0044. Mike Figs, Justin Silver and JP McDade

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Luis and Zac Show - Episode 0044 Featuring Mike Figs, Justin Silver, and JP McDade

Release Date: March 13, 2025
Host/Producers: GaS Digital Network
Guests: Mike Figs, Justin Silver, JP McDade
Duration: Approximately 72 minutes

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1. Introduction and Show Promotions

The episode kicks off with the hosts, Luis J. Gomez and Zac Amico, welcoming listeners to the live show from the Gas Digital Network. Mike Figs takes the lead in promoting the network's subscription benefits, emphasizing an uncensored, ad-free experience exclusive to subscribers. Notable promotion includes a discount code and access to a vast on-demand library.

• Mike Figs (00:48): "Go subscribe to Gas Digital. Use the promo code Laz. You get a $50 off your premium membership and you support the show."

2. Guest Introductions and Banter

The hosts introduce Mike Figs, JP McDade, and Justin Silver, sharing humorous and often chaotic anecdotes about their relationships within the comedy and podcasting communities. The interactions are marked by crude humor and playful teasing.

• Mike Figs (01:28): "We got Shane fired."
• Luis J. Gomez (02:07): "Finally."

3. Upcoming Trip to Jamaica

A significant portion of the episode revolves around the hosts' excitement about an upcoming trip to Jamaica. They discuss logistics, such as bookings and accommodations, while humorously interacting with Shannon, an associate who appears to manage aspects of their operations.

• Mike Figs (03:40): "We're actually pre-taping this on Friday and tomorrow we leave for Jamaica, man."

4. Guest Appearance: Alyssa Smart

Alyssa Smart joins the show to promote her podcast, "Misjudged with S's." The interaction includes light-hearted flirting and humorous exchanges about her podcast's concept, which centers around millennial experiences.

• Alyssa Smart (13:17): "What did I do in my past?"
• Mike Figs (13:00): "What is the podcast concept? Let's promote her podcast."

5. Sponsorships and Product Promotions

Throughout the episode, the hosts promote various products and sponsors, including Small Batch Cigars and Keto Brains. They provide detailed endorsements, highlighting product features and special discount codes for listeners.

• Mike Figs (17:08): "So, we're crushing it. We're just tearing through today's show."
• Mike Figs (18:12): "Smallbatch cigar.com. What a deal."

6. Discussions on Daylight Savings Time

The conversation shifts to a poll posted by Elon Musk regarding the abolition of Daylight Savings Time. The hosts and guests debate the merits and drawbacks, touching upon its historical origins and current relevance.

• Mike Figs (21:37): "Elon posted a poll about abolishing daylight savings."
• Shannon (20:36): "It originated in 1916... as a way to conserve energy."

7. Experiences at Movie Theaters

The hosts share their negative experiences at movie theaters, particularly criticizing disruptive behavior and crowded environments. They discuss strategies to avoid disturbances and express strong opinions on various demographic groups' behaviors in public spaces.

• Mike Figs (38:03): "You don't know any more lyrics. I like cake, though."
• Luis J. Gomez (39:14): "I hate going to the movies."

8. Influencer Fights and Boxing Commentary

A considerable segment is dedicated to discussing influencer fights, specifically highlighting the KSI vs. Dylan Danis bout. The hosts express skepticism about the authenticity of the fight outcomes and critique the participants' boxing abilities.

• Mike Figs (65:49): "Natalie's dating gay blind Mike. Legitimately?"
• Luis J. Gomez (67:05): "I believe it."

9. Personal Updates and Anecdotes

The conversation delves into personal topics, including testosterone level checks, attempts at fatherhood, and humorous discussions about physical fitness and health routines. The hosts also touch upon the challenges faced by associate Shannon in obtaining health insurance.

• Mike Figs (56:36): "I'm smoking weed for the first time tomorrow in 14 weeks."
• Zach Amico (57:14): "He's going to marry this girl right now."

10. Gofundme Campaign for Breast Implants

Shannon discusses a Gofundme campaign aimed at raising funds for breast implant replacements. The hosts offer both support and humor, with Mike Figs pledging donations contingent on fundraising milestones.

• Mike Figs (61:51): "Shannon, Justin doesn't care about your tits at all. Why don't you donate?"
• Shannon (62:04): "It is the same. It's at 1165."

11. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events

The episode concludes with the hosts promoting upcoming tours, comedy shows, and special events like Skank Fest. They encourage listeners to subscribe, attend live events, and participate in giveaways for VIP passes.

• Mike Figs (72:10): "We'll check you next time. Peace."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Mike Figs (00:48): "Go subscribe to Gas Digital. Use the promo code Laz. You get a $50 off your premium membership and you support the show."

• Mike Figs (18:12): "Smallbatch cigar.com. What a deal."

• Mike Figs (21:37): "Elon posted a poll about abolishing daylight savings."

• Mike Figs (65:49): "Natalie's dating gay blind Mike. Legitimately?"

• Mike Figs (67:05): "I believe it."

• Mike Figs (72:10): "We'll check you next time. Peace."

---

Episode Highlights

• Chaotic Interactions: The episode is characterized by off-the-cuff humor, crude jokes, and spontaneous interactions among the hosts and guests.

• Product Endorsements: Multiple segments are dedicated to promoting products and sponsors, reflecting the show's commercial partnerships.

• Controversial Topics: Discussions include sensitive subjects such as race, public behavior, and influencer authenticity, often presented through a lens of humor and personal opinion.

• Event Promotions: Emphasis on upcoming live events and tours, encouraging audience engagement and participation.

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Conclusion

Episode 0044 of The Luis and Zac Show offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and promotional content, wrapped in a lively and unfiltered format. The hosts and guests navigate a variety of topics, maintaining an energetic and often provocative atmosphere that aligns with the show's reputation as a "comedy revolution."

Transcript

[Luis J. Gomez]

Fill her up.

[Mike Figs]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Zach Amico]

You know what time it is? They say life a bit tight at night. Boy, we diving in. We got Zakamiko, red dot, head shot. Eat a sniper.

[Mike Figs]

The Puerto Rican point guard striking like a viper.

[Zach Amico]

And it came to attack. Spilling crack on the track.

[Mike Figs]

Get away from me.

[Zach Amico]

To move closer to.

[Mike Figs]

No, move away. Why are you touching me? What's up? It's your boy, Luis A. Gomez. It's a Monday. We are live right here on the Gas Digital Network. Thank you guys for being here and supporting the show. All the people that are subscribed to gas digital.gas digital.com. if you guys are watching this on YouTube or anywhere else, you should know that we do an uncensored ad free show with pre release. Just the Gas Digital subscribers, plus a bonus Friday show every Friday. What's up, girl? I don't know who that is, but who's up? It's Hot Ralph. Ralph always got hot chicks in the studio. He should know not to bring a hot chick in the studio. I'm going to start harassing her through the window.

[Zach Amico]

I started pumping right away.

[Mike Figs]

Go subscribe to Gas Digital. Use the promo code. Laz. You get a $50 off your premium membership and you support the show. You get to watch the show the way you want to watch it. Get the bonus show plus over a thousand episodes in the on demand library. Back in the day, before we had careers, we were saying crazy wild guys.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We got Shane fired.

[Mike Figs]

We got. We got Shane fired. You think it was what's his name? Was it was that Simon? It was that Simon. It was Louis J. Gum. His baby boy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was what we did here.

[Mike Figs]

Incredible show planned. Zach Amico unfortunately is dead. He died? Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Finally.

[JP McDade]

Rip.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. It was nothing to do with him being fat. He was shot to death.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

He was eaten by a harpoon.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Now Zach's out right now with the. The Juggalo Championship Wrestling doing. Living his dream. I can't hate. I can't hate on Zach for literally doing what he was born to do. So go support that. If you guys can see Juggalo Championship with Zach doing the commentary, he's a genuine. He's down with the clown baby boy in his stead. One of my favorite people on the planet. Some people love him, some people hate him. I love him. I think he's one of the most talented comics and one of the most talented broadcasters in the world. I wouldn't have him on the show otherwise. You know him from the thing is and Fig Talk. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Figs, co host in the show this weekend.

[Zach Amico]

I need an iced coffee. Can we turn it? We got the AC on. Greg. Take a nice coffee, Shannon.

[Mike Figs]

Very nice. Figs. Your. Your tits are getting bigger.

[Zach Amico]

It's the shirt.

[Mike Figs]

Sure.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, it's.

[Zach Amico]

I got it from Amazon.

[Mike Figs]

Sucks.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, yeah. Black makes everyone look fatter.

[Mike Figs]

You know that voice. You love that voice. One of the funniest comics working today. Brand new special. You guys can go get on Savvy Baby's channel. What's the special called again?

[JP McDade]

It's called JP McDade in Brooklyn.

[Mike Figs]

JP McDade in Brooklyn. Ladies and gentlemen, JP McDade back on the show.

[JP McDade]

Blessed. Blessed to be here.

[Mike Figs]

And another one of my favorite people in the world. One of the original Legion of Skanks. People don't know that very often, do they? Not a lot of people don't know. Just, you know, Legion Skanks. It was a script trip before was a podcast and Justin was one of the dudes in it and one of which is OG friend, hilarious comic Justin Silver back on the show.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Boys, boys, boys.

[Mike Figs]

What's up, dude?

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's up?

[Mike Figs]

Great show plan, Shannon. How you feeling today? We got. We're. We're actually pre taping this on Friday and tomorrow we leave for Jamaica, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you got your trip.

[Mike Figs]

We have our, our gas digital trip. It's tomorrow, Shannon. You're officially coming.

[Shannon]

I'm officially coming. I am just overwhelmed with completing work stuff at the moment. But once, once we're on the plane and I have a Bloody Mary, I'll be happy.

[Mike Figs]

That's what I'm. By the way, I'm also having a Bloody Mary on the plane.

[Shannon]

You have to have one plane.

[Mike Figs]

I love. I love a plane.

[JP McDade]

Tomato juice tastes better on planes, apparently.

[Mike Figs]

Well, I just love a Bloody Mary in general. A lot of people don't like a Bloody Mary. It's gross.

[JP McDade]

You like vitamins?

[Mike Figs]

I love vitamins. I love them.

[Zach Amico]

So good.

[Mike Figs]

So good. Vitamins are great.

[Zach Amico]

I'm making her come on the plane. She's coming.

[Mike Figs]

No, she's going to be on a different plane. I told Shan I already tried to kiss her. Just now I tried to open mouth, kiss her. Right. Shannon noise.

[Shannon]

That's true.

[Mike Figs]

And then I showed her. I was showing her nudes in my phone.

[Shannon]

Forced me to look at it.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Shan, how excited are you about this trip? I'm getting. I'm getting handsy and aggressive before you've even left.

[Shannon]

It's a lot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's no human resources in this company.

[Mike Figs]

No, I'm the human. I'm the human resources. You'd have to report me to me. Yeah. I high five myself. Good job.

[Zach Amico]

Ralph was trafficking someone as the show started.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, there's. Who? Ralph, who is this hot angel that you're hanging out with? Can they still hear me in the. In the lobby?

[Shannon]

No, we turned it off. I think she's someone who might be renting the studio out.

[Mike Figs]

Oh, my God. She's a fuck. She's gorgeous. Holy mo. She's really hot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's really hot. Can she. Can he walk her around here?

[Mike Figs]

Like, I want her to hear what I'm saying. She had to turn it back on in the lobby. I want her to hear what I want to do to her body.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shove her in this room.

[Zach Amico]

I love Bloody Mary's. I'm going to Jamaica.

[Shannon]

Wait for. For real? Do you want it on out there?

[Mike Figs]

I want to harass her. Shannon.

[JP McDade]

But she.

[Shannon]

Because she's like a business associate in some ways.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You've been working at this company.

[Mike Figs]

I'm not a businessman. I'm a businessman.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm a businessman.

