0021. Luis J. Gomez and Mike Cannon

Summary

Podcast Summary: Zac Amico's Morning Zoo - Episode 0021 featuring Luis J. Gomez and Mike Cannon

Release Date: June 27, 2025

---

1. Introduction and Host Reunion (02:00 - 03:00)

The episode kicks off with Zac Amico warmly welcoming his guests, Mike Cannon and Luis J. Gomez, marking a special reunion. Zac expresses his excitement about having Mike back on the show, emphasizing their camaraderie and shared history in various comedic ventures.

• Zac Amico: "It's your other boy, the international superstar Zac Amico... It's an absolute pleasure to have Mike Cannon here today."

2. Upcoming Projects and Promotions (02:50 - 04:00)

Mike and Luis take the opportunity to promote their respective projects. Mike highlights his podcast, Beautiful Boys with Andy Haynes, and announces upcoming live shows in Austin, Texas. Luis shares details about his live performances across multiple cities and his upcoming comedy special in Tampa.

• Mike Cannon: "Check out my podcast, Beautiful Boys with Andy Haynes... I'm performing live in Austin on July 18th and 19th."

• Luis J. Gomez: "I've got a few dates before my next special airs in Tampa on July 12th... Visit louisofskangs.com for more information."

Zac also announces his own tour across the South and a collaboration with Insane Clown Posse for a pay-per-view event in August, featuring headliners Immortal Technique and Tech N9ne.

3. Hot Air Balloon Accident Discussion (07:00 - 12:00)

The trio delves into a recent viral video depicting a hot air balloon accident in Brazil. They debate the outcome, initially speculating that all passengers might have perished. However, Shannon reveals updated information stating that 13 out of 21 passengers survived, sparking a discussion on the safety and technology of hot air balloons.

• Luis J. Gomez: "I don't think they survived... but recent reports say 13 people lived."

• Zac Amico: "I feel like it was an antiquated piece of technology that shouldn't be used anymore."

4. "Murder Dogs" Segment (18:14 - 22:00)

In the popular Murder Dogs segment, the hosts review and react to various videos of dogs attacking humans. They share personal anecdotes and opinions on handling such situations, often humorously debating the appropriateness and effectiveness of different responses to dog attacks.

• Luis J. Gomez: "Keep your dog on a leash. I mean, Jesus Christ."

• Mike Cannon: "When facing multiple dogs, sometimes it feels like taking the law into your own hands."

5. "Top Girl" Contest (34:00 - 44:00)

The Top Girl segment involves the hosts and Shannon evaluating and debating the attractiveness of various women featured in submitted photos. They discuss physical attributes, often in a humorous and candid manner, though at times crossing into insensitive commentary.

• Shannon: "Sophia Hayes has a lot of Hooters vibes... She's so pretty."

• Luis J. Gomez: "I wish she was on the hot air balloon. Lighting her up would be something."

6. News Segment: Chef Amber L.'s Death (48:00 - 51:00)

The hosts address the tragic news of Chef Amber L., a former Food Network star, passing away at 55. Initially believed to be due to cancer, reports suggest a possible drug overdose after discovering a pile of pills beside her body. The discussion touches on the pressures faced by public figures and the stigma surrounding mental health and substance abuse.

• Shannon: "Chef Amber L. was found unresponsive in the shower, surrounded by pills. Authorities are investigating a possible overdose."

7. Additional Discussions and Personal Stories (51:00 - 69:00)

The conversation shifts to various topics, including childhood memories of school field days, classic games like kick the can and dodgeball, and personal anecdotes from the hosts' past jobs. They reminisce about high school experiences, corporate work environments, and the evolution of workplace policies.

• Mike Cannon: "When I worked at Taco Bell, there was no strict hierarchy. It was all about the team."

• Luis J. Gomez: "Folding T-shirts was the worst part of my job at Hot Topic."

8. Final News Update: Lion in South African Grocery Store (68:00 - 69:50)

In the closing news segment, the hosts discuss an unusual incident where a wild lion wandered into a grocery store in South Africa. Fortunately, no one was harmed, but the event served as a stark reminder of wildlife encroaching into human spaces.

• Zac Amico: "A wild lion entered a grocery in South Africa, leaving shoppers stunned and scrambling."

• Mike Cannon: "Imagine encountering a lion in your local store. That's a surreal situation."

9. Conclusion and Farewells (72:00 - 73:11)

Zac wraps up the episode by thanking his guests, Mike and Luis, and reminding listeners about upcoming exclusive episodes available to subscribers. He encourages fans to join the crew and stay tuned for future shows.

• Zac Amico: "Thank you so much for tuning in. We have two more exclusive episodes this week for our subscribers. See you next Wednesday on the Morning Zoo!"

---

Notable Quotes

• [02:24] Luis J. Gomez: "We have Dante Nero here with us. It's going to be a great day."

• [05:05] Zac Amico: "Just because of the Brazil part of the footage."

• [38:29] Shannon: "She's so pretty."

• [46:56] Luis J. Gomez: "I'm just letting you know how I like it."

• [50:08] Mike Cannon: "Did they understand, though, that you didn't like that you..."

---

Key Insights and Themes

• Comedy and Camaraderie: The episode highlights the strong bond between the hosts and their guests, using humor to navigate through various topics.

• Balancing Promotions and Content: While the show features numerous promotional segments, the hosts seamlessly integrate them into the conversation without disrupting the flow.

• Engagement with Current Events: The podcast remains topical by discussing viral news stories and trending segments, keeping the content relevant and engaging for listeners.

• Controversial Humor: The hosts employ edgy and sometimes offensive humor, which is characteristic of their "unchained" style, aiming to entertain a diverse audience.

---

Note: This summary aims to capture the essence and key points of the podcast episode while adhering to respectful language and avoiding the propagation of offensive remarks made during the show.

Transcript

[Zach Amico]

Hi, Zoe Saldana. Welcome to T Mobile.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Here's your new iPhone 16 Pro on us. Thanks. And here's my old phone to trade in. You don't need to trade in.

[Mike Cannon]

When you switch to T Mobile, we'll.

[Zach Amico]

Give you a new iPhone 16 Pro. Plus we'll help you pay off your old phone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Up to 800 bucks and you still get to keep it. There's always a trade in.

[Mike Cannon]

Not right now.

[Zach Amico]

At T Mobile.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I feel like I have to give you something in return for karma. That's okay. I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Seriously.

[Shannon]

Let me check this pocket.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, mints.

[Zach Amico]

Really, I'm fine.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I have raisins.

[Zach Amico]

I'm a mom.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, wait one sec. I've got cupcakes in the car.

[Mike Cannon]

It's our best iPhone offer ever.

[Zach Amico]

Switch to T Mobile.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Get a new iPhone 16 Pro with Apple intelligence on us.

[Mike Cannon]

No trade in needed. We'll even pay off your Phone up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

To 800 bucks with 24 monthly bill credits.

[Zach Amico]

New line, 100 plus a month on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Experience beyond Finance Agreement 999.99 and qualifying.

[Zach Amico]

Ported for well qualified.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Plus tax and $10 connection charge. Payout via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days credits end and balance due if you pay off early or cancel c mobile.com.

[Zach Amico]

Fill her up.

[Mike Cannon]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Zach Amico]

Wake up, it's time to go Zack.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And go got a show Animals are here to play jokes against you Start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some.

[Zach Amico]

Beef Laughter's waiting don't be shy Stretch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Your legs and touch the sky Grab a coff and join the crew It's a miko morning zoo.

[Zach Amico]

Well, good morning. Good morning, good morning, good morning. It's a Monday here on the morning Zoo. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zak Amico. And across the table from me, wowza. Wowza, Wowza. It's the one you guys have been waiting for. So excited for this reunion. Thank you so much for being here. Mike Cannon. What's up, buddy? How you doing, brother?

[Mike Cannon]

I'm excellent. How are you?

[Zach Amico]

Thank you so much for being here. And across the table from me. You guys know him from Legion of Skank, Story wars and the Regs. He is my absolute brother, and I love him to death. It's Luis J. Gomez.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you so much. My nigga.

[Zach Amico]

How you doing, buddy?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm so happy to be back.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man, look at this zoo.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's so wild. It's so wacky. There's fucking shit flying around my head. Put these headphones on over here.

[Zach Amico]

Hold on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Put them on my head.

[Zach Amico]

It's a fun, silly vibe here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a fun, silly vibe. We got monkey on the table.

[Zach Amico]

We have Dante Nero here with us. It's going to be a great day. Let's get plugs out of the way right away, Mr. Cannon. What do you want people to check out?

[Mike Cannon]

Check out my podcast, Beautiful Boys with Andy Haynes. And then I'm going to be in Austin, Texas at the Creek in the Cave July 18th and the 19th doing four shows. Brand new hours. So new material you haven't seen yet. Come on out, please, for the Love of God. Mikecadencomedy.com Fantastic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Lewis just being a real ass dude, you know. What the fuck's up, baby boy? Come see me live. Got a few dates before I film my next special in Tampa on July 12th. That's sold out. But you can still come see the Thursday Friday show, which there's plenty of tickets for. This weekend I'll be in Baton Rouge, Long Beach, Mississippi, Mobile, Alabama. Then I got at Atlantic City, New Jersey for my final warm up. Sets that are not in Tampa and a lot of other stuff go to louisofskangs.com check out all my other pods.

[Zach Amico]

And you know what?

[Luis J. Gomez]

My book is available for pre order knives and spoons right now on Amazon. Guys. Go grab it. Very exciting.

