0045. Luis J. Gomez and Mike Cannon

Summary

---

Podcast Summary

Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo – Episode 0045

Guest: Luis J. Gomez and Mike Cannon
Date: September 19, 2025
Network: GaS Digital Network

---

Overview

In this wild, anything-goes installment of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo, Zac is joined by comics Luis J. Gomez and Mike Cannon for a chaotic drive-time hodgepodge of dark humor, personal stories, unfiltered takes on recent events, and a parade of bizarre news—from coffin decorations to medical fetishes. The trio blends morbid curiosity with goofy camaraderie, sharing embarrassing memories and explicit asides, riffing on the recent Charlie Kirk controversy, contemplating creative funerals, and interrogating the very limits of good taste (and their own boundaries).

This episode is loaded with NSFW banter, off-color jokes, and a keen willingness to make almost anything funny—provided it’s not their tragedy. The show also weighs the value of honesty in comedy and the catharsis of joking after crisis.

---

Main Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Remembering Charlie Kirk (00:46–04:10, 24:39–27:12)

• Cold Open Gags: The show opens with banter about Charlie Kirk’s then-recent murder, with the comics weaving in and out of mock grief and irreverent speculation.
• Israel & Conspiracy Riffs: Luis jokes about shifting his allegiance between Israel and Palestine depending on Kirk’s stances and provocative Epstein/Mossad theories.
• Quotes:
  • “I didn’t realize that I’m against the Jews now. I’m with Chuck all the way.” – Luis J. Gomez (03:53)
  • “We’re gonna somber show today. There’s no jokes being made about Chucky.” – Luis J. Gomez (03:36)
• Emotional Honesty: Later, Luis admits the gravity hit him as he likened the situation to if a close friend, Dave, had been killed, prompting a rare earnest reflection and a measured social media post.
  • “It was the first thing I thought when I saw it. What if it was Dave?” – Luis J. Gomez (25:21)

2. Dark Family Memories & Core Moments (04:58–09:52)

• Dead Dad Stories: Luis and Zac share their earliest, often traumatic, childhood memories—ranging from Luis’s lack of reaction to his father’s death at age four to Zac’s food-centric first recollections.
• Childhood Injuries: Mike recalls an early accident, leading to a roundtable of playground pain and schoolyard violence.
  • “There was probably four years… wondering: did my dad really die or is this just him getting out of Dodge?” – Luis J. Gomez (06:07)
  • “I remember being in my high chair eating sundae that my mom made into Mickey Mouse with Oreos…” – Zac Amico (07:32)

3. Funerals and Creative Coffins – Ghana vs. America (09:52–12:15, 28:23–29:32)

• Ghana’s ‘Fancy Coffins’: Zac introduces the phenomenon of elaborate, personalized coffins popular in Ghana, marveling at fish, airplanes, and even syringe-shaped caskets.
• Why Not Here? The hosts debate why such funerary creativity doesn’t exist in the US, suggesting graveyard regulations and cultural constraints.
  • “Why don’t we do this here?... Is there, like, a law in place here?” – Luis J. Gomez (11:50)
  • “If you want a coffin that says little shorty always chasin’ that paper with 85 pictures… they are classy.” – Zac Amico (10:24)
• Death Rituals and Absurdity: The conversation devolves into joking about their own funeral wishes, including mixing ashes into tattoos or even vibrators.

4. Morbid & Sexual Curiosities (33:35–41:59)

• ‘Poop Plug’ Child Abuse Story: Shannon reads a disturbing online post about a mother with schizophrenia forcing her son to wear a “poop plug” to “keep Satan from making him gay.” This launches serious and comic questions about medical justification, child abuse, and social services.
  • “Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this so Satan couldn’t stick his cock in my pooper and make me gay.” – Reddit story read by Shannon (38:24)
• Analogies to Circumcision: The group discusses religious practices and consent, veering into biting satire of ritual genital cutting.
  • “It is literally less abusive to put a butt plug in your child’s ass than to cut a piece of their dick off, but…” – Luis J. Gomez (39:45)
• Sex Mishaps & Hospital Visits: Everyone piles on with stories about lost sex toys, piercings gone missing, and the perils of post-coital cleanups.
  • “If you want to know how to dry up a vagina quick, go ‘I lost something in you at three in the morning.’” – Zac Amico (36:34)

5. Bodies, Disfigurement, and Identity (45:32–58:10, 68:23–74:40)

• Amputee Fetishes & Fraudulent Surgeries: Zac presents the case of a surgeon who froze his own legs for an insurance-funded amputation to satisfy a sexual fetish. The trio discusses the psychology and social impacts of extreme bodily modification.
  • “I think the average guy can get more pussy with an amputated leg than having both of his legs.” – Luis J. Gomez (48:45)
• Viral TikTok Couple – ‘Man Cut in Half’: The guys react to the sensational story of a “half-body” TikToker, his accident, his marriage, and mass social media following.
  • “She’s pretty hot. This is a dream come true for her... immediate hero Hope Core.” – Mike Cannon (69:30)

6. Porn, Taboo & Comedic Boundaries (49:33–51:03)

• ‘Golden Age’ of Internet Porn: Reminiscing about early internet days, the comics discuss every taboo imaginable in porn and how the internet has sanitized itself over time.
  • “I just realized that porn used to hold true the Legion of Skank’s core values: rape, racism, and mental retardation.” – Luis J. Gomez (49:58)

7. Absurd News and ‘Fakes & Fails’ (53:19–57:45)

• Fake ‘Arm Finger’ Video: The team examines a supposed viral video of a man with an extra finger growing from his arm (it's likely fake).
• Military & ‘Stolen Valor’: Anecdotes about military injuries, Purple Hearts, and the weird ways people get benefits for non-combat stories:
  • “He broke his finger playing soccer... they offered him a Purple Heart and he wouldn’t take it.” – Zac Amico (54:48)

8. Comedic Process & Audience Pushback (25:40–27:12, 40:33–41:13)

• Can You Joke About Anything? Luis discusses the pressure on comics to toe the line between genuine empathy and their mandate to find humor everywhere, regardless of how recent or sensitive the subject.
  • “Comedians, it is our job to be fucking funny. Anyone being like ‘you can’t joke about this’ is a fucking faggot—fuck you.” – Luis J. Gomez (25:41)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Morning Zoo Tone:
  • “Wake up, wake up, wake up. Well, hello, hello, hello. It is a Monday morning... Zac Amico’s got a show.” – Zac Amico (00:52)
• On Ghana Coffins:
  • “Is there, like, a law in place here? Why don’t we have fun coffins here?” – Luis J. Gomez (12:02)
• On Early Trauma:
  • “It was probably four years...did my dad really die or is this just him getting out of Dodge?” – Luis J. Gomez (06:07)
• On Crossing Comedic Boundaries:
  • “I just realized that porn used to hold true the Legion of Skank’s core values: rape, racism, and mental retardation.” – Luis J. Gomez (49:58)
• On Childhood Bathroom Mishaps:
  • “I lost my dick ring in Mrs. Amico once...” – Zac Amico (36:18)
• On Facing Disability:
  • “What do you do? ...You’re a rolling bag of organs.” – Mike Cannon (70:19)
• On Circumcision vs. Abuse:
  • “It is literally less abusive to put a butt plug in your child’s ass than to cut a piece of their dick off...” – Luis J. Gomez (39:45)
• On Cop Tales:
  • “You had a situation where a guy pulled a shotgun out on you and made you sniff a line of cocaine.” – Zac Amico (60:06)
  • “Just do it. You don't need to fake it, bro.” – Luis J. Gomez (60:03)
• On Sundress Season:
  • “There were, like, three good summers where girls were wearing real loose sundresses and playing it fast and loose...” – Zac Amico (23:10)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Charlie Kirk riffs/conspiracy banter: 02:46–04:10
• Dead dads & earliest memories: 05:57–08:13
• Playgrounds, painful childhood injuries: 08:13–09:52
• Ghana fantasy coffins intro: 10:24–12:15
• Funeral/ashes/morbid humor: 12:53–15:53
• Dark ‘poop plug’ confession and analogy to abuse: 33:36–41:13
• Amputee doctor story: 45:32–49:33
• ‘Man Cut in Half’ TikTok couple: 68:23–72:07
• Cop forced to do cocaine story: 60:06–66:26
• Porn nostalgia/step-sibling trends: 49:15–51:03

---

Final Thoughts

Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo episode 0045 is emblematic of GaS Digital’s signature shock-humor style—fearlessly funny, unapologetically profane, and peppered with both real vulnerability and absurd, off-the-wall banter. It’s a show best enjoyed by those not easily offended and who appreciate the comic skill in finding laughter where others might only find darkness.

---

Transcript

[Zach Amico]

Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you when it comes to what kind of romance you're into. You don't have to choose just one fancy a dalliance with a duke. Or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, and of course, all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery that's audible.com wondery.

Fill her up.

[Mike Cannon]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Zach Amico]

Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play jokes against you Start your day till the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Crew.

[Zach Amico]

It's a miko morning soon. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Well, hello, hello, hello. It is a Monday morning, a fin Monday morning here at the Gas Digital Studios. It's your other boy, the international superstar. And I'm welcoming you to another edition of Zak Amico's Morning Zoo. Thank you so much for being here with us. Across the table from me, two wonderful gentlemen, illustrious gentlemen, handsome gentlemen from the. And this is the. The Beautiful Boys podcast.

[Mike Cannon]

That's right.

[Zach Amico]

All right, sounds great. Check it out with Mike Cannon.

[Mike Cannon]

What's up, Zach?

[Zach Amico]

I'm sorry, I didn't know the name of the show. I apologize.

[Mike Cannon]

That's totally fine. A lot of people don't even know it.

[Zach Amico]

Please check it out. Mike's extremely funny. And if it's as funny as all those other podcasts, it's a must watch.

