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Zak Amico
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Brendan Sagalo
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Zak Amico
Fill her up.
Brendan Sagalo
You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.
Zak Amico
Wake up, it's time to go.
Brendan Sagalo
Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play jokes against you. Start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coff join the crew It's a morning zoo.
Zak Amico
That's right. Still feeling good on a Wednesday. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zak Amico for another edition of Zak Amico's Morning Zoo here on Gas Digital. If you love the show, hey, you can watch live, just use the promo code zoo@gas digital.com. you save A$50 a month. You get access to all the episodes early ad free, uncensored. You get to be a part of the live chat and you get all the other shows on the network. Thank you for tuning in. Across the table from me are two very funny, talented people from sag. Daddy the pod. It's our good buddy Brendan Sagalo.
Brendan Sagalo
What's up, everybody? Yo, yo, yo. How's it going?
Zak Amico
Great to see you, buddy.
Brendan Sagalo
What's new, dude?
Zak Amico
Thank you so much joining us today. Appreciate it.
Brendan Sagalo
Thank you for having me.
Zak Amico
Oh, you're the man. And next to him, another one of our favorites and a rising talent here in the world of Gas Digital. It's Josie Marcelino.
Josie Marcelino
Hi. I can hear nothing in these headphones. It's all the way up.
Zak Amico
Turn your kidney. Can we help Josie out here?
Brendan Sagalo
Air conditioner's broken. Headphones don't work.
Josie Marcelino
Trouble with the headphones and it is usually my fault, but, man, can you.
Zak Amico
Can you imagine how mad somebody would be right now?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah. The vibe's a lot chiller right now.
Zak Amico
Can you imagine the anger?
Brendan Sagalo
Zach's like, hey, guys, whenever you get the chance, fix the headphones.
Zak Amico
Yeah, we'll get to it. We'll figure it out.
Brendan Sagalo
Jorge, you're handsome, man.
Zak Amico
It's just.
Brendan Sagalo
It's just a big complimentary show.
Zak Amico
It's very. I actually have an idea for Jorge. Jorge, can you draw? Not really, no. Perfect. So they've been trying to get on High Society Radio to get Harry to become a notary public.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
I found $100 learn how to Tattoo kit. And I am convinced we could teach Jorge to be a tattoo artist before Harrington can get the paperwork together to become a notary.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, that's gonna be easy. Cause it gives you this little skin and the pens and everything. You're. You're look. Yeah. It could take a year to become a notary. Yeah. I think we say with no.
Zak Amico
Yep. No, no.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I just said that.
Zak Amico
It's an idea. Then every time we have a stupid idea, we can make Jorge tattoo it on.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Let me ask you this. Why is it still early? Why did. Why you had a chance to make the show a little bit later in the day and give. Give some of your guests some time to fucking sleep.
Zak Amico
A. I wanted to keep it for the people that had that time slot kind of scheduled in their day. And also because we want to be after Jim, after the Sam Roberts show, and before Bennington.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, interesting.
Josie Marcelino
It would be weird to record the Morning zoo at like 6pm well, people.
Zak Amico
Get mad that it's at noon, but I'm like, well, the other time zones, it's a morning show. Yeah, this is my morning still.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I mean, if Shannon texted me, hey, hi. Can you come in at 6am I would never step foot in this place again.
Zak Amico
It would be. I mean, every time I get so excited to do Sam Roberts, and every single time I wake up for it, I'm like, what is this garbage?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Zak Amico
Who is up right now?
Brendan Sagalo
That's true. That's true. Well, it sounds like you're on the radio. When you do serious, it's. You hear that? You're on the radio.
Zak Amico
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
This was fucking awesome.
Zak Amico
Yes. You go, wow. I'm in rental cars across the country right now. This is Sirius xm. You rented a car. That's the same as welcome to the Impractical Jokers.
Brendan Sagalo
You're in a hotel room. Hilarious. That's great.
Zak Amico
All right, so we had a bunch of fun shit to get into today, but let's actually, I keep forgetting to do plugs, so let's knock plugs out of the way if you guys want to hit that plug music. Josie, what do you want? People to check out.
Josie Marcelino
You can just check out my Instagram, my social media. It's all at Josie Marcelino. J O S I E M A R C E L L I N O. If you're in Pennsylvania or New Jersey. I think I'm in South Jersey doing a show this Saturday or Sunday, but I'll post something about it so you can see me there. Speaking of plugs, can I maybe just try the other headphones maybe?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah, of course.
Zak Amico
Here, why don't you. Sagalo, give her yours?
Brendan Sagalo
Okay. Here you go.
Zak Amico
And now you put on those.
Brendan Sagalo
I feel a little sweaty, though.
Josie Marcelino
That's how I like them.
Brendan Sagalo
That's pretty sweaty.
Josie Marcelino
They're so sweaty.
Brendan Sagalo
Ooh, I like that.
Josie Marcelino
For five seconds.
Zak Amico
Did that work?
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, that worked.
Zak Amico
Wow. I'm a fucking genius.
Josie Marcelino
I love it.
Brendan Sagalo
I was just about to disconnect this.
Josie Marcelino
We just break everything.
Brendan Sagalo
Look, everybody. Check out my podcast, SAG Daddy to Pod. And also my YouTube and every all that. And I have a special out called Thin Lips. And also I will be at governors June 6th and 7th, where I think they moved me to a different room because I'm not even gonna tell you who's also there that weekend, because then you'll go to that guy. Let's go. So just get the tickets from my website. Do. Do not go to governors.com. go to Brennan segler.com.
Zak Amico
Well, I know who I want to see. K.
Brendan Sagalo
Dude, I wish it was Louie. Are you kidding?
Zak Amico
No. Thank you guys for tuning in. I already gave the plug promo code Zoo. If you want to subscribe to the show. If you're in Illinois or Ohio. I am on the road this weekend with my good friends at Juggalo Championship Wrestling. We are in Juliet, Illinois. We're in Rockford. We're in Columbus, Ohio. Please come hang out. I'll be doing commentary, and then there's a concert after with Violent J and Ouija Mac. Gonna be a very fun evening of white rap and silliness. And let's get into the program.
Brendan Sagalo
I like that the whole aesthetic is like when you wake up in the morning and he's.
Zak Amico
That is one of the. The notes I g. I gave. I gave Saved by the Bell.
Brendan Sagalo
Zach's. Zach Amigo's morning Zoo.
Zak Amico
I gave Saved by the Bell. Yeah. Malcolm in the Middle and America's Funniest Home Videos.
Brendan Sagalo
Hell, yeah. Malcolm the Middle rules my aesthetic.
Zak Amico
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, I can't wait for them to bring that back.
Zak Amico
I'm pretty pumped on it. I saw a picture of the parents with gray hair and it was weird bringing that back. Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
For four miniseries. Besides, everybody. But the kid who played Dewey is.
Zak Amico
Yeah, he's like a recluse.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah. He's like J.D.
Zak Amico
Salinger. He doesn't. They have a photo of him leaving the house.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Walking his dog once in, like, four years.
Zak Amico
Yeah.
Josie Marcelino
Jesus Christ.
Zak Amico
And by the way, he just looks like old Dewey.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, he does that. All those kids look like old versions of themselves.
Zak Amico
He looks like him. He looks like Malcolm. Looks like him. But bald.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, exactly. At. But like, even beans from even Stevens. Have you seen what he looks like?
Zak Amico
Yeah. Very weird.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Yeah, he's. I mean, Malcolm.
Josie Marcelino
Bald.
Zak Amico
He is bald.
Brendan Sagalo
Bald. Yeah.
Zak Amico
I mean, he was definitely going bald.
Josie Marcelino
Really?
Zak Amico
But, yeah, I think he drives. Doesn't he drive race cars?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, he drives race cars. Also one of the best season finales, series finales I've ever seen that.
Zak Amico
I don't remember how it ended.
Brendan Sagalo
It ends with, like, them. Something about them telling him he's going to Yale. And he was like, I don't want to go to Yale. And they're like, no, Malcolm, this is the plan. You go to Yale, then you do this, then you do that, then you're president. And he's like. He's just forced into this, you know, to become president. They do a lot better when we record. You guys gotta start being interested in.
Zak Amico
My stories once we start the show.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, I look at the screen.
Josie Marcelino
Do you think that you retelling the ending of Malcolm in the Middle is a story?
Brendan Sagalo
Why, yes, I do.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
I got a great story where a bunch of Italians are sitting in a restaurant and you don't know what's gonna.
Zak Amico
Happen in Journey's playing, you think, obviously. Why do you think Tony dies? And I don't think it's for the reason.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know. I mean, I don't think it's for the reason.
Zak Amico
Well, other than the conversation that I think everything turns black. You see the guy go into the bathroom like Godfather.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Here's why. I think he died on your onion ring.
Brendan Sagalo
Interesting.
Zak Amico
Because earlier in the season, after he got shot in the tummy, what does he say? If I eat onions, it might kill me.
Brendan Sagalo
Whoa.
Zak Amico
And they have a plate of onion rings on the table. If they're splitting.
Brendan Sagalo
Whoa.
Zak Amico
So that's why I think that's. I think that was the subtle way of saying he knew he was gonna die.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I just think he's gonna die. You know, I kind of hated that first.
Zak Amico
That fucking prequel movie so much.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, it was so bad.
Josie Marcelino
It Was I didn't watch it because I, like. I binged the Sopranos after it came out. I had never seen the show. I didn't know anything about it. And then enough people had seen many Saints of Newark where they were like, this ass.
Zak Amico
Oh, so.
Josie Marcelino
So I didn't see it.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Josie Marcelino
So I haven't seen many saints.
Zak Amico
My chick had never seen it, and I got her to binge watch it in anticipation of the movie, and, oh, boy, did I hate it.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. They just didn't, like, encapsulate that same.
Zak Amico
Vibe that it actually felt like the SNL sketch where they did the prequel to the sopranos in the 80s.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Because the guy who was playing Sal or Saul, whatever his name is, was like, like, purposely doing, like, Silvio. Yeah, Silvio still. He's like, I don't know, tone. I'm 17 years old.
Zak Amico
I felt like David Chase wanted to make a movie about the race riots in Newark.
Brendan Sagalo
Right.
Zak Amico
And they said, that's great. Can it also be the Sopranos? And he went, no. And they went, we'll give you a lot more money if it's the Sopranos. So then he made the Race Riot thing he wanted to do.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
And then shoehorned all the Soprano into it.
Brendan Sagalo
I also felt it was, like, cartoonishly Italian.