[Zach Amico]

Very, very cool. If you guys want to see me out on the road, go to Pug shop live. Zach Amico. I just announced a tour of the south coming up in August. I will also be on the road with Insane Clown Posse. We're doing a pay per view next month. August gathering of the Juggalos just announced headliners Immortal Technique and Tech nine. Oh. Oh boy am I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is that. Guess. August.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

I am fucking pumped.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think the Legion of Things were supposed to do it.

[Zach Amico]

I have no idea what's going on. No one communicates anything to me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nobody communicated anything to me. I mean August is very close to not have any communication.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. Well, that's kind of how things happen. But. And thank you so. And follow me on Instagram. Zach is not funny. If you love the show, go to gas digital.com use the promo code ZOO Z O O And what do you get? You get a dollar fifty off your subscription a month. You get episodes early ad free and uncensored. Get the archives. Thousands of episodes of all your favorite Podcasts on the network as well as access to the live chat. If you see me on the road, tell me you subscribe with the promo code, and I'll kiss you on the fucking mouth. All right, so it is a special day, so I thought we could do some fun. Formerly Lewis and Zach. Formerly realized podcast bits. So let's start off with a happy hot and heavy. Does it live? Hot air balloon accident in Brazil.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, I'll tell you right now, I don't think they live. I just saw that.

[Zach Amico]

Just because of the Brazil part of the footage.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They all died of aids. Yeah, transgendered aids. And that's okay. Also, this camera angle, I don't want to hate on Shannon, but it literally makes Zach look like a giant where me and Canon look like tiny little baby boys.

[Zach Amico]

That's fine, Shannon. We can fix that. I guess.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Maybe we could pull baby pulls that. I don't want to. I don't want to come in and fucking.

[Zach Amico]

No, but I appreciate your expertise.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't want to tune everyone's fucking booth, but I mean, look how large Zach is compared to how tiny. Shannon, you stupid bitch. You think because I'm not on the show anymore that I'm not going to come in and fucking crack the whip?

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, it's okay. Don't worry about it. Get it fixed.

[Mike Cannon]

I actually like it, though. It show. It's like size by importance. You know what I mean?

[Zach Amico]

At all. It size. My size.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There we go. That's a little bit more like it.

[Zach Amico]

You know what? I do like that much better. Thank you, sir.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know, it's just, you know, pure logic.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, no, but I appreciate you coming.

[Luis J. Gomez]

In, but you have a stupid being, your producer.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry, Shannon, don't talk about Jorge like that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I need to make up for a lot of lost time here.

[Zach Amico]

Did you miss it?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I miss. I miss.

[Zach Amico]

Do you wake up some mornings and you're like, fuck, I could be an hour and a half late for this, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wake up. I wake up every day and I miss this. I miss the studio. I miss coming in. I miss seeing your beautiful fucking face. Thank you. I miss smelling Shannon as I walk into the studio. That is nice, Shannon.

[Shannon]

You didn't smell me today.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come here, let me smell you. Come here. Can I smell you for a second?

[Zach Amico]

If she comes in and puts two fingers under his nose.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just get in here for a minute. Give me a hug. I haven't. We haven't hugged. I haven't seen you in forever. What is your problem?

[Shannon]

No, because then I have to, like, roll in front of Cannon in order to make it.

[Mike Cannon]

I feel like I like court appointed to make sure that you're, like, meeting with your kids goes okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just come here and give me a quick hug. Real quick. Just come on. What are you doing?

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, give him a hug. I'll get out of the way.

[Zach Amico]

One for old time's sake.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You can walk right behind. It's not a big deal. Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, there's plenty of room.

[Shannon]

Are you gonna do something terrible?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I'm not.

[Zach Amico]

Just come here, Shannon. Not on my watch. Is he gonna do something terrible?

[Mike Cannon]

Do you want me to move?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, you're good. She's fine. Just get in here. Look at her.

[Shannon]

What are you doing? I hear you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come here. No. And. Or I put the sexy music on while I hug her. I'm not Shannon. Why?

[Shannon]

Because I hear you whispering.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you don't hear me whispering. You. Oh, you're pissing me off. Just come here. Let me hug you. Come here, Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

I promise you're safe. Come here. Get her.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

I know. Beating off in a trash can. This is my show now, baby. All right. Shatted. Hey, off your phone. You're on a podcast.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sorry, man. Sorry.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's okay. Right the head. Shannon, show us this video, please.

[Shannon]

So before it starts, there are 21 people on this hot air balloon.

[Zach Amico]

People are Brazilians.

[Shannon]

Your choice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Male.

[Zach Amico]

Deal. I don't think they live.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, let's say.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hold on. They might be alive now. Hold on. It's still attached to the balloon. Whoop. Never mind.

[Mike Cannon]

Man, there's something about.

[Zach Amico]

That's a pile of chicharrons.

[Mike Cannon]

They fell on somebody's butt lift, though. They might be all right.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. No, I have a feeling that's a. That's a die.

[Mike Cannon]

If there was like bird feathers or a plume of smoke, that would be at least fun. But instead the reality of just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You think one of them held up a sign that said, oh, it was going down so slow.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like there was one person that was still up there until they.

[Mike Cannon]

Looked down the next stretch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It looks like it's like falling, like slowly. But I guarantee mean, that was like from all the way up in the sky and within three seconds it was on the ground. So that was probably a pretty fast.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, and there's an early Tower 2 jumper too. If you can go to the.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody jumped.

[Mike Cannon]

If you go to the beginning of the video, there's somebody just kind of like helicoptering out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, somebody jumps. Cuz it's on fire.

[Mike Cannon]

Somebody pointed it to Me. It pointed out to me like the other day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's see.

[Mike Cannon]

I think this is it. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Come on.

[Shannon]

There it goes. It's there. It's happening.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Where? We don't see a channel.

[Shannon]

They're right there. Hold on.

[Zach Amico]

No, that's a. That's your mouse.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. There's a giant hand falling out of it.

[Shannon]

It's right there.

[Zach Amico]

The Hamburger Helper guy.

[Shannon]

It did happen. Just a little wow right there.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think they definitely didn't make it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, how would you.

[Zach Amico]

And now I've heard. Have you guys heard the rumor that the first cop that died on 911 was because somebody fell on him? No shit. Like that's. I think recognizes the first 911 casualty.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Of the first one.

[Zach Amico]

No, of the cops.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

The first cop that died is because a jumper landed on him. Do you think his family knows that or they just. And they have to be like, our father died in 9 11. They'd be like, oh my God, what a hero. And they're like, nah, he just could.

[Mike Cannon]

Have moved over a foot if he had just bent to pick up a coin.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

All right.

[Zach Amico]

He didn't hear. Hey, look out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'm knowing they all died. All that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we. We would. I mean, obviously they. They must. Everyone must be dead on that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Shannon.

[Shannon]

Oh, you're wrong.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Get the.

[Shannon]

Out of town of the. I don't know how this is possible, but of the 21 people on board, 13 survived.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thirteen survived.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

I don't know how.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Mike Cannon]

That was blocked from Street Fighter on that balloon.

[Zach Amico]

That's what set it on fire. He got like. He got really excited and turned electric.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's boogie woogie boogie. Shannon. That is crazy. What is the condition of these people? They're like. They're all shattered and burnt. Right.

[Shannon]

It just. It says that the. The Governor tweeted that 13 people did live and he said tragedy, yada, yada, but that's the only information that's actually Portuguese. And they're investigating to see what happened. Like, why did it happen?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Probably because it's an antiquated piece of technology that we shouldn't be using anymore.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's retorted technology.

[Mike Cannon]

Why is anybody growing up in the those things?

[Zach Amico]

Why are we going up in the most. With the most flammable gas and with fire under it?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It really does seem like a crazy person was like, you know what we're going to do? We're going to put fire into a balloon right now and see what happens. That's insane.

[Zach Amico]

Not Only that. But we're also going to be so high up that if anything happens, anyone.

[Mike Cannon]

Else is fine in a fucking wicker basket with no seat belts. Just fly us up into the. Just.

[Zach Amico]

Now, here's a question. Are there fire extinguishers on those or would that immediately make them crash if the fire goes out? Right.

[Mike Cannon]

It's a. It's a balance.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I gotta say, if you get on a hot air balloon in this day and age, I don't think I feel bad for you.

[Mike Cannon]

Well, there was another tick tock also before that of some white woman, I guess, and she was showing the horrors of a hot air balloon. And it was coming dead. Sounded like everything is falling apart at all times. Like, it doesn't sound like. It sounds like a carnival ride.

[Zach Amico]

It doesn't sound romantic. Like, I. I know it's supposed to be like a romantic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm sure it's incredible. I'm sure, Zach, I'm sure it's incredible. Like, I understand for you, from your perspective.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Like, horrifying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If I saw you getting on my hot air balloon, I'd be like, give me a refund. Right now, there's no way we're even getting up.

[Zach Amico]

We would look like a Russian nesting dog. Why is there a hot air balloon on my hot air balloon?

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, they pushed Zach out as the last. Stand back.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, I. I wouldn't. I mean, how, How. How dangerous are these? Shannon, please tell us how many hot air balloon accidents are here. I'm assuming it just doesn't happen too often. First of all, there's probably not that many hot air.

[Mike Cannon]

No, they have those events where they watch, like a hundred of them.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they have festivals.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

It says that in between 2008 and 2022, there were 30 deaths globally. So they say it's rare.

[Zach Amico]

It's pretty good.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But how many rides are there? I feel like there's not that many rides each day. What do you think, three, four of these things going up a day? That's it. I mean, I've never seen a hot air balloon in the sky.

[Mike Cannon]

No.

