0005. Che Durena, Rob Crews, Emily Wade and Jaime-Lee Simmons

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo - Episode 0005 Summary

Release Date: May 2, 2025

In Episode 0005 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo, hosted by Zach Amico from the GaS Digital Network, listeners are treated to a lively and unfiltered discussion featuring guests Che Durena from the Dark Holes podcast, Rob Crews from the Durag and the Deer Tag podcast, and Jamie-Lee Simmons alongside Emily Wade from the Two Girls One Blunt podcast. The episode is a blend of humor, candid conversations about personal experiences, and playful interactions among the hosts and guests.

---

1. Introducing the Guests and Their Podcasts

Zach Amico kicks off the episode by warmly welcoming his guests, each bringing their unique comedic flair and podcasting backgrounds.

• Rob Crews introduces himself from the Durag and the Deer Tag podcast, expressing his excitement to be part of the Morning Zoo.

  [01:33] Rob Crews: "I'm fucking hyped to be here."

• Che Durena shares insights about his Dark Holes podcast, highlighting his upcoming tour dates in Atlanta, Texas, and Montreal.

  [03:28] Che Durena: "I'm going to be in Atlanta this upcoming weekend... hosting the Nasty show."

• Jamie-Lee Simmons and Emily Wade discuss the origins of their podcast, Two Girls One Blunt, which started during the pandemic when they bonded over shared experiences.

  [02:42] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "We started the podcast because we met on Facebook Marketplace during the Pandemic..."

The segment sets a collaborative and enthusiastic tone, emphasizing the camaraderie among the guests.

---

2. Shaq's On-Air Incident: A Comedic Breakdown

A significant portion of the episode delves into a humorous analysis of an incident involving basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal (Shaq), where he reportedly had an emergency on air.

• Zach initiates the topic, sparking a round of jokes and speculative commentary on Shaq's lifestyle and physical prowess.

  [05:04] Che Durena: "Who's Jesse Shack."

  [05:07] Rob Crews: "I did not."

• The guests humorously debate the implications of Shaq's age and his interactions with younger partners, blending playful teasing with exaggerated scenarios.

  [07:06] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "I think he's walking. And at the same time, could be at 100..."

• The conversation shifts to discussing Shaq's absence from public drinking and his efforts to maintain a clean image, leading to further comedic exchanges about his personal habits.

  [08:56] Che Durena: "Somebody's fucking with you at a bar. Yeah, I'm sure every..."

The segment is marked by rapid-fire jokes and light-hearted ribbing, showcasing the guests' chemistry and comedic timing.

---

3. Exploring Sexual Kinks and Relationship Dynamics

The episode takes a candid turn as the guests open up about their personal sexual experiences, preferences, and kinks, intertwining humor with genuine anecdotes.

• Jamie-Lee Simmons and Emily Wade discuss their experiences with racial play and dominance in relationships, sharing stories that blend vulnerability with comedic elements.

  [32:07] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "He wanted me to, like, hit him and call him the N word..."

  [33:05] Emily Wade: "I've hooked up with a guy with a tickle fetish... it was the best orgasm I've ever had."

• The hosts engage in playful banter, offering humorous takes on intense topics like degradation play and fetish exploration.

  [36:50] Zach Amico: "How many inches? 9."

  [41:15] Che Durena: "People are perverts... bring back child labor, dude."

This segment balances explicit content with humor, providing an unfiltered look into the guests' personal lives while maintaining an entertaining atmosphere.

---

4. Reality TV and Celebrity Sex Tapes

The conversation transitions into an examination of reality TV shows and the phenomenon of celebrity sex tapes, blending critique with humor.

• The guests reminisce about shows like Flavor of Love and Rock of Love, dissecting their impact on reality television.

  [12:05] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "Was there like an answer? Yeah, yeah. No, no, it's..."

• They discuss the commercialization of sex tapes, referencing famous cases involving Tommy Lee and Bret Michaels, and mock the artificiality behind some of these leaks.

  [20:24] Emily Wade: "She's on all, like, a bunch of comedy stuff now."

  [21:16] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "That was my ex's biggest fear, that he..."

The segment offers a satirical take on the lengths celebrities go to maintain their image and monetize personal content.

---

5. Battle of the Sexes Trivia

In a light-hearted competition, the guests participate in a trivia game designed to pit the knowledge of males and females against each other in stereotypical questions.

• Che Durena and Rob Crews represent the male side, while Jamie-Lee Simmons and Emily Wade take on the female team.

  [62:44] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "One, just like always."

  [63:37] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "Skipper."

• Questions range from pop culture ("Who is Barbie's sister?" - Skipper) to general knowledge ("What shape is a princess cut Diamond?" - Square), with humorous guesses and playful competitiveness.

  [66:05] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "She's the non-binary Barbie."

  [67:58] Che Durena: "First person shooter."

• The trivia ends with the female team securing a win, leading to teasing remarks about post-game interactions.

  [70:41] Emily Wade: "Now we're going to peg you guys."

  [70:50] Zach Amico: "Morning promo code zoo and we'll see you on Wednesday."

The trivia segment underscores the show's blend of humor and interactive entertainment, fostering a spirited and engaging environment.

---

6. Restaurant Psychological Tactics Discussion

Towards the episode's conclusion, the guests analyze psychological strategies restaurants employ to increase customer spending, offering both insights and humorous observations.

• Che Durena points out the impact of attractive servers on tipping behaviors.

  [42:23] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "I used to do this as a server..."

• Zach Amico elaborates on menu design tactics, such as pricing strategies and the use of color to influence appetite.

  [42:31] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "That's smart."

• The conversation touches on personal experiences with restaurants, including split orders and the psychological effects of wait times on perceived food value.

  [43:28] Jamie-Lee Simmons: "Nice."

The discussion provides listeners with both educational content and comedic reflections on everyday scenarios.

---

Conclusion

Episode 0005 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo delivers a robust mix of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions. From dissecting celebrity mishaps to exploring intimate relationship dynamics and analyzing everyday psychological tactics, the episode captivates listeners with its candidness and lively interactions. The inclusion of engaging segments like trivia games further enhances the entertainment value, making it a memorable installment for fans of unhinged and irreverent morning talk shows.

Notable Quotes:

• Rob Crews at [01:33]: "I'm fucking hyped to be here."
• Jamie-Lee Simmons at [32:07]: "He wanted me to, like, hit him and call him the N word..."
• Che Durena at [42:27]: "Hot chick in restaurant good."
• Zach Amico at [62:52]: "These are just stereotypical general knowledge questions for guys and girls."

---

Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content segments, focusing solely on the substantive discussions and interactions among the host and guests.

Transcript

[Zach Amico]

Fill her up.

[Che]

You're listening to the GAS Digital Network.

[Zach Amico]

Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day Tell the.

[Che]

Sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs.

[Zach Amico]

And cook some beef Laugh is waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the CRE2 it's a morning suit. Happy Monday, y'all. It's your boy, the international superstar Zach Amico. Feeling great on a Monday. And by a Monday, I mean it's still Sunday for me. I never went to bed last night. I just took a nap on the couch because I had to drive all night and then get on a plane to get here in time. But that's how much it means to me to do this show live for you guys. I will sleep when I go home later. So thank you guys so much for tuning in, and thank you to everybody sitting here at the table because I got some real funny people to share with you guys. To my left, directly from Durag and the deer tag, it's our good friend Rob Cruz.

[Rob Cruz]

Hey, buddy, how you doing?

[Zach Amico]

Doing good. How you doing, dude?

[Rob Cruz]

I'm fucking hyped to be here.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you very much for your time.

[Rob Cruz]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

We have a nice, fun day. Across table from me from the Dark Holes podcast, it's Cheaterina. Hi.

[Che]

Hello. Which one's this? Me.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. How you doing, Doug?

[Che]

I'm doing good. How are you doing?

[Zach Amico]

It's gonna be a fucking fun day.

[Che]

Yeah, dude, I'm pumped.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, man, we're gonna. I think you're gonna dig the show. It's doing the same kind of just a little silly.

[Che]

I like silly. Silly's my bag, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I always go rap was like 70 offensive. 30 silly.

[Che]

Yeah, I'm.

[Zach Amico]

I'm trying to do. I'm switching it up. Yeah. 70 silly, dude.

[Che]

Yeah, we're not going to say the N word as much. That's fun, guys.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Well, especially considering. Yes, we'll be careful.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And across table from me, new friends from the two girls One Blunt podcast. It's our new friends, Jamie Lee Simmons and Emily Wade.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Hello.

[Emily Wade]

Thanks for having us.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you guys so much for being here. How long are you guys in the city?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

We're here till Wednesday.

[Zach Amico]

Cool. Well, thank you so much for hanging out with us. I really appreciate it. And let's promote your show right away. Let's do plugs up top. Tell us about the podcast. Tell us about you guys. If you have any dates, you Want to plug? Go nuts.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, well, we started the podcast because we met on Facebook Marketplace during the Pandemic, and then we became roommates, got really high for, like, six months straight. And then we're like, dude, we should start a podcast.

[Emily Wade]

And that's Two Girls One. Yeah, we just bring on comics, like sometimes porn stars, our friends, and we ask them crazy, you know, questions and stories. Chase. But I guess multiple times. Probably our highest episode. One of. One of our highest episodes.

[Che]

Yeah, dude, we had good times.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, we got crazy.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So excellent.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, it's fun. But you can find it at Two Girls, one Blunt Pod.

[Zach Amico]

Very cool. Do you guys have any live dates you want to plug?

[Emily Wade]

No, no, we're working on stuff for the summer right now.

[Zach Amico]

No sweat whatsoever. Please check out Two Girls, One Blunt Pod. Che, what do you want people to check out, dog?

