0041. Maddy Smith, James Mattern and Scott Chaplain

Summary

Summary of Episode 0041: "Maddy Smith, James Mattern and Scott Chaplain" | The Luis and Zac Show

Introduction

In Episode 0041 of The Luis and Zac Show, hosted by GaS Digital Network, hosts Luis J. Gomez and Zach Amico welcome returning guests Maddie Smith, Micah Fox, and Scott Chaplain. The episode kicks off with casual banter, setting the tone for an engaging and uncensored discussion filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and lively interactions.

Pet Store Heist and T. Rex Story

The primary topic revolves around a viral video depicting a staged seizure to steal puppies from a Colorado pet store. The hosts and guests dissect the incident, focusing on a three-legged dog named T. Rex.

• Key Discussion Points:

  • The ethical implications of exploiting animals for views and monetization.
  • Personal stories about accidental pet deaths, including incidents involving kittens and crows.
  • The absurdity of theft disguised as emergencies to launder stolen pets back to the store, raising questions about the perpetrators' motives.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Zach Amico [04:37]: "She's gonna be goddamn president in 2028."
  • Luis J. Gomez [05:31]: "God bless her."

Critique of Animal Rescue Videos

The conversation shifts to a critical analysis of animal rescue videos circulating on social media, where acts of kindness are performed primarily for content creation rather than genuine altruism.

• Key Discussion Points:

  • The authenticity of such rescue efforts and their true intentions.
  • The potential positive impact versus the performative nature of these acts.
  • Personal disdain for individuals who exploit animal rescues for personal gain.

• Notable Commentary:

  • Luis J. Gomez [09:04]: Expresses frustration over the commercialization of animal rescue efforts, emphasizing the lack of sincerity behind these actions.

Personal Anecdotes and Animal Encounters

Guests share various personal stories involving animals, highlighting both humorous and tragic experiences.

• Key Stories:
  • Scott Chaplain recounts stepping on a lizard in Florida, leading to its demise.
  • Louis J. Gomez shares a heartbreaking story of a kitten getting trapped and passing away in a rocking chair due to a faulty chair mechanism.
  • Micah Fox discusses accidentally breaking her arm on a treadmill and her subsequent interaction with the gym.

Discussion on Ticklishness and Behavioral Traits

The hosts delve into the topic of being ticklish, linking it humorously to personality traits and sociopathic tendencies.

• Key Discussion Points:
  • The correlation between ticklishness and one's ability to empathize or harm animals.
  • Personal confessions of discomfort when others touch certain parts of their body.

Skiing Adventures and Experiences

Luis shares his recent skiing trip to Park City, Utah, praising the location's beauty and contrasting it with other less favorable skiing destinations like the Poconos and Jersey.

• Key Discussion Points:
  • The high cost of skiing in premium locations versus more affordable regions.
  • Positive interactions with affluent, friendly individuals on the slopes.
  • Plans to bring family members to future skiing trips, emphasizing safety and enjoyment.

Product Promotions and Sponsorships

Throughout the episode, the hosts integrate promotional segments for various products, seamlessly blending them into the conversation.

• Featured Products:

  • Keto Brains Nootropic Creamer: Marketed as a mental clarity and energy booster for coffee.
  • Cornbread Hemp CBD Gummies: Promoted for relaxation and stress relief, available in CBD and THC-infused options.
  • Small Batch Cigar: Highlighted for its high-quality, small-batch cigars with a diverse selection.

• Promotional Quotes:

  • Louis J. Gomez [16:00]: "Trust me, you can make way more money in the long run."
  • Maddie Smith [32:07]: "Whether you're looking for just CBD or THC-infused options, Cornbread's got you covered."

Live Chat Interactions and Moderation

Shannon, the show's moderator, plays a pivotal role in managing live chat interactions, enforcing timeouts for inappropriate comments to maintain the show's integrity.

• Notable Interaction:
  • Luis J. Gomez [24:21]: Announces a 20-minute timeout for a participant using offensive language, ensuring the conversation remains respectful.

Upcoming Tours and Events

The episode concludes with enthusiastic promotions of upcoming tours, shows, and special events involving the hosts and guests.

• Key Highlights:
  • Scott Chaplain announces his headlining at Nerd Bar in Las Vegas during WrestleMania weekend.
  • Zach Amico promotes his third comedy album, "Get a Job," and upcoming performances at various comedy venues across the United States.
  • Louis J. Gomez shares details about his upcoming tour in Europe, including performances in Amsterdam, Glasgow, Dublin, Manchester, and London.

Conclusion

Episode 0041 of The Luis and Zac Show offers a blend of comedic storytelling, critical commentary, and personal insights, all while maintaining an unfiltered and energetic atmosphere. The hosts and guests engage in candid discussions, share memorable anecdotes, and promote their respective projects, delivering a dynamic and entertaining episode for their audience.

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Note: This summary refrains from reproducing offensive language present in the original transcript to maintain a respectful and appropriate overview.

Transcript

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fill her up. You're listening to the GAS Digital Network. You know what time it is?

[Zach Amico]

They say life a bit tight at night. Boy, we diving. We got Zakamika, red dot, headshot. Eat a sniper. The Puerto Rican point guard striking like a viper. And it came to attack, spilling crack on the tracks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What's up, baby? Boys, it's your boy, Louis J. Gomez. I'm back. I feel like I've been here and a hot minute.

[Maddie Smith]

It's been a few.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thank you for holding down the fort on Monday, Zach. I heard it was a great show.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, we had a good time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A lot of people said it was better because I wasn't here. That's okay. That's okay sometimes. Incredible show planned today. I'm the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Lucia Gomez. He is the international superstar, Zach amico.

[Maddie Smith]

Feeling good, buddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Good. You look good, baby. I like this. I like your Juggalo look.

[Maddie Smith]

Thank you. I'm working on it. Yeah, dude decided to try it. I'm very happy with. I'm getting good responses.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you're. You're officially. Well, you are like a part of the Juggalo crew now.

[Maddie Smith]

Shannon's into it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Shannon likes it. What a slut. Shannon, I thought. I thought we have a. I look.

[Maddie Smith]

Like a real ginzo.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, this is your thing. What?

[Shannon]

I was trying. My mic wasn't on. I said I love the outfit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Three guests on today's show. It's a big deal, guys. Rarely do we do three guests, but it. We're getting crazy, you know, we're in Lover from the Madhouse podcast right here on the Gas Digital Network. Ladies and gentlemen, the great Maddie Smith back on the show.

[Micah Fox]

What's up? Thank you, Lewis and Zach, for having me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What's up, girl?

[Micah Fox]

What's up, girl?

[Louis J. Gomez]

How you do new album? Get a job.

[Zach Amico]

Get a job.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Louis, let's go buy it right now on itunes. Can you stream it anywhere for free?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I mean, which. My own record label is encouraging people. I'm like, can't we just make the 8 cents that we get off the record when people buy it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's better. It's better. Stream for free, dude, I'll tell you right now, you can make way more money in the long run.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I do like a long run.

[Louis J. Gomez]

James matter. Been a minute. I. Can I just say this?

[Zach Amico]

First time since the rebranding.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

I didn't even know what I booked. I'm like, no, I want to do. I want to do real ass.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, no.

[Zach Amico]

This is what it's Called.

[Micah Fox]

We don't say that in here. Lewis and Zach, me and them and.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know him and love him.

[Scott Chaplin]

Laz, baby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Working Stiff Comedians Wrestling. It's a new podcast, I guess. Different.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, baby. Rebranded.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Rebranded?

[Scott Chaplin]

You know it, bro.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a rebrand.

[Scott Chaplin]

Vegas.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Scott Chaplin back on the show.

[Scott Chaplin]

What up, kings? What is this noise?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's the funny. Please.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, I like it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're here. They're here to put those cuffs on you, cuz. You're too funny.

[Zach Amico]

You are too funny.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shout out to everyone watching live in the Gas Digital Network right now. If you guys are watching this on YouTube or anywhere else, you should notice you can get the live, uncensored and ad free version every Monday, Wednesday, and an exclusive show just for subscribers on Fridays. Go subscribe to yes Digital right now. Use that promo code, Laz. And yeah, you get the show the way that it's intended to be. It's the only look, most people are editing the fuck out of their shows now for YouTube. You can't get away with anything anymore. Guess what? We got a platform so we can say whatever the fuck we want. Go, subscribe, support us. You get over a thousand episodes in the on Demand library that are not available anywhere else. You can go to the whole history of the show. Great show plan. Very excited. Shannon, how are you feeling this morning?

[Shannon]

I'm doing well, how are you doing?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing pretty good. Went to the gym this morning. That's why I was late. Guys.

[Micah Fox]

You look.

[Scott Chaplin]

You gotta make up a real excuse than enjoying yourself.

[Zach Amico]

Let him break us off.

[Scott Chaplin]

He looks great.

[Micah Fox]

Lewis, are you on T?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, you're. No, just natural. All Natty, baby. Let's go.

[Zach Amico]

Come on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Natty. Maddie.

[Micah Fox]

Yes, Maddie. And the Natty.

[Zach Amico]

Cuomo. Bring her in too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We need more people.

[Maddie Smith]

Look me in the eye.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's doing great. She is doing great.

[Scott Chaplin]

Motherfuckers quote in it.

[Zach Amico]

Is she selling that as a T shirt? That's easy merch right there.

[Micah Fox]

What?

[Zach Amico]

Look me in the eye.

[Micah Fox]

Hilarious.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All I know, she unblocked me on all platforms. Hey.

[Zach Amico]

Welcome back.

[Micah Fox]

See her anger.

[Zach Amico]

Welcome back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think it was because I didn't take shots at her when everyone else was taking shots. Yeah, I think she heard. Well, because I, you know, you have to. It's going, going. It's going round again. Colin Rug, I guess tweeted it a couple days ago, so it's just gaining all this traction again. Yeah.

[Micah Fox]

Did you guys say anything? I. I kept my mouth shut.

[Scott Chaplin]

I have nothing to say.

[Micah Fox]

I Got shitty clips, too.

[Scott Chaplin]

She's a beautiful woman.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We talked about it on the Friday night every day.

[Scott Chaplin]

Anyway.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, I post so much dog.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is the point that I made. And we can move on because we have already talked about it. I. Look, everyone at one point has freaked out on an audience member.

[Scott Chaplin]

Brother.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We just did. We had the. We had the wherewithal to not post it as a clip. Like, look at this win. It's iconic. That's the craziest thing of all, is that she posted it as a win.

[Zach Amico]

It's like 20 million views. She's gonna be goddamn president in 2028. We're all laughing at it. Like, you shouldn't put that out. This is insanity. We didn't post it. She's gonna be printing money. God bless her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

God bless her.

[Scott Chaplin]

Moment where I saw something in her eyes where I went, I know what kind of woman I like. And I gotta figure there was a moment where I was like, fuck. I actually have to figure my life.

[Maddie Smith]

Hey, well, you know, listen, we're sitting here and she's gonna go on tour with Michael Richards.

[Zach Amico]

So what a one, two punch that would be. Are you out of your mind?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, the good for good for her. I have no. I hold ill. I know I hold no ill will literally towards any of my exes. They're all. They're all baby girls in the back of my jack off mind. So I get to do whatever I want.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that's another good shirt. Can you make that merch?

[Micah Fox]

Baby girls in my jack off.

[Zach Amico]

Jack off mine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I got my jack.

[Maddie Smith]

In all fairness, you know how bands do like the tour shirt.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You with all the girls on the back would be pretty funny.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, that is fun.

[Zach Amico]

All the girls I've loved before and it's just all your ex hit list on the back is out of control.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Karen Margolis.

