0025. Ryan Shaner and Tristan Bowling

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo
Episode 0025: Ryan Shaner and Tristan Bowling
Released on July 11, 2025

---

Introduction

In episode 0025 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo, host Zac Amico welcomes longtime friends and fellow podcasters Ryan Shaner and Tristan Bowling. The trio dives into a whirlwind of humorous anecdotes, personal stories, and lively discussions covering everything from sunburn mishaps to the latest in tattoo trends.

---

Welcome and Guest Introductions

Zac kicks off the show by celebrating his six-month milestone of quitting nicotine cold turkey, humorously noting, “[00:50] I officially have been six months off of nicotine.” He introduces his guests with playful banter, setting a relaxed and comedic tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:
Zac Amico: “[00:50] ...I officially have been six months off of nicotine.”

---

Sunburn Stories and Anecdotes

The conversation quickly shifts to sunburns, with Tristan sharing his experience of nursing a second-degree sunburn after a beach day. The trio reminisces about childhood sunburns, highlighting the universal struggle of dealing with harsh sun exposure.

Notable Quote:
Tristan Bowling: “[02:41] Been nursing a pretty sick sunburn since Monday. Second degree.”

---

Tattoos and Personal Stories

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing tattoos. Ryan and Zac share stories about unconventional and sometimes bizarre tattoos they've encountered. Zac mentions his interest in "cholo clowns" tattoos, expressing his admiration and desire to get one himself.

Notable Quote:
Zac Amico: “[12:45] And I am looking at cholo tattoos lately.”

---

Black Sabbath Farewell Concert and Band Reactions

The guests delve into the recent Black Sabbath farewell concert, praising Ozzy Osbourne's performance. They discuss the absence of certain bands, speculating on who might have been disinvited and the reasons behind it.

Notable Quote:
Ryan Shaner: “[15:00] It was great. It was very, very fun.”

---

Online Hate and Personal Experiences

The conversation takes a serious turn as Zac shares his experiences with anti-Semitic comments online. He discusses the prevalence of such negativity and its impact, bringing a moment of reflection amidst the humor.

Notable Quote:
Zac Amico: “[22:09] Just all my notifications every day is just Jew.”

---

Diddy's Lawsuit Against Cassie

Shannon, the show's co-host, brings up a news article about an escort suing Diddy and Cassie. The guests react with a mix of humor and disbelief, discussing the outrageous nature of the claims and the legal implications.

Notable Quote:
Shannon: “[30:55] He says that he attempted to put this lawsuit through two years ago...”

---

Hot Chip Challenge and Listener Interaction

One of the standout moments is the discussion about the infamous Hot Chip Challenge. The hosts share a humorous reenactment of a disastrous attempt, complete with simulated struggles and exaggerated reactions to the extreme spiciness.

Notable Quote:
Zac Amico: “[52:46] And through his milk. Milk is coming out of his nose right now for the only time he's ever drinking something healthy.”

---

Bionic Arm Technology and Speculations

The trio explores the latest in bionic arm technology, envisioning futuristic and often comical scenarios where the technology could be used. They brainstorm inventive and absurd attachments, blending imagination with humor.

Notable Quote:
Tristan Bowling: “[62:03] And then you can just rob.”

---

Wrestling Tributes and Game References

Zac and Ryan pay homage to notorious wrestlers like New Jack, recounting his violent antics and their impact on the wrestling world. They also touch upon video games like "Half Sword," discussing its features and potential for comedic podcast content.

Notable Quote:
Ryan Shaner: “[67:34] He threw him off scaffolding and tried to miss the ring after tasing him.”

---

Closing Remarks and Show Wrap-Up

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts promote their respective projects, including Ryan's End Podcast and Tristan's Modern Apes Podcast. Zac also highlights upcoming tours and encourages listeners to support the show through various platforms.

Notable Quote:
Zac Amico: “[72:48] ...It's Akamiko morning too.”

---

Key Insights and Takeaways

• Humor in Everyday Mishaps: The episode underscores how everyday challenges, like sunburns or quitting nicotine, can be sources of humor and camaraderie.

• Cultural Reflections: Discussions on tattoos and anti-Semitic online comments provide a glimpse into broader cultural and societal issues.

• Blend of Seriousness and Comedy: While the show maintains a comedic edge, it doesn't shy away from addressing serious topics, balancing levity with depth.

---

Conclusion

Episode 0025 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo is a rollercoaster of laughs, stories, and thought-provoking conversations. With guests Ryan Shaner and Tristan Bowling, Zac delivers an entertaining blend of personal anecdotes and lively debates, making it a must-listen for fans seeking a fun start to their day.

Transcript

[Zach Miko]

Fill her up. You're listening to the GAS Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go Zakamiko's gotta show Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a cold bear and join the cre It's a Miko morning too. Wake up, wake up.

[Ryan Shaner]

Wake up.

[Tristan Bowling]

Woohoo.

[Zach Miko]

It's a Monday and it's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Miko. Welcome you to the old morning zoo. It is. I hope everybody had a great fourth of July. You can. You can pan the song down. There we go. All the way down. Let's just start the show. Why not? I hope everybody had a great fourth of July with the people they love or the people they drink with. And it is July, meaning I officially have been six months off of nicotine.

[Tristan Bowling]

Whoa, damn.

[Zach Miko]

Cold turkey quit New Year's Day. I currently have in two 100 milligram caffeine pouches from Berserker and I am having a coffee with them. So I am seeing into the future. The future is bright because across the table from me, two of my favorite men to podcast with from the Modern Apes podcast, our friend, Tristan Bowling.

[Tristan Bowling]

Moshy Moshi. What's up, gang?

[Zach Miko]

How you doing, Bob?

[Tristan Bowling]

Doing good, man. Thanks for having me.

[Zach Miko]

Wonderful. And great job on skanks.

[Tristan Bowling]

Thank you. It keeps getting taken down by YouTube.

[Zach Miko]

It happens. Well, you know, when you're on, you got to behave like me and just eat raw meat and ask for drugs on air.

[Tristan Bowling]

I did see the raw meat eating. That seems slimy and not fun.

[Zach Miko]

Not bad. Speaking of slimy, but very fun, across the table from me, our good friend from the End podcast, as well as his new show with Sydney Yant. It is Ryan Shaner.

[Ryan Shaner]

Thank you so much. Thank you for calling me slimy.

[Zach Miko]

No problem. Slimy, yet satisfying.

[Ryan Shaner]

Satisfying.

[Zach Miko]

That's what I would call you.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, you're those bugs on a log.

[Ryan Shaner]

Straight up, dude.

[Zach Miko]

And thank you guys for being here. How's everybody's fourth of July?

[Ryan Shaner]

So good.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's pretty fun.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, pretty good.

[Tristan Bowling]

Been nursing a pretty sick sunburn since Monday. Second degree. Didn't know it had degrees. And sunburn.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sunburn has degrees.

[Tristan Bowling]

It does. And I got the one step up.

[Ryan Shaner]

Jesus Christ.

[Zach Miko]

When I was a kid, I would get sunburned so bad that I would get like the, like boil, like filled.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, yeah, that's what I got.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. Yeah. Those are pretty gross.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, we did a beach day on Monday, and then we went back to the beach on Friday. No, on Saturday. And I was like, first day, no sunscreen. I'm like, it. I'm raw dog in the sun. I'm not from the Caucus Mountains. I can just enjoy melanin, you know? And then I got radioactive lobster burnt, and it was a fucking nightmare.

[Ryan Shaner]

You say you seem pretty pale, though. Yeah, very pale.

[Tristan Bowling]

But I grew up in Arizona, so I was just like, dude, this isn't 125 degree heat. I can fucking handle this. I used to ride my bike in hotter. And then it just destroyed you.

[Zach Miko]

When I was a kid, we went for one. I think it was 4th of July. My dad had a friend who lived on a boat. I know, Shocking.

[Tristan Bowling]

And we must have been a really nice boat, though.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, it was very. He pulled it up to all the nicest job sites.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, yeah?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. Because he was all. My dad does marine welding. So, yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

A friend, construction boat.

[Zach Miko]

He had a friend, his friend Pepsi Perfect, which is short for George. Pepsicola.

[Tristan Bowling]

Nice.

[Ryan Shaner]

Even better.

[Zach Miko]

They called him Pepsi. He was married to a woman named Sandy, and they had a houseboat that they would just pull up to job sites and live there until the job was done.

[Ryan Shaner]

If there's any two people that have a house post, it's Pepsi and Sandy. Yeah, without a doubt.

[Zach Miko]

And they took us out for something when we were on the boat, and they put all the kids on, like, the front of the boat, and it's just fat little me. And my mom's, like, put sunscreen on them. They put suntan lotion on me on my fat little white body, and they just put me on the front of a white boat.

[Ryan Shaner]

You just became a milk Dud, didn't you?

[Zach Miko]

Dude, I. I had to go. They had to take me to the hospital. I was so up. I was disgusting. I mean, that.

[Tristan Bowling]

Were you just golden crimson, bronze?

[Zach Miko]

No, I was. I know. By the way, I've never tanned. I burn. And then it just goes back to this.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Really? I got weird spots on my back and, like, melanoma. Yeah, I. Fuck.

[Ryan Shaner]

That. Third degree is now stage three. That's what you.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. I was hoping it was melanin. I was hoping a few more sunbirds. And I can say it now.

[Ryan Shaner]

A few more sunburns.

[Zach Miko]

You can dance real well when I'm sunburned. I say it quite a bit.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

That's what I call the sun.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, you're allowed. That's the only time you're allowed.

[Tristan Bowling]

To say it's also Pepsi and Sandy. It sounds like a fun beach day.

[Zach Miko]

Just right there.

[Tristan Bowling]

You're Sandy. Get a Pepsi.

[Zach Miko]

Sandy was an enormous woman. And George, Pepsi was a little guy.

[Ryan Shaner]

I already knew that.

[Zach Miko]

Sandy was a sizable woman. And when she got up in the morning on the job site, she would just walk around in her night shirt, hot, nice.

[Tristan Bowling]

Moo moo.