Zak Amico
It felt like babies.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, it felt like Muppet Babies. Right. Like, there was a scene where Dickie is, like, talking to Tony in their. In their. In Tony's bedroom. And then Tony says something like something crazy or whatever, and. And Diggy goes like, oh, but it was so. Ah, it was just so it would.
Zak Amico
Be like a beer commercial.
Brendan Sagalo
Exactly. Oh, I'm Italian. It'd be, like, making fun of it. It's a huge. Is snl.
Zak Amico
Yeah. It would be like a beer commercial or like an Andrew Schultz set.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, that's not real. None of this is real.
Zak Amico
All right, we got a bunch of fun shit. But I do want to start with. I heard this story that I'm really interested in. I heard about a hot girl getting kicked out of Chipotle.
Josie Marcelino
Jesus Christ.
Zak Amico
For being racist.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Zak Amico
And we actually have a report from the scene.
Brendan Sagalo
Was that you?
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, it was me.
Zak Amico
From the sea.
Brendan Sagalo
That was you?
Josie Marcelino
It was me.
Zak Amico
It's.
Josie Marcelino
Don't sound so surprised that I'm a hot girl. Okay. Thank you, Sagolow.
Brendan Sagalo
No, I was surprised you were racist.
Josie Marcelino
No, I don't.
Zak Amico
He wasn't surprised you were at Chipotle.
Josie Marcelino
I feel like on this episode I'm doing. You remember back in, like, the 1990s I guess they did it in like 90s and early 2000s, when like a sitcom would happen and one of the ladies on there would get pregnant, so they would just like put giant objects around her to try and hide it.
Brendan Sagalo
Yes.
Josie Marcelino
I've gotten kind of fat, and I feel like that's what I'm doing with this episode.
Zak Amico
That's what this table's for. It's for all three of us.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, I look hilarious.
Zak Amico
There's a reason we don't record in the full body room. Because I had three episodes in there and I went, I can't watch this.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Josie Marcelino
I didn't even know there was a full body room.
Zak Amico
They never put there where. Yeah. Where it's like a dead on shot of you just sitting there. And I look.
Brendan Sagalo
It's horrible for fat guys.
Zak Amico
Horrendous horrible.
Josie Marcelino
I'll never do anything in that room.
Zak Amico
I will do. I will do my podcast behind a goddamn podium if I have to.
Brendan Sagalo
Let's hear about it fucking with yours because I think it's mine. Yeah, tell me about your.
Zak Amico
Yes, Joe's racist.
Josie Marcelino
Okay, So I wasn't racist. I swear to God. So yesterday, there's a video of this. There's. Well, I don't know. There might be video at the end, but I don't. I don't know.
Zak Amico
The thing is, Josie, you're supposed to call them black beans.
Josie Marcelino
That is actually what I started with. So I fucking. It's a nice day. I'm walking to Chipotle. So when I walk somewhere, I don't like to have a ton of shit in my hands. So I put my, like, cash underneath my phone case and I just walk there. That's all I have in my hands. So I get to Chipotle, it's fine. I do my order, everything's nice. I get to the end where you go to pay. It's a fucking burrito bowl. But it's not. It's nothing complicated. Like, let's go through this. It's black beans. It's double chicken, queso, fajitas, pico, and then lettuce. It's a very simple thing. And I'm having a great time with the guy who's making it. Cause he's a fun animated black guy. And I look like this. So he's like.
Zak Amico
Now when you say animated, you mean energetic or he was actually a cartoon of a black guy.
Brendan Sagalo
He was bouncing on his tail like Tigger.
Josie Marcelino
I don't know. They all look the same to me.
Zak Amico
What's can against you, miss? Joseph has, like, smoothly snazed you.
Brendan Sagalo
Leave. He goes, ta, ta for now.
Josie Marcelino
We were happy.
Zak Amico
Double chicken. That show does sound good. It was.
Josie Marcelino
It was fine. He was fun. It was good. I get to the end where I go to pay, and the lady's like, all right, it's $15 and some change. And so I pull out $21 and I hand it to her, and she goes, no, it's 15. And I was like, yup. And then she, like. She was like, I don't need this. And, like, hands me the one. And I was like, oh, no. Like, so that way you can give me five and the change, and I'm gonna put the change in their little tip jar. Like, I'm still thinking about them.
Brendan Sagalo
What is the nationality of this lady? Since you get so she.
Josie Marcelino
It's a black woman. I'm in West Philadelphia. It's a. Born and raised is where I live. I live there, so I can't be racist, or else I'm just terrible at.
Zak Amico
A chipotle where all the meat is braised.
Brendan Sagalo
You got in one little racism. And your mom got scared.
Zak Amico
And got punched in the face by a lady with braided hair. Hair.
Brendan Sagalo
Doom, doom, doom. Okay.
Josie Marcelino
God, no. It's like, yo, smell you later. It's not even. Like. I'm not even escalating. I'm thinking. She just doesn't. I'm like, I don't. Okay, did you mishear me? Like, what's going. I'm like, yeah, here's the. Here's this. And she's like, no, it's too. Like, I don't need the one. And I was like, no. So that way, like, you can give me five and some change. That way I'm carrying a $5 bill with instead of four ones. It's. I know it's small, but I'm like, no, like you. You understand how to make change. You have to. Like. I know most people pay with card, but there's still a cash register.
Zak Amico
They voted for change. They can't make it.
Brendan Sagalo
What. What's going on in your life that this doesn't just roll off? You don't just go, okay, all right, yeah, take that. Give me the chance.
Zak Amico
I think it's. It's a matter of the point of it. And also, she was carrying cash in the phone case.
Josie Marcelino
That was the.
Zak Amico
Where the five is easier than four singles.
Brendan Sagalo
I am a big proponent of, you know, whatever you just said, but it always. With me, it always. It's always like, why did I get into that? Why did I care so much.
Josie Marcelino
I wasn't. But here's the thing, is that, like, I wasn't even that heated or invested. I'm not. I'm not yelling at her. I'm trying to explain it. Because I'm like, am I saying something wrong? Like, what's happened here? And she's just, like, staring. And I was like, no, no, like, so I can have. So you'll just give me a five. And she's like, then it'll be off. And I'm like, no, the math is the same. I'm giving you $15. And whatever odd sense it was didn't even tell her, like, I'm gonna give you the coins, right? But I'm like, no, you'll just. I'm giving you 21. 21 minus 15 is sick. Okay? I didn't explain it like this, but I'm like, I'm. I'm trying to map it out to her. So then I'm like, it's just a five dollar bill. And we're back and forth at this for, like, a minute. I'm really just earnestly trying to tell her what's going on. She finally just doesn't even give me the coin. She just pulls out five and just goes here and hands it to me. And as she's handing it to me, like, as I'm taking it, she turns to the other person that's beside her, and she was like, I fucking hate white people.
Brendan Sagalo
Wow.
Josie Marcelino
And I'm. I'm like, I don't give a shit if you do. That's okay. But then I.
Brendan Sagalo
And I gotta say, too. And.
Zak Amico
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Brendan Sagalo
You're very, like, Spanish coded. Anybody ever tell you that?
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, I hear that a lot. I'm not. I thought you were.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah, I was afraid of Italian.
Josie Marcelino
I'm Italian.
Zak Amico
But no, you look like Spanish men have left you coated in something.
Josie Marcelino
Jesus Christ. So she. She says, like, I hate white people. And I say, well, what taught you how to do math? Because I hate whatever that race is. And then the fucking person that she's beside. Get out. Absolutely not. We're not doing racism here. And then I'm at fucking. Like, I'm near Drexel, or I guess it's like, yeah, it's right next to Drexel's campus. So then, like, the other kids are, like, all starting to like, oh. And I see phones coming out and I just, like, grab the money and I fucking. I dashed out of there and I was like, good for you. Did I just fucking get. And now I'm like, I can't go back because now I'm the racist chick.
Brendan Sagalo
We don't need any of this.
Josie Marcelino
There might be out there somewhere. Which is what I was afraid of. As soon as they were like, nuh, we're not doing racist shit in here. I'm like, first of all, I don't even know what race it was. It could have been a white person that taught her how to do math improperly. I just hate whoever that was that made me have that interaction. She said she hates white people.
Brendan Sagalo
God damn. It's a. It's a rough time to also, you know, at the risk of. At the risk of not being chill right now, it's a rough time to be as a. As a probably Spanish person talking shit about a white person. You are. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? What's stopping you there? There's a button.
Zak Amico
I'll tell you, it's a no win situation for Josie here.
Brendan Sagalo
There's a button on some website, someone was telling me this, that says you can deport yourself.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, you can do that now.
Brendan Sagalo
So rough time to be fucking around with the whites. I would say not. You know, I'm not racist at all. Pretty liberal guy, but I think, right.
Zak Amico
I'm holding a fucking mental breakdown. Chipotle next to Drexel.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
I thought Drexel was her black boyfriend. I thought Drexel was the name of the guy that. That made your burrito.
Zak Amico
Drexel Jefferson. That's the secret. It's to any fake black name. It's funny word. And then last name of a founding father.
Josie Marcelino
Yep.
Brendan Sagalo
Right.
Zak Amico
Drexel Washington.
Brendan Sagalo
It's so hard to not lose your fucking mind in that situation. I. I'm good for you.
Josie Marcelino
Because it's so hard, I think, running.
Zak Amico
Did you get your Chipotle?
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, I had it in my hands.
Zak Amico
Then you're all right.
Josie Marcelino
So I'm fine. But it's like, I love that Chipotle. I go there pretty fucking often. I'm never going to go back because now it's.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, why don't you go talk to Drexel and ask him if he can, like, smooth it over.
Zak Amico
Smooth it over and you talk. Drax, I need to talk to your sister.
Brendan Sagalo
He goes, hey, what's up? Hey, what's up, mamacita? What Race you at. What race are you?
Josie Marcelino
God.
Brendan Sagalo
Anyway, I'll talk. I'll talk.
Zak Amico
I. I think that's a. And here I will also, I will share a story where I was in a similar situation. A no win situation. One of the. I haven't taken the subway in a while because you can't get free. Yeah, that too. It's an anxiety thing.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I don't know why I did that.
Zak Amico
No, it's fine. I don't care, buddy.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm just.
Zak Amico
Let him fly.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm just waking up.
Zak Amico
Let him fly, baby.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay.
Zak Amico
It's all right. I'm aware. I am aware of my carriage. One of the last. I took the subway, I was when I had my headphones in, and then I hear a lady say, he's racist to you. No, about me. Behind me. And I'm like, oh, you must. You're familiar with my work.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
And I turn around, and it is a Spanish lady creating a group of people, like, gathering people. And she says, I'm not getting on the train if he is. And it was. She saw my Kabuki man tattoo and thought it was an iron eagle.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh.
