0028. Mark Normand and Josie Marcellino

Summary

Podcast Summary: Zac Amico's Morning Zoo - Episode 0028: Mark Normand and Josie Marcellino

Release Date: July 20, 2025
Host/Authors: GaS Digital Network
Guests: Comedian Mark Normand and Actress Josie Marcellino

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1. Show Introduction and Guest Welcome (00:01 - 01:36)

Zac Amico kicks off Zac’s Morning Zoo, introducing the episode’s guests—comedian Mark Normand and actress Josie Marcellino. Zac humorously acknowledges the challenges of public transportation, setting a lighthearted tone for the show.

Notable Quote:
Josie Marcellino (01:12):
"I'm absolutely thrilled to be joining you guys today because across the table from me are two very talented, wonderful people."

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2. Promotions and Announcements (01:36 - 02:31)

Guests share their latest projects and upcoming events. Mark promotes his podcast "200 Stories, We Might Be Drunk," while Josie highlights her website and upcoming performances, including a tour with Juggalo Championship Wrestling.

Notable Quote:
Mark Normand (01:58):
"Check out markdomancommy.com Fantastic."

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3. Paranormal News: Death of Dan Rivera (02:31 - 07:54)

The conversation shifts to a recent news story where paranormal investigator Dan Rivera tragically passed away while on tour with the Annabelle Haunted Doll exhibit. The guests delve into the background of Annabelle and discuss the lore surrounding Robert the Doll, highlighting eerie incidents and the psychological impact on those who interact with these haunted objects.

Notable Quote:
Josie Marcellino (03:36):
"This just broke on TMZ. I'm very excited. I apologize for my nerdiness."
Shannon (04:27):
"Wow, those Covid vaccines, man."

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4. Celebrity Gossip: Conor McGregor's Controversial Incident (09:31 - 13:01)

Mark and Josie discuss Conor McGregor’s recent scandal involving unsolicited explicit photos sent to Azealia Banks. The conversation humorously critiques McGregor’s actions and speculates on his alleged presidential ambitions in Ireland, referencing Azealia’s endorsement.

Notable Quote:
Josie Marcellino (12:16):
"He sent unsolicited dick pics to Azalea Banks, which is a ballsy move."

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5. Unusual Medical Conditions: Extreme Breast Growth (13:15 - 16:08)

The hosts recount a bizarre medical case of a woman experiencing rapid and excessive breast growth due to a rare condition, necessitating multiple reduction surgeries. They discuss the physical and emotional challenges she faces, interspersed with humorous banter about body image and cosmetic procedures.

Notable Quote:
Shannon (14:11):
"I have a friend who has... she has to get three reductions so far because it just keeps... it never stops."

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6. Unique Services: Renting a Grandma in Japan (20:02 - 21:39)

Josie introduces a quirky trend in Japan where individuals can rent a grandmother for companionship and traditional activities. The discussion humorously explores potential scenarios and cultural implications, highlighting the service’s limitations and the hosts' imaginative takes on the concept.

Notable Quote:
Josie Marcellino (20:10):
"You can have her come over, cook for you... just like grandma stuff."

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7. Violent Incidents: Police Chase and Shark Attack in Australia (37:30 - 40:06)

The podcast covers two alarming incidents from Australia: a seven-hour police chase resulting in a dramatic crash, and a shark mauling of a 16-year-old boy at a popular beach. The hosts express their astonishment and discuss the unique challenges posed by Australia's wildlife and law enforcement.

Notable Quote:
Josie Marcellino (39:35):
"See the fin? Oh my God."

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8. Medieval Reenactment Accident (44:07 - 45:26)

Mark shares a story about a medieval night reenactment that turned deadly when one participant accidentally stabbed another through the helmet. The incident raised concerns about safety protocols in such events, though the injured man was reported to be recovering.

Notable Quote:
Mark Normand (44:31):
"He stabbed him through his helmet and through his head."

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9. Behind the Scenes: Seinfeld Writer on 80s TV Show Chaos (45:30 - 54:38)

A Seinfeld writer recounts the rampant cocaine use in the 1980s TV industry, drawing parallels to modern-day drug use with substances like Adderall. The discussion humorously imagines how classic shows like ALF and "Perfect Strangers" might have been influenced by such chaotic environments.

Notable Quote:
Seinfeld Writer (46:15):
"He said when you would go to restaurants or bars, they would just be doing lines on the tables, on the bar."

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10. Funeral Home Horror Story (58:07 - 60:37)

The guests delve into a disturbing tale of a funeral home mishandling a deceased individual, leading to maggots infesting the body during a funeral. They discuss the legal repercussions, such as the ensuing lawsuit for negligence, and share their thoughts on embalming practices.

Notable Quote:
Dan Rivera (58:18):
"They had maggots pouring out of his nose, in his mouth and on his face."

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11. Personal Anecdotes and Experiences (Throughout)

Throughout the episode, Zac, Mark, and Josie share personal stories ranging from embarrassing moments on cruises to experiences in reality TV production. These anecdotes add a personal and humorous touch, enhancing the show's chaotic and unfiltered vibe.

Notable Quotes:
Josie Marcellino (52:33):
"I've been making the new one we got out now is my favorite one. It's called Curse of the Were Deer."
Zach Amico (63:02):
"I have trouble with the pronouns."

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12. Closing Remarks and Future Episodes (65:08 - 65:17)

The episode wraps up with gratitude towards the guests and a teaser for upcoming episodes, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and chaos.

Closing Quote:
Mark Normand (65:08):
"Fun's begun. No sleeping in. Noon is morning time to him."

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Overall Insights:

• Humorous Take on Dark Topics: The hosts navigate through unsettling and bizarre news stories with a blend of humor and candid conversations, making the content engaging yet appropriately sensitive.

• Engagement with Guests' Projects: Mark and Josie actively promote their work, ensuring listeners are informed about their latest endeavors.

• Cultural Observations: Discussions on unique services like renting grandmas in Japan and violent incidents in Australia provide a global perspective on unusual happenings.

• Personal Storytelling: The hosts' personal anecdotes add authenticity and relatability, fostering a connection with the audience.

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Conclusion:

Episode 0028 of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo offers a rollercoaster of discussions, blending paranormal news, celebrity gossip, bizarre medical cases, and personal stories. With guests like Mark Normand and Josie Marcellino, the show maintains its reputation for twisted takes and pure chaos, ensuring listeners are entertained from start to finish.

Transcript

[Zach Amico]

Fill her up. You're listening to the GAS Digital Network.

[Mark Normand]

Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laugh is waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the cre It's a Miko morning suit.

[Zach Amico]

That's a great intro.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, hello and happy Wednesday, Zoo Files. It's your old pal, your other boy, cousin Zach, international superstar. And I am absolutely thrilled to be joining you guys today because across the table from me are two very talented, wonderful people. First friend of the show, and we love her very much and we're very glad she's here. It's our good friend, Josie Marzolino. How you doing?

[Shannon]

I'm doing great. How are you?

[Josie Marzolino]

I'm wonderful. Thank you for braving public transportation to make it here. And it's very kind of you. And next to her, I mean, big get big, big fucking get. Truly appreciate you taking time for us from Tuesdays with stories and we might be drunk. The great Mark Normand. Hey, how you doing, buddy?

[Zach Amico]

Good to be here. I also took the public transpo.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, very, very thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

[Zach Amico]

Well, Zoran's got to make it free.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yes, I think, I think we're. I think we're headed that way.

[Zach Amico]

I think so. And hey, grocery store is free.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, come on. You know I instacart. I'm not walking with self checkout.

[Shannon]

They're free. They've been free for a while, guys.

[Zach Amico]

Good point, good point.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, we're going to have a wonderful day. Let's get plugs out of the way. Mark, what do you want people to check out, my friend?

[Zach Amico]

Hey, 200 stories, we might be drunk podcast, coming all over your mom's and coming on the road to what is it, Australia, Europe, US. Check out markdomancommy.com Fantastic.

[Josie Marzolino]

Josie.

[Shannon]

Tomorrow night I'll be at the East Village New York comedy club at 10pm and then on Sunday the 27th, I do forget where, but I am doing my first headlining show which will be so fun. So please come to that. I'll put everything on my Instagram and TikTok, Twitter, all that. Osie Marcelino.

[Josie Marzolino]

Congrats, babe. And hey, if you want to check me out, go to punch up dot live. Zach Amico, if you want to bring up those date. Shannon, I want to plug that run I'm doing in the south with my good buddy J. Wall. We are going to be in. That's right. Nashville, Tennessee, on the 28th. Pulaski, Tennessee on the 29th. Miamisburg, Ohio, on the 30th, and Lexington, Kentucky on the 31st. Between now and then, I'll be on the road with Juggalo championship wrestling. If you're listening live tomorrow, I'm in Detroit at the Majestic Theater on the first. We're in Rutherford and then gathering of the Juggalos in two weeks. And that's gonna be me, Big J. Lewis and Tim Butterly. All right, let's have some fun, kids. So this just broke on tmz. I'm very excited. I apologize for my nerdiness. Paranormal investigator Dan Rivera dies suddenly while on Annabelle Haunted Doll tour. Whoa, Shannon, I didn't even read the article. I was so excited to send it to you. Tell us about it.

