0034: Aaron Berg and Nick Simmons

Summary

The Luis and Zac Show - Episode 0034: Aaron Berg and Nick Simmons

Hosted by: Luis J. Gomez and Zac Amico
Release Date: February 6, 2025
Network: GaS Digital Network

---

Introduction

In Episode 0034 of The Luis and Zac Show, hosts Luis J. Gomez and Zac Amico welcome returning guests Aaron Berg and introduce comedian Nick Simmons. The episode dives deep into a variety of topics ranging from personal anecdotes and comedy tours to controversial discussions and listener interactions.

Guest Introductions

Aaron Berg joins the show to discuss his recent projects, including two movie specials available on Amazon—Con Job and First Shift. He also mentions working on a new digital podcast with Justin Silver and highlights his ongoing tour across the country.

Nick Simmons, a seasoned comedian known for his work with Justin Silver, makes his first appearance on the show. Luis humorously references their close relationship, hinting at a shared history without delving into specifics.

Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Stories

The hosts and guests share numerous personal stories and humorous experiences:

• Driving Adventures: Luis recounts a particularly chaotic drive where he skillfully maneuvered through heavy traffic, impressing Zac and eliciting laughs from the audience.
  Notable Quote:

  Luis J. Gomez [04:22]: "There are no rules."

• Fitness and Lifestyle: A playful conversation ensues about Luis maintaining his physique through constant workouts, with Zac teasing about possible steroids.
  Notable Quote:

  Zac Kimiko [16:10]: "Anavar."
  Luis J. Gomez [16:12]: "I've never taken steroids in my life. I'm all natty, baby boys."

• Comedy Tours: Both Aaron and Nick discuss their upcoming comedy tours, sharing dates and locations, encouraging listeners to attend their shows for a dose of live humor.
  Notable Quote:

  Zac Kimiko [02:02]: "Hilarious comic known quite some time."

Controversial Discussions

The episode delves into contentious topics, often navigating through humor and candid dialogue:

• Deportation and Immigration: The conversation shifts to the current state of immigration enforcement, with the hosts expressing strong opinions on the subject.
  Notable Quote:

  Luis J. Gomez [14:40]: "They are deporting nice people? No. Right?"

• Sexual Experiences and Boundaries: A significant portion of the episode involves open discussions about personal sexual experiences, boundaries, and societal norms. The hosts share past encounters and reflect on how perceptions have changed over time.
  Notable Quote:

  Zac Kimiko [29:27]: "Last night, I gave AIDS to my boyfriend."

• Crypto and Investing: Aaron and Mike engage in a conversation about cryptocurrency investments, discussing the volatile nature of crypto markets versus traditional stocks.
  Notable Quote:

  Luis J. Gomez [59:08]: "Crypto is gambling. Stocks are not."

Listener Interactions and Real-Time Stories

Throughout the episode, the hosts interact with listeners, addressing comments and sharing amusing real-time stories:

• Healthcare Worker Incident: A debated story surfaces about a healthcare worker's unconventional methods during patient care, leading to mixed reactions from the hosts.
  Notable Quote:

  Nick Simmons [67:57]: "The healthcare worker that's dancing on top of her patient's head is not what it is. Trust and believe."

• Racism and Social Media: The discussion touches upon online racism, highlighting how perceptions differ in real life versus online interactions.
  Notable Quote:

  Zach Kimiko [54:35]: "They get racist on their profile."

Promotions and Upcoming Events

The latter part of the episode focuses on promoting upcoming events and network-related activities:

• Skankfest General Sale: Announcement of the general sale for Skankfest on May 2nd, encouraging listeners to participate and attend upcoming events.
  Notable Quote:

  Luis J. Gomez [43:41]: "We're still waiting on one more to confirm. It's gonna be a goddamn blast."

• Podcast and Network Promotions: Luis highlights various podcasts under the Gas Digital Network, including exclusive content for subscribers and upcoming special episodes.
  Notable Quote:

  Luis J. Gomez [19:04]: "Subscribe to Gas Digital. Subscribe to all my other podcasts."

Conclusion

Episode 0034 of The Luis and Zac Show offers a blend of humor, candid conversations, and controversial topics. Through engaging dialogues with Aaron Berg and Nick Simmons, the hosts provide listeners with an unfiltered glimpse into their lives, upcoming projects, and viewpoints on current events. The episode encapsulates the essence of the show—combining fierce comedy with real talk, making it a standout installment in the Gas Digital Network's lineup.

---

Disclaimer: The above summary moderates explicit language and controversial content to adhere to respectful communication standards.

Transcript

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. You know what time it is? They say life a bit tight at night. Boy, we diving in. We got Zakamiko, red dot, headshot.

[Zach Kimiko]

Eat a sniper.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The Puerto Rican point guard striking like a viper.

[Zach Kimiko]

And it came to attack. Spilling crack on the track.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, what's up? It's your boy Louis J. Gomez on a Monday. Best day of the week. Get your week started off right. Nice and early. The Lewis and Zach show. I am the Puerto Rican rattlesnake Luis J. Gomez. He is the international superstar, Zach Kimiko. What's up, dude?

[Aaron Berg]

It's gonna be a buddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Incredible week. Great shows planned, lots of great guests. As always, the ascension era continues for the Lewis and Zach Show. Two incredible guests on the show. Very excited to have him back on the show. It's been a minute. I don't know if he's actually done Lewis and Zach. I don't know if you've been in since we've made the transition, but he's got two specials, both on Amazon on a movies. I'm sorry, these are movies. Con Job and First Shift, both on Amazon. Plus you got a couple specials out there. You got a fucking tour right now. You're going all over the country. Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Berg on the show. How exciting is that? Come on, folks.

[Zach Kimiko]

First time being here, man. First time on Lewis and Zach.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's we love you. We love you, my friend.

[Zach Kimiko]

I missed you guys. Thanks for having me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Also. What is it? He's first form athlete. What does that mean?

[Mike Harrington]

I didn't tell them that. That's crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But yeah, Harrington. Well, I told you to ask him. What he wanted us to say is a hilarious comic. You're working on a demo with Justin Silver right now for a new guest digital podcast. Hilarious comic. Known quite some time.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, for a minute.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think we're Eskimo brothers. I won't say through who, but I'm pretty sure we are ye to know.

[Aaron Berg]

Which guy it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nick Simmons joins the Lewis and Zach show for the first time.

[Mike Harrington]

Appreciate it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very exciting. Very exciting. Look at my skank fest. Vegas attacks. Juggalo jersey. How cool is this?

[Zach Kimiko]

That's really cool.

[Mike Harrington]

Sick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they. They. Violent J gave me and Big J Juggalo jerseys. Their names on it and everything. Look at that.

[Mike Harrington]

That's tight.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How dope is that?

[Zach Kimiko]

Sweet, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pretty sick. Welcome to the show. Everyone shout out to everyone watching live on gas digital dot com. If you guys are watching this on YouTube or listening to it on an audio platform, You. And you know what? That word was just bleeped. Because we have to bleep those words on all those platforms. We don't have to do it. If you're a subscriber to Gas Digital Uncensored ad free bonus episode every week just for the subscribers on Fridays. Plus thousands of hours of content that is not available anywhere else. Plus you get access to the racist live chat. Make sure you guys go subscribe to gas digital.gas digital.com use that promo code, Laz. You get a discount on the premium membership. In my opinion, the number. The number one thing you could spend 10 bucks a month on. Let's get real. I mean, thousands and thousands and thousands of hours. You can go search all your favorite podcasters and comedians, get the entire on demand library. All the old legion of skank shows, real ass podcast shows. Gomez watches Seinfeld, all these great shows that I've been a part of, plus a bunch of other shows that I have not been a part of. It is gonna be a great day for you if you guys do that. Shout out to everyone in the racist live chat. Mayhem, Dirty deeds. Dead Kennedy. We won't finish this podcast. Runaway Slav. Gravity Cat. Larry Holder, Matt. Only crackpot whisperers here, buddy. See Buddies here. Amy Winehouse. Baby daddy. My baby boy. Bags under Lewis's eyes. You're missing bags under my eyes. I look good. I ate like yesterday, but it's all right. Had a day. Had a day.

[Mike Harrington]

Some cut.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cuban food.

[Mike Harrington]

You doing a cut again?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm always doing a cut. I'm always. I'm always trying to get shredded out, baby. I'm going to Jamaica in a little bit more than a month, so I gotta look good on the beach so I can eat Cannon can. I said eat Cannons. Eat Shannon's pussy. Eat my Cannon's asshole.

[Mike Harrington]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I want to.

[Zach Kimiko]

Probably doable. He probably got gray hair in his ass.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Really?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fucking Mike Cannon. Well, anyway, look, we have a great show planned today. I'm very excited to have you guys on. Me and Aaron drove in together this morning.

[Zach Kimiko]

What a nice drive.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was nice, right?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Lewis did this great move where there was like traffic before Harlem River Drive and nobody was moving. Louis went on the other side of the road and I was like, that was great. And he just got. And some trucks, like. And Lewis is like, fuck you. And that was it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was crazy. They were not being aggressive. The truck that was in front was not being aggress. So it was maybe eight lights. We waited. Yeah. And I. I skipped maybe 30 cars.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, it was great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, not on the shoulder. I went into the other side of the road.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, and you can do that in New York now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's no rules. There's no rules.

[Zach Kimiko]

There's no rules.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, there's literally rules.

[Zach Kimiko]

In the old days, there was rules. You were worried you'd get arrested for doing anything.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now, I mean, if a cop saw me, he was going to drag me out of my car violently. For that, that action that I just did.

[Zach Kimiko]

You would have been fine. He'd be like, I get it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You should get it.

[Zach Kimiko]

You're paying an extra nine bucks to drive in. You can win dollars. Yeah, it's nine bucks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nine.

[Zach Kimiko]

Nine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The fucking Jews hate it. Jews hate that pricing.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's 1488 for the toll.

[Aaron Berg]

Look, we're looking to raise about 6 million.

[Zach Kimiko]

Allegedly.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, it's probably more like, to be honest, 350,000.

[Zach Kimiko]

You listen to Jake Shields, they're just raising 100.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Jake Shields is. I really like Jake. I've hu him a few times in real life. He's a goddamn lunatic on Twitter.

[Aaron Berg]

People don't know a lot of that money had tuberculosis and they were trying.

[Zach Kimiko]

To help that the numbers were inflated.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jake's like, come on my podcast. I'm like, jake, I don't know that I'm going to fucking be what you want on the podcast, dude. I will. I'll go do it. I like. I like Jake. I don't judge people for who they are on the Internet. I judge people for who they are in real life.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, so anyway, we have a great show planned today. Lots to talk about. Let's go to the Shannon cam real quick. Shannon is not here. We have ugly fucking Mike Harrington here in her place. Why is that? Why is that? Blame Shannon.

[Shannon]

Exactly. Shannon. Shannon left.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She took a vacation.

[Shannon]

She's no longer with us.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, she quit? No, she died.

[Zach Kimiko]

Wow.

[Shannon]

She's out of the state for. For a bit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We. We ended up starting a gofundme for Shannon's tits.

[Aaron Berg]

And this is how she thanks us.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. And the second literally got breast cancer. No, no, she has old tits. She has 22 year old breast implants. You got to get them changed every 10 years.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So we're. I think we're up to like 500. I'm gonna donate a grand. I said I haven't done it yet, though.

[Zach Kimiko]

500 is good. Just go to Mexico.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'll do it for 500. Yeah. Scalpel.

[Zach Kimiko]

How much are the tits gonna cost? 15 grand.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She says they're gonna cost like 10 grand, but I feel like she's. She's overestimating.

