Podcast Summary: The Little Shaman: On Narcissists & Toxic Personalities

Episode 287: Narcissists Are Thieves

Host: The Little Shaman (Shaman Sister Sin)
Date: December 9, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Shaman Sister Sin explores a vital and often overlooked aspect of narcissistic behavior: theft. Not theft in the traditional sense, but the emotional, psychological, and spiritual thefts narcissists perpetrate against those around them. The host unpacks how narcissists steal intangibles—love, trust, time, energy, and even one’s sense of self—often through manipulation and deception. The episode aims to validate listeners' feelings of loss after encountering narcissists and to dispel misplaced blame or shame.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Narcissists as Thieves of the Intangible

• Definition Expansion: The host begins by redefining theft to include intangibles—"anything... taken from someone without their knowledge or permission is stealing." (01:00)
• Narcissists often operate by stealth, sometimes even hiding their actions from themselves.
• Not only do they take tangible things, but also emotional investments, energy, love, and time.

2. The Mechanisms of Theft

• False Impressions: Narcissists create situations or impressions that induce others to give things they would not have, had they known the true circumstances. (02:00)
• Intentional vs. Unintentional: Some of this manipulation is conscious, but some is simply how narcissists function as a result of their personality disorder.

3. Narcissists as Mimics

• Imitation, Not Authenticity: Narcissists imitate social behaviors and emotions to “get along in the world,” often without true understanding or intention to deceive—"they are performing skills and abilities that they don't actually have." (03:00)
• Limitations of Imitation: The performance breaks down under scrutiny—"Imitation can only go so far... it's literally just a performance of something that's not true." (04:12)
• Victims may sense something “off” but struggle to interpret it, as it doesn’t fit the general expectations of human behavior.

4. Victims’ Self-Blame and Aftermath

• Hindsight and Self-Judgement: People are often angry at themselves for not seeing the theft, but the host urges compassion for their “former self” who lacked current understanding—"That's not a reasonable standard to hold your former self to, so don't do that." (06:24)
• Profound Violation: The betrayal experienced is often dismissed by others who cannot comprehend its depth—"This level of theft and fraud is not experienced by everybody... I'm sorry, it's just not so." (07:32)
• Such violations undermine one's trust, safety, and even their sense of reality.

5. The Incomprehensible Mindset of Narcissists

• Futility of Seeking Understanding: The host emphasizes that trying to emotionally understand or rationalize narcissists’ behavior is futile—"The practical reality is that this person does not care. The why doesn't change the what." (08:05)
• Quoting a Diagnosed Narcissist: "'Stealing is wrong because you will go to jail.' That was the answer. Not because it's wrong to take things that don't belong to you..." (08:55)
• There’s a fundamental lack of empathy; narcissists act simply because they want something, without regard for others' rights.

6. Accountability and Consequence

• No Excuses: While narcissists often act out of a sense of lack, the host is firm that this doesn't excuse their behavior—"There's no excuse for behavior that harms or exploits other people in this way. None. Find a better way." (09:34)
• Long-term Outcomes: With age, narcissists frequently find themselves isolated, having driven all supportive people away.

7. What Is Truly Stolen

• Beyond Consent: Narcissists erode victims’ confidence, self-worth, and perception of reality—"your confidence, your feelings of self-worth, your sense of reality, all of these eroded and stolen by a person who has none of their own." (10:08)
• Validation of Listeners: The host reassures the audience that there’s “no shame in wanting to love another person or help them... there’s no shame at all, no wrongdoing here. The shame and the wrongdoing is all theirs. Let them carry it." (10:19)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Imitation:

  "Imitation is not reality. It's not even fantasy. It's literally just a performance of something that's not true, that stands up to no scrutiny at all."
  — Shaman Sister Sin (04:12)

• On Hindsight:

  "That's not a reasonable standard to hold your former self to, so don't do that. That person didn't know what you know now. Don't judge them for it."
  — Shaman Sister Sin (06:24)

• On Violation:

  "This person has taken something sacred that was given so freely on the promise of nothing but honest reception of it. And they've made it meaningless, made it into a commodity..."
  — Shaman Sister Sin (07:05)

• On Lack of Empathy:

  "The practical reality is that this person does not care. The why doesn't change the what. They can't care. They don't care. They won't care. That's it."
  — Shaman Sister Sin (08:09)

• On Narcissist Perspective:

  "I was told by a diagnosed narcissist that stealing is wrong because, quote, 'you will go to jail.' That was the answer. Not because it violates the rights of other people, not because it breaks trust. Nope. It's wrong because you will face consequences."
  — Shaman Sister Sin (08:55)

• Affirmation for Listeners:

  "There's no shame in wanting to love another person or help them... There’s no shame at all, no wrongdoing here. The shame and the wrongdoing is all theirs. Let them carry it."
  — Shaman Sister Sin (10:19)

Important Timestamps

• [01:00] – Defining narcissists as “thieves” of intangibles
• [02:00] – Mechanisms of stealth and creation of false impressions
• [03:00] – Narcissists as mimics and performers
• [04:12] – Limits of imitation: insight and example
• [06:24] – Addressing and reframing self-blame among victims
• [07:05] – Depth of personal violation and betrayal
• [08:05] – Emphasizing the futility of reasoning with narcissistic motives
• [08:55] – Insights from a diagnosed narcissist about consequences
• [09:34] – Personal accountability and rejection of excuses
• [10:08] – List of what is truly stolen

Conclusion

The episode delivers a powerful message: narcissists commit a far deeper kind of theft than most realize, robbing victims of self-worth, security, and trust, often in ways that are subtle and difficult to pinpoint until much later. Shaman Sister Sin demystifies these dynamics, validates listeners’ experiences, and encourages them not to carry blame or shame for what has happened. Instead, she advocates for an understanding that the wrongdoing lies squarely with the narcissist.

For further resources, support, and healing, listeners are encouraged to visit littleshaman.org.