[Zach Miko]

And that's the sound she should have made.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And one time I'm with one of the guys works for my dad was Ray. And Ray was an old Polish guy. It was very matter of fact and very funny. And Sandy bent over to pick something up in her night shirt and full clam falls out the back. Dan.

[Tristan Bowling]

Dan.

[Zach Miko]

Between butt cheeks and full. Both sides of vagina. And Ray, in his very Ray way goes Paulie. It looked like a slice of lasagna hanging out.

[Tristan Bowling]

It might honestly have been. Yeah, it could have been lasagna.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, by the way, Georgia and Sandy's wedding song was the Time Warp.

[Ryan Shaner]

Of course.

[Tristan Bowling]

Real trash.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

They don't make trash like that.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's so great, though.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, dude, when I. There's such a thing about being in the son of a real man. Just like a. Like. Just guys, you're that like, you know, like. I just grew up around people named like, Philly. The Army. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's sick. That is fucking great.

[Zach Miko]

What I. Somebody asked me once why I have naked ladies tattooed on me. And I'm like, because I grew up, everyone had naked ladies that. I thought that was just a thing you did when you became an adult with money.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Miko]

You just get naked ladies on your body.

[Tristan Bowling]

Get Las Vegas clip art all over your 100%.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, dude. When I was a kid, there was a guy who lived down the street from me. He had. And it was the first time I ever saw it. And he said he invented it, which for the longest time, you believe that he had the leg on this arm and then the leg down here. Armpit hair was the bush. It was the coolest thing I'd ever seen in my fucking life. And I remember my mom, he would always wave to people and she's like, jim, put your fucking arm down. You can't be doing that around the kids. It was like the best day. I always hung out of that house just to see. That was his first pussy I ever saw in my life.

[Tristan Bowling]

Did he ever, like, shave it up?

[Ryan Shaner]

So that was another thing he did. One time he went. They went on vacation. I don't remember where, but they went where. They do like, the Hair braiding. And he came back and he had his armpit. It was so fun. And he would shave it in strips and shit. He was one of the coolest.

[Tristan Bowling]

Sounds like the funniest guy.

[Ryan Shaner]

He was the best, dude. He was a former. He was in some motorcycle gang. I don't know which one, but he got jumped out. So he was like. He was a free man, but he still had all.

[Zach Miko]

All the.

[Ryan Shaner]

That was the first time I ever saw a. A tried an attempt at covering up a swastika.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, damn.

[Ryan Shaner]

He tried to do it. They tried to make it into a different shape and you could still see that it was a total swastika. He had to put like a figure eight around it. He tried real hard.

[Zach Miko]

I would go with the Windows logo.

[Ryan Shaner]

The Windows logos would have been perfect.

[Tristan Bowling]

I would have done a Rubik's Cube. There's too many angles.

[Ryan Shaner]

Ah, that's very good.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, funny you should say that. I actually have a video for you guys. I don't know if it's students or scientists created a robot that solves Rubik's cubes.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's called an azion, kid. We've perfected it.

[Ryan Shaner]

We have those.

[Zach Miko]

I know, and that's always very impressive. However, I raise you this robot. This robot, very futuristic. Very impressive. Channing, can we show the boys how.

[Ryan Shaner]

Juggy is this robot?

[Tristan Bowling]

It has to have his, like, nuts and bolts on two different sides of the plate.

[Zach Miko]

Can we show this? Yeah. Can we show. This is.

[Tristan Bowling]

Damn, dude.

[Zach Miko]

It solved a Rubik's Cube in 0103 seconds.

[Ryan Shaner]

What?

[Zach Miko]

Yo, watch that again.

[Tristan Bowling]

Looks like it's.

[Zach Miko]

Whoa. Is that wild?

[Ryan Shaner]

God damn, I love the dude. Solved, solved, solved, solved.

[Zach Miko]

That guy is tough to be around. That guy. Someone in that guy's life has bought him a Bazingish shirt and he did not appreciate it.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, no.

[Zach Miko]

He did not think it was funny.

[Tristan Bowling]

I think he loved it.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, he was pumped.

[Tristan Bowling]

I think he wears it, like, over collared shirts to parties.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, no, that guy, he. He watches the Big Bang Theory. He's like, this is where they're wrong about this. He points out, fact checks it. Oh, without a doubt. Those dudes are always like that.

[Tristan Bowling]

That guy rules.

[Ryan Shaner]

There was a guy I worked with who would. He would try to fact check SG1. Stargate. SG1.

[Tristan Bowling]

Really?

[Ryan Shaner]

You know why they can't go to the different dimension? I'm like, dude, I don't give a.

[Zach Miko]

It's a complete. Are you talking.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's like, no, man. The way that they leap that way and show. He Actually believed could be a thing was Quantum Leap really? He was like, that could be a thing. He's like, you look at the way Quantum Leap did it. They're on the cusp of something. SG1, they need to dial it back.

[Tristan Bowling]

Do you know why they canceled it? They got too close.

[Ryan Shaner]

Cleaving.

[Zach Miko]

By the way, the episode of oh, my God is way early in the series. It's like episode three.

[Ryan Shaner]

Wow.

[Zach Miko]

He's. Before he's black.

[Ryan Shaner]

Damn, dude.

[Tristan Bowling]

Damn. Do they ever do both? Do they dip or.

[Zach Miko]

They don't double dip on that one. That is a hat on a hat.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

I was hoping in. So I used to watch a tiny.

[Zach Miko]

Hat with a propeller, but it is sideways.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. A durag with a tiny little propeller hat on it.

[Ryan Shaner]

There is an episode of Quantum Leap.

[Zach Miko]

Where he has a propeller hat that matches his propeller sneakers.

[Tristan Bowling]

A retarded black guy with a sideways propeller hat.

[Zach Miko]

Sorry to cut. It doesn't matter.

[Ryan Shaner]

What I'm saying is completely irrelevant to this black guy retarded thing that he's fucking. So much better than what I'm gonna say.

[Tristan Bowling]

He's got his pants low, but there's a diaper instead of him.

[Zach Miko]

I've been showing this for many, many years in the spook show.

[Tristan Bowling]

I'm retarded.

[Zach Miko]

For about six months. We had shown a version where we put Shane's face and no one ever asked. No one ever caught it. Really.

[Ryan Shaner]

It is seamless, dude.

[Zach Miko]

It was. Yeah, it was. It was like a per. It was like an Iron man Perfect match.

[Tristan Bowling]

AI's got good.

[Zach Miko]

We were talking about growing up with dudes with silly tattoos. My dad had another friend and the two tattoos he had, he had the Morton salt shaker girl sick on his inner thigh so that it looked like he was pissing on her.

[Ryan Shaner]

Great. That's cool.

[Zach Miko]

And on his one leg, he had mouse track. Mouse tracks, like mouse feet going all the way up his leg with just a tail coming out of his.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. That is the most unnerving tattoo I've ever seen because I don't know where he was going with this, but he had the copper tone girl. Do you know what that is? Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

So imagine if the dog is in the front.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, no.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, no.

[Tristan Bowling]

What?

[Ryan Shaner]

I remember seeing that and being a kid being like, oh, that's goofy. And then later in life being like, that is the creepiest tattoo. And it wasn't small.

[Zach Miko]

It was.

[Ryan Shaner]

It was on the side of him.

[Tristan Bowling]

Never considered a beach day.

[Ryan Shaner]

He was letting. He was trying to sunburn that off completely.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

It was wild.

[Zach Miko]

I've been thinking about going. I've been looking at cholo tattoos lately.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah?

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Cholo clowns.

[Ryan Shaner]

You're prime for cholo clowns. Come on.

[Zach Miko]

Can you look up? There's a tattoo as ponchos, something on Instagram, but P A N, C H O. And he does, like, straight up Mexican clowns.

[Ryan Shaner]

Hell yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And. But they're like snorting coke and fucking. I want one of these so bad. He did. He did a back piece on a guy, a fat guy, the other day. So it's a big fat guy back with just clowns. Fuck. Just two clowns. It's not an orgy. It's a back piece. And. But they're like.

[Tristan Bowling]

They're making love.

[Zach Miko]

Midget sized.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude, when he was pulling. When he's pulling his dick out, did more dicks come out like a clown?

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

He takes the condom off and there's 85 of them in different colors.

[Tristan Bowling]

He said his home.

[Zach Miko]

This is exactly it.

[Tristan Bowling]

Damn, dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

All right.

[Tristan Bowling]

He said his homies were pulling. Yo, if there's a small car showed up, who's that?

[Ryan Shaner]

Was that guy in the middle? Was that him down there?

[Zach Miko]

I think that is him.

[Ryan Shaner]

Okay. I thought it was the guy up in the middle with the glasses. I was gonna say that guy looks like.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, no, that might be.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, I definitely tattoo.

[Zach Miko]

I think that is happening.

[Ryan Shaner]

Without a doubt.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. He had a back piece the other day that I love. I don't know where it went, but I love. I love this guy's stuff.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, it's kind of good. I like it.

[Ryan Shaner]

I like that fighting. That fighting homo. That was good.

[Tristan Bowling]

That hammerhead shark in the beer glass is tight.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, Slowpoke Rodriguez. You don't ever see a slow poke.

[Zach Miko]

Rodrigo, go back up to the top. Go to reels. I want to see this. I wish I could show you guys this back piece. Oh, it's all right. Well, all excellent. Go to the tagged ones just in case.

[Ryan Shaner]

We're just. We're just gonna have to imagine these clowns.

[Tristan Bowling]

I want to see clowns.

[Zach Miko]

Fuck, yeah. What are you gonna do? You can imagine. Still excellent.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, Very good.

[Zach Miko]

If you're. If you're a. If you do cholo style tattoo artist, hit me. Hit us up and we'll. We'll get to you. All right. We got a couple other fun stuff to talk about today, so anybody watch. We talked about it already. Off, off, Mike. But we'll. For the sake of the show. Black Sabbath. The end was great.

