The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy
Episode 131: The Transparent Therapist: Shining Light on Process, Intention, and Connection
Date: December 11, 2025
Hosts: Dr. James Hawkins (A), Dr. Ryan Raina (not present), Special Guest: Nicola Hawks (B)

Episode Overview

This episode delves deeply into the concept of therapist transparency within the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model. Dr. James Hawkins and Nicola Hawks explore how being explicit with process, intention, and empathic connection provides safety for clients— especially those with heightened nervous system reactivity—and models vulnerability that can sustain therapists as well.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Transparency in Therapy

Transparency: “Shining through or to be able to see through something clearly.” (B, 04:00)

• Analogy: Being trapped in a dark room until you wipe away a window and can suddenly see possibilities. (A, 01:29)
• Therapists, with extensive training, see the process differently from clients whose nervous systems are more often "hijacked by primal survival threat signals." (A, 05:10)
• Purpose of Transparency: Providing “predictive safety” for clients; clarifies what the therapist is seeing, planning, and why. (A, 07:09)

2. Three Domains of Transparency

a. Transparency with the Process

• Explain steps: “Here’s where we are, here’s where we’re going, and here’s why.” (A, 07:26)
• Especially important in moments of heightened emotion or when asking for big risks. (A, 09:04)
• Example: Telling one partner, “What I need to see first… is you showing your partner that you also can see them. If I don’t, you’ll both be dropped.” (A, 10:42)
• Quote: “I’m not the wizard on the Wizard of Oz who’s hiding behind the curtain… pull the curtain back for your clients.” (A, 09:50)

b. Transparency with Intention

• Declare why you’re asking questions, especially in sensitive areas (e.g., attachment history, sexuality). (A, 13:36)
• Quote: “I’m not asking these questions because I’m trying to come into some judgment about you… the intention… is to help me understand the story that shaped who you are before me today.” (A, 13:51)
• Before enactments: “I want to see how this hits their nervous system. If it can help them see you better.” (A, 15:40)

c. Transparency with Empathic Experience

• Healthy transparency is not about over-disclosing, but about showing you see and care about the client's lived experience. (A, 17:58)
• Analogy: Therapist holding out open hands, showing “here’s my offer” versus holding things close. (A, 18:01)
• Builds incremental trust, models self-attunement for clients. (B, 19:20)

3. The Functions and Benefits of Transparency

a. Soothing the Client’s Nervous System

• Conveys “I got you”—Builds alliance and trust. (A, 20:57)
• Quote: “Your good intentions don’t convey in the negative cycle… With our transparency we say, I do see the danger, but I also see the hope.” (A, 21:53)

b. Incremental and Gentle Exposure

• Recognizes that light (insight, change) can be “too bright… both desired and feared.” (B, 23:51)
• Honors both the need for safety and the invitation to growth. (A & B, 24:21–25:13)

c. Modeling for Clients

• Shows clients how to express vulnerability: “I’m lost here. Can we go back?” (A, 25:49)
• Defeats therapist shame, provides relief, normalizes not knowing and collaborative problem-solving. (A, 25:49; 27:32)
• Quote: “Even you as a clinician, asking for what you want is an act of security.” (A, 28:49)

d. Therapist Self-Care and Sustainability

• Transparency keeps therapists’ “heart and mind clean” during sessions, staves off compassion fatigue, and increases authenticity. (A, 31:10)
• “There’s nothing I was hiding… I wasn’t, like, hiding… it feels better to say, ‘I’m stuck’ or ‘I’m longing.’” (A, 31:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Predictive Safety (Transparency as a Trust Signal):

  “Transparency gives your clients a form of predictive safety. When we can be transparent with the process… our attunement to their nervous system.” – James (A), 07:09

• On Directness and Support:

  “I can be directive because I’m also so supportive… Can you hear that ratio?” – James (A), 19:01

• Modeling Vulnerability:

  “Hey, I’m lost here. Can we go back?” – James (A), 25:49
  “Even as a clinician, asking for what you want is an act of security.” – Quoting Ryan (A), 28:49

• On Pain and Hope:

  “I see the danger… but I also see the hope… I see how your body is feeling this tense moment. And what I’m saying is it’s not lost on me. And by the way, I’m whispering to their amygdala right there.” – James (A), 21:53

• Compassion for the Process:

  “My heart and my mind… is clean throughout my sessions because… I wasn’t hiding.” – James (A), 31:10
  “They weren’t just doing something to me. They actually got into and helped fight the cycle with me.” – James (A), 31:22

Important Timestamps

• 01:29 – Metaphor: Transparency as light in a dark room.
• 04:00 – Nicola defines transparency; its meaning in therapy.
• 07:09–08:43 – The necessity and function of being explicit/process transparency.
• 10:42–12:15 – Case example of transparent intervention with couples.
• 13:36–15:40 – The importance of clarifying therapist intentions.
• 17:58–19:20 – Transparency with “using yourself”; fosters trust and models curiosity.
• 20:57–23:17 – On trust-building and co-regulation; whispering to the amygdala.
• 23:51–25:13 – The double-edged sword: the challenge and necessity of gentle transparency.
• 25:48–28:49 – Therapist transparency helps defeat shame, provides body-based relief, and models vulnerability.
• 28:49–30:33 – How to ask for what you need as a therapist; borrowed security.
• 31:10–31:22 – Transparency helps therapists remain authentic and connected.

Episode Flow & Tone

• The tone is heartfelt, conversational, supportive, and honest. James and Nicola use personal stories, real session examples, and frequent shout-outs to mentors (notably Lisa Palmer Olson and Sue Johnson).
• Genuine vulnerability (admitting mistakes or uncertainty) is framed as powerful modeling and self-care.
• Multiple metaphors (light in darkness, open hands, windows being wiped clean) bring clarity and warmth to the subject.

For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

This episode is a masterclass in both why and how to be transparent as an EFT therapist. The hosts move fluidly between theory, lived experience, and practical steps, highlighting both the challenges and enormous relational safety created when a therapist consistently shares the map, the goal, and their own authentic reactions.

Clients, when frightened or activated, may not perceive the therapist’s good intention unless it’s spoken explicitly—over and over, in clear, supportive terms. Likewise, therapists benefit from stepping out of hiding and naming not only their observations but also their own moments of not knowing. The message is: being open is a courageous, healing act for both therapist and client.

Recommended for therapists—seasoned or novice—wanting to deepen their use of transparency to foster trust, safety, hope, and resilience for their clients and themselves.