0024. Ian Fidance and Mike Feeney

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo - Episode 0024: Ian Fidance and Mike Feeney

Release Date: July 6, 2025 | Host: GaS Digital Network

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1. Introduction and Guest Welcome (00:32 - 03:02)

Zac Amico kicks off Episode 0024 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo by warmly welcoming guest comedian Mike Feeney. The chemistry between Zac and Mike is evident as they engage in playful banter, setting the tone for a lively and humorous episode.

Notable Quote:

• Zac Amico (01:56): "Please follow that on Instagram, however. Excuse me, follow it on YouTube Stitcher however you consume your podcasts."

2. Animal Stories and Movie Discussion (03:02 - 06:00)

The hosts dive into their signature "animal stories" segment, humorously discussing a fictional scenario where a spider monkey wreaks havoc in an office break room. This segues into a critical analysis of Jordan Peele's film Nope, where Zac and Mike dissect its themes and execution.

Notable Quotes:

• Mike Feeney (03:25): "It puts 30 bullets in them."
• Zac Amico (05:16): "I was so into it when the little kids were the fake aliens. I was like, if those are the aliens, I'm in."

3. Personal Acting Experiences (06:00 - 10:00)

Zac and Mike share their own experiences in the acting world. They discuss Mike's new show, "Co-Host Wanted," where he interviews potential permanent co-hosts, highlighting the competitiveness and creativity involved. They also touch upon Zac's upcoming movie, Bring on the Damned, set to premiere on WatchTrauma.com.

Notable Quote:

• Mike Feeney (02:23): "You can save 15% today with the promo code ZOO15Z O [e-mail]."

4. Suge Knight and Diddy Trials (10:00 - 35:00)

A significant portion of the episode focuses on recent high-profile legal cases involving music moguls Suge Knight and Diddy. The hosts discuss the details of Diddy's trial, including his guilty verdict on prostitution charges but acquittal on more serious racketeering and sex trafficking charges. They explore public perceptions, media portrayals, and the broader implications for celebrity culture.

Notable Quotes:

• Mike Feeney (37:35): "He faces up to 10 years in prison on those charges, but they found him not guilty of using his money, power, or physical force to manipulate his girlfriends into those situations."
• Zac Amico (38:52): "It's almost a cliche now that these super tough dude rappers probably do some gang shit."

5. Comedy and Audition Stories (35:00 - 60:00)

Zac, Mike, and guest Ian Fidance reminisce about their own struggles and humorous mishaps in the entertainment industry. They recount failed auditions for commercials and TV shows, sharing laughs over awkward moments and the unpredictability of casting calls. Zac narrates his experience auditioning for a Nickelodeon pilot, while Mike and Ian discuss their attempts to land roles in Tide and Amazon commercials.

Notable Quotes:

• Zach Amico (17:15): "I'm not going to get it. What am I, a white guy working a deli?"
• Mike Feeney (19:57): "He felt."

6. Dear Abby and Personal Advice Segment (60:00 - 69:00)

In a humorous take on the classic "Dear Abby" advice column, the hosts address fictional relationship dilemmas. They tackle questions about improving sexual performance and addressing bad breath in a marriage, infusing their responses with wit and relatable humor.

Notable Quotes:

• Ian Finance (52:05): "You just bring it up while you're in bed kissing and be like, you know, it'd be really hot."
• Zach Amico (53:07): "I think we have a letter. We have a letter for our esteemed producers to read to us."

7. Final Promotions and Conclusion (69:00 - End)

As the episode wraps up, guests Mike Feeney and Ian Fidance promote their respective shows and upcoming performances. Mike highlights his show "Co Host Wanted," while Ian shares his tour dates across various cities. Zac concludes by promoting his Instagram and upcoming wrestling events, encouraging listeners to support their content and stay engaged with the GaS Digital Network.

Notable Quotes:

• Mike Feeney (68:26): "Check out my new show, Co Host Wanted with Mike Feeney, where I interview a guest to be the permanent co-host of the show."
• Zach Amico (69:34): "Follow me on Instagram at Zach is not funny."

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Key Takeaways and Insights

• Humor in Personal Struggles: The episode effectively uses humor to navigate personal anecdotes about failed auditions and challenges in the entertainment industry, making the content relatable and entertaining.

• Critical Media Analysis: The hosts provide insightful critiques of contemporary films like Nope, offering listeners a blend of humor and thoughtful commentary.

• Celebrity Legal Drama: A detailed discussion on the legal issues surrounding Suge Knight and Diddy highlights the intersection of fame, power, and the justice system, prompting listeners to reflect on the implications of celebrity trials.

• Community and Support: Through segments like "Co Host Wanted" and tour promotions, the podcast fosters a sense of community, encouraging listeners to engage with and support each other’s creative endeavors.

Conclusion

Episode 0024 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo is a vibrant mix of humor, personal stories, and critical discussions that embody the show's chaotic yet engaging spirit. With guests like Mike Feeney and Ian Fidance, the episode offers a blend of laughs, insightful commentary, and relatable content that keeps listeners entertained and invested.

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Connect with the Hosts:

• Zac Amico: Instagram: @zachisnotfunny
• Mike Feeney: YouTube: mikefeeneycomedy
• Ian Fidance: Website: ianfidence.com

For more episodes and exclusive content, visit gasdigital.com and use promo code ZOO15 for special discounts.

Transcript

[Mike Feeney]

You know where your business would be without you. Imagine where it could go with more of you. Well, with Wix, you can create a website with more of your vision, your voice, your expertise. Wix gives you the freedom to truly own your brand and do it on your own with full customization and advanced AI tools that help turn your ideas into reality. Grow your business into your online brand. Because without you, the your business is just business as usual. Go to wix.com fill er up.

[Ian Finance]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Zach Amico]

Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play jokes against you. Start your day, Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy, stretch your legs, Touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's a Miko morning too. Well, howdy, howdy, howdy. It's a Wednesday here on Zak Amico's Morning Zoo. And it's me, your other boy, the international superstar, Zach Amico. I am very excited to be broadcasting live from the GAS Digital Network. And across the table from me is a very, very funny, very accomplished, very kind man who respects my time and his name is Mike Feeney.

[Mike Feeney]

Hey, what's up, buddy?

[Zach Amico]

How you doing? It's great to have you on the show, man.

[Mike Feeney]

It's great to be here. I know we might have somebody else joining us very shortly.

[Zach Amico]

We might, we might. Or he's going to have to get here, take a shit and then have a cigarette.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes. And then he'll. But if there's one thing I know he's gonna have, it's excuses. But buddy, this is great. Congrats on the show. I haven't been here since you've done it. You look great. I love the little intro, the little cartoon character. Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

And I wanna congratulate you on your new show, co host wanted.

[Mike Feeney]

Thank you very much, pal.

[Zach Amico]

Please follow that on Instagram, however. Excuse me, follow it on YouTube Stitcher however you consume your podcasts.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Do you have a Patreon or anything?

[Mike Feeney]

No, not yet. I just want to have people watch it first. YouTube.com mikefinie Comedy every week I interview a brand new person to be the permanent co host of the show. And we're two episodes in. We had Ari and this week is Jordan Jensen. And I got to tell you, competition's looking stiff for this season.

[Zach Amico]

So you're looking for a strong nose.

[Mike Feeney]

It seems like that's one of one of the requirements. Yes. Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Well, excellent. We'll. We'll wait do plugs until our other guest arrives. But I didn't want to start the show any later because you know, Mr. Feeny, he's got a family.

[Mike Feeney]

You got cats, you got a life. Yeah, sure.

[Zach Amico]

I got another show too.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. So there it is.

[Zach Amico]

So let's just have some fun. Let's start with the fun one. This is the zoo. We like to do a little animal stories. No, we're not going to hurt an animal, you pussies. Spider monkey captured an office building break room. Just sounds adorable.

[Mike Feeney]

I love that. And this is where we see it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, we'll get there. Don't worry.

[Mike Feeney]

There it is.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. Stop resisting.

[Mike Feeney]

It puts 30 bullets in them.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

There's just that the screeching of. That's a little more demonic than I thought they would be. You know, that'd be.

[Zach Amico]

We probably also just. Unless the fireman is there. To be the man in the yellow hat.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And soothe him.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, there we go. The sound of that is like it's being ripped apart.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, for all you. Not is okay. If you were that big and a bunch of, let's say five, ten dudes came and threw you in a little box and you've only known monkey life.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, monkey life. And that break room.

[Zach Amico]

Apparently unlimited scream too. I would scream my balls off.

[Mike Feeney]

But it's. Yeah. I mean. And also you. It would like, you know. Cause initially I go ah, I wouldn't be scared of that thing. But then once it starts making those noises, you're like, oh man, this thing could scratch my eyes out or something like that, you know?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So we did monkey month a while back on spook show.

[Mike Feeney]

Uh huh.

[Zach Amico]

And I think one or two. Frank. What was the monkey? Shines as a spider monkey.

[Mike Feeney]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

What was the one we did? Somebody had a helper monkey. And I think it was a spider monkey. And it committed some crimes.

[Mike Feeney]

Dude. That like.

[Zach Amico]

It's not like a chimp where it's going to fucking rip your balls off.

[Mike Feeney]

What was the Jordan Peele movie? That wasn't good. Nope. Yeah, but that was the monkey. The monkey. That was the best part of that whole. I could have watched. They should have made the movie about that. That's. That was awesome.

[Zach Amico]

Like he wanted to make another movie about that.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh. And that was like. That was like.

[Zach Amico]

I know. It was supposed to be a euphemism for that. You can't control nature.

[Mike Feeney]

Uh huh.

[Zach Amico]

And that was supposed to be with the alien. Basically. The guy started the Theme park and shit, right? As his, like, response to that trauma of wanting to control all the elements. My issue with Nope was I was so into it when the little kids were the fake aliens.

