Summary5 min read

Podcast Summary: The Little Shaman: On Narcissists & Toxic Personalities

Episode 287: Narcissists Are Thieves

Host: The Little Shaman (Shaman Sister Sin)
Date: December 9, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Shaman Sister Sin explores a vital and often overlooked aspect of narcissistic behavior: theft. Not theft in the traditional sense, but the emotional, psychological, and spiritual thefts narcissists perpetrate against those around them. The host unpacks how narcissists steal intangibles—love, trust, time, energy, and even one’s sense of self—often through manipulation and deception. The episode aims to validate listeners' feelings of loss after encountering narcissists and to dispel misplaced blame or shame.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Narcissists as Thieves of the Intangible

Definition Expansion: The host begins by redefining theft to include intangibles—"anything... taken from someone without their knowledge or permission is stealing." (01:00)
Narcissists often operate by stealth, sometimes even hiding their actions from themselves.
Not only do they take tangible things, but also emotional investments, energy, love, and time.

2. The Mechanisms of Theft

False Impressions: Narcissists create situations or impressions that induce others to give things they would not have, had they known the true circumstances. (02:00)
Intentional vs. Unintentional: Some of this manipulation is conscious, but some is simply how narcissists function as a result of their personality disorder.

3. Narcissists as Mimics

Imitation, Not Authenticity: Narcissists imitate social behaviors and emotions to “get along in the world,” often without true understanding or intention to deceive—"they are performing skills and abilities that they don't actually have." (03:00)
Limitations of Imitation: The performance breaks down under scrutiny—"Imitation can only go so far... it's literally just a performance of something that's not true." (04:12)
Victims may sense something “off” but struggle to interpret it, as it doesn’t fit the general expectations of human behavior.

4. Victims’ Self-Blame and Aftermath

Hindsight and Self-Judgement: People are often angry at themselves for not seeing the theft, but the host urges compassion for their “former self” who lacked current understanding—"That's not a reasonable standard to hold your former self to, so don't do that." (06:24)
Profound Violation: The betrayal experienced is often dismissed by others who cannot comprehend its depth—"This level of theft and fraud is not experienced by everybody... I'm sorry, it's just not so." (07:32)
Such violations undermine one's trust, safety, and even their sense of reality.

5. The Incomprehensible Mindset of Narcissists

Futility of Seeking Understanding: The host emphasizes that trying to emotionally understand or rationalize narcissists’ behavior is futile—"The practical reality is that this person does not care. The why doesn't change the what." (08:05)
Quoting a Diagnosed Narcissist: "'Stealing is wrong because you will go to jail.' That was the answer. Not because it's wrong to take things that don't belong to you..." (08:55)
There’s a fundamental lack of empathy; narcissists act simply because they want something, without regard for others' rights.

6. Accountability and Consequence

No Excuses: While narcissists often act out of a sense of lack, the host is firm that this doesn't excuse their behavior—"There's no excuse for behavior that harms or exploits other people in this way. None. Find a better way." (09:34)
Long-term Outcomes: With age, narcissists frequently find themselves isolated, having driven all supportive people away.

7. What Is Truly Stolen

Beyond Consent: Narcissists erode victims’ confidence, self-worth, and perception of reality—"your confidence, your feelings of self-worth, your sense of reality, all of these eroded and stolen by a person who has none of their own." (10:08)
Validation of Listeners: The host reassures the audience that there’s “no shame in wanting to love another person or help them... there’s no shame at all, no wrongdoing here. The shame and the wrongdoing is all theirs. Let them carry it." (10:19)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Imitation:

"Imitation is not reality. It's not even fantasy. It's literally just a performance of something that's not true, that stands up to no scrutiny at all."
— Shaman Sister Sin (04:12)
On Hindsight:

"That's not a reasonable standard to hold your former self to, so don't do that. That person didn't know what you know now. Don't judge them for it."
— Shaman Sister Sin (06:24)
On Violation:

"This person has taken something sacred that was given so freely on the promise of nothing but honest reception of it. And they've made it meaningless, made it into a commodity..."
— Shaman Sister Sin (07:05)
On Lack of Empathy:

"The practical reality is that this person does not care. The why doesn't change the what. They can't care. They don't care. They won't care. That's it."
— Shaman Sister Sin (08:09)
On Narcissist Perspective:

"I was told by a diagnosed narcissist that stealing is wrong because, quote, 'you will go to jail.' That was the answer. Not because it violates the rights of other people, not because it breaks trust. Nope. It's wrong because you will face consequences."
— Shaman Sister Sin (08:55)
Affirmation for Listeners:

