Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: The Little Shaman – Episode 283: "Narcissists Are The Walking Dead"

Host: The Little Shaman
Date: August 9, 2025

Overview

In this episode, The Little Shaman explores the metaphor of narcissists as “the walking dead.” Drawing on her experiences helping people heal from toxic relationships, she discusses how narcissistic individuals are alive in a physical sense but stuck—unable or unwilling to grow emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The theme focuses on the dangers and profound sadness of this stagnation, emphasizing why it is crucial for listeners to recognize these dynamics and choose growth for themselves.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Does it Mean to be “Alive” Beyond Biology?

Timestamp: 01:20–03:48

The episode opens by questioning what it means to be alive in a human sense—not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
The Little Shaman recalls the definition from “Sesame Street”: living things breathe, eat, and grow.
Growth is pinpointed as “a big answer” to what makes us alive.

Quote:

“We also need to be able to engage in mental, emotional and spiritual evolution…to be able to adapt. Expansion of perspective, the ability to change. If we can't do those things, then there's really only so much we can learn, and really only so far we can go with anything.”
— The Little Shaman (02:28)

2. Narcissists and Psychological Rigidity

Timestamp: 03:50–07:25

Narcissists may make claims of growth and change, but often these are superficial—a new label on the same behaviors.
- Example: Justifying avoidance of important discussions as “boundaries” or selfishness as “self-care.”
True growth involves genuine change, not just rebranding old behaviors.

Quote:

“Finding a new way to justify engaging in old behavior is not evolving. It's not growth at all.”
— The Little Shaman (05:44)

3. Inability to Process and Integrate New Information

Timestamp: 07:26–09:25

Narcissists struggle to accept or integrate information that challenges their worldview, leading to repeated arguments and the perpetual recycling of the same stories.
The host uses the metaphor of arrested maturity:
- Like a baby, narcissists cannot process contradictory information (“splitting” or black-and-white thinking).
- Unlike babies, narcissistic adults never develop this capability.

Quote:

“They very often will continue to say the same wrong thing even after they've been corrected and/or proven wrong repeatedly...it was not integrated or processed in any way. It's just words that were being said.”
— The Little Shaman (08:08)

4. Psychological Stagnation and the Tragic Cycle

Timestamp: 09:30–11:35

Narcissists become stuck—mentally and emotionally—cycling through old resentments, failures, or past events.
Their inability and refusal to move forward causes harm not only to themselves but to those around them.
- This is part pathological incapacity, part stubborn choice.

Quote:

“They stay stuck running around in circles in their minds and dragging the same things up...boring everybody with the same stories over and over and over again.”
— The Little Shaman (10:02)

5. Stubbornness vs. Fear – The Drivers of Stagnation

Timestamp: 11:36–13:30

Stubbornness is identified as a refusal—“They can't be wrong, they won't be wrong”—but is ultimately rooted in fear.
Narcissists may see considering another perspective as “gaslighting themselves” or letting themselves fall for a trick.

Quote:

“They're fossilized, set in stone, aging, but never changing. It's really very sad in many ways—someone is so afraid and fragile that even entertaining a different perspective is too threatening for them to be able to try.”
— The Little Shaman (13:08)

6. The Limits of Change and the Need to Move On

Timestamp: 13:31–15:20

The host emphasizes that listeners cannot “heal” a narcissist; real change must come from within, and it’s rare.
Clinging to hope or trying to drag along someone stuck in the past only hinders your own growth.
The metaphor of leaving the “corpse” behind:
- “Only the dead live in the past, clinging to the lives and wounds and patterns that killed them. You can’t drag a corpse through life.”