[Mike Feeney]

Right? Yeah, well, that whole, the whole, you know, just everything about it, I mean, that's kind of like the Jordan Peele experience, right? They suck you into a whole world and then you're just like, oh, this is interesting, but I forgot. It doesn't really fit, I feel like in a genre. Cause it's certainly not horror.

[Zach Amico]

I think Nope was supposed to be a Spielberg esque summer blockbuster.

[Mike Feeney]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

With extraterrestrial elements.

[Mike Feeney]

Not of planet Earth.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I didn't know that that's what it stands for.

[Zach Amico]

I thought it was just because he said Nope.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, they also worked it into the. They worked the word nope into the script about 48 times. He is constantly saying nope throughout. They all say nope at one point. But yeah, that's what it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So I love the stuff with the monkey. I loved. I was scared as shit when he was getting pranked and the little kids had the alien masks on, right. I was like, if those are the aliens, I'm in.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then it was like a parachute.

[Mike Feeney]

But I kind of liked that when like the whatever those things were like raining down those little like shrapnel or whatever. Yeah, it was, it had, it had its moments. But it was definitely.

[Zach Amico]

I felt so bad for the poor lady. They got destroyed by the monkey and then got eaten by an alien. What are the chances?

[Mike Feeney]

Well, that's like the guy who survived Hiroshima and went back home to his wife, his family in Nagasaki and then caught two atomic bombs and I think survived both of them. You're like, what, at what point in your life do you just go, hey, man, it's gotta be just nothing but karma from here on out. What did I do in my past life?

[Zach Amico]

Isn't there a guy who was recently in a shooting? Like he was in a mass shooting and he was also in a College1 Like 10 years ago, I think.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I read that.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, that's. You just don't go outside anymore. Right.

[Mike Feeney]

I mean, if that doesn't make you a shut in, I don't know what would.

[Zach Amico]

Or an excellent marksman, right?

[Mike Feeney]

Just. Just a human shield.

[Zach Amico]

Comes in. Things come in threes.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I would not. I would not go to be going to any outdoor concert series. I'm soon, I suppose. But the monkey thing. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, that's. I wonder. I wonder what they now my question is just logistically speaking, I'm caught up on how they get the rope off of that. You know, there must be some sort of tension release.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I'd imagine. It's got a button.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I thought it was a claw. I thought it was like the.

[Mike Feeney]

Like when they pick up garbage on the street. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It was a little lasso.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, A little lasso is fun.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

I'd like to lasso something.

[Zach Amico]

I bet it's way harder.

[Mike Feeney]

Nope.

[Zach Amico]

I bet it's way harder than you think. That was my other thing with. Nope. I felt it was really for like. Yes, we know about the horse thing, right?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. And all the.

[Zach Amico]

And we really. They beat over the head with that. It was black people. Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Yep. Black people. Interest. Also interested in horses, you know?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

They shot that movie during the day and then they made it look like night.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, day.

[Mike Feeney]

That's why it looks that weird bluish kind of thing. And they just really messed with it and they shot it in a really high. It's actually kind of cool the way that. Anyway, this is.

[Zach Amico]

You and I have a. You and I have a film that we did called Balticore. Yeah. It looks like it might finally come out. We shot it a while ago.

[Mike Feeney]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

We did our scenes with one Robert Kali.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes. And Shaner Ryan Shayner.

[Zach Amico]

And then my boss, Atroma Lloyd. Kaufman, you were casting. Your role, I believe was written for you.

[Mike Feeney]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

Bobby's role was written for him. My role was written for Big J.

[Mike Feeney]

I didn't know that.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, come on. A bouncer at a strip club named Tiny?

[Mike Feeney]

That's funny. I don't know, I feel like.

[Zach Amico]

Did he chin smokes and sits on a stool?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. I mean, listen, I get it. I can see it now, but I just.

[Zach Amico]

And then who would be a hot headed jerk off who gets in a fight at a bar for somebody looking at him the wrong way?

[Mike Feeney]

I mean, again. All right, you're starting to. You're starting to.

[Zach Amico]

Who then Ryan Shaner took the part of.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Louis J. Gomez. That's funny. You know, it was cool. It is nice when someone writes something for you versus having to like audition for something because they know how to write in your voice and stuff. But yeah, that was fun. And it was an anthological series and I think they just finished the last part of it, so people. I think people for it. Skank fest a couple years ago. They saw it, right?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they saw our part at least.

[Mike Feeney]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

And there's another one with Bill Mosley and Bonnie McFarlane. And then they just shot with John Waters.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, that's awesome. I didn't know Bonnie was in.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Bonnie. It's like an Old west one.

[Mike Feeney]

Whoa.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Bonnie's like a Dust bowl woman, which kind of makes sense.

[Mike Feeney]

Perfect. Dude, I picture her just sweeping an old. Like a front porch of, like, an old dusty. One of those. One of those dresses, you know?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, just an old, dusty room that her husband's headlining. A tumbleweed goes by.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, he's going. I used to do theaters.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry, I caught myself on that one. But, yeah, very excited about that coming out. The gentleman that's going to join us soon. And I just did a movie as well called Bring on the Damned, which is going to be Screening on Watch trauma.com Starting this month.

[Mike Feeney]

That's pretty cool.

[Zach Amico]

And very excited about that. But let's keep it moving. I'm going to save the Diddy shit for when he gets here. Suge Knight says Tupac's friends and fam smoked his ashes.

[Mike Feeney]

Huh. I feel like I have heard that with other. With, like, people before. I didn't.

[Zach Amico]

I've heard of people snorting ashes.

[Mike Feeney]

Really? I've heard of people, like, sprinkling it into a blunt or something like that. I don't think I've ever heard it with Tupac. But also Suge Knight. Isn't he still in prison? Suge Knight? He's like.

[Zach Amico]

I would assume so, yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

He's in prison, right?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he did some real shit. Didn't he run somebody over?

[Mike Feeney]

Well, that was the thing that finally got him in jail. But, I mean, he did do a lot of crazy shit and from all accounts, is fully responsible for the death of, you know, Tupac. Tupac, yeah. Probably.

[Zach Amico]

Easy.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, it seems like.

[Zach Amico]

Probably. It seems. It seems like somebody might have had him stuck.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. But then running over, like, why would you run someone over with your car on public. I mean, I remember seeing that video and every. It's that reaction. You're going, oh, my God. Yeah. He just.

[Zach Amico]

I think at a certain point, your ego gets so big, right? Like, look at Aaron Hernandez.

[Mike Feeney]

Right? Like, just keep murdering.

[Zach Amico]

No reason, right, for him to do any of that. Like, it wasn't even that bad of a situation that required the gun.

[Mike Feeney]

Right. Yeah. I think there. Yeah, maybe there is that thing of no one's going to. I mean, and I. We will. I guess we'll save the diddy stuff. But it is just wild how. What. What power and money affords you or.

[Zach Amico]

What hood athletes and rappers will do to not admit they're Gay.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess that too. That works. Although I was just in the West Village, I was at the Comedy Cellar on the night of the pride parade. And this was. You know, the pride parade is during the day, and then at night, it just turns into basically chaos. It's just. It's almost like a street fair in the Bronx. Like, it's. There's. There's. It's a predominantly, like, black teen group. And it's. It's so wild because a lot of the people don't even. It's not even. They're not even there to support. There's not even really gay people there. It's more just.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they closed that McDonald's.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, it's just teenagers. There was. There was a shooting in the. In the park. There was tear gas.

[Zach Amico]

It was bear mace.

[Mike Feeney]

I think it was. What was it?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, do you guys want to look that up in the booth? So I would. I believe the story I read was a lady shot at a guy, missed, and hit an innocent bystander, and then the guy blew her brains out. And that somebody else bear maced somebody.

[Mike Feeney]

Awesome.

[Zach Amico]

All right. Around that area. Awesome, dude. That area in general, major decline in the last tremendous. Since we've started.

[Mike Feeney]

Crazy. Crazy. And.

[Zach Amico]

Hold on. Easy. I was gonna say go to the bathroom.

[Mike Feeney]

Speaking of crazy. Speaking of certifiable. Look who's here, ladies. And gentleme.

[Zach Amico]

It's the one and only inan f.

[Ian Finance]

Sorry I'm late. I was downtown celebrating the diddy verdict.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's okay. Don't worry about it. I like that you. You definitely were going. I. I need a bit. When I walk in the door.

[Ian Finance]

100%.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

I was scrambling, looking at the news.

[Zach Amico]

Well, thank you for being here. You know I love you very much. I love you and don't worry about it.

[Mike Feeney]

Thank you.

[Ian Finance]

Nightmare.

[Mike Feeney]

But we've been talking about. We're waiting for you to talk about the diddy stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But we were all. Did you get the official details, Frank, on whatever happened with the shooting in the macing pride night?

[Ian Finance]

Oh, yeah, yeah, dude, we talked about that yesterday.

[Mike Feeney]

Crazy. Yeah. A girl got shot in the head.

[Ian Finance]

Or I think in the head and is in critical.

[Mike Feeney]

Critical condition. And then somebody else also, I think, got shot. And then.

[Ian Finance]

But before that, there was a huge.

[Mike Feeney]

Stampede in Washington Square park because somebody started spraying bear spray. And I think they arrested that guy.

[Zach Amico]

But now what are the chances there were bear. Like, how funny would it be if the one float was gay bears, like Leather daddy and somebody just started screaming and bear Mating bears.

[Mike Feeney]

You say these bears? I will say. There were comics standing outside the cellar who were like, I. We, like, smelled that. That peppery, you know. Really? You could smell it? Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

Was it a Nightmare down on McDougal?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, it was. It was awful.