[Che]

Yeah, check out the podcast Dark Holes. Guys, you can find me on Twitch at Che and Cam. And then for tour dates, I'm going to be in Atlanta this upcoming weekend. Then I'm going to be in Texas. We have Houston and Dallas. Then I am going to be at Skankfest. And what else? What's the other fucking one? Oh, yeah. I'm taking all June off, and then July, you can catch me at the Montreal, like, just for laughs. I'm gonna be there for a whole week hosting the Nasty show. And I got my own gala and stuff there. It's gonna be great.

[Zach Amico]

Hell, yeah, Rob.

[Rob Cruz]

Just check out Durag and the Deer Tag podcast. It's me, Naim Ali, and Drew Montana. Just three WizKids from Philly doing our thing. And then we're gonna be in Austin, possibly in July. We're locking that in right now. And then we're gonna be in LA in September. September. The dates are fleeting, but just check out my Instagram at the Attention Horse.

[Zach Amico]

Fantastic. If you guys want to see me live, you go to punchup Dot Live. Zach Amico. And also, man, I just signed with JCW through August, so if you like wrestling, I'll be doing commentary. And I am going out on the road. I will be in Spartanburg, South Carolina, opening for Insane Clown Posse. Also Charlotte, North Carolina. Then we're in Cheswick, Pennsylvania, Reading, Pennsylvania, and Liverpool, New York, which is not a town I knew was a real thing. Come hang out. It's been a lot of fun. I've been really enjoying. Been out on the road with the Insane Clown Posse. And let's get the show going. Jesse. Shaq poofed his pants on the air.

[Che]

Who's Jesse Shack.

[Zach Amico]

Did you guys see.

[Rob Cruz]

I did not.

[Che]

No, no.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yes, I did.

[Zach Amico]

Shaq shit his pants.

[Emily Wade]

Did he actually shit his pants, though, or was he running to the bathroom?

[Zach Amico]

Shaq had an emergency.

[Che]

Shaq had an emergency.

[Rob Cruz]

Oh, I did see this.

[Che]

He might have pooped his pants. How did this slip by me? I love poop.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he gotta slip by him.

[Che]

Yeah, true.

[Emily Wade]

I was slipping out of him.

[Zach Amico]

If there's two things I love, it's Shaq and shitting. And shitting.

[Che]

Yeah, dude, those are high on the.

[Emily Wade]

We're in the right spot.

[Zach Amico]

This is the spot. So let's check out the video about Kawhi. Is. You know what? I. You all right, big fella? Catch it. Pause. He's like, I wore the wrong suit today.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, you can't wear Easter colors when you got a bad stomach.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's.

[Che]

It's coming right through.

[Zach Amico]

Steve Harvey rule number one. You dress based on how your tummy feels that day.

[Che]

Is that. Oh, no. It's like, did Steve Harvey say that? Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, Steve Harvey's rule is something that. You buy the three suits. Yeah, the three suits.

[Che]

Yeah. And you mix and match them.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, I do that. You got 72 suits to wear.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

What Shaq do that? I got a shit shimmy. Yeah, we're on tv. I love that, by the way. That is faster than Shaq moved on the court the last year.

[Che]

100%, dude. Dude. And Shaq shitting himself. That's got to be like. I don't know. It's like an elephant or like an antelope, like some large mammal shitting themselves, you know? Like, that's not something like a shack. Like, little spurt of shit is probably like, bro, like, 0.75 my full.

[Rob Cruz]

Oh, yeah. No, that's like another dude coming out.

[Che]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Emily Wade]

He's having a baby.

[Rob Cruz]

No, for sure. It's probably like, deer, too, where it, like, instinctually knows how to walk when it comes out.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Oh, you think he can stick and move?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I think he's walking. And at the same time, could be at 100. I feel like he would have done the butt grab if that. That was the case. You always got to grab the hole when you know you're.

[Che]

But he maybe didn't want to give.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

It away, scoop it back in.

[Che]

I'm. I like, I. We forget that these guys, like, what's. How old is Shaq? He's what, like 55 or something like that?

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, he's got to be up there.

[Che]

Like, he's up there you're, you're, you're starting to get the age. And these guys also live rough like you. The, like the Shannon Sharp thing. He's a 19 year old only fans girl. That means you're going out, you're partying, you're drinking, you're living like 20 year old dude life as 55 year old man Shaq single, he DJs. You're going to shit yourself. That's good. That's your, you can't, your body can't handle.

[Rob Cruz]

I'm waiting for that drop.

[Zach Amico]

I might be wrong, but I think Shaq said once that he never drinks in public.

[Che]

Oh really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he said he will only drink in the privacy of his home with friends. Yeah, that. I don't think he, he's ever. It's something with his mom like she asked him not to.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, that's smart.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think there's any footage of him ever.

[Emily Wade]

I have to stop drinking and party.

[Zach Amico]

Being under the influence of alcohol, I.

[Che]

Well then he might have had like a crazy night with the friends. And also it's like, what's. He can't drink? Maybe he's doing a couple key bumps or something. You know, it's like you can't live that lifestyle even if you got the money and expect not to yourself. A price needs to be paid. You can't fuck 19 year old only fans girls and then make millions of dollars and then think you're gonna get off.

[Zach Amico]

Scott, we got the quote, Shan. You can read it. Shannon B. Shack shacking.

[Shannon]

I do drink.

[Zach Amico]

That's racist, Shannon.

[Shannon]

But not in public because I can't do nothing to jeopardize my mother's empire. So I'm not going to sit there and say don't drink. Me and my father used to drink after all the championship games. So if I'm at the house, I'll drink, but I'm not going to drink at a restaurant and jump in a car.

[Zach Amico]

And then I think that makes sense.

[Rob Cruz]

And also like that's when he got hit by a car.

[Zach Amico]

He probably doesn't want to be out drinking. And you know the classic, you get in a fight.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody's fucking with you at a bar. Yeah, I'm sure every. I'm sure he's too big to not be noticed at the bar.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I would love to get in a fight with Shaq. I think I could take him.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Because I'm gonna clip the last. I have the advantage of speed on me. If he throws a punch, I just go right under it. And take his back. I could fuck him up.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I'm calling out Shaq right now.

[Che]

I think Shaq would destroy you. Like, some sort of.

[Emily Wade]

He can destroy me anytime.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I'm.

[Emily Wade]

Will.

[Che]

He wouldn't even. He wouldn't even, like, beat you. He would, like, grab your arms and, like, rip them out of the sockets. He draws a quarter.

[Zach Amico]

I think he would hurt you before he. I think he would be trying to be nice. It's like, oh, I'm sorry, little white lady.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

It's like Lenny and Mice of men. He's, like, petting me really aggressively.

[Zach Amico]

I'm sorry. I just liked your red hair. And he's just got a handful of scalp. Yeah.

[Che]

Oh, my God.

[Rob Cruz]

If you guys get in a street fight, do you, like, fight fair? Because I'm too old to, like, fight with honor. Like, I'm biting penis. I'm, like, poking eyes. Like, I don't care if I look cool when I fight. Like, I'm trying to live.

[Che]

I feel like I'm past the age of street fight street fights. Like, I. When was the last time you got a street fight?

[Rob Cruz]

The last week. Not since I was a kid. But if I get, like, attacked or something by, like, some crazy dude.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

You know what I mean?

[Che]

Oh, no. I feel like I haven't been attacked by a crazy either. You got a lot of crazies creeping.

[Rob Cruz]

Up on you Infill. You never know.

[Che]

True.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

You gotta be ready.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

No, for sure. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, I'm going right for balls. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's smart.

[Emily Wade]

I do the Blue Mountain State thing where I'm just like, I'll jerk you off. Or, like, if a girl's trying to fight me, I'll be like, I'm gonna touch your right now. And they're like, what the. I don't even want to fight you anymore.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

What if they're into it, though, and they just keep going? They're like, all right, take the clothes off.

[Zach Amico]

Then.

[Emily Wade]

We're not fighting. Eating puss.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Hey, tonight took a fun direction. That's what.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's happening tonight.

[Zach Amico]

We become best friends after Shaq's baby mama was the girl from Flavor of Love, Wasn't she? Oops.

[Che]

I don't know. Was it.

[Zach Amico]

She was tiny.

[Che]

Yeah. That. I don't. I don't have dad on. That I got no dad on.

[Zach Amico]

I'm pretty sure for a while. And I want to say he's got kids with the.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Did you guys watch Flavor of Love?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

No.

[Rob Cruz]

Here, there's.

[Zach Amico]

All right. I'm dating myself. I guess with my. My love of bed. VH1 celebreality. So I do have to go to my other old person. Shannon.

[Shannon]

Yeah. So it was. I'm trying to find a picture. It was Hoops. Hoops is who he dated. And I do have a picture. One second.

[Zach Amico]

Hoops is Hoops.

[Che]

It kind of makes sense. Their name is.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, I've seen her. Damn. Shaq looks good.

[Che]

I didn't realize she was on Flav of Love.

[Zach Amico]

She won.

[Che]

I think she won Flavor of Love.

[Zach Amico]

Well, she came very close.

[Che]

And then Shaq stole the love from Flavor. Flavor. How menacing.

[Zach Amico]

I think Flavor Flav was married for part of.

[Che]

Oh, yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Wait, was this like a dating show where Flavor tried to find love?

[Che]

You don't know Flavor of Love?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

No.

[Che]

How old are you guys?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

26?

[Emily Wade]

31.

[Che]

Okay. You should know.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. But I was abused as a kid, so I wasn't watching tv.

[Che]

Yeah, it was. That exactly was. It was Flavors. It went two seasons.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Was he wearing the clock the whole time?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And a Viking helmet.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, he went classy. He went, you know what? It's time to class up my image.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

He had a pocket watch.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. The crack smoking black guy in a Viking hat. You know, did he smoke crack? Oh, yeah.

[Che]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think when he didn't get arrested for it.

