0013. Colum Tyrrell and KP Burke

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Luis and Zac Show – Episode 0013: Colum Tyrrell and KP Burke

Release Date: November 24, 2024
Hosts: Luis J. Gomez and Zach Amico
Guests: Colum Terrell and KP Burke

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1. Introduction and Guest Welcome

The episode kicks off with the hosts, Luis J. Gomez (“The Puerto Rican Rattlesnake”) and Zach Amico, humorously navigating through their daily banter before welcoming their special guests—Colum Terrell from the Colum Terrell Podcast and KP Burke from the American Losers Podcast. The atmosphere is light-hearted, filled with playful jabs and affectionate teasing among the hosts and guests.

Quote:
Lewis J. Gomez [01:56]: "The swallow my back on his dick. My feet."
Zach Amico [02:07]: "He burns me with a hanger, but in places you can't see."

2. Personal Anecdotes and Host Dynamics

The conversation delves into the camaraderie between Luis and Zach, highlighting their behind-the-scenes rapport. They share humorous stories about their on-air interactions and the physical antics they playfully inflict on each other off-camera.

Quote:
Zach Amico [02:39]: "Double edged sword. It's a double edged sword. Good fucking lyric right there, Zach."

3. Reflecting on Past Experiences: Bullying in School

A significant portion of the discussion focuses on the hosts’ and guests’ high school experiences, particularly relating to bullying. Zach recounts dealing with peers who bullied a classmate named Dan Doherty, providing a candid look into how these experiences shaped their personalities and coping mechanisms.

Quote:
Zach Amico [58:28]: "He was like, now this. I was like, DAN DORD is gonna punch this retarded kid. They're gonna jump Dan Doherty for punching the retarded kid. It's a whole mess. You guys are just fucking immoral."

4. Insurance Fraud with Bear Costumes

The episode takes a comedic turn as the hosts discuss a bizarre insurance fraud scheme involving individuals using bear costumes to damage their cars. This segment blends humor with disbelief as they dissect how the scam operates and its implications for insurance companies.

Quote:
Zach Amico [70:26]: "We have some other fun stuff. What is it? What is American scoundrel? What is this? Is this the..."

5. The Rise of AI Santa Claus and Its Impact

One of the standout topics is the emergence of AI-powered Santa Claus interactions. The hosts debate the ethical and emotional ramifications of children conversing with an AI Santa, pondering over whether it undermines the traditional magic associated with the holiday figure.

Quote:
Zach Amico [88:33]: "And then there's gonna be like, dude, the algorithms are gonna get crazy. You're gonna be able to put like all your things that your kids like into an algorithm and then they're gonna be able to future crime him. Like, this kid's gonna be a rapist one day. Lock him up now."

6. Promotional Segments and Book Gifts

The latter part of the episode features promotional segments where KP Burke presents books and merchandise to the hosts. This playful exchange evolves into a humorous critique of promotional materials, blurring the lines between genuine appreciation and comedic mockery.

Quote:
K.P. Burke [44:57]: "Clap, clap, clap."
Zach Amico [47:11]: "But I did. I did. I bring Rogan a gift."

7. Future Plans and Closing Banter

As the episode nears its end, the hosts brainstorm ideas for future content, including the possibility of a 24-hour live stream and collaborative events such as Colum Terrell’s upcoming wedding. The conversation remains spirited, emphasizing their commitment to entertaining their audience through innovative and unconventional formats.

Quote:
Zach Amico [83:53]: "We should do like a year-end super stream where we just roll for like a full day. Guests come in, rotate."

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Key Takeaways and Insights

• Host Chemistry: Luis and Zach exhibit a strong, playful chemistry that drives the show’s dynamic, fostering an environment where both hosts and guests feel comfortable sharing personal stories and engaging in humorous exchanges.

• Addressing Serious Topics with Humor: The episode adeptly balances serious themes, such as bullying and personal trauma, with the hosts' trademark comedic style, providing both depth and entertainment.

• Critique of Modern Trends: Discussions on AI Santa Claus and unconventional insurance fraud highlight the hosts’ ability to critique and satirize contemporary societal trends, encouraging listeners to reflect on the implications of technological advancements.

• Community Engagement: The inclusion of promotions and guest contributions underscores the interconnectedness of the podcasting community, showcasing collaborations that enrich the content and provide mutual support among creators.

---

Conclusion

Episode 0013 of The Luis and Zac Show seamlessly blends humor with candid discussions on personal and societal issues. Through engaging conversations with guests Colum Terrell and KP Burke, the episode offers listeners a mix of laughter, storytelling, and thoughtful commentary. Notable for its raw and unapologetic style, the show continues to solidify its reputation as a "comedy revolution," delivering content that is both entertaining and insightful.

Transcript

[Lewis J. Gomez]

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[Zach Amico]

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[Lewis J. Gomez]

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[Zach Amico]

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[K.P. Burke]

Pay off up to $650 via virtual.

[Zach Amico]

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[Colum Terrell]

Fill her up.

[Zach Amico]

You're listening to the GAS Digital Network. You know what time it is?

[Colum Terrell]

They say life a bit tight at night. Boy, we diving in. We got Zakamiko red dot headshot. Eat a sniper.

[Zach Amico]

The Puerto Rican point guard striking like a viper.

[Colum Terrell]

And it came to attack. Spilling crack on the track spin straight facts.

[Zach Amico]

Blops, blop squared. Blop blop blop blop blop bloppity blop. Hey, Zach. I'm Lewis. We're Lewis and Zach. Zach and Lewis. Lewis attack. It does feel good. A lot of people just like to. With me, they're like, dude, Lois is. You're not helping Zach when you do that. Called Zach Lewis, you loser. I. I take that out on Zach. Behind the scenes, he does frequently. Physically. Yeah, Zach. Zach likes it a little. Luckily, Zach likes the physical abuse that I give him. Off camera.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He burns me with a hanger, but in places you can't see.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Like behind the knees.

[K.P. Burke]

Is he writing stuff with it? Like he's giving you like a guy.

[Zach Amico]

Doing places where he can't see. He has no idea. Yeah, he'll never know.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The swallow my back on his dick. My feet.

[Zach Amico]

Things that he'll never see.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Lewis writes his set list out on my feet.

[Zach Amico]

So. Yeah, don't come at me. If you come at me, you're hurting. Zach renamed the show. He put Zach's name in the title of the show years ago. Years ago, I gave Zach half this show. I said, zach, please, it's half yours. Means nothing to either of us at this point. If one of us kept all of it, it'd be a valuable show.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yes, but they probably wouldn't do as well. Yeah, double edged sword.

[Zach Amico]

Double edged sword. It's a double edged sword. Good fucking lyric right there, Zach. Zach's fucking flowing. We're rapping baby boys. I'm the porter rattlesnake that is. Oh, that's all this is Emilio. Hold on. Hello, Emilio from the New York Comedy Club, one of the owners of the New York Comedy Club. You're on speaker right now. I'm on the Real ass podcast right now. We're not talking anything but you know, I am talking to an owner of another club right now because this the stand they, you know, I. Well, I'm not saying nothing else. Yeah. So I will, I just want you to know I will call you back. Emilio, we're on a show right now, but we're very excited about the possible opportunities to do things together. Who knows what's going to happen? Louis, the funny thing is I thought I was calling Scott who you know.

[K.P. Burke]

This was an accident.

[Zach Amico]

So I will call you later.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

But I was calling him to talk about you.

[Zach Amico]

That's you've did the thing that I do when I would text my girlfriends other that I would get myself in trouble because you have somebody in your mind and. But you dialed the phone and that's fine. Emilio and Scott were my mortal enemies. When I used to be a street team ticket sales guy, we used to stand on opposite corners of each other and mean mug each other and was like, yo, 42nd street, northeast corner. Now Lewis is my best friend.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, you know, it all comes full circle.

[Zach Amico]

New York comedy club fucking rules. Three locations in New York City, one location in Sanford, Connecticut. Which by the way I happen to get added to the Friday night show. So I will be there this weekend for the first time. Very excited to go check out the club. Go check out the New York Comedy Club. I'll call you later. Emilio, you are the man.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That Stanford club is nice.

[Zach Amico]

Nice. Who knows? Who knows?

[K.P. Burke]

Hard to find.

[Zach Amico]

Who knows what's going on in the world of Luis J. Gomez and his live podcasts. Who? Who knows? Great job land. Incredible show planned. Shout out to everyone in the racist live chat. All the subscribers here. A lot of people that are on a free trial right now, which is pretty incredible that we're doing. We're giving away free trial for Thanksgiving. If you subscribe during the month of November, you can get a 14 day free trial. Please go do that. If you're watching this on YouTube you should know that there's an uncensored version of the show ad free version of the show. The show comes out, it's a pre release. We also do a bonus episode of this show every single week on Friday that it's exclusive for subscribers. So go subscribe. Subscribe to gas digital.com use the promo code LAZ. You're gonna get yourself a 14 day free trial. You get a discount to. You save a buck or two on the actual subscription fee. And there's. There's a two. There's 20 shows on the network. Hundreds if. No, I'm sorry. Thousands of episodes of podcasts that are not available anywhere else in the world. And you get access to the racist live chat, which is maybe the best part of all of this. Mark Torres says, KP rules. That's very great. Cole Brown says, louis, you are a faggot.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you'd like to hear that. Faggot uncensored. That's a promo code.

[Zach Amico]

Rap@gas digital.com Censored was the working title for the show for a while. And yes, actually, Impatient Wolf did point out that I called it the Real Ass podcast over the phone. That was my. It was a little bit of a slip right there. And Zach did just give the rap promo code instead of Laz. Did I get.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I did.

[Zach Amico]

God damn it. Fucking hell. Laz is the promo code. But I think we get credit if you put rip. Anyway, it doesn't matter. We had a great show planned. Well, well, well. Nice of you to join us. Column.

[Colum Terrell]

Sorry, Yeah, I was.

[Zach Amico]

Call him. That's what I said to Shannon when you were late. I was like, call him right now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

See where he thought it was so good. He saved it for 10 minutes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he sat on it. No, no, call him. Call him. I was saying, call him, Shannon, call him. That's a great bit. Yeah, it's a great bit, folks.

[Colum Terrell]

As long as you call me.

[Zach Amico]

You know what?

[Colum Terrell]

Call me whatever you want.

[Zach Amico]

Ladies and gentlemen. Incredible show planned. You know him and love him. From the Colum Turl podcast, Column Turles back on the show.

[Colum Terrell]

What' what's up, everybody? Hello, Hello.

[Zach Amico]

And also from the American Losers podcast, a real favorite here on Lewis and Zach show, making his Lewis and Zach debut. Hell yeah. The great K.P. burke on the show.

[K.P. Burke]

Happy to be back, fellas. Thank you for having me. I took a Klonopin and a Blue Chew. I'm ready to roll.

[Zach Amico]

Did you really take Klonopin?

[K.P. Burke]

I did.

[Colum Terrell]

What.

[Zach Amico]

What does Klonopin do for you?

[K.P. Burke]

It's kind of like a. A lazy man's Xanax.

[Colum Terrell]

I'd like to say it's a Housewives Heroin.

[Zach Amico]

Housewives Heroin.

[Colum Terrell]

That's what that. It is.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, that would be. That's a seductive name, by the way.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm.

[Colum Terrell]

I'm. I'm.

[Zach Amico]

What? It gives you a like. What is it? Is it Like, Like Xanax.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, it's a nice. But it's not Xanax. Like, you don't boof them. You know what I mean? You're kind of just like, can you. Yeah, I bet you can. I won't say which way.

[Colum Terrell]

It's like oxy.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, stop it. Column. You're insane. Dude, they're putting all that, that weird propaganda in the Irish news.

[Colum Terrell]

Klonopin is like a muscle relaxer your whole body gets.

[Shannon]

It's a benzodiazepine. Just like Xanax.

[K.P. Burke]

Damn right it is just annex.

[Zach Amico]

It's like a Xanax. Yeah, I think I, I've, I've. Look, I've taken a Xanax before, of.

[Colum Terrell]

Course, and, well, you like to party.

[Zach Amico]

Well, dude, I've got a two hour flight when I. Well, I don't take a Xanax on a flight when I've taken a Xanax and I've drank. I mean, that's the only time I've ever blacked out in my entire life.

[Colum Terrell]

Oh, really?

[Zach Amico]

Like actual blackout. That's not the only time. I'm lying right now. I've blacked out before. Speaking of which, Derek Haynes just walked in speaking of black in black. Hey, folks.

[Colum Terrell]

Let me fill me in on what's going on with the pod. I haven't been here since. It's changed.

[Zach Amico]

We did a little reformatting, a little rebranding.

[Colum Terrell]

Rebranding a little.

[Zach Amico]

Change it up.

[K.P. Burke]

We're on NPR now.

[Zach Amico]

Some people are pointing out they're like some people. Because there are a lot of trolls. There are a lot of haters.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

NPR is his heritage.

[K.P. Burke]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

Puerto Rican, retard. We haven't rebranded that much.

[K.P. Burke]

Nope.

[Colum Terrell]

I mean, it seems like it's the exact same old crew. Up to our usual monkey shines, green screen behind us.

[Zach Amico]

Listen, folks.

[Colum Terrell]

I understand the name. Rebrand the name.

[Zach Amico]

Just rebrand the name. That was it.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, because ass doesn't come up on.

[Zach Amico]

It wasn't coming up. If you typed in real ass, like, nothing would come up. And now some people have pointed out some people like to hate. By the way, those haters watch every show, right?

[Colum Terrell]

Of course. Of course.

[Zach Amico]

You're watching every show. They like to go, oh, dude, it has the same amount of viewers as the, the realized podcast. Okay, dumbass. It's a brand new channel. That's a good sign. The fact that we're starting here and we can now maybe build out and catch a rhythm and catch the algorithm and do some fucking shit and end Fucking make it so that Zach doesn't have to get physically fucking abused behind closed doors from me. Every time they come at me, I fucking. I give it a Zach.

[Colum Terrell]

You lay into him.

[Zach Amico]

I smack him in the face sometimes.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Hits me with a phone book.

[Colum Terrell]

You work him. Work him like a speaker.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, it looks like a Rocky training.

[Colum Terrell]

Like when Rocky hit the mattress strapped to the wall. No, there's no frozen meat.

[Zach Amico]

There's no meat here. Where's all my meat, doggy? I. Yeah, no, I mean, I have to take it out on Zach every time they come at me and. I'm sorry, Zach. I love you so much.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right. I'm saving Shannon. I'm sacrificing my body for you.

[Zach Amico]

You guys should though. It's really fun to go. I. I've been listening to older episodes of real Ass podcasts just. Just because I get inspired by how good I've always been at this. Like, I. I mean, a decade ago, I was great.

[Colum Terrell]

Did you have great guests back then?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I was. I made these people. Shane Gillis, Tim Dillon, Sodor Soder.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Go List Norman.