[Ian Finance]

Dude, Every year it is. It's getting worse and worse and crazy and so I'm really sorry I'm late. I was up so early. I'm not gonna give excuses. The dream is a mess and I had to get an Uber.

[Zach Amico]

Happens.

[Ian Finance]

I love you.

[Zach Amico]

I love you. Don't worry about it. I got. I got done talking to you before you got here.

[Mike Feeney]

That's all we've been doing for 14 minutes actually. So it's great.

[Ian Finance]

I deserve it.

[Mike Feeney]

Is this. This is great, though, by the way. This is. This is like an old. An old. Bye, guys. Three by guys. Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

Are you.

[Mike Feeney]

No, I just thought that. I just was getting ahead of the comments.

[Ian Finance]

You see his Feeny look?

[Zach Amico]

It's looking great.

[Ian Finance]

I know.

[Zach Amico]

Hair looks great too.

[Ian Finance]

Strong, Feeny.

[Zach Amico]

Really strong hair. Great hairline.

[Mike Feeney]

Thanks, buddy.

[Zach Amico]

Without the Turkey trip, we all look good.

[Mike Feeney]

Without the what?

[Zach Amico]

Without the trip to Turkey strong.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, that's the one thing genetically I got going for me. I would have trade. I'd trade. I'd be bald if I could trade in commercial success, but I've settled.

[Zach Amico]

Or one successful commercial, 100%, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

If I can get a Verizon National, I'd be.

[Ian Finance]

I'll do whatever, dude. If I see Feeny in a Tide commercial, I'm gonna kill myself.

[Mike Feeney]

I just did an audition for Tide.

[Ian Finance]

Was it the one where you had to talk to the bag of laundry?

[Mike Feeney]

No, but it was a different. But I did do a Tide audition recently. That's. So you did it too?

[Ian Finance]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's so funny.

[Mike Feeney]

I was also. I didn't. I didn't get it either because they were like, it's. That's the other thing. That's a. This is a waste of everybody's time. But just very quickly. It is so funny with commercials. They'll send you something and be like, here's life changing money. By the way, it shoots tomorrow in Oklahoma. You have to memorize four pages.

[Ian Finance]

Oh, that one that was due at 6:00'. Clock.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

They sent it to you at 4.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, they're like, rehearse it, get it on script. Have somebody read it with you. Upload it to our Dropbox in the next 90 minutes and then be in Tulsa tomorrow afternoon. And then it's, you know, it's. It's a year salary essentially. And you go, yeah, what was it?

[Ian Finance]

Oh yeah, it was the one where you had to talk to your coworker. And it's. First of all, they were like, okay, so you're both working at a deli and your coworker is trying to save money by switching to a different deterrent.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The stocking the shelves, pretending that you have to mime stocking the shelves. And.

[Ian Finance]

And the guy. And, and I started flipping out. I was like, this is so unfucking real. I'm not going to get it. What am I, a white guy working a deli?

[Mike Feeney]

I thought I was 100% going to.

[Ian Finance]

Get going to fucking happen. And also it's like, hey, if you're pinching on detergent, you're buddy, yeah, you're. You're a minimum wage worker to deli and you're trying to switch detergent to save $5 so that you can fucking feed your family. But you're fucked up. Get a gun, go out and rob. That'll be a better choice. Use Tide to get the blood off your clothes.

[Mike Feeney]

And you submitted that?

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, no, no, at the lot at the end line, you had to improv, right? Yeah, I was so over just doing it that I just. My improv light at the end was, honey, it gets rid of skid marks. We're a Tide family now. And I said that and I was like, it, I don't care anymore, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

I came up, I like found one of the like morning, Morning.

[Ian Finance]

Love to see how hard you were trying on the dude.

[Mike Feeney]

The morning.

[Ian Finance]

I'm a Tide guy.

[Mike Feeney]

The Morning Meadow one or I like, I started naming brands as like, wow, this really does smell like Morning Meadow. I did like callbacks. It was crazy, dude. Oh man, I was so confident in that.

[Zach Amico]

The only way you two would get that commercial is if you were washing KKK robes. Wow, this really gets the dirt and burns out.

[Mike Feeney]

What's infuriating is some of the commercials they send you out for, you go, you know, you never have any chance. Like there's that. I don't know if you guys see that constant. Did you do the Mountain Dew one? The there's like the one that's all these different series of. They have a new Mountain Dew guy and he's like got a big green like almost like pimp jacket, like a Mountain Dew color. And he's got long hair. He looks like Zack Wilde almost and he's got a big beard. And in the casting notes they were looking for that. They Want big beard, long hair, mountain man looking person. And they sent me out for it and I go, I'm. I. Everything about this is wrong.

[Zach Amico]

You got mounted, man.

[Ian Finance]

Dude, I got fucked on camera for nothing. I didn't even get it.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, and then he felt.

[Zach Amico]

Audition and a camera.

[Ian Finance]

Those jokes, dude, I got. I got to the third round of audition for a commercial and then they gave it to a non binary Asian guy with orange hair. And it was a, like, it was like a Google Chrome commercial.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, that would have been money.

[Ian Finance]

I know.

[Zach Amico]

Michael, what's the biggest. You've bombed an in person audition.

[Ian Finance]

I had an audition for an Amazon show and I was doing the line and the woman was like, it's too much, it's too much. And I was like, okay. And I did again. She goes, okay, that's. That's fine.

[Mike Feeney]

Thank you.

[Ian Finance]

And I was like, all right. And I went to the bathroom and in the mirror, I nailed the line. And I went downstairs, I was smoking a cigarette and I just got done watching like an inside the Actors Studio that was like, you have to take your career into your own hands. One time I went back and I told the director I deserve. And I got it. And I was like, today's the day. So I went back and I was full, bravado, confidence. And I was like, dude, I'm doing it.

[Mike Feeney]

I.

[Ian Finance]

This is. I know exactly how to do the line, and this is going to be my story. And I knock on the door and the casting director's eating a sandwich. I go, hi. I liked, I know I can nail the line. I know I could do it again. And she goes, I'm eating my lunch right now. Do you really want to do this? And I was like, well. And she goes, look, I'm gonna do it because you're nice, but if you ever do this again to anyone, it's gonna ruin you. And I was like, okay. And then we did the light. And she goes, you're still doing too much. And I was like, oh, God, that's devastating, dude. And it was for a line in a Amazon prime show that was like, the bathroom's this way, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

The second I. I had one where it was. It was. There were three.

[Zach Amico]

Bathrooms this way.

[Ian Finance]

Bathrooms this way.

[Mike Feeney]

There was a time where we had three. We were auditioning and it was three different parts. And they were like, we're gonna have. They're like. And I was being sent out. Let's say it's like man one or whatever. And then we got there and I was reading with two Other people. And they switched all the lines and I had mine good to go. I found, like, the funny in it. I was like, this will be a good pacing of it. I know what to do. And then they switched it last second. They go, why don't you be man three? And man three just basically goes, whoa. Like that. And then the other guy got this big meaty part, but he didn't know what to do with it because he didn't. He thought he was the thing. And it was just. All of us just looked clunky and awful and we nightmare.

[Ian Finance]

Also, there are no commercials or any actors with tattoos.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

I am the last interesting minority.

[Mike Feeney]

The last of the Mohicans.

[Zach Amico]

Just the last of the MO's.

[Mike Feeney]

Really.

[Zach Amico]

I have two. I bombed because I. I auditioned. I used to do. I acted when I was a kid.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I just. I fucking stunk up a few. But I had one where I was supposed to be Australian and I was a little kid. I was probably like 11 or 12, dude. I lost the accent halfway through the monologue and I just couldn't get it back. And by the end, I was Southern and I just knew how I felt in my soul, how embarrassing it was. And they're like, yeah, you're supposed to be Australian. And I was like, good day.

[Ian Finance]

What was it for?

[Zach Amico]

I can't remember. I did a lot of Nickelodeon ship. Oh, man.

[Ian Finance]

Did you ever get on a show?

[Zach Amico]

I was the last round on hey, Arnold.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, wow. For who?

[Zach Amico]

Arnold.

[Mike Feeney]

For Arnold. No way.

[Zach Amico]

They replaced Arnold after the movie because he got too old. And I was in the last round of people to be the second Arnold.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, my God, that would have been awesome.

[Zach Amico]

And I did get a pilot.

[Mike Feeney]

Hey, Arnold.

[Zach Amico]

I got a pilot for a Nicktoon, but it never got picked up. The series. I don't remember what it was called, but I think it might have been, like, a predecessor to Invader Zimmerman.

[Mike Feeney]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Because it was, like, a goth girl who, like, saw, like, spooky shit.

[Mike Feeney]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Like Spot. I might. Jonah Vasquez might have written it, but she had, like, an annoying, like, neighbor who was a kid that would be like, ew, you're weird and gothic. And that was me.

[Ian Finance]

And I nailed While you're fighting off a boner.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Did that Pigeon man episode of hey, Arnold is never got into hay.

[Zach Amico]

There's a few.

[Ian Finance]

I think you're older than you.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, you are. You are very old.

[Zach Amico]

Well, don't they drop that Grandpa was in the Holocaust. Was he on hey Arnold?

[Mike Feeney]

That would make sense.

[Zach Amico]

Or somebody Somebody was in the hall.

[Mike Feeney]

I know both of his parents died in a plane crash.

[Zach Amico]

They very subtly say that somebody was in the Holocaust.

[Mike Feeney]

I think, oh, maybe it was one of the tenants in. The other guy escaped, like, Vietnam or something on.

[Zach Amico]

You know what Wife. And I'm also thinking of that. Yeah. And then you saw him give the baby to the soldier.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, yeah. And he goes, take my daughter.

[Zach Amico]

I'm confused. Tooth.

[Mike Feeney]

The helicopter flies away. It is so, dude, there's some really heavy ser. And then the pigeon man one, he's like. He's like a. It's almost like the pigeon lady from.