[Zach Kimiko]

She's trying to pop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You can get some cheaper tits. I bet you if I offered some plastic surgery. Surgery. I can't speak to you guys. I cannot speak today. The can't speak. Police are here.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's a stroke.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going to kill myself, guys.

[Zach Kimiko]

Dude, ICE is killing it right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're really deporting everybody.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's so fun to watch. Somebody posted a picture of a guy with a Latinos for Trump shirt on his hands tied behind his back.

[Mike Harrington]

That's my. Did you see the hot girl that actually got. It was like, viral that she just got deported. Smoking hot Latin girl. And Donald Trump Jr. Commented, Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's slow the down. She would love it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, if you pull that up. I remember seeing her. She was fucking gorgeous.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think if you're. Sir, you're above a certain level of hotness, you're contributing to the good of society.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. If you're not like that little, short, fat, rotund Mexican type of normal chick, then. Then you should be.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Mexican chicks usually aren't that hot, to be honest with you.

[Zach Kimiko]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've hooked up with a few Mexican bros that were hot.

[Mike Harrington]

Well, you got the Salma Hayek and the Door of the Explorer. The two bills.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Those are the two hottest.

[Mike Harrington]

The two bills. That's both. That's the only one.

[Aaron Berg]

And two.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

And then there's a drop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yep. Harrington, did you find this hot deported chick? Did he just start looking? I already asked him. He's not even paying attention. He's got his mind on the Michael Bisping podcast right now. Harrington, let it go during my show. I get that Michael Bisping's your real boss.

[Aaron Berg]

Somebody's got to keep an eye on the show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I get that Bisping is your real boss. You respect him more than. Than the Puerto Rican rattlesnake. But during these hours, you just pretend that you're on my show.

[Aaron Berg]

Please tell Cockney Cyclops that we're doing a fucking show right now.

[Shannon]

Oh, man. No, I've been. I've been frantically Googling it and looking for it on Twitter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's. It went so viral. Just put hot girl deported.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I guarantee you it's the first image that comes up. People in the racist live chat are going to fucking have it before you do.

[Shannon]

Pictures of Selena Gomez popping up. Pictures of a definitely not hot woman popping up.

[Zach Kimiko]

I'd like to see that. Give me the ugly Girl that got deported.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know where I'm at in the world. Let's see the ugly girls. Ew. Oh, my God.

[Shannon]

This is what it's pulling up for me. I'll keep looking, I promise.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Diaporte's that pig. She looks like per Neil.

[Aaron Berg]

I hope Tracy gets back in the country.

[Louis J. Gomez]

God damn it, Harrington, look. Already look. The faggot in the racist live chat already has one.

[Zach Kimiko]

Has it up nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, maybe not. It's an Anthony Kumia poster. We have no idea what it's going to be until we see it.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes. Look in the racist live chat has it. Harrington. Why is she. I'm gonna introduce faggot to Michael Bispick. Oh, please.

[Shannon]

No.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's the only non black tweet on Anthony's timeline.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at this.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What did Anthony say?

[Shannon]

He said, I really think these deportations should be looked at on a case by case.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. She's gorgeous. Holy moly. What's her name?

[Zach Kimiko]

This woman is never arrested.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sierra Franklin. Oh, she was never arrested by isis.

[Shannon]

Yeah, it got community noted. That's why I wasn't coming up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but maybe. Maybe somebody's lying. She's beautiful. That is my type of choice.

[Aaron Berg]

I think that's just a mug shot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. Mug shorty.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Porque has the deport.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. I'll marry her right now and keep her in the country.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, you should. You. Can you imagine how happy she'd be? Just stay home, take care of your house all the time. She's already got that house cleaning.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She does? Yeah, she does none. I've never had a hot house cleaner.

[Zach Kimiko]

There's one. Our neighbor has one. And I reached out, I saw her outside. I was like, holy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Get her number, dude.

[Zach Kimiko]

Does she, like, clean other houses? And they're like, yeah. And I asked her if she did laundry. She didn't call.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's the problem with house cleaners. They don't do laundry.

[Zach Kimiko]

I know they don't do laundry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was the one thing that I need. Yeah, my laundry. My laundry room is literally just piles of clothing.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Until my cleaning lady comes every other.

[Zach Kimiko]

Week and she does it and then.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She folds my laundry.

[Zach Kimiko]

How'd you get one that does the laundry?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have to pay more.

[Zach Kimiko]

She folds it or washes it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Washes it and folds it. But I keep on washing it and then so it just literally piles up in my laundry room. And baskets, the baskets are overflowing. I'm like, lady, porque the foldo el fido.

[Mike Harrington]

Wait, you have a Laundry room and you don't do laundry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I do my laundry and I dry my laundry. I do not fold my laundry.

[Zach Kimiko]

Folding. It's the hardest part. If I do my laundry, I'll tell my wife the laundry's done. She goes, it's not done. That's not doing the laundry. Folding the laundry is doing the laundry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maybe the hardest thing in the world to do. I can't bring myself to do it.

[Zach Kimiko]

It sucks. I'm not good at it at all.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I just like one of my jobs. I worked at Hot Topic when I was in high school, and the entire job was after some fucking fat goth looks at a fucking corn T shirt, throws it down. You have to go over and, well.

[Aaron Berg]

Stop putting the four X's at the bottom.

[Zach Kimiko]

But then. Did you know you'd end up doing a podcast with him years later?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have no idea, dude. But that was a whole job and they didn't even have. I know. They have, like, little folding things now that make it easier, which. Maybe that's the thing you can buy them. Look that up.

[Zach Kimiko]

Called Mexican Girls.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, there's like a thing like, I think where you put the T shirt on it and then you just flip the. You flip flop. I should just buy one of those. No, but my idiot.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah. I'm a keyboard with wings.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, but when I used to work at Hot Topic, it was actually just a clipboard. And you put the clipboard in the center of the T shirt. Yes. Box, Legend. Shirt. Folding board. T shirts, clothes.

[Zach Kimiko]

Ooh, wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can we see it in action? Whatever your name is.

[Zach Kimiko]

Do you get mad at messy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

There has to be a video. That. That is the fuck. I need to get one of those. I need to get one of those today.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, I pay the extra money. Just have the people at the laundromat do that shit. I'm not fucking sitting around.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You live in the city.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at. A little kid could do it. It's so easy. A white child could do it. Look how excited these white children are to fold laundry. Imagine this, Mom.

[Zach Kimiko]

I can't believe we still have a dad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She looks Latina as well.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, look at this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, it actually looks kind of fun. This is a very satisfying thing right there. Look at that.

[Zach Kimiko]

I mean.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, flop, flop, flop.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, one or two. But then after that, you're like this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Even that. Just lining them up like that would drive me out of my mind.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, I have autism.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What if he kisses her with his tongue right now?

[Zach Kimiko]

I'm non verbal mother's son. Fold closing porn Clothes folding.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a lot. I mean, whatever it is, I. Sometimes I have my old aunt come over. She's 87 years old, and I put her to work. She's a lovely lady. She's very lovely.

[Mike Harrington]

She appreciates it at the work, honestly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's keeping her alive, I think.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It gives her purpose.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Old people like to do stuff for you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's like, my arthritis is hurting. Please shut up. So you know, you're alive. You have pain in your hands. Oh, man.

[Aaron Berg]

So I don't think that's a James job.

[Louis J. Gomez]

James folding laundry. No, no. He's a young prince. He's not folding laundry.

[Aaron Berg]

Get the, get the board. Go on. The James Harrington.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How much is that board? I want to buy it.

[Zach Kimiko]

I'm guessing $19.2 for 39.99.

[Aaron Berg]

Wow.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's expensive not to get it.

[Aaron Berg]

It's honestly, you're losing money not getting it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that shit looks fucking fire, dude. Perfectly folded shirts every time.

[Zach Kimiko]

Order one of those for Louis. Have it shipped here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I want two of them for me. Have it shipped to my home. There's no reason for a middleman involved with my folding services. But I will. If I got that. I bet you I'll use it at least once. At least one time. It does look really fun to use.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

This is awesome.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then so, yeah, I mean, they're deporting people. Am I supposed to care? Are they deporting nice people? No. Right? It's all criminals and then people that are in the same building as criminals. That's really what happens is you got to watch who your neighbors are. If your neighbor's a criminal and you're here illegally, you're probably going to get fucked.

[Aaron Berg]

It's criminals and criminal adjacent.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, I mean, I'm excited about it. It's pretty cool.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You are an illegal alien. You're an alien. You were an illegal alien for a portion of that. What if they retroactively said, if you were ever an illegal alien, you're fucking out of here?

[Zach Kimiko]

There was a time I did a coup spots illegally.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I know.

[Zach Kimiko]

Comic strip.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I, I, I wrote up a thing for Aaron. I literally. I'm one of the main reasons that Aaron is in this country. Then this. Wrote a book and didn't thank me. He thanked Big J. He thanked who else? Who? Tom Shalu, Gary gw. These people, Literally people that he just wanted. He just wanted to climb the industry. And he started thanking all these people except the one guy who actually put my neck on my American neck on the Line for you.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's true. You and Martin and then the second book. I thanked you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Martin Lawrence.

[Zach Kimiko]

Run tell that he American.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I didn't like it.

[Mike Harrington]

How you feeling about your boy Trudeau? He's coming back.

[Zach Kimiko]

He should be gone.

[Mike Harrington]

I thought he was done.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, he's gone.

[Mike Harrington]

Is he?

[Zach Kimiko]

I mean, he's still talking shit, but he's still in office. It's.

[Mike Harrington]

How does. I don't understand Canadian politics at all.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's a dictatorship, but they won't tell you it's a dictatorship. He's gay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is Lively. Great call. I'm not. I don't care about American politics. We're not gonna talk about Canadian politics. Let me just put this. I'm ignoring the conversation you guys just had.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, next.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm trying to take over the show. It's your first time on the show.

[Zach Kimiko]

Whatever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fucking jacked.

[Zach Kimiko]

Weird steroid you're on. What is it?

[Mike Harrington]

Anavar.

[Zach Kimiko]

Anavar.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anavar.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, I got some at home. I haven't taken it yet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've never taken steroids in my life. I'm all natty baby boys.

[Mike Harrington]

Okay, that's natty. Yeah, I know. I believe you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

First of all, you're not even that much more jack than me, bro.

[Mike Harrington]

It's close.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're. You're. You're slightly more jacked.

[Zach Kimiko]

Nick looks rough.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

First of all, it's not the best.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Nick, you've looked better.

[Mike Harrington]

This is post bulk. This is me gaining.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is. You're, You're. You're kind of jacked, but you're not. Doggy.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. You didn't even train today, did you?

[Mike Harrington]

I just woke up.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, I could tell 30 minutes ago.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because that's the problem. People on steroids are lazy. Yeah. I wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning every day. Yeah, Every single day.

[Mike Harrington]

What time?

[Louis J. Gomez]

6. 6am I had a dream that I was in college last night and I fucking. There's nothing interesting about what I'm about to say, but I. I dreamed that I was in college. In Austin.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And it was. My dreams have been so long. Like just the entire night, a really long, like, never ending fucking dream. I went to class. I had a four hour marketing course. This is part of my fucking dream. It's insane.

[Zach Kimiko]

Why are you dreaming like. Like this?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because I stopped smoking weed every day. I stopped talking. We haven't smoked weed in almost 10 weeks.

[Zach Kimiko]

You feel better? You miss it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I do. I'm gonna smoke in Jamaica.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

But you don't miss it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I Don't miss being stoned all day, every day. But I do miss that. I mean, when I get high in Jamaica, it's going to be a problem. Harrington, you know, it's time to take advantage of me when we go to Jamaica, right? Yeah.

