level as a therapist because he does all this attunement stuff. He has different color leashes and towels. And he knew right when the dog was going to try to bite him like a block. And he was just really prepared, like we want, like we want to be. And then at the right moment, he grabs that leash and he basically drags that dog over into his lap. It's this sort of intentional misattunement. And it's like, that's, that's what we're trying to say at times with this two paths.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When, when your folks are moving away from safety, they need you to assert yourself. You gotta get bigger. You gotta, you gotta have a more controlled few minutes. Hopefully, hopefully not the whole session, you know, and then, and then also you gotta know when, hey, they're moving. They're moving towards safety. I need to, I need to not be doing too much. Don't be teaching too much relationship stuff like move into the here and now live emotion. So I just think that's a big part of what we're doing here. And when I know when I'm off in that area, everything's off. So anyway, I'm just throwing that out.

[B]

No, I like that, Ryan, because I talked with Olivia who we talk, we talked about in the last episode and she said, yeah, Eft is this mixture of Follow, follow, follow. But there's also lead, lead, lead. There's times when you kind of are leading your clients out onto the leading edge. Then there's a part where I'm beside, beside, beside, follow. That's like, lead, lead, kind of pulling them out to that edge. I like that. There's that point where he's like, okay, I'm gonna work with you. But then it's the time, like, we're.

[A]

Going, yeah, yeah, here we go.

[B]

All right, so let's see. Oh, and finally, for mine, it's block readiness. You know, we talked about this last time, but be ready for those blocks. I remember when George and Ryan were early mentoring me, I wanted to always be this optim, and they're like, ah, sometimes go ahead and be ready for the worse.

[A]

Hope is a powerful thing each way.

[B]

But go ahead and be ready for blocks. And thinking about, where was I blocked at last time? And where do they typically show up? And we said this in one of our episodes. And sometimes your job is to get ahead of the cycle. I had to do this yesterday. Like, hey, I know typically in this place, when your partner starts talking about their pain, it hits you, and your brain hears all the worst, most negative messages. And then when you hear that, you get really reactive. That's how it went last session. I just want to know, this is that moment. I'm going to invite your partner to come back out again. Can your brain kind of tolerate for a few minutes that even though you're going to hear messages and your brain's going to hear the negativity in them, can you stay with it to hear your partner out and then we'll be able to come to you? Or do you need me to start with you today first? Hey, I'm just know, like, typically how this is goes. How do we get ahead of this? How do we do this together? So I just had to be courageous and, like, call that out at the beginning of session versus, like, I hope this doesn't happen. Let's see if we can avoid it. Yeah, I tried that for a lot of my career.

[A]

Yeah, you get out in front of it.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Did you get your third one in?

[A]

No, the third one for me. Is that your third?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Okay. My. My third one I wrote down is use more of you. Oh, bring it forward. You know, all the stuff that we're talking about, whether it's focus and it's. It is important, but it's all in service of these pivotal moments, because that's the difference Maker in eft, we want all of you, you know, and so when you get that space open, bring all of you forward. And I get, you know, I guess there could be an extreme the other way. I hear old professors voices in my head say if you're going to cry with the client, that's good, but make sure you're crying for them and not you. I'm like, all right, you can make it about you. But I think, I think we over worry about that, honestly.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Most of the time we're too busy going somewhere to fully be where we are. And so when the space opens up, I want to encourage all of us, including the person talking to really, really let the client see how the therapist is being impacted.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

That's the moment right when they see that tear in your eye, when they see a real look of grief. And that's when they step into their real experience, which then opens the doors for all kinds of connection to happen with self. Bring more of you.

[B]

That's right. Where they're doing therapy with a person, not a robot. That's right. Yeah. I like that. So I like how this top. I like me and Ryan did not pre plan this as always, but I like the list Ryan. So number one, let's go. I'm start from. So it's not that these are ranked right now, but I like that use more of you, which I like that a lot. That's. I think I try and bring that one. Is it my EFT thing. Block readiness, two paths, readiness, focus, trust the map and sot. Cool. Anything. I know we said three a piece, but anything else you want to add? I know Ryan likes top 10 list.

[A]

I don't have an addition. I just think that qualifier is good. We're at every. At every intersection. We're going to bring our full humanity online and we're going to trust and go towards live emotion. You know, so you said, you know, the enactment readiness is there. It's so funny how full circle I've come when I've said this before on this podcast, but when I first started eft, I didn't do an enactment for the first year and a half and which is crazy now to even think about because I trust them so much, but I trust them because I'm okay with however they come out. So that helps too.

[B]

Wow. So I guess now what we're going to do is we'll go back to each one of these we've done some episodes on, but we'll build them out some more. Our hope is this could be like a nice little section of maybe seven episodes right here, which me and Ryan knowing some of these might split into part one, part two. But right now, hopefully this series can be something like a quick little nugget to listen to, to just say, how am I doing for this session? Is my mind right? All right, everybody. Ryan, thanks, man. It's been a great ride for this 100.

[A]

It's been great to be with you and all our listeners. 100 episodes. Can you believe it? Appreciate you joining us on on our journey.

[B]

Thank you for listening. We hope this experience helps you push the leading edge in your work to help people connect with themselves and with each other. Please subscribe to our podcast and leave us a five star review. You can contact us at pushtheleadingedgemail.com and you can follow us on our Facebook page at Push the Leading edge. You can follow Ryan on Facebook at Ryan Rayner Professional training and on his website, ryanraynatraining.com. you can follow James on Facebook and instagram @doc hawklpc. You can also check out his website, doc hawklpc.com.