[Zach Amico]

I might be thinking of. He's alone, and the great grandparents on.

[Mike Feeney]

Wants to kill himself.

[Zach Amico]

Rugrats. Because they were definitely j. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a maca baby's got to do what a maca baby's got to do.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, dude, I think that I. I'm just realizing now. I think that pigeon man episode, I think he, like, actually kills himself in the end of that because he's got all these pigeons, and he's like a loner, and everybody hates him, except for Arnold, who's scared of him initially, but then he real realizes he's just a lonely man trying his best. And then at the end of it, he has all of his pigeons, like, like, pull all these little rip cords in his thing, and then he, like, jumps off the roof, and the pigeons help him, like, fly away. But I feel like in real life, that's just probably coping, and he probably just killed himself. But, yeah, pretty heavy show for a cartoon. Anyway, what else is going on in the news? Zach?

[Zach Amico]

That's fine. I was in. My other audition I bombed was for which was the show with Belzer. What, the. The Mr. Belzer? No, no, no.

[Mike Feeney]

The building Belding.

[Zach Amico]

No, no. Richard Belzer was.

[Mike Feeney]

Richard Belzer, like, one order.

[Zach Amico]

SVU was an svu he was on. Yeah, I auditioned for that, but I had to be retarded, and I was not.

[Mike Feeney]

Had to be.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. And I was not prepared. Acting was. I was going to either kind of do the hand. No, I did, like, hulking, quiet retard.

[Mike Feeney]

Looking up at your eyebrows.

[Zach Amico]

Well, no, I did the. Like. I think I did more autistic than retarded.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But I remember I bombed it so bad. I mean, I bombed it from the second I walked in. Cause, like, have you heard of the show? And this is when I had just started liking comedy a lot. I went, yeah, I actually just read Richard Belzer's book, and I realized, like, well, I don't think you got the part, buddy. I just. Oh, I ate it. I think I even tried a second take. More retarded. Like I hit myself in the head and. Oh, it was bad.

[Ian Finance]

What, what was your line?

[Zach Amico]

It was. I was on like. I was on trial for murder. It was like a deposition about how like, I think I like beat a kid to death or something.

[Ian Finance]

Jesus Christ.

[Zach Amico]

At all, dude. I was. I didn't beat him.

[Ian Finance]

I hugged him.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I just hugged him.

[Zach Amico]

It was something like that. Yeah, yeah. And I just. My parents were so like supporter that. But I was like, God, I should have got acting lessons too. I was just going blind and just bomb. No, I only got a few things. I got a Nickelodeon commercial and I had.

[Ian Finance]

Oh, they online?

[Zach Amico]

No, I look for them. Oh my God, I can't find them. It was. It was some Nickelodeon Nation song I got. You remember Super Toy Run?

[Mike Feeney]

No.

[Zach Amico]

So Super Toy Run was a contest they had every year where you could run through Toys R Us and fill a cart.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, yes.

[Zach Amico]

I was the poster for that one year. It was like a tropical version and it's fat little me in a Hawaiian shirt with like a flipped up front childhood theme.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, that was the like. Yeah, like the supermarket sweeps thing of just running up as much as you can.

[Zach Amico]

I got that and I had a print ad series in Boston for computers like Dell or something.

[Mike Feeney]

Dude, you're getting a Dell.

[Ian Finance]

That guy got arrested for weed in Washington Square Park.

[Mike Feeney]

Really?

[Ian Finance]

Maybe Washington Square park has always been bad.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think it's always been levels of.

[Ian Finance]

Always had a little seediness. But yeah, I don't think it's been this en masse.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I mean, it's a. It's a mass grave, isn't it?

[Mike Feeney]

Is it?

[Ian Finance]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, we looked that up on Spook.

[Mike Feeney]

Show not long ago.

[Ian Finance]

Is it.

[Mike Feeney]

There's a mask. It's a mass graveyard.

[Zach Amico]

It's like an ancient burial ground of like.

[Mike Feeney]

What? And they just put a fountain up and paved it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, do you. So I took my chick on a ghost tour of Brooklyn and they showed us certain buildings that are on top of like giant cemeteries. Frank, look out. How many. How many people are buried under Barcade Nook in Brooklyn? In Brooklyn?

[Ian Finance]

On Union Ave?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

No way. It's a cement floor.

[Ian Finance]

That's cool.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, I'm talking like way more people. Like, like ancient, like bone depository.

[Mike Feeney]

What? So what? How are they allowed to do that though?

[Zach Amico]

Manhattan's built over shit.

[Mike Feeney]

But don't they have to move them when they.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think they made that rule.

[Ian Finance]

I don't think they're doing those.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, you think of, like, that Greenport. I mean, Greenpoint, you moved the graves.

[Zach Amico]

But you left the bodies.

[Mike Feeney]

The Greenpoint Cemetery or like, you know any of those ones where you see these, like, tens of thousands when you're driving on the highway or whatever and you go. At some point, they just have to go, all right, you guys have mourned them long enough. We're scraping all these tombs on and we're starting all over again because we gotta. We gotta.

[Ian Finance]

Weird that we still bury people.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it seems antiquated and, like, a waste of the fact that we have homeless people and cemeteries is pretty wild.

[Ian Finance]

Bury the homeless people.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that'd be way easier.

[Ian Finance]

We should put them underground.

[Mike Feeney]

I get rid of a lot of problems.

[Zach Amico]

Frank, did you find. Yeah, there's no exact number here, but it says hundreds to possibly over a thousand.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they showed us that. They showed us where there was a plane crash in Brooklyn. Like, a plane crashed into an apartment building. And then the wild one was the first elevator in Brooklyn where the family went on vacation and the servants all had never been on the elevator before. And they're, like, riding this fucking elevator. And it broke. And the people were on vacation for a week, and they came back and.

[Ian Finance]

It was just dead people in their.

[Zach Amico]

Elevators of an elevator full of corpses.

[Mike Feeney]

Now, did the elevator crash or did the elevator just get stuck in floors and they all just starved and.

[Zach Amico]

Fun tour.

[Mike Feeney]

Now. How do you not.

[Ian Finance]

I feel like I'd break my own neck in that situation.

[Mike Feeney]

You can't do that.

[Ian Finance]

You can break your own neck.

[Mike Feeney]

Not. But not. Not in, like, a family guy.

[Ian Finance]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. You can't do it in a. You can't do it in a family guy way of dying.

[Zach Amico]

You can't Steven Seagal yourself.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, you could. I bet you could probably break it in a way to where you just be paralyzed fully awake on the floor in tremendous pain. I don't think you could kill yourself.

[Zach Amico]

You could probably do it with your shirt.

[Ian Finance]

You don't think that you could ram your head into a wall and break your neck?

[Mike Feeney]

I think you could break your neck, and I think you would just be paralyzed on the ground. I don'. Think you would.

[Zach Amico]

I think you would have better luck. I think you'd have better luck hanging yourself with your shirt.

[Mike Feeney]

I mean, now we're. Now we're talking actual strategy here, but.

[Zach Amico]

Well, we've thought about it. They don't make shirts strong enough yet. But when shirt technology catches up, that's how they.

[Mike Feeney]

That's how they test the support beams. They're like, Zach, come on in. We need you to test something.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly. Come here.

[Ian Finance]

Look at.

[Zach Amico]

Look at the last five years of your career. Here's a rope and a chair.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, here's a rope that we use to keep cruise ships at harbor. Let's see if you can.

[Zach Amico]

Here's a rope, a chair. A rope, a chair. A rope, a chair. And your tax returns and your calendar.

[Mike Feeney]

By the way, I will say I haven't seen you a while. You do look like you've lost some weight.

[Zach Amico]

I'm working on it.

[Mike Feeney]

How much are you down?

[Zach Amico]

Probably a little bit. Just enough. Enough that I'm moving a little better. Yeah, it's gonna make loves a little better.

[Mike Feeney]

You are moving a little. I was gonna say you look better. I haven't heard your breathing yet, so that's a good.

[Zach Amico]

Working on it.

[Ian Finance]

Jesus.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm saying it was getting.

[Zach Amico]

I'm not.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, no, it was getting touch and go.

[Zach Amico]

It was a. A hormonal thing. I had to go to the doctor and get on medicine.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, nice.

[Zach Amico]

It was. I found out it was a up. Ian knows about it.

[Mike Feeney]

Are you doing the jab?

[Zach Amico]

No. I might start, though. Yeah, no, I had to. I had to clear up some other. First. My numbers were wacky.

[Mike Feeney]

I. You know, I believe it.

[Ian Finance]

No, like, your doctor's giving you the numbers. He just goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, they have a slide whistle.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, no, it was. Somebody wasn't making the right chemicals. Yeah, it was a tough one. All right, so let's get into it. Hey, guys, real quick. You ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft? Like your coffee is warming your hands, but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain? Well, that's why they created Body Brain Coffee. It's not just coffee. It's coffee with purpose. Specifically, testosterone, packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom, and, yeah, in the bedroom, too. And it's not just about testosterone. Body brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity, and mood, thanks to lion's Mane, Ashwagandha, and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters and a crash, Body brain coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm, and locked in, all while supporting your natural tea levels. So if you're serious about your energy, your mindset, and your masculinity. It starts with what you put in your cup. You can save 15% today with the promo code ZOO15Z O [e-mail] that's bodybraincoffee.com power your day, fuel your drive. Let's get back into the show.

[Ian Finance]

Did he or didn't he?

[Zach Amico]

I guess he didn't.

[Mike Feeney]

Apparently he didn't. He.

[Ian Finance]

He did. What did he do?

[Zach Amico]

He did.

[Mike Feeney]

He did.

[Zach Amico]

Well, he's guilty.