[Zach Amico]

Anyone with a K?

[Micah Fox]

Probably someone else named Karen.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, if we get one more K in there. Hell yeah, you don't. You gotta.

[Maddie Smith]

Our office boy.

[Zach Amico]

The show hasn't changed.

[Micah Fox]

No green screen now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we have a green screen, but we still are racist pieces of shit. It should be pointed out we have an incredible show planned today. I'm very excited about today's show, Shannon, by the way. I should have sent it to you. There is a. An adoption. There's a. There's a specific, like puppy or dog rescue for retarded dogs. Or not retarded dogs, but like up dogs.

[Scott Chaplin]

Like missing limbs.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, there was one. There's one little cute dog named T. Rex. You got to find him, Shannon, you're gonna.

[Scott Chaplin]

I know about T Rex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

T Rex is no joke. He was born, he's got no front legs.

[Zach Amico]

Son of a dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then there was a guy who did a video. Please try to find this. Just if you go on Instagram, you should be able to find it. It's. T Rex is the name of the dog. And I know the. The shelter that houses him also reposted the video. It was one of these guys. First of all, I hate this type of.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, it's always like an American Filipino guy who's 22.

[Shannon]

Was that him? The guy with two legs is literally an angel, y'all.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes. This is the place for sure.

[Shannon]

They showed him a second ago.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, Shannon, stop playing this. Stop playing. That's a horse.

[Zach Amico]

Can I say this?

[Maddie Smith]

That's really that dog. So horse.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's how went backwards. I love a three legged dog. When I see one on the street, I'm. I do this like it's out of control. I give a dap. Like, like respect.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I.

[Zach Amico]

Because I feel like a three legged dog.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I wish we could. We could find one. I would for sure get one for the studio. Can we get a studio animal? Why don't we have an animal in the studio?

[Maddie Smith]

Do you get mad when people bring animals?

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, I was gonna bring my dog, but I thought you'd.

[Zach Amico]

But if it's your house one, I.

[Scott Chaplin]

Know how you get it. Yeah, it's Josh Adamyers of the world.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, that's. It's a little crazy.

[Micah Fox]

Josh's dog is huge. He brings it to Skank Fest. He's like, she's freaking out. I don't know why. She's in a casino.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, Stolen Valor. He has it in an outfit it didn't earn.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I hate. I hate Josh and his dog.

[Maddie Smith]

What does it have a shirt that says dog of a comedian?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I can't. Shannon, try to find the video. There's a video of a guy who picked up T. Rex from the pound or from this place and was like, I'm T. Rex. The best day of his life.

[Scott Chaplin]

Best day of his life. And then you drop the dog off at 6pm it's so fucked up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thinks that he's adopted.

[Scott Chaplin]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He goes down the best day ever. And then at one point, the guy goes in the video, he's like. He's like. And then here's. It's time for T Rex's big surprise. And you're like, oh, he's got him front legs. He's got a front legs and he doesn't. He just takes him to the beach. Go ahead, play this disabled dog shelter dog with.

[Zach Amico]

Look at this poor son of.

[Scott Chaplin]

He's awesome, man. A beagle. Excuse me miss, my name is Nina Marie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nice to meet you.

[Scott Chaplin]

I was wondering if I can give.

[Louis J. Gomez]

One of your dogs the best day.

[Scott Chaplin]

Ever after explaining to her what I.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did for a living.

[Maddie Smith]

Suck his dick.

[Scott Chaplin]

She's like, you're gonna check off my dog.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, Red rocket. Pause it for a second. Shannon, here's my problem with all of these videos and I. Is this the, the. The cynic in me. I'm just going like you're doing this for views. You're doing this for monetization. You're doing this to build a profile. You have this dramatic sweet music behind it. But every time, every one of these videos, when they're going to give it tacos or homeless people or they're fudgeing, you know. You know, giving a homeless person to makeover or taking a fucking two legged dog to the beach. It's not really about being a good person. It's not. And if it was about being a good person, you would just do it without being a fudgeing camera there. Without monetizing it, without making it a part of your brand. I just can't stand it. And I know that it's probably does more good than bad still. It's about like. It's a net positive for like the world and it makes people feel good and they want to do nice things. But I still hate it and I hate this guy and I want him to fudgeing be dead. I hate him.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah. Unless he tells me like, look, I do these good things and then at night I weep because I can't have them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Like you have to be all the way good. Yes. If you're 50% good, then what's the other 50, right? A fucking.

[Louis J. Gomez]

None of them are good.

[Scott Chaplin]

They're opportunist.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're all evil fucking people.

[Scott Chaplin]

And so I actually I had to ask someone to stop sending me images of animals up for foster because I can't handle it. It's up my too much. I have a dog. I love her. I would. I wish I could take care of all the dogs. I can't. So leave me alone with your.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I can't. And they're sweet. It is nice. My, my algorithm right now is all cute animals. It's actually cute AI animals. It's a cat singing. Do you want me baby right now with like a Little baby voice. It's a kitten. It's AI. And then teenage girls shaking their asses.

[Zach Amico]

If you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, if you see my Discover page also AI. It is. No, no, it's not AI. Oh, no, no, no.

[Micah Fox]

It's real.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, trust me, this bone is real.

[Zach Amico]

What I love is that you know.

[Maddie Smith]

When I think what they're under 18.

[Zach Amico]

No one would guess that you'd have cats. My algorithm also animals. Nothing but hippos and orcas, like the most violent.

[Maddie Smith]

That's how I describe the women in my algorithm.

[Zach Amico]

Oh yeah, my real life algorithm. Up till.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh yeah, mine saw do funny and then they go, oh, you like dogs so much. How about a dog being attacked by a leopard?

[Zach Amico]

No, they are showing.

[Scott Chaplin]

It is so much dogs being eaten by animals.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. Well, I love that. I follow. Nature is metal. Nature is. Look, it's kittens.

[Zach Amico]

And then jail bait Jenny over here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jail bait Jenny right here. I mean, it's crazy. It's how many hot teenage girls. Oh, there's Bill Burr in there as well.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, Bill burn.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll play it. It's. It's. Listen, I don't know if I have.

[Zach Amico]

Is this the kitten or the jail.

[Scott Chaplin]

Bait person City the next few months.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no. I gotta put my wi fi on.

[Scott Chaplin]

Burr's gonna be in the city.

[Zach Amico]

I'll go see.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's gonna be good.

[Scott Chaplin]

We're gonna be.

[Micah Fox]

It'll be good to see him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, why don't you get Bill Burr on the Lewis and Zach show you dirty for once? Do something, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Yeah, I'll just. I'll give him a call.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Shannon, that's what you do.

[Zach Amico]

This is insane that you love this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I've watched that a thousand times. And then teenage girls with their tits hanging out. Yeah, pretty toy. Pretty toit.

[Zach Amico]

They go hand in hand.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, hand and penis.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So, Shannon, play this video. Go ahead. This three legged. This four legged dog. Two legged dog. Whatever. Shut up.

[Shannon]

There you go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You ready for the best day ever?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, this poor bastard.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Get ready to go. Look at his tail. He's terrified. Grabbing him some snacks and then his favorite toys.

[Scott Chaplin]

We're going to play, I promise.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's get you some toys first.

[Maddie Smith]

Which one do you want to get?

[Scott Chaplin]

Every single second someone would stop me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

To show love to T. Rex. It's time for your next. I mean, T. Rex is pretty great.

[Zach Amico]

She's a badass.

[Scott Chaplin]

He runs like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at him. He just drags his face on the floor.

[Zach Amico]

Look at his advert.

[Scott Chaplin]

Good for him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He bashes his face into the fl. He. They played around for a bit and then we ran into some Star wars members and they showed him some love.

[Zach Amico]

Excuse me, wait. Star wars members.

[Maddie Smith]

Big surprise.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Going to be his first time on the beach.

[Scott Chaplin]

He ended up loving the sand right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

From the first second.

[Scott Chaplin]

And then we played for a bit and then.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't think that was a real. I don't think that was a real bird sound. I think that bird was added for watching.

[Scott Chaplin]

And be sure to fall asleep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at. He falls asleep on the beach. Shannon, do you love. Do you love trx?

[Shannon]

I do love him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You love him? Shannon, why don't you find us a freaky dog for the office?

[Shannon]

Because who's going to take care of it on the weekends?

[Louis J. Gomez]

The. We'll get a. We'll get a bird feeder or something.

[Zach Amico]

A bird feeder.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A bird feeder.

[Zach Amico]

A bird feeder to feed. Yeah, A one pod dog.

[Louis J. Gomez]

One pod dog. Great fucking T shirt. Talking about T shirts.

[Zach Amico]

I'm the king of merch. Not for myself, but I'll give everyone else ideas. Sweetie. I just called you sweetie. What am I a 90 year old?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I liked it.

[Micah Fox]

It's cute.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, old Italians do that. You know that, right? Every old uncle I ever has.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like.

[Zach Amico]

Come here, tiger. Come here, sweetheart. What the fuck's going on with you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, can we find a freaky dog to. Well, somebody will come in. I bet you Ralph will take him on the weekends. Ralph fosters dogs all the time.

[Shannon]

Oh maybe.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, he would definitely use it for his advantage.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

What to go out with a 20 year old Russian?

[Maddie Smith]

They'd be like, oh, we gotta stop at the studio. I gotta feed the disabled dog.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Having a disabled dog here would actually rule. And when I say disabled, I'm not talking about missing an eye. I'm talking about it's gotta have. It's got a three legged dog is.

[Micah Fox]

The minimum he's got to match the producers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would like. I'd like a no legged dog.

[Scott Chaplin]

That'd be great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, it's just a little rump roast. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Wait a minute though. Missing an eye with. Has there ever been a dog with a patch?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Probably.

[Zach Amico]

Awesome.

[Scott Chaplin]

A pirate dog.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, I guess.

[Zach Amico]

Game on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

B I, I like that too. But that has to be one of his afflictions. Like I want a dog. I want a dog. Like his snout has been chopped off and it's just hole into his brain.

[Maddie Smith]

Not just eye missing but like tongue doesn't go in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. Like it'll make people uncomfortable. That's almost the problem. With T Rex. He's too cute. T. Rex is, but when he tries to run, he just drags his face on the ground. That's pretty hilarious. That would rule.

[Maddie Smith]

Can't they get him wheels?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Probably they could.

[Maddie Smith]

It's just funnier to get them front wheels.

[Zach Amico]

Would that be a better day than taking him to the.

[Maddie Smith]

I bet it'd be a much better day.

[Zach Amico]

And getting him a another instead of.

[Maddie Smith]

Him dragging his eyeballs through the sand. Yes.

[Zach Amico]

I love how everyone thinks that, like buying new toys for a dog is a big deal. He doesn't know that this ball's old. Like it's just another ball.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's just another ball.

[Zach Amico]

It's another ball.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah. I started going to Home Depot for my dog's toys. I buy rope at Home Depot.

[Zach Amico]

Get out.

[Scott Chaplin]

Swear it's way too dog like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know dogs will play with a noose too.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh yeah, they don't care.

[Zach Amico]

Pretty noose.

[Louis J. Gomez]

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[Zach Amico]

Once again, this is the show I.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Remember.

[Micah Fox]

Talking about differently.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're Talking about dogs right now.

[Zach Amico]

This is great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There was a bulldog puppy stolen in a fake seizure heist, and it's found and returned to the Colorado pet store, first of all.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, it was found in return.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. To the. To the pet store that was probably abusing it.