[Che]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

I think he got arrested for when he's a public enemy.

[Che]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So there was the surreal life, which was all like sea level celebrities in a house.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then that had a ton of spin offs, including. Well, there was Bret. Brett. Brett Michaels, Rock of Love, Flavor Flav, Flavor of Love. And then people from those shows all got shows. So there was Daisy of Love. There was Megan Wants a Millionaire. There was I love Money. There was I love New York, who was one of the finalists from Flavor Love.

[Che]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And then there was Shannon. What was the one where does New York needs a job?

[Shannon]

Yeah. There is a New York Goes to Work. New York Goes to Hollywood. I love money. Real Chance of Love. Oh, because Chance, he also got.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. Chance.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

So truly evergreen.

[Che]

Yeah. Oh, you can go back and watch them.

[Zach Amico]

They.

[Che]

They. Hold up, dude. I went back and watched Fudgeing. What was it called? Are you the one? Are you the one season? I think it's four and six or both on Netflix, which are the ones where you're like, all these people have borderline personality disorder. Like, every single person is mentally ill. And then they starve them and feed them alcohol and they go, turn on the cameras, dude. And they just Rip, dude. And that's a fucking rocks.

[Rob Cruz]

Are you the one is kind of like the plot of the Matrix. Have you seen could have Been Love? No, it's drisky show. Oh, you would love it.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That was so good.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, it's a. Like a VH1 style. Like.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

Like, Flavor of Love type show.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Yeah. I'm 100%.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Who was it? Bambi? That one?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, I think so. I. For. I just started watching it, but I. I really respect that he's into studs.

[Che]

Oh, yeah. That.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I'm also into studs, so I can relate.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. In one of the first. In whatever. One of the first episodes you. The first second season of Flavor of Love, he's in a mansion. They have all the girls lined up. And one of the girls shits on the floor. Oh, really?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

She pulls a shack.

[Zach Amico]

She shacks.

[Che]

She shacks.

[Emily Wade]

That's new Charlotte.

[Zach Amico]

She fully lifts her dress up like a lady and drops a log on the floor.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

I think, because they were waiting so long.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I think they're hammered.

[Che]

Yeah. So, yeah, they. They shed on the floor.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Did I get. Was it. That was Flavor of Love, where the girl shit on the bush, she on the stairs, I think.

[Shannon]

Yeah, that was. I have a long clip here. This clip might be a little long, but I don't. I'll play it for you instead of skimming through it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, that crown was $2.

[Zach Amico]

After we do the toast. I was like, what is that smell in my crib, Yo. Pause. There's no way that's his house.

[Emily Wade]

This is the end of my life.

[Rob Cruz]

No, that can't be his house.

[Che]

No, this is like a clown house.

[Rob Cruz]

Very P.B. herman house.

[Zach Amico]

I'm gonna leave y'all for a little bit. Did I seen this girl in the back, but then she came back, but thanks for coming. No, she had this look on her face like, have a good time, y'all.

[Che]

Why Was just like, I gotta go to bath.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Is she the one who just walked off?

[Zach Amico]

Something takes off upstairs.

[Emily Wade]

Oh, my God.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's nasty. I smelled it.

[Shannon]

Elimination is over.

[Zach Amico]

I just want to say. Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

The elimination is done.

[Shannon]

What is that smell?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

My God.

[Zach Amico]

And as I'm going up the steps.

[Emily Wade]

I look down, and I was like, hey, hey, hey.

[Zach Amico]

Watch your step.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, my goodness.

[Emily Wade]

Watch out.

[Zach Amico]

I think I was like, wait a minute. I know we don't have no dogs in here, but there on my stairs. Hey, yo. I'm like, where did this come from?

[Emily Wade]

Something pooped on the floor. Something on herself. It Was me. Her name's Tiger.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's a great name room.

[Emily Wade]

Is she at how I'm supposed to get upstairs?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my goodness. Pause that.

[Rob Cruz]

That's public enemy number two.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Who's number one?

[Zach Amico]

That is. That is the height of reality television to me.

[Emily Wade]

That's amazing.

[Zach Amico]

You know how low the bar. But the bar is so low that if someone shits in the opening episode.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Opening episode.

[Zach Amico]

That's the first or second episode.

[Che]

I think that was, like, what they're doing on YouTube now with, like, Drew ski show and like, pop the balloon and stuff. That's like, they're bringing this back. What we need again is fucking, like, old school American Idol where it's like, half, like, actually, I don't even think you need the half of people sing good. We need, like, everyone is, like, almost retarded and they're on a microphone.

[Emily Wade]

So kill Tony for singers.

[Che]

Kill Tony for singers.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, we need kill Tony, but for singers.

[Zach Amico]

Dude rock a lot. The Brad Michaels one. When you rew. I. I did a good re watch recently and every other episode, his excuse for laying her was like, you know, she just makes me really horny. He just lays it out. Baby.

[Rob Cruz]

Did you see his sex tape?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it was. That was Pam Anderson too, wasn't it?

[Rob Cruz]

Oh, maybe it was. I. I like that. He had a respectable American penis.

[Zach Amico]

He was the second, I think. Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

Every. Every leak. Sex tape. Sex tape. Everyone has, like, huge dicks, and that pisses me off.

[Che]

I hate that.

[Emily Wade]

I love that.

[Zach Amico]

Well, you got to go into a deeper dive. Yeah. So there. Yeah, of course, the Tommy Lee tape, which is. That's just. That really ruins you as a man. Yeah. He drives a boat with it.

[Che]

He drives a boat with his.

[Zach Amico]

He drives a boat with it.

[Emily Wade]

That's impressive. I haven't seen if he can drive a boat. He can do a lot of other things.

[Che]

He's dexterous. His.

[Zach Amico]

It's not just big.

[Che]

He can tie a knot and like.

[Rob Cruz]

Oh, my God, his dick is the iceberg.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You should see what he can do with his balls.

[Zach Amico]

His dick is silly. It's so big. Yeah. Tommy Lee's dick is fucking bonkers.

[Emily Wade]

Pull it up.

[Rob Cruz]

No, please.

[Che]

Watch it. Yeah, let's see the car.

[Zach Amico]

But then I think she had made the sex tape of Bret Michaels earlier, but then that got leaked.

[Rob Cruz]

Right.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Or did they leak it themselves?

[Zach Amico]

I'm sure.

[Che]

Well, Tommy Lee's got leaked on purpose, Right.

[Shannon]

This is the Bret Michaels one. I'm not sure that it's real, but it seems like it.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, my God.

[Rob Cruz]

Is that pain?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I remember.

[Emily Wade]

She's hot.

[Zach Amico]

I remember downloading this on Kaza.

[Che]

Holy.

[Emily Wade]

Is that like a lime wire?

[Che]

Yeah, pre lime wire.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, her tits are fantastic.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Che]

Early tit jobs.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You can show this.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Che]

We're on. We're on Guest Digital Network.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Wait, who's that guy?

[Zach Amico]

That's Brett Michaels, the singer from Poison.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Star of Rock of Love.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

All right, well, that's. That's good. We don't even just watch Poison.

[Rob Cruz]

No, that's Tommy Lee.

[Zach Amico]

Then Tommy Lee was. So what had happened was there was people doing work on their house.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they went into, I guess, a safe. It was full of guns. And their honeymoon tape.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That somebody stole. They made a TV movie about. A TV series about.

[Che]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And somebody stole it. They went to a porn producer who made a ton, and they were selling it, like, in parking lots and shit.

[Che]

Yeah. Wow.

[Emily Wade]

I forgot. That's when you had to have sex tapes on, like, a vhs.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Then everybody. So then they. They, I think, were the first celebrity site to set up, like, a. It was, you know, like $30 mail in order. The tape.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, my God. It was like Netflix, but for porn.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So you got a tape in the mail, and then people were copying it. They got sued, basically. So many people had seen it that they said to Pam Anderson and Tommy, like, listen, you can't put this genie back in the bottle, but you can have an official release. So we could sue people for selling.

[Emily Wade]

It and get copyright.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Which is kind of think. I think that's the real story of most celebrity sex tapes. Some, I think, are obvious, like Kim Kardashian, obviously.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Ray J. That was a. That was a plot.

[Zach Amico]

That was. That was the mom. That was. That was Kris Jenner fucking taking care of mom business. Stage mom the most to me. And I might get in trouble with this because now she's been around comedy and she's been commenting on photos, and she seems like a fine lady. Sarah Abraham, the most intentional leaked sex tape I've ever seen.

[Emily Wade]

I didn't know she had one.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Che]

Farah Abraham. I don't know Farah Abraham.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

She was on Team Mom.

[Rob Cruz]

Gotcha.

[Emily Wade]

She's on all, like, a bunch of comedy stuff now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

She's like, gross battle.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. She shows up in everything now. Hard sex tape is with the porn star James Dean.

[Emily Wade]

Oh, my favorite guy. Besides the rape.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's my favorite part of it.

[Zach Amico]

And it's like a full anal scene. It's shot. And the thing that bothers me the whole time is. The clock is flashing in the corner. It's like 3pm Like, I'm pretty sure she scheduled that. Like, oh, I need to film a sex tape today.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

She was like, oh, James Dean's coming over to fuck me on film.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. So that's very planted. Anal at 3pm I feel like that's a nighttime activity.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That is a nighttime activity.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, morning sounds, maybe.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

No, I'm a morning shitter.

[Emily Wade]

I'm a morning shitter.

[Zach Amico]

No, I mean after.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

After the morning shit.

[Zach Amico]

That's. That. That might be when you're cleanest.

[Che]

When you're an hour y. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Morning shit shower.

[Che]

Yeah. I get, like, the turkey baster in there a couple times.

[Rob Cruz]

Clean it out.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, I could see that. For you?

[Che]

Yeah. For me?

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. No, he'll take it without the turkey pastry.