[Zach Amico]

All these guys were regulars. I put them on. All of a sudden they go. I kick them out of the nest. They fly. That's that. That's me. I'm Mama Bird. I'm. I'm spitting worms into their mouth.

[K.P. Burke]

This tracks, by the way.

[Zach Amico]

It does, yeah. Kick him out of the nest. Some of them fall to the ground. Mike Figs just right to his death, dude.

[Colum Terrell]

Probably Figs are one of the most talented people.

[Zach Amico]

Dalton Pruitt. Dalton Pruitt kicked him out and fel. Dude, his wings. We're all up.

[Colum Terrell]

Some people fall from the nest.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they fall from the nest. But, you know, not sod. No, not Tim Dillon. But yeah. So this is the. The rebrand. Let's see what's going on. The race. Live chat. Everyone agrees with me. Everyone thinks Lewis is great. Now everyone says Louis the man.

[Colum Terrell]

No one is saying he's got a big dick.

[Zach Amico]

He's the man column. How. Give me a scale of 1 to 1 to 10. Terrible gayness.

[Colum Terrell]

Terrible of my nails. I don't like it. Well, I also. That you're just copying Big J. I'm not.

[Zach Amico]

I'm not copying.

[Colum Terrell]

You're copying Big J.

[Zach Amico]

Copying Big J. I started painting my nails.

[Colum Terrell]

Was the first one of the. Of your most.

[Zach Amico]

That's not even true.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That was definitely me before that.

[Zach Amico]

I was.

[Colum Terrell]

Shut up.

[Zach Amico]

I was painting my nails way before. Let me say this.

[Colum Terrell]

But you needed. You needed. I painted my Nails you needed Jay to do.

[Zach Amico]

I painted my nose last year at Gang Fest. Right.

[Colum Terrell]

All right. Yeah. Big J got festivals don't count. Festival attire. Anyone can go crazy at a festival.

[Zach Amico]

Well, this would happen as well.

[Colum Terrell]

You got to have. Let me give the Festivals don't count.

[Zach Amico]

Let me give the arc.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How many times have we given this speech to women?

[Zach Amico]

Festivals don't count.

[K.P. Burke]

Woodstock 99.

[Zach Amico]

That's the column. Turrell rule. No festivals don't count.

[Colum Terrell]

Was it the same time zone?

[Zach Amico]

It's a festival.

[Colum Terrell]

What is a festival?

[Zach Amico]

Off the hook comedy club in Naples, Florida. It was a festival. What are you talking about? Just a weekend queen.

[Colum Terrell]

Different boroughs, baby.

[Zach Amico]

No, dude, here's the fag arch on this, okay? I painted my nails last. Hank Fe.

[Colum Terrell]

Great.

[Zach Amico]

Jay saw it. Deep down, he saw it was badass and cool. Now, yeah. On Legion of Skanks this year, we got Jay a manicure. Yeah, it was a fun bit because he never. He gets. He gets freaked out with people seeing his else, and then he got his nails painted on the show, and then he turned into a fruit bat and started getting pink and red and all this other.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Then a hilarious way to call him a gay vampire.

[K.P. Burke]

He's never done the manicure, though, because.

[Zach Amico]

I don't do the manicure. I do this like. Well, my. My niece does it, and I do. I've been doing it. I've done it the past two times.

[K.P. Burke]

Right. See, that's trippy, because he's a guy that has, like, his eyebrows done all the time. Yeah, he gets his eyebrows, manicure.

[Zach Amico]

Well, now he's getting them, though. So here's what happened, you know? Then at Skank Fest, I got my nails done again. And I continued it from Skank Fest this year, and I was like. And it was spooky season. We're leading up to Halloween. I was like, all right, cool. I'll do it up to Halloween. And now we've breached Halloween. And now I am feeling a little bit gayer as why I've. Halloween is nowhere on the horizon. There's no festival in the horizon.

[Colum Terrell]

You gotta go. You gotta go. Thanksgiving turkeys get little turkeys. Like when my. When my chick comes back from getting her nails done, she shows me. She's like, they're. They're Thanksgiving colors.

[Zach Amico]

It's a. What is the little cone thing with all the fruit in it?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Cornucopia.

[Zach Amico]

Cornucopia. Cornucopia is on it. Thanksgiving things.

[K.P. Burke]

One hand you do pilgrims. One hand you do Indians, right? And you just bring them together and.

[Zach Amico]

Then you can do this whole thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Chop off one of your hands.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, that's right, darling. Now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, no, you chop off the hand that's holding a bottle of whiskey.

[Colum Terrell]

Some of your fingernails get violently ill.

[Zach Amico]

Zach paints his nails. But Zach's a Jorge. Jorge, go to the Jorge camp for a second.

[Colum Terrell]

You can't be painting your nails, man.

[Zach Amico]

Jorge paints is nice.

[Colum Terrell]

I'm just out of, like, the time. Like, who has the time?

[Zach Amico]

I don't have them painted right now. I'm getting them. Can I say what, I'm gonna have to abuse Zach now? Because when I asked, I asked for the Jorge to be a straight on shot, just like the Shannon Cam. Shannon Cam, shirt on shot. But what do I have to do? I have to blame Shannon. Shannon, why is Jorge's camera not what I asked it to be?

[Colum Terrell]

Why are you wearing so much clothes, Shannon? What's going on? I say every last podcast used to be a little bit of skin.

[Shannon]

I do have. I do have a little bit of skin.

[Colum Terrell]

Not enough.

[Zach Amico]

Bring the camera down. She's got a great neckline for an old lady.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We can't see that.

[Colum Terrell]

Speaking of turkeys, stand up and gentle.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Get up like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Give us, like, six inches and jiggle.

[Shannon]

That's good for now.

[Colum Terrell]

For the new show.

[Zach Amico]

Use it if you got it. Use it or lose it, they say. Right? That's a saying. I made that up. You're gonna lose it, Shannon. You want to. Guys are gonna stop paying attention to you if you stop. There's gonna be one day where you just come in, you're like, oh, I'm just an old lady. Nobody's paying attention to me anymore. I just have cats.

[K.P. Burke]

I've seen it.

[Shannon]

That just is, I think.

[Zach Amico]

Was that two years ago?

[Shannon]

Yeah, it's a while ago.

[Zach Amico]

That happened two full years ago and I missed it.

[Colum Terrell]

Do you ever say dirty shit to an old lady, Shannon?

[Zach Amico]

Sometimes.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, sure. But, like, real. That you can really get away. I was laughing the other day because I don't know who I saw. Some old woman. I said something about some sort of throwaway comment about looking for a boyfriend or whatever, and she's like, oh, you know. But if you said that to, like, a hot girl. Yeah. She would pepper spray you.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I'm having a hard time. Like, younger chicks now that I'm single again, talking to younger chicks. I'm having a real hard time.

[Colum Terrell]

You're really?

[Zach Amico]

Well, they like the nails. The younger chicks like the nails. They're like.

[Colum Terrell]

Because they're dumb.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but that's like the Machine Gun Kelly.

[Zach Amico]

They like bisexual men. Younger women, like, dude, you don't have eyeliners. Younger women don't think I'm in Papa Roach. K.P. burke.

[K.P. Burke]

What happened to me?

[Colum Terrell]

They remind you of the trans guys?

[Zach Amico]

No, but it is some gay ass. It is some gay ass that they. That they're into. So there's that, but. And I don't actually. I don't feel gay wearing it. Okay. Like, when I'm like, just in life, you know, making out with men and playing with their balls. I don't give a shit. I'm not gay at all. I only feel gay while I'm painting my own nails. And if I catch myself in the mirror, oh, my God.

[Colum Terrell]

It's insane. Is that broken right now?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

So now you look like a tramp. Now you look like a hood rat.

[Zach Amico]

I'm like, I'm the girl that I like.

[Colum Terrell]

You're a ratchet right now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's not even hood rat. This is like cutter.

[Colum Terrell]

But your nails don't even look good.

[Zach Amico]

It's a lot of cutter. I have a joke. No, I clip them. I have a joke about cutters because I've been with a handful of cutters in my day.

[Colum Terrell]

Of course.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Literally. I mean, I want to see how.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Many bathtub full, how many.

[Zach Amico]

How many cutters?

[K.P. Burke]

Not as many as Florentine, but you know, a number.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. There's been a decent amount of times that I take these girls clothes off and they got cuts all over their body. And the bit I have about is pretty funny. Come see me live on the road on the brand new, my new tour starting 2025, the Bring 5 Friends Tour.

[Colum Terrell]

Folks, what was this year's tour? Three friends.

[Zach Amico]

The Mediocre Tour.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

This was the Make 5 Friends.

[Zach Amico]

Now, this was. This was the come by yourself and sit there weirdly alone and spend too much time with me after the show. Touching me.

[Colum Terrell]

Message me day of saying, oh, we were gonna come, but I'm working late. Even though I know you don't.

[Zach Amico]

You get to do one. You get to overstay your welcome after a show or you get to touch me a lot. You don't get to do both. You know, if you want to touch me a lot, you want to get all. Like, a lot of people are grabby. That's fine. I like it a little bit. I like that. I like the physical attention. My mom didn't hug me enough. That's the absolute truth. But, you know, you can't be standing. You can't hog the attention. There'll be a guy that'll just, like, hog it up from everybody else.

[Colum Terrell]

Don't. Isn't it the worst when you get chatting to someone left and then all the other people are waiting around?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

This guy's like, they go, ah, it. Let's go home. And they like, buy my sticker some. So what part of Ireland you from? Off.

[Zach Amico]

Come on, bro. Move it or lose it. Shannon. We're back to Shannon. Janice stopped being old.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I will say the worst is when a fan stays to tell you that they're a fan of another podcast, but they're supporting you.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They want to tell you about the podcast they really like and like. But I saw you were in town, so I figured I would come.

[Colum Terrell]

Did you ever see someone wear a shirt for another podcast or comedian that you actually don't like? Do you. You don't like that person and they show up with that shirt?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I like everybody. I don't know who you're talking about.

[Colum Terrell]

Shut up, Zach. You.

[Zach Amico]

Not really. Because honestly, most people that are within my. If you're a podcast fan within my circle, there's not. Not many people that I don't like. It's not like there's somebody showing up with a.

[K.P. Burke]

See skanks fans. Like, any gas digital stuff in the crowd that people are showing up wearing. Like, I always feel like that's going to be a fun show.

[Zach Amico]

That's going to be the best show ever. Dude, My. My audience is the best. It's. Every time I open, have somebody open for me on the road, they always go, do you have the best audience? And I'll tell you why. If you go to a comedy club, low expectations. Well, first of all. First of all, the club's not that busy. They love that. Okay?

[Colum Terrell]

They'll always have a drink. There's always a waitress available.

[K.P. Burke]

There's one thing about my shows, they're canceling Disney Centers.

[Colum Terrell]

Show up late, show up.

[Zach Amico]

You're not intimidated.

[Colum Terrell]

Number one, before the show, you'll go straight in.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If you're claustrophobic.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you're good, dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Leg room for days.

[Zach Amico]

You can breathe.

[Colum Terrell]

If you hate women, there won't be a single one there. There won't be a.

[Zach Amico]

Shit, dude. No. My audience is fucking incredible. Do they really are. They're, you know, they're. They're insane. They're. They're a little bit wild. They're wild online. It's so funny because if you look at me on Twitter or Reddit, you're like, oh, Louis is a widely hated comedian. Like, he's like, yeah. I mean, what's it. Why would you keep going? You would think that I'm like, how Brendan Schwab got hate like that. Like, but I think Brendan Schwab gets that hate in, like, real life, too. I think people see him at the supermarket, like, fuck you, dude. You suck. You sharp.

[Colum Terrell]

Maybe I feel bad for Shop, you know?

[Zach Amico]

No, he's a nice guy. I always. I.

[Colum Terrell]

Was his daughter sick or something?

[Zach Amico]

No, you're just saying that. I don't think his daughter's sick.

[Colum Terrell]

Well, that's what he said.

[K.P. Burke]

News broke here.

[Colum Terrell]

He said he stopped doing stand up because his daughter was sick.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you watch his special?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, wait, no, that's right. We have the truth police now. Never mind. We have. Did you combine the. The soundboards?

[Colum Terrell]

No, but I. I added.

[Zach Amico]

I'm gonna beat you up.

[Colum Terrell]

No, but I added. Was like. Added what? I had what Zach wanted me to add.

[Zach Amico]

And I added the thing from yesterday.

[Colum Terrell]

That you wanted me to add.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, but they don't know. They're not gonna know until the next episode. Should I. You know what? I'll debut it here. Ladies and gentlemen, Easter egg new. I'm leaving sound, folks.

[Colum Terrell]

And that's. That's that. All right. That's not bad.

[Zach Amico]

Different explosion.

[Colum Terrell]

Different explosion.

[Zach Amico]

What? Why you hate. What is. Why do you hate that?

[Colum Terrell]

He's saying. He's saying the baby noise sucks.

[Zach Amico]

Say the baby noise sucks.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, I just think it's ready to boo a baby.

[Colum Terrell]

The baby noise stinks.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, see, I thought you were trying to get wrath.

[Zach Amico]

Think again, Colin.

[Colum Terrell]

Sounds like a gay baby. Sounds like a fucking useless baby.

[Zach Amico]

You fucking motherfucker. You fucking motherfucker.

[Colum Terrell]

Why don't you get a good baby? Like, get James or something on that. Don't have that baby.

[Zach Amico]

That was James.

[Colum Terrell]

I know it was obviously James.

[Zach Amico]

James, but that was James.

[Colum Terrell]

It's not a good.

[K.P. Burke]

It really was.

[Colum Terrell]

It's just not a good sound book.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, got it now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

All right, that was when he was a guest on the show the first time.

[Zach Amico]

Let's see. Element of the race. Live chat.

[Colum Terrell]

Lewis can't get him now.

[Zach Amico]

Let's see. Yeah, let me look at six months, Lewis. But, Lewis, this is. Gay baby noise sucks. This is turning into. Bye, guys.

[Colum Terrell]

Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

I guess the baby noise rules.

[K.P. Burke]

I did think that Zach was just trying to get your wrath again, because I feel like if you abuse him like you were talking about earlier, he's like, this close to coming.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I grow more powerful.

[Zach Amico]

Bite Him. I bite Zach. Sometimes I'll just get angry and I bite him on his side and he just takes it. This is why Zach's a great partner, because he knows that I need to get that out somehow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm like a teething ring.

[K.P. Burke]

Teething ring sparring partner.

[Colum Terrell]

Is this a surprise for later?

[Zach Amico]

Not yet. Let me host my own show. This ain't the column. Turtle show on the Flippity Floops Network. All right.

[Colum Terrell]

Right. They rebranded.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You rebranded your network, Dude.

[K.P. Burke]

That's who sponsors his podcast.