[Mike Cannon]

Appreciate it.

[Zach Amico]

Absolutely. And next to him from Legion of Skank, Story wars, the Regs and formerly the Roastmasters and formerly Hammer Fisting, formerly Spit Roast and something else. It's Louis J. Gomez, motherfuckers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's your boy. We're back. Shannon. You're a bitch. Jorge, you're gay. Let's fucking go. I got the chat open. We're getting real ass this morning on the Zoo. Baby boy.

[Zach Amico]

How you doing, buddy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm feeling fucking great.

[Zach Amico]

You look great, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thanks, man.

[Zach Amico]

You look happy. You look rejuvenated. That's treating you good. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. The new house is great. I. I am. I am a rejuvenated. That's J E W. I'm a little Jewy right now. I'm all neighborhood Joey ever since Charlie Kirk was murdered. Now I am going for Israel.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I'm pro Israel. You know, you guys took out a great man. You took out a. You know, somebody who I looked up to in every capacity in my life for a very, very long time. People don't know this about me. I was a massive Charlie Kirk fan.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Huge. So that was heartbreaking. I almost didn't make it in.

[Zach Amico]

I called him Chuck.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Chuck Kirk. Chucky.

[Zach Amico]

Kirk.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Chucky. I call him Chucky. Turkey. Turkey. So, yeah. So rip Charlie Kirk. We're gonna somber show today. We're not. There's no jokes. No being made about Chucky.

[Zach Amico]

No. Not on my watch.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So you guys better be fucking cool. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And so you're pro is. See, to me, I'm thinking the tiny hats had something to do with it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The other. You think the Jews did it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, man. He was going hard for fucking Epstein files.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what he was trying to.

[Zach Amico]

Say the Mossad was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't realize that I'm against the Jews now. I didn't realize. I'm. I'm with Chuck all the way. I stopped paying attention to him for two full weeks.

[Zach Amico]

He was going hard. I think he was straight up saying Epstein was Mossad.

[Mike Cannon]

Didn't they say. There's been a bunch of stuff that said. He vocally was saying he's afraid that Israel is going to kill him.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

You know what?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I am a real Chuck fan. I am against Israel now. I'm for the Palestinian and now.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, can you look up the amount of Israeli aid that's been passed since Chucky's unfortunate demise? Because I believe we sent missiles. We sent like $100 million in aid.

[Mike Cannon]

He was.

[Zach Amico]

And nobody heard.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you watch the speech by the bride of Chucky, as I call her?

[Zach Amico]

No, No. I wait. Where she kissed his hands. That.

[Mike Cannon]

And she blamed her child's blueberry habit.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Dad. That dad's with Jesus because you eat too many blueberries. Jesus can't even hold blueberries. She did say that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She was like. She was like. The daughter was like, where's dad? And she was like, he's on a mission with Jesus.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Which is crazy thing to tell your kid. It's fucked up.

[Mike Cannon]

He Was summoned.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, be fucking cool. Rip Chuck, you're right.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I think the. The greatest bullshit excuse. Where's dad? Not for dead. Is my own wife's family. My father in law left the family for a while. I'm going to get trouble talking about this because they act like it didn't happen to move to explore other options. And he. He told his. His kids he was a secret agent.

[Mike Cannon]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

For AT and T. For AT and.

[Louis J. Gomez]

T. He just picked a random company.

[Zach Amico]

No, he worked.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Doesn't exist anymore.

[Zach Amico]

18. Yeah. But he said he was going undercover for another phone company and he was a secret agent. So he had to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm actually, I'm an undercover agent for Circuit City.

[Zach Amico]

Wow. So he had to assume a new name and a new identity in a new town. But he could call. He would call when he could, but he. They couldn't visit him.

[Mike Cannon]

He's like the original Verizon guy. When he switched the Sprint.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly. Dude. It was like some catch. Catch me if you catch. It was like way before phones and nice. Oh boy.

[Mike Cannon]

And they bought it.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

With the two younger kids. Did. Yeah, the one her older sisters fucking.

[Mike Cannon]

Dude. And then the first.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I thought that my dad might have not died for a while. And my mom was just telling me it was like probably four years of my life where I was like, did he really die or is this like just him getting.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Getting out of Dodge. Yeah, there's a.

[Zach Amico]

Turns out, pretty dead.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Getting out of her. Getting out of her Dodge Neon. Worst car ever.

[Zach Amico]

Guys.

[Mike Cannon]

There's a few years I wish my dad was dead.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's when you, when you don't have any memories of your dad. It's all just a net positive to have a dead dad.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, I think I didn't deal with any like emotion. Like I do remember my mom telling me my dad died, but I don't have any. Like, there was no. Like, I didn't cry. There was no emotion there. There was no.

[Zach Amico]

Were you even old enough to. For that to be a concept?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, I got it. I got it. I remember it very clearly. In fact, my new book, Knives and Spoons, available on pre order right now. That's really how the book opens up. My earliest memories.

[Zach Amico]

No, Yeah, I think, I don't think I would have got. What were you, like four or five?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was four years old.

[Zach Amico]

That's pretty early for death, four years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, it's also when you first start having memories and it's like what a core memory. First one you're like, like that's. That's it.

[Mike Cannon]

But you go to the funeral.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, we'll get to that.

[Zach Amico]

Once I want to use that to. To parlay into something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They give him a Puerto Rican Viking funeral. They put them on the hood of a.

[Zach Amico]

They left them in a bad. They left them in a bad neighborhood. So somebody used them for parts.

[Mike Cannon]

He was the filling of a pinata.

[Zach Amico]

My oldest memory is so fat and food related. I remember being in my high chair eating sundae that my mom made into Mickey Mouse with Oreos and M and M's.

[Mike Cannon]

That's so sweet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I remember earliest memory.

[Zach Amico]

I remember that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I remember getting you started to make some sense now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And I remember getting a Fisher Price tool set for Christmas and I had to be like two or three.

[Mike Cannon]

All of our earliest memories align with who we are because my earliest memory is being picked up off the street riding my big wheels, like into loose rocks. I broke the fall with my face. Both of my parents were like, get up. And my sister picked me up and I was bleeding all over.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, I have some early bloody memories as well.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just like when I. So one of my scars. I don't know which one. It's this one or the one over my eyebrow. There's. There's one of my earliest memories. I must have been three and I was pushing a swing with nobody in it. I had no friend. It was just like a swing by myself in a shitty backyard.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude.

[Zach Amico]

And when's it my turn?

[Louis J. Gomez]

They came back and cracked me in the head. Oh, like a shitty wooden swing right in the head.

[Mike Cannon]

Those were ridiculous. Yeah, they were. Even. I remember those. The flat board with then the metal side.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

They still play on wood chips?

[Mike Cannon]

No, it's mostly like sponge almost track. I remember the fact that there were metal slides and all that.

[Zach Amico]

I remember we just. Our playground straight up was like sharp wood chips.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We had gravel in the elementary school playground. We had a tire playground. It was made of all like old shitty tires, which has to be terrible for kids. There's no way, like tire rubber for.

[Zach Amico]

Kids to be like, it's not car symptoms.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's. They're essentially giant rubber asbestos playground break dust still. But it was like the whole bottom of the floor was gravel, like hard gravel. So literally every day at lunch it would just be gravel fights with. We had lunch monitors who were just 60 year old women that was just dodging gravel as everyone throwing at her. And that was. That was my entire childhood, which is Pretty fucking great. And then some older kids lit the entire playground on fire.

[Mike Cannon]

No shit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They lit her on fire. And no, this is what Charlie Clark was actually warning us about. Was the Jews lighting the tire. Playgrounds on fire? No, they. Yeah, just for. For fun. For shits and giggles, which I do get. Like, watching an entire playground burn is pretty sick.

[Zach Amico]

That'd be a cool album cover if you get the whole band to show up. Yeah. And do one. But none of us. You. None of them are looking at the fire like. You're all. They're all just looking at the ground on a. On an angle.

[Mike Cannon]

It's the scene from T2, which is.

[Zach Amico]

Screaming through the gates. So you're talking about. You didn't go to your dad's funeral. I've been very into decal coffins. Black people get full wraparound, just like you get a wraparound on a car. They do coffins now, and they are classy.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really.

[Zach Amico]

If you want to. I mean, if your girl died. If you want a coffin that says, little shorty. Always chasing that paper with 85 pictures of the girl on the coffin. But now Shannon has turned us on to. In Ghana, there's a new trend with fancy coffins, and I wanted to check some of them out on the show today. Shannon.

[Shannon]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That. That n. That N. Is gonna put him in a coffin. Come on, folks. Core values. We're back. It's. We're gonna realize we're getting hardcore here today.

[Zach Amico]

God. Tomorrow is unbelievable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is a coffin.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, were they gonna shoot that off the. Oh, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, this is so fun.

[Mike Cannon]

That's Aaliyah's plane.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, he always wanted to go to one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's a Nokia.

[Zach Amico]

No. Her name was Kia. Now there's no kid. Bob School. Was his name. Bob School. And they were just like, I guess we're gonna make a school that.

[Mike Cannon]

Look. The temple on Epstein Island.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, go back. That looks like the school they all went to. Keep it moving. All right. Four single use battle ship.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why? Let me ask you a question. Why don't we do this here? Is there an issue? Because. Why is it. We have very strict standards for, like. It's a coffin. You put it in the ground. There's a. You know, even with the. The headstones.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Very regulated. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, is it. Is it. What is it? Is there, like, a law in place here? Why don't we have fun coffins here?

[Zach Amico]

I'm sure graveyards have rules probably to not upset other mourners.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. Have you looked at the Ones in New Orleans. Like, I think those are above ground and cement based on like, floods and shit like that. So they can't go anywhere. They're literally tethered.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I want to be cremated.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

100.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. Also or push and weird to get buried.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I've never seen a friend in the casket and been like, it looks great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I want to be craving and I want all my friends to boof my ashes.

