0022. Andy Malafarina, Nate Marshall and Chris Faga

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Luis and Zac Show" Episode 0022 Featuring Andy Malafarina, Nate Marshall, and Chris Faga

Release Date: December 26, 2024

---

1. Introduction and Special Guests (00:00 - 01:35)

In this episode of The Luis and Zac Show, hosts Luis J. Gomez and Zac Amico welcome special guest host Chris Vega alongside returning guests Nate Marshall and Andy Malafarina from the Panties in the Mouth podcast. The group reunites in Austin, Texas, setting the stage for a lively and unfiltered discussion.

Notable Quote:

• Zach: "Reunited." [01:35]

---

2. Life in Austin: Climate and Lifestyle Adjustments (01:35 - 03:07)

The conversation begins with the guests sharing their experiences adjusting to Austin's climate and lifestyle. Nate Marshall appreciates the faster pace, while Zac humorously mentions, "Drinking a ton." The hosts discuss the challenges of transitioning from cooler northeastern climates to Austin's variable temperatures, highlighting the difficulty in managing the intense heat and humidity during summer months.

Notable Quotes:

• Nate Marshall: "I like the pace of Austin a lot more." [01:38]
• Zach: "It's hotter than it was when the sun was." [02:12]

---

3. Comedy Scene in Austin: Political and Social Observations (03:07 - 06:34)

Luis and the guests delve into the local comedy scene in Austin, critiquing the political leanings and cultural attitudes of audiences. They express frustration with comedians supporting controversial politicians, labeling such actions as "gay" in a derogatory manner. The discussion touches on the decline of comedy's political balance, with audiences becoming more polarized and less receptive to diverse viewpoints.

Notable Quotes:

• Lewis: "If you like a politician, you are a fucking faggot, period." [04:16]
• Nate Marshall: "Philly audiences are great." [03:40]
• Lewis: "Austin's got a cool vibe. The problem is too many the comics are Trump nut hugging." [04:12]

---

4. Therapy Dogs at the Gym: Legitimacy and Impact (11:30 - 16:33)

The hosts investigate a peculiar trend of individuals bringing therapy dogs to gyms, which Luis critically examines. They question the legitimacy of these therapy dogs, noting the minimal certification required and the potential disruptions they cause in fitness environments. The conversation includes anecdotes about gym manager Terry Blacks and the backlash Luis received online for highlighting the issue.

Notable Quotes:

• Lewis: "There's no training required. It is literally a dog that makes a person feel good." [11:08]
• Chris Vega: "I just like, love her more out of that beard." [14:05]
• Lewis: "The manager from it's so funny, Terry Blacks also goes to the gym." [11:49]

---

5. Social Media Behavior: Trolling and Online Interactions (22:01 - 24:36)

The discussion shifts to the impact of social media on personal lives and mental health. Luis reflects on his habit of trolling on Twitter, acknowledging that it alienates him from respected peers. The guests debate the merits and drawbacks of engaging with online trolls, with some advocating for restricting such interactions to preserve mental well-being.

Notable Quotes:

• Lewis: "I have to stop being such a lunatic. Lunatic on Twitter." [24:33]
• Nate Marshall: "You're spending your time on Twitter." [24:56]
• Chris Vega: "I block my friends if they annoy me." [24:48]

---

6. Pranks and Public Behavior: Ethics and Consequences (46:06 - 56:37)

Luis and the guests explore the realm of public pranks, scrutinizing actions that verge on dangerous or unethical behavior. They discuss instances such as spraying pesticides on produce, pranking individuals in supermarkets, and the fine line between humor and harm. The conversation highlights societal responses to such pranks, including arrests and public outcry, emphasizing the importance of responsible comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Lewis: "That's a solid prank. That is a prank." [48:31]
• Nate Marshall: "He was arrested for stealing the bug spray?" [49:40]
• Chris Vega: "This is attempted murder." [52:22]

---

7. Personal Anecdotes: Relationships and Anger Management (37:35 - 43:32)

The hosts share personal stories related to relationships and managing anger. Luis recounts past relationships where conflicts escalated to self-harm and discusses his approach to ending toxic relationships early to prevent further emotional harm. Chris opens up about his anger issues during the COVID-19 pandemic, leading to destructive behaviors like punching himself.

Notable Quotes:

• Lewis: "I break off, and people are like, oh, Louis, you can't hold a girlfriend." [40:47]
• Chris Vega: "She's like, you can't do that." [40:59]
• Nate Marshall: "Only God can judge you." [14:05]

---

8. Driving Experiences and Car Ownership (57:05 - 74:36)

The conversation transitions to driving experiences and car ownership. Luis discusses his past accidents and outlines a personal goal to avoid any crashes over the next four years to earn rewards like gifting his car to his son. The guests humorously talk about their driving habits, car preferences, and encounters on the road, blending humor with reflections on personal responsibility behind the wheel.

Notable Quotes:

• Lewis: "I spoke two and a half years with no accidents. People act like into accidents all the time." [72:35]
• Zach: "What's the plan if you get into an accident that you'll most likely get into." [75:10]
• Chris Vega: "He was driving like, you look like you'd be competing in Power Slap." [58:28]

---

9. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events (75:07 - End)

As the episode concludes, Luis and the guests promote upcoming tours, shows, and special content available on the Gas Digital Network. They encourage listeners to support local comedy venues like The Creek and Mothership, highlighting their importance in nurturing talent and fostering community. The hosts also share holiday wishes, reflecting on the episode's candid and energetic discussions.

Notable Quotes:

• Luis: "I'm going to start a new tour in 2025. The Bring 5 Friends tour." [30:14]
• Zach: "Support the creek and cave." [67:07]
• Lewis: "I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas." [71:13]

---

Conclusion

Episode 0022 of The Luis and Zac Show offers an unfiltered exploration of various topics, from the dynamics of the Austin comedy scene and the legitimacy of therapy dogs in gyms to the ethical boundaries of public pranks and the personal challenges of managing anger and driving responsibly. Through candid conversations and bold humor, Luis, Zac, and their guests provide listeners with a raw and engaging perspective on contemporary social issues and personal anecdotes.

Transcript

[Lewis]

It's better over here. AT&T customers switching to T Mobile has never been easier. We'll pay off your existing phone and.

[Chris Vega]

Give you a new one free.

[Lewis]

All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom to switch today. Pay off up to 650 via virtual prepaid MasterCard in 15 days. Free phone up to 830 via 24.

[Zach]

Monthly bill credits plus tax.

[Lewis]

Qualifying port in trade in service on Go 5G next. And credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue build credits or credit stop and balance and required finance agreement is due. Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what time it is? They say life a bit tight at night. Boy, we diving in. We got Zakamiko, red dot, head shot, need a sniper. The Puerto Rican point guard striking like a viper. Lewis and Z back. And it came to attack, spilling crack on the track. Lewis and Z back. What's going on, boys? Welcome to the Lewis and Zach show with special guest host Chris Vega. What's up, kids?

[Zach]

What's up, man? Is this the first Zach what's up?

[Lewis]

Since it's been maybe, I think the first Lewis.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

We got Nate Marshall, Andy Malfarina here from the Panties in the Mouth podcast. You guys are back together down here in Austin. Yes.

[Zach]

Reunited.

[Lewis]

How you liking the move? How's everything going, boys?

[Zach]

Loving it.

[Nate Marshall]

Loving it with it. I like the pace of Austin a lot more.

[Zach]

Drinking a ton.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, we're all getting very fat.

[Lewis]

Well, now. Now that the winter's here, I mean, you have to. It's got to be good. But, dude, summertime.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, it's rough. Being a plus size model is rough. Just, you can't, like, hide. Gorgeous f. Well, I didn't realize. Well, I didn't realize, like, living in Northeast once, like, the winter would hit, I'd be like, oh, I get to hide in my one hoodie all year. And now you're like, oh, no. Oh, no. And then it's just pulling my shirt.

[Lewis]

Every other second, sticking to you. And you're. You got a beard.

[Nate Marshall]

That's.

[Lewis]

Oh, my God, dude, I can't even imagine.

[Zach]

It's confusing, too. Like, it'll start, like the morning will be like 50 something degrees. And then out of nowhere, it's like 70. And then at night, it's 80. Like, it's hotter than it was when the sun was.

[Nate Marshall]

And then when. And then when like June hits, it's just humid all the time.

[Zach]

Yeah, that's pretty.

[Lewis]

It's pretty wild. I would. If I ever lived here. I would literally June, I'd leave. I wouldn't come back until October.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

Impossible. I feel like it wasn't that bad.

[Chris Vega]

I was here in August. It was fine.

[Lewis]

No, no, no, it wasn't.

[Nate Marshall]

No, it wasn't.

[Lewis]

No. Because you were on a copious amount of drugs and that's why you thought it was fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Vega]

That's why I run hot because I'm.

[Lewis]

Always on cold chills, hot flashes. You were having it all. There's no moderating temperature with Chris Vega. He doesn't know what temperature even.

[Chris Vega]

I'm just, I just a mid level guy. You just always got to be on a little bit Academy.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

And I Look, I really do love Austin, you know, I, you know, it is, it is a cool place. I know. I hate on, I hate on Austin a lot.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

But I just like to fuck with the people who live down here. I like to fudgeing, you know.

[Nate Marshall]

Oh, it is.

[Zach]

We get destroyed by everybody up north. Like everyone down there sucks.

[Lewis]

You guys fucking.

[Nate Marshall]

I saw the best comment on fucking Twitter. What Lemaire did kill Tony. The comment was just like the Philly boys were supposed to save comedy, not join the dark side. I'm like, you need to calm down, bro.

[Lewis]

Look, it's a good scene. Here's the thing. New York and la, the audiences, they actually suck. They're like legitimately just woke.

[Chris Vega]

Philly audiences are great.

[Lewis]

Is a great. But the Austin audiences, they have a like, you know, they're a little bit racist. They're a little right. They're. They're just down. They're open minded. They don't give away words. Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

You could get people that are kind of liberal, but they also have a lot of guns.

[Lewis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

I like and also too like, like down here you could be at a shitty bar show and there will be like some tourists that don't know any better that got like barked into your bar show and like you could actually have real people in the audience.

[Lewis]

Yeah, it's. No, no. Austin's got a cool vibe. The problem is too many. The comics are Trump nut hugging, which.

[Chris Vega]

Is also a variation of being gay.

[Lewis]

This whole contingency of that's the gayest thing. Faggots that like politicians. I don't give a shit what side you're on. If you like a politician, you are a fucking faggot, period. I don't want me to say. It's fine. By the way. I'm not even saying don't support or don't vote. Like, I don't vote. I'm not saying that everyone, like, everyone has their own shit. But, yo, if that's your fucking thing, you're like, dude, I'm a fucking. I love Trump. I love Biden. You're a faggot. What do you want me to say?

[Chris Vega]

You own political merch. You should be castrated.

[Zach]

Too many people. I did want Trump sneakers when he dropped those.

[Lewis]

The issue is that, you know, you're making a political statement with your shoes, which is gay, and that sucks. You know what I'm saying? That's my issue with if a lot when you come down here, dude. Like, you know, dude, Tony, I don't. I don't remember who. He brought some female politician to Skankfest. He's like, look at it. Look who's here. And I was like, I don't care. Why do you think I'd be impressed by a politician being here? Was it Tulsi?

[Chris Vega]

There's a couple now that are pretty hot.