[Zach Amico]

The only time I feel gay painting my nails is when I look in the mirror. I catch myself and I'm like, this is ridiculous. But then as soon as I'm done drying them, I'm right back to being.

[Colum Terrell]

What are you doing when you're painting your nails? Do you watching, like, Real Housewives New York or something? What are you.

[Zach Amico]

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna laugh at your joke. What are you crashing me?

[Colum Terrell]

No. It's too much. Come on.

[Zach Amico]

I'm probably. Now I think I'm done.

[Colum Terrell]

No.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I think I'm done, and it's not. Because if I could snap my little gay fingers and have them painted immediately, I would do it. I can't go through the process of doing it. I'm not going somewhere to get it done. That's psychotic.

[Colum Terrell]

I'm like, that. Brush my teeth.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Too much, dude. I gotta do. If I do it, I do a coconut oil pull every day now. That's insane. Dude.

[K.P. Burke]

Rollerblades. Just look at you in the corner, like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I get back in?

[Zach Amico]

I. They did get back in recently.

[Colum Terrell]

Something happened to you, like, in the last year or something?

[Zach Amico]

Have you ever caught yourself jerking off in the mirror? That's what it reminds me of, dude. After I come, because I have a mirror, like, right facing my bed. Because I'm a sicko and I'm like, American Psycho. I have to, like, watch myself. But then I also have to watch myself pathetically jerk off. And, dude, as soon as I come on my own stomach and I, like, look at myself in the mirror, it's just this scene, like, my legs are spread and I'm just covered in coconut oil and there's a towel on my belly. It's not good.

[K.P. Burke]

Use the coconut oil as the lube.

[Zach Amico]

Right?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He said he has a coconut oil pull every morning.

[K.P. Burke]

I literally thought.

[Zach Amico]

I do two different coconut oil pulses. That is great. Sec. That is legitimately incredible.

[Colum Terrell]

You have a little come a little Clumtail ready to go?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I usually give it two, three days until I'm like. Then I hamper it. Two, three days, but I don't care.

[Colum Terrell]

It's only like six. That's only six or seven.

[Zach Amico]

No, it really is. I do a couple jerks here and there.

[Colum Terrell]

Do you really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I jerk off at least once a day.

[Colum Terrell]

That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

You think so?

[Colum Terrell]

I tried to do the opposite. I just. I let it. I try to let it build up. Sometimes when I'm on the road, I'll go crazy. Four or five times, maybe.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that's crazy.

[Colum Terrell]

And in the hotel.

[Zach Amico]

But I get. I get a little.

[Colum Terrell]

You know, it's like a little. That's the weekend, you know.

[Zach Amico]

I'm building my testosterone again. I'm getting. Yeah, but how often you jacking kp? You're in a relationship. You're in a relationship, too, though, so if you're jerking, you know, you need a jerk.

[K.P. Burke]

She gets mad. If I jerk off.

[Zach Amico]

Off. She gets mad. Does that make you come harder?

[K.P. Burke]

It's. Well, because then she's like. She's like, it all belongs to me.

[Colum Terrell]

That's a nice saying. It all belongs to me.

[K.P. Burke]

It's love. It's. She gets upset. Like, she also does my laundry, too. So one time, I think she saw, like, a rag I cleaned up with, and she's like, excuse me, sir.

[Zach Amico]

Wow. Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

She wasn't happy.

[Colum Terrell]

Excuse me, sir.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

This looks like she sees you dating it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That belongs in here. Couple times a week.

[Zach Amico]

Couple times a week. It's just. It's got to be.

[Colum Terrell]

Twice a week is a solid, healthy amount.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I would say two, three. A week.

[Colum Terrell]

Two. Two a week solid.

[Zach Amico]

Two a week is solid.

[K.P. Burke]

What is after how many times, how.

[Zach Amico]

Often you jerking off, who you bang?

[Colum Terrell]

You see who you banging? This is the thing I would say.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, like, two, three. That's about.

[Colum Terrell]

Well, are you single and.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Colum Terrell]

You're in your 20s? No, I'm not single.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. If you're in a relationship. When I was in a relationship, I jerked off way less. I was getting laid.

[Colum Terrell]

Well, you got to give them the Good.

[Zach Amico]

That was that.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, well, there's nothing worse than you. Like, I jerked off earlier in the day, and then, like. Then she tries to get frisky in the afternoon. You're like, listen, there's. This is not.

[Colum Terrell]

I'm, like, built for this.

[Zach Amico]

And then you can't because you lied to her. So you have to be like, I'm just not attracted to you.

[K.P. Burke]

Yes. And then she'll Be like, why is your tongue blue? And I was like, don't ask a question.

[Zach Amico]

Oh. Oh, boy. All right, let's take a quick moment and thank my bookie for supporting today's show. We love my bookie. If you guys are a fan of any sports out there, you're going to turn anytime you watch a game or a fight into just such a different experience. When you're betting on. On your. The. The sports you love, it really does bring it to the next level. And the football season just started. It's going to be your best winning season yet, and it's going to be with my bookie, my bookie.com or my bookie ag. They really are one of the best places to go and place bets. They have great odds, a great interface, and I'll tell you right now, you're gonna have an amazing time with my bookie.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Nothing makes watching the game more fun than putting a little money on the action. Did you guys know the average college football game runs about 180 plays? While every catch, sack, and touchdown is another way to hit pay dirt. Using my bookie. And we have a deal for you guys.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You can get in right now with the promo code LAZ and you claim a bonus match of up to $1,000 on your first deposit. A thousand bucks. Promo code LAZ to start the football season off playing with house money. And the best part is, my bookie will keep you coming back for more with tons of exclusive lines, free bets, and access to VIP contests. So make sure you never miss a single play, bet on anything, anywhere, anytime. Only with my bookie. All right, where were we? All right, well, I think I'm gonna let the nails go.

[Colum Terrell]

You gotta let them go.

[Zach Amico]

I've been letting them go.

[Colum Terrell]

I think you've been going through this thing. You're. You're 40, 41, 42. You. Obviously, it's hitting you. So you've been, like, working out a lot, really posting?

[Zach Amico]

I do that every year.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, but this is a real. This has been. I can tell. Since I know you're worried about getting old or something. There's a thing I do.

[Zach Amico]

I get fat and I get in shape every year, and I track the journey every year.

[Colum Terrell]

You look like mystery from the. You look like mystery from the science theater. From the pickup artist guy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Zach, we should do a pickup artist show. That should be the show now. Wow.

[K.P. Burke]

Almost, baby. New show, new rules.

[Zach Amico]

That's the nails. I have a different sort of balance with my hands now. I knocked it over, then I caught it quick. Dude, that was cat like reflexes. Yeah, yeah. Why don't we do a pickup order show, we talk about picking up chicks.

[K.P. Burke]

Does Dylan still work?

[Colum Terrell]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Dylan? Yeah. No. Why?

[K.P. Burke]

No, I was gonna say you could get him to do like he could get away with a lot of the creepy.

[Zach Amico]

Because you think that he. You think Dylan can pick up more chicks than me? Are you out of your.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, not you out of your agree.

[Zach Amico]

You out of your mind.

[Colum Terrell]

You're 50 something. You've got your nails painted. You look weird. You look like you.

[Zach Amico]

And I love Dylan and he's got a hot chick and he's a handsome guy, but I mean, you know, I'm not trying to be a.

[K.P. Burke]

He can get away with some creeper stuff, but I've seen you also double down before.

[Zach Amico]

I don't get away. Here's what you do, okay? I'll give everyone the way to be, okay? You present as you talk to drunk girls. You present as a rapist.

[Colum Terrell]

Huh?

[Zach Amico]

Present like. Like an.

[K.P. Burke]

Got it. So far so good. This is how I got Carly. That's how I happened.

[Zach Amico]

This is what I present. And then when you get them alone, when they're in all of their fear, they're in their sort of fight.

[Colum Terrell]

So when they wake up mentality, when.

[Zach Amico]

They come to, then you're nice to them. And then they're like, oh, this guy is really nice.

[Colum Terrell]

Secretly. Nice secretly. And then how long dating until you stop being.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Manipulating ultimatum.

[Zach Amico]

I've been manipulating.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You want to come to or come too?

[Zach Amico]

I've been manipulating them since day one.

[Colum Terrell]

Okay, mister, it's part of your mystery method.

[Zach Amico]

Manipulation since day one.

[Colum Terrell]

The lose the rattlesnake method.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, but that's that. But then it's nice to him. And then you don't even have to be that nice to them because they think you're such a piece of that if you're a little bit nice to them, they're like, well, he's not hitting me and that's that. And then you got him wrapped around your little gay finger.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, you took. This is from the. The Joe Exotic school of seduction.

[Zach Amico]

Who's Joe Exotic?

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, yeah, the other guy. Not the. Not Joe Exotic, but the other guy. The dude. The one you met. Yeah, that guy had it all figured out. He's like. He just seems like a total badass, scary guy. He's going to get you around a tiger and it's like, all right, but now you're on a tiger. Now you feel a little safer around me.

[Zach Amico]

I think that women are.

[Colum Terrell]

This is good idea.

[Zach Amico]

This is it. Women are fucking.

[Colum Terrell]

I need to hang retarded.

[Zach Amico]

And if you give them tiger cubs, they melt and will suck your cock. There's no. There's nothing more to the formula. Yeah. Than if you have a bunch of tiger cubs, you'll have a harem of sluts.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. That is true.

[Zach Amico]

It's one of the most guaranteed ways to get pussy ever. Shannon.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If I had tiger cubs at my house, how often would you be at my home?

[Shannon]

Often.

[Zach Amico]

How often do you think you'd be able to fight me off?

[Shannon]

I.

[Zach Amico]

Not that often.

[Shannon]

I'd have the, the tigers to protect me.

[Zach Amico]

No, they'd be on my side. I've trained them to tear your clothes off.

[Colum Terrell]

They're on Kalanapin. These guys are freaking nodding off.

[K.P. Burke]

Sleepy tigers.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Klonopin. What is the transitive property? Because if you have a regular cat, sometimes a chick will be pretty into it. But then you have a big cat. So you're gonna get the dumbest chicks.

[Zach Amico]

You'Re going to get.

[Colum Terrell]

You are gonna bring in the dumbest doggy.

[Zach Amico]

If you have tiger cubs, you're getting hot sluts to suck your dick and.

[K.P. Burke]

I think have a reason to have ketamine in your house.

[Zach Amico]

And then you offer them free room and board.

[Colum Terrell]

Sure. Yeah. We can all adopt a girlfriend. This is not.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I prefer to rescue.

[Colum Terrell]

Get yourself a good wife. Change all this. I'm not a finger a chick at a cinema or whatever.

[Zach Amico]

No, dude, I like get yourself a nice wife. Shut up. You gotta engage this piece of.

[Colum Terrell]

Settle down.

[Zach Amico]

I can't stand column. We can't even have a real conversation column. I'm saying suck my dick column. It's an interesting show.

[Colum Terrell]

Look, finding a wife.

[Zach Amico]

Here's what I'll tell you.

[Colum Terrell]

Not some fucking tattooed cutter. Right. They find out you.

[Zach Amico]

You are not allowed. I I. You are not allowed to come at me like this. You.

[Colum Terrell]

I just don't think it's cool anymore. I just think you guys need to grow up a little.

[Zach Amico]

Oh my God. You gotta grow up.

[Colum Terrell]

All right. Painting your nails. Your shadow boxing on Instagram.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, come on.

[Colum Terrell]

Figure this out.

[Zach Amico]

I hope you. I can't wait till you divorce because the stories that I'm going to tell.

[K.P. Burke]

You're legit engaged now. Co.

[Colum Terrell]

I am? Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

Congratulations. I'm very proud of you.

[Zach Amico]

All right.

[K.P. Burke]

That's. Well, I think we're Eskimo cousins too. So this is like.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like how it's an Eskimo cousin. Is there?

[K.P. Burke]

I think we slept with the same girl.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Brothers.

[Zach Amico]

No, Eskimo brothers.

[K.P. Burke]

Eskimo brothers.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, maybe it's Eskimo cousins.

[K.P. Burke]

I don't know. Maybe. Maybe that's Eskimo kisses. I don't know. I'll do anything you're asking my brother.

[Zach Amico]

I think everyone's asking my brothers, Colm. Are we asking my brothers?

[Colum Terrell]

Of course.

[Zach Amico]

We must be.

[Colum Terrell]

We must be just. And I. You wouldn't even need to. No, for a fact. It's just. I mean, the assumption is.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, there's no way we're not, are we?

[Colum Terrell]

There's. There's only six girls that every comedian.

[K.P. Burke]

So.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, it's like that's.

[Zach Amico]

We've five of them.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

Roast Battle was wild.

[Colum Terrell]

You don't. Killed herself before.

[Zach Amico]

She had an. Edit it quickly edit that live thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, not anymore.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Colum Terrell]

Oh, this whole episode is just.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

There's something that dead girl never heard before.

[K.P. Burke]

Clap, clap, clap.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Wow. Oh, good times, folks. We're having a fun time here on the. The Lewis and Zach Show. Call him Getting naked Now. What are they. What a sexy show today, folks. All right, so look, there's other things in the world that we're gonna talk about. Let's do our plugs real quick. Let's get them out of the way. Lots to talk about. Lots to talk about on today's show. Lewis and Zach in the mornings. Colm. Troy. What are you plugging, my friend?

[Colum Terrell]

Come see me on the road. I don't have my. This weekend, I'm in Detroit. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I'm in Cleveland. Then I've got for the rest of the year, I'm coming up in Charleston. I'm coming up in Charlotte and dad and then Raleigh also for the rest of the year. And then next year I've got a bunch of dates. Saint P, I'm heading to Wisconsin. I'm heading to Phoenix, Arizona in January. There's loads of dates. Columterrell.com for all those dates. I did a lot of weekends this year. I'm planning on there doing more next year. Please come out. See column Turrell.

[Zach Amico]

So funny. So funny. Kp, what's going on?

[K.P. Burke]

We at just the big one. I'm announcing right now, February 2nd, I'm headlined in Stress Factory in New Brunswick. Very excited about that one. So we're swinging for the fences there. New album that was already out. The video portions coming out. We're trying to put it out on Black Friday. That's the goal. So the new special's coming out. And then Louis, I have to mention we have my Gwyneth Paltrow head in a box here. I'd like to give you real quick if I can.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, please.

[K.P. Burke]

This is my.

[Zach Amico]

Can we wait till we're done with our plugs?

[K.P. Burke]

I love that. Absolutely love it.

[Zach Amico]

Very cool.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Zach Amico new movie premieres January 18th at the Museum of moving image here in New York City called Bring on the damned. Get tickets now. Come hang out. Thank you.

[Colum Terrell]

Nice. When Is that cool?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

January 18th.