[Rob Cruz]

Are you an anal guy?

[Che]

No, I'm not a big anal guy. Butt stuff is the. Like, I'll do butt stuff and I've done butt stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Right.

[Che]

But it's not like I'm not, like, coveting the asshole.

[Rob Cruz]

Me too. It's where the poop lives.

[Che]

Yeah, it's where the poop lives, Exactly. So I'm like, whatever. If you want it, throw a butt plug in there or something. I'll. I'll do it if you need it.

[Rob Cruz]

Are you guys anal guys?

[Emily Wade]

No.

[Che]

No.

[Emily Wade]

I. I ass eating. Sure. A finger. I don't like. I don't like anything in there.

[Che]

Right.

[Emily Wade]

But I. I've also pegged a guy, so I don't know what I can say.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

Do you feel powerful?

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. He cheated on me. And then I wouldn't answer him. And so I got a text one day, and it was like, jamie, please talk to me. I'll let you peg me. And I was like, be at my house at 7. And he was like, are you serious? And I was like, yeah. I went to my first sex store. I was like, I want a strap on. I want every size dildo. Whatever. And he showed up and he tried talking to me, and I was like, nope, we're doing this first.

[Rob Cruz]

Nice.

[Emily Wade]

But then it was so intimate, and I could tell he was nervous. So I was like, all right, we're gonna have this beautiful experience together. And then I never talked to him again.

[Rob Cruz]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

On his back or on all fours?

[Emily Wade]

He did all of it.

[Che]

We did all of.

[Emily Wade]

Was crazy because I was doing missionary, and I was like, is this how men feel? This is awesome. I love this.

[Zach Amico]

I don't. I don't know if she did this on stage or she was something she was talking about on a podcast. It made me laugh so much. Sam Jay was talking about how her chick got a bbl.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And she tried to fuck her with a strap on for the first time after. And it wasn't hitting from the right angle anymore, and she needed a bigger strap on. And she said it was the first time she ever felt like a dude. Like, oh, wow, I'm inadequate.

[Che]

She felt emasculated. I don't have enough dick for this ass.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That was my ex's biggest fear, that he. That's why I didn't want to girls with big asses. He was like, I don't have enough dick for them.

[Che]

Ah, you just find other positions.

[Zach Amico]

You make it. Trust me, you make it work. Yeah, yeah, you can get in there.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Well, I have a small ass. Maybe that's why he dated me.

[Rob Cruz]

He's perfect.

[Zach Amico]

I, I, I enjoy a large behinded gal.

[Che]

Yeah, you do. You love. What's that chick's name?

[Zach Amico]

Gracie Bon.

[Che]

Gracie Bon. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Is that the.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Can we pull her up so I can get a visual?

[Zach Amico]

I mean, yeah, she's ridiculous. She's. She's cartoonish looking.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And you can bring her up for a second. But, like, my Mrs. Amico has quite the rear end on her. And I was so respectful. Yeah, that's.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, somebody ate too many Krabby Patties.

[Che]

Jesus.

[Zach Amico]

It does look like when Squidward ate all the crab Patty hers.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

It goes to your thighs.

[Emily Wade]

Is that real?

[Zach Amico]

Then you explode. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like an advocate. She has sex tapes now. Oh, nice shout out to the fans who sent me those.

[Emily Wade]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

You got to be like, dread to get in there.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So I have, I have a patented position for girls with big butts.

[Che]

Patented.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Che]

No one else can use this.

[Zach Amico]

Holy shit. I think I invented it.

[Che]

It's on the book.

[Zach Amico]

I think I invented it.

[Che]

Start fucking in this position and someone fucking knocks on your Guinness.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Sir, it's the uspto. Open up.

[Zach Amico]

So it's the girls on her side with. So let's just say for, say, conversation. Right side down. Doesn't matter. You do either way.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Emily Wade]

Left leg up.

[Zach Amico]

Sure you can do it, goofy. Left leg up.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

You're sitting on the right leg, basically holding the knee, and you almost create a pressure point.

[Che]

Yeah, I see what you're calling.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, you have to spread. That spreads the ash.

[Zach Amico]

That spreads it.

[Emily Wade]

It gives you room to enter, and.

[Zach Amico]

It also gives you one hand on the ass, one hand on the tits.

[Che]

Nice.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Or the classic round.

[Che]

Or you can take from the front, right?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you're coming from that. Or you can take the right hand. Go. Shoulder.

[Che]

Yeah. Oh. Leverage.

[Zach Amico]

Shoulder. Neck hair.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Zach, I really hate to say this. I know it's patented, but I did this two weeks ago.

[Che]

That's fine.

[Emily Wade]

I've been doing that since 16.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, you're welcome. I've been spreading the news.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I'm gonna call him up. You got this from Zach Amico?

[Che]

We all got it from Zach Amico.

[Emily Wade]

After sex, I'm like, I have to thank someone real quick.

[Zach Amico]

That's all I want. That's my only payment, is that the girl has to call me and say, thank you, esther.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Expect a FaceTime later.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you.

[Rob Cruz]

So nice.

[Zach Amico]

All right, so we watched a video last week that was two twins from Australia giving an interview to the police after there was a shooting and a robbery. And they spoke in unison the entire time. And we were going, what kind of weird bit horror movie shit is?

[Che]

Can I say. Can I say something? Was it AI? Was it AI?

[Zach Amico]

No. They went and found them and interviewed them. Okay, so we've got more footage of them now. And listen, I don't think I believe these bitches for a second. Yeah, I think they realize they get a lot of attention when they do everything in unison umpteen years ago. And we gotta stick with this bit, or else everyone's gonna. Cause you could watch them looking at each other's mouths.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, they're, like, listening, and they'll say the word right after. It's like a split second, you know.

[Zach Amico]

It'S like when a couple's, like, we finish each other's sentences. Hey, guys, I know I'm not the picture of health, but that doesn't mean I don't want my fans to be as healthy as possible. So if you want the taste of a milkshake without the extra pounds of a milkshake, you need to try out Huel. Huel is a complete meal in a bottle that tastes just like a milkshake, but it's good for you. It has 35 grams of protein and 27 vitamins and minerals to keep you going all day long. Everybody here at GAS has been trying it, and they absolutely love it. They say it tastes just like a milkshake that you would go get at an ice cream shop. There's chocolate and vanilla, and you can join the community of hooligans with this exclusive offer for new customers. You get 15% off, plus a free gift when you use my exclusive code ZOO. Z O [e-mail] that's 15% off, plus a free gift with code ZOO. At Huell.com you can see our show notes for terms and conditions unlock a healthier, easier way to eat with Huell. Nutritionally complete meals in minutes so you can focus on what really matters. So, yeah, we got more footage of them.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, I don't like them separately, but we're not ourselves.

[Zach Amico]

Clearly, they look in unison is a thing that you do.

[Che]

How. How did this happen?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Well. Well, it just happens. And we don't know why, but we have tried to talk separately, but we're not ourselves.

[Emily Wade]

It's not us.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

And it's very hard. And.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

And we don't care about the critics. We tell people, if you can't stand listening to us, simply just switch off the tv.

[Zach Amico]

Do not switch off the tv, guys.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Do not.

[Zach Amico]

The ones definitely in charge.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, the one on the left. Left.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the one on our left is definitely the one in charge.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

The one on the right. It looks like she's lagging. The video's lagging.

[Zach Amico]

It's not the one on. The one on the left, before they go on there is like, dang, he this up now.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

This is a teleprompter.

[Zach Amico]

These are all chance to be big stars.

[Emily Wade]

Oh, God.

[Che]

I get a little bit of, like, Children of the Corn vibe from them.

[Emily Wade]

They should be in a horror movie after this.

[Che]

But, like, not. I don't get evil. I get like, one can see how you're gonna die. The other one, see, tells you, like, when you're gonna die.

[Zach Amico]

Like, that's.

[Che]

Yeah, like. Yeah, yeah, Sagey. Like, we got some.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

What was that movie? It was like from like the 2000s where there was like this. These laid. These twins laying in like a bath and they could predict the future and it was like a future movie where they could tell when crime was about to.

[Che]

Oh, Minority Report.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yes. Yeah. That's what it gives me.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, I agree. They're not evil. They're chaotically neutral.

[Che]

Yeah, yeah. Chaotic neutral. Chaotic neutral. Big time. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

I couldn't imagine dating them.

[Zach Amico]

They have to be with the same guy, right?

[Emily Wade]

That'd be crazy.

[Che]

Get double blowy, though, S. You have.

[Emily Wade]

Two of them after being like, thank you in unison.

[Zach Amico]

No, but it's either that or when you try and get had, they're like, no, we don't do that all together. Crazy school sting or can't see me sister with a Coke in her mouth.

[Che]

So you're call, call.

[Zach Amico]

That's when you Try the ass. The other one goes. I want to be clear on that, but. Sorry. How does it feel? Paula, I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want you only to answer it. Paula.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

They look like they're holding back an orgasm. As best as I can.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. I can see Bridget trying to speak.

[Rob Cruz]

I also think it didn't feel right.

[Zach Amico]

It's so. What?

[Rob Cruz]

I.

[Zach Amico]

How do. How do you know what is going on? That means that when one of you speaks, the other one just instinctively has the same thing to say. What's going on?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, guess what? I wish I could answer that question. It just happens. We have tried to talk separately.

[Zach Amico]

All right, I'm done.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay. That's scripted.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah. It seems like they're doing, like, that improv exercise for sure. Like you were saying.

[Emily Wade]

I feel like we could all do that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

All right, let's try it.

[Zach Amico]

All right. I want to see you two do it. Ladies, thank you so much for being here today. What was your morning like?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

It was fantastic. You know, we woke up, sucked dick.

[Emily Wade]

Sucked dick. No, we didn't.

[Che]

Jamie's like, I'm in charge now. I'm the leader.