[Shannon]

We're gonna ply you with everything we have in our goodie bag and, and get at least 20 raises.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, it's gonna be when I. If I take off of smoking weed for an extended amount of time and then I go back to it, I'm a full fledged retard.

[Zach Kimiko]

Why?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's just, it unlocks the real him, dude. See what I'm talking about? Like that, like I can't talk. I have to sit there. I'm not even gonna enjoy Jamaica. I'm gonna get hot so high that I'm gonna be terrified and it's gonna be in the corner of a room worrying about spiders crawling on me.

[Zach Kimiko]

What about booze?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I get them a lot at my shows. And no drinking. Good joke right there, boys to booze. Booze.

[Zach Kimiko]

Could you imagine someone actually booing like that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, let's take a quick moment and thank Small Batch Cigar for supporting to today's show. Small Batch Cigar, a longtime supporter of the show and the network. We love them. I love cigars at this point. I smoke them probably a couple times a month. And that's, that's the best way to get your cigars to go get them from Small Batch Cigar because they have every brand that you guys want, probably brands that you don't even know about because they have an amazing new section that a lot of people like to start off on the website. You click the new button and they you all of their new cigar and, and all their new products that come in. But really it's the fact that they give you free shipping on every order and they arrive in just a couple days. And they have the best, most thorough packaging in the industry.

[Aaron Berg]

That's right. It's the Boveda pack. So it's a 69% humidity pack included with every purchase. With an amazing selection of rare, limited and hard to find cigars with the most thorough packaging in the industry. And lou, you get 5% rewards points instantly with your purchase.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right now go to smallbatch cigar.com use that promo code GAS10. You're gonna get 10 off 5% rewards points. What's there not to love? Even if you're not a big cigar guy, keep a few cigars in your house from your friends that come over if you got to, to celebrate Something. This is a great way to do it. Smallbatch cigar.com promo code gas10. All right, where were we? I had a boo recently.

[Zach Kimiko]

No, you didn't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had a real one person, one boo.

[Zach Kimiko]

What was it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't remember what the joke was.

[Aaron Berg]

He's never been a one boo kind of guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't tell my other boo. No, they was. They just went, boo. And then I was like, what? Yeah, yeah, your mind.

[Zach Kimiko]

They used to have a show in Toronto, an all black show where they would literally boo you off the stage if they didn't like you. One boo would start and then like, boo, boo.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was called the Jigaboo Show.

[Zach Kimiko]

One boo would start. Is that one boo?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So, yeah, we're going to Jamaica. We have let. Wait, what do we have a little more than a month, Harrington?

[Shannon]

Yeah, just over.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is. It's very exciting. And Jorge is not coming, right? Yeah, I can't go anymore. I'm going on a separate vacation.

[Zach Kimiko]

Back to Mexico?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pretty much, yeah. Never coming back. I'm getting the health care that I deserve. Why aren't you coming, Jorge? Not every. Every year, except for last year that the Gas Digital retreat happens. And same thing with your parties. It's always aligned with something else in my life. What is more important than the Gas Digital Jamaica trip? My life outside of here, My personal life. And I mean this. Your girl doesn't even like you. I talk to her regularly. She doesn't like you. Your family doesn't like you. You move to another state altogether, nobody cared. How often is your family calling you, being like, I'll come back home. They're not, right? Oh, every day Jorge's worried about being deported. And that's what's going on here. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to leave the country. All right, well, what are you gonna do? What. What is. What is lively? Great call. I get random. It's all one word, lively. What is that? I got a 28 charge on my Amex for that and I don't know what it is, and it's not enough money for me to ever fight it.

[Zach Kimiko]

I mean, have you called your Amex and asked them what it is?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm never gonna do that.

[Zach Kimiko]

That's a pain in the ass.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a pain in the goddamn ass. I'm paying off all my credit cards right now. I want them to be all at zero.

[Aaron Berg]

Can you Google Lively? Great call. All one word.

[Shannon]

I did. So what it's coming up with is the jitterbug. It's Like a phone.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, is that Anne Marie's phone?

[Louis J. Gomez]

You do the jitter? Oh, it's an old lady phone. It's my aunt's phone. Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Never mind.

[Mike Harrington]

It's like a drug phone, right? Legit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A bug maybe, right?

[Aaron Berg]

No, that's jigaboo again. Jigaboo.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Aaron, have you been to Jamaica?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You have?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You loved it?

[Zach Kimiko]

It's beautiful, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's great.

[Zach Kimiko]

I'm a big fan of Bob Marley. I went. I love Bob Marley.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Walked around. I bought some weed. I had a great time. I've never been to Dunn's River Falls. You ever been there?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we're doing that this trip. I've climbed Duns River Falls like, six times.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Seven, eight times.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's no Puerto Rico, but Puerto Rico is a hole.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you out of mind, dude? Are you kidding?

[Zach Kimiko]

Puerto Rico is gorgeous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Puerto Rico makes me sick. It's one of the worst places in the world.

[Zach Kimiko]

Do you have a private chef come to your place in Jamaica?

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know I do. Are you asking me things that you know about me?

[Zach Kimiko]

Dude, this is great. Have you ever taken a girl there that you're dating?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Come on, bro.

[Zach Kimiko]

Never. It's a nice, romantic place.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A lot of these gals that I talk to, they don't want to go to Jamaica anymore.

[Zach Kimiko]

Why?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because I've taken too many gals there.

[Mike Harrington]

They've heard the podcast.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. Yeah, well, I. I know. I go to Jamaica all the time. So then I have, like. I can show you, like, five different pictures of girls. Five different girls in Jamaica pictures.

[Zach Kimiko]

Where would you go if you met a new girl and she's like, I'm not going to Jamaica. You have to take me somewhere else. Where would you go?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm making it cheap. These. I'm being very cheap. These. I haven't been on a vacation. I don't even know how long. Okay. I'm doing, like, two vacations a year now with tops. I used to be a 4, 5, 6 vacation a year guy.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I'm trying to save some money right now.

[Zach Kimiko]

That's good. I'm being cheap as another island, maybe. What about Curacao?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Curacao.

[Aaron Berg]

This is Eye Maj, and he just shows her Jamaica in the mirror.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, I. No, I've heard Curacao. There was a tranny that wanted to take me to Curacao one time. You were the tranny that used to show up at the stand all the time. The old stand.

[Aaron Berg]

That's where she peed.

[Zach Kimiko]

No, there was a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She was a Trans chick who used to come to the stand all the time. She was good looking.

[Zach Kimiko]

Like would trick you trans or just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like would trick you if she wasn't so done up. She looked kind of like Elvira.

[Zach Kimiko]

She was all like, I do remember.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. She used to come all the time. And then she used to hit on me like hardcore. She's like, I want to take you to Curacao. She had like an accent.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I thought about it one time, I was like. I was gonna be like, all right, the rules are you can't look at me. We can't be seen in public. We gotta give me a separate room because she had mad money.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I was like, no, this is going down a slippery slope of me hanging out with a tranny. She's like, oh, I just want to be your friend. I was like, this is what I would say when I was trying to rape a chance.

[Aaron Berg]

If you got date raped on a nice tropical vacation, it's a good place.

[Mike Harrington]

For it to happen.

[Aaron Berg]

You know, Apropos if nothing else, if.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I shouldn't should an Adam's app.

[Zach Kimiko]

Nick. You get gay guys coming on to you.

[Mike Harrington]

Oh, that. That's every Everybody most.

[Aaron Berg]

He's back and ties.

[Mike Harrington]

It's crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No. Your next. Next jacked.

[Mike Harrington]

No. I wish as many girls said on me as gay guys. It's crazy. Especially my DMs. They're talking to themselves all the time. It's a lot. They're sending pictures. They're. If I the amount of people that want me to sign up for only fans at this point that are just.

[Zach Kimiko]

Dudes is what would you do on only fans?

[Mike Harrington]

I guess I'd beat off. Right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is that what you do?

[Mike Harrington]

Is that's what you're supposed to do if you're going to make money?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What if you do it like non nude? Just show feet like we told all the girls to do that.

[Mike Harrington]

I get asked that a lot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do a foot only fans and Nick Simmons foot only fans.

[Zach Kimiko]

You think you'd make good money?

[Mike Harrington]

Oh, I fucking crush it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Wow, that's a. That's a. Would you do it?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Feet.

[Mike Harrington]

You would show feet jack off a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Girl that I'm talking to right now? Her ex boyfriend had a male only fans and he would just beat off for gay dudes. And I was like, you had no problem with your boyfriend doing this? She's like, no, it's just money.

[Mike Harrington]

I was like, wow, it's a lot of money.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This next generation is soulless.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, they have no soul.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Soulless feet.

[Zach Kimiko]

That's what's up.

[Mike Harrington]

Why you didn't have gay dudes hitting.

[Zach Kimiko]

On you all the time back in the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Aaron used to jerk off on gay dudes for money.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Mike Harrington]

Did you?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

You have the Internet between you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, old school. Before there was Internet, there was no screaming house calls.

[Mike Harrington]

Nice.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Show up to people's houses. Jack off. Off.

[Mike Harrington]

That was when you're shredded back in the day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Zach Kimiko]

I mean, I was in the same shape as I am now.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Top four abs, you know.

[Mike Harrington]

Okay.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, that.

[Mike Harrington]

Where did. Where did you do this? This is just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This in Canada.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Brandon.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Welcome to stage Brandon.

[Mike Harrington]

Was that your stage name?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Mike Harrington]

Damn.

[Zach Kimiko]

Jack off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's also a boring ass stage name if you're gonna have a Brandon.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, but that was a like 90210 or something.

[Zach Kimiko]

90210. I had hair. It was. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would go. I would give myself like a professional wrestling name.

[Zach Kimiko]

Like what?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Welcome to the stage the Undertaker. Come out. Don't. Oh, yes. That would be my Paul Bear. I would come out and I would just take dudes, put them at a tombstone. Pile driver naked. Boom.

[Zach Kimiko]

Dude, that's hot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What a day. What a day. Did you have a strip for women?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You did? Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

That was most of it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was most of it. But every once in a while you get invited to some private party.

[Zach Kimiko]

Sundays, you would strip for gay dudes. They closed the front door of the club. They had the back door open, literally, I swear to God. And it was called Heavens. And you'd go in and it was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And would a lot of the guys not strip on Sundays? They'd be like, dude, I'm not doing. I'm not doing the gate.

[Zach Kimiko]

You had to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's no matter what.

[Zach Kimiko]

If you wanted to work at Fantasies, you had to work Sundays. Or they would fire you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Or they would fire you.

[Zach Kimiko]

And it was the best place.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you feel cheap as when you did it? Or did you. Was the money even still Jewish? Yeah, because here's the thing, because guys, when we go to a strip club, we're horny. We get caught up in the moment. I almost went to a strip club last week just by myself. I was on my way home. I was like, dude, I'm gonna go to the one we went in Jersey. That fucking one with all the pigs and the fucking pen. Yep. Bada boom harem.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Two blocks from Bada Bing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No stage. It's just. You're literally. You're looking at them walk around in a pit.

[Aaron Berg]

It looks like you're supposed to spit on them.

[Mike Harrington]

That's sick.

[Aaron Berg]

You're sitting above them and they just shamble it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was dark. It was very dark.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's not good. We went to one in the afternoon. That's my move. I like to go in the afternoon. So me and Lewis were some shithole town, and we went and it was not good. There was, like, only two girls working.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Remember?

[Zach Kimiko]

We were like, let's get out of here. It wasn't good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, if I'm gonna go to a strip club, I'm very quickly going into the green room and trying to get the girl to give me a hand job.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's not called the green room.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whatever.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's called comedy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's green. After I come all my chlamydia all over the place.

[Aaron Berg]

That was green because of all the money they just stole from you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, probably.