[Scott Chaplin]

Sure. Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whoever stole it was probably. I had a. I had a girl that I. That used to work for me, and she. Years ago, she went to like, a puppy place to buy. To buy a puppy. Right. And she. This is. She worked for me for poster dog when I was selling comedy club tickets. And this girl. This girl actually introduced me to Eric Andre. She was friends with him in Florida. When he first came up to New York, she was like, this is my friend Eric. You had to put him on your shows. And he was like a no name dude at the time. And now he won't return our phone calls. One, two. Skank fest. So fuck you, Eric Andre. How about you suck my dick? You remember. You remember what I did for you? New York comedy club. So she went to a puppy store. Oh, he knows. She went to a puppy store. And she stole this puppy. It was a little Chihuahua puppy. And she put it under her jacket and left the store with it. But she didn't get any, like, instructions on how to care for it or anything, so. Not that she even needed instructions. She lived. She had a loft bed that she was in her apartment and she had the puppy sleeping with her. And the first night the puppy fell out of the loft bed. And for a Chihuahua puppy, that's like falling from a third story.

[Zach Amico]

That's insane.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah. And she killed this puppy.

[Scott Chaplin]

No.

[Micah Fox]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

Just like that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. She didn't know she'd want to go to a vet because she felt bad and she. She didn't want to get caught stealing it.

[Micah Fox]

Killed it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So she, like, tried to just like, you know, put its bones back together.

[Zach Amico]

A broken leg knocked over a kid's Lego sets. Like, hey, we'll just piece it back together.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. She. She tried to mush his body back together and. Yeah, she killed this puppy.

[Micah Fox]

Like a broken bowl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. No, I think what she ended up doing, she ended up dropping it off, like, at like a vet without saying anything.

[Micah Fox]

She dropped it off like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I believe the puppy died. If I'm not mistaken, that's.

[Scott Chaplin]

So I have a buddy who rolled over on a new kitten.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no. And it died.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah. Woke up the next morning and was like, no way.

[Maddie Smith]

I. I have a fat aunt who.

[Micah Fox]

You don't say.

[Scott Chaplin]

We all do.

[Maddie Smith]

A new kitten In a rocking chair.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God.

[Micah Fox]

It was under the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That I had almost the same story.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, your.

[Maddie Smith]

Your cat went in the chair.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I had. I had a rocking chair that was like. It was a swivel chair. It was like a big. It was so you could, like, pull it back and it would be like, like lazy boy style, but it was a big circle, so it, like, swiveled around. It was a very nice chair. Very soft, comfortable chair, except there was so many, like, springs and like, like crevices underneath it. And my cat had kittens, and one of the kittens crawled up in there and it snapped its neck, and I had to, like, get it out of the chair, and its body was still warm. It happened, so. Oh, it was so recent that I felt the warmth of its body, and my cat was just like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. What? I was, like, removing the body.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, I know.

[Micah Fox]

So fucked.

[Scott Chaplin]

An older man who has a plow on his truck, and he was playing Jesus.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love how the. Just the. The pretense of the story lets us know how bad it's going to be.

[Maddie Smith]

He won't say who the guy is back, so.

[Scott Chaplin]

Right. Married to his wife for, like, 42 years, kills his wife with his truck.

[Micah Fox]

No way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jesus.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yep.

[Micah Fox]

Wow.

[Scott Chaplin]

The cops were at his place for, like, a week making sure he didn't kill himself after.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Scott Chaplin]

Not as bad as killing your dog.

[Micah Fox]

But imagine I knew a girl.

[Zach Amico]

Not as bad as killing her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know a girl who was, like, really hot in high school, and I guess when she was in middle school, when she was even hotter, she took a gerbil and put it in the microwave just for a second to see what would happen. Oh, and of course, its brain melted out of its ear. I love that.

[Zach Amico]

This just became gremlins. It just became.

[Louis J. Gomez]

These are. By the way, these are all. These are literally all the deaths and gremlins.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

Little kids try to dry off.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Did someone's parent dress up as Santa Claus?

[Louis J. Gomez]

My mom once took a puppy and put it into a blender and it went.

[Micah Fox]

Tasted pretty good, though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see.

[Scott Chaplin]

Did you guys ever torture animals when you were a kid?

[Micah Fox]

Really? No.

[Scott Chaplin]

No, I didn't. I had friends.

[Zach Amico]

What are we, a bunch of Dexters?

[Scott Chaplin]

I remember, like, the night I didn't hang out with them, they were like, dude, we blew up a frog. And I remember as a kid being like, I missed that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

But I didn't do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Depends on the type of animal you are torturing.

[Zach Amico]

Frog. Baseball.

[Scott Chaplin]

We used to. With dead animals. I remember my buddy ripped off the wings of a. Of a. What's the white ones? A swan.

[Zach Amico]

Wow. Not a dove.

[Scott Chaplin]

But he ripped off the wings of a swan. And he was like going like he's pretending he was flying around.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is awesome.

[Scott Chaplin]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Having big ass swan wings.

[Scott Chaplin]

You just running around.

[Maddie Smith]

Angel.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, you.

[Zach Amico]

In real life, they're the nastiest sons of.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I did a show at a country club once and this. I'm just looking at it before I went on. Just took a glance at me looking at it and came at me be. No pun intended. Just starts. Whatever the swan talk. It was terrifying.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know it's not beaking.

[Zach Amico]

Well, you know, we call. When you honk. We call it beaking. Yeah, but whatever. But whatever. And it's ignorant. Looks like there's a swan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A goose.

[Micah Fox]

I thought they were really related.

[Zach Amico]

Ish. Right?

[Scott Chaplin]

No, swans are male and female. Yeah. Swans are each other.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know. Before they. They. It's like a beautiful heart with their faces.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at each other.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. Because the, you know, little boat you take.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

And then all the other animals.

[Maddie Smith]

I think geese don't live in water. Swans do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Geese, I feel like they have little flippers on their feet. I feel like they can do some water, dude.

[Scott Chaplin]

No, they do water, but they sleep in like a field or something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. And swans sleep in the water in a heart shape.

[Zach Amico]

Don't they sound dumber? I mean, I. I respect what you say that they. With the honking, but. But to me they sound. They're more little alpha than the geese. No, swans. Geese just seem like dumb.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, Swans are classy and beautiful. You would get swans for your wedding. Yeah. Nobody wants some fucking goose.

[Zach Amico]

You get up for your wedding and they would kill one of the guests.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. No goose would be a whole problem. You don't want to goose at your wedding.

[Maddie Smith]

I grew up with a kid that tortured an animal.

[Micah Fox]

What animal?

[Maddie Smith]

It was my. There's a guy worked for my dad named Gary and a son named Jeffrey who was just a bad kid. Jeffrey was just a problem. He was years younger than me. And I remember he came to my birthday party when I was little and his parents had to bring him presents to my birthday so that he wouldn't freak out.

[Zach Amico]

Jesus.

[Maddie Smith]

When I was opening presents.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on one second. I'm so sorry. Shannon, timeout. I rape gays for 20 minutes.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

20 minutes. I look down and he's like. This is so. He's bitching about the conversation. So. You know what? If you don't like the conversation? How about you take a break from it?

[Micah Fox]

Rape some gays.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I love your name too. I love your name. Now I gotta time you out from the fucking chat for 20 minutes.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, because of swans?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because we're trying to have a fun conversation about geese and goose. And swans. And swans.

[Maddie Smith]

And they bought Jeffrey a rabbit for, I think, his birthday anyway. And he would put it in drawers, throw it down the stairs like that. So they had to give it back to the pet store. But every time Jeffrey went to the pet store, the rabbit would lose its fucking. I bet, like the omen. Like the rabbit would just start puking and shitting and flipping out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. No, I think that this is the type of animal you torture. It really tells who you are. I think any sort of reptile you can kill.

[Scott Chaplin]

We're all gonna torture an animal.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, you know, I'm just saying it's.

[Zach Amico]

Like to write a passage, you can't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You can't torture a mammal.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. If you have a kid who tortures a mammal, that's like he early psychopath.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. If you. If you're gonna torture a bird or a reptile, you know, you could probably be pretty normal.

[Maddie Smith]

Anything with pupils.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you mean?

[Maddie Smith]

Like fish. Birds.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Have pupils.

[Maddie Smith]

They blink.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Blink.

[Zach Amico]

They just have.

[Maddie Smith]

They don't have like eye contact really, do they?

[Micah Fox]

It's just like.

[Maddie Smith]

Like a. Fishes are gonna look you in the eye.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I haven't purposely tortured a fish, but I've. I've gone fishing and just. I take it out of the water and don't do anything with it. I was like, let it just suffocate. I guess in retrospect, that's sort of torture, right?

[Scott Chaplin]

I stepped on a lizard in Florida.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

It's like legs were all snapped and I just like, put it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Actually I had a joke about that that I forgot. I literally forgot because I accidentally stepped on a lizard in Florida. And then the joke was something along the lines of. I was like, this is the only place that will desensitize you to stepping on lizards. It's like by day three, you're like, oh, a lizard.

[Scott Chaplin]

When I was a kid, I opened my garage and a crow flew in and I closed the garage. And then my dad was in the garage, like a week later, he found a dead crow. And he's like, what the is a crow doing in here?

[Louis J. Gomez]

You thought you were golf.

[Scott Chaplin]

I had a pet.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, I thought I got a pet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You were. You were fucking goth.

[Zach Amico]

Now I'm so superstitious. The Italian side. You know, bird flies in your house, but there's a garage. If a bird flies in your garage, is that bad luck, too?

[Scott Chaplin]

Wait, Italian rule.

[Micah Fox]

Is it bad luck of a bird if a bird.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my.

[Micah Fox]

Oh, that happened to me before.

[Maddie Smith]

For Italian families, it's different because usually the oldest son is living in there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would say the type of bird. If a fucking raven flies into your garage, expect seven years badly.

[Micah Fox]

That's some egg potion.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You don't want a raven to fly into your. Your window. You're like, all right, somebody's dying.

[Zach Amico]

In my family, the crows ain't any better.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If a pigeon flies into your garage, that's just.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, the singer of Mayhem had a dead crow in a big jar, and he would inhale it before songs so that he had death in his. In his lungs.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is. That is also pretty awesome.

[Zach Amico]

Well, winners do win pretty.

[Maddie Smith]

Fucking buried his clothes in the woods for a month so it looked like he was coming out of the earth and he had a dead crow he would bring on tour, and he would huff it in between songs.

[Micah Fox]

Damn, I'm not doing enough.

[Zach Amico]

Can we agree that crows are to ravens what geese are to swans?

[Micah Fox]

Similar.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that was perfect analogy, my friend.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Perfect fucking analogy.

[Zach Amico]

Do I get a guess? Of snake.

[Maddie Smith]

If you saw the snake, he's saying geese. There's a swan's n words.

[Zach Amico]

Well, you take it up a notch. I just sit in the corner, sweetheart.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, what is this? Bulldog puppy. That was stolen.

[Shannon]

Yeah. I'm gonna show you the video, so you're gonna watch. Here is where the guy's gonna fake a seizure. There he goes.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God.

[Shannon]

And then now watch this guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This guy. Why are the dogs freaking out?

[Maddie Smith]

This guy hit the ground.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Which guy hit the ground? I missed that.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, yeah, he hit the ground.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, I see.

[Micah Fox]

Okay, so they're.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're guys together. Oh, he falls also. Was such a fake fall. Oh, everyone's. Oh, everyone's disoriented. The kids are even looking. Oh, this is. This is a sick scam.

[Scott Chaplin]

This is despicable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Scam that doodle.

[Scott Chaplin]

This is where you need Beethoven to come in and save the day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Trying to help his friend.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, this is where you wish it was like the movies and the dogs, like, bite a guy's ass and trip him.