[Nate Marshall]

I'm on. What's the. What's the UFO lady? Nancy Mace. She's trying to reveal UAPs and being a bad while doing it.

[Chris Vega]

She's kind of hot, but she, like, is like, hates the one tranny in Congress. She's just like, oh, yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

Her whole thing being like, get your dicks out of the ladies room.

[Lewis]

Yeah. And the problem is, like, yo, like, the people on. On the right used to just have good sense of humor. You could around. And now if you make a joke about Trump, they're like, dude, you're a. You're a party. Like, bro, we shouldn't like politicians. They're all criminals. They're all pieces of. We should all just agree with that and move on and make jokes about whatever.

[Chris Vega]

Right? Me and Stanley made a joke about Oliver Anthony when that song came out. And Stanley's entire joke was like, why are you shitting on fat people?

[Lewis]

I'm fat.

[Chris Vega]

America's fat.

[Lewis]

You fucking.

[Chris Vega]

And then people were just like, you don't get it, dude. It's like he literally said, the fats of America will save you. Like, this is clearly retarded.

[Nate Marshall]

I got so annoyed when the right tried to take, like, the crown of, like, we get comedy. And it's like, well, unless, you know.

[Lewis]

They did for a little while. For a little while. It was like straight up, it was like, yeah, right. Right before Trump got in office. And then Trump got office and everyone went fucking nuts and everyone just scattered far to either side. Yeah. And everyone started being Gay about all this shit. So I just try to fuck you. I don't try to talk politics. I don't try to talk any of that. I think it just sucks. So. But that's my only issue with Austin is you come down here and everyone's just like, ah, Trump. Right?

[Zach]

Like, but then you can find the rooms that aren't that, that are liberal and. But there is like a couple that I do like, but they are kind of gay.

[Lewis]

Like, you can still find a gay.

[Zach]

You can find gay the other way up there.

[Lewis]

Gun to my head, if you have to choose a side, you probably go right.

[Zach]

Right. You know, but at the same, comedy wise.

[Lewis]

Yeah, come because. Just because that's my, that's where my interest lies. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, beyond that, it's, it's dope. The food down here is great. The chicks are hot down here.

[Zach]

Yeah, I do miss bodegas.

[Lewis]

Like, I, I, yo, all these, like, royal blues.

[Chris Vega]

Like, I got a, I got him a protein shake and I got a cup of coffee. Was $12. Like, it was like, get the.

[Lewis]

There's no bodega.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah. There's no Arab Yemeni slaves working for 12 hours.

[Lewis]

I also don't like that. I say get him out of the country. I say close all those shitholes down. I said this a lot, doggy. I, I have. I appreciate good marketing, dude. And bodegas, they just don't know how to mar. You ever see a bodega, like, sign? The outside of the sign, it just says deli. Yeah. Give it a name. You have an llc, do something. Be creative. Get a color scheme, get a logo. Are you out of your mind? You can't just put a little bit of effort in, you dumb Dominican. It's insane. But down here, the chicks are sick. I, I'm going to a lifetime to work out and it's just, just bang.

[Zach]

I would have loved to been down here a little younger. Like six Street. Like Six street looks like the spot to be when you're like 25 still wanting to like, bar hop. Bar hop.

[Lewis]

I can't do any of that.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

But just so even if I was drinking and, and I only stopped not that long ago, but even if I was, it would have never, I mean, for a very long time, it wouldn't have been that. I like a nice quiet spot. I want to talk. Like, if me and you get drinks, bro, I want to go have, like, talk, you know, I want to have, I want to sit in a nice spot, quiet, and then if some walk.

[Chris Vega]

In, we will yell at them.

[Lewis]

Yes. But no, none of it. Like, no loud music, just. Just pure chaos.

[Zach]

Never like that at any point. Early 20s.

[Chris Vega]

I never really, like, the only way, like I ever had fun at a club is like my, like, if you go with like a bunch of hood black dudes who are getting bottle service. That's fun. Yeah, there's just dumb white around or like, my boy was a promoter and they're into it. So I can like, all right, I'm gonna pretend I like this to this hot blonde chick tonight, right? And then other than that, I like, if I, if like me and you went in there, we'd be like, just gay. Like, immediately before us went to like a club right now. We would look around and be like, I hate this. It's gay.

[Lewis]

I'm talking to a chick right now. She's like, yo. Because I, I'm not like, not drinking like that. I told her I'd go out with her for drinks one night and she's like, she's like, yeah, we'll go to this club. And I'm like, are you out of your mind? Do you think I'm gonna, I'll, I'll turn right around within 15 minutes. I can't do it. Loud music just.

[Nate Marshall]

I've never been a fan of the second I'm in a room where the music's too loud, I'm like, you taking away the one thing I'm good at. It's talking, eating.

[Lewis]

I was like, you can still eat.

[Nate Marshall]

But no, that's not, that's not going to get me. Like, you see how much I fit in one bite?

[Chris Vega]

You see how fast I house that ho?

[Lewis]

So I, I want to talk about Lifetime Fitness down here because it is, it is something else. It is, it's a really nice brand. I, I'm going to li. I get kicked out of Equino ago. I go to Lifetime now. National brand. $350 a month I pay to go to anyone in the country. Right. It's very expensive. It's supposed to be a high end brand. I will say the chicks at Lifetime, downtown Austin, banging big fat asses, little tiny waist. I love the fact that white because I love. I, I love me a white. There's just top, top of the line. There ain't nothing better than a white chick. White, like right here. Whites, Latinas and then whatever.

[Chris Vega]

I like a good age.

[Nate Marshall]

I do that. The black lady's faces, it's.

[Lewis]

No, but in Asian, I mean, in Asian for like, just Like a one off is kind of a fun thing, but like, you know, I've been to Asia.

[Chris Vega]

They're pretty good.

[Lewis]

Yeah, no, I don't really. But these white chicks down here, they've all learned how to have fat asses. They, they like we learn. These chicks, they. All the Mexicans, they've learned that their bodies are malleable. They learn how to just do squats. It's like a new thing. And they have big beautiful asses. And there's all these girls at the gym. I'm having a great time, just working out, enjoying it. And then as I'm just kind of scoping around the gym looking at these hot chicks, I see there's a guy. This is insane. This is maybe the craziest thing ever. I want your opinions on this guy. This is the craziest thing maybe I've ever seen in my entire life. And I'm getting flamed online for pointing this out. I posted a video of it. There was a guy with a. Specifically, it said therapy. Is it called the therapy dog?

[Nate Marshall]

I'm convinced that 99 of these therapy dogs are fake.

[Lewis]

No, they're all. Yeah, I've looked into this because I'm kind of obsessed with this topic now. Ye. There's no real. Like, all it is is you get a certification. All you gotta. It's a certification.

[Chris Vega]

It's illegal to ask for the documentation a therapy animal.

[Lewis]

There's no training required. It is literally a dog that makes a person feel good. And by the way, I know that they're all who want to pet nice animals. Right? And that's fine. Go be a retard and pet your animal if it makes you feel better. I don't really give a. I think also I think all dogs and cats are kind of therapy dogs, Right. I think that's why you probably get a pet.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

This is in the fucking gym.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

Not only with his therapy dog at his side. What? I wish I could see what.

[Chris Vega]

And then by the fact, by the way, we did find out where this guy lives.

[Lewis]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I won't dox him. Don't say anything.

[Chris Vega]

I'm not gonna say anything else. But we did find out where he lives.

[Lewis]

The manager from it's so funny, Terry Blacks also goes to the gym. And I was talking with him there and he was like, yo, this guy's the worst. And he was like. And he told us where. He was like, hey, you know, we know exactly where he lives. He's got a bunch of dogs. And this guy shows up Every day with his therapy dog to the gym and doggy. This is what I saw the video. I'll show you here in a second. But what I, what I saw, the reason I even pulled out my camera was because this guy was sitting on a machine and he had like, you know, one of those like ropes, like with knots on the ends and it was, it was insane. He was throwing it maybe 20, 30ft across the gym.

[Zach]

He was playing fetch.

[Lewis]

He was playing fetch with his dog that's running, getting it coming back. You'll see. This is when he came back. Play.

[Chris Vega]

Everybody in this fucking has a backyard.

[Lewis]

What are you doing?

[Zach]

I'm not going to lie. I'm real gay. Andy knows I'm really gay about dogs.

[Chris Vega]

I love dogs, but this is ridiculous.

[Nate Marshall]

That's psychotic.

[Chris Vega]

This would drive me insane.

[Nate Marshall]

No, there's a weird, there's like a weird dog culture down here where like.

[Lewis]

Says, justin, I'm blind, I can't see it.

[Chris Vega]

It's a service animal.

[Lewis]

It's a service dog. Yeah, well it says therapy dog.

[Zach]

Service and therapy I think is different.

[Lewis]

Though, you know, sir, an actual like a dog that is made for a blind. It's fine. A dog that's made for a blind person, like or you know, somebody who's disabled or whatever.

[Chris Vega]

I don't want a blind person at the GY either. You're bumping into, you're knocking over weights. I don't want a blind person at the gym.

[Lewis]

But like so, so these, by the way, therapy dogs is what I found out after I did my independent research on it via chat GPT. These dogs, they're, you're. They're actually not allowed in restaurants and gyms.

[Nate Marshall]

They're not like no one wants to talk.

[Lewis]

Everyone thinks you can see, everyone thinks you can. That's not true. Service animals are. Yeah, these animals are not. They're actually the only thing you really get for having a therapy dog is you don't have to pay a deposit at an apartment or you don't have to. You can't be denied having your animal. It's a loophole to get a dog in a place where you're not allowed to have a dog.

[Zach]

My dog is technically that under my girl's name, but that was why she wanted a dog for. Cuz I'm not home.

[Lewis]

So you were one of the people who have scratched the rules of the system.

[Zach]

That's why you brought up. I was like, you're going to hate what I say.

[Lewis]

Not. I'm not going to hate it. It's just, you know, scumbag move. But it's fine.

[Chris Vega]

Love your girl, all right? I just like, love her more out of that beard.

[Nate Marshall]

Only God can judge you.

[Chris Vega]

So.

[Lewis]

I mean, look, I don't really like. If it's just to get your dog in an apartment.

[Zach]

We don't do nothing else gay with him. We don't bring them into any place.

[Chris Vega]

That's not like a fucking dogs in the subway constantly.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, to not have to pay the fucking animal fee for your apartment. I fully support that. To get your dog at the gym so you can play fetch.

[Zach]

Yeah, I would never do a restaurant, by the way.

[Lewis]

Justin, pull up some of these comments, please, will you? Will you read me some of the comments that are hitting me like, mind your fucking business. I paid 350amonth to not have a dog running past me playing fetch.

[Nate Marshall]

Karen. Jacob.

[Lewis]

Let's see what else they got.

[Nate Marshall]

Well, people also get up their own.

[Zach]

Ass when you call the cops on them. He just posted.

[Nate Marshall]

Wait, wait.

[Lewis]

You better believe that. I. Karen, the. I was like, this is insane. He's playing fetch. She's like, oh, dizzy. And I know this knows. I see it in her face. You don't even care. Yeah, because down here this is an issue. This is the Austin you're supposed to be Texas gun. Tough doggy. They're a bunch of queers.

[Nate Marshall]

Austin's not Texas.

[Zach]

No, we saw Texas for the first time.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah. Last week we went to range day and.