[Zach Amico]

What are you guys favorite racial slurs?

[Emily Wade]

Oh, I got plenty.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

So many.

[Zach Amico]

No, I want you to do unison.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I. I only do it when the. The people I'm saying the slurs about are in the room with me. So I. You know, there's a lot of weights here. Mine is.

[Zach Amico]

Jay, you can.

[Che]

I'll give you. I'll give you an N word pass because it's on camera and I'm.

[Zach Amico]

But only one. You guys have to split it.

[Che]

Yeah, you guys gotta split it. Who's taking the front? Who's taking the back?

[Rob Cruz]

My favorite slur has to be net.

[Zach Amico]

You each get half the word.

[Emily Wade]

I think, Rachel, slurs are my safe word.

[Zach Amico]

You know, more and more, I've been hearing white girls that have been with black and Spanish dudes who want to do racial play in the bedroom.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

So that.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like that's. I feel like that's popping off lately.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

My ex wanted to do racial play with me. He came to me after four years of us dating, and he was like, emily, I'm really into the idea of racial play. And he wanted me to, like, hit him and call him the N word and tell him I wanted him to put his big black baby inside my white.

[Che]

That last part's great. The last part.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

He's on to something.

[Che]

The last part is awesome. Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

No, you're gonna have a Shannon Sharp situation.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Exactly.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah. Did you do it?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Everything but the N word?

[Che]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Well, it sounds like you did one for a couple.

[Rob Cruz]

But I don't. I don't know. Like, it kind of feels like you didn't feel fully safe, though, if you didn't say it.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

He called me mistress. He said yes during sex, which was disgusting. I didn't like that one bit. I did like hitting him, though. And that's just because he cheated.

[Che]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah. I was like 50 lashes for every girl you talk.

[Emily Wade]

All I'm hearing is that cheating leads to great sex.

[Rob Cruz]

True.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

It really does.

[Che]

I'm trying to piece together the psychological thing of, like, wanting to be degraded. Be like a slave, but then also cheat. Like, there's like. I'm like, what. What position are you in? What kind of guy was this?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I don't even know. He's a streamer now.

[Che]

A streamer? Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah. He's making money. He's doing great. Hopefully he has another white girl calling him the N word.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, I mean, he clearly.

[Zach Amico]

He's got an entire chat room of people. Probably talk about a degradation. Start streaming. That's tr.

[Che]

True.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Che]

Just get on the Internet.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Why do you think I started comedy? I have a degradation kink.

[Emily Wade]

We had a friend, and. And she's black, and she was dating a white guy, and he wanted to do it. He wanted her to be the slave, and she was like, what the. And then they never talked again. But that's like a weird.

[Zach Amico]

That's ballsy.

[Che]

You can't go the other way.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You can't have to be the minority asking.

[Che]

Yeah, I don't open it up.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's weird.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Like, if you're dating a girl in a wheelchair, you can't be like, I want to do cripple play. She has to be like, I want to do cripple.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I mean, I don't. You don't really have a choice at that point.

[Che]

Yeah, you. Yeah, she is.

[Emily Wade]

It just is cripple play.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

And we're going to hell.

[Zach Amico]

I. Yeah. I don't know if it works with the guy being. It has to be the girl's idea.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. It would have to be her idea. Like, she wants it. I mean, it's uncomfy.

[Zach Amico]

Sure. Would I mind a dominatrix maybe doing a little Elsa, she wolf of the ss.

[Che]

What's Elsa? She will for the ss.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that. So there's a whole genre of exploitation movies that were, like, Nazi exploitation.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they made s, like, ss, S, M. Porn.

[Emily Wade]

Stop.

[Zach Amico]

And there's some reports that are like softcore. But Ilsa's she wolf of the ss. She's supposed to be like, you know, the meanest guard.

[Che]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And she's got like the leather, the.

[Che]

Boots and she's like.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Was there like an answer?

[Zach Amico]

What? Yeah, yeah. No, no, it's. I think it's like she beats up dudes.

[Che]

Okay. I think that's always like. I remember when we were. Yeah. When I was really young and just coming up with the idea of like what porn could be. Nurses and nuns were really big, but that kind of like people aren't experiencing nuns as much as before. So it's like there's not that weird forbidden thing to sexualize now it's your stepmom or something like that. Yeah. It's like. Well, we need to define the new forbidden thing to sexualize just gets worse.

[Emily Wade]

And worse and darker. Deeper.

[Che]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Nazi is pretty bad.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's pretty bad.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

As a Jew I would kind of like that.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Are you Jewish?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Get out.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Wait, so what's next in porn? What's the next level? Is it going to be like AI shit?

[Che]

It could be robots. Yeah. Fucking the robot could be it. Yeah. I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

I knew a girl that did customs as a robot.

[Che]

What's like interesting.

[Emily Wade]

Like she had AI videos made of her doing stuff.

[Zach Amico]

No, no. She would act like a robot.

[Emily Wade]

Please my pussy.

[Zach Amico]

So she did like a lot of like customs for dudes and she would make sex tapes where the guy would have a remote control and rewind her fast forward and she would act like all goofy and shit.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

How did she get into that? How did she know? Somebody market.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody hired her for it.

[Emily Wade]

You get the weird custom request and.

[Zach Amico]

You'Re like, okay, it's always some autistic dude. And it starts with, you know what I think would be really funny. And they always say it like it's something they're going to laugh at.

[Che]

Just a goof obviously. Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

Like it's just a joke. Meanwhile, that's like their whole life.

[Che]

Yeah. This just popped into my head. Crazy. What if you were a robot and I jerked off to it a bunch? That's great.

[Zach Amico]

Wouldn't that be silly?

[Rob Cruz]

That's the best way to intro it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they're always like crate like middle aged autists that have some type of like either inheritance or like they have some type of wealth and they basically create whatever these weird sicko genres are.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, I want some normal guy to want some weird shit like I don't want an autistic guy in a basement. I want some weird dude to be like, will you shit on me?

[Emily Wade]

No, There's a bunch of those.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I had.

[Emily Wade]

I hooked up with a guy with a tickle fetish. And he looked like the most normal dude ever. Like, frat boy. Like, wearing Sperry is like, yuppie.

[Rob Cruz]

And being tickled or doing the tickling.

[Emily Wade]

We did both. And so it was the best, by the way. 10 out of 10 recommend. But really? Yeah, he was like, I feel really safe and comfortable with you. This was, like, via dm. We matched on Hinge, and he had just been, like, watching the stuff. And we talk about sex all the time on our podcast.

[Che]

Little did he know she would tell the story on a podcast.

[Emily Wade]

I won't, like, out him or anything, but he's like, I've never done this. And I just kept.

[Zach Amico]

He's home jerking on with one hand and tickling himself.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

He's got a feather on his foot.

[Rob Cruz]

That's like the jerking off of, like.

[Zach Amico]

He'S chewing gum, too.

[Emily Wade]

But, yeah. So he was the most normal dude. I would never have guessed.

[Rob Cruz]

Damn.

[Emily Wade]

You might just be sitting at a table with someone. Tickle fetish. You never know.

[Rob Cruz]

That's nice that you were accepting.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

They say one in five guys, I'll.

[Emily Wade]

Do anything for the plot. I was like, you know what? You've never done this. And he was like, no. I was like, come over tonight. And he was like, wait, really? And I was like, yeah, it. Bring some wine. We'll have some fun.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

And it was. We didn't have sex or anything, but it was like two hours of, like, tied up. He would, like, edge you and, like, like, with a vibrator. And then you would take it off, like, as you're building up, and he would tickle you. And it's not, like, aggressive tickling. And you're tied up so you can't move.

[Rob Cruz]

Okay.

[Emily Wade]

And then he would go back to it, and it's like that for an hour. It was the best orgasm I've ever had in my life.

[Che]

Yeah, it seems like it rocks because.

[Emily Wade]

Like, you get this head high and this, like, headrest. I was, like, passing out. It was awesome.

[Che]

Yeah. Just edging, edging, edging.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, dude.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

I'm way too close to that.

[Zach Amico]

I thought.

[Emily Wade]

I thought it was too, but it's. It's like a soft. It's not like a kid. You know when you're kids and people.

[Zach Amico]

Like, you're not digging in. Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

You're not Digging in. It's.

[Zach Amico]

It's Sensation Play.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, because I'm. Tickle me. Hell no.

[Zach Amico]

I had a dominatrix that would have, like, all her, like, mean things, but then also, like, soft things. So it would be like cat O, nine tails or something, but then like a soft blanket and she would rub it up and down your body or like, different, like, or she would do, like, a light tickle or whatever. So it was like. I, I. She called it Sensation Play.

[Emily Wade]

That makes sense.

[Rob Cruz]

That's nice.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Pretty gnarly.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, it was nice.

[Rob Cruz]

The best SNM movie I just saw was Passion of the Christ.

[Emily Wade]

It's sensational.

[Zach Amico]

It's a good fucking movie.

[Rob Cruz]

I saw that in. What's the, the Jew movie. That's horrible.

[Che]

Jew movie.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Schindler's List.

[Rob Cruz]

Schindler's List. I saw that double feature.

[Zach Amico]

I thought you were gonna say a.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Lot of research into. It's for, it's for a bit, though. It's fine.

[Emily Wade]

I'm Jewish. I come home, Emily's reading a World War II book, and it's like, open to Hitler. And I was like, are you trying to tell me something? Like, what's going on?

[Che]

Goddess of the SS over here pegging these Jews, man, you better close your hole, man.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

All of them. Be careful.

[Zach Amico]

They call us the Jew Peg Audio show. Shut up. How. How big do you want your dildo to be? 3.

[Rob Cruz]

How many inches? 9.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man, this is a fun day. Thank you, guys.

[Emily Wade]

Thanks for having us.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I like how you said it's night, but it's 1pm this is fun day. Oh, day. Sorry.