[Dan Rivera]

I was very excited to read about this. So this guy. So you know the Annabelle doll, which is like the inspiration behind the movies, belongs to. Yep.

[Josie Marzolino]

She's a Raggedy Ann doll in real life.

[Dan Rivera]

So she belonged to Ed and Lorraine Warren. She was kept in their museum. And then when they passed away, a bunch of the items from their haunted museum was. Went to this, like the New England Haunted Society, whatever. And this guy is like the lead of that. So from basically like 2022, he's been like her guardian kind of. And he's been going on these tours where he keeps her in like a case and he escorts her on the tours for people to go and like, do like lock ins and stuff and to meet Annabelle. And while they were in Gettysburg, he. He's like 52 and he just dropped dead unexpectedly. They had to do cpr. Was it successful? We don't have a cause of death right now.

[Shannon]

Wow, those Covid vaccines, man.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, you got the shot it'll get you.

[Shannon]

Actually, do we have a picture of him?

[Josie Marzolino]

Cause he's not fat. I looked already.

[Shannon]

Okay, come on. Did he look like he was in good health? Cause I feel like.

[Josie Marzolino]

I mean, for a paranormal investigator. Yes.

[Shannon]

Okay.

[Josie Marzolino]

Okay. I am a healthy paranormal investigator. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

By the way, a paranormal investigator dying at your haunted site is like Chris Rock coming to the cellar. Yes, that's exactly what the map, you know, you're in now.

[Josie Marzolino]

That's so fucking.

[Zach Amico]

It legitimizes the whole place.

[Josie Marzolino]

So Ed and Lorraine Warren are the couple from the Conjuring movies.

[Shannon]

Okay.

[Josie Marzolino]

They were real pieces of shit.

[Shannon]

Cool.

[Josie Marzolino]

They were grifters, 100%. They actually are the family for the people that did Amityville Horror.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

So what they would do is they would find families that said they had hauntings or possessions and say, we will help you for free in exchange for your life rights and the movie rights. So that. So that all the conjurings of Amityville Heart, they owned everything.

[Zach Amico]

They're like the horror version of Barry Gordy. Yes, give me the rights.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, so they owned everything. If you see the real, the people that play them in the movie, when you want to talk about a glow up. Because when you watch the Conjuring movies, you're like, why is he always going for heart medication? And then you see him in real life and you're like, oh. And my favorite part that they don't talk about in the conjuring, they had an assistant who was a 16 year old girl who lived above the garage and dad would sleep in her room sometimes to help her learn paranormal stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Ah, little Epstein's garage.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. Yeah. So that's the real Warren.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa, look at the bags on that guy.

[Josie Marzolino]

And yeah, that's who plays him in the movie. But yeah. So their basement was filled with all shit that they had taken from the houses. But now that their children. Their children used to do tours, but now that's the doll that goes around. Annabelle, supposedly is a real rough one.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Because they say they don't have to dust her.

[Zach Amico]

Huh.

[Josie Marzolino]

She's in a glass case and has never gotten dusty.

[Shannon]

Well, how would she get dusty if she's in a case?

[Josie Marzolino]

Because you're supposed to like through a bunch of shit. It's not the bioluminescent one that they keep some of them in. They think there's signs that she moves.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, got it.

[Josie Marzolino]

And I was just explaining outside. Have you guys heard of Robert the Doll?

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Shannon]

No.

[Josie Marzolino]

So Robert the doll is the real scary one. Shannon, you want to bring up Robert? He's in Key West, I think they keep him.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, fun.

[Josie Marzolino]

So Robert the doll belongs to a famous author's grandson, I believe. And he's a little boy with his own stuff dollars.

[Zach Amico]

Nice little sailor boy.

[Josie Marzolino]

And they had to give him up because the kids in the neighborhood would say that they could see him looking out the window. So they locked him in the attic of the house and they kept hearing footsteps and giggling.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa.

[Josie Marzolino]

So now he's in a museum. And I was just reading this outside. The museum gets at least one to three letters a day to him asking for forgiveness. Because people visit him, don't believe in him, and it fucks their life up.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, wow.

[Josie Marzolino]

So they get hundreds and hundreds of letters a year saying, you know, I didn't believe in this. I went as a goof. I got in a car wreck. My wife left me, my business shut down. I broke my leg.

[Zach Amico]

Holy shit.

[Josie Marzolino]

And people are like, I'm cursed by this doll. Please, please forgive me. Please let me have my life back.

[Zach Amico]

This is the opposite of my shows. They come by and they're like, I believed in you, and now my life is ruined.

[Josie Marzolino]

Did I. Did I get that pretty much right about Robert?

[Dan Rivera]

Yeah, that's right. It's just that. Yeah. So the people apologizing are people that also, like, do kind of shitty things to him. Like, they'll say something like, mean to him or something, and then bad stuff happens. There's actually a website with a bunch of the letters.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Rivera]

Written to him. Let's see if you can. If you could read it here, let me know. If not, I'll.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, Shannon, you read it.

[Dan Rivera]

Okay, let's see. So this one. Dear Robert, accent, accidentally took footage of you. I'm sorry. I should have asked permission. I. I will delete it asap. I hope you can forgive me. My husband and I visited the museum December of 2019. My husband took your picture without asking. When we were leaving the museum, as I was going through the door, I felt a shock go across my shoulders. In January 2020, I was diagnosed with a severe illness and have not been well since. Things keep going wrong for us. I want to say we are sorry we took your picture without asking. Please forgive us.

[Zach Amico]

Fascinating.

[Josie Marzolino]

Super scary, right?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's the opposite of Yelp. Yelp, like, close down, you cuts. The food was gross. These people are apologizing.

[Dan Rivera]

I'm sorry I started. I. I'm sorry. I was startled to see you and did not intend to disrespect you. Our lives have been upside down this year. Please forgive me during my visit. Yeah, it's all kind of similar.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, it's all. Dude, I.

[Zach Amico]

Fascinating.

[Josie Marzolino]

Chucky was vaguely like the guy that did. Chucky was vaguely inspired by Robert the doll.

[Dan Rivera]

Ah.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Josie Marzolino]

See Zach amico with lots of useless horror information. Okay, moving on. We got to see Conor McGregor's hog.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, his hogs out.

[Josie Marzolino]

I believe the hog is out.

[Zach Amico]

Finally, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Oh, he's Iris. This might be so disappointing.

[Dan Rivera]

This was hard. This was hard to find because they keep taking it down. I believe this is a real image. I believe this is the real one.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa. That's a solid plantain.

[Josie Marzolino]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, he Needs a little snip at the end there, but it's full hoodie, so.

[Josie Marzolino]

And this was. He sent this to Azalea Banks, right?

[Dan Rivera]

Yes.

[Shannon]

That's fucking crazy. What.

[Josie Marzolino]

So this maniac also.

[Shannon]

No pubes. Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Unsolicited dick. Because they're probably red.

[Shannon]

Is he a redhead?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, He's Irish.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, that's.

[Shannon]

So am I, but that's.

[Zach Amico]

Are you?

[Shannon]

Yeah. Irish and Sicilian, but that's. Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Okay, well, half human. Yeah. So I guess he sent unsolicited dick pics to Azalea Banks, which is a ballsy move.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

The loudest bitch in history.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

To try and sneak in the DMs, but. Solid piece.

[Zach Amico]

Solid P. I mean, it's got a twang to it, but, you know, so I think.

[Josie Marzolino]

I think that might be preferred sometimes.

[Zach Amico]

That's true. He's up the raw.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, I did. Was he sexting her as well? Shannon.

[Dan Rivera]

So she claims. After she posted the pictures, she claims that they've. Well, this is at least what she tweeted, that they've been sending each other unsolicited nudes, saying since like 2016 or something. But when he sent it. Let me see if I can find it. So here, you could share this one. So after she posted it, he immediately, like, blocked her so that she couldn't see the images. This, like, here. And then she said. When he sent it initially, he said, don't be a rat, because all rats get caught. And he sent. He sent that along with the nudes. So he was threatening her to not share it.

[Zach Amico]

Did he share her nudes?

[Dan Rivera]

No, he didn't. And she also posted this, like, on his birthday.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, man. So wait, would you say. How. How big do you think it is? Would you say It's a proper 12?

[Zach Amico]

I like it.

[Josie Marzolino]

There we go.

[Zach Amico]

Harder to swallow.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, I. I had a redhead in my life and she had a red triangle of pubes.

[Zach Amico]

I like.

[Josie Marzolino]

Pretty hot.

[Zach Amico]

That's hot.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Way hotter than I thought. I was way more into it than I thought.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

I don't know if it would look good on a dick, though. Red pubes on a lady. Hot.

[Josie Marzolino]

Red pubes on a.

[Shannon]

Red pubes on a dick.

[Josie Marzolino]

Leprechaun.

[Shannon]

Ish. Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Leprechauk.

[Zach Amico]

A dick is already funny looking.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So with the red above it, it's a tough go.

[Shannon]

It's like it's wearing a wig.

[Josie Marzolino]

A clown wig. Yeah, that would be.

