0049. Pete Angelo and Tristan Bowling

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo – Episode 0049

Guests: Pete Angelo, Tristan Bowling
Date: October 3, 2025
Podcast: GaS Digital Network
Duration: ~67 minutes (content section)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo is classic morning chaos, blending irreverent humor with twisted tales from wrestling, travel, and personal encounters. Zac is joined by comedians Pete Angelo and Tristan Bowling for wild riffs on deathmatch wrestling, fat-shaming on airplanes, America’s shrinking airline seats, Gary Busey’s legal saga, swinging parents, OnlyFans hustles, and internet hoaxes. As always, nothing is sacred and every topic spirals into sharp-edged banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest Introductions and Upcoming Shows

• [00:34-02:27]
  • Zac warmly introduces Pete Angelo and Tristan Bowling, noting their comedy backgrounds and promoting their upcoming shows (Skankfest, Rogue Island Comedy Festival, Oakland Comedy Festival, Juggalo Championship Wrestling).
  • Quote:

    "It’s the morning Zoo with your other boy, the international superstar, Zach Amico... Love you both very much." (01:02, Zac)

---

2. Deathmatch Wrestling: Horror and Humor

• [03:45-14:46]
  • Pete shares his experience doing comedy and a no-ring wrestling match, leading to a deep dive into deathmatch wrestling culture.
  • Tournament of Death stories: rain mixing with blood, glass shards embedded in skin, and the necessary post-match cleaning rituals.
  • Notable characters mentioned: Paul Walter Hauser, Madman Pondo, Tarzan Duran, Mickey Knuckles, Schlack.
  • Vivid details about wrestling injuries:
    Quote:

    "And I talked to the winner the next day… and he just wrote back like, 'I got skinned alive.'" (05:10, Zac)
    "If you heal over them [glass], they're stuck in you. You gotta take a razorblade and take them out." (10:36, Zac)

  • Laughing and cringing about rolling in tacks and barbed wire, the differing pain thresholds for wrestlers, and the psychological barriers of certain injuries.

---

3. Viral News: High School Football Injury

• [16:14-19:44]
  • They react to a viral video of a high school player allegedly breaking another’s spine with a “body splash” move.
  • Healthy skepticism about the validity of the claim (possible lawsuit angle), mixed with personal anecdote:
    Quote:

    "I took one of those on concrete from King Jeter... and I thought I shit my pants." (18:18, Zac)

  • The crew tries to reconstruct how the injury occurred and whether the force was really sufficient.

---

4. Airplane Woes and Fat-Shaming Saga

• [19:56-32:02]
  • Segment on comedian Guy Branum’s claim he was elbowed on a flight for being "too fat," sparking a larger discussion about body size, airline design, and passenger etiquette.
  • The group reflects on their own travel experiences as large men, the humiliation of being moved for airplane "balance," and the impossibility of fitting into shrinking airline seats.
  • Memorable exchange:

    "They said, 'Sir, the plane is a little off balance. Can we move you to a different section?'" (24:30, Zac)
    "We're aiming for Chicago. We're about to hit... If you could just slowly start falling asleep the other way." (24:36-24:39, Tristan)

  • Both compassion and mockery for all parties involved; debate on whether the real blame lies with airlines and their profit motives.

---

5. Airline Nostalgia and Space for the Past

• [29:47-30:53]
  • Zac requests old-time airline photos; the crew marvels at how spacious and luxurious flying used to be versus today’s cattle-car conditions.
    Quote:

    "Have you ever seen pictures of old-timey flights from the 40s and 50s? ...There’s a full Thanksgiving dinner they’re carving as they go down the aisle." (29:47, Zac)

---

6. Gary Busey’s Sentencing and “The Sausage Castle”

• [35:32-40:08]
  • Shannon reports on Gary Busey’s sentencing for groping charges (two years probation, declining mental health cited).
  • A tangent leads to Mike Busey (Gary’s nephew) and “The Sausage Castle,” a wild party compound in Florida featuring parties, wrestling, and purported debauchery.
    Quote (on Gary):

    "To be fair, the gremlin told him to do it, because there’s no way he’s conscious." (35:53, Pete)
    Quote (on Mike Busey):
    "That does look like you... if there was a douchebag machine with a picture of Guy Fieri on the side." (38:52, Zac)

---

7. Wildest House Parties and Darker Tales

• [40:18-42:24]
  • Zac recounts a harrowing night in a Juggalo “flop house,” featuring pajama-clad women, rushed drug buys, and a desperate, timed bathroom break during a drug deal.
    Quote:

    “...I had to buy drugs and then pee in under 45 seconds.” (41:42, Zac)

---

8. The Stepmom-Teen Sex Scandal

• [42:40-44:46, 58:10 onward]
  • News story: A nurse is caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old stepson, after smoking weed, gaming, and watching “Terrifier.”
  • Group debates the psychology and aftermath, with darkly comic takes on the sordid elements.
    Quote (parodying the kid's experience):

    "This kid got high, played some video games, popped on Terrifier and fucked his stepmom. Dude, what a day." (43:35, Zac)

---

9. OnlyFans, Nudes, and Odd Fan Encounters

• [45:17-47:23; 49:09-51:03]
  • Pete shares a story about being asked to sign a nude photo by a fan, leading to a conversation about monetizing nudes and male OnlyFans experiences.
  • Tristan jokes about posting his own, and Pete explains the odd price of casual Grindr hookups.
    Quote:

    "I have a following that really likes this type of dude that I am. Why am I not making money?" (47:09, Pete)
    "Watching someone open the gay grinder apps… It's so location based, not personality based." (49:07, Zac)

---

10. Hidden Sex Lives and Swinger Signals

• [53:23-56:18]
  • Amusing tales about friends/parents being discovered on FetLife, hints of swinging among parents, and decoding the meaning of pineapple tattoos and cruise door magnets as “invitations” in the swinging scene.
    Quote:

    "I’m almost positive my parents are swingers… The wives are always sitting on the lap of the other husband." (53:54, Pete)
    "Are you in the lifestyle? I go, no… I don’t want to do this anymore." (55:14, Zac, on pineapple tattoo misinterpretation)

  • Tristan describes seeing pineapples on cruise doors; Zac elaborates on “the lifestyle” signaling.

---

11. Openness and Monogamy in Relationships

• [57:07-58:03]
  • Brief, honest reflections about swinging, open relationships, and what each host/guest thinks they could or couldn’t “handle” in their own relationships.
    Quote:

    "I just want my parents to fuck each other forever, and that’s it." (54:41, Tristan)

---

12. Internet Hoaxes: “Big Girl Worst Date Ever”

• [59:54-66:13]
  • Zac brings up a World Star Hip Hop video: a filtered woman tells a story about being deprived of food on a date. The panel debates whether it’s real or “content farming” (staged for laughs/views).
    Quote:

    "This is not content farming, this is the dumbest lady in the world." (63:17, Zac)

  • Shannon chimes in with a reality check:
    Quote:

    "Do you think that a black lady is gonna sit and never say anything to the waitress about her food not coming?" (65:09, Shannon)

  • The gang cracks up at their gullibility and the logic holes in internet tall tales.

---

13. Comedy Sign-Off

• [67:11-end]
  • The episode wraps with gratitude for the guests, laughter about being outwitted by internet pranksters, and cheerful banter with the producers.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On wrestling glass injuries:

  "If you heal over them, they're stuck in you. And you either then gotta take a razor blade and take ‘em out.” (10:36, Zac)

• On being moved for airplane balance:

  “They said, ‘Sir, the plane is a little off balance. Can we move you?’...Really, really humiliating.” (24:30, Zac)

• On OnlyFans nudes:

  "I have a following that really likes this type. The type of dude that I am. Why am I not making money?" (47:09, Pete)

• On content farming/fake internet stories:

  “Her name is Phoenicia now…You’ve schooled me so perfectly…Yes, I am stupid. I have been fooled by the Internet again.” (65:26–65:52, Zac)

• On Zac’s pineapple tattoo:

  “Now every once in a while...I will have a, let’s call it not great couple, walk up to me and be like, ‘So are you in the lifestyle?’” (55:14, Zac)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:45] — Deathmatch wrestling stories
• [16:14] — News: Football injury via “body splash”
• [19:56] — Guy Branum airplane elbow/fat shaming saga
• [29:47] — Airline nostalgia: flights of the past
• [35:32] — Gary Busey sentencing; Sausage Castle tangent
• [42:40] — Stepmom-stepson sex scandal
• [45:17] — Pete gets asked to autograph his nude
• [49:09] — Grindr/OnlyFans: modern dating and hustling
• [53:54] — Realizations about swinger parents/pineapple symbolism
• [59:54] — World Star story: “Big girl shares details about her worst date ever” (content farming vs. reality)

---

Tone and Style

The episode’s tone is chaotic, raucous, unfiltered, and self-deprecating—with hosts and guests riffing freely across taboos, indulging in dark humor, and never sparing themselves from the joke. The camaraderie is punctuated by confessions, critiques of internet culture, and gleefully inappropriate asides.

