0008. Bret Raybould and Akeem Woods

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo – Episode 0008: Bret Raybould and Akeem Woods

Release Date: May 11, 2025

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Introduction and Guest Introductions

In Episode 0008 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo, host Zac Amico welcomes listeners to another chaotic and entertaining morning show. Joining him are two notable guests: comedian and actor Brett Raybould, known for his new special "Live at the Library," and fellow comedian Akeem Woods, who shares his upcoming tour dates and special performances.

• [01:17] Zac Amico: "Well, good morning, good morning, good morning. And ain't it a fun morning? We're here on a Wednesday here on gasdigital.com it's your other boy, the international superstar Zac Amico."

• [02:02] Akeem Woods: "Comedy. I'm good."

• [03:08] Brett Raybould: "Live at the library. I had a new special come out on my YouTube last night..."

Diddy Trial and Celebrity Involvement

The conversation quickly shifts to the high-profile Diddy trial, where Zac, Brett, and Akeem discuss the complexities of jury selection and the potential involvement of celebrities as witnesses. A particular point of interest is the mention of Mike Myers, the Canadian actor and comedian famous for his role as Austin Powers, being named as a potential witness due to an inside joke in the movie.

• [04:37] Brett Raybould: "Oh, it's happening."

• [06:07] Zach Amico: "They also named some potential witnesses and one on there. And Shan, you got to find out how this happened. One of the possible people that might be calling this trial, Canadian legend, actor, comedian Mike Myers."

The trio humorously speculates about other celebrities who might become entangled in the trial, touching on figures like J.Lo and Usher, and delves into discussions about systemic racism within the judicial system.

• [12:07] Akeem Woods: "Love to see us."

• [51:49] Akeem Woods: "Listen, I'm sorry, I don't know y'all celebrities, all right?"

Animal News Segment: Raccoon Caught with Meth Pipe

Transitioning to lighter (and stranger) topics, the guests discuss a bizarre news story where police found a pet raccoon holding a meth pipe during a traffic stop in Ohio. The conversation explores the legality of owning raccoons, the challenges of rabies testing in animals, and humorous anecdotes about pets accidentally getting high.

• [23:17] Akeem Woods: "And they arrested him."

• [24:03] Brett Raybould: "I don't want him to have that."

• [31:00] Shannon: "Yes, in humans, you can test for it. You can test the saliva, spinal fluid, yada, yada, yada."

Zac shares a personal story about his cat, Gus, accidentally ingesting a meth-laden brownie, leading to comical yet concerning behavior over the next day or two.

• [32:05] Zach Amico: "And now, my cat Fred was getting into pot brownies and got high for a day or two."

Couple Finds Scary Note in New Home

Another segment covers a couple who discover a mysterious and frightening note hidden in their new home, prompting concerns and discussions about the potential meanings behind the cryptic numbers found alongside the warning to "Don't look under the floor."

• [58:03] Zach Amico: "Don't look under the floor. That's horrifying."

• [59:16] Akeem Woods: "It's the biggest sets of flex to play blanks to prank somebody."

The guests brainstorm possible interpretations, ranging from simple pranks to more sinister implications, all while maintaining their signature humor.

Personal Anecdotes: Uncle Angelo's Potato Prank

Zac reminisces about a long-term prank his Uncle Angelo pulled, leaving a potato encased in plastic under a stove. Over ten years, vines grew around it, creating a quirky and enduring mystery for Zac's family.

• [60:25] Zach Amico: "I put this potato here the day you moved in... 10 years of vines of potato stuff."

• [63:47] Brett Raybould: "Your uncle, he's a hero to one. He's Harry Tubman of that one rooster."

Miscellaneous Discussions: Bears, Wrestlers, and Contortion

The episode also features offbeat discussions about bears as tax trainers—a likely humorous metaphor or inside joke—and the physical toll of wrestling, including concussions and their impact on mental health.

• [61:24] Brett Raybould: "What if there's no article, no video? We just have to talk."

• [56:29] Zach Amico: "Concussion, C-T-E is like what you get from too many..."

Additionally, the hosts debate the ethics of animal performances and the incidents involving wild animals in entertainment, blending humor with critical observations.

• [65:06] Brett Raybould: "You can do it, man. Getting drunk is the worst. It really blows."

Conclusion and Guest Promotions

As the show wraps up, Zac emphasizes the importance of supporting guests by promoting Brett's "Live at the Library" special and Akeem's upcoming performances. He encourages listeners to visit their respective websites and tune into their shows for more laughs and entertainment.

• [67:00] Akeem Woods: "I really have never had any pets, so..."

• [67:02] Brett Raybould: "My special 'Live at the Library' is a must-watch on YouTube."

Zac leaves the audience with a humorous nod to their wild discussions, promising more unhinged and entertaining content in future episodes.

• [67:49] Brett Raybould: "It's Zachary Miko work morning too."

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Notable Quotes:

• Zach Amico [06:05]: "Maybe prisoners should be forced to be jurors and then they could learn about the law and practice law when they get out."

• Akeem Woods [14:07]: "I do that as well as... the last, last hurrah."

• Brett Raybould [22:37]: "That's one of those, like, Easter eggs you find after watching the movie for the eighth time."

• Zach Amico [32:05]: "I've never had too much pussy ever."

• Akeem Woods [37:02]: "I've never had any."

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Final Thoughts

Episode 0008 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo delivers a blend of humor, current events, personal stories, and quirky news bites. Hosts Zac Amico, Bret Raybould, and Akeem Woods engage in candid and often irreverent conversations that capture the essence of a morning radio show gone delightfully off-script. Whether discussing high-profile trials, animal antics, or bizarre personal anecdotes, the episode offers a whirlwind of entertainment for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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Connect with the Guests:

• Brett Raybould: Check out his special Live at the Library on YouTube.
• Akeem Woods: Visit akeemwoods.com for tour dates and show information.

Be sure to tune in every Friday for more exclusive and unhinged content on Zac Amico's Morning Zoo!

Transcript

[Zach Amico]

If you have a locked AT&T phone, we're here with bolt cutters. T Mobile will help pay off your locked phone and give you a new 5G phone for free. All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom Be a virtual.

[Brett Raybould]

Prepaid MasterCard in 15 days. Free phone up to 830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax and a.

[Akeem Woods]

10 device connection charge.

[Brett Raybould]

Qualifying port in trade and service on Go 5G next and credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on required finance agreements. Do you have bill credits and if you pay off devices early.

[Zach Amico]

Fill her up.

[Brett Raybould]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Zach Amico]

Wake up, it's time to go.

[Brett Raybould]

Zach Amico's got a show.

[Zach Amico]

Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day Till the.

[Brett Raybould]

Sandman no fall asleep Eat some eggs.

[Zach Amico]

And cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coff and join the crew.

[Brett Raybould]

It's Zach Amico morning too.

[Zach Amico]

Well, good morning, good morning, good morning. And ain't it a fun morning? We're here on a Wednesday here on gasdigital.com it's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amico. Thank you so much for tuning in to every single person and thank you to everybody in the chat except the cocksucker who just complained that we were playing the Clash. F you. I am joined by two wonderful gentlemen and let's have some fun. Across the table from me, you can get all his dates on Akeem woods dot com. It's my friend Akeem Woods. Yeah. How you doing, buddy?

[Akeem Woods]

Comedy. I'm good.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, we're gonna have a great day, pal. And next to him from his new special Live at the Library, which is available on his YouTube, it's our buddy, Brett Raybould.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. I love this.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you, buddy.

[Brett Raybould]

This is pure joy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's what we're going for.

[Brett Raybould]

It's a different vibe.

[Zach Amico]

It's old school morning radio. Gotta stay positive. Gotta stay silly, baby.

[Brett Raybould]

That was who made the jingle.

[Zach Amico]

That is my good friend John Brennan from John Bre Cannon and the big feet.

[Brett Raybould]

He crushed it.

[Zach Amico]

And a saxophone player from Fiverr.

[Akeem Woods]

Nice. Are we still able to curse and stuff?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We. This also goes out. You know what? Great excuse to do plugs. Yes. This goes on Gas Digital and then comes out on YouTube a few days later. But if you want the show uncensored ad free and you want the Archives, access to the live chat, all that shit. Go to gas digital.com today. Use the promo code zoo and you get off a month. Boys. Let's get some plugs. Brett, you want to plug anything other than your new special Live at the Library.

[Brett Raybould]

Said it again. Live at the library. I had a new special come out on my YouTube last night, quite literally at 8pm we had a great live show. Just go watch it. I filmed it at a public library in New Jersey. It wasn't a special taping. It was just a special show that happened to have a camera at it. So I think it yields a lot more natural and authentic of a performance. And I'm going to be doing a tour of libraries across Northeast in the fall, which each show serving as a fundraiser for that branch. So just go watch the special and then follow me and you'll find out about the tour. That's all.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you so much, Akeem.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. Akeemwoods.com this weekend I'm in Phoenix. Stand up live with Godfrey. And then next weekend I'm in Milwaukee. Milwaukee Improv. All these dates are on keemwoods.com Pride Month is coming up, so I'm doing a bunch of gay shit. So come see me tell jokes.

[Brett Raybould]

Same.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Brett Raybould]

Gay, but outside of comedy.

[Zach Amico]

Nice. Yeah, he's just doing gay shit in public libraries.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, I'm doing that as well as.

[Zach Amico]

The last, last hurrah.

[Brett Raybould]

The last hurrah. The last safe space for gay shit.

[Akeem Woods]

Hey, guys, follow my Instagram. Akeem Woods, AKA Follow Akeem.

[Zach Amico]

And nice gothic titties in the chat. Stand up, Pouchup Live. Zach Amico. For all my dates, I'm going back out on tour with Juggalo Championship Wrestling, doing commentary starting on the 20th through the 25th. So go to JCW and check out where I'll be. All right, let's fuck around, guys. Following the Diddy trial this morning.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, it's happening.

[Zach Amico]

It's going. They're still picking jurors. They're having some issues. One of the jurors they picked already worked for the company that made the Diddy documentary and they had to dismiss them.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, yeah. Cause bias. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Which is hilarious. Of all the people to pick.