[Zach Amico]

Come see me live on the road. Go to LewisofSkanks.com that is my website. I am announcing a brand new tour, but for this year, 2024, the last opportunities to see me. This Friday night, I am doing h Foley show at the New York comedy club in Stanford, Connecticut, which should be a lot of fun. Never been there. Come out to Stanford. If you're in the area and watching this live, then December 11th, we're at the Gramercy theater. The regs of the Gramercy theater are a very special Christmas show with a very special, uh, special guest. Santa Claus. Uh, get those tickets that will sell out. Uh, then December 12th, I'm headlining the dojo comedy Morris Plains, New Jersey. Very excited about that. Emmaus, Pennsylvania on December 13th. By the way. What?

[Colum Terrell]

I just did it and I couldn't pronounce it the whole weekend.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Emmaus.

[Colum Terrell]

I have no idea. I've never learned it.

[Zach Amico]

Why are you laughing at me? Emas? What's wrong? Is that a bad. I was like, something happened.

[Colum Terrell]

No, it's just no one knows how to pronounce it.

[Zach Amico]

Come see me in EMS. It's gonna be a blast. And then December 20th through 22nd, I got creaking Cave headlining shows, plus a depraved. So get tickets for both if you can. But then New Year's have sold out already. But 2025, I just added these. I'm announcing the whole tour in the beginning of December, but I want to announce some of these January dates just because they are on sale already. And I want to make sure we start selling them out. Zany's Rosemont. I'll be January 10th and 11th, and then I'm going to be North Charleston, South Carolina. Wits and comedy Lounge. That place sounds like it's going to be really, really high class.

[Colum Terrell]

I'm doing that in December.

[Zach Amico]

That's what you're doing. Let me know if me and Column are doing it. Columns. You're like, I'm gonna get a phone call from close this place. The who owns it, he talks. And literally, that all. All that means Is column couldn't draw that weekend and he hates the club. No, that's my cannot blame the club. I had him do like three times. He's like, I'll that club.

[Colum Terrell]

People show up. I go, the club's great.

[Zach Amico]

That's the best club I've ever worked. That's all it is.

[Colum Terrell]

It's. It's a 45 seater room, which is good for me.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Come see me on the road. Did a lot of other stuff. I'm announcing a bunch of dates. The Bring 5 Friends tour coming to a city near you. And I officially have my next special. It's going on sale December 2nd. The tickets, I have a lot of time. I'm, I'm, I'm. It's going to be July 12th in Tampa at side Splitters Comedy club. I'm doing a club special. Side Splitters is a great club. I'll be doing warm up sets for it the Thursday and Friday before. So if you can't make it Saturday, you can see me running the entire hour there. But I'm very, very excited about it. It's already in great shape. I'm so. It's the best stuff I've ever done and I think you guys are going to love it. I still have another eight months to on this, so come out and be a part of the process. Guys, check out the regs. Check out Story Wars. Everyone's favorite new game show. And obviously the legendary legion of skanks. The legendary Yousef G. Says, Lewis, if you make your tickets under $10, I'll bring six friends. Well, if I make my tickets under $10, I would need you to bring 30 friends. Come see the. Bring 30 friends.

[K.P. Burke]

I wish we could explain to them how that works. Yeah, like, listen, it's either a set rate or it's a door deal. And every time you ask for a favor, you're robbing me. Yeah, you know, it hurts a lot.

[Zach Amico]

It's a lot, Yusuf. It's a lot. But Yusuf, maybe you. You're a comic. Why don't you.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, take a break.

[Zach Amico]

You bring 15 friends. I want you to do a set. That's what I should do. I should become that hack book bringers on the road every city.

[Colum Terrell]

Do people do that?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it happens.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Book three guys. They have to bring 15 friends each.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Start off, let's go. Each show. That's not sustainable. There's not even enough people to make it worth it.

[Colum Terrell]

Do you always bring people with you?

[Zach Amico]

No. If I have to fly, if it's gonna be like A big market. I'll bring people with me. Otherwise, if I have to fly, I usually use openers. If I'm driving, I bring somebody with me.

[Colum Terrell]

Yes, I'd love to afford to bring people with me.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you know, we're growing column.

[Colum Terrell]

All right.

[Zach Amico]

But you come see us on the road, you'll love it. You have a better. Do you see if you saw me in Toronto this past weekend, fan, it was the best comedy show you ever saw in your entire life. I don't give a that dude. It was a little small room. It's literally a 70 seater. Like it was packed with just skanks fans. Everyone's going crazy. That's a really cool way to see it. Is real comedy, 70s, a bit big even. Well, you go to a, you don't.

[Colum Terrell]

Have a good view.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

800 looking back at the back of Shane's head.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, dude.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, Shane and the stadiums. Come see me on the porch. But six people?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's about $1,200. Like that's gay. Gay.

[K.P. Burke]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

That's so gay. Gay.

[Colum Terrell]

No, real comedy is what we do Wednesday nights, 12 people.

[Zach Amico]

That's it. That's it. Doggy. No, but I. Yeah, I mean, I'm being serious though. You see, you know that if you're. If I saw like when I used to go to the New York Comedy Club as like a young, like a 19, 20 year old kid. It's such a. Such a little dude. But I saw all the. I saw Gaff again. I saw Todd Barry. I mean I saw like guys like Big J for the first time and in this little box and it's just fucking a really amazing way to experience comedy. It's much different than. It's not a knock on seeing somebody in a stadium or seeing somebody in a massive theater, but seeing it in a tiny fucking little kill box. It's a. It's a very cool experience. It's much different than seeing somebody in a big club. It's not about me, it's about anybody.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I just happen to have particularly good sets, so.

[K.P. Burke]

Right answer.

[Zach Amico]

Toronto was great.

[Colum Terrell]

You're getting there.

[Zach Amico]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Yo Delta for supporting today's show. We love yo delta. Yo delta.com if you guys like getting high and I like getting high. Zach, you love getting high.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Indeed I do.

[Zach Amico]

You can get it legally shipped right to your door from yo delta.com and.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You guys know what Delta 8 is? It's something found in hemp that can be legally shipped to Various states. And it gets you high.

[Zach Amico]

Yo.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Delta.com has a great mix of gummies and vapes for all you're getting stone needs. But let me tell you, my friends, this Delta 8 stuff works. And these products need to be taken responsibly.

[Zach Amico]

Just go to yodela.com, use the promo code GAS when you check out. You're going to save 25% off your order today. That's yodelta.com promo code GAS for 25 off. All right, where were we?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

So we should open up a club called Kill Box. That's a Planned Parenthood during the day.

[Zach Amico]

Love this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And if you get an abortion, you get two free tickets.

[K.P. Burke]

You know, it's really hard to track ticket sales, though, because you're like, somebody comes in with a baby and then leaves it out. You're like, yeah, you owe me.

[Zach Amico]

You still have to buy two drinks for that baby.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, life begins at a two drink minimum.

[Colum Terrell]

You got to do four free tickets and then really.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And so you can meet three other.

[Colum Terrell]

So then someone goes. So then someone goes, should we buy tickets or should I just get pregnant and have an abortion? Actually, you're making a profit by killing the baby.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, but the barkers are going to fight with the Jesus freaks outside protesting.

[Zach Amico]

Speaking of barkers, Shannon, let me talk about this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Before that, can you open up the box?

[Colum Terrell]

Hey, can I get a coffee actually, or should I go?

[K.P. Burke]

I ain't trying to bully my way out on this one, but I'm very excited.

[Zach Amico]

What's in the box? What's in the box, by the way? More people should do this. More people should bring gifts. When you go to a podcast right Now, I wouldn't do that to. To Joe Rogan because that would make me look like a Patrick David. Yeah, but I'm not gonna, you know, But I did. I did. I bring Rogan a gift.

[Colum Terrell]

I hope you did. I hope you got. Got him something that he never.

[Zach Amico]

I didn't bring him. I didn't bring him a gift. I brought him, like, weed.

[K.P. Burke]

I got you these roller blades.

[Zach Amico]

Joe, do you want some nail polish remover? I'm not gonna use it.

[Colum Terrell]

That one. That one burns a little.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, can I also have one, please? Thank you, baby.

[Colum Terrell]

How'd you like it?

[Zach Amico]

Thank you, baby. All right, let's see. I like a gift, though. I think it's nice. You go to somebody's home for the first time, you bring them a gift. When I go. When I go to anybody's home, I bring them a gift every time.

[Colum Terrell]

That's Nice. That's a good.

[Zach Amico]

Every time.

[K.P. Burke]

You know what's your go to gift?

[Zach Amico]

I mean, not when I go to my sister's home. I go to my sister's home twice a day. That's insane. My sister takes things from my home. We are. We're having a. We had a falling out again. Then we're back. We every other day now is non stop. But you bring a gift if you go to somebody's home. It's nice.

[Colum Terrell]

It's. Yeah. Bottle of wine. Touch a glass.

[Zach Amico]

Bottle of liquor. Bottle of wine and it.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. Anything. Even dessert pie or something. Who gives a.

[Zach Amico]

A pie is crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I have to pretend like if you're.

[Colum Terrell]

Going through a thing.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh yeah. This pie I had on me was.

[Zach Amico]

For all of us.

[Colum Terrell]

He goes, oh, you're here. Oh, no, I only brought four pies. I brought half a pack is in.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. Thank you, Shannon. I'm excited about this. KP Burke bringing a gift to the show.

[Colum Terrell]

You brought this in.

[Zach Amico]

Very cool. Very awesome. Very nice. Very kind. Almost guaranteed to get an invite back to the show now. Colum showed up empty handed and laid. We started late because Colin wasn't here.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't think I'll ever come back. The real last podcast is my era.

[Zach Amico]

No, this is a better show.

[Colum Terrell]

This is now.

[Zach Amico]

This is better.

[Colum Terrell]

The old dogs like me need to step aside.

[Zach Amico]

Let's see and let new it says Louis Zach, dudes, thank you for always supporting and giving chances to other comics from roastmasters to now. My quote unquote career is different but always been grateful for you. I'm also mad gay. Respect to the real ass dudes. That is so kind. That is so kind and gay. It is incredibly. It is. No, listen to me. It's. It is gay. But I really like that and I appreciate you. We. We have supported you always. You're great. So what is this now? This is your book. This is self promotion. I wrote what's happening right here, folks. What do you think it was self. This wasn't even a gift. This is. This is kp.

[K.P. Burke]

There's toys in there for you.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I guess we'll see this psychotic behavior. Actually, I was genuinely touched. I almost didn't call it gay because I was like, that was really nice. I don't want to. I don't want to make fun of it. It wasn't gay enough. But now I'm gay.

[Colum Terrell]

Two free tickets to Zach's movie in January.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no. We have some other fun stuff. What is it? What is American scoundrel? What is this? Is this the.

[K.P. Burke]

So I wrote that book.

[Zach Amico]

Two books. You think we're both going to read the book, kp?

[K.P. Burke]

Well, there's one for Zach in there. And there's one for you to give to James.

[Zach Amico]

History isn't boring. Your teacher was mind blowing. Stories from American history in 90 seconds or less.

[Colum Terrell]

Terrible cover.

[Zach Amico]

Fun idea for a book. It does feel flimsy. And it is not a great cover.

[Colum Terrell]

There's so much.

[Zach Amico]

What even is it?

[Colum Terrell]

I ain't reading all that.

[Zach Amico]

Is that a book or is that a desk at like school?

[Colum Terrell]

Is it too late? It's how many of these cover is an empty desk? Is this a first?

[K.P. Burke]

Empty desks, baby.

[Colum Terrell]

This is the first. Look, is there time to change that cover?

[K.P. Burke]

Nah, we're toast, man. That's it. The problem. You work with your girlfriend, you know, you get no feedback.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, this is. This is psychotic behavior. But it's okay. Let's see, what do we got here? We have some toys. American Loot. What's American Loser?

[K.P. Burke]

So American Losers. The podcast.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, the podcast.

[K.P. Burke]

And then I started shooting reels in Studio C with Harrington. And then I started going mega viral. Now Rogan follows me because all this shit.

[Zach Amico]

That's incredible. So do you pay for the studio space?

[K.P. Burke]

I absolutely do.

[Zach Amico]

Wow, this is incredible. Do you really?

[K.P. Burke]

It's fantastic.

[Zach Amico]

You pay how? I think he pays. I've never heard about him renting anything.

[K.P. Burke]

I think give Harrington a ride home sometimes.

[Colum Terrell]

There's a cash discount. There's a cash discount.

[Zach Amico]

Harrington pockets the money for this studio. Oriental Shannon, do you know this is happening?

[Shannon]

Yep, I did. Oh, you know what I did know, but I didn't know about payment options.

[Zach Amico]

This is so what I'm getting out of it is I'm getting a coaster.

[K.P. Burke]

That's right.

[Zach Amico]

Well, symbolic of my career.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Three coasters.

[K.P. Burke]

One of those. You've got a couch somewhere, right? Somebody's got a couch somewhere. It's not sitting right.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it might be joke of the year. It might be joke of the air. Holy moly. Holy moly. That was good. Me, American Loser coaster. We got American Loser stickers.

[K.P. Burke]

I gave you a lighter. And play to your pyro.

[Zach Amico]

American Scout. What's American Scoundrel?

[K.P. Burke]

So that's one of the guys in the book. He was a real piece of shit, but he was a. He should be a hero.

[Zach Amico]

And this is. What is this?

[K.P. Burke]

That's just a rocks glass for you, baby.

[Zach Amico]

A rocks glass.

[K.P. Burke]

Mix up your THC mocktails in there and fucking have fun with it.

[Zach Amico]

Is that It.

[K.P. Burke]

That's it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Here's an old Timey lighter.

[Zach Amico]

An Old Timey Lighter.

[K.P. Burke]

Old Timey Lighter. Old timey Edward Bernays on there.

[Zach Amico]

But these are all, once again, promotional material for your shows and your things. So this is sort of just a way for you to get an a. An advertisement for. I was touched. Like it was an actual gift.

[Colum Terrell]

You've been duped.

[Zach Amico]

I've been duped.

[Colum Terrell]

You thought it was.

[Zach Amico]

But I will say kp, this week's.

[K.P. Burke]

And finally, three years I've been coming on the show waiting for that. Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Colum Terrell]

Jesus Christ. Price.

[Zach Amico]

Wow. I mean, it was.

[Colum Terrell]

Where can they buy the book Soulless.

[Zach Amico]

Soulless self promotion. Is there.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is there a website that's available on.

[K.P. Burke]

100% people at home want to read.

[Colum Terrell]

Something while having a.

[K.P. Burke]

That's literally what the book's for. It's a bathroom reader, essentially. So, yeah, it's K.P. burke comedy can't make bathroom readers anymore.

[Zach Amico]

We have phones now.

[K.P. Burke]

That's what I'm trying to over which.