[JP McDade]

Our faces are going to be in the Netflix documentary that's made about this place.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's okay. I'm gonna deny all this.

[JP McDade]

Like with the Blue lady who died. That cult. That's gonna be gas digital.

[Mike Figs]

It's gonna. It's like the Nickelodeon documentary. I, I. All I want is in my next home. I want to get a foot shaped pool. I do. But I want to get it shaped like Shannon's foot. It's gonna be extra large and it's gonna have a bunion that's like the hot tub. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm blaming anything we say here on AI.

[JP McDade]

Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm not here right now.

[Mike Figs]

That's a beautiful thing. The only saving grace about me sucking Bobby Kelly's dick in that video is that I get to at least one day when my son does find it. I'm like, james, that's AI. That's crazy that they would do that with AI.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was there that night. That was like when you first got that new management also.

[Mike Figs]

Was it? Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was when you first got.

[Mike Figs]

They were like, what the. Did we just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

Why did we sign this?

[JP McDade]

We're gonna get you into a lot of very exciting spaces.

[Mike Figs]

I remember when I got on Last comic standing, I had Bobby. I was like, dude, you gotta get rid of the video of me sucking your. I'm on Last comic Standing. It's gonna work out, obviously. Is this the girl coming in? Oh, damn. It. It's just Karen. Damn it.

[Zach Amico]

Love, Karen. She got me a nice. I have to say. Yeah, you wanted a sweet. Yeah. Sweet as a peach, baby.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I have to say how bitch assy it was that, like, it was a competition. You went first and they were like, no, we're not doing this now. I was like, that's kind of fucking.

[Mike Figs]

No. It was hilarious, actually. I tell the story in the closer. My new. My next special is the story of that.

[JP McDade]

I won't.

[Mike Figs]

Getting ahead of it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I won't give it away.

[Mike Figs]

Getting ahead of it. Anyway, we have an incredible show planned. Shannon, how excited are you about to make it now? Now that you've given yourself to the fact that you're going, are you excited?

[Shannon]

I'm happy to be going.

[Mike Figs]

We're. It's Monday. We're there right now.

[Shannon]

It's beautiful here.

[Mike Figs]

It's beautiful here in Jamaica.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Mike Figs]

It's gonna be 86 to 87 degrees every day.

[Zach Amico]

Perfect.

[Luis J. Gomez]

6 to 87 degrees.

[Mike Figs]

It is currently 86 degrees in paradise.

[Zach Amico]

Welcome to paradise.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, we have the same.

[Zach Amico]

I want a bloody Mary, baby.

[Mike Figs]

Same. Villa. Slaves that we've always had may love being your slave.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe a good slave. Fire boy.

[Mike Figs]

I heard you on Drew Montana's podcast.

[Zach Amico]

Six months from we. That was called the gym.

[Mike Figs]

Was it in Jamaica?

[Zach Amico]

We. We. I don't know. We just called the Jamaican restaurant.

[Mike Figs]

The Jamaican restaurant. And he pretended to be a Jamaican guy. And he was just.

[Zach Amico]

I had the guy for 75% of the phone call.

[Mike Figs]

It was really funny. It was very.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A lot of jerk chicken orders and that kind of.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it was.

[Mike Figs]

It was.

[Zach Amico]

I just needed a table for 13 and the guy was like, so nonchalant. He was like, yeah, man, don't worry.

[Mike Figs]

Call me.

[JP McDade]

I got you.

[Zach Amico]

They got big teeth.

[Mike Figs]

And he was like, you got pudding for the ch?

[Zach Amico]

I said, I got like 5B. Let me bring the bab. He was like, make a cheesecake for the bab. I'm like, cheesecake for the bab.

[Mike Figs]

It was. It was wild.

[Zach Amico]

He was like, maybe I change it. I'll change it. I'll give you something else.

[Mike Figs]

Go watch Digital Bazooka, Drew Montana's prank show. So funny. What a great show.

[Zach Amico]

We called Charade Smalls too.

[Mike Figs]

Oh, really?

[Zach Amico]

At the end of every bazooka show, you got a cola comic.

[Mike Figs]

You pretended to be his daughter.

[Zach Amico]

What do you want for me?

[Mike Figs]

Money?

[Zach Amico]

No, I just pretended. I know you Fig a Spanish guy that had a drink with him and he did not remember. He was like, oh, yes, I saw you At Dangerfields. Right? I was like, yeah, puppy, I saw you there, man. That was so much fun. He just went.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How many times did he call you The N word?

[Zach Amico]

17, probably 17.

[Mike Figs]

How many times did you guys call him the N word behind his back?

[Zach Amico]

24.

[Mike Figs]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

But we're in Philadelphia.

[Mike Figs]

Look, we have an incredible show plan today. We have a lot to talk about on today's show. I'm feeling fucking great. I ended my fast. I'm fucking jacked as hell.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's why you're so lame.

[Zach Amico]

Fucking jacked as hell. Holy shit. Louis Rife.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Matt Gomez.

[Mike Figs]

I'm going to get my testosterone checked again in the beginning of April.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What were you last time?

[Mike Figs]

339.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What was it? Free.

[Mike Figs]

They charged me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no. What was the free. The free test?

[Mike Figs]

I don't know. They just told me the number. It was 339.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They have to tell you the free, though. There's the overall fruit. You don't know.

[Mike Figs]

I don't know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm not gonna get it.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Mike Figs]

I don't know. We were talking about you. You're 50 years old. It's crazy how good you look.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I appreciate that. I feel like I look like.

[Mike Figs]

No, you look great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm like. I'm, like, evaporating. I'm getting smaller. I'm like.

[Mike Figs]

Well, you are a little, but you always have been.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

You know, you're a sexy.

[Mike Figs]

Appreciate that size.

[Zach Amico]

So you always been.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I know.

[Zach Amico]

You're the Chris Katan of gas.

[Mike Figs]

Thank you.

[JP McDade]

You just told me. You told me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Drug addict.

[JP McDade]

You said you were on an episode of Law and order, like, 25 years ago. I was like. He was a child actor.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I was in my 30s.

[Zach Amico]

My flat owns the deli.

[Mike Figs]

How. How old are you really now?

[Luis J. Gomez]

48.

[Mike Figs]

You're. You're almost 50. That is.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

That is bananas.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We've just known each other so long.

[JP McDade]

That's too old to be named Justin, though.

[Mike Figs]

That is Justin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Mike Figs]

What is the nickname for Justin? Is there any nickname for it?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everybody beside. Because we know Jay here, outside of this friend circle, everybody calls me Jay.

[Mike Figs]

Everyone calls you Jay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Everybody does. But because we have Big J here, no one calls me Jay in, like, the comedy.

[Zach Amico]

Little Jay Silverstein.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They all just call me Jay. My brothers call me Jay.

[Mike Figs]

That was a bad joke. It was a bad joke. It wasn't good.

[Zach Amico]

Really tried.

[Mike Figs]

It wasn't good.

[Zach Amico]

He wants to be Jason.

[JP McDade]

Get him a Bloody Mary. He's got vitamin deficiency.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He does it great.

[Mike Figs]

That girl is so hot.

[Zach Amico]

She walked by again.

[Mike Figs]

She walked by. What's up, girl?

[Zach Amico]

Girl, it's the little hat on her that makes her.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, what is she? Who is she?

[Luis J. Gomez]

What is she?

[Zach Amico]

Like a cold Staten island girl.

[Mike Figs]

Hey. Hey. How you doing, Lewis?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sit like this for a second. Sit like this. Like that. Like, talk and then talk.

[Mike Figs]

I want to eat your bosom. Shannon. Shannon. Go find out her name. What is she doing here? She was gonna rent the studio for.

[Zach Amico]

15,000, and then Lewis started talking about Universal.

[Shannon]

She is a friend of Ralph who is looking at the studio to potentially rent this.

[Mike Figs]

What does she do? Can she be my girlfriend? Shannon, can she take your spot in Jamaica?

[Shannon]

I'm. I. You want me to ask her?

[Mike Figs]

Ask her. She. After she's willing to go to Jamaica with us. Tell her she could work for the company right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Does she have to pay for her flight or you?

[Mike Figs]

I'll pay for the flight. If she comes to Jamaica and stays in my villa with me, I'll pay for her flight.

[Zach Amico]

My boss is a predator and he.

[Mike Figs]

Wants to send me.

[Zach Amico]

He wants to send you to Jamaica and you want to be on the show for.

[JP McDade]

See how open she is to being kidnapped.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. She's a goddamn smoke show. How does Ralph. Ralph is a genuine monster. How does he get all these hot chicks in his life?

[Luis J. Gomez]

How does he get all these hot chicks in his life? He's a genuine monster.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, because girls like monsters, like Beauty and the Beast.

[Mike Figs]

I would tell Ralph to come in here for a second.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What you were saying was so shoot.

[Mike Figs]

On the Shannon cam.

[Shannon]

Oh, just come here.

[Zach Amico]

It's all right to bet. He's gonna bend down tall enough.

[Mike Figs]

Ralph. Hi.

[Ralph]

I'm not gonna hear him. Yes, Louis.

[Mike Figs]

Well, put the headphones on. He's got to hear me. Can you hear me?

[Ralph]

Yes, Louis.

[Mike Figs]

How. Who is this angel that you're hanging out with out there?

[Ralph]

Who is that girl? Hey, everybody. It's a little girl called none of your goddamn business. That's who it is.

[Mike Figs]

Little girl, Ralph.

[Ralph]

She's age appropriate almost. She's 37, 38.

[Mike Figs]

She's fucking.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's not 38.

[Mike Figs]

Are you dating this girl?

[Ralph]

I used to date her a long time ago on our few dates, but nothing really happened. You want to date her?

[Mike Figs]

Lick the cum out of her.

[Ralph]

You want her to come on the show right now? She'll come on gladly.

[Mike Figs]

Brown, come on her. How about that?

[Zach Amico]

All right, that's fine, Ralph.

[Mike Figs]

Ask. Ask her if she want. Wants to come to Jamaica with us. So let's just hire her. Why do we hire her? Right now?

[Ralph]

You want to hire right now and see if she can stay in your separate bungalow?

[Mike Figs]

I do have my own villa. Everyone else has to stay in the. Amongst each other in the villas, but I'm my own single villa.

[Ralph]

As long as my. As long as my room is still the quiet room, I'm fine with it. But you want. You want to talk to her?

[Mike Figs]

Lewis, I would love for.

[Ralph]

Are you going to be a puss, or you want to talk to her?

[Luis J. Gomez]

She talk. Oh, I want to hear it.

[Mike Figs]

Let's see. We're going to put her on the Shannon cam. This is it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, sit like this.

[Zach Amico]

Sit like this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, no. Sit like this. Like. Like you're.

[Zach Amico]

You're going to pretend to talk. You do Trump the whole time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, hi.

[Mike Figs]

Hi there.

[Alyssa Smart]

Look, you guys got to have me on.

[Mike Figs]

Listen to her voice. She's got the voice of an angel. Who are you, lady? Where did you come from?

[Alyssa Smart]

My name's Alyssa Smart.

[Mike Figs]

She's got a hot name, too. You sound interesting. You sound like you have great stories.

[Alyssa Smart]

Oh, I do. Buckle up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You got great teeth.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. What's going on, Alyssa? What do you. What do you do? Why are you in the studio today?

[Alyssa Smart]

I have a pod I'm trying to record here.

[Mike Figs]

What is your podcast called? Let's promote her podcast.

[Alyssa Smart]

It's called Misjudged with S's.

[Mike Figs]

Misjudged.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What did you do in your past.

[Zach Amico]

So unique that you've been misjudged?

[Alyssa Smart]

What did I do in my past?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

What is this? What is this? Give me the elevator pitch on the podcast. This is great. My fans are going to love you. My pants. And I mean this.

[Zach Amico]

These pants are.