[Ryan Shaner]

It was great. It was very, very Fun. I. I watched a bit of it. There was a bar in Philly that was live streaming it. But I missed that live stream. But I did. I did see some performances by Ozzy. I thought he sounded as good as he possibly could. Better than I'd say than I'd heard him sound when he was still able to stand up and do Black Sabbath.

[Zach Miko]

So yeah, that was way I saw him at msg in the 2000. Probably like between 2005 and 2010 somewhere. It was him and Rob Zombie for Christmas.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, that's fun.

[Zach Miko]

And Rob Zombie blew him out of the water. He sounded like it was also the last day of the tour.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sure.

[Zach Miko]

Like you could practically see Sharon pushing him out there with like two money bags over cartoon villain.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, I don't want to.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, get out there, Ozzy.

[Zach Miko]

But this, I thought it was great. I thought it was a really classy, very good send off and it was all for charity.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And everybody looked. Everybody sounded great. I love that the guy from Disturbed got booed.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. Like a. Mad.

[Ryan Shaner]

I didn't see that.

[Tristan Bowling]

He's like super like love. He was signing like IDF bombs.

[Zach Miko]

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's. He's. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Did he sign one down with the sickness? Love of God. He had just one that says oh, wow. On the side of the bomb. Come on.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. In the sickness. In the sickness is the civilians of Palestine.

[Ryan Shaner]

The Palestine. The sickness, you mean.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, you mean the sickness.

[Ryan Shaner]

You mean the sickness.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's fudgeing. I did not see. What is his name? David Draymond.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. Yeah. So they did two supergroups, I guess, with like rotating people.

[Ryan Shaner]

Got you.

[Zach Miko]

And he got booed. But it seemed like everybody did great.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

However, we do have an article here. Sharon Osborne says she disinvited Greedy Band from Ozzy's Black Sabbath farewell concert. It's not time to make a profit. I purposely did not look at this so that we could guess which band it was going to be. I thought it was going to be Tool.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, I would have.

[Zach Miko]

Tool played.

[Ryan Shaner]

Tool played Greedy Band. Greedy Band.

[Tristan Bowling]

Billie Eilish.

[Zach Miko]

I feel like. I think I read that Wolfgang Van Halen was supposed to do it, but was starting a tour with another band and couldn't make both work. But I'm not sure who he plays with right now.

[Ryan Shaner]

Was it Pentagram?

[Zach Miko]

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's not that much money. He probably just wants crank. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, Bobby, I'm pretty sure. He just wants drugs. That's not that greedy.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, I honestly don't know. Shannon, can you tell us the band?

[Shannon]

So, unfortunately she didn't reveal it yet.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, that'll be more money.

[Shannon]

She said after. After everything said and done, she'll let people know and everybody will be shocked.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, you think it was Metallica?

[Zach Miko]

No, Metallica did it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, Metallica did.

[Zach Miko]

All right, Shannon, can you show us the list so we know what bands we can eliminate?

[Shannon]

Yeah, it was Metallica, Guns N Roses, Jack Black. I was hosted by Jason Momoa.

[Ryan Shaner]

Wow.

[Shannon]

Let me get the list of the other ones.

[Tristan Bowling]

Anthrax, Youngblood was there.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. Trying to remember all of them now.

[Ryan Shaner]

I hope it was like a really random band that didn't even belong there, like ELO or something like that. It's like we want more money. It's like we're not giving you.

[Zach Miko]

I would imagine it would be an American band because they wanted flights and.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Miko]

That wouldn't be an English band.

[Ryan Shaner]

Damn.

[Tristan Bowling]

Nearly Pantera.

[Zach Miko]

No, Pantera was there. Well, what's left of Pantera.

[Ryan Shaner]

2 out of 2 out of 4.

[Zach Miko]

I don't know if that counts anymore, does it?

[Tristan Bowling]

It's like a ship of Theseus, you know?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. But like, when you lose the one, you.

[Ryan Shaner]

You lose the one. When you lose Dime, you kind of lose like, that's half a Pantera to begin with.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. That is a half a Panthera.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's half of.

[Zach Miko]

He's worth a half a Pantera.

[Ryan Shaner]

Without a doubt. And then you lose Vinnie. That's like another big sliver.

[Zach Miko]

I got an idea. Manson. Oh, maybe Manson would fit on that.

[Tristan Bowling]

I think he would, honestly, just from like his, like. Thank you so much for having me. Like.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, yeah. Because. So, yeah. The coming back from being canceled.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. If they are.

[Zach Miko]

He sounds great.

[Tristan Bowling]

I know. I've seen clips of him. He looks. He looks good, too. Ozempic's doing him well, dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, yeah. He lost all that weight.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Damn. You would have think you just got depressed and just sad. Yeah, it was the old fashioned way.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

So I have the list at Mastodon, Rival Sons, Anthrax, Hailstorm, Lamb of God, Jack Black, Alice in Chains, Gojira.

[Zach Miko]

This sounds like when you're walking in and out of a room while Ralph's having a conversation.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

I can't help stop name dropping.

[Shannon]

Pantera, Tool, Slayer, Fred Durst, Guns N Roses, Metallica. That's it.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

All right.

[Zach Miko]

I'm a. Yeah. I can't now.

[Ryan Shaner]

I really can't think. I really can't wrap my head around what band would be too greedy. What American pieces of shit. Like, it's also. You would figure it's the final show for Black Sabbath. Yeah, you'd want to go do that regardless.

[Tristan Bowling]

Plane, train, and automobile. Whatever gets you there.

[Ryan Shaner]

Get the corn. Oh, you think Jonathan Davis said, I need more money?

[Zach Miko]

Corn would make sense.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Maybe all of Limp Bizkit.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, if it was just all. Just, Just Fred. No, all of the West Borland would be there with bells on.

[Zach Miko]

He'd go, yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

He'd go, yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

I can't imagine they would miss that John Otto coming off the Losers tour or whatever they just did. They want to perform in front of four blacks out. Like, yes.

[Zach Miko]

Yes. I mean, they are doing bonkers. Like, they're doing bonkers well right now.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude, I know the. I. I wasn't there the night that Limp Bizkit was at the. The Link. I was there the second night for when they were with Metallica. Dude, everyone was talking like, you missed. You missed the show.

[Zach Miko]

What about Linkin park with the lady?

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, there's a lady.

[Ryan Shaner]

There's a lady now?

[Tristan Bowling]

I don't like it.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, I don't. Maybe. No, I don't know. What, what, what band. What piece of is trying to milk Ozzy Osbourne? I saw some theories online that it's either Motley Crue or Kiss.

[Tristan Bowling]

They were originally on the line.

[Zach Miko]

Well, yeah, I think both of those.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. Gene Simmons is like, as someone who.

[Zach Miko]

I've spent the last.

[Ryan Shaner]

He was signing.

[Zach Miko]

Shannon, do you have access to the account? Do you also get notifications calling me a Jew every day now?

[Shannon]

I haven't seen it in a little bit. Let me find it.

[Zach Miko]

Holy shit.

[Ryan Shaner]

You get Jewish accusations.

[Zach Miko]

They send juice boxes. That's like their code.

[Ryan Shaner]

What?

[Zach Miko]

So there's a video. I've talked about it before. There's a video from years ago on SDR where we had Gene Simmons and I sat in for Big J and Gene Simmons, and I get into a Michael Jackson joke off sick because I don't know why it was the only likable thing about the entire conversation.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

From a dude. First of all, I had no idea how rampantly anti Semitic Instagram has become.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's crazy.

[Zach Miko]

Just all my notifications every day is just Jew. And then look at these two Jews. And I'm like, look at my cute little button nose. Are you crazy?

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

I messaged Ralph the other day. I've been called everything mean on the Internet until this week. And I was like, jew's the last one.

[Tristan Bowling]

You can cross it off the list.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. Jew is the last thing that I. That apparently was wrong with me.

[Tristan Bowling]

Jew's ganging up on a legend.

[Zach Miko]

Oh. Because there was 40 of them. There were 40 of them.

[Ryan Shaner]

There were 40 of them.

[Zach Miko]

Coca Cola. Something about coming in a plastic bottle. They both come in little cans. Wow.

[Ryan Shaner]

What's the difference between an astronaut and Michael Jackson? Well, we're Michael Jackson Swing.

[Zach Miko]

Well, everybody knows one is a moonwalker. The other one's probably fingering your child right now. It's a big hush. You know why Michael Jackson shopped at Kmart? Sure. Boy's pants half off the sign. How does Michael know when it's time for bed? When the big hand touches the little hand. What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, I don't know this one.

[Zach Miko]

Oh. They both enter children's rooms and leave with empty sacks. Oh, damn, dude. It's just people being like. People straight up defend like he was never. He never. He was only charged.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh my God.

[Zach Miko]

People defending him like a motherfucker. There's some like. But there's just all these like Ratchet 18 year olds who like are just so furious about the jokes or. Or people be like, what? What are these? The new P. Diddy jokes the newbie did, which is a really funny one.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. I was about to say Michael Jackson. That predecessors way before Pete did.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's ancient history, dude.

[Zach Miko]

Ancient.

[Ryan Shaner]

Kid J.

[Zach Miko]

They'd be making fun of a man who can't even defend himself. He dead. Yeah. I'm making fun of a pedophile. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

That guy fucked children.

[Zach Miko]

So then one chick was like, y' all need to read your history. He never got.

[Ryan Shaner]

He.

[Zach Miko]

All them men were liars. There ain't one instance of people saying anything. And I just write back. I wrote. If you look at Van and I gave an article. Vanity Fair 2014 courtroom testified Macaulay Culkin says he had an alarm on his bedroom door to let him know if people were coming. And she goes, yeah, he was famous. That's called security. I'm like, no, they're already in the house. It's not security if you need an alarm that someone you let in the house is coming.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, yeah. And it's not like he's home alone ever. He's got fucking a million people on his team.

[Zach Miko]

It's basically he just likes sleeping in bed with children.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, well, there's a trap door under the carpet. He has to make a quick escape.

[Ryan Shaner]

Home Alone was based on a true story of what he used to defend himself from Michael Jackson. Actually, Michael Jackson was hit in the face with a paint can.