[Aaron Berg]

You jerk off in front of us.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Guys, it's a sad moment when I'm going, zach, I've. I've. I've exceeded my withdrawal limit for the day. Can you withdraw some money for me? I promise I'll get you back.

[Mike Harrington]

Were the girls that came in, were there ever girls that you'd actually want?

[Zach Kimiko]

Sure, yeah.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, you'd imagine. Pigs, really.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So girls, they're not. They're not horny, and girls do get horny, but they're not the way we are. Like, we can get so horny that I'll just give everything to the girl in front of me.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A woman's never getting there. You know what I'm saying? Like, women are like, all right, look at. This guy's hot. I want to feel his butt or his dick or whatever, but that's that. If you gay guys, you could clean up.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Guaranteed, girls, it was about power. You'd get sugar mamas, but it was. They wanted power over you. It wasn't even all about the sex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What's the gayest thing you did as a male stripper?

[Zach Kimiko]

Jacked off and threw it on a guy. Let a guy grab my nipples while I was jacking off. That feels pretty good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's pretty intense.

[Zach Kimiko]

You ever do that? Like, you're just jacking off there and.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He'S doing this, and you're hard.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, you got hard.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you use any Viagra or anything or.

[Zach Kimiko]

They didn't have Viagra back then. This was all mental. You had to. It was all.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You had. The natty Addy.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. You had to. And you'd be like, oh, you'd be thinking about a girl. Then you'd look at his beard and you'd be, oh, now I'm coming.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nick, what's the gayest thing you've ever done?

[Mike Harrington]

Oh, man.

[Zach Kimiko]

Fuck. Four guys.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Last night, I gave AIDS to my boyfriend.

[Zach Kimiko]

I was a lawyer in Philadelphia, and I lost my job, I guess.

[Mike Harrington]

Jerked off in a room with other. With your boys back in the jerk party. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When you're, like, a kid.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When somebody you're fucking learning techniques, you're bonding with the boys.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, but what about.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How old are you?

[Mike Harrington]

12, 13, probably. 13.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How old are you now?

[Zach Kimiko]

You look old, dude.

[Aaron Berg]

Steroids.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're 35.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So you're. I mean, you're old enough that. That there's an excuse. I feel like today, these days, there's no excuse. Like, if I caught my son jerking off with a kid, I'd join them. I'm like, what the is wrong with you? You have a phone. You have access to your own. Back in the day, somebody would have the porno magazine. My friend would have the video. Yeah, and then you had to go into a room, be like, all right, boys, we're all just jerking off together now.

[Mike Harrington]

That's what we did.

[Zach Kimiko]

We just sit on the couch.

[Mike Harrington]

What's that?

[Zach Kimiko]

Sit on the couch?

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, we all just sat there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Spanked it.

[Mike Harrington]

There was three of us.

[Zach Kimiko]

Just all your pants down. Yeah.

[Mike Harrington]

And then we all just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you have the biggest dick out of everybody?

[Zach Kimiko]

No. No.

[Mike Harrington]

I had a black friend.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I didn't have the biggest dick out of all my friends, so I would kind of, like, be a little shy black friend.

[Zach Kimiko]

He took all the dicks.

[Aaron Berg]

And then we'd have bikes to get home. We had to walk home with our.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Small D.

[Mike Harrington]

It was always awkward at the end, though.

[Aaron Berg]

We put it. We put the tape in the vcr. Where's the tv?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can I get another coffee?

[Zach Kimiko]

Were you old enough? You would come or just, like, air.

[Mike Harrington]

Would shoot out at the first couple times? It was air. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did a couple times. And when you. When we. When you're actually able to come, you're actually proud of it, and then you show your friends.

[Zach Kimiko]

What did you do?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just.

[Zach Kimiko]

I showed my friend.

[Mike Harrington]

No, actually, on my friend's floor.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You came on the floor?

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Mike Harrington]

How's that crazy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you came on my floor, even as a child, I'd be like, my cleaning lady's not going to clean that.

[Aaron Berg]

Up, so you better go get out.

[Mike Harrington]

After. It was just like, nothing. Come out for a while. So when it actually came Out. I was like, oh, my God.

[Zach Kimiko]

Look, guys, everyone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The first time I ever watched porn, I was maybe seven or eight years old. It was me, my sister, and there was these three girls.

[Mike Harrington]

Sister?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, my sister. The. There was these three girls that lived up the road from us. Carrie, Kelly and Karen. And they were kkk. The kkk. I was like. That's when I came as soon as I heard their names. And the little sister was Karen. She was like my age. And then the two older sisters were my sister's age, and they were twins and they had their dad's porno tape. And I just remember, like, there was a girl, she was using, like, anal beads in her and just, like, popping them out. Like, just pulling the string out. I was like, that's wild. And then the dude fucking came. And I remember just seeing the jizz, and I was like, what the fuck is that?

[Mike Harrington]

It was like a rope.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was so weird. Just like, you know, milky, delicious looking, creamy look, like fucking Pillsbury Doughboy icing. And I was like, God damn it, dude. I had no idea what it was. And then, literally, not until years later, when I actually jizzed myself, I got it. That's when I was like, oh, that's what that was. Because I would. I was jerking off.

[Aaron Berg]

Toaster strudel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So. But yeah, the first time I jizz, I was like, you're like, whoa. Like, it's wild. It feels better. Yeah, because when you're jizzing just air, you're just like.

[Mike Harrington]

You know, you just make the noise.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're like, yeah. Oh, mommy. But, yeah, the first time I jizz like a rope, it was. And it was a lot, too, the first time. I think you're pent up. I was pent up for years. Years, dude. I started jerking off very young. I bet you didn't jerk off till you were a little older, Zach. I don't know.

[Aaron Berg]

Why? Summer before freshman year of high school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was the first time you jerked off?

[Mike Harrington]

That's late.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Aaron Berg]

Maybe before eighth grade, but it was pretty, pretty late. Late in the game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Why so late?

[Zach Kimiko]

I don't know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No access to porn.

[Aaron Berg]

No ab.

[Mike Harrington]

Just no match.

[Aaron Berg]

I grew up very different from the new buddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

I had no privacy. I had no door.

[Zach Kimiko]

Why?

[Aaron Berg]

I had an open floor plan in my house.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're. They're. It's a family of monsters. There's no doors on cables.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, I had no door, so I had no. Literally, I had no privacy.

[Zach Kimiko]

So then you finally got some. 8th grade, where was it?

[Aaron Berg]

I think it was at my. We were having. I was sleeping at my aunt's house, and I had my own room with a door, and I just ripped one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You just. But I mean, how did you discover it? Did you know you were supposed to?

[Aaron Berg]

I knew I could, but I don't think I. I think I was afraid to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just didn't give a. Dude, I was jerking off everywhere. I remember I shared a room with my mom for a little while, and I would beat off under the blanket while my mom was in the next bed. Yeah. Yeah. I swear to God, I would do.

[Mike Harrington]

In the living room, because we had that one. Once we got the family computer, it was over.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Harrington]

Everybody fell asleep and.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Family computer. I not only I would do it during the day. In the afternoon, my mom would be in the kitchen, my sister would be in her bedroom, and I would just be, like, looking over my shoulder, beating my dick. That's why I think I'm such a deviant now. It's because, like, there was always, like, a level of getting caught and being afraid and like that. Like, I. When I. When I. When I fear something, I get rock hard. Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Because it's so wrong.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. Very, very depraved.

[Mike Harrington]

I would wear a robe in the living room room just in case someone actually walked through him. I could just robe myself.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had a robe that I would come onto, and this was with my cleanup. I had my cleanup robe. It hung on the back of my door. And then, like, once every couple months, my mom would clean my jizz robe. And in my mind, like, I don't know why I didn't put two and two together. It's like, she definitely knew it was just covered in. I mean, it was just the whole. It was a maroon robe, and it was just jizz. Hardened crusty jizz all over the whole robe. I would have made you wear it in the strip club. That would have been your jizz robe. It was not comfortable. You'd wear it. It was just cracking.

[Zach Kimiko]

And you can't hide jizz on a burger.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No. And I. I grew up in the 90s, so I had black lights in my room. That. Dude. It was wild. It was wild how much that robe would glow.

[Zach Kimiko]

There was a lot of common.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A lot of come. A lot of come on that road.

[Zach Kimiko]

First time you had sex, how great was that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was just okay. It was just okay.

[Mike Harrington]

Where was it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

And a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in my house. Yes, My house. What's funny is my sister. One time I was having sex, my sister we had my. So my girl. My grandma Jane died like.

[Zach Kimiko]

Stop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When my grandma Jane died, my mom like we went to go clear at her house and my mom took like all of her credit cards and just maxed them out. My mom was trash.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And she bought. It wasn't like she like bought things that were necessary for the house. We bought like a camcorder. Like a handheld camcorder. Yeah, for like 900 bucks. I remember. And she just like literally used her mom's ID and she took all the pills out of her drawer. My mom was a lunatic. And my s. We had this. My. And my sister has these tapes still. So we. There's a bunch of like old. Like me when I was like 15, making like wrestling promos and like just doing stupid. Right. And I remember I was. My ex girlfriend, the girl that I lost my virginity to. And my sister opened the door a little bit and videotaped us. She straight up. So she still has this tape somewhere.

[Aaron Berg]

Your sister has child pornography?

[Louis J. Gomez]

My sister has child pornography. Does that count still to this day?

[Aaron Berg]

Oh yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I want to see it. I want to see. Because there's no way, like there's no way to. It was those little tapes that you have to put in a big mini dv. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't even know how to. I wouldn't even know how to. To get it.

[Aaron Berg]

You'd have to probably put it in the camcorder and then hook the camcorder up to a computer AV wire.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We could. We could figure it out. If you want to see me at 16 years old banging a 15 year old girl, it's probably playing at Skank Fest.

[Mike Harrington]

You gotta play this game.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fun. It's a fun video. Yeah. She said she has all the old tapes. And I know she did that because I freaked out on her. I was like, what are you doing? Yeah, you. Yeah. She was a sick.

[Zach Kimiko]

I. This girl I worked at the deli with at the grocery store on the basketball.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's how Jewish Aaron is.

[Zach Kimiko]

Make sure you bring extra corned beef.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

And I. I didn't have a condom and I just slid my in and I came inside of her and I was. And then I was like, I don't think we should do this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

As soon as you.

[Zach Kimiko]

After I came after you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nutty. Yeah. You felt guilty.

[Zach Kimiko]

I'm like, we have to work together. We shouldn't do this. After I came.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, I was. I was.

[Mike Harrington]

My first was on a bunk bed when I was 14.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You were 14 when you lost your virginity?

[Mike Harrington]

That's very young bed. And also sad that I still had a bunk bed. But yeah, we had bunk beds. And it was so embarrassing because one of my older friends lied to me and said that you're supposed to, after you come, go in the bathroom and fill it up with water. So she walked in on me while I was doing some stupid science experiment.

[Louis J. Gomez]

With a condom.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah. Because it was a condom. First time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Okay. I work on them too.

[Mike Harrington]

But she walked in, she's like, what are you doing? I was filling a water balloon just to make sure. Because my friend's like, you have to make sure water doesn't come out or she's pregnant.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, oh, I see. My mom told me that too. She was like, you know, make sure you use your own condoms. Because she was like, women will poke holes in condoms. You're pregnant. I was like, I was like, mom, nobody else is a heroin junk. I understand that. The life that you live, like the.

[Aaron Berg]

15 year old women, women's purses are full of loose needles.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was a real warning that my mom gave me. She was like, use your own. I used to steal condoms out of my mom's purse all the time because she used to get them from like the, the free clinic or whatever. So she'd always have like a bunch of condoms. And in my mind she wasn't. She just had condoms. I was like, no, she's being safe. Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I would jerk off into her condoms all the time. That was my, that was my favorite. My favorite thing was to jerk off into condoms.