[Mike Feeney]

No, no, no. He's only guilty on. He's guilty of accounts that don't mean anything.

[Zach Amico]

No, not even, I think, trafficking.

[Mike Feeney]

No. Trafficking over counts one and like, I.

[Zach Amico]

Think two or somebody over state lines.

[Mike Feeney]

RICO charges he didn't get, which. Those are the ones that could be like life in prison. He got the ones that have a minimum sentence of two years in prison, which is get knocked down. They said he's going to probably walk out of the courthouse. He's going to be like, let go today.

[Ian Finance]

So basically this was a trial to embarrass him, more or less.

[Mike Feeney]

No, I think they were going for those charges, but he just had. He had like sharks as his law. I mean, he paid unbelievable amounts of money for that. And yeah, they, they didn't convict him of those things. But that's also. Dude, when he was driving a moped inside Riker. Do you remember that? When he. When he was in. When he was in. He's been in jail this whole. Not. I think he's been. I think he was at Rikers. But there's like security footage of inside the cells. Like, you know, in the. In the. Whatever that is, like the courtyard of the cells. He's driving a moped around inside of it by himself, just kind of bored, killing time. Like that's how much privilege he had in the cells that he was able to just kind of wander free. So you knew he wasn't going. He wasn't going away for life.

[Zach Amico]

He wasn't going to. Gen Pop was actually debunked. That was not Diddy.

[Mike Feeney]

That wasn't real.

[Zach Amico]

Now somebody else.

[Mike Feeney]

Damn. The Internet got me again.

[Zach Amico]

Now we've been getting. Got a lot on here. Don't worry. I'm really. Oh, yeah.

[Ian Finance]

A bunch of stuff.

[Zach Amico]

I've been falling for AI like a motherfucker.

[Mike Feeney]

That wasn't. Was that AI or that was just.

[Zach Amico]

I might have been another black guy.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, is that just another black guy?

[Zach Amico]

I fell for one that was a guy getting kicked out of a pizza place they said was Dave Portnoy. Yesterday, and it was just another gravelly voice. Jewel. Yeah, that guy was like 5 foot 9 or something. Portnoy's like 5 4. Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

Portnoy on his tippy toes in every photo is very funny.

[Mike Feeney]

I'd never noticed that, bro. That's so funny. I didn't know he was that short. I thought he was. He's 5 4.

[Ian Finance]

The only picture of him not on his tippy toes is when he's standing next to Rogan.

[Mike Feeney]

There's no way he's 5 4. That's.

[Ian Finance]

He's taller than that.

[Mike Feeney]

I thought he was.

[Ian Finance]

Dude, every single picture he's on.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's hilarious.

[Mike Feeney]

What?

[Zach Amico]

There's no reason for that.

[Mike Feeney]

That guy's on his tippy toes too. Dude, that's great. I mean, how you got to know people are going to see that?

[Zach Amico]

Maybe he's just thinking nobody will notice or they'll crop it.

[Mike Feeney]

Wow, cool.

[Ian Finance]

People are catching on the fact that he's a loser.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he sucks. Like, he really, really sucks.

[Mike Feeney]

Is he. Is he. How much do you think he's worth at this point?

[Ian Finance]

$1 million.

[Zach Amico]

I bet he's got a good amount of money.

[Mike Feeney]

I was gonna say half a bill.

[Ian Finance]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

Can we get the official. What did he got charged with and.

[Ian Finance]

What did he do and what did he didn't do?

[Zach Amico]

And is he still technically a bad boy?

[Ian Finance]

Did he do done?

[Zach Amico]

What did he did he dumb? Did he do?

[Mike Feeney]

Dum da da dum ditty doo.

[Ian Finance]

Not guilty.

[Mike Feeney]

Not guilty. Count five. I mean.

[Zach Amico]

Do we have an official.

[Mike Feeney]

I have it if they don't have it. I know I've.

[Ian Finance]

He's guilty on prostitution.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but that's in Sean Diddy Combs trial. He was just found guilty on charges related to prostitution in the last 15 to 20 minutes, but acquitted of the more serious charges of racketeering and sex trafficking. Here's a look at the verdict breakdown. The jury found him him guilty. Transportation to engage in prostitution and male sex workers to engage in sexual encounters. That is a felony. He faces up to 10 years in prison on those charges, but they found him not guilty of using his money, power, or physical force to manipulate his girlfriends into those situations. I am working right now.

[Mike Feeney]

I mean, he. 100%.

[Ian Finance]

What about the assault charge on his ex girlfriend?

[Mike Feeney]

Nobody cares about. Even though that was fully on video. That. That he had no trouble for that.

[Ian Finance]

What about what. What was the racketeering charge?

[Mike Feeney]

The racketeering is the. Is the bringing them across the state lines with the intent to sell Them? Yes. Yeah, well, just.

[Ian Finance]

Or to then wasn't that sex trafficking?

[Zach Amico]

I mean, I thought racketeering was what Al Capone got.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, you're wrong.

[Mike Feeney]

No, I'm saying he got, he didn't get charged with racketeering.

[Ian Finance]

Right, but I'm asking what was the.

[Mike Feeney]

Racketeering charge that he was bringing? That he was bringing women across state lines and putting them in these freak offs against their will and having them be, you know, just a regional freak off? Yeah, yeah. Do it in the Little League, World.

[Ian Finance]

Series of free calls.

[Zach Amico]

Well, he had a gold helmet and he could fly and shoot missiles. He was the racketeer.

[Mike Feeney]

I think racketeering is like even broader.

[Ian Finance]

I think like trafficking, human trafficking is like within racketeering.

[Mike Feeney]

Right. It's like broader criminal subsection operation.

[Zach Amico]

So he just, if he walks out of this courtroom and he's doesn't like, he's, he's not house arrest or anything.

[Ian Finance]

Watch out, Washington Square Park.

[Zach Amico]

He just goes to an island forever now. Right? Like he should. He goes.

[Mike Feeney]

He probably won't. He'd probably.

[Zach Amico]

Because you can't go to the parties now. Like, if you're, if you're a celebrity, you can't like.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, but don't you think he'll have a party, be like, I'm innocent look.

[Mike Feeney]

And then O.J. did, right? He had an innocent party.

[Zach Amico]

But I don't, I think it's a bad look for a celebrity right now to go to a Diddy party.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, but don't you think that Diddy will throw a party to rub it in everyone's face first with a lot.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, that's what he was doing at all his parties. I think he was rubbing his face in it.

[Ian Finance]

The latter half of the. Rubbing it on his nipples was just embarrassing him public.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it was just that he was into gay shit.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or some things people would consider gay. Didn't he like rubbing a man's come on your nipples?

[Ian Finance]

Is that what he did?

[Zach Amico]

They said that he, he wanted to tell the guy where to come on the girl and then he would rub it on himself.

[Ian Finance]

Did he freak? Yeah, freaky. I mean, but what about the, the, the idea that he like was raping Justin Bieber and all that stuff? There's no answer on that.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, I don't know. I, I guess there's no, there's nothing on the books. I mean, I think maybe Usher too. Yeah. I mean, isn't that the story that Usher got over then? Because there is footage of Diddy with his arms around Justin Bieber. And it does look like a morning after.

[Mike Feeney]

He's like, how come you don't call me anymore to hang out? Like, it's like, like, almost like a. And Beaver's like, bieber's going through a.

[Ian Finance]

He's like, what? He's like, nothing.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, Bieber's going through a full Britney Spears like, breakdown right now. Like, he's. He's in a bad.

[Ian Finance]

Is he.

[Mike Feeney]

He's in a bad.

[Ian Finance]

How do you know?

[Mike Feeney]

All over social media. He's.

[Zach Amico]

His wife, I think, has even said, like, he's like, he needs help and shit.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, he post. He's just. Look at it. Just look at his social media, dude. He's posting all of these things and you know, like, when someone is, you know, like fully manic and being like, I don't need your help and you think I need. And he's just like posting these long one paragraphs.

[Zach Amico]

I think Ian knows what that looks like.

[Mike Feeney]

Everybody else is crazy. I'm not crazy. You? Yeah, that kind of a thing.

[Ian Finance]

I rose like a phoenix from the.

[Zach Amico]

Ashes back when you were loose on these streets.

[Mike Feeney]

Loose on Facebook too, literally.

[Ian Finance]

My phone got taken away. I was loose. Going to Stav's house by memory. And then the other time, Sagalo's house.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. No, Bieber's going through a full. But it's just that I hate to say that it's almost a cliche now that these super tough dude rappers probably do some gang shit. Like, I don't know if it's a DL. I mean. Cause I've said it on the show before, I don't think Bieber's gay. Tupac's a gay. Tupac was a gay man.

[Ian Finance]

I just was telling Sergio that yesterday. Tupac was a gay man who played a thug. I opt by the CIA to inject gangster rapid into the black community and tear them from the inside out.

[Zach Amico]

Well, he was doing that part anyway. But no, I think he's just an actor who got the part of a super ghetto thug and then took that role and played it for the rest of his life.

[Ian Finance]

Now CIA?

[Mike Feeney]

Well, yeah, because in the beginning he.

[Zach Amico]

Of him, dude, him. That video with the sideways flat top.

[Ian Finance]

Yes. And he's talking about women and like.

[Mike Feeney]

Feeling his early albums were very like a tribe tribe kind, where it was Tribe Called Quest, where it was very conscious and like, you know, women forward and all that stuff. And then it changed into the.

[Zach Amico]

Because he started playing a role.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But yeah, I think he songs though. He definitely was probably. And I think that might be part of the reason they had him scrubbed.

[Mike Feeney]

Why? Because he was gay?

[Zach Amico]

No, because they want people to find out that it wasn't a real Persona.