[Mike Cannon]

I like that. I want to be.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everyone has to literally put my ashes in their celebration. I know you will, Zach.

[Zach Amico]

I'm gonna 100 question.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is actually a better idea. And I'll. I will make the same commitment for you.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because they would do this in prison. Get a prison style tat with each other's ashes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, of course.

[Mike Cannon]

I have friends that did that with like.

[Zach Amico]

I like that you're asking like that. Like they did the one who did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tattoos with their ashes. Yeah, I thought it was.

[Zach Amico]

I love that you're asking that. Like, I'm the one who's gonna have to get you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I'm gonna.

[Zach Amico]

Here's my plan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If we use even one tenth of Zach's ashes, I'm gonna have a full body.

[Zach Amico]

You're like the enigma. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

An enigger look like you're running out of 9 11. You need a black face.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Like, Don. Oh, fuck. What was I just. God damn it. Oh, what Lemmy did. So was it fucking. Who was being a cunt about Lemmy being a bullet? Shannon.

[Shannon]

Let me look it up.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Sagalo. Oh, he was being upset about it. So Lemmy from Motorhead had his ashes put into bullets and sent to all his friends as necklaces.

[Mike Cannon]

That's cool.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's fun.

[Zach Amico]

And fucking Sagalo was like, that's like lame rock star shit. Oh, I'm a bullet. And I'm like, shut up. That's the coolest. Is that a Lemme bullet? That is fun. What a cool way to let your friends know, like, oh, you were special to me.

[Mike Cannon]

Right. Well, Sagalo would get his pressed into a burger.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, that looks like a vibrator. That's what I want. I want my ashes to be put into vibrators and I want to have. Shannon, would you masturbate with my ashes if it was inside of a vibrator?

[Shannon]

If it was one of your final wishes.

[Mike Cannon]

Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What if my. What if one of my final wishes for you to suck my cock right now?

[Shannon]

Only after you're dead.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that can be arranged.

[Mike Cannon]

I like that. I want to be fucking blown into the eyes of my enemies. Leave my sister a palm full of me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Zach, will you take it to some JCW shows?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Mr. Fuji.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Mr. Fuji.

[Zach Amico]

I'd be fine. I can't believe they've never done that spot in wrestling. Like a memorial show. That's great. I can't believe they never did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

With the Undertaker. They did the urn. The urn was used very often. The Undertaker would use it as a weapon. Did it ever open up an ashes spill everywhere?

[Zach Amico]

CM Punk opened it and played with the ashes and they inferred that it was Paul Bear in there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, wow. Yeah, I watched. I watched Meet the parents with my son yesterday and it's so funny when he knocks over the urn and then the cat comes over and pisses in the ashes.

[Zach Amico]

We'll get back to the Ghana stuff in a second. The meet the parents story is so crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you mean? I don't know if I know the story.

[Zach Amico]

It's another movie in France, right?

[Mike Cannon]

Isn't it?

[Zach Amico]

No, in America. Oh, really? So Meet the Parents was a very.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's meet the croissants, folks. Folks, I'll be here every three months.

[Zach Amico]

Meet the Paris would have helped.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Meet the Paris is the better. Meet the Paris is a better edit. Shannon, Meet the Chris. Meet the Paris.

[Zach Amico]

Hey guys. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. You and I make decisions every day. But on prize picks, being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this season on prize picks where it's good to be right. It's easy to play. Pick more or less on two to six player stat projections. If you're correct, you could win some serious cash. It is football season. You guys know all your favorite players. Maybe you can get a little cashola on your decisions. You can cash out on Venmo, Apple, Pay, mastercard and more. So getting your money is quick and easy. Download the app today and use our code Zoo to get $50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's code ZOO to get $50 in lineups AFTER you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Let's get back into the show. So there was another movie. Emo Phillips produced it and he's I think the shopkeep in it. You know like when he goes to the Go get the wine at the convenience store.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, Judah Friedlander and Judah Part and.

[Zach Amico]

It'S a super dark comedy but the ending and it's not. It's all no name actors but it's the same script. Yeah, but no, it gets really. The end of it is the sister's like manic depressive of the girl he's gonna marry. And he gives her a motivational speech. He's like, just, you know, you could live your do. Do what you're gonna do and not knowing. So she hangs herself and leaves a note that's like, Greg told me that I should finally do it. And he's just. With the family.

[Mike Cannon]

That's a better movie.

[Zach Amico]

And he just walks like he just. It's just him with his suitcase leaving quietly, smoking a cigarette while everyone's crying. What is it called? I think it was called Meet the Parents.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon, is there a trailer for the original Meet the Parents that they remade?

[Zach Amico]

Well, they bought it for distribution and shelved it. Wow. And said we're gonna remake it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So it was never released.

[Zach Amico]

I think you can buy copies of it. But it was never released in the. It only did festivals. And then they shelved it and never put it out and remade it with. Yeah. Oh, no. Looks wonderful. Yeah. It's a super low budget movie and they just. They bought it when we could make a lot more money if we put dinner on bed. Stellar in this. Oh, well, looks like we have wine sauce.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry. It's an old.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did Paco shoot this? Genuinely funny.

[Zach Amico]

It's super dark.

[Louis J. Gomez]

One of the funniest things I ever saw. Louis ck Are these real quotes?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. I think Louie is who I. I heard about this from. Would anyone like some more salad? Yeah. I think it's like a really bleak dark comedy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The original coming soon. Wow.

[Zach Amico]

They. If you gotta. I don't. If you're in that, you gotta be a little pissed.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. I don't know. Would it. Do you think it would have done anything for their careers, but, I mean.

[Zach Amico]

It probably would be a big indie hit.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That would have gotten them work in other shitty movies. Like.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's the thing.

[Mike Cannon]

I don't know why they feel the need to shelve those things where it actually could be a good companion piece. You know what I mean? Each one could drive the other. Drive people to the other.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. I think that. That. I think they were afraid of competition. Like people buying the wrong one.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah. That's fair.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. The. The original. Me. The parents are pretty funny, though. I first tried to watch Superbad with my son and I have such a good kid. Literally 20 minutes in because Superman is. It's just way more raunchy than you remember. All of Those movies from early 2000s, like the late 90s, like, 2006 was like, just sexed up teens. And it's like I'm watching it with James and like, it was the scene where the kids just drawing the dicks, like, what's his name?

[Mike Cannon]

Jonah Hill.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jo Hill's characters drawing the dicks. James is like, you know what, Dad? I don't think I'm ready for this. We turned it off based off of his cartoons. He's like, dad, all of these penises are making my mouth salivate. I don't know what's happening.

[Mike Cannon]

Am I supposed to have veins like that?

[Zach Amico]

I mean, that was the first movie Emma Stone was hot in, right?

[Mike Cannon]

That might have been her first movie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. She was a teenager, Zach. So yes, the answer is yes.

[Zach Amico]

All right, listen. We all know, of course, they're too young when Kraft earnings cries A 40 year old virgin, though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. How old was Emma Stone in Super Bad?

[Zach Amico]

I'm sure she's over 18. If she's also.

[Mike Cannon]

I think all those kids were. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's not actually that hot, Emma Stone.

[Zach Amico]

She's cute.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's got a cuteness to her. She's kind of like a little serpenty looking. I don't know. There's nothing.

[Mike Cannon]

She's a little hammerhead shark. Her eyes are on the opposite side of her temple.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, look, she's hot for Jonah Hill.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, yeah. Amazing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, that's crazy.

[Mike Cannon]

I mean, for me, for anybody, but for anybody.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anybody that we know. But for Hollywood standards, Emma Stone is a whatever.

[Mike Cannon]

But I think that was the point too, because the girl who, like, rode Michael Cera and, like, she's kind of a basic now.

[Zach Amico]

I think she's young.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Her parents might have. Or he was too young, because I know the parents had to be there for that scene.

[Shannon]

She was 19.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She was 19.

[Zach Amico]

All right. Hot bang, zoom to the moon.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Above board. That's a new. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our new Snuba segment. Is she of age?

[Zach Amico]

Above board?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Above board. Shannon, you have to pull up. You have to pull up either underage or above age celebrities, and we have to decide if they're hot or not. We're really playing with fire, folks. Or we're gonna watch Charlie Kirk get shot in the neck over and over again. You gotta pick one.

[Mike Cannon]

High stakes podcasting. The Russian chick that McLovin was into, I think she was like 29.

[Zach Amico]

Like, she was really young.

[Mike Cannon]

I know, but she was like a figure skater or something like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's something about like. Like, it's so funny. Like that time because they, you know, they have the scene where McLovin's following her in the hallway and it's her ass in a thong. She has the flattest, littlest ass. But back then that was so hot. Like a little tiny. Seeing a thong with a thong hanging out. But you look at Christina Aguilera, all those had a little tiny ass like.

[Zach Amico]

Dennis the Menace with the slingshot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Every has a giant fat white girl ass. Oh, and I love it. I love it.

[Mike Cannon]

Christina Aguilera, though, in the dirty video, there was a semblance of plump.

[Zach Amico]

It was starting. Yeah. It was developing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Would wear their. They would wear their pants down to their.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's. Geraldo called them clit huggers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh my God. It was just. It was such a great time and I'm glad the 90s is coming back. Right now Jankos are back in a really big way. Low cut jeans for.

[Mike Cannon]

Are back just showing the thong above the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are they showing the thong coming back? So funny. People are so basic.

[Mike Cannon]

It's so weird.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But it's like. I mean, we. We went through a. We went through a five year period where were wearing their pants up to their tits. And it was just the. It was the worst. There was nothing hot about it.