Zak Amico
And she said, that's some Nazi shit. And she goes, he's one of those Nazi. And she starts gathering people to create.
Brendan Sagalo
Like, when was this? Did you have also the Nacho Libre pineapple tattoo? These people are so stupid.
Zak Amico
I gathered a group to say, you know, like, we need to tell people, don't get on the train. That's a racist. And I just turned around, and I was like, who are we talking about? And they all went, you.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, whoa.
Zak Amico
And I went, why? And they pointed at it. I was like, this is a Japanese superhero from the 90s.
Brendan Sagalo
Really?
Zak Amico
And they all went, no, you're not. And I literally was just like, well, I don't think I'm arguing my way out of this one. So I just went to a different car.
Brendan Sagalo
You went to a car?
Zak Amico
What was I going to do? Yeah, you should deal with a mob.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah. No, Good for you.
Zak Amico
There's no. It's a. I would have told them.
Brendan Sagalo
To get the fuck out.
Zak Amico
It's a zero win situation.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, that is a zero win situation. Sometimes you just got to take yourself out of it.
Zak Amico
There's a thing about being. And I don't want to complain. I'm not complaining about being white, but there's an issue where you feel like there's a certain point in an altercation where you no longer can respond because of. There's just two. So, like, one time I saw a guy jerking off on the subway platform, and he looked. Not only was he masturbating, he looked bonkers, crazy. He was a big black dude, the blackest dick you could imagine. I mean, whatever. Black. Black is okay. A shade darker.
Brendan Sagalo
What is the darkest shade of black? There's a name for that.
Zak Amico
Yeah, it's like whatever takes all the light, right?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
It was the blackest of the blacks, but he was jerking off slowly, standing on the platform, looking around, terrified. So masturbate fully, hard, and then just going. And he's at the one end of the platform. This was at 36th street for the NRQ, right? And careful for that. It's a fun show. It's a fun morning show. We don't do that anymore.
Brendan Sagalo
The ship, you know.
Josie Marcelino
You got a bicycle?
Zak Amico
Okay. Okay. We're fine. Thank you, Dusty. I happen to see that there is a bunch of moms and little kids on the other end of the platform walking that way. So in my head, I go, I have to address this. I go to the other end. I tell them I was like, hey, guys, don't go down that way. And I see two cops at the other end of the platform.
Brendan Sagalo
Nice, right?
Zak Amico
And I'm like, hey, guys, I'm so sorry to bother you. Here's a guy jerking off on the other end of the platform. I think he's mentally ill. It's. And these two cops roll their fucking eyes at me and get fury. And they're like, oh, where is he? And I'm like, there. And they're like, which one? And I went. And I want to go, the guy with his dick out?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah.
Zak Amico
I go, the guy in the gray sweatpants. And they go, which one? Now, this one cop had already put on gloves.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, brother.
Zak Amico
And he's probably about 20 steps away from me and the other cop, and he goes, which one? And I just went, the black guy? And when I said the black guy, every head on the fucking subway platform turned to me with vitriol.
Brendan Sagalo
Wow.
Zak Amico
So then they go to. That cop, goes to talk to him. This first cop goes, I'm gonna need to see some ID for me. From me.
Josie Marcelino
For fucking what?
Zak Amico
And I went, for. For. For what? How can I help? What. What's that for? And he goes, well, if we're gonna press charge on this guy, I'm gonna need you to come down to the station. And I was like, dude, I don't want to press charges. I just want you to tell him to not do that.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah.
Zak Amico
And they're like, he. And then the cop in front of everybody really loud goes, do you want me to stand with you until the train comes so you feel safe?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
Zak Amico
And I went, yes. Yes, I do.
Brendan Sagalo
And you held his Hand.
Zak Amico
Yeah, no, I held. I. I held his shirt. I held his sleeve.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Some people get only bad.
Zak Amico
But the second I heard. The second I heard. The second everyone heard me say the black guy, I was immediately the villain.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, well, him.
Zak Amico
And that's. I think it's just an unfortunate circumstance.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Because it does sound like I'm going, there's a black man on the subway.
Josie Marcelino
Right. Shoot him.
Zak Amico
Get him.
Josie Marcelino
Shoot him.
Brendan Sagalo
Every reaction, every interaction I've normally had with someone in uniform is pretty good.
Josie Marcelino
That's because you got Irish face.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah? You think so?
Josie Marcelino
Yeah. I don't think you are.
Brendan Sagalo
Sagalo's Russian.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
But I. I got some Irish in me. Whatever. I'm an American.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay.
Josie Marcelino
You look Irish as shit. So that's. They're probably thinking you're undercover.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, you think so? I also think I look like a baby. And I walk up to them like a baby. I'm like, guys. And they're like, what's up?
Zak Amico
You look like a baby dressed as an undercover detective. You do dress like you do. The vague wigger thing does scream undercover cop.
Brendan Sagalo
What's up, y'all? Yeah, I know. I look like the dude from the Wire. What's his name?
Zak Amico
I know, exactly.
Brendan Sagalo
He played Dom in Entourage.
Zak Amico
But yes, that is the. That is the uniform of the undercover, which is brand new Timberlands.
Brendan Sagalo
I know.
Zak Amico
Brand new Timberlands.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm too out of shape.
Zak Amico
Uncreased Yankee hat.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm too out of shape. Look, you're fucking looking at all my shit. I sit in your. In my peripheral, I see you looking at my shoes.
Zak Amico
Peripheral is Drexel.
Josie Marcelino
Look at your Legos.
Brendan Sagalo
Yes, you fucking did. Shut up. I saw you. I saw you. You went like this.
Josie Marcelino
I was looking at your sweatshirt.
Brendan Sagalo
Whatever.
Zak Amico
All right. We got a lot more fun to talk about. Yeah, all right. Okay, I like this one. So let's see how we feel about it. Man, I wish I cried after giving birth because my baby was so ugly.
Josie Marcelino
Oh, my mom did that.
Zak Amico
Trolls say I'm cruel, but I have my reasons. So let's judge how ugly this baby is.
Josie Marcelino
Do we have a picture of the baby?
Zak Amico
Oh, I think we do.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
D
Here's her. Tick tock.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, that one's ugly.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, brother. Now he. He does look like a. He looks like.
Josie Marcelino
That was it.
Brendan Sagalo
He looks like a Harry Potter bank troll.
Zak Amico
That's exactly what I was gonna say because we were both trying to not say Jew. But, yeah, he does look. He does look like a banker from Harry Potter.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Yeah, he Might grow into that.
Brendan Sagalo
Good.
Zak Amico
He might into it.
Josie Marcelino
No. So here's the thing. What I found is that, like, if you're just the cutest fucking baby, if you're so objectively cute, you get less cute as you get older, and you're anywhere from ugly to mediocre. If you're an ugly baby, it's usually because you have a feature that stands out. Looks weird on a baby, but you grow into it, and it looks really good. My best friend, gorgeous, but she was born with, like, Angelina Jolie lips. And that's unsettling on an infant.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, really?
Josie Marcelino
It's creepy looking. She looks terrify. Like a little horror movie doll thing. Until she was like, three, and then it started to get cute.
Brendan Sagalo
Damn.
Zak Amico
I remember based on my cousins, my aunt and my mom told me they were very afraid I was gonna come out looking like a monkey.
Josie Marcelino
Oh, speaking of which. Hold on. I got you a gift.
Zak Amico
Oh, you're very sweet.
Josie Marcelino
Thank you for the zoo. It's so big. I didn't expect it to be, but he's a gorilla.
Brendan Sagalo
Thank you.
Zak Amico
Oh, look at that.
Brendan Sagalo
Would you go to a carnival before this?
Zak Amico
You had a blue gorilla.
Josie Marcelino
No, I just. I think he's fun.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, I kind of did that.
Zak Amico
Thank you.
Josie Marcelino
Don't worry about it. No, I. I wanted to, like, I thought like a week ago, when I knew I was gonna do this, I was like, oh, it'd be fun if I, like, dressed up as something because it's the morning zoo. And then I told someone that, and they went, don't you dare do that, you weirdo. And I was like, okay, so I just brought a gorilla.
Brendan Sagalo
That would have been.
Josie Marcelino
You're welcome.
Brendan Sagalo
Legendary.
Josie Marcelino
Oh, it's Chipotle again.
Brendan Sagalo
Drexel's here. Drexel just walked in?
Josie Marcelino
No, I wanted to dress up as an armadillo.
Brendan Sagalo
Wow. Now.
Zak Amico
I'm just kidding.
Brendan Sagalo
I feel like all. All your sounds are. Are like 2 milliseconds too long.
Zak Amico
Yep.
Josie Marcelino
No, but your sounds are fun. Nobody said rape six times at me. Yet.
Zak Amico
It's a man screaming newborn porn.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Josie Marcelino
Where did you get that?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, God.
Josie Marcelino
I love that you kept that one.
Zak Amico
Yep.
Brendan Sagalo
Great power.
Zak Amico
Newborn porn is from a Serbian film. After the guy, he, he. They show a lady giving birth and then allude that there's a man having sex with the newborn. And then the director turns around and goes, newborn boy.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
Josie Marcelino
Isn't that the movie where some guy, like, rapes a lady's eye socket?
Zak Amico
Yeah.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
Whoa.
Zak Amico
Yeah, that was.
Josie Marcelino
I've Never seen it, but I had an ex.
Zak Amico
That was the first live episode of Spook Show. We did it in the basement of the creek in the cave, and everyone was on a lot of drugs and it was pretty gross.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God. I will say I would faint if.
Zak Amico
You took maybe a third of the gore out of it. It would be a really good movie. And it still is a good movie. It just goes a little too far.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't get how people are into that stuff.
Josie Marcelino
I can't. I. I have a limit. I can do gore if it's cheesy, like 80s gore, like, I'm fine with that. If I'm like, oh, this is. This is actually funny. It's so bad. If it's like, yeah, if it's kind of real looking, I can't. I'll get woozy.
Brendan Sagalo
I actually didn't was even thinking about it.
Zak Amico
So. I love my favorite franchise of the 90s 2000s is Final Destination.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah, dude.
Zak Amico
And there's a new one coming out.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah.
Zak Amico
And I saw a warning about one of the scenes and it honestly makes me nervous about seeing it.
Brendan Sagalo
What? What was the warning?
Josie Marcelino
You nervous?
Zak Amico
So it is a particular fear of.
Brendan Sagalo
Mine that your fucking piercings gonna get stuck in a.
Zak Amico
In a fan if somebody gets. There's a warrant. People are nervous about it because there.