[Zach Amico]

By the way, how much is on our phones? Because we read them in the bathroom. Because you'll be. You'll scrolling. Right? Right. You wipe.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Then you maybe give it another scroll because you got poop again. You know, he's washing in between wipes. By the time you get to the sink, you've already touched your phone. I don't even bottle with your actual.

[K.P. Burke]

What you mean actual now, like how much stuff is on your particles.

[Zach Amico]

There's in the bathroom.

[K.P. Burke]

It's a parts per million game.

[Colum Terrell]

Your phone's covered in whatever. Who cares?

[Zach Amico]

You're right to be honest, by the way. You could also just. You could also. You could also do.

[Colum Terrell]

Don't cuss a long one.

[Zach Amico]

You could say that with any subject I bring up on the show. Who cares? Do that with every subject. For moving forward. How far? The podcast.

[Colum Terrell]

I really have an opinion either way. I can see it from both sides.

[Zach Amico]

Podcast killer column over here.

[Colum Terrell]

No, the conversation is. You are getting old. Germaphobic.

[Zach Amico]

No, I'm not getting all germaphobic. I'm not a germaphobe at all.

[Colum Terrell]

This is your thing. You're worried about the shit on your phone.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You really scroll after you wipe. For me, it's shit. Phone goes down on the sink. Wipe, wash hands. Phone comes back.

[Colum Terrell]

You mean an Asian guy sprays you?

[K.P. Burke]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

If I'm screwing power hose.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

If I'm scrolling, go get a guy with a broom.

[Zach Amico]

Now if I'm scrolling and like just, you know, on the phone, whatever, doing my thing Taking a. And then I wipe. I'll put my phone down and I have a little stand for my phone in the bathroom. It's on the toilet paper is a stand on top of it. They know smart. And I put my phone down. And then if I go, my stomach, stomach starts rumbling again and I have to more. Sometimes you wipe and what you do is you're just breaching a little more in your. I go, whoa.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, you reopen the thing. That's the worst.

[K.P. Burke]

You're not playing the bidet game, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I just don't. It's genuine. I have three bidets unopened in my garage that I've just never installed.

[K.P. Burke]

We've talked about this before.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe I've had bidets. I had a bidet at my, my old house.

[K.P. Burke]

It's, it's a game changer, man. You clean your butthole, you don't even need toilet paper.

[Colum Terrell]

I'm not a bidet guy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, why not?

[Colum Terrell]

I don't know. I just never quite.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm saying it's bidet and night.

[Colum Terrell]

Oh, a bidet to you, sir.

[Zach Amico]

He's a, He's a comic by night, a mover by day. Bidet edit.

[Colum Terrell]

No, I'm a wet wipe guy.

[Zach Amico]

I'm a wet wipe.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't wet wipe. And then I'll always finish no matter what. Dry wipe. Oh, that's the last.

[Zach Amico]

Well, yeah, you almost gotta like add it with a napkin.

[Colum Terrell]

You gotta dry it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes actually, I get halfway through wiping. I go, that'll do. I don't have time for this.

[Zach Amico]

No. Because I can't deal with an itchy.

[Colum Terrell]

No, I just let it go. I don't.

[Zach Amico]

And you just deal with an itchy asshole. You have itchy energy. Energy. Like I'm like your whole. You're.

[Colum Terrell]

It's more lazy. I'll just.

[Zach Amico]

It's Europeans in general, dude.

[Colum Terrell]

Now you can hear all day wiping back.

[Zach Amico]

And Canadians, dude. You go to.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Now it's European. You don't got a wipe.

[Colum Terrell]

Wrap it up.

[Zach Amico]

I didn't mind it, dude. I, I didn't mind it. I like.

[K.P. Burke]

Gotcha.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[K.P. Burke]

Gotcha.

[Colum Terrell]

So happy.

[Zach Amico]

It was great. It was excellent. Yeah, no, I, I, I don't remember. It was so funny that I don't remember.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't have itchy ass energy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you ever look at pictures of like old, old people and be like, their must have been off. Like, no, it's not old timey. People must have such.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, no, because I would.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Renaissance era people must have such itchy Assholes.

[Zach Amico]

When I was younger, I was a scrub.

[Colum Terrell]

It's a self cleaning device.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's not.

[Colum Terrell]

You press a couple of buttons.

[Zach Amico]

This is why you have itchy assholes.

[Colum Terrell]

No, your asshole is. Is not like the rest of your Canadian produces an oil Canadian people. Irish cleaning ass.

[Zach Amico]

Or the Irish.

[Colum Terrell]

What about the Irish?

[Zach Amico]

Scottish.

[Colum Terrell]

You be careful here.

[Zach Amico]

These three, these Greek, Italians, just good time.

[Colum Terrell]

Good time people.

[Zach Amico]

The. All of these people, they look like they have itchy. They have like a. They have a mildew.

[Colum Terrell]

Like you have diabetes film.

[Zach Amico]

We do. We don't look correct. That's correct because we have a diabetes. No, you guys have like a film covering your body. As soon as you cross over into Canada, you're like, are you dirty? Looks like you write your name into somebody's back with your finger. You ever a girl from Canada? Dude, they're hot, but they're just like, like covered in soot or something.

[Colum Terrell]

There was this one girl that got trafficked across. All these kind of the have been bleeding. Sure. Do you have a French baby? A French chick maybe from Canada?

[Zach Amico]

I've never been with a French woman.

[Colum Terrell]

Anyone with an accent would be pretty sexy.

[Zach Amico]

You like that?

[Colum Terrell]

I think so.

[Zach Amico]

They're a little dirty.

[K.P. Burke]

The accent. Sexy actually. What do you like as an accent? As someone who came to America? What part of the country has a sexy accent to.

[Colum Terrell]

You see, this is the problem men is the. The accent is second. You know what I mean? So like if I see a sexy like who's in Don John, Scarlett Johansson when she's doing that trashy New Jersey accent, you go, oh, that's so sexy. But because she's.

[K.P. Burke]

Because she's sexy.

[Colum Terrell]

Men don't. Men don't find accents attractive. They find a woman attractive and then she just happens to have the accents and then you go, oh God. That accent would be.

[K.P. Burke]

It's like when.

[Colum Terrell]

You know what I'm saying.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I know what you're saying.

[K.P. Burke]

If you're up, it's like a.

[Colum Terrell]

With no arms, but she's hot. You're not.

[Zach Amico]

It's. It is maybe 13th or 14th in the list of priorities is how she communicates.

[Colum Terrell]

Like, I want them death. Yeah, Less.

[Zach Amico]

The less she talks, the better, to be honest with you.

[K.P. Burke]

Half the battle.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, but when you. Someone that's an accent, they go. They go, oh. Or whatever, you know, hello, me patagon.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon. What is this story, this murder dog story? Did we. Didn't we just say we were going to call it sports talk from now on? In honor of my old Dead dog.

[Shannon]

That was a different segment.

[Zach Amico]

Shut up, Shannon. What's going with the murder dogs? You know what? Yo, stop this dog. My. I saw one. People tag me in dog things all the time now. Somebody. It was the one. I don't even want to see it. Shannon, don't even pull up on the show. I couldn't watch it. I couldn't stomach it. It was a dog attacking a child at, like a playground.

[Colum Terrell]

Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

And the kids were like, on top of, like the jungle gyms and. And the dog was just eating the kid's leg. And the owner was kind of like pulling it and you're like, it's just so hard, these dogs, you know? Oh, get control of your dog. What. What happened here?

[Shannon]

Okay, so this was a 73 year old woman.

[Zach Amico]

Thank God. Thank God it wasn't a child. When it's a child, that really kills me inside. But it's an old lady. She lived her life. Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

She's 42. She's.

[Zach Amico]

You don't want to be, you know, eaten alive by a dog. That seems like a shitty way to go.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't even know if they killed.

[Zach Amico]

Did they kill her? I'm sorry.

[Colum Terrell]

They mostly just. Just bite your lips off and then leave you, don't they?

[Shannon]

She. She died, but kind of like a little bit later. So she was home with her husband. She has four large dogs, and this one in particular, a pit bull, just like attacked her unprovoked. It kind of like bit most of her arm off when the cops came. The cops were also injured by the job, by the dog. They had to kill the dog. And she died in the hospital a day later. This is her. She was 73.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I imagine. I imagine anytime you imagine an old lady, I imagine a nice old white lady.

[K.P. Burke]

And then here, she looks like she's probably in her 40s.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

She's like, age, so.

[Zach Amico]

Well, yeah. God, she looks great for her age.

[K.P. Burke]

She looks like she was probably a teacher.

[Zach Amico]

That's why the dogs attacked her. They thought she could survive that.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Are they gonna photoshop the dogs into the memorial sweatshirt that the whole family wears to the funeral?

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

Rip Biggie Smalls and Spot Granny. Grandma, we need to know the dog's name. Do we get a name for the dog?

[Shannon]

I don't have the dog's name, but there. There were three other dogs also removed from the home. And people said the dogs were always barking. They weren't, like, socialized very much because.

[Zach Amico]

The other dogs didn't attack her. But, you know, they, like, lick the blood off the floor. Like.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, they encouraged you to go, she's talking, bro. You forgetting. Do you ever do that to the retard kid in school? Kind of like you kind of pick on him until he spazzes and, like, throws a chair at the teacher and you go, he did it.

[Zach Amico]

I had a.

[Colum Terrell]

He did it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, but he had three friends that did it to him all the time.

[Colum Terrell]

Send you ret.

[Zach Amico]

You're not going to hurt me, Zach. No, there was a retarded kid. I remember that. These other kids. I have this. All right, so Dan Doherty. Who. I've told plenty of stories about Dan Doherty from the 30. 30 hits of acid story, who I went to Amsterdam with. Dan's. He's. He's a weirdo. Also, Dan was a cutter. Dan used to cut himself. I. Him. Yeah. No, no, no. Dan. Yeah, he. Wait, what? Dude, my ADD is kicking in today. What were you saying?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Did you ever have a retarded friend? You dared?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. So on the bus in the ninth grade, there was. There was a kid that was like, retarded that went to my school. I don't know what type of retard he was.

[Colum Terrell]

We didn't really have polio.

[Zach Amico]

Not a polio.

[Colum Terrell]

Like, cerebral palsy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, he had, like, something that would get him a golden ticket.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, dude, he, like, dragged his leg and he like. Like that.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

[Zach Amico]

That. Which, you know, you rarely see Ms. You don't see him in the wild. It was. I don't know. I never went when I. Honestly, it's because I'm a good person. Whenever you'd hear about these diseases, I'm like, I don't want to hear about that. Like, I don't want to. It makes me feel bad. So I never. I never thought about any of these diseases beyond. It's all the same to me. Whatever retardation is. I don't know if it's mental. Physical accommodation of both.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, you're either normal or you're not.

[Zach Amico]

It wasn't good. This kid wasn't doing good.

[K.P. Burke]

It was the miracle worker.

[Zach Amico]

His name was Chris. And this kid. And we all lived in the same area. We're on the same bus. And there was other kids in my school and they were just. They were like. They were just dicks. And they were goading the retarded kid to pick on Dan Doherty. My. This kid who was my friend. Yeah, this. How far down Dan Doherty was that? These other, like, bullies were like, oh, Chris, like, bully. This other. Just weird kid with long hair.

[Colum Terrell]

Guys, why can't we all just get along?

[Zach Amico]

And he did. Dude. And I remember, like, getting mad and I like. I said some to the other kids.

[Colum Terrell]

Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

And I wasn't even really friends with Dan's already at that time. But it was like. Yeah, it was a weird thing.

[Colum Terrell]

Up for the. Hey.

[Zach Amico]

I was kind of sticking up for the retarded kid. I was like, you guys are. I was like, now this. I was like, dan Dord is gonna punch this retarded kid. They're gonna jump Dan Doherty for punching the retarded kid. It's a whole mess. You guys are just fucking.

[Colum Terrell]

School is great.

[Zach Amico]

You're immoral.

[Colum Terrell]

School was such a fun.

[Zach Amico]

School was wild, dude.

[Colum Terrell]

Like, succession.

[Zach Amico]

That was a real fucking.

[Colum Terrell]

Why don't you make fun of the.

[Zach Amico]

It doesn't even register as a story in my mind. I don't think I've ever told this story on anything. That's how fucked up school was.

[Colum Terrell]

They were like, I'm gonna beat this guy, but we'll. We'll play chess around it.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Guys, there's only eight of us on this tiny bus. This poor retarded kid's gotta come to school with us regulars.

[Zach Amico]

Ah, doggy. I'll tell you.

[Colum Terrell]

I know what you're doing.

[Zach Amico]

What a crazy time school was.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Where that was just like a normal occurrence. That wasn't a particular. That should have been the wildest day of my life.

[Colum Terrell]

I forgot about that kind of. That kind of like the bully who would go over and force someone else to fight.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

And then. And then that guy would be like, I'm not fighting them. He goes, I'm gonna beat you up unless you fight him.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

And then if he beats you, I'll just be him up.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

So it was like just. You were just forced.

[Zach Amico]

You're just.

[Colum Terrell]

They were just gonna let a retarded.

[Zach Amico]

Guy beat you up. Because it's better than getting beat up by three not retarded guys.

[K.P. Burke]

I used to get beat up going.

[Zach Amico]

You have to do them. You got to do the mental math in your head. Be like, all right, what's better to get? Getting beat up with this kid with retard strength or getting jumped by three ninth graders.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't know how I didn't get.

[K.P. Burke]

The dealer's choice on that.

[Colum Terrell]

There's always. There was always more. Little more. Littler. More retarded kids. There was always.

[Zach Amico]

When you fall in the middle, you're not going to get. You'll get a little bullying.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. You get. People come up with slappy every now and again just for the. To let you remind you that you're not one of the big dogs. But I was always able to be like. Like, yeah, he has no dad.

[K.P. Burke]

Well, see, the kid who did that to me, he died of a heroin overdose. And then I just had a wonderful rest of high school.

[Zach Amico]

Died of a heroin overdose in high school.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, yeah, it was great.

[Zach Amico]

Nice.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, yeah, we. We got a letter. I remember. I'll never forget it too was every day after the school, we'd walk back from the bus stop, and this kid would just slap the back of my head the whole way home. I used to run into my back. The backyard of my house and go. In the.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

In all fairness, he was aiming for a vein.

[K.P. Burke]

He probably was. But. Yeah, I remember the day we got the letter from the principal saying so and so. I'll never forget the terminology goes, a student here expired last night. And we're like, dude, that's the meanest way to fucking say it. Yeah, he expired, right? You know, it went bad, like milk. But, yeah, they gave us that. And I just sat there, everybody's crying, and they're like, this is terrible. It happened. I was like, oh, this is the best fucking day of my life. Yeah, it was an early birthday present.

[Zach Amico]

But, yeah, I didn't get bullied. I just wasn't. I was too big to be bullied. Bullied. I wasn't. I mean, granted, there was like, I hung out with a bunch of weirdos.