[Zach Amico]

It's carrot cock.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, good for Conor, I think. You know what? He's so. He's nothing's gonna hurt. What else could he do? He beat up an old man.

[Zach Amico]

This will add to it.

[Josie Marzolino]

Got a bunch of charges.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's.

[Shannon]

It'd be.

[Josie Marzolino]

If his dick sucked. I think it would be different. That's true, but just. There's no. There's nothing to be ashamed of there.

[Zach Amico]

Is he running for office?

[Josie Marzolino]

Is he.

[Zach Amico]

I believe he was running for something in Ireland. Shannon, give that a go. Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he was running for something. But it came and went. Yeah, well, like his dick.

[Josie Marzolino]

Good for him. I. I say, I say can only build the legend.

[Zach Amico]

Hear, hear.

[Josie Marzolino]

The only thing now is just that Nate Diaz has to post a bigger dick pic.

[Dan Rivera]

It says that he did announce his candidacy for Irish presidency. And then when Azealia Banks posted that, she also in one of her tweets said, connor for President.

[Zach Amico]

Ah, so it was an endorsement. Yeah, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Fantastic. All right. Keeping it moving. My breast grew so big in a year. I needed a 10 hour, 22 pound reduction in. It's due to a super rare condition. Let's see these big tits, Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, is this your diary?

[Dan Rivera]

Here's. Here's one of the pictures before.

[Shannon]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Rivera]

She said they grew about 1.65 pounds per month.

[Zach Amico]

Show up.

[Dan Rivera]

Have some more.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man.

[Josie Marzolino]

Holy. And who. What? Who was she praying to? So we know what religion is all join.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Rivera]

She's Brazilian, so whatever that is. Jesus.

[Josie Marzolino]

Puts the bra in Brazilian.

[Zach Amico]

Ah.

[Dan Rivera]

I liked it in some pictures. Wait, I have her Instagram. One second. In some pictures. Okay, so this is before again. But then after, like, they're still pretty big. Like here.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

You can only take out so much. I have a friend who has. I don't know if it's this exact condition, but she's had to get three reductions so far. Cause it just keeps. It never stops.

[Zach Amico]

You know what they gotta do is when you reduce your breasts, give the rest to someone else who needs tits.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. Even like the cancer hair.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, yes, exactly.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, yeah. Tits for tots. Tits for tots.

[Zach Amico]

Tits for tots.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. There we go.

[Zach Amico]

There we go. This poor lady. Still going to the gym, by the way, which is impressive.

[Josie Marzolino]

It's. I mean, if you're gonna have giant cans and get them removed, you gotta do a photo shoot with them out.

[Zach Amico]

You have to do one.

[Josie Marzolino]

You got to give the. You got to give before you do. It's just.

[Shannon]

It's a select list that sees them, I guess.

[Zach Amico]

Azalea Banks.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, I mean, I have my before pictures.

[Shannon]

Scary.

[Zach Amico]

Did you reduce.

[Shannon]

I reduced And I. I used to be 70 pounds heavier, so I reduced and then I lifted once I finished up.

[Zach Amico]

The weight loss. Yeah, the lift is big.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

So how heavy? Hangers. We were talking. Were we talking?

[Shannon]

It was bad. And then especially after, like, the weight, because I was. I'm £20 up now, but when I was at my thinnest and my fittest, like, you still have so much tit left over, but this. The skin never goes back, so they weren't as heavy for as far as they were hanging. It was bad. It was awful.

[Josie Marzolino]

Like oatmeal in a. Soccer.

[Shannon]

It was pretty bad. Pretty. Like, I. And I'll tell people that. I'm like, it was bad. And they're like, it can't be that bad. It's still tits. And then you show them the picture, and they're like, all right. Yeah. That was a wise use of your money and your time. It was. Yeah. But the doctor has, like. I asked for pictures of, like, me open and the skin and stuff. Shouldn't have done that. That's a freaky thing. You don't want to see that.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Shannon]

You know, you don't want to see it.

[Josie Marzolino]

That's horrifying.

[Shannon]

It was scary. The skin picture wasn't bad because that's like, all right. If you like gross shit. Which I don't. But I was like, neat. Cool.

[Josie Marzolino]

I'm listening.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly.

[Josie Marzolino]

I have a mirror.

[Shannon]

Yeah. But then, like, yeah, seeing you open and unconscious, that's not cool. You know, like, it's not fun.

[Josie Marzolino]

The doctor accidentally included one of him with his dick in your mouth. Hey.

[Zach Amico]

Red pubes. I tore my sack open in college on accident, and I hope so.

[Josie Marzolino]

I hope it wasn't an exciting Christmas morning. That's not a present.

[Shannon]

It wasn't a Zach story, so I assumed it was on accident.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, well, up with a tub of ice. No. I tore my sack over jumping a fence, and I saw a ball.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, my.

[Zach Amico]

That is wild. God, it's bloody. Looks. It's looks like a peach pit.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, my Lord in heaven.

[Zach Amico]

And I went right to the hospital.

[Josie Marzolino]

No.

[Shannon]

Did you pass out?

[Zach Amico]

No, I was so drunk that I was like, this is crazy.

[Josie Marzolino]

That is hor. My. I. A friend of mine cut her entire arm open on a fence and immediately sent me pictures. She's like, you're the only person I know that wants to see this.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly.

[Josie Marzolino]

And yeah, it was horrifying.

[Shannon]

That's. I can't.

[Josie Marzolino]

My. Because my big. One of my. My big icks is. What is it called? Ring Revolt. When you're. When your ring takes your finger.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

The thing that happened to Jimmy Fallon.

[Shannon]

But he kept his finger. He was lucky.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. He almost lost the finger.

[Shannon]

Like an injury that's really common with people who wear wedding rings. Like the metal ones. If it snags on a table in the right way, it just, like, slices your whole. You have to lose your finger.

[Dan Rivera]

It's called ring avulsion. Do you want me to share a picture?

[Josie Marzolino]

No, we don't have to do that to these poor people.

[Shannon]

But it's. That's why, like, guys who work in, like, film or any kind of construction or whatever, they'll wear the. The rubber one.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. My dad wears one because he's a welder.

[Zach Amico]

And also.

[Josie Marzolino]

So you can take it off easier, I would assume.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Cheat on my mom for 20 years.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

But he sent one day, just checking the phone. I just get a text from my dad, and I just. See, this is why we don't wear metal rings. And one of his guys jumped off the back of a truck. It had the metal medic in the back. And his. All of his finger meat was past the nail. And it was bone. It was just straight bone. It was brutal.

[Zach Amico]

You pull a wing off the boat.

[Josie Marzolino]

That's exactly what.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God.

[Josie Marzolino]

The way they do it, where they say to smush it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

They're making a lollipop. Basically. That's what it looked like.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, God Almighty.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. For some reason, that's one of the things that really.

[Shannon]

No, that makes sense.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. I. I think it's one of my irrational fears.

[Shannon]

It's pretty rational, I'd say.

[Josie Marzolino]

It happens a lot, I think, because I saw it happen, because it happened. Like two or three people wear a rubber ring. Yeah. When I wear one. Yeah. Yeah. Through my deck, too.

[Shannon]

Nice.

[Josie Marzolino]

Now, that's the only metal. That's the only metal one I keep. Because I got to have fun at the airport.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

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[Dan Rivera]

So it's really. It's for pretty sweet, innocent stuff. This company started in 2012.

[Josie Marzolino]

Exactly. Let's see. Let's see when a few more yen come out.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly.

[Josie Marzolino]

Exactly what grandma's willing to do.

[Zach Amico]

Elmo raped a kid.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, see, let's see. Let's see what the. What she can do without those teeth.

[Dan Rivera]

So they have a. A bunch of convenience services like renting people. Aside from the grandma thing. Like you can rent people to clean your house. Housing services, child care, pet sitting services. But this is something different called, okay, grandma service. And you can have her come over, cook for you. Some like. Like, I was gonna say ancient, but it's not. It's just like. But like older Chinese food, I guess, Japanese food and. Or you can have them, like sit with your kids, tell stories, give you advice, blah, blah, blah. Just like grandma stuff.

[Zach Amico]

You do need a guideline, though, because. Let's say your grandmother molested you and then died.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Did you hire this grandmother just to yell at her?

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

For molesting you.

[Josie Marzolino]

I think that's.

[Zach Amico]

Is that allowed?

[Josie Marzolino]

I don't know. This might be a very Asian thing because I feel like rent a Nona would not go well. Yeah, Renting an Italian grandmother. She's just gonna yell at you.

[Shannon]

No, she feeds you when she does.

[Josie Marzolino]

What?

[Shannon]

She'll feed you when she does.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, true. She'll question. Yeah. She'll throw out some slurs.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Probably say something to your wife.

[Shannon]

You'll get arm hair in the lasagna. But it's okay.

[Josie Marzolino]

That happens. My fucking. My. My grandparents were so mean to my fucking mother.

[Zach Amico]

Really, dude.