Brendan Sagalo
Is a scene where their podcast host.
Zak Amico
Beats them to death where someone gets trapped in an MRI and crushed to death.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, brother.
Zak Amico
And people are like, they're afraid to put. People said that they should have put in the movie because it's going to discourage people from getting MRIs.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
Zak Amico
And then the comment was, it's based on a real death.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Zak Amico
It's based on a real person who got trapped in an MRI and killed.
Brendan Sagalo
And crushed to death.
Josie Marcelino
What do you mean crushed? Because it doesn't like the MRI doesn't.
Zak Amico
Something like fell on it while they were in there.
Brendan Sagalo
What were they fucking doing it in some guy's living room?
Josie Marcelino
Earthquake or something?
Zak Amico
I have no idea. But it scares the living dick out of me.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
Josie Marcelino
I one time was watching My 600 Pound Life, it's my favorite show. And there was a lady who needed an mri, but they couldn't give her one, so they recommended that she go to the local zoo.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah.
Josie Marcelino
And she was like, I shouldn't be getting work done where animals get work done. I'm like, that's the coolest thing. I want to do it. That'd be so fun.
Brendan Sagalo
You go, yeah, I go I want to go to the dentist at the petting zoo.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, that.
Brendan Sagalo
Who had a bit about that? Someone had a bit about that. That's in somebody special, is it? Whatever.
Josie Marcelino
It's a good episode of Fucking.
Brendan Sagalo
That's crazy, bro.
Zak Amico
Yeah, that would. That just. It's. I have a claustrophobia thing.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, me too.
Zak Amico
Have you ever been stuck in an elevator?
Josie Marcelino
Yes, that's my big fear.
Brendan Sagalo
I. I got stuck in an elevator for an hour and a half. Luckily, I was with a friend, but it was because she just jumped up and down. She was like, yeah. And it went, boo. And just shut off.
Josie Marcelino
I would break her neck.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, yes, but we also didn't know that that was gonna happen. Like, now. I know. And I get so angry when people are wild in elevators. I'm like, guys, you have no idea. We could, like. They'll stop this fucking thing right now, and then we'll be stuck in there. Buzz, buzz. We're stuck in here. Buzz hour and a half.
Zak Amico
This. I've been stuck in an elevator twice. Both times, the second it got stuck, my body went time to shit.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, really?
Zak Amico
That's my body's response to all fear.
Brendan Sagalo
Your body's like, pick a corner. That's the shit corner.
Zak Amico
My body, my body, my bowels drop like the Tower of Terror. Second I'm in danger. It is the least useful.
Brendan Sagalo
That's the most zoo thing about you.
Zak Amico
It is the least useful skill. And, yeah, one time in high school, I was taking classes somewhere and a big group of us got stuck on an elevator. And I felt really bad because there was a girl in a hijab who was dying. And I actually said, hey, if we all promise to turn our backs and not look, do you need, like, a minute to, like, take the fucking job off? Take the head off. She was so offended.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Apparently not a nice thing to ask somebody. Other time when I was in France, they warned us to not put too many people in the elevator in our Airbnb.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Got it stuck. I was the first person to let out. And the guy just pointed at how fat I was.
Brendan Sagalo
He goes, oh, come on.
Zak Amico
He goes, americans.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
Josie Marcelino
Oh. I would get right back in there with them and I would start jumping. I'd be like, this is. This is what freedom really is. You.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
All right, let's keep it moving. Hey, we're at the zoo. So it's more animal stories. Alligators in the sewer. Myth is true. City workers find out in jaw dropping new video.
Brendan Sagalo
What can we see?
Zak Amico
Yo, we got it.
Brendan Sagalo
This Is in New York.
Zak Amico
Where is this?
D
It's in Florida.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah.
Josie Marcelino
No, I thought that was common knowledge.
Brendan Sagalo
Wow, that's so cool.
D
It says it's five, five feet long. They said.
Josie Marcelino
Jesus Christ.
Brendan Sagalo
Wow. Holy.
Zak Amico
And with the.
Brendan Sagalo
Now, if they went further in, would there be a rat teaching turtles karate? Karate? Possibly. Look at that thing. Get out of here, you stupid asshole. He's probably stuck anyway. He's probably like, where the fuck am I?
Josie Marcelino
No, from what I understand. Well, my friend who lives in Florida is like. They all the water is all like there's piping connecting every body of water. That's why every body of water you see, you have to assume that there's an alligator in it. Because they do this. They run through the pipes and they just. That's how they like get place to place. They love, like swampy. I mean, that's the thing.
Brendan Sagalo
This is me walking to the bathroom at night.
Zak Amico
An alligator about to eat your asshole. That's super scary.
Brendan Sagalo
That's so scary.
Zak Amico
I assume because I'm a child that it was because people buy alligators and then flush them down the toilet when they get too big.
Brendan Sagalo
Hilarious. I always think that a snake's going to come up through the toilet. That's another little fear of mine that I have.
Josie Marcelino
Through your regular at home toilet.
Brendan Sagalo
Through my regular at home toilet, I have a fear.
Zak Amico
Have you ever heard about the snake that ate the two kids at a sleepover?
Brendan Sagalo
What is that?
Zak Amico
No, I'm dead.
Brendan Sagalo
That sounds like a fucking. At the sleepover. What is that? And then what are you going to tell me next? The little old lady swallowed a fly and she wanted to get the fly.
Josie Marcelino
Out, ate a dog. Amazon.
Zak Amico
It was a sleepover in an apartment, I believe, on top of a petting zoo. And that's not a petting zoo. Excuse me, I bespoke pet store and.
Brendan Sagalo
A snake came in and ate two.
Zak Amico
You guys could look this up. So it was a birthday party and they went to a petting zoo is what I meant to say.
Brendan Sagalo
They didn't know all these.
Zak Amico
Listen to me.
Brendan Sagalo
This is gonna be Final Destination 3 or something.
Zak Amico
Listen to me. And they didn't have the kids wash up after. And there was a giant snake in the pet store. It broke out of its cage because it smelled the kids from playing at the petting zoo all day. And it ate two. Two. Like I want to see six, seven year olds, dude.
Brendan Sagalo
There's no way I'm getting eaten by a snake if I'm six years old.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, snake.
Brendan Sagalo
That's not seven Years old. Yeah.
Zak Amico
Do you want to read this to us guys?
Brendan Sagalo
It just goes around. I don't want to read this.
Zak Amico
Give it to me. Did I get it mostly right?
D
Yeah. Yes, mostly. So it's a four year Noah, four and Connor, whose seventh birthday was coming up. Spend Sunday afternoon playing in a pool, shopping for treats and playing with animals at a farm of a family friend. That's a type they light life I've had. That's what we're going to remember then. Sometime before dawn on Monday, 100 pound snake crashed through the ceiling of the apartment where they were spending the night.
Brendan Sagalo
What? Mouth open.
D
They were found dead there Monday morning. Apparently victims of the African rock python. More than 10ft long.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, it just bit them and they passed out or something.
Zak Amico
I think it strangled them.
Josie Marcelino
Okay, that makes sense.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm not getting strangled by a snake.
Josie Marcelino
No, that actually makes sense.
Zak Amico
If you're four, you are.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, that's a hundred pound snake and you're four years old.
Brendan Sagalo
Get a. I guess it's literally 100.
Josie Marcelino
Pounds of just a must.
Brendan Sagalo
You guys hear about.
Zak Amico
It's like her last date with Drexel.
Brendan Sagalo
Did you get. Yeah, never mind. Joke's over.
Zak Amico
No, please.
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, no, no, no. I was just gonna make fun of.
Zak Amico
Did you think I was doing a bit?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I thought you were doing a bit. I was gonna go. I was gonna go. You guys hear about the teenagers that got on a plane and then got off because one of them had a visual. Then all them slowly started dying. That's what you sound like when you say two kids got eaten by a snake. Two.
Josie Marcelino
They did one.
Brendan Sagalo
I. I can give. I can give.
Josie Marcelino
It's crazy. Whoever the second kid was deserved it.
Zak Amico
Well, I think maybe he was trying to save his brother.
Brendan Sagalo
And then what? He went. You know what? I'll get in between you guys and I'll push out.
Zak Amico
I'd imagine he got caught up in the coil trying to pull his.
Brendan Sagalo
Bring a snake in here. I. I'll.
Zak Amico
100 pound snake.
Brendan Sagalo
Like I'll. This snake's day.
Josie Marcelino
Dude. Dude, are you tank fest this year? I want to see you fight a snake.
Zak Amico
Yeah, he's a snake fest. No, but think about. So I know £100 doesn't sound like a ton to us, but.
Brendan Sagalo
A ton.
Zak Amico
It's one muscle. All that hundred pounds is one muscle.
Brendan Sagalo
Holy.
Zak Amico
Dude, that would be like a hundred pound bicep trying to undo that dude's arm.
Brendan Sagalo
I've been going to the gym, so bring, bring, bring any fucking snake. I got you snake.
Zak Amico
You really think you could take a. The Rock Python if it's not. If it.
Brendan Sagalo
If it doesn't have venomous, like, biting.
Josie Marcelino
Usually if they constrict. They don't.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, there you go. I'll constrict that thing. I'll fucking grab it.
Zak Amico
It'll bite the shit out of you. While.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, it would really fuck me up.
Zak Amico
Would you bite it back?
Brendan Sagalo
I go, and then. And then, yeah, yeah, maybe, maybe. And then everybody leaves because they go, oh, Legion of skanks is going on now. Did you at Skankfest?
Zak Amico
Can you guys go on my Twitter real quick? Did you guys see the video of the guy finally breaking up a dog fight by putting his finger in the dog's ass?
Brendan Sagalo
No.
Zak Amico
So we've been talking about for 10 fucking years. What do you do in a dog attack? And the rumor is you'll put your finger up the dog's ass.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Zak Amico
To get it to release.
Josie Marcelino
That's what my neighbors say. That's like a. I think that's a. I think that's a thing that black people say.
Zak Amico
Okay.
Josie Marcelino
That's the only time I've ever heard it.
Zak Amico
I've heard from multiple account people, not just black people.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah, I heard. I heard that. I heard that. That's like a known thing. Well, I thought that was a proven thing. I didn't even think that was a rumor.
Josie Marcelino
I mean, it would make me stop biting.
Brendan Sagalo
It would make me bite more.
Zak Amico
I'd go, yeah, the pillow.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Did you guys find it?
D
I didn't find it on your feed, but this is one. It might be a different one, but here's one with.
Zak Amico
Nope. This is the exact one.