---

Summary for New Listeners

If you missed the episode, expect a freewheeling whirlwind: the gory underbelly of deathmatch wrestling, relatable (and squirm-inducing) tales of travel as a “person of size,” absurdist takes on viral news and modern sexuality, and running gags about family secrets and internet scamsters. The mix of comedians and B-movie misfits keeps the mood energetic, unpredictable, and gleefully off-color throughout.

No sacred cows, no topic too wild, and all delivered with brutal honesty and relentless humor.

Transcript

[A]

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go Zach Amico's got a show Animals are here to play Choke some guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the cre.

[B]

It's.

[A]

A miko morning too well, hello, hello, hello. It's a fun day. It's a Monday. That's right. Here we are at the Gas Digital Network. It's the morning Zoo with your other boy, the international superstar, Zach Amico. That's right. And I am joined by two wonderful gentlemen, guys who I love very much. I think they're very funny, very talented, very handsome, and I love hanging out with them. From the Modern Apes podcast, it's you and I's a wonderful friend, Tristan Bowling.

[B]

Howdy. Howdy.

[A]

How you doing, dude?

[B]

Doing good. Excited to be here.

[A]

Thank you very much for being here. And next to him making a New York City appearance in his very busy life, it is our great friend, Pete Angelo. How you doing, dog? Hello.

[C]

So good to be here as always.

[A]

Thank you for being here, man. Absolutely pumped to have you guys here. Love you both very much. Let's get plugs out of the way. Hit that plug. Music core. Hey, Tracy, what do you want people to check out?

[B]

I'm going to be visiting Austin the 9th through the 14th. Hopefully going to be doing some shows out there. Probably maybe a kill Tony. I don't know if I have his current number then gonna be doing Skankfest. Super pumped about that. Yeah, pretty much that. Check out my Instagram, my podcast, all that jazz.

[A]

Very sick, Mr. Angelo.

[C]

The 9th and the 11th, I'll be back in Jersey doing shows. The 10th, I'll be at the Rogue Island Comedy Festival. And then the 17th and the 18th, I'll be in San Francisco headlining the San Francisco Eagle, the Barrison Street Fair, and then performing at the Oakland Comedy Festival.

[A]

Very, very sick. If you guys want to see me live, go to my Instagram at Zack is not funny. And you don't have to pull it up right now, but you go to my punch up live, Zach Amico, and you'll have all my future dates. And I am back on the road at the end of the month with Juggalo Championship Wrestling. So you can come hang out on all those. It'll be wrestling and ICPS playing. It'll be super fun. Also, if you're watching and you Love the show. And we know you do. Go to gas digital.com today. The new Gas Digital, they're still updating that puppy. And use the promo code zoo. And you get yourself a little bit of money off your subscription. You get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the live chat, you get the archives. That's right, thousands of episodes of all your favorite Gas Digital shows. And most importantly, you get the bonus episode. We do three of these a week and only the Monday and Wednesday go out to Stitcher, YouTube, like iTunes like that. So if you want that Friday show, you gotta subscribe. Promo code Zoo. And thank you so much. However you consume the program, first things first, we gotta talk to my, my good friend Pete here. We're just telling, telling me about having. Doing stand up and a no ring match, correct?

[C]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

And I was so horrified by the last Tournament of death. Did you see the fucking ring? Yeah, yeah, I rained so they have this thing torn. They have Death match tournaments?

[B]

Yeah. Isn't there like that one really like high up Hollywood actor who just does death match tournaments and like almost broke his neck?

[C]

Well, there's Paul Walter Hauser who doesn't tell. I don't want to say do his death match, but he goes.

[A]

Yeah, he does goes. He does? Yeah, he does. Hardcore.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then there's the guy from A24.

[C]

Oh, that's right, the guy, he's filming a documentary doc.

[A]

But then he had a match.

[C]

He had him. Did he. Was he a wrestler before?

[A]

I think he trained for the doc.

[C]

For the doc. That's crazy. Yeah, because I'm not doing matches.

[A]

Uh, so they, they do. There's a number of tournaments, but one of the big ones is Tournament of Death. Ccw, right?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

And it rained about halfway through. Halfway through. Dude, the ring looks like Hellraiser.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because the blood and the water like mixed. So it's just. They're wrestling in what looks like a pool of blood. Of just blood.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

It fucking. And I talked to the winner the next day.

[C]

You talked to Schl.

[A]

Yeah, Schlack. Schlackington. Mr. Mr. Schlackington himself. And I was like, how do you feel? And he just wrote back like, I got skinned alive.

[C]

I mean, hey, there is no God only slack.

[A]

You know what? Let's. Let's start the day off in a fun thing. Shannon, can you look up Tournament of Death highlights from last year and find if. I'm sure it'll be set to a song or something. And we Just put another song over it or something because I went, I.

[C]

Went the year before.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

If you're a wrestling.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

You don't have to be a wrestling fan. Tournament death is so fun and it gets.

[A]

The ante is upped pretty frequently. Oh my.

[C]

It's insane because like last year's was nuts. This year's was like they even added more people to it.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And it was like longer and bloodier than I think I've ever seen.

[B]

That's insane.

[C]

It's. And like all. I mean, I know Dread went to the hospital. It just, just cuts down his back.

[A]

Yeah, here we go.

[C]

This was the year I went.

[B]

That's how.

[A]

So that's our friend. That's my. That's our good friend Tarzan. That's Madman Pondo, Tarzan Duran.

[C]

You might actually see me in the front.

[A]

And yeah, these are. This is. And by the way, this is. What time would you say in the day?

[C]

This is 2 in the afternoon, 10 noon.

[A]

Like this is the open. This is how we're.

[C]

This was the first match of the day.

[A]

Yeah. This is how we're. We're starting things up. You're saying do you want to put it on something like speed and put it on like two, two times speed or something.

[C]

He does JCW a lot.

[A]

Yeah. Tarzan works with us quite frequently.

[C]

I met him.

[A]

Honda works with us. This is Judge. Judge looks shocking like Big J Okerson.

[B]

And the last guy looked exactly like Tom.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I thought that was Tom.

[C]

I was, you know, I was supposed to fight in. In when Circle six came to Austin. I ended up having a match and they booked me as a stand up. But then they had Luigi Primo and Santa Chiva hack on me about a minute and then I challenged him to a fight with Casanova as my partner. The original plan was for me and Cass to fight Dread and Necro Butcher.

[A]

Fuck that. So that's Big fucking Joe. That's his real name.

[B]

Big fucking Joe.

[A]

The guy in the shirt is Big fucking Joe.

[C]

Just wrestles in tighty white.

[B]

That is a good look.

[A]

It's a pretty solid. And the bloodier he gets, the more he looks terrifying.

[B]

Yeah. Because right now he looks like, like a girl said, I'm going to go put on something more comfortable and put on your shirt.

[A]

Yeah, like she's trying to be sexy still. I think it's the black rubber gloves with it. But now. Yeah, now it's starting to get you.

[C]

By the way covered.

[A]

It's now three.

[C]

Maybe it's by the act, probably 3pm did you see when J.J. allen comes and he came in again this year.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

With a car on fire.

[A]

Yeah. J.J. allen, another friend of ours, he also does. What is it? POR is the name of the show.

[C]

That's one of my. That's one of my. That's my first like booked wrestling show with por.

[A]

And so they do like stunt shows too. And he. Hey, it's my girlfriend, Mickey Knuckles.

[C]

There's J.J. you can see me flip the car with him later.

[A]

Yeah. This year he came in on a. He got hit by a car on fire.

[C]

Yep. Well, he. One of his boys, actually. He was driving it.

[A]

Yeah, he was driving flaming candlestick. And now here's Pete and a bunch of people flipping a car. Flipping a car with a lady in it.

[C]

Because we actually did that at the POR show. They were like testing it.

[A]

This is the first round.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I bet this lady like crazy.