Quote:

“Because you're alive. You are growing and evolving and changing every day. They're not. And that's just how it is.”
— The Little Shaman (15:13)

Memorable Moments & Quotes

On Narcissists' Pseudo-Growth:
“This is a new coat of paint on a very old car.”
On Psychological Rigidity:
“If you've ever tried to prove something to a narcissist, you already know this isn't just a gimmick or like a put on. They really do have serious difficulty with integrating new information.” (07:40)
On Why You Can't Change Them:
“You cannot have a relationship with someone who won't meet you in the middle, who just stands in the same place forever, refusing to make any effort or move forward at all.” (14:32)
Summary Metaphor:
“You can't drag a corpse through life. It only slows you down or stops you from going forward. It does nothing for the corpse, because the corpse is beyond help.” (14:51)

Conclusion

The episode delivers a powerful, compassionate, and ultimately sobering message: real growth requires openness, flexibility, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths—qualities that, tragically, are profoundly lacking in pathological narcissists. Listeners are encouraged to focus on their own journey of growth and to let go of relationships that are stuck in the past.

Additional Information

The Little Shaman offers coaching, workshops, and support groups to aid those recovering from narcissistic abuse.
Listeners are invited to connect via her website littleshaman.org for further resources and support.

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Transcript2 lines

[00:00]
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[00:58]
B
Hey everybody, it's Shaman Sister Sin and you're listening to the Meditations and More podcast here on the little shaman.com just type that address in. It'll take you directly to the YouTube channel. Today's episode is brought to you by trans relational healing, shamanspiritcenter.com and littleshaman.org that's me, the little shaman. Today, I wanted to talk to you about something that many people have come to see about dealing with narcissists, and that is that they're like the walking dead. What do we mean by that? When you say walking dead, most people think of zombies lurching around trying to eat people's brains, or rising out of the grave to terrorize the neighborhood. There's certainly a metaphor you could pull out of that. More than one, really. But what we're talking about here is a little less ghoulish, though perhaps no less scary. For all of that, we are talking about what it means to be alive, to be living in a human sense. What makes us alive? If you watched Sesame street when you were a little kid, you remember that whether something was alive or not was determined by three factors. Does it breathe? Does it eat? Does it grow? Certainly in a biological sense, narcissists are alive. But what about beyond that? What makes us alive as human beings? We could argue that growth is a big answer to that. We're no different from other living things in this way. For example, if you planted a tree 20 years ago, then you went back to check on it and it had not changed one bit, you wouldn't be like, oh, that's fantastic. You'd be like, this tree did not grow at all. What the heck is the problem? You would automatically realize something was wrong because it didn't grow at all. This doesn't just apply to physical growth either for human beings. We also need to be able to engage in mental, emotional and spiritual evolution to be able to adapt. Expansion of perspective, the ability to change. If we can't do those things, then there's really only so much we can learn, and really only so far we can go with anything. If you cannot learn from your mistakes, if you can't expand your perspectives, if you can't do different things when you need to, if you can't learn from your failures, then you're going to continue to do what you've always done, even if it doesn't work anymore, even if it never really worked. As many a motivational poster has warned us, if you continue to do what you've always done, you will continue to get what you've always got. Questionable grammar notwithstanding, that is very good advice. This is what you see so often with pathologically narcissistic people. They tend to have serious, even extreme, difficulty with psychological flexibility and adapting. Many narcissists claim that they're evolving, but what you will find is just a new version of the same old scene. They find new excuses or justifications for the same things that they've been doing, thinking, or believing, and they call that growth. For example, someone who refuses to engage in necessary discussions or address real issues might try to justify that by calling it boundaries now. Or someone who's always been selfish and inconsiderate may continue to engage in that behavior, but try to justify it by calling it self care. Now, this is a new coat of paint on a very old car. Finding a new way to justify engaging in old behavior is not evolving. It's not growth at all. Narcissists are not the only people who do those kinds of things, of course, but the mechanism behind this behavior for them is rigid pathology and a pretty profound lack of self awareness, among other serious issues. They may in fact believe they're legitimately doing something different. It's very difficult for narcissists to change their beliefs, perspectives, mindsets and viewpoints. They generally have immense difficulty adapting to changing circumstances or when things don't go the way that they thought things would go. The amount of psychological Rigidity here is extremely problematic. If you've ever tried to prove something to a narcissist, you already know that this isn't just a gimmick or like a put on. They really do have serious difficulty with integrating new information. So much so that they very often will continue to say the same wrong thing even after the they've been corrected