[Akeem Woods]

I will say finding a jury for him is going to be so hard because he's so, so, so famous. Yeah, it's hard to find someone not biased.

[Zach Amico]

They might need to do it in like Montana or something.

[Akeem Woods]

But that's the thing. But they can't really do that either because it has to be a jury of his peers.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

So there has to be black people. There has to be black people on the jury. And every black person everywhere knows who the Diddy is.

[Zach Amico]

That would be very true.

[Brett Raybould]

So, yeah. Yeah, that is accurate. I mean, I. What do they. It could just be Vietnamese immigrants, but.

[Akeem Woods]

Then it wouldn't be his peers.

[Brett Raybould]

What do you mean?

[Akeem Woods]

They have to be a jury of his peers. People who are his peers. Like black people have to be on the jury.

[Brett Raybould]

What you're saying Vietnamese people aren't peers to black people?

[Akeem Woods]

No, I'm saying it has to be a black person.

[Zach Amico]

If every time a black person on trial you needed black people, we'd be out of black people.

[Brett Raybould]

That's.

[Akeem Woods]

Well, yeah, because we're over policed. Because systematic racism.

[Zach Amico]

Of course.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'm just saying I think we'd run out of that. I think it would be a revolving door of prison and that should be it.

[Akeem Woods]

Then maybe they would stop arresting black people for no reason. So then it would kind of help.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, I think that would. That would help. Maybe prisoners should be forced to be jurors and then they could learn about the law and practice law when they get out.

[Brett Raybould]

That. That's a good work program.

[Zach Amico]

Right?

[Brett Raybould]

That's a great work study program.

[Zach Amico]

Then it's almost like learning to be a legal aid.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, but they don't want to rehabilitate people. That's not the prison system. It's for free labor.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, It's. It's obviously a prison complex so that they can get people to work for free.

[Brett Raybould]

Disagree. Our system is perfect.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, of course.

[Akeem Woods]

For you guys. Yeah, definitely.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Brett Raybould]

That's insane, though.

[Zach Amico]

So they also named some potential witnesses and one on there. And Shan, you got to find. I got to find out how this, how this happened. One of the possible people that might be calling this trial, Canadian legend, actor, comedian Mike Myers.

[Brett Raybould]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Has been named as a potential witness in the Diddy trial. I don't know how they even met. Did he work on Austin?

[Akeem Woods]

Mike Myers.

[Zach Amico]

Austin Powers, baby.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, really? The guy who plays Austin Powers?

[Zach Amico]

You know who Mike Myers is? From snl.

[Akeem Woods]

I'm not good with names that.

[Brett Raybould]

But that's a name you gotta be good with. It's Mike fucking Myers.

[Zach Amico]

That's crazy, dude.

[Brett Raybould]

The best comic voice of a generation.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. For white people's generation.

[Brett Raybould]

No, that's not a white black thing. That's Mike Myers.

[Akeem Woods]

No idea who he is.

[Zach Amico]

The guy Kanye was standing next to when he said George Bush doesn't care about black people.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, Mike Myers.

[Akeem Woods]

No, no, no.

[Brett Raybould]

This isn't like no, this is.

[Zach Amico]

I will say. No, I will say this.

[Akeem Woods]

I didn't. I know who. I've watched Austin Powers. If you had to. If you had a gun to me, it's like, who's the actor's name? I wouldn't have said, Mike. I don't know the nigga's name.

[Brett Raybould]

That's fine. But he is a legend.

[Akeem Woods]

I'm not saying he's not. I'm saying I don't remember bringing in.

[Zach Amico]

Wayne's World my senior year of high school to watch something in class. And every black kid looked at it like, I put on the fucking Zapruder film. Like, they had. No. I. It was. I remember a guy standing up in the first 10 minutes of Wayne's World and being. Yo, I got scary movie 4 on DVD right now.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, well, that's the thing. That's the thing that I don't think sometimes people don't realize is, like, just because your stuff is mainstream doesn't mean we have to know about it. Like, I know. Like, if you show me a picture, I'd be like, oh, yeah, that's awesome Powers. I don't know his name, but, like, y' all stuff is the default. So you just assume that everyone has to know the default. But in actuality, I don't think.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think SNL is a white thing.

[Akeem Woods]

No, I don't think SNL is, but I think. I think Austin. I mean, Austin Power was a big. I don't know his name, though. I knew who he was. I'm like, yo, that's the dude who plays Austin Power. But I guarantee you, a lot of people don't know that he's named. They're like, oh, nigga, that's awesome Powers. That's what they would say. If you. If you went to Baltimore, walked around the hood and show a picture of him, most people would be like, oh, that's Austin Powers. They're not gonna be like, oh, that's Mike Myers.

[Zach Amico]

He's. I.

[Brett Raybould]

He's pretty famous.

[Zach Amico]

He's pretty. As far as our generation, that's a really famous.

[Akeem Woods]

I'm not saying he's not famous. I'm just saying I didn't know his name.

[Brett Raybould]

Okay, fair enough. That's surprising.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

And. And maybe, you know, I only bring.

[Zach Amico]

Up the SNL because he was part of, like, what I think our. Our generation would consider, like, good snl.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. I mean, I didn't watch SNL back then, so I didn't. I didn't see him on snl.

[Zach Amico]

I get It. I get it.

[Brett Raybould]

I get it. I just shocked Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Do we know why he's being possibly called? And are there any other fun celebrities that are being put on this witness list?

[Shannon]

Okay, so I can't imagine this really being the reason, but what it says in the article is that they believe he's on the list because of this joke that was in Austin Powers Gold Member. And I'm going to show it to you, but I'm just going to tell it to you beforehand because it's going to be hard to miss. But on Dr. Evil's but is a tattoo that says E. Diddy. I'm gonna play it for you.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Shannon]

Right there.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, that's it.

[Shannon]

That's it. That's what it says in the article.

[Akeem Woods]

I never even noticed that. But I haven't seen the movie in years.

[Brett Raybould]

But oh, my God, what a great reason to call him it. He is probably like, God damn it.

[Zach Amico]

He's like, you know, that wasn't even my butt. I'm holding onto it.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, that's like one of those, like, Easter eggs you find after watching the movie for the eighth time. No one saw that in the theaters. It was like.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, that's an inside joke, though. I feel like that's like an inside joke with them knowing some Hollywood.

[Zach Amico]

I think it was.

[Brett Raybould]

You know what I mean?

[Zach Amico]

It was probably right around the time he changed his name, which time he.

[Akeem Woods]

Changed it so many.

[Zach Amico]

He dropped the P from Puff Daddy to P. Diddy.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So it was probably a joke on that because that's the movie where he gets out of jail.

[Akeem Woods]

So wait, they want him. What's. What they calling him? As a witness or as a.

[Zach Amico]

As a witness. Okay, well, maybe find out why that joke was in there.

[Akeem Woods]

I mean, but at this point, I.

[Zach Amico]

Would assume it was just a joke because that was at the time he told me.

[Akeem Woods]

Isn't affiliated with him, though. I mean, there's so many people affiliated with him because he's a massive star. Everyone has taken pictures with him. We've hung out with him. We've been to one of his parties. So how big is his witness? How are you going to subpoena all these? Like, this is. At this point, it's just going to.

[Brett Raybould]

Be a. Yeah, there's photo. Everyone who's famous is a photo of Diddy.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. And that doesn't mean you were doing some creepy shit. That just means he's famous. You're famous.

[Zach Amico]

I do think that's. I think that's why Ben Affleck got the fuck away from JLo real quick.

[Brett Raybould]

Why?

[Zach Amico]

I think he sees that one coming down.

[Brett Raybould]

JLO is going to get diddy.

[Zach Amico]

I think JLo's in. I think there's going to be a few female celebrities that get got.

[Akeem Woods]

What did JLO do?

[Zach Amico]

She was at the parties.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, maybe. I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

And I think she, like, was abusive to people.

[Akeem Woods]

I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of wild shit happening in Hollywood, but I don't know. I feel like. I think it's wild, but I don't think it's as wild as people think it is. I think it's definitely some crazy shit happening, but it's not like. Like, the people outside looking in are like, oh, yeah, everyone in Hollywood sacrificing goats and. And doing gay stuff to be famous and all this stuff. And then it's like, bro, it's really not that deep. All the crazy happening. Yeah, but I'm in it. And it's not as deep as y' all think it is. It's not a bunch of people doing goat sacrifices and kids and to make. To win.

[Brett Raybould]

What's the point of me working so hard?

[Zach Amico]

What am I trying to get in the goddamn Illuminati?

[Brett Raybould]

So why. Why am I on Morning Zoo if this isn't me trying to scale my.

[Zach Amico]

Way, if I'm not trying to backwards get into skull and bones? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

[Akeem Woods]

I don't know. Childhood trauma?

[Brett Raybould]

No, for me, it's the legal pedophilia.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't. I don't think it was that. I think it was just like, a lot of, like. I think it's, like, the same way, like, they said, like, emperors at, you know, would get so debaucherous that they would eventually switch to gay shit.

[Brett Raybould]

Well, it's the same reason David Bowie and JAG are hooked up. Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

The reason why that doesn't make any sense to me is because I'm gay and I've never had too much gay sex. Was like, man, this is too much gay sex. I need pussy.

[Zach Amico]

I'm saying.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, you've never had too much pussy.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, because I've never had any.

[Brett Raybould]

Exactly. So you can't.

[Zach Amico]

That's like starting at ice cream and being like, you know, it would be nice. Sherbert.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[Zach Amico]

You've already had ice cream.

[Brett Raybould]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

That's the ultra. I mean, I've already. You've already touched the top of the mountain.

[Brett Raybould]

You. I mean, you're by. Yeah, you know, I think there's.

[Zach Amico]

I've been known to dabble.

[Brett Raybould]

You've known the dabble?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

You had a show called by guys.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I've been. I've been known to be a curious.

[Brett Raybould]

Sometimes you have sherbert.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes it's rainbow. Sherbert.

[Brett Raybould]

It's. It's rainbow.

[Zach Amico]

Sometimes it's rainbow sugar.

[Brett Raybould]

So I. I understand certain crazy famous people who. That was what I was saying. Bowie and McJagger had like a fling. It makes sense because they've already. Every model and so every model that high they're probably just became numb to the most gorgeous woman possible.