[Mike Harrington]

Damn.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah. The hard part was getting the wrapper back around.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Folding it back up.

[Zach Kimiko]

Tape.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, I used to love jerking off into condoms.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I used to jerk off into condoms up until I was like, maybe in my early 20s. I would if I ever I could find like the NYC free condoms. I just bring them home to jerk off into. Because it was lubricated, you got no cleanup. Right. It's fun. You could blow balloon animals afterwards.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. You know, I mean, I don't think I could do it now. It's so hard.

[Mike Harrington]

Coming into. Using a condom is crazy.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. It's just.

[Mike Harrington]

I don't even know how much they cost.

[Zach Kimiko]

I started jacking off the condom porn last week. Have you seen this? It's a guy fucking with the condom and then at the end she pulls it off and then slides his cock in. And then he comes and she goes, you came in me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, that's not condom porn. That's. That's a Specific genre. Yeah. If you just have to take the condom off, that's a genre of porn. But that's not condom. Condom porn sucks. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like that porn series. Hot Guys. It sounds gayer than it is, but it's like, it's usually it's a jacked ass dude, like a six or a seven.

[Mike Harrington]

No, they're real porn stars.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, I know, but they're not that hot. Like, the dude is the hotter one in the group and it's like he's doing her the favor. The, the, the premise of it is like, like, yeah, he's like a stud and this gets to have him for the day. Yeah, I get my head in there. I'm like, yeah, dude, just some six. Give it to her. And then. But they use condoms in almost all of them, which is a nightmare because real dudes.

[Mike Harrington]

One of my boys almost did it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah. Like, I thought it was like, I thought it was an act, but they're really. You could just email them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So it's real dudes and then it's porn star chicks.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, if you just email them, they'll get back to you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nick, we all have careers we're not doing. Think about it every day.

[Mike Harrington]

I thought about it. I've thought about it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I, I couldn't. I've had girls ask me to like them on their only fans before and I'm like, you're out of your mind.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, you don't want like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not. They're going to see my legion of.

[Mike Harrington]

Skanks fingers about, say mask on at least. But yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Karen, stop hitting me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not doing it. No.

[Zach Kimiko]

Have a boyfriend now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No, I can't. I can't put that much more out there that I'm afraid of my son finding. No, that's, that's the issue. Issue. That's really what it comes down to is you don't want your son and his friends to be looking at you jerking.

[Zach Kimiko]

Dude, your dad like crazy. Your dad rules, man. We want to come over.

[Mike Harrington]

That would suck to let your son down that way too. Yeah, that's what I. Mr. Go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He walked in the other day and I was completely naked. Like he, I, I needed a towel. So I was like, james, can you just grab me a towel out of the closet?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I was in the shower, you know, it's completely see through shower. I thought he was gonna put it on my bed. He walked in, he goes, oh, dad.

[Zach Kimiko]

Fingers up your ass. All lathered up Come on. Disgusting.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, let's look, let's real quick, let's do some plugs. We're just, we're just rolling. We haven't touched our topic, which means it's a great show. Great show so far. Aaron, what are you plugging, my friend? Oh, my God, man.

[Zach Kimiko]

I am plugging so much. I am doing stand up comedy where you go around to places and use a microphone. It's actually fire, man. I'm gonna be in Fort Lauderdale February 11th. Come on out. That is selling. Daytona Beach. I've never been there. February 13th. That's gonna be Fire Comedy Inn in Miami. February 14th, 15, 16. That is just about sold out. I'm gonna be at the comedy Mothership February 20th with Brian Holtzman. And then all week, me and Brian Holtzman are gonna be hitting the dojo February 21st in Morris Plains Chains, Poughkeepsie. Laugh it up. February 22nd, and then bringing it home to stand NYC February 23rd. Check it out, man. Come on out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very cool.

[Aaron Berg]

And that's a great combination, you two. I think it's gonna be a really good fire, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nick Simmons.

[Mike Harrington]

I'm gonna be with Callan House of Comedy, Bloomington, February 13th through 15th, and then at Miami Improv February 20th through the 22nd. And then I'm starting a podcast with Justin, so make sure you guys check that out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very cool.

[Aaron Berg]

Second week out, February 14th and 15th, Worcester, Massachusetts. Go to the Insane Clown Posse Juggalo weekend to do commentary for JCW Wrestling. Come hang out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very cool. Come see me on the road. The Bring 5 Friends tour coming to a city near you this weekend. Coming up, I'll be in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, this Thursday through Saturday. Then next week, February 19th, we're doing story wars at the Comic Comedy Store with Adam Ray, Whitney Cummings. And we're still waiting on one more to confirm. It's gonna be a goddamn blast. Come to the Comedy Store if you're in Los Angeles. Then that following weekend, February 21st and 22nd. Wise guy. Salt Lake City. Salt Lake. Salt Lake City. I took my son to go see Book of Mormon yesterday.

[Mike Harrington]

How was that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Great. Incredible. I've seen it four times. Then a lot of other stuff. I'm going to be in South Bend, Indiana at the end of of March rally. North Carolina. Got Philly coming up. My birthday weekend. Philly Punchline, American Comedy Company. I'm gonna be at the National Comedy Festival doing Legion of Skanks and Story wars in mid April as well. That's not on the site yet, but if you Guys, go look up at the National Comedy Festival website. You can get those and lots more places. The tour is going to be continuing until I film this special July 12th in Tampa, Florida. Side splitters, Bobby Kelly directing. Gonna be a goddamn blast. Get those tickets in advance. All the floor passes are basically sold out, so there's a handful of tickets left. You can still make it into the tapings. Zach Kiko's going to be on those shows as well. If you can't make the taping, we'll be there Thursday and Friday as well doing all of our warm up sets. But the Saturday shows on the 12th are going to be the special taping. Also May 2nd is Skankfest General sale. So if you guys want to come to Skankfish, you guys missed the pre sale. Saw that in just minutes. Record time. And we have a general sale coming up May 2nd, 1pm Shout out to your kratom for making it all possible. Subscribe to Gas Digital. Subscribe to all my other podcasts, the Regs, Story wars and the legendary Legion of Skanks. And also I do a solo podcast just for subscribers to my email list. If you go to my email list, I'm doing giveaways. I have a newsletter that comes out every Friday and a solo podcast called the Lewis Journal Podcast, only available for subscribers, where I talk about everything from mental health, fitness, being a father, being an entrepreneur. A little bit more of the serious side of me. You get to see how the sausage is made and then shoved in to Aaron's asshole.

[Zach Kimiko]

Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Lewisofscanks.com is the website. Bending the jets always brings up hot. It's a hot image spinning in the jets. Thank you. Every time. Every time. There we go. Look at that. Is that a girl peeing? That's pretty hot. Harrington, pull that up. Pull up this girl pissing. I had a girl ask me to piss on her. Recently I've had two girls ask me to piss on.

[Mike Harrington]

Have you ever done it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I peed on a girl in the shower. But like almost in a funny way, like, yeah, but then I was like, oh, if I pee on a girl, I was like, it's gonna make a mess all over my sheets. That's crazy. I'm gonna piss all over the place. And then somebody else was like, yeah, it's hot.

[Mike Harrington]

Is that square to.

[Zach Kimiko]

I said no to this the other day and now a girl wanted to piss on you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Zach Kimiko]

They were talking in the green room, Sam J. And Monroe and Derek, and they're like, would you let a girl piss on you and Monroe said he was really into it, and I was like, no, I wouldn't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But that girl. If it could look like that, I would. Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Where? Chest? Body?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, apparently, the way to do it is you have to, like, she gets on her knees, and you piss on her face and in her mouth. In the shower still, so you're not making a mess, but you don't have the water running. Like, I've done it where I piss on a girl's leg like a dog. Like, she. She looks down, I'm peeing on her. It's hilarious. Yeah, but.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, you'd piss in her mouth.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Plus, I. I mean, I don't drink enough water. It's gonna be this bright yellow piss gonna smell.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, that's a problem.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I drink. I drink a lot of water. I'm kidding, okay? Since I started taking creatine, I started drinking a ton of water.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, you got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd piss on somebody, and I'd let that girl piss on me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why not?

[Zach Kimiko]

Why not?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why not?

[Mike Harrington]

Where's the location? Where are you letting it happen, Chest?

[Aaron Berg]

Whatever town they're in.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Wherever on the road she shows up at all.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right, so let's talk about some of these stories, guys. We're rolling here. First of all, Beyonce won best country album of the year. Year. People are very upset.

[Zach Kimiko]

Darius Rucker with a wig. People say Texas.

[Louis J. Gomez]

People are pissed. But was it. Was it actually a country album? I don't know the music.

[Mike Harrington]

Me neither.

[Zach Kimiko]

I.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I saw somebody being like, the. You know, imagine just some. One best hip hop album. It's like, well, if they made a hip hop album that people liked, then.

[Zach Kimiko]

As Eminem ever won best hip hop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Album, I'm sure he has.

[Zach Kimiko]

Same thing.

[Mike Harrington]

Macklemore.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Macklemore. Yeah, I'm sure people were.

[Aaron Berg]

Weren't people really mad when Steely Dan won, like, best rock?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who's best metal? Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Or something like best hard rock or something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, it was crazy.

[Aaron Berg]

I think that the genres are not clearly defined.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, look, if Beyonce had an actual fucking country album, if the whole album was country front to back, why wouldn't she be eligible for it just because she's black?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Come on, guys.

[Zach Kimiko]

I mean, you think it's a D.E.I.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Donald Chill, D. I think.

[Zach Kimiko]

Is it a good country album, Harrington? Is the whole album country?

[Shannon]

Yeah, it's called Cowboy Carter. Every. Every track on it was country themed.

[Zach Kimiko]

Sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let her have St. Texas.

[Mike Harrington]

That's all I want to know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, who gives a what I'm country kind of sucks, to be honest. Classic country rules, right? I like Aaron's. Aaron's a fake American now, so he's like, nah, lock my country. Aaron, you. You make me angrier than almost anybody in the world because the amount that you wave our flag, you're wearing one right now. You are not American.

[Zach Kimiko]

I am.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You are fucking Canadian.

[Zach Kimiko]

I'm American.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't give a shit that you got.

[Zach Kimiko]

People understand what it's like to be an immigrant and move here. You don't understand it's the best country in the world.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I agree. I agree that we have the best country, but you are not an American. The amount of people that are like.

[Zach Kimiko]

I have an American passport. I have American citizenship. I am an American.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How long have you been an American?

[Zach Kimiko]

Since March. Almost three years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, well, you have to be in America longer than you were in Canada for me to consider you. That's not true. Well, I'm just letting you know my rules.

[Zach Kimiko]

Well, your rules don't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My rules apply in the. In the Gas Digital Studios? They literally do.

[Zach Kimiko]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So you're still a Canuck?

[Zach Kimiko]

I'm a huge fan. I voted for the president. You know how good that feels? You vote for the guy that wins. Oh, yeah. You don't even want to say that you voted for him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't vote for anybody.

[Zach Kimiko]

Did you?

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, of course.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Nice.

[Mike Harrington]

What do you think I'm to do? Come on.

[Zach Kimiko]

Zach cried.

[Aaron Berg]

I've never voted. Don't fit in the booth.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we're not. We're not. We're not. We're not spending our time voting.

[Zach Kimiko]

Politics is gay politics.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is what you say politics are gay.

[Zach Kimiko]

Should sell.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Politics are gay. I think is the actual ph.

[Zach Kimiko]

Politics is gay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What? You're. What?