[Mike Figs]

My pants are hex. They did support the show for a while. My fans are perverts and they're going to harass you. There's going to be deep fakes of you in the live chat at one point, but just know that now. As long as you know that now. If you're not okay with it, we'll delete this whole segment. But just so you know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But they're all sedentary. They're not to really hurt you. They don't leave their houses.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, no, it's okay. Yeah.

[Alyssa Smart]

You know what? Y'all can find my Instagram from my podcast. So go ahead, Alyssa.

[Mike Figs]

What. What do you. What is the podcast concept?

[Alyssa Smart]

It is me and my co host, and we just talk about being a millennial.

[Mike Figs]

Is it another hot chick? Do you guys kiss each other? Do you take your top?

[Alyssa Smart]

She's hot. I'm not gonna lie. She's a redhead. So you know, someone for everyone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Natch.

[Mike Figs]

She's got a great voice, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Part of the Hebrew clan.

[Mike Figs]

We're gonna. Are you Jewish? No. Oh, damn. I know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Say it like you're disappointed.

[Zach Amico]

Guess what?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because I'm Jewish. I'm just saying if you're disappointed, you.

[Mike Figs]

Know, Justin is Jewish.

[Alyssa Smart]

I'm sorry. Yeah. I mean, I'm Italian, Greek, Turkish and Egyptian.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, back hair. She's perfect.

[Mike Figs]

She's a little hairy, but that's a little back hair.

[Alyssa Smart]

Yeah, there was laser hair removal.

[Mike Figs]

That's very nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, wow.

[Zach Amico]

You're hilarious. She's so funny.

[Mike Figs]

Alyssa, do you want to come to Jamaica? Our whole crew is. Me and Ralph, mostly me, are paying for the entire crew to go to. I have a lot of money working for the entire crew.

[Ralph]

I just heard that. Louis, you're changing the pay dynamic. I got that on camera. All right, thank you.

[Mike Figs]

We're paying for the entire crew to go to Jamaica. It was my idea. I'm very generous. If you want, we can hire you. You could be the new office manager. I'll fire Karen. And I mean this. I'll fire Karen right now if Alyssa is the new office manager.

[Alyssa Smart]

No, Karen's great.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, well. Well, you know what she gave me?

[Zach Amico]

Coffee was half full. I don't think you do that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, fix a coffee.

[Mike Figs]

Do you want or what are you doing from Saturday till Wednesday?

[Alyssa Smart]

Oh, I'm having an existential crisis all weekend. So big plans there and then. Probably just nothing else.

[Mike Figs]

She is a little. She will crazy for sure.

[Zach Amico]

She's a wild breakdown. Show your Rolex.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Anyway, it's not. It's not a Rolex, but. Well, she doesn't know she's a woman. Look at my Rolex.

[Alyssa Smart]

Does it have. Is it real? Is it sterling silver or is it white gold? What are we working with?

[Mike Figs]

It's platinum.

[Alyssa Smart]

Platinum. Okay. Right.

[Mike Figs]

Very, very well.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like when an album does really well that.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, will you just kiss Alyssa on the mouth just for a second?

[Zach Amico]

Jorge, you know what to do. Jorge, we shouldn't have to tell you.

[Mike Figs]

Lean over, kiss Alyssa directly on the mouth. Put the sexy music on. Very nice. Just for a second. It would be just. We wanted to do. This is an audition. This is gonna see how cool you are. Shannon's okay. She doesn't care. Shannon's feeling very self conscious about herself. She just really wants any love.

[Zach Amico]

Pioneer business class to Jamaica.

[Mike Figs]

Alyssa's thinking about this pioneer.

[Zach Amico]

She's great.

[JP McDade]

Is that a covered wagon?

[Mike Figs]

I'M gonna check out your podcast. Misjudgment. Soon to be on the gas station.

[Luis J. Gomez]

M I s s like M I.

[Alyssa Smart]

S s one word. Misjudged Podcast. Find us everywhere.

[Mike Figs]

I love it. Oh, my God. Thank you. Thank you, Alyssa. Thank you for coming on and with us. I would. I'd marry you, just so you know.

[Alyssa Smart]

Thank you, guys.

[Mike Figs]

Do you have a boyfriend? No. Nice. Good answer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, sit back again. Show her. Watch this.

[Zach Amico]

Look at that. You see that?

[Alyssa Smart]

Oh, the gun show.

[Mike Figs]

Oh, yeah. Listen to her voice. I'm horny.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Misjudged pocket.

[Mike Figs]

I'm a creepy horny man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's only 289 followers on here, so I feel like you really should come on the show because this will help.

[Mike Figs]

I think she's gone justice.

[Alyssa Smart]

Well, she's gonna invite me.

[Mike Figs]

No, we will. I'll. I, I will. I'd marry this girl right now. Yeah, hers is hot. She's hotter, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes, she is.

[Zach Amico]

All right, all right. You just divided their friendship. I don't know if that was.

[Mike Figs]

It's okay.

[Zach Amico]

A good idea.

[Mike Figs]

That was a good time. Time. It was a good time, folks. I gave the rest of live chat a hot chick instead of Shannon to look at. Shannon's hot, but, you know, we've seen her face for a decade. It's like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's old.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. You know, she was wild. She had a sexy voice too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Very sexy.

[Mike Figs]

Damn.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

37. That's what I need to be going for. I need to go for 37 year olds. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

She was smart. She was ready to.

[Mike Figs]

She's like, I know. I'm kidding. I didn't even believe it when I said it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was just like, thank you.

[Mike Figs]

Okay. All right. Let's take a quick moment and thank Small Batch Cigar for supporting today's show. We love Small Batch Cigars. You smoke cigars?

[Zach Amico]

I have one before in between the two shows. Smooth, Fantastic.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, Love it. And Small Batch Cigar is really one of just the best sponsors we have. I really, they send me packages of cigars. I always keep cigars in the house. Now when I have friends come over, you offer them a bat. You feel like the man. Incredible interface, easy to use, all the cigars that you know and a lot that you don't know. They have a brand new section where if you click on it, you find all the new cigars that they have in really, really great website and they ship them right to your house in the best packaging ever. Right?

[Zach Amico]

That's my favorite part.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. They give you a bovita pack so it stays nice and fresh. You get. It's a humid cigar. So you don't need to. Sometimes you order cigars online, they come. They come dry. They come all. That's the other. When you go to just like, buy a cigar at a. A regular cigar place, very often they come out dry. Not what. Small B cigar. You know, you're getting a fresh cigar every single time. The most thorough packaging in the industry. If you go to Smallbatch cigar dot com right now, use the promo code GAS10. You're gonna get 10 off and 5% rewards points. What a deal. Smallbatch cigar.com. what a deal.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I was just thinking. What a deal.

[Mike Figs]

What a deal. Promo code GAS10 for 10 off and 5% rewards points. All right, where were we? We gotta move on. I'm working on my trump, but I don't do the. That you gotta get.

[Zach Amico]

You don't have to. We can go back and forth. Probably won't teach you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Mike Figs]

I've been. I've been doing it.

[Zach Amico]

Hit me with it.

[Mike Figs]

Elon. Elon Musk. He posts a poll about abolishing daylight savings.

[JP McDade]

He's my favorite American.

[Mike Figs]

That was beautiful.

[Zach Amico]

Such a. He's such a. He really is.

[Mike Figs]

He really is.

[JP McDade]

He does the subtle. He does the subtle.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I can't do it. I do. I do cappuccino.

[Mike Figs]

Horrific. But do the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But do the sound thing after. After.

[Mike Figs]

Love her. She's great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do the sound thing after the sentence, though. That was the only thing.

[Mike Figs]

El.

[Zach Amico]

A word opens the impression.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Right?

[JP McDade]

That's your touchstone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I can.

[Zach Amico]

They call them they. Them.

[Mike Figs]

We're getting rid of them. There's no more trannies in the country.

[Zach Amico]

You still sound like Louis Jacob.

[Mike Figs]

I sound like Lewis.

[Zach Amico]

No, but it's good. You're getting there.

[Mike Figs]

I'm getting there. People like it. People are impressed when I do it.

[Zach Amico]

Really.

[JP McDade]

We're flying our podcast, slaves down to Jamaica. First class on Pioneer.

[Zach Amico]

He's really good.

[Mike Figs]

It's great.

[JP McDade]

If the plane crashes, it was Lewis's fault.

[Mike Figs]

Elon did post trying to fight the.

[JP McDade]

Cockpit all at once.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's Puerto Rican.

[Mike Figs]

Elon posted a poll about abolishing daylight savings. I've been hearing about a abolishing daily savings for a while now. I like this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

When I found out that, like, some guy just decided to be like. They just made the decision one year, I said, what a piece of that dude is.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. What is the. What's the whole point of the. What is it? What is the. What is the. The.

[JP McDade]

Even then I Don't understand farming, but it's the same amount as daylight.

[Zach Amico]

It was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's for economics. Some guy was just like, you like the sun? Yeah, not tomorrow. You know, like.

[Mike Figs]

So people, farmers were getting up earlier in order to catch the sun. I don't understand.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what they initially said.

[JP McDade]

Something about when markets open. I. Shannon.

[Shannon]

It originated in 1916, original recipe. 25 different spices during World War I. And it was. It originated as a way to conserve energy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But it doesn't apply now, right?

[Shannon]

Like, no. And also, I mean also, earlier on, like, people actually like looked at the sun as a way to kind of tell time. Ish. A little bit. There's like no reason for it to actually happen.

[JP McDade]

Well, the sun is a very good friend of mine.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

I look at it every day. Every morning I look right into the sun.

[Shannon]

It also contributes to heart attacks, car accidents, a lot of negative health issues, depression.

[Mike Figs]

I mean, why does it. Why does it.

[Zach Amico]

America has the best son. China horrible. Always goes down to China comes up in America. It's unbelievable.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because of the seasonal depression. I think that's what she means, right?

[Shannon]

No, so I mean that's. That's part of it, but it. With your circadian rhythm and then even just losing that hour of sleep.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I got Xanax.

[Shannon]

It affects you for days.

[Mike Figs]

So Shannon, what. What is. What's his.

[Zach Amico]

Did you just text the girl that walked out of here?

[Mike Figs]

No, I wish. What is Elon's tweet?

[Shannon]

This is it here.

[Mike Figs]

Let's see. He goes. Is daylight savings. Wait, if daylight savings times change is canceled, do you prefer an hour earlier, an hour later? I don't even understand.

[JP McDade]

This guy's gonna figure out English one day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's a robot. He's a robot.

[Mike Figs]

The type of human reproduction.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You want the hour of sunlight toward the. Do you want them to add the hour in the beginning of the day or the end?

[Zach Amico]

You want an hour more nap, nap or less.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But. But I'm saying toward the evening.

[Mike Figs]

You want more night or more I want more day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're still gonna get more day.

[Mike Figs]

One day more. Do you want the day start another day, another destiny. This never ending road.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What people don't know is Lewis's musical theater.

[Mike Figs]

They all know it. Everyone knows it.

[Zach Amico]

That's why I'm here.

[Mike Figs]

One day. I will not live until today.

[Luis J. Gomez]

When he does Les Mis, I love it.

[Mike Figs]

That's what I'm doing right now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

One day more look down. I said, when you do Les Mis, I love it.

[JP McDade]

That's why he's trying to get Jack so he could be like Hugh Jackman in Les Mis.

[Zach Amico]

I'm Hugh Jackman. I'm going to Jamaica.

[Mike Figs]

Look, I'm Hugh Jackman. Shannon. I don't understand his tweet. So he's saying essentially, are we going to get more daylight or more. More dark? Is that what it is?

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Mike Figs]

What do you want, Shannon?

[Shannon]

I think it's probably healthier to have the light earlier on.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

I want health insurance.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, what do I want?

[Shannon]

I can't have health insurance. I'll take a little bit of sun.

[Zach Amico]

What do I want? Sleep. Give me sleep. Are you gonna change the name of the show again?