D
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
Kingsbury Road Stop. Yeah, it's spraying water on it like an. Is that. Is that another dog?
Zak Amico
Yes.
Brendan Sagalo
Yes. Good, good.
Zak Amico
Not yet. And he's gonna. I gotta go back in for more. I didn't get it.
Brendan Sagalo
He goes. I didn't get. I gotta go two knuckles deep with this thing. I don't think that proves anything.
Josie Marcelino
I think that 100 just proved that.
Zak Amico
Yeah, I think he.
Brendan Sagalo
He stuck his finger in, like, three times.
Josie Marcelino
No, he was trying to.
Zak Amico
He was trying it. Yeah, he was trying to get. I think there's a manual release valve that makes the truck up.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah, the dog's G spot.
Zak Amico
Yeah. Yeah. You gotta make the dog come really hard.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
And I'll forget it's hungry.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, whatever.
Zak Amico
He just gets sleepy and he forgets he's fighting because.
Brendan Sagalo
What were we fighting about?
Zak Amico
Am I a good boy?
Brendan Sagalo
Am I. Was. That was that good boy for you.
Zak Amico
Do you think you would have it in you if you saw a dog attacking a little dog like that?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Run over now.
Brendan Sagalo
Now, definitely I would have forgotten that. I would have been like, what do you do? I would have gotten in the dogs try to get in the dog's mouth.
Zak Amico
But now that seems like a terrible idea.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Yeah. Now I know. Go for the butthole.
D
I found another video of it happening.
Zak Amico
A hundred percent yes.
Josie Marcelino
Shannon, you're poor algorithm.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my goodness. Yeah, get right in there. That guy enjoyed that one. He shook the dog's ass, dude. He went in like he was dating that dog. He was like.
Zak Amico
Smack, smack. So I think I gotta say if this was myth busters, myth true.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Can we get some sort.
Josie Marcelino
I didn't think it was a myth.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Can we have some sort of sound or something? Maybe a ding of some sort?
Zak Amico
Hold on, hold on.
Brendan Sagalo
You got some sort of ding.
Zak Amico
Hold on.
Brendan Sagalo
Myth true.
Josie Marcelino
Just play the mythbusters theme song. I'm sure you have.
Brendan Sagalo
Can we play the mythbusters theme song?
Zak Amico
I do not have any of.
Brendan Sagalo
We'll play whatever sound you think will correlate with MythBusters. MythBusters being true. Okay, great.
Josie Marcelino
That's a good butthole. Myth.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Myth true.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
That's the dog getting his.
Zak Amico
Those are all from my favorite. My favorite, my favorite solo solo track, which is David Le doing running with the devil with all the instruments taken out. Oh, God.
Brendan Sagalo
That'S great.
Zak Amico
All right, we got a bunch more fun stuff. Let's do another animal story, huh?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, I like this.
Josie Marcelino
I thought that was the sound of you drinking.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, really?
Josie Marcelino
I was like, yo, that's the sound of me breathing.
Zak Amico
I don't have sleep apnea. I pa.
Josie Marcelino
I think you might have awake apnea.
Zak Amico
I'm lucky to be alive after sustaining car crash injuries, tripping over my cat.
Josie Marcelino
Wait, read that again.
Zak Amico
I'm lucky to be alive after sustaining quote unquote, car crash injuries, tripping over my cat.
D
Okay, I'm gonna show you a picture of the cat. It was a kitten. I don't know exactly the age of the kitten, but this is the cat.
Zak Amico
Oh, a little ball sack, man.
D
So the guy, 59 year old guy, was just about to walk down the steps in his house when the kitten went to play with him and jumped up and kind of like took a little chew of his leg and so he missed the step, fell down the stairs. His nobody was home at the time. His phone was dead, so there's nothing that he could do about it. He broke. Hold on, let me have the list.
Brendan Sagalo
Can I just say, Shannon, do you know for a fact the cat was trying to play with him? Or is that just a little your own?
D
The cat was trying to murder him.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know, maybe you're like sweet innocent cat was only trying to. You know, this is a non biased show, Shannon. Okay? Don't put any of your bias.
D
Okay, I'm sorry. So the cat was trying to murder him and decided to push him down the stairs.
Josie Marcelino
John's still team cat.
Brendan Sagalo
That cat does look like Voldemort.
D
He had a fractured skull, a broken bone in the neck, two fractures in the spine, nine broken ribs and each rib had multiple fractures and then blood in the lungs. He was stuck in a pool of his own blood for 14 hours until his wife got home from work and then took him to the hospital. It took him two weeks to recover.
Brendan Sagalo
What does he live in a fucking castle? How hard are these stairs? Holy shit.
Zak Amico
So not to criticize the story because I sent it. I feel like this should say I sustained car crash. I sustained falling downstairs injuries.
Josie Marcelino
Right?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
After falling downstairs.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Josie Marcelino
They threw in car crash to make it sound less embarrassing than. My kitty tripped me and I fel.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, not even tripped.
Josie Marcelino
My kitty bit me and I threw my whole body down a fleet of stairs.
Brendan Sagalo
The cat went. The boy who lives come to die.
Zak Amico
As someone. A man of cats. A man who loves cats. Man who may be.
Brendan Sagalo
I love cats.
Zak Amico
I may be 23 cats in a human costume. Who knows like the Oogie Boogie.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Unravel me, find out. Unravel me, find out. You're not going to like where start the Ravel starts.
Brendan Sagalo
What are you gonna do? Whatever I want. Well, well, well.
Zak Amico
Looky here.
Brendan Sagalo
Look what we have here.
Zak Amico
Santa Claus.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, I'm really scared. A cat is coming out of your thing. Release me now or you will face the dire consequence.
Zak Amico
Cats love to trip you. They love to figure eight while you're walking. If you get up, they will go where you're going. Like directly in front of you.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
I have stepped on many a cattail and tripped over many a cat.
Brendan Sagalo
My cat doesn't trip me. I only. Me and my cat are like roommates. I only see him when he's coming out for like a cup of water and he's like, what's up, bro?
Zak Amico
My cat's all over me. He also wants to play all the time. He wants to play fetch all the time. He brings me little mouse toys. And then he wants me to throw him across the apartment and bring it back.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, that's cute.
Zak Amico
And then just once, and only once, I wasn't a toy.
Brendan Sagalo
Jesus Christ, dude.
Zak Amico
It was. My wife was visiting somebody. So I was with the door open the way you do when nobody else is home. Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
And I'm just. I'm really. I'm really relaxed. And my cat Gus, just comes in like a maniac. Like, he looked like wood. Kramer was making soup. Like, he's just. He just. He's just running and crazy.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
And he's got this. And I see. I was like, oh, you got one of your mice, bub. And he comes over and he's like, when the fuck did we get you a realistic rubber mouse?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, God.
Zak Amico
And then he comes up to me, and he's just got a dead mouse and he's throwing it at me. I get up, still shitting, slam the door, and I hear him crash into it. I go, oh, thank God. I sit back down on the toilet. And then I just feel. He pushed the dead. It was a baby mouse. Pushed it onto my bare foot to. As a gift.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my.
Zak Amico
Because sometimes he'll push his toys under the bathroom door if he's locked out to be like, play with me.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, God. It's like a horror movie.
Zak Amico
He used my wife's hair ties a lot. Like, he'll push them under the door. Dude. He just pushed a dead mouse up my foot. Which, thank God I was on the toilet, because guess what? My body's reaction.
Brendan Sagalo
Put it in the toilet to release.
Zak Amico
A bunch of shit was to shit immediately. So thank God, because that was gonna come out wherever I was.
Brendan Sagalo
I hope I'm never in a situation where, like, a bank is getting robbed and I'm like, with you because you're gonna shit your pants.
Zak Amico
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Feels like there's a running theme.
Josie Marcelino
I like that. Your body's just like, we gotta dump weight.
Zak Amico
Let's go.
Josie Marcelino
Let's go.
Zak Amico
Remember the. Remember the Alamo? No. I actually took a cardboard toilet paper roll, used that to pick up the dead mouse.
Josie Marcelino
Good move.
Zak Amico
Put that in the garbage and threw the garbage.
Josie Marcelino
I.
Zak Amico
And I was afraid it would clog the toilet.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah. Second craziest thing to happen to me yesterday. I went down into my basement, and I have, like, a bunch of stuff down there for storage. And I was, like, moving stuff around, and I see on this one, like, shelf a hundred peanut shells. And I. So when I moved into my place three years ago, my boyfriend at the time really had an elephant in the basement. Really? That was me I was in the bedroom. Thank you. But I. He really liked peanuts. So I was like, I'll be a good girlfriend. I got this big, like industrial sized bag of peanuts and he was just going through it so quick. And I was like, yo, like, you, this is a crazy amount to eat as a person. He's like, I've only had a couple. And I'm like, you fucking. This is. No, you're going through the bag so quick. I never bought him again. I think. I think I've been feeding mice for three years. I think they were coming up into the bag and stealing peanut shell. And now they're like scattered around through. Like I found this one spot. It was like a hundred peanut shells. That was like a bag of like a thousand peanuts. So there's more. And I'd seen that recent. Like, I'd seen that area recently.
Zak Amico
And he wasn't eating.
Josie Marcelino
He wasn't eating them. I think he maybe had actually for real, a couple and then mice. I was just secretly giving them a stash for the next.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh my God.
Josie Marcelino
I don't even know how long.
Brendan Sagalo
Are you still in that apartment?
Josie Marcelino
Yeah. Oh, this was last night. This was last fucking last night. Yes.
Brendan Sagalo
Get a fucking cat.
Josie Marcelino
I. My landlady doesn't believe in cats. I wish.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, go get her one and show her.
Zak Amico
Hey, here you go. They real.
Josie Marcelino
But I've been complaining about the mice and my landlady's like, stop leaving food out. I'm like, I literally never leave food out.
Brendan Sagalo
I think these land people need to be put in a fucking hot air balloon and shot out of the sky. I am so sick of them telling us what we can and can't do in the sanctity.
Zak Amico
I'm with you, buddy.
Brendan Sagalo
And for that reason, I'm running against Karin Fisher. For me.
Zak Amico
Does your super speak English?
Brendan Sagalo
Barely. Dude, you want to see the text messages? I'll show you after. Yeah, it's. It's barely.
Zak Amico
Mine's got none. And he just comes up and says he needs to come in. I'll be like, why? Yeah, and he literally the other day, he just held the tape measure at me. Me. I went, what's that for? And he goes, measure. And I was like, measure what? And he goes. And I went, no, you can't come in then. I don't do. You can't just. And this was at like 10 in the morning.
Brendan Sagalo
Measure. That sucks. I hate my super so much.