[Josie Marzolino]

My. I remember my grandparents coming to visit. Cause we lived in the house my grandparents lived in and my dad bought it from them. So my grandpa comes and My mom cleans, so, like, she is a neat freak.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Josie Marzolino]

It's why I'm such a slob. And my grandpa walks in the house, is immaculate, takes his hand and goes behind the washing machine and runs his finger with dirt. And he goes, I guess you didn't clean up before we came. The same man who had. My mom was pregnant with me said, when are you going to start looking pregnant and stop looking fat?

[Shannon]

That's just good fun.

[Josie Marzolino]

So fucking absolutely mean. What would you do with a grandma if you. If you get an hour of grandma time? What do you want to do with it?

[Shannon]

Shit is. I mean, see, I only. I have aggressive. I had aggressive grandmas, so it's like I wouldn't even know what to do with a nice one.

[Josie Marzolino]

Neither of my grandma's were particularly good, like, cooks. I would. I would love a. A good. Like, my Italian grandma didn't cook, which I feel like is the whole point of having an Italian.

[Zach Amico]

Can't dance.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. It's fucking out of the. It's out of this world.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Josie Marzolino]

So I would. I would want to go food, I think.

[Shannon]

See, mine were both really good with food. They were just. They were not the nicest ladies in the whole world.

[Zach Amico]

Same.

[Shannon]

So I don't. Yeah. I don't know. Just take them to, like, a stroll in the park. Something sweet that. It's like. That would just ease the memory, I guess.

[Josie Marzolino]

All right, Mark.

[Zach Amico]

My grandmother was. She was a great cook, but she was a big, like, get outside. Go outside. Can't be in the house. Don't ruin all my furniture. And you're. You're annoying me. So I would just rent this lady and just put her outside, close the door in her face.

[Josie Marzolino]

She'd be free range old lady.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, exactly.

[Josie Marzolino]

That's the move.

[Zach Amico]

A chain on her and be like, you can go that far. And that's it.

[Josie Marzolino]

I was the opposite. I wasn't allowed out.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that was.

[Josie Marzolino]

It was. There's bad. There's bad people out there.

[Zach Amico]

That was Jersey.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. North Bergen.

[Shannon]

They were honest.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. My. My family grew up, like, a couple blocks from Joey Diaz.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, geez. Yeah, you don't want Diaz meeting your kid.

[Josie Marzolino]

Joey Diaz will tell stories that I already know the ending to because my family's told them to me, my dad's mom.

[Shannon]

When my. My parents got married, like, super quick, they met and then were married within, like, four months. It was wild. But after that, my dad's mom sent a letter to my mother that was just like, you stupid bitch. Like, how dare you take my son from me? Like, it was just this heinous thing. So then we didn't see grandma a hell of a lot growing up, but, like, fucking psycho shit. He was a grown man. He was like, almost 30 years old. And she wrote that letter and he's like, jesus.

[Josie Marzolino]

How did they meet? How did your parents meet?

[Shannon]

My mom's a radio dj, and my dad called in and won tickets, and that was a great contest, basically, to see the band Extreme. And. Yeah, so he won tickets to see the band and then meet the band, and they met and like four months later they were married.

[Josie Marzolino]

That's fucking awesome.

[Shannon]

It's a fun little origin story.

[Josie Marzolino]

Mark, do you know how your parents met?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's kind of awkward. My dad saw this woman at a party in college and was like, holy moly, she's good looking. So he went up to my mom to be like, hey, what's the deal with her? Can you put in a word for me? Because they were talking earlier and my mom was like, oh, I like this guy. So she kind of charmed him. And then he never ended up talking to the other, the hotter lady.

[Josie Marzolino]

My parents met at a discotheque and my dad asked my mom to dance and she said no. And then he followed her around all night.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Josie Marzolino]

And she danced with him once. They went home separately. And then my mom saw my dad waiting for a bus and drove him somewhere. And that's. That's when he made the move. Wow. Yes. And then it became a gay bar. There we go.

[Zach Amico]

There you go.

[Shannon]

It's a fitting origin story for you.

[Josie Marzolino]

I always want to ask more. Do you have any stories you've never told about your nanny?

[Zach Amico]

Tranny nanny?

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Tranny nanny, Yeah. I had a big black guy in a wig and high heels who did burlesque at night. His name was Enos, weirdly enough. But he. He was a guy. He was like, said, I'm a guy, but I like wearing women's clothing. So he was a cross dresser.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Is what we called it back then. Our transvestite. I don't know. Can you say that anymore?

[Shannon]

I think that's still what it. Or now maybe it's just drag.

[Zach Amico]

Now it's just drag.

[Shannon]

Yeah, yeah, that's a. That's a separate thing, I think.

[Zach Amico]

But yeah, he was a. Like a tough street dude who just liked wearing wigs and shit.

[Josie Marzolino]

You probably gotta be.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Tough as nails, you know? Like, it's when you meet a. Like when you meet a gay guy from the hood they're fucking tough as fuck because they got their ass kicked for 10 years.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly. So I would get pushed around in my neighborhood as the white kid. So he would walk around with me, and my first thought was, like, I can have this lady, man, walking around with me. I'll get beat up more. But I realized nothing strikes heart in black people more than homophobia. Like a gay. A big gay guy. So I walk around with this gay dude, and they were like, whoa. They wouldn't even cross the street. So that was very helpful.

[Josie Marzolino]

That's fucking off, dude. That's. How long was Enos with you guys?

[Zach Amico]

Well, he was with us for a couple of years. He became a family friend. We gave him our family van when we got rid of it, and we helped him out quite a bit. And then I was in college, my mom called me, said Enos was at a bar, hooked up with a guy in the van, our childhood van. The dick came out, and the guy shot him.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, man.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So he was killed.

[Shannon]

Enos a convincing woman.

[Zach Amico]

Not really, but I think, you know, that'll do. A couple of pops in there, and it's the Deep South. It was Louisiana. I think. You fuck who you can.

[Shannon]

That's fair.

[Josie Marzolino]

I think also, half the time, guys say they're shocked. Bullshit.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

You went through it.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Josie Marzolino]

And then you had a change of heart, and you got. And then you were so upset that you had to turn it into violence.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's what it is, too. The guy looked like Don Cheadle. I mean, he wasn't exactly a sexy lady.

[Shannon]

Describing. Just a big black dude who's tough as nails in a wig.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah, right.

[Josie Marzolino]

Many years ago, at a movie premiere that I was working on, one of the actors hooked up with a. A girl we all knew had a dick. Like, I think we all, like, for the entire time we made the movie, we were well aware. And then he came back to the premiere, and he's like, I went back to the car, and, dude, she had a dick. I didn't know. And he was, like, all upset. And we're like, yeah, we all knew that. He's like. And then we talked to her. We're like, what happened? She's like, he sucked my dick. I'm like, I'm pretty sure you knew.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

At least halfway through blowing her. I think you figured it out.

[Zach Amico]

It was a huge clip. My friend. We went to Mexico together. He. We went to this bar. We're drinking, and these women, the prostitutes, they were all over my friends. This big strapping guy was like, six, eight, and he goes upstairs with one, and they're walking up the stairs. I'm like, man, look at the thighs on that. Look at the shoulders on her. My God. And the bartender's laughing. He's like, ombre hombre. And I'm like, oh, wow. And he came down and my friend goes, you're not going to believe it. She let me fuck her in the ass. And we all died laughing.

[Josie Marzolino]

I feel like, you know.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think so.

[Josie Marzolino]

I think, you know, I've never not noticed the virgin. Like, even when you're butt fucking, you know, there's a vagina there.

[Zach Amico]

Of course, you know, Bag.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, it's the.

[Shannon]

Right.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, yeah. You're very close to each other. Yeah, that's what they say. That's what they say about gynecologists. They're that close to being proctologist.

[Shannon]

Oh, I lost my virginity to male to female trans person.

[Josie Marzolino]

At the time. Or they are. They. Or they. They. You switched them?

[Shannon]

They progressed more since. But, yeah, at the time was just kind of like a dude who wore dresses and wigs but had, like a very. He looked more like a girl than I did at the time because, like, I was, you know, kind of chunky and out of shape, and he was, like, very slender and everything. But. Yeah, now ugly woman. Very ugly woman now.

[Josie Marzolino]

But better off in the androgynous phase.

[Shannon]

Yeah. Yeah. Kind of looked like a. Like a more feminine Kurt Cobain with no facial hair.

[Josie Marzolino]

Were they on any drugs at the time or any of the transitioning. No, the dick worked fine.

[Shannon]

Dick worked. Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Okay.

[Shannon]

Yeah, I don't. I don't really know. It was a whole thing. That was a weird.

[Zach Amico]

What are you into, guys? Androgynous dudes.

[Josie Marzolino]

Not.

[Shannon]

I mean, I'm bisexual, so I'm in. I got a wide range of people that I like, but, yeah, it was. That was a whole. Weird. I was also 16 and they were 27, so not. Not great. I'm not saying that, like.

[Josie Marzolino]

People are.

[Shannon]

Like predators, but, like, in that case.

[Josie Marzolino]

How'd you guys meet? While I was in the. I was trying to pee.

[Zach Amico]

Right, Right. He was reading me a story at school.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, yeah, I was at the library. Yeah, I think that's. I feel like I've had a lot of guys all have the story that they fucked a girl in the ass and then realized it was a dude.