[Colum Terrell]

You were at the bottom of the totem pole.

[Zach Amico]

I just wasn't. It's. It's the same reason I don't get with. In the street. Like, people just typically look at you. If you're a big dude, they see.

[Colum Terrell]

You in those fingers.

[Zach Amico]

Why would they? Yeah, but it's almost like, what are you gonna do? Like Jorge with fingernails that it had painted? You could find a less of a problem of a guy. And, like, I'm not saying that I'm like, that much of a problem. You're just like, I. You know, like, I would have. Like, I was the kid in high school. I would fight. You know what I'm saying? Like, I. Like, if you talked shit to me, like, that was that. And it wasn't like I was like, you know, this tough kid or like, fucking. But there was kids who would fight, and there was kids who wouldn't. And I think the kids who get picked on are the kids who wouldn't fight. Maybe that's it. Not even so being big. But if you have it in you where it's like, oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna fucking fist fight you if you start talking shit to me. People don't really want to fist fight. People want to fucking. If you want to feel the power, that's that. That's what bullying is. I bullied, of course. Oh, that's why I was the bully.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, I'm realizing no one with you.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. I was the guy who was with everyone else. That's right. No, I didn't really believe. I didn't like, physically bully people. There was like. I was like, girls. I would always get into it with girls and I'd be like, it was. It's always been me, dude.

[Colum Terrell]

It's always been you.

[Zach Amico]

Like, whatever it was. I'm like, yo, this. And I just had a thing with like a chick and I'd hate her and it would make it my thing where she was my mortal enemy for no reason.

[Colum Terrell]

You thought she was cute?

[Zach Amico]

No, she was ugly. There was one Indian girl that I feel. I feel bad about to this day.

[Colum Terrell]

You went to school an Indian.

[Zach Amico]

I used to call her ugly and I feel bad about it.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

What was that movie? Flatliners?

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Wasn't there like a thing where he like, he. Yeah, he bullied the girl when they were kids and then like.

[K.P. Burke]

And she would come after him in the nightmare scene?

[Zach Amico]

I think so. I don't remember flatlines.

[K.P. Burke]

I feel like that's it. Right.

[Zach Amico]

But something happened. But I think about that sometimes. I think about how little I remember from that movie and I'm like, you know what? I bet this relates somehow to me. Well, I think about that whole thing sometimes.

[Colum Terrell]

I wonder if there's people out there that just like them. Meanwhile, they're telling a story going, dad, were you ever bullied? And it goes. This one guy called him Terrell. And I don't even remember meeting the guy. It was like just a nobody in the class. That's all I could. There's probably long term damage on people that I don't even remember because I just thought it was funny to like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think about that for every professional athlete, there must be one dude that that guy gave a real hard time to.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And they're like, him jock. And then they have to watch him just make billions of dollars.

[Colum Terrell]

Sticking to the.

[Zach Amico]

They're just like shitty people. Especially like when it was like growing up in the 80s or 90s where it's like they genuinely did like, up, like it's wild. Like.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The amount of like, like there's just.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Got to be some dude who, like Jon Jones just made his life a living hell.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. Oh, Jon Jones probably used to. Him and his brothers used to probably just run him.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But it was like, I just didn't feel.

[K.P. Burke]

His own family feels that way about Jon Jones, though, too.

[Zach Amico]

You know, it's like, I guess if you're on the end of it, it feels like bullying. But, like, I didn't. Like when I said I'm a bully, I'm, I'm kidding. I, I, I never felt like I was being a bully.

[Colum Terrell]

That's the problem.

[Zach Amico]

In retro, in retrospect, I'm going. I was like, there's definitely, definitely some kids who would go, that was literally my bully. Yeah, but I wasn't. Because I almost.

[Colum Terrell]

Because you weren't beating them up. But you were.

[Zach Amico]

There's a, there's a, there's, there's a. Like, by the way, my edibles kicked in so hard. Like, I felt it 10 minutes ago. Wow, my mouth is falling. Like, I took 200 milligrams of edibles before the show.

[Colum Terrell]

Why did you do it?

[Zach Amico]

And they just kicked in. Well, we have 15 minutes left at the most, so we're good. We're doing great, baby boy. But my mouth is, is. I could feel it. It's wild. What were we talking about?

[Colum Terrell]

Who gives a. Some black got eaten by a dog like 45 minutes ago. Some black. Well, well, why are you so. No, no, don't worry. He don't bite. He don't bite. He.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

In the dog's defense, he thought she was maple syrup.

[Colum Terrell]

Oh, yeah, Some black bitch got eaten by her dog. Anyway, audible's best of 2024 picks are here. Discover the year's top audiobooks, podcasts and.

[Zach Amico]

Originals in all your favorite genres, from.

[Colum Terrell]

Memoirs and sci fi to mysteries and thrillers. Audible's curated list in every category is.

[Zach Amico]

The best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment.

[Colum Terrell]

Like a stunning new full cast production.

[Zach Amico]

Of George Orwell's 1984 heartfelt memoirs. Like Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson's lovely one. The year's best fiction, like the Women by Kristin Hannah and Percival Everett's brilliantly subversive James Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen.

[Colum Terrell]

Go to audible.com imagine and discover all.

[Zach Amico]

The year's best waiting for you. No. What were we just saying? God damn it. Bullying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Bullying.

[Colum Terrell]

And you were bullied.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I was the bully.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

In retrospect, you never beat anybody up.

[Zach Amico]

That's what I'm saying there's, like. There's an inherent, like, sort of fear of being beat up, that it's gonna get physical. I think with bullying. When I. What I always associated with bullying. And that's why I think our generation sees Internet bullying now. Right. Or cyberbullying. And we. We all kind of roll our eyes at that because it was like, you're not getting punched in the head. But I think that's just our experience. I think there's, like, varying levels of it.

[Colum Terrell]

I've kind of changed my mind on this Internet. But bullying, though, you know, like, you know, you know, with a woman and like, the psychological warfare that they can kind of just grind you down. And it's like, sometimes you're just like, wouldn't you rather just have a fist fight with them and get it? You know what I mean?

[K.P. Burke]

Fist fight with a woman.

[Colum Terrell]

Fist fight with a woman. But you can't, because. But they have that, like, psychological.

[K.P. Burke]

Like that Sean Connery thing, man.

[Colum Terrell]

Don't really get abused. But we do get eroded away slowly.

[Zach Amico]

We do years. No, we do some.

[Colum Terrell]

You know, but sometimes a punch in the face is just better. At least it's done. It's over.

[Zach Amico]

Of course.

[Colum Terrell]

I mean, so I think it could be the same with this online bullying.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So of course there's psychological to all that. And I just, you know, I just have a thicker skin because I like, my bullies in my neighborhood would call me the N word and throw rocks at me. It was such a different.

[Colum Terrell]

Imagine if you were black.

[K.P. Burke]

No, there was redlining going on that state.

[Zach Amico]

I lived. I lived in a blind neighborhood.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They were going based on.

[Colum Terrell]

Nailed them with the couple of rocks, you know?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I mean, it was like. It was a different level of bullying. It wasn't like a kid smacking me in the back of the head. These kids would, like, jump me regularly, like, punch me in the head. They would.

[K.P. Burke]

You know what happened to him? You follow up with anybody?

[Zach Amico]

No.

[K.P. Burke]

I told you about the kid I bullied. Right. He shot and killed two women in Houston, Texas, and then killed himself a week later.

[Colum Terrell]

Jesus Christ. What's going on?

[K.P. Burke]

You're just fucking effective.

[Colum Terrell]

All your bullies keep.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, no, these are buddies. They're all terrible people, so just don't make my enemies listen.

[Zach Amico]

A bunch of strange deaths.

[Colum Terrell]

I love your defenses. Just waiting until.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you're like a Clinton.

[K.P. Burke]

That's what it is.

[Colum Terrell]

Shotguns.

[Zach Amico]

KP's always there somehow.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Every time he shot himself in the chest. Well, after he hung himself and then the gun was 30 yards away from him.

[K.P. Burke]

My Kaiser Soze walk away from the crime scene.

[Colum Terrell]

The healthiest jock in all of high school suddenly had a heroin addiction. Evidently he was a lifeguard.

[K.P. Burke]

What happened anyway?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

One life he couldn't guard.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, this is a great story I. That I saw there. There were four people that are being charged with insurance fraud which my insurance came back. Boys, guess what? Guess what? It was my fault. My insurance is going up. Premiums going up.

[Colum Terrell]

What did you do this time?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, nothing. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm done. I'm done. Fucking rear ended somebody like a fucking.

[Colum Terrell]

Is this a new one or the old.

[Zach Amico]

Shut up.

[Colum Terrell]

It's like I can't keep up.

[Zach Amico]

But four people were charged with insurance fraud.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Well, stay slightly in front of Lewis will crash into you.

[Colum Terrell]

And also, doesn't your car have automatic brakes? Doesn't it automatic?

[Zach Amico]

Why can't I sue Audi for the automatic brakes failing over and over and over again?

[Colum Terrell]

You should actually be able to.

[K.P. Burke]

So you got the.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't know what the rule is.

[Zach Amico]

But how here I had my audience pounded.

[K.P. Burke]

Carly tried to help out with that one.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think she did. So anyway, four people were charged with insurance. Ver. When you get into an accident, you think immediately you go through the ways you could fraudulently get away with this. You're going like, is anybody around? Is there somebody. But somebody recognized me that was in the car in front of me. I was like, there's no getting out of this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That man raped me.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Louis. Louis J.

[Colum Terrell]

Go.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they. No, they tweeted at me afterwards. It was crazy. It was crazy.

[Colum Terrell]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

And then, yeah, then I wanted. I didn't want to go through insurance. I was like, can you have the. The driver hit me up and this. I think there's. I think it was like a gypsy cab driver or something. That's what it was. And he just was like, no, no, he didn't want the. I was pissed, dude. So yeah, my insurance is going to go up for sure. But regardless, four people were charged with insurance fraud after using a bear costume to damage their cars.

[K.P. Burke]

Fingers crossed. Orthodox Jews. Orthodox Jews.

[Zach Amico]

This is a whole. This is a group of people.

[Shannon]

Yeah. And they. So they sent in the video I'm about to show you as evidence that it was a bear that was causing the damage.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm pretty. I'm pretty pumped for this.

[Zach Amico]

Have you not seen this? No. This is fucking wild.

[Colum Terrell]

This is like a Halloween costume. It's.

[Zach Amico]

Look at this.

[Colum Terrell]

It's inflated RFKG on your guys.

[Zach Amico]

First of all, the bear opened the door. Oh.

[Colum Terrell]

And then to the car.

[Zach Amico]

Go back to the beginning of it. You see the bear. Use the bear opening the door to the car.

[Colum Terrell]

There's limbs. Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Look at this.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

What did they.

[Zach Amico]

They.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

They left a picnic basket in the back.

[K.P. Burke]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

Look at this, Zach.

[K.P. Burke]

Looks like the scene from the Shining. Right now he's blowing somebody.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

That's hilarious, dude. It's a really funny idea. It's not a good idea, but it's a very funny idea.

[Zach Amico]

What is the insurance scam. I don't understand how you would you even do with it if your car's damage you're paying.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The inside of the car was destroyed. They said it was an act in nature. Maybe they tried to get it replaced. Like maybe the interior.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'm trying to understand even better. So what is. What is the insurance scam? I'm trying to understand that.

[Shannon]

I believe that they were claiming like big damages but didn't like, they just like sent in pictures. So there wasn't the type of damage that they were claiming. And then they sent them the video and they're like, oh, a bear. A bear did this. But there wasn't actually.

[Colum Terrell]

So this is a follow up. And then you can see the bear likes Jordans.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is a bear costume that much more expensive than shoe polish? I can figure out a much easier way to do this video.

[Colum Terrell]

Well, I have a feeling they didn't need the shoe polish, Zach.

[K.P. Burke]

The old Ted Danson.

[Shannon]

This is the damage.

[Zach Amico]

These are just scratches. These are.

[K.P. Burke]

That's right. That's a fro pick. Come on. I know a fro pick when I say what one.

[Colum Terrell]

It's also perfectly in. Yeah. What reckon he had?

[Zach Amico]

That's literally how my car looks every time I take a girl on a date. Nice.

[Colum Terrell]

Do you reckon he had like from.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And your chest and your back under your eyes?

[Zach Amico]

I like that. I. I think it's a side choice. How do they. How do they know this? These are the people. This. They found the costume. Did they get arrested?

[Shannon]

No, no, but they're. They're investigating the fraud yet they haven't. They haven't like completed the charging.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, the insurance companies. I say good for these people for giving it a shot.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. Why not?

[Zach Amico]

Why not? I don't know what the scam is. And Shannon, whatever your version of it isn't what it is, I'm sure. Is there anybody in the race live chat who knows how that would work or why that would be?

[Colum Terrell]

I think they had Scam. I think they had rips in their car and they.

[Zach Amico]

So they essentially. It was already up on the inside. It was an older car.

[Colum Terrell]

They sent in the photos, and they.

[Zach Amico]

Send in the photos to try to get a new interior.

[Colum Terrell]

No know. And then go, okay, so this is it.

[Zach Amico]

And then.

[Colum Terrell]

And then after that, were they doing.

[Zach Amico]

This like door to door? Like, we're gonna get you a new interior for a fraction of the cost. That's crazy.

[K.P. Burke]

Do you have anything for making pulled pork? We're gonna scratch up the. Of this car also.

[Colum Terrell]

Is that what that was? That's a pull pork.

[K.P. Burke]

It looked like. Yeah.

[Shannon]

They found that two. Two of the people involved had done this twice before, Once with a Mercedes.

[Zach Amico]

They got away with it.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

So far a bear attack.

[Shannon]

Yes. Yep. It's all the same thing.

[Zach Amico]

That's hilarious.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't hate it.

[Zach Amico]

I don't hate it either. I have no problem if you're scamming your fucking insured fucking bazillionaire companies that fucking. The amount of money that I pay to insurance already, they're gonna come back to me. They're gonna raise my premiums because I. Because I. Because I keep crashing my car. That's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

James, put on this bear suit and say you were driving.

[Zach Amico]

My car was stolen by a baby bear. Help. Oh, dude, that's wild. I. I don't hate him. I don't hate him for it. Solid scam. You get away, you know, you try to get away with it. You don't. You know, you're not hurting anybody. It's just these big insurance companies that have a ton of cash. You know, we're getting. Yeah, we're getting insurance. Insurance is crazy.

[Colum Terrell]

Do they ever go out of business? Do they ever, like, go on there like this guy?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. It almost feels like, why don't we start our insurance company? It seems like there's no way to fail. Why don't we open a casino? Why don't we open an insurance company? Those are two things that I feel.

[Colum Terrell]

Like we're gonna get in.

[Zach Amico]

We gotta be able to get in.