[A]

I would like to know. I would certainly like to know the.

[C]

First time I saw her again. You know, the first. First person I saw her beat up but was the body.

[A]

Yep, that'll be. That clocks the body is one of my very close friends.

[B]

Damn. They're doing two matches.

[C]

They do a whole tournament.

[A]

This is a tournament.

[C]

The winner has to keep fighting.

[A]

It's almost like, please beat me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I can stop? Because if you.

[C]

Mickey just got the. Kicked out of her this whole tournament.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That girl's name Mickey Knuckles.

[A]

Yeah. I would do anything for her. I woke up. I woke up next to her one day at Violent J's house. And I was like, am I dreaming still? She had just parked next to me and I woke up next to this goddess, the big butted goddess.

[C]

Goddess of blood.

[A]

Oh, I love her so much. She's my everything.

[C]

And then Joe just stomps her.

[A]

Yep. So now what I have to explain to you, Gresham, is those tubes, you feel them for days, really, because there's little pieces of them just in you. Just in you. And then the worst thing is. So what they do is they don't have people pick them out of you. They tell you to take a shower with like a hose because if you heal over them, they're stuck in you. And you either gotta then take a razor blade and take em out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or you gotta like go to the doctor because if you heal over them, you just feel like you have glass in you. The whole. You feel it? Cause you do. You have shards of glass deeply embedded in you. So if it's in your ass every time you sit, you feel like you're sitting on glass.

[B]

Yeah, just don't do that.

[C]

See, I really want to get hit by them at least once.

[B]

What did what out of. What would Zach just said? Sounds appealing at all?

[C]

It just seems like. Oh, it just seems like I'll make sure to pick them out. I gotta try it once.

[A]

And God bless you.

[C]

Can't be the comic.

[A]

The statues tall, the trophies taller than her. Oh God, I want to. Oh God, I want to put in her, put in her so bad. I love her so much. What I wouldn't do, shout out my girl, you know I love you. It's okay. Get taken one in the forehead. It's pretty fun. Taking the straight up light tube shot. It's the aftermath of doing spots in it. Yeah, that sucks in my opinion.

[C]

But that many break in you like is it just. It's such a pop.

[A]

Yeah. No, that it's the rolling around in them. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I was, I was literally at my show, I was getting hit and I was on the ground and I could see the fucking tax on the ground still. And I was trying to avoid them from the other matches.

[A]

Yeah, like it's, it's the rolling around. Like I up my hands a lot. I should have wore gloves.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I was like crawling through them. So I just, I had all these little cut like really deep little cuts in like my thumbs in between my fingers and God damn, dude.

[C]

Well, that's like when I had to get thrown out of the ring at por. And they push all the last to one spot.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I. And I was like, I was like, well, I'm not going that way. So I went a different way. There's still glass everywhere. So I'm still. I landed, I was like, yeah, cutting my arms and I almost fell in a barbed wire.

[A]

These guys are so like, dude, when Necro used to do the no feet, the no shoes thing, he did it still. Oh God.

[C]

He made Dread do it. His rule for the match was that they had to wear a certain shirt. I can't remember which one. It was taped up wrists and no shoes. At a bar in Austin.

[B]

I'm with her.

[C]

And they fought. They fought.

[A]

Who farted?

[C]

Fucking Rob.

[A]

Shit.

[B]

Thing one and thing two. Yeah, I went to a light bulb factory and all I got was these 150 tube light bulbs and also this shitty T shirt.

[A]

I'm with hepatitis.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, dude, just crunch. Cause hey, Necro would do those tournaments barefoot. So by the last match, dude, he's just crunching his way out to the ring on glass and Fucking packs and shit. Yeah, it's exactly that. And I just can't fucking fathom if I can't walk on rocks. If I step on. If I break a glass or something in my house and days later a little sliver of glass goes in my foot. I am the biggest bitch. I'm on the side of the tub, crying, trying to get it out. I hate getting stuff in my feet.

[C]

That's so funny considering I watched so many people staple money to you and then I stuck skewers in your fucking head.

[A]

Those don't bother me. I don't like the bottom of my feet getting.

[B]

It's icky and I hate it.

[A]

I don't like it.

[C]

Don't wanna touch me.

[A]

I think it's. Cause when I was a kid, a little, little kid, my mom stepped on a Christmas light.

[B]

Oh, that's scary.

[A]

And like one of the little bulbs.

[B]

Yeah. Like just pop.

[A]

And it just popped and like. And it kind of stood up real bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I remember that being like a Christmas catastrophe.

[B]

It's over with. Santa's not coming.

[C]

Yeah, Santa's dead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Getting nothing glass in my fleet.

[A]

It's a bad day. So I think maybe that's carried over to like. It just freaks me the fuck out.

[C]

Yeah, that's fair.

[A]

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[C]

I saw this.

[B]

He body splashed him.

[C]

He broke his spine.

[B]

What is a body splash?

[A]

Well, you'll see. Gets up.

[B]

Yeah, that's a big kid.

[C]

How that what it. Wait, but how does your spine break? Me and another 350 pound man did that to one person.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

From with much more force.

[A]

And they were waiting for it. And they were flat still.

[C]

The guy had pads on.

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[C]

I mean that guy didn't jump that high. That's crazy.

[A]

I'm just saying if I could be honest.

[C]

Crazy. That broke his spine.

[A]

I would like to see the. The evidence before I believe it 100% or else somebody might just be going for law lawsuit city. Oh, because it was such a flagrant foul. Yeah, I don't. I mean I hope I don't listen anybody get hurt but like that in football because that's not what they signed up for.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, for sure.

[A]

Shannon, Tell us about it.

[D]

So I don't like have any necessarily like reasoning from the other side of it. Just that they're supposed to be taking actions against him. The mother wants to sue the kid. It doesn't say what that what the school is doing to punish him, but they're saying that they are taking action against it and that he has two fractures in different spots in his spine. That's it so far.

[A]

It could be like hairline type things I could see especially because he wasn't flat.

[C]

Yeah, he was rolled onto the side. I would think like broken ribs.

[A]

Yeah, I would have thought ribs on that one too.

[C]

Like spine. I mean that much. If it's legitimately like issues in his spine, kid should have done it. Yeah, for sure. But definitely like that's just like a freak like freak. That, that spot of your spine.

[A]

Yeah, I took one of those on concrete from King Jeter who at the time he wasn't £500, he was about 495. He'd lost a few.

[B]

Pretty close. You just didn't have lunch that day.

[A]

I took one of those on concrete from him years ago and I thought I shit my pants. That was my first and only. Cause I had on black and white Beetlejuice pants. And all I could think was I just. There's gonna be brown the whole back of my pants. Damn, it hurts so bad.

[C]

You.

[A]

He hit me so hard that he bounced and landed sitting. He bounced and landed on his ass. Damn dude, it hurts so bad.

[C]

Was it a running splash or like, second turnbuckle running.

[A]

But it really, really sucks because that really.

[C]

It's just like. That guy just did like a little like. I don't know why.

[B]

He just kind of like.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. But like, probably wasn't even thinking.

[D]

They do. They are saying that it's his lower spine. And I'll play it one more time.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

That you can look that like once he like flops on him. His position is so weird where it looks like he's like stretching his, like that lower back stretch right there and then see his. He's just in such a. Oh, he.

[C]

Is like, real twisted.

[B]

Yeah, he's.

[C]

I bet that force. Oh, okay. I think. Yeah. I bet you the fracture came when he. When he. When he rotated like, his hips were still this way. Yeah, his body came this way. Yeah, that's. I guarant. Because I just did that and hurt my back.

[A]

Yeah, you recreate.

[B]

Recreate it live. Right?

[C]

Fucking did. God damn. So, okay, now I sort of see it now. Yeah, yeah, he was sideways and he was forced to. That's like.

[B]

That's getting crunched.

[A]

Yeah. That's got to be a tough day at the office.

[B]

Dying by squish. That's. That's a bad way to go.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Especially such like a. Like a little.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I can see it.

[C]

Honestly. Yeah, I can see it now.

[A]

All right. So moving on me and you know, Pete, you're a muscular. You're a muscle bear, but, you know, you're a man of size and I'm a fat lump of shit. Comedian guy Branham claims man hit him on flight for being too fat. Shannon.

[D]

Do you want me to explain it or do you want to hear it in his own words?

[A]

As much as I don't like his voice or his face, let's hear him say it.

[C]

Punch him. Sorry.

