Summary of "The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy" - Episode 23: "When Things Are”Good” Pt2"
Release Date: December 11, 2021
Hosts: Dr. James Hawkins and Dr. Ryan Reyna
In Episode 23 of "The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy" (EFT), Dr. James Hawkins and Dr. Ryan Reyna delve into the nuanced dynamics of navigating authentic positivity within therapeutic sessions. Building upon previous discussions about managing downturns in therapy, this episode explores how therapists can effectively engage with clients when progress leads to de-escalation and positive shifts in their relationships.
Bridging from Previous Episodes
Dr. James Hawkins opens the conversation by reflecting on the transition from handling negative cycles in therapy to addressing moments when sessions are on an upward trajectory. He references the prior episode’s focus on "positivity from that avoidant aspect," highlighting the importance of recognizing even protective positivity that may stem from avoidant behaviors.
"We need to be able to do that, but recognize that it might not be able to really stick." [00:01]
Understanding Authentic Positivity
Dr. Hawkins introduces the concept of "authentic positivity," distinguishing it from avoidant positivity. Authentic positivity arises from genuine change and growth within the therapeutic process, contrasting with superficial or protective positivity that might mask underlying issues.
Dr. Reyna emphasizes the potential disorientation therapists may feel when encountering a lack of apparent problems in sessions. He cautions against assuming that clients who navigate through challenges effortlessly may not require therapy, urging therapists to probe deeper.
"If you can achieve everything you're asking them to do, you have to ask yourself, what's going on?" [02:25]
Theoretical Foundations: Attachment Theory
Dr. Reyna revisits the foundational principles of attachment theory, as developed by John Bowlby, to provide a theoretical backdrop for understanding client behaviors. He explains the interplay between the attachment system—responsible for proximity seeking in the face of danger—and the exploratory system, which flourishes in safe relational contexts.
"When the attachment system is met, the exploratory system of motivation naturally kicks on." [04:14]
Challenges in Transitioning to Positivity
Both hosts discuss the difficulties therapists face when shifting focus from managing negative interactions to fostering positive connections. Dr. Hawkins shares personal experiences where positive breakthroughs occurred prematurely, leaving him unprepared to handle the ensuing vulnerability.
"I wasn't ready to work with the authentic positivity or vulnerability that was now online." [06:41]
Dr. Reyna echoes these sentiments, sharing a case where a long-term distressed couple showed significant improvement. He admits that relaxing too much in such moments can lead to missed opportunities for consolidating positive changes.
"What I should have done is go, hey, you got space right now, and you got a lot less protection." [08:45]
Practical Strategies for Therapists
The hosts offer concrete strategies to help therapists effectively engage with authentic positivity:
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Enact the Positivity: Encourage clients to express and share their positive feelings and experiences within the session. This active participation fosters deeper connections.
"One way is you can enact the positivity. This is so beautiful." [01:16]
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Assess Confidence Levels: Summarize the positive developments and inquire about clients' confidence in maintaining these changes.
"Ask them an assessment question: How confident do you feel you can stay here?" [01:16]
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Slow Down and Explore: When positive emotions surface, therapists should slow the pace, allowing ample time to explore these emotions deeply.
"Learn to slow the pace down. So when Ryan notices it, he says, okay, let's understand your humor and be intentional and mark the spot." [29:16]
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Reintegrate Disowned Parts of Self: Help clients recognize and reintegrate aspects of themselves they may have suppressed due to long-term distress.
"We need to notice them, to honor them, and then to reintegrate them." [25:52]
Case Illustrations
Dr. Reyna shares a poignant case of a client who overcame significant withdrawal behaviors to embrace her sense of humor, a trait previously suppressed due to an abusive upbringing. This breakthrough not only enhanced her relationship with her partner but also positively impacted her parenting.
"She told a joke in a very public place. It was a big deal. Let's get to know your sense of humor." [25:52]
Dr. Hawkins supplements this with his own experience, illustrating the delicate balance required when clients make positive strides. He underscores the importance of staying engaged and seizing opportunities to deepen the newfound positivity.
"When something new happens in her life, she chooses just like... to explore your humor." [25:52]
Integrating Positivity into Therapy
The hosts discuss the necessity of integrating positivity into the therapeutic framework to build resilient relationships. They compare this process to exercising athletic skills, where consistent practice strengthens relational bonds and prepares clients to handle future challenges effectively.
"For most relationships, life is going to hurt them at some point. So if in a safe environment, we've been able to practice... that bridge will be there when life hurts them at that level." [16:54]
Concluding Insights
Dr. Reyna and Dr. Hawkins conclude by reiterating the critical role of utilizing positive developments in therapy to foster secure connections. They emphasize that authentic positivity is not merely an endpoint but a foundation for ongoing relational growth and resilience.
"We're trying to move away from summaries into a bit more of a risky ask." [20:04]
They encourage therapists to continue pushing the boundaries of their practice, ensuring that positive changes are deeply integrated and sustainable.
"Use this new positivity, this new space. Let's take it back down into those places where those muscles haven't been strengthened very often." [18:29]
Final Thoughts
The episode underscores the delicate balance therapists must maintain between managing negative cycles and fostering positive growth within client relationships. By embracing authentic positivity and employing strategic techniques, therapists can help clients build stronger, more resilient bonds capable of weathering future challenges.
Key Quotes with Timestamps:
- "If you can achieve everything you're asking them to do, you have to ask yourself, what's going on?" — Dr. Ryan Reyna [02:25]
- "When the attachment system is met, the exploratory system of motivation naturally kicks on." — Dr. Ryan Reyna [04:14]
- "I wasn't ready to work with the authentic positivity or vulnerability that was now online." — Dr. James Hawkins [06:41]
- "She told a joke in a very public place. It was a big deal." — Dr. Ryan Reyna [25:52]
- "For most relationships, life is going to hurt them at some point." — Dr. Ryan Reyna [16:54]
This episode serves as a valuable resource for EFT practitioners seeking to navigate the complexities of client progress, offering both theoretical insights and practical strategies to harness authentic positivity within therapeutic settings.