[Zach Miko]

That's why. Other thing. Can I ask why? And I don't want to say just black, but like, hood community in general, why do they think Corny is such an insult? Oh, man, I don't get. To me, it's like, yeah, telling silly jokes with friends, like there's nothing corny to me has never been a problem.

[Tristan Bowling]

No, no. I don't.

[Zach Miko]

I don't get the connotation with the negative connotation of Corny Joe. Because you'd be like, oh, yeah, it's fun.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's silly.

[Ryan Shaner]

I think it's because black people.

[Zach Miko]

Black people and Joe Rogan both hate joke jokes.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, I know.

[Tristan Bowling]

Very true.

[Ryan Shaner]

It is fucking. I. I think it's because people don't.

[Zach Miko]

Love when he takes the steam out of entire conversations because Mark Norman made a funny joke and he has to go, wah wah. Cause he has to alphab everybody out of his own room.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Still not invited.

[Tristan Bowling]

He seems like a nice guy, though.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, he seems great.

[Ryan Shaner]

You're actually pretty good, dude.

[Zach Miko]

All of our friends don't walk around him on their tiptoes and pray to God they don't and get mad at me for saying shit like this. Come on, man. You know you're never going to get on, but don't fuck it up for me.

[Ryan Shaner]

Jesus Christ.

[Zach Miko]

Sorry, doggy. All right. No, that's not true. Louis Lewis tried very hard and tried to help me with that, and I am solely 100% responsible for my own failure. What are you going to do?

[Ryan Shaner]

Nothing.

[Zach Miko]

All right. Speaking of Diddy male escort suing Cassie. Diddy's chick claimed she embraced Diddy's power.

[Tristan Bowling]

So she said. That sounds very like Sith Lord.

[Zach Miko]

I don't know that she was also in it. Oh, that she was. That she kind of took on his role and, like, she was not the victim she's claiming to be.

[Tristan Bowling]

Low tier Ghislaine Maxwell.

[Ryan Shaner]

She's a rape protege.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Gross.

[Tristan Bowling]

He's a master of everything. He does music production, sexual assault.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's like, that's. How do you think you get to the top? Yeah. You have to have proteges about him.

[Zach Miko]

And Kanye doing a single.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, man.

[Zach Miko]

Which dude?

[Ryan Shaner]

Look out.

[Zach Miko]

Am I ready?

[Tristan Bowling]

Song of the Summer, guys. We got some summer left. We can fucking crank that shit.

[Ryan Shaner]

Going to be fucking balls deep in August, dude. That is going to be. I mean, if there's two people that could control the media. Firestorm. It'd be both of them at the same time doing a fucking. What is that, a collab?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, mashup.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, mashup.

[Tristan Bowling]

Modern day. It's like literally like whatever the opposite of the Justice League was.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, the super. The League of Villains. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Legion of Doom. Legion of Doom.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's a real rap. Legion of Doom coming down.

[Zach Miko]

Sweet. Give Suge Knight to produce it.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, dude, this could be, man. We could really embrace evil.

[Zach Miko]

Who else is gonna. Mystical.

[Ryan Shaner]

Mystical. Who else? Who's the other guy who was, like, really fucking the guy who did.

[Tristan Bowling]

Now watch me watching it. Watch me. Nae Nay killed his cousins.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sure did. Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. So we can get him on board. He can be an intern.

[Zach Miko]

I put Will Smith in it as a as dark horse.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, did you see the. How do you feel about the Pretty Girls song?

[Zach Miko]

It's. It's what a gay guy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Would say.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's the most closeted.

[Zach Miko]

You would be like, come on. You like dicks, right? And you're like, no, I like pretty girls, dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's the same thing.

[Tristan Bowling]

I want to hold their hands. Can I put my coat down for you? Over a puddle mess.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's being very chivalrous.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's like I open doors for women, guys. Come on. Yeah, that. It's the same thing as that. The guy, the reformed preacher's like, I ain't gay no more.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

I like women.

[Zach Miko]

Women, women, women.

[Ryan Shaner]

Pussy, pussy, pussy.

[Zach Miko]

I mean, the fact that people didn't catch on to Will Smith and Jada being weird as fuck years ago, dude, they named their children gender swap versions of themselves. What weird Illuminati is that?

[Ryan Shaner]

I didn't even think.

[Zach Miko]

I didn't put Willow and Jada. Wow. Damn. Who gender swaps their children? That's fucking gays. That's who does it. Crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. Narcissism.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's crazy. I didn't even think about that.

[Tristan Bowling]

I'm going to name both my kids Tristina no matter what.

[Zach Miko]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our good friends at Small Batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch, guys. Having a nice cigar or two in the house is just as cool as having a nice bottle of wine, some craft beer, maybe some fancy cheese. And Small Batch Cigar is absolutely incredible. You get free shipping on every order, and nearly every order arrives within two to three days. Within the continental United States, it's the most thorough packaging in the industry with a Boveda pack included with every purchase. So everything you get is super, super fresh. They have an amazing selection of rare, limited and hard to find cigars. Plus you earn 5% rewards points instantly with your purchase. Go to smallbatch cigar.com today and what most people do is they click the new button first to shop all the latest arrival rivals. And we actually have a discount code for you. Gas10. That's G A S10. That gets you 10% off plus those 5% rewards points. So guys, check out smallback cigar.com today and try our discount code, Gas10. All right, thank you. Let's get back into the show. Janet, can you tell us about this article with the escort sue and Cassie?

[Shannon]

Yeah. So this guy Clayton Howard said that he was working with them or being hired by them for nearly a decade.

[Zach Miko]

This guy's putting in work.

[Shannon]

I was about to say it said that he was nervous.

[Zach Miko]

Old reliable, they called him.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's like the French to them.

[Tristan Bowling]

Wait, can you call Clayton? You're like four on my phone. Got him on speed dial.

[Zach Miko]

Clayton here. What you need again? He picks up his phone with on my way.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, man, it's Christmas. All right. Cassie waiting for me?

[Ryan Shaner]

I'm on call.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

All right. Sorry. Shannon, go ahead.

[Shannon]

It said that he was nervous that Diddy could use his deep connections to retaliate against him if, like, he quit. And they thought that he was going to talk. Plus it said he needed the cash. And it says that he has sued Diddy and Cassie now officially on Thursday with some bombshell claims, including that she gave him an STD and forced him to have sex with her while she was menstruating.

[Ryan Shaner]

What a crime.

[Shannon]

He says that he attempted to put this lawsuit through two years ago, but the prosecutor kept gotten around to it.

[Zach Miko]

Yet some came up. Yeah, sorry.

[Shannon]

He said that the prosecutor, he thinks that he was pushing it back because they wanted to make Cassie look good for, you know, for this trial to go through. So.

[Zach Miko]

That makes sense.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if she was. She had more of an evil queen to her than we. We've been let. Let led to believe.

[Ryan Shaner]

You can't be around that forever and not pick up some traits. You know what I mean? It's. It's like you're just gonna be indoctrinated into that. You're gonna.

[Zach Miko]

I mean, it is a hilarious, you know, she baby on her period.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's crazy.

[Zach Miko]

Hilarious.

[Tristan Bowling]

I didn't know I could sue for that.

[Zach Miko]

I was gonna say I got some paperwork to fill out.

[Tristan Bowling]

I'm about to get very litigious.

[Ryan Shaner]

I need random spear right now. Dude, get lit.

[Zach Miko]

Is Clayton's cousin.

[Tristan Bowling]

Less on call?

[Zach Miko]

This is Litigious Washington.

[Tristan Bowling]

He don't got a car. Pick him up.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, I got a bike.

[Tristan Bowling]

Y' all just showing up to a millionaire on pegs.

[Ryan Shaner]

Who bleeding?

[Zach Miko]

I Him.

[Ryan Shaner]

I don't care. I don't care. I. Y', all, that's a crazy thing to be like, I'm on my period. Like, that doesn't. I wonder how that conversation even happened, you know? Like, she's got to be like, I'm bleeding. No one will fuck me. You have to do.

[Zach Miko]

No, it was probably just for the night. And then they go to fuck it. He's like, you're on your period, just like. I know.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

What are you. What are you gay?

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. You can't back down from that.

[Tristan Bowling]

I mean, how much you paying me? Am I gay today?

[Ryan Shaner]

What are you corny? Fuck my bloody pussy. What are you, Corny?

[Tristan Bowling]

Well, that is my kryptonite, man.

[Zach Miko]

Corny ass motherfucker want bloody pussy.

[Ryan Shaner]

She called me corny. Your honor. I had to that bloody pussy.

[Tristan Bowling]

My dick look like a low tag.

[Ryan Shaner]

I had to make like street corn.

[Tristan Bowling]

Gave me Mexican street corn.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dick look like a Taki. Crushed all over top of it.

[Zach Miko]

Y.

[Tristan Bowling]

On top of my dick.

[Ryan Shaner]

Spicy dick.

[Zach Miko]

Flaming hot dick. That was. That's technically the STD she gave hot dick was flaming hot piss.

[Ryan Shaner]

Did she did it say what? SCD that he got Penis mu.

[Tristan Bowling]

Fuego.

[Shannon]

No, just said std.

[Ryan Shaner]

Damn.

[Zach Miko]

All right, I'll give it. Here's. Here's a fun young Zach story. Mother amiko used to try and catch me drinking by smelling me whenever I came home.

[Tristan Bowling]

Your pants. Every time I got drunk, I shit my pants.

[Ryan Shaner]

There's a proper defense for that.

[Zach Miko]

And because my own whatever. Zachary. I went to bartending school. I could smell any. Come here. Cause light. And she would try and guess whatever I drank, right? So one night, I. I spent a few hours with a young woman, and I get in my mom's car, which, by the way, also I got accused of smoking by both my parents my entire life. I don't smoke. Sick. I've had maybe 20 cigarettes in my life. But anytime I was with a girl who smoked truth, sure, I would get the full. We know you smoke. I get in the car after spending a few hours with a lovely young woman, and my mother smells my shirt and looks at me. She goes, what were you rolling Pennies?

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, boy.

[Zach Miko]

Guess what I had been doing.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, my God.