[Zach Amico]

That's a big one.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. That's fucking. No, you knew every time.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Anal is a whole thing with a girl, you know, it doesn't happen that I think with a gay guy, they're better at anal whether they're prepped. They're prepped. Yeah. Whereas the girl, like, it's a whole thing where you got to get lube and she's gonna, like.

[Josie Marzolino]

I don't half the time when the girl, like say. They say it slipped in the wrong hole.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I don't get that either.

[Josie Marzolino]

Every time I've ever fucked a girl in the ass, it's been a to do.

[Zach Amico]

It's a to do. You gotta put a tarp down and, you know.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. Rubber sheets.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Light a candle.

[Josie Marzolino]

You need lube. You gotta, you know, inch it in. So for me, two whole pumps, right? Yeah. You never. It's never just a fucking. Hey, how are you?

[Zach Amico]

No, never.

[Josie Marzolino]

And I can think of one girl that it was, and that was because later she became a dude.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, look at that.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. So I think this.

[Shannon]

You telling me those weren't accidents?

[Josie Marzolino]

No, no. You were fucked into the ass against your will. I'm sorry.

[Shannon]

Cool.

[Zach Amico]

Can't get pregnant.

[Shannon]

It's been an eye opening episode.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

A brown eye.

[Josie Marzolino]

Hey, just focus on the pinball machine. Yeah. That girl. The second girl I think I ever slept with was third. She's a dude now.

[Shannon]

Nice.

[Josie Marzolino]

But she. We skipped door number one the first time we hooked up.

[Zach Amico]

It went right to the B.

[Josie Marzolino]

Right to the B. It was her and another girl. The other girl blew me after the butt. And the first girl that I fucked in the ass looked at me and went, gross. And I went, yeah, I know. We both looked at the other girl like a real pig.

[Zach Amico]

Wow. That's not very dude. Like a dude with a high five.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, yeah. No. Yeah. She's like a go go boy now.

[Zach Amico]

Go go boy.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, she does. Like, she. She got the top surgery and then she wears like short shorts with strap ons and dances at clubs.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, cool.

[Josie Marzolino]

Nice girl. Nice guy. Nice guy. Sorry. That one's always. So my drummer of my band at the time became a woman, and then the girl that I was hooking up with the time became a man. So everything. All my stories, I have trouble with the pronouns.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, of course.

[Josie Marzolino]

I gotta remember who's who and who they are now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Try not to offend them.

[Zach Amico]

Do you know anyone who's gone back to their original gender?

[Josie Marzolino]

I don't think so.

[Shannon]

I don't. I've heard that that happens.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a big.

[Josie Marzolino]

I think it happens more than you think.

[Zach Amico]

I think so too.

[Shannon]

I think now too. Especially like cuz. People are starting to do that as like teenagers and they get to be like 25 and they're like, oh, shit, never mind.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

I mean, I grew up in the 90s, so thank God there was no race. No race surgery or how many kids.

[Zach Amico]

Would have made black forget about it. Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

But yeah, I feel like.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

As far as clout, it was having a black friend, then it was having a gay friend, and now it's having a trans friend.

[Zach Amico]

I think we've gone past that. And Muslim is cool, is it? You got a. You got a muzzy, buddy.

[Shannon]

Yeah, that's big with the whole Palestine thing. People. People are into that for sure.

[Josie Marzolino]

I feel like I backdoored my way into that because I had one of my best friends was Armenian.

[Zach Amico]

You backdoor way to a lot of things.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, we see an Armenian restaurant when I was a little kid, I think we just had a community of them.

[Zach Amico]

Is that Muslim adjacent?

[Josie Marzolino]

I don't know. It's Middle Eastern there.

[Shannon]

I think there.

[Josie Marzolino]

It's where Turkey was. Yeah, Turkey is now. Excuse me.

[Shannon]

I think they're like their own type of Orthodox Christian. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Kim K. Is a big army.

[Shannon]

That's like how like Greeks of like their Orthodox, like Greek Christianity. I think they're one and big.

[Josie Marzolino]

Dumpers, right?

[Shannon]

No, that's all fake.

[Zach Amico]

That's fake.

[Josie Marzolino]

No, but I feel like that. I mean, I think they might have a decent sized dumper on them.

[Shannon]

Decent size as in like.

[Josie Marzolino]

Like that belly dancer kind of body?

[Shannon]

Yeah, decent size for like normal, but not like Kardashian.

[Zach Amico]

That's.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, well, you know me. I like cartoonishly shaped women.

[Shannon]

You like women that I didn't even think could exist. You like that one? The one that, like, can't put her arms down?

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. Yep, yep.

[Shannon]

What's her name?

[Josie Marzolino]

The fucking Gracie Bon. We talk about her every fucking week.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know this girl.

[Shannon]

Mark, you are.

[Josie Marzolino]

I never shut up about this fucking woman.

[Zach Amico]

I like a hip. Oh, crazy.

[Shannon]

Do a video of her walking. Because it is.

[Zach Amico]

It's wild, silly. This isn't real.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, yeah, no.

[Zach Amico]

She likes the AI.

[Shannon]

It looks like it, but it's not.

[Josie Marzolino]

She's got. There's a disorder that causes you to keep all the fat in your body in your ass and thighs. So she's got a BBL plus that.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Josie Marzolino]

So she was like 100 pounds heavier and they took out everything but the ass.

[Shannon]

Oh, and they added more into the ass too, I would assume. So shape.

[Zach Amico]

It looks like she can handle it. Like she's walking around normally. Look at the white lady. That's fun.

[Josie Marzolino]

And, yeah, so she. Recently, she dropped a few hardcore videos and the fans were quick to send them to me.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Josie Marzolino]

I don't know if they leaked. I don't know if they went. She doesn't have an only fans or anything, but she pulls a move that I'm so impressed by.

[Shannon]

Wait, she got that body and she doesn't have an only fans?

[Josie Marzolino]

I don't. I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

That's a good point. She.

[Josie Marzolino]

She's in the backseat of, like, a SUV and she uses the two front seats to spread her ass open.

[Zach Amico]

Said.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, yeah. It's impre. It's such a good. She does it so flawlessly that you go, oh, she does this?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

This is a move that she has learned and perfected.

[Zach Amico]

Wow. But you got to spread it open because what guy can penetrate all that meat? You need a real McGregor.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. There we go. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

See, that looks pretty good.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Anal content.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. There it is. Look at that. Good for her.

[Zach Amico]

Good for her.

[Josie Marzolino]

In my experience, I've been with a few women with gigantic asses. You go. You hit it. You got to go at it sideways. So you go them on their side, one leg up. Got it towards their chest. And then you kind of sit on the bottom leg. And then that's a. That's the angle.

[Zach Amico]

I love that angle.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. And that's also my favorite angle because you get one hand on ass, one hand on tits.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And your balls rest on the thigh, which is kind of fun.

[Josie Marzolino]

It's kind of warm. Yeah, yeah. But that. For anyone out there, if you ever thought that girl's ass is too big and my dick is too small, Will. There's a way.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. I like that. That's good for the kids out there.

[Josie Marzolino]

Remember that. Josie, you hold it up. Okay.

[Shannon]

I do love the tenacity of men. Like, that's just. None of that ever crosses my mind, ever.

[Zach Amico]

She put the ass in tenacity.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

No, because as. As a man with a moderately. Very. Moderately si Sized apparatus, politically. Yes.

[Zach Amico]

It's like Mayor Adams, moderate.

[Josie Marzolino]

I have to. Yeah, you got to be creative with the angle sometimes.

[Shannon]

God bless.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

And. Yeah. That. And then usually that's a pretty decent angle, too.

[Zach Amico]

That's a great angle for her, too, because it doesn't always get hit that way.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

A lot of geometry involved here.

[Josie Marzolino]

Here. Yeah. Okay. Keeping it going from pain to arrest. Man jumps out of moving van, he gets hit by car.

[Dan Rivera]

Before I show you the video, I just want to tell you a little bit of preface. So this guy stole the car. There was a seven hour police chase through Australia. Melbourne, however you say it. And so then after the seven hour. Seven hour crash. Sorry, seven hour chase. He crashed into another car. And then that's when this happened.

[Josie Marzolino]

All right, let's see it.

[Zach Amico]

Seven hour. Look at that car beating the shit. Oh, he jumped out.

[Josie Marzolino]

He's gonna be okay. Oh.

[Dan Rivera]

He jumped out of the driver's seat because, you know, they're backwards.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, it didn't occur to me until you just said that.

[Zach Amico]

Wow, they were really roughing him up.

[Dan Rivera]

So those were undercover cops that happened to catch him.

[Josie Marzolino]

Let's see. I want to see it again. He does a full 360, huh?

[Dan Rivera]

Yeah. Once again, refresh.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think so.

[Dan Rivera]

Oh, sorry. One sec.

[Josie Marzolino]

No problem.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, that was a good time out.

[Josie Marzolino]

The driver's seat. I'm okay, I'm okay.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, he jumped into the car, which was fun.

[Josie Marzolino]

I feel like he saw a common.