[E]

On my plane flight today, normally when I got more money, I'll fly business class because I'm a big guy. I don't want to be in anybody else's space. And this time I got a comfort plus ticket. You know, I always got worried. You know, I've had people freak out at me before. And today it was a middle seat. Not great. A guy came down, a white guy in his 60s.

[A]

You'll see.

[E]

First he freaked out at a woman because she was putting something in the overhead compartment near his seat. Then he sat down next to me and immediately was just pissed off at me and asked me if I could move over. And I was like, no, I can't. Then he just elbowed me as hard as he could. And then I took this video, elbowed me because he believes that I am.

[A]

Too fat to be sitting next to him. Well, who wouldn't believe that?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Would you be happy if I unbowed you back?

[A]

Well, there's not a lot of room here for me.

[E]

I know I paid for this seat. I paid for the seat as well.

[A]

I think you'd want to at least share the armrest. Yes.

[E]

We're not sharing the armrest right now. Right now you are using the armrest because you elbow me to get out. I'm not even on the armrest. I'm not on the armrest either, sir. How do you think I should solve this problem?

[A]

You're not going to believe this.

[E]

Yes. No, I'm serious.

[C]

You think I should.

[E]

You think I should exist differently? I'm going to believe. Also, let's be fair. You are hardly self yourself. I'm a member of Weight Watchers, okay?

[B]

Hell yeah, dude, If I can show.

[E]

It on my phone, okay? And that is how I.

[A]

So in the next 20 minutes or so.

[C]

No.

[E]

Have you ever. Do you think I have ever. Do you think I have ever tried to lose weight?

[A]

No, I'm just saying.

[C]

Do you think I have ever tried to lose weight?

[A]

I don't know.

[E]

You really think that I'm a fat person in this country and I have.

[A]

Never tried to lose weight? I don't know.

[E]

Okay. When a flight assistant came by, I.

[A]

Is it possible to just not like either of them?

[B]

I don't like either.

[C]

Both people are wrong.

[B]

I thought that. First off, that guy sitting next to him is hysterical.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He'd be like, what do you want me to do? And he's like, you serious? You can ask me what you. I want you to be fat somewhere else, please. Thank you.

[C]

Although losing in 20 minutes, like you want me to do that in 20 minutes is funny too.

[B]

Like, yeah. Walk up and down the length of the plane for the next 20 minutes. Check in with me. We'll do a size check, and then if not, keep walking.

[A]

Yeah, just keep lying to me about where they're keeping the snacks.

[C]

Was no one else sitting in the other seat or he doesn't want to be against the fucking.

[A]

I would assume there's somebody on the other side as well.

[C]

Just like, I wish these two would shut. Yeah, just fuck up.

[B]

Just us going to some bullshit venue. Just sitting there at the window seat with this just very large gay man. And the guy said, he's like, just switch seats. If anything, you get More room on the aisle.

[A]

Yeah, that might. I mean, but you do pay more for the. On most flights now. You do pay more for the aisle.

[B]

Yeah, I just.

[C]

I need the aisle.

[A]

Yeah, I pay for the aisle.

[B]

I'm an aisle guy, too.

[A]

If I could afford two seats.

[C]

No, no, you get in the middle.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry. No, my legs are long. You know what? I'm not wide by long. All right? I need the accommodating space. If it's a fucking fire escape seat, dude, I'm taking it. I'm taking it. I don't care.

[C]

Dude. I. Anytime I'm in the middle seat, both people just look at me like, ah, fuck.

[A]

Well, so there's. And before we'll finish video. And I understand it's 100 my fault. I. I in no way blame other people, but there is the fat person. Cross my arms and, like, hold my breath for the flight kind of move.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you try to be as less person as you can.

[C]

What I do, and it's real uncomfortable is I have. I roll my shoulders forward because the thing that sticks into the other seat is my shoulders.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I have to, like, do this the whole time, and it sucks.

[A]

Yeah. And I try really hard to always buy aisle or at least be away from people. I have had twice in the last few weeks or months of traveling where they have moved me because the plane was off balance.

[B]

No.

[A]

Really, really humiliated.

[B]

Zach, you're lying.

[A]

They said, sir, that the plane is a little off balance. Can we move you to a different section?

[B]

We're aiming for Chicago.

[A]

We're about to hit. Yes, sir.

[C]

We're about to end up in a.

[A]

Lake, so we have to make a left in an hour. If you could just slowly start falling asleep the other way.

[B]

Yeah. And when we take off, could you jump just to get that little weight off for a second?

[C]

Like, I got. I was flying Spirit, and I literally got on the plane. As I'm walking to my seat, I look at, like, the numbers, and I look down. The only person on the plane bigger than me is in the same row. And literally the whole time, we're both talking to the flight attendants. We're like, we can't both be sitting here. This is impossible. Thank God they finally just, like, let us leave. The guy in. The guy next to me, he was just, like. He was having a Southern accent. He's like, we can't have two big boys sitting in the same aisle.

[B]

You're about to get rowdy in this plane.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let me tell you, it's going to go from a spear plane to a soul plane here in a second.

[A]

And I always try the first thing I say when I'm sitting next, like, hey, I'm so sorry. If at any point you're uncomfortable or you need me to move, please tell me and I'll try and accommodate you. Or I'll try and squish myself over to the other way. So, yes, this guy said now him taking the picture of supposedly the bruise.

[C]

Can I see the bruise again?

[B]

I didn't like just a photo of his belly. It was not a bruise.

[C]

I want to see the bruise again because I've been punched a lot and elbowed a lot. You don't just.

[A]

Yeah, this is a. This is. This is. That to me is the only part that I don't like, where it's like. It's not like you're fucking P. Diddy's girlfriend and he dragged you by the hair across the fucking hotel floor. You know how everything's a subscription now? Music, movies, even socks. I swear.

[C]

If to continue this ad, please upgrade to premium plus platinum.

[B]

Uh, what?

[D]

No. Anyway, Blue Apron, this is a pay per.

[B]

Listen, ad, please confirm your billing.

[A]

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[C]

Wait, no subscription?

[A]

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[D]

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[A]

Terms and conditions apply. Visit blueapron.com terms for more.

[B]

Okay, it's not a crazy bruise, but it is a bruise.

[C]

How hard did that guy elbow him?

[A]

That's a fucking from right there. That's a wind up.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I feel like you got a. His belly was on him already. That's a negative one inch punch.

[B]

That's a mild implosion.

[A]

Yeah. All right, Shannon, keep it. Let it. Can we see the rest, please? I think. I'm sorry. I know I made you scroll through it and go back that he had.

[E]

Hit me, but I was okay to stay in the seat if necessary. He like, went and complained that I was too fat. And then people came and like, observed to see if I was too fat. And then the lady went and got another person who came and also observed that I was fine.

[C]

Delta.

[E]

When they solved a problem, they sent.

[A]

A red coat lady.

[E]

And the red coat lady came, like, pulled him aside and discreetly talked to him, I guess, explained to him that they weren't gonna pull me off the plane. And then she asked another woman who was sitting on the other side of the aisle from us if she would switch seats with this guy. And the woman did. And she offered the woman some miles. And then I said, I would like some miles too.

[A]

And she said, sure, you have enough miles, sir?

[E]

Reported some footage, and she asked me if I would delete it. And I said I wouldn't. And then the people around us on the plane started telling her that the guy had been difficult with other people. The woman who moved next to me, Rachel, was so nice that people shouldn't be waiting for some future moment when we'll be worthy of traveling and living our lives.

[A]

And if we do travel, all you gotta do is. Is take your trunk and hold on to the tail of the fat person in front of you and walk in a line to your destination.

[B]

Yeah. That's all you got to do.

[A]

I can't make excuses. I have no excuse why I'm this fucking huge. I'm a fucking slob. It's obviously a thing I need to address. I would never blame somebody else.

[C]

Like, fix the whole. Okay, go ahead.

[A]

However, I think a lot of this is big plane. Big airline, not big enough plane. There's no reason. Yeah, sometimes, like, I know regular sized people that can barely fit in the plane seat.

[B]

Oh, I'm not comfortable at all.

[A]

So maybe instead of being mad at fat people, we should be mad at these goddamn greedy ass airlines for trying to cram as many motherfuckers in. Like, there's no suck anyways.

[C]

Like, the airlines kind of suck as it is.

[A]

How many flights have you been on where they're like, we're out of overhead space. Why? Oh, because you put these two people on this fucking thing.