[Akeem Woods]

I think that.

[Zach Amico]

And they're probably on a ton of drugs.

[Brett Raybould]

That'll help.

[Akeem Woods]

I guess it only makes sense if you have repressed homo. If you're just a repressed gay person. Because I don't If I'm fucking supermodel after supermodel after supermodel of all these ripped dudes. I'm never gonna be like man, maybe I should try pussy. Like it's never gonna. I don't think about pussy ever.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but maybe. So like there's the Kinsey scale right where it says.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think it's like everybody's on a spectrum. So technically by that logic there is something It's. I mean. And it just might be that you're the scale. You might be 98 point there's some pussy out there. But I think the guys we're talking about you won't might be 80, 20, 70, 30. And never really experience.

[Akeem Woods]

They can just be honest about it and say they're not straight, which is fine. But.

[Zach Amico]

Oh yeah. Black people would take that. Great.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, I know, I know. I know they won't. And that I'm addressing That's a problem.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That I think it's. It's growing up in a world especially the 80s and 90s and worse and worse as you go back less and less accepted.

[Akeem Woods]

Of course. Of course.

[Zach Amico]

So I don't think these guys got a chance or like it wasn't okay.

[Akeem Woods]

But also it's just we. It's. I don't. But justifying it by not justifying it but saying it's because they've had too much pussy. That's. That doesn't make any sense to me to say that you had. You had so much pussy that now you sucking dick.

[Zach Amico]

Well not only did he too much pussy and arranged his best friend's murder and profited off of. But oh no.

[Akeem Woods]

Diddy's a creep. But did that don't but that I don't. I don't attribute that to him being closeted. He's just a creep in general. Like you could be a straight creep, a gay creep. He's just a creep.

[Zach Amico]

Dude. How fucked up. Must have the set of. Get him to the Greek bin. Just fucking. Russell, Brad.

[Brett Raybould]

Russell, Brad.

[Zach Amico]

Jodah Hill.

[Brett Raybould]

Jodah Hill.

[Zach Amico]

Diddy. Just. Just chopping it up. And then how fucked up is it that the ultimate. What was the ultimate drug? That was the best thing in the world.

[Brett Raybould]

What was it?

[Zach Amico]

Remember, it was the joint. That was a mix of everything I never saw. And what was that? That was called a Jeffrey.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, shit. Wow, you're connecting all of the dogs.

[Zach Amico]

Connecting all the dots. Why is it.

[Akeem Woods]

What's his face in Jerry. Russell Brand, he's been.

[Zach Amico]

He. He's got some accusations, but he's gone full crazy Christian now.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, well, that was probably. He knew it was coming out.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he knew that was coming down the pipe.

[Brett Raybould]

I got to do the Christian turn so that when this comes out, I can. All pious. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He's like baptizing people and. Wow.

[Brett Raybould]

Was that movie produced by Weinstein by chance, to be honest with you. You collected all the insanity stones, Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Can we find out?

[Akeem Woods]

Didn't he start in stand up? Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

Russell Brand was a British comic. Yeah, yeah, but I think he had a radio show.

[Akeem Woods]

But he doesn't do comedy more. He just.

[Zach Amico]

Well, he does. He's like that British stand up where it's like kind of spoken word and.

[Brett Raybould]

Like you can go a while without a laugh. And that's.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's more like that kind of.

[Brett Raybould]

Come on, Greek, Come on, let's look in this David L. Bushel. What's going on there? Rodney Rothman looking like a poor man's.

[Akeem Woods]

What was get him to the Greek about? I never saw it.

[Zach Amico]

It was a spin off of forgetting Sarah Marshall.

[Brett Raybould]

It's like he had to get a rock star to his big show.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he had to get a rock star to his big show. It was like Jason Siegel hanging dong. Very not very nice piece. And forgetting Sarah Marshall.

[Akeem Woods]

And it beat.

[Brett Raybould]

Did.

[Akeem Woods]

Did p. Did he just play himself?

[Zach Amico]

No, he was like the record. I think he was the guy who owned the record company.

[Akeem Woods]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

That Russell Brand's band was playing.

[Akeem Woods]

Wait, who said have a nice dick in what movie?

[Zach Amico]

Jason Siegel and forgetting Sarah Marshall.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, you see his dick?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he drops his towel. It's fucking kid. Hey, let's. Hey, let's be welcoming to our guest Akeem Shannon. And let's find Jesus. He goes, oh, yeah, let's find out. See, that's the Zach and me company.

[Brett Raybould]

I'm telling you, after you see this dick, you're gonna want some pussy.

[Akeem Woods]

Nope, I've never wanted that in my life.

[Zach Amico]

Shopify's point of sale system helps you sell at every stage of your business. Need a fast and secure way to take payments in person? We've got you covered. How about card readers?

[Brett Raybould]

You can rely on anywhere you sell. Thanks.

[Akeem Woods]

Have a good one.

[Zach Amico]

Yep, that too. Want one place to manage all your online and in person sales? That's. That's kind of our thing. Wherever you sell. Businesses that grow, grow with Shopify.

[Brett Raybould]

Sign up for your $1 a month [e-mail].

[Zach Amico]

Listen. Shopify.com.

[Akeem Woods]

Listen. But I do want to see his dick. Is he packing?

[Brett Raybould]

Of course he's not gonna. He. He produced, wrote, and starred in the movie. He's not like, let's get a dick shot of me. And then he's got a little.

[Akeem Woods]

You can get a substance. You can like, people, like, do dick. Dick. What are they called?

[Zach Amico]

Stunt dicks.

[Akeem Woods]

Stunt dicks, yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, get us. Nice stuff.

[Zach Amico]

And Wahlberg did wear a prosthetic and Boogie Nights.

[Brett Raybould]

Right? And he. He, in interviews would try and act like it wasn't. Have you seen. There's like interviews where you try and like he tries to parry away those questions. Like he wasn't wearing a prosthetic penis.

[Zach Amico]

Any luck, Shannon?

[Shannon]

Working on it. Sorry, Shannon.

[Brett Raybould]

I would have thought it was your phone background. Okay, now he's what?

[Zach Amico]

He is tall.

[Akeem Woods]

What's the. What's the. Why'd he put on his dick? I'm all for it, but like, what was the.

[Brett Raybould]

It was.

[Zach Amico]

It was kind of like girlfriend breaks up with him and he's wearing a towel and he. And as he's crying, the towel falls off.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. Oh, okay, so it's just Funny moment.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It's just a tall man crying with his penis out to.

[Brett Raybould]

Been there.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, who hasn't, right?

[Brett Raybould]

Come on, come on. I've been there.

[Zach Amico]

Any luck, Shannon?

[Shannon]

I'll let you know when I find it. Sorry. I don't know why it's so hard to find that's surprising.

[Brett Raybould]

The Internet, you know, I would think there's just a Google image.

[Akeem Woods]

Well, the movie is old movie, so maybe.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I'd say after 2000, that's not an old movie.

[Brett Raybould]

It's one of the best. That's like a top, top tier romantic.

[Akeem Woods]

What was that movie about?

[Zach Amico]

Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. She had a nijo something.

[Zach Amico]

No, that's 50 first dates.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

Well, you've seen movies, right?

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. Yeah. There's not a lot.

[Zach Amico]

There's not a lot forgetting Sarah Marshall is a guy breaks up with his chick, they go. And then they accidentally go on vacation together.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he's trying to forget about her by having sex with a hot chick and she hooks up with.

[Brett Raybould]

It's a little unrealistic where it's like, you go through a breakup, you go on the vacation, and who's in the.

[Akeem Woods]

Do they get back together? You could spoil the fucking.

[Zach Amico]

I don't remember. I don't think so.

[Brett Raybould]

They don't. He ends up. Unfortunately, he ends up with Mila Kunis.

[Zach Amico]

Now, that's an upgrade.

[Brett Raybould]

Of course, that's what's so silly about the movie. It's like, of course he moved on. He's now dating Mila Kunis.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it should have been called. We both upgraded.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. Yeah, right?

[Akeem Woods]

Did she find a hot dude, too?

[Shannon]

I have an image I don't have. Like, the video of him flopping it.

[Zach Amico]

All right.

[Shannon]

Okay.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. Go, Jason.

[Akeem Woods]

Fine.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, Jason.

[Akeem Woods]

I thought it was gonna be bigger.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, listen for a softy.

[Akeem Woods]

No, that's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not bad.

[Zach Amico]

And also realize he's got a giant body.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Big, tall man. I'm sure. I bet. I bet that's a good piece. When it's. When it's. Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

When it's already and stuff. I'm sure he's cute.

[Brett Raybould]

Jason is a. He's a handsome fella Who's.

[Zach Amico]

Who's what? Celebrity dick. Surprised you. For me, it's Jason Muse in Zach and Mary Make a Porno.

[Akeem Woods]

Wait, does he have a big day?

[Brett Raybould]

I didn't know that one.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I thought he did, but then apparently Kevin Smith mentions that Affleck said that Jason Muse is, like, two pumps away from fully hard in the. In the movie. Like, he's.

[Brett Raybould]

He's definitely fluffed as much as possible.

[Zach Amico]

I think he is, like, chubbed to.

[Akeem Woods]

The point of, like, Jason Muse.

[Zach Amico]

Jay from Jay and Silent Bob.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, I didn't watch that.

[Brett Raybould]

See, that's a name, though. I'd be more like. Okay, I understand not knowing Jason Mewes.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, yeah, that's still. I mean, that's not bad.

[Brett Raybould]

But that does look slightly hard. You're actually right.

[Akeem Woods]

No, it looks hard as.

[Brett Raybould]

It has that hard little lilt to it. It's got, like.

[Zach Amico]

I'd say the head. The head is what gives it away. The head's got blood in it.

[Brett Raybould]

Shannon Enhance.

[Akeem Woods]

I'm trying to.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon. Quadrant four. Enhance.

[Akeem Woods]

I'm trying to think of who had.

[Shannon]

A nice quality fitness photo.

[Akeem Woods]

Who had a nice dick that I.

[Brett Raybould]

Enhance.

[Zach Amico]

Enhance.

[Shannon]

Oh, that's better.

[Brett Raybould]

Enhance. Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon. Enhance.