[Tristan Bowling]

Was it. Was it period one?

[Zach Miko]

It was period.

[Tristan Bowling]

Damn.

[Zach Miko]

What are you doing?

[Ryan Shaner]

Your mom's got quite the schnoz on.

[Zach Miko]

Her dude up there rolling pennies.

[Tristan Bowling]

Your mom's a goddamn basset hound.

[Zach Miko]

Damn.

[Ryan Shaner]

She'S a bloody bomb sniffing dog.

[Zach Miko]

Part of me thinks she knew.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, definitely.

[Zach Miko]

Part of me was like, I want him to know that I know what that smell is.

[Tristan Bowling]

You know I went to canine cadaver school.

[Ryan Shaner]

You know I know what pussy blood smells like.

[Zach Miko]

Zachary. Zachary. I know what cunt blood smells like.

[Tristan Bowling]

I found that missing kid in the woods. They put me on a leash.

[Ryan Shaner]

I was a bartender. I know what pussy blood smells like.

[Zach Miko]

Well, with that, I think we should definitely do plugs. Mr. Balling, what would you like people to check out, my friend?

[Tristan Bowling]

You can check out my podcast, the Modern Apes with my very funny friend, Daniel Bridge. Gad, we're having a good time over there at the Wit Studio and my Instagram. Tristan is a comedian. Hopefully I'll get some content, some sketches out soon, but I am lazy.

[Zach Miko]

Fantastic, Mr. Shaner.

[Ryan Shaner]

You can check me out on the end podcast with Ryan Shaner anywhere you get your podcast. And please call the hotline, 833-443-5300. And please check me out every Sunday. I got a new episode coming out called World War Fun with Sydney Gann. It's been a very good time. I hope you guys are enjoying it. That again, anywhere you get your podcasts every Sunday. Thank you so much.

[Zach Miko]

Hey, guys, follow me on Instagram at zackisnotfunny. Get all my dates at Punchup Live, Zach and Miko. I got two tours of the south coming up in August and September, as well as a load of dates with Juggalo Championship wrestling. And then, hey, if you like the show, there's even more for you to check out. Go to gas digital.com today, use the promo code ZOO Z O O and you're gonna get your episodes ad free, uncensored early. You get access to the live chat, you get the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite podcasts. You get a buck off a month and we do an exclusive, a Friday episode just for subscribers. So if you are watching this on YouTube or however you consume your podcasts, guys, you're only getting 2/3 of the experience. There's a whole other Friday show, so give it a try. If you don't like it, you can cancel. Hell, download all the episodes and put them on a hard drive. I don't give a fuck, Just give it a shot. Promo code zoo. And regardless, thank you for watching the show. We appreciate you greatly. Speaking of my good Friends who are murder rap clowns, they go Red Pop. And many people sent me this article for the show. Many, many people. Faygo Red pop used as lure in fatal bank hostage standoff.

[Tristan Bowling]

No way.

[Ryan Shaner]

What?

[Tristan Bowling]

No, like I want to. Like I want a clean passport and a plane to Cuba.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, I want red pop.

[Tristan Bowling]

I want Faygo Red pop.

[Zach Miko]

Well. Well, not only that. Not used to get him out of the situation. Used to get him off earth. Oh, no, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

So, yeah, Red Pop is a double entendre.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, that's what the back of his head did as.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. Yeah. If I can take you that Rainbow Ridge to Valhalla.

[Ryan Shaner]

He was drinking Faygo then I smelled pennies all over the place.

[Tristan Bowling]

Rain turned into moon mist.

[Zach Miko]

Moon mist blew out the back of his head.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

So this happened in Detroit?

[Zach Miko]

Of course it did.

[Shannon]

No, this guy took a woman hostage at a lending office. So he went in with a counterfeit check. She wouldn't cash it. And then he held her hostage with it just as a sharp object. Not sure what it is.

[Zach Miko]

Hatchet. Hatchet.

[Tristan Bowling]

Hope it's a hatchet.

[Zach Miko]

I bet it was the letter opener on her desk or something. And he. He got scared. He. He made a rash decision.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

So it says that Branch doesn't actually have any cash on hands and requires customers to make appointments. The police didn't say how they were able to enter the. How he was able to enter the building because it had already closed for the day. But. So they eventually made contact with the guy and he requested a Faygo red pop. At about 8:05, they. A drone flew to the building with a 24 ounce bottle of the red soda hanging from it.

[Zach Miko]

That's a dollar, by the way.

[Shannon]

As the beverage dangled in front of a window, he appeared and a member of the emergency service team fired a single rifle shot and killed him.

[Zach Miko]

What a fucking dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

Reaching out to get red pop from a drone and then having your brain splattered is. Is the best thing I've ever heard.

[Zach Miko]

I mean, what kind of Hanna Barbera ass robbery?

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Do you go, I want a $25 soda.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And then it's in the window and you forget about the crime at hand.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And you're like, you just put your face.

[Ryan Shaner]

God, you guys are going to shoot me, right?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

In between the two triangles he's drawn on each side of his forehead in his clown makeup.

[Tristan Bowling]

Thank God he didn't get in a police chase because he would have gotten away in a tunnel that everyone just cr. Crashed into because it's actually just a brick wall that was painted on a wall.

[Zach Miko]

Him and his 35 friends got away in a tiny car.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, the drone was made by Acme.

[Tristan Bowling]

There was a drone above the fago with a piano. Just drops it on him.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's so fucking great.

[Zach Miko]

I mean, what a bad idea. How bad was this guy at crime? He went to rob a place that didn't have money. He fell for the old soda in the window.

[Ryan Shaner]

I wonder how long it took people like, all right, how about this? We get a drone, right?

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

And we hang it from a string, and then when he reaches out. How do you think he's gonna do that? I swear to God. All right, give me time.

[Tristan Bowling]

There's never been money at this place. This guy's a dumb.

[Zach Miko]

All right.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

All right, coppers, here's what I'm thinking. We may have somebody make a fresh hot piece. We put it in a windowsill, we wait for the smell to reach him, and then when he starts to float towards it, we blow his fucking brains out.

[Ryan Shaner]

I guarantee all the cops, when they were flying the drone up, they were all exchanging money, betting on whether or not this is gonna work. It's just like, as soon as this braver is like, give me. Pay up, dude. Just throwing money on the code.

[Tristan Bowling]

Well, Sergeant, how can we determine if the steam from the fresh pie turns into a finger to lure him closer? And so odd.

[Zach Miko]

All we need is to him to take three steps off the roof of the building. And then once he realizes there's nothing below him, he will hold up a sign that says oh and fall to his death.

[Tristan Bowling]

Do you think he blew his brains out and looked at the camera, he's like, aren't I a stinker?

[Ryan Shaner]

He held up a sign and said, really?

[Zach Miko]

Damn it.

[Tristan Bowling]

I didn't realize it was dumbass season.

[Zach Miko]

By the way. They could have just poisoned the red pop straight up.

[Ryan Shaner]

But they had it. They had. I. I'm willing to bet it was like a bet. If they were like, yo, let's fly this drone. He's like, I bet you can't shoot that guy in the head.

[Tristan Bowling]

He's like, the drone can carry a 24 ounce red pop.

[Ryan Shaner]

I'm telling you.

[Tristan Bowling]

Pick it up.

[Zach Miko]

I just love the idea that it was such a bad record. He could have asked.

[Ryan Shaner]

I know. For anything.

[Zach Miko]

For anything.

[Ryan Shaner]

Anything.

[Zach Miko]

Eddie picked the worst flavor of the cheapest thing.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's basically catfish bait. All the red 40 in it.

[Ryan Shaner]

So crazy.

[Tristan Bowling]

Crazy. Also, do you think his fraudulent check just said 4 red drink that's in the memo.

[Zach Miko]

Money, please.

[Tristan Bowling]

I can't catch.

[Zach Miko]

Money, please for me.

[Tristan Bowling]

Just $1 for fake out.

[Zach Miko]

Damn it.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

You knew he was dead because after his brains blew, I went yo.

[Zach Miko]

Gorge. Oh, what a How old way.

[Ryan Shaner]

How old is this?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, yeah. Do we have any info or a picture or anything?

[Shannon]

I do. Yeah. So he's. I don't know that this is possible. It says he's 31. This is the only picture I could find associated with this article. I can't imagine this is possible, but this is the picture. Oh, it can't be.

[Zach Miko]

That's a hard 31, dude.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. Jesus.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's so much red.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. Fuck.

[Shannon]

Sorry.

[Zach Miko]

Can you just search his name?

[Shannon]

Yeah, I did and this is what came up. This is the only article that had a picture.

[Ryan Shaner]

Who's that young corny guy?

[Shannon]

That's just a difference.

[Zach Miko]

You get corny rose.

[Shannon]

But this one says a police use drone flying fago.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe. Maybe the age is wrong on the thing.

[Shannon]

Maybe.

[Zach Miko]

I don't know that.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. If that's 31, that I feel great about myself. Jesus Christ.

[Tristan Bowling]

Real.

[Zach Miko]

If that's 31, I feel okay about myself. Kind of. Come on. A little. Come on.

[Ryan Shaner]

Well, you're not red pop old dude. I'd never shoot you for soda.

[Zach Miko]

So real quick, we're not. We won't get too into it, but this is my Malibu Stacy getting a new hat. McDonald's turning up the heat this summer on breakfast with new spicy McMuffins. Now, a few years ago, they did the jalapeno McMuffins. Now we've got a special spicy sauce. And when I say Shannon, we will be having these on when. I will be requesting these on Wednesday. Put it on the show. Have someone go get them before breakfast is over at McDonald's. And we will be trying them on the air on Wednesday. Is that cool?

[Ryan Shaner]

How spicy are these things?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, I want to take. I don't feel like it could be that crazy spicy.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's not gonna be that spicy.

[Zach Miko]

Especially not for breakfast.

[Ryan Shaner]

That sounds like a one way ticket to shitting my pants. Like I always want to after eating McDonald's. Anyway, it is a.