[Mike Figs]

Okay. Do we have to give them insurance at one point? I know we made you a real employee like a year ago.

[Zach Amico]

A real asset. Ass. A real ass employee.

[Mike Figs]

Well, yeah, she was like a 1099 independent contractor for a long time. But you're Shannon. Are you one of the real employees?

[Shannon]

I'm not.

[Mike Figs]

You're not?

[Shannon]

I declined it because I can't. I don't want.

[Mike Figs]

You don't want to pay taxes?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Pay him in Club Med beads.

[Zach Amico]

We forget Shannon is a criminal.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon does cheat on her taxes.

[Zach Amico]

Full blown criminal. I forget that sometimes.

[Mike Figs]

No.

[JP McDade]

This bracelet gets you free drinks. Sandals, Jamaica.

[Mike Figs]

So, Shannon, you're not. You're not a regular employee. You're an independent contractor.

[Shannon]

That's correct. But the real employees also don't get insurance.

[Mike Figs]

Why are you talking about other people's business? How do you know they don't get insurance?

[Shannon]

Well, because when I was asked if I wanted to be an official employee, I said, will I get health insurance? And I was. I was told no. So I didn't really have a benefit of becoming a real employee.

[Mike Figs]

Can I just tell you, you could probably get free health insurance.

[Shannon]

I've been asking. I've been working here for nine years and I've been trying. And Medicaid.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Yeah. If you really. If you played your cards right, you could probably get some health insurance. If you blew me twice a month. I really mean this. I'm gonna. This isn't even a gag, Shannon. If you blow me twice a month, I'll give you health insurance.

[Shannon]

I'll figure. I'll figure out a way.

[Zach Amico]

A good blowy, not a shitty one.

[Mike Figs]

You know how many people would take that deal? You know how many people would take that deal? You know, people feel like they're lucky. Feel like they were lucky to take that deal.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, man.

[Mike Figs]

She's unappreciative. That's the problem.

[Zach Amico]

100%.

[Mike Figs]

This is the issue. What do you say, Justin? Day or day? More day or more night?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I'd want it to be lighter toward the end of the day. I can't stand when it gets dark at 5 o'clock. That drives me nuts.

[Mike Figs]

What do you, what do you say?

[JP McDade]

Yeah. Whatever prevents the sun from going down at like 4 in the afternoon.

[Mike Figs]

Don't let the sun go down on me. I'm musical today. I'm very musical today. I see. I feel like Shannon would look better in the dark. No offense. This is not an offensive thing. Shannon. I'm just being honest. The less lighting is probably good for Shannon, but more sunlight would be better for her complexion. She looks so. It's like. What do you do here? Give her some vitamin D. Yeah, doggy. I know what you're saying.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

D is in dick.

[JP McDade]

Get it? Everybody.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I was being like legit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I know, but I'm just saying don't.

[Mike Figs]

Be that helping everybody.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was, I was just.

[Zach Amico]

Don't let the sun.

[Mike Figs]

Don't let my son go down on me. Yeah, that's good. Thank you, bro. You sound good. Great.

[Zach Amico]

Getting another coffee.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you need another coffee?

[Mike Figs]

You want another coffee?

[Zach Amico]

I'm, I'm half, I'm half asleep. I need more sun. I need more, more sleepy time.

[Mike Figs]

Why were you late today? Figs.

[Zach Amico]

The train was. Can I get another coffee?

[Mike Figs]

I, I rode the train. I rode the train for the first time since before the pandemic.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Disgusting.

[Zach Amico]

Recorded it like a tiktoker.

[Mike Figs]

I did record it.

[Zach Amico]

Like, it's, it was fine.

[Mike Figs]

It was actually better. There was way less people on it than ever before. I've never been on the train. I, I, this was.

[Zach Amico]

You took it in the city over here. Bing bang is easy. Take it from Harlem, take it to the Bronx. That's the train. No, take it to Brooklyn. That's the train.

[Mike Figs]

I mean, the same train goes through the city. I just went two stops on it.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly.

[Mike Figs]

I took it from 23rd street and 6th Avenue down to West 4th.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, cool.

[Mike Figs]

And that shit was. Can I tell you something? I'm like a boomer now. Dude. This was wild. I haven't been on the subway in a really long time. I use my cell phone Apple Pay to get on the goddamn subway.

[JP McDade]

That is nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Going on for six years.

[Mike Figs]

Five maybe. Well, I've not since I've been taking.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You've never tapped the thing?

[Mike Figs]

It was not. I had to stop and get a Metro card the last time I used this other way.

[JP McDade]

And now they have the Goofy cards, but no one uses them. But the bdfm, that's where you run. That's fine, I guess. Like, the train is fine, generally. But if you took it two more stops to Delancey Essex, you'd be crawling through like. Like a sea of Asian heroin zombies. Just like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, it gets.

[JP McDade]

Oh, it gets grimy down there.

[Mike Figs]

Does it? Yeah. No, I mean, where I took it, it was pretty cool. There was a cute chick, There was a dude. There was a guy playing bongos.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You took it West Village to East Village? That's, like, such a.

[Mike Figs]

No, no, no. I took it from 23rd Street, Chelsea, down to West 4th into the West Village.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[JP McDade]

You did the gay tour?

[Mike Figs]

Got out, got my butthole waxed. She was sick. Was.

[JP McDade]

I'll tell you what's a gay neighborhood. Wall Street.

[Mike Figs]

Very gay. Very gay. Lots of homosexuals.

[Zach Amico]

Cobble. Cobblestone streets.

[JP McDade]

I mean, trading stocks. Trading Cox is more like it.

[Mike Figs]

So, all right. We're flying tomorrow. I'm very excited to get on a flight with the whole crew there. Apparently there was a Southwest flight where there was a naked woman who was running around for, like, 15 minutes on the plane. On the plane. I mean, why do I never get these things? Why has it never happened to me? I would love to see that. How great would that be?

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's no video.

[JP McDade]

I saw the clip there. It's all blurred, but it did not look like a party.

[Mike Figs]

Let me see. Let me see.

[Shannon]

I found one that wasn't blurred.

[Mike Figs]

You found one that's not blurred?

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

Sick. Shannon, finally you do a great job.

[Shannon]

You can't see a lot, but here, she's right here. I'm gonna start it.

[Mike Figs]

She's gonna back like me. Jesus Christ.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, wait. I can't tell what body part. What it is.

[Shannon]

Her back.

[Mike Figs]

She's black. You sure?

[Zach Amico]

She might just be.

[Mike Figs]

Is she on drugs? I feel like black people don't take the drugs that make you get naked.

[Zach Amico]

They're holding each other's hand like the plane's going down.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, what?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, she's rapping.

[JP McDade]

She's got a hat on, so she's not naked.

[Mike Figs]

She's doing this bust around.

[Zach Amico]

She was just doing that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, zoom in on that guy's phone.

[Zach Amico]

He's got. Oh, let's see. Okay, she's got some. She's got some Yonkers on her.

[Mike Figs]

Let's see. Go on.

[Zach Amico]

Apple juice.

[Mike Figs]

Look at this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look at this old white lady on the corner.

[Mike Figs]

This is one of the villa employees.

[Zach Amico]

You ready?

[Mike Figs]

I know. Is she just out of her mind. Yeah, right.

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Put your garbage upon the back bag. Put garbage pond in the bag.

[Mike Figs]

Cuz I've. I've taken acid and gotten completely naked before and ran around.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No one seems to care. You know, like no flight attendants, mushrooms.

[Shannon]

Or acid or something.

[Mike Figs]

Let's see.

[Shannon]

Yeah, for sure.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No flight attendant seemed to care.

[Zach Amico]

How did they get past TSA and everything else? That's what I don't understand.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She took the drugs on the plane, they kicked in.

[Mike Figs]

They had.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Captain, you've never been to Skank Fest and done that on the way. Like what's the matter with you?

[Zach Amico]

Good point. Got to be wrong.

[Mike Figs]

Some people are into mushrooms and acid and they'll take them like anywhere. Like if I take mushrooms or acid, I have to be alone. I have to be. If I'm with people or I mean I usually home with people. It has to be two or three of my closest friends.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Safe place.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Not even just a safe place. It's like I have to be with people that I really trust. Cuz I know I'm going to say some weird. I might get naked. I might. I, I can't be in public. People will take acid at Skank Fest and I'm like, there's thousands of people. Everyone looks crazy. Everyone already looks like a monster and.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They'Re like all over you. That's crazy to me.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but control of yourself when you're on mushrooms. Like I like I can't imagine you doing something.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, have you ever seen me on mushrooms? You did. Right. Last year or a couple years ago in Jamaica or did you go to bed early?

[Zach Amico]

I think most people have control of themselves on mushrooms. How much you take, like mentally you're probably anxious or whatever, but you're not.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Depends how much you take take. It's all different.

[Mike Figs]

Mushrooms, Mushrooms are a little bit more. You're connected to reality. Fluffier acid. I mean I've taken acid and been completely like at like out of this world.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

Can't. Can't even connect the thought. Like by the time I start thinking about something like it's also have really bad adhd. So I think that also like makes my acid trip bonkers because I'll be like thinking about something, then I'll see something, I'll start staring at it. Then my mind will get stuck on a word and then I'm thinking about right for the world. Like I, I. Acid is too intense.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

Way too intense. Is that the whole video?

[Shannon]

Yeah, that's the whole video.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How is nobody correct like trying to correct. No, no, tsa. No.

[Zach Amico]

Like, they don't want attendants. Like, hey, scared of the aids, black?

[Mike Figs]

They don't want to touch you. Excuse me.

[JP McDade]

This actually isn't allowed. This is against policy on JetBlue.

[Mike Figs]

I would have been like, I'm an air marshal. Dragged her down.

[Zach Amico]

Oh.

[Shannon]

The plane hadn't actually taken off yet. It had just started taxiing.

[Mike Figs]

Oh, so they didn't. She didn't even get to the sky.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, she timed it way wrong.

[Mike Figs]

She was.

[JP McDade]

No, she was in line for tsa and she took it there. Got to get ready, but they're gonna find it.

[Shannon]

So they brought the plane back to the gate and then they took her off.

[Mike Figs]

Did they arrest her?

[Shannon]

No. So she wasn't arrested. She was brought to a hospital. Okay, but that, that's. That's the only information you need to.

[Mike Figs]

Arrest a like that. She's not sick. She's on drugs. She's committing a crime. She's committing multiple crimes. Arrest her. This is woman's privilege. This is the thing. Women have a different level. If that was a guy and his dick was out and there's kids on a plane and he's running around, he would have been tased. He would have been shot, kneeled on his neck. Are you out of your mind?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Black women have no consequences in life.

[Mike Figs]

It's really true.

[Zach Amico]

That's the name of the episode.

[Mike Figs]

So she's taken to a hospital and that's that. Do we have any. Any other close up pictures of her? Shannon. I'd like to see how hot she is. Is. You can't really tell if she's hot or not because if she's hot, it's almost like, let her go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We can zoom.

[Shannon]

I don't have a closeup on her face. I'm going to scroll through this video.

[Zach Amico]

A little bit, see if there's a.

[Mike Figs]

Better close up, see if we can get her.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, she was wearing like the. The brim hat. Like, you know, she didn't do her makeup. She was just kind of in her, like, PJs, so she probably wasn't looking too good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She do her makeup?

[Zach Amico]

What did she did?

[Luis J. Gomez]

What a crazy fix.

[Zach Amico]

Do your makeup. You're going to Fremont Street. You put your makeup.

[Mike Figs]

Put your face on. On. Yeah. Shannon wouldn't be caught dead without her makeup.

[Shannon]

Yeah. I can't find a close. Like most of this is from behind. I can't get a closer.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can we zoom on the one?

[Zach Amico]

Did they say what drug she was on?

[Shannon]

No, it says that they were. She was Brought to the hospital. It also says that they can, like, the airline can press charges if they choose to, but at this time, if there's no record that they have.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, they're afraid. They're afraid to. They're afraid to Johnny Cochran something. Yeah, they're afraid to.