[Colum Terrell]

Does insurance path. I think there's, like.

[Zach Amico]

There's a path.

[Colum Terrell]

There's insurance. There's law. That you can't just set up your own insurance company or something. I'm pretty positive.

[Zach Amico]

A casino. We gotta. We're gonna be greasing some palms of some Jews. All right.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's a massage parlor.

[Colum Terrell]

Dude.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

The Greasy Palm doggy.

[Zach Amico]

We need.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We need casino insurance.

[Colum Terrell]

Place and breakfast.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Full body massage.

[Colum Terrell]

Breakfast joint.

[Zach Amico]

You Would need for sure to have politicians in your back pocket. Unquestionable.

[Colum Terrell]

The problem is for all of these things. Yeah, but you can't out finance the richer. There's someone above you who's outbride you.

[Zach Amico]

This is the attitude you have. You'll never get a job done.

[Colum Terrell]

This is like, let's do a whip around for ten grand and see if we can.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, what is the can you look up on chat GPT? If I wanted to start my own insurance company in the United States of America. What's the first step here?

[Shannon]

These are, these are all the things that you need to do.

[Zach Amico]

You need to obtain insurance license from your state regulatory body. That's going to be a problem. They're not going to. They're like, you crash your car regularly, you're not going to be an insurance company. I was like, oh, let's do a workaround for me to get free insurance to start my own insurance company.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Develop a comprehensive business plan.

[Zach Amico]

Great.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Gotta do coke again. Analyze potential risk. Identify your target market target.

[Zach Amico]

My sister works there.

[K.P. Burke]

Look at the money though, Louis. You got. It's 50,000 to 500,000 for startup capital.

[Zach Amico]

That's not bad. You're gonna fucking make it all back in these fucking premiums.

[K.P. Burke]

100%, man, easy.

[Zach Amico]

I'm gonna just go for Puerto Ricans with Audis.

[K.P. Burke]

Dude. The East Brooklyn that is like this.

[Zach Amico]

Is the lowest, lowest class human being. They drive the worst. They think they have good ideas. They never do.

[Colum Terrell]

Do you know how fast you'd be like, I'm not paying these Puerto Ricans any.

[Zach Amico]

It's literally every time you see an Audi, it's a dumb Puerto Rican behind the wheel. Of course every. It's crazy.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

It's called insurance.

[Colum Terrell]

My bad.

[Zach Amico]

Like it, let's see. Wexraordinary says if you have 250,000 in savings account, you don't need insurance. You do have to show the state you don't need to have insurance if you have 250k in savings for your car. Really?

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. But then you're just paying off all of the damages. Is that better?

[Zach Amico]

New document for you to review. What is that for my insurance? Literally as we're talking about it, dude, there's such bullshit.

[Colum Terrell]

I hope it's outrageous. I hope it's like Gas Digital is about to go on there because of the cost of this. Did they give you a price?

[K.P. Burke]

That was totaled once.

[Colum Terrell]

Did they just hit you a price?

[Zach Amico]

No, I don't know. I can't, I can't log in right Now I can't think about it. But it's fine. I have a plan. I have a backup plan. No.

[Colum Terrell]

This is gonna be terrible.

[Zach Amico]

Guys.

[Colum Terrell]

James, I bought you a card. Llc. James. Baby James llc. It's a company expense.

[K.P. Burke]

Baby James Insurance.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, poor, poor Aunt Anne Marie.

[Colum Terrell]

James, sign this for me.

[Zach Amico]

James.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Poor Amber is going to drop. Dad. You're going to put her in the driver's seat every time you park.

[Zach Amico]

Like we can at Bernie's. Welcome to James's driving school. It's the real work right here. You understand the insurance. You're going to say his driving school. Yeah, no, I have some ideas. I have some plans.

[Colum Terrell]

I think this is good. Yeah, I'd look my insurance. Float one now. Here.

[Zach Amico]

I promise you. I promise you.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

It will go down.

[Colum Terrell]

I'm sure it will. I'm sure you're going to do something terribly illegal.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Colum Terrell]

And there's going to be no.

[Zach Amico]

Completely within the. The restraints of the law.

[Colum Terrell]

Are you pretending to be trans or something?

[Zach Amico]

No. You'll see.

[Colum Terrell]

Women get cheaper insurance.

[Zach Amico]

I'm not going to talk anymore, folks. We're going to. We're going to edit this whole session.

[Colum Terrell]

Real ass dude. Of you.

[Zach Amico]

You. Well, it's no longer the real last podcast. Lewis and Zach.

[Colum Terrell]

Not very Lewis and Zach of you.

[Zach Amico]

It's very Lewis and Zach. Lewis and Zachary. Exactly. All right, let's see one more story. I got time here. I'm gonna do the regs after this, but I got. We're not starting till 2:15, so I got time. I'm good, boys. Just chilling on a Wednesday. Wednesday. Lewis and Zach in the mornings on a Wednesday. Which one will? All right, Shannon, I like this. Kids are now conversing with an AI powered Santa Claus over the phone. Is this creepy? Is this weird for your kids to talk to AI? AI doesn't get no weird thoughts. Right. I have no problem with it. There was a history every, every man will have. What do they call them? Intrusive thoughts.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Right. You know, who knows how many Santa Claus a kid sits on their lap at least two, three times a year. I went. Almost every Santa goes, yo, I'd this kid get out of my head. I get crazy thoughts.

[Colum Terrell]

What happened to me is like whatever you do, do not think about these kids.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Oh, no.

[Colum Terrell]

This is exactly what I said.

[Zach Amico]

It's not good, dude. It's not good. So. And you're. You're risking that every time your child sits on the lap. My. My. My son. My son's mother was going to bring my Son to Macy's this year. We told him last year that Santa's not real cuz he was going to middle school. We're like, we can't have you in middle school.

[Colum Terrell]

James has like a mustache at the.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he's. He's huge.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, yeah. He's taller than you. He has a mustache.

[Zach Amico]

And she was like, let's take a break. I was like, he's not sitting on a man's lap.

[Colum Terrell]

No, you can't do that.

[Zach Amico]

He's five foot six.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I brought him to another Jiu Jitsu school because his Jiu Jitsu school has like limited classes. There's only three a week. And I was like, let's try another one. See what it's like. There was one school that has six classes a week. It's a very accredited. It's like the, the school that like a lot of people talk about. And James went in and bodied these kids.

[Colum Terrell]

Oh yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Just. There was one kid that was like in his school like asking for birth.

[K.P. Burke]

Certificates yet like you're fraudulent like the Little League World Series.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I was like, this is 17 years old. No, dude, he just.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

He is fighting in the bear division, dude.

[Zach Amico]

His Jiu Jitsu is like legitimately really good. And he just, he just had it in. He was a little competitive. He was like this new kid, he wants like shut. And he just was. It was. I'm so proud. He's just really good now. I don't want to change that school because the school's so good and these kids were soft.

[Colum Terrell]

It's like James, you tell your now.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

James is not with him.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

James could be teaching classes.

[Zach Amico]

No, he's good. He's good. But we'll see. We're. I'm taking to the advanced class on Friday and we'll see where. We'll see where he goes. But it was great. There was a kid from his school that was in the class too and they matched them together and I just watched James go like, oh, I'm going to make sure you go back to school and tell the story about everyone know who the I am. Cuz James is a sweet little kid who probably everyone calls gay. So he's not like. Nobody's looking him as like a tough kid. He's just like, he does like musical theater and he's got. He likes boys. He also likes boys. So. Yeah, besides that. No.

[K.P. Burke]

Wears nail polish.

[Zach Amico]

No. Hey, hey, bro. First of all, that's, that's cool to these new kids. I like that these young kids is very cool. Too.

[K.P. Burke]

You could be this, you know, generations. Marilyn Manson.

[Zach Amico]

I could be. I'm evil. No, I'm telling you, I'm not.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I don't think I'm spending enough time sucking your own thing.

[Colum Terrell]

Horrible allegations will come out.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, well, you know, I'm proud of him. I'm excited to see where it goes. Are you gonna have kids? Colin? With your chick?

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

This is for like an anchor situation or. I don't know what your immigration status is. I'm not even picking on you.

[Colum Terrell]

Shut the up.

[K.P. Burke]

See, I know it.

[Colum Terrell]

And finally chime in. Now with the fucking. It's an hour. 20 minutes in.

[K.P. Burke]

In.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, I'm gonna have a couple of kids. I have no money.

[Zach Amico]

Have you started yet?

[Colum Terrell]

No. We're gonna get married. We're getting married in the summer and then we're gonna.

[Zach Amico]

Don't do it on July 12th weekend. Dude.

[Colum Terrell]

Don't do what?

[Zach Amico]

Get married.

[Colum Terrell]

Why?

[Zach Amico]

Because it's my special.

[Colum Terrell]

It's your special. It's not.

[K.P. Burke]

It's not.

[Colum Terrell]

I told you, I text you the date.

[Zach Amico]

You didn't text me the date. You texted me. Give me your address.

[Colum Terrell]

No, I've already told you the.

[Zach Amico]

Save the date. What's the date?

[Colum Terrell]

I'm not saying to these animals.

[Zach Amico]

Why? What are they gonna do?

[Colum Terrell]

The dates.

[Zach Amico]

What are they gonna do with the date?

[Colum Terrell]

Who knows? I don't want them knowing that. Me. It's August 9th, July 12th.

[Zach Amico]

What is text. Do you text me the date?

[Colum Terrell]

I told. I'm pretty sure I told. Who books your road dates? Christine. One of those. I told them. I said, don't let Lewis book his day.

[Zach Amico]

Let me see. Come. Just tell me the. Just text me right now the date so I see it.

[Colum Terrell]

No, I'll text you after the show.

[Zach Amico]

I want to know. No, I'm not gonna say. You think I'm just gonna say it. I got it right here.

[Colum Terrell]

Do you have it?

[Zach Amico]

And I have the town. I'll give it all you can do.

[Colum Terrell]

You have it? Really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

What's the town start with? What letter?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Lewis me wedding is. Day is Friday.

[Colum Terrell]

You got it?

[Zach Amico]

N H, Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, Harry. N. Yeah, that's it. You got it. How did you find it?

[Zach Amico]

I just scrolled. Because I barely ever respond to you. I said I do two little thumb scrolls and it was right there.

[Colum Terrell]

Lucy best is like. Yeah, yeah, I'll send it to you right now. Okay. Please send that to me.

[Zach Amico]

Sure.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry. I'm hungry, dude. Oh, you know what, Shannon? Do me a favor because I got a little bit of time to kill here. And we're just gonna keep the show going. Doing a long show today for the boys.

[Colum Terrell]

24 hour stream. Let's go.

[Zach Amico]

I'm down. We'll.

[Colum Terrell]

Someone comes in.

[Zach Amico]

We should. We should do like a year end super stream where we just roll for like a full day. Guests come in, rotate. Shannon. Shannon, how do you feel about this? Instead of the. The Assy Awards, we'll do a. It'll be a best of. It'll be a clip show. We could watch clips. We could talk shit with fucking people. We could do call ins.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Columns.

[Colum Terrell]

Columns.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, we'll do some columns. Zach, would you do this with me? Yeah, of course.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I've wanted to do an overnight one.

[Zach Amico]

We'll do. We'll do a 24 hour real ass stream.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah, because then we could play like two best of episodes and sleep for a little.

[Zach Amico]

No, we'll just take Somebody take over. No, we got to keep. You got to keep it going.

[Colum Terrell]

No sleeping. It's a. It's the whole point.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Oh, it's a telethon.

[Colum Terrell]

It's a tele.

[K.P. Burke]

Mystery science.

[Zach Amico]

We could. We can. What if we get. Is there a way to get donations throughout the telethon and make it financially worth my while?

[Colum Terrell]

For sure.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Yeah. We do do YouTube. Super chat, right?

[Zach Amico]

We can do something like. Yeah, but we're not gonna do YouTube. It's gonna be gas Digital.

[Colum Terrell]

Well, you need to.

[Zach Amico]

We do have a super chat.

[Colum Terrell]

You need to ask this question, Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Don'T we have a super chat on gas Digital?

[Shannon]

I think that there was.

[Colum Terrell]

That's not a question, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Oh, Francis is in the chat. I'm sure he's gonna answer here.

[Zach Amico]

Frank, do we have. Can people donate in the chat? Frank.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Frank's the best.

[Colum Terrell]

Frank.

[Zach Amico]

Frank's the man, dude. Bro. Bro.

[Colum Terrell]

Who's Frank with the big loopy earrings? Who the is Frank?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Frank? Frank's my producer. Frank's a sweet boy.

[Zach Amico]

Frank's the man. Let's see. No, there's no way to give donations. So we. There's a way to have them donate to us throughout the entire. And then we'll donate. We'll donate a portion of charity.

[Colum Terrell]

That's how you get them. That's a tax write off, Dan. The whole thing's a tax write off.

[Zach Amico]

Not the whole thing. Whatever you donate.

[Colum Terrell]

Something kind of works. I don't know how it works.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, tax write off.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't really know.

[Zach Amico]

People think tax write off are a big. And that doesn't mean much at the end of the day.

[Colum Terrell]

Putting a Lot of stuff on my expenses this year.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, here we go.

[Colum Terrell]

I'm afraid ask you a question. I'll go. I took a couple of photos.

[Zach Amico]

I always. I always underestimate. So then I. If they ever do come at me, they owe me money. It's my. My thing. I was like, if they ever come at me, they're going to have to pay me. Them.

[K.P. Burke]

How many LLCs you got a decent amount. Okay. Is it more than six?

[Zach Amico]

No.

[K.P. Burke]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Why?

[K.P. Burke]

No, I was curious because that's a weird way that you kind of spread the money around a little bit. They'll never find you if you have too many.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that's not why I have that many. I have all the. They're not shell corporations. You.

[K.P. Burke]

Hunter Biden told me everybody from Jersey.

[Zach Amico]

Has these crazy ideas. Psychotic.

[Colum Terrell]

Everybody from Jersey, New York. But that, like, they're all like, a little dumb.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's like, no, I have a production company and then we have. We have Gas Digital and we have. You know, I. Me, as a comedian, I have an llc.

[Colum Terrell]

You're like, d them out to like, front the business here or something. You know, you're telling how to smuggle bitcoin into a. Yeah, no, no, no, I'm not.

[Zach Amico]

That's not. I'm not spreading the money around. I have. You know, you have different LLCs because.

[Colum Terrell]

You need Chinese oligarch.

[Zach Amico]

You need. Because if somebody breaks their leg at Gas Digital as they're coming in here, they can't sue me personally.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You know, or if one of the.

[Colum Terrell]

Juicers gets sexually assaulted.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. The contract. If I rape Shannon, she could only see Ralph and his brother. It's pretty incredible. Pretty sweet.