[Zach Amico]

I missed sundresses. Sundress season was. There was like a real good couple summers where girls were wearing real loose sundresses.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And playing it fast and loose. A good breeze. Then I've walked the wrong way for three blocks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh my God, dude. I used to. I used to follow women. Shannon, edit this out. I used to follow women for. I'm talking about, like, just change the course of my life. Just like literally. And then you'd fucking. Once in a while you'd be coming up the subway and there'd be some girl in a sundress who just didn't care. Like, staring right into her asshole. Got it ruled. Why is that creepy? It's just a natural fucking thing.

[Mike Cannon]

It's not even natural. You're doing what it calls for. That's the whole point of wearing those things, is to give a glimpse.

[Zach Amico]

Dude. When I was a telemarketer in Midtown, I just happened to walk past FIT every single day on my lunch break over and over again.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, well, that's like. That's also now the shorts. And not even shorts, but skirts that just cut up like right even above the s. Like you could still see the swoop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you wear shorts with a skirt, you deserve to be violently raped to death.

[Zach Amico]

That's insane.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's. I'll say that. I'll stand by that. That was a Charlie Kirk. Charlie Kirk used to say that. I'm just, I'm really just celebrating Charlie Kirk's life right now.

[Zach Amico]

Chucky.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Chucky would say that in a lot of those things. It's a very Christian sort of mentality.

[Mike Cannon]

Check credentials of that black pilot. And if you wear shorts under a skirt, you should be violently.

[Zach Amico]

You know, And I, I've definitely rethought. I. I'm so glad I wasn't broadcasting immediately after or the day after the Charlie correct thing because I definitely would have said stuff I regretted. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then I, I actually put in context. I was like, what if it was Dave?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, shit, that's a guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You'd have a spot on Legion Escapes.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, trust me. I thought about it. I'd be.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You would level up tremendously.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, no, I thought that would be.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, that's actually. That is the first thing I thought of where I was like, oh, man.

[Zach Amico]

That's like Dave. Yeah. And then it really hit me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I'm really glad I didn't make any posts or say anything that I regret.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I said I made a big, long kind of gay post because the reality is, like, it was the first thing I thought when I saw it. What if it was Dave? I called Dave smoked today for like an hour about it. He was really shaken up about it. Lauren, obviously, really shaken up about it. But you know, he's getting security for his shows. It's like a whole fucking other thing there's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

It'll help his numbers too though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Without a doubt. There's another person in the room, security guard. So. But. And that's why I posted what I posted. But at the same time, it's like comedians, it is our job to be fucking funny. Anybody being like, you can't joke about this is a fucking faggot. Fuck you. Fuck you. Literally. You guys literally laugh the most fucked up things possible. It was funny because I posted that and then I posted a fucking thing with the bus driver rolling through the people or the truck in India who killed a bunch of Indian people. And I just wrote. I was, I wrote non stop tragedies. And nobody had any problems with that at all because it doesn't really fuck. It's when you attack their thing, they have a fucking problem. So I didn't, I just didn't find it funny. Like watching the video was really fucked up. He's got two little girls that's really fucked up. I was thinking of Dave, who does know him. So I was like, all right, I'm going to post something where I think I have a. I have a lot of fans that are, like, on the fence of being like, whether it's right wing or libertarian or whatever. And I was like, no, I don't think we should be attacking other people. I don't think we should be going after people on the left. It's not an issue with people on the fucking left. There's crazy fucking people in the world that are doing fucked up things. But I did joke about it on stage that night in Portland, Maine. You know, just doing crowd work similar to what we're doing here. Just kind of fucking around. And two people left. And the woman posted on my post being like, like, you know, you're. You know, I. We only came to see you because you had this measured response, and then you went out and made jokes about it. I was like, first of all, I made pretty mild jokes. Like, it was just. It was the biggest story in the world. Not to mention it is crazy. But I think comedians jobs, it's to go out and make uncomfortable things funny. And that's specifically.

[Mike Cannon]

It's hysterical to go and see a comedian because they made a measured response.

[Zach Amico]

I like how you joke about this.

[Mike Cannon]

I like how he.

[Zach Amico]

My favorite. I did see one funny thing that was like, I hope the plane that brings his body back has a black pilot. And that did make me laugh.

[Mike Cannon]

They leave the latch open.

[Zach Amico]

Oops, sorry. Must have not heard that because I'm such a bad pilot. Mr. Charlie, it's Denzel from flight. All right, let's get. Actually, let's see the rest of those coffins and then we'll do plugs. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Yo Kratom, home of the $60 kilo. If you do Kratom, if you don't, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for one of its many benefits, there's only one place to get it from, and that's yocratum.com why they have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the network. So stop going to bodega smoke shops and gas stations getting a little bit of Kratom at a time, and you don't even know what's in there. When you go to yokecrative.com there's no promo code needed. Why? It's already the best Deal in the world@kratom yocratum.com Home of the 60 kilo. Let's get back into the show.

[Shannon]

All right, let's go back to this one because of the syringe.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I didn't realize that's what that was.

[Shannon]

Yeah. This one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're gonna have to bury Zach in an actual ship.

[Mike Cannon]

That's cool. I like that. They have to fold his body to fit.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's got to be ashes, right?

[Shannon]

Or baby.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, peacock, baby. Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is wrong.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you think Charlie Kirk would want to be talking about dead babies right now?

[Zach Amico]

Shannon?

[Mike Cannon]

That's. That's worked here too long. These are all works of art. Why can't we be this creative in the face of death?

[Shannon]

That's the last one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cool.

[Zach Amico]

I think I, I, I, I fully supported.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why is it that their houses look like that but their coffins? They have.

[Zach Amico]

They're spending way more money on the coffin.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They have the ability to construct something nice. Why is it the house they live in is an actual just piece of shit with two slabs of wood fucking put together?

[Zach Amico]

It really is. They're eating dirt cookies, and then they're, like, serving filet mignon at the funeral.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's insane.

[Zach Amico]

How about we spread the wealth?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've never seen such artistry. It's like if you guys have the ability to do it, just slap a little bit of paint on your fucking shit. Fucking hut.

[Mike Cannon]

Looks like a carnival float.

[Zach Amico]

All right, let's knock plugs out of the way. Jorge, hit that plug. Music. Mr. Cannon, this weekend I'm going to.

[Mike Cannon]

Be on long Island. The 19th and the 20th. The 19th, I'm going to be in Belmore at the brokerage. And then the 20th, I'm going to be in Levittown at Governor's. Come on out to that. And then later the next weekend to close out the month of September, I'll be in Portland, Maine, at Empire Co Comedy Club. I love that club.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Great club, great people.

[Mike Cannon]

Mike Cannon, comedy.com for that. And check out Beautiful Boys, the podcast.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Best Chinese food I think I've had outside of, like, one or two places in New York City.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is the, the Empire Chinese place that they have downstairs?

[Zach Amico]

It's very good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's phenomenal. Holy.

[Zach Amico]

Mr. Gomez.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shannon. Am I allowed to time people out from the chat on this show?

[Shannon]

I mean, you still are.

[Zach Amico]

I give you that. Yes. You. Are you on the network? Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amy Winehouse, Baby Daddy, you're on thin ice.

[Zach Amico]

Mr. Gomez, come see me live on the Road.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Come see me live on the road, guys. Lewisofskanks.com is the website. If you're watching this live. Key West, Florida this weekend. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Just one show each night. Very excited about that. Nice little relaxing shows. Governor's Long island next week. Saratoga Springs is not happening. I'm postponing that until Chowder Fest in February. I'm gonna do it that weekend. I went last time and they didn't have the ticket link. The signaling's still not live. They had the wrong dates on their website. I was like, I'm not going to do a show that I'm promoting for two weeks. So fuck that. Shout out to Saratoga Springs and comedy works for being fucking retards. Go down, Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, hold on. I want to see what weekend I'm doing in Saratoga springs. Sorry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Kenosha, Wisconsin. Coming up, Springfield, Missouri, Chandler, Arizona, Nashville, Tennessee, and many more. Go to LewisOfSkangs.com Grab those tickets. Make sure you guys go pre order my book, Knives and Spoons. Check out Legion of Skank. Check out Story Wars. Thanks for subscribing to Gas Digital. You guys are the. If you guys are watching this live. The iPhone app approved officially. I'm doing all the testing for it today. I'll be out tomorrow for everyone else to download. And make sure you guys. Yeah, grab my. Grab a bag of my coffee. Why not? If you guys are trying to naturally boost your testosterone and brain function. But bring coffee. Bodybraincoffee.com we. Yeah, it's. It's killing it, dude. This is literally. If you also, if you guys want me to quit comedy, if you hate me, go buy it. Tell some friends. The second I hit $10 million, I'm just disappearing.

[Mike Cannon]

That's awesome.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm just literally. You're just not. I'm gonna be off the grid completely. There's not gonna be an explanation. There's no long goodbye. I'm just gone. I have the same. So fucking let's make it happen, boys.

[Zach Amico]

All right. Hey guys. Follow me on Instagram at zackisnotfunny. Go to punchup Live Zachmiko for my daily this end of this month, doing a little run. Ocean Springs, Mobile, Alabama, Hattiesburg and Pensacola. That's the 25th through the 28th. And those are all co headlining shows. Me and Zach Holmes from Jackass. That's right, two Zachs. Too Fat, Too Furious. And we're finally gonna prove we're not the same person. Also, if you love the show, go to gas digital.com today use that promo code, ZOO. Z O O. That gets you a little bit off your subscription. It gets you episodes early ad free, uncensored. It gets you the live chat. It gets to the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite guest digital shows. And most importantly, it gets you our Friday episode. That's right. We do three of these suckers a week. And if you want all three, that Friday episode is behind the paywall. So use that promo code, Zoo. Check it out and see if you like it. And thank you so much for tuning in. All right. I read a. An article the other day that I wanted Shannon to have to read aloud to us. And the title of the post was is this incest? And when I say what a ride. That. When you go, well, that's the story right there. And they go, oh, no, that's it. Oh no, that's it. Shannon, please read this to us and let us react. Correct.