[Shannon]

Like, he's taking too long to do it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, just do it right away, you dumbass.

[Shannon]

There he goes.

[Micah Fox]

Hey, what are you doing?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, she still caught him. She still caught him.

[Scott Chaplin]

Still caught him.

[Zach Amico]

And now he's trying to make it.

[Maddie Smith]

Out like drop two of the pups.

[Micah Fox]

Oh, look at these dumb.

[Scott Chaplin]

What a bum.

[Micah Fox]

Chaos at the pet store.

[Maddie Smith]

Dude, this guy sucks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's the worst thief I've ever seen.

[Scott Chaplin]

And now they found the dogs, right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

The one dog.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, because this is terrible because you go, are you taking them to. To resell them for money?

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you work at this puppy store, are you gonna really stop that much? I mean, help the guy who had the seizure.

[Scott Chaplin]

To be honest, I would take bat to head because there's stories of like monkey torture across the country. There's like black market awful torturing of not just children. It's like every animal in the book.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Of course. But I don't think that this guy was stealing these dogs to torture them.

[Scott Chaplin]

I want to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He was selling these dogs.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, absolutely.

[Micah Fox]

Selling our breeding or some shit.

[Shannon]

That's how they ended up finding the dog is an unnamed woman purchased one of the puppies from a street vendor for fifteen hundred dollars. And then when she saw this post, she returned the puppy to the place after seeing the description, so. But one puppy's still missing. Valued of over $8,000 for the two puppies.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He got two puppies.

[Shannon]

It's. I think there was another person. I watch it so many times, I don't see the second person, but I think that there were three people total involved in this. The seizure guy and two other guys. So they got away with two puppies.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Seizure is home.

[Zach Amico]

Is that the most. Hold on, Colorado. I love that song. Can I tell you this? If I ever get married, I want it played.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's like eight minutes long. And that's the only thing that's in the song.

[Zach Amico]

I love it. It really. And guesstle snake. It really calms me for some reason, which says a lot about me. Is that the most Colorado ruse ever?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Holler. Oh, you're a. You know what? Now you get it. I know what you were going for there.

[Zach Amico]

I want this plate at my breast. So come on. You were gonna say, where did this happen? Of course, Colorado. Like, that's what. Like if you're gonna be a criminal mastermind of Colorado, you're gonna try and steal a goddamn dog.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry, buddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's got sad right now.

[Scott Chaplin]

I avoided that video the last few days. I've seen it online. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Wow. All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Cornbread Hemp for supporting today's show. Cornbread Hemp. Big amazing CBD gummies. That all. You can also get cb, THC gummies as well. I don't take THC anymore. I use the Cornbread sleepy time gummies to go to sleep at night. Absolutely incredible. 25 milligrams of CBD. They have 1 milligram of THC so it doesn't get you high, but it genuinely makes you feel so good. Go to sleep without any of the weird, like, over the counter medications. Those things suck you. You crash out. The next morning, you wake up, you're super tired. That's not what Cornbread Hemp CBD gummies are like. They're genuinely incredible. And they have a bunch of different products on their website.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I actually use the THC ones. They sent me some to try. Absolutely love them. So whether or not you're looking for just CBD or the THC ones, Cornbread's got you covered.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. They're gonna help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, or you just need a little relaxation. They only use the best part of the hemp plant, the flower. For the purest and most potent CBD. Right now, just go to cornbreadhemp.com that's cornbreadhemp.com lazy and use the code LAZ at checkout. You're gonna get 30% off your first order. That's a huge discount. 30% off your first order. Cornbreadhep.com LAZ and use that code LAZ for a discount. All right, where were we? I went skiing in Salt Lake City.

[Scott Chaplin]

I saw that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So fun.

[Micah Fox]

How'd you like it recently?

[Scott Chaplin]

Buy your lonesome without the kid?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, not with my kid.

[Scott Chaplin]

Nice.

[Micah Fox]

You went alone. Sorry.

[Zach Amico]

He did okay. He does okay.

[Micah Fox]

It was fun.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There was a friend. He does.

[Scott Chaplin]

It was a friend or some broad.

[Micah Fox]

Wait, let me get distracted.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Relax. Everyone be cool. Everyone be cool. Yeah. No.

[Micah Fox]

Hit the slopes. Any injuries?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I, I, I. First of all, it is way better as an Asian if, If that's one of my jokes. Thanks. What's it called? The. No, it was way better than skiing in the Poconos or Jersey. Dude, Poconos. Jersey skiing sucks dick. Yeah. I mean, the trailers were like 12, 15 minutes long. You just go. You just go. It was pretty crazy.

[Zach Amico]

I've never been skiing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Never been skiing? No.

[Micah Fox]

I've only been a couple times. I went in high school.

[Zach Amico]

Enjoy.

[Micah Fox]

I did, but I wish I started when I was, like, really young because I'm very scared when I do it.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. That's like anal.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, exactly. I wish I. Earlier every year, my asshole gets tighter and tighter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You have, you have ski person energy.

[Micah Fox]

Thanks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You have, like.

[Micah Fox]

Appreciate it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. If you told me you grew up skiing like non stop, like every weekend in the winter.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or snowboarding.

[Micah Fox]

Snowboarding power.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, no. Much more skiing energy. Scott has snowboarding energy.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. He's like, what a goofy foot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You've been skiing, though?

[Scott Chaplin]

No, no, never, never.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, we should do a ski.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, I'd rather snowboard than ski.

[Micah Fox]

I don't understand because you've never done.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Have you done. You've never done either. You've never done either.

[Micah Fox]

Skiing's gonna be easier.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Skiing's a lot easier. Snowboarding's hard to jump on skis and just go right. I want to get Zach on a pair of skis. Is there a reason I'm gonna strap two snowboards this next week?

[Maddie Smith]

Nope, dude. I'm not good on feet.

[Micah Fox]

We're like, pizza, french fries.

[Maddie Smith]

He's like, where that's not happening.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I see no pizza and french fries. That's how we got them to come out.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm not. I can't. I'm terrified of my family took me to a roller skating birthday party when I was little, and I wouldn't go on.

[Micah Fox]

I was like, oh, yeah, roller skating's fun.

[Maddie Smith]

And I was like, I wouldn't do it. And so one of the other dads was like, I'll show you. Went out on the rink and immediately snapped his leg in half.

[Micah Fox]

Oh.

[Maddie Smith]

EMT out like Sid Vicious. Like one of the, like, bone out.

[Zach Amico]

Jesus Christ.

[Maddie Smith]

And it me up and anything. Anything like that scares the out of me though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I will say that the Utah. We went to Park City and it was just beautiful. I mean, just like, you know, out of a movie. Like, just beautiful mountains. Like, dude, which movie?

[Scott Chaplin]

Dumb and Dumber. Two movies where it's in that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm just saying it was a postcard. It was beautiful.

[Micah Fox]

Where the water flows like wine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was beautiful. I. I had a really good time. So I highly recommend Park City.

[Micah Fox]

Were the people pretty attractive there?

[Louis J. Gomez]

They were decent.

[Micah Fox]

I always picture like, hot ski.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can I. Can I say something about skiing people? Cuz this was one of the most expensive. This was so expensive.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This was 330 per lift ticket for one day for Sunday.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Which is crazy. If you go in the Poconos, like 60 bucks for the day, right? It's. It was crazy. It was really, really expensive. But there's something about rich white people and they get a bad rap. Rich white people get a really bad rap. You're like, oh, they're rude. They're entitled. No, no, no, no, no, no. Rich White people are the friendliest, sweetest, kindest, fucking people with their own.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. When they're in.

[Scott Chaplin]

When they're spending.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm not one of their own.

[Zach Amico]

Well, they had to be nice to you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because they didn't want videos to come out of them. Being nice to the brownish.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There was not a single brown person on the entire mountain. It was just me.

[Micah Fox]

Love that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And it was. Yeah, it was pretty amazing.

[Maddie Smith]

But were you completely covered up?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was, but I.

[Micah Fox]

Hard to tell. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you're right. I did. I had the face mask, I had the goggles. I had everything.

[Micah Fox]

They had no idea among them, but they.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, these people couldn't be any friendlier. I'm talking about like you're, you know, you're waiting in line to get on the ski lift and you have to like go one, then one. Like everyone's following the rules. Like that guy, then that guy, then that guy, then that guy. And I was like, oh, hi, how are you? They're all talking, they're all friendly. It was just so pleasant to be amongst rich white people. Why do people hate on rich white people? They're just the classiest people out there.

[Scott Chaplin]

Cut lines.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They don't do anything wrong.

[Zach Amico]

They don't cut lines.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They buy their shit. They spend some money. They stimulate the economy. What is the problem with rich white people? Why are we hating on them? If this would have been in. Fuck in the hood. If this would have been in the hood, there would have been three shootings. Like, imagine skiing in Chicago. It'd be a goddamn nightmare.

[Zach Amico]

I would love a skiing mountain in the hood. I would think that'd be great. L. You paid $333 per.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Per day for one lifting.

[Zach Amico]

Can I ask this? And then you had a. A colleague. So two of you. You paid $666. Is. I'm saying to be with the whites. 600 plus rent.

[Micah Fox]

Way more.

[Zach Amico]

666 is what I'm.

[Micah Fox]

Hotel.

[Zach Amico]

No one's getting this devil reference.

[Maddie Smith]

Except you added $6.

[Zach Amico]

Devil snake. Devil snake.

[Maddie Smith]

330 plus 330 is 660.

[Zach Amico]

No, I thought he said 333.

[Micah Fox]

He's.

[Zach Amico]

Whatever. Semantic sack. Where's your. Where's your colleague from your youth with his dead rabbit? Where's this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Zach would fall down and just keep on rolling like in the cartoons and become a big giant.

[Maddie Smith]

Call the town like a barrel.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

In the old PC game.

[Maddie Smith]

The only thing I could do is. If you got in an accident, they would send me up the mountain with A barrel of whiskey around my neck.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. There were so many people, though, that were like, you know, they, they. They fall and they get hurt, and then the ski patrol has to come and, like, grab them, put them on a stretcher, and ski them down the mountain. It's pretty wild.

[Scott Chaplin]

Worrisome.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, it's. It's like the. The people, like, literally carrying a stretcher with a person they're skiing. What happens if they get injured? They fall.

[Micah Fox]

That would be a sick job, though, working at one of those lodges. Just ski for all day.

[Maddie Smith]

Love it.

[Scott Chaplin]

It's like a combo of hiking and.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, there's no. There's no real hiking. You're just. You take a ski lift up, but you're outdoors.

[Scott Chaplin]

I mean, part of it is you're looking around. That's like 70 of it, right? Because you're outside in nature. Because otherwise, I think sliding down 80.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Or 90 of it is the thrill of going 40 miles an hour. Going fast down a hill.

[Scott Chaplin]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Do you look around while you do it?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Do you, like, play pretend. Do you go like I'm supposed to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who would you pretend to be?

[Scott Chaplin]

Tom Cruise.

[Zach Amico]

Is that a machine?

[Scott Chaplin]

If I'm doing activities, I'm not always being Tom Cruise.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cruise.

[Scott Chaplin]

I'm Tom Cruise.

[Micah Fox]

You should try it. It's fast.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's really fun, dude. It's really. I'm gonna bring my son and my niece in a couple weeks to actually, we make it over Vermont. But I'm gonna bring. If you want to come though, dude, seriously, come. It'll be a lot of fun.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, you don't want to do Mountain Creek?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Mountain Creek sucks. It's. It's. First of all, it's. It's. It has the ghost of.

[Zach Amico]

Is that Action Park?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Action Park.

[Micah Fox]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So it's just like.