[Chris Vega]

Oh yeah, that was called, by the way. That was awesome. Why didn't I just go down for the whole month?

[Lewis]

Read me some of these comments. Read me some of the shittier ones about me that are trashing me. What did Mark Norman say?

[Nate Marshall]

No, he just liked it.

[Lewis]

Oh, good.

[Nate Marshall]

Norman supports you.

[Lewis]

Good.

[Nate Marshall]

It was. Got banned from Equinox. Now we got to deal with Planet Fitness type.

[Lewis]

If it was Planet Fitness, I would understand. Ye.

[Chris Vega]

You feed the dog pizza crust.

[Lewis]

Yeah. Literally nothing wrong here though. Just a man and his dog minding their own business. Are you out of your fucking mind? It's not a dog minding his own business. It's. I can't even imagine how anybody would be okay with it. First of all, it's not safe for the dog, right? People are fucking slamming weights around. If, by the way, if that dog came near me, I would fucking drop a 70 pound weight on its head on purpose. I fucking. I. I swear to God, I would. I pray to God that this.

[Chris Vega]

This guy think about you final destinationing dogs in a gym environment is so fun.

[Lewis]

The fact, there's people that are allergic, right? There's, there's 200, 250 people in the gym. Yo, if I was, what? If I was allergic, I'm not.

[Chris Vega]

And you have an elevated heart rate. You're running. You're allergic to dogs now. You're on your head.

[Nate Marshall]

You run into the wall.

[Lewis]

Your dogs lick their fucking assholes. They walk and trample through their shit. They're now bringing it into the gym. They're fucking. It's an animal. Yeah, it's a fudgeing animal.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, it's just like trashy bullshit. It's like, dude, just leave your dog at home. This is where people work out. Stop being a dickhead.

[Lewis]

The amount of people that are calling me a pussy and a bitch because I fucking pointed this out is crazy. Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. Discover the year's top audiobooks, podcasts and originals in all your favorite genres, from memoirs and sci fi to mysteries and thrillers. Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment, like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984.

[Zach]

Heartfelt memoirs like Supreme Court Justice Ketanji.

[Lewis]

Brown Jackson's lovely one, the year's best fiction, like the Women by Kristin Hannah and Percival Everett's brilliantly subversive James Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com imagine and discover all the year's best waiting for you. Did you know that you can make your life saving donation to Doctors Without Borders? Go even further. Whether you donate stock, recommend a grant through your donor advised fund, or make an IRA qualified charitable distribution, you can take advantage of strong market performance this year to maximize your charitable impact, making it possible for Doctors Without Borders to stay ready to respond in more than 70 countries around the world. Together we go further Explore ways to give at doctors without borders.org podcast the.

[Zach]

Holidays are all about sharing with family meals, couches, stories, Grandma's secret pecan pie recipe, and now you can also share a cart with Instacart family carts. Everyone can add what they want to one group cart from wherever they are so you don't have to go from room to room to find out who wants cranberry sauce or whether you should get mini marshmallows for the yams or collecting votes for sugar cookies versus shortbread. Just share a cart and then share the meals. In the moments, download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. Is there anywhere you think dogs can be like, like you bring a dog?

[Chris Vega]

The park.

[Lewis]

The park.

[Chris Vega]

That's where fucking dogs are supposed to.

[Lewis]

What if it's one of the. There is a, there's a, there's under a parked car. I would park on top of a dog. No, I like dogs. Here's the thing. I think people think I hate dogs. I don't hate dogs. I hate mor on owners, right? I've talked so much about like pit bulls and them attacking and all that, right? You get idiot owners who don't know how to handle their dog. People are like, no, it's only bad, it's not even just bad owners. It's, it's aloof owners. You get some dumb who can't handle a giant.

[Chris Vega]

You know, even with the little dogs, it's like. So you're never like. The worst thing you can do for a small dog is pick it up when it's acting up. Because it'll just act up more so it gets attention and people just do that and you could be on a plane. Now I got to deal with a baby and a barking dog. Go yourself.

[Lewis]

It's just the most. Dude, there was a, there was a. I swear to God, this year there was a dog right in front of me, in front of the seat. Therapy dog with this woman on the plane. Dogs like in her lap. I stood up and I went, I mouthed the words. I went. You're. I swear to God, I, I got so. I get so angry when they break because it's just a very inconsiderate thing to bring a dog into somebody else's space and make you have to, to deal with it.

[Zach]

What if they're moving? What if they're moving from te us to New York?

[Lewis]

Put the dog under the plane drive.

[Zach]

Is that what they do? They put it.

[Lewis]

You don't pay more money, they put it on the plane. Those dogs die all the time. They suffocate, packages fall on top of them. It's, I gotta be honest. I don't, I, I, I'm, I am kidding. I don't hate dogs at all. I actually love dogs.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

For all the, that I talk about pit bulls like I, every pitbull I've met, I've really liked. I've never.

[Zach]

There are ones.

[Lewis]

Yeah, of course there are.

[Chris Vega]

It's also the way you feel when you talk, when you tell jokes about black people.

[Nate Marshall]

It's fine P school most of the time, but you have to be mindful of the fact that it's a Jaws are baby head size.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

And like, dude, he. He needs one spaz to just murk that baby.

[Lewis]

So, yeah, like, at a restaurant, if there's an outdoor eating area and you bring your dog, even if it's not a service, I don't really give a. If you're outside and the dog's sitting by you at brunch, like, I never really. You're outdoors. It's kind of like, I think a.

[Chris Vega]

Dive bar dogs are fine at.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

It's not really serving food.

[Zach]

I only do it at a place that's like, this is what we do. You bring your dogs here. There's a brewery near me that they're, like, out front of their place. They have, like, Kongs.

[Lewis]

And if that's marketing, like TD bank, by the way, their whole thing was they give your dog a bone and they have a little thing out. That's their marketing. That's fine. I can choose to bank there. Choose not to bank there. I. Look, if that's the thing, I know there's, like, cat. Like, there's cat cafes where you go and you play with a cat while you drink tea. If you're an absolute lunatic.

[Zach]

Boy, we have a friend that does that.

[Lewis]

Yeah, it's great.

[Zach]

Shout out, Pat George.

[Chris Vega]

Just get a cat in your house.

[Zach]

30 kids.

[Chris Vega]

Really?

[Zach]

No, he has three.

[Nate Marshall]

He's three. Pat's.

[Lewis]

No.

[Nate Marshall]

Pat could break your neck. Because he's good. He.

[Zach]

He did skate fest. He was like, the big.

[Nate Marshall]

I admire him. He does not mind being a gay sometimes.

[Zach]

No, no, no.

[Nate Marshall]

He's got to be a gay sometimes. You just got to be a gay.

[Lewis]

Dude, I'm a gay. Every day I post an Instagram photo. Just flexing people. Like, dude, you're a. I'm like, I know, I know. I'm a dude.

[Nate Marshall]

That was one of my favorite.

[Lewis]

I started. I started trolling everyone on Twitter. I started doing on Twitter, but now I, I, I literally. I've had at least three people that I respect be like, dude, you got to stop going back at Twitter trolls.

[Nate Marshall]

What are you doing?

[Lewis]

Nobody that we respect. You spending your time on Twitter.

[Chris Vega]

I don't know. My favorite bit on the entire Internet is you, quote, tweeting somebody posting a picture of their goofy face.

[Lewis]

Just like, I don't think you should do this.

[Chris Vega]

Makes me laugh every single time.

[Lewis]

I love it too. My new thing is, it'll be like, somebody will have, like, a picture. It'll be like a cat, and then like, that's their. That's their profile picture. And they're like, you're a. I'm just like, you're a cat. A horse. I did some. Really?

[Nate Marshall]

A cat.

[Lewis]

Somebody had a mustang logo. I was like, you're a mustang logo, bro. Are you coming at me? But it is like, it is fucking.

[Nate Marshall]

No, dude. How are they going to know they're gay? I'm the exact.

[Chris Vega]

You're helping.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, I was like fudgeing. We were going to Pat George again. We're going to his place for fucking Thanksgiving. And my wife's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm calling this guy on Tick Tock gay because he doesn't like the band. I like. It's actually incredibly necessary. So we'll be late to pass.

[Lewis]

I specifically. You're. You're right. It is fun. But I do think about it. I was like, nobody that I actually really respect does that. They don't spend their time doing the people. I'm too busy to do that. That's the reality. I have too much going on. So I find myself. I'll be on a flight and I'm just sitting in my chair. I'm like, let me just go at people. All this whole flight, six hours straight across country.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

And it's just. What does it even do it. It's not selling myself. I'm literally. I'm turning off a sect of my fan base. I don't know that I'm gaining any more followers. I gotta just chill. I gotta. Just entertaining though. It is entertaining, but it is just. It is, you know, it is. It reminds me of smoking cigarettes sets. Right. It literally. You think you're doing something cool. Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

It's cool as dude rules. Yeah, it's awesome.

[Chris Vega]

You should get a leather jacket too. Really cool guy in his 20s that doesn't have an identity yet.

[Lewis]

You get bored and you think you're doing something with your time. Right. So that's what it's going on. Right. So I. I'm going like, I'm just bored. I have nothing else that I'm twirling my thumbs. And if I don't do that, I like, I just feel this like anxiety where I'm like, what am I even doing right now? What I should do at that time is go create something. Go wr. Something. Go do some business. Make. Make. Write some emails. Actually spend my time doing. Because in that six hours on that flight, you can get a lot of done in six hours. Comics work. 18 minutes a day. We write three emails. We're like, I gotta take a break.

[Nate Marshall]

You watch a documentary. You're like, I'm researching.

[Lewis]

Yeah. That's what to talk about on the podcast. It's a crazy thing that we do. And. Yeah. So I think I'm gonna. I gotta, I gotta stop being such a lunatic. Lunatic on Twitter.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

And it's just a waste of time. It's just a waste of energy.

[Zach]

How hard do you think that'll be though? Because you're still going to see everything.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

Because you refuse to block people also.

[Lewis]

No, I, I've never. I've. I blocked. I blocked Nicole Arbor. It's the only person I've ever blocked.

[Chris Vega]

I block my friends if they annoy me.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I don't block.

[Nate Marshall]

Oh, dude, I love the. Not interested. If one of my friends is going like, too gay, I go, yeah, I'll see you in a month, bro.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

I literally unfollowed every single, single person on Facebook. I only follow pages on Facebook. Like, so I see if I open Facebook, I see no like political opinions from some guy I went to fourth grade with. And it's great.

[Lewis]

I will say that's my favorite thing. I lurk Facebook a lot. And I lurk just people that I used to know. Like my ex girlfriend. I don't want to say her name. There's a girl that I dated in like high school and she's just a full fledged mess. Like her whole life is like, her life is begging for money for people and like her just talking about how everyone's doing her wrong or if like. And it's just a true mess. Then another kid that I went to high school with, he's like this Puerto Rican kid and it's just like, he's like, yo, stay blessed. And he's got like a 98 Civic and he's in front of it and he's like posing and acting like he's winning.

[Chris Vega]

Some people, like, that's pages like once every three months. Let's see how disheveled this human being.

[Lewis]

There's another girl, the first girl I ever had a crush on. This. This is a. Oh, first of all, she's still a. A straight up dime piece. Really? I had a crush on her in the fourth grade. Right. And like, she never wasn't. She was a hot child. She was a hot pre teen. She was hot teenager, hot in college.