"There's no shame in wanting to love another person or help them... There’s no shame at all, no wrongdoing here. The shame and the wrongdoing is all theirs. Let them carry it."
— Shaman Sister Sin (10:19)

Important Timestamps

[01:00] – Defining narcissists as “thieves” of intangibles
[02:00] – Mechanisms of stealth and creation of false impressions
[03:00] – Narcissists as mimics and performers
[04:12] – Limits of imitation: insight and example
[06:24] – Addressing and reframing self-blame among victims
[07:05] – Depth of personal violation and betrayal
[08:05] – Emphasizing the futility of reasoning with narcissistic motives
[08:55] – Insights from a diagnosed narcissist about consequences
[09:34] – Personal accountability and rejection of excuses
[10:08] – List of what is truly stolen

Conclusion

The episode delivers a powerful message: narcissists commit a far deeper kind of theft than most realize, robbing victims of self-worth, security, and trust, often in ways that are subtle and difficult to pinpoint until much later. Shaman Sister Sin demystifies these dynamics, validates listeners’ experiences, and encourages them not to carry blame or shame for what has happened. Instead, she advocates for an understanding that the wrongdoing lies squarely with the narcissist.

For further resources, support, and healing, listeners are encouraged to visit littleshaman.org.

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Transcript2 lines

[00:01]
A
Hey, everybody, it's Shaman Sister Sin, and you are listening to the Meditations and More podcast brought to you by trans relational healingshamanspiritcenter.com and littleshaman.org you listen in right here on the little shaman.com type that in. Take you right to the YouTube channel today. I wanted to talk to you about something that is really important to understand when dealing with narcissists in any capacity, and that is that narcissists are thieves. Thieves. A thief is defined as a person who steals another person's property, especially by stealth and without using force or violence. Certainly many narcissists use force and violence when necessary and maybe even when it's not. But the connotation of stealth here is really appropriate. What narcissists take from other people, they try to do as stealthily and as secretly as possible, even hiding it from themselves if they can. While the definition of a thief generally refers to stealing something tangible from another person, like something that's real, that you could touch, the taking of anything from someone without their knowledge or permission is stealing. That includes someone's emotional investment. It includes their love. It includes their energy, their time. It includes anything they would not have given willingly if they understood what was really going on. This is what narcissists do. There is a false impression of the situation created that induces people to give in ways that they wouldn't if they knew the reality of the situation. Some of this is created intentionally by narcissists. Some of it's just a natural byproduct of the way that they function. And some of it is the result of how people's brains work during interactions with other human beings. There is actually a course on this channel where you can learn about how your brain reacts to narcissists. In other words, even if the pathologically narcissistic personality had no conscious manipulative motive, it wouldn't even matter, because this is just how it is. This is just how it turns out. Regardless, narcissists are mimics, and this isn't necessarily an intentional thing on their part. It can be leveraged into one. Like they can play on that, but it's also just how they operate. They imitate other people because this is how they get along in the world. When they're functioning at such a deficit compared to other people, even if they don't have an intent to deceive, this is still the end result. Because they're performing skills and abilities that they don't actually have. They may believe that they do have these things, but they don't. And in the end, this always shows through. Always. Imitation can only go so far. A butterfly may have a pattern that looks like the eyes of a big scary predator, but if you engage with the butterfly directly, you will find that it is only a butterfly after all. Imitating a surgeon might fool people with no medical knowledge or people who are not really paying attention, but it falls apart as soon as anybody tries to engage with it in any real way. Imitation is not reality. It's not even fantasy. It's literally just a performance of something that's not true, that stands up to no scrutiny at all. In this same vein, people dealing with narcissists very often feel that imitation, they can see it, they just don't know what it is, because how could they? Who thinks the person that they're dealing with is pretending? Basic things like understanding human emotions or empathy or who they are, especially when the person does say most of the right things at the right time. There are tells that people can see, but these don't make sense with the overall picture, not just of what this person has presented of themselves, but of other human beings in general. So these things are not understood for what they actually are. When people realize the extent of what's been taken from them, what's been stolen, they are often extremely angry at themselves for not seeing these things at the time or for not recognizing them for what they were. But this is unfair. You won't recognize something if it's disguised. And you're not going to see something that you're not aware you should be looking for in the first place. It's understandable to feel this way, but it's unwarranted. Hindsight is always 2020. That means when we have all the information later, it's easy to look back and be like, oh, yeah, duh, but we didn't have all the information at the time, otherwise we would have seen it at the time. You're looking back from a distance with a different perspective, informed, with much more information and understanding. That's not a reasonable standard to hold your former self to, so don't do that. That person didn't know what you know now. Don't judge them for it. It's