[Zach Amico]

With blacks are going to get together.

[Mike Figs]

Black people. Yeah, they get all wy to come in.

[Zach Amico]

You was giving. You was giving popcorners to the Ws. You gave my girl pretzels.

[Mike Figs]

You don't want to deal with a wy black.

[JP McDade]

It's a whole to do a wy.

[Mike Figs]

Wy. Yeah, like, wy Coyote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I got it.

[Mike Figs]

They paint. They paint. They paint a big tunnel on a wall.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And he's running to the tunnel.

[Zach Amico]

He's like, I'm filming my. Don't tell next week with the black.

[Mike Figs]

I wish. I wish. I wish black people would act like. Like, because why the coyote can't talk. I mean, that'd be.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, that's right. He can't talk.

[JP McDade]

Maybe he chooses not to.

[Mike Figs]

No, he can't talk. He just holds up signs and he chases that road runner.

[JP McDade]

He's taciturn.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Neither of them.

[Mike Figs]

Roadrunner doesn't talk. Why do they do that? First of all. First of all. First of all, they make cartoons all the time. All these car. All these cartoon animals could talk. And then they're like, you know what? We're gonna take this creative choice.

[JP McDade]

Tweety Bird talking all the time. Roadrunner, not so much.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why is that?

[Mike Figs]

It's strange. It's a strange thing. They made a very strange choice with the roadrunner and the Wiley coyote.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he did one just beeps. I don't think the coyote makes any noises.

[Mike Figs]

All right, that is a great impression.

[Zach Amico]

Thanks, bro.

[Mike Figs]

Appreciate it.

[Zach Amico]

It's the only one I got, and it's pretty much Natalie I'm dating by Mike.

[Mike Figs]

That's a wild thing. It's a wild thing.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, wait. What?

[Mike Figs]

Natalie's lesbian. Natalie's dating gay blind Mike Mike Legitimately? Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're not joking.

[Mike Figs]

Nope.

[Zach Amico]

They did sex.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They did sex.

[Zach Amico]

They did sex.

[Mike Figs]

They do sex with each other.

[Zach Amico]

Good job for Babylon Mike. For gay blind Mike, this is a.

[Mike Figs]

For gay by Mike that, like, big win. Natalie is a gay blind mike. 12. Like, that's crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, it's not like you can see the difference.

[Mike Figs]

No, he has no idea.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's hot.

[Zach Amico]

Is it Natalie or Paco? Man, I don't know who it is.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Mike Figs]

Love. Are they. Are they sharing a room in Jamaica? Shannon, they have to. They're not taking up two different rooms.

[Shannon]

I think that's part of the reason why they came out publicly about it so that they could share room.

[Mike Figs]

And are they doing a podcast right now? Am I looking at Natalie's head over your shoulder?

[Shannon]

No. Oh, yeah. No. I had no idea they were there. She's her top off. Just.

[Mike Figs]

Natalie's in there doing part of the problem.

[JP McDade]

What side of the bed do you want?

[Mike Figs]

Part of the problem is that his corneas have been fried out of his face. That's what I would say.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

His eyes. His eyes look painful. When you see Gabeline Mike's eyes, it looks like. It looks like they're in pain. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It looked like he had him open under chlorine water. It looks like it was swimming in a pool. Just wide open.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

So he's gay and blind. Hooked up with a girl.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Doing all the math here. Does he know he's a guy?

[Mike Figs]

He has no idea.

[Zach Amico]

Good question.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can we vote on it? I don't know. I don't think so.

[Mike Figs]

His eyes just look painful. It looks like I want to just. I want him. I just want to scoop his eyeballs out and be like, dude, does that help?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is that someone who watched, like, a nuclear explosion?

[Mike Figs]

It's.

[JP McDade]

It's got Hiroshima eyes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what I was thinking, but I couldn't, like, you know.

[Mike Figs]

Did you. What was that movie? Who wants. What's the millionaire movie? Slumdog millionaires.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[JP McDade]

It gets him burned out. Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. I want to just take hot molten something and pour it into his eyeballs just to help him.

[JP McDade]

That's really kind of you.

[Mike Figs]

It is really kind of me. That's a. That's a up scene. That girl's pretty high.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I never saw that movie.

[Mike Figs]

You never saw slumdog millionaire? No.

[Zach Amico]

Me neither.

[Mike Figs]

Great movie.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, I'll watch it.

[Mike Figs]

It's a solid movie.

[JP McDade]

It's crowd pleaser. Big dance number at the end.

[Zach Amico]

I see too much sand. I don't really watch the movies. There's too much sand going on. You know, there's another one.

[Mike Figs]

The.

[Zach Amico]

What's the other one with the tiger on the boat?

[JP McDade]

Life of pie.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I see too much.

[Mike Figs]

I don't think there's any sand in.

[JP McDade]

Are you just assuming that there's sand because there's. There's brown people. There's a guy on a raft.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, I love doing with these sand movies. Prince of Paris.

[JP McDade]

Millionaires in India.

[Mike Figs]

This.

[JP McDade]

It's sandy.

[Mike Figs]

I don't think there's any sand in that movie. At all.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're thinking of lepers.

[Zach Amico]

I saw Captain America. 10 out of 10.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Did you sell the new Captain America?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it was very mid, but yeah.

[Mike Figs]

You brought your son?

[Zach Amico]

I saw my dad. You saw my dad. We do our. We do old man movie day. It's just everybody has autism. Everyone has sleep apnea. It's the worst way to watch a movie. Everyone's snoring.

[Mike Figs]

I went to go see.

[JP McDade]

He has different boots on than the last time I went.

[Mike Figs]

I went to go see the monkey.

[JP McDade]

Oh, the Robbie Williams movie. The one where he's just a monkey for some reason.

[Mike Figs]

No, no, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Zach Amico]

The one with that. That singer, Robbie Williams.

[Mike Figs]

No, I. I don't know. I thought everyone.

[Zach Amico]

I thought people were saying, oh, you saw the monkey. The horror movie.

[Mike Figs]

No, no. The new Captain America. The monkey. That's. That was up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I got the.

[Mike Figs]

I got the. That.

[Zach Amico]

This. Harrison. Full of what you pretty.

[Mike Figs]

Another monkey. It's a horror movie. Stephen King.

[JP McDade]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a lot of monkeys hot in the streets right now.

[Mike Figs]

Jacob Williams.

[Zach Amico]

Racist dude.

[Mike Figs]

Jacob Williams. Williamson. Jacob Williams, right, The comic. Yeah. He was the only other person in the theater at first. The girl that I went with.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought you say he was in the movie. I got jealous for a second. I was like, wait.

[Mike Figs]

The girl that I was with bought tickets for us. And she was like, all right. There's like, nobody in theater. There's one other person in the theater when she bought the tickets. And he was like, two. Two rows ahead of us. Just one single person. Jacob Williams walks in. It's fucking him. It's just hilarious. Like, I'm thinking, I'm gonna get a blow job theater. Yeah. And he. It's him. Which is hilarious. But then two groups of black people came in.

[JP McDade]

Yes.

[Mike Figs]

And from wilding out, like, they recognized. Oh, the up doggy. They. What is wrong with black people talking nonstop? Why can't they just. Just act right, you know, in a movie? This is not. I know. It's like a generic hack thing to say, but, I mean, I'm talking about just having a conversation the entire time. And it was two different groups of black people doing the same thing. And I was like, I know that if I say something to the one group, the other group is going to get all wily as well. So I couldn't even say anything. We had. We had to move down to the front and watch the movie like this.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Figs]

And then we can still hear them in the back. But it wasn't as bad. But it was, it was brutal.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude, I, I hate black people.

[Mike Figs]

I get it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I hate going, I hate going to the movies. I hate other people talk. I hate it.

[Zach Amico]

I can't, I open up, I have.

[Luis J. Gomez]

A big screen on my, everyone's got huge TVs. I'm like, that's it. I can't.

[Mike Figs]

And every movie is only in the movie theater for like two weeks. Then it's on Amazon.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I hate going to the movies, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I open up the seat like this preview of the seat so I can see. And if it, if you get like wild people, I'll just move. You know what I mean? Or I will get. But I'll buy tickets to a show where there's tons of seats to avoid.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The cluster like in the mid, like a Tuesday 100.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, but here's the thing. If there's, if you're with a bunch of people and blacks are acting amok, you can start.

[Zach Amico]

Blacks and Ricans, by the way, let's, let's not forget.

[Mike Figs]

No, I feel like Ricans have a little bit of. Puerto Ricans are a little different. No, no, no. Black people are really the problem here. And I mean, look, for the most part I've really never had a problem with Puerto Ricans in a movie theater. But it's always black people. And if there's a lot of people.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There, you are a Puerto Rican in a movie.

[Mike Figs]

Well, you can, you can give a nice sh. If there's a lot of people in it. It's buried amongst everybody now. It's just me and this chick and Jacob Williams. I'm like, they beat the out of Jacob Williams.

[Zach Amico]

You point at Jacob. It was him.

[Mike Figs]

I love you talking.

[JP McDade]

This rules is like I'm actually light skinned.

[Mike Figs]

So you can shush them. And then what will happen is other people will join in, in the shushing. If it becomes a problem, there's going to be another nice, good white guy that's with you on your side. Some other people jump in. This was like me, this chick, Jacob Williams and two groups of black people. It was not going to end well. There was no that. I, I, I, I was looking at my, my hand. I was looking at my Pokemon poker cards and I was going, there's only one hand to play, which is go down to the front if I say something. Also it was like, it was like one group was two black guys and two black chicks. The other one was a black guy and a black chick. Both them having their own conversations, laughing and for no reason. Why do black people think murder is funny? First of all, they're really a violent bunch. They're violent. They're a violent bunch of people.

[Zach Amico]

When George Floyd fell down, the blacks, they were chuckling. Can you believe it? They were chuckling.

[Mike Figs]

All of them.

[Zach Amico]

Chuckling.

[Mike Figs]

But, yeah, there's no. There's nowhere you can go. There's nothing you could do. We just have to take it. Because I played it out in my head. I played out every scenario, like in Avengers endgame. And after 4,565,000, there was one, I.

[Zach Amico]

Tell you, autistic in this. We should have saw Mufasa.

[Mike Figs]

There was only one fucking path to not getting my ass kicked by these black people, which is to move my fucking seats down to the fucking front. God damn it. It made me mad.

[Zach Amico]

Which theater did you go to?

[Mike Figs]

Roughly, like 14th Street. The union Square.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, there's that problem.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, wait.

[Mike Figs]

Union Square is an expensive neighborhood.

[Zach Amico]

You want to go to the high school kids. Those little blacks were. Little teen black.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You go to the Murray Hill movie Theater. There is nothing but Asians. And they're. They don't. They don't even keep their eyes open.

[Mike Figs]

They're lazy. They hate hills. They won't go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's the best. Or you go to the one down in Battery Park. It's all Asians. They don't say.

[Mike Figs]

They sell batteries. That's what they're doing. Sorry.

[Zach Amico]

Never go to the big movie theaters. Go to Kips Bay. Kips Bay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what I'm saying. Kips Bay. The Kips Bay one. No one says boo.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, don't go to. That's the mistake you made.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I make other people get me food.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. You go to the Nighthawk in Brooklyn or no.

[JP McDade]

Alamo Drafthouse.

[Zach Amico]

Alamo.

[Mike Figs]

That's what you need.

[JP McDade]

You need to go to Alamo Draft House. If you can't show up late, you have to be on time.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Mike Figs]

I like the Alamo. I like the Alamo Draft House. Yeah, I like. Dude, I like it. Dude. There's some of the movie theaters now. You get drinks, alcohol, an actual meal.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on.

[Zach Amico]

What are we. What are you doing?

[JP McDade]

I think all their employees just walked out, though. Don't let your video. Yeah, yeah. Why they all walk like they're on strike or something.