[Chris Vega]

It's not grooming if you know them.

[Lewis]

At the same age. She was always just strikingly beautiful. This. And I, in my mind, I was like, yo, she's the one that got away. Like in my head I was like, damn, I should have just made that happen in one way or another. Because she, to this day, she's a dime piece, but she's a goddamn mess. She had a guy that got her pregnant and like she had a whole thing on Instagram where she's just like, everything. She's like, he's a piece of. She's putting, putting DMS and texts between her and him being like, I'm gonna. Your best friend. Like, just. She got a 15 year old son who's got to like deal with this.

[Zach]

Like, damn, that's a bad age for your mom to be spazzing.

[Lewis]

Like, it's a crazy age. Yeah. So, all right, let's take a quick moment and thank one of our incredible sponsors, which is Yo Kratom. We love Yo Kratom. Longtime sponsors of this show and they support everything that we do. So if you guys are in the market for Kratom, you gotta get it from Yo Kratom to.

[Zach]

That's right, stop going to bodega smoke.

[Lewis]

Shops or gas stations and get a.

[Zach]

Little bit of Kratom at a time.

[Lewis]

When you get a whole kilo delivered right to your gosh darn door for just 60 smackaroonies. There's no promo code needed because it's.

[Zach]

Already the best deal in the world of Kratom.

[Nate Marshall]

We love them.

[Zach]

Yom.com home of the $60 kilo.

[Lewis]

Yeah, the. So the whole social media thing, it is like it has become destroy. If you're busy enough and you have enough going on, it shouldn't be. That's, that's like a young man's game. When you're like young in comedy, you don't have a lot of going on. You're like, let me just get in there and have with it. I am going to pull away. I got a mailing list now. We can do some plugs real quick. I got a mailing list. Go subscribe to my mailing list. Louisof skanks.com I do a bonus podcast, the Lewis Journal podcast, every week. It's the only way you guys can get it. I talk about everything from like fitness to parenting and mental health. It's very, it's more serious, toned, but I, I do it on there and I try to keep the more serious on that podcast. And I have this mailing list where we break news. If you guys want skank vest news, gas digital news, that's the best way to get it. But go subscribe to my mailing list and I think I'm just going to start interacting with people through my mailing list moving forward.

[Zach]

Who genuinely with you not the troll.

[Lewis]

Yeah these are like legitimately people that have gone through action. They didn't click a button. They went through an action put in type of the mailing list signed up. They want my updates for me to. It's just a waste of energy. I feel like you sending emails.

[Nate Marshall]

You're a. Sincerely, Louis.

[Lewis]

Nate what are you plugging my friend?

[Zach]

I'm headlining Velveeta room down here January 24th. I'm sure like Andy free Mac and cheese. I wish. And then RP panties in the mouth mouth PITM is probably how you'll find it out. The algorithm has been well that's why.

[Nate Marshall]

We had to switch a lot of the to PITM because YouTube hates it.

[Zach]

Still it still it's like we'll post some and it'll like because I look at it from like my not pannings account sometimes and it'll just to see how it goes and it won't show like new uploads. I have like the notifications clicked. It doesn't notify it. It's like I think no the same.

[Lewis]

Thing with real life podcasts. That's why we changed it to Lewis and Zach.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

People are mad like dude, the it's the same show. We. We literally. We talk about the same. We around with the same.

[Chris Vega]

It's the same people, the same producer.

[Lewis]

Yeah. So we. We changed the name because real ass pocket just wasn't growing and now Lewis and Zach, we're getting a little bit less viewers right now on YouTube but we have like a. A small fraction of the subscribers I have to my channel. So that's just growing. If you look at the percentage of people that we have subscribed compared to the viewers, it's actually pretty negligible. So that's growing. So subscribe to Lewis and Zach. But Andy, what do you. What do you plug in my friend?

[Nate Marshall]

Oh yeah. PITM with Nate. Also we mentioned our bud George. I have two pods with him. Drag the lake and no more Heroes. If you want to listen to me talk about new music, news and conspiracies and and also every day Twitch tv Andy Malfina, come hang out me over there.

[Zach]

Oh one last.

[Nate Marshall]

I talk a lot of the Patreon.

[Zach]

For the podcast too. We just did. We went that range day thing we talking about. We recorded it. We had somebody record it. It's going to be sick. It's on it's we in the page in like a couple weeks or something.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, it's sick.

[Chris Vega]

I'm not gonna do that. But you guys just send me the video because I'll watch it.

[Zach]

Gotcha.

[Chris Vega]

Nice. All right.

[Lewis]

What are you plugging?

[Chris Vega]

Chris, go check out the half hour. I just pet out burn after saying on YouTube it's on the high soc radio YouTube channel. But also make sure you check out High Society radio. On Gas Digital. We do a lot of fun bonus content. We were doing watch alongs for Thursday night football but we're gonna be doing something else as soon as football season is over. So go subscribe to gas digitalnetwork.com high society.

[Lewis]

Make sure you guys come see me on the road, guys. I have a brand new tour that I'm starting in 2025. The Bring 5 Friends tour. That's right guys. Don't come alone anymore. Bring five friends. January is going to be super packed. I got Columbus, Ohio on January 9th. I'm doing two shows. Zany's Rosemont, Illin, right outside of Chicago. January 10th and 11th. I'm going to be in Ghana, NA, Ontario, Canada, January 16th, Montreal the 17th and 18th. Ottawa on the 19th. I got North Charleston coming up. Naples, Florida coming up. Winnipeg is coming up in February. St Catherine's, Ontario at the end of February. Philadelphia. We got a lot of coming up. The whole San Diego, California, Houston, Texas all up on my website. I'm adding dates every single, adding links every single week. I put out the poster for the tour. That's not the only cities that I'm going to. And I'm filming a brand new special in July, July 12th in Tampa, Florida. Get those tickets early. The, the special night is going to sell out very quickly and we have the tickets on sale already. So grab those tickets in advance, come down to Florida. I'm spending the entire week in Tampa. We're going to be doing a lot of fun stuff. A lot of great comics are going to be coming and hanging out. So yeah, make sure you do that. Subscribe to the Gas Digital Network. Use that promo code, Laz. You get a bonus Lubus and Zach show every Friday just for subscribers. The only way to get that show is to subscribe to Gas Digital. And all of our shows are uncensored and ad the network. You get a pre release for a few days and you get access to the racist live chat. Everyone right now in the racist live chat. Hello. They're all calling me gay right now and they're all wishing AIDS on my son. So that's nice. I really appreciate it. Guys, check out all the other pods I do. The regs, Story wars, and obviously the legendary Legion of Skanks right here on the GAS Digital Network. Going to be announcing Skank Fest location and date, probably two or three days after Christmas. We're just waiting on hotels. We, we had, we have to have a hotel contract, and if we announce the date and location, we have the contract signed for the loc location and date. But if we announce where it's at, everyone will just buy up all the hotels and then we can't get all the comics together we need. We want to, you know, have all the comics in two or three hotels. So unfortunately, with it being Christmas week, we weren't able to get that done. But who knows? We'll announce it as soon as we can, guys. It's. And it's a new location. We've never been there before. It's going to be incredible. I'm very, very excited.

[Chris Vega]

Epstein's Island.

[Nate Marshall]

No, they said he's old, man. They said LOS was too offensive.

[Lewis]

So, yeah, so I, I, I'm talking about social media a lot, dude. I, dude, my.

[Chris Vega]

Can I just say something about your people should bring five friends to your tour thing, Please. I'm doing the early show here at the creek before your show, before I'm hosting your show last night, and I see four single dudes in the crowd and I go, God damn it. I'm have to do different jokes on.

[Lewis]

Lewis's show because, you know, they were coming to both. Yeah, yeah, I, you know my, my Instagram algorithm. What is your Instagram algorithm, Louis look like Nate ass if I open up.

[Chris Vega]

My for you sand. Oh, did I show you and wrestling. No, no, that's just what mine is, dude.

[Lewis]

Young girls have snuck back into mine, by the way. I got all the. They snuck back in.

[Nate Marshall]

They got right in there. They snuck back into a lock door with a sign that says, enter here.

[Chris Vega]

Please come in, young girl. Sup, sluts?

[Lewis]

Yeah, no, like, I, I have to. Every few months, I have to clean it out and I have to just keep on clicking on MMA videos, Brock Lesnar bodybuilders, just dudes, and then soon after my Discover page, all the young hot chicks disappear. And then what happens Is Instagram, like, the way it works? Doggy, this is what I've heard. Maybe I'm wrong about it, but, like, they watch your eyes. So if your eye, like, they have like, the whole thing open.

[Nate Marshall]

How long you hold on to a.

[Lewis]

Yeah, if you hold on to, like, an image of a hot young girl in her ass and are shaking a little tick tock ass. Then they're like, oh, that's what you really want. We don't give a what you're clicking on. We don't give a what you're like, I'm telling you right now. It's a crazy thing.

[Chris Vega]

The amount of times I'll go like, I'll not like remember, remember like a date. Like I'll have like a date like featuring for somebody and I'll be like, I don't remember when that is. I don't want to bother them. Let me go check their page. And I will click the search to go find like his page or Dave's. And then I'm like, look at all these butts.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

It's like, I'm like, wait, why was I here? And it's an hour and a half later.

[Lewis]

My son caught me the other day. He's like, I was, I just got caught and I'm looking. Then I clicked on. I was like, that's a great video. It's a hot young girl dancing. And he goes, dad, why are you looking at high school girls? And I'm like, she's in college.

[Nate Marshall]

Dad. How do you know? My friend.

[Lewis]

He called me out on. I was like, james, I'm looking at high school girls. It's the algorithm. It's not my fault, dude, My fault.

[Nate Marshall]

Oh, I'm sorry. I did the exact opposite cuz Instagram's been showing me a lot more Asians so I spend a lot of time on each one.

[Lewis]

Really?

[Nate Marshall]

Send me more, dude.

[Lewis]

There's one Asian I, I, I f. She's so hot that I followed her. She, I don't, I never follow Instagram thoughts ever.

[Chris Vega]

This one for people.

[Lewis]

I, I, I, I don't even know how to like how do I find I don't know where name.

[Nate Marshall]

Wait, is it the dude? The ones that get me is there's like a section of Instagram where it's like Korean chicks with super tiny waist and gigantic fake titties.

[Chris Vega]

Oh yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

And they'll be like, that gets me too.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

There's one that she's always wearing like tight biking, biking gear. Oh yeah.

[Lewis]

I'm like, I love this one. I, I wish I, I don't want to spend my time like searching for cuz I'd have to scroll. I don't remember her name but she was so hot that my thumb automatically went follow and I, I, and I was like that it my, it was a physical reaction she was so hot. I was like she's got follow.

[Zach]

I have to see more of you.

[Lewis]

Yeah, yeah. And I like I, I, I don't even. She must be like an only fans.

[Nate Marshall]

But she's Dude, I was down bad the other day. I follow. I didn't spend anything. I followed an AI account knowing it was an AI account.

[Chris Vega]

That is the horniest thing.

[Nate Marshall]

It was just making celebrities titties bigger. And I was like oh that's fine.

[Lewis]

That's kind of fun.

[Nate Marshall]

It was pretty good.

[Lewis]

That's kind of fun. Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

It just made every celebrity like huge tits and like awesome. Cosplay. Big cosplay guy right now.