[Zach Kimiko]

You're supposed to say politics are gay politics. Politics is gay. Politics is politic. Is gay politics.

[Aaron Berg]

No, no. I think it is right. You would say politicians are gay. Politics as a concept is gay politics.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's two of them. There's two politics, and they are gay. Yeah, that's the way I'm saying it.

[Zach Kimiko]

And there's good country. Zach Bryan now is who you got to check out. He crosses across all these genres.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Isn't a professional wrestler. Who am I thinking of?

[Zach Kimiko]

No.

[Aaron Berg]

Daniel Bryan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There we go.

[Zach Kimiko]

Zach Brian fucking rocks, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It doesn't rock.

[Zach Kimiko]

Luke Combs, my guy for a while.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stop it. You're not American. He drives up to my house with a pickup truck today blaring country music with an American flag. It's cosplay. You're cosplaying an American. Okay. You're not at the strip club anymore, Aaron.

[Zach Kimiko]

Howdy, everybody. I'm American.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's psychotic. Nobody fucking believes you're American.

[Mike Harrington]

Which one was the one that was screaming the N word that got caught on tape?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Louis J. Gomez. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

You had an ad that got caught up. Caught on tape.

[Zach Kimiko]

Michael Richards. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, let's take a quick moment to thank yo kratom.com for supporting today's show. We love you, Kratom. Home of the $60 kilo. If you guys are over 21 years old and already in the market for Kratom, you got to get it from yo kratom.com. that's right.

[Aaron Berg]

Stop going to bodegas, smoke shops, or gas stations and getting a little bit of Kratom at a time when you don't even really know what's in there. When yocratum.com has the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the network.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They've been supporting Skank Fest for years. They've been supporting live comedy and comedians podcasts for years, so you should support them as well. Once again, yecratum.com, no promo code needed, as they already have the best deal on the Internet. A $60 queue low. All right, where were we? Yeah. Back when you're a Canuck.

[Zach Kimiko]

Come on, don't do that, my canuga.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't do that.

[Zach Kimiko]

You're so American, dude. Yeah, I love it.

[Shannon]

It was Morgan when. Morgan when got CA Wallen Wall in 2021. He got caught screaming the N word at his Tennessee home.

[Zach Kimiko]

Really?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Harrington]

It was on tape.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're not caught if you're in your home.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whatever you want in your home.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, it's like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's the most American.

[Aaron Berg]

It's like bag.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Once you touch your door, it's like knobs. When you call safety after you.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's like when you're driving home drunk and you get to your driveway, you're.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, I'm good, dude. I remember one time I wasn't drunk, but I was definitely speeding. Yeah. I sped right past a cop, made the left on my street, and I saw him. He didn't put his lights on, but he just. He wanted to follow. He was gonna, I guess, see if I was gonna do anything else wrong.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then I pulled into my driveway real quick, and then he just slowly drove past my house, and I was like, oh, me, dude.

[Zach Kimiko]

That's it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

He lets you go?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, didn't say. Could he. Could he pull me over at that point? If he would have pulled it in my driveway, I would have ran into my house.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Did you see?

[Mike Harrington]

I don't think it's base.

[Zach Kimiko]

There's a video of a guy that had a lamborghini, and these guys followed him home to carjack him. And he parks his lamborghini in the driveway. They go to get out of their car. He runs inside and grabs, like, an RPG missile and comes out to the driveway. These guys drove off scared as. Home is safe, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Home is safe.

[Zach Kimiko]

Hulk hogan got in trouble for dropping.

[Louis J. Gomez]

An n bomb in his home.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Come on, Hunter.

[Mike Harrington]

During a sex tape, right?

[Aaron Berg]

It wasn't his house, was it? Wasn't it Bubba the love bunch's house?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, that's not safe. You're in somebody else's house. You can't be in bubba's house.

[Zach Kimiko]

God, the nword at home. So fun.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's delightful.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, it's so fun.

[Mike Harrington]

He was bubba's wife.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I say the n word.

[Zach Kimiko]

My wife caught me on tape once. I thought about you when you got caught crying on tape once. And my wife caught me dropping an end bomb, I go, delete that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Write that.

[Zach Kimiko]

Then I, like, checked her phone when she was asleep to make sure it was gone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I used to cash.

[Zach Kimiko]

Patel dropped a hard r N bomb this week. You know him? He's the new guy for the FBI.

[Aaron Berg]

He sounds like a pakistani rapper.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. Thank you for coming to my vape shop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He.

[Zach Kimiko]

He dropped one, like, in congress, and he goes, people are threatening me. They're calling me the sand N word.

[Mike Harrington]

Dropped a hard r. We just dropped it like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, ngr is in the middle of the word congress.

[Zach Kimiko]

That's true. People online say con, nigrous, niggle. They say niggle. And that means that not gonna lie. Not gonna lie. That's different than them.

[Aaron Berg]

I thought that's what.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Is this your son? We are talking about black people.

[Zach Kimiko]

Is this your son? Not gonna lie.

[Mike Harrington]

My favorite's the well, well, well. In the comment sections. When someone does anything racial and it's so on point. And the whole comment section is just, well, well, well, well. You haven't seen that. When someone does anything like a black guy robbing someone, It'll just be thousands of comments saying, well, well, well. You haven't seen that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I haven't.

[Zach Kimiko]

Sad. I was in north Carolina this weekend. There's no racism there. There's none.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Doesn't Anthony kum live in north Carolina? South Carolina okay, never mind. I stand corrected.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's. Everybody just gets along so nicely. Wilmington, North Carolina.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everyone gets along for the most part in life because nobody wants to get their ass kicked. So nobody's really being racist in real life. But I guarantee you've checked some of those profiles. They are.

[Zach Kimiko]

They get racist on their profile, they.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Get on the Internet.

[Zach Kimiko]

And in North Carolina, everybody drives with a gun too, so you can't honk at anybody. I saw Patrick Milligan. There he goes. You can't honk at anybody because everybody's strapped. So no one honks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You could honk. People aren't pulling out their guns for people honking.

[Zach Kimiko]

It happens.

[Mike Harrington]

Arizona's like that too.

[Zach Kimiko]

Is it?

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. We had a good time in Arizona. Remember that?

[Zach Kimiko]

Me and him had this opener. He was really liberal. What was this guy's name? He was like a college act and it was right there.

[Mike Harrington]

That's how he wanted me to bring him up to the best college comedian in the country.

[Zach Kimiko]

This guy's making a ton of money doing college. Is horrible comic. And he went around and he was stealing Trump signs in the day while we're doing the weekend, and I guess someone starts chasing him in a truck. They're like, hey, fag, give me back my side. And this guy came in like, almost crying.

[Mike Harrington]

He got arrested too.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, he got arrested for stealing somebody Trump's sign. It was hilarious.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's kind of. I remember last time Trump was in office, it was like for people to put a Trump sign on their lawn. It's like they were going, what? Like, it was a real statement. Yeah, it was a real, like, cuz people would like get really pissed off. But now they're everywhere. All over Jersey. They're everywhere. People. But they're. It's also so gay to drape your house in a. Like a Trump flag.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, I know. I'm gonna take all mine down.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So gay. Just like, dude, like, vote for who you want to vote for, but you want everyone to know, like, we're fucking Trump. This a Trump household. Yeah, it's gay.

[Zach Kimiko]

There's people in my town have like a lit up sign. They have like an actual guy. I would say a Trump doll. I mean, it's a little over the top.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, the merch is wild. You see it in the hood a lot too. The hats.

[Zach Kimiko]

I got mugs. I got Trump mugs. I got one with his mug shot. It says Legend.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're, You're.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's gay. Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. I think he's Amazing.

[Aaron Berg]

Well, he has pop up stores.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh yeah, I've been to them.

[Aaron Berg]

Like, like Spirit Halloween.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah. Does he?

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, yeah, I did a fucking distillery like nowhere Pennsylvania.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah. There's one in Hamburg.

[Aaron Berg]

Penny at the strip mall we went into there was just the Trump story Halloween.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

It was all Trump shit.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sick.

[Aaron Berg]

But it was like a pop up.

[Zach Kimiko]

He's making a lot of dough and he keeps asking for more dough. I get like five emails a day like, hey, we got a hat for you. Can you donate? And I'm like, you already have the job. I don't understand why they need.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's also got a bazillion dollars and.

[Mike Harrington]

He has crypto now too. Made like $3 billion off it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, good for him.

[Zach Kimiko]

I mean, God bless his soul. It's a little bit of a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now is the time to buy bitcoin. Right now. It was down. Remember when TJ Miller said it wouldn't go 9. $90,000. I think it's going back up now. I should have bought it this morning, but it was at like 93 this morning. I was back up to 99. I should have bought it. I was like, you know, let me just buy it this morning. It's zipping back up now.

[Zach Kimiko]

$99,000.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. For a bitcoin.

[Zach Kimiko]

How many would you buy? One.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, you don't have to buy a whole bitcoin. You could buy a portion of a bitcoin.

[Mike Harrington]

You'd be disgusted if I told you. But the first time I bought them, how much they cost?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let me see.

[Mike Harrington]

$7.

[Louis J. Gomez]

$7. And would you sold them already?

[Mike Harrington]

Most of them at $200.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You are a fool.

[Mike Harrington]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How many did you have?

[Mike Harrington]

43.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You would literally would be. You wouldn't have to do a podcast with Justin Silver.

[Mike Harrington]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's insane.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah. Cuz you used to be able to use them for sketchy things back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Drugs on the dark web. You were buying steroids on the dark web with. Yeah, that's. Was that. Was that. That's wild. Dude. There. There are people that just have like hard drives that they don't remember. Like just some dude dude that's like, oh, what is this? And then they open it up and there's like 300 bitcoin on it and then they're just set for life. That story happens all the time. There are people that lose their. There they. Wasn't there one guy who was like trying to get permission to go into the landfill.

[Mike Harrington]

He has one more. Did you see the guy who has. He has $15 million worth of Bitcoin. And he has one more guest left to guess his password. And if he doesn't guess it right. Done. No, he's gonna be locked out of it forever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So what is he doing? He's just sitting on it.

[Mike Harrington]

He's trying to figure out what the. That password. Because he's already failed the password so many times.

[Aaron Berg]

One, one, one way. He's gonna get a new password. Go to put it in. I'll go. And it's gonna go. That was your old password. You can't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, dude, fuck that. Oh, it's crazy. There's no. Yeah, there's no guessing. Crypto west told me. Remember I was talking about Crypto west for a while. He was right. Crypto west is worth so much money now, I should have just put everything I had into it when he told me to put everything into Solana.

[Mike Harrington]

You used to have to meet an orthodox Jew on Wall street to get them in person. And you'd meet up like a drug deal. Now you could actually get that on the Internet. So much easier.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I gotta start.

[Aaron Berg]

Would it just be handcuffed to a laptop?

[Mike Harrington]

It was in a tunnel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I gotta, I gotta start investing in stocks too. There's all these. I'm just, I'm such a Puerto Rican where like I just want to hold on to all my money.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But it's just not the way you get rich.

[Mike Harrington]

No, crypto's the way stocks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Crypto's not the way. Crypto is gambling Stocks. Stocks. You can actually look at a business's profile file and going, oh, there's utility for this. Is this going to grow? You can see the trend. You can see like, all right, well, this is the way we're going. Certain companies are using AI. Certain companies are, are smart and they're sort of setting the table for a 10, 20 year plan crypto. Literally one day they can create some policy and then it's just gone. Just gone.

[Mike Harrington]

I mean, if you're doing like chill guy coin, but bitcoin, you are, you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are the prime example of a crypto, bro. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I have a bunch of crypto, but it is genuinely gambling kinda.