[Shannon]

Probably what saved his life.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Because I think if he hadn't jumped, that might have went over him.

[Zach Amico]

Yep, yep, good point.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oof.

[Zach Amico]

You got to hit the curb too. That doesn't hurt.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, yeah. I didn't even think of that. Fuck.

[Zach Amico]

That's like five inches of cement right there, by the way.

[Josie Marzolino]

Seven hour police chase is nuts. But I guess Australia, that's between two cities. Australia is so far apart. It was probably a straight, straight shot for most of it.

[Zach Amico]

Now, if we would have gotten hit by a car, would we have gone the other way in America?

[Josie Marzolino]

Look at it. He's gonna get us sentenced to a booting. All right, we're gonna keep it going. What else we got here today? Oh, dude, this is scary moment. Shark chases 16 year old boy to land after mauling him off popular beach.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa.

[Dan Rivera]

This is also Australia, man.

[Josie Marzolino]

Australia is dangerous.

[Zach Amico]

Can't wait.

[Josie Marzolino]

Holy.

[Zach Amico]

Is that the fin?

[Josie Marzolino]

I had a really bad feeling about.

[Shannon]

That and someone mentioned it.

[Dan Rivera]

Yeah, it's right here.

[Zach Amico]

See the fin?

[Shannon]

Oh my God.

[Zach Amico]

That's the shot. Wow. He's like keeping him out of the water.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, my God.

[Shannon]

Oh my God.

[Josie Marzolino]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

Oh my God. Where's the kid?

[Josie Marzolino]

That's actually really.

[Dan Rivera]

They have him on shore already.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, okay.

[Dan Rivera]

They're carrying him here.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, got it.

[Josie Marzolino]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

It's funny when it's Australia because the accent is so silly that it's hard. They're like, no.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

Bitten. Takes away from the.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, it does. It's. It's Very hard to feel bad when that's the narration.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

It's same with, like, some hood fight videos where you're like, that's horrible. But then some lady's like, oh, loud and loosers. Oh, shit, Edward. Yeah. I'm never riding Carnival again. We've been on a big kick of Carnival cruise fight videos.

[Zach Amico]

I've been watching them.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, boy.

[Zach Amico]

Good times. Do you hear?

[Shannon]

They, like. They changed everything now.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, we talked about it. Up all day.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Because. Yeah, I'll give you a brief.

[Zach Amico]

So all they got to do is make a swim test. If you can't swim, you can't get on.

[Josie Marzolino]

So there's been videos claiming. And Carnival says that it's not true, that they're just enforcing rules that they previously had, that they're changing the music on the deck.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Josie Marzolino]

To no hip hop. No hip hop in the clubs. And then they're banning portable speakers, which that seems to be the real one that's upsetting people that they can't bring their speakers to a place that's already playing music.

[Zach Amico]

Can we do that on buses and trains here, by the way?

[Josie Marzolino]

We just not do that ever.

[Zach Amico]

Come on.

[Josie Marzolino]

And then the other thing is, they've banned the Clacker fans because apparently there's a dance from some song that's pretty recent where everyone supposed to take out their fan and it was causing fights.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, interesting. Black people love those. Those portable fans.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yes, they do. And then so the people are making videos and they say we should start our own cruise line, Blacks only. Which I'm pretty sure they did for a long time.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. The.

[Josie Marzolino]

Go great.

[Zach Amico]

It's fun. I've been on a few cruises my day, and the crew is always like a weird Filipino little. Little weird race. You don't know that well. I always wonder what they think when they see these, like, black people fighting on the deck. Like, what the is going on in America?

[Josie Marzolino]

I'm. I'm making $8 a day.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Josie Marzolino]

And I. Yeah. I'm stuck in. Imagine how shitty their rooms are.

[Zach Amico]

I know.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. I've stayed in the bad room. When I did the. The metal cruise with Jay, they gave me, like, the bottom rung room.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I've done it.

[Josie Marzolino]

It was fucking brutal.

[Zach Amico]

Depressing. At that porthole. That one little porthole.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, it's so fucking. It's like Groundhog's Day.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It said.

[Josie Marzolino]

I got. I've told this before, but I don't think I've told you. So I got walked in jerking off on that cruise. By the fucking. The the guy that was supposed to take the bag at the end of the cruise. Yeah, dude, it was so humiliating. I had saved porn on my phone because I knew I was going to have Internet smart. It's the last night, jeans down, full on bed, dick in hand, phone. And I had the TV blasting so people wouldn't hear the porn. Yeah, he knocked. Just walks in. Not knock, knock, wait. I hate knock door. And he looks. And I'm so used to getting caught cheating that I threw the phone, right instead of putting my dick away. So I threw the phone. So now I'm just a 400 pound man masturbating to what was on the TV, which was monsters University. So he just walks in on me jerking off to monsters, which probably makes sense in his head.

[Zach Amico]

That's true.

[Josie Marzolino]

And all the guy did, he looked me up and down and went like this. Stay rock and close the door.

[Zach Amico]

That's amazing. If you're gonna get walked in on, you got the right guy.

[Shannon]

That's a beautiful moment.

[Josie Marzolino]

I mean, I'm sure to this day when people go, what's it like working on the cruise? Because I saw the fattest man I've ever seen masturbating to Pixar. Monsters. Not only monsters, it was Monsters University. So barely legal monsters.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Josie Marzolino]

Keeping it moving. All right. Medieval night reenactment goes catastrophically wrong in front of terrified crowd. I can't see this going good.

[Zach Amico]

No, this is like a Medieval Times kind of thing.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, they do like armor fighting leagues now.

[Shannon]

Oh, yeah, Harrington.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, Harrington and Chris Vega do commentary for it.

[Dan Rivera]

Okay, so I don't have a video for this. Oh, no, I just have the story.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, sure.

[Dan Rivera]

So it's a 37 year old man against a 36 year old man in an English castle reenactment.

[Josie Marzolino]

And like the way we do Civil War reenactments.

[Zach Amico]

Sure.

[Dan Rivera]

He. Everything was going fine until the guy stabbed him through his like helmet and in like through his head.

[Shannon]

Oh my God.

[Dan Rivera]

And so they rush into the hospital. He's. He's okay. They're. They're saying they, they have it classified as an accident right now. And he's being treated, so he's kind of okay. But everyone was horrified. That was watching.

[Josie Marzolino]

Sounds like a bad night.

[Shannon]

How do you survive getting stabbed.

[Zach Amico]

Now? Who. Who gets less? The guy who runs the haunted with the doll or the guy who does the medieval guy?

[Josie Marzolino]

Medieval guy. Haunted guy gets goth.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, okay. Okay. Medieval guy's still fighting. It's still kind of masculine.

[Josie Marzolino]

Now question, Shannon. Whoever pulls in armor Shannon, Whoever pulls the sword out of his head, do they become king? All right, Mark. I actually have had this story for two weeks and I saved it because I knew you were coming. Seinfeld writer details the cocaine fueled chaos of making TV shows.

[Zach Amico]

Hell yeah.

[Dan Rivera]

So he says that basically in the 80s, that's just how work got done.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yep.

[Dan Rivera]

He said the actors, the writers, everybody involved was. Were just always on cocaine. He said when you would go to restaurants or bars, they would just be doing lines on the tables, on the bar. And it was just how work got done.

[Zach Amico]

This. This has got to be how ALF got made.

[Josie Marzolino]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, ALF without drugs.

[Josie Marzolino]

What would you say is the most coked up show? I'm gonna go Perfect Strangers.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, good one, Balky.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, because there's no kids around.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. Smart.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, smart. The other ones, I feel like almost everything has a token kid.

[Zach Amico]

A lot of family. Yeah, a lot of family sitcoms, so that's a good one. Trying to think, what's some 80s horseshit out there?

[Josie Marzolino]

I mean, Alf, the dad was a crackhead, wasn't he?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Wasn't he? Caught with a gay prostitute. Crack.

[Zach Amico]

I didn't know that.

[Josie Marzolino]

Shannon, can you look that up for me? I'm pretty sure the dad from Elf.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Who was caught with a gay prostitute smoking crack.

[Zach Amico]

Married with Children.

[Josie Marzolino]

That was my mom. I can't remember.

[Zach Amico]

Married with Children. Has some. Some coke vibes to it.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, that. Definitely.

[Zach Amico]

Just like hot girls coming into a shoe store. You get to look up their dress. You hate your wife.

[Josie Marzolino]

When I went to college, the creators of that came and talked to us.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, really?

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's fun.

[Josie Marzolino]

It was fun because of course, some twat and I went to nyu, some fucking liberal bitch was like, do you ever have. Do you ever feel bad that you named the family after serial killer Ted Bundy? And I went, oh, my God. And I went, no, they're named after King Kong Bundy because their neighbors were the Rhodes, named after Dusty Rhodes. And he looks at me and goes, how the fuck did you know that?

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Josie Marzolino]

Big fan.

[Shannon]

Also, though, that's how TV is still getting made. It's just we've switched coke for Adderall.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, that's the same thing, more or less.

[Shannon]

Like, all the editors on my show were just Adderall'd up.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, for me, every time I work in reality, the editors just always have food.