[Zach Amico]

I bet there's a place that does it every day, a couple times a day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oz.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. I would say there's probably a few tourist destinations that have it. And then you figure there's, like, proposals.

[Mike Cannon]

And also, what do you have? A hundred square miles of, like, free airspace, basically, because you can't do power lines, buildings, like, nothing. You have to make sure that even if the wind blows, you're okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's Also, no steering it. You're just going like. I'm just gonna assume I'm gonna come down at one point, I'm gonna hit the fucking. I'm gonna hit space and then it's gonna. It's wild. All right, well, I'm terrified of heights.

[Zach Amico]

Good. Oh, yeah, that's my. I've. I have a condition called fatty full danophobia. Yeah, I can't do anything like that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I hate heights, dude. I. I'm talking about like, like anything. Like, even if I'm like three or four stories up, if I look over the edge, I like, my legs get weak, my palms get sweaty.

[Mike Cannon]

What building is.

[Zach Amico]

You throw up your mom's spaghetti? What.

[Mike Cannon]

What building is that? Where you like lean on the glass and the glass goes down and you're like kind of at a 45 degree angle over the city. Oh, I'm not sure you' know. Do you know what I mean? You ever see that tourist thing?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've seen. They just did one in New York now where it's like essentially put you in a contraption and then they have you like. It's not glass though. It's like you're open in it with like a vest type thing on.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's insane. It's the scariest on earth.

[Zach Amico]

Have you seen. I think it's an Asian country. They have like a glass walkway over like a grass, but then it. Yes. It fake cracks under you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've seen this.

[Zach Amico]

And people just shit a brick.

[Mike Cannon]

The LED screen that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I hate it.

[Zach Amico]

That would. Dude, I'm. Have you seen the King Kong that goes up the empty drones that are King Kong going up the Empire State Building? No, If I saw it and I was high enough, I really think I'd be like, well, today's the day aliens figured out how to make a giant monkey. It's like it really? Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, so those are all drones that are working in conjunction with each other.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

If I. I think if I had caught that on the right day, I would be like, up. Well, alien monkey.

[Mike Cannon]

Well, I'm sorry, you're saying those are all individual? Each light is an individual drone. That's not one drone beaming light.

[Zach Amico]

I think it might be a couple doing beams. I mean, I assume there's a bunch of them, I think, as they swirl together.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. How these things. I think how they work is they. It's just individual drones that are programmed to literally, you know, they're flying in a pattern together. It's all like. Yeah, it's pretty crazy when you see that. That's insane.

[Zach Amico]

That would. And it would really. You got to warn people, right?

[Mike Cannon]

I mean, look at Jay Jules. Could you imagine seeing this video and for one second thinking the synchronicity between those things?

[Zach Amico]

He's correct. Well, you definitely have to warn. Like I'm sure people call the police when they see anything. Like, because I like movie sets, people call the cops all the time to report actual crimes.

[Mike Cannon]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

Somebody had a call and be like, there's a monkey.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's a giant glowing monkey climbing the Empire State Building right now.

[Mike Cannon]

I feel like you have to based on people's like doomsday contingency plans. You know what I mean? Like, there's too many people out there being like, all right, when this goes off the rails, I'm the hottest person I see immediately. Like, you know what I mean? So they see a lit up King Kong climb the building.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Time to rape. Come here.

[Shannon]

By the way, I just found another article that said this was an April Fool's prank.

[Zach Amico]

God damn it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The monkey.

[Shannon]

Yeah. It says a Denver based studio Hawk is a drone light show production company with two decades of experience, blah, blah blah. But that they they. This isn't real.

[Zach Amico]

God damn it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hold on. What's the prank though? That it wasn't a real monkey or.

[Zach Amico]

Was that the video is fake?

[Luis J. Gomez]

So those aren't drones doing that?

[Shannon]

No.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shannon, did the chat tell you that circling you a dumb.

[Shannon]

No, I was trying to find another article.

[Zach Amico]

No, that was on me. I called it out. Yeah, well, what are you going to do? Egg on my face. Moving on. Hey guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our friends at Small Batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Hey listen, if you have people coming over the same as having a nice bottle of wine and some nice cheese, it's actually pretty cool to have cigars in the house. And small batch cigar has you covered. I don't know about cigars but the ones they've sent me, my brother in law and a bunch of his friends, they said they were really great. And not only that, you get free shipping on every order. Almost every order arrives within two to three days in the continental United States. It comes with the Boveda pack with every purchase. So it's the most thorough packaging in the industry. They have an amazing selection of rare, limited and hard to find cigars. And you get 5% rewards points instantly with your purchase. All you got to do is go to smallbatch cigar.com and what most people do is they click the new Link to shop their newest arrivals. And we have a discount code for you. That's right. Gas 10. Gas 10 gets you 10% off your order. Plus those 5% rewards points. So check out smallbatch cigar.com today. All right, let's get back into the program. Another favorite segment of the show and some people get very mad at me for to this day. It's time for Murder Dogs.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we got two Murder dogs. Let's start with the six people jump on car to escape. Pitbull. Shannon.

[Shannon]

Okay, one second. Sorry, I had the other one ready.

[Zach Amico]

Don't worry about it. This is a stress free zone for you.

[Shannon]

There you go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, Shannon, you're lucky. I'm no longer in charge of the show now.

[Zach Amico]

Can the dog not climb a car? Yeah, I guess it slides off. Wow. It's stupid. Pause. Yeah, I guess that's. That's a good place. He's getting up there though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he's. He's catching one of. These are all kids. That just makes me feel bad. When it's kids.

[Zach Amico]

I would just push the. The dumbest kid off.

[Mike Cannon]

That's, that's kind of the. The thing, right?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Sacrifice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're one of the kids because you don't have to be the fastest. You have to be the fastest of the group. Right? So you just push the one kid that you don't like.

[Zach Amico]

You don't have to be the fastest person in the group. You have to be the second fastest person in the group.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's true.

[Zach Amico]

Or the second least fast. Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I would just push the most delicious kid onto the floor right now.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, that dog is going for it too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, I saw, I saw another video of a guy.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, we have it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is it the guy who like starts.

[Zach Amico]

With the, with the. He hacksaw. Jim Duggan's it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What is he. Oh, no, no, no, I didn't see that.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, we got another one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think it's like an Asian dude and he's like, the dog's like growling at him and then he's like, he starts yelling back at the dog and he like palm strikes it and he's like, no. And the guy's. The woman's like, leave my dog alone. He's like, no, your dog's growling at me, dude. He's like. And literally all the comments are like, that dog, that's the way it should be handled. You're not going to bet. He's like, I'm a human. I'm not a fucking dog. Get your beast away from Me, I'm more important than this dog. I love this.

[Zach Amico]

Well, we've got one for you, my friend. This is a gentleman who's being attacked by multiple dogs, and he decides to take the law into his own hands.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, well, that's not the law in his own hands. That's a piece of wood in his own hands.

[Zach Amico]

That's what I call that piece of wood.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The law.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, that's the law.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. Good, good.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, no. He's just murdering dogs.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he's whack a dogging. It's like the alligators. They cut.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Ow, ow, ow. So these dogs turned over. He hurt those dogs.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, he had those.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did they die?

[Zach Amico]

I don't.

[Mike Cannon]

Shannon, that dog, like, looked like Tua, the quarterback of the Dolphins.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, his leg was shaking it. It was that. Whatever that was that permanent damage.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's hilarious.

[Zach Amico]

I guess. Yeah. Multiple dogs. I think he got a one dog.

[Luis J. Gomez]

One dog goes to bite me. And if I have a 2x4 in my hand. Oh, my God, dude.

[Mike Cannon]

My dad did that to a pit bull. Our neighbor. We had a. We had a golden retriever. Wouldn't touch a fly. My father and my grandfather were building a deck in our backyard. The neighbors, Pip.

[Zach Amico]

So they had all the two by four.

[Mike Cannon]

They had all the two by fours. And I'm playing baseball, so they had access to that as well. The dog jumps over the fence.

[Zach Amico]

The homo with a lion.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, they take me and hit me. Hit the dog with me, but. So the dog runs towards my grandfather, and my golden retriever intercepted it. And then that dog started killing my golden retriever. And my father, like, shoved his gay son out of the way, grabbed the bat and hit the fucking pitbull on top of the head. And it started convulsing and getting weird and then skittered off into its own yard.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So did your dog live?

[Mike Cannon]

My dog was fine. Yeah, it had like a cut on its neck.

[Zach Amico]

Where'd the pitbull was a neighbor's pit bull.

[Mike Cannon]

Neighbor's pit. Bullshit. Yeah, they came out screaming like, what the fuck? And we're like, you guys literally. It literally jumped into our dog.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Keep your fucking dog on a leash. I mean, Jesus Christ.

[Zach Amico]

So you know that obviously they say to we. And we saw videos saying that you should put your thumb up the dog's ass. If you really want to stop a dog. Here's my advice. Put a baseball bat up its ass.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was like, two in the pink, one in the stink. I give it the shocker.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, A little bit of pleasure. So no, then it'll confuse dude.

[Zach Amico]

Dogs follow you around enough.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Start licking its ass, pull the tail and like rimming the dog.

[Zach Amico]

All you need is a dog that's just horny all the time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The dog's eyes just cross.

[Mike Cannon]

It's mascara runs.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It starts scratching the ear, the back of the foot move.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We've been going at these dogs way too aggressively. You have to give. You have to orally squeeze dog's asshole. Why not?

[Mike Cannon]

Does that do it for you when the girls go cross eyed?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, like the anime look.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I dated a girl who did. She was doing. She was. She did like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, like that kind of.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That kind of. And it was panting like a dog. It was, it was sort of pedo bait. It kind of was. She would dress up like a teenage girl and cross her eyes and put her tongue out.