[Lewis]

Yeah. The. So what's it called? The way the algorithms were even with that video that I posted of the guy in the gym. Like so what's happening is that is being shown because that's blowing up now. It's got over 100,000 views. It's going to probably get. It'll probably get a million if I had a guess. Because people are really. They're very passionate about it. They're interacting with it. It's either. And people either are like yeah, that's fudgeing ridiculous. That dog and his guy. That guy and his dog should be shot.

[Nate Marshall]

Or you're.

[Lewis]

How dare I point out that there's a dog, a guy with a dog playing in the gym.

[Chris Vega]

I would be flabberg flabbergasted if I was in a gym. And like I was like. I'd just be like what the.

[Lewis]

This is not for this.

[Zach]

I'm not gonna lie. I probably try to pet the dog.

[Lewis]

You would try to pet. You're the problem.

[Zach]

I know.

[Chris Vega]

So.

[Lewis]

But it's down with that video.

[Chris Vega]

But you would also never be in the gym, Nate.

[Lewis]

There you go. That video is being shown to gym people and dog people. So it's the dog people. Like you'll. You. The gym people are like that's kind of crazy. We should be having a space to work work out. So it's kind of funny sorting sort of seeing how the algorithm works from the other side. But my algorithm is turning. There's a lot of like this. This caught me the other day, right? I had a moment. It was just like. It was almost like a dramatic acted out. It's the page that I sent you, Justin. If you pull it I. I'll actually try to show it to you. So it's this guy's page. So go. Go down. Go down. Try to find just in fact if you can without even cuz he these Go to the. Go to the videos. Go to the reals. Yeah, the reals, not the posts. Right. So it's like. It's like one of these. Yeah, it's all about female narcissists. Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

Let's see the. How female narcissist breaks up with you. Let's see this.

[Lewis]

It's always, like, this type of music when a female narcissist is ready to move on to her. No, don't. Don't. Don't do this one. Just do me a favor. Take this off the screen for us. Try to find one where it's a guy, he's, like, smacking himself in the face, right?

[Nate Marshall]

Oh, yeah, I've seen that one where the dude's in his car, like, punching himself.

[Lewis]

Yeah. He's like.

[Nate Marshall]

She's like.

[Lewis]

She makes me.

[Nate Marshall]

Me so sad.

[Lewis]

Yeah. And it's like the way the whole. The caption on it is like a female. A female narcissist.

[Nate Marshall]

Such a crazy, you know, making you.

[Lewis]

Making you hit yourself in the face. But it's like, it's acted. It's not like. It's not a real thing. It's. It's not a real video. It's just, like, actors portraying it.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

And the whole thing is like a female narcissist will make you, like, do things and then call you crazy. And I'm going like. And I kind of. It kind of got me. I was like, yeah, I've been that guy before. I've been like, I've. I've hit myself in the face. I put my fist through walls.

[Zach]

Girls, yourself in the face?

[Lewis]

Yeah, yeah. I put my head through a wall once. I've done my head through a wall.

[Nate Marshall]

You're an 80s wrestler.

[Chris Vega]

I have definitely hit my. Like, I've given myself a concussion.

[Lewis]

Yeah, I've given myself a concussion, unquestionably. And it's back. It's not anymore. I haven't dated somebody that's gotten me to that point in a while. But this guy, the way he's, like, talking about it, it's like, first of all, if his whole thing is obviously about one chick, he's got an entire. His whole online presence is one who drove him out of his mind. But there's also a little bit of, like, personal responsibility. I know I. Even to this day, as I'm watching, I'm going like, yeah, dude, that's kind of up. I was like, that's like, yo, I've been related to it.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

But then I read the caption. I'm like, no, but I was also a lunatic in that moment. If there's a. That drive you to punch yourself in the face, you got to walk away.

[Zach]

You know what I'm saying?

[Nate Marshall]

You're also a guy that punches himself in the face.

[Lewis]

Yeah, I think a lot more guys do that than you realize. No, no.

[Chris Vega]

I started doing it, like, when my. When my girl actually moved. So I had so many bad anger habits from living alone for 12 years. I lived alone in a h. At a detached house. So if I got upset, I could just scream at the top of my.

[Zach]

It has to feel nice.

[Chris Vega]

And. And you just get it out, and then you can now find your wallet, and then you're great. Like. And then, like, it's like. But, like, my girl moved in, and I would just, like, especially during COVID when we were live, and I was, like, freaking out all the time, and then, like, she was like, you can't do that. And then she'd be in the other room, and I'd be freaking out, and I had all this energy that I used to scream out, and I started punching myself in the face.

[Lewis]

It's a crazy, dude. I. Look, it's a. It's kind of a dark thing. Right? Right. And I. I had. You know, my ex. My son's mother, she. She'd, like, accused me of manipulating her with that. But she's also like, you know, there's. There's a. It's a toxic energy between people. Right. And, like, obviously, like, you know, I just won't get myself there anymore. I will never be in a position where I will date a woman that ever gets me that upset, if it ever has even an inkling of that. I break off, and people are like, oh, Louis, you can't hold a girlfriend. It's like, no, no, no. I break up with girls before it ever gets to a place where we're in a toxic thing where we're arguing, screaming at each other. I'm breaking at my home, that noise. I'm never doing that again. I'm not going to be that guy. So I'd rather just say, hey, this isn't going to work. I can recognize pretty quickly if it's not going to work beyond six months, a year, you can kind of go like, oh, this isn't going to be. This isn't going to be the stepmother to my son. She's not going to like. And if it's not going to work, move on. I think that's a healthier way to do things. I think too many people stay in relationships for years and years and years when it's kind of up.

[Chris Vega]

I just want to be clear to the listeners. I wasn't talking about my girl making me that crazy. She just didn't like the way I was reacting to like, Delta keeping me on hold too long. I just want to be clear. It's not my relationship, it is my anger issue.

[Zach]

Punching yourself over Delta's nuts.

[Lewis]

But yeah, it's not like, like it's you almost like what's going on is you want to punch them. That's really what's happening. It's like you want to. So you put your fist through a wall or a cabinet or you hit.

[Zach]

Yourself to like, get that muscle memory.

[Lewis]

You can't hit that. You can. I've never hit a woman in my entire life. I never would. Right. But like, I have been a real.

[Zach]

Bad choice of words to say.

[Lewis]

Ladies. That's muscle memory.

[Nate Marshall]

Well, yeah, that dou. Frustrating where you're like, your normal reaction. If someone's being that mean to you, you're like, I punch them, but I can't.

[Lewis]

I can't punch you. I can't bite your dumb nose off. I can't. And women would be fun to beat up too, dude. I. I put. I fantasize about putting a woman in a pedigree. Put my legs.

[Nate Marshall]

You'd be like the undertaker dealer with Spike throwing him out of the ring.

[Lewis]

Yeah, yeah, but you can't. You can't do it actually.

[Zach]

Give a lady a frog splash, climb.

[Chris Vega]

Up to the corner of the couch.

[Lewis]

I mean, how fun would that be?

[Chris Vega]

Stuttering your girlfriend would be the funnest thing you ever did.

[Lewis]

A pedigree is maybe the best move because you, like, if you really executed a pedigree on a woman, you would break her, dude. You pop her shoulders, wishbone her. Oh my God, you snap her in half. Her tits would flat on the floor.

[Nate Marshall]

Oh yeah, dude. Cuz you could crank her arms back.

[Lewis]

Like a full fledged pedigree to a.

[Nate Marshall]

Woman seems and then her face imprints in your four.

[Lewis]

Dude, you broke her shoulders in half. Her tits and face smash into the floor. She's so up.

[Chris Vega]

You can literally just give her the people's elbow, the whole thing. You could go put on an elbow bed to take off.

[Lewis]

Women don't have. Women don't have the body composition to handle a pedigree. You would annihilate them, dude.

[Chris Vega]

They don't have the pedigree.

[Nate Marshall]

Imagine hitting him with a suplex. Imagine hitting him with a suplex. How far you could throw.

[Lewis]

Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. Okay, but so I break the ring.

[Nate Marshall]

Like the big show.

[Lewis]

Go back to this guy's page. He's like a Christian now. He just works out all day and he's. Let's. Is this one okay? Let's take a quick moment to thank Small Batch Cigar for supporting today's show. We love Small Batch Cigar specifically because they give you exactly that cigars in small batches, which keeps them super, super fresh. Great website where you can find literally every cigar that you guys want. All the popular ones, all the ones that you don't know as well. They have a great new section. So if you guys are trying to discover new brands, this is the way to do it.

[Nate Marshall]

That's true.

[Zach]

They also have free shipping on every order, and almost every order arrives within two to three days within the continental United States. They come with a boveda pack, which is 69 humidity, so that they come super, super fresh. It's the most thorough packaging in the industry. And Lou, when you buy on there, you get 5% rewards points instantly. And we have a deal for you.

[Lewis]

Yeah. All you got to do is go to smallbatch cigar.com, use the promo code GAS10 when you check out, you're going to get 10% off and 5% rewards points on every order. 10% off plus 5% rewards points@smallbatch cigar.com make sure you use that promo code GAS. All right, where were we? He wasn't really hitting himself.

[Nate Marshall]

It was just.

[Lewis]

No, two different ones. Himself. Yeah, it's. It's a lot of. It's a lot. This guy, it's all, look, female narcissist. Female narcissist. They want to kill your spirit. They don't even. Like their own children are definitely going to cheat on you. It's one girl that this guy's talking about. There's one that sent this guy into Jesus and now he just works out thinking about her all day, brother.

[Chris Vega]

Crazy.

[Lewis]

She won. You are losing the scenario. She's getting banged out by her next guy.

[Nate Marshall]

He's like, why does the female narcissistics keep testing me? Which means, why can't I get off of her Instagram?

[Chris Vega]

Exactly. Also little I'm throw this out there. This dude is not natty.

[Lewis]

No. Questionably.

[Nate Marshall]

Oh, yeah, he's on a lot of teeth.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

But so now that now like this is coming up in my algorithm all the time. All about female narcissism.

[Chris Vega]

That sucks.

[Nate Marshall]

Well, that's like, dude, did you ever see that clip from some TV show where like a bunch of girls try to like bombard this guy with like three girls were like, we all know you're talking to all of us. And he just goes, I don't care. He just like, no sells him. You're like, you know you can just do that at a certain point.

[Lewis]

What do you mean?

[Nate Marshall]

Just like not give a. Like they were trying to call him out cuz it was like he was like cheating on like he was cheating with like three or four girls at the same time. And all the, all the girl. Yeah, he's really cool.

[Lewis]

So he's a real ass team. We don't have the sound board.

[Nate Marshall]

And then all the girls were like, they like came out of the closet. Like, we know we're all here, we're. You're supposed to be embarrassed. Now he's all trying to.

[Lewis]

What's up?

[Nate Marshall]

He's like.

[Lewis]

Years ago, I won't, I won't. All right. There was two female comics that I was with years ago. This is, this is literally maybe right after I was dating Kim Congdon. Yeah, for sure it was.

[Chris Vega]

And somebody's getting stabbed tonight.

[Lewis]

These, these, these two, two. They like, I wasn't lying to either one of them. I was just them both. I wasn't pretending to just be them.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

And they acted like they caught me. They like, they got together on like a DM and then they sent me the DM thing between them. They, she, they texted. There was a three way text between the three of us. They're like, you know we know you're both of us. And I was like, what? Okay, are you trying to get a threesome going? What is happening right now?