[Rob Cruz]

Yes, yes.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, so I do want to get to the battle of the sexes trivia, but I thought this would be cool. We could. We could all kind of have an opinion on this and give our ideas. These are the psychological tactics restaurants use to manipulate you to spend more money.

[Che]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

So I figured, well, let's figure out around what do you guys think?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

How do I get manipulated?

[Zach Amico]

What do you think? A restaurant. So the thing I read recently was kiosks at McDonald's or places like that.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You're more likely to order, oh, like a gross twice as much food if you don't have to talk to a human judged.

[Emily Wade]

That makes so much sense. Because on doordash, I'll order like four full meals.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

Just to nibble. But I would never do that going out to a restaurant is this bitch.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

They said that that's so people always like, oh, they're replacing people with the kiosks because, you know, they don't have to hire a person. In reality, it showed that because we all shambie.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

They're playing with our minds.

[Che]

I. I think the obvious one is hot chick. Hot chick.

[Zach Amico]

Server.

[Che]

You put a hot chick in there, dudes just are fucking chucking money around. Dude.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Che]

Hot chick in restaurant good.

[Rob Cruz]

Do you think they spend more money.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Hot chick anywhere else?

[Zach Amico]

Bad. Bad.

[Che]

Dude, get the fucking hot chicks out of the workforce, out of the hospitals.

[Zach Amico]

Go be a fucking. So I'll give them the idea. When I was trying to think about this, what I think is I think there's certain things. Places put shit on the menu that they do not intend on cooking or selling.

[Che]

Yeah, okay.

[Zach Amico]

But they want it to be more expensive than the rest of the shit on the menu so that by that comparison, the regular prices seem more acceptable. Oh, that's like the SNL sketch. Who orders lobster at a diner?

[Che]

Yeah. Right.

[Zach Amico]

So when a diner has, like a $60, you know, like, Romanian steak or something, nobody's getting that. And by the way, I don't think they have it back there.

[Emily Wade]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think they've got. I don't think they've got a lobster back there.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, but then you're more likely to do the other one.

[Zach Amico]

But then that makes your fucking 1895 omelette seem like a bargain.

[Che]

Yeah, you're always, like, kind of shooting for the middle. Whenever I'm ordering, I'm always like, what's in the middle ring range here?

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, okay, that's true.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I do that when I'm ordering, like, and paying for myself. When someone else pays from my meal, I'm like, all right, what's the cheapest thing I can get?

[Emily Wade]

Okay, but that's trauma.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah. That's growing up poor.

[Che]

I shoot for the middle with someone else because I go, oh, I don't go big. But I also don't want them to think, like, well, I'm like, I don't want to. Yeah, like, well, I just don't want to inconvenience you. I go, well, no, you offered. And so we're having a good time, but I'm not rude, but it's actually.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Very healthy of you.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Che]

That's what I. But I. But I think I'm in the same boat as you. I just have a different logic on it. I'm still very conscious of worrying about them the entire time.

[Zach Amico]

I'd be more likely if I knew the other person was paying to want to split, like, a steak for two.

[Emily Wade]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Che]

My favorite Movie.

[Zach Amico]

And plus it's pretty fun. It's pretty fun. Boys night.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Is you and your boy split in a porterhouse for two.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You feel like bros?

[Che]

Yeah, I love a brunch spot. We each get a meal. You get whatever, a skillet. They get a fucking whatever souffle, whatever.

[Zach Amico]

The fuck you split it.

[Che]

And then you split and you. You split everything. But then you also, you get like a sweet guy. So each. You each get a savory guy and then it's like, what's your pant, your waffle, your French toast bonanza? They always have some fucked up thing that will kill you. That's like, let's. Then we're splitting between the two of us. We're half dying. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

And that's real love.

[Che]

That's real love, right? That's how the bros get down.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I. Me and my chick had pretty recently that fucking really knocked it out of the park. There's an Italian place up the street from the Cellar across the street from the park. Do we did lasagna flights.

[Che]

What's up?

[Emily Wade]

Oh, I just saw this on TikTok and I was like, we have to go to this lasagna place.

[Zach Amico]

Like.

[Rob Cruz]

Like a beer flight?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, like a flight. But it's so they do. It's for like, you know, the things like a creme brulee would come in.

[Che]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

So it's ramekins.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they have ram. It's ramekins of these lasagnas and it's. They do four meat and four vegetables. So we each got what? I got the meat when she got the vegetables, and we split all eight.

[Che]

Yeah, dude.

[Emily Wade]

Amazing, right?

[Zach Amico]

Fucking phenomenal.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

All right.

[Emily Wade]

What's the place called?

[Zach Amico]

We got. It's right up the street from the Cellar. I think it's. What, you know, it's like sellers, West 4th, right?

[Che]

Yeah, McDougal. McDougal. West Forest.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, It's. So go the other side of McDougall towards the park.

[Che]

Okay. Okay.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

It by the way, great date. Really, like, classy. It was a nice restaurant. Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

You're gonna me after this.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

All right, let's go.

[Che]

A post lasagna. Fuck.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's gonna be a sweaty intolerant.

[Zach Amico]

Post lasagna is my rap name. It's just. I just rap how I hate Mondays. And I'm gonna say I'm gonna send Normal to Abu Dhabi.

[Che]

Yeah, and you got John in the basement too.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our good friends at Yo Kratom Home of the $60 kilo. So if you use Kratom. If you don't use it, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for many of its incredible properties, you can only be getting it from one place, and that's our best [e-mail] home of the $60 kilo. Stop going to bodegas, smoke shops, or gas stations and getting a little bit of Kratom at a time. [e-mail] they have the best trains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do. There's no promo code needed because the deal's already that good. So one more time, guys. That's yocratum.com home of the $60 kilo. Thank you for tuning in and support our friends at YO Kratom. Let's get back into the show. Shannon, tell us some of these tactics restaurants use.

[Shannon]

Okay. I can show you these little images if you want on the TikTok.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. That's the dish that seems totally overpriced.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, I used to do this as a server. I would put cash in the tip jar so they would pay me.

[Rob Cruz]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

That makes sense.

[Rob Cruz]

Daily special written.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, so smart.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, so the daily special is three weeks old. Would you like still or sparkling? Not. Would you like water? Okay, whatever. The menu doesn't have currency symbols.

[Emily Wade]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

They play slower music when it's quiet and faster music when it's packed to pace the tempo of the restaurant. I've never heard.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's okay.

[Emily Wade]

You want, like, them to be in and out.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, there we go. Look at that.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Well, I've fallen for all of these.

[Shannon]

I do have a part two, if you want to see. There's a few more.

[Zach Amico]

Hell, yeah. That's interesting to me.

[Rob Cruz]

I used to do something. I used to work cars. Had to go at Applebee's, and they used humble brag. Yeah, no biggie. I was an apple buddy, but.

[Emily Wade]

But is that what they call you?

[Che]

Yeah, yeah.

[Emily Wade]

Me and my Apple buddies.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, when we train, we call each other so gay.

[Zach Amico]

That so sounds like a euphemism for a person.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

This is Emily. She's my apple buddy for gay people.

[Zach Amico]

What are you guys working? Apple buddies. Here's my assigned apple buddy.

[Rob Cruz]

I joined the program, but that they wouldn't always tip those guys when you, like, brought the food out. So whenever it was cold, I went out.

[Zach Amico]

Out.

[Rob Cruz]

No jacket. And when they were, like, signing the bill would be like this. Yeah, it worked every time really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

A nice little Jew trick for you.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I would just take my tits out. And that worked.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

That's nice.

[Emily Wade]

I feel like it actually hurt me. They say if you, like, dress, like, younger, which is so up. But if you wear braids, that you'll get more money. Like, more tip. Like, a higher tip. Then if you have your hair down. Verse, like, a ponytail. Like, there's these girls on TikTok, and they're going in there, like, day one. This is how I wore my hair, and here's how much I made. And people who look like children make more money, which is kind of crazy.

[Che]

Yeah, dude, People are. People are perverts. Yeah, people are perverts, and they will pay money because they're perverts.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

So bring back child labor, dude.

[Che]

Get these kids some money.

[Zach Amico]

This might be my own insecurity. I hate when the waitress sits down with you.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, I don't like that either.

[Zach Amico]

Oh.

[Emily Wade]

Or when they get to your level, I'm like, stay up there.

[Zach Amico]

I hate if they sneak into the booth or something like that.

[Emily Wade]

Who does that?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I've never seen anyone flirty.

[Zach Amico]

Waitresses.

[Che]

Yeah, it's. I don't like how horny you're making me.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Che]

I'm like, don't weaponize horny right now, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Sometimes at strip clubs, I will be very resentful, and I'll be like, we both know. Yeah, you do not like me. Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

You know, it's obvious that they're playing the game that actually takes me out.

[Zach Amico]

I. I need. I need acting, but I don't need that acting.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

So at a strip club, do you want a woman to be like, I don't even want you.

[Emily Wade]

He's like, that's the girl I want a lap dance from.

[Zach Amico]

No, I just want her to be like, ugh, tonight sucks. And I'll be like, yeah, tell me about it. Yeah. I would have a real conversation.

[Che]

It's not like, oh, my God, honey, what are you doing here? It's like, fucking. You know what I'm doing here?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Che]

What are you doing here? I'm here to lose money. You're here to make money.

[Rob Cruz]

I feel like a. The difference between, like, stage acting and camera acting.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And now, by the way, that does backfire. Yeah. Because I will say, at Peppermint Hippo, I did get the world's saddest lap dance.

[Che]

Oh, no.

[Emily Wade]

Hippo.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Oh, well, there's the Spearmint Rhino. This is the Peppermint Hippo.

[Rob Cruz]

This is your dick on five Gum?

[Zach Amico]

No. No.