[C]

Yeah, that's true. Oh, like, literally. Oh, $1,000 if you guys will stay because we overbooked it. Stop selling tickets if you've run out of seats.

[A]

Yeah. And so, like, I just feel like they're trying to focus on making us mad at each other instead of being mad at how shitty it is to be on. Like, have you ever seen pictures of old timey Shannon? Can you bring up photos? Like, old, like, maybe like flights from, like the 40s and the 50s when everyone was tiny?

[B]

Oh, yeah. They like. No.

[A]

Yes. Everyone's tiny.

[B]

It's debonair. But people like flying in class.

[A]

There's like, there's like a roast. Like, there's like a full Thanksgiving dinner that they're carving meat as they go down the aisle. What. What is the difference between now and then? That they had all that ability.

[C]

Get the out. Get, like, from the movie Airplane.

[B]

Yeah. For real. That's what it's like.

[A]

But look at the size of that.

[B]

There's something on the wing.

[A]

And he's a fat gay man. Am I crazy?

[B]

Also, it's so funny how they. The guy in the video said that, you know, people came over to assess if I was too fat. And then more people came over. I'm like, damn, they needed a second opinion.

[A]

Yeah, he's fat.

[C]

But like, Steve, I gotta take this.

[B]

To the higher ups. Turn both keys. We're gonna see.

[A]

You're on tv.

[B]

Yeah. For real.

[A]

What the are you doing to Comfort plus? He fluctuates.

[C]

You say, I don't guess his weight.

[A]

I don't. Yeah, I wouldn't want to guess.

[C]

He's pretty tall.

[A]

Bring up guy Brano. Yeah, yeah, he's a big boy.

[B]

Yeah. It's been a long time since my carnival barking days. But let me see if I can guess his weight. Oh, well, that doesn't help.

[C]

400.

[A]

You know what? Without tall, he is more.

[B]

I'd say probably around 380. 400? Yeah, like 380, 390.

[A]

Yeah. And depending on where he's at, I just. I feel like I don't like anybody because if your first response is to take out the camera, I fucking don't like you, Shannon.

[B]

Thank you for reading my mind. Cause that was the only photo I wanted to see him next to a human. Yeah, I was just like, who the fuck is this weird puppet boy that he has on his knee? What is this?

[A]

This looks like the cleaned up version of my view right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This looks like if they queer eyed the two of you in front of me.

[B]

Damn, dude, you're very. That's actually in my head.

[A]

So. Yeah, I just.

[C]

I also, I.

[A]

It's possible for both parties to be obnoxious.

[B]

Oh, yeah?

[C]

Yeah. Like one thing too, is like, he could be right and then just goes about it, like, all wrong. Yeah, like, sure. This guy was Benedict, though. Like, I've been in. I've been in so many fights, people like, way smaller than me. I can't imagine. Well, then again, if someone was mad, they were sitting next to me and elbowed me. I. What lunatic would try that? So I don't know.

[A]

Also a very true statement.

[B]

Yeah, you just like, hey, what? You're already wrapped in barbed wire on this flight, so I don't think anyone.

[C]

So you're bleeding on me. Shut up.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

I like it. I feel the most alive during this.

[A]

Now, one thing I will say, since you're. You are vaguely new to bleeding For a living.

[B]

Women do it all the time.

[A]

Sometimes I will let you know when you get up in the sky, your wounds open back up.

[C]

Hell yeah.

[A]

I've had a broken nose open back up on a flight and a few other little forehead cuts just because of the change in the pressure. Sweet. So you just as you're taking. I know that happened to Tommy Dreamer told me that happened to Balls Mahoney a lot. Who also apparently traveled exclusively in Joe Boxer underwear.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

Do you remember the old time boxers with like Snoopy on them?

[B]

Yeah. Wait, he wore those as like pants.

[A]

He wore those as pants on planes.

[B]

That's so.

[A]

Pre 9 11.

[C]

Doing that next.

[B]

That's so yeah. Are you opening me because I'm fat? It's like, buddy, I see your balls.

[A]

So your testicles are fully out.

[C]

Did you buy a second seat for your balls, please?

[B]

Penis is poking out and it looks like Snoopy's nose. And I can't watch the peanuts anymore.

[A]

So.

[B]

Sir, that's all I hear right now.

[A]

Bro, the best I get is that my. Sir, your dick looks like it's sitting on top of a doghouse. All right, moving on. Hey, guys. You ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft? Like your coffee is warming your hands but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain? Well, that's why they created Body Brain Coffee. It's not just coffee. It's coffee with purpose. Specifically testosterone. Packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back in the gym, in the boardroom, and yeah, the bedroom too. And it's not just about testosterone. Body Brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity and mood, thanks to Lion's Maneuver, Ashwagandha and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters in a crash, Body Brain coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm and locked in. All while supporting your natural tea levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset and your masculinity, it starts with what you put in your cup. And you can save 15% today with the promo code ZOO15Z [e-mail] that's bodybraincoffee.com promo code ZOO15. Power your day, fuel your drive. Let's get back into the program. Slither. Okay, Gary. This is a follow up. Gary Busey, who we've seen the best and worst of at times, has been sentenced after being arrested for groping women at a horror movie convention. He did have all Zoom court that we've been watching. Shannon, what's the final verdict?

[B]

He has to live his life as a dog.

[A]

A small Pomeranian.

[B]

Small Pomeranian. No one expected him.

[D]

So he was sentenced to two years probation. And just as a reminder, he was taking a picture with the chick and undid her bra.

[A]

Did he also. I think he grabbed the girl's ass, too.

[D]

It could be.

[A]

I remember the bra thing.

[C]

To be fair, the gremlin told him to do it because there's no way he's conscious. Like.

[A]

Oh, it says.

[D]

Yeah, it says, accused of groping at least three women during this. So I guess the butt, too. But yeah, two years probation. It's whatever.

[B]

I hope he represented himself in court.

[D]

No, he did have a lawyer, and what they used was, like, his, like, declining mental health, his dementia, blah, blah, blah.

[C]

So that's the fact that he had a lobotomy years ago by. Yeah, In a motorcycle accident.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

There. Someone once told, like, I was. One of My brother's friends told me I look like Gary Busey, and I was so mad about it.

[A]

Like, Jake Busey, son. Or there's the other Busey that used to run.

[C]

That's another Busey.

[A]

So he's got a nephew who used to run. It was like a pornhouse. Like, it would be all, like, all hot chicks and fat dudes.

[B]

Oh, Lucy Busey.

[A]

What?

[B]

Lucy Busey.

[A]

No, there's another one. You remember who I'm talking about? Yeah, that guy's a Busey. That's a Busey.

[D]

Mike. Mike Busey.

[C]

Someone told me I did look like that guy.

[A]

God damn it. By the way.

[B]

They kind of nailed it, by the way.

[A]

Sexual abusey. Can you look him up?

[C]

Is it like the sausage house or some.

[A]

Yes, that was it.

[C]

A friend. Oh, my God. I think a friend of mine went to that.

[B]

I was told was that, like, bunny castle thing in the middle of, like, Florida. Yeah, like on Florida.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Sorry, I'm not sure if this is what you just said, but Sausage Castle. That's what it was called. And it said he was also serving alcohol without a license. They were charging people a cover charge for them to come in from Mike Busey's end of the world sexy Santa holiday B day.

[A]

Can you find it in any Sausage castle clips on YouTube?

[C]

I can't fucking believe that guy's a Busey.

[A]

Yeah, that'll do it.

[C]

Sorry, my. I need a minute.

[B]

I mean, like, that's not too shocking. It seems like.

[A]

No, but I didn't know when people.

[C]

People look like a beey.

[A]

I like that you're like, I don't like Gary Busey. You look just like his nephew.

[B]

Yeah. And I mean, stunningly.

[C]

I know my next Halloween costume.

[B]

Damn. Imagine getting two of those 20 foot skeletons from Home Depot. It's like, where you putting this out front of? It's like, you know, my legal.

[A]

My sausage castle.

[C]

But if anything, I should have the sausage castle.

[A]

Yes, of course.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Dude, we are in. Do you think if somebody just went back in time and murdered Bam Margera, we could have avoided all this?

[B]

No, dude, CKY would still rain.

[C]

This is the most confused dog on earth.

[B]

Yeah, I've licked so much stuff off of so many things. What's going on, man?

[C]

How you doing, Marco, man, you can skip through. I just. Actually, I got a gift for you, man. Oh, good. Guns.