[Mike Figs]

Oh, really? Yeah, go back to work.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're gonna have the signs and the giant rat. No one gives a shake.

[Mike Figs]

You're a movie theater employee.

[Zach Amico]

Cares about the rat thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did some stupid.

[Mike Figs]

I walked back it the other day. I Thought it was Ari Shafir.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did.

[Mike Figs]

I swear to God. Can you do your ar?

[Zach Amico]

So good.

[JP McDade]

Hey, Lewis, what's up?

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, I'm not a rat.

[JP McDade]

Very good.

[Mike Figs]

I'm not a rat.

[JP McDade]

The local 413.

[Mike Figs]

I. Yeah, I don't give a. About the rat. If, if, if there's a rat in front of a place, I'm going into it more. I'm like, that's a good business. Yeah, they. They appreciate alpha.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They're alpha.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Dude, employees need to chill. What if we showed up at Guest? Or there's a giant rat. Shannon, if you rent the rat, that would be the most badass movie.

[JP McDade]

I would love that.

[Mike Figs]

I'd give you insurance if you rented the rat. And I showed up one day, there's a giant rat out in front of the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did. I did a VW haul. And the guy who made that rat, it was like that. It was for him. Like that was what the show was for. It was one of the. It was one. He was like, oh, yeah, you know, you know, you know, my uncle is he, you know, the rat.

[Zach Amico]

The rat.

[Mike Figs]

When they.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It. My uncle made the rat. This is for him because they're performing for the rat.

[Mike Figs]

Kind of expensive to rent the rat. And anybody could rent the rat. And you could just rent that rat and put it in front of a business you don't like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is it just one? They must have.

[Mike Figs]

They probably have a few rats at this point, but I don't think. I don't think there's many companies that do it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Rent the rat.

[Zach Amico]

Good movie theaters, Shannon.

[Mike Figs]

Find out how much the rat is to rank because that's pretty funny. We should just do that to a comedy club. Rent the rat. Put out in front of the stand.

[Shannon]

So there's different sizes. It says the six foot rat quad cost 2,585.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Another big, big one.

[Shannon]

The 2020. Yeah. To rent the 25 foot one is $9,295.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. You're gonna splurge for the big per day.

[Shannon]

Hold on, I'm skimming. I'll show you the picture as I look.

[Mike Figs]

You just take that money and give it to the employees.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's the.

[Mike Figs]

That's not 25ft. That is.

[Zach Amico]

That's a big.

[Mike Figs]

That's about 15ft.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's about 15ft. That rat. Oh, here's all the rats. Wait, this is a different rat company. Because the rat in New York does not have.

[JP McDade]

Look, look. The big rat is healthy. The smaller rats on their abdomens.

[Mike Figs]

I do notice that they do have multiple rats. What is this one? It's a fat cat with money bags and an employee. Yeah, I like that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can we go up? Can we go to the rats again? Let's see. These are not the New York rats.

[Mike Figs]

These are not 25 foot rats.

[Shannon]

This is Scabby the rat, New York City.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This is the New York rat, New York City.

[Mike Figs]

That's it right there.

[JP McDade]

I've seen the other ones in New York though, The scabby ones.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Where do you see this?

[Mike Figs]

But you can just rent it, right? There's no. You don't need to be a part of a union. You could just fuck somebody.

[Shannon]

I'm skimming.

[Mike Figs]

Okay, let's take a moment and thank you, Kratom, for supporting everything that we do. We love yo Kratom. I'm not saying go pick up some Kratom if you've never used Kratom. Right. And they don't say that either. They. They're very specific. They don't want to. They're not trying to get people to use Kratom that aren't already using Kratom. Kratom has been a great, great product for a lot of people that need it. Shannon was using Kratom for a while when she was trying to kick a horrible pill habit. Yeah. I've had a couple friends who are really addicted to opiates and they use Kratom to wean themselves off it. And it was great. That that is honestly the reason you would use Kratom. We're not saying going and irresponsibly start taking Kratom. We're saying that if it's something that you're already using or if it's something that you guys need, get it from your creative dot com. They have the best deal in Kratom. Kratom. Yeah, man.

[Zach Amico]

And it's great if you work out too. A little. A little Kratom gets me in the mood. It makes me focus in the gym, makes me pump some iron. I like Kratom in the gym. That's just me personally. And I love the fact that you can get a sixty dollar kilo, which is [e-mail].

[Mike Figs]

2.2 pounds of kratom.

[Zach Amico]

Sick.

[Mike Figs]

That's insane.

[Zach Amico]

That's why we love them.

[Mike Figs]

Yep. Y.com is a website. No promo code needed. They will never change the price. It's $60 for a kilo. They're the Arizona iced tea of Kratom. They say.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

Yourcratom.com. all right, where were we?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I want to get that thing.

[Zach Amico]

Gay Bond. Mike is gonna get one.

[Mike Figs]

It's a good business.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that you're talking about pouring lava in my eyes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We should make a better rat.

[JP McDade]

He gets one and it's. It's a moon bounce.

[Zach Amico]

How do you feel about this rat? You're like, that's a bouncy castle. Okay, rat man.

[Mike Figs]

All right, let's do plugs real quick. We got a little bit of show here left. We're crushing it. We're just tearing through today's show. Justin Silver. What are you plugging, my friend?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just follow me on all social media at. I am Justin silver and my YouTube Justin Silver comedy. And then I have this monthly show, anxiety Attack at New York Comedy Club. Figs is on the next one. It is on the 20th. 20th of every month, Thursday I do. And you are always doing store. Excuse me, Harrington books it. You are always doing Story Wars. Well, so I. I've said, can Lewis do this month and Lewis do this week? When is our wars? It's Thursday, the 20th.

[Mike Figs]

That's Thursday. Story wars is Wednesdays.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wednesday. Sorry, the last Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday the 20th. When a. Wait, when do we have our show? Whatever reason it was, you were not available. I think it's when you're doing Story Wars.

[Mike Figs]

All right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But it's the 20th. It's the 20th of each month.

[JP McDade]

JP the special is JP McDade in Brooklyn on YouTube. The social media is McDade, baby. On Instagram. Give me a follow. I love you.

[Mike Figs]

Hell yeah. Figs.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Check out the thing is ding. Here at Gas Digital. If you're watching this, subscribe to the Instagram. We got a brand new Instagram. And the thing is, check it out. Subscribe, support and then go to X Twitter and at Comic Mike Figs, you can watch a free episode of Fig Talk. If you like it, go to the Patreon. Subscribe at Comic Mike Figs.

[Mike Figs]

Come see me live. Brand new tour, the Bring 5 Friends tour. Come to a city near you. First of all, be at the Dojo of Comedy next Thursday, March 13th. We're doing a special presentation of Story wars live with me and Big J. Great panel. Going to be a blast. Grab those tickets. Also, I'm going to be at The Stanford New York Comedy Club, March 14, Friday night. One show, one night only, just added. So get. Get those tickets in advance. Let's get some people out to Stanford, Connecticut. Then I'm going to be in South Bend, Indiana at the drop Comedy Club, March 21st and 22nd. Raleigh, North Carolina on March 23rd then I got, I'm doing a little Canada run. St. Catherine's Ontario, London, Ontario, Windsor, Ontario, Burlington, Ontario, Philadelphia. The next weekend after that we're going out to Zany's Nashville to do Story wars and Legion of Skanks Live and a bunch of stand up shows. North Charleston, South Carolina, I got a bunch. Literally every weekend is filled up basically until I film my special. I really want to promote my European tour. I'm bringing Scott Chaplin with me to Amsterdam, Glasgow, Dublin, Manchester and London, which is going to be a blast. Get those tickets, they're all going to sell out. I love going to Europe. Going to be a quick little run. Crazy week in Europe. So come out and party with us and get those tickets for my Comedy special taping July 12, Tampa, Florida. One of the best comedy clubs in the world. Side Splitters, Tampa. People love this club. Come out, it's gonna be a blast. Best material I've ever done. You guys are gonna love this special. And if you guys want to come to Skank Fest, here's your opportunity. May 2nd, tickets go on sale. We're announcing the lineup in mid April. Best lineup we've ever had, Largest lineup we've ever had, Biggest venue we've ever had. More seating, more space, cheaper drinks, Half the price of Vegas. The drinks are so expensive in Vegas. New Orleans is nowhere near as expensive. So come out, grab those tickets. Tickets on May 2nd because they will sell out. I have a feeling that we're gonna sell out. Usually we have Sunday passes left over up until the week of Sang Fest. I have a feeling we're gonna sell every single thing out before maybe the day they go on sale. So get those tickets the day they go on sale. Don't wait. And yeah, check out all my other podcasts, the Regs, Story Wars, Legion of Skanks and my bonus podcast, the Lewis Journal Podcast. Solo show just for subscribers to my man mailing list. The only way to get it is just go to lewisganks.com subscribe for my mailing list and yeah, you'll get a newsletter. You get that podcast and they're I'm doing a raffle every single month for one person to win a pair of all access VIP Skank Fest passes. We gave them away last month. The guy still hasn't opened his email, so maybe I'll give away two next month if he doesn't answer. But every single month we're giving away two passes. So make sure you guys go subscribe. It's gonna be the only way to get into The Thursday kickoff party. Because we sold that out in minutes. Record time. And I'm not giving away VIP passes except for my mailing list. We'll be doing giveaways for regular tickets for the three days. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. But if you want to get in Thursday night, the only way to do that is to win them off my mailing list.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My favorite night.

[Zach Amico]

What does the VIP ticket give you?

[Mike Figs]

Look at access to Thursday night as well. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Mr. Wednesday night, baby.

[Mike Figs]

Oh, you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mr. Wednesday night.

[JP McDade]

You got a comedy club Wednesday night.

[Mike Figs]

The. The kickoff party band is wild. Failed. Say nothing. You know who it is?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No. I host it every year.

[Mike Figs]

I love it. Yeah, it's gonna be a blast. That was Justin trying to gaslight into me, making sure that he's hosting Thursday night.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, I don't love Jose. I'm just saying I do.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

I'm still with ICP after last year.

[Mike Figs]

That was a wild show. That's why we have to. We have to up the ante every single year. We can't. And they were so good. We had to make sure that we.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Both Wu Tang this year, y'all.

[JP McDade]

This year, it's the Boston Philharmonic or.

[Mike Figs]

So we are flying tomorrow. Shannon, let's. This is a new trend. People are showing up 15 minutes before their flight leaves. This is a risky new challenge of the airport theory. I've done this before. I've showed up. I. I mean, I show up, and I will just cut everybody line. And I'll be like, hey, can I cut you? And before they even answer, I'm cutting them, and I'm weaving my way through.

[JP McDade]

I did that once because I had to. And I'm a nice boy.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

But people will let you cut if you're like, hey, I'm gonna miss my.

[Mike Figs]

Until you get to a black person. That's the truth. You get to a black person, how to go. I'm not saying anything, but they really have an issue with it. Like, you get to a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, we all trying to get where we going.

[Mike Figs]

I remember one. One time, a bunch black people cut me in line at the airport. And they. They just did this slick thing. They. They cut in line, right? And I watch it happen. I was like. I was like, guys, we've been waiting on line here for a while. And the guy goes. And this is like, both of this before I had clear. This is a couple years ago. And he's like. He's like, man, we're all going to the same place. I was like, we're literally not. We're all going everywhere else. But, yeah, every time I've ever had a problem with. With trying to cut people at the airport, it's. You always get to some black, and she's like, oh, you ain't cutting me. And then it's like, well, now we're going to fight in the airport. Well, neither of us are going where we need to go, so why don't you just let me cut and we'll just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She start whacking you with her purse.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, somebody else's purse, probably.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I got it.

[Mike Figs]

I'm racist.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're brown. You're allowed to be.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, I'm allowed to.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Allowed to be as racist as you want.