[Che]

That's what I would think, too.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. No, they were. They were regular and regulars. I got a. For $100, an Asian girl in front of everyone gave me a lap dance for the duration of which she told me about how she was a meth and cocaine addict.

[Emily Wade]

That's the best lap dance ever.

[Zach Amico]

How her father had disowned her recently.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Because she had been pregnant and had done so much meth, she gave herself a miscarriage.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, well, now I know what to do. I live in Texas. Can't get an abortion.

[Che]

Meth it up.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You can't get meth it up. Ye.

[Zach Amico]

And that. And then it just ended. That was it. And she goes, so, yeah, I had a miscarriage. And she's like, well, song's over.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

What was the song?

[Emily Wade]

I hate strippers. Act like they don't want to be there. Like, have you ever got a lap dance where I'm like, oh, this is pathetic. Like, she's just there and she's like. Like, she's like. You know what I mean? I'm like, that was. That sucked. I want a stripper that's jerking me and my man off or something.

[Che]

Like, I want her be into it.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

Take a chick fil A approach.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

Hit him with a my pleasure or something like that. Like, I want you to. It makes me sad.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

I'm thinking about your backstory now.

[Zach Amico]

I don't want her to pretend she wants to fuck me. I want her to pretend she wants to party.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay. That's an important distinction.

[Zach Amico]

And also the whole, like, buy me a drink thing. Yeah, bitch. I know. I don't gotta buy you a drink. You work here.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You got drinks for free.

[Zach Amico]

Let's party. I will buy drinks. Don't fucking pull a FAST without me.

[Rob Cruz]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

That don't insult my intelligence.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, okay.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, that's like, take a shot with me.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. And then we loosen up.

[Shannon]

Up.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. All right. Shannon, do we have some more of these things? Restaurants too?

[Shannon]

Yeah, you can share this. Your waiter repeats your order word for word because it makes you tip more.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Mirroring.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's smart.

[Rob Cruz]

You feel heard and respect.

[Emily Wade]

If they can memorize my order without writing it down, I'm like, all right, 25%.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I thought she was the Jew.

[Rob Cruz]

I'm way harsher, though, if they it up and they try to do the memorizing thing. You know what I mean?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You're like, don't even try.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, okay. They put the sec, the most profitable item, second on the menu, first Option gets mentally flagged as the obvious push. Okay. Use red and yellow to make you hungry. Literally McDonald's dollars. And the little on the house dish. It's not generosity. It's priming you to feel indebted so you can spend and tip more.

[Emily Wade]

That happens.

[Zach Amico]

They make you wait just long enough to make the food feel worth it. You wait longer. The brain justifies the effort by increasing the perceived value.

[Rob Cruz]

That happens with. For sure.

[Zach Amico]

They use hard to pronounce dishes. They want to make them sound special so they can charge you more.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

So how do I use these tips and tricks to get a man? How do I use these restaurant psychological.

[Zach Amico]

Did you call it pos?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I changed my name, so it's really hard to pronounce.

[Che]

Yeah, I was going to say like Amelia or Emily with like an accent or something. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Emily Wade]

Just fake an accent. Change your whole personality.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I put anal first on the menu so they think it's high value.

[Rob Cruz]

Would you like some analogy?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Would you like a le petit mort instead of an orgasm? Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

And the waiting thing definitely works. Like after like three months, I'm like, oh, thank God. I was starving, you know? And then that, that, that's happened. The most rewarding time I ever fucked was getting out of the friend zone.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, really?

[Rob Cruz]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

How long were you in the friend zone?

[Emily Wade]

That was my least rewarding.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

For the guy. It rules. Yeah. It must have been like six months.

[Che]

Six months. You're waiting. You're. You're. You're stewing on the puss.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah. Constantly being on the phone, like, no way. She.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, no way.

[Che]

That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Is a. Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

She should know that you didn't mean to say it like that. Like that kind of stuff. Yeah. But no, it worked out.

[Che]

It worked out.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Did you guys date after we did?

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

I feel like the best relationships are from friends.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, yeah. Cuz you're friends first, so there's like something there. You don't have to put a mask on.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah. I feel that the big thing is you got to feel free.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I know. I feel most comfortable with the lady. If I can say the N word around. That's a big thing.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's real love for you.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

I do the litmus test. You know what I mean? Cause it's not like I want to say it all the time, but it's.

[Emily Wade]

Just like, what if she's like, no, but then still sticks around.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I don't want to say it all the time, but sometimes I stub my Toe I trip over the cat.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just. If you're cool with that, then I could tell you, like, about my childhood, you know.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Damn. I actually was supposed to go on a date with a dude and he got drunk. Drunk and started saying the N word. And I canceled the date.

[Zach Amico]

That happened to me with an Uber.

[Emily Wade]

I remember I told a white guy not to say it. And he tackled me. Yeah, he was drunk. He literally tackled me to the ground. And we rolled around. I was like, you can't say the N word. And he was like, you don't know where I grew up.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

He grew up in a suburb of Philly.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man. I want to tell a story so bad right now and my wife will fucking kill me.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Say it. Say it.

[Zach Amico]

Mrs. Amico is a very, very, very outspoken progressive.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And she's a teacher. And all her friends are come from that world. But unfortunately, my wife's family, there's. There's a wide spectrum of financial and class discrepancy.

[Emily Wade]

Okay, so you're saying they're trash.

[Zach Amico]

Hubby. And at her bachelorette party, one of her cousins dropped an N bomb. Not in a mean way. She was quoting.

[Che]

So first of all, good old fashioned quote, end bomb.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

That's how I go.

[Che]

That's always literally.

[Rob Cruz]

Twisting.

[Zach Amico]

Churchill said, jay, you might give her. You might give her the benefit of the doubt on this. So first of all, if you need to know how much she deals with black people, she works at the airport.

[Che]

Okay? Fair, fair.

[Zach Amico]

She works at JFK.

[Che]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

So I figured LaGuardia would have both.

[Zach Amico]

Both pretty packed. And she was saying what her co workers call her. Okay, which was that word bump, but.

[Che]

That word, but N word, but like, she's like. Like with two T's.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Emily Wade]

They're using an A, not a hard R on.

[Zach Amico]

And she was drunk and saying. That's what they call me and my wife's teacher friends lost their. They're like, you cannot say that. And she's like, but it's my nickname.

[Che]

And it was bestowed upon her. Grant Ibut.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Of Moxley. That sounds so.

[Rob Cruz]

It feels like your mouth is on a moon bounce.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Thank you, Che, for saying it.

[Che]

We all needed that.

[Zach Amico]

Which by the way, if you think I remember her cousin's name, her Christian given name ever.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You know her by NB in your phone.

[Zach Amico]

The amount of time my wife will be halfway through a story and I'll go, who the are you talking about? She'll go. And she won't say it. She'll go Nword. But. Oh, oh, oh.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Nb.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I know. Dude.

[Che]

How she do?

[Zach Amico]

How you doing, girl?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I miss her.

[Che]

I want to see her butt now too. Like, I'm very curious.

[Zach Amico]

It ain't bad. She's. She's my wife. Comes from a family of large rear ended white women.

[Che]

Okay.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

It's that. What's that Sopranos quote? Wider than the. Wider than an Irish girl's ass or something like that.

[Emily Wade]

I don't know what's wrong with our asses.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's a compliment. It's like broad. Yeah. I think it's. Yeah. As. As wide as an Irish broad's ass or something. It's a Sopranos line. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

It's like a potato.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Che]

I told Jamie she had a long balls bigger.

[Zach Amico]

Balls bigger than an Irish broad. Balls bigger than an Irish broad's ass.

[Che]

Ball is bigger than Irish.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Irish broads have ass asses.

[Zach Amico]

Hey. Oh yeah. Some Irish chicks have fatties.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Where, where's mine? I didn't win that in the war.

[Che]

Both you guys got, both got fat tits. So it's like what do you, what do you believe?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

But I want an ass.

[Che]

Yeah. Come on. Be, be grateful.

[Emily Wade]

I feel like having a bigger ass is better than having bigger tits.

[Che]

It depends on. Some people are tip people. I think the tit people are quieter right now. We're going into a tit meta.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

It's a recession. Yeah, it's a recession for tits. I feel like I'm in 2008.

[Che]

But you got the Sydney Sweeneys. You got, got different people that are like pushing the tit meta right now. And so you'll be. Tits will be coming fashion.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

They're coming back.

[Zach Amico]

It ebbs and flows.

[Che]

It ebbs and flows.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I just like my tits.

[Che]

We grew up in like the rap area. Yeah, yeah, just like your tits and yes.

[Rob Cruz]

Correct.

[Che]

And rap really like it pushed ass to the forefront for like our generation and the Jennifer Lopez brought it to like the mainstream. Like mom and pop started getting into ass. Yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But I think tits will have their day again.

[Che]

Tits are coming back. I think they're coming back in a big way. Tits are back in a big way, dude.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, you're kind of off. What are you talking about?

[Che]

What?

[Emily Wade]

Your time is coming and you're my.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Time to get rid of them.

[Che]

Yeah, no, no, just focus.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, you're gonna do the reduction?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Emily Wade]

What I told her when we started our podcast. I go, give me three years. It's in the contract. You can't get rid of your tits now.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Until we make it my number problems like.

[Che]

You feel unwell?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, my back hurts.

[Che]

Oh, no.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

And you just gotta think like, I've had tits since I was 8. I was a double D when I was 8. What, you have longer where the gravity hits you. So I'm like, I gotta get him up now. You know what I'm saying?

[Rob Cruz]

That's the difference between men and women. Because if my dick was so big it made my ass hurt, I would not care.

[Che]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

You know what I mean?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I had a guy who I was seeing say that, and he was like, you would. Do you want me to get a dick reduction? I was like, no, don't do that. He's like, all right. So then don't get a tit reduction.