[Chris Vega]

What do you want to do, screenshot your faces and put it on Twitter and call you gay?

[Lewis]

Yeah. This is insane.

[Zach]

This comic guy, I'm forgetting his name right now. He was just telling us a story on Thursday about this lady putting him and like five other dudes in a group chat to be like one of you guys just so, you know, gave a chlamydia. Haha, peace. And then like thinking she had like this cool woman move of like, I got all you guys, we all fucked. One of you has chlamydia. Haha. And then they just became bros in the group chat after she left.

[Chris Vega]

Oh, I saw that. Yeah, they're all pussy stick, bitch.

[Zach]

And now they're all going out for beers and shit. Like seem like they became friends trying to have some moment of like a mic drop on them.

[Nate Marshall]

Well, that is, someone pointed this out on Twitter where like Women, like, will think they're owning dudes when they're just describing the dumbest thing they did. They'll just be like, oh, I let this guy who's borderless homeless eat my pussy and give me chlamydia.

[Lewis]

And you're like, God, women posting.

[Nate Marshall]

Ls like, no, you're just revealing that you're a dumb ass.

[Lewis]

Yeah, women all the time, they do that. They just like, you know, spent spend my life savings on this guy. After two years, found out he was cheating on me with my best friend and my sister. You're like, stop bragging. Like, why are you telling people that you are a loser?

[Nate Marshall]

This is embarrassing. You're dumb.

[Chris Vega]

You better get back to work. You have no money.

[Lewis]

Get on social media because you are a failure.

[Nate Marshall]

What are you doing?

[Lewis]

I saw this on, on Twitter as well. There's a guy, this is a streamer. You guys said you know who he is?

[Nate Marshall]

Yes.

[Lewis]

Pull this video. Video up. This guy goes into a supermarket and he pulls out, I guess like a can of Raid or some sort of like pesticide bug spray. And then as a prank, he starts spraying all of the produce vegetables. Like, like, I mean, it's not a prank at all.

[Nate Marshall]

I watched a bunch of his pranks are psychotic. This dude was washing his clothes and then he like, it's just him watching the guy the whole time. And then when the guy leaves, he opens up the guy's washing machine and he throws uncooked bacon and a do eggs in there. It just starts it back up and leaves.

[Lewis]

That's a solid prank. That is a prank. That's a prank.

[Chris Vega]

That's a prank. He got him a prank omelet. Now go yourself.

[Nate Marshall]

Dude, it's crazy.

[Lewis]

Banana. Bananas are stupid because it doesn't do anything. Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

This is ridiculous.

[Lewis]

I mean, all the stuff with Scarlet doesn't really do anything.

[Chris Vega]

To be fair, he thought it was all Mexican brick weed in the 90s.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

Now he's getting his own people.

[Chris Vega]

The rotisserie chickens. Yeah, that's up.

[Lewis]

That's in the bag. He's not like, a lot of this is not even like, no, dude, you can.

[Chris Vega]

That'll get through that.

[Nate Marshall]

Like, he posted another video too, where he's like, don't worry, I bought all the fruit. It's like, dude, you didn't get everything. There's no way you got everything.

[Lewis]

He posted a follow up video because people were freaking out and he's. It's just him throwing out the fruit. So I mean, technically it's no harm. No Foul. But he was arrested, right? Justin, pull up the information. Let's see. Breaking. The man who spread sprayed bug pesticide on fresh produce has been arrested by local police in Arizona. Turns out the spray he used was actually not bought. He just grabbed it off the store and sprayed it. Per. Please. So he got arrested for stealing the bug spray? I guess.

[Nate Marshall]

But it's not, by the way, illegal.

[Lewis]

To spray introducing poison, criminal damage, endangerment and theft. Yeah, it's pretty crazy, dog. Yeah, I mean, look, we. You got kids, right?

[Chris Vega]

Only black guy in Arizona to be committing a crime on camera is ridiculous.

[Zach]

They're going to fire you.

[Lewis]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's, you know, that's a. It's a little beyond a prank. I got a son, dude. Like, that's. That's really dangerous and really irresponsible behavior.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah, that's ridiculous.

[Lewis]

What's his name? Do we know his name? Can we get his name? Justin Charles Smith. Charles Smith. There we go.

[Zach]

What a gross.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, he had, he'll. He had ones where like he was like standing on the top level of a mall and he would just throw a shoe near a guy. He would just do like that. Like there was one where he just threw a cake at people.

[Chris Vega]

But this, that's pretty funny.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah. Most of his are like deranged funny. This is like, dude, you're gonna kill.

[Lewis]

I don't. In a weird way, I don't have a problem with the cake throwing. And I'll tell you why. Because the payoff for everyone else's. Somebody's gonna beat this guy's ass.

[Nate Marshall]

Right.

[Lewis]

And if he's willing to risk that. Right. Like, I like those guys, those guys who go. The white guys who go into the hood and then they would like grab a black guy cell phone. Yeah.

[Zach]

Step on his shoes on purpose.

[Lewis]

I actually appreciate those pranks because I'm going like, yo, you're a psycho. You're putting yourself out there. Because what we're. What we're liking about that, it's not the black guy having a shoe stack stepped on. That's not what I'm watching for, is like, yo, let's watch this guy get his ass. Right? So it's weirdly kind of a reverse prank. He's pranking himself. We're all watching it in hopes that this guy gets his kicked in. And usually the videos end with a bunch of black guys surrounding him and threatening to beat his ass. And he looks like a. So there's this sense of justice that gets paid off in those types of Pranks. That one kid.

[Chris Vega]

There was a kid in Kentucky who got shot.

[Lewis]

I don't want to lose this point. I apologize. The one kid, he would walk around the mall. What's his name? He just crashed like a. Like a crazy.

[Nate Marshall]

The white kid with the Lego head, he's a. Like, Jack Doherty.

[Lewis]

Yeah, yeah. That kid, he would go around a mall with, like, a big black security guard standing behind him, and then he would, like, shoulder check somebody, and then when somebody says something, the big black security guard gets in the way. And, like, that's some. It's like, the bitchiest in the world. We're like, yo, you're a dude. It's not a prank. You're a little. Right? And you're like, I don't even understand how you would look at that.

[Chris Vega]

You're being a rich cut.

[Lewis]

Yeah. You're just being a entitled little. But, like, if. If the. If the payoff is, like, you might get your ass kicked. Like, it's. You're walking on a highway, a tightrope, right? You're walking on this high wire, and you're watching it going like, yo, this guy might fall. And that is kind of what's exciting about it. So. But this is just. It's not even a prank. This is just literally, like, poisoning.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah. This is attempted murder.

[Lewis]

During COVID there was a fucking. The black chick who opened the ice cream and started licking it.

[Zach]

She's like, might still be locked up for that, I think. I think she got, like, a long sentence for that.

[Nate Marshall]

I forget. There's, like, a technicality where you could get. Got on some, like, intense for that.

[Lewis]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Nate Marshall]

I forget what the. It was.

[Chris Vega]

I'm sure some sort of criminal negligence or something.

[Lewis]

Negligence. Sorry. I'm sorry for terrorism.

[Nate Marshall]

Not hilarious apologies. She must still need parents. Ah, black lives matter. Don't worry.

[Lewis]

So, yeah, he. Yeah, he. So he's arrested now. That's great. Do we have any more of his pranks? Try to find more of his pranks, Justin, if you can. That'd be great.

[Zach]

Damn, I wonder how long he's gonna get for that.

[Lewis]

I don't mind. I don't mind a good prank. I don't. You know, it's got to be. It's got to be the right type of prank.

[Zach]

Kill somebody. That's.

[Nate Marshall]

Do you see the twitch streamers in, like, it was like, careers or something? Because, like, they don't play on the subway. Like, if you're causing a nuisance, they literally, like, will beat you up. And there's A video where they dragged a Twitch streamer to jail.

[Lewis]

Wow. Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

And there's. There's one dude who is, like, his whole thing is just being, like, loud and obnoxious, and he's, like, looking at 10 years in jail.

[Chris Vega]

Was he just. Was he just like a white guy in Korea or is he a Korean guy who just knew that this was.

[Nate Marshall]

No, he was like, a smash bros black guy and was just being, like, super loud on the subject. Subway. And, like, Korean people were beating the out of him.

[Zach]

South Korea or North Korea?

[Nate Marshall]

Definitely South Korea.

[Chris Vega]

Working subways in North Korea, bro.

[Nate Marshall]

Dude, that kid. Yeah, that there's the kid in North Korea who took down the poster and then they put him in, like, a work camp for a year.

[Lewis]

Well, back in the day when I was a kid, there was a kid from. In Singapore.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah, the Singapore Canyon.

[Lewis]

Yeah. Which, I mean, what a great, like, dude. Sandman from ecw. Did I, I, I. Dude, I saw Sandman versus Cactus Jack, Orange county fairgrounds live. It was awesome, dude. Awesome. I remember I wore my mom's leather jacket and my mom's black sunglasses with a Metallica shirt underneath it.

[Nate Marshall]

Dude.

[Lewis]

To be badass. Yeah. Let's say this is the. Oh, this is the guy.

[Nate Marshall]

Oh, yeah. He, like, watches the guy the whole time.

[Chris Vega]

I do like that he picks.

[Lewis]

See if you can find some others. Justin, too, because we already heard about this one. We'll watch. Watch it.

[Nate Marshall]

He. He throws in, like, old school horror music.

[Lewis]

Got it in a sock is pretty funny. It's pretty funny.

[Chris Vega]

This is great.

[Zach]

It's crazy.

[Chris Vega]

This is great.

[Lewis]

It's insane, dude, to come back to that. This is great, bro.

[Zach]

That would be.

[Lewis]

You wouldn't know what the is going on.

[Zach]

You don't look around like, which one of y'all? And just no one's looking at you.

[Lewis]

And then you see it online a week later. It's viral, dude.

[Nate Marshall]

And I. I also got wind of this because the racist black or the. The racist end of my Twitter is just a bunch of white guys going, like, see? This is what they're like, see?

[Lewis]

See? Both ends of my Twitter are racist and they meet in the middle of racism. Yeah. See if you can find some more pranks by this guy. That's. That is. I mean, in a weird way, like, that's a prank where it's like, it's so ridiculous. Look, you are attacking just a single poor guy. Like, you know, you're ruining his day.

[Zach]

Finds, like, other pair of jeans.

[Nate Marshall]

He can't, like, wear those clothes anymore.

[Lewis]

The amount of Joy that you brought millions of people on the Internet. Like you got to like weigh it out.

[Zach]

Like sacrificed one.

[Lewis]

Yeah. Like it's not worth murdering a few children to spray pesticides on fruit to. Like no, nobody thinks that's funny or cool. Like nobody's thinking. So he just missed, he missed the mark with this, with this one.

[Nate Marshall]

His heart was in the right place. But the dismount.

[Lewis]

I don't, I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Yeah, a lot of the same. Yeah, it's a lot of the same.

[Zach]

A lot of pesticide.

[Nate Marshall]

I mean it's the repost of the same one.

[Lewis]

Is there a like a Tik Tok or something? Yeah, it's pretty. We people are insane, dude. Just for attention online, all that.

[Zach]

Dude, I wonder if he's even making money from posts yet. Like he's doing all of this for nothing.

[Lewis]

You see these people and you're like, where does the money even come from? They make like bazillions of dollars. They make so much money.

