Episode 284: Narcissists: Assault On Reality

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: Narcissists: Assault On Reality
Podcast: The Little Shaman: On Narcissists & Toxic Personalities
Host: The Little Shaman (Shaman Sister Sin)
Date: August 18, 2025

In this insightful episode, The Little Shaman explores how relationships with narcissists can fundamentally undermine a person’s grip on reality. Drawing on concepts like reality testing, gaslighting, and the psychology of feedback, she explains how narcissistic abuse constitutes an “assault on reality” and offers guidance for protecting one’s own perception and sanity when dealing with toxic personalities.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Importance of Reality Testing

[01:00 - 04:00]

• The episode begins with an explanation of reality testing: our brain’s reliance on feedback from our environment and community to stay connected to objective reality.
• “If a person believes something that's not true… feedback from our environment and the people around us helps us to analyze our thoughts, beliefs and reactions to make sure that they line up with objective experience.” — Little Shaman ([01:15])

When Reality Testing Fails

[02:10 - 06:00]

• She describes what happens when reality testing is impaired (e.g., in cases of hallucinations or AI psychosis).
• AI, by constantly agreeing, can reinforce delusional thinking because it mirrors everything the user says, with no critical feedback or checks.
• "In an interaction with something or someone that agrees with and validates every single thing that is said. There is no system of checks and balances here… even casual beliefs can blow up into delusions." ([03:25])

The Dangers of Unconditional Validation and Invalidation

[05:15 - 09:15]

• Little Shaman highlights the dangers on both ends:
  • Unconditional validation (as seen in some AI interactions or with ‘yes men’) can reinforce false beliefs and delusions.
  • Unconditional invalidation (as commonly experienced with narcissists) is equally damaging, causing people to doubt their perceptions.
• "Instead of constant unconditional validation, [with narcissists] it's constant unconditional invalidation… You're being told that you're always wrong and you're always bad. Either one of these things is very damaging…" ([07:05])

Narcissists as Unreliable Narrators of Reality

[09:15 - 13:45]

• The host discusses how narcissists resist and ignore corrective feedback because facing reality is uncomfortable for them.
• Gaslighting by narcissists introduces unreliable environmental feedback, distorting the victim’s perception and leading to self-doubt.
• "Gaslighting introduces incorrect or unreliable environmental messaging and feedback... Our brains are wired to consider feedback from other people... When this feedback is consistently incorrect or unreliable, it results in doubting your own perception of reality." ([09:45])
• Repeated exposure to narcissistic gaslighting can make people question even their most basic perceptions.

Why Arguing with Narcissists Doesn’t Help

[13:50 - 17:00]

• Many victims want to push back against the narcissist’s distortion of reality, but the host emphasizes it’s futile:
• "There's absolutely no point in doing that. This person genuinely does not see things the way that you do and they're not going to." ([14:15])
• Engaging or arguing only serves to validate the narcissist’s distorted worldview, giving them reinforcement and “narcissistic supply.”

Protecting Yourself: Strategies and Mindset

[17:05 - 19:45]

• The key to protection is to recognize the narcissist as an “unreliable narrator”—don’t give their feedback any weight or importance.
• "It doesn't matter who this person is to you... If what they're saying is crazy or it's a lie or it's delusional, you don't have to consider it." ([18:05])
• Don’t entertain or argue with delusional or illogical feedback, regardless of your relationship with the person.

The Danger of Validating Delusions

[19:50 - 21:30]

• Engaging—even to disagree—can unintentionally validate the narcissist’s delusions.
• "When you entertain illogical, delusional, just nonsense from pathologically narcissistic people, you are providing them with environmental feedback that validates it." ([20:05])

How to Restore and Maintain Your Reality

[21:35 - END]

• Seek out support from people you trust, and use support groups for reality testing and validation.
• "Speak with people you trust to validate your experiences and to get real feedback on what's going on. This is extremely important. We do it in our support group all the time." ([21:50])
• The episode closes with a strong reminder: Don’t use narcissists or toxic people for reality testing; rely only on those who are honest and truly present in reality.