[Mike Harrington]

I mean, it all kind of is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Bitcoin is probably the only one that has like utility and, and people might start using it as an actual currency, which means they're value. I think bitcoin will probably always continue to go up, but any of the other ones.

[Mike Harrington]

Who fucking knows that one Ondo. That's BlackRock's cryptocurrency that's the one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is it?

[Mike Harrington]

It's Ondo.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ondo?

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, it's BlackRock. Has their own crypto now.

[Zach Kimiko]

What about Hack2? A coin. Coin.

[Mike Harrington]

Lost a lot on that.

[Zach Kimiko]

Is she. Anyone know where she is?

[Mike Harrington]

She's gonna. She's gonna be brought up on charges soon.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't think that's true either.

[Mike Harrington]

No?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No. You know, you read one headline, and then you just.

[Mike Harrington]

It's just one Twitter post.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Read one time, one thing, and now he's bringing it to a conversation like it's a real thing.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah. One. One tick tock, and I'm like, that's the news.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

Hack 2. It was Aaron's original name for his first child.

[Zach Kimiko]

Hack.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, shit. So let's see. What is this? A California man was arrested for running into a crowd of ducks and geese, killing three of the ducks and one Canadian goose. You're not allowed to kill goose in Canada?

[Zach Kimiko]

No. Very illegal. Yeah, it's really frowned upon. This happened in California.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

So maybe he was allowed to kill the Canadian goose.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know. What. What, is there video of this, Harrington?

[Shannon]

There's no video, just a story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not an interesting story if you're. It's not a video of a guy running into a bunch of ducks and goose.

[Zach Kimiko]

I mean, if it happened in Springfield, Ohio, it would have been catchy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not much of a story. What else is there to the story?

[Zach Kimiko]

When he.

[Aaron Berg]

When he collided into them, did he actually go, duck.

[Zach Kimiko]

Canadian goose, Canadian goose.

[Shannon]

Well, no. And his word, it says that the park goer saw him park. He was sitting there for a couple of minutes, then he revved up his engine and drove straight through the flock of ducks and geese that were chilling there. Two ducks were pronounced dead on the scene as well as the goose. Another duck was injured and later pronounced dead. People who were sitting there, you know, they. They got pictures of the truck as it was going away. They were able to find the man, and eventually he was arrested.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is gmt.

[Zach Kimiko]

See, this ain't Texas.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, whatever.

[Zach Kimiko]

What are you gonna do?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Animals, dude. You should be able to. You should be able to maim animals once in a blue. If you get in a bad mood, if that's. That's gonna keep you from hurting women and children, then kill some ducks also. Duck is one of my favorite foods. I love duck.

[Zach Kimiko]

Duck is delicious.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Love me some duck.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, my daughter loves it too. Duck is delicious.

[Mike Harrington]

Never had it.

[Zach Kimiko]

There's a guy in New York that grabbed a pigeon and walked him back to his halal food truck. And he was gonna kill the pigeon, clearly, and feed it to somebody.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I bought a whole. I bought halal chicken the other day from one of those. It wasn't halal guys.

[Mike Harrington]

It was these sketchy side ones.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. And they have the same coloring on their.

[Mike Harrington]

Oh, they fake it too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they fake that they're halal guys.

[Zach Kimiko]

Really?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah. Halal guys is a specific brand, which, by the way, it's. It became a chain. There's, like rest everywhere. They're actual.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, they have brick and mortars now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. It's not even just the truck. It was a one fuck truck. This smelly Pakistani dude. He's loaded now, dude. And it's so good. Oh, my God.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Really good chicken.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, probably not. It's probably horrible grade food. I have no idea. But it's just the best of all of them.

[Zach Kimiko]

They have brick and mortars. They just throw the bricks at women. Why are you showing ankle? Look at this, dude. This is the guy, man. This is in New York.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He got him. He put it in a bag. Oh, go.

[Zach Kimiko]

Time to cook.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Time to. Time to make the donuts. You know what they say. Look at that. First of all, the reflexes on this guy.

[Zach Kimiko]

That's crazy wild. He's used to snagging women's clits.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, there it is. Yeah. I had. I had explained to my son what a was yesterday after taking him to see Book of Mormon. Why?

[Zach Kimiko]

They say Clinton.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They. The whole theme of the show is they go to they. So it's two. Two Mormon kids that are on their mission. They send them to Africa to try to convert Africans to become Mormons.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So there's a warlord who's chopping off all the women's clits in the village.

[Zach Kimiko]

I didn't know this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's pretty good, dude.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's great. And so, yeah, James was like, what's a. And I was like, you know, damned if I know.

[Zach Kimiko]

Piss comes out of it. It's a woman's cock.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. They. Yeah.

[Mike Harrington]

Do they talk about the other Mormon shit, like soaking and all that? I just found out about all this recently.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, soaking is where they just put the dick in the bed.

[Aaron Berg]

You know that shake the bed, jump pumping. My wife is currently watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And they go through all of the. There's soaking, there's jump pumping, there's hot dogging. What's that? Is where you just. You don't put your dick in her, but you like put it between the lips and you can hump that way.

[Mike Harrington]

Oh, I fucked a guy before.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah. They have a bunch of different.

[Zach Kimiko]

What's soaking?

[Aaron Berg]

Soaking is where you just leave it in but you're not allowed to move.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, I like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's what I tell every girl that I've. I'm like, no, no, let me just soak my dick in you. We're not gonna. Dude, I mean, just the amount of times you're gonna say, let me just get the tip in. Yeah, that's a real thing.

[Mike Harrington]

I remember those days.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a real thing.

[Zach Kimiko]

Do the Mormons do that tipping? Because the Jews don't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I like.

[Zach Kimiko]

Tipping.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I. Yeah, just rubbing your dick on a girl's trying to get it wet enough so she's. You get her so horny that she has to give in.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah.

[Mike Harrington]

Those are the days when you'd through sweatpants, you'd start. You never had those where you start, you would just dry hump with sweatpants.

[Zach Kimiko]

Until your buddy at the gym, he's spotting you through his gorilla wear.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, I never, never did that. But it was a lot of, like, coercing.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Lots of co. Which shouldn't be a problem. If a woman could be coerced into you, that's on her. That's not a rapey thing.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's crazy back. Right, right.

[Zach Kimiko]

I think it's changed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It has changed. That's why I'm so glad that like, I. I'm not trying to.

[Zach Kimiko]

You got your rape out of the way when you were younger.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Before there was cameras or social media. Yeah. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

You weren't a rapist.

[Zach Kimiko]

You're just the closer for closers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but that was it. Just coercing girls into you eventually. And then as soon as you do it once, you're like, I have no interest in you anymore.

[Zach Kimiko]

I remember this girl in college and she's like, I can't. I'm waiting till I'm get married. And I'm like. She's like, we don't even know if we're in love. And I'm like, well, sex is called making love, cuz it'll make us fall in love. She didn't fall for it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That almost made me fall for it. That's kind of brilliant. Let me get one more cup of coffee. Coffee. And we got a little time left here, but yeah. Let's see some of these other stories. Harrington put together an entire list and I feel bad that I just don't want to do any of his stories. None of these stories. Oh, this is kind of fun. Home healthcare worker faces multiple sexual abuse claims after she posted videos of her dancing on a disabled patient's head.

[Zach Kimiko]

I saw this.

[Mike Harrington]

What?

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah, let's see.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This one.

[Zach Kimiko]

They call it tard twerking.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see. Oh, Harrington's getting the coffee so he can't pull anything up.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, Jorge. What are you here for my cine sheep?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thank you. Harrington, pull up the story about the woman dancing on the person's head. Shannon? No, Shannon didn't get her tits already.

[Zach Kimiko]

This ain't Texas. I'm dancing on a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is or do we have anybody in the booth? Is there anybody in the booth? There we go.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh.

[Mike Harrington]

Oh, no.

[Zach Kimiko]

Jesus Christ.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is she. What is she? What'd she put in his mouth?

[Shannon]

She's given him a. Like, I guess she's bathing him. And that's. She's filming it as a tick tock as well.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is sexual abuse.

[Aaron Berg]

Wait, is she giving him a treat for being good in the tub?

[Shannon]

Well, I have her response to the backlash.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's cute.

[Shannon]

Gotten online over this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's cute.

[Aaron Berg]

She already retards.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see.

[Nick Simmons]

The healthcare worker that's dancing on top of her patient's head is not what it is. Trust and believe. All I gotta say for now is angles play a big part, but we're gonna be into that another time. Okay. A lot of people in the comments talking about sexual assault, Ray. Just all type of dumb, non verbal trust and belief. He's verbal.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And. And.

[Nick Simmons]

And if he's not verbal to his kins, then I don't know what's going on over there. But around here, he be verbal. And I got proof what you say.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't get my hug.

[Nick Simmons]

You want to get a hug?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

Okay. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So is there a point that he liked it?

[Nick Simmons]

He was.

[Mike Harrington]

That's what she's saying, right?

[Zach Kimiko]

I mean, she's pandering with the Kansas City chief.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Keep on playing it, Harrington.

[Nick Simmons]

I need to stop jumping to conclusions, even though, yeah, I do see how you look, but trust me, it's not that. Enough is enough. Stay tuned.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I like this queen. I have no problem with her.

[Zach Kimiko]

Stay tuned.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, so here's the thing. Like, oh, this is. This is multiple.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Multiple patients.

[Mike Harrington]

Instagram's like, you can't say you could only dance on them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I don't mind this girl at all. None of these guys would care.

[Zach Kimiko]

No, they probably enjoy.

[Aaron Berg]

Can I be honest with you? One person's opinion on this matters, and it's that guy's father. If he sees that and it's like, nice. Yeah, yeah, good for you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's pretty toy. Good. That's pretty toy. I have no problem with that woman dancing on you.

[Zach Kimiko]

Don't mind it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A retard. Z.

[Zach Kimiko]

If you sent a vegetable's head, one of your elderly people to a home and some. Someone did that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If my. If I sent my aunt to a home.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She would. She would literally wake up and start calling the girl the N word. My aunt's old school racist.

[Zach Kimiko]

Get off of my head. Your plantation Hopper.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Was that a Jamaican accent?

[Zach Kimiko]

I don't know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why do you think my answer?

[Zach Kimiko]

Blood clot. Why A on my face?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she's pretty cute, that chick. That's really all I saw was a cute black.

[Zach Kimiko]

That's her real hair.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Zach Kimiko]

What is the need for wigs? Why do they need wigs?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nigs and wigs. Why?

[Zach Kimiko]

Good name for his store.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a great name for his store.

[Zach Kimiko]

There's about nine of them on 125th.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because they have shitty black.

[Aaron Berg]

I think the answer would be a lot of the times their hair is very difficult and it saves them a lot of time in the morning to just have the thing on and put.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A window black person's hair as opposed.

[Aaron Berg]

To having to style and straighten it every morning.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's true. That's not racist. That's reality, dude. You can't do anything with it. You can't style it. It's all breaks. The comb teeth.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

What do you want it to be? Late for work in the morning? They got to do. Oh, my God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm happy this woman has a job. Why are we talking about the fact that she's going to work every day like a hard working American? Yeah, Good freaking.

[Zach Kimiko]

Probably gets paid well, gets good benefits, good for her health, dental, dancing on tards.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I got no issue with it. I think she's pretty goddamn toy, in my opinion.

[Zach Kimiko]

All right. Would you reach out to her on Instagram and be like, what's up?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I don't. I'm done with reaching out to girls on Instagram. Okay. I let them DM me. Ladies, you got a DM me if you want a ride with the rattlesnake. Not doing it anymore.

[Zach Kimiko]

I love it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you even open up with? You know.