[A]

Good. Lots of guns. Oh, come on, dude. That does, that does look like you. If you went into like, you know, they had like the machine that turned Urkel into Stefan or Kel, if there was a douchebag machine with like a picture of Guy Fieri on the side of it. I feel like you would go in it and come out like that.

[C]

Instead of the fly. I'm trying to teleport. And it's. Yeah, Guy Fieri's in the other chamber.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like, if you were in one end and like a monster energy was in.

[B]

The other, if you like riff raff, then that would be you.

[C]

He has a wrestling ring. Exactly. I gotta book there.

[A]

Yeah, we gotta, we gotta. This is I, by the way, I love every part about this. I hate that guy.

[B]

That guy.

[A]

Oh, this is just nothing but fun.

[B]

So a guy owns a Dave and Busters that you can.

[A]

Yeah, it's called Shave and Buster. It's called Shave and Bustinger. Yeah, it's just a party all the time.

[B]

Party boss.

[A]

And he's definitely just. It's definitely just hookers. I. I bet it gets real sad real quick.

[B]

Oh, a thousand percent.

[A]

I bet you get a bad day.

[C]

He wakes up on a Tuesday, just, oh, what am I doing?

[A]

Yeah, I bet you get a day of fun and then you just see the. Oh, sadness.

[B]

Yeah, you go like you're trying to go do coke with some, like, prostitute lady and you go in and like, another prostitute lady's FaceTiming your kids.

[A]

Yeah, that'll do it.

[B]

It is 3pm.

[A]

Good guns. I'm wonderful. The first time I actually just on the Friday episode told the story about my friend John Landis and One time he took me to Juggalo party house in Buffalo. It was called Hatchet House. And the second we got there, a girl in pajama pants ran out and went, john, they let me see my son.

[B]

What?

[A]

And took out well past flip phone times. A flip phone filled with pictures of like a 7 year old's birthday party and her holding a kid she obviously was not allowed to.

[B]

Just so pumped.

[A]

And it was a dark day. And sure, maybe I was there to buy drugs. This is many years ago. And I buy some drugs and then I go, from another man in pajama pants. And I go, hey. And I had a pee so bad. I was like, can I pee? And he went, no, you're gonna go in there and do coke all night? No, you're not taking up my fucking bathroom. I went, I have to pee so bad. And he's like, all right, but I'm timing you. So I bought. I had to buy drugs and then pee in under 45 seconds.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

And I just remember it was so dark. It was so. It was such a dark. Everything there was scary. Like, there's just mattresses on the floor. I don't think the electricity bill was paid. And then we were on the road and I got a call at. We were supposed to leave at 8, and at 7 I got a call. Where are you? And I was like, I'm at some Juggalo flop house. Come back right now. So I had to leave and apparently I walked in, took my shirt off and fell asleep with my eyes open.

[B]

That's scary.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I sleep like the dog from Little Mickey. Yeah. Moving on. Nurse whose husband walked in on her having sex with teen stepson gets prison time.

[B]

Damn, dude, he's living the porn. That's crazy.

[C]

Did she only refer to him as stepson the whole time? I'm your stepmom.

[D]

This is her if you want to see what she looks like. So she's. She's 35. Teenage stepson was 15. She was hanging out in the house while the dad was at work. And then they were like smoking weed, playing video games. And then they started watching your favorite movie, Zach Terrifier.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Oh, what game were they playing?

[D]

I'm not sure.

[B]

The game Crazy to Rip Fortnite. Watch a horror movie. And your stepmom. Dude, this kid's like the man.

[A]

This. Okay, this lady obviously made some bad decisions. Yeah, this kid had the best day ever.

[B]

Green lights all the way down.

[A]

This kid got high, played some. Played some fucking video games.

[B]

Am I going to Fuck this.

[A]

Popped on terrifier and fucked his stepmom. Dude, what a day.

[B]

Finish it off with a kickflip in the garage. And you're the coolest guy, I think, in the school district, by the way.

[A]

This blows my mind. This guy was looking at my friend Katie's upside down vagina while he fucked his stepmom. It will never. Not, my friend, is the girl that dies upside down and terrifier.

[B]

Oh, I've never seen terrifier.

[A]

And like, I was actually just watching the walkthrough of the Terrifier Universal Haunted House night.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And that one of the debt rooms is her. And I'm like, hey, that's my friend. She's a room in a fucking haunted house.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

That lady sat with my mom at my wedding.

[B]

Damn. Yeah, that's nuts. And you see her vagina in it?

[A]

Yeah, she's upside down naked.

[B]

Is that her contact photo in your phone?

[A]

No, no, no. I can't look at it because I've known her fucking forever.

[B]

That's a really cool lie.

[A]

No, it's really fucking upsets me. I swear to God, it really upsets me. I met her when she was 18, dude.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I'm like, ugh.

[B]

I mean. I mean, better a few years previously. Yeah, now we're talking.

[A]

Yeah, I met her when she's 18 and like, she just knows my. She like somebody. Like, I feel bad. Like, I remember one time her agent wanted her to sell eight by tens of her of that scene of her.

[C]

Being cut in half.

[A]

Well, her naked, upside down. And I was like, absolutely not. You're not a fucking porn star. I was like, if they bring those eight by tens, say I'll sign it for 500 fucking dollars, but I'm not going to have them at my table for the same price as the fucking clothed ones.

[C]

Someone brought something for me to sign at one of my shows in Arizona.

[A]

I need to.

[C]

It was one of my nudes.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How did that happen?

[C]

I have only fans.

[A]

God bless you. Didn't know that, but good for you.

[B]

Was it an oil painting?

[C]

He printed out a.

[A]

It was an oil check. There was a guy behind him.

[C]

He'S like, I have something to sign. I'm like, all right, sure. He goes, it's explicit. I went, oh, fuck. He just bought a white envelope that you mail. Shit. He pulled it out. This is a picture about that big. Me with my cock out.

[A]

Jesus Christ, Pete.

[B]

So funny.

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

Did you sign it on the penis?

[C]

No, because I still Want him to see the penis?

[A]

I would sign it. Under it? Yeah. Like the tip, the z. The top of the Z would be the length of my penis.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Almost like I'm lengthening my penis with my signature. True.

[C]

I really didn't sign it that well, just because I was still, like, kind of in shock that this was happening.

[B]

I would get a Sharpie and do an arrow to my penis, like a YouTube thumbnail, and then draw a photo of someone. Be like, oh, my God, Mr. Beast One. That'd be.

[A]

Oh, man, that's. I could.

[C]

I was like, oh, wow. This is. I feel like for a man like me, that's. This is not. You're normal.

[A]

No.

[B]

I would flee the state if someone came up to me with a photo of my penis and asked me to sign it. I'd be like, you know too much about me, bro.

[A]

I've been negative in enough movies that I would be like, I know where that's from.

[B]

Oh, no, it'd be massage for me. I'd be like, dude.

[A]

And I did recently post a completely naked picture of me in the spook show. The spook show Chat. Just for funsies.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

They thought it would be silly. And now every week, people post it again.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It really got ahead of me.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I mean, it was just basically, for me, it was just like, I have a following that really likes this type. The type of dude that I am. Why am I not making money?

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

God bless it.

[A]

I 100% support that. Hey, it's about time Fucking A, dude. Made money off these fucking desperate losers.

[B]

Yeah, for real, dude.

[A]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Yo. Kratom. Home of the $60 kilo. That is right. No promo code needed. Why? Because it's the best deal in the world of Kratom. If you don't use Kratom, don't start on my account. But if you do use it, holy moly. There's only one place to get it from. And they have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at Gas. So stop with the bodegas, the smoke shops, the gas stations. Just go to yocranum.com and get a whole kilo delivered right to your door for just 60 smackers. Let's go, baby. Yo. Kratom.com. home of the $60 kilo. Let's get back into the show.

[B]

Dude, if I had a nice enough dick, I would do only fans for sure. But my piece, I don't like it. I have no.

[A]

Somebody does.

[B]

Yeah, somebody does.

[C]

I don't really care for my. I don't like me naked, but enough other people do.

[B]

I was saying because I know that the. The only fans. Comedy specials that they do, you have. You get an account.

[A]

Yeah. But you don't have to post anything.

[C]

When I emailed them to do one, they didn't. They didn't. They didn't.

[A]

They didn't bite.

[C]

No, that's right. I emailed them, said I have an only fans. Yeah, I would. They told me to send a tape and then nothing. I was like, you're letting all these hot chicks do it.

[A]

Growler. You see, you should do the first Growler special.