Josie Marcelino
What are your. What are your landlord super ethnicity. Like, what is this?
Zak Amico
I got a Spanish guy.
Josie Marcelino
Ah.
Brendan Sagalo
I would Say he's cashier at a Chipotle race, whatever that is.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
Now he's like some Spanish thing. He just doesn't fucking speak or write Spanish. Like he. Or English. I think he's illiterate.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Zak Amico
Yeah, my guy, like, annoying my ceiling. Caved in. In a storm, and all he did was climb a step ladder, put his head in the ceiling, and he goes. He's no good.
Brendan Sagalo
It seems like. Mr. Miko, Mr. Zach, you need to have a roof above your head.
Zak Amico
Yep.
Brendan Sagalo
You go. Thank you, George.
Zak Amico
All right. All right. Before we go into the movie thing, I would like to say if you're. If you. If you were a fan of Lewis and Zach with a real ass podcast. You know I love butts. Big, fat, stupid asses. So I just thought, hey, yeah, your.
Brendan Sagalo
Guests, your co host.
Zak Amico
Let's. Let's have a little butt time. Sexy Latina bartenders shaking their big booties behind the bar.
Brendan Sagalo
Ok. Little butt break.
Zak Amico
Yay.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't expect something to not come from this.
Zak Amico
Nope. This is literally. I just wanted to look at butts.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, nice. What'd you go to a strip club last night and no. Look at all that money.
Zak Amico
This is on Worldstar.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, nice.
Zak Amico
Yay.
Brendan Sagalo
Yay. Well, that breaks the monotony of. Of talking about children dying.
Zak Amico
I like to break things up. All right, so.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, so do the Latino strippers. Marriages, relationships.
Josie Marcelino
Those weren't even the strippers. Those were the bartenders.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, well, let's.
Josie Marcelino
Let's throw some.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm starting to cook now. I'm starting to get funny.
Zak Amico
So there we go.
Brendan Sagalo
All right, well, then the last five minutes of the show.
Zak Amico
Very excited about. So for. I'm a big horror guy and very excited. There's a new. I know what you did last summer. Coming. I saw that, and I thought we would watch the trailer and see how we feel.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, this. I mean, the trailer shows. I haven't seen death.
Zak Amico
I haven't seen anything. So is that.
Brendan Sagalo
Who is that?
Zak Amico
I don't know. Let's find out.
Brendan Sagalo
Sydney Sweeney, you okay? Why don't you go upstairs and do that guided meditation you like? Oh, brother. I just watched this the other day. I really hate horror movies.
Zak Amico
Face and close your eyes.
Brendan Sagalo
Imagine.
Zak Amico
Oh, that's awesome.
Brendan Sagalo
Calling you. Hello. Now feel. Oh, brother. Entering your body. Ow.
D
Emanating out from your chest.
Zak Amico
Oh, that's awesome, dude.
Brendan Sagalo
He's like scorpion.
Zak Amico
Get over here.
Brendan Sagalo
Take a deep breath in and remember. I hate this.
D
This energy you give to the universe.
Josie Marcelino
Is that a harpoon.
Brendan Sagalo
Always comes back to you. Oh, my God. How loud does a meditation have to be where you can't hear someone screaming to death? Do you think this is some kind.
Josie Marcelino
Of karma for what we did? What if someone saw what happened?
Zak Amico
This is a sequel or a reboot.
Brendan Sagalo
I think it's just a reboot. Oh, Freddie Prince Jr. Oh, it's not.
Zak Amico
So it is a sequel.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Oh, and I think Jennifer Lou's in this too.
Zak Amico
So it's a request.
Brendan Sagalo
Jesus fucking Christ. I just have one question. What did you do last summer? Oh, how do you feel about that? This place is so beautiful.
Josie Marcelino
It makes me want to die.
Brendan Sagalo
Nice.
Zak Amico
So the same thing happened.
Brendan Sagalo
No, thank you.
Zak Amico
I'm a little apprehensive.
Brendan Sagalo
Why? Because of that? Let me. Let me ask you something. What did you do last summer?
Zak Amico
Yeah, it would be like if.
Brendan Sagalo
Let's help you.
Zak Amico
If the laugh. That would be like. If they had Nev Campbell be like, whatever you do, don't look right at the thing.
Brendan Sagalo
Don't scream. I mean, scream. You go. They go. Looks like we're in one of a saws. Traps. A saw trap. Looks like we're gonna get sawed.
Zak Amico
This is a real Nightmare on Elm Street.
Brendan Sagalo
Hilarious.
Zak Amico
This is serious stuff. This isn't some child's play.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God. Everything's so scary. And it's only a Friday the 13th.
Zak Amico
Oh, my God. Look at all these bodies. What is this, some type of Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
Brendan Sagalo
We really are dumb and dumber.
Zak Amico
Yeah, that. It's just the idea. So basically it's gonna be kids hit a guy.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
So then Freddie Prince jr. Has to come back and be like, guys, I've seen this before. Did you kill somebody? And now he's an evil fisherman.
Brendan Sagalo
Tell me if you killed somebody.
Josie Marcelino
An evil fisherman in the original.
Zak Amico
Yeah.
Josie Marcelino
That's funny.
Zak Amico
Yeah. The. The.
Brendan Sagalo
The same guy.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah, I've never seen. It's in the movie.
Brendan Sagalo
The guy that looks like a fisherman with a fucking hook. He's got more now, too.
Zak Amico
Yeah, now he's got a harpoon gun.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. What's. What's he gonna have next? A fucking life saving thing. A lifesaver. Ah. I can't get it off. It goes around his neck.
Zak Amico
Oh. Like the way Bowser kills you in Mario Party.
Brendan Sagalo
He goes. He goes boom.
Zak Amico
It would be hilarious.
Brendan Sagalo
Still all fisherman stuff.
Zak Amico
If it was the original killer getting out of the water and he immediately gets run over again by his new group of drunk teenagers.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay, I need to actually start looking inward here because shame on me. You know what I mean? First time Won't get fooled again yeah.
Zak Amico
They always.
Josie Marcelino
Both ways.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, they always should look both ways.
Zak Amico
When I saw. I know you did. Last summer, the first time my dad put one of those hooks under my pillow.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, God.
Josie Marcelino
There's a reason that you're like this. Okay.
Zak Amico
Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. The first time I saw the Shining, my dad chased me around the house with an ax.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
Zak Amico
Limping and screaming.
Brendan Sagalo
He should have taken you to Rocky.
Zak Amico
All right. What else do we got here today? Oh, Christ. This would be a fun conversation. I'm a flight attendant. We judge passengers who order this sketchy beverage.
Brendan Sagalo
Apple juice, I bet.
Zak Amico
Really?
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know. I know. Me, too. That's why. That's why. And everybody, they always look at you like apple juice.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay. Don't you have a 401k? I feel like you should be worried about.
Zak Amico
There's two things you drink in the sky and you don't drink anywhere else, and it's apple juice and ginger ale.
Brendan Sagalo
Right.
Josie Marcelino
And I drink both of those on land, too.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, those are.
Zak Amico
Yeah, to me, those are sky beverages, but. So you guys both think it's apple juice?
Brendan Sagalo
No.
Josie Marcelino
No.
Brendan Sagalo
I probably like a Bloody Mary. I'm gonna guess like a Bloody Mary.
Josie Marcelino
That's a crazy thing to have some.
Brendan Sagalo
Sort of, like, alcohol.
Zak Amico
I mean, tomato juice, so good, but.
Josie Marcelino
Tomato juice in the air. That's crazy.
Zak Amico
It is a delicious thing, though, if you.
Brendan Sagalo
Maybe it's a cup of cum. Hi, can I have a cup of cum, please? What?
Zak Amico
I never got wanting coffee on the plane.
Josie Marcelino
I was just thinking, like, hot tea.
Zak Amico
Because that's like, one in coffee. Why would you want to be full of a hot liquid that wakes you up? Like.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Don't you want to sleep on a plane?
Brendan Sagalo
Damn. Mostly that sentence made my dick wiggle.
Zak Amico
What?
Brendan Sagalo
A hot liquid that wakes you up.
Zak Amico
I think Bloody Bloody Mary is the airport drink. To me.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Zak Amico
Yes.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. People, people. That's a big airport drink. The Bloody Mary.
Zak Amico
Well, I think.
Brendan Sagalo
Or maybe a coffee espresso. Like an espresso drink. Like an espresso martini.
Zak Amico
The best airport drink ever had was in Lafayette, Louisiana, and it was a Bloody Mary with fried okra and slap your mama hot seasoning around the rim of the glass.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God. On a plane.
Zak Amico
No, I got that at the airport.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, Jesus.
Zak Amico
Still, though, that was a good fucking.
Brendan Sagalo
That was a nice morning to shit your pants.
Zak Amico
That was a nice morning, buddy.
Brendan Sagalo
Yo. Oh, I feel like I'm on hot ones.
Zak Amico
Oh, that was. I don't know. It was a Pretty delicious morning beverage.
Brendan Sagalo
Good for you, dude.
Zak Amico
So.
Brendan Sagalo
So vodka soda.
Zak Amico
Yeah. Well, obviously, that's the easiest and most delicious.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, that's great.
Zak Amico
So we're thinking, is it an alcohol drink? I think apple juice could be a.
Josie Marcelino
Milk.
Zak Amico
Milk. A cup of milk.
Josie Marcelino
Milk, yeah.
Zak Amico
All right. Going milk.
Josie Marcelino
Going milk.
Brendan Sagalo
They judge people on this. Yeah, that's what they're saying. We judge you if you get this.
Josie Marcelino
Because I'll judge you on land. If you're at a restaurant and you're.
Brendan Sagalo
Getting milk, milk is great.
Josie Marcelino
Milk is great. It's a home beverage.
Brendan Sagalo
It's good for your bones.
Josie Marcelino
Not an out in the world beverage.
Zak Amico
You're saying it's a home game? Yes, I agree. I. As. As a man with delicate tummy with dairy, ice cream, for me is a home game situation.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, really?
Zak Amico
I need to not only be near a toilet, I need to be near a person, a hotel or home toilet. I do not want to be.
Brendan Sagalo
What if you're out, not on the road, and you're near a hotel? Will you check in?
Zak Amico
No, No.
Brendan Sagalo
I need a room for one, please. Right now? No.
Zak Amico
I can see.
Brendan Sagalo
How long is going to be your stay? About 45 minutes.
Zak Amico
I do not want to have to have an ice cream ship.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I get that.
Zak Amico
Anywhere where there's other human beings traipsing in and out.