[Mike Feeney]

No way, dude. There's so many people. I mean, Rick Ross is literally pretending to be a guy named Rick Ross who already exists and is in prison. And he's just like, I'm that guy. You're like, no, you're not.

[Ian Finance]

He was like an honor roll student and then he start what. What's the difference between playing a role or just evolving into.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but didn't be really snow crack.

[Mike Feeney]

You know who's playing a role is Andrew Dice Clay. That's a guy who played a role and got stuck in the role in the character. He. He Heath Ledgered and didn't die.

[Ian Finance]

Rodney was playing a role because he got a lot of respect.

[Mike Feeney]

If only he could see how much he was getting now.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, Dice. Well, Dice's thing was he was an impressionist, right. And the end of his closer was Jerry Lewis doing Nutty professor, but he turns into John Travolta.

[Ian Finance]

I thought he turned into Elvis.

[Zach Amico]

I think he did both, but I think that was like his company.

[Ian Finance]

This would be like if. If Adam Ray got stuck in being like Dr. Phil.

[Mike Feeney]

It's not. He's not far off.

[Zach Amico]

It's.

[Ian Finance]

Dude, I did Dr. Phil live and it was wild.

[Mike Feeney]

It's.

[Zach Amico]

It's hilarious.

[Ian Finance]

So fun. And he is. He's like master class level improviser, dude. How he can so good.

[Mike Feeney]

How he can stay. You want to talk about like slipping out of an accent? How he can stay in that character and not for an hour. It's different if you're like doing a pre recorded thing where you can edit it. It's like on stage for a full hour. I mean, him doing also at, you know, at Madison Square Garden with Kil Tony and all these other things. You go, dude, this is a truly. Yeah, he really is a master at being able to stay in character and not break.

[Ian Finance]

Some would say a master of disguise.

[Mike Feeney]

One of the worst movies of all time.

[Ian Finance]

You're an asshole.

[Mike Feeney]

You love that movie, bro. What's it on Rotten Tomatoes? A4.

[Ian Finance]

I do not pay attention to Rotten Tomatoes.

[Mike Feeney]

No, but I remember seeing that in theaters as a kid being like, this sucks.

[Ian Finance]

Didn't it come out on 9 11? There was some like it was being.

[Zach Amico]

Filmed and they had a prayer circle.

[Ian Finance]

While he was dressed up a turtle.

[Zach Amico]

They prayed for 911 while he was in the turtle outfit. It also has a 1% on rotten 1% dude, it's.

[Ian Finance]

That's so does year one. And that's a fun.

[Mike Feeney]

But he talks about. He talks about how that almost like ruined his career. It was like one of the biggest. It was the biggest bomb of his career, that movie. And also they marketed it wrong. That whole like the turtle. Turtle thing in the trailer was somehow the funniest part of the movie. Made no sense. It was stupid. When's the last time you seen that movie? I'm furious that you defend this movie.

[Ian Finance]

Now look at my letterbox. I haven't seen it in a while.

[Zach Amico]

So. Speaking of getting stuck in a character, remember who was with Steve Burn. I've never even stole my. Stole my essence.

[Mike Feeney]

Didn't he say, oh, Dane Cook did.

[Zach Amico]

Steve told said. Yes, he said Dane Cook stole his essence.

[Mike Feeney]

Who said that?

[Zach Amico]

Steve Byrne.

[Mike Feeney]

Steve Byrne was the one that accused.

[Zach Amico]

I remember this somebody.

[Mike Feeney]

I remember someone saying he accused Dane of stealing his essence, but I don't remember who that was because I didn't know. I.

[Zach Amico]

Let's find out who that was. And I have a very important question.

[Mike Feeney]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

The same with stealing essence. At what point are you going to speak to the guy from Necro Goblin about how he's just doing you on stage?

[Mike Feeney]

Who's Necro Goblin?

[Ian Finance]

John Goblican, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I saw a clip of his stand up up and it was just. I thought someone CGI'd him over.

[Ian Finance]

You let me see it.

[Zach Amico]

He does. He. He literally comes out on stage and does your mannerisms and I can't tell if he's doing you or if you're a goblin.

[Mike Feeney]

I want to see all of these show.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, I like him. No, yeah, he's a good guy.

[Zach Amico]

I. I love the band.

[Ian Finance]

He's really, really. No, there's a.

[Zach Amico]

He is in a band, but he also does stand up and has like a Tonight show type type show called.

[Ian Finance]

Right now and he's a goblin.

[Zach Amico]

But his stand up, his mannerisms and his.

[Mike Feeney]

Is that what the big. The big nose green. Yeah. Okay. I have seen that for a while.

[Ian Finance]

People thought I was him.

[Zach Amico]

I'm going through this with Zach from Jackass right now. I know the struggle. We had to have a talk about it.

[Ian Finance]

Well, dude, I don't hear me in him. And then we talk and people are like, you guys sound the same. And I'm like, what.

[Zach Amico]

The. Like the loosey goosey thing you do?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. The bouncy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the.

[Mike Feeney]

Add your life together.

[Zach Amico]

You have pants on. What is the world. Men wear pants or whatever. The worst.

[Mike Feeney]

You do?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Do you have any John Goblin?

[Mike Feeney]

What is the world that's so his name is John Goblin, I guess.

[Ian Finance]

Like the John Goblicon Doug Goblin.

[Mike Feeney]

That's funny.

[Ian Finance]

I've never seen this. Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Jeremiah was, like, trying to explain this show to me. He's like, all right, you just walk.

[Mike Feeney]

Over here and a bunch of strangers.

[Ian Finance]

Are gonna yell stuff at you. I was like, oh, so it's New York.

[Mike Feeney]

So that's not just a mask. That's like a full makeup process.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Hold on, hold on.

[Ian Finance]

He's got some good stuff. I heard Granny Corn.

[Zach Amico]

Is it that what that guy was saying?

[Ian Finance]

Granny Corn?

[Mike Feeney]

He does sound like you.

[Ian Finance]

No, he. No, he doesn't.

[Zach Amico]

Over and over again. It's the hands and the arms. Alphaba.

[Ian Finance]

I do do this. Dare you to try to see.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I get it. Yeah. The green guys on stage. Let's call out all the green people.

[Mike Feeney]

I. Dude, you would do that and be like, oh, the by guys on stage. Let's call out all the gay.

[Ian Finance]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, mustaches.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, dude, you might have a lawsuit on your hands.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no, he's definitely Jewish. I'm not suing him.

[Mike Feeney]

Where does he live? Where's he based out of this?

[Ian Finance]

California? He's great.

[Zach Amico]

No, he's not. It's just funny to me.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, no, it's not.

[Ian Finance]

I talk like that with my hands.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, that is. He has your.

[Mike Feeney]

Sounds funny that he's like, earnestly doing stand up. That's really funny. That's very funny.

[Ian Finance]

Well, this show and this guy does.

[Zach Amico]

It in the Goblin costume.

[Mike Feeney]

Wait, did we ever find out who Dane accused of stealing his essence?

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, it was Steve Byrne.

[Mike Feeney]

It was Steve Byrne. Wow, that's wild.

[Zach Amico]

And they're so different to me.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Steve Byrne is like a monologue joke guy, you know, like, he does.

[Ian Finance]

He used to be, like a very act outy, like, energetic guy.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, really?

[Zach Amico]

Maybe he changed it for that reason.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

All right, Ian, I wasn't trying to embarrass you. It was just something that.

[Ian Finance]

Oh, no, no, I think it's funny. I. I had never seen him do stand. I'd talked to him at Moon Tower, and he said that that show was fine because Jeremiah couched it in, like, this guy's a green Goblin. This is what it is. And everyone's like, oh, we're on board. But he did another show where nobody explained what he was, and he just came out, was like, hey, Austin, how are you? Like, what the is this? I could see.

[Mike Feeney]

I mean, I saw that that was at the creek. That feels like the perfect place. You know, if he goes on stage at the mothership, people are going to be like, no, you just hear literal aliens. You just hear guns clicking. You know, like, we need to get.

[Zach Amico]

The aliens off the stage. They're causing aut. There's goblins.

[Ian Finance]

Would it be so funny if. If he was like. Like a right wing grifter comic?

[Zach Amico]

I think I take pictures of the elbows of all the pilots of my spaceships to make sure they're the right shade of green.

[Ian Finance]

You can't even ask women on dates anymore. In real life, you can't even grab their phone and put your number in. What's this woke mind virus coming to?

[Mike Feeney]

We're all just thinking of the same person. Yep.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. I used to run shows at Stonewall and now I'm a trad wife. You fucking phony bitch.

[Ian Finance]

I was just interviewing people on January 6th.

[Zach Amico]

I was just interviewing people on Independence Day. I didn't blow up the White House. There's a purple guy flying my spaceship. We're gonna crash.

[Ian Finance]

You know what I like to do?

[Zach Amico]

Me and Keanu got kicked off the spaceship.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ian Finance]

Literally be like, there's black guys flying planes. Why are we in trouble?

[Zach Amico]

What's the matter with you? It's crazy. Oh, I'm glad we got to that.

[Ian Finance]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Dear Abby, my husband is bad at sex. How do I break the news?

[Ian Finance]

Find someone else and show a video of it.

[Mike Feeney]

My husband is bad. It's like, how do I break the news?

[Zach Amico]

Well, I think we have a letter. We have a letter for our esteemed producers to read to us.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, wait. There. That. That's the letter. Oh, okay, great. Let's. Let's keep.

[Ian Finance]

We're Abby. After years of disappointment, I finally found.

[Mike Feeney]

The man of my dreams. How do I tell him he isn't doing certain things right in the bedroom without it being uncomfortable? I have mentioned it before, but it didn't stick. This is the only problem with our relationship.

[Ian Finance]

I don't want to hurt his feelings.

[Mike Feeney]

Or make either one of us uncomfortable.