[Chris Vega]

Oh, the guy who dresses like Miles Morales and just bought a Lambo and then nobody was giving him money the next day so he freaked out. Cuz he had just bought a Lambo with all of his stupid streaming money and like he was getting like whatever the equivalent of super chats on Tik Tok and he bought a Lambo and then people like, you got a Lambo, you don't need our money. And he was freaking out.

[Lewis]

Oh yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. You can't flex that hard. You got to, you know, unless you're so well to do like that one jelly bean. That little.

[Nate Marshall]

Oh, with the, the Spanish chick with the fake titties.

[Lewis]

Yeah, she got, she's tiny. She got fake titties.

[Nate Marshall]

She was my first only fans purchase.

[Zach]

Oh, I know exactly you're talking.

[Nate Marshall]

I love her so much.

[Lewis]

Yeah, she's ridiculous. She's ridiculously hot. She's tiny. She's a little pig.

[Nate Marshall]

She's always jumping on.

[Lewis]

She's always jumping on top of her Lamborghinis and breaking them. But she's. What she does is she doesn't even really up because everyone's like, that's a $350,000 car. But it's like the windshield is a few grand and she's making wild amounts of money and going viral with this type of content and they all filter back to her only fans. Cuz she has this tight little body. She's wearing like a crazy outfit and.

[Zach]

You'Re like little ass.

[Lewis]

I Have to find this naked. And she. She.

[Chris Vega]

Where is she?

[Lewis]

No, she like. Cuz she's not on Fapella. Like these the ones who are really good, they get it taken down. They have a company that you can't find them and you, you're like damn it, I gotta pay.

[Nate Marshall]

That's how she got me. Cuz I was like mid jerk and I was like there's her pictures aren't on Reddit anymore.

[Zach]

What happened?

[Lewis]

And you gotta finish to her. Yeah, like I gotta get it out.

[Nate Marshall]

But I love her. Where is she?

[Lewis]

Yeah, she. Yeah, she's pretty hot. Pull her up Justin, if you can. Who? It's called Jelly Beans. Jelly bean jelly beans. She was just in a promo with Dana White for Power Slap. What do you guys. A Power Slap.

[Nate Marshall]

It's not funny.

[Lewis]

You look like you'd be competing in Power Slap. You have a Power Slap vibe to you, dog. You look like you could be good. Dude, look. I mean look at.

[Chris Vega]

She's very hot.

[Lewis]

She's out of this world.

[Chris Vega]

I tried to watch the.

[Lewis]

What a piggy.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah, she's great.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, I fell in love.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

Cuz I. When I was in college, I worked this factory job with.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

Tiny.

[Zach]

My fault.

[Nate Marshall]

You get. Don't touch me.

[Zach]

I got fired up about her only fans. She. Her only fans were like. We were. We were bitching about only fans that aren't worth the money. Like you ever get worth the money. That's like 10 bucks. And then they're not naked on it for the whole thing. It's the. Makes me the maddest in the world they got.

[Lewis]

They got to tell you if they're not naked. I tell you, if they say hey, I'm not doing nudes like this. I almost respect it. Do your thing. It's fine.

[Zach]

Yeah, I signed up for that.

[Lewis]

Yeah, exactly. But yeah, you can't pretend now I got to. I'm never going to remember to cancel the subscription. Here I am, $9 for the rest of my life for no tits. For no tits at all.

[Zach]

No, hers is 20 bucks. We. We know it.

[Lewis]

No, this, this. I think she gets on her only fans extra money.

[Zach]

She did make me 20amonth.

[Lewis]

No, I think you still have to buy the. The videos. I've heard. I didn't subscribe to her.

[Nate Marshall]

There's videos, but it'll be like a three, four minute clip. If you want like a full video, you gotta get your wife's credit card and pay for it. Like that.

[Lewis]

Yeah, you were porn sites for a minute. What they would do I wonder if these Only fans do this, because I really don't subscribe to any Only fans. I. I had a few and then I. I deleted my Only fans account. I think I'm still. Even though I deleted my account, I think there's a few girls that I'm still paying. I think if you delete your account but don't unsubscribe, they don't unsubscribe you. I think you have to, like, that's crazy. I don't know if I deleted my account. I deleted the app and I stopped logging in.

[Zach]

Okay.

[Lewis]

Right. Yeah.

[Zach]

But if you.

[Nate Marshall]

That's not deleting your account at all. He's took it off your phone.

[Lewis]

Yeah. I know that once in a while I get a charge from only fans. I'm like, who the is this for? And I'm never gonna. I will never sign in and ever get this done. It's just not gonna happen. But in porn, what they would do is they would, like, like on the street, like the X videos or the Uporns. They would. Right before the cum shot. They would.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lewis]

And I'm such a. That I need to see his shooting white milky notes out of it. It's the.

[Zach]

One of the best parts.

[Lewis]

I fast forward to the cum shot to make sure I'm gonna enjoy. Watch this. I give myself a spoiler and then I go back and I'll watch through. And then I try to time the jerk to come with him. It's really sick.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah, that's.

[Lewis]

Wow.

[Zach]

That's my whole thing.

[Chris Vega]

I mean, he loves come walks. You know about come walks?

[Lewis]

No butter come walks.

[Zach]

You don't know.

[Chris Vega]

I love telling new people about this.

[Nate Marshall]

It's kind of his whole thing.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Zach]

It's like my identity. It's. It's just like.

[Lewis]

What is it? What is this prank? Before you tell me what a come walk is, let's say it'd be great.

[Chris Vega]

If it's a come walk.

[Lewis]

It looks like it could almost be.

[Nate Marshall]

He comes on the guy at the wall laundry mat.

[Lewis]

Let's see. He just strangles a child. He's like, prank time.

[Zach]

Lock everyone in the store.

[Lewis]

Lock them in the store. Sort of harmless. I kind of enjoy it. And he's videotaping them. That's funny.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

It's locked in there forever. That is not what I thought that guy was going to sound like. That's exactly.

[Lewis]

Forever. It's funny. Kind of harmless. Yeah. All right. What's a come walk? Right?

[Zach]

You bust on a lady's Face. And then she just, like, goes to the mall and walks around the mall. Like, she doesn't have come on her face or just walks down, like, a busy street in Barcelona.

[Lewis]

And this is like a porn category.

[Zach]

It's a porn category.

[Lewis]

You do this?

[Zach]

No, I mean, if some lady would be down, I would for sure you would try.

[Lewis]

Have. Have you ever done a combo?

[Zach]

No, but it would be pretty. I. I been with my girl for years now. She would have done it once. She be my wife. Yeah, we would have been married.

[Lewis]

Wow.

[Chris Vega]

I do not think if a girl was like, I'm down for come walks. Well, I don't think I would ever talk to her again.

[Zach]

Well, in that context, though, she, like, we've been together for years. It would have been like a. She's trying it with me. She hasn't been a come walk slug.

[Lewis]

I sent my girlfriend in high school on an accidental come walk to upstairs to go get me something to drink. And her mom was home.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

And the come dried on her chest. This happened, doggy. This was wild, dude. She goes upstairs and her mom goes, what's in your chest? And she scratched it off and then.

[Chris Vega]

Tasted it and was like, oh, my God. Get Louis.

[Lewis]

Delicious.

[Nate Marshall]

Is that Puerto Rican jizz?

[Zach]

That's kind of cool.

[Lewis]

Yeah, I wouldn't. I mean, what. I. I wouldn't marry a girl that went on a come walk. But I. I'm also. I'm not into busting on a girl's face. I will only bust on a girl's face if a girl is specifically into it and she asks for it.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah, it's rough when they don't want it.

[Lewis]

If. If I'm not, like, I would never ask.

[Nate Marshall]

Force them to do.

[Lewis]

I would never ask a girl to do really anything. She like. If, like, anal, like, any. Like, I don't give a. About anal sex. But if a girl's like, yo, me in the ass, I'm like, yo, let's rock. Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

I'll, like, move my finger by the butthole and see if she, like, pushes into it. And then, of course. All right, now we're going.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

Sometimes you get your finger in that butt and then it's just like, wide and loose already.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

Oh, yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

You're like, that's where my keys are.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nate Marshall]

That is my favorite. I'm not a big anal guy, but the videos where, like, it just goes in easy.

[Lewis]

You're like, you see, I hate those.

[Zach]

That does nothing for me.

[Nate Marshall]

Well, you know, she's got a lot of character, I think. Getter dude.

[Lewis]

Yeah, Porn. They stopped like do they stop producing new porn? Really? Like the studios really aren't really working as much anymore. I think there are a few. But I'm saying if you go to like the streaming sites now. I used to click new. Yeah. And see what new videos are out and now it's like there's like eight new videos and then it's back to the old ones. Back in the day you click new and just. You click. Only fans popular now. This is a weird thing too. I was like, I picked the most popular video. I'm like, I know. I'm beating off at the exact same time as thousands of other dudes video. It was weird, dude.

[Chris Vega]

I felt like like 100 million years in India.

[Lewis]

Almost like I'm assuming how Professor X felt with all the X men. How he could communicate with them in that chamber. I felt like I was doing some sort of weird psychological thing with all the other dudes in the world while I'm beating my dick like the exact.

[Nate Marshall]

What was that movie what women want where what's his face could hear.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah, you just.

[Nate Marshall]

Instead of that, it's just all the horny dudes.

[Lewis]

Dude. What women want would be.

[Zach]

We gotta get this off the screen. I can't stop looking up at this.

[Lewis]

Yeah, take the come walk off the screen.

[Nate Marshall]

I literally saw the 1/2 one down on the right. I watched that yesterday.

[Zach]

You know everybody who starts to with it.

[Nate Marshall]

Once you see it, it's fine.

[Zach]

You watched it yesterday?

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah. Cuz it was there and then also to search it.

[Lewis]

They don't just.

[Nate Marshall]

But you're too associated with come walks. Because now I'm like watching come walks thinking of you. And now I'm coming harder and I don't like.

[Lewis]

Would you guys choose to be able to hear what women want? Your fingers. But you, you, you can't turn her off. This is your superpower.

[Chris Vega]

I don't want to hear what women want when I'm at dinner with them.

[Lewis]

I don't. I want to know what women want. I would ask them and I don't.

[Nate Marshall]

I hear how my wife processes it through her head and then says it. I don't want to hear the like raw version of that.

[Chris Vega]

I mean I think it would instantly drive any man insane.

[Lewis]

Yeah. You'd kill yourself and it'd be like.

[Chris Vega]

Looking at the Ark of the Covenant.

[Lewis]

Well yeah, first of all you'd like go to. You'd be in front of you like your sister and she's like I need right now. You're like all right, I need to get the out of here.

[Zach]

Oh, my God.

[Lewis]

Or like just every. Like you walk past. Past a woman, she's like ugly, fat piece of. You're like, what the. Dude? Wild dude. I. I mean, I can't even imagine because I have, like, crazy, intrusive thoughts.

[Chris Vega]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lewis]

Like really? Like.

[Zach]

Like one day you're going to snap too. Like, you're gonna hear that insult walking past a lady and just be like, you. And it's just like, she didn't say nothing. You look like the psycho.

[Lewis]

You don't want. You don't want to read thoughts. That's a. That's a scary superpower to have, especially.

[Nate Marshall]

Not being able to control them.

[Lewis]

No. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Zach]

If you could turn it off though, for sure.

[Lewis]

Even then you'd be too tempted all the time. You would. You would up relationships.