[Colum Terrell]

Speaking of rapers, their gains. That was a little callback to the.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, can you send Karen to grab me a sandwich as we're ending this show? We got a little time here.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, Karen.

[Zach Amico]

We take some calls. How about that? We haven't done calls in a hot minute. Oh, we never did the fucking Santa AI. Shannon, you stupid fucking.

[Shannon]

What are you talking about? Blake, what kind of sandwich do you want?

[Colum Terrell]

Keto, nice wrap, nice grill.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Number one.

[Zach Amico]

Salt, pepper.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Catch up. Green green wrap.

[Colum Terrell]

Grilled chicken wrap. Jalapenos, tomatoes, avocado. Flying. That's good. That's a keto.

[Zach Amico]

Let me get. Yeah, the bacon, egg and cheese. Salt, pepper, ketchup on the wrap. The spinach. Spinach wrap. Thank you. Thank you.

[K.P. Burke]

So did Santa AI do something bad? That's what I'm like.

[Zach Amico]

Let's see. Runaway slob in the race. Live chat says Lewis are bringing four people to the creek and cave show you for your stupid spic request. Thank you, Slav. Real ass dude. You can keep on calling me names. If you guys are bringing people, you bring in five friends to your my shows. You can call me whatever you want. I don't care. Abuse me, baby. Boys. That's it. Shannon, what happened with this Santa Claus? What's going on with this?

[Shannon]

So it's just a new thing that's available. They're offering it for 9.95 for a one time call. 14.95 and they'll send you a recording. The kid gets to discuss. They get to have a conversation with Santa for five minutes.

[Zach Amico]

What if this thing glitches out? You just ruin all the magic of Santa. We're putting a lot of faith into Nvidia or whatever company runs off doing a Jeffrey too.

[K.P. Burke]

Been jerking off on the live stream.

[Colum Terrell]

Too much stuff.

[Zach Amico]

What if Santa up to the second like what if. Because this happens very often. I'll talk to chat GPT because I get lonely and sometimes I just want to run some ideas by them and I want to riff and see, you know.

[Colum Terrell]

Did you see the history yes ending.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I'm sitting in the passenger seat pretending to be asleep dog.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I do. I. I talk to chapter GBG more often than not. And I will say they misunderstand me very often and not just like emotionally and like spiritually. I'm talking about they. They don't understand the words that I use. So Santa Claus unquestionably is going to misunderstand one of these kids. Kids. And the kid's gonna go this is AI.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Especially one of these mushmouth little morons that don't know how to say spaghetti.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

How are they gonna ask for anything?

[Zach Amico]

Exactly.

[Colum Terrell]

Just doesn't.

[Zach Amico]

Why.

[Colum Terrell]

Why even bother? Just tell your kids you can't talk to Santa.

[Zach Amico]

By the way, it's calm again. I'm calling call him. I don't believe in anything. Just. Just tell your kids saying it's not real. Let's move on. All right, next subject.

[Colum Terrell]

Have we done any subject? We've been here for two hours.

[Zach Amico]

They were crushing it. This would be one of the best shows that anybody's ever heard. Lewis and Zach show. Lewis and Zach shows. Doggy people love this new Lewis and Zach show. On another level.

[Colum Terrell]

Dude, that's not what they're saying in the chat.

[Zach Amico]

Hold on. Well, baby James, I mean that's the cutest little dad in the world. So.

[Shannon]

By the way, this Santa Claus, you send it in all the kids wish list and information about the kid beforehand.

[Zach Amico]

So it's magical. You're manipulating the child. Wild. Love it.

[Colum Terrell]

But that's also deep seated information. So 20 years from now, they'll be able to play on your little children's.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, and then there's gonna be like, dude, the algorithms are gonna get crazy. You're gonna be able to be able to put like all your things that your kids likes. Like, all right, he likes fire trucks, he likes the Ninja Turtles. His favorite TV shows, Powerpuff Girls. That's my son.

[Colum Terrell]

He likes tutus and dances.

[Zach Amico]

And then it's his. His mom is a fucking lawyer, his dad's a fucking school teacher. And they're gonna be able to put into an algorithm and then they're gonna be able to future crime him. Like, this kid's gonna be a rapist one day. Lock him up now. Minority Report to put a bullet in this fucking kid's head. AI is going there.

[Colum Terrell]

Menthols, Kool Aid. Lock them up, lock them up. Dress up as a beard.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, technically, aren't they gonna be able to do that one? Are the algorithms gonna get so crazy that they're gonna be able to compute all this? And you'd be like, you're 98% likely to commit a murder or fucking some crazy shit. If they hit 100, they could fucking murder. They fucking drill this little kid's head.

[Colum Terrell]

But surely does obviously then they can counteract it by putting in different situations to.

[Zach Amico]

They're not going to do that. And don't call me Shirley. That's my joke.

[Colum Terrell]

Did you just come up there?

[Zach Amico]

Truth? Please. I came up with that just now.

[Colum Terrell]

Police Academy.

[Zach Amico]

My. My battery's low. Jorge, I understand that. I never brought another charger in, but. Jorge, I also said that this would use any charger. A good producer would just make sure that the charger was had.

[Colum Terrell]

That's true.

[K.P. Burke]

I'm still terrified about AI Santa though. Like so you can just pre program it.

[Colum Terrell]

What's the kid even saying to Santa like, yo, what's. What's the weather like in the.

[K.P. Burke]

How quickly could we like.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, little kids are selfish. They're just telling them what they want.

[Colum Terrell]

That's all it is, is. No, write out a letter, shove it up the chimney. That's tradition. That's the end of it.

[Zach Amico]

Nobody shoves a letter.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, that's how they send the mail in Ireland.

[Zach Amico]

It's not tradition.

[Colum Terrell]

They don't do that.

[Zach Amico]

No, that's not a thing.

[Colum Terrell]

That's not how you do it here. Yeah. Americans.

[Zach Amico]

What do they do? They do milk and cookies for Santa in Ireland.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. I think they.

[Zach Amico]

Shitty Irish cookies.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't think they did that.

[Zach Amico]

There's no, there's not.

[Colum Terrell]

They actually did whiskey and carrots.

[Zach Amico]

I think whiskey and carrots.

[Colum Terrell]

Carrots was for Rudolph.

[Zach Amico]

And then Santa was to get hammer hard.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. But then they. Then they started saying it's not okay to let him drink and drive. The PC police.

[Zach Amico]

The PC police. But is it Who. There's nobody up there. Well, who's he gonna crash into?

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You gotta leave him a glass of whiskey and a pack of frozen peas for Mrs. Claus's eye.

[Zach Amico]

But I mean, it's also like, how much is Santa really steering the reindeer and how much is the Rainier deal?

[Colum Terrell]

Man, It's. This is a conversation. You're gonna have a seven year old just.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I bet, you know, I bet he is steering the reindeer. Because if you have like a horse and carriage, you're going, yeah, yeah. And you got to do this to turn this way. This to turn this way.

[Colum Terrell]

Diving them.

[Zach Amico]

Pull it back. Do that. Yeah.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Is it illegal to ride a horse drunk?

[Zach Amico]

Guaranteed it is not in Ireland.

[Colum Terrell]

Maybe on the road.

[Zach Amico]

I guarantee it's jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

[Colum Terrell]

Horse riding drunk.

[Zach Amico]

I. There's places where it's legal. Is.

[Colum Terrell]

There's no way you Montana or something though anyone's even stopping you from getting.

[Zach Amico]

No, I'm not saying like that's. They're not. They're not.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

Can you have an open container on a horse?

[Colum Terrell]

You got to be. That's crazy in this country. That's. It'd be crazy not to be allowed to.

[Zach Amico]

It's the most American thing you can do.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah, I want to do it. I want to do it right now, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I want to go ride a horse and crack a beer. Like that sounds incredible.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. And shoot a gun in the air, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Let's go. You spook the horse, you. You crack your skull on the dude for sure. Have you ever ridden horses?

[Colum Terrell]

Never.

[Zach Amico]

Handling horse while drinking will get you a DUI ticket or worse.

[K.P. Burke]

Worse in what state?

[Zach Amico]

Worse. In some states they falsely accuse you of race. Pennsylvania animal endangerment.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

You may have to turn your horse over.

[K.P. Burke]

That's right.

[Colum Terrell]

Hand in your horse.

[K.P. Burke]

Got a horse right next to an Audi and lockup right there, man.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think that Santa has a spell on the horses or whatever they are. The reindeer. He. Once he sets like set it. Forget it, baby boy. He goes, we're going out. We got a mission.

[Colum Terrell]

I think it's a Team. It's a team.

[Zach Amico]

And he gets hammered and just has fun. Fun.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah. I think it's fun. I think it's more like, you know, like when they're rolling and the guy has the little thing, he's like, what? Bro.

[Zach Amico]

Bro. I think Susanna's doing. That's got a breathalyzer. Any credit for. For jokes that I'm doing today?

[Colum Terrell]

That's true. But the people at home were giggling.

[Zach Amico]

They loved it.

[Colum Terrell]

Someone. Someone at home smiled.

[Zach Amico]

This sandwich is coming, and we're gonna wrap this show as soon as it goes.

[Colum Terrell]

Did I get a sandwich or no?

[Zach Amico]

I'll give you half my sandwich.

[Colum Terrell]

I don't.

[Zach Amico]

If you're really hungry.

[Colum Terrell]

No, you can enjoy.

[Zach Amico]

I'm coming to your wedding. Can't wait. Are you on June?

[K.P. Burke]

You get married on Juneteenth. That's the move.

[Zach Amico]

June Friday.

[Colum Terrell]

This.

[Zach Amico]

In me no one cares column. Nobody cares.

[Colum Terrell]

Some constant.

[Zach Amico]

Nobody. No, don't come up to Colum's wedding. If. By the way. By the way, we should. You know what? Maybe. Holy Shannon.

[Colum Terrell]

What?

[Zach Amico]

Shannon. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

[Shannon]

I. I am. Can I say it first?

[Zach Amico]

Let's see if Shannon says it.

[Colum Terrell]

Say at the same time like we just did mine. Melt.

[Zach Amico]

We get my melt. Shannon.

[Colum Terrell]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

One word.

[Shannon]

Right? One word. Ready?

[Colum Terrell]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. Three, two, one. Contest. Maybe we do another contest for you.

[Colum Terrell]

To bring a chick.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

We did this with Maddie Jester Skull's wedding. I brought my date. She won it. She was a real ass podcast fan. Shout out to Ivanka. Very cool, very sweet. But, Shannon, do we do another cunt test to bring the column trolls wedding?

[Colum Terrell]

Sure, why not?

[Shannon]

I like it.

[Zach Amico]

This is great. I think this is gonna be another bit we do. This is great. You get to go to the.

[Colum Terrell]

Can I.

[Zach Amico]

Just. The amount of comics. It's gonna be like a mini skank fest at Colin Charles wedding.

[Colum Terrell]

Sure.

[Zach Amico]

This is a big fucking deal for one like Maddie Jester Skulls. There was nobody there. No offense. We love Maddie. He's fucking great. But who was like. I was the fucking biggest person at. Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Right, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Yes. Yeah. Of like Gas Digital. It was like, me, you, Ralph.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, imagine that. You got to hang out with me and Ralph for the weekend. Oh, that poor girl. This is gonna be a big one. Who's the biggest comic that's gonna be coming?

[Colum Terrell]

John Mulaney.

[Zach Amico]

No, stop. Who's the biggest comic that you invited? Really?

[Colum Terrell]

I think Big J.

[Zach Amico]

Is he gonna come?

[Colum Terrell]

He's ordaining. He's a. He's gonna Be my priest.

[Zach Amico]

So that'll be with his pink nails.

[Colum Terrell]

That's the thing. I might have to have a word.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

We do have a word for that.

[Zach Amico]

Your father is gonna fight Big J.

[Colum Terrell]

It would be funny to see everyone.

[Zach Amico]

Is your father and mother coming?

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Wow. Yeah. That's incredible. I'm excited. It's gonna be a blast.

[Colum Terrell]

All my family from Ireland, they've never been here before.

[Zach Amico]

We're gonna figure out another contest.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

I think you should bring Shannon. Shannon has to give it up.

[Colum Terrell]

Can I just say, though, just the hotness. Sure. Well, we can have one that's not working there. The hotness of the chick is the. Is the.

[Zach Amico]

Is the best kind of the barometer.

[Colum Terrell]

Just as.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Colum Terrell]

It's my wedding, so.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

No, he's going based off personality.

[Colum Terrell]

I know. I'm just saying that's the biggest of the categories.

[Zach Amico]

No, obviously she's got to be hot, but, like, it's also there is that Trump's everything else. Well, the problem is, like, the fans want to see a mess. They want to see some slob show up and ruin your wedding.

[Colum Terrell]

That's true.

[Zach Amico]

I won't let that happen. You're my friend and they. I feel like she has to be a broad. Is going to be a good date to the wedding.

[Colum Terrell]

Of course.

[Zach Amico]

That's the most important thing. Somebody's going to, you know, be personable, maybe dumb as.

[Colum Terrell]

Just giggle.

[Zach Amico]

Just dumb.

[Colum Terrell]

Just giggles.

[Zach Amico]

Hot. Willing to suck Colum's behind his wife's back.

[Colum Terrell]

Before the wedding. Before I say I deal. One. One for the road.

[Zach Amico]

We're going to. We're going to wrap it. We're going to wrap it, boys. Fun show. Always a fun show. Love column. Support everything he does. Love kp. Support everything he does. Go buy his book, you scumbag. You really made me feel like it was gifts. It was a very.

[K.P. Burke]

Not for nothing. You played with the lighter the whole time. It's a fidget spinner.

[Zach Amico]

Look, I'm going to burn the card with the lighter that you gave me and just keep the lighter.

[Colum Terrell]

That's what illusion come. We can. We do. We can. We do a Legion of skanks bachelor party episode.

[Zach Amico]

I literally love that.

[Colum Terrell]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Problem is Dave's gonna.

[Colum Terrell]

Dave.

[Zach Amico]

We'll do it when Dave's on. Like, Trump's like. He's having a meeting with the president.

[Colum Terrell]

Him and Tim Pool are discussing kids.

[Zach Amico]

Whatever. We'll do when Dave's out there because D like, I love Dave and. But it's not a knock on Dave because he's married.

[Lewis J. Gomez]

And he's got a Christian.

[Zach Amico]

He's got a do. He's not. He's not a Christian. He's. He's got a daughter and he's got a. He's married and his wife. Wife.

[Colum Terrell]

So he's not allowed to do coke and motorboat a stripper.

[Zach Amico]

He's not. He's not going to be his.

[Colum Terrell]

Where does it say that in the Bible?

[Zach Amico]

He's going to put the kibosh on doing it as hard as the legion of skanks would do it.

[K.P. Burke]

Jewish Kai.

[Zach Amico]

So I would k. Bash. All right, we're done. The best. Good night. Thank you.