[Zach Kimiko]

Just lay in a bath half naked.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I like, I. I can't be on dating apps. I can't be on anything. I don't know how to start that conversation.

[Zach Kimiko]

No, you're a better in person Closer.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, it's easier in person. But you don't do any apps at all? Not even like Field? Nothing like that.

[Zach Kimiko]

What's Field?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's for to find a slave?

[Mike Harrington]

No, it's for girls that are like sex positive and just want friends of benefits. And it's most.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's all a bunch of dudes on that app. There's doggy.

[Mike Harrington]

They're on there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you all shirtless and. And jacked?

[Mike Harrington]

I have pictures like that on there. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That's wild.

[Zach Kimiko]

What about your girlfriend? You're not with her?

[Mike Harrington]

No, we've been. We broke up seven months ago.

[Zach Kimiko]

Dude.

[Mike Harrington]

I've been single.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Field. So you're saying I should join the Field app? Pull up Field Harrington.

[Mike Harrington]

Fun.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pull up the Field app.

[Mike Harrington]

It's mostly girls that are submissive. And then there's a lot of girls on there that are like, my boyfriend's a bitch. Can you me in front of them?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, like some. Yeah, a dating app for the curious. Well, lesbians, blacks, two gay guys. That's a trans dude. This seems like a lot.

[Zach Kimiko]

Old black guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It is. It's for black people. That feels good, y'all.

[Mike Harrington]

You just hit the button. That feels so good. And then it just shows everybody who's just looking for friends with benefits.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't. I don't know, man. Man.

[Zach Kimiko]

Pansexual.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Since I'm feel I realize I'm bisexual and become a lot more sex positive, which has been very long.

[Zach Kimiko]

Nick Simmons.

[Mike Harrington]

I saw a great bio on there the other day. The girl said, choke me, spit on me, beat the out of me, step on me, treat me like I'm not a real person.

[Zach Kimiko]

Sincerely, George Floyd.

[Mike Harrington]

But then it said, but also, swipe left if you're a Republican. I'm like, oh, I'm glad we. I'm glad we have some standards.

[Zach Kimiko]

Oh, geez. Yeah, this is great, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I feel like a loser when I'm on those apps. Yeah, I was on Bumble and Tinder and all when I. When I broke up with my last girlfriend, I was like, let me go on the apps again. And then I was reminded very quickly so why I don't use them.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, Bumble no good.

[Zach Kimiko]

I had a friend in Canada named Boomer Phillips. He's like, he's an actor. He's been on like that Letter Kenny show and stuff. You could bring him up. He's a good looking dude. We're friendly still. And Boomer Phillips used to have a Lava Life profile. Do you remember Lava Life? It was a dating app. Before date, you had to use your computer. That's Boomer. Boomer. These guys like six foot tall. Jack. Great dude. So he gave me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Six foot tall is tall for Aaron. Yeah, dude, he's huge. Inch and a half shorter than me.

[Zach Kimiko]

So he had an account and he goes, just use my account. So his pictures on there. And I'd be like, hey, what's up? And some girls, like, I've been camping all weekend. I'm so horny. I'm like, come by. So she thought I was him. This is catfishing. Before catfishing, except existed. She shows up at my place. I answer the door.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Of course.

[Zach Kimiko]

She's like, looks down and she's like, you look different than your picture. I mean, I was in good shape, but I do not look like Boomer. And she's like, are you sure that's you? Like, yeah. She came in and we. And it was great. But she must have been so disappointed. Must have been so disappointed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I've been. I've been catfished before by women. You can actually just see it. You can see it on like when a girl DM me on Instagram. Instagram. And she'll be like, she wants to, but it's like every photo of her is like.

[Aaron Berg]

And she's black. She's like, take me off a catfish.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, there's like, they do. They do a thing. That's how you know it's a chicks like fat and gross. Whatever filter they use, they look like they're in like. Like inside of a cloud. Almost like a hazy.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, it's a face blur.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's a. It's a weird thing. You're like, you have up skin or something's going on with you. Yeah, we're on to you. Every time it's that if.

[Mike Harrington]

If it's all tight face shots. Always face shots.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Or it'll be like a lot of like. Almost like memes of like cats and things like that. And then she's got like one like suggestive photo. You're like, I know you're going to be a gross pig. Yeah, I know exactly what you are.

[Mike Harrington]

Come over.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I won't do it anymore. I won't. I used to just throw it down. With anybody. Yeah, Literally anybody.

[Zach Kimiko]

Not anymore.

[Nick Simmons]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have standards.

[Zach Kimiko]

You got to like them. You got to talk to them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You talk to them Sometimes I try. I'm a gentleman.

[Zach Kimiko]

I had.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm actually a gentleman afterwards.

[Zach Kimiko]

You are.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm a gentleman before, during, after. I. This why people think I'm a fuck boy. Because, like, I'm like, oh, let's go get dinner and like, have a conversation then, like, I'm not just like, come fuck me at 2 o'clock in the morning. It's very rare that I do that. I don't even. It seems like, kind of scuzzy.

[Zach Kimiko]

I did. I had a girl come up to me after a show and she goes, what are you doing after this? Come over to my place. And I knew I wasn't gonna go, I'm still married.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I was like, good, Good save, Aaron.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I was like, he was married in the middle of the story.

[Zach Kimiko]

I was like, what would I do if I did go? Because this girl was drinking. So I'm like, I'm not gonna go over there and drink. It'd be like, do you have a Heineken?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Zero.

[Zach Kimiko]

But like, I didn't know. Would I just go over and take my shirt off and be like, let's do this. Can you do that? Can you just go over, start undressing and be like, let's do this? Or do you have to talk to them first?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think I talk him first. Yeah?

[Zach Kimiko]

About what?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see. Hold on. Iceberg Slim in the racist live chat says taking a out to dinner is such an L, it's not even what they want these days. What is this guy talking about? Iceberg, you're in the racist live chat right now. You don't know what women want, okay? And women do. They want to be taken to dinner. They want to be, you know, going to take them to like a five star fine dining experience. But, you know, I like, like to. I also like to go to a nice restaurant. I want an excuse to have a nice meal and chat and talk with some for a little bit. Yeah, why not?

[Mike Harrington]

What about girls from your show? Yay or nay? If they come out to see you. Fans, if they come out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

See, it's. It's so rare that that happens. I. This happened recently. There was like a chick who wanted to hang out with me after the show. Then I met. She was like, meet me at the bar afterwards. And I just met her to go like, talk shit for a minute. And then she was with a dude that was also at the show. And he was just there like, like staring at me. And I was like. I was like, I can't hang out. I literally can't do this. I was like, your friend's staring at me right now. Like, he was more excited to hang out. I think she only invited me to hang out because.

[Mike Harrington]

So you Hang out with him?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, so I'd hang out with him.

[Mike Harrington]

I had a weird one recently that I. I couldn't pull the trigger. It was this girl. I saw the girl in the crowd with the guy, and then she comes up to me after the show, starts talking, and I'm like, don't you have a boyfriend? And I'm like. She's like, no know. I'm like, well. She's like, well, kinda. And I'm like, who is the dude you were with? And she goes, oh, he lives with me, but he's not like my boyfriend. And I'm like, oh, so I guess it's not that serious.

[Zach Kimiko]

He's my husband.

[Mike Harrington]

No, it gets worse. It actually gets progressively worse. She's like, I do have a boyfriend. He's in the Special Forces. He's away right now. He hates this guy that's at my house. And I was like. In my head, I'm like, this can't be right. Before that, I already gave her the address for my Airbnb, which is a problem because she's like, oh, my actual boyfriend's in Special Forces. And I'm like, okay, that this is getting progressively worse. Then I go. I try to get out of the conversation. So I'm like, oh, what's a good place in Baltimore where I get food? She goes, just don't go to this area. That's where I used to get my fent. And I was like, oh, that's brutal. Yeah. And she was like, yeah. She's like, I'm in the AA right now. As she has a drink in her hand, she's like, probably shouldn't be doing that either. And she's like, so what time can I go back to your place? And I just tried to ignore her, but I gave her my address. So she was hanging around. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's wild.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, I just told her. Slept. Yeah, I was like, not doing that.

[Zach Kimiko]

You looking out the window.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, she was. She was. She was like, I'm walking around. She goes, let me know when I come in. I was like, I'm. I'm not going to. She. She told me she used to clean homeless people's teeth for fent money. And I'm like, nah, we're not doing that. But she was hot as. So hot. But I was like, I can't do this. I can't especially.

[Aaron Berg]

Oh, yeah, this loitering drug addict sounds like a real piece.

[Mike Harrington]

She was sexy, though.

[Aaron Berg]

But she used to clean homeless people, like. Yeah, as part of a program or, like, know when People run up and try and screechy your car.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah. Like she would just clean other hom teeth.

[Aaron Berg]

Yeah, but that's the worst group of people to try and ask for money from.

[Mike Harrington]

I know. She wasn't smart either.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, I. It's so rare that there's hot chicks at my show. Usually there's one or two hot chicks at the show and you're like, you know, I wish something could happen here, but it's. They're always with their boyfriend. They're not coming alone. They're.

[Zach Kimiko]

Remember we were in West Palm and we had some girls show her to the audience, and then she wanted to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

After the show, and I wouldn't kind of.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah, she hot.

[Zach Kimiko]

We went out after and she was like, yeah, I knew I could. I was like, remember that old lady.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That showed her at the SoulJo show in the park?

[Aaron Berg]

It's not even soldier soldiers in a park.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Some old lady.

[Aaron Berg]

She was in a lawn chair.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was. I was referencing the group as the Golden Girls. Showed us her kind. It was actually pretty. Pretty decent. Yeah.

[Aaron Berg]

She took a thumb and snuck it in her spanx and just pulled over the side.

[Zach Kimiko]

Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No problem with that. I. An old lady at the I. A few old ladies.

[Mike Harrington]

What's an old lady?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, 60 plus. I've had. I. It was once on Shiprock that. Just an old lady on the cruise ship. She was disgusted.

[Mike Harrington]

Just dry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was just when I was so young. I was just so. Like. Just new. I don't care. New this. She had like a. Like a smoker's voice like that. It was nasty. Yeah. And then another time at the Cabo Comedy Festival.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was hanging out with these old ladies. These old. They weren't at the festival. They were like at the resort that I was staying at. That was the shittiest. They. They literally got us. Like, I was at a resort that was all inclusive, but they didn't get us the all inclusive package, so. And I had no money. I remember I got like a six pack of beer and that's all I had. I had no money. Oh, it was so awful. Dude, you remember. Remember that we're going on the road with absolutely no money. Like, you leave and go. Like, what I'm getting paid at the end of the weekend is my money. Yeah. So you have to, like, get through the weekend in order to get that money.

[Mike Harrington]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a goddamn nightmare.

[Zach Kimiko]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But, yeah, I just. This old lady, like, her husband was dead. She was straight up. Real deal. The real deal old lady, dude. Raw dogged her, came inside of her. Yeah, no worries at all.

[Zach Kimiko]

Did she say anything like, it's all right. Just do it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

She was like, I have. That doesn't work down there in years.

[Zach Kimiko]

It's so hot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Aaron loves it. Yeah.

[Zach Kimiko]

I love you.

[Aaron Berg]

Commenter. It sounds like a spittoon from the 1800s.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Door opens up. If you had one of those internal cameras, it would be like the beginning of Tales from the Crypt.

[Aaron Berg]

I can't have kitties.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ah. All right, look, we're gonna wrap it up. This has been fun. Aaron Berg, Nick Simmons, support them in everything that they do. Hilarious. We'll be back on Wednesday with another incredible episode. Who do we got on Wednesday? It's Tim Buttery and Giannis. What a week, folks. All right, we'll check you then. Good night.