[Zach Amico]

We got the clip.

[JP McDade]

She's like, I need to get on this airplane and take my clothes off.

[Zach Amico]

Don't try to cut me away, baby.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, give me some more information. Information about this theory, about this airport theory challenge.

[Shannon]

So it seems like it's something that. That Tick Tockers are doing. They are very stupid.

[Mike Figs]

They are just. They're just a stupid generation of people.

[Shannon]

And so there's a. There's multiple ones. There's ones of them saying that it worked completely perfectly, and then there's ones that are saying that it caused them to miss their flight 15 minutes before.

[Mike Figs]

You'Re gonna miss your flight. They. They closed the door 15 minutes before the flight.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is this a challenge, or is this people just reporting about how they, like, relate to the 15 minutes before boarding?

[Mike Figs]

Boarding? Sometimes you talk to a person and then. Yes. And what time they're flying, and then they give you their boarding time. Some people think of things through that lens, which is kind of crazy to me. I show up at this point. I used to show up an hour before the flight and try to make my way through, but it gives me anxiety. I've gotten a little bit better. So I do 90 minutes before typically.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Mike Figs]

Tomorrow, in Jamaica, I will show up 90 minutes before the flight.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, it's about the same. I do. I do an hour before boarding starts. Get through security.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Two hours or 90 minutes.

[Mike Figs]

Two hours is crazy. That's actually psychotic. They say internationals show up three hours for your flight. It's what. What they recommend is sleep at the airport.

[Zach Amico]

I'm gonna be waiting on the Wendy's line for at least 25 minutes.

[Mike Figs]

That's true.

[Zach Amico]

But I like these Is always packed.

[Mike Figs]

Dude, I like. I wouldn't know. I like. Dude, I like showing an airport. You go, you get a magnet. You.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you love your magnet.

[Mike Figs]

I do love my. I have a crazy Magnet collection. My magnet collection is unparalleled. I guarantee you there's not many people who have as good a magnet collection.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no one gives a about.

[Mike Figs]

Where do you put them? On the fridge.

[Luis J. Gomez]

On the fridge?

[Zach Amico]

All over the fridge.

[Mike Figs]

Retarded. I don't remember. Where do you think I put magnets? He puts it on his magnet board. Office.

[Zach Amico]

Your locker. Your car locker. I don't remember.

[Mike Figs]

Locker.

[Zach Amico]

You know, Foot locker. I don't remember. I don't remember your fridge being covered with magnets.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, I got. I got a wild amount of magnets in my fridge. Shannon, do you have a picture of my fridge? No. You don't. Right? Right.

[Shannon]

I don't. I'm so shocked at.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Where do you put them?

[Shannon]

I'm just so shocked at the. Where do you put them?

[Mike Figs]

Where do you put them? Is a psychotic question.

[Zach Amico]

Let's get out of here. This is enough.

[JP McDade]

This is an offensive pod.

[Mike Figs]

You should be more offended by that question than anything that I've said. Where do you put the magnets?

[Luis J. Gomez]

You trying to find?

[Mike Figs]

I remember on my dryer. They're on my dryer in my basement.

[Zach Amico]

That's kind of cool. I don't remember your fridge being covered.

[Mike Figs]

My fridge will soon be covered to the point where I have to get a second fridge. I have a second fridge.

[JP McDade]

I just want everyone to know it's just for guns.

[Zach Amico]

Like a basement fridge?

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, I have a basement.

[Zach Amico]

Like. And it's white. It's not.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, no, there's a white. Why would you have a stainless steel fridge?

[Luis J. Gomez]

The shitty fridges with the old handle.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

White fridge in the garage with the wood handle. The fake wood. Wood. That's what's up.

[Mike Figs]

Those old school. Oh, yeah, really old school.

[Zach Amico]

Frigidaire.

[Mike Figs]

It's where I keep all my alcohol that I don't drink.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You sober?

[Mike Figs]

Not sober. Not sober. Not. Not drinking regularly. I haven't smoked weed in 14 weeks. I'm smoking weed for the first time tomorrow in 14 weeks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Jamaica.

[Mike Figs]

And then I'm getting my Testosterone checked on April 3rd. But I have to, because I was doing my research on it. It. My testosterone is going to take a hit right after this weekend because I'm gonna be drinking and smoking so much, and then I have to give myself a week to let it go back up. I want to see what my test is.

[Zach Amico]

Does T fluctuate rapidly?

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. So I have a chance. Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's in a window. It fluctuates within a window.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, it'll drop. They say 20 to 25 if you have, like, a crazy weekend of, like, partying, not sleeping. Yeah. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Apparently, if you don't beat off for, like, seven days, it spikes on the seventh day.

[Mike Figs]

Really? Is that really true?

[Zach Amico]

Maybe I've never made it past seven days.

[JP McDade]

Yeah. This is only theoretical, you know?

[Mike Figs]

All right. I'll never find.

[Zach Amico]

Tea is bad.

[Mike Figs]

Man, your tea's bad. What's your tea?

[Zach Amico]

I can't have a baby.

[Mike Figs]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

But the most.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You have a little sperm to count.

[Zach Amico]

Well, no, the sperm count is fine. It's the morphology and the motility.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why is your hcg.

[Zach Amico]

The morphology?

[Luis J. Gomez]

They.

[Zach Amico]

My sperm, are all shaped like xenomorphs from the alien. So they're really bad.

[Mike Figs]

Your sperms are power rangers. What are we talking about?

[Zach Amico]

No, no, no. They're like. They're there. You know how sperm head's supposed to be like that? Mine are kind of like this. They're up. And the. The motility, they just don't move. They're very slow, so. I'm having a hard time having a baby. I'm saying, saving money for. For IVF.

[Mike Figs]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Mike fix 21, cash out.

[Mike Figs]

So you and your chick are trying to have a baby?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, and it's just four years. I've been trying for, like, four years.

[Mike Figs]

But you get to cream pie in her all the time.

[Zach Amico]

It's cream pie city. It's crispy.

[Mike Figs]

I'm the mayor of cream by city. Oh, boy.

[Zach Amico]

Didn't know I was at Krispy Kreme P again.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Your sperm don't swim good.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like I'm in Boston. There's so much cream.

[Mike Figs]

I wonder if I. I could have a baby now at this point.

[Zach Amico]

Of course you can.

[Mike Figs]

Why do you think it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because she look good. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You haven't smoked your face clear.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's the same way, you know, if a girl's got age. You're like, she looks nice.

[Mike Figs]

That's it.

[Zach Amico]

This is the best.

[Mike Figs]

She's at Disney World.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's nice.

[Mike Figs]

She's good.

[Zach Amico]

The bags under your eye. Gone, Dude.

[Mike Figs]

Are they.

[Zach Amico]

I need 150, dude. They're not even. They're not even $150. You look so good. It's not even.

[Mike Figs]

It's.

[Zach Amico]

It's crazy. Crazy.

[Mike Figs]

Do I look better lately? Say it. You can say it. Shannon.

[Shannon]

Yes. You look great.

[Mike Figs]

Damn.

[Zach Amico]

She meant that.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon's gonna bite my lip this weekend.

[Zach Amico]

Oh. Imagine that. She pulls it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I love that. When a chick does that. Your lower lip, she bite you up. I love it.

[Mike Figs]

Bites my ear. Shannon, we put Your tongue in my ear.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, God, that's the best.

[Shannon]

No, I don't. I don't love. I don't love that.

[Mike Figs]

You don't love that you don't put a little tongue in the ear.

[Zach Amico]

So what's the point of the tongue ring, Shannon, if you're not tongue and ass and tongue and ears?

[Mike Figs]

You don't. Did she have a tongue ring?

[Shannon]

Wow.

[Mike Figs]

You have a tongue ring.

[Shannon]

I've known you for. So you didn't know.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, you never show me your tongue no matter how much I asked.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Now, what are you talking about?

[Zach Amico]

Horror. Sexy music.

[Mike Figs]

Let me see your tongue. Zoom in. Put the sexy music on. Let me see your tongue.

[Shannon]

I can't zoom on these, but put.

[Mike Figs]

It out a little bit further.

[Zach Amico]

I'll do it like a little anime cosplay, girl.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, yeah. Crush your eyes. Crush your eyes. Crush. Pressurize and put your tongue out and take the shot from down here, right? Yeah.

[JP McDade]

She doesn't lick ears. You know how much wax is going to come out on that thing if she licks you?

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, you have a tongue ring. I didn't. I had no idea.

[JP McDade]

Titanium Q tip in there.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, do you. Do you have any other piercings that I don't know about?

[Shannon]

Maybe since you don't even know I have a tongue ring.

[Zach Amico]

That was not the way she said.

[Mike Figs]

That you have a nipple ring.

[Shannon]

I did do.

[Mike Figs]

No, you don't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

One or two?

[Shannon]

Just one.

[Zach Amico]

I like two.

[Mike Figs]

Do you have a nipple ring? What?

[Zach Amico]

You didn't know she was garbage this whole time, Louis. You didn't know she was a trash.

[JP McDade]

Shannon can't do the airport challenge. Not gonna work.

[Mike Figs]

She has a nipple ring and a tongue ring and she doesn't use them at all? Nope. She's a boring. What's the point of all these sexy piercings?

[Luis J. Gomez]

You have, like, tools.

[Mike Figs]

Tools.

[Shannon]

I like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're using your tools, but if you.

[JP McDade]

Put them both on a car battery, it'll start up.

[Mike Figs]

If she holds a light bulb, it lights up. Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

So much electricity.

[Mike Figs]

You don't use any of these?

[Shannon]

Not currently.

[JP McDade]

We're switching to tit powered cars. Tits and tongue rings.

[Mike Figs]

Okay, let's take a moment to thank Keto Brains for supporting today's show. We had Keto Brains at the top of the show. How much did you love Keto Brains?

[Zach Amico]

I love the taste. I felt focused.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, man. I actually.

[Zach Amico]

Actually I might have some more right now.

[Mike Figs]

It's really great, dude. Incredible product that tastes really, really good. If you guys are dealing with any sort of, you know, mental Fog. If you guys just want to be a little bit more focused, Keto brains has you covered. It's a nootropic creamer that you can put into any coffee, iced hot coffee. You can put it into your, your protein shake. You could just scoop it directly into your mouth like a fat. Yeah, it tastes that good. But it's, it has a bunch of science backed ingredients like Alpha GPC for focus lines made for neurogenesis, L theanine for smooth clarity and C8MCT for sustained ketone energy. So if you're trying to get your body into keto, it's a great product to use while you're doing a keto diet. You don't have to be on a keto diet though. You could use it literally just to have that focus and feel good. It's creamy, it's delicious. It's a coconut based formula for your brain without the jitters or the crash. Just go to ketobrains.com right now. That's Keto Brains with a Z, B, R, A I N, Z. And use the promo code LAZ20LAZ LAST20ME. You're gonna get 20 off your order today. All right, where were we? Where are we at with your Shannon's cannons? GoFundMe.

[Shannon]

I think the same as yesterday. Let me double check.

[Mike Figs]

Let's see.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you get any breastplants?

[Mike Figs]

Well, we're trying to get her enough money for the rest of us. I said new ones. Yeah. I donate $1500 toward it once she gets to 5, 000.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's wrong with the old ones?

[Mike Figs]

They're 22 years old.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You have to change those expire.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you have to change.

[Mike Figs]

You got to change them out after a while while like a tire. They're poisoning your body.

[Zach Amico]

Charge it up with you got to.

[JP McDade]

Replace and believe me, I've seen it. Diamond time again.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, where. Where are we at with the Gofundme?

[Shannon]

It is the same. It's at 1165.

[Mike Figs]

1165. Justin, why don't you donate?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Cuz I don't give a about this.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, you don't care about titty fruit loop.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, Justin doesn't care about your tits at all. Why don't you donate jp make money?

[JP McDade]

Because I believe. I believe in God and God wanted her to have her original breast implants.