[Zach Amico]

So there'll be a snake underneath the ice somehow.

[Scott Chaplin]

Old action Park, Mountain Creek.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was at Mountain Creek once, and I. I bought my son a gator, like, which is like a face mask type thing.

[Maddie Smith]

And he still couldn't tell who was gay around him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Gaydar. I bought it from gaydar. And you know what? I'll give it to you can have another coffee.

[Maddie Smith]

Dad, why does it keep beeping when I put it on?

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I went to and. And it had like a thick. Like, you couldn't just pull the tag off and needed scissors. So the young dumb that worked there, she was like 16 years old. Oh, I remember the hi roll kids.

[Zach Amico]

The name on her tag.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God.

[Micah Fox]

You were in my instagram Big titted.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I. I go. I was like, hey, do you have scissors? And she's like, no, I got a knife. And she pulls out, like, a sharp knife, and I'm. I go to hold it up to her, and as she's coming at me with the knife, I was like, she's gonna cut me. I remember just thinking, like, there's no way this. There's no way. This isn't gonna end with me being cut, and I should not. She goes and just slices my finger with the knife.

[Micah Fox]

Really?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. I swear to God. I swear to God. She cut it and it. It's like. Then I'm bleeding and then.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God. And then.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You want to ski. So you can't sue.

[Scott Chaplin]

No, you could sue.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, no, if you go skiing, that's gonna be a big part of their defense. Like, he still went.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You know how injured was he?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. If I would have, like, went to the hospital right there. If I would have, like, said there's trauma or something else. Also, with something like that, you're not gonna get that much money. What am I gonna get? Like 10, 20 grand?

[Micah Fox]

And you'll spend five years talking about that cut on your.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's a goddamn nightmare. I'm not going to court. Over and over and over again. I'd. I'd rather pay that much money to not go to court.

[Micah Fox]

I know, dude. I broke my arm at the gym. And.

[Zach Amico]

What.

[Scott Chaplin]

How were you lifting?

[Micah Fox]

I. I was on the treadmill and I pressed the pause button. I got off the treadmill and you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Went down on all fours. Pause.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, and then I pressed the pause so I could get on all fours. But when I got back on the treadmill, I wasn't looking and it was still going, so I hopped on and it flew off. And.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wait, how's that the gym's fault?

[Micah Fox]

They said the pause button is broken on that machine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pause button was broken. No.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

You sued them.

[Micah Fox]

No, I didn't. They gave me a free membership for three years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Which gym?

[Micah Fox]

Orange Theory.

[Scott Chaplin]

Was this?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Orange Theory. That's a good gym.

[Micah Fox]

It's good. 200amonth? Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Three. So three years of. What was that was like. They said three years. That's that.

[Micah Fox]

They said three years and then we'll reconfigure at the end.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you reconfigure?

[Micah Fox]

I'm still in it.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Good for you.

[Micah Fox]

I said, let's make this easy on us.

[Zach Amico]

You should get free forever.

[Micah Fox]

Because they freaking. There's footage of it. There's footage of the trainer footage.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Treadmill. Yes, Footage. The jokes today are flying, baby boys.

[Maddie Smith]

That's why she got off the treadmill. She had a footage. She had to scratch it.

[Micah Fox]

Footage you should be, but sometimes you're just too lazy to go through all that.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it's a pain in the ass.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Mark Torres in the Racist Life just says orange you glad your arm broke? Solid joke. Okay for the chat.

[Micah Fox]

Let's go. Mark's having his moment after I Rape gays left.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I rape gaze is. I hope is this one timeout, Shannon. It might have been 20 minutes.

[Shannon]

Two more minutes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Two more minutes for I Rape gays. He'll be back. He better say something nice when he comes back. If he thinks he's gonna be Mr. Cool Guy when he comes back. Back. And he doesn't think I'll give him another 20 minute timeout. It'll happen.

[Micah Fox]

It's over.

[Zach Amico]

What if he hits a home run? What if he comes up with something great? Does he get a I rape gay Snake. Oh, it's too early. I tried. I tried. Yeah, Snake. The Snake's the best.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can you isolate that and keep that a drop. The irip gaze drop. That's pretty incredible. Look, let's do some plugs. We're rolling here. What a fun show so far.

[Micah Fox]

Fire.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What a fun shadow. People headed to anyone hating the Lewis and Zach show. What a fun show. Scott Chapman. What are you plugging, my friend?

[Scott Chaplin]

I got one show I really want to plug in. April. Let's see the date. April motherfucking 10th, 3rd. I don't know when it is. It's WrestleMania weekend. I am gonna be headlining Nerd Bar in Las Vegas, and I need people to come out. Skanks know about Nerd Bar if you've been to Skank Fest in Vegas. So I am making you all aware. I. I believe it's like a 6pm show on a Thursday night. Come hang.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Incredible.

[Zach Amico]

During the Pandemic, I was at Nerd Bar playing Jenga with a girl in Daisy Dukes. And then I had sex with her. And the people I was staying with did not like that in the middle of the Pandemic, so I had to fly back to New York.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, really?

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah. It's the kind of place that they're like, you might have to be out by eight because midgets are wrestling. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nerd Bar. We watched the UFC event at Nerd Bar.

[Scott Chaplin]

Right, Right.

[Zach Amico]

It's a fun venue. Just once again, out for the people. Get a job. My third album ever. I almost didn't put it out several different times. There was fights with people in my group. I melted down listening to it. I might have left the taping at one point. It took nine months to put out. Go check out Get a Job. It means a lot to me. It is the most anticipated comedy album of the quarter.

[Micah Fox]

That's right. And you can catch me this weekend at the Desert Ridge Improv in Phoenix, Arizona. We're doing three shows. Then I'm going to be at the DC Improv Comedy Works in Denver and the Den theater in Chicago, Illinois. That's on March 28th. Check out my website, maddysmithcomedy.com for all upcoming shows along with the Madhouse podcast. New episodes every Wednesday, sponsored by guest. The digital Hell, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, timeout. Wextraordinaire for 20 minutes. Minutes. Because he said, anyone else? Just mute Plugs. The guy wants me too cool for school. Wants to be too cool for school. Plugs are the best.

[Micah Fox]

I only listen to plugs.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What extraordinaire gets timed out for the next 20 minutes? He doesn't get the chat.

[Zach Amico]

That would be a great podcast I'm gonna pitch you. It's just 60 minutes of plug.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did it. It was called Just the Plugs and it was like a five minute podcast. You just came on and did your plugs and left.

[Zach Amico]

No, I say do a whole hour like you're Andy Kaufman reading the Great Gatsby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Be Zach Amico. Hey.

[Maddie Smith]

Going on tour with Juggalo Championship Wrestling. March 6, Vegas. March 7, Tucson. March 8, Albuquerque. Then doing stand up in Canada. April 3, Ottawa. April 4, Montreal. April 5, Cornwall. April 6, Ghana. Knockway. April 11, I'm at Gnarly's in Golden, Colorado. And then back out on the road with JCW. April 24th through 27th. 7th in Rockford, Joliet, Cleveland and Columbus, Ohio.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, put my website. Lots of dates coming up. Guys. I'm taking a little bit of a break right now. This weekend my son has a play, so I stayed in town for that. And then next weekend we're in Jamaica. He's in Finding Nemo.

[Micah Fox]

I didn't know that's a play.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Finding Nemo the musical. Very excited for school. I'm going to all three performances. I'm so. I'm so pumped.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, I did that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He plays a shark.

[Micah Fox]

Okay. Cute.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So, yeah, the next time I'm on the road is South Bend, Indiana, March 21st and 22nd. Raleigh, North Carolina, March 23rd. Then I got a little Canada run coming up. St. Catherine's London, Ontario, Windsor, Ontario. Burlington, Ontario. Punchline, Philly. Coming up, my birthday day weekend. So hang out then. We're doing Story wars and Legion of Skanks at the Nashville Comedy Festival in Nashville, Tennessee, in April as well. North Charleston, South Carolina. Wits and comedy lines. Those are makeup dates because I. They got snowed out the last time. Then I'm at the American Comedy Company at the end of April and a lot of other stuff. Shannon, move forward a little bit to the end of May because I just added these, and I want people to get tickets early for these shows. Me and Scott Chaplin. Oh, we're going to Europe, baby boy. Are we, baby boy? You got your passport, right?

[Maddie Smith]

I did.

[Scott Chaplin]

I got my passport. I didn't get tickets, but no, I got it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We'll figure it out. We're going to Amsterdam May 28th. We're going to Glasgow May 29th. Dublin, Ireland, May 30th. Manchester, May 31st, and London, England, on June 1st. Very excited. This could be a sick dude. It's going to be awesome. You're going to bang a hooker.

[Scott Chaplin]

I'm making love to a hooker.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, you are.

[Micah Fox]

I'm.

[Zach Amico]

I went to those cities about the same time you did last year.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Bring a jacket for Glasgow. You're gonna be shocked how freezing that.

[Scott Chaplin]

You know, I don't mind because I want that experience.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's gonna. It's gonna be so much fun. I'm very excited about this. This is all before I film my next special. July 12th. I'm filming my next special. It's. It's tentatively titled Praised by Wolves. And I'm very excited about it. It's gonna be July 12th. It's side splitters Tampa. So get your tickets in advance because those tickets are almost sold out. For the special taping, I'm also bringing Zach Amico with me as well. We're going to be doing Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at Side Splitter. So it's gonna be a whole weekend of partying and hanging out and just having a great goddamn time. Very excited about this. Come see me on the road. The new material is great. I'm very. I still have another five months to work on this, so. It's gonna be the best I've ever put out. I promise you guys. And if you guys want to come to Skank Fest, tickets are on sale May 2nd. Second. We're announcing the lineup the second week of April. We have so many guys that have never done Skank Fest before, so many returning people. The kickoff party is going to be ridiculous. Even though that's already sold out. The band is crazy. They thump. They hit so hard. So get your tickets on May 2nd at 12pm, I think [e-mail]. shout out to your kratom for making it all possible. And check out all my other pods, the Regs, Story wars, and the legendary Legion of Skanks. If you guys love me, I do a bonus solo show called the Lewis Journal Podcast. Only available for my guest list. Subscribe or sorry, my email list subscribers. And on that email list, I give away tickets for Skank Fest. I do a newsletter every single week. So go subscribe to that email [e-mail] all right. Okay. All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Mando for being a longtime supporter of the show. We love Mando here on the Lewis and Zach show. Mando is total body deodorant. Not just for your armpits anymore. Mando's can be used anywhere. Whether you guys use your armpits, your feet, your balls, your grundle, your back, anywhere you have a little fold that can get stinky. Mando has you covered.

[Maddie Smith]

Mando not only has all those areas covered, they've got these great body wipes I can't put over enough. We've been on the road and sometimes long car ride, you feel a little stinky. You could take a great, we'll call it an Italian shower. With the body wipes I can't put over them enough. They have the full time, the full body deodorant, which, as Lewis said, you can use on any part of your body. And they've got a great deal for you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they really do. Try out their starter pack, which includes a stick deodorant cream deodorant, and then two product choices of your choice, like the MIDI body wash or the deodorant wipes. Plus they give you free shipping. This is a very special offer. Use the promo code LAZ when you check out. You're gonna get $5 off the starter pack. That's over 40%. Once again, go to shopmando.com Shopmando.com is a website, really great company. Use that promo code LAZ so they know we sent you there and get a discount on their starter pack. Pack. All right, where were we? What a. I saw another. I saw another video of a girl. She convinced a homeless woman to jump off a dock and the homeless woman couldn't swim for, like, money. It's like this hot chick. She seems like the most vapid cunt in the world. But she's pretty goddamn toit. I'm. I'm. So it goes, you know, toy tonight, let's. Let's do toy to night. This. This shin. Try to find her while we get the Twitter knight music going.