[Brett Raybould]

Enhance.

[Zach Amico]

He'll be at Skank Fest this year. If anybody who really wants to see that beautiful piece in real life, you.

[Brett Raybould]

Might get a chance to suck it.

[Akeem Woods]

Who's in Skank?

[Zach Amico]

That dude, Jason Muse, the human being we're talking about.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, his dick is going to be in sk.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Brett Raybould]

This is great. Dicks that have surprised me. You know, I. I don't know if any has surprised me. I mean, it's funny when you just know a celebrity is a big dick because of the Internet. Jon Hamm is a big cock. Michael Spender, He's a big cock.

[Zach Amico]

Liam Neeson.

[Brett Raybould]

Really? I mean, I'm not shocked.

[Zach Amico]

We've talked about that one before. That's like a famous one.

[Brett Raybould]

That's a famous dick.

[Zach Amico]

Janice Dickinson in her book said that Liam Neeson's dick was like a large Evian bottle.

[Akeem Woods]

Jesus. God damn. So poetic.

[Brett Raybould]

That is well said by.

[Zach Amico]

As Jim Norton said in his act years ago, did you have to be brand specific? It's one of my favorite old Norton bits. He talks about how his. He asked how big is his ex? How big is how big her ex's dick was?

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And she was. It was too big. It was like a Coke can and he's like a Coke. Did you have to be brand specific? I know you thought of that while you were on your knees worshiping it. All right, let's go to something silly. Animal news. Police find pet raccoon holding meth pipe during traffic stop.

[Akeem Woods]

And they arrested him.

[Zach Amico]

Well, it's systematic racism against raccoons?

[Akeem Woods]

I think so.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, they planted it on him.

[Shannon]

Oh, by the way, I'll just tell you quickly beforehand. So they pulled over this woman because they realized that she had a warrant out for her arrest.

[Akeem Woods]

Of course.

[Shannon]

And she happens to have a. A pet raccoon.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, that's a meth addict. Even just from a freeze frame. That's a methadone. Just getting home.

[Zach Amico]

Everybody get your blood finger.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, hey.

[Zach Amico]

I. Come here.

[Brett Raybould]

Hello.

[Zach Amico]

The raccoon. That lady's 27.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, my God, her best pipe. He's playing with the best pipe right now.

[Zach Amico]

No, don't reach for it. That's evidence.

[Brett Raybould]

I don't want him to have that.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, that's dangerous. Get that away from him.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

By the way, when the cop can't stop laughing.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Over what? She knows. She has to now put in a report.

[Brett Raybould]

Right. A raccoon reached for a meth pipe.

[Akeem Woods]

That. Where'd that take place? I hope it's not Florida, but it's probably Florida.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Did you say where it was? And we weren't. We didn't pay attention.

[Brett Raybould]

Mattress from Park, Ohio.

[Zach Amico]

Ohio.

[Akeem Woods]

That kind of tracks, too, actually.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, let's keep watching. Let's look at this adorable little guy. This raccoon. It's been up for days. Hey, buddy.

[Brett Raybould]

Huh?

[Zach Amico]

It's okay.

[Brett Raybould]

Okay, you're on Orland's. He'll be here in two minutes.

[Akeem Woods]

I'm right across the mic.

[Brett Raybould]

Raccoons are so cute.

[Akeem Woods]

They are. Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

This is what she's smoking.

[Akeem Woods]

Methane.

[Brett Raybould]

The raccoon playing with her meth pipe. All right. She is so. She has.

[Akeem Woods]

He's trying to smoke it.

[Brett Raybould]

All right. There's no way. All right, all right. Enough fun. See, this is the body cam footage that makes us happy.

[Zach Amico]

This is, like, America's funniest video.

[Brett Raybould]

Good body cam footage where you get to watch and you just get to kind of smile and go, her life's in shambles.

[Akeem Woods]

She looks exactly like all of that would be happening.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

That's not surprising in the slightest. Like, if you show me a collage of people, it was like, who has a raccoon smoking meth? I'm like, oh, yeah. 100.

[Zach Amico]

Put your adorable little paws in the air. Look. They're just, like, people hands.

[Brett Raybould]

I think she didn't want him to smoke it. It felt like, because, like, she didn't want it to go to waste.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I think she didn't want a raccoon to die.

[Brett Raybould]

She's a good.

[Akeem Woods]

I don't think she had any meth left. I think it was empty. I think she smoked all the meth that she. I think she's, like, out.

[Zach Amico]

That seems like a pretty domestic. It wasn't like they caught a raccoon that day.

[Brett Raybould]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Like, I think that was their buddy.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, do we have any more info?

[Shannon]

Yeah, so that was their pet raccoon. His name is Chewy.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, that's adorable.

[Shannon]

And. But they said. Well, they said in the article, like, don't worry, it's not going to be like a peanut the squirrel situation. But we don't actually know that because they're checking to see if they actually did have the proper paperwork to have the raccoon or not. And if not, probably not. We don't know what's gonna happen.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, they might have to put the raccoon down.

[Zach Amico]

Didn't they just make peanuts law? Right now they have. I think now they have to wait 48 hours before they're allowed to euthanize animals. You're not supposed to have.

[Brett Raybould]

What don't you.

[Akeem Woods]

Why can't they just check to see if it has rabies and stuff? And if it doesn't have rabies? Let's let it go.

[Brett Raybould]

Put them in.

[Zach Amico]

You know how you check for rabies?

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, no, I don't.

[Zach Amico]

You kill it. You have to check the spinal cord. You gotta kill it.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, there's no get him in a fair.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think you gotta. I had a friend that worked at. Forgive me for repeating myself on the show sometimes. I had a friend that worked at a vet and I think to get a dog a rabies test, you gotta kill it.

[Akeem Woods]

And then I feel like in 2025 we should have a better a swab, something.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, like a COVID test.

[Brett Raybould]

You would think that's a full timey doctor shit.

[Zach Amico]

Some places don't have the tests, so you have to mail in the specimen.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And if it's a big dog, Rabies.

[Akeem Woods]

And animals can only be definitely diagnosed through laboratory testing of brain tissue after.

[Zach Amico]

The animal has been euthanized. The standard test is the direct fluorescent fluorescent antibody test.

[Brett Raybould]

So funny.

[Zach Amico]

D Fat, which is my rap name. Which involves examining brain samples, typically from the brain stem and cerebellum.

[Akeem Woods]

Well, I just want to say veterinarians, get your shit together. It's 2025.

[Brett Raybould]

True.

[Akeem Woods]

If you. If you have to kill a motherfucker to find out if it has a disease, it kind of counterproductive. Right?

[Brett Raybould]

It's just you at this point, it's.

[Akeem Woods]

Like it doesn't matter if it had it or not.

[Zach Amico]

My friend that worked at the vet, they didn't have the test there so they would have to mail the specimens. But if it was a big dog, they just sent the head.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh my God.

[Zach Amico]

And she found that out when she went to put her lunch in the refrigerator.

[Brett Raybould]

Dude.

[Zach Amico]

And there was a German shepherd head in it.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh my God.

[Zach Amico]

Like wrapped in plastic.

[Brett Raybould]

It's like someone just has their egg salad sandwich right there.

[Zach Amico]

Like there's a doggy. Jeffrey Dahmer, he just opened it up.

[Brett Raybould]

I went on a date with a chick a few weeks ago.

[Zach Amico]

I don't believe story already.

[Brett Raybould]

Damn it. You know I'm fibbing, but she was a vet and she. She told me like we drove in her car.

[Zach Amico]

Which you fight in, huh? Which war did she find in Korea.

[Brett Raybould]

She was a Veterinarian in Korea.

[Zach Amico]

But she told me, chef.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, she told me not. But six hours earlier when I. Before I got in the car, she had had a bag of dog heads because she was like transporting from lab to lab. And I was like, you just do.

[Zach Amico]

It lab to lab. That was the kind of dog. That's how the rabies spread. I'm on fire, baby.

[Brett Raybould]

He is on fire. Where are the sound effects from, Lewis? Yeah, there we go.

[Zach Amico]

A midget beaten off in a trash can. I got my own noise is what.

[Akeem Woods]

Who, what context is that?

[Brett Raybould]

That's got to be wrestling.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's a wrestling thing.

[Brett Raybould]

You could just. I know that's got to be wrestling. You just know.

[Akeem Woods]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

Not that beaten off in a trash can.

[Brett Raybould]

Which wrestler.

[Zach Amico]

That's Dusty Roads. That.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, that's your favorite. I know that about you. Yeah, but just insane. You're like, that's the vet. You're right. Veterinarians need to get their shit together because they're clubbing dogs to be like, it doesn't have rabies, but your dog's dead. And they're transporting dogs in trash bags. Dog heads, dog heads. For like lab. Some lab purposes.

[Akeem Woods]

Like, basically there should be. We should. I mean, we have iPhones. We have. It's gotta be test. We could text HIV and all this stuff in 10 seconds. Like, why can't we do, you know rabies tests? Yeah. How do they test rabies in humans?

[Zach Amico]

I only just. I, I think rabies is terminal for humans.

[Akeem Woods]

I know, but how can they test. If you have it in humans, you die of it. I know.

[Zach Amico]

You dive in, I think quick.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, is it. I don't know anything about rabies. Is there a test or something? Or they just give you.

[Zach Amico]

Look that up.

[Shannon]

So, yes, in humans, you can test for it. You can test the saliva, spinal fluid, yada, yada, yada.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

And I'm finding out the.

[Brett Raybould]

I like that if Shannon just knows this off top.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I only recently. I, I, I. Because I'm a fucking idiot. And I just repeat things I hear. I'm not smart. Same. And I said something about if there's raccoons out during the day, that means they might have rabies. And somebody's just like, yeah, that's a fucking old urban legend that someone told you when you were five. And it's definitely not true.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. When people tell you stuff when you're little, you really hold on to that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I.

[Akeem Woods]

Really stupid. I mean, for the longest time. For the longest time, I thought you Weren't allowed to have the light on in the car because that's against the law. It's not. My mom just didn't want me to have the light on in the car. But for the longest time, I thought if you had your console light off.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, that was. Yeah, my mom said.