[Mike Figs]

Those flat fucking answer. Those flat little titties.

[Zach Amico]

Good answer.

[Mike Figs]

We're gonna get there, Shannon. But we were eating stalled at eleven hundred dollars.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Have they changed what they. How they make them since the original one Shannon?

[Shannon]

I believe so, because mine are saline glass. Yeah. Since then, they've gone back to allowing silicone. And there are certain types of silicone that it's like a. Like a softer.

[JP McDade]

Here. Everything's made with cottage cheese now. It's different.

[Mike Figs]

Your tits are sailing. We're gonna be sailing this weekend in Jamaica.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, you got 1100 in an account.

[Shannon]

Oh, God.

[Mike Figs]

The hell I didn't know. Maybe we'll go. Maybe I'll. Maybe I'll take a select few people fishing this weekend. Oh, maybe we'll. Maybe. Yeah, we'll do a little fishing trip with the winner of the talent show. Talent show. First, second, and third place.

[JP McDade]

Is that a jellyfish? No, it's an original breast implant.

[Mike Figs]

Shannon, would you go fishing with me?

[Shannon]

Do you catch and release, or do you like.

[Mike Figs]

No, we. We go tuna fishing on a little boat, and we take them into the boat and they smash them in the head with a stick. And then we bring it back. We bring it back to the villa and they'll cook it up for us.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, it's hunting. It's like the law.

[Zach Amico]

This is a halfway house outing. Nature.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's the laws of nature.

[Shannon]

I don't want to see murder fish.

[Mike Figs]

Did. Did Karen get my sandwich yet? Yet?

[Shannon]

Let me check.

[Zach Amico]

Make sure she got me two coffees.

[Mike Figs]

Yes, I got it. She did.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Mike Figs]

Great. Thank you. Thank you, Karen. Yeah, I. I love it. It's best. Best. Best meal I've ever had in my entire life was the first time I went fishing in Jamaica.

[JP McDade]

Kind of fish. We talking tuna.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Tuna. Do they do the sashimi? Like, you know, a lot of times they do that.

[Mike Figs]

No, they don't do Jamaica.

[Zach Amico]

Not Japan.

[Mike Figs]

They're Jamaican. They're not doing sashimi.

[Zach Amico]

They make tuna fish sandwiches.

[Mike Figs]

They make. No, they give tuna st. Steak. Oh, just. They chop it up into tuna steaks. Spices. Jamaican spices. You literally catch it that morning. You eat it that night. It is. There's nothing better.

[Zach Amico]

Jerk tuna.

[Mike Figs]

You can do jerk. If you would like.

[Zach Amico]

Now we're talking.

[Mike Figs]

You could jerk off on it if you want. If you want to get a little wild.

[Zach Amico]

If you're extra boy.

[Mike Figs]

Genesis, you wouldn't come fishing with me if I took. If I want to get a boat.

[Shannon]

Not if you're gonna be like smashing rocks on fish heads.

[Mike Figs]

They're not smashing rocks. It's a club. They take a club and they go and they smash its brain.

[JP McDade]

Smash fish heads on rocks. It's different.

[Mike Figs]

Would you rather them just left? Let the fish suffocate?

[Shannon]

No, I Don't want to. I don't want the fish to die.

[Mike Figs]

It's gonna die. It's dying.

[Zach Amico]

I know, but it's a tuna, Shannon. There's thousands of them.

[Shannon]

So there's thousands of people.

[Mike Figs]

Do you eat fish at this point?

[Shannon]

No.

[Mike Figs]

No. You're still a vegetarian, but you. If you were gonna eat a meat, would you eat fish?

[Shannon]

No, because I was never, like, a huge fan of fish.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shrimp with calamari.

[Zach Amico]

Freddy O.

[Mike Figs]

She's going to be putting some shrimp in her mouth. Shrimp cocktail. Come on.

[Zach Amico]

Come on. That's how they talk in New Orleans, eh?

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Jorge, do you eat fish? Hor. Hor's family goes fishing. That's the only way they eat. Yeah, I like fish. Yeah. See, Jorge, if you were coming to Jamaica, you'd come on that boat with me, right? Right. Yeah. I would love to be alone about with you. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He's ready to get molested.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Look at him.

[Zach Amico]

How molestable is Jorge.

[Mike Figs]

What if. What if I just had the boat bring him back to Mexico?

[Zach Amico]

Who's gonna produce last?

[JP McDade]

AR's like, actually did that first 20 years ago.

[Mike Figs]

Oh. Shannon pulled this video of KSI and Dylan Danis. First of all, Dylan, Dennis is maybe the worst boxer I've ever seen. The fact that he's going to box KSI is embarrassing. KSI has gotten pretty good at boxing. Boxing. At first, he was really bad. All these guys were terrible.

[JP McDade]

And he was like the first guy to box a Paul brother.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. Yeah. Was it Logan Paul, or is it Jake? Initially, I think he fought Logan. Yeah, they were terrible at first, but look, when you have that much money in your athletic, you just put the time in, you're gonna look good. I mean, you know, it's just a matter. So now, at this point, all these guys look pretty good. I don't know that much about boxing. Justin, you were a boxing coach for a while. While, but you weren't a real. You were like a hot chick boxing coach. You were like, doing like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I trained down at Church Street.

[Mike Figs]

The. You boxed. But I'm saying you weren't training real boxers. You were training. You were training chicks. Like, hot chicks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, I trained with boxers when I was boxing, but I didn't train like I trained the same way you train now.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, I trained. I train a lot.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I train, like, the same way you train now.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah, I was. There was a guy watching me today, like one of the coaches. He was like, you're a very intelligent fighter. I was like.

[JP McDade]

Which is stupid for a regular person. For a fighter, you're pretty intelligent.

[Mike Figs]

You're so smart, it's stupid. For a. It's hilarious. Nobody. I mean, I've gotten pretty good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think so.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah. I've gotten. I've gotten pretty decent. I don't look good on the bags. I don't look good on pads.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Your strengths are like, you have to, like, work. Understand? You know what your strengths are? It's like footwork. You're never gonna be like, fast footwork.

[Mike Figs]

It's like, I know I have good timing. I. I'm decently powerful and I have really good boxing cardio. Like, I can just keep going.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, like, boxing cardio is tough.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

No, I was doing rounds on the bag the other day. I was like, this is exhausting.

[Mike Figs]

It's really.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're also nine feet tall.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, that's my excuse.

[Mike Figs]

He had a. He had to punch the giant rat.

[JP McDade]

That's who I trained with.

[Mike Figs]

That's bar with him.

[JP McDade]

Stabby's tough.

[Mike Figs]

So pull. Pull this up. So KSI is fighting. What are they fighting, Shannon?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I hate all these fights.

[Mike Figs]

March 29th, March 29th, they're fighting, which I will watch. I'm gonna be in Canada at that time, but I'm gonna try to watch this. I like. What's funny is I. I like the, these influencer fights more than anything else now at this point, I don't even watch MMA anymore. I never watched ufc, but I'll watch an influencer fight.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You didn't watch, you didn't watch the Tank Davis fight?

[Zach Amico]

I want a little money on it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

I said it'll go the distance.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Mike Figs]

He's going the distance. He's going for speed and cheese. All alone, all alone in the world of need I don't know any more lyrics. I like cake, though. Cake's great. Figs also likes cake.

[JP McDade]

He's going for penis.

[Mike Figs]

Figs loves cake. All right, channel.

[Zach Amico]

Let's see in care size mind. And this is going to be really interesting.

[Mike Figs]

Very, very close. I'm surprised. Shut up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I hate doing this.

[Zach Amico]

A gang of black people.

[JP McDade]

I love when a guy's got a little pose for the stare down. Down.

[Zach Amico]

See, I think Dylan Danish feels like KSI. Purely insinuating. Standing next to an obvious Slytherin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, they over exaggerate this.

[Mike Figs]

Did he slap him? He slapped him.

[JP McDade]

Look, he telegraphs it.

[Mike Figs]

With a pancake, you say, Shannon?

[Shannon]

Yeah, with a pancake.

[Mike Figs]

With a what?

[Luis J. Gomez]

A pancake in his pocket. He had a pancake cake.

[Zach Amico]

Take that, bro. Take that, bro.

[Shannon]

He's taking out of his pocket right here.

[Mike Figs]

I see.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, he hit him with a pancake.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What's a pancake?

[Mike Figs]

Well, everyone else, except for Figs is wondering why he has a pancake in his pocket.

[Zach Amico]

Eat that goddamn pancake.

[Mike Figs]

What?

[Zach Amico]

Would you wait, Pocket? He hit him with a flapjack. Got hit with a flapjack p. In the face.

[Mike Figs]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's just performative.

[Shannon]

So he also, he, he posted this picture of a pancake after it happened. Try that.

[Zach Amico]

It's going to have the face of Jesus on it.

[Mike Figs]

Oh, that's it.

[JP McDade]

That's a crepe.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Bloody comrade.

[Mike Figs]

Happy pancake day, Dylan Danis. So is Dylan Dan is doing like the thing where he's like being like crazy provocative now. I haven't heard, I haven't seen anything on the Internet from Dylan Danis in a hot minute since he fought Logan Paul. But he was, you know, he was, it was entertaining, but he was also kind of a douchebag. Yeah, he's talking about his girl. He's like, you're like, yeah, doggy. You gotta chill with that. Yeah. It's almost like you're crossing a little bit of a line. You know, you're gonna fight the guy, you don't need to disrespect his chick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think it's all such garbage. I can't send any of these influencer flights. They all suck.

[Mike Figs]

Why?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because they suck. They're bad fights. It's like no one.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, I'm not getting tricked again after that last.

[Mike Figs]

Well, the Mike Tyson. Jake Paul was really terrible.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, that was just.

[Mike Figs]

But we, we all saw that happening. The only people that said Mike Tyson was going to win that fight were people they like. It was just so obvious. Even when you saw Mike Tyson boxing and you saw him training, it was 10 second clips of him like hitting bads. Real pads real quick.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, wait, wait, you think he, you think like I knew Jake Paul, I.

[Mike Figs]

Knew Jake Paul was gonna win.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, no, no. I thought that. But I 101,000% believe that that fight was completely fixed and Mike was holding back that whole time. If, you know, go watch, watch, go look on YouTube. Look at every expert explain it.

[Mike Figs]

Lewis.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I didn't think.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I saw a lot of stuff that.

[Mike Figs]

No, but I want, I would love your opinion.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Go watch those.

[Mike Figs]

I want to watch a lot of people breaking it down, saying it was fixed. The time where he could have hit him, that was a million.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just half every time he could have done that anyway.

[Mike Figs]

It's a 50 year old man. 50 year old men cannot move funny is you can actually move better than Mike Tyson at this point.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All right, He's. He's almost 60.

[Mike Figs]

Is he almost 60?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he's.

[Zach Amico]

You gotta fight 12 years old. You're the underdog. You're Rocky.

[Mike Figs]

No, Jake Paul will knock my head off. That's the truth. I'm not. I'm not a particularly good fighter, but I'm pretty good for, like, amateur level. Like, the guys that are in my gym, we spar. Like, I do pretty good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I believe it.

[Mike Figs]

I do pretty good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I believe it.

[Zach Amico]

I think he beat his ass.

[Mike Figs]

You're retarded.

[Zach Amico]

Give me 240.

[Mike Figs]

Like, just give me a pancake. I'll take a pancake. That's fine. All right, we're gonna wrap this one up. This has been fun. You guys are the. Thank you guys for watching today's show. We'll be back on Wednesday, but it's another pre tape. This week is pre taped. Except Friday me and Zach will be back in studio. So we'll be live on Friday, which is super exciting. So, yeah, we'll check you guys next time. Thanks for being Gas Digital subscribers. If you're not subscribed, go to gas digital.com and go get that subscription. All right, we'll check you next time. Peace.

[Zach Amico]

Back when they making noise.