[Ian Finance]

But he's just not getting the job.

[Zach Amico]

Job done.

[Ian Finance]

You just bring it up while you're in bed kissing and be like, you know, it'd be really hot. Is if you touch me like this. I really like this. What do you like? I really want to get you off. What do you like? Well, I like this.

[Mike Feeney]

You just have a conversation about it. I think that is true, but also, it's like that or you do. That's crazy. You waited until after you're married to. Now bring this up. But.

[Ian Finance]

Or. Or you act like you're that. That guy in the game operation. And when they touch wrong parts of your body, you go.

[Mike Feeney]

Now that's what you do. I don't think, though, that I usually.

[Zach Amico]

Don'T hear a buzzing sound from my wife's side of the bed till I'm already done. Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

I go into the bathroom and I hear a quiet.

[Zach Amico]

I guess that's better. I guess that's better than.

[Mike Feeney]

No, I think. And by the way, it doesn't say then that he's necessarily bad at sex. It just sounds like. Like it sounds like she's probably not, you know, coming is what it sounds like. So maybe there's just a part of where it's like, hey, you're not. Do this right. Do that right.

[Ian Finance]

Oh, I've got a Dear Abby. How do you tell someone that they've got incredibly bad breath? What's like a tactful way of that? With halitosis.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes. There's a comic.

[Ian Finance]

Do you know who I'm talking about?

[Mike Feeney]

If you went. If you were on the road recently.

[Ian Finance]

Then in Atlantic City.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Everybody knows that. That's a. That's a classic. But that. That's a case of, like, that.

[Ian Finance]

Such a nice guy. Incredibly, kind of tiny.

[Mike Feeney]

Incredibly.

[Ian Finance]

Talk to you like this.

[Mike Feeney]

No, that's. But that's like shoots. I think that's like a genetic. That's like a medical condition. That's like the. That's not a thing that a piece of like.

[Zach Amico]

Gerd.

[Ian Finance]

Gerd.

[Mike Feeney]

Or like. But a halitosis thing, I think is, you know, or even if they're. If they have rotten teeth or something like that in the back of their mouth. That's not just. Just. He just drank a coffee with milk and has coffee breath. That is a medical.

[Ian Finance]

Kid.

[Mike Feeney]

That's a. That's a medical. That's a medical condition. But I do think someone that has. That you have to be aware of it enough, especially. Or see people's faces recoiling and in disgust and then just have to have gum or mint on you at all times.

[Ian Finance]

Do you ever just think sometimes how there could be so many more things wrong with you, so you're just, like, grateful.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Mike Feeney]

I mean, that's. I see both of your points.

[Zach Amico]

I get super worried about the breath thing. I always have mints on me.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, I'm hyper. I'm hyper aware of, like, smells and odors. Like, BO is I. Because it. It infuriates me when someone has B.O. that I'm to the point of, like. Especially if you have it to the level where you're in a room and then you leave the room and it stays there. And you're like, dude, just be aware of your scent. I remember in, In. This is why I think I am this way. I remember in middle school, I had this jacket that I wore all the time. And the jacket, for whatever reason, it was probably a combination because.

[Ian Finance]

Stinky kid.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, no.

[Mike Feeney]

I wasn't a stinky kid. But this jacket became stinky. And I don't. And I don't. Like, I don't even think you have BO when you're in sixth grade.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, you do. You're not starting to wear. You don't wear deodorant.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, but also, you're not. You're not.

[Ian Finance]

You, like, don't like showers.

[Mike Feeney]

I get. No. I mean, I was like, I didn't. My body. None of my body smelled. It was the. It was just stinky.

[Zach Amico]

And jacket is the cartoon. Me and Ian are gonna do.

[Mike Feeney]

J, A, C, K, I, T. But the.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You just realized both jackets fight with J.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, I was gonna. I was gonna. I was like, maybe I could just do the it part. But then I was like, that's not gonna make sense because I said jsek. And they're like, I gotta say the it as well. I was talking about the. My jacket thing. But I don't know. For whatever reason, dude, I, I, I. The jacket just. The jacket.

[Ian Finance]

The jacket smelled.

[Mike Feeney]

The jacket smell.

[Ian Finance]

The jacket smelled.

[Mike Feeney]

And I remember. I remember almost leading a charge because I had it in my locker and then the locker smelled. And I remember everyone around my locker, including me, I wasn't even aware it was mine. Where like, something stinks. And I'm like, yeah, what the hell? Like, I was.

[Ian Finance]

That's what I do on airplanes when I fart.

[Mike Feeney]

But no, but it wasn't a thing that I knew and was trying.

[Zach Amico]

Why does it smell like Come on this airplane?

[Ian Finance]

I wasn't trying on my seats and in my pants.

[Mike Feeney]

It wasn't a decoy. I was trying to earnestly find out who it was. And then I found out it was me. And I was very mortified. So from. I think from then, it's like I became hyper, hyper vigilant. Are we doing a phone thing?

[Zach Amico]

What did we do with your buddy?

[Ian Finance]

I farted on the plane.

[Zach Amico]

You recorded it?

[Mike Feeney]

Took a picture of the woman. How did you fit take that picture without her seeing it?

[Ian Finance]

You'd think it's the first time that's happened.

[Mike Feeney]

So were you ready with the camera?

[Ian Finance]

No, I. I farted, and I didn't think it would smell, and it did. So then I just, like, went like.

[Mike Feeney]

What did you do when she were you. Like, good God. What is that? Or did you.

[Ian Finance]

I did.

[Mike Feeney]

Lady, please.

[Zach Amico]

Ma'. Am.

[Mike Feeney]

Nice try, miss covering your nose. I know it was you.

[Ian Finance]

I just immediately was, like.

[Mike Feeney]

Awful.

[Ian Finance]

I get gassy on flights. I start taking Pepto before.

[Mike Feeney]

That's the worst. If someone. When someone's ripping ass on a plane, that's. That's. That's so infuriating. Especially when it. Cause it's just that stale air. Because even if it goes away, it's just getting all recycled again.

[Ian Finance]

Well, I do it in first class, so I feel like I'm giving it to the bourgeoisie.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, you're not. You're not taking that out on the working class. Yeah, yeah. You're a little Robin Hood. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's way worse when somebody farts on a long bus. I used to do a bus to Pittsburgh once a month.

[Mike Feeney]

God.

[Zach Amico]

And dude a band. One of them. It's like 11 hours.

[Ian Finance]

Good God.

[Zach Amico]

And I remember somebody. Shit. As we were getting onto the bus.

[Mike Feeney]

You can't do that.

[Zach Amico]

Like, they walked onto the bus, didn't take a seat, went right into the.

[Ian Finance]

Bathroom, which is really funny.

[Zach Amico]

Psychopathic behavior.

[Mike Feeney]

They shouldn't even. I'm. I'd be pro. No bathroom on a. You're crazy. Because you're crazy.

[Zach Amico]

11 hours is too much.

[Mike Feeney]

No, no. But no. You stop at rest stops along the way.

[Zach Amico]

You only do one big stop on those, and then.

[Ian Finance]

And then you chance missing people not making it.

[Mike Feeney]

That's fine. You paid $6 to go to Pittsburgh. You can. You know what I mean? It's like, I think. Because if you give people trained to.

[Ian Finance]

Philly last night for 15 bucks, if you gave.

[Mike Feeney]

If you give people an opportunity to. On a. In a public space, they will shit in a public someone. One person per ride is always going to.

[Ian Finance]

Can I tell you, the other day, I saw two people on the sidewalk in two different parts of the city.

[Zach Amico]

Where were we?

[Ian Finance]

Pants down. Where were we?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, where were we? In the city.

[Mike Feeney]

I like how you brought us to the location. Where. So where. Where were we in this journey?

[Zach Amico]

One.

[Ian Finance]

One was in my neighborhood and the other was in Manhattan.

[Mike Feeney]

Did you say anything both times?

[Ian Finance]

No.

[Zach Amico]

No. What are you gonna say?

[Mike Feeney]

I picture Ian riding his bike by BE like, hey, man, I've said that.

[Ian Finance]

To people jerking off before.

[Mike Feeney]

Huh?

[Ian Finance]

Like, what the are you doing?

[Mike Feeney]

Hey, Man. Need help?

[Zach Amico]

Need a hand?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

Hey, do you want a jacket? J A, C, K, I, T. Not.

[Mike Feeney]

To be confused with jacket. G A, C, K, E, T. There.

[Zach Amico]

Used to be a guy who would fall asleep jerking off on the ninth street station when you transfer to the lower one to the R. Where is that? And he always had on a Luigi hat. We used to call him Player two. And he would always fall asleep, dick in hand, across the first bench. So when you would his dick be out.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, and put that away.

[Zach Amico]

And it was like a hard corner. You had a turn, and he would be the first thing you saw every time.

[Ian Finance]

And I'll wake you up.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Bullet. Yeah. And because it's always like four in the morning when you would say him too.

[Ian Finance]

Jesus Christ.

[Zach Amico]

And just. I think he might have been a sleep jerker and didn't know it.

[Ian Finance]

Well, that's giving him the benefit.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or he just tuckered himself out every night.

[Mike Feeney]

I think I met the point.

[Ian Finance]

He was on antidepressants.

[Mike Feeney]

I think I'm at the point in my life where I don't. I. I don't think I'll ever be on a subway again after 11pm I think. I think 10pm is when I go, I'll take an Uber.

[Ian Finance]

Sometimes I'm itching for something. I go out late.

[Mike Feeney]

Ah, I see.

[Ian Finance]

So I'm learning how to box.

[Mike Feeney]

Dude. I just. We. I just was got to witness an unbelievable. I was outside the Cellar with. With Ari and a couple of the comics, and we were arguing about not arguing, but we were talking about Zoron and, like, and the things that he does and doesn't want to do. And one of the things was like, he wants less cops or whatever. That's not true. Well, it was like, well, yeah, he wants to do so. He wants to deploy social work, but he doesn't.