[Akeem Woods]

My mom's like, it's illegal. For the last time, like, it's illegal. I turned, like, 22. I was like, turn it off. It's illegal. It's like, nigga, what are you talking. No, it's not. What are you talking about?

[Shannon]

Okay, so rabies is always fatal to humans once symptoms develop.

[Akeem Woods]

But how do they test? How long does it take them to test for it?

[Zach Amico]

I guess I'm sure they have something quick.

[Shannon]

Just once you think you've been exposed is when you have to get treated for it.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, they just treat without. Without testing.

[Shannon]

Right. And then it. It is normal for raccoons to be out during the day.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we had raccoons on my parents deck, and they were out during the day, and my mom did. That means they got rabies.

[Akeem Woods]

Ooh, one more thing. Can you treat. Can you treat rabies in raccoons or you just gotta kill them?

[Zach Amico]

No, I don't think. I think they're gonna. I think you gotta.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. What you gotta do before you kill them is give him one more. Just one more piece of meth. Just let him have one more puff and then you kill him.

[Zach Amico]

That's what we should do.

[Brett Raybould]

If you're gonna euthanize an animal, you might as well give him some meth.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

Give him some edible gummies or something.

[Brett Raybould]

Get him. You know what I mean?

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. Some chocolate. Let him just. Especially if it's a dog. Just kill him with the chocolate. We. Chocolate.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Perfect.

[Brett Raybould]

That's actually. Yeah. Two birds, one stone. He gets to feel good a little bit.

[Zach Amico]

Have you ever had an animal accidentally get high?

[Akeem Woods]

No, I never had any pets, so.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, I don't think I have either. Have you? I feel like it doesn't feel accidental.

[Zach Amico]

No. Okay. No.

[Akeem Woods]

I've seen videos, but I've never seen it.

[Zach Amico]

Like, I 100% blow weed smoke in my cat's ear.

[Brett Raybould]

That. That checks out a lot. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because we're hanging out. All right. And I'm not gonna fucking. I'm not gonna bogart on my boy. All right.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Me and Gus, we got it. We got it going.

[Brett Raybould]

Does your cat like it? Does she or he stay?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Gus hangs out. Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

And so he's. He's. Now used to it, like, however.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, gee, cat Fred. Fred was a scavenger. So if you left anything out, Fred was getting into it. I watched him eat a part of Philly cheesesteak once, and I left out a pot browning in Saran wrap on a shelf. Came in, brownie on the floor, opened, half gone, and I just looked at him. I was like, I guess I gotta hang out with you now.

[Akeem Woods]

Your cat?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And he got so high. He sat on the couch like a person. Watched movies with me for three hours. Went to go to the litter box, and I watched him just give up and shit on the floor. I watched him look at the litter box and go, nah, I'm not making that walk and just drop a fucking log, dog.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. In his defense, he's 15 pounds, and I'm sure half a brownie would have made you feel it.

[Zach Amico]

And, oh, yeah, those. It was like 100 milligrams.

[Akeem Woods]

How long was he high for?

[Zach Amico]

Like a day or two.

[Akeem Woods]

Jesus.

[Brett Raybould]

Jesus. I love it. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, because I freaked out. But then I looked it up, and most people are like, just make sure he's got water. Yeah, because you see videos of, like, high dog. Like, when you people's dogs get into this.

[Akeem Woods]

No, I've seen videos also. I feel bad for the animals, but also it is kind of fun, funny.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but animals also get up in nature.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, what's they do them. Some animal does something like dolphins up blowfish so they can get high off of them.

[Brett Raybould]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

I did not know that.

[Brett Raybould]

A blowfish.

[Akeem Woods]

No, they. They like, they around with it because once you. It blows up, it excretes some type of thing that makes them, like. Like it, like, gets them hot. So they bully it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

Wow. They just, like, pat it around.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And then I think dolphins ain't right. When fruit falls off 100. When fruit falls off trees, it can ferment if it's on the ground too long. And I think that's like elephants get drunk off it and.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, that's awesome.

[Zach Amico]

Janet, can you look that up? Do you guys want to see drunk elephants?

[Brett Raybould]

Of course. You know, I'm starting to feel like you're not too dissimilar from this raccoon lady you're blowing. Maybe she's blowing meth smoke into her raccoon's ear.

[Zach Amico]

No, she's blowing that guy for meth and sharing it with the raccoon.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, it's probably more accurate. That's probably more accurate.

[Zach Amico]

All right, time to keep it moving.

[Akeem Woods]

What's next.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, wait. Shannon's got drunk elephants.

[Shannon]

Oh, it says it's African animals getting drunk off of this kind of fruit.

[Zach Amico]

It's just a carnival cruise. Here. Life offers no challenge and many of.

[Akeem Woods]

Them have become slobs and easy rocks.

[Zach Amico]

Miners.

[Akeem Woods]

Weighed in and gorge themselves on the rotting fruit. Uhhuh.

[Brett Raybould]

There we go. I love the Flintstone sound effects.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, they. He's. Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

So far they haven't done anything that drunk.

[Shannon]

No. Do you want me to skim through.

[Zach Amico]

This or I'm skip a little so we can see of. Just be silly. There we go.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, yeah. Hey.

[Zach Amico]

What are you doing?

[Brett Raybould]

Hey, my tr.

[Akeem Woods]

Is that a caliper? Oh, that's adorable.

[Brett Raybould]

That is. This is the good. Hey, just one of them's eating Taco Bell. How they get that in there?

[Zach Amico]

Just texting their exes. There's a giraffe holding high heels crying.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. Runny mascara.

[Zach Amico]

Trying to get. Trying to get halal at three in the morning.

[Brett Raybould]

Hey, I combo rice. I want a combo rice.

[Zach Amico]

They go to McDonald's when you guys start serving breakfast?

[Akeem Woods]

It's 3pm.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, this is what I want.

[Zach Amico]

What are you looking at?

[Brett Raybould]

Drunk animals. Fantastic. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's feeling it.

[Zach Amico]

All right. You can walk with your own four feet. You're fine. You can do.

[Brett Raybould]

You can do it, man. Getting drunk is the worst. It really blows.

[Akeem Woods]

I don't know. I've never been drunk.

[Brett Raybould]

I respect that. It's like to you.

[Akeem Woods]

Yep. 100%.

[Brett Raybould]

Wow.

[Akeem Woods]

I never drank before.

[Brett Raybould]

That's awesome, man.

[Zach Amico]

I. I love these things that keep. Has no interest in pussy and drinking, man.

[Brett Raybould]

That's great.

[Zach Amico]

Those are my favorite things.

[Akeem Woods]

Hey, well, what you do. I've never done either. I've never had. I've never drank or smoked.

[Zach Amico]

You know what? One might lead to the other and we'll never know. Yeah. I'm just saying that might be the king. That might be the unlock. That might be the unlock button.

[Brett Raybould]

You'd have a binge night. Try all three. Yeah, I'll take you out. I'm gonna go to strip club. Me and you. Just two gay guys out on the town.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. If I go to strip clubs, it's gonna be men tripping. I'm not gonna watch. Come on.

[Brett Raybould]

Come watch.

[Akeem Woods]

No.

[Brett Raybould]

Gay guys sometimes like watching women strip.

[Akeem Woods]

From, like, from an artistic point of view. But I don't. I don't like that either.

[Brett Raybould]

Which bummed me out. I've only been to one strip club and I thought it was gonna be that because I was like, I want to watch a performer.

[Akeem Woods]

You know, it depends on what strip club you go.

[Brett Raybould]

It was like a boom boom room where that's. It was like, what's the point?

[Akeem Woods]

You go to, like, Matt. If you go to, like, Atlanta, you'll see some. Some strippers who are like. Like those awesome performance, but they're also up there. We're doing all this gymnastic shit.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

But then if you go to, like, Cocoa beach, it's just gonna be. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Still, though, I call Atlanta Cocoa Beach.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, but without the beach.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. I see. I've gone to both. The Hustler Club in Detroit was two levels, and the pole went to the second level. And there were chicks.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, they would go, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And that's scary. Yeah, because you. Everyone's seen that video. That one lady destroying her face.

[Brett Raybould]

I know what happened. A woman just fell.

[Zach Amico]

It's one of those two. They do drops.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

Like a death drop off from a pole.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And then they'll. They'll catch themselves. And this lady does not.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And she. She somehow lands on her teeth.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, I remember seeing that. I forgot where it was at. I want to say it was Miami, but I could be wrong.

[Zach Amico]

It was. It was, I think, a pretty hood spot.

[Brett Raybould]

Was she getting. Did they tip after that? Like, at least throw dollars?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Everyone just threw money for the decade.

[Akeem Woods]

Good strippers, mate.

[Brett Raybould]

Bank.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I found out recently? Strippers have a little butt mirror as you're walking out to make sure you don't have any toilet paper in your butt.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, good for them.

[Brett Raybould]

That's awesome. I could use.

[Zach Amico]

Because I made a joke about something, and I made a joke. I do a joke in my act about find a toilet paper in a girl's butt. And then a stripper was there, and she said to me that all the clubs she's worked at, there's a mirror. But, like, right as you're about to go out so that you can spread your cheeks and look and make sure you don't have any hangers.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, good.

[Brett Raybould]

You know, I could use this. I probably got a hair in right now.

[Akeem Woods]

You can just. You can. You can buy a mirror. You're an adult.

[Zach Amico]

We got it. We got the lady falling.

[Shannon]

Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, no, this is. Oh, God, what a champ. Oh, she owned it.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But she's got kids to feed.

[Brett Raybould]

But it looked like she was starting to do the hump while backing out, like. Like, that's a great exit. Is like. All right.

[Akeem Woods]

Where did this take place?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know.

[Brett Raybould]

What a hero though. God.

[Shannon]

Texas. Dallas. Texas Dallas.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, it's a. Oh my God. I love that no one checked on her. It's just like keep, keep dancing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

Strip club is loud music, people drinking and stuff. They probably wasn't, you know, I, I.

[Zach Amico]

I do enjoy the cedar of the establishments. That's, that's more fun.

[Akeem Woods]

I've been to a few strip club, like, I performed at them before.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. Stand up or do you strip?

[Akeem Woods]

No, I don't strip.