[Shannon]

Okay. Okay. I don't know if this is actually incest since it wasn't something actually sexual in the technical sense, but here goes. When I was little, my mom used to put a butt plug in me, which she called a poop plug.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It is. It's incest.

[Shannon]

And I'd wear it all the time. I was told, only take it out to poop, wipe my butt, then put it back in.

[Mike Cannon]

Was it a kid sized butt plug?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know if they make them. Yeah, I mean, I think if they make those.

[Mike Cannon]

It was just a ring.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They do make them in different sizes.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You start off with a little tiny one. I. There was a new train. There was a. There's a very unfunny comedian that I lost a small butt plug in. It was Oscar Aiden.

[Zach Amico]

That was a big one. That was a fire hydrant.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was a female. I won't say who it was, but.

[Mike Cannon]

You know you lost it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did swallowed it, dude. It literally the entire.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know why.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Plug the whole. The part that you grab went into her and I was like, oh, shit. And I'm like digging my fingers and knuckles into her asshole.

[Mike Cannon]

Could she find it ever? Did it come?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we got it out eventually. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Did you just punch her in the stomach really hard? No, I take all the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I punch her right in the stomach tattoo. Can I have another coffee, please? For the love of fucking God. Charlie Cork wants me to drink coffee.

[Zach Amico]

Well, he can't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Edit not okay. You guys are fucking assholes.

[Mike Cannon]

It's like the carb on a bowl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jesus Christ.

[Zach Amico]

Everyone deals with tragedy differently. Yeah. And we're a little skewed. So I lost the. I lost my dick ring in. In Mrs. Amigo once. Oh, no. We were. We were drunk, having sex at like three in the morning. And she was on top of. And I had the captive bead. So it's. It's one ring with a ball in the middle. And for a while it was a little loose. I had to get it adjusted, but every once in a while it would fall out. So Grandsett. And then we turn the lights on and she gets up and I realize I just don't have a dick ring. And she stands up over the bed and the ring falls out. And I'm like, thank God. Because it was the two. It was fucking big. Yeah. And then I go, oh, no, there was a ball in there. So she had a squat over the bed. By the way, if you want to know how to dry up a vagina, quick go. I lost something in you at three in the morning. And I had to get two fingers in. And then because it was a ball, just like the Jim Jeffries, but you can't pinch it. It just goes further. Oh, yeah. Like, so I had to get two fingers on it and walk it down the wall.

[Mike Cannon]

Oh, my God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a. That's a. That's a fat finger guy problem. I have the same thing. Thank you very much. Karen. You're.

[Mike Cannon]

I thought you were gonna be like Bugs Bunny with the horseshoe magnet.

[Zach Amico]

Just bringing it, you know. I had to walk it down. Oh, it was fun. We were so scared that we had to go. The idea of having to go to the hospital to be like, we lost something in there. Yeah, it's. It's such a.

[Mike Cannon]

They see that all the time though.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But it's such a. To do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Have you ever had to do that? Have you been to a hospital for a sex related injury?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Mike Cannon]

That's surprising.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, nothing. Yeah, I don't, I don't let them live to get to the hospital. I've been to the morgue for a sex. No, no, I. Yeah, nothing like that. I'm trying to think. I've never had like anything. My dick's never been like bent in half. I don't have a long dick like that.

[Mike Cannon]

I've had a, like a. A momentarily like, like afraid, like I broke my dick, but then it kind of went back to normal, you know, where it like falls out and then they come back down hard.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

And you're both waiting there for a second.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a big dick problem.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That's a big dick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes. Yeah. Me and Zach, our little dicks, they're never getting the angle to bend it. No.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Little. Little plug.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It's like a Weeble. All right, so, Shannon, I mean, you got to keep going with this poop story, please.

[Shannon]

I was really young, so I thought this was just something everybody did. But one time at school, I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and ended up getting flushed. So when I went back to class, I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet. She had no idea what I was talking about, so she sent me to the school nurse after trying to explain what a poop plug was. For 15 minutes, the school calls the police. The police ask me all these questions, and at first, I'm scared because I think I'm in trouble for losing my poop plug. Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this so Satan couldn't stick his cock in my pooper and make me gay.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Shannon]

The end.

[Mike Cannon]

I mean, that's, like, why they wear yarmulkes, too. That's so the devil can't get in.

[Zach Amico]

How many dates in are you in with this guy before he has to tell you this story? This is a guy. It's a guy because he doesn't want Satan to fuck him in the ass and make him gay.

[Mike Cannon]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

You have to tell your partner this. Right.

[Mike Cannon]

It's probably the basis of a lot of sexual decisions you're about to make.

[Zach Amico]

You have to drop. I mean, I think you got to drop it within the first three months of dating.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did she get in trouble? Because I almost feel. Is that even a crime? Is it a crime to put a butt plug in a child's ass? I'm asking for.

[Mike Cannon]

It's your kid.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm asking for this weekend. It's your kid. It's.

[Zach Amico]

I'm asking for this weekend and one weekend a month moving forward. Yeah, I think so.

[Mike Cannon]

How do they decide, though, what is, like, a religious. Like, does it have to be a sanctioned religion for you to make that kind of thing? Like circumcision? People call that mutilation, but other people say it's a part of their religion. It's like, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, the reality is if. If we. If you.

[Zach Amico]

Is there a medical. Because there's, I guess, unproven or disproven medical reasoning for a circumcision. There's no medical reasoning to have a butt plug.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It is literally actually less abusive to put a butt plug in your child's ass, and it is to cut a piece of their dick off, but they're.

[Mike Cannon]

Conscious when you put the thing up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're conscious when they're babies.

[Mike Cannon]

Memories.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just because you cut your son's dick and now you feel bad about it.

[Zach Amico]

I.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Don't say it.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm fine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My. What? My son was gonna get his dick clipped. Like, literally. Beatrice just sent me videos of babies being strapped down and having their dicks clipped.

[Zach Amico]

And I was like, all the URLs are purple.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And Lewis's phone already turning me on isn't going to convince me not to do this. What are you doing? What? You want to make me come again? Fine. Done deal. Done. No, but yeah, we ended up.

[Zach Amico]

Those guys want their kids dicks to look like them, but Lewis literally wanted James dick to look like him. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, it's pretty. It's. It's pretty barbaric and crazy that we still do that to kids.

[Mike Cannon]

So point standing, like, how. How do you decide whether what is abusive and what's not in that situation? Like, does it have to come from.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You can also make your own religion where you suck Kidcock. Like, technically. Right.

[Zach Amico]

Well, they're called Judy as well. Yeah. Yeah, they made it. That's one of the first ones they figured out.

[Mike Cannon]

It's called being a rabbi in Crown Heights.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they nailed that one. I'd say a butt plug. Is. Is there a medical use for. Do they give butt plugs to incontinent people? No. Right. Oh, I don't know. I don't think there's a medical use for the butt plug other than because it doesn't sexually shit in, does it?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Have you ready?

[Zach Amico]

A little. Little. Little something. Let's have the tiniest of tiny.

[Mike Cannon]

The bullet of a deceased friend.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I wish. Yeah, I put the. We bought but the trainer butt plugs one time when Mark Norman was here and I took the smallest one home with me. Oh, wow. And I tried it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's fun.

[Zach Amico]

But it was the little. Little one that was pinky. Yeah. It was tiny.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, honestly, I. I'm all about. I mean, every time I get a blowjob now, I put my legs behind my head. I really hint to lick my asshole and finger it. Like, I mean, it got. Because once you get. Once you breach that one time, you're like, oh, that rules now. It's like, anytime your finger all the way in. Yeah, girl. I'll let a girl fucking get her finger all the way.

[Mike Cannon]

Good for you, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

I've never even. I mean, I would. I probably would love it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm assuming more girls like to eat ass than you think.

[Zach Amico]

I bet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thanks for watching the show, guys.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

More girls will eat your ass than you fucking think, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Mm. Did they have a strict see me and you fucked up by sticking with one for too long? Yeah, we. We got out of the game before that. That became a skill set.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, she has. She still has 10th grade principles.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, my 10th grade principal ate my ass. Mr. LA Fever.

[Zach Amico]

I'd feel good the next day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, I. I think.

[Zach Amico]

I think it's. It's sexual. I don't know if it's incest and sexual abuse, though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, hold on. Bobby, Kelly's calling me. Let me answer.

[Zach Amico]

Please, God, let me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see. Hold on. Oh, he hung up.

[Zach Amico]

Damn.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll call him right back.

[Mike Cannon]

This picture is so too good looking.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Bobby, Hello. You're on Zach and Miko's Morning Zoo.

[Zach Amico]

What do you mean, Morning Zoo? What is the afternoon? It's like two one o'. Clock.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's. It's the morning in the west coast still and in a lot of Africa, hence the zoo. It's morning in. In the. On the west coast right now. Hawaii, it's morning.

[Zach Amico]

No, the morning is 6 to 8. No, this is literally the. It's not morning anywhere in the world. It's 9:49 in LA.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, no, it's morning. We're morning for Charlie Kirk right now. What is your problem?

[Zach Amico]

Morning Zoo with a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You.

[Zach Amico]

Bob. Morning. I. I'm. I'm sorry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Starts mourning some mornings. We're mourning Charlie Kirk's death. We're.

[Zach Amico]

That's so funny. How funny is that? The guy beheaded a guy and then kicked his head down the street and then picked it up. And nobody knows.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nobody cares about that guy.

[Zach Amico]

Cutting somebody's head off and throwing it down the street is not even.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Not even news. John Reap. He. Everyone stopped talking about John Reap real quick.

[Mike Cannon]

Nobody's happier about Charlie Kirk.