[Zach Amico]

This guy's not the same, though. That would be like if you got a pussy expansion.

[Che]

Yeah, right.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I've thought about it. Yeah, we've all thought about it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, you've been talking about expansions. You've been thinking about putting in an extension.

[Emily Wade]

Little expansion pad.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I can't.

[Che]

A guest room in on the puss.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Che]

That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I can't get the permit from the housing authority. The city won't.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You go to the zoning board?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the city won't allow it.

[Che]

You want to put a fucking extension on this pussy?

[Zach Amico]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Che]

There's pipe bin going all over of this place.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I can't get the. I'm trying to get the occupancy knocked up. But say. They keep saying one at a time.

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah, this. This is a fire hazard.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, that's what they call me.

[Zach Amico]

It's on Section 8, actually. Used to be you got to sign.

[Emily Wade]

Up in a lottery.

[Zach Amico]

Well from. It sounds like some of the guys, she love the lottery. So that was for Rob. All right, so we are gonna do a little battle of the sexes trivia.

[Che]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Figure we got two boys, two girls. So what I'm do is I'm gonna ask you guys. And these are just stereotypical questions.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Sit on it and rotate, bitch.

[Zach Amico]

These are just stereotypical general knowledge questions for guys and girls. But here's the deal. I'll give you guys the first shot at your genders question.

[Emily Wade]

Okay?

[Zach Amico]

And if you get it wrong, the other team has a chance to steal.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

All right?

[Zach Amico]

Okay. All right. The guns are out.

[Che]

Let's fucking go.

[Zach Amico]

Are you guys ready? All right, I'm ready. We're gonna go guys first on this.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

One, just like always.

[Che]

Fuck yeah, dude. Fucking get used to it.

[Shannon]

Sorry, Zach. Sorry, Zach. So these are the question for the guys. But they're about the girls. Yeah, they're like girl questions.

[Che]

Oh, okay. Oh, so we have first. Okay, so. So we have first shot at the girl question and then you have first shot at the boy question.

[Zach Amico]

So the questions for you guys are general knowledge. For the opposite.

[Che]

Okay, okay. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you for helping me explain that, Chad. You did a much better job than me. Okay. What do you call a woman who agrees to have a baby on behalf of another person?

[Che]

A surrogate.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. Let's fucking go. Dude.

[Che]

Dudes, dudes, dudes, Guys. Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. For our ladies from the Two Blunts, the Two Girls One Blunt podcast. What is the wheel system on a.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Skateboard called TRA Tracks? Trucks.

[Emily Wade]

Trucks.

[Zach Amico]

I want to give it to him. I think it's worth it. I'll give it to you.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

What is it?

[Zach Amico]

It's trucks.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I got it in the end.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I've heard that about you.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I dated a skater boy. Boy.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Che]

Let's see you later, boy.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

He did die.

[Zach Amico]

He wasn't good enough for her.

[Emily Wade]

Oh, my God's killed two guys with her post.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

No, no, no, no. You got to stop saying this on podcast.

[Emily Wade]

Ghost.

[Zach Amico]

Ghost. You got two bodies on you.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I have. I have one body and one heroin addict.

[Zach Amico]

I got two bodies on me.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, my God. How'd you kill them?

[Emily Wade]

Explain elaborate detail.

[Zach Amico]

One the same way as you.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Cocaine with your pussycat.

[Zach Amico]

No, no.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Heroin.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I thought she liked naps.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I thought he was just going in his truck to hang out. Yeah, no, it was heroin.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah, I got one of those. And I got one that got real sick.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah, one was cocaine for me.

[Zach Amico]

Nice. I might have.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You might have.

[Zach Amico]

You know, to be honest with you, I probably have more and I just haven't kept up with them.

[Che]

Yeah, you gotta do some follow ups, some phone calls, some Facebook. Facebook pages. Check the Facebook pages on these.

[Zach Amico]

I probably got. I probably got a few.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

They're all memorial.

[Che]

Jesus Christ. Haunted.

[Zach Amico]

All right. For the boys. You ready?

[Rob Cruz]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Who is Barbie's sister?

[Rob Cruz]

Oh.

[Che]

Boy.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

No idea.

[Che]

Candace.

[Zach Amico]

Ladies.

[Emily Wade]

Barbie's sister. This is a hard one. I didn't play with Barbies. I played with Bionicles.

[Rob Cruz]

All respect.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. I don't know Barbie's sister.

[Zach Amico]

Take a shot.

[Emily Wade]

I don't know.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Barbina.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. It's Skipper.

[Che]

Skipper.

[Zach Amico]

Skipper. Who knew?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, she's the non binary Barbie.

[Che]

Did not know she had a. She had a thing. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

All right. For the ladies. What major car company uses a prancing horse as their logo?

[Emily Wade]

A prancing horse. You got this Do I now? I'm blanking. You just put the ferry correct. All right.

[Zach Amico]

Excellent work.

[Rob Cruz]

I actually wouldn't have got that.

[Che]

No, I was gonna say Mustang. I think that's Ford, though. Mustang's a Ford. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, they are.

[Che]

Yeah, I think so.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, for the gentleman, what is a pumice stone used for?

[Rob Cruz]

A pumice stone.

[Che]

Oh, exfoliating.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Damn. You use it for your feet off.

[Zach Amico]

Removing dry skin. Yeah.

[Che]

Okay. Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Great work, Great work. Sorry. Okay, that was a grading.

[Emily Wade]

Do we have a score?

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, do we have a score?

[Shannon]

Currently tied two.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, okay.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Come on, James.

[Emily Wade]

I'm bad at this.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I told you.

[Emily Wade]

It's terrible at trivia.

[Zach Amico]

In the Transformers, who is the leader of the Autobots?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Optimus Prime.

[Zach Amico]

Done.

[Che]

Dude, no op, Dude.

[Zach Amico]

All right. For the boys, what shape is a princess cut Diamond.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, God, I'm so bad at this.

[Rob Cruz]

A princess cut.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

I would have to completely.

[Che]

Guess I'm gonna say octagon.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Is it a square?

[Zach Amico]

Nice.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Girls on top.

[Emily Wade]

Look it. I got one.

[Zach Amico]

In video games, what does FPS stand for?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Full system.

[Emily Wade]

Sorry, that was FPS Fart. I don't know. He's like, you should know this. He knows this. I don't know what this is.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I don't know.

[Emily Wade]

First player. Wait, I don't know. All right.

[Che]

First person shooter.

[Emily Wade]

I knew it was like, all right.

[Zach Amico]

Right. This is what I feel like. Could be for anybody, but it is just good trivia. So, the boys, between the two of you, can you name all seven dwarves from Snow White?

[Che]

Oh, sleepy. Dopey.

[Rob Cruz]

Dopey.

[Che]

Doc.

[Rob Cruz]

Grumpy.

[Che]

Grumpy. Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

Did we say sleepy already?

[Che]

Yeah, we said sleepy. Sneezy.

[Rob Cruz]

Sneezy.

[Che]

Bashful.

[Emily Wade]

And Brad Williams.

[Zach Amico]

Got him.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

This is.

[Che]

We're clipping this. And do we say dopey?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you did.

[Che]

We did say dopey. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You're one short.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Nice.

[Emily Wade]

Oh, I know this one. One.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Oh, I know this one.

[Rob Cruz]

Is there. Is there, like, a pissed off one?

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

You already said.

[Che]

We said grumpy.

[Rob Cruz]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Che]

We said sleepy.

[Rob Cruz]

What are all the moods people could be in? Did we say the sad one?

[Che]

Is there a sad one?

[Rob Cruz]

I'm going to. I'm going to say there's a sad one.

[Che]

What's the sad one called?

[Rob Cruz]

Or.

[Che]

Yeah. No, I can't.

[Shannon]

I think we have to cut you guys off at some point.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Che]

Sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

[Rob Cruz]

That was more than I thought.

[Zach Amico]

Ladies.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Okay. Happy.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, I was going to say happy.

[Zach Amico]

Ladies.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

I tried not to smile while you guys were doing it. I was like, I don't want them to get it.

[Che]

Yeah, dude. We got close, by the way.

[Zach Amico]

All I wanted to say, and I didn't want to give up the last answer, you said Brad is like, is his dwarf named Hacky? Which is not true. Brad's a very funny comedy. It was such a mean thing to call a m comedian.

[Che]

Of course.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we'll do one more. Ladies, how many volts is a standard car battery?

[Rob Cruz]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

This.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

350.

[Zach Amico]

Gentlemen.

[Emily Wade]

12.

[Che]

Yeah, I don't.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know.

[Che]

Do you know? Do you know?

[Rob Cruz]

300. I don't know. I'll just say.

[Che]

Yeah, it's.

[Zach Amico]

I gotta give it to ladies. It's. It's 12.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Shut up. How did I know that?

[Rob Cruz]

I have no idea.

[Zach Amico]

I. I think that was so impressive. I want to call it there. Is that okay?

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Wait, so who wins?

[Shannon]

Yep. So the guys end with three points. The ladies win with six points.

[Emily Wade]

Now we're going to peg you guys.

[Zach Amico]

And we all win big.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

They're gonna touch me.

[Zach Amico]

They just have Nazi armbands on. It's like I planned this. All right, thank you guys so much for tuning in. We're gonna wrap it up here. I want to thank my wonderful guest. Please check out the Dark holes podcast.

[Jamie Lee Simmons]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Please check out do rag and the deer tag. And please check out two girls, one blunt podcast. Thank you to all my guests and we will see you this Wednesday here on Zack. Amigos, if you love the show promo code zoo, you get a $50 off a month. The archives every episode early uncensored ad free. The live chat and I'll fucking kiss you on the lips. Morning promo code zoo and we'll see you on Wednesday. Thank you. It ob a coffee and join the crew. It's Acamiko morning too. It's Akamiko morning too.