[Zach Amico]

You're like, okay, you know what? The one that I can't figure out. The fake freckles.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That make them look young. Yeah, yeah, that would. Some girls. That was the whole plot of Some girls are getting those tattooed on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Remember Freckle Juice when we were kids? There's a whole plot of a book when we were kids.

[Zach Amico]

Freckle juice does sound like a euphemism for come on, a child's face.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Freckle juice.

[Zach Amico]

Don't worry, don't worry. It's just your uncle's freckle juice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, the. The one kid wanted freckles, so another kid in the book made a fake potion that would give him freckles and he drew them on his face because I remember Freckle Juice. Shannon, you remember Freckle juice. You're an old bitch. Shannon, you remember Freckle Juice?

[Shannon]

I do. Yes, I remember in like the book fairs.

[Zach Amico]

See, I believed you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Pull up Freckle Juice. I don't want to take over the show. No, please just put. You know, you know they did. We did it with string on you back in the day.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Don't they have like a reading of it on YouTube or some like fucking famous. But she's like freckle Juice by this.

[Zach Amico]

I'm sure with AI now you can have anybody read anything.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sure, yeah. Shannon, see if you can find Freckle Juice.

[Zach Amico]

Why?

[Mike Cannon]

What are you going to ruin about Strega? Nona? Been reading that to my son.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Struggling on you. Well, we had. We.

[Zach Amico]

It was with Aaron.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, it was. Who is the chick? It was the mom from stepbrothers.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Steenberg something I don't know, whatever her name was.

[Mike Cannon]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And she read it. And then we just thought. We just. We watched it and just fucking made fun of it the whole time. It was a great episode. Classic episode. Available on demand. Use that promo code zoo. And go watch an old real.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Now with AI, they have like, celebrities, like, like, it'll be like Kathy Bates reading Misery.

[Mike Cannon]

Jeez.

[Zach Amico]

The dude so fuck. Who's the serial killer?

[Luis J. Gomez]

You?

[Zach Amico]

Yes. There's a guy. He was like six, nine. He's crazy big. And his prison job was he read to blind people. And he did the recordings and he did the Bible. And they found that there was a audiobook of the Bible done by the serial killer. They had to take it off the market. Cause people like me were all buying it.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, that sounds great. I would actually. Actually I'd bone up on the Bible.

[Zach Amico]

Mrs. Amiko has banned the Bible from nighttime listening sessions.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really? You were listening to the Bible?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. She would wake up in the middle of the night and I would just be hard deep into a Bible. She said it would scare the out of it. Do we have any freckle juice?

[Shannon]

Yeah. I don't have like a celebrity reading it, but I have kids reading it out loud.

[Zach Amico]

Sure, why not?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Chapter one. Andrew Marcus wanted freckles. Nikki Lane had freckles. He had about a million of them. They covered his face, his ears and the back of his neck.

[Zach Amico]

Ew.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Andrew didn't have any freckles. He had two warts on his finger. Ew. But they didn't do him any good at all. If he had freckles like Nicky, his mother would never know if his neck was dirty. Is there not pictures in this book, Shannon?

[Shannon]

And then how these.

[Mike Cannon]

These guys sounds like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Got six on my nose.

[Mike Cannon]

Bill Walton, big deal.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A lot of good six over. This isn't a kid reading a channel. This is an adult man. Six was enough for me.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe the kids do the voices.

[Shannon]

No, it says kids read aloud audiobook.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, maybe it's a read aloud audiobook for kids.

[Mike Cannon]

Maybe this is just what children sounded like in the 30s.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, the kids use the heavy smoke. It's just a kid with a cigar.

[Mike Cannon]

Just came in from a long game of hitting a circle with a stick.

[Shannon]

Mochi Health is here to help you start your weight loss journey with caring, personalized support. Meet one on one with board certified obesity doctors and registered dietitians who truly listen and understand your unique needs. Eligible patients can access affordable GLP1 medications delivered right to their door each month. No insurance, no Problem. Mochi Health accepts FSA and HSA, making care accessible and affordable. And with 24. 7 customer service, you'll never feel alone on your path to better health. Get started with Mochi Health today. Take the free [e-mail] and use code AUDIO40 at checkout for $40 off your first month of membership. That's join mochi.com with promo code AUDIO40.

[Zach Amico]

All right, moving on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Kick the can. I played kick the can when I was a kid.

[Mike Cannon]

You just kick a kid. Is there a game?

[Luis J. Gomez]

There is. You have to kick it before, like, people get to base or something. I don't exactly remember what the point of kick the can was.

[Zach Amico]

I couldn't tell you for, but it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Literally is like, this is the poorest person. Here's some garbage. Figure out a game.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, well, that's what it got to is somebody would kick it, then be like, ah, you just kicked your house, you poor piece of shit.

[Zach Amico]

For us, it was always peg.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Peg, Peg.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, boy. No, there was like, a big. By my house was Buck Miller park, and there was like, a wall specifically for handball, but it was just kids lining up and just getting drilled.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, s. Yeah, we called it peg.

[Mike Cannon]

We did butts.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, we called it peg.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So essentially, you had to throw it against the wall. It would bounce if the person trying to catch it dropped it.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Or if you didn't make it to the wall, you'd get pegged. If they touched it and dropped it, then they get pegged. You got to touch the wall before.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But you also right now that you'd be.

[Zach Amico]

And I mean, I'd be the wall.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Zach would be the worst ass player on the planet.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I have no.

[Mike Cannon]

Dude, you had to make, like, cop decisions, like, shoot to kill or shoot the injury. Like, I remember when the girls tried to join in on that shit. You had to, like, kind of flirt while playing, but you just end up lighting them up from the back.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was bad at throwing, I was bad at catching. I was bad at running. I was so bad at ass, it was crazy.

[Zach Amico]

You have a terrible ass now I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Have a terrible ass. Then we play with a tennis ball, or sometimes we play with a handball.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, those like. Like Neo. It'd be like a neon blue rubber ball.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, yeah. Those are like the Rocky balls. When he would bounce that in the beginning.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

We did it with a super ball to the. The bouncy ball.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, that's crazy.

[Mike Cannon]

It was. It was truly like to injure each other. You're Basically hitting each other with a musket.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like growing up in gym, we used to do dodgeball. We had those. They were, like, small. They weren't the kickball balls. They were like smaller green balls that hurt like a. Do you remember the. They're, like, kind of soft.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. I mean, none of those kickballs and dodgeballs were very soft. And when they hit your skin, it was like. It felt like you were being slapped.

[Zach Amico]

They don't do that anymore. James doesn't do dodgeball, does he?

[Luis J. Gomez]

They. I don't know. I. Probably not.

[Mike Cannon]

They do other. My son was telling me they do this other game where you have to. You have to hit somebody from the knee down, and if you hit them from the knee up, you're out. And it's like this. I don't know. It's a weird thing.

[Zach Amico]

I think he made that up.

[Mike Cannon]

He probably did.

[Zach Amico]

I think he's just with you. All right, we got one more old segment.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We used to play kind of like that, but we had hit the Negro dude.

[Mike Cannon]

This is true.

[Zach Amico]

When I worked.

[Mike Cannon]

That reminded me when we worked at. I worked at a camp for.

[Zach Amico]

Instead of smear the queer, it's disfigure the.

[Mike Cannon]

Am I even gonna tell by this?

[Zach Amico]

No, please.

[Mike Cannon]

No.

[Zach Amico]

It's actually.

[Mike Cannon]

We used to play on a. Like, anytime it would rain at this camp for disabled kids that I used to wear. But emotional, like, everything. We used to close the gate to the basketball court and have the kids play wet blacktop dodgeball. And we would also play and throw, like, 100% speed at these kids.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, yeah, yeah. So you would lock. You would cage them.

[Mike Cannon]

That's right. That's right.

[Zach Amico]

And then. And go into battle.

[Mike Cannon]

I was 15 and they were, like, 12, you know, far enough with them.

[Zach Amico]

Strength with them.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Strength.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

So they're throwing, like, Paul Skeens.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There were no. Like, I was not good at any gym games.

[Zach Amico]

Nope, not a thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nothing.

[Mike Cannon]

That sucks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, getting picked last. Like, I wasn't like, a dweeb. They'd be like, the dweebs. And then they would pick the dweebs ahead of me. That's how bad it was. Crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our friends at EU Kratom, home of the $60 kilo. If you do Kratom, if you don't do kratom, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for many of its benefits, stop going to bodegas, smoke shops, and gas stations and getting a little bit of kratom. At a time, and you don't even know what's in there. When you go to yocratom.com where they have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the gas digital network, there's no promo code needed because it's already the best deal in the world. To kratom. 60 bucks for a whole kilo delivered right to your gosh darn door. One more time, guys. That's yocratum.com home of the $60 kilo. You kratom. Check them out. Let's get back into the show. So you guys have, like, field debt. We had a. Where we had to compete against another school in, like, Olympic events. And. Oh, boy. Long jump was not your boy's fucking. Oh, man. I think I one time stepped. I jumped less than I would have stepped if it had been the longest step I could take. I would have beat the jump. I did.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We did in field day. We would do potato sack races. We would do, like, relay, like, where you have to give the baton to the other person. We had. This wasn't even a game. I think most elementary schools had this. You definitely have this cannon, because it was. Maybe it's the northeast thing, but I don't know if they have it anywhere else. It's a giant parachute. And then. Yeah, you would pick it up and let it fill with air that you'd go under it and sit on it and then.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, we did that in, like, kindergarten.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We put, like, balls in it, and you make the balls bounce around. You have to bounce all the balls out. Things like that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but that's like a little kid thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we had field day from element. Like kindergarten.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Fifth grade.