Josie Marcelino
I'm very kind of you.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't judge people on milk or anything like that. I judge people on alcohol. If you're fucking drinking on a plane. What's going on?
Zak Amico
Okay, I'm gonna go gin.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, God.
Josie Marcelino
That's a weird one to have in the sky.
Zak Amico
A weird one to have in the sky. So let's hear it.
D
By the way, I just have to say I have a Bloody Mary on every flight.
Josie Marcelino
I've never had a Bloody Mary. They sound gross to me. Are they good?
Zak Amico
Yeah, they're really good. It's. It's a.
Brendan Sagalo
Do you like tomato? Like, do you like tomato?
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Then you'll love it.
Zak Amico
And with a little Tabasco, you get a little snack with it. Olive celery is nice.
Josie Marcelino
All right.
Zak Amico
I don't think I could get drunk on Bloody Mary's. Like, you switch to vodka tonics after that. Like, I think it would be crazy to have, like, five Bloody Marys.
Josie Marcelino
It's tomato.
Zak Amico
Yeah. That's a lot of tomato.
Brendan Sagalo
A lot. I've always been a mimosa guy anyway. Like, if. If I'm choosing between the two mimosa.
Zak Amico
I dated a girl for a while who like peach bellinis. Yeah, but she.
Brendan Sagalo
She had the names of those strippers.
Zak Amico
Because I would buy a cheap champagne, and she's like, can we get, like, the moderate price? I'm like, we're pouring juice in it. No, like, you don't buy nice champagne for Bellinis.
Josie Marcelino
No.
Brendan Sagalo
Maybe just in the. It's for the experience. You go, let's get a nice thing.
Zak Amico
Then you drink just the champagne.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah. You put. It's just Prosecco and a peach Bellini.
Zak Amico
That would be like asking for fucking. A Maker's Mark in Coke.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, right, right, right. That'd be awful.
Zak Amico
If you get a really, like a good sipping whiskey, you don't want to put. That's the whole fucking point. It's like putting ice in beer.
Brendan Sagalo
I used to do a thing years ago, and my impression of Seinfeld writing a joke about that, he goes, why don't we put. Why don't we drink beer with ice, people? This is something I've noticed. You know, everything else has ice. Coke has ice. Water has ice. When you're in the summer, you say, pass me a cold one. Well, guess what, buddy? Ice is cold.
Zak Amico
I like it.
Brendan Sagalo
It's not bad.
Josie Marcelino
It's fun.
Zak Amico
I like that. Every Seinfeld bit is just like, I'm autistic.
Brendan Sagalo
Something I've put a lot of thought into.
Zak Amico
The rules of society elude me. I don't understand. Why do people have things I don't. Is she still a child if she's got a woman's giant tits? That's why, you know, he'll always be alleged for that.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
All right, Shannon, what is this drink?
D
So the answer is decaffeinated coffee.
Zak Amico
Oh, yeah. That's a psycho.
D
Because they're saying that it's already, like, pretty gross just to get coffee. But at least you're getting the caffeine from it on a flight. But to have it decaffeinated, it's just gross.
Brendan Sagalo
Gross. Right.
Zak Amico
You know what?
Josie Marcelino
That makes sense.
Zak Amico
That is a stone cold lunatic. Who gets that?
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't judge anybody who's decided to make it there. I mean, like, I don't. Like, why are they judging us? Why are these people that are getting up.
Zak Amico
Because it's their job.
Josie Marcelino
Yeah.
Zak Amico
You judge anyone at your job. You judge anyone at your.
Josie Marcelino
Well, it's their job. But also, like, you want to judge. You want them to judge people on the plane to see who's going to be a problem potentially. Who's the psycho? That's.
Zak Amico
Well, no, I think they're more just saying that they're weirdos. Like. Yeah.
Josie Marcelino
And I would want them to drop ever had.
Brendan Sagalo
You know what's a weird thing to do to get a job where you travel? But the. But you do. The worst part of it, your whole job is you fucking. You're on a plane. Fuck you. You don't get to judge me.
Zak Amico
Every single job.
Brendan Sagalo
What I'm doing after this. The most fun, leaving this airport for 10 days.
Zak Amico
The most fun thing about any job is the camaraderie of you and your co workers shitting on customers.
Brendan Sagalo
Right. They can't even see two of their co workers because they're in front of the plane. Not doing. Just pressing a button and having it. You know, I don't know.
Zak Amico
I. I think that I don't know.
Brendan Sagalo
What I'm talking about.
Zak Amico
Any job. You kind of start to make a list of things. Like, I. Like when I used to sell comedy tickets, I knew there were two guaranteed signs that I was about to speak to a.
Brendan Sagalo
Right.
Zak Amico
A cowboy hat in Manhattan.
Josie Marcelino
Yep.
Zak Amico
I'm going to speak to an idiot right now.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Zak Amico
Or bag from the Eminem store.
Brendan Sagalo
Right, Right.
Zak Amico
Nothing signified. I'm about to talk to a fucking retard.
Brendan Sagalo
Hey. Yeah, that's true.
Zak Amico
They came all the way to New York City and went, did you hear? They got a store with M&M's selling.
Brendan Sagalo
Tickets for comedy was really funny because you would do that all day and you'd be getting denied and rejected and then you'd just be feeling it and they'd be saying the same thing over and over and over again until you wanted fight them. So you'd be like, hey, guys, are you into stand up comedy? And they'd be like, we actually like sit down comedy. And another person goes, we hate to laugh. And you go, I will fuck you up, dude.
Zak Amico
Oh, by the end hours. Or the lady that laughs in your face and goes, we are a comedy show.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Right, Right. Yuck. Yuck.
Zak Amico
Yes. All right, we got one more before we get out of here. Oh, hell no. Arkansas man caught his wife doing the unthinkable with her own son.
Brendan Sagalo
Huh?
Josie Marcelino
Is it. I feel like it's a mislead. I feel like that's not really what she was doing.
Zak Amico
Let's find out.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, God.
Josie Marcelino
Oh, this is an Arkansas man.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Look at that dude.
D
Sorry, it's not playing. Let me just refresh. Sorry.
Brendan Sagalo
Are you sure it wasn't playing? And that time had just frozen for that man.
Zak Amico
He was stuck in white trash purgatory.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah. He was actually in a Car.
Zak Amico
You're standing in your own. You're standing in your own driveway shirtless. You can't move, white trash.
Brendan Sagalo
Damn. I really can't wait to see this video. So, what, we think he was her?
Josie Marcelino
No, I don't. I think it's misleading. I don't think.
Zak Amico
By the way, is it trashy to hang out outside of your own house without a shirt on?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, this is your property. This is a question for another podcast.
Zak Amico
Is it. Is it classless and honest question. If you live in an apartment building, this is something my wife gets mad at me for doing. And you have to go downstairs to either take garbage out, get the mail.
Brendan Sagalo
Not putting on shoes.
Zak Amico
Yeah. Going barefoot.
Brendan Sagalo
That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life. Do you do that?
Zak Amico
Almost every time I do that.
Brendan Sagalo
Get sandals.
Zak Amico
No, I have slides sometimes. I have. I have. I have Spider man slides.
Brendan Sagalo
Good. You got. Yeah, don't. Don't. Barefoot, bro.
Josie Marcelino
No, I'm team barefoot fucking. What, are you gonna waste your time putting on a little shoe? You wash your feet later?
Brendan Sagalo
Well, you know, you're getting fights at Chipotle and you have mice living in your house. I don't think anyone should listen to you. Listen to me, buddy. Do not go feetless.
Zak Amico
Okay. Other question.
Josie Marcelino
Don't go feetless.
Zak Amico
If I order food, I will answer the door without a shirt on. On.
Josie Marcelino
That's fine.
Zak Amico
And I also. Well, for you, yes. Or if. But I will stand in my hallway waiting for them without a shirt on. And sometimes my neighbors get off the elevator, and I'm just standing there with no shirt, just basketball shorts on.
Brendan Sagalo
Delivery guy looks at you, and he goes, we overestimated how much utensils we put in that bag.
Zak Amico
Yeah, sorry, we thought this was. I'm sorry for the. Enjoy your seven pairs of knives.
Brendan Sagalo
Sorry, we thought you were getting food for a bar mitzvah.
Josie Marcelino
I just stand there menacingly waiting for your food.
Zak Amico
I don't know if I told you this. I do this bit to embarrass my wife where I tell the delivery driver, I love you. Aw. Whenever it's a guy I know doesn't speak English. Yeah, he'll give me the food. Hey, thank you so much. I love you. And then I'll just close the door.
Brendan Sagalo
You know, you're probably making some of their days, too. They're probably getting in the car like, oh, that's kind of nice. Or the complete opposite, where they're like. Like this job that says, I love you. He doesn't even know me.
Zak Amico
I Think that. I think it's that definitely making fun.
Brendan Sagalo
Of me to make that video load chat it.
D
It won't play on Worldstar, but I did find the entire body cam footage of it. It's like 20 minutes, but I'm going to start it right at the point where they pull up.
Zak Amico
Awesome. Thank you.
Brendan Sagalo
Here we go. That's a messed up man. I just walked in and caught myself freaking wife and her son having sex.
Zak Amico
I'm 100% serious. She's drunk as I'll get out. He was too. He looks like that baby.
Brendan Sagalo
What's he wearing? He does look like that baby.
Josie Marcelino
Look like the baby right there.
Brendan Sagalo
That's probably where he's at.
Zak Amico
I just got home from work, man. I got my uniform on still. Pause. That is one of my favorite Jeff Fox worthy. The you might be a redneck if.
Brendan Sagalo
You don't wear a shirt to work.
Zak Amico
And neither does your wife.
Brendan Sagalo
That's hilarious.
Zak Amico
Be a redneck.
Brendan Sagalo
What was the first one? The first you might be a redneck. I think it was if your mom has a beer can on the ironing board, you might be a redneck.
Zak Amico
The two I remember, I think are if your family tree does not fork.
Brendan Sagalo
Hilarious.
Zak Amico
If you take your dog for a walk and you both pee on the same tree.
Brendan Sagalo
I feel like if I was a redneck, I'd be watching him going like, what's he talking about? Why is he shitting on us like that?
Zak Amico
That was my first comedy special I ever saw. I bought it on tape at a church bazaar.
Brendan Sagalo
Whoa.
Zak Amico
Jeff Foxworthy's you Might be a redneck. Number one selling family comedy album of all time. Put it on at a family gathering. And my mother said, zachary, turn this off. This guy's fucking filthy.
Brendan Sagalo
What?
Josie Marcelino
That's so funny.
Brendan Sagalo
You had a rough bring up. Dude.