[Tristan Bowling]

It is a R. VP for diarrhea. It's a save the date. Yeah, yeah. No, I saw recently. This is in the same vein. Wendy's has put out a taki chicken sandwich.

[Zach Miko]

The fuego chicken. Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

And that seems like I'm gonna eat it once and live on my toilet forever.

[Ryan Shaner]

Forever, dude.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Whenever the fast food places with ghost pepper Usually they make it pretty hot at this point.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

I feel like since McDonald's, like, even, like the picante sauce and that hot.

[Tristan Bowling]

No, no, no.

[Zach Miko]

I think. I feel like it'll have a little sizzle on it, but I don't think they're gonna go that hot.

[Tristan Bowling]

I don't know if Wendy still has it, but the creamy sriracha sauce.

[Zach Miko]

Solid gas.

[Ryan Shaner]

Damn.

[Zach Miko]

Gave me guess.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It'll. It'll.

[Zach Miko]

I mean. And I am someone who enjoys a pretty serious hot sauce on a bacon, egg, and cheese.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Wild, dude.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, I'll put, I'll put. I like scorpion pepper sauce way better than ghost pepper or pepper X. I feel like scorpion sauce has got, like, more of a fruity Tang to it.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. That is.

[Zach Miko]

Just hate them.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's so. What I saw you guys have the bomb in there.

[Zach Miko]

That was mine.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Is it even.

[Zach Miko]

No, it's terrible.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's. It doesn't even sound palatable.

[Zach Miko]

It's awful. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our good friends at you Kratom, home of the $60 kilo. If you use Kratom. And don't start on my account, but if you use Kratom for one of its many, many benefits, there's only one place on earth to get it from, and that's yo, kratom dot com. Stop going to smoke shops, bodegas, or gas stations. Again, a little bit of Kratom at a time, and you barely even know what's in there. When. Yocratum.com has the best trains, the best customer service, and are the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at Gas Digital. There's no promo code needed because it's already the best deal in the world of kratom. $60 for a whole kilo delivered right to your effing door. Okay, so check them out. That's yocratum.com, home of the 60 kilo. Now let's get back into the program. So Pepper X was. There's a bunch of people that grow peppers.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sure.

[Zach Miko]

And they're all trying to beat the record for most Scovilles.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And Pepper X is like. It's what the last dab was. Oh. On hot ones, it's like, I, I. They're not enjoyable. Like, I broke my meter doing the chip. Sure.

[Tristan Bowling]

The one chip.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. I hated it so much that I don't think I've ever enjoyed a spicy challenge again.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Or even, like a crazy hot sauce. Like, I've really diminished, like, the Amount of heat I like after that.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, I don't, I don't. When I see people doing that, I'm like, I don't want to eat a food. That's an interrogation tactic. Like that. Like, that just seems so.

[Zach Miko]

Here's what I didn't realize with the hot chip challenge. Hey. I was like, it's a chip. You eat it in 10 seconds.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sure.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

No, your mouth's covered in the dust.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, it's all in the line.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. It's all in your teeth. And B, I started chugging milk and water.

[Tristan Bowling]

That's not fun, dude. That one.

[Zach Miko]

This sounds terrible, but I didn't realize that that was going to take the dust with it. So now it's in my belly. It's in my esophagus or whatever. And I will tell you. Spicy piss.

[Ryan Shaner]

I was just going to ask. Did you get spicy? That means you probably had spicy cones.

[Zach Miko]

Dude. Just racha.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude, you could probably put it on a sandwich for your lady.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, no, I, I, I think that's.

[Tristan Bowling]

How Mexicans are made.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. Hot, spicy pests.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

A real uncomfortable tinkle.

[Ryan Shaner]

That sounds awful, dude.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Shaner]

None of that sounds like when I, I knew a couple people that would do, I guess, kind of like hot ones. Before hot ones was a thing, there was a place in Phoenixville that had like, like, they had a wing challenge, and it was six wings, but the wings were 20 bucks. But if you, if you got through the six wings, you got it for free. No one could ever. You just pissed away $20. And I would watch my friends try and do it like you guys are.

[Tristan Bowling]

It makes no sense.

[Ryan Shaner]

And they hate them immediately. There's no, like, oh, I can taste the chicken. And this is kind of good, dude. Immediately they're like.

[Tristan Bowling]

This is why they cover it in, like, a pepper sludge.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. It looks disgusting. Smells disgusting. Disgusting.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Smelled like, you know, like when there's an electrical fire. Yeah, that's what it smelled like coming off these wings. Like, you're gonna just hate your life for an hour.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

You're gonna give yourself a stomach ulcer. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

They also had you sign a waiver because apparently someone who was there previously eating the wings adjusted their glasses and up their eye so bad that they had to go to the hospital and get their eye almost, like, not removed, but something was very seriously damaged.

[Zach Miko]

Well, they, they took that hot chip challenge off the market because it killed.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, yeah. It killed a kid. How old was the kid?

[Zach Miko]

High school age, I think.

[Tristan Bowling]

Pussy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Imagine going out like that. Dude, how do you. How do you even walk that off?

[Tristan Bowling]

Dude, there's a lot because those things were like cheap. You can buy like one on Amazon for like 15 bucks. And there's videos of just like, there's Instagram reels where you just see like people going up. Just be like yo, man. Just to a homeless guy.

[Zach Miko]

Yep.

[Tristan Bowling]

Hanging out.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh no.

[Tristan Bowling]

And he's just like, yo man, I'll.

[Zach Miko]

Buy you a beer.

[Tristan Bowling]

I'll give you $20 if you do this hot chip challenge. Man, that ain't spicy. And then he's just running around like ah. In the parking lot of a 7 11.

[Zach Miko]

He's like nowhere to go.

[Tristan Bowling]

He's like, would you rather eat another chip or your grandmother die? He's like, kill that bitch. Kill her dad.

[Zach Miko]

It's so bad. It was.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude, how much was the chip? How much was the chip when you bought it?

[Zach Miko]

Oh, I don't know that we had it here.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, you just had it here? You had a.

[Zach Miko]

Somebody somebody opened it and said they were going to do it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And then of course.

[Ryan Shaner]

Of course fool.

[Zach Miko]

Who. Who winds up. What jerk off winds up actually doing.

[Ryan Shaner]

Just got done pulling staples with dollars out of here.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's like I'm just like. I'm looking at the blading scars on your forehead. I'm like, I don't know. Of course I'd give it two guesses, you guys, you in tricking gay blind Mike. Which would be rude, but it would be very funny.

[Ryan Shaner]

But those are the chips. I think Mike would get his sight back if he seriously, he could see.

[Zach Miko]

Into his eyes would turn white and he would see the future.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, he's like the raven.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, that's exact. That's exactly what I was thinking.

[Tristan Bowling]

Just turns him into the Raven.

[Zach Miko]

Dude. God damn it.

[Ryan Shaner]

That would be so amazing.

[Tristan Bowling]

His eyes go back. It's like story wars would be a success.

[Zach Miko]

Oh dude, that just sounds awful because I did the lollipop. The lollipop was bad. Bad.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, there's a spice too.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, it's called Satan's toe. And that one you're supposed to keep in your mouth for five minutes. And about three minutes in on that one. I felt like I was tripping.

[Tristan Bowling]

Damn.

[Ryan Shaner]

Jesus Christ.

[Zach Miko]

I legitimately felt like I was on mushrooms.

[Tristan Bowling]

This is why Spencer's Gifts was made. To sell all these things without a doubt in just this one weird neon lit bazaar.

[Ryan Shaner]

Remember when kids used to die in like cool like death racing or like wild stunts?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, right.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, like a bike accident. I didn't. It's like, no, I ate a Dorito that killed me.

[Shannon]

I have some footage from your challenge. Do you want to see some of it?

[Ryan Shaner]

Here we go.

[Shannon]

So here's right where you eat the chip.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, no. Ladies and gentlemen, the international superstar. One bite.

[Tristan Bowling]

Shut up.

[Ryan Shaner]

You know the rules.

[Zach Miko]

He's chewing it. No breathing. He seems stable. We have his vitals. Shannon. Blue. He looks like he took a whole handful of Blue Chew. We have his vitals. Handles what now?

[Ryan Shaner]

Right there, dude. You can actually pinpoint.

[Zach Miko]

It's very bad. It's very bad. He's keeping his composure, though. Absolutely no problem. Has not gone for the milk. Is turning red. He has not gone for the milk yet. Talk to me about your. Can we. Can we give it a second for the milk or how long can you give for the milk? Can we see how long can we get a time? No, I hate this. 30 second. Yeah, I'm just thinking about the milk swashing around.

[Shannon]

Do you want me to skip ahead of the milk?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bad.

[Tristan Bowling]

Okay, okay.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, no. Through his milk. Milk is coming out of his nose right now for the only time he's ever drinking something healthy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Zach Miko]

Keep the milk in your mouth, Daddy. He's going to suck us off. He's going to suck us off.

[Tristan Bowling]

Now some soda.

[Zach Miko]

Why not?

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah, Milk and so this is the worst is.

[Zach Miko]

Zach. Dude, I needed anything.

[Ryan Shaner]

Zack.

[Zach Miko]

Thr.

[Tristan Bowling]

Some Mentos in there.

[Zach Miko]

Hold on to. There we go.

[Ryan Shaner]

Is that ice?

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, there we go. That's. That's. That's what you got to do. Let it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Zach, you look like you just got done watching Miracle.

[Tristan Bowling]

It is.

[Zach Miko]

It was. Two days are going to be up. Your stomach's going to hurt.

[Shannon]

I don't think so.

[Tristan Bowling]

No.

[Ryan Shaner]

They're saying Tom's. Oh, no. Zacky.

[Zach Miko]

How. How is that Other people with. By the way, that's too much milk.

[Ryan Shaner]

It is the most amount of milk. Hulk.

[Zach Miko]

Dude, there's too much in that blue dust.

[Ryan Shaner]

The devil's dust.

[Zach Miko]

He did it again. The son of a. No, no. So now I'm just puking hot milk.

[Ryan Shaner]

Hot milk sounds good.