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Memorable Quotes

• “Everyone's opinion is not valid. They're just not. That might not be a popular thing to say, but it’s the truth.” — Little Shaman ([18:11])
• “Your reaction gives them validation. It gives them narcissistic supply. And it works to reinforce their wrong perceptions and beliefs, which deepens their attachment to these things.” ([20:25])
• “Reality testing is so important for the human psyche, and it's even more important for people who have experienced prolonged gaslighting and immersion in a reality that does not match their actuality.” ([22:15])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:00] — Introduction to reality testing and environmental feedback
• [03:25] — Explanation of AI psychosis and the risks of feedback loops
• [07:05] — The contrast between unconditional validation and invalidation
• [09:45] — Gaslighting and impact on self-perception
• [14:15] — Why arguing with narcissists is useless
• [18:05] — Dismissing feedback from unreliable narrators
• [21:50] — The importance of seeking validation from trusted sources and support groups

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Summary Takeaway

This episode offers a clear, compassionate framework for understanding how narcissists disrupt a person’s ability to perceive reality accurately. The Little Shaman emphasizes that neither arguing with nor validating narcissistic distortions is helpful. Instead, she advocates for disengaging from unreliable narrators, seeking reality checks from trustworthy people, and maintaining healthy boundaries—empowering listeners to reclaim and protect their reality.