Josie Marcelino
Has she. Has your mother Senior set?
Zak Amico
Yes.
Josie Marcelino
Okay.
Zak Amico
It's been an issue.
Josie Marcelino
Okay. Yeah.
Zak Amico
She's gotten used to it. It took a while, but yes. That was my first memory. Zach Return.
Josie Marcelino
I'm sorry.
Brendan Sagalo
This guy's a nice little Pixar movie.
Josie Marcelino
So you were born to a woman who thinks that Jeff Foxworthy is filthy and a man who chased you around with an ax as a bit. Here we go.
Zak Amico
That's how you make this sense. That's how you make this.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Let's watch the rest of this.
Zak Amico
Yeah, please.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay, well, I'm about to have her.
Zak Amico
I need her off the property right now. Hold on.
Josie Marcelino
I'm confused why the police are involved.
Zak Amico
What's your name? My name's Daniel Fallish.
Brendan Sagalo
Cuz it's illegal to your kid.
Josie Marcelino
I don't think it is if he's an adult.
Zak Amico
No, I think incest is definitely.
Brendan Sagalo
What? What? That can't be true. What?
Josie Marcelino
That can't be true.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, if he's 18, it's. There's nothing in the rule book that says a dog can't its mom.
Josie Marcelino
Like. No, like here's the thing. In Maryland it's illegal to have anal sex. It's considered improper or whatever. Or a lud lascivious act. So like that's illegal, but like you're going to do it. You don't call the cops.
Zak Amico
Lascivious is Drexel's cousin.
Josie Marcelino
I feel like that's not. They can't get married and look up.
Zak Amico
If it's illegal to your mom.
Brendan Sagalo
We're just gonna go past this.
Zak Amico
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay. Not enough time.
Zak Amico
What's your date of birth? 8.26.82. Can we fast forward a little? He didn't do nothing.
Brendan Sagalo
I got him here, got him left.
D
So I. I did. I did find a part a little further on where they show the wife.
Zak Amico
Yeah, let's do it.
D
And by the way, this is only part one. I wish I would have seen this before we started.
Zak Amico
I'm sorry.
D
No, no, it's my fault.
Zak Amico
Shannon's got Stockholm syndrome.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, apologize. Shannon agrees.
Zak Amico
Oh, I mean, how do you not your mom if she looks like that?
Josie Marcelino
God, the kiss T shirt and everything.
Zak Amico
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Do we get to see the kid?
Zak Amico
When I was coming in that door, I heard.
Brendan Sagalo
I heard the pop and he's on top of you. Re back again. He scared. He's scared. Just. Did they hit you or where did.
Zak Amico
It hit you at?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh my God, he's scared. It's just like Promise. Okay, Crystal. He scared me. I thought he came inside me. He was super scared. Okay, well look, that doesn't change the fact of what he's already done. Yeah, so what?
Zak Amico
Look, Crystal, be honest with me, okay?
Brendan Sagalo
Can you do that?
Zak Amico
You can't.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm trying. She said no. I'm trying.
Zak Amico
Hey, take you another deep breath for me.
Brendan Sagalo
In your nose, out your mouth.
Zak Amico
Take a couple those. I'm going to come back and talk to you.
Brendan Sagalo
This is so. This is so your mama, your sister, your grandma.
Zak Amico
Most of all you.
Brendan Sagalo
This is so. This happens so often where they're from the cops go. We have a number one happening.
Zak Amico
Super sized cop.
Josie Marcelino
Definitely had the demeanor of.
Brendan Sagalo
Like that Again, so sad too.
Zak Amico
We got a number one and a kids meal.
D
I found. I scrolled through the second video. And I. I do have the son, and they're arresting.
Brendan Sagalo
Bring them up. Bring him up.
Zak Amico
Oh, that's just forbidden love, dude. We got to ask this guy what happened when we see him at Gang Fest.
Josie Marcelino
I. I swear to God, that looks exactly like somebody I went to high school with. Is his name Kyle?
D
It's. I mean, it's Arkansas.
Josie Marcelino
Oh, never mind.
Zak Amico
I would say I'd be shock. His name's not Kyle.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I'd say that.
Zak Amico
Yeah.
D
I don't know if anything else, like, really happens here.
Zak Amico
All right. Did we find out. Is it illegal to your mom in. In. In Arkansas?
Brendan Sagalo
Yes.
D
Hold on one second.
Zak Amico
We'll end the show on that. Obviously, we need to answer that question.
Brendan Sagalo
Dude, I wish they followed that kid into whatever, like, holding cell that he's gonna be in or whatever jail where they figure out what he did.
Zak Amico
They're like, let me see your paperwork, Kyle.
Brendan Sagalo
Let me see your paperwork for one second.
Josie Marcelino
Is he going to jail for raping the moment? Because then that's a problem.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
Josie Marcelino
It's a problem to fuck your mom problem regardless. But I feel like. It's not like cops arrest you illegal. I'm disgusted by it, too, but I don't think that that's the. I think you can't get married.
Brendan Sagalo
You cannot fuck your relatives.
Josie Marcelino
I think legally you can.
D
It's a. It is a criminal offense in Arkansas. It says a relationship referred to in this section includes a blood relationship without regard to legitimacy. It's a class C felony.
Josie Marcelino
Oh, my God. All right, I'm wrong.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Yeah.
Josie Marcelino
Well, yikes.
Brendan Sagalo
Now we know what her porn search is.
Josie Marcelino
Not stepbrother. I just thought it was. I thought we lived in America. God damn it.
Zak Amico
You thought. You thought that was sick. You thought that was above board?
Josie Marcelino
I. I didn't get it.
Zak Amico
As long as they don't get married.
Josie Marcelino
I didn't like it, but I thought it was fun.
Brendan Sagalo
Right? Right.
Josie Marcelino
In the eyes of the law.
Zak Amico
We've. Well, we've all learned something today, and the most important one is don't fuck your mom.
Josie Marcelino
Don't fuck your mom.
Zak Amico
Thank you guys for tuning in to the Morning Zoo. Please check out my guests, Josie Marcelino and Sag Daddy. The pods own Brendan Sagalo. Thank you guys so much for tuning in, and we will catch you this Friday on the bonus episode here on Zakamiko's Morning Zoom.
Brendan Sagalo
Papa Mako, chugging down just like your favorite old beast clown. Grab a call bed and join the crew. It's Akamiko. Morning soon. It's a Miko woop woo morning too. Woo hoo.
Zac Amico's Morning Zoo - Episode 0004: Brendan Sagalow and Josie Marcellino
Release Date: April 27, 2025
Host/Author: GaS Digital Network
In the fourth episode of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo, host Zac Amico is joined by two vibrant guests from GaS Digital Network: Brendan Sagalow of SAG Daddy the Pod and rising talent Josie Marcellino. The trio embarks on a rollercoaster morning filled with humorous anecdotes, sharp commentary on pop culture, and candid discussions about personal encounters with discrimination.
[01:56] Zac warmly welcomes Brendan and Josie to the show, setting a lighthearted tone. The initial banter revolves around technical hiccups with headphones and the relaxed vibe among the hosts.
This segment showcases the chemistry between the hosts, highlighting their comedic rapport and setting the stage for deeper conversations.
[12:03] Josie narrates a troubling experience at a Chipotle in West Philadelphia, where she faced accusations of racism after a misunderstanding during a simple transaction.
Josie's account details how she inadvertently led to a confrontation when a Chipotle employee refused her change and made a racially charged remark. The situation escalated quickly, leaving Josie questioning how such misunderstandings can arise in everyday interactions.
[19:24] Zac shares his own unsettling encounter on the subway, where he was wrongly accused of racism based on his appearance and a tattoo.
Zac recounts how his distinct tattoo was misinterpreted, leading to a hostile reaction from both commuters and police, further emphasizing the complexities and challenges of racial misunderstandings.
These stories collectively highlight the hosts' personal battles with racial prejudices and the often inexplicable nature of such confrontations.
[07:07] - [08:48] The hosts delve into their thoughts on the "Malcolm in the Middle" prequel movie, expressing disappointment over its execution and deviation from the original show's essence.
They compare the prequel unfavorably to the beloved original series, noting how attempts to blend different narratives resulted in a disjointed and less impactful film.
This segment reflects the hosts' appreciation for authentic storytelling and critique of media that fails to capture the spirit of its predecessors.
[35:53] - [36:27] The discussion shifts to a bizarre urban legend about alligators living in sewer systems, particularly in Florida. They humorously debate the plausibility of alligators navigating through sewage pipes.
[37:00] - [38:35] Josie tells a chilling story about a massive African rock python breaking into an apartment during a sleepover, tragically killing two kids.
The hosts discuss the horrifying nature of such incidents, interspersed with humorous takes on unlikely survival scenarios.
[45:54] - [50:00] Zac shares a personal story involving his cat, Gus, who causes chaos by pushing dead mice onto his foot, leading to an urgent bathroom rush.
These animal stories blend horror with everyday experiences, highlighting the unpredictable nature of pets and urban myths.
[55:00] - [63:53] The conversation transitions to the peculiar preferences of flight attendants regarding in-flight beverages. The hosts debate the acceptability of drinks like decaffeinated coffee and Bloody Marys on airplanes.
They humorously speculate on the rationale behind certain beverage choices, emphasizing the unique environment of air travel.
This segment combines observational humor with personal preferences, reflecting on the idiosyncrasies of airline service.
[72:17] - [78:43] The hosts reminisce about classic Jeff Foxworthy "You might be a redneck" jokes, integrating their own twists and personal anecdotes.
These jokes serve as a bridge between personal stories and overarching humor themes, reinforcing the show's playful atmosphere.
[70:03] - [73:50] Discussions about difficult landlords and preferences for being barefoot highlight the hosts' everyday frustrations and unconventional lifestyle choices.
These segments blend relatable scenarios with exaggerated comedic reactions, maintaining the show's chaotic and entertaining vibe.
These quotes capture the essence of the hosts' humor, blending candidness with comedic exaggeration.
Episode 0004 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo delivers a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and sharp cultural commentary. Through Brendan Sagalow and Josie Marcellino's engaging presence, the show navigates through sensitive topics like racism and personal mishaps with a comedic twist. The hosts' ability to intertwine serious discussions with lighthearted banter ensures a captivating experience for listeners, whether seasoned fans or newcomers tuning in for the first time.
Zac Amico's Morning Zoo continues to establish itself as a unique drive-time show, offering listeners a mix of chaos, laughter, and relatable stories. Episode 0004 stands out for its honest conversations and the infectious chemistry between the hosts and guests, making it a must-listen for fans seeking both entertainment and thoughtful discourse.