[B]

Is that. Oh, gay. Only fans.

[A]

No, it's. It's gallons of beer. You get. You take the jar back to the grocery store for IPAs.

[B]

So you fill this up with gay sex, right?

[C]

I'll fill it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We're gonna need a second.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The crazy thing about watching somebody open the. The. The. The gay Grinder apps and ship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is just. It's so location based and not personality based. Yeah, it is. Who is a dude near me who's also looking for this. Because if you watch a game, you'd open that up in a new town. Dude, he's a fucking.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Mine will explode.

[A]

Yeah, it goes. They're like new. The fresh meat.

[C]

Some. Someone messaged me on Grindr once claiming I was a fake profile. They said I was too famous to be on Grindr.

[A]

Up really little do you know, my.

[B]

Friend, there's some probably really famous people under pseudonyms.

[C]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

There. Oh, I'm sure there are. Yeah.

[B]

A lot of people in Congress.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, that.

[B]

I think Washington, D.C. if you go to like D.C. and load up Grindr, there's going to be like a bunch of like John Smith. And you go there and it's Mitch McConnell and you gotta blow.

[C]

It crashed at the memorial service again. Again.

[B]

No way.

[C]

Did it Grinder. Yeah, it overloaded again. Like the same. The same way the rnc.

[A]

Dude, I didn't know that. That's so funny.

[B]

Charlie Kirk memorial service was. It got system overload.

[C]

It always happens whenever Journey Republicans.

[A]

That's so funny.

[B]

That's very cool.

[C]

It's wild too, because I had like, oh, this is what chicks feel like this.

[A]

These are people that can take a shot to the throat.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, come on now. Oh, come on.

[A]

I really didn't know. That's so funny.

[C]

It's wild to me that the messages, like, dudes will send me, they're like, I'm like, guys who subscribe to. My only fans will be like, I'm at a hotel, like, near this area tonight. What are you. I'm like, you're paying to see me. Like, I don't like. This is like, very much the stripper is in love with me kind of mentality.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I'm like, I don't want. They're like, oh, can I thank you for your photos with photos of me? No, no. You can send me money.

[A]

No. Gross homo. Yeah, get out of here.

[B]

Made it.

[A]

Queer kick rocks, homo.

[B]

Why don't you take your little light loafer somewhere else, pal? I know weak wrist when I see it.

[A]

Now scoot. That's. I did not know. That's so fucking funny. I hope, God, I hope that's publicly have available information.

[C]

I hope I do.

[A]

I hope. I hope. I hope everyone knows that.

[B]

I mean, like, I can't believe if someone hit it. What is the.

[A]

Tonight at midnight, we'll be having a vigil and a Charlie Jerk.

[B]

Everyone get on your knees in prayer. Not in the bathroom stalls out here. Yeah. Outage reports coincide with Charlie Kirk memorial service in Arizona. Damn, that is bizarre.

[C]

Does it happen at the R and D?

[A]

It just says, bait me, drain my balls. And he's sitting in a tent at a college campus.

[B]

He's sitting on Stonewall Street.

[A]

See, guys, every. We get a joke about everything. Don't worry. I. I'm trying to do both sides of it. That just happens to be funny to me. I'm sorry. It is very funny to me to make very straight laced, not want to be gay people into very funny gay characters. I apologize.

[C]

I mean, they. They're the ones sucking dick.

[A]

There was. I just saw it. That was a family found their dad on Grindr, and he's been married to the mom for, like, 40 years. And he was in makeup and lingerie, and he was like, a sissy boy.

[B]

So cool.

[A]

And it looked brutal. It made me think, if I found Papa Paul, it would really hurt my feelings.

[C]

Yeah, I had a dude message me and his profile said straight in capital letters and then mentioned that he had a wife and kids and was like. Then just sent me like, 10 photos of himself, his location. I'm like, you're not straight. Like, come on. Like, if you were trying to, like, maybe a femme boy, we could talk about being straight. But, like, you're trying to enjoy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You like dudes?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If. If. If you're going for a young hagar. The horrible young Hagrith, if you will. Hung Hagrith would be actually your rapper name. Yeah. What was I just. Oh, I know some. A friend of a friend found their parents on FetLife.

[B]

Oh, that's a bummer.

[A]

Found his parents, and they were swingers. Yeah, the profile together. They were S m. Swingers.

[C]

I'm almost. I'm almost positive my parents are swingers.

[A]

What makes you think that?

[C]

Pineapple always with this, like, this other couple that they're friends where they're always with and, like, the wives are always sitting on the lap of the. Of the other husband.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's swing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you mean you think they're swingers, Pete, I can't.

[C]

I'm never gonna save 100 minutes. Sure. But, yeah, I'm pretty positive.

[B]

Hey, Pete, I know that they are.

[A]

Everyone at this table except, you know. Are you not. They're sitting on the other husband's lap.

[B]

If I saw that. If I literally came home, like, it came back.

[C]

Yeah, but my point is, good for them.

[A]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. There's nothing wrong with it.

[C]

Fucking. Yeah. Like, I'm. Like, I'm happy for them. Nah, See, they can.

[B]

That hurts.

[C]

Doesn't bother me at all.

[B]

That hurts me.

[C]

I. Well, you're.

[A]

At least.

[B]

I guess I'm weak.

[C]

What is wrong with you?

[B]

I don't know. I'm a pussy. I just want my parents to fuck each other forever, and that's it.

[A]

I want to love people at least. At least it's another couple and not like you come home and your parents are like, peter, this is our friend Jerome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

I help out around the house.

[A]

Yeah. This is my friend. Daddy likes what we do, what we call prepping the bowl.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I was glad my parents are having fun.

[A]

Yeah. Good for them. I got no problems with it. I've been getting asked a lot.

[C]

Thank God they don't subscribe to this network.

[A]

So the whole. I have this pineapple on my arm because it's a memorial tattoo for my friend Blade. And his wrestling character was the Midnight Rose. And one of his things is he would speak in the censored lines from the TV version of Scarface. And in Scarface, he goes, where'd you get that scar? Eating. How. How would I get a scar eating? So. But in the TV version, it's. How would you. How did you. How did you get that scar eating pineapple? So Blade always, whenever he was in the mask, would call pineapple. Like, if we showed up to a Party. He'd be like, a lot of fine pineapple here tonight. Yeah. So I got this pineapple, but now every once in a while, I will have a. Let's call it not great couple. Walk up to me and be like, what's the pineapple for? I'll be like, oh, it's my friend's favorite thing. And big. Really? So are you in the lifestyle? And then I have to go now. I'm sorry. This is. I don't want to do this anymore.

[B]

Dude. I did a. I did a comedy cruise, and they're, like, selling, like, magnets that you could put on the front of your door.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, the upside down pineapple.

[B]

Yeah. Well, it's just a pineapple. You can put it upside down if you want to.

[A]

Well, I think upside down means, like, looking like in an invitation.

[B]

Yeah, I think that. I mean, I'm sure they. They know what's going on, but they sold them as, like, oh, you can get, like, a palm tree or, like, a flamingo or a pineapple.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And it was. It definitely. It got weird because you'd walk past people's doors and you just see them coming out, and there would be, like, a pineapple on the door. I'm like, dude, you would fuck anything. That's crazy. I'm like, we're on a boat filled with people, and you're gonna fuck them and then see them, like, get eggs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The next day.

[A]

That is weird. Just hanging out by the frozen yogurt machine.

[B]

Yeah. Just having him smile.

[A]

I remember doing this. And your wife last night.

[C]

You just could never be gay.

[B]

I don't. I mean. I mean, tell everyone. You know, tell all my buddies on Xbox because they're pretty. They say I'm gay.

[C]

I'm like, I mean, yeah, I can see that.

[B]

Yeah. But I'm just a nice guy.

[C]

You are. You're just. Just. Just a sweetheart.

[A]

She's a sweet little boy.

[B]

I did. I. It just. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be like, oh, my girlfriend would immediately. As soon as she's like, I. Oh, this penis is nice. I'm like, we need to have a conversation now. That's not my dick. And I'm furious. I couldn't do it.

[A]

When we first started dating, I think I tried to convince the woman that would become my wife. I tried to convince her there was a mutual friend of ours. Not a wrestler, but in that world, and who. I was like. I was like, I would do it. I was like, we Can. And she's like, I think it'll fuck up our relationship. And I'm like, ah, we'll find that.

[C]

Let's roll the dice.

[F]

Come on.