[Scott Chaplin]

That's like bum fights. Did you used to rent those at the video store?

[Zach Amico]

We used to know them. They used to film them where Julie and I did open mics in Vegas. There was a couple of them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Still gonna watch the Gappy Potato.

[Scott Chaplin]

Some noits on that intro. They were all toits.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They were all toys. Well, some of them are. You know, it's just all subjective.

[Scott Chaplin]

Well, I'm sleeping with a fat hooker in Amsterdam.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, did you. Did you find this woman yet?

[Shannon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's. It's. This is toy. Looks pretty fun.

[Scott Chaplin]

They're both toy to me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Scott Chaplin]

You said it was okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You said you wanted to swim. Well, Shannon, before there's the whole video of it, like, where we need to go to new sites and you pull up their versions. Should I find the original you asked.

[Shannon]

Me to find in three seconds.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't care. I don't care.

[Shannon]

Hang out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Find the real video. Because there's, like, pretexts of her talking to her and trying to convince her. And, you know, that girl looks like she can swim.

[Scott Chaplin]

I saw a retard almost drowned when I was a kid. There was a retarded person at the water park, and they swung and went in. And just when you can't swim, you don't flail. You don't do anything. You just sink to the bottom.

[Zach Amico]

Did he have a pet rabbit?

[Scott Chaplin]

This motherfucker was sitting Indian style at the bottom him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then.

[Scott Chaplin]

And then, like three minutes later, a lifeguard jumped in. And I was laughing, and he was like, don't laugh. I'm like, this is crazy.

[Maddie Smith]

You have a traumatic water park.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was one of the. One of the first time Scott was ever on Real Last podcast, he told the story about a guy dying in front of him at a water park.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah. When I was like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I think about it almost daily still to this day. Yeah. Yeah. It was such a traumatic story for you that I've now taken on some of your trauma. It's wild. Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

I don't think.

[Zach Amico]

Think about it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like I said, Indian style on buses.

[Scott Chaplin]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Micah Fox]

Okay.

[Maddie Smith]

He's raping a woman.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That was the joke.

[Scott Chaplin]

It means your penis is out. Indian style means your dick is out.

[Micah Fox]

You're in your hand, thinker.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was you know why I wasn't going to?

[Micah Fox]

Because my sho.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My feet were getting. You should just jump in right now. I'm going to jump in with my shoes on.

[Micah Fox]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ready?

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ready.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh my gosh. She's like a young Ann Ramsey.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thanks. She dove too. For somebody who can't swim, she did do a straight up dive.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Did you see your ass?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What?

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, I didn't. You said it was okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You said you wanted to swim. You told me to jump in. I didn't tell you to jump in. Thank you, guys.

[Scott Chaplin]

Wait, who is that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

The is going. Yeah. What is this? What is this chick's name? Shannon. I do like a skinny Fox News type.

[Micah Fox]

What's her name? New comic in Austin, that is.

[Zach Amico]

I do seven mics a night and.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like I'm passed at the mothership main room. Shannon. Let me see.

[Maddie Smith]

Do we have any man, how many bookers? Your name? Mike.

[Shannon]

Do you want to finish this or do you want to see your Instagram?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Finish this and then we'll see your Instagram.

[Zach Amico]

I love you, baby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Literally die.

[Micah Fox]

No, stop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Seriously, don't. Stop, please. You're actually freaking me out.

[Micah Fox]

She's like one foot away from the show.

[Scott Chaplin]

Jump in and save her.

[Zach Amico]

She can't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is just some simp dude being like, I'll do anything you want me to do.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, go get and get in, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Every editor looks the same.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. Taste.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, people hate this.

[Zach Amico]

They should.

[Micah Fox]

They are.

[Scott Chaplin]

There was another video pretending she cares.

[Micah Fox]

Right now these are the people we can weed out.

[Scott Chaplin]

She's got to go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean she's. But she is pretty toy. We have to admit.

[Zach Amico]

I think she's disgusting. Yeah, she's too skinny.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I would like see her Instagram. There's not such things, dad.

[Scott Chaplin]

In the face.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Let's see. What's her name?

[Zach Amico]

She kind of looks on the far right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Reynolds.

[Micah Fox]

Look, she's got some cornrows over there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, cornrows.

[Scott Chaplin]

The best she's ever went to Jamaica on vacation.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, hell yeah. I'd take her to Jamaica.

[Maddie Smith]

Sorry, Lou.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's pretty toy, guys. I mean, what do you want me to say here?

[Scott Chaplin]

Not a fan of her.

[Zach Amico]

I don't like her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see.

[Zach Amico]

She's trying to a shark.

[Scott Chaplin]

She looked like every.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she's too skinny. She looks like every. You're right. Shut up. She is hot.

[Zach Amico]

How flat is that?

[Scott Chaplin]

She's gorgeous.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Her ass is not flatter. Ass is. Her tits don't exist. Fist.

[Zach Amico]

Neither of them do, baby. No, we don't.

[Scott Chaplin]

We don't. Need.

[Maddie Smith]

Wait, what did I do with her?

[Zach Amico]

She needs curves, bubba.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, she's pretty. Guys, what are we saying here? I understand she's a twat, but she looks a little better.

[Maddie Smith]

Not down there.

[Scott Chaplin]

If you met her in person, she looks like everybody.

[Maddie Smith]

By the way, we gotta start doing twatter.

[Zach Amico]

Not Gomez. Gomez.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm Caesar.

[Zach Amico]

Ready? I'm Caesar. No, no, she's done, Bubba.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No way.

[Zach Amico]

I'm Madicus Dogicus. That's my, that's my Caesar name.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think she's pretty hot. A lot of people in the race. Live chat. Let's see. Andrew. That's another split. Says too skinny. That's a great shot.

[Maddie Smith]

That's a good. That's a good.

[Micah Fox]

Are they clowning? Is she getting people commenting because of that video?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, does she have an only fans? No. Are these actual nudes of her? Yes. Yes, indeed. Let's see. Shannon. Let's see. Disappointed. Don't you hate when you click on somebody's link tree and they don't only fans your mind. You have a link tree with no only fans. You should be get it together.

[Maddie Smith]

Do you think I wanted to see your Etsy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Air? Nomad says no. Bad dog says noit. Larry holder says toit. McDick says Lewis has terrible taste. McDick. I would love to see your fat pig of a wife. I would love to see the piece of that you married, Mc Dick. Oh, she's a £800. She smells like.

[Scott Chaplin]

I don't like any meat on the bone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I like some meat.

[Zach Amico]

I like a curvy broad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I I. My last girlfriend was a professional dancer. She had a giant ass. Thick.

[Scott Chaplin]

She was a beautiful lady. She did not have meat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I never even looked at her face.

[Maddie Smith]

So I'm sending Shannon. I have. I have a Twitter night for Lois.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see. I want to say it.

[Scott Chaplin]

I think I'm.

[Maddie Smith]

Shannon, it's coming to you right now.

[Scott Chaplin]

All types of women, you should treat yourself. Yeah, I need to treat myself to all the weight limits, all the heights.

[Maddie Smith]

Shan, did you get my message?

[Scott Chaplin]

Abilities.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see. She's toy as says Trash Bear. Yeah, she's toy. Trash Bear called her an angel. Poo Pooperson says toyed as. I agree with Pooh Pooperson. I bet you Poo Pooperson has a beautiful wife.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, of course.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, it's a cat.

[Maddie Smith]

Him. Kong Downs.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, gosh.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Scott Chaplin]

I've seen this lately. Down syndrome women who know I like my gets wet.

[Micah Fox]

They're getting it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who's this guy?

[Scott Chaplin]

A Guy down syndrome lady.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can we see more images of her also? Shannon, can you pull up your inbox again? I would love to see what messages you have. Was there anything incriminating there, you little fucking vixen?

[Shannon]

Yes. Yes. I'm a big fat whore. It's all sex this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So this.

[Shannon]

This doesn't bring me back to her page.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You could probably find her.

[Shannon]

You need to click away for a second. Let me look through.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Homophobics is Maddie is toit.

[Micah Fox]

Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I agreed.

[Micah Fox]

Pretty toy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Would smash some days. Annoying Would smash.

[Scott Chaplin]

Would smash. Go see your life.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Very fun.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She will. She chooses one person at the end of the weekend to have sex with from every show.

[Micah Fox]

So that's the only one. I pick one guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

One guy. Luckily, it's all random.

[Micah Fox]

Them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a. It's. You do a bucket pull, I kill Tony.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You get one minute uninterrupted.

[Maddie Smith]

Usually they are black or.

[Micah Fox]

Exactly. It's just. That's my demo. And then. Ari, Ari. Shane and Mark say if it was good or not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. If you're. You can get a golden ticket to Maddie anytime she's in town.

[Micah Fox]

Exactly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude.

[Maddie Smith]

That's how you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's gay.

[Zach Amico]

Since you call that guy's wife a fat pig. Now in my head I have fat pig a snake. Fat pig a snake.

[Scott Chaplin]

A snake is too close to something else.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that has an only fans. Thank you, Benny and the Jets. Keep Benny and the Jets. Send me a dm, please. With all these free pictures from her only fans. Does she ever actually show anything? That's the thing. This. The other thing is an only fans of a who doesn't show anything. She's like, oh.

[Scott Chaplin]

But you could also just type. You type in a name and then you go nude on Google and then you get it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I dated a girl recently who has an only fans, but she doesn't do nudes and it's infuriating.

[Micah Fox]

Like teasers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, it's the only. It's the only reason why I could take her even slightly seriously is because I was like, if she had nudes, I could never date her. But non nudes, like nipples or. No, no, nothing.

[Micah Fox]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A lot of feet, though. A lot of butt shots. Yeah. Pretty toy, though.

[Micah Fox]

People like the feet people.

[Zach Amico]

I have no interest.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't like. I don't like to look at feet. I like to suck on toes. In between the toes.

[Scott Chaplin]

I'll suck toes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maddie, stop with the face. What is that? Give me yourself.

[Scott Chaplin]

While you're having sex with a Lady.

[Maddie Smith]

Like a test of strength.

[Scott Chaplin]

Like, yeah, literally a test of strength. Yeah.

[Micah Fox]

So you guys like it in person and in person footage it. But you're not much about the not looking at it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I got to lick. I lick the heel. I bite off the hard skin.

[Zach Amico]

You wouldn't pay me to do it.

[Scott Chaplin]

You don't suck a toe.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I put. I put the bunion up my ass like old, old woman. Old woman.

[Micah Fox]

Hammer toes in there.

[Zach Amico]

I hate.

[Micah Fox]

I never got my toe sucked.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Never once. Let us have a. Let's have a toe sucking competition on you right now.

[Zach Amico]

You tell us.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You tell us who sucks your toes.

[Micah Fox]

I close my eyes. Guys. Guess who's doing it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes, exactly. If you feel somebody put ketchup on it first, it's Zach.

[Micah Fox]

Exact. Yep. Cocaine Mattern.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm not a child.

[Micah Fox]

Matter joke.

[Zach Amico]

We've gone through so much.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We have. This has been quite the show. We barely touch these topics. That's how good at the show is right now.

[Zach Amico]

We don't need topics.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Race live chat. Racist live chat. How much you love this show today. Come on, be honest about it.

[Zach Amico]

Don't ask them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna ask them, then I'm gonna ask them. Let's see. We'll see their honest reviews.

[Zach Amico]

Whatever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm sweating. Really, I'm sweating.