[Louis J. Gomez]

John Reap called the hit on Charlie Kirk to get all the heat off him.

[Zach Amico]

He's filling this pocket with blueberries right now. He picked the perfect week to get. To get arrested for pedophilia.

[Mike Cannon]

Child reap.

[Zach Amico]

Listen, dude, you're all set. I'm sending over your special.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

Amazing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, yeah, he. I have to. I have to approve it. Bobby said it's finished. And then I was like, bobby, how's it finished? I haven't seen it. There's no way it's actually finished.

[Zach Amico]

No, but he. This way. Lewis Is dumb. It's finished for you to see it, dummy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're finished, you cunt.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you God damn. No, I'm finished. I'm talking to you. And I'm on the morning Zoom Opie and Anthony and freaking Louie. Now I'm talking to you turds. All right, I'm gonna send it over to you. There's a couple things I want to talk to you about, but we'll talk later.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, I'll be in the car in like a half an hour. I'll call you. I love you, buddy.

[Zach Amico]

Bye, Zacky.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The great Robert Kelly.

[Zach Amico]

Congratulations on the special, buddy. All right, so we've decided it was sexual abuse at best, and we are gonna move on. All right, you guys see the surgeon who had. Had his own legs amputated for sexual reasons?

[Mike Cannon]

No, I love that.

[Zach Amico]

Got caught because he. He basically had a fetish for removing shit from himself. I remember there were twin doctors years ago that did experiments on themselves, and they tried cutting one's arm off and giving the other one the arm. And I think this is similar. It's almost like a medical fetish. But this guy got caught basically lying in the paperwork. Shannon.

[Shannon]

Okay, so he was a doctor who actually, like, performed amputations on people also. And what he did was he froze his legs so that he can get them amputated. He claimed it was sepsis, but he actually used dry ice to freeze his legs so that they could remove them and that insurance would cover it. So they did that. But how they ended up catching him is there was a website that he was going on to often where, you know, people fetishized amputations. And they were investigating the guy who ran the website and found out that he had gone on the website multiple times. And that's how they eventually figured out out what he was doing.

[Zach Amico]

And do we have any photos?

[Shannon]

Yes. Hold on.

[Mike Cannon]

Was he doing the amputations himself then?

[Shannon]

He was. He was doing amputations on other people. So then those people were also scared that, like, was he just amputating stuff?

[Zach Amico]

I don't think he'd be conscious, right?

[Mike Cannon]

I didn't think so, but I was.

[Zach Amico]

Just, you know, if he was doing it for insurance to cover it, it would seem.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Zach Amico]

He's double dipping.

[Mike Cannon]

He looks super pumped.

[Zach Amico]

Saving a lot on shoes.

[Mike Cannon]

He's got a Lieutenant Dan fetish.

[Shannon]

And then I have one with his, like, fake legs.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, guys, you ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft, like your coffee is warming your hands, but not doing a damn Thing for your balls or your brain. Well, that's why they created body brain coffee. It's not just coffee. It's coffee with purpose. Specifically testosterone. Packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom and yeah, the bedroom too. And it's not just about testosterone. Body brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity and mood, thanks to lion's mane, ashwagandha and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters in a crash, body brain coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm and locked in, all while supporting your natural tea levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset and your masculinity, it starts with what you put in your cup. Up. And you can save 15% today with the promo code ZOO15Z O [e-mail] that's bodybraincoffee.com promo code ZOO15. Power your day. Fuel your drive. Let's get back into the program. Slither. Can I be honest with you? He wants that conversation piece. So he's so much more interesting with those legs. Then there's any way that guy could be interested?

[Shannon]

He did like several television interviews about it. He does. He like loves the attention from it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean I'll tell you right now, like amputated leg, it's, it's not a deal breaker. I think the, the average guy can get more pussy with an amputated leg than having both of his legs.

[Zach Amico]

I think so too. You're.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Women have like a motherly thing where they want to take care of you. It's such an interesting story. It's like wow. And it's not that freaky. I used to walk it on it.

[Zach Amico]

You're brave. You're. You're, you put up like you've gone through hell and come back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I used to jerk off.

[Zach Amico]

You might be amputee porn. You might be a veteran. You could probably do some stolen valor shit with that.

[Mike Cannon]

100%. What do you mean?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I used to.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Oh yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Porn.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, 100%. With girls.

[Zach Amico]

Girls, yeah. Rotten dot com and shit.

[Mike Cannon]

When you like put the stump in.

[Zach Amico]

They used to have, it was called stump pumpers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They used to have it on everything. They used to have it on all. Like then they, they really cleansed the whole. And thank God, thank God for Charlie Kirk. I think that's the reason. Ye, that and they cleanse a lot of these. But you. You know, porn sites used to be very like, find anything? Rape porn.

[Zach Amico]

The wild west of Internet porn. We had. We had rape.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was a core values.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Racist porn. We. Dude. Old.

[Zach Amico]

Old ladies.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude. And none of that happening. If you want to X videos.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but no, it was. That's like a fetish.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Back then it was like, how gross this old lady is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just realized that porn used to hold true. The legion of skank's core values. Rape, racism, and mental retardation.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's where just like on the front page of x videos.com you'd be like, all right, let me just watch some racist porn now. And it's just Nazi bitches calling black guys the N word.

[Mike Cannon]

No shit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Oh yeah, dude. Oh yeah. Like straight up, like fucking. Yeah. Like KKK porn.

[Mike Cannon]

I'm the least creative porn watcher of all time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Mike Cannon]

Really got to get into this stuff.

[Zach Amico]

It's that.

[Mike Cannon]

I mean, just to just watch.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What's the last thing you watched?

[Mike Cannon]

It's all just like homepage shit. Like, you know, pornhub. Whatever you say, sister.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stepsister. I will say stepsisters. Porn is maybe the greatest thing that's come out in the past 15 years.

[Mike Cannon]

I like it too, because it gives me full fantasy. Because I never had a stepsister. I never had a step family. So just the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That guy can't go up steps. Come on, folks. Yeah, no, I never had a stepsister either, but it is pretty hot. Yeah, stepdaughter. As I'm getting older. That's hot. Stepdaughter's friend.

[Mike Cannon]

The old guys ruin it for me though. Stepdaughter's friend. I do like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

His friend is crazy.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, I do like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Sometimes it'll be like. It's there. It's daughter swap. That's a good one. Daughter swap is great. But then like in the middle of daughter swap, they all get too horned up and they start their own daughters. Like, come on, you're ruining the fantasy. You're not really gonna fuck your daughter.

[Zach Amico]

Come on, guys, be honest. Just butt plug her up and move on. What do you think the long term repercussions of the poop plug story are? Obviously now you know your mom's crazy. Sure. You never gotta have.

[Mike Cannon]

You never trust another home remedy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Chicken soup. You throw it in their face.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, you just like not turning me into a.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You would just feel. You would feel empty at all times. As soon as that's removed, if you Wore it for long enough like.

[Zach Amico]

Like it would feel like an absence of something rather than regular.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, dude, it's like a phantom limb.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So I feel bad for that.

[Mike Cannon]

Do you think you, like. You like, it falls like your sphincter isn't strong enough to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Actually, no, that's probably stronger because it's been holding in that butt plug. It's probably exercising the sphincter.

[Mike Cannon]

So it's like Kegels for your ass as a child.

[Zach Amico]

You really don't. I think you might be. Have. You might be existing at a higher gauge than other.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're gaped and opened at all times.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You might lose. You might. Every once in a while, one might sneak out on you.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, that's the thing. You can't trust. Like, you know, we can trust some farts, but the older you get, you can trust less. And it's like when you have. That, you can trust 0% of farts. So every time you fart, you have to be sitting on a toilet.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We could just trust our farts.

[Mike Cannon]

I know.

[Zach Amico]

I was. I was getting changed on a hotel bed yesterday, and I gotta let you know, I trusted a fart. And, man, that. That. That maid got a 20 tip. My wife.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's it.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She had to clean your.

[Zach Amico]

No, I just. I left the streak on the fucking white pad. Nice. So I just. I just balled up the sheets and threw them in the corner.

[Mike Cannon]

It's fine. They pick them up with salad tongs. It's fine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's no Zach's. Like, what's that?

[Mike Cannon]

Are they the same ones to pick up gummy worms?

[Zach Amico]

That's a scoop. That's different. I only eat foods that come in scoops. All right. Keeping it moving. Oh, let's. Let's look at a weird dude. Man has finger growing out of his arm.

[Mike Cannon]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, no, that's not real.

[Zach Amico]

That looks real to me, buddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I don't know how you fake that. I mean, I'm sure you could fake it, but not in that. In that. Wherever they are.

[Mike Cannon]

It looks like he swallowed a tarantula and it crawled down his arm.

[Zach Amico]

Let me see it again. My question is, can it roll a cigarette?

[Mike Cannon]

Is that a nail at the end of it?

[Zach Amico]

There's.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't think this is real, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Ew, that sucks. That does look like AI to me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That doesn't look like AI, but it almost looks like weird. It looks like bad special effects, like practical effects.

[Zach Amico]

It looks like there's a guy behind a curtain. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It looks like he'd be in a fucking trauma movie.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, no, I feel like that's real.

[Shannon]

So I. I did look it up online, and the. I was trying to find if there was any other mention of this anywhere, and there wasn't. And then it said online that there isn't any, like, any evidence that this is real.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that's on me.

[Shannon]

It says that, like, extra fingers are usually on the hand.

[Zach Amico]

Well, Zach gets fooled.

[Mike Cannon]

I mean, that could also just be, like, some sort of tumor. But the weird thing, it had, like, autonomy, like, it was moving on its own.