[A]

Yeah, come on. What do you do? All right, is there any more to that story with the coolest kid alive?

[D]

Just that. So when they're watching Terrifier, she said to him, I'm bored. Like, this movie's stupid. And then.

[A]

All right, well, so she's got good taste in movies too. This lady rules.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And then she told him how. How horny she was and that she was on her period.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Oh, God.

[D]

And then they started to kind of hook up at some point. Oh, no, not yet. And then the dad walks in on them. So then the kid, like, picks up his pants.

[A]

Smell my wife's blood.

[D]

The kid, like, having pineapple, picks up his pants, runs out of the room. And then as she's, like, defending herself to the husband, she said, oh, he looks so much like you while you were younger. Which I feel like is, like, a horrible thing to say in that moment.

[A]

Yeah, that's not good.

[D]

And apparently since this happened. So now, like, she's. She's been charged and whatever, but the dad hasn't spoken to the teenage son since this happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think there's only way. One way to solve that. And it's. Does she have a daughter?

[B]

True.

[A]

Eye for an eye lady.

[B]

Yeah. Congrats. Congrats. The whole world's blind now.

[A]

Yep. But their balls are empty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, if the whole world's blind, you can't see which family member you're. Yeah, that's what I say.

[B]

It's not incest if I'm blind. Idiot.

[A]

If that's not a T shirt. Incest if I'm blind. You know, you do. After you rape Helen Keller, break all her fingers so she can't tell anybody.

[B]

That's a schoolyard classic right there, dude.

[A]

All right, we'll end on this. I do like to peruse my World Star Hip hop.

[B]

You dabble.

[A]

You know these. This is my morning wordle. Connections.

[B]

What is connections?

[A]

Connections is four groups of four words, and you have to figure out which words go together. Then I do strands, which is like my daily crossword. And then World Star Hip hop.

[B]

Okay, so you get a little brain teasers in.

[A]

Yeah, I get all my shit going, but world Star hip hop, I had. Then we'll end this on this. Big girl shares details about her worst date ever. Shannon Salad.

[C]

Holy shit.

[F]

I went on a date with this nigga.

[A]

Pause, please.

[C]

That's a Muppet.

[A]

That's a baby, right?

[B]

That looks like a baby. That is a crazy little.

[A]

It's when you get so fat, you look like a giant newborn.

[B]

That can't be a filter, right?

[A]

Like, she looks like the Stay Puft Toasted Marshmallow Man.

[B]

Very true. Got too close to the campfire.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That is that. She looks like a filter.

[B]

She does.

[A]

That looks like she has a baby filter on. That's wild.

[B]

Maybe she does.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Cabbage Patch Kid. What?

[F]

The bathroom before the waitress had came.

[B]

That is a filter.

[A]

It is a filter, right? Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[F]

I went to the bathroom, and when I came out, I guess the weight. The waiter waitress never came.

[B]

Oh, wait, pause it. Do you want to know why? It's a filter. You can see it tearing on the bottom. She's got such a massive double chin. It completely, like, faux pas it all out so it looks like a neck going into a baby's head.

[C]

It looks like when I use one of the beardless filters and it makes my beard my morphe. More chin.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. She have a Hebrew necklace on?

[B]

I think it's Hebrew national.

[A]

Very good.

[F]

He's like, you ready to eat? And I was like, yeah, I'm ready to. He was like, don't worry, I already ordered for you. I said, okay, but you didn't know what I wanted. He's like, oh, I know what you like. Trust me on this. I said, okay. So the food gets there.

[A]

He got paused. You're right. He got her a salad.

[B]

He got her.

[A]

You're so fucking right. You were being a jerk. And you're right. This guy ordered her salad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What a fucking weird. Hold on. Yike. Can you go back a second? What a fucking. There was just a shot of her face. That frightened me.

[F]

And he has this beautiful set of 16 all flat lemon pepper hops and some French fries. And I was sitting there waiting for my food to come. He said, just wait, it's coming. So I'm looking at him eat, and I'm like, okay, can I get a fry? He was like, no, your food is coming. Just wait. I, like, was waited. I waited. He finished eating his food, and after he was done, I was like. The way the waitress never came. He was like, don't worry, they're coming right now. So then he.

[C]

He.

[F]

I did like this. He did the sign like this. So when the waitress got there, she brings over the check. And I was like, I didn't do my order. He was like, no, it's fine. They're gonna bring it. Don't worry. And the waitress was looking at him, and I was looking at him.

[A]

If this is not content farming, this is the dumbest lady in the world.

[B]

This is.

[A]

How long can you be duped?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

In this situation, the length of a.

[C]

Meal he ordered received an eight.

[A]

The entire thing.

[B]

Six. No, it was 16 lemon pepper rings, all flat with a side of french fries.

[C]

That's so much food.

[B]

That is so much food. Sixteen wings is a crazy amount of wings. I'm sorry. I know.

[C]

It is a lot of.

[B]

A lot of wings. So he's no spring chicken himself sitting there. Unless he's fucking like.

[A]

He's eight, technically.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's eight chickens worth.

[B]

That is eight chickens. Yeah, he's eight spring chickens.

[A]

Speaking of eight chickens. Keep it going.

[F]

And she was like, what do you want me to do? He was like, don't worry about it. Just go ahead and take the check. So when she brings back his change, he gets up, he's like, are you ready to go? I'm like, I didn't eat anything. He's like, trust me, you've had enough. Excuse me. Okay. Okay. That's why I won't be going out on any dates. That's why I sit home and I eat dominoes and I just. I just stay to myself.

[A]

Because she means. Actually the. The domino. Yeah, she means the game. Yeah. She takes bites out of. Dude, that. Okay, is this a. Is this a catfish? Like, maybe she had a skinny picture on a site.

[B]

Oh, it. Yeah, that has to be it.

[A]

It's got. If it's not content farming. It's real.

[D]

It's not real.

[A]

It's not real.

[D]

Do you think. I'm sorry. To be racist. All right, well, do you think that a black lady is going to sit and never say anything to the waitress about her food not coming?

[B]

Damn, Shannon. That's so fucking racist.

[D]

This is not real.

[B]

Shannon. What the fuck is wrong with Shannon?

[C]

I don't come here for this.

[B]

Shannon, Charlie Kirk just died. Can you give it a fucking second? Dude, please. He's a Phoenician. I'm from Phoenix. Off, man.

[A]

Her name is Phoenicia Now, Shannon, I've never felt more dumb. You've schooled me so perfectly there in such an easy, simple sentence. And yes, I am stupid. I have been fooled by the Internet again, which is a recurring theme here on the show. Zach is dumb and falls for a lot of. Can we please finish this video? That has fooled me, Joe Rogan over here.

[F]

I'd Be dead. Somebody try that on me again.

[A]

All right. Well, I have been fooled. I feel silly.

[B]

If you're a Penn and Teller, that show would be off the air in a fucking minute.

[C]

Fooled us.

[A]

Yeah, you got me. You got me. What can I say?

[C]

So she just did this just to fuck with people?

[A]

So you think that's, like, a character?

[B]

No, I think she just was, like, bored in her car on her work break, and she's like, oh, this would be a good story. Could you imagine if someone said this to me and my fat ass self?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then she was just like. So I was on a lunch, nowhere specific. I was at a place to eat, and then I ordered food, and then we. What do you. You had a conversation the entire time. You ate all 16 of those wings.

[C]

Oh, yeah. It's coming.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And meanwhile, they're like, get back from your break. These people need to get on these planes.

[B]

Yeah, listen, I'm just.

[A]

Get back over here. Somebody just elbowed that fat boy on the plane.

[B]

Yeah. Excuse me. I just need a class D license, please.

[A]

Yeah, please, lady, all I need.

[B]

I need a real id.

[A]

Let me read the chart.

[B]

I just need a real id. Okay, I lost it. Give me a real id.

[A]

Ma', am, I need an aisle seat. You don't understand. I'm very fat.

[C]

She shows you a bruise.

[A]

All right. Well, I have been schooled yet again and fooled by the Internet. Thank you, Shannon, for applying logic to the situation. And I love you very much. I know. We got to get out of here, right?

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Yes, please.

[A]

Yes. We're gonna get out of here right now. This is Akamiko's Morning Zoo. Thank you to my guests, Pete, Angelo and Tristan Bowling. Sorry to take up too much of your time, Shannon. Bye. Noon is morning time to him. Papa Baco. Chug it down just like your favorite obi's clown. Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's ao. It's Akamico. Morning.