[Shannon]

Yeah, that too.

[Josie Marzolino]

They're always. They're always munching on something. Yeah, they have a little dark room and they do not like being spoken to.

[Shannon]

Yeah. That's still true. I think for every reality. I forget that you. We technically worked on the same thing.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. Yeah. The autism Room.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. What are you guys talking about?

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, I used to work in reality tv.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, okay.

[Shannon]

I still do. But we technically crossed paths on. We both worked for Teen Mom. You can.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Really cool. Yeah.

[Shannon]

We both worked for Teen mom at a time.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. I did post production on it and.

[Shannon]

I was in coordinating. I was production coordinator.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Josie Marzolino]

So I'm trying to think what other. So the movie company. I used to work for Troma. Our one boss still has the glass top on his desk.

[Zach Amico]

No way.

[Josie Marzolino]

And I'm sure he's not using it, but he sits his old desk from the old office and it's. It is the most we do cocaine desk I have ever seen. And there's a gun in the drawer. It's the best.

[Zach Amico]

It's so funny. I just said we had Patton Oswald on our pod yesterday and he was talking about Troma.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, cool.

[Zach Amico]

I'm hearing it twice in two days.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, I did. I've been with them for. Since 2009.

[Zach Amico]

Oh. He showed us all the movies. They're all hilarious.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. I'm in a bunch of the new ones. Really? Yeah. Return to Newcome High Shakespeare shitstorm. I help write. We gotta. I got like four in the can right now.

[Zach Amico]

Damn.

[Josie Marzolino]

I have a ton of bad movies.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, you don't strike me as a coke guy, but I could see a white monster energy drink can.

[Josie Marzolino]

That's. That has definitely been a. A thing.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Josie Marzolino]

I. I do. I do enjoy an energy drink.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Coke. Everyone's skank fest time.

[Zach Amico]

Sure.

[Josie Marzolino]

But that's. I mean that's vacation.

[Zach Amico]

That's uncharted waters.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. You know, that's like that. That's. You gotta.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

And plus, you know, you're doing a lot of shows. Yeah, Right. It's a lot of work. They make me close and open most of the days, so.

[Zach Amico]

Good point. I've seen your roast show.

[Mark Normand]

It's.

[Zach Amico]

It's late.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. As it should be.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

You're doing the naked Roast on coke. You have coke dick for the Naked roast.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Shannon]

That's brave.

[Josie Marzolino]

I remember the one year in Houston, I went behind two curtains as they were about to bring me up to go do a blast. And I realized there was just three cops standing behind me. And they didn't say anything. And I was like, if they do the biography, the biopic of me, this is the scene that opens it. And then you just pause on me looking with the key under my nose and going, you may wonder how I got here.

[Zach Amico]

That's great.

[Josie Marzolino]

You weren't familiar with trauma before Patton was talking about it.

[Zach Amico]

No, I never. I'm not like a horror guy.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. Because I'm sure. Did it come up with the new Toxic Avengers remake?

[Zach Amico]

Yes, that and bed. Death or deathbed?

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, deathbed. The bed that. He's patented the bed. Had a long bit about that.

[Zach Amico]

A long bit. I brought up that bit.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. Deathbed. The bed that eats people. Yeah. Yeah. I started with Troma 2000 right out of college, and I ad a couple of their features and I helped write a couple of them, and I'm very naked in one of them.

[Zach Amico]

Pull it up.

[Josie Marzolino]

That one's on to be.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, all right.

[Josie Marzolino]

That'd be 3B. Yeah. That's returned to Duke of High volumes one and two. Which means we shot a movie that was too long and they split it into two movies. So what? Why put out one okay movie when you could put out two really bad ones?

[Zach Amico]

I could say that some people with Netflix.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, okay. I like that. No, no, no, I support it. Yeah. I do a full nude scene in that one. And I had a cat. So it's a high school movie. I was like, 23 or 24, and I was in charge of the extras. So there was a day in this movie, I run into a classroom that's having, like, a PTA meeting naked. And so I had to ask all the extras, hey, do your parents want to be in the movie?

[Zach Amico]

Oh.

[Josie Marzolino]

And I went. There's a scene where it's a guy runs in naked, and they're like, yeah. Who? I'm like, me. And so it's all the parents of all the actual kids in the movie reacting to me running in with my dick out.

[Zach Amico]

Is the final scene. You spreading your cheeks with two car seats.

[Josie Marzolino]

I actually fall onto the guy who plays the principal, and my shoulders hit my. Excuse me. My knees hit his shoulders and my dick falls in his mouth.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. Took some coordinating.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Josie Marzolino]

We were supposed to just bump bellies and fall down.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

But then it became a game of gay chicken.

[Zach Amico]

I gotta watch this now. I'm watching this just for you.

[Josie Marzolino]

Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

I don't care about the plot of the movie or anything.

[Josie Marzolino]

Lemmy's in it. Stan Lee's in it.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Pre death.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yes. Yes. Whoa.

[Zach Amico]

So this is a while ago.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. This is like 2014.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, geez. All right.

[Josie Marzolino]

And. But yeah, I've been making the New one we got out now is my favorite one. It's called Curse of the Were Deer. And I get to play a coroner who jerks off to dead bodies. It's my favorite. It's my favorite thing I've ever been in.

[Zach Amico]

Rock on.

[Josie Marzolino]

I actually shot a cameo yesterday From Microwave Massacre 2. I know.

[Zach Amico]

Is that about a fetus?

[Josie Marzolino]

It is a sequel to an 82 shot on video horror film. And I was very excited to do it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God. You're busy.

[Dan Rivera]

Real quick, Zach. So just. So the dad's name in ALF was Max Wright. I'll show you a picture in case you guys don't know. And so you are correct. It said that he was. So he was married to a woman, but he was having sex behind her back with dudes he was caught on. He was making gay pornography, smoking crack. Some allegations of having sex with homeless men. His wife caught him, kicked him out, and then he ended up, like, dying. He lived to, like, 75. He died of cancer, but he, like, died alone. Everyone turned their back on him because of his raging addiction, homosexuality.

[Zach Amico]

That is the last guy.

[Josie Marzolino]

And how's the puppet?

[Dan Rivera]

Alf's great.

[Zach Amico]

He probably sold it for money. That's the last guy you think would be a crackhead? That is the whitest man on the planet.

[Josie Marzolino]

You know, it's got to be. I think it's got to be. You start with blow.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

And then it's not doing it for you anymore, and you're still chasing that dragon.

[Zach Amico]

100 or it's cheap cracks.

[Shannon]

Cheaper than blow.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think you can make crack with blow.

[Josie Marzolino]

I think it's cocaine and baking soda in the.

[Zach Amico]

In the Lewis.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. I wouldn't know. That's. That. I. One, one. I said that and horse are the two. I'm never going to touch heroin. Never, never go near. I just. I know I would love it. I see. I see Farley and I go, oh, I would love this stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. John Travolta said because he did Pulp Fiction where he played a heroin addict. And he said he asked a heroin addict, how can I get ready for the role? And he said, the closest you can.

[Josie Marzolino]

Get is by blowing Kaniki.

[Zach Amico]

Is by. Is doing tons of shots of tequila and sitting in a hot tub. And I'm like, well, I've done that.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So I'm good.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. The old Matthew Perry.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, that was ketamine. That was ketamine in a hot tub, which sounds delightful.

[Zach Amico]

Was it a hot. I picture it in the friend's fountain for some reason. I'll be there for you at the emt.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, don't they. They say you're not supposed to do drugs in hot tubs at all because the heat. Yeah. It fucks up your body temperature, and that's why so many people die in the hot tub.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

God damn, it sounds good.

[Zach Amico]

I know.

[Josie Marzolino]

Drinking in a hot tub rules the best. Naked in a hot tub rules everything in it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, good times.

[Shannon]

I'm not a hot tub fan.

[Josie Marzolino]

Really?

[Shannon]

I feel like I'm in a soup. I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

I love soup.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

Yeah, me too. But I don't want to be in it.

[Josie Marzolino]

No soup for you.

[Zach Amico]

Took a lot of coke to write that line.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, no, that. I did the. The Cheesy Pocono palace vacation with my wife.

[Zach Amico]

That's nice.

[Josie Marzolino]

That was the fucking best. It's got the champagne.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Hot tub. And it's next to the bed, so you can roll out of bed and go right into the hot tub in the morning.

[Zach Amico]

Great.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, and then it had a private pool downstairs that stunk like bleach.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

And all the guys that were housekeeping looked exactly like me. And I was like, what is this? And I was like, oh, they're all ex cons because they're cleaning up buckets of fuck.

[Zach Amico]

Right. Which is a new Troma movie.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Buckets of fuck.

[Josie Marzolino]

Storm, I think you would. Is the one of the ones you would like.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Josie Marzolino]

Storm. It's our version of Cruise. It's our version of the Tempest.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, interesting.

[Josie Marzolino]

And it's a bunch of whales jump over the boat and all over it and flood it, and it's so everyone drowns in whale.

[Zach Amico]

That's pretty imaginative.