[Zach Miko]

By the way, I will say I saw the mic was in the way up and adjusted. Oh, again. No.

[Ryan Shaner]

Was it worse going down or coming up?

[Zach Miko]

Both. It was terrible.

[Tristan Bowling]

It.

[Zach Miko]

And it was unending.

[Ryan Shaner]

Is figs leaving?

[Zach Miko]

I'm feeling it in my nose now that I puked into the air. It's more the amount of milk.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, probably. All right, I got to go. This is. It's too much. Goodbye. Dude, I sat in the lobby me for hours. And people would just walk in and go, what happened to you? I mean, I ate a chip.

[Tristan Bowling]

It made me feel bad.

[Ryan Shaner]

That looked terrible, man. Unbearable. Dude.

[Zach Miko]

One of the worst things ever when.

[Ryan Shaner]

You, when you had spicy pee. My main concern after, like, even when I eat regular hot wings, my main concern is like, yo, if I have to pee, if that gets in my. My whole day is going to be ruined.

[Zach Miko]

Yes.

[Tristan Bowling]

I never touch my. When I piss. I'm not going to lie.

[Ryan Shaner]

I got to pull it open and it's.

[Tristan Bowling]

You gotta hit the zipper on the front.

[Ryan Shaner]

I gotta.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's a button fly down there.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, you gotta take one on each side and make it sing first. Exactly. I'm gonna pre actually do hello my honey.

[Tristan Bowling]

Hello my dick is pissing right now with a bad attitude.

[Ryan Shaner]

George Flo. I tried.

[Tristan Bowling]

That's the one who wasn't on the Aussie thing. Wasn't he asked for too much money.

[Zach Miko]

Well, I'm glad we got to that. I have another fun video for you guys and I actually thought Shane or you would especially love this one. This is the world's first wireless bionic arm and I can't wait for you to see what it can do. Hey guys, real quick, we would like to thank one of our great, great sponsors and that's our good friends at Mando. Guys, I travel quite a bit and this is something that gets me as well. Stop trying to shove the contents of your shower into a tiny TSA approved bag. Mando's 4 in 1 acidified cleansing bar has you covered. It's shampoo, face wash, body wash and deodorant all in one. It makes packing simple and makes you smell fresh no matter where you end up. If you want to level up even more, throw Mando's Sweat controlled deodorant stick in your bag. This underarm stick stops odor before it starts and even fights sweat. They sent me a great box of Mando. I use all their products and they're baking soda free and paraben free so you can feel good about what's going on your body. Mando starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant cream tube deodorant. Two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. Love those. Deodorant wipes really come in a pinch, especially if you're in the back of a tour bus or you're stuck in a car or anything like that. And as a special Offer for our morning Zoo listeners. New customers get 20% off site wide with my exclusive code ZOO Z O [e-mail] so one more time, guys. For 20% off site wide and free shipping. Shopmando.com s h o p m a n d o.com promo code ZOO support the show and tell them Cousin Zach sent you. Mando's got you covered. Protect your pits and smell. Great doing it. Shopmando.com promo code ZOO let's get back into the show.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yo, Here we go.

[Zach Miko]

When it's not attached to you. Yes.

[Ryan Shaner]

So that's the thing.

[Zach Miko]

And it's.

[Tristan Bowling]

We've posted about it on social media.

[Ryan Shaner]

And that's what everybody is like, this is crazy, dude.

[Zach Miko]

This is so. Also watch this, dude. Dude, she can control it.

[Ryan Shaner]

You.

[Zach Miko]

And make it do what? Addams Family. What? That is the future, yo.

[Tristan Bowling]

So tight.

[Zach Miko]

That is gonna be the greatest cat burglar of all time.

[Ryan Shaner]

I was gonna say you could put.

[Zach Miko]

Your hand under the thing and go, rob.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, I mean, that's awesome.

[Tristan Bowling]

Awesome, dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

Until you ask for a. Certainly asked for that.

[Zach Miko]

No, but then the cop that's got the gun just all of a sudden, there's a tap on his shoulder.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And it's a hand choking him.

[Tristan Bowling]

Other than that, just wink all three stages. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

My. My first thing, when I saw her take it off, I'm like, yo, that means for kink, I could be like, put that hand on my dick immediately and then go to a different room and like, think about jerking me off.

[Tristan Bowling]

Or. What I was thinking was, girl wears a dress to the show. You're on stage with one hand, you're fingering Granter. While you're just in there, you're just giving her a Texas two step.

[Ryan Shaner]

It would also be cool to do a show and then get jerked off while you're doing the show.

[Tristan Bowling]

Just. You see it moving in your pants.

[Ryan Shaner]

Your pants unzip from the front, two fingers come out. Yeah, that would.

[Zach Miko]

So my thought would be, oh, yeah, let's see.

[Ryan Shaner]

This is.

[Tristan Bowling]

But to everyone's surprise, it's actually built to do that. The hand from open bionics can be detached and still respond to muscle signals through wireless control, which allows it to move and grip like a real crawling hand. People were shocked when this bionic arm started.

[Ryan Shaner]

People were shocked.

[Tristan Bowling]

People were shocked.

[Ryan Shaner]

You don't say.

[Zach Miko]

Now imagine you're fucking her doggy style. And then you look down, you're like, where's your other hand? And then it just crawls up the back and then just boop.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Miko]

Like, oh, you dirty. You dirty amputee.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, you dirty robot.

[Zach Miko]

You amputees. No, the.

[Ryan Shaner]

When I see things like that as. As amazing they are, my first thought is like, you can take the hand off. You can definitely. We're like this close to putting like a gun in there or like a flamethrower.

[Zach Miko]

I was thinking Fleshlight, dude.

[Tristan Bowling]

All right. I like where your head's at.

[Ryan Shaner]

I see where you're going.

[Zach Miko]

Like a Mega man kind of thing.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, yeah, but you have man.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, after you beat man. After you. After you beat Pocket man. You get.

[Tristan Bowling]

You get that just looks like you're punching yourself in the car.

[Ryan Shaner]

Great.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, I would get it sideways like a sledgehammer.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, I thought you meant like full Mega man gun. You have to stick your.

[Zach Miko]

No, mine would be like. Yeah, mine would. Yeah, mine would go this way.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, that's great. I wonder if now how. Wait now before I start getting. How old is that girl?

[Zach Miko]

Old enough to have a bionic arm. How old's the arm? The arm's only two.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. How old is the arm?

[Zach Miko]

The arm's young. Is that arm legal? It's not the girl's age you got to worry about.

[Ryan Shaner]

I have a few questions about how old's his arm? I don't need this two year old arm touching me.

[Tristan Bowling]

So do have you have different hands.

[Ryan Shaner]

Can you make it big like Hellboy's hand? Just imagine Hellboy's hand in your butt.

[Zach Miko]

That would. Dude, that would be brick. Yeah. Oh, dude. What?

[Ryan Shaner]

A pencil's never the same.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, you get so many cool attachments.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Zach Miko]

Leaf blower.

[Tristan Bowling]

That be tight.

[Zach Miko]

I'm just thinking around so many cool.

[Tristan Bowling]

Super Soaker.

[Ryan Shaner]

Super Soaker would be sick.

[Tristan Bowling]

Sick. Yeah. Show up to a Fourth of July party. Dual super soaker hands.

[Shannon]

She's 19.

[Ryan Shaner]

Okay. So anyway, yeah. If you're. If you're that 19 year old.

[Zach Miko]

Fireworks hands.

[Ryan Shaner]

Fireworks hand. Oh, big fan.

[Tristan Bowling]

That's how you get those amputees. That's how you get the amputee harms is when you had fireworks hands on.

[Zach Miko]

The fourth of July.

[Ryan Shaner]

What if you blew it on me?

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, I should have learned I flew too close to the sun.

[Zach Miko]

Like a slap chop.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, that would be cool.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dicer thing. Yeah. Dude, that would be sick. She's 19 years old. How do you. Now my, my other question is, when I see cool whisk, any type of culinary thing would be sick. But when you see stuff like that, you wonder like, one. How much does it cost? How can a simpleton like me afford that?

[Tristan Bowling]

No, you're not going to get a Kmart version of that.

[Ryan Shaner]

And I need to find a Costco version.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Hands. There's got to be, like. Because I think about, like, what if I lost my arm? Like, if I was ever in a serious accident and they came to me like, yo, you're actually paralyzed from the neck down.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

My first thing, like, what are they doing in Russia right now where you can take my head off my body and put it on? Like, I. I don't want to live my life.

[Zach Miko]

My first thought would be, where's my helper monkey?

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, you want a Mojo? I get you.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah, I want a capuchin, actually.

[Ryan Shaner]

I just want that chicks. I just want that chick walking around.

[Zach Miko]

With me the whole time. I want a capuchin.

[Tristan Bowling]

It wouldn't be as trained as you think. It's just gonna be ripping at your hair and hitting you in the only places you still can feel. You just look down. It's eating your toe for the past three hours.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's gonna be the opposite of monkey shines. It's gonna put a fucking hot chip in your mouth. No.

[Zach Miko]

And then move the milk.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And then move the milk. Far away. Please, Monkey, not again. Muggy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Knew this was gonna happen. Dude, that's. Yeah, I would.

[Zach Miko]

Shannon, what attachments would you want for. For your. Your hand?

[Tristan Bowling]

Lip gloss girl.

[Shannon]

And maybe like a. This is gonna be boring. But like a speed typer.

[Zach Miko]

A hand. A quicker. A faster hand.

[Shannon]

Faster hand.

[Ryan Shaner]

I like one that parallel park for me.

[Zach Miko]

You know, that's what Edison said. You ask a woman what she wants, you just say a faster hand.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. I want improved clapping skills. Can I download every Blood and Crip gang sign, please?

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, that would be so sick.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, dude, doing all the things. That would be awesome.

[Zach Miko]

Shadow puppets. Oh, my God. You could probably do some wild, like.

[Ryan Shaner]

Out of the cartoons where it's a space needle, like Washington crawls into Delaware. That would be. Be sick.

[Zach Miko]

That would be pretty cool. That would.