[Brett Raybould]

I didn't know.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, no, I might rip like that to be.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I did, I did a in the round.

[Akeem Woods]

I used to host a burlesque show too in Chicago.

[Zach Amico]

I did, I did a strip club and I did find myself holding on to the pole. I did use the pole like a mic stand. And because it was in the round, so I had to talk to everybody.

[Akeem Woods]

I will say, from an artistic standpoint.

[Zach Amico]

I think that is weird that you go. The only times you perform in the round are strip clubs or arenas.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, that's pretty.

[Brett Raybould]

At the peak of your power or the base. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You're either selling out theaters or you're going. Ladies and gentlemen, the Reverend Bob Levy.

[Akeem Woods]

I will say I think women strippers are way more fun to watch even. I've, I've been, I've seen like gay performers or men strippers and a lot of times I'm, I like it cuz I like dudes, but like artistically I'm like, you're not doing anything. Like you're shaking the ass, you're shaking a dick. Women are doing all these type of tricks and all these fun stuff. Men, gay or straight, from what I've seen, it's, they're doing the bare minimum and I'm just like, I'm still gonna go because you're hot and you have abs and a big dick or whatever.

[Zach Amico]

But like, I think this is how I know I'm probably more gay than I give myself credit for. I like the costume and twist story part of burlesque better than the stripping. So like one time I saw a girl, she did Somewhere over the Rainbow dressed as Dorothy and she had a toto and the toto puppet took a tampon out of her.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, that sounds great. Good for her.

[Zach Amico]

And it was hilarious.

[Brett Raybould]

But I even agree with you, even as probably not to brag. The straightest man on this podcast, I.

[Akeem Woods]

Mean, that says nothing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's, that's a very low bar. Yeah, that's like being the least racist person that gets digital.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, I hope I'm that too. But the Yeah, I know what you mean. Like the burlesque. It's more fun. Like, tits are great.

[Zach Amico]

Let me start that one again. That's like being the thinnest girl that's had sex with me. Go ahead.

[Brett Raybould]

Tits are great. But you're right, like, the show. What's the interesting artistic. Like, what's your original turn on stripping? Because tits are tits. We love them. Well, we can google tits at any point. We've all seen tits enough, but, like.

[Zach Amico]

Nah, I haven't seen enough yet.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, well, I'm not over it, but.

[Akeem Woods]

Tits in real life, like, twice.

[Brett Raybould]

In. In where?

[Akeem Woods]

Strip clubs.

[Brett Raybould]

Strip clubs?

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

There was a great burlesque I saw in the last week or two. I did a show and there's two burlesque performers on it. And I love she was. She, like, dressed as King Kong and then had, like, a giant, like, fake building and then also had, like, airplanes on, like, a mobile around it. And so she was, like, scaling it and then, like, took her off. It was like, this is. This is stripping. That's. Or that's burlesque. That's what you want. It's really unique.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, you want a little cute show.

[Brett Raybould]

You want something weird. She also had an iPad that was doing the stripping. She was just in a dress, but. And she would time it. So the iPad was like, on her. There's tits, but it was over her and she would, like, like take it down.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, good for her.

[Brett Raybould]

Really creative.

[Zach Amico]

She's really creative technology.

[Brett Raybould]

I believe her name is Miss Brooklyn.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, go see Ms. Brooklyn next time she's out shaking ass.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. How dare we plug other people?

[Zach Amico]

My favorite act I've seen was a clown. What the was his name? He was a real thin dude and he was a contortionist and a clown. Oh, bazoo.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, great.

[Zach Amico]

His name was Bazoo the clown, and he was real thin and he. Did you ever see when girls go through a tennis racket?

[Akeem Woods]

Yes, I have seen that.

[Zach Amico]

So like, a girl like.

[Akeem Woods]

Like a tennis racket would be open.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Imagine a tennis racket without the strings.

[Akeem Woods]

And they can fit their body and.

[Zach Amico]

They could, like, put one arm in.

[Akeem Woods]

Get it around there once before. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So he did that and then he goes, but this. He goes, but that's not impressive enough. And he takes out a barbed wire ring the same size as the tennis racket and got completely naked. Oh, and went through the barbed wire.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. Was that all dick?

[Zach Amico]

No, he had a fucking huge big balls. Too good for him. I ran into. I ran into him unrelated in the wild.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I looked at him, he goes, do you remember me? I went, bazoo.

[Akeem Woods]

Fucking A. Contortion would be fun as hell.

[Zach Amico]

I accidentally showed Lewis's son what contortionism was because he was watching magic. And I was like, oh, do you know what a contortion is?

[Brett Raybould]

Adjacent. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then I just realized, oh, man, this kid's gonna be looking up. Yeah, Bendy. I really. I got him at a prime time. I felt really bad about 13, right? He's like 12. Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, he's definitely looking up. Bendy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Because in my head, I was, like, trying to be like, oh, I.

[Akeem Woods]

You know, you taught him something about things.

[Zach Amico]

I was like, oh, this is a cool thing if you like magic and performance is a thing you've never seen before. There's a guy. Dude. There's a black guy that does. He does the tennis racket, and he puts a fucking bottle of wine in through it with him. Oh, he can suck his guts in, dude.

[Akeem Woods]

What the human body can do is crazy.

[Brett Raybould]

Truly. Truly is.

[Zach Amico]

All right, time to move on. Kelsey Grammer reveals harrowing truth of teenage sister's murder. She crawled to a neighbor for help, only to be ignored. Let's find out about Sideshow Bob's traumatic past.

[Shannon]

So she had been kidnapped on July 1, 1976, by several men who had planned to rob the Red Lobster restaurant where she worked. Instead, they abducted her, raped her, stabbed her 42 times with a lobster.

[Akeem Woods]

42 is wild.

[Shannon]

Nearly decapitated her and left her to die an agonizing death.

[Akeem Woods]

Jesus, that's so sad.

[Zach Amico]

It's better than having to work at Red Lobster.

[Akeem Woods]

No, cheddar biscuits are fine.

[Shannon]

It says the next day, they had to. They flew to Colorado Springs. The family, to identify her body.

[Akeem Woods]

46 is terrible. Oh, 42. You stab someone three times, you're good.

[Zach Amico]

And now does he say. Did he say he has, like, nightmares about her or something, too?

[Shannon]

So. Yes, but also that, like, her spirit kind of, like, stays with him, and it's her spirit that, like, led him to write his memoir, that he kind of like, like, gives her credit for it. But he said that the whole thing has haunted him. He speaks about a lot in the memoir.

[Akeem Woods]

Wait, is he out of jail?

[Brett Raybould]

Kelsey Grammer, is he in jail?

[Akeem Woods]

Wait, what are we talking about?

[Zach Amico]

Why would Kelsey Grammer be in jail?

[Akeem Woods]

Wait, wait, was she saying. So she's saying that her dead sister. Wait, I'm confused. What happened?

[Zach Amico]

Are you here?

[Akeem Woods]

I guess not. What?

[Zach Amico]

So what do you know who Kelsey grammar is? No.

[Brett Raybould]

I wonder what's the most famous celebrity we can name that you don't know.

[Zach Amico]

You've never heard of Frazier. Cheers.

[Akeem Woods]

Yes, I know those shows. I don't watch them.

[Zach Amico]

I literally said Sideshow Bob.

[Brett Raybould]

You have a Mike Myers.

[Zach Amico]

Simpsons.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, I know.

[Brett Raybould]

Is bigger than Kelsey Grammer.

[Akeem Woods]

I know who Mike Myers is. I don't know his name. So if you put me a picture, I. Yeah, Kelsey Graham. I might know who that is.

[Zach Amico]

From X Men.

[Brett Raybould]

Don't. That. We're getting deep.

[Akeem Woods]

I know.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he knows X Men. Beast.

[Akeem Woods]

Yes, I know the character.

[Zach Amico]

But you've never seen Frasier.

[Akeem Woods]

No, I didn't watch Fraser.

[Zach Amico]

I've never heard of Cheers.

[Akeem Woods]

That's why I've heard of Fraser and Cheers. I watched neither.

[Brett Raybould]

Neither have I.

[Akeem Woods]

Is that Chelsea Grammar?

[Zach Amico]

Kelsey Grammar.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, I thought it was a dude the whole time. I thought it was a woman. I mean.

[Brett Raybould]

Mm.

[Akeem Woods]

So why is. Who is he?

[Brett Raybould]

He's Frasier.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that was talking about the whole time.

[Akeem Woods]

So he fucking Gordon. So his sister.

[Zach Amico]

You're driving me nuts.

[Akeem Woods]

So his sister died?

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

Holy man.

[Akeem Woods]

I thought Kelsey grandma was a country singer.

[Brett Raybould]

I could see that.

[Zach Amico]

That makes sense. But holy dude, I thought it was.

[Akeem Woods]

A white country singer. That I didn't know.

[Zach Amico]

There's a difference between I'm black and I haven't seen the show and I'm not listening when people are fucking talking.

[Akeem Woods]

Well, I don't know who that nigga is.

[Zach Amico]

The guy from Frazier.

[Akeem Woods]

Okay, I didn't watch that.

[Zach Amico]

I don't give a fuck. I said it 85 fucking times.

[Akeem Woods]

Okay, so he's the guy from Frazier and his sister got killed.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, that is the discussion we're currently.

[Akeem Woods]

Okay, and he's saying his dead sister help him write his book?

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Okay, good for him.

[Brett Raybould]

So wait, what is Kelsey Grammer from.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, so it's my nightmares.

[Akeem Woods]

Is the murderer in jail?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. It was a group of men.

[Akeem Woods]

Are they in jail?

[Zach Amico]

I would assume so.

[Akeem Woods]

I don't know. The justice system is wild.

[Brett Raybould]

That's true. That's true. Diddy trial. Diddy, Diddy trial. He's getting off.

[Akeem Woods]

Listen, I'm sorry, I don't know y' all celebrities, all right? In my defense, I'm not a pop culture person. I don't know a lot of celebrities.

[Brett Raybould]

No, it's. It's understandable. What is your favorite interest or like one of your. Yeah, like what? What? Because I have a lot of useless pop culture like, territory I like.

