The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy

Episode 126: Stage 2 Series – Enactments-Step 5

Hosts: Dr. James Hawkins, Dr. Ryan Raina
Date: September 30, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into Step 5 of Stage 2 enactments within the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model. Dr. James Hawkins and Dr. Ryan Raina share their experiences, clarify the unique qualities of Stage 2 enactments, and offer practical advice for therapists working on refining their EFT skills. The conversation balances technical breakdowns with candid reflections on the challenges—and rewards—of guiding clients towards deeper self-revelation and relationship restructuring.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Essence of Stage 2 Enactments

• Stage 1 vs. Stage 2: The hosts distinguish between Stage 1 “sharing of vulnerable experience” and Stage 2’s “sharing a vulnerable self” (07:13), emphasizing the transformational nature of Stage 2 enactments.
• Restructuring the Relationship: Stage 2 is about “literally showing you that I’m a secure base”—clients use enactments to risk revealing their innermost selves and see if their partner receives them (03:12–03:58).

2. Targets and Markers in Stage 2 Enactments

• Three and a Half “Materials”:
  • Deeper primary emotion
  • Negative view of self
  • Fear of reaching/exposing vulnerability
  • Deepest attachment need (the “half” marker, because it's less commonly reached but deeply significant)
• Risky Revelations: A central goal is “a risky revelation…to say, I’m going to take what’s in my internal world and put it out there before you to see if you will either accept it or reject it” (06:35).

3. The Importance of Embodiment and Timing

• Strike When It’s Hot: As soon as clients hit an embodied, deep emotional place, therapists should move into the enactment—don’t wait for some perfect structural moment (12:28–12:51).
• Avoid Summaries: Real change comes from clients struggling for new words, not summarizing familiar pains or views of self (11:11–11:48).

4. Therapist Skills: Setting Up and Managing Enactments

• Repetition is Key: Success in EFT often means repeated practice with steps five and six: “five and six, five and six…with the withdrawer, then again with the pursuer” (13:10).
• Preset (Pre-Enactment) Question: There’s debate over when to use “What would it be like to turn and talk to your partner about this?” Some therapists use it often; others avoid it to keep the process focused and emotionally alive (15:22–16:22).
  • It can clarify whether an emotion is truly present, especially when affect isn’t outwardly apparent.
• Managing Over-Talking: If clients launch into long explanations, therapists should intervene around the third or fourth sentence to keep the moment alive and embodied (19:13–19:30).

5. Certification and Clinical Nuances

• Certification Clarity: For those working toward certification, the distinction between Stage 1 (sharing vulnerable experiences like fear or pain) and Stage 2 (revealing negative self-views) is essential (07:31–08:00).
• Depth of Emotional Experience: Stage 2 enactments must involve "deep limbic experience" for "limbic revision"—surface-level emotion isn’t enough (16:40–16:53).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Courage Required in Enactments:
  “Enactments are awkward. This whole model is awkward. …we’re really doing the opposite of what they want. And it’s hard, and we have to trust it. You have to trust yourself. You have to trust the model. …it does take a tenacious person who hangs in and keeps trying.”
  — Dr. Ryan Raina, 01:44

• On the Fundamental Difference in Stage 2:
  “Stage one enactments are a sharing of vulnerable experience. Stage two enactments are sharing a vulnerable self.”
  — Dr. Ryan Raina, 07:13

• On the Therapist’s Role in Deepening:
  “It’s not enough that they just say it to you. As a therapist, I literally…want your body to see that it can take this risk and look into the eyes of your partner…”
  — Dr. James Hawkins, 08:57

• On Embodiment & Timing:
  “Step five may involve ten enactments. …as soon as we get our material ready…we want to pass it when it’s hot.”
  — Dr. Ryan Raina, 12:28

• On Avoiding Over-Talking:
  “You give somebody that seventh or eighth sentence, it’s not hot anymore. Now we’re in a summary. Now we’re telling a story…now it becomes disembodied, and you’ve got to start all over.”
  — Dr. Ryan Raina, 19:09

• Most Important EFT Question:
  “What would it be like to turn and talk about this negative you of self or fear of reaching or then even deepest attachment need. What would it be like to turn and ask for that to be met right now?”
  — Dr. Ryan Raina, 17:59

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:12] – Introduction to Stage 2 enactments and the concept of restructuring the relationship
• [04:32] – Clear targets in enactments: self-view and attachment fears
• [07:13] – Major difference: Stage 1 vs. Stage 2 enactments
• [08:57] – Therapist insistence on direct, embodied revelation to partner
• [12:28] – Realities of pacing, timing, and repetition in Step 5/6 enactments
• [15:22] – The debate on using the “What would it be like…” preset question
• [16:40] – The necessity of deep limbic experience for transformation
• [19:09] – Dangers of letting clients over-talk and how to intervene
• [20:42] – Summary of what makes for a true Stage 2 enactment

Summary Table: Stage 2 Enactment Essentials

| Concept | Description / Example | Timestamp | |-------------------------------|----------------------------------------------------------|-----------| | Restructuring Relationship| “I am literally showing you that I’m a secure base.” | 03:12 | | Negative View of Self | Client reveals deep self-doubt: “I believe I’m unlovable.”| 06:35 | | Deep Limbic Experience | Emotion is embodied, not just discussed | 16:40 | | Therapist Directiveness | Insist on partner-to-partner eye contact and sharing | 08:57 | | Managing Process | Step in if enactment becomes talkative/disembodied | 19:09 |

Conclusion

This episode offers a rich, experience-based breakdown of Stage 2 enactments in EFT, equipping therapists with subtle distinctions, cautionary tales, and actionable strategies. The conversation models compassionate rigor: pushing for emotional depth while remaining attuned to client readiness and the therapy process. The practical tips, personal anecdotes, and responsive teaching make this an essential listen for any EFT therapist seeking to advance from competence to mastery.

Next Episode Teaser:
The series will continue with a focused dive into Step 6—how caregivers can be facilitated to come forward in response to vulnerability.