[Chris Vega]

It's the search.

[Lewis]

You never find happiness that wouldn't like your thoughts. You have to be able to have free thought, right?

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

So it's like. It's like. It's. It's. It's almost like free speech on crack, right? Like, dude, your free thoughts, like, get out of my head. Let me have my thoughts. Let me work through whatever I got to work through. A fault will just come into your head. You're not making it three hours. If you could hear people's thoughts, you would kill yourself.

[Zach]

But we're talking specifically women still, though.

[Lewis]

Sure. Yeah.

[Chris Vega]

But that's still half of people.

[Zach]

No, I get that, but I don't have. I have like, a handful of like, close women friends. I'm not going to actually ruin friendships that mean that much to me.

[Chris Vega]

I certainly don't want to hear what men are thinking around me at all. Just like constant murder.

[Lewis]

I'll beat this out. Finding out all of your friends want to suck your every all day.

[Nate Marshall]

All my friends are gay. Everyone was. Am I gay? I kind of want to let him suck it that. You see your other friend nodding at you, you're like, can he read my thoughts? Is this what being gay is, man?

[Lewis]

So what do you guys got planned down here? Anything fun going on with your shows?

[Zach]

I. Yeah, fun. I mean, I did forget something to plug that. I would love to bring up optimal noctis the first Tuesday every month. I don't know the next date, but first Tuesday every month.

[Lewis]

I did it one time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great show.

[Zach]

Yep. At Creek. At Creek.

[Lewis]

Dude, people gotta it. I always say this, and I'll never. I'll never say it. Enough support the creek and cave. Yeah, you know, obviously, Mothership's a great club. Everyone goes there. It's a big tourist trap. It's great. Rebecca and the Creek have been supporting great comedy before it was cool, before it was trendy, before it was a business. Rebecca was losing money putting up comics, let. Letting people sleep on her couch, holding massive Thanksgiving Christmas dinners for, like, comics that didn't have homes. Go back to. If you were a comic that was homeless, she'd figure it out for you. She was always like, a. Like a connector and somebody who did amazing things for. For comedy. So people should be supporting the creek at every chance that they do the creek.

[Nate Marshall]

And the creek is like the. It's like the spot at the end of the night.

[Zach]

It's like old Creek, like, back in. Where, like, everyone would just be black.

[Lewis]

I think that's. I think it was. You know, I think it was kind of rough when the mothership first opened up. I think it was getting a little bit like, oh, everyone's talking about the mothership now. I think this is the spot when it's all said and done. They have the back patio. Come here, drink for patios.

[Nate Marshall]

Such a good hang, like, because it's open till 2. Most shows are done by what Food.

[Lewis]

Truck out there is incredible, dude. The.

[Chris Vega]

Those hang out at, like, the mother should just come here and drink when it's done. People do shows there and then just come here and drink.

[Nate Marshall]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

So, I mean, mother. Actually, I'm not hating on the mothership. Mothership is awesome.

[Chris Vega]

I'm just saying, if you're in town to see comedy, make sure you check out a show here.

[Lewis]

You got to check out the creek. I mean, dude, our show tonight is the.

[Chris Vega]

Oh, yeah. Depraved is here.

[Lewis]

Depraved is wild. Great. Look, we're gonna wrap this. This has been fun. This has been a great show. You know, support these guys. Go see Optimum Noctis.

[Zach]

Yes. Yes.

[Lewis]

I'll be back down here in Austin for sure. I think I'm coming back in March to do a depraved, and I'm gonna do some other stuff as well, but. Yeah, man, Very, very cool, man. I'm glad you guys came on the show. You guys are the funny, hilarious support Chris and everything that he does. Yeah. And, guys, this is coming out two days before Christmas, so I hope everyone has a amazing Christmas. Christmas. Dude, I. It. I'll say this before I. Before we go. Dude, I freaked out last night because Amazon sent me pictures of the. Of the packages yeah. And then I had another Amazon delivery and they had more packages and the other packages were gone. So I thought somebody stole my packages and I, I just bought a car and it's like in the driveway. Like in my head, I'm like, somebody's going to steal packages off a few days before Christmas off of somebody's porch.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Lewis]

Also the same person that would think it's hilarious to key a new car as they walk by it. So I'm like, I got.

[Chris Vega]

They don't know you just got the car.

[Lewis]

It's pretty new look. It doesn't even matter. Like the, the. It's very.

[Chris Vega]

It's got the templates on it.

[Lewis]

It has the templates on it. And it also like, you know, the, like, it's just. It looks very like, pretty. The paint job looks really pretty. Like I would. I. You know what's funny? The Audi as I. Because I totaled it, right? I ended up just keying the Audi as I left it. I had a knife. I had a knife. I didn't care.

[Chris Vega]

That's the intrusive.

[Nate Marshall]

I don't want to hear your boys.

[Lewis]

I'm dead ass dud.

[Chris Vega]

Cuz that's constant.

[Lewis]

Is. Is that cra. Is that a crazy person thing?

[Chris Vega]

Dude, I don't think it's a crazy person.

[Lewis]

I looked at my, my. First of all, I shouldn't have been totaled. It was. I. I drove the Audi around for two weeks after I got to the accident because I'm just add and I never got. I never got to the place and got to the insurance. So finally I got it into the shop. They came and looked at it. It was totaled. It was $21,000 in damages. The list price on the car was like 26 GS. So at that point, the insurance says it. We're not paying to fix it. So that's that blessing disguise. Ended up clearing that debt. I just bought this next car cash.

[Chris Vega]

But by the way, keying a totaled car is like if Megatron pissed on Optimus Prime's course.

[Lewis]

But I had an. I have a knife, a really sharp knife that I got out of the car. And then I was like, I was like it. I was like, it's totaled. They're just gonna go in. They're gonna go. So I just keyed this side of it. I stabbed the seats. I was like, yeah, company.

[Nate Marshall]

I 100% get that. When I used to work warehouse, every time I'd be on the forklift, I'd want to so badly put the forks through a dude's car windows just like.

[Chris Vega]

Lift it up and down.

[Nate Marshall]

I want to see the, like, the windows just, you slowly put it in. You just see them go like, want to do that so bad.

[Lewis]

But I was just like, if it's going to be totaled, it's got to be totaled. You, dude, you're not just totaling your car because it's got a busted headlight. You.

[Zach]

I think they keep those. Like when they total them, I think they keep.

[Lewis]

I think they auction it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think they auction it. Most people buy them for parts, but I think Puerto Ricans go to these auctions and then they just have their cousins fix the car and use parts. And I think a lot of people are like, dude, if you just took that car by yourself to a separate shop, you could have gotten it done. But I have a friend who owns a body shop or friend of a friend, and they were like, look, dude, it was like, there's no getting around how much money this is going to cost to fix it because there's all these sensors, there's all these like front cameras, back camera, side cameras. The headlights alone on the Audi were four grand a piece.

[Zach]

That's crazy.

[Lewis]

Four grand a piece for headlights? It was insane. It was insane. Never, never will I buy a German engineer car again. That's not true. I, I said what I would do.

[Chris Vega]

Is, well, you got to go to a Christmas market.

[Lewis]

If I, if.

[Chris Vega]

Do nobody read the news today?

[Lewis]

Yeah, I know the guy. There was a shooting, right? No, no.

[Chris Vega]

He drove a car into 70 people.

[Lewis]

Yeah, I saw, I saw the police arresting him. But I bought this car. I bought a used car, used Acura. And it's beautiful. It's really. It's a really nice car.

[Zach]

That's my favorite brand of car.

[Lewis]

Really nice car. Drove like if. Dude, it feels better to drive than the Audi. The Audi, the inside was. Yeah, the inside of the Audi was something else. Right. But the outside, if you, if you don't know about, about cars, you would think the Acura is a nicer car. Like it's a very beautiful car. Right?

[Zach]

Is it a tl?

[Chris Vega]

He's only trying to impress dumb.

[Lewis]

Yeah, they don't know. So that the truth. But it did feel like driving. It felt, it felt like it hand. The way it handled the road, you know, it's all wheel drive. It's. It felt really powerful. It was great. But what I said is if I can get through four years with no accidents. And I went two and a half years with no accidents. People act like into accidents all the time, it was, you know, it was. It was. To be honest, it was only three accidents in the first couple years I had the car. And they weren't bad accidents. They were fender benders.

[Zach]

A lot of.

[Lewis]

I love you.

[Chris Vega]

You were terrifying to drive with.

[Lewis]

Shut up. They weren't bad accidents, okay? They were fender benders. I, you know, I, you know, just stupid, distracted driving. You know, I. I literally, dude, I'll see a bird. I'm like. And. But it was like, see a bird.

[Chris Vega]

And look up from the FaceTime call. He's.

[Lewis]

I'll see a bird. I'll stop rolling my blood bird. Like, spill. Be in my life. Never mind.

[Nate Marshall]

Quick.

[Lewis]

I got to look at a.

[Chris Vega]

The amount of times Lewis has been, like, almost asleep and been like, you got to drive, doggy. And I'm like, you told me to get drunk.

[Lewis]

Well, no, I. I have also. I get. They call it road hypnosis. So if I'm driving for more than an hour, the lines on the road, they start to hypnotize me, and I.

[Chris Vega]

Start to hypnotize a. To get a blowjob.

[Lewis]

You're getting very sleepy.

[Chris Vega]

Check Twitter.

[Lewis]

So, but yeah, what's called. I said, if I don't get into an accident for four years because my son is turning 16 in exactly four years. His birthday's coming up next week. I'm going to give him this Acura, and I'm going to buy myself, like, something dope, like a Porsche or a, like, you know, Porsche.

[Chris Vega]

It's too small and it's dumb.

[Lewis]

Porsche is too much. Me, Porsche suv.

[Chris Vega]

Oh, yeah. Cayenne.

[Lewis]

Yeah. Those are sick, dude. Yeah, they're really nice. Or maybe not. I mean, maybe something. I don't know. Like, I don't have a dream. I'm not a car guy, but I would buy something that I really like that I, you know, I didn't. I'm gonna reward myself if I don't get into a single accident. No fender benders, not even tapping anything. No. Anything up in a garage. No. No hitting the curbs with my wheel, dude. My wheels, doggy. Like a dumb. I drive like a dumb. That's what I do. My wheels, all four of my wheels all scratch up.

[Nate Marshall]

Oh, how many times you drive it on? What's that sound?

[Lewis]

It's a problem. So I'm gonna give my son my car in four years for his 16th birthday, and he'll have a pretty dope car at that point. And then I'll bring Buy myself.

[Zach]

What's the plan if you get into an accident that you'll most likely get into.

[Lewis]

Probably give my son this car sale and just buy myself another Acura.

[Chris Vega]

He's going down to Honda Civic.

[Nate Marshall]

At that point, you still get this car.

[Lewis]

I have not earned yourself every time yet. Well, I'm not. I'm not going to buy in a year if I can't figure out how to be a better driver and not distract the drive and not crash into like. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not going to spend a wild amount of money on a car. There's no reason. But I feel like if I could spend four years on not doing it, that's a good time. So that's that. All right, so let's wrap it up, boys. You guys are the love. You guys, check out everything that everyone on the show does. We'll be back on Friday with a brand new live episode, Christmas Day Best of Lewis and Zach and Real Ass Podcast Christmas. So tune into that. That's going to be on Gas Digital. Thank you, guys. Good night.