[Scott Chaplin]

How much weight have you lost since, like October? Let's say.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maybe £10 since October. I was in pretty good shape. Seeing fest. I was wearing the overalls. I was pretty jacked. But I. I've. I've leaned out a lot since then. Since I. Since I stopped drinking and smoking weed.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Good for you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't want to say stop drinking because I have had a few drinks.

[Micah Fox]

So weird.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Slow down very heavily on drinking.

[Micah Fox]

Do you take the. Do you have a scale that shows your percentages and stuff?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Scott Chaplin]

I got one of those scales that do that.

[Micah Fox]

You can step on the scale. It says body fat percentage.

[Scott Chaplin]

How does it know it's a scale?

[Micah Fox]

I don't know. It's like they. That sounds like a electrifying thing through your veins or something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She literally just guessed. She has no idea. She has. But that was a good guess. I would assume that it does send an electric pulse through your body and then it comes back and draws. You're right. How does it work? Work?

[Micah Fox]

I don't know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It must. There must be some sort of electropulse that measures your fat.

[Micah Fox]

It's something. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I think it's a homeless guy dressed like a robot. He's been convincing Maddie to stand on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Him once a month.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, he's like, you're pretty skinny still.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see how it works. It sends a small painless electrical current through the body.

[Micah Fox]

You guys were.

[Zach Amico]

How's that accurate?

[Scott Chaplin]

You.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Micah Fox]

Shading me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, well, the real accurate with. They do it with calipers and they squeeze your socket. Yeah. Yeah. They squeeze your fat. And then there's like a measurement. And then they do it in all the parts of your body. And then they do an equation that's too much. That's like the way the doctor does if you want it. But that's the only real accurate way to do it.

[Maddie Smith]

They had to send mine to NASA.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They use a Hubble telescope to figure out his ex body.

[Micah Fox]

We got a second moon.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Me, dude. Yeah, but that's the way they squeeze it. But it's like. It's embarrassing. You're like, they're squeezing your fat. You're like. I'm assuming this is how women feel when they're raped. Exactly. If you feel like just in general.

[Micah Fox]

Fat rape or no rape, we always feel that way. Someone's squeezing our fat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you're fat, you know what it's like to feel like a raped woman. Just so you know, I've been both. Yeah. No, you haven't. Stop, Maddie. Stop making it sad.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, you were never fat, Maddie.

[Micah Fox]

Hilarious.

[Zach Amico]

I used to grab this girl. She had a little bit of weight on her, and I kind of found it attractive because I'm a weirdo. And she got so angry.

[Scott Chaplin]

Weird.

[Zach Amico]

She was like, you're just reminding me that I could lose.

[Micah Fox]

Oh, you would go like this. You would go like this.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I kind of found it hot. I mean, these girls. Girls. At the same place where we used to perform to the bum fights, there was these girls who show up. Their nickname was the Soma sisters. It's a great nickname. Great wrestling tag team name. And I would just make out with this girl from time to time and I would grab it. I just didn't think anything of it. And she's like, we have to stop. This is embarrassing. I'm fat. I'm like, I don't think you are. I think this is great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. If a girl grabbed my fat. You don't say.

[Scott Chaplin]

I don't think you are.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've had. I've had girls grab my love handles while I'm having sex with them.

[Scott Chaplin]

Think you are. You're just lying.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, you're lying.

[Zach Amico]

Love handles?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Well, I think love handles. They call them love handles specifically.

[Zach Amico]

They're there for Love.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I have no problem. I get very uncomfortable if a woman grabs my love handles and holds on to them. I'm like, you need to stop right now. First of all, I'm ticklish, All right?

[Zach Amico]

I'm mad ticklish.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you ticklish? Act.

[Maddie Smith]

You changed your last name.

[Zach Amico]

I'm James.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're mad ticklish.

[Zach Amico]

Yo, James. Mad tickles matter. Great name.

[Micah Fox]

Cute.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Zach, are you ticklish?

[Zach Amico]

That name's toit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, you're not.

[Micah Fox]

Well, it's, you know, takes a second to get to his brain.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You gotta get.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It takes a minute to say on his way home. Are you ticklish, Manny?

[Micah Fox]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you ticklish, Mad? You're ticklish. Some people aren't. That has to be like. There has to be some sort of connection to not being ticklish and being, like, your brain being shut off to, like, some something.

[Micah Fox]

Not being ticklish is the same people who kill animals.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Are you a sociopath? Have they done this correlation, maybe.

[Scott Chaplin]

I always assume ticklish for a child is so you. No one has sex with it or touches it sexually. And that you should get over. It's like a. Yeah, it's like a.

[Zach Amico]

God put that in children so they don't get raped.

[Scott Chaplin]

Exactly. They start laughing when you try to them. And then you go, I don't want to. This kid who's cracking up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. This is too much. This is too fun for you.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're having too much fun. I'm going to move on to something that would hate this.

[Micah Fox]

Right.

[Scott Chaplin]

So ticklishness is like. Like, as an adult, it's like a lack of. I go, oh, yeah. I guess I'm not comfortable with my sexuality. I'm ticklish. That's how I feel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, some people's like, feet. You could just like, on their feet. And they're like, what?

[Micah Fox]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's crazy to me. My feet are so ticklish when I get. And I love a foot massage. I love a Chinese foot massage. If they start to go, like, slow and light on it, I'm like, yo, you gotta go hard. I'm gonna kick you in your Chinese face. This is too much. Okay.

[Scott Chaplin]

Chin on it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No. Yeah, yeah. Like, dude, I love. Love a Chinese foot massage. Sometimes they take out, like, a bone. I don't know what it is, dude. Start to dig it in. It's wild. Dude.

[Scott Chaplin]

Dude, that's the Vietnamese.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I never do a football. I keep socks on for massages.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No sex. Socks on for sex is crazy. What?

[Zach Amico]

Except those. I have fun socks.

[Scott Chaplin]

No, I Have some red hot chili pepper.

[Zach Amico]

That's who I am. Well, they put on their dick. That'd be even weirder. Sex.

[Maddie Smith]

Bad sex. Good socks.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

The James Maddows story.

[Zach Amico]

Merch. Let's keep it going.

[Micah Fox]

Let's go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see. I don't know how to say this guy's name, but it's essentially a penis emoji. He drew it with different letters. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

8 =.

[Louis J. Gomez]

D. Yeah. And Bert has. And then it says, Bert says Maddie has webbed feet, which is pretty. A pretty.

[Micah Fox]

I feel like people have said that about me on the show before.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Micah Fox]

They said that I eat carp.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And.

[Micah Fox]

Then I have wet feet.

[Scott Chaplin]

You look like you practiced holding your breath underwater.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. Okay, okay, okay.

[Scott Chaplin]

Like, you look like someone who swam in the pool alone as a kid.

[Micah Fox]

For sure. Accurate. Lewis tried to pin me as a skier. That's more accurate.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, it's more just like I'm floating.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. I'm playing mermaids by myself.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If I found out that you had web feet, it kind of would make a little bit of sense.

[Micah Fox]

I'd be kicked off the network.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, no.

[Zach Amico]

I like it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It'd be unique.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Keep you as the. The studio pet.

[Micah Fox]

Oh, true. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's amazing.

[Micah Fox]

There's Maddie. She's disabled.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How?

[Zach Amico]

We don't need T. Rex now. What is his name? T. Rex.

[Micah Fox]

T. Rex. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

T. Rex would be great.

[Micah Fox]

I don't have web feedback feet, so suck on my dick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see, let's see. We got a little bit of time here. Which one of these stories? Which one of these stories, Shannon? I like the fact that we didn't get to any of them. All right, shocking moment. A birthday balloon explodes at a woman's face after floating in candles on her cake. Let's see.

[Micah Fox]

Story of my life.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Small Batch Cigar for supporting today's show. We love Small Batch Cigar Cigar here on the Lewis and Zach show because they give you incredible service, amazing interface. If you guys are buying cigars online, you got to go to Small Batch Cigar. It's simple, it's fast, it's in small batches.

[Maddie Smith]

You get free shipping on every order, and almost every order comes within two to three days. In the continental United States, they have the Boveda pack, so they come super fresh. And they have an amazing selection of rare, limited, and hard to find cigars. And you earn 5% rewards points instantly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love small batch cigars. I became a cigar smoker in the best year or so, and I've really been enjoying the selections that they send me. I don't know about it. They make it easy. They have a new section on the website, so if you guys want to see what's new, they got that. They have all the brands you love. Just go to smallbatch cigar.com, use the promo code GAS10. You're gonna get 10 off plus 5% rewards points. Once again, that is smallbatchcigar.com. use that promo code, GAS10, for 10 off and 5% rewards points. All right, where were we? Let's see this story.

[Shannon]

There we go.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, okay.

[Shannon]

Sorry. The Internet's being stupid.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was awesome. Because the Internet lagged. It actually stopped at the perfect moment. What was in the balloon?

[Maddie Smith]

Helium.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Helium's not flammable.

[Shannon]

No, it wasn't helium.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on.

[Shannon]

Let me just read it real, real quick. It's a different thing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't. I had no idea. I just said it.

[Zach Amico]

I was guessing, Zach, who gave her the balloon? The great Muda.

[Scott Chaplin]

You ever suck in some helium?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Well, that's why I didn't think it was for real.

[Scott Chaplin]

For real?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah. I passed out in my aunt's house when I was a kid. Yeah, she had the.

[Maddie Smith]

I feel like helium would be flammable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, you. You inhale it. I feel like if it's flammable, it's not good in it.

[Shannon]

It says hydrogen.

[Zach Amico]

It says hydrogen?

[Micah Fox]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

What's in a hot air balloon?

[Scott Chaplin]

Hot air.

[Zach Amico]

That's what they put in there. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So the. The hot air balloon. A hot air balloon isn. It isn't floating because there's gas in the balloon, right?

[Scott Chaplin]

No, it's whimsy. It depends on how much whimsy.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah. How many gays are in there?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

It's. It's all about how much imagination.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's.

[Scott Chaplin]

What a hot air balloon.

[Micah Fox]

I thought it's the fire.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The fire. The fire creates, like, heat, and then the heat fills the balloon, and then it goes up. I don't know what. It's probably electrical currents.

[Scott Chaplin]

You ever see?

[Micah Fox]

Exactly.

[Scott Chaplin]

Air balloons in the sky. Oh, it's. It's beautiful.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would never do a hot air balloon in my fucking life.

[Micah Fox]

I would. It seems fun.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, dude, I feel like. Like there's no way. It's got to be, like, at least 1 out of 10 hot air balloons catches fire.

[Zach Amico]

Sure.

[Scott Chaplin]

But you feel. You know, I would feel.

[Maddie Smith]

Probably because they're flying.

[Scott Chaplin]

I got a golden ticket.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

That's what it would feel like for me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I wouldn't do it.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like you're doomed up there. Like, like what if you have to piss? What are you gonna do? You just can't just fall down.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, the gondola is a basket. You just piss in the Florida, it'll fall out the gondola.

[Zach Amico]

Do you like my dumb sound for pissing still? Yeah, that's in a hot air balloon.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you hear a chick piss. Do chicks piss? Like they have like a 13 inch?

[Zach Amico]

They do now. I'd say 20 years ago I was judged.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I always judge the sound of a man's piss next to me. And if it is a strong stream, I'm like, this guy's got a big piece.

[Micah Fox]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

Sometimes in girls pets it sounds like chicken frying.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

Which is what rain noise is. If you. I listen to rain at night to go to sleep. Yeah. It's chicken frying. It's not rain.

[Micah Fox]

Sometimes it's like I got a xylophone vibe, you know?