[Mike Cannon]

Now, my son did that exact thing at his most recent field day.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Ours was like a competition. Ours was very competitive.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, because there was two elementary schools, and they would compete against each other every year, and it would get vicious.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

I mean, that's cool. I would rather that. But we would do it against each other. And I think I. I think there was one year where it was highly competitive amongst the kids, where they actually, like, tallied results. And then after that, they were like, we can't do this anymore. The kids are taking it too seriously.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. It was like a blood war. We hated Huber Street. McClared and Huber Street. Oh, boy. Huber Street. Those never.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why'd you hate Huber Street?

[Zach Amico]

Because they were our competition. Field day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it was literally by what block you lived on because there was like a step, there was a. Like a meridian, there was a line of separation.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we only. It was only our school. It was like classes competed against classes.

[Mike Cannon]

But your school was like 5,000, 6,000 kids. You had a lot of kids in your school.

[Luis J. Gomez]

West elementary. Yeah, but that, that was like, that filtered all the elementary schools from Rockland area, so. No, it was. But it was a pretty big school. Like it was 30 person classrooms. It was, you know, probably 10, 12 classes per grade. Yeah. So there was a lot.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we got it. We got three new Top Girl submissions.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

And we've been doing. We've been trying to keep up with Top Girl. For me it's just been giant tall lately.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Giant tall.

[Zach Amico]

Like we're like seven footers.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know why something. Something's been doing it for me. You like them tall that you're into? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Some real tall ones, but. So Shannon, show us what we got.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, girls. I love how they just snuck in the morning zoo logo on everything. You lazy fucking scumbags. Oh, Jorge, you pissed me off.

[Zach Amico]

I can't remember what I texted load a few weeks ago. It was that Livy Dunn's sister had started only fans. I think I just. What did I text you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like I was. I was with my chick at the time, so I couldn't even look at it or respond to it. And now I forgot now. Thank you for reminding me of it.

[Zach Amico]

I said something like, the new edition just dropped. She dropped. She put it out on her 18th birthday.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's done's 18 year old sister as an only fans.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is she nude?

[Zach Amico]

No. And she's not as great as her. She's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can we see?

[Zach Amico]

She's not great. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Have you seen her on the show?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. We can bring her up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right. Sorry.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, no, please. I haven't done in a while.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she not.

[Zach Amico]

She's not. She's no Livy.

[Shannon]

I also, I think that it's. It was misreporting. I think, I think that. Yeah, because it said in one article that it's. Her sister isn't doing only fans, but there's a girl that looks like her and people are like, oh, that's like. Looks like it would be her sister. Here's. Here's one. Here's one image of it. So there's Livy. This is the other girl.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's pretty tight. Zach. What are you talking about? Let's see. She's not living proud after A little sister Abigail turns 18. So an only fans kid. Is it Abigail? Is that so?

[Shannon]

This is not Abigail. Like this is like. It's. They're fake newsing it. Her sister did not start an only fans. But they're saying this girl looks like it could be.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, just for research purposes, can we see what Abigail looks like? Just.

[Zach Amico]

Why not?

[Mike Cannon]

Just to compare.

[Luis J. Gomez]

First of all, 18. Too young.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. I don't like that at all.

[Zach Amico]

That too young's with an Asian girl. She's going to be one of our competitors today.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Too young.

[Shannon]

Yeah, this is her sister. This is a real sister.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's Abigail done.

[Shannon]

No, her name is Jules.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jules done.

[Mike Cannon]

Is she big on social media?

[Zach Amico]

No, she's no Livy.

[Shannon]

52,000 something.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This poor girl Libby's so hot. And this is just a fucking thick jawed, dumb bitch. Stupid whore. She does have a. I mean, what a dumpy bitch. It's ridiculous. Shannon's hotter than her. That's on sister.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, let's see that one with. Let's see the heiny.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's her name?

[Zach Amico]

Jules.

[Shannon]

This one?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah, let's see the heiny.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jules done up to tell anyone she's Livy Dunn's sister.

[Shannon]

They're not really showing it.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, like, what do you even do?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, there we go.

[Mike Cannon]

What is her life?

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's okay. I mean, here's the problem. It's just her sister's so hot. I'm Jules done. Ugh.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What a disappointment.

[Mike Cannon]

It just shows you that like the. If genetics even like a fucking dollop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, look, there's a picture of them together. There's a. Show the pictures of them together. Look at that. Right down there. Down. Is that them? Yeah. Right?

[Mike Cannon]

I mean, she looks like a hammerhead shark.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This.

[Zach Amico]

She looks like Livy Dunn drank the potion that turned Bugs Bunny into a monster. This looks like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She looks like an em.

[Mike Cannon]

It's like the ferret from Ice Age.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh my God. Imagine your sister so hot. You have to. And she's not even. She's not even bad looking. But just compared to Livy Dunn, she looks like a booger.

[Zach Amico]

So, Shannon, what. What top girl candidates have we established today?

[Shannon]

Okay, so first one is Sophia Hayes. Sorry, I'll start with this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay. She's. She's up for top girl, though.

[Mike Cannon]

What does top girl mean?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Top girl. She's like the hottest gal out there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the. The. The. The. The object of affection.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She is. She's the one. Right?

[Zach Amico]

And what does this girl do? Shannon.

[Shannon]

So I. I think she's I think she might.

[Mike Cannon]

I think sucks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

She has a lot of Hooters stuff.

[Mike Cannon]

I just feel like you could literally press her in a factory and make that person.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Why would she even be in the conversation for top girl? She's not even the hottest girl we've seen on the screen during today's show.

[Shannon]

She's so pretty.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I wish she was on the Brazilian hot air balloon. I wish. I wish they would light her tits on fire.

[Mike Cannon]

Shannon, you like this? You think this looks good?

[Shannon]

I went through a list of. I went through this booty Instagram page, and then whenever I thought a girl was pretty, I asked the other guy guys in the studio. And these three. Did you ask Gabeline, Mike, Jorge, and.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jorge's a little fag.

[Shannon]

Okay. That's true. Sophie. I'll show you the next one if you click away for a second.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What is the.

[Mike Cannon]

What's that thing that they're doing now, though, where they're, like, making their nose look like it's collapsed from a coke problem? Like that. Airbrushed. Almost like contrast makeup to the point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They almost like powder. The tip of their nose was, like, shiny and they contoured here.

[Mike Cannon]

It looks crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's weird. Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

She looks like a. What is the Whoville or what? Like, it looks like the.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Cindy Lou.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, it looks like the face is pinched together.

[Shannon]

And next one. This is Melissa M. Okay, that's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's for top girl, though. I get that she has a giant ass.

[Shannon]

I'm trying to find hot, hot body and very pretty face.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's very pretty.

[Mike Cannon]

I love that you see the face, right? You're like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But her ass is almost a little too much. Am I wrong?

[Mike Cannon]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Not on the Morning Zoo. It's not.

[Mike Cannon]

It just looks. It looks. Looks fake. That's the issue, is it doesn't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't want to fake it. I want a beautiful, big, juicy ass that's real.

[Shannon]

It looks pretty great.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think that's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's toy, obviously. She's toys. Unquestionably toy. But is she the top girl? Is she Livy Dunn? What are we talking about?

[Mike Cannon]

Who's your top girl right now? Like, truly.

[Zach Amico]

Livy Dunn's hard to be a lipa, though.

[Mike Cannon]

I told you before, I say this a lot in hyper. Hyperbole. But I really have put myself there. I would let her show up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No less has her purple police. Sorry, I need to tell jump jokes every once in a while.

[Zach Amico]

Whoop, whoop. That's the sound of her police.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jolis is her Purple.

[Zach Amico]

That's his Greek name. Herperboles.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The fucking Greek God of dick. Wards her police.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, she marks all your testicles.

[Shannon]

One last one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, then there's the arena development.

[Zach Amico]

I got nothing on that one. Reina Valley.

[Shannon]

Yeah, I'll work on that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They ended up she was top girl for a minute on old Real Ass podcast, and then she sort of blew up. She's a martial artist.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I remember her now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They put her on.

[Mike Cannon]

Did she, like, kick and.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they put her on Cobra Kai. They gave her, like, a pretty big role on Cobra Kai.

[Mike Cannon]

No kidding.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah, she's fucking smoke. Oh, my God. She's a goddamn smoke show. And she's. She's talented. So here's the thing. Top girl, it can't just be a fucking pig with a big ass. There's a lot of those girls out there, but what else is there? Now, look, talent very often will take away some of their hotness sometimes. Like, yeah, bitch, I don't need you to be that talented. But if it's a unique thing about them, not just singing or playing guitar, whatever else it is, like, this does martial arts. It's pretty hot. Livy Dunn, she does a split. Like that split that she does where it's like her ass is below her legs.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Mike Cannon]

It's not Olympic level, but she's right underneath. And that's perfectly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's great.

[Zach Amico]

It's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's incredible. So, yeah, Raina found Ding Dong, but.

[Mike Cannon]

That'S why the chick from the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The.

[Mike Cannon]

What's it tits? Caitlin Clark's teammate. Something, who's like the tall girl who's like, she's pretty hot, but that's why people are like, oh, she's unbelievably hot.

[Zach Amico]

Is this the martial arts?

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is the martial arts chick.

[Mike Cannon]

This is incredible.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is incredible. I mean, incredible. Shannon show. We're doing some martial arts, though. Like, that's the thing where then. Then you see her like this and then she's just a fucking badass. It's so hot. Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

I could take her. I'd her up. I'd choke her out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, I don't think you would.