[Josie Marzolino]

It's pretty fun. Yeah, I, I, I play. I play Lindy west in that movie. I really do. I do it in full. In full drag. And my name is Lindy west, and I'm writing a blog about how much I hate the movie. And I. Every time I'm on screen, I break the fourth wall to complain about the guys who made the movie and how it's racist and homophobic and misogynistic.

[Zach Amico]

That's great.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. See, there's me.

[Zach Amico]

Wow, I forgot about Lindy.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's great.

[Josie Marzolino]

She posted it and then deleted it.

[Zach Amico]

You were great in the Drew Carey Show.

[Josie Marzolino]

Thank you. By the way, that's right outside of Crypt Dogs.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, great. That's right around here.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, that we.

[Zach Amico]

You look amazing.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. She posted this, and she said, another man feels the need to make fun of me. And then she deleted It. I was so mad. I really wanted that heat.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

I really wanted that.

[Shannon]

Would you stuff the bra with me?

[Josie Marzolino]

No, I had like, the cutlets. Ah, the chicken cutlet action. I have what you call it, the shape. The body shaper on.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Josie Marzolino]

I had to go to Spanx. I had to go to. What's the fat girl store?

[Shannon]

Lane Bryant.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, I went to Lane Bryant and I had to get measured. And it was a bunch of big black ladies who loved me.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

And they were so excited to dress me.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's fun.

[Shannon]

That rules.

[Josie Marzolino]

And then I realized I could no longer keep my diet of White Castle and black coffee if I was going to wear a body shaper all day.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Because. Oh, boy.

[Shannon]

Oh, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, boy.

[Shannon]

I know I'm familiar.

[Josie Marzolino]

All right, let's do one. One more thing before we get out of here.

[Zach Amico]

All right.

[Josie Marzolino]

Family shock and horror after son's body. A funeral infested with moving invisible maggots. Lawsuit. Shannon.

[Dan Rivera]

This is the most disturbing story I think that I've looked into for the show so far. All right, this one really gets me. So this guy, this kid, he's 24 years old, passed away unexpectedly from a car accident in 2022.

[Josie Marzolino]

Well, does anybody die expectedly of a car?

[Dan Rivera]

He's a child. He's like 24. So seven days after his death, the family came together at this funeral home to mourn his passing. When the mother went to. So she paid $3,000 down payment to the funeral home to handle the arrangements and schedule viewing into service. When the mother went to go and look at her son, she noticed that there were maggots pouring out of his nose, in his mouth and on his face.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Josie Marzolino]

Yuck.

[Dan Rivera]

And they had like eaten through his face. They saw like holes in his face. It's horrifying.

[Josie Marzolino]

Now, that means they didn't embalm do the job they're supposed to do, Right. Because don't they sell you. They sell your mouth shut so that it doesn't open up during the viewing.

[Shannon]

I didn't know that.

[Zach Amico]

Do they really?

[Josie Marzolino]

Why would it open up if they move you.

[Shannon]

Oh, wait, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

I think they're supposed to show. They show you up.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, you never see the strings or anything?

[Josie Marzolino]

No, I think it's sewed from the inside. Like, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there's a. There's a way. I mean, half most people have newspaper and shit in them.

[Shannon]

I've heard that. Because they take your organs out and stuff.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. The autopsy. Because they don't put. They don't put anything back where it belongs. They just throw it back in you. And then sometimes if it's not good, they just fill you with newspaper. Whoa. Oh. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh. There's like the. It's a. It's all just. What's showing is that matters.

[Zach Amico]

Sure.

[Josie Marzolino]

I know. I remember there was one funeral home that got in trouble. Yep. Yeah. Generally, the mouth of a deceased person is closed as part of the preparation for awake or viewing. This is done to give the deceased person a peaceful and respectful appearance. Oh, and rigor mortis. The practice is not always to literally sew the lips together. Techniques can include wiring the jaw shut a needle, stitching a mouth. Former. Or glue.

[Zach Amico]

Yikes.

[Josie Marzolino]

I guess Rick or mortis might make you change your expression.

[Shannon]

Fuck. Fuck that. Give me the Poland special. Give me the 1940s Poland special. Just light me up.

[Josie Marzolino]

Just.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

Scatter me to the wind. I don't need any.

[Josie Marzolino]

I remember there was one funeral home. They got caught chopping people's legs off because they only had caskets for short people.

[Shannon]

That was a Twilight Zone episode too. That was like, he killed the tall kid and then.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. So they were burying people. They were like. They were. I remember him being taller. And they would open it up and his legs would just be on top of his legs. I mean, funeral. There's tons of. Been Got caught not burying the person. They just have like 100 bodies in the basement because they're behind.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa.

[Josie Marzolino]

Or they'll throw another one in there with them.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

So it'll be two or three bodies in the casket so that they can get rid of the ones that they're. They had on ice.

[Zach Amico]

Jesus.

[Shannon]

Catholics are onto something. They. You gotta look at them. The whole fucking funeral.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

So that's no part of it. Burn me.

[Shannon]

Yeah. No, same creepy.

[Josie Marzolino]

I think the whole thing is creepy. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

[Zach Amico]

It's definitely creepy. It's definitely weird.

[Josie Marzolino]

I don't like the idea of someone. I love having to pick out the outfit.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Or like, make sure my hair's right.

[Zach Amico]

Right.

[Josie Marzolino]

It's gross to me.

[Zach Amico]

Well, it's gonna be all wrong.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'm gonna go with the Frasier. No shirt with sleeves cut off.

[Josie Marzolino]

No, I. I got the idea of them not having a suit jacket big enough so they have to cut it up the back. One last humiliation.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

I mean, the half jacket. Like, I'm taking my senior prom photo. I can't fucking. I can't even fathom it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

Did they Say what happened to the kid? Or they're just suing now.

[Dan Rivera]

So they are suing. They're suing them, you know, for not properly caring for the body. The lawsuit is for $5 million because the mother is listed as the plaintiff, because she's going to be up for the rest of her life because of this. And the case, which I'm going to continue to follow this because I'm dying to see what happens. It's taking place on July 28th, so we're gonna. It's a three day jury trial, so I'm going to keep on top of this.

[Josie Marzolino]

Oh, I'm super in, I would assume. Yeah. I feel like they're supposed to do a lot of shit to keep that from happening. Yeah.

[Shannon]

I mean, once you embalm a body, maybe they just. That takes care of it, I think.

[Josie Marzolino]

I bet somebody was clocking in, somebody was clocking out. And they're like, did you do that? And they're like, yeah, sure, Right. I bet it was like a clerical thing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. You don't think of just being lazy at a job as an undertaker or whatever that job's called.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

When we made those movies, I lived in a funeral home.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, really?

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah. We bought we. Because we needed a place for everybody to live. An office space and a special effects workshop. And funeral homes have a morgue room with drains in the floor. So we moved into an abandoned funeral home.

[Zach Amico]

Was it spooky and weird? Super, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

When there was just three of us getting it ready.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Real weird, man.

[Josie Marzolino]

When there was 60 of us, it was actually better.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

But then the crazy thing was the guy had a secret apartment, so that's where we put the. The lead actors. And he had a. As the realtor put it, a hump hole. And it was a secret apartment for him to bring his mistresses to.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa.

[Josie Marzolino]

And it was a secret room off the bottom of the funeral home.

[Zach Amico]

That's impressive.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, it was pretty cool.

[Shannon]

That is.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

Better case scenario than I thought what the hump hole would be for at the funeral home. Oh, yeah, that's actually.

[Zach Amico]

You're thinking glory hole.

[Shannon]

I was thinking place to fuck the dead bodies. To fuck a live person is fine.

[Josie Marzolino]

I feel like that's gotta happen more than we.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Josie Marzolino]

It's the same reason pedophiles go into fields where they get access to kids. Yeah, I'd imagine.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, 100%. But it's a victimless crime, really.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yes, I agree, you know, to an extent. As long as the family never knows.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You can fuck me in the ass if I'm dead.

[Josie Marzolino]

Yeah, why not?

[Shannon]

It is that like, people write letters to that fucking doll. Cause they're like, my life has been fucked up since I took your picture. But there's definitely dudes that like, fuck corpses and nothing happens to them. They live fine, normal lives, just whistling.

[Josie Marzolino]

Drinking a cup of hot coffee, having a great old day. I mean, there has to. There has to be two dudes that are in on it together. And they have to get like. They see a good one come in, right, and they gotta call dibs.

[Zach Amico]

That's true.

[Josie Marzolino]

A bunch of morgue workers all.

[Zach Amico]

It's got two holes.

[Josie Marzolino]

No, they all. They hold their nose closed. All right, thanks, guys. We're gonna end it there. Thank you so much to my guest, Josie Marcelino. Mark Norman. Check out Tuesdays with stories and we might be drunk. And sincerely, thank you so much for your time, guys.

[Zach Amico]

That was fun.

[Josie Marzolino]

And we'll catch you on Friday, the exclusive episode here on the Morning Zoo. Bye bye.

[Mark Normand]

Fun's begun. No sleeping in. Noon is morning time to him Papa may go chug it down Just like the favorite obese clown. Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's a Miko woop woo morning too. It's Akamiko morning too.