[Scott Chaplin]

Right, right.

[Zach Amico]

Maddie, when I have a new girl over or hanging out and I go to take a leak, I turn the. The faucet on. Is she judging me positively or negatively for that?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I feel weird because I assume. I assume you're with the faucet on.

[Micah Fox]

I would assume you're.

[Zach Amico]

No, I just. I don't want you to hear my stream with.

[Scott Chaplin]

With hand soap.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I just don't want you to hear my stream. I don't want you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't want to hear a girl hear me just going, well that too.

[Micah Fox]

I'll turn the pasta oven if I'm sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So you got. But we also know cuz like our faucet's on. She's. You go in there, it smells like. Like you're not fooling anyone. Yeah.

[Micah Fox]

But you know, it's better than you guys hearing like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Hey, sorry. I just play loud club music.

[Micah Fox]

Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I try to to the beat.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah.

[Micah Fox]

I'll be like, I'm going to take a shower. Hilarious.

[Zach Amico]

I just play Slayer on my phone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Raining blood.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Raining blood, baby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cuz you ate something bad.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That's crazy. So hydrogen. Do they typically put hydrogen in balloons?

[Zach Amico]

No, that sounds insane. Why would you do that? But they're not going to now after that.

[Maddie Smith]

Shannon, do you have any more info on why that balloon exploded?

[Shannon]

Yeah. So just to what you were saying before. Helium is not flammable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Shannon]

And it said you were. It was a question. And then hydrogen is generally not used to fill regular balloons for parties or decorations because it's flammable Maybe it's because it's a different country. That's why they say.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is that what was in the. The giant balloon that blew up and killed all those people back in like the 30s or whatever? Hindenburg.

[Scott Chaplin]

Oh, the Hindenburg.

[Zach Amico]

Where the COVID of Le from.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think that that was probably filled with hydrogen. That's my. I'm going to. I'm going to guess that.

[Shannon]

Yes, that's correct.

[Maddie Smith]

That would make sense.

[Micah Fox]

That's correct.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Goddamn right. I'm smart. Can I say how smart I am?

[Zach Amico]

Smart. A snake. Smartest snake.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, show me your tits.

[Shannon]

No.

[Scott Chaplin]

Shannon, I heard you're getting tips.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah. Where are we at? We haven't plucked the tit. Shannon's cannons.

[Scott Chaplin]

Yeah, told me you're getting giant tits or something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's gonna get him. She's gonna get him a size up.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, Whip out the Hindenburg.

[Scott Chaplin]

Wait, why a size up? Go crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you. Have you started wearing low cut tops? We've been trying to get people to donate. I said I would donate a thousand dollars once we hit $5,000 and then once we hit $8,000, I'm gonna commit Shannon to go to a cheaper doctor.

[Scott Chaplin]

How much are breasts?

[Louis J. Gomez]

We have 11 $65 raised. This is getting there. Shannon. Grand.

[Shannon]

Okay, 10 there for your.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You made it too high. You can get it for 8 grand. And honestly, if we got to like 6 grand, 7 grand, people are gonna be. You know what? Let's just get. Let's get over the finish line. But you're not wearing fun shirts. You're wearing old lady grandma.

[Shannon]

This is a real ass podcast merch.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not hot.

[Shannon]

I mean, it's not old lady stuff.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not sexy. Shannon, that's.

[Shannon]

I'm okay with it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You don't want the tips?

[Shannon]

It's fine. I'm not in a place to wear sexy stuff at this time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're going to Jamaica? 10 days.

[Shannon]

Maybe.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you mean maybe you're not going to come now cuz you're too fat.

[Shannon]

We'll talk about it after.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you kidding?

[Shannon]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why aren't you coming?

[Shannon]

I. I'm not. I'm going to decide this weekend for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is going on. If it has to do with your cats, I'm going to kill you.

[Shannon]

It doesn't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What does it have to do with if I.

[Maddie Smith]

Your boss is going to rape her.

[Micah Fox]

Yeah, something else.

[Shannon]

I'm scared.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, why aren't you coming to Jamaica?

[Shannon]

If. If my. If this weekend when I take my summer clothes out. If they don't fit me. I'm not going.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, do me a favor. You need to stop.

[Shannon]

I'm telling you the truth.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You are literally, and I mean this. You're going with the ugliest group of people on the planet.

[Micah Fox]

Literally. Like rock bottom and spongebob. You will be okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You are maybe the most attractive person in the entire staff. You are gonna.

[Maddie Smith]

If you don't go, everyone has to look at Alex's tits.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's crazy. Easy, Shannon. We'll. We'll go. We'll go shopping. We'll get you a couple new bathing suits. I'll take you bathing suit shopping. We'll have some fun.

[Scott Chaplin]

It really is like the Adams family going to an island.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Seriously. Except everyone looks like Uncle Fester.

[Scott Chaplin]

The monsters on vacation.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. I mean, they're the.

[Zach Amico]

It's just a bunch of.

[Louis J. Gomez]

His mom was hot, pale, fat, nasty cruds.

[Micah Fox]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, just true cruds. True sea creatures. These are. And you're worried about that? You're worried about us seeing you in a bathing suit?

[Shannon]

I'm just not comfortable with.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What? Wear a sundress. Who gives it?

[Maddie Smith]

If you don't go, they're gonna have to put Blind Mike in a dress.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that'd be fun.

[Shannon]

Oh, that would be so cute, Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

You could just go and drink and eat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Who gives you papaya?

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I'm encouraged. I'm gonna be in the best shape of my life. I'm gonna be. I mean, I'm gonna be obnoxious on this trip. The first two days. Days, I'm just gonna be like, oh, you guys want to do pictures?

[Micah Fox]

Let's do pictures.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's do pictures. Everyone, picture time.

[Scott Chaplin]

Take your shirts off. What the you doing? We're on vacation.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon. This is sick. You need to chill, and you need to just relax.

[Shannon]

See what happens.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, you're coming. First of all, we already paid for your vegan food.

[Shannon]

There's other vegans here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

One vegan, and it's a guy, so we're gonna.

[Shannon]

And Becca.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And Becca.

[Micah Fox]

Who's the guy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, we got to look at Becca and Alex. This is ridiculous.

[Shannon]

They're beautiful ladies.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Natalie's the hottest. Get out of town, Shannon. This is crazy.

[Maddie Smith]

In all fairness, Becca's got a nice romp on her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Becca also gets wild on vacation. Do you guys remember how wild.

[Maddie Smith]

Eye contact and talk.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, Rebecca, she's crazy. Dude, she's the most autistic person on the planet. But on vacation, she gets, like, drunk and wild. Like, aggressive sexually. Can we talk about this, Shannon?

[Shannon]

I Missed a lot. It usually happened after I went to sleep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, the stories of Rebecca. She's just like, literally in the office, and then she's on vacation. She's like, who wants to me? Who wants to me?

[Scott Chaplin]

Anyone knowing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It'S wild. Shannon, I. I think that you need to let go. Just have some fun. I'm not. I'm literally not letting you not go.

[Maddie Smith]

Shannon, you deserve the fun. You deserve really, really hard. And everybody here loves you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

No matter how you feel, you should go and have fun. Do you think we can't see you really?

[Louis J. Gomez]

We also can see you here. Why wouldn't you, like, let people see you in Jamaica? You don't have to wear a fucking skimpy bikini, you slut.

[Shannon]

I know, but I can't wear a hoodie and jeans on a beach.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's too hot.

[Micah Fox]

You've never met Big J. Yeah, Seriously, big T shirt.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, you don't need to wear a hoodie and jeans. But you wear. You know, you could wear fucking a caftan.

[Micah Fox]

Like a big garbage bag.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can you pull up Fat girl Beach wear?

[Zach Amico]

It's just gonna be a picture of Missy Elliott.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can we just wear a garbage bag? Yeah, pull up. Fat Zach will lend you some clothes. Zach will lend you some of his clothes. Shannon, these girls look at spectacular. Look at. First of all, that girl right there. Go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. She is fuckable Fire mindor.

[Scott Chaplin]

She's a pretty lady.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's a pretty lady, Shannon. And you're skinnier than her.

[Maddie Smith]

Same one as number one one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're skinnier than. Well, she doesn't look good there. I like her in number five.

[Zach Amico]

I like her in both.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, you can get like. Yeah.

[Scott Chaplin]

And you're smaller than all.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're smaller than all of these whales. Instead of going whale watching, the whales are going to be watching you.

[Maddie Smith]

Shannon, you're worried about going overweight to an island full of black guys.

[Micah Fox]

Who's that over there?

[Maddie Smith]

It's like bringing Ham to the beach in Jamaica.

[Zach Amico]

Maddie. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Crackpot Whisper. Crackpot Whisper in the race. Live Chat just pulled up some video of Shannon on the beach just a couple months ago when she was with her friends. Can you pull it up, Shannon, real quick?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, boy.

[Shannon]

Hold on, hold on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a tik tok.

[Shannon]

Go ahead.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There she is. Shannon, this animal went to the beach.

[Shannon]

She has confidence.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's got a butt on her front.

[Zach Amico]

Confidence.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's got a front butt.

[Shannon]

Yeah. She loves it, though. She likes it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, you need to chill, okay? Wait. Michelle Trachtenberger died?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Micah Fox]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who's. How'd she die?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know how, but I gotta know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's crazy. I thought they were pulling her up because Maddie kind of looks like her over and over again in the chat.

[Zach Amico]

The girl, she was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She was like the nerdy in Road.

[Scott Chaplin]

Trip from American Pie. No, no, no, no, no.

[Micah Fox]

Was no ice skating movie. Right.

[Shannon]

39.

[Louis J. Gomez]

39 years old. Shannon, you could be dead.

[Scott Chaplin]

I loved her.

[Micah Fox]

Exactly.

[Shannon]

She was sick for a while. She recently had a liver transplant. But they're not. They're not officially seen. They're not officially saying her cause of death, but.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can I. We're gonna go. I don't want to. I don't want to end on a political point at all, but it's like all these Trump supporters are like, dude, yeah, the vaccine, the Blah, blah, blah. Trump put the fucking vaccine in place.

[Scott Chaplin]

He hired Fauci for it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, he did take credit for it. He was trashing Sweden for not locking down. Why does that. Why do all the Trump supporters act like he was not part of the problem?

[Scott Chaplin]

Well, because immediately after the, you know, came out, it was. Biden was in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And so by a year later, though, like, literally there was a full year.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it was like before the fuck event. I know now that anyone has any injury, anything like that, it's the fucking vaccine's fault.

[Scott Chaplin]

Well, but the vaccine, it did nobody any good. That is the truth about it.

[Zach Amico]

I ran a fucking six minute mile two weeks after the jab. Are you out of your mind? A six minute mile?

[Maddie Smith]

I'm in my nine Months Without a Crowd work album.

[Micah Fox]

Got to blame the vaccine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, we're done. We're wrapping it up. We're wrapping it up. We're raping it up. Trump's here. I got a problem with it.

[Scott Chaplin]

A pretty good Trump.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not bad. It's not bad. We're wrapping it up. You guys are the shit. Thank you for watching today's show. We'll be back on Friday live with Micah Fox and. And Tim McLaughlin. McLaughlin, yeah. How do I say his last name? You guys are in the. We'll check you guys next time. Goodbye. The world is facing urgent, monumental issues. And your students may be considering a career where they can make a global impact, even if they don't know where to begin. In the heart of Washington D.C. students gain world renowned expert knowledge and a global network as they pursue a master's degree and turn their passions into practice. Thousands of the world's leaders discovered what they're truly capable of at the George Washington University's Elliott School of International affairs, and you can help them find it.