and or proven wrong repeatedly. Many times it's as if they don't even remember having been proven wrong. And it's very possible that they don't because the information that contradicted what they think or what they believe was just ignored. Even if they acknowledged it at the time, it was not integrated or processed in any way. It's just words that were being said pathologically. Narcissistic personalities can have such immature and primitive processing abilities that they legitimately cannot process, process or integrate contradictory information. Like a baby. This is, for example, the reason that they engage in splitting in black and white thinking. Narcissists are unable to process contradictory information about the same object. However, whereas a baby generally matures into this type of capability, adult narcissists do not. They've already missed the boat on that, as it were. This makes the growth piece of being a living human being very difficult for them. What we see so often is that they become stuck either in the past or on negative things, or on things that never happened, or on opportunities they didn't capitalize, or something that they failed at, or on feelings, or on a state of being, or whatever else, and then they can't move on. There is no way for them to expand their perspective, let things go, or process things so that they can move forward with a better or different understanding. They just don't have that capability. They stay stuck running around in circles in their minds and dragging the same things up, or arguing about the same things, or talking about the same feelings, or boring everybody with the same stories over and over and over again. Part of this is a choice, because though they legitimately do have extreme difficulty integrating new information, they are very often reinforcing that problem by refusing to even try. This is largely due to stubbornness on top and fear underneath. The stubborn refusal to listen to anyone else or entertain any other perspective is exactly that. It's a refusal. They can't be wrong, they won't be wrong. They're not going to be wrong. That's it. They have to be the winner. They have to be right. And to them that's winning the fact that it causes them to stagnate and never be Able to evolve is not considered. They held their position. That means they won. That's it. The reality is this is extremely harmful for them. In many ways. They're just too focused on other things to be able to see that. They're so focused on hanging on to this that they can't see that everyone else is moving on without them. Everyone else is leaving them behind. Everyone else is maturing and outgrowing them. It can be decades before they figure it out, if they ever do. And many times they're still too stubborn to acknowledge it or to try something different. However, the undercurrent driving all of this stubbornness and this refusal is fear. The simple fact is, many narcissists view looking at things from a different perspective as, quote, gaslighting themselves. Or they refuse out of the fear that this is somehow going to make them vulnerable to whatever dastardly trick that you're trying to play on them. They're fossilized, set in stone, aging, but never changing. It's really very sad in many ways that someone is so afraid and fragile that even entertaining a different perspective is too threatening for them to be able to try. But you can't change this for them. They have to be willing to do it themselves, and they're not. That's essentially what the word pathological means in practical terms in this context, a refusal to adapt or change, even when it's necessary, even when it's required. It is what it is. This is completely unworkable. And in the end, it doesn't really matter why. You cannot have a relationship with someone who won't meet you in the middle, who just stands in the same place forever, refusing to make any effort or move forward at all. In saying that the efforts that you are making are not good enough for them because you can't walk the rest of the way. The infantile entitlement that you see here is also fear driven. The attitude is, I shouldn't have to, but the unspoken conclusion of that sentence is, because I can't. Some narcissists will even say that, unfortunately, this is where you have to leave them in the past, where they're stuck. Only the dead live in the past, clinging to the lives and wounds and patterns that killed them. You can't drag a corpse through life. It only slows you down or stops you from going forward. It does nothing for the corpse, because the corpse is beyond help. You have to leave it where it is and move on. Because you're alive. You are growing and evolving and changing every day. They're not. And that's just how it is. I hope this clears a few things up for you. As always, I look forward to your comments, questions and suggestions, so please keep those coming. I take appointments online, over the phone, via text, via messenger, via email, and through Skype and Zoom for clients worldwide. So if you're interested in speaking with me one on one, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that. I have several books in publication, so if you are interested in picking up a copy of any or all of those, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that or find them on Amazon.com I teach workshops, seminars and clinics, so if you're interested in seeing what we are running this month, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that. And if you're interested in joining our support group with access to exclusive content, weekly support meetings and more, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that as well. You've been listening to the Meditations and more podcasts here on the little shaman.com brought to you by Trans Relational Healing, shamanspiritcenter.com and little shaman.org that's me, little Shaman. May the Great Spirit bless you. Have a beautiful day.