Transcript

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Hey everybody, it's Shaman Sister Sin and you're listening to the Meditations and More podcast here on the Little shaman dot com. Just type that in. It'll take you directly to the YouTube channel. Today's episode is brought to you by trans relational healing, shamanspiritcenter.com and littleshaman.org that's me, the little shaman. Today, I wanted to talk to you about something that virtually everybody dealing with narcissists encounters, and that is that these relationships constitute an assault on reality. Our reality is very important to us. The human brain relies on feedback from our environment and our communities to regulate itself and to stay grounded in that reality. This is what reality testing is. For example, if a person believes something that's not true, and this happens all the time, feedback from our environment and the people around us helps us to analyze our thoughts, beliefs and reactions to to make sure that they line up with objective experience. When this reality testing fails or becomes impaired somehow, people can develop delusions and even psychosis. People who suffer from hallucinations, for example, have difficulty integrating feedback from their environment because what they are experiencing differs from what other people can see or can hear. They are legitimately seeing and hearing things that other people are not seeing and hearing. So when people give them this feedback, it doesn't resonate with their experience. You can't tell a person that they're not hearing something that they are in fact hearing. This is not going to resonate with them at all. And because of that, reality testing will fail in that situation. Reality testing can fail in other ways too. The advent of what is being termed AI psychosis is an example of failed reality testing leading to delusions or a loss of touch with reality. When people interact with AI, it mimics human interactions in many ways, but it cannot engage in the feedback and reflection that is required for accurate and successful reality testing. It is designed to engage with the user and validate them, but all it reflects back is what the user already thinks and believes. It's essentially mirroring everything the person says. This is dangerous because again, if someone believes something that's not true, feedback from others helps to keep that in check. In an interaction with something or someone that agrees with and validates every single thing that is said. There is no system of checks and balances here. Instead of forcing self reflection and critical thinking, what results is a reinforcement or even a deepening and enrichment of things that are already thought or believed. This can be how delusions are created and or confirmed. Confirmation of delusion is extremely dangerous. And with no critical feedback at all, even casual beliefs can blow up into delusions, especially when these things are being unconditionally validated. This is very likely why so called AI psychosis is being seen even in people who have no history of mental health problems. That piece of it is very significant and it should not be ignored. That is how important this environmental messaging is to the healthy human experience. Even someone with no mental health history whatsoever can be seriously impacted when reality testing fails or becomes impaired. You can also see this phenomenon in situations where adults were spoiled children or where someone is surrounded by what they call yes men. There's no critical feedback. There's no challenge to anything. This person is receiving the message from their environment and their community that everything they're saying and doing and thinking is accurate and true and right and good and great. After too long in this kind of environment, people end up very out of touch with things up to and including reality. Pathologically, narcissistic personalities have impaired reality testing as well. Their perception of events is very often not the same as everybody around them. And they do receive feedback from their environment that would correct this perception, but it's resisted and ignored because the reality is uncomfortable for them somehow and because they really do feel that they are perceiving things correctly, they have to feel that way for survival. Because of that, when narcissists are in your environment, the feedback that you're receiving from them is unreliable. This is exactly how and why gaslighting impacts people so strongly and so deeply. It's why it's so damaging. Gaslighting introduces incorrect or unreliable environmental messaging and feedback into the equation, causing People to doubt their own perceptions because what's being reflected back to them by other people does not match what they feel or what they're experiencing. Our brains are wired to consider feedback from other people and to use it to decide if we need to adjust our perceptions accordingly. When this feedback is consistently incorrect or unreliable, it results in doubting your own perception of reality. As an example of how dangerous this really can be. In many of the situations that involve AI psychosis, there is evidence of the user trying to engage in reality testing with the AI, with the bot that they're talking to regarding what are developing delusions or how they are starting to think of things, only for the bot to respond that there's nothing wrong with how they're thinking at all, and to further validate these delusional thinking patterns or ideas. This is exactly what happens with narcissists only it's the opposite. Instead of constant unconditional validation, it's constant unconditional invalidation. Instead of being told that you're always right and you're always good, you're being told that you're always wrong and you're always bad. Either one of these things is very damaging to someone's perception and psychological well being. Due to how important environmental messaging really is to the human psyche. For many people, this assault on reality is their biggest sort of weakness when it comes to no contact and not reacting and things like that. When dealing with narcissists, for example, it can be very difficult to not respond when you hear reality just taking such a beating. It's not even about defending themselves or their viewpoint in these situations. It's hearing reality be so thoroughly just ignored and disregarded and twisted. This is difficult for many, many people to tolerate, and that's completely understandable. These folks are pushing back not just against the illogical and the delusional, but at the attempt to try to disrupt their ability to engage in reality testing, which is what this is. Problem is, there's absolutely no point in doing that. This person genuinely does not see things the way that you do and they're not going to. The way to counter the effect this is having on you if you cannot completely disengage from this person is by categorizing this person as an unreliable narrator of reality and not imparting any importance on their feedback. They're not going to change their perceptions to suit you, to suit reality, or to suit anything else. It is what it is. The way you protect yourself is by knowing that, reminding yourself of that, and not giving their feedback Any consideration. Everyone's opinion is not valid. They're just not. That might not be a popular thing to say, but it's the truth. You are under no obligation to entertain anything that's nonsensical, illogical or delusional. And somehow the opinions from narcissists always seem to end up at one of those somehow. It doesn't matter who this person is to you or how you feel about them, or what position they're supposed to hold in your life. If what they're saying is crazy or it's illogical, or it's a lie or it's delusional, you don't have to consider it. It's better for you and them if you don't remember. Confirming delusions is dangerous and it's wrong. When you entertain illogical, delusional, just nonsense from pathologically narcissistic people, you are providing them with environmental feedback that validates it. Even if you're arguing with what they're saying or if you're resisting their perceptions, the fact that you're engaging with it at all gives these things validation in their mind. That's why they keep bringing it up over and over and over and over. Your reaction gives them validation. It gives them narcissistic supply. And it works to reinforce their wrong perceptions and beliefs, which deepens their attachment to these things. You can do your part in that interaction by not doing that. If you're dealing with an assault on your reality, remember that the person you're dealing with has proven themselves to be an unreliable narrator. Speak with people you trust to validate your experiences and to get real feedback on what's going on. This is extremely important. We do it in our support group all the time. Reality testing is so important for the human psyche, and it's even more important for people who have experienced prolonged gaslighting and immersion in a reality that does not match their actuality. Don't rely on narcissists for reality testing, and don't take into consideration the opinions or feedback of people who are not in reality or people who have demonstrated that they are not interested in being honest or fair. That is how you protect yourself. I hope this clears a few things up for you. As always, I look forward to your comments, questions and suggestions, so please keep those coming. I took appointments online, over the phone, via text, via messenger, via email, and through Skype and Zoom for clients worldwide. So if you are interested in speaking with me about this or anything else, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that. I have several books in publication. So if you are interested in picking up a copy of any or all of those, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that or find them on Amazon. I teach workshops, seminars and clinics, so if you're interested in seeing what we are running throughout the month, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that. And if you're interested in joining our support group with weekly support meetings, access to exclusive content and more, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that. You have been listening to the Meditations and more podcasts here on the little shaman.com brought to you by Trans Relational Healing, shamanspiritcenter.com and littleshaman.org that's me, little Shaman. May the Great Spirit bless you. Have a beautiful day.