[Zach Amico]

Not that way.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But I think I could also take her. I genuinely do. She is just a little petite woman. Look at her.

[Mike Cannon]

Look at her punches.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, Shannon, you're telling me that these other you're bringing up are hotter than Livy and this chick? Come on, Shannon, this is Top girl.

[Shannon]

They're options.

[Mike Cannon]

That is crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's bonkers. She's bananas. Look at her back. But go back.

[Zach Amico]

Look at that back.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh my God. I'm gonna shoot all over that back right there.

[Mike Cannon]

Topless with my friend shorts on.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's a good look. That. That her on that red carpet. That's incredible.

[Luis J. Gomez]

See, here's the problem. Her ass a little flat. That's the issue. That's okay.

[Mike Cannon]

I don't know if it is. I think just in while she's working out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's a whole different thing here. What are we even talking about? Yeah, I want this to kick me directly in my genitals. I literally would if she said, hey. She was like, the only way I'm gonna touch you. I'm. The only thing I'm gonna do to touch you is I'm gonna kick you directly in the balls. I swear to God. I dig it.

[Zach Amico]

I might come.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, I'm not even kidding.

[Zach Amico]

Not like a good one, but like one of those, like it dribbles out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, like. Like an off rhythm come.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

I think that that's the best way I've ever heard that described, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's how you make.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Like meta males. Yeah, yeah, that's how you like when somebody's like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jorge was like somebody who came but their arm fell down as they were coming and I was like, oh, fuck. Waste of a coming.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. When you. Yeah, you wasted a load.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that was jor. That's how you were made.

[Mike Cannon]

The phone rang, you couldn't concentrate, just.

[Zach Amico]

Dribbled out like a stroke victim.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jorge's got precom energy.

[Zach Amico]

Blind mic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. Yeah. Like literally they didn't even have an orgasm. Eventually they got too tired and gave up. But the preum is what got their girl pregnant.

[Mike Cannon]

Now Blind Mike was a. Let's try for a second time, but a little bit of dried cum was still on the diet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was like somebody came in the bathtub and some scraped it off the bottom, spooned it into her own cunt.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It's like you can always tell people are old come like when you meet a 20 year old with sciatica.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like your parents were ancient. Like. And I always. My example is. Is Alex. Intern Alex or producer Alex now. Yeah, she's just. She's got old lady. She's very beautiful, but she's just got old lady things about her.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Beautiful.

[Zach Amico]

No, I think Alex is beautiful.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Beautiful is a weird way you say Alex is a hotness. To her it's beautiful. She looks like DJ Skrillex.

[Zach Amico]

I prefer olive oil, dude.

[Mike Cannon]

I don't know if you've ever been more hurtful in your life than beautiful.

[Zach Amico]

In all fairness, when she did the internal Olympics, we did call her Skrillex.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we did call her dj.

[Zach Amico]

You know what today's the anniversary of.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Alex looks like the. The live version of the ring girl, like, before she died.

[Zach Amico]

You know, today's the anniversary of. It just came in my memories. What the Legion of Skanks where we did Jonathan's Journey.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, we almost got. We got in trouble for that one.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, we did.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, his uncle sent us pictures being like, hey, can you roast my dying nephew? We're like, of course we can. What a. Look at this kid. Like a little kid hooked up to fucking monitors and shit. That his parents had no idea that their dumb fucking brother.

[Zach Amico]

Well, what he said. So they. The guy gets sent it to Justin Silver and said he was a fan. But the way Justin told us was the mom and the dad are fans.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Gotcha.

[Zach Amico]

So we did like 20 minutes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Being you. Because they're fans.

[Zach Amico]

And then. Yeah, they were not fans.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they were not fan. They especially weren't fans after.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Even less so.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There was a. There was a path to them being fans and that wasn't it.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. But God damn, that was funny.

[Mike Cannon]

Did they understand, though, that you didn't like that you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I've had plenty of conversations with parents of children that we've attacked online. And I. I have a whole script now that I've been going to. I was like, oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Like a telemarketer. He just has it next to the phone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shannon, can I have another coffee, please?

[Mike Cannon]

It's like Leo and Wolf of Wall street when he's picking penny stocks.

[Zach Amico]

But he's. He's also doing. We're really sorry we did this to your child.

[Luis J. Gomez]

With a little bit of that sugar free creamer. And before everyone's like, oh, dude, why is he drinking different coffee besides his own coffee? You can only drink one of my cups of coffee a day, you suckers.

[Mike Cannon]

Is that true?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, two at the most. They're. They're dose.

[Mike Cannon]

Can I get a pouch? Can I try?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I brought them in.

[Mike Cannon]

All right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Awesome. Yeah. 100, dude. Yeah. No, no.

[Zach Amico]

By the way, that is. Ed goes there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

Remember that, Shannon. Mark that off.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Full disclosure, that's my company. I think I have to say that with. That's fun.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, guys, you ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft? Like your coffee is warming your hands but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain? That's why they created Body Brain Coffee. It's not just coffee. It's coffee with purpose. Specifically, testosterone, packed with clinically based ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom, and yet in the bedroom too. And it's not just about testosterone. Body Brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity, and mood, thanks to Lion's Mane, Ashwagandha, and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters in a crash, Body Brain coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm, and locked in, all while supporting your natural T levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset, and your masculinity, it starts with what you put your in cup. You can save 15% today with the promo code ZOO15ZOO15@Bodybrain Coffee.com. that's right, Bodybrain Coffee dot com. Power your day, fuel your drive. Let's get back into the show. All right, so Chef Amber. Ls death being investigated as possible drug overdose? They said it was cancer. They said it was something else. Looks like they found her with a pile of pills next to her. You know Chef Amber L. Is she hot? No, she. We call her Gal Fieri. No, she was a Food Network star. She's got. Yeah, that lady.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, wow.

[Mike Cannon]

Is that ursula?

[Zach Amico]

Dead at 55. Everyone very upset. Said she was sick. Said she left her show for health issues. Looking like she OD'd. Shannon, what do we got?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shannon. She's hotter than the first girl you brought up on the Top Girl Girl competition. Just so you know.

[Shannon]

Noted. By the way, she's been in this studio before. I thought maybe it was to do one of your shows, Mike. So I guess that's not true. I can't remember whose show she came here to do, but she was. She has been in the studio. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Me, Mike.

[Mike Cannon]

No. Anne Heche was here and Haitia.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Shannon]

No. Yeah, she. She. Amber was here, and she does seem like she likes to party, but she's a chef.

[Zach Amico]

Aren't they all psychopaths?

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. Every chef I've ever worked with, I've seen do like co.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If I was in a comic, I. I could have very easily become a chef.

[Mike Cannon]

I could see that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you do like screaming at underlings.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I do.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. That's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, Chef.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I. I would. I would. I would have loved to be a chef. I like cooking. I like Eden. Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

Thanks, mister.

[Mike Cannon]

Good job.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I forgot his name For a second. Dom.

[Mike Cannon]

Why does he have a 1946 T shirt on?

[Zach Amico]

That was the last year. Things were good, Shannon. Tell us about it.

[Shannon]

So the. The night that she was found, she was hanging out at some, like, improv comedy show. A lot of people saw her killed herself, I understand. Said she was having a good time, seemed like she was in good spirits.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Now she has a good spirit.

[Shannon]

And then her husband found her unresponsive early Tuesday morning in the shower, surrounded by pills. Cops got there, so they're saying it was a cardiac arrest, but they're the cops.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Cardiac arrested her.

[Zach Amico]

Come on, folks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on, folks. I'm gonna keep on trying bad jokes.

[Zach Amico]

Why stop now?

[Shannon]

So they're. They're investigating now that she possibly did drugs.

[Zach Amico]

But was she doing pills in the shower?

[Shannon]

It would. They just found them. Found pills surrounding her body.

[Mike Cannon]

Dude, that's badass.

[Zach Amico]

They fell out of her like Sonic.

[Mike Cannon]

She fell. That's how I used to drink for college. I'd have a 40 in the. In the shower. Oh, pregame.

[Zach Amico]

So maybe there's nothing wrong with a shower beer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I brush my teeth in the shower to save time.

[Mike Cannon]

Do you?

[Zach Amico]

I think. I think that's fine.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Spit it all over myself.

[Zach Amico]

But you also have the water pick, so I feel like the water pick is almost a shower necessity.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It is a mouth shower.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Because. Well, it goes everywhere. If you try and do it in front of the sink, you can just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Water pick your teeth with a thousand streams. If you have a strong enough shower, it's pretty sick.

[Mike Cannon]

You're the only person with gingivitis on your balls.

[Zach Amico]

All right, well, Rip Chef Amber, Al. Keep it moving. Chick hits woman with hot smoking grill. I've been doing a lot of world star lately.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, wow. Did that burn a hole in it? The shirt?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, this is what they do in black field days. This is just.

[Zach Amico]

If you're at a black field day, you're trying to get promoted to black house day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is black field day.

[Zach Amico]

Back in the day, every day was a field day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was a field day. Who can pick the most cotton today?

[Zach Amico]

Go. Oh, man, that did that. Burn a hole in her shirt immediately.

[Mike Cannon]

I have a feeling that was pre existing.

[Zach Amico]

That was a. She just hit her in the hole.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, she.

[Zach Amico]

See it one more time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know the best blowjob.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. You know what? She hit her on the other side. That was just a hole in her shirt.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The best blowjob that I ever received in my entire life was from a girl who looked like the One who threw the.