[Akeem Woods]

I mean, I'm an anime nerd, so I know a lot about anime and. But I don't watch. Like, I know people like you show me a picture of these people, I'm like, oh, that's that dude. That's that dude. But I don't know those names. I've never seen a bunch more. I never saw ET And I saw Titanic. I just don't care about those things.

[Brett Raybould]

Mm, understandable. If you don't like movies, you don't like movies.

[Akeem Woods]

I do like movies. I just don't like those or care enough to watch those.

[Zach Amico]

What are those?

[Akeem Woods]

ET Titanic. There's a bunch of movies I haven't seen.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. But that's not like a genre.

[Akeem Woods]

I've never seen the Color Purple either. Like, if we're listing things I haven't seen.

[Zach Amico]

I know, but we're listing three unrelated movies.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, I know.

[Zach Amico]

So I don't understand what those things.

[Akeem Woods]

Those are considered classics.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. I guess so. Independence Day.

[Akeem Woods]

Didn't see it.

[Zach Amico]

I was just thinking about how good that was the other day.

[Brett Raybould]

It's a really good movie, dude. I rewatched Terminator a month ago.

[Akeem Woods]

Actually never saw that.

[Brett Raybould]

Watched for the first time. Terminator 2.

[Zach Amico]

You know, the Terminator was supposed to be before Schwarzenegger.

[Brett Raybould]

No.

[Zach Amico]

O.J.

[Brett Raybould]

Fuck off. That would have been perfect.

[Zach Amico]

Would have aged poorly.

[Brett Raybould]

It would have aged not as classically.

[Akeem Woods]

Kind of great if you think about it.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, you're right. Yeah. He uses a knife instead of a gun.

[Zach Amico]

Where's Sarah Connor and the waiter she's dating? It's great. I'm. I'm a. I love O.J. it's so crazy what. What a good lawyer Johnnie Cochran was to get the pilot that OJ Was doing thrown out of the evidence because they said it was biased and make the jury biased.

[Brett Raybould]

He was doing a pilot.

[Zach Amico]

He was currently, or had just done a pilot called Frogman. It was about Navy seals where he received Navy SEAL training, one of which was how to sneak up on someone and slit their throat.

[Akeem Woods]

Good for that nigga.

[Zach Amico]

And Johnny Conqueror went, you know, I think that's going to make the jury think he did it.

[Akeem Woods]

I mean, because he.

[Zach Amico]

The fact that the fact these people were murdered in the exact way he had just.

[Brett Raybould]

Killer trained killer with NFL player aggression.

[Akeem Woods]

Can I pee? You?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, of course.

[Brett Raybould]

Okay, that's. Wow, that's fucking hilarious. Is there going to be a cocker Johnny Cochran equivalent for the Diddy trial? Is what I'm wondering, Are they gonna try and do. Are they gonna try and make it like a race thing where it's like, you know, black man can't get treated fairly in the justice system.

[Zach Amico]

Black man wants to rape a bunch of boys in exchange for record contracts. No. So who do you.

[Brett Raybould]

I'm not Diddy. I'm black or I'm not black.

[Zach Amico]

Honestly, though, who. Who. I think Jayla goes down. I think Usher goes down.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. Is Bieber gonna be a witness? Like, is the Biebs. I mean, we all the most famous.

[Zach Amico]

It's collectively, I think we all believe Usher fucked Justin Bieber into the music industry. Right?

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. I mean, why on earth would you want to hang out with the child?

[Zach Amico]

You know, I've had this discussion a.

[Brett Raybould]

Lot lately that isn't yours or a friend's kid.

[Zach Amico]

I've been getting a lot of shit from the Shannon. When. When did they repost that SDR clip where we're interviewing Gene Simmons?

[Shannon]

Maybe like two weeks ago.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, I'm still. Every single day. My comments.

[Akeem Woods]

Who's Gene Simmons?

[Zach Amico]

Singer from Kiss. And we were doing my own.

[Akeem Woods]

The guys with the long hair, right? With the black hair.

[Zach Amico]

Makeup.

[Akeem Woods]

Makeup, yes.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. We were telling Michael Jackson jokes.

[Brett Raybould]

Mm.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, black Twitter is furious with this video.

[Brett Raybould]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

Lots of. Lots of deep seated anti Semitism, a style I am unfamiliar with. Apparently, they use juice boxes to say Jews. What juice?

[Akeem Woods]

Where did I walk in? I leave for 10 seconds. Y' all niggas talking about Jews. What. What happened?

[Zach Amico]

That's. The comments are talking about him being being of the Jewish. Jewish persuasion. And they use a juice box emoji instead of saying Jews.

[Brett Raybould]

That's like the watermelon for free Palestine.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

It's the bad version.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, yeah. It's like. And see a watermelon juice box.

[Zach Amico]

Tons of people are like, michael didn't do anything. What is this Is. This is jealousy. And I'm like, guys, you're still on the Michael train. Like, you can enjoy the music. Like that guy. Kids, we've.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

Well, it's the same way. It's the same way people like to. I mean, there's still some people who are like, O.J. didn't do it. And it's like, girl, listen, I get why we happy he got away because the legal system has had always been against us. So I get that. But he. He did that shit. Like, what. What are we talking about? The same people who are like, cosby didn't do it. It's like, yeah, I don't think Cosby did it to all of them. But to say that he didn't do it at all is Crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Actually, I was gonna bring up Cosby before when we were talking about the. The joke in Austin Powers, because that Cosby was in plain sight for years. They made multiple jokes about it on 30 Rock.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, dude.

[Brett Raybould]

I. I mean, I was.

[Akeem Woods]

But they weren't hit him with bursts.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but he was a writer there, wasn't he?

[Akeem Woods]

I'm not sure. I don't know his career like that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Brett Raybould]

Or he was SNL or something. I can't.

[Akeem Woods]

I'm sure he wrote on something.

[Zach Amico]

I think he. I think he might have wrote there. Wow.

[Brett Raybould]

Damn. I didn't even know, like, the Cosby stuff. It was Hannibal for me, was how I described.

[Akeem Woods]

That's how most people. That's how most people. That's how like the massive. The massive. Got the information.

[Zach Amico]

But yeah, it's with O.J. i. I think some people say that Lost highway, the David lynch movie, is David Lynch's opinion on what happened the night of the O.J. murder. Because he thinks O.J. created a second personality and that he doesn't think he did it because he blacked out and did it.

[Akeem Woods]

Wow. I could see that. I mean, he still did it, but, like, I could see that.

[Zach Amico]

And I also think I have very strong opinions on cte.

[Akeem Woods]

What is cte?

[Zach Amico]

Concussion. Concussion. Brain damage.

[Brett Raybould]

Concussion, te.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. It's what you get from too many concussions.

[Akeem Woods]

Okay.

[Brett Raybould]

A lot of NFL.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, yeah. Because he was a. He was a football guy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So I do think maybe that had something to do with it. And we're just figuring that shit out now.

[Brett Raybould]

Right. And NFL players, which tracks.

[Akeem Woods]

It was like, yo, you get hit in the head every day for years and years and years. That's going to fuck up your psyche somehow.

[Zach Amico]

I was just watching Dark side of the R. I talk about wrestling a lot. I apologize. But like, certain bumps, wrestlers take the effect on your neck and your brain.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, man.

[Zach Amico]

Is. They said the equivalent of a 25 mile per hour car crash.

[Akeem Woods]

Jesus. And they get that. So now imagine they get that little ear thing too. What's that from?

[Zach Amico]

Cauliflower ear.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

What's that from?

[Zach Amico]

That's from when you break the blood vessels in your ears from being on the bed.

[Brett Raybould]

That's probably more. But that. That's like.

[Zach Amico]

That's amateur. That's fighters and amateur wrestlers more.

[Brett Raybould]

And also that's real like Greco Roman style wrestling.

[Akeem Woods]

Is that treatable?

[Zach Amico]

Well, you can get it. I think you get a drain.

[Brett Raybould]

You have to kill them to find out.

[Zach Amico]

You can get it drained, but I think it's pretty it's like, what you call it. The same way old drunks have the big red noses.

[Akeem Woods]

I don't know that stereotype.

[Zach Amico]

No, like it's. You know, ever see an old man and I'll have, like a giant, red, bumpy nose? Yeah, that's because certain people, like, you know, the Asian flush, when they drink, they turn red, I guess. Yeah, that's because it's bursting the capillaries in your veins.

[Akeem Woods]

So.

[Zach Amico]

And certain old drunks. Yeah, like that.

[Akeem Woods]

I didn't know that was from alcoholism.

[Zach Amico]

So that is when they get drunk, they. They blush and that breaks the capillaries in your veins, and then they stay broke. And so that's years of scar tissue over each other.

[Akeem Woods]

So that's what happens with the ears.

[Brett Raybould]

Incentives to not drink.

[Zach Amico]

But. Yeah, but that's from being dragged across the mat and shit. That's why wrestlers wear headgear.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, but it doesn't prevent them because I still see them with the thing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I mean, I ripped. I ripped, ripped this year. Wrestling in high school. So I had a big zipper behind this year for a long time because it was like hanging.

[Akeem Woods]

I should have wrestled in high school.

[Brett Raybould]

Do you ever find yourself, like, just out in life and you're trying to explain something to someone and you just almost reflexively go, like, Shannon, you're at, like a bar, just somewhere. Shannon, will you pull up the Expendable.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, we're not allowed to look at her phones. Tell me what's going on here. All right, let's get one or two more things in here before we get out of here. Couple shocked to find scary note hidden in new home. What the fuck is that?

[Akeem Woods]

What's the note?

[Zach Amico]

We're gonna find out.

[Shannon]

Okay, so this couple had just moved into their home. They're sitting in their kitchen and noticed, like, a little piece of paper sticking out from underneath the cabinet. It was a folded up note that read. Let me see. Let me just show it to you. So this is what it said on one side.

[Zach Amico]

Can you really?

[Shannon]

Yeah, don't look under the floor.

[Brett Raybould]

Terrifying.

[Zach Amico]

Don't look under the floor. That's horrifying.

[Brett Raybould]

It's actually scarier than, like, I'm gonna kill you. That's way scarier.

[Shannon]

And then on the other side, there were just. There were these numbers.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, lucky numbers.