[Ryan Shaner]

You be a king at birthday parties. Never be stopped. It would also be cool, like, just being able to do tiddly winks. Very good. Or like bago or pool. Like, you could just. You'd be unstopped.

[Zach Miko]

I feel like there could be a pool attachment.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Or you know what? If you. You're playing dice games, you can shake it right to know how the d. If you would. They let you play craps at Vegas with that?

[Tristan Bowling]

Maybe.

[Zach Miko]

No, cuz I bet they would say you had a sensor in there.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, I was wondering how that would work.

[Tristan Bowling]

I don't think we would get. We've gotten that far technology wise, to where, like, your arm is relaying the information.

[Zach Miko]

Plus then if they catch you cheating, somebody already cut your hand off. Somebody already cut your hand off.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sorry. Yeah. What if you get arrested? They can't put you in cuffs.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Your hands are going to come off.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. Your hands are driving the car while you're in the back seat.

[Zach Miko]

You'll never catch me alive, copper.

[Tristan Bowling]

No one ever looks for the robotic ankle.

[Zach Miko]

That's the.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's a super villain is what we're seeing. That would be. That's awesome.

[Tristan Bowling]

Also, I just like the idea of you going to Russia just being like, we can attach you to cheetah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes.

[Tristan Bowling]

Seriously?

[Ryan Shaner]

I'd be like, fuck, yeah.

[Tristan Bowling]

Just you with a cheetah body.

[Ryan Shaner]

I. If I. If it was just my head on top of like a tank.

[Tristan Bowling]

Come on, mech.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, dude.

[Tristan Bowling]

So you go to Japanese, make me a Gundam.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, make me a fucking robot. I'd be. Even if it's. It. Even if it didn't work for a year, I'd be like, yo, let me help advance wild science. If there's like, yo, there's no way you're ever going to walk again. Your quality of life is going to be so poor.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

And then people are going to have to take care of you. I would be. I think that would be the biggest burden on me is someone having to be a caregiver.

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

I'd be like, yo, put me in a robot. Let me do some cool.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

And then if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But if you're like, yo, we're sending you into a war zone for 0.5 seconds, I'm like, yes. Yeah, let me fucking do it. I would. In a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. Fucking make me crazy.

[Zach Miko]

I mean, it would. The way wars are fought now. It was literally one guy would go, what the fuck is that?

[Ryan Shaner]

Seriously?

[Zach Miko]

And then you would just be blown up immediately by. And another guy would go, what the fuck was that?

[Ryan Shaner]

That's what I mean. But I also would love to be like, the beginning of like, an urban legend in war. Like, there was a man with a robot.

[Tristan Bowling]

He died seven seconds after seven. His robot legs kind of didn't understand the terrain.

[Ryan Shaner]

I re paralyzed myself jumping out of a fucking airplane because I don't know how to pull a chute.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, no.

[Tristan Bowling]

That's how it just takes your body and your head still.

[Ryan Shaner]

Hey, can you put me back up on there?

[Tristan Bowling]

My body's stuck in the tree.

[Zach Miko]

I would see you having treads.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, yeah, like tank treads.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's kind of tight.

[Ryan Shaner]

Awesome. Just put like my head on something. Put a gun in my chest.

[Tristan Bowling]

I think we're describing Star wars battle droids.

[Ryan Shaner]

I am. I definitely am. Even. Even Vader, when they. When they took him and put him in like a weird robot. Come on, Shane.

[Tristan Bowling]

Or Shaner.

[Zach Miko]

That would be okay. Unrelated. But. And we'll. We'll probably end on this. Have you guys seen this Steam game, Half Sword?

[Ryan Shaner]

No, no, no.

[Zach Miko]

Shannon, could you look it up? Dude, this. I don't have Steam. I'm currently between Xboxes. I red ringed mine, but. And I need it because now that's.

[Ryan Shaner]

One of the most white trash things ever. I'm currently between Xbox.

[Tristan Bowling]

Financially, I'm between Xbox.

[Zach Miko]

I wasn't sold on 3 Xbox. I wasn't sold on getting a new one until I just found out in the next expansion pack for WWE 2K, new jack.

[Ryan Shaner]

What?

[Zach Miko]

And he brings a shopping cart of weapons to the ring, throws them in the ring, they remain in play, and his theme plays the whole time.

[Tristan Bowling]

It's pretty tight.

[Ryan Shaner]

Perfect.

[Zach Miko]

And I know that means very little to you.

[Tristan Bowling]

It sounds fun.

[Ryan Shaner]

That is amazing.

[Zach Miko]

So there was a wrestler named New Jack who may have been a real life murderer.

[Ryan Shaner]

I think he was definitely.

[Tristan Bowling]

I've seen his Legion of Skanks episode.

[Zach Miko]

And his thing was his. His music would play the whole match. And he's a downloadable character in the new game and his music will play throughout the match.

[Tristan Bowling]

Didn't he just stab a guy in a match?

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes, a couple times he did.

[Zach Miko]

A few times. He fucked up with this guy named Mass Transit real bad. He cut his head open.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

He tried to kill Vic Grimes twice.

[Zach Miko]

He threw him off scaffolding and tried to miss the ring after tasing him.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude.

[Zach Miko]

And then also there was a guy named Outback Jack who did not know how to wrestle. And he thought he was trying to. To fuck on him a little.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

And so he just took a shiv out of his pocket and stabbed him in the middle of the ring straight up. And started threatening white people.

[Ryan Shaner]

And then to add insult, injury, after he stabbed this man several times, New Jack was taken to jail. And he had Outback Jack post his.

[Zach Miko]

Bond and said he would train him if he didn't press charges. He would train them and then immediately skip town.

[Ryan Shaner]

Skip town.

[Tristan Bowling]

All right. This guy's Cool.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's wild dude.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. Anyway, so I need.

[Tristan Bowling]

Are any of those other guys going into the.

[Ryan Shaner]

Well, the mass transit?

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah. Do you think Mass transit? Lumberjack, smack, whatever the his name was.

[Zach Miko]

No, I do not believe they'll be making appearances.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dang it.

[Zach Miko]

However, this game, Half Sword is a like gladiator type game, but with rag doll physics. And did you guys find any clips of it?

[Tristan Bowling]

Oh, I have seen.

[Zach Miko]

Yes. This is exactly it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Okay, so you guys, if I hold alt. What is this?

[Tristan Bowling]

Is this actually effective? Oh, going for the legs, though.

[Zach Miko]

And also you can like chop people's arms off and hold on.

[Ryan Shaner]

Just get up.

[Zach Miko]

Just get up.

[Tristan Bowling]

Just getting pummeled into the fucking ground.

[Ryan Shaner]

Not bad, not bad.

[Zach Miko]

I want this so bad. If we have any fans that play, please send us videos.

[Ryan Shaner]

What is this called?

[Zach Miko]

Half Sword.

[Ryan Shaner]

So this is all just medieval, like games.

[Zach Miko]

What? Yeah. And then now he's all up. Like, if you get hit in the head.

[Tristan Bowling]

Totally missed.

[Ryan Shaner]

I totally.

[Tristan Bowling]

No, no, I swear to you, I put.

[Zach Miko]

All right, this looks so fun.

[Ryan Shaner]

And what is this on stream Steam? It may not look like it. Oh, he totally blocked that.

[Zach Miko]

That was pretty good. I sent it to Harrington and Faga over the weekend and I was like, we need to get this here. And just have comedians play straight up and do commentary while we play.

[Ryan Shaner]

That is.

[Zach Miko]

And it's just us cutting each other's arms off.

[Tristan Bowling]

That'd be very fun. Honestly, that looks like a bar brawl in London. Everyone's got massive fucking swords for no reason. It's crazy. They got machetes.

[Zach Miko]

Oh, it looks super, super fun.

[Tristan Bowling]

Yeah.

[Zach Miko]

That was all I thought, by the way. When I was in London, they took me to a pool hall and I watched like a hooligan fight get broken up. And everyone had not. I was just like, why is everyone else. Knife crimes? Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Knife crime is crazy. London. That's a. Can you pick anything other than swords? Because I saw a guy had like, kind of like a flatter.

[Zach Miko]

So I believe as you go through the. You get weapons. Because I've seen a guy who plays with just a coat rack, you know, but it's got four sides, like four sharps on it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Okay.

[Zach Miko]

And he fucks people up.

[Tristan Bowling]

That's got to be annoying, you know.

[Ryan Shaner]

That'S got to be.

[Zach Miko]

But they have like sickles. They have a bunch of shit. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Battle axis would be cool.

[Zach Miko]

Yeah. And it looks super, super fun.

[Tristan Bowling]

Scythe, like to fucking. That'd be fucking sick.

[Zach Miko]

What do we got? Long sword. Great sword. Ax. Two handed Hammer. Spear. Bill hook and then. Oh, yeah, you have fists. But then they also have, like loaded gloves.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Miko]

You can like, walk up and like. I know there's one guy. This whole thing is kidney punches. That's so wait for you to swing the sword and then run in and just crack you with like a metal glove.

[Ryan Shaner]

Awesome.

[Zach Miko]

And then like. But it, like floors you.

[Ryan Shaner]

Damn. That is. That is.

[Tristan Bowling]

That's gotta be a fun game.

[Zach Miko]

So, yeah, if you play that game, let us know if it's great. Send videos and if you want to see comic books playing it, I think we could have some fun with.

[Ryan Shaner]

That would be amazing.

[Zach Miko]

All right, we're gonna call it there. Thank you so much for tuning in. I want to thank my illustrious, intelligent, hilarious guests, Tristan Bolling and Ryan Shannon. Thank you to our good friends in the booth for running a great show. I love you guys very much. And we'll be back on Wednesday here on the old morning zoo. Fun's begun. No sleeping in. Noon is morning time to him. Papa Baco Chug it down just like the favorite Always pound Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's Akamiko morning too. It's Akamiko morning too.

[Ryan Shaner]

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[Zach Miko]

Thanks. Have a good one.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yep, that too. Want one place to manage all your online and in person sales?

[Zach Miko]

That's kind of our thing wherever you sell.

[Ryan Shaner]

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