[Zach Amico]

Let's see her again.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just an ugly black bitch, this girl was. She was just a gross, scrubby chick.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And in high school, she just, like. She was like, I'll suck your dick. And I was like, okay. And then we went outside and, like, outside of, like, in between two houses, and she just blew me. And it was crazy how good this blowjob was. I think about this blowjob every day of my life.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This ugly black whore.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, she probably learned it on a family member.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, probably.

[Zach Amico]

No, girls like that, I feel like. Yeah, that's where that. That's if they're that. And how old would you say she was?

[Luis J. Gomez]

We were both 16, 17.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. There's no. I don't think you get that kind of experience unless something bad happened behind it. Yeah. Unless something real bad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She just. Whatever it was, her mouth just really wrapped it around. She was like. Yeah. I was like, whoa, this is wild.

[Zach Amico]

All right, now this is gonna border on racist, and I apologize. I do feel like a black blowjob is pretty solid.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is that racist?

[Zach Amico]

I think it's the lips.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The lips?

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, the extra bone in their mouth.

[Zach Amico]

I remember one time getting blown by black trick, and I wanted to. I was trying to be complimentive, but I was like, oh, my God, I love your big lips. And then I just immediately had to be like, I hope near that it comes off in my hands.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. They have. Whatever was the lips, the suction. Yeah, it's something she had, like, dude, she had, like, that shitty, like, short nappy hair. Like, put my hand on her head. It was like a dude's head. It was crazy. It might be a guy.

[Zach Amico]

I Very rarely. To me, the. The sign of a girl that knows the great blowjob is when her mouth comes off your dick. There's a. Yeah. And not every girl figures that out.

[Mike Cannon]

No, they don't.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's the one. That, to me, is the. The sign of perfection. Shannon, thoughts?

[Shannon]

I don't remember.

[Zach Amico]

You got. You can't remember if. When. When you perform certain sexual treats on a man.

[Shannon]

So here's the thing. This is what I was thinking.

[Zach Amico]

Sex.

[Shannon]

No, I'm not. So when. When he said that, though, I thought of. There was one guy in particular that liked for it to be, like, sucked on, like, a lot.

[Zach Amico]

So, like, I sucked hard.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, that's too much.

[Shannon]

And so, like, that. I remember making a sound, but that's the only time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, Shannon. You want to. You want to know what I need? Shannon.

[Shannon]

What? What do you need Louis?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm just letting you know how I like it.

[Zach Amico]

Put on the sexy music.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Put on the sexy music. I like not only thank you, baby James. I like, like it to be like hand and mouth. So the. Your hand, your hand is an extension of your mouth. So it creates a whole tunnel of.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. I'm listening.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm watching on tv. It's a better. It's a better angle.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shannon, do you use a lot of hand?

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A lot of hand at the same time?

[Shannon]

Hand? Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

See, when a girl doesn't use any hand at the same time and she's just using her mouth, it's an insult.

[Mike Cannon]

It's saying there's not enough here for two things.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, no. I want.

[Mike Cannon]

Just figure it out.

[Zach Amico]

One hand, though, should be balls and behind balls.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Behind balls. Rubbing the taint. Maybe even getting pretty close to the asshole.

[Zach Amico]

I would say for me, it's not brushing necessarily. Yeah, of course. Sure. Yeah. Hey, when you leave the house and your neighbor's there, you wave, right. Hey, how are you? You don't have. You don' and have a whole conversation.

[Mike Cannon]

You wave, but you acknowledge Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You tip your hat to them.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But to me it's a push up on the team.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And that, that'll get me. Yeah, that's a quick. If you. If. If a gal's trying to wrap things up. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

Up on the table also, when you're.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hitting it from behind. Okay. It's a very sexual show. We're very horny.

[Mike Cannon]

I know exactly where you're going with this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every girl should. There shouldn't be a debate. I shouldn't have to ask. It shouldn't be a once in a while thing. Reach back. Play with my balls. Every time. It should be a problem. Your. Your head should be cranked like you're Jason Kelsey.

[Mike Cannon]

Reach back.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why do I have to tell you? Who wouldn't like that?

[Mike Cannon]

No, that's a fun thing. When it's like a church bell, they just reach back.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't want him to grab.

[Zach Amico]

It's a really ugly girl.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Lightly play with the ball. Scratch them a little bit. Fucking rub the taint a little bit.

[Mike Cannon]

Like you're a beagle.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Completely unrelated, you know the show the Traitors or have you. So it's basically Mafia in a mansion and it's hosted by Alan Cummings, so it's very gay and over the top. Their new cast has me so fucking pumped because it's so. It's The Kelsey's mom is on it. A bunch of reality bitches that my wife watches. And they announced two people, maybe, for a show that's about lying and deception. The most annoying man on the Internet and the nicest man on the Internet who cannot wait watch to lie. They have announced on this season, Michael Rapaport.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

In a show about having. First of all, it should be Survivor. Whoever's going to kill themselves.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Living in a mansion with Michael Rapaport.

[Mike Cannon]

Hopefully they let him bring Carmack.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They should do an episode. They should do a season of Survivor at Auschwitz with Michael Rappaport.

[Zach Amico]

And the other one that really got me. Ron Funches.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

I think he. Dude, him lying is gonna be hilarious.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

I would never vote for you. You're my friend.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did a podcast with him years ago, Me and Ron Funches.

[Mike Cannon]

Doug loves movies.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe that sounds right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think it was a different Doug.

[Mike Cannon]

Doug getting Doug or something.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was getting Doug with High. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. I did it with him. That's another guy who, like, I just don't think likes the whole Legion of Skanks world or whatever it is.

[Zach Amico]

Ron.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Not Ron, but Doug.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was also the worst guest that we've ever had on Legion of Skanks, I think.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he was pretty bad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was terrible.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Ron I met years ago. He used to do a show called Get High Watch Wrestling, and it was at a movie theater and he had Mike Lawrence on and he brought me. And dude, is. That was the time I locked myself in my friend's garage. We were in la. I got to. I did my first dab and Joey Diaz gave us a Star of Death. And Lewis let me have a corner of it. And I locked myself in a garage for four hours and peed out the bars of it to only realize when I leaned on the gate, it just slid over. But it was the funniest. He had X Pac on and he made X Pac in front of everyone watching when he did Blackface on Monday Night Raw.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

And explain it in real time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's hilarious.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it was the best.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I. I like Ron, but there is just something about, like, at this point, being an adult pothead where that's like, your identity.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think he is. Is he?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, I mean, he did a podcast called get high watch wrestling 10 years ago.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think that's his. I mean, it's not like he's like.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, some of us only have weed, Lewis. We can't do anything else, you know?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I mean, I'm not. Look, I. I smoked the entire time in Europe, and I smoked in Jamaica, and I smoked last week on Legion of Skank. So I'm not, like, judging, like, but if your entire identity, it's like, yeah, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I'm like a. Yeah, if you're the pot guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Ari grew out of that. Anybody good grows out of it?

[Zach Amico]

I feel like teaching Chonger out of it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, they're just CBD now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they're.

[Mike Cannon]

It's not even weed. It's like, just so you could get a good night's sleep.

[Zach Amico]

All right, let's keep it moving. Dios mio. Church singer has the whole congregation distracted. This one's for me. We like some big booty Latinas here on the show. And I wanted to take a little looks at this. Wow, Lewis, is it too much for you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

A little bit too much. I. I love to put my face in there and, you know, do the fart sound. You do against your arm.

[Zach Amico]

What the did that. What did that turn into?

[Mike Cannon]

The one thing I can't, like, anytime. Anytime I look at something like that, I do consider, like, late afternoon smell.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. Like you ever do that. And it wouldn't deter me. It wouldn't. I wouldn't stop. But I'm just saying, like, that is a musky area.

[Zach Amico]

I bet when your ass is that big, you take extra special care.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I bet you've got tools we don't know about.

[Mike Cannon]

So she probably powders under the cheeks. Yeah, between the cheeks.

[Zach Amico]

I would assume so. I don't know. I've been with some pretty big ass women. I don't think it's ever been an issue.

[Mike Cannon]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, big, just big people are going to smell. Just in general, more than, you know, small, petite people.

[Zach Amico]

But I don't know, there's more places for it to hide.

[Mike Cannon]

That's what I'm saying now.

[Zach Amico]

I will say, the fatter I've gotten drying off with a blow dryer makes a big difference.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Zach has to walk through a car wash.

[Mike Cannon]

It's like, what they're.

[Zach Amico]

I gotta tell Mexican.

[Mike Cannon]

An orca with the power washer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Z. That's a hilarious segment for the show to see if they'll car wash you. I wonder what. Could you. Would it hurt if you were car washing?

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, it's like 180 degrees water.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It'S a pile of bones and flesh me up pretty bad. Oh, this segment went bad.

[Zach Amico]

Didn't they do it on Jackass oh, they may have. I feel like they put Stevo on a. A car.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, yeah. They probably had to check and. Or at least temp. Like, you can't go through it when it's that hot. Because I think a lot of. Honestly, I think a lot of them use like super hot water because that's what you're supposed to. To get all the shit off of it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shannon, is that true? What is the. What is the temperature of the water? And a car wash?

[Shannon]

It says, oh, no, this is for washing a car. Hold on.

[Zach Amico]

How much would it be just for four Mexicans to. To get to hand wash me?

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, just in. Just a manual car wash wash. His name is Manuel.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What if you find one of those high school, like, girls in bikini car washes that doesn't exist anymore and I.

[Zach Amico]

Just go through in a wagon. Somebody put me in a red wagon.