[Zach Amico]

We were talking about stolen valor, dude. My fucking friend made me laugh. So he's one of the wrestlers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Two more knuckles I could crack would rule. Yeah, I love cracking knuckles so much, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Especially one on your elbow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hell, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The last one, the satisfying one, I was with one of my wrestler buddies, Jeeves wrestler for jcw, and he's missing his pinky. It's just clean off. And I go, what happened? He goes, I lost it in Afghanistan. So immediately you're like, oh, thank you.

[Mike Cannon]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

And I'm like, what happened? He's like, yeah. You know, meds had to take it. I'm like, okay. He goes, I broke it playing soccer. He broke his finger playing soccer. They put a cast on it, and it healed wrong, so it was just hanging off his hand this way. And they were like, we can fix it, but you're never gonna be able to put your hand in your pocket again. And it's always gonna hang loose and you can't move it. So do you want to?

[Louis J. Gomez]

And this guy's the king of looking casual.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. He's great at it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's like, no, dude, I need to. I need to just be a cool guy. Leaned up against the wall with my hand in my pocket. Give up your pocket. What are you doing?

[Mike Cannon]

So the right side show.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So he got his. They were like, oh, we can just cut it off, I guess. And they cut it off, and they offered him a purple heart. Wow. Because he lost a body part at war, and he wouldn't take it. Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

It came from one of the local.

[Zach Amico]

Women, and he's like, man, I should have done it. I would have gotten so much more in benefits if I had that fucking purple heart.

[Mike Cannon]

They offered me 100%.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why didn't he take the purple heart?

[Zach Amico]

He felt he was all military at the time, and he felt that it was disrespectful to the other people who really lost limbs in battle.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So well, he was playing, like, a military soccer game.

[Zach Amico]

They were playing soccer, like, at the base. Around.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just fucking around. Oh, wow, that's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like that's half the injuries.

[Louis J. Gomez]

People that has a Purple Heart just from living.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like that's half the injuries people come back for. Like, don't they say, like, when we won the first Gulf War, that they were just crazy, like, Final Destination deaths? Because you can't have that many people in an area and not have, like, people die, right? So, like, refrigerators were falling on people and shit. That's wild because there's, like. If there's whatever, you know, 20,000 people in an event, like, somebody's gonna die or something, like, you know, somebody's gonna have a heart attack in the marathon no matter what. And they said, yeah, just that amount of.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Many people. Some of those Jews at Auschwitz just died of fucking slipped in the shower.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Natural causes. There's probably a lot of, like, there's probably.

[Zach Amico]

Don't drop the soaps. Yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They say. They say 6 million, but how many of them were actually gassed? There's a great AI thing. This shit fucking really tickled my pickle. It was. It was like, essentially like a pizza shop, right? And it's like a news story being like, this pizza shop says that they're going to make 6 million pizzas over the course of this many years. And it's like, everyone keeps on coming on. It's like, it's impossible to make that many pizzas. The ovens aren't big enough. It's so fucking well made. Made. It was really, really fucking brilliant. So good.

[Zach Amico]

I would. Did you see the pizza shop? Was it in Jersey? They got caught having the SS stickers on the oven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They went in to confront them, and I don't think they knew or they did. And, like, I'll be honest, I think that's probably great pizza. Like, do you go to the. Do you go to the cheesesteak place that's like, yay, yay, everyone. Or do you go to the one that's like, speak English. We both know the speak English one's better.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I miss the time where you could just fucking. I just let. Like, I almost. I want my Italians to be a little bit racist.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, I don't want them to be all kumbaya and welcoming gays. If you're a gay guy, the Italians don't want you in the pizza shop.

[Zach Amico]

They used to say, kumbay.

[Mike Cannon]

I was trying to figure that out.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. A little Less Kumbaya and a little more Anthony. Kumbaya.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anthony. Kumbaya's pizza. Oh, fuck me, dude.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we're gonna keep it moving. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Small Batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Hey, friends, listen. Having a nice wine, fancy cheeses, cigars, that's some real adult stuff. Stuff that I'm not too familiar with myself, but it's great to have when you have people over. And Small Batch Cigar is your spot for all the best cigars. They have free shipping on every order, and almost every order arrives within two to three days in the continental United States. It comes with the Boveda pack. So everything's super fresh with the most thorough packaging in the industry. They have an amazing selection of rare, limited, and hard to find cigars. And you earn 5% rewards points instantly. So you're going to want to go to smallback cigar.com today. And most people click the new button first to shop the newest arrivals. And if you use our discount code, GAS10. That's GAS10. You get 10% off plus 5% rewards points. That's right, guys. Promo code GAS10 for 10% off at small Batch Cigar. Check it out. Let's get back into the show. All right, here's a fun video. FBI agent Scott Payne on how he faked taking cocaine when a suspect held shotgun to him. This guy's badass. I've been watching a bunch of his shit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just do it. You don't need to fake it, bro.

[Zach Amico]

You had a situation where a guy pulled a shotgun out on you and made you sniff a line of cocaine.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Almost sniff a line of cocaine. He. Yeah, right.

[Zach Amico]

Allegedly.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

I did not do the cocaine. Good gravy. How many times I've had to say that?

[Zach Amico]

This is what Jay thinks he looks like now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, Jay's better looking than this guy.

[Zach Amico]

Keep it going, Shannon.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

But yes, one of the guys, he was a relative of some cops. He ended up being one of the main guys I infiltrated to get into these groups. And this is the thing. I broke my own rule, really. I underestimated. Or I got lax. Because here I am in a trailer, I'm talking to some backwoods kind of hillbilly types. A lot of them are missing all their teeth, but they're still savvy. And I did a thing. I was doing what I'd normally do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

In the dose, salivating.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Because I bought drugs.

[Zach Amico]

That's how they break down.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The last time I was there, and.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

They tested very weak. So if I'm A true drug dealer. And I sold that. Somebody comes back and goes, that wasn't worth a crap. Well, then I'm going to come back and say that to you. So I didn't realize that everybody had left the trailer except him and his girlfriend and me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh my God. Nobody wants to listen to a cop tell a story. Jesus Christ.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Shotgun, hammers cocked back. And he told me, he said, if I find out you the law, you a dead man. You hear me? And he repeated it. If I find out you the law, you a dead man. I said, I ain't no damn cop. Are you a cop, man? No, right? And we were talking dope and I said, yeah, that stuff, that's the same.

[Mike Cannon]

Defense as a story.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Wars.

[Zach Amico]

I'm not.

[Mike Cannon]

What are you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's you. I think you're the cop. I think he. I think he's gay. So he's probably a cop.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

It wasn't worth the crap. And he said, well, this isn't, this is good stuff. Now I let him put me in a corner. Now I'm sitting on the couch. He's got the shotgun right next to him. He told me he'd kill me if I'm. I'm a dead man if he finds out I'm a cop. And now he's telling me to do it. Now my story is I don't do dope anymore. I don't. I used to do a ton. I used to do cocaine all the time. I'm a former power lifter. It's not too far from the truth because, I mean, I was, I was taking all the over the counter speed stuff like hydroxy cuts, everything else. Ephedrine, or ephedrine, however you want to say it. I said, I don't do it anymore.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because panic attack, the point, do some.

[Zach Amico]

Coke and get better at stories.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

So he's holding this bag now. Now I'm at the point to where I've let him put me in a corner. I'm leaning as far back on the couch as I can. There's an open bag of cocaine, maybe an ounce, right here, right here. And he's going, just. Just do it, man, do it. If you ain't a cop, just do it. Shotguns right here next to him. Forgot to mention his red bone hound. Mean as a hornet's nest, man, I don't know why that thing was so mean.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is this cock? What is he talking about?

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

I could feel the heat on my crotch, my privates of it going, growling.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I'm like leaning back, going, how I'm up next. I'm going.

[Zach Amico]

I can't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, man.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Right, Yeah, I know. That dog got socks on his front post. All right, look, I'm an FBI agent. I'm out. That's what I said at that point. This case is done. Yeah, I'm an undercover.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You got me.

[Zach Amico]

I give up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I gotta hear the end of it.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Please, man.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

We're trying to stay five moves ahead in our.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

And art. So, you know, we all. I always like to say we only get one take.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not his night.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

So he's holding this thing in my pocket.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's like Tony Hincliffe's one shot, available on Netflix.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

I don't do it anymore. And I said, I got a heart condition. And he said, his girlfriend apparently worked on the rescue squad, which is voluntary, bless her heart, but she didn't have but about two or three teeth in her head. And he's like, she sold this cocaine to so and so on the squad today. He's got a heart problem. He did it and he's fine. And I'm thinking, well. Well, I'm not using her as my go to.

[Zach Amico]

Plus whether I really thought he was gonna be like, well, she's a medic. If you go into cardiac. Instead, she was like, she sold it to a guy at work.

[Mike Cannon]

He too had a hard problem.

[Zach Amico]

This story stinks.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

I'm gonna die or not. I mean, if we just want to start with normal hygiene, we're out.

[Zach Amico]

I don't.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

I'm not trusting her. I don't give it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God, he's making another cop laugh. Jesus Christ.

[Mike Cannon]

No, that's Vlad tv. Right? This is. This guy left this interview being like, I'm doing a one man show absolutely destroyed in there.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Then just taste it. If you ain't a cop, just taste it. And I'm saying, no, no, no. And it's in my face and I'm like, okay, is this your effing Now? I start getting agitated and pissed. I'm like, is this your test? Is this what you want? Is this what you want? Okay. And I basically just did a slide. I hand had a big bushy beard at the time. I went in with my finger and made a sleight of hand, but I never ingested anything. It never went in. But I'll tell you what, he pulled.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Out balloons out of his mouth.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

At least the way I put it.

[Zach Amico]

In my fake thumb.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Deteriorating situation.

[Zach Amico]

That I carry with me in case of such an occasion.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Abracadabra situation is deteriorating.