[Shannon]

I don't know. So they. They still don't know. They've googled. They've googled the numbers. They've, like, divided them by different things. They checked under some of the floors. They have no idea.

[Zach Amico]

Let Me see the numbers again.

[Brett Raybould]

Sequence from lost.

[Zach Amico]

Do you think maybe it's coordinates?

[Akeem Woods]

That's what I was thinking.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody hid something under the floor.

[Shannon]

I think they did look that up. They looked up at this in every way they could think of. They even posted about it for suggestions.

[Zach Amico]

By the way, if there's room. If those numbers mean nothing. That's such a. Hilarious.

[Akeem Woods]

That's the biggest. That's the sets of flex to play blanks to prank somebody.

[Zach Amico]

So it just means nothing.

[Akeem Woods]

Did they ever figure anything out?

[Shannon]

Nothing.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, wow. Well, there you go, viewers. Now y' all can be mad like us.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah. But talk about like you buy a new home and you're so excited. Wow. I'm a homeowner. Me and my partner did it and then that. And you have to just live with that cloud kind of just always there.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, no, I'd leave. Yeah, I'd leave.

[Zach Amico]

My favorite, I love long term pranks that you almost like forget about. My favorite was my Uncle Angelo. So my dad lives in an apartment for years before he moved into the house I grew up in. And when he was moving, they moved the stove to get it out of the house. And behind it was just a forest of vines, like these, like. Like these weird vines. And then at the bottom of it was a single glass with a potato with toothpicks in it. And a note from 10 years earlier when he moved in from my uncle saying, I put this potato here the day you moved in. And you know how like potatoes like grow shit. It was just 10 years of vines of potato shit.

[Akeem Woods]

That's hilarious.

[Brett Raybould]

Fucking funny.

[Akeem Woods]

That is cute.

[Brett Raybould]

That's funny. I would have loved if it fucked up the wiring on the stove. It blows the house.

[Zach Amico]

It's not one of those things you move.

[Brett Raybould]

Of course not.

[Akeem Woods]

Also would be. Also kind of make it even more cute. This is going to be morbid. But if. If the dude who left it died.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

And then he's like, oh, this is Johnny. He's dead now. He did the potato thing.

[Brett Raybould]

The last thing he wrote that was.

[Zach Amico]

My uncle Angelo who. Who fought a goose.

[Akeem Woods]

I mean, he gotta fight him.

[Brett Raybould]

Who won?

[Zach Amico]

The Goose, of course. Nah, the goose, he was. He was jacked. But he was a little guy. He was a tiny redhead.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they were driving by and they saw Goose. The goose was eyeing him and he's like, I bet I could take that. And he rolled out of the car, tackled the goose and got in a full fist fight. And the goose fucked him up. The goose really fucking took him to the goose. Really took him to the woodshed.

[Akeem Woods]

He deserves it. I'm glad he got beat up by Goose.

[Brett Raybould]

How the fuck. Like Goose must be. Just bit him a bunch.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, just beat.

[Brett Raybould]

I think he can punch you. I bet they're.

[Zach Amico]

Aren't swans really strong too?

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. And that fucking beard. Or not beard on beak thing.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, that's fucking funny.

[Akeem Woods]

I wish there was a video of that. That would be a video.

[Brett Raybould]

You didn't witness this, right?

[Zach Amico]

No, I was a little. Yeah, that. And so we grew up one town over from like Jersey City and North Bergen. And there were certain road. Like. So my part of my family lived in North Bergen. And when we made the drive, there was these train tracks and you would always see dead roosters in bags. From what they told me was breweria people sacrificing. But I found out it was cockfighting.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

And they were dumping the bodies behind this train track.

[Akeem Woods]

Why would they dump the bodies, not cook them?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. I think that's a really great point.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. They're dead. You got a dead chick out, cook it. I mean, I don't. I don't condone fighting, but at least cook it.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think you do you eat roosters or you just eat chickens?

[Akeem Woods]

I thought the chickens were right.

[Zach Amico]

No, but it's cock. It's. It's. It's rooster fighting, isn't it?

[Akeem Woods]

I'm sure it tastes the same.

[Brett Raybould]

We have never.

[Zach Amico]

No, because I think we eat the breast of the chicken. I'm sure the. I'm sure we eat the woman for we don't eat bulls.

[Brett Raybould]

Good point.

[Zach Amico]

Right. We eat cows.

[Akeem Woods]

I don't. I don't. I guess. Can we. Can. Can we eat rooster?

[Zach Amico]

I feel very stupid, by the way.

[Brett Raybould]

I feel like an idiot too.

[Shannon]

People.

[Brett Raybould]

So. You know, you're right. I'm like, can we eat.

[Shannon]

People eat both. Both are processed for meat. Male and female chickens.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Brett Raybould]

I've just. You've never been in a store and you're like, oh, get some rooster meat.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

Which I think it's odds. I think it's odd just to say it's chicken. I. I don't think. I mean, I'm sure there is a difference genetically, but I think if someone gave you a chicken burger and it was male and another one was female, I don't think you'd be able to like, oh, this one?

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, I taste the dick.

[Zach Amico]

Tastes like chicken balls.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you'd be able to tell one Time.

[Zach Amico]

Uncle Andrew was driving through North Bergen, and he saw this giant group of Mexicans chasing a rooster down the street. There was obviously, like, a cock fighting rooster that had gotten loose.

[Brett Raybould]

Good. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

So he just pulled up next to it and opened the passenger door, and the rooster jumped in the truck. He closed the door and drove away. And that rooster lived in his backyard for, like, a year.

[Akeem Woods]

Dude, that's great.

[Zach Amico]

While all these Mexicans were chasing the truck, screaming.

[Brett Raybould]

Your uncle, he's a. He's like a fable.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, I mean, he's a hero to one. He's Harry Tubman of that one rooster.

[Brett Raybould]

That is so filmic. That's so cinematic. The rooster's like, get in and drive.

[Zach Amico]

I'm so sorry, did you say Harriet Tubman?

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah, Tubman.

[Zach Amico]

Y' all knew the words Harriet Tub Girl. I gotcha. Yeah, okay. All right.

[Brett Raybould]

You know that celebrity? That's a good one to know. That's your uncle. No wonder you're how you are.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Brett Raybould]

You're just not that many clicks off from. What's his name? Uncle what?

[Zach Amico]

Uncle Angelo.

[Brett Raybould]

Uncle Angelo. Man.

[Akeem Woods]

Is he still alive?

[Zach Amico]

Yep. Uncle Angelo's still kicking.

[Akeem Woods]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we'll do one more thing. We'll get out of here. Bear. A tax trainer.

[Brett Raybould]

Good. Classic. That's gonna happen.

[Akeem Woods]

Bear as in like a hairy gay dude or a wild.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think. Do they have trainer? I mean, I guess.

[Akeem Woods]

I mean, if you're into the kink stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, if it's a muscle bear, they have trainers.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. Or if you're bdsm, you can.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, okay. But this is a. Yeah, there's a regular bear. Yes, A bear of the animal variety.

[Akeem Woods]

The Yogi Bear type. We have video. What are we waiting on?

[Zach Amico]

What are we looking at?

[Brett Raybould]

I. What if there's no article, no video? We just have to talk.

[Akeem Woods]

Oh, it's a little cute bear. Good.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it's a skateboarding bear. Oh, look, you can skateboard.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, no.

[Akeem Woods]

Hit her.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it's mad.

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

That stick's not helping.

[Brett Raybould]

I mean, that is. It's like fighting a shark with flippers. Do they not have a stun gun?

[Akeem Woods]

I am on Team Bear. Stop domesticating wild animals.

[Brett Raybould]

This is a bummer. I don't. This guy's gonna die.

[Akeem Woods]

I hope he does.

[Zach Amico]

How hard can this lady. Oh, well, the stick worked. All right, Shannon, before we go, I'm need you to. This is gonna be a little complicated, so I don't. Forgive me. Can you please replay that footage with the bear skateboarding and attacking? But I'M gonna need you to set it to Superman by Goldfinger.

[Akeem Woods]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

Trust me. You. When you say it, you will understand and it will be funny just to me and Brett.

[Akeem Woods]

I'm team bear though. I don't 100 well first getting animals.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think you should be taking people to that show. If you take your kids to that.

[Brett Raybould]

It'S kind of shitty as also very sad room. There's like. It's like a bringer show.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. It's like, hey, you want to see. Want to see animal abuse in. In. In live? Like that's.

[Zach Amico]

Well, don't they like nail their feet to the pedals to make them ride bikes and yeah, they do a bunch.

[Akeem Woods]

Of crazy inhumane and then. And then people like, why would the bear do that? Oh, why would the bear do bear things?

[Zach Amico]

It's the same as when people get. Didn't the one killer whale at SeaWorld have like three bodies on it?

[Akeem Woods]

Probably.

[Zach Amico]

I think Tillamook was his name.

[Akeem Woods]

Good for telemuk. The name's killer.

[Brett Raybould]

I'll go on the record. Fan of Z. It does work.

[Zach Amico]

This is exactly what I wanted.

[Brett Raybould]

Well done, Shannon. Well done, Zach.

[Zach Amico]

Keep it going. I don't care if we get demonetized on this one.

[Akeem Woods]

Yeah. I've never.

[Zach Amico]

Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

[Brett Raybould]

Pick it up.

[Zach Amico]

Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

[Akeem Woods]

I've never heard this one.

[Zach Amico]

It's from Tony Hawk, pro skater. That was.

[Brett Raybould]

Yeah, this is. Yeah. Yeah.

[Akeem Woods]

I've been up.

[Brett Raybould]

I play Love to watch a bear mauling with Scott.

[Zach Amico]

By my trainer.

[Akeem Woods]

Is that part of the song?

[Brett Raybould]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

All right. Thank you so much. We're calling it there. Please check out my guest Brett Raybold and Akeem woods. Akeemwoods.com and please check out Brett's the special live at the library on YouTube. And we will see you this Friday for the exclusive episode here on Gas Digital. Bye Bye. Noon is morning time to him pop.

[Brett Raybould]

A bagel, chug it down just like.

[Zach Amico]

The favorite obese clown. Grab a coffee and join the crew.

[Brett Raybould]

It's Zachary Miko work morning too. It's aco work morning too.