[Mike Cannon]

You paint headlights on your truck, there's no beep.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, what a crazy. That was a real thing that would happen like in the 90s and 80s. It should be hot girls in bikinis that are high school students. Like, come on, mister.

[Zach Amico]

My high school did a car wash. Not bikini, but.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But that's like, that's what you got to wear.

[Zach Amico]

They all like tied their shirts and knots and wore short shorts.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I would, I would, I would literally go to the back. I would keep on going to the back of the line.

[Mike Cannon]

It's like the dodgeball with Justin Long down there and the guy's like, get in there real deep.

[Zach Amico]

Like, I feel like I would get. It would be the same argument I would get in when I would try to walk through the drive through at Wendy's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, sir, not again. Not again.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So I, I actually got into an argument. Argument, of course I did. With. I don't know if it was a Wendy's or McDonald's or whatever, but I wanted to walk through the drive through. It's When I didn't have a car. Was it. I don't remember when this was. This maybe even when I was still in high school. That was a long time ago. And they wouldn't take me. Right. And you're sitting there, what you realize is like, first of all, you, you know, I would, I would go up to it.

[Zach Amico]

I'd be like, yeah, you gotta pretend.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thinking that like that. But that's not what it is. I think it's a weight.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They know a car is there because it's a certain amount of weight. Maybe they've changed it now and there's like Sensors or whatever. But I remember they wouldn't take it. Then I went to the window. They were like, no, you have to have a car. And then it became a whole thing. I was like, why would you care?

[Mike Cannon]

Right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

What is the difference to you if I have a car or not?

[Zach Amico]

I think those jobs are so corporatized that everyone's afraid of somebody higher than them.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't think so. Because I worked in kfc, I worked at Taco Bell. There was no. There was no level of like, oh, my God, I have to be by the book book. Because I'm.

[Mike Cannon]

No. I think they're so that any thought outside of the instructions they've. They're given, like, no car.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can't do it.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, can't do it. Sagolo has been doing that recently. Like, I don't know. Up until, like, two years ago, he would walk through the Burger King, drive through, like, late at night while scrolling his phone in between a Corolla and some other car. And I think he may have had to hop just for it to register his weight.

[Zach Amico]

Because I remember when I worked at the movie theater, at the end of the day, they told me to throw out, like, the hot dogs on the roller. So of course I started eating one. And my manager was like, you got to pay for that. And I'm like, you told me to throw it out. She's like, yeah, but if you eat it, you got to pay for it. That's. That's the rule in the corporate book.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm like, yeah, if you swallow it like an aspirin, you have to eat it.

[Zach Amico]

And I just wrote then. Then she. But she was like, I have a manager, and if he finds out that I gave you free food, then I get fired.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was one of my disappointments in working at Hot Topic when I was in high school.

[Zach Amico]

No free. No free hot dogs.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No free hot.

[Mike Cannon]

No free spike bracelets.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No how corporate it was.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So I.

[Zach Amico]

Well, they're owned by a Gap, aren't they?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Even at that point? I believe they were, or whatever. It was like the same company that owned Abercrombie.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's the same topic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was all the same. And I remember just being like, oh, wow, like, we aren't metal. Like, I hated that job. It was so first I was just folding T shirts with. The whole job is folding T shirts, shirts. And for somebody with ADHD who, like, never folds my own laundry, like, that is like. It's the bane of my existence. That is the worst job possible.

[Mike Cannon]

When you applied for the job. Did part of you think that, like, all right, you fold the T shirts in the front and then you go in the back and you, like, sacrifice an animal.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I figured I'd be just drinking blood or Elvira would be my boss.

[Zach Amico]

But it also is a store in the mall.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. No, it was terrible. Then my friend Dan Prusch from high school, I believe to this day. Day still works at Hot Topic. To this day, manager. Yeah. But, like, I mean, move on, doggy. What are you doing? Also, Hot Topic kind of sucks now. Hot Topic, like, they go through these, like, phases. It stopped being, like, metal.

[Zach Amico]

It became, like, anime for a while. Yeah. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They do all these weird things. Like, hot.

[Mike Cannon]

Basically, Spencer's gifts. Like, they've also taken the mini dick, like, you know, whatever bachelorette party kind of motif.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Spencer's gift. It's still pretty cool, though, though.

[Mike Cannon]

They have them.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They still have them? Oh, yeah. Spencer's gift still exists.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I live in Jersey. So we'll catch out of Spencer's gift once in a while. And I bring my kid. Then you have to, like, hide them. It was so funny because you remember being a kid, like, there's a section in the back that is all, like, the sex stuff and, like, the dicks and all that stuff. And they used to sell at Spencer's Gifts, which is so funny to me. It was a cane with a mirror on the bottom of it. So you look up girl skirts. And as an adult now I'm like, oh, it was like a novelty. Like, it was a gag. Like, you didn't. Weren't really supposed to use it. But for me, I was like, dude, that is genius.

[Mike Cannon]

Nobody would ever suspect it.

[Zach Amico]

Dude. On the. In the first Pee Wee thing, the one was on hbo. You know what I'm talking about? When it was a live show at the Roxy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Do you remember you had a friend named Hammy who was like a Spanish kid?

[Mike Cannon]

No.

[Zach Amico]

And he ate ham sandwiches. His name was Hammy. They. Hammy. Hammy's sister comes over, dude. And they taped mirrors to their shoes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And put their feet under her dress. And she goes, jokes on you. I'm not wearing underpants. And they both go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Didn'T. I think he might have done the mirror on the shoe gag. And another thing as well, Peewee. Because I don't remember seeing that. But I remember. I remember pee with the shoes. With the mirrors on his shoes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That was to me, I remember from the HBO special. And that was what? Because originally it was a show at the rocks. Yeah. There. There it is.

[Mike Cannon]

Is that Bill Hader?

[Luis J. Gomez]

This really is the original Lewis and Zach.

[Zach Amico]

And it's crazy because she's dressed as a little girl. And that's his sister.

[Mike Cannon]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This supposed to be the Spanish guy, sister.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm not wearing underpants.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's funny.

[Zach Amico]

All right, before we get out of here, one more thing. Lion storms into South African grocery store.

[Mike Cannon]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

Let's close. Let's close on a big kitty cat.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's see. Whoa. Is that. Did that naturally just coming to the store?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Or is this somebody. Somebody let the line in the store to make a viral video.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's our lions just roaming South Africa near a grocery store.

[Zach Amico]

Like that might be. Shannon, do we have any more info?

[Mike Cannon]

That guy was super close. Right.

[Zach Amico]

It says in a jaw dropping moment, a wild lion wandered a grocery in South Africa, leaving shoppers stunned and scrambling. No one was harmed. But a powerful reminder that nature doesn't always stay outside.

[Mike Cannon]

I think it does for the most part.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, but he's got to see all that meat and be like, why don't I come here every day?

[Mike Cannon]

I was just thinking that what am I hunting for? Hopefully this guy doesn't have a big mouth. Lets all the other lions know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's so weird.

[Zach Amico]

Like that would scare. Can you imagine though, that thing that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Size I run through, through, through. There's a park near my house. Like it's like a big like trails that wind around and around. You can go from like town to town in Jersey. And there's like a family of deer that's the same ones they have like, they're like, they're teenage boys. They have like the like little.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the little, little antlers.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Right. And there's like three of them. And there's one girl. One. And I see them literally every day now and then you start to like think like, do animals live in this? Like in my mind animals would like roam wherever.

[Mike Cannon]

Territory.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. But it's like I'm assuming that Earth is where deers live. They can just be three miles away. But these deer for like months now in the exact same spot every single day.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So they have like their own home.

[Zach Amico]

I mean that's what cats. Like the. My sister in law's old backyard was just always feral cats.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So I think, yeah, I think maybe they have like a block they hang out on.

[Mike Cannon]

Well, I think it's like similar. They just find where the food's good, they find where it's safe. Because I, I'm in the exact same same boat where it's like they no park. I'm in the exact same boat park. It's just they find a certain area. Whereas, like, they could eat non stop. Nobody's hunting them. It's illegal. And you are like, waving to them on a run. They have no predators.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My also, my girlfriend's just like a. I don't want to call her dumb, but she's a blonde chick, so she's so excited about like, oh, we know wildlife, about wild animals.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, we know. Actually, Liz, I don't know if we ever told you this. So the first time we met your lovely partner.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

We were on the road and it was me, you, Aaron, and Paco. And she, I think was a little, like, nervous, so she didn't talk much. And this was our impression of her. The first time we met, if you remember, we pulled up to a hotel, we were in Colorado, and there were a family of deer in front of the hotel eating. And Aaron turns the engine off. We open up the window and every. And she's on her phone and we're like, wow, look at. It's so beautiful. Nobody make any noise. This is like nature. And ever. We stopped the car and it was so beautiful. And then she just looks up from her phone and goes, dear. And they scatter. So every time she left the room, me and Paco would go, dear.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She. Dude, she loves. She goes in the backyard, there's like chipmunks and rabbits and she feels like a Disney.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

She loves help her get dressed in the morning.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But I'm like, like, I just grew up in that area, so I just.

[Zach Amico]

See a squirrel holds an ice pack for a black eye. All right, we're going to call it there. That is our heart out. Thank you guys so much. Tuning in. Thank you to my guests, Mike Cannon. Check out the beautiful boys podcast.

[Mike Cannon]

Love you, buddy.

[Zach Amico]

Love you. And across the table from me, my brother, I absolutely love you so much. And thank you for being here here. And thank you guys so much. We got two more episodes this week, exclusive on Friday for subscribers. And I will see you this Wednesday here on the Morning Zoo. Bye.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And join the crew. It's a Miko morning, too. It's a Miko morning, too.