[FBI Agent Scott Payne]

Deteriorating and you can't be aware of it. That's a bad thing. That'll get you kicked out of the undercover school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And also just do the cocaine. What a fun excuse to do cocaine.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he made me. He had a gun on me. What do you want me to do?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I wanted to. Somebody gave us cocaine this past weekend and it was, it was the most tempted I've ever been to do cocaine in. I mean, since I stopped doing cocaine. Like, it was like somebody gave it to me and I was like, fuck. I was like, here, Chris Vega, take it away from me.

[Zach Amico]

That's a good way to get rid of it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I know some dude gave me cocaine and yeah, it was the first episode because I don't have anything. So I, Somebody had cocaine before the special. What were you doing? We did something where there was coke. Was it a bachelor party or something? I don't remember. But I was tempted then too. But I had my special coming up, so I was like, I literally can't because I get a sty every time I do cocaine. So I couldn't get a sty like for my special. So. But that was the most tempted I've been in, I mean, years.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you're in Maine. Yeah, that's the spot to do that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. But where's great food's? Dude, the food in Maine.

[Zach Amico]

Seafood means killer doggy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's a place I'm gonna send you is the comedy.

[Zach Amico]

Did the lobster guy come back?

[Mike Cannon]

Oh please.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Lobster guy didn't come, which was depressing. But there was a place that I went to called Eventide. Eventide Oyster Bar. Doggy. No doggy. I'm in. No, the guy's a fan. Like who, who works there. They hooked us the up. Like we ordered lobster rolls and you know, a clam chowder.

[Mike Cannon]

Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And a bunch of oysters. They, they just kept on coming out with all these like amazing like off menu dishes. That was. Dude, it was bonkers. It was maybe some of the best seafood ever had. Best clam chowder I've ever had up there with like the top five lobster rolls I've ever had.

[Mike Cannon]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So good. And I love a lobster roll.

[Zach Amico]

Oh yeah. Well, I mean we're lobster, but we have lobster. We have a guy that's a lobster fisherman.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That just comes to me with a cooler of caught that morning lobster.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We stop at like 7:11 and just grab butter packets and microwave them. We're just in the car.

[Zach Amico]

I, I, I went and bought a big cooler and put ice in the Hotel. And then we stopped halfway to the ride and bought more ice. Yeah, dude, my buddy did a lobster Mac and cheese with Grier and he put the entire.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, Greer Barnes was there.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, Greer Barnes. It's. It's Mac that really got me. It's Mac and cheese with the sound effects. And, dude, we made like, he. He had to put, like, two straight pounds of lobster meat in this Mac and cheese. Oh, Lou just ate at the hotel like an animal.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on. Amy Winehouse, baby. Daddy says Lewis is like, what could I have just lied about Shannon? Time out. Amy Winehouse, baby. We got what? How much time is left in the show, Zach?

[Zach Amico]

Two minutes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're rapping.

[Zach Amico]

Kick him out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Time him out for 24 hours. He's not going to be in the chat tonight. During story wars that. What could I be lying about? That I went to a restaurant in Maine? Where is the lie? It's not an unbelievable story. What are you talking about?

[Zach Amico]

Wonder how bad these people's lives are when you're like, hey, I found a penny today. Hey, bragging, braggin, bragging.

[Mike Cannon]

There's no way that type of wealth befalls anybody.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we're gonna look at one more thing before we get out of here. Man gets cut in half by forklifting.

[Mike Cannon]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

True to the spirit of the show. This is post. So, yeah, he's in the hospital. He made it.

[Mike Cannon]

This is the mo. The walk hard moment.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They should have called it a knife lift. You know what I'm saying?

[Zach Amico]

Lauren are married tick tockers who share their she's pretty hot social media platform with a twist. Lauren only has half a body after suffering a freak forklift accident. He had a hemicorporectomy, which is where the body is amputated below the waist, including the legs, pelvis, and genitalia.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No dick, or I jump out.

[Zach Amico]

Which I would have been able to jump out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just kill me around my leg as. Just kill me already.

[Zach Amico]

Like, she was conscious throughout the whole.

Accident, but then split me right in half. It just crushed every bone for my toe us down pretty much.

[Mike Cannon]

Does he have his dick, like, strapped to his stomach?

[Zach Amico]

No, he's got nothing. I think.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How is he. How was he able to make light of the situation? He tells better stories in the com.

[Mike Cannon]

They're both tik tockers. This is a dream come true for her. Like, this is immediate hero Hope Core.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, she is. It's a nightmare for her.

[Mike Cannon]

No, she's not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Having to wake up next to this body. Every day is genuinely hell. For her.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Watching him army crawl soup. Can I eat your.

Laughing along as he retells the story.

They didn't know if I was going.

[Louis J. Gomez]

To bleed out or not.

[Zach Amico]

The pair, who are now married, have over 830,000 followers on Tik Tok. His strength makes me ashamed of the petty things I complain about often in life. Commented one fan on their story.

Your boy got cut now. Oh, I hate that she has to hold them like those half zombie puppets that people bring out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean just. At what point do you want to just die? You want to die, right?

[Zach Amico]

No dick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, no dick.

[Mike Cannon]

I mean no legs. You're literally roll. You're a rolling bag of organs.

[Zach Amico]

He's an arm. Yeah, he's an arm and a torso.

[Mike Cannon]

He's like the thing on that guy's elbow.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean what do you do?

[Zach Amico]

Break dance? Yeah. I think that's your. That's your option.

[Mike Cannon]

Go on one of those scoots on the train and sing I have no legs.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

That's kind of the only other way.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I'm sure if he got it at work, he got crazy workers comp. Right. Forklift accident. Who knows?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maybe.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe I know a guy that had 2 million because he fell through a fucking floor and it wasn't me. I know a guy that got 2.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Million floors every week constantly.

[Zach Amico]

I fell through the stairs here.

[Mike Cannon]

Zach's house looks like the apartment at home.

[Zach Amico]

Alone too. Yeah. No, I know some of the construction carpenter job.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just, I. And this. It's sad for this guy. Obviously. It's. I would just feel like I am a burden on everybody in my life. I feel like I'm freaking out. My kids, friends, you know, just. It's just, you know, at one and then you have all this money from it probably. You know, I would just kill myself. I would. And I'm not saying this. This guy shouldn't kill himself obviously if he's happy and making you know, a happy. I'm just saying for me personally, I just don't know that I could be. Be dickless.

[Zach Amico]

It would be tough, I think.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No. To put a butt plug.

[Mike Cannon]

He has a kid.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think he was with a kid.

[Mike Cannon]

Yeah, he was with a kid.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I think the only thing you could do if you're that up is be like the most successful Walking Dead extra. Yeah.

[Mike Cannon]

Or full time haunted house.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Where they're like, we're gonna put a couple.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know they do with like David Blaine and Chris Angel. They have like half people that are part of like a lot of illusions. Yeah. It's like you have a very. You can go work with the circus.

[Mike Cannon]

Magician's assistant.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, magician's assistant. You could. He could be.

[Zach Amico]

Wouldn't it be funny if they saw him in half but the other way every night? Like we're gonna saw. He just comes out. They're like, boo. They're like, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That'S wild.

[Zach Amico]

The guy in the first Toxic Avenger that, that robs the Mexican place, and he has, like a switchblade. He has one arm. And there was a thing in trouble movies to hire people missing an arm for arm rips. And they would just put the fake arm on the nub. So he comes in and they're like, wouldn't it be funny if we ripped off the other arm? So he's got a very obvious perspective.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So funny.

[Zach Amico]

And then they rip off the other arm and he's just got it in his jacket.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's hilarious. That's very funny. Yeah, dude. I mean, just any sort of accident. I mean, I used to.

[Mike Cannon]

Any sort of accident.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If I stubbed my toe too hard, I think about killing myself. Are you kidding me, dude? I scream the N word at my table and then I go, I gotta go. This is it.

[Zach Amico]

It is mahogany.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The amount that I say the N word, like, out of real anger, I really do. But it's never two black people.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's always when I trip over the cat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anything. Anything. Well, my cat's name is Nigger. To be honest with you. I didn't HP Lovecraft style. That's what I named my cat.

[Zach Amico]

There was a great meme the other day that was like. It was a guy introduced because this is my cat Lavarius. And they went, blackest cat name ever. And then it was just H.P. lovecraft with his cat stand with, like, evil music.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, I, I, I couldn't even imagine having to deal with that. No. Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

You gotta fall out of bed. It's gonna be a bird showering. Like, you gotta have, like a swing.

[Mike Cannon]

Unless your whole house is slime so.

[Zach Amico]

You don't fall in like Mr. Burns.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It could be fall fun. If you Lived in a McDonald's fun room, it would actually be a pretty fun life.

[Shannon]

I'm not sure if you guys saw this, but he also is missing one arm.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shannon]

He just has the one arm and he was feeded. He has a prosthetic, though, at least for the arm.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, good. They wouldn't want to freak people out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would want. I. It would be kind of fun. Like he. He's he's kind of like. You remember Crang from the Ninja Turtles? He's like a little. Just a blob they should put him in a zap neck size creature in his stomach.

[Zach Amico]

Follow me out when you get your.

[Mike Cannon]

Kid a superhero balloon for his birthday and then a week later it's just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. In the corner up man. God bless him. God bless his soul for having the the the. And his chick's pretty hot too. God bless her.

[Zach Amico]

Can we see her real quick?

[Louis J. Gomez]

If. I mean I. I'm single now but if I dated a girl and she got halved by mar mind.

[Zach Amico]

Well with your ex witch. All right, call it a day. Thank you guys so much. Please follow my guests Louis J. Gomez and Mike Cannon. And we will see you this Wednesday here on the Morning zoo. Thank you so much. Goodbye. Go chug it down just like the favorite ob and join the crew. It's a miko morning too. It's a Miko Morning 2.