not fair. When people realize the depth of what has been taken, they also often feel very violated. Someone has taken something very personal and meaningful from them, something they would not had they known. This is more than upsetting. It's a violation of trust, of basic safety, of the mind, of the body, of the spirit. This person has taken something sacred that was given so freely on the promise of nothing but honest reception of it. And they've made it meaningless, made it into a commodity, made it into a thing that could be stolen into currency that could be extorted into leverage. The level of betrayal and violation and dehumanization that people feel in this situation is difficult to understand. If someone has not experienced that themselves, this contributes to even well meaning people saying things like, oh well, it couldn't be that bad or this happens to everybody and you know you're going to get over it. It's true that everyone does experience betrayal, but this level of theft and fraud is not experienced by everybody. I'm sorry, it's just not so. People often feel dismissed or hurt by their support system because those people don't really understand. And to be honest, how could they? Often the person themselves doesn't really understand. How could any feeling human understand this kind of thing? That's something that's really important to see here. You're not going to be able to emotionally understand why this person has done the things that they've done or how they were able to do them. You have to let that go. It's never going to make sense. Stop looking for the loophole. This person did what they did because they don't care. That's the truth underneath of everything else and all the reason, therefores and why ofs. The practical reality is that this person does not care. The why doesn't change the what. They can't care. They don't care. They won't care. That's it. That is the culmination of all of the understanding and the reasons why they do these things. And understanding psychology, they don't care. There's not going to be some piece of information that somehow excuses this or gives some other understandable reason or makes it more acceptable to you. A person who legitimately cares about other people cannot understand how someone can do the things pathologically narcissistic personalities do. Let go of trying to make that part fit. It's not going to. Theft occurs because the thief does not respect the rights of other people. They see something they want and they take it. There's no understanding or consideration of the rights of other people here at all. I was told by a diagnosed narcissist that stealing is wrong because, quote, you will go to jail. That was the answer. Not because it's wrong to take things don't belong to you. Not because it violates the rights of other people, not because it breaks trust. Nope, it's wrong. Because you will face consequences. It's like what a kid would say. This behavior stems from lack, as all coveting does. But rather than find ways to procure the things honestly or through their own efforts, narcissists choose to exploit other people to get them because it's just easier. That's what they know how to do. And they refuse to learn any other way. Probably many of them can't. So do we hold it against them that this is their best shot at survival, maybe their only shot? Do we hold them accountable for using what is arguably their one actual skill? Hell yes. There's no excuse for behavior that harms or exploits other people in this way. None. Find a better way. And if you won't, then I guess you'll take your medicine when it's time, won't you? That's how this works. This is the really real world. And in the really real world, no one buys these bullshit excuses. The only people who are going to do that are the people who love the narcissist. And once they've chased all those people away, it's time to pay the piper. That is what you so often see with aging narcissists. It's just nobody left. There's nobody left willing to listen to them and buy into their stories and take care of them. Everybody's gone. All of this too, doesn't even begin to touch on what is taken from people without their consent and their knowledge. You give your time, your energy, your love, and your investment willingly through fraud and trickery, yes, but willingly? What about what you didn't even realize was being taken? Like your confidence, your feelings of self worth, your sense of reality. All of these eroded and stolen by a person who has none of their own and therefore can only exist in the shadows created by the reality and substance of other people. The theft perpetuated by narcissists is felt very deeply. But it's important to remember you did not do anything wrong. There's no shame in wanting to love another person or help them or try to be friends with them or connect with them. There's no shame at all, no wrongdoing here. The shame and the wrongdoing is all theirs. Let them carry it.
[10:29]
I hope this clears a few things up for you. As always, I look forward to your comments, questions and suggestions. So please keep those coming. I take appointments online, over the phone, via text, via messenger, via email, and through Skype for clients worldwide. So if you're interested in Speaking with me, one on one. You can visit littleshaman.org to do that. I have several books in publication, so if you are interested in picking up a copy of any or all of them. Those you can visit littleshaman.org to do that, or find them on Amazon.com I teach classes, seminars, clinics, and workshops, so if you are interested in seeing what we are running, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that. There are also several free courses available on this channel if you're interested in any of those. And if you're interested in joining our support group with access to exclusive content, weekly support meetings, and more, you can visit littleshaman.org to do that as well. You have been listening to the Meditations and more podcasts brought to you by trans relational healing, shamanspiritcenter.com and littleshaman.org right here on the little shaman.com that's me, little Shaman. May the Great Spirit bless you. Have a beautiful day.