[Ian Finance]

He wants to. He wants to add a mental health aspect to the police force. He doesn't want to take away cops. He doesn't want to defund the police.

[Mike Feeney]

I didn't say defund the police, but it was domestic violence situations. Wants to send a social worker to the. To the home. Right.

[Ian Finance]

But not alone.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't know. Anyway, go ahead. But anyway, Ari was talking about. We were. I was talking about how that that area near the Stellar is probably as dangerous as it feels like it's ever been. And. And Ari was like, I don't really think so. And, dude, it was a cartoon the second he said that. Cop screeches up, abandons his car, and just Run is running full force. This guy? This guy. Yeah, yeah. Honeycomb. Don't close.

[Ian Finance]

Don't close.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. So he. There was a guy who was just. Just started beating like, a homeless, like a drug addict guy just started beating the shit out of a woman. And then. And was like, right.

[Ian Finance]

Did you guys see it?

[Mike Feeney]

Right on 6th Avenue, we saw the guy and he starts running, and he ran into this dude who looked like the wrestler Bautista, but the white version of him. And what. By the time that we. Because Ari and I ran, right? It was right at the entrance to the subway station. And Ari and I saw the whole thing. The guy just had. He had ripped his shirt, everything like that. And I started talking to the Batista guy. I go, what happened? He goes, ran into the wrong guy. And this guy just, like, cracked the shit out of him. And then. And the cops were, like, jumping on him and stuff. And this guy was flailing and screaming. Then this other homeless guy comes over and goes, that's fucked up what you did to that woman. She didn't deserve that. I don't care if I was in Bellevue with you. You're a piece of shit. And then the cops knew who this other guy was because he's like, walter, take a walk. Take a walk, Walter. Like, he's like, you know, so he walks away. And then. And then the cops, I guess, when they were, like, securing him or like, tackling him or something, they tackled him onto the hood of one car of somebody of an Uber, and then the hood of another Uber. And so both cars, I guess, had light damage to their car. So one Uber driver was this, like, very quiet Indian guy, and he was just kind of patiently waiting for this whole scene to die down. There were 15 police cars. It was. It was chaos. And then the other guy was this Eastern European guy who was pretty much interrupt while they were, like, in the.

[Zach Amico]

Scrum, who going, pay for my car.

[Mike Feeney]

Literally while they're in the scrum, was like, what's going on? What's going on? And the cop had to come up to this cop who looked like, like, Reggie Conquest, was like. He goes, when I tell you to get the fuck back out of my face. And he goes, I don't give a fuck about you. I don't give a fuck about your car. He goes, you could fucking wait, you piece of shit. And then, like. And then push the guy back. And the guy was just, you know, angry, standing there, like, thinking about his time in Dazakhstan or whatever. And then they had the, like, sassy black Woman cop be the one that helped him with his car. And she was just like, you're gonna fill this out. You're gonna fill out all this paperwork. I'm gonna sit here and watch you. You fuck anything up, we're gonna start again. Like, just started undressing him. And G, Ari and I are just. We're just watching this going. Yeah, maybe New York City's a little more. A little more psychotic in Soviet Russia.

[Zach Amico]

Form fills you.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Which, by the way, he's back, by the way.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Monica Smirnoff. Yo, yo, my sister Siberia.

[Ian Finance]

Can I tell you, the other day, sometimes I go on Yamanika's live and I watch it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I do tell.

[Ian Finance]

But do you do what I do, which is jerk off? Which is. I go to another screen and then go back to it so it delays. So it goes from one rant into the middle of another.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no.

[Ian Finance]

Can I play it for you?

[Mike Feeney]

What do you mean? How do you have.

[Zach Amico]

How do you have it saved?

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

I just live right now.

[Ian Finance]

I recorded it on my phone. It's the funniest thing ever.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, we've got the time. Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

That's crazy. You had this at the ready. That's insane.

[Ian Finance]

It made me live. She's the funniest person ever.

[Mike Feeney]

Ready?

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

Listen. All right.

[Zach Amico]

Cause I need a dick. The head looked like. He looked like one of the damn dinosaurs from the damn dinosaur show, Right? So you're gonna get a little pucker right here. I'm trying to figure out why he got a pucker, why you got a.

[Mike Feeney]

Pucker on your scalp.

[Ian Finance]

And now it'll transition into a completely other thought.

[Zach Amico]

Ready? I said, oh, my God, he looked like the baby dinosaur on the dinosaurs. But I want to know why the. Did Jeff Bezos.

[Mike Feeney]

Show. Remember Zusha the Mexican was it.

[Zach Amico]

I remember watching Zusha when I was a kid. I was like, damn, them Latin kids get to watch anything because that lady had her full titties and out. I was like, damn.

[Mike Feeney]

But we used to. With Zusa, we had to.

[Zach Amico]

I had to turn it off in my house, though. I had to put it on. I had to watch it in the basement, dude.

[Ian Finance]

The next thing, it just ends with her going, my mom doesn't respect in the basement.

[Zach Amico]

But Zeus was out their titties out.

[Mike Feeney]

Y' all remember Zuzia? You remember her? Sex ed.

[Zach Amico]

But she was it.

[Ian Finance]

All right, never mind.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's fine. It's absolutely. I will never, ever turn down an opportunity to have Yamadika's voice on anything.

[Ian Finance]

She's just the funniest person.

[Zach Amico]

It used to be the funniest when we worked in CVS because everybody bombed every night. Like, there would be, like, eight people, and it was just a nightmare. Sometimes a weekend would be good, but most of the time it was just people dying. Like, I remember one night it was so empty, the boss asked me to bring a friend down into the showroom so that they could start the show for five people. And I remember bringing a girl on a date to see Andrew Schultz for five people. Wow. Like that. Just people. And I just remember coming down to an empty room and Yamorika is going, I wish a motherfucker would try and rape me.

[Mike Feeney]

She's the absolute best man.

[Zach Amico]

I have no. I have no complaints whatsoever.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, you know. You know Tina Frimel?

[Zach Amico]

No, I don't.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah, she's a comic with cerebral palsy.

[Mike Feeney]

Okay.

[Ian Finance]

And she is, like, physically disabled. Has like a.

[Mike Feeney]

That speech.

[Ian Finance]

Speech thing, right? Y. Y told me she. She said she would talk to Tina, and she didn't know for three months she had cerebral palsy. She just thought she was deaf, and she told her. And then Tina told Y. She goes, I just. I didn't know. I just thought you were lo.

[Zach Amico]

How could you possibly tell.

[Mike Feeney]

Bro?

[Ian Finance]

Like, I be yelling at the bitch because I thought she deaf. Turns out she just. Her brain scrambled.

[Mike Feeney]

Insane.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I love it. Let's call it the actual steep plugs. Real quick, Mr. Feeney, what do you want people to check out?

[Mike Feeney]

Hey, check out tour dates at punchup live, mikefini or mikefini comedy.com but check out my new show, Co Host Wanted with Mike Feeney, where I interview a guest to be the permanent co host of the show. It's great. Season one's out now. Episode. We got two episodes out so far. We got Ari, Jordan Jensen just came out. Ian Finance is coming on soon to interview for the job, so maybe he gets it. Who knows? You'll have to tune in and check it out. YouTube.com mikefiniecomedy and I am Mike Feeney on social media. Thanks.

[Zach Amico]

Very cool, Mr. Finance.

[Ian Finance]

Hi, everybody. Ianfidence.com for tickets. July 10th to 12th, I'm in Oklahoma City, Bricktown Comedy Club. July 18th to 20th, I'm in Dallas, Texas. And then I'm in Indianapolis, Indiana. And then August 1st to 3rd, Buffalo Helium 8. August 14 to 16, Chicago Zanies. I'm in Irvine, Oxford, Fort Wayne. I'm going all over. IanFinance.com for tickets, being E. And with Jordan Every Wednesday on YouTube and ianimal69 on Instagram.

[Zach Amico]

Fantastic. Hey guys, you can follow me on Instagram at Zach is not funny. You see all my date go ahead.

[Ian Finance]

Ian YouTube.com Ian Finance Comedy I have a new YouTube page with all my stand up. Please subscribe. Once I get to a certain amount I'm going to release my travel show.

[Mike Feeney]

So thank you.

[Zach Amico]

Follow me on Instagram at Zach is not funny. You can get all my dates on Punch Up Live. Zach Amico I will be doing two tours of the south. Please come out. I will be looking for different Bojangles to get the new sausage Boberry Biscuit which is my new favorite thing on the road. I will also be on tour with Juggalo Championship wrestling. We had a pay per View on the 17th of this month that will be live on Triller US and GCW. And I'll be at the gathering of the Juggalos. So if you want to see me Onyx 36 Mafia, Immortal Technique and Tech 9 and GWAR. That's a hot ticket baby. And yeah, come hang out and thank you for listening to the show. If you love the show go to gasdigital.com use the promo code Zoo Z O O and you get yourself what you get a few but a little bit of money off a month. You get episodes early ad free and a uncensored. You get access to the archives thousands of episodes of your favorite shows. Get access to the live chat and an exclusive Friday episode this week it is our very good friends Anthony Zenhauser and who is the other guest yesterday?

[Mike Feeney]

Dave Temple.

[Zach Amico]

Dave Temple. Sorry about that. So yeah, if you want that other episode only way to get it guess digital.com and subscribe. Thank you so much for tuning in. I think we're going to call the episode here but I want to thank my illustrious guests Inan Fi, Dante and Mike Finne and please support everything they do and we'll see you this Friday on the exclusive episode. Okay bye and join